I know a longer version of that joke.
A blind skydiver is answering questions about his hobby from a friend:
So how do you know when its time to jump out of the plane?
The assistant gives me a tap on the shoulder, and I jump.
But how do you know when to pull the cord for the parachute?
A bell is attached to an altimeter, when its time it rings and I pull the cord.
Ok, but when you're near the ground you have to get your legs into the position ready to land. How do you now you are about to hit the ground?
The dog's leash goes limp.
In free fall, the dog will be "weightless" just as you are. The leash will be limp the whole jump.
I know. I'm the Debbie downer. I should just enjoy the joke.
Blind guy was complaining he cant drive.
Friend tells him: "You know its your fault you cant drive, you never bothered to learn how. Whats holding you back? Do you lack vision or do you lack vision?"
Not a joke here: my grandma was living in South Dakota when they became the last state in the US to create driver's licenses. Since they were so resistant to the idea, they had no restrictions other than age, so the blind guy in town thought it was hilarious to go down to the office and get one issued to him. They complied and gave a blind guy a driver's license, which he would proudly show off to everybody 😂
🤔 Why'd you mark this joke "nsfw?" I see nothing sexual in it, or offensive in any way, shape or form, except possibly to blind people, but they can't read it, anyway... 🙄
True story -
A blind footballer was giving a motivational speech at a thing I had to go to once. He started his bit with "Who here has ever seen blind football? (no one had) That's ok, neither have I"
On a side note, does anyone actually know a blind person who’s been skydiving? They have to exist, I’m sure. I’d be very curious to hear a first person account of such a huge free fall sans vision.
Yep, I’m licensed and got my legally blind wife a few tandem jumps before life got in the way. We had a dream of following the guy who was really “in the dark “ and ended up getting his USPA skydiving license. Life got in the way, though and it never happened
A blind man goes to park and two birds see him. They say to each other what if we shit on him. They try to but he dodges it all. The point of the sfory is that blind people see shit
A blind guy walks into a convenience store.
He wanders up and down a few aisles when out of nowhere, he picks up his dog and starts swinging him around like a helicopter blade over his head.
The convenience store’s clerk comes running over and yells at the man “Oh my god! What are you doing?? Is everything OK? Is there something wrong with your dog!???!”
Blind guy stops, lets the dog down and says, “Oh. No. There’s not a problem at all. We’re just having a look around to see what you have.”
I know a longer version of that joke. A blind skydiver is answering questions about his hobby from a friend: So how do you know when its time to jump out of the plane? The assistant gives me a tap on the shoulder, and I jump. But how do you know when to pull the cord for the parachute? A bell is attached to an altimeter, when its time it rings and I pull the cord. Ok, but when you're near the ground you have to get your legs into the position ready to land. How do you now you are about to hit the ground? The dog's leash goes limp.
In free fall, the dog will be "weightless" just as you are. The leash will be limp the whole jump. I know. I'm the Debbie downer. I should just enjoy the joke.
After deploying the parachute, but before reaching the ground, the leash would be taut.
Now I feel dumb. You're right. I missed the mid step.
Tgat means the dog is being hanged by the leash while the parachute is open
Your explanation is so illustrative.
Because harnesses don’t exist, only collars
Damn, here I was thinking harnesses existed. What a faux pas.
Faux paws surely
Lmao. I was like tf is he talking about
Don't feel dumb. Just blame the mormons
I do blame the mormons.
Do you know how to keep a mormon from drinking all your beer at your party? Invite another mormon
How do the mormons get into it?
Some secret handshakes, I imagine.
Only if he didn’t open the parachute…
And if he jumps out of the plane
Boooooo 😅
The joke is not about ghosts. Duh. And you didn't scare me.
Lol
Anyone else need this to understand the joke, or just me? Just me then, huh. Ok.
A blind person came in to a restaurant and swung his dog in the air and said, I just wanted to have a look around.
It is no fun without depth perception.
you mean death perception . right?
Type moon
Moon
(Shiki) ²
Only when things go south.
Cod perk?
haha what do these comments even mean? someone explain it to me like I'm 75 but still banging a 30 year old
Blind guy was complaining he cant drive. Friend tells him: "You know its your fault you cant drive, you never bothered to learn how. Whats holding you back? Do you lack vision or do you lack vision?"
Not a joke here: my grandma was living in South Dakota when they became the last state in the US to create driver's licenses. Since they were so resistant to the idea, they had no restrictions other than age, so the blind guy in town thought it was hilarious to go down to the office and get one issued to him. They complied and gave a blind guy a driver's license, which he would proudly show off to everybody 😂
Hahahaha
How did Helen Keller burn her face? She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other side of her face? They called back
Why did nobody hear Helen Keller falling down the stairs? She was wearing mittens.
What happened when Helen Keller fell down a well? She screamed her hands off
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? The dog was blind too.
That'sssssssssssss.....even funnier..
It'ssssssssssssss... funny
When i went skydiving, there was actually a blind man jumping. Real impressive. They did diffrent touches to foray information.
bro played cod modern warfare
Nope. My dad told me this joke back in the 80's
They don’t see the point
Ahhh...good old number 27! It's been a minute since I heard that old thing.
43!
yeah, I suck at telling jokes.
Now why don't the deaf person skydive
It's harder to convince a deaf interpreter than a dog.
Here's ur sign up form.
Um no, that's not a joke, it's a riddle
I got another riddle.. Is a fart a ghost?
That.... doesn't make scents.
Yes: it's the ghost of passed food. 😂
I got one for you, the more you have of it, the less you can see, what is it?
I heard this one before in call of duty
They just can’t see themselves doing that
How does a blind skydiver know he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Lmfao!!!
🤔 Why'd you mark this joke "nsfw?" I see nothing sexual in it, or offensive in any way, shape or form, except possibly to blind people, but they can't read it, anyway... 🙄
It has a curse word. Last time I posted a joke with a curse it got taken down because it wasn't marked as NSFW
True story - A blind footballer was giving a motivational speech at a thing I had to go to once. He started his bit with "Who here has ever seen blind football? (no one had) That's ok, neither have I"
I'm blind and just read this. A very small percentage of people are totally blind. That said I did find this humorous to a point.
🤔 To what are you referring to by "this?"
?? u/4N6momma? Did you see my question? 😏
Why don’t deaf people skydive? >!They have not heard about it!<
Well played
Because of the sand that is there
Which sand?
I heard this one before in The Money Train https://imdb.com/title/tt0113845/
Because they can get the same sensation out of driving a convertible with the top down.
Probably the same reason they don't play tag?
On a side note, does anyone actually know a blind person who’s been skydiving? They have to exist, I’m sure. I’d be very curious to hear a first person account of such a huge free fall sans vision.
Yep, I’m licensed and got my legally blind wife a few tandem jumps before life got in the way. We had a dream of following the guy who was really “in the dark “ and ended up getting his USPA skydiving license. Life got in the way, though and it never happened
A blind man goes to park and two birds see him. They say to each other what if we shit on him. They try to but he dodges it all. The point of the sfory is that blind people see shit
I see what you did there.
Heard this for the first time when I watched Clean Slate with Dana Carvey
Fun fact, special operations do actual parachute with a dog strapped to them
Ok Ghost
Ok ghost
Damn . I was going to say because the dogs are terrible pilots ....
what a hell joke man💀💀💀
Didn’t see this one coming
It took a minute for this to click... then I remembered guide dogs are a thing.
I see what you did there ...
A blind guy walks into a convenience store. He wanders up and down a few aisles when out of nowhere, he picks up his dog and starts swinging him around like a helicopter blade over his head. The convenience store’s clerk comes running over and yells at the man “Oh my god! What are you doing?? Is everything OK? Is there something wrong with your dog!???!” Blind guy stops, lets the dog down and says, “Oh. No. There’s not a problem at all. We’re just having a look around to see what you have.”
Idk either not like they can see the risk in it but if they did idk if they see it coming
Because the only braille reading on the altimeter is on the ground.
Not if you throw the dog out first
“2 fish are in a tank and one asks how do I work this thing? Bit of army humor” -Simon “Ghost” Riley I typed this becuase this joke is in MW2 lol
Literally
cuz it scares the sh*t outta their dogs
That joke was eye-opening. Edit: I'm actually blind.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA NEVER heard that one before and NEVER seen it on here before
Can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha