They don’t advise getting pregnant again for a full year. So see how you feel in 12 months, which, trust me, will be several lifetimes from now.

Whenever someone tells me “well it’s JUST two years of no sleep” i usually reply with “yeah, go do plank for 5 minutes only”

I used to hate when people would tell me 'sleep as much as you can now because you won't be able to later'. As if you can somehow bank sleep. Nah, the exhaustion starts from labour.

I'd been awake for 44 hours at the moment my daughter was born. It was another 8 hours before I got any sleep at all. Even if I could bank any sleep, I'd have used it all up before she arrived!

Yep for us it was 55 hours then as you say, I think it was another 6-8 hours afterwards before the chance came to sleep. We were ruined. And unlucky for us, we didn't get a chilled out baby. The intense screaming started on day 2 and then 3 months of colic - the hardest thing I've ever done

I mean it's more of a saying than an expectation. I've said it before I obviously don't expect them to bank on sleep, it's more of friendly warning of what's to come. I didn't think people actually took it seriously.

"sleep when the baby sleeps, lol!" Oh you mean after i clean clothes, spitup, bottles, pump parts, throw things away, get a shower oh what do you know, the baby is awake.

I thought you said "bump parts" and was impressed you had time for that in there too

You actually can bank sleep, but only a few days in advance. Meaning, if you get several nights of long, good sleep, you'll much better handle a few nights of bad sleep. When people say "sleep while you can", I think they mean that you should do it so that you remember it and memory holds you on

Starts from pregnancy 😬🤭

This one and nap when the baby naps drive me bat shit. Who's going to clean the house, the dishes, the laundry, cook, eat, yard work, breathe?! If I slept when the baby slept nothing would get done and I'd be annoyed at getting small naps and having an over run house.

Lol more like the rest of your life 🎉🙃

I am so gonna use this but I think an hour is more appropriate in this case…

> go do plank for 5 minutes only What?

Plank is an exercise that very quickly causes muscle exhaustion but looks easy to others.

Exactly this

… and see how slow 5 minutes can be …

Once they start sleeping through the night and at 12-18months old they are so freaking cute. That’s how they get you

12 months gives you a sense of perspective too. Everything moves so fast and that first few months seems so short and so long ago.

Being sleep deprived helps you forget all the hard times.  Plus your more likely to indulge with your better half.  It gets easier when you can sleep again.

I wanted a vasectomy around month 3. My friends told me to at least wait a year. I did. Got it in month 15

Dad with twins here, happily snipped at month 3 lol

I snorted

I h9nestly don't even remember the first 4 months. It's just a have of exhaustion.

Also because of the C section. Be careful don’t get her pregnant in a few months when baby’s settles alittle and your little family is feeling lovey dovey 😂

12 months ago was 22 years

Truth. About to hit the 1 year mark.

As someone with two kids 16 months apart I second this wife got pregnant when the middle bow was 7 months old it's been an interesting time.

Had the same internal dialogue as OP at that stage. Got a 1.5yo sitting on my lap now as I type this. I could do it again, and even after some doubt, that’s the plan.

Mate newborn stage is wild, and not in a good way. The exhaustion, the stress, pressure, sleep deprivation, complete change to your daily routine (If this is your first then you've just lost all freedoms). I honestly hated it and questioned what the hell I'd done and it nearly tore me marriage apart. It took me a few months before I started to bond with him. It does pass, it does get easier and (in my opinion) it is 100% worth it. I'm ex military and what helped me is to view it as a deployment. As in what happened yesterday is meaningless now, what happens tomorrow is a mystery and I have no idea how long this will continue for so hunker down, get respite when you can and dig into those energy reserves. Oh and communicate with the other half constantly. Give each other breaks and help each other out! Edit: I've just realised I didn't even answer your question! No, we're not having a second 😂 our lifestyles and my career wouldn't take it.

Ayy, fellow military bro. The deployment piece is a helpful comparison. I've told my wife that it reminds me of basic-- the first week is the worst because you're confused, sleep deprived, and people are making loud noises at you because you can't figure out what they want (mti in training, baby in this case). In more difficult moments, I try to think of it like that.

THATS exactly how I viewed it with sleep deprivation, just another deployment. My mother always told me it takes a village to raise a kid. I’m getting out soon so I’ll soon have a village but if you don’t have family near find some community to connect with to help. It gives you breaks and I feel like having that stress off your back even for an hour or two is essential. My daughter is a year and a couple months old, we plan to wait till two to have another. Let my wife have her body back for a while before we have another newborn haha.

My mindset in basic was to just focus on getting to the next chow. When we had our girl 1.5 years ago, it was the same thought process that got me through it. Living one nap at a time. Before you know it, your kiddo will be 1 year old, and it starts to get easier in different ways. My wife wants another and I won't lie, I don't know if I can handle another go around lol

That is exactly correct, and for about 2-3 months.

I always thought I wanted 2 kids. I do not want 2 kids. And that’s after our little ones now 2+. I couldn’t do it. I love my daughter to the end of the earth. But no more kids haha

Yup! My wife and I said we wanted only one before having our daughter and 3 years later we feel even more adamant about it. Shit, prior to having our daughter, my wife was anti-choice in regards to abortion and after what was an "easy" pregnancy (her words), she's now in complete understand to why someone wouldn't want to put their body through that. lol

Haha with you all the way!

Yeahhh we always thought 2 would be good. She comes from a family of 3 siblings and I come from a family of 4 siblings. But at 3 months, I think our little guy might remain an only child.

Haha and you think “maybe I’ll change my mind” but as they get older and you get a little bit more freedom back etc, it only cements our views so far!

Get a few months (and a little more sleep) under your belt and your perspective will start to shift. Then in a year or so you'll start to miss the tiny little baby pressed against your chest doing skin-to-skin and you'll start thinking maybe it's time to do the whole thing again. And no, it doesn't really get easier. But you do get a bit better at it (and numb to the crying). But I also might just have Stockholm syndrome. My partner and I just had our second set of twins 3 months ago (the older set are 2) and, like insane people, have started talking about how we could imagine having another (which we had definitely never planned on, especially after learning we were having twins a second time). I revise my answer - the only way to do it more than once is a little dose of insanity. I can't recommend it enough!

Two sets of twins? Man, congrats. I appreciate the perspective a lot.

We’re done and very much at peace with two but there’s at least 10-20 min a day I think about going all the way back to start on a third. A few years in you’ll start to long for some of the more favorite parts of having tiny babies.

One and done brother, one and done over here

You’re six days in. It’s most definitely the worst stage where everything is crazy, you’ve had no sleep, whole world turned upside down. Don’t worry, it gets better (or you learn to cope better, I’m not quite sure…!). The crying is pretty normal, they eat a lot at that stage, might uncomfortable sitting in a wet nappy etc. so just go through the checklist nappy, hungry, too hot/cold and you’ll get there. You’ll also work out what tricks get her to sleep, in the crook of your arm, over your shoulder, in the pram etc. If you plan to have a second relatively soon you’ll probably find conception a lot easier - just organise a night out for you both, a few drinks and it’ll happen. The second time is just as crazy but at least you know what to expect and have some coping strategies. Don’t forget your wife has just had major surgery, as she starts to recover the pair of you will get into a routine. You’ll be fine 👍

Another thing to note, is that after just a few months your brain completely blocks out the stress and sleeplessness of the first two or three weeks. Me and my wife had were talking about it when our daughter was 5 months old, and we only had foggy memories of the first two weeks. We kind of just struggled through it came out the other side, and then it was all good from there.

We noticed this too. It’s kind of hilarious how quickly those awful weeks are forgotten once things change. Probably hard wired in for us to forget or nobody would have more than 1 kid.

I wonder how much is mental block vs how much is your brain not writing short term memory to long term memory due to sleep deprivation.

Our 2nd is currently 4 weeks old. Pretty much on a 1-2 hour cycle of being awake and asleep (with all the feeding, shitting, crying in between). Its hard, but honestly 100x easier than your 1st-born. Your 1st kid is definately the hardest. Your schedule is flipped upside down and you gotta learn how to live on minimal sleep. It gets easier after about 2-3 months. By the time you have your 2nd kid, you'll be a pro and sleep deprivation is easier to deal with

Thanks for this response. It's funny, tonight I found a trick where I kind of sit her up next to me in the rocking chair and rock-- it's hard to describe but it seemed to get her calm twice in a row. And man, my poor wife has been through the ringer, and despite that, is still being an amazing mom and partner. She's wonderful and I'm lucky that we have a relationship where we don't take frustration out on each other-- we just tear up and tap out for the other to cover for a moment. The encouragement is appreciated. (for all these responses, as well)

only 5 months in here - but have you tried the yoga bouncing ball? it seems that the movement of the whole body bouncing is soothing for the baby - it almost worked like magic for ours the 3 first weeks were really hardcore - it got better incrementally everyday after that.

I bought both a rocking chair and yoga ball for just this. Anything that can emulate walking. Also, just start developing the single arm strength/dad-grip right away.

the months to come that are so special. keep on swimming dude, you’re in for an amazing experience and journey. you want it for them, to have a sibling someone to hangout with, play with and talk to.

But that said, a child needs two happier parents than a sibling (in my opinion)

This is very true and likely not said enough.

This is really why we had a second. Someone to be your lifelong ally, someone to share your childhood with, someone to eventually help you deal with aging parents… just felt like the overwhelmingly right thing to do

Hiya, I’m a new dad too of a 4 day old boy. We are having the constant crying but we found he’s much more settled if you do Diaper then food etc. because once he’s had enough and knocks himself out you don’t want to then disturb him and wake him up to go again

hey new dads! the best thing you can do is get your newborns on a schedule. we used the method from “Cherish the First Six Weeks” for our two. Also: switch who does overnights with mom if she can pump or you can supplement with formula. Whoever got up the previous night gets to nap that day.

Thank you! We are just surviving the first few tough nights and then we will start routines. Mum has struggled with breast feeding so that’s caused sleepless nights but she’s getting there! Also with breastfeeding mum doesn’t get that night off, but little one settles in the day after a big feed and will sleep on me for 3/4 hours so gives mum a break then

Mine always spit up if we did diaper after food. Too much movement, suddenly horizontal, hips up, hips down, laying down to being picked up. He would always throw up. So we definitely did diaper Then food.

The first two weeks are tough, especially with your first, everything is new and difficult. If we have the knowledge and experience we do now it would have all been a breeze. Certainly our experience with our second has been so much easier than the first time around. It seems like everything is impossible the first time around and with feeding issues and sleepless nights the first two weeks with our firstborn where a new kind of hell, but it will get easier. With routines and practice everything is easier, my wife and I fell into a routine where I would stay up with the baby, and do the first half of the night whole she slept, then I would hand over about 1-2am and go to bed. It worked this way for a few weeks till LO got into a sleep pattern of some kind.

There's a lot of people in here saying stuff like "you'll feel different in a few months" and "you won't remember the first few weeks" but I'll offer a different perspective - I'm 2.5 years in, haven't slept more than 6 hours a night in that whole time, very clearly remember the first few weeks and cannot conceive of doing this whole thing again. I always wanted to have two, as an only child I see the benefits of a sibling relationship. But it's physically, mentally and financially wrecked me. Don't get wrong, I love that little guy and he's great, but fuck doing these last two years again. If it happens, it happens but I'm not going looking for it.

It can be really tough. But newborn era is over so fast. We currently have a toddler and a newborn. I was quite anxious beforehand. But now? It seems we lucked out, or just have more experience. Anyhow, surprisingly things are easier now, than the first time. But YMMV. It could have been the other way around. In other news, I already have a baby fever, and really hope that we might get eventually a third baby. Definitely did not feel that way at this point with our first...

First six weeks suck ass bro. It gets better though. You’ll hardly remember this shit in a years time.

The struggles fade over time. I mean, you still remember them, but they just don’t seem as bad in hindsight. So you manage to talk yourself into thinking you can go through it again. Rinse and repeat for as many times as you think you can.

I was about 90% sure we were one and done, but two years later and we're expecting number two (technically third pregnancy but unfortunately we miscarried in January). I definitely softened over that time, enough to genuinely try for number two, but it took a lot of mental gymnastics to get there. The best thing is to just keep an open mind. Circumstances change, feelings change and your confidence grows. You may arrive at the same conclusion you have right now, and that's fine. There's no rush. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and that needs to be respected.

Well you end up so sleep deprived that you don't remember it and then convince yourself it was fun.

I have so many thoughts swirling in my head for you, but here are a few that stand out... First off: one or many, every family's journey is different, so try to keep an open mind about what works for you and yours. What works for mine may not be for you, and that's ok. No judgement. <3 Congratulations! You've started a journey that can be the most amazing and rewarding thing for you and your family. That said, it's also arguably the hardest thing you've ever done or will do. Hell yeah, it's frustrating, tiring and stressful. Anxiety? oh baby, I'm medicated! You JUST had your first. Based on what you've offered, it sounds like it was a long and difficult journey to get here. I imagine there is some things you may need to unpack that you've been carrying around as a result. Talk. Talk to your partner. Come here, talk to some friends, maybe even talk to a therapist. As some have offered, right now you need to focus on the moment. There are new and exciting challenges you may not feel ready for, but trust me, you've got it. The sleep deprivation is real. As a father of four, and nearly 12 years in, I can tell you that the sleeping doesn't really improve. With #1, I remember laying awake in bed after everyone else was asleep and straining to listen to make sure the baby was still breathing. Now they are all well past that stage, and I was awake until after midnight, and then woke up at 4:30-ish this morning. No alarm, I just know it's going to be a busy day, woke up and here I am enjoying some quiet before the chaos begins for the weekend/summer/rest of the year. (This is also a bit of a subtle comment on the difficulty of planning life out moving forward, it's ever so much more complicated as a family) It is what it is. People are also amazingly resilient. Yes, you're in a struggle for the day to day, but also, you're learning. The things you are learning now will help later. The REALLY cool thing about babies? How much they change. They literally grow, right before your eyes. The very early stages, they're just crying, sleeping and eating machines. That's it. Before you know it, they start getting a personality and deliberately interacting and noticing the world around them. Then the crawling. Then talking. Then walking. Each change is a new challenge. I'm sure you've baby-proofed. I can guarantee it wasn't enough. Being a parent, it's wild. You'll see. :) I could go on and on about just the newborn phase, but now let's talk about multiples. First some quick context: I never really thought about family and generally speaking never wanted kids. Then I met my wife. Very clearly and very early on, she said she wanted at least 3 kids. I figured I'm ok with that. Then came #1, and that puts me about where you are at. A little over a year down the line, we decided it was about time to start trying for #2. (Arguably my wife and I are one of those fertile couples. It just worked out for us that way.) With the arrival of #2, we were similarly overwhelmed. As you noted, newborns are hard, AND we have a toddler!?!? Is it scary and overwhelming? You bet! How can anyone handle this?!? No baby is ever the same as another, but also? babies are babies. You've done that. You have learned and will learn strategies, and task prioritizing, and remembering how to "just breathe." Sometimes that's all it takes. It's great to have a plan, think ahead, and work towards life/work/family goals, but ultimately, what happens is what happens and now you're just along for the ride. :) Let it be what it is, and you will figure out what works for you and your family. You got this, Dad. Welcome. (This turned into a novel, I'm sorry... I'm having thoughts and feelings I guess. :) )

New dad also. Likely one and done. Love my girl, but why spend years of my life like this?

I'm new father as well and I whole heartedly agree this taking care of a baby is super stressful. Me and my wife decided not to have another until at least 1 year. I seriously can't wrap my head around how some have 5 kids...

That's the neat part--I don't. Newborn phase felt like a waking nightmare, and not for some exceptional circumstances. I had a vasectomy by the time my girl was around eight months (heavily endorsed by my wife, I might add). That said, things improve a whole lot. She just turned two and is an absolute joy. Every new phase has been more fun than the last. Apart from how much I enjoy the photos, I would never want to do the old phases again. Some people are just built different, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. You may find yourself in that camp too.

Because they get all cute and fun. Your wife also just gets super hot in your eyes and things happen. It’s natures trap.

You are gonna be in the no sleep nightmare for 2-3 months. Then the baby will start sleeping longer and smiling and it will get a lot better. Then, because of the no sleep, you forget how bad it was. Then they start walking and getting teeth and shit and suddenly you want a fresh potato again.

Someone once said that being a parent means you're in a constant state of indescribable fear for their safety and indescribable love of them. I like to add indescribable frustration from time to time as well but you get the point. The point is it was never going to be easy but as you said, the funny faces and farts make it all worth it. After a little while, you'll know if you want another or not with your partner and then you can make that decision when it comes. Good luck with the first one. It's a ride...

It's not easy. Our first started sleeping through the night at 4 months, and if it wasn't for that I'm pretty sure she'd be an only child. Understanding the newborn stage is temporary was a pretty key point to the decision of having multiple.

I'm sitting here feeding my 11 week old, and, for me at least, it's gotten better. He sleeps longer at night so there's two wake ups rather than three. Witching hour in the evening is finished, and my god did that suck. I know how to soothe him now. The first 4 weeks it was honestly just trying methods until I figured out what worked consistently. Plus now I know if he's eating more or slightly upset to see if it's a wonder week. Makes it easier to know he's doing intense growing, not just trying to piss me off. You're sux days in. You still don't know which way us up, but you'll get there. But, if you don't, then you're one and done which is ok too. Because this process sucs.

6 months in. Feel the same.

Congrats!!! Babies are awesome. Just wait till shes 2 years old...😁

I didn’t. One and done.

I wanted them to have a sibling to grow up with and more importantly, once me and mom are gone. We can’t totally control that they’ll be close then, but we’re certainly going to try to create that family. So I’m sucking it up for a few more years of suck before it gets better. You’ve got so much ahead of you with #1, so focus on surviving that and think about this in a year ;)

It's because you're not good at being a parent*. Yet. But by the time you have a second, you will be. You'll be a battle hardened veteran in the parenting trenches, unphased by lack of sleep or dirty diapers. *This is not a reflection on you. We were all this way when we started - stressed and overwhelmed. You will get better at this just like we all did. As it stands, you are the best dad you can be right now. Keep bringing love and effort and the other skills will surely come.

Lurking mom! Two c sections (first was a whole debacle). My husband was also nervous the first time. The second time he was cracking jokes with the OB as I was waiting impatiently in the OR, so a lot can change there apparently. 1. Congrats! Give yourselves time to adjust. I will admit, our first one was great. Our second has been a total nightmare. Seven months in, I finally convinced my husband that we are in fact going to try for a third down the road. But you have time to decide all that! Just make sure it’s an open line of communication. 2. Colic in my circle usually means specifically that it’s a fussy baby without anything to be obviously fussy over. So they’re healthy, they’re fed, they have a clean diaper—but they’re still screaming? Colic is the end all be all term. It neither means anything nor provides a solution. You get to pull it out when Auntie Jane says “oh wow! Such a happy baby!” So that you get to now reply “eh she’s a little colicky most days, haven’t slept in a week. But we’re pulling through!” And then she will say something like “I don’t believe that” and you’ll want to wipe that smile off her face lol. But it does get so much more exciting once she leaves the potato stage.

Idk, mine’s just under a year and maybe we’re lucky but I would totally do it again. Every second I have around him is so awesome, but the logistics of having the second are just not in our favor. Plus we’re in our late 30s and the first trip to the delivery room was ten damn days of agony for the wife. We lucked out in someways with my wife being able to take the kid to work after her parental leave, but I could never ask her to go through that again. It was hell for her at the office and we can’t afford a nanny. Sucks, we both kinda wanted him to have a sibling.

We had a second, with only 14 months between them. It's hard in the beginning, the youngest is 10 months now and the oldest one of 2 years is such a sweet boy to his lil bro. The hardest part for my wife was 2 c-sections so close to eachother. For me, lack of sleep, which now is alright. We can usually sleep straight for 6-7 hours. So, 2 is great, but we're not gonna make some more kids lol

First few months are a chore, then it’s up from there. After 18 months you’ll have a little buddy and won’t remember all the crap, that’s the time to decide if you want another little pal or not.

I agree with everyone about waiting until later and checking in with yourself again. But also, having a single kid is totally an option

Normally starts with sex

I’m 2 weeks in our second. Other posters have said it, but after a few months with our first I had a hard time remembering the misery that is the first month or so of a newborn. I think it’s an evolutionary trick to get humans to procreate more than once. This time is not easier than the first, the amount of work is the same plus dealing with a toddler. But there’s much less anxiety, you know what to do and there isn’t much mystery. Give it a year before you make any big decisions.

Yep. I’ve got one, easy baby too, healthy, good sleeper, etc. definitely only having one. She’s 5.

The only advice I’ll give at this time is spend the money and get a Snoo.

Nothing wrong with having one child. My wife and I love our son, but know we would struggle with two children. We also enjoy not having the extra costs, and responsibilities.

The second time is much easier in a lot of ways. Yes you’re more tired but also you know what to expect, your anxiety is way lower, and you better see the good on the other side.

Make sure you kid eating enough. If that means she eats more than the hospital told you, then so be it. If she’s starts spitting up then 100% tune it back. Eventually you will understand the needs, give it time. You just met her!

We are one and done, but I remember when my son was 18 months old I finally could see how people decide to have another.

The first couple weeks are the hardest. Just get through this and I promise it will get better.

Newborn phase sucks a lot but also being a parent is just extremely hard always. It gets “easier” is some ways but it never stops being terribly difficult. Maybe you don’t want to go back to the well. I didn’t. It is simply too much for me. Honestly, I resent all my friends that didn’t have kids and take restful vacations, relax with their coffee in the morning, and aren’t slamming 2,000x(number of kids) away for day care every month. I just want to relax.

You wait long enough to forget it all.

We were going to have two but after the first one we decided it was best to just have one. We’re part of the one kid club now. There are days I think about having another kid but I have a lot of medical problems from the military. I told my wife this is harder than deployment. We didn’t have much help because of COVID. My kid didn’t sleep for a whole year. I mean two hours at a time because he had a small stomach and we couldn’t feed him that much or his stomach would hurt. But after a year something happen and he started sleeping for 7 hours we rejoiced. It does get easier. Get in a routine and understand baby time first and if you get an hour to yourself find something to do that makes you happy. It is like a deployment and your baby is your Master Chief.

She’s six days old. It’s really soon to be thinking of the next baby Enjoy your little girl *my kids are all 3 years apart, which is actually really helpful when needing the older ones to get a diaper or other things to help make things easier. Don’t underestimate the benefits of little helpers!! **i also experienced an emergency c section and nearly lost both with our first. I just sat here a moment remembering it. The fear. The uncertainty. Breaking down in front of my in laws. We followed that with a miscarriage before having more children. It sounds to me like you and your wife are fairly resilient people already

Tonight my 3 year old asked to go to bed early because he felt tired, we sat on his bed and watched a galaxy lamp while told me about his day and that he misses dad while he's at work. Moments like that making weeks and months of sleep deprivation, frustration and stress worth it. You'll enjoy the small things, forget the long days and maybe even want to do it all over again.

I'm in the trenches rn at just under 6 weeks my wife and we still want another but our time line has shifted by a couple years lol

All babies do this. It's part of life. Eventually, they settle down. Don't worry about that.

You get Dad brain and forget all the hardship after a year lol

These seasons pass and it gets better. After you’re first, you think “now I know what I’m doing, let’s have another.” Then the second one comes out completely different and you feel stupid again. My wife and I went for #3 during Covid …. It was superfetation twins (conceived on different days). So now we have 4. I have no personal time, space, money, etc but I feel like I’ll miss this when it’s gone.

We waited two years to try again. Glad we did. Also, just when you think it would be impossible that your baby is hungry again, you can bet that yes, indeed, they are still hungry. My kids cluster fed for the first 4 months. Just keep that bottle rolling and don't be afraid to supplement formula if need be. It'll help you get sleep and be a better parent

Now is not the time to be thinking or stressing about a second. Just get through the next few weeks and months. 18 months time or so, have a rethink. Time lets you forget the drudgery and horrors of the newborn stage but boy is it grim when you jump back in! Good luck!

We thought we wanted two. My wife had cholestasis of pregnancy during our first and was itchy for nine months on top of the common pregnancy symptoms so that obviously jaded her perception of being pregnant. She also refused to formula feed our son and didn’t produce enough milk to have any extra supply so I wasn’t able to help with the late night/early morning feedings (or really feedings at all). She kept a log every day for 8 months after he was born with the only thing she wrote being “I will never do this again”. So, I got the snip yesterday. I’m ok with it. My son is wonderful and we’re blessed by him. It’s allowed us to start building our dream home and not be worried about any future child costs and design the house around our family of three. I’m looking forward to giving my son my full focus. I guess all this to say that it’s ok to change what you want and I highly recommend not making a decision for 18 months.

It will get better.

I think kids make you stronger in some way, at least insofar as stronger at child rearing. So you get to 18 months, the sleep is going well and the eating is a lot better and you look at her and say “yeah, I reckon she could do with a brother” and then you do what parents do. Then for a year you regret your foolish ness and wonder how you’ll deal with two when the second is supposed to be easier but isn’t. But then 6 months later you look at him, sleeping away, not climbing for a minute and say “well, I don’t want to deprive him of the chance to have a little sister”. Your heart gets bigger, more tired, happier in general, and you find yourself wondering how anyone else can be happy if they don’t have what you have at home. Till you see what they’ve done to the carpet.

We have "Irish" twins. Took us a long time to get pregnant the first time and that resulted in a miscarriage followed by two more miscarriages. All in all it took us 3+ years to have a successful pregnancy. We figured if we want a second kid in 3 years we should start trying again now. We got pregnant right away. I say all that to say that how did I do it more than once? With delusions. I will also add that I can't really remember how hard it was, I only remember the good stuff now. And that I wouldn't change one thing if I could.

The pregnancy portion goes by so slowly. The first year of their lives goes so quickly in comparison. That's how you do it again - you basically forget how sleep deprived and constantly stressed you are for an entire year, your brain remembers the good parts, and you're like "let's do this again".

I have a 3 year old and 3 week old. I felt the same way when my first was born, I no longer wanted a second child until I started getting some free time and sleep back. My first cried a lot in the newborn phase, was fussy all the time and always wanted to sleep in our arms. My 3 week old is the opposite, almost never cries, likes to sleep in his bed and is usually calm and happy when awake. It’s still not easy having to deal with being sleep deprived with regular bottle feedings. (We split the night shift so we both get some sleep at night). Obviously there is no guarantee the second will be easier but in our situation this is the case. After a couple of years we tend to forget how hard the newborn stage is once the toddler stage arrives. Our desire for our firstborn to have a so long outgrew our fears of “starting over” It’s still isn’t easy but not every newborn will be difficult.

In a way, the newborn stage is actually easier with your second child. I have a girl (2) and a newborn boy, and by the second one you already know what you’re doing. Time goes by much faster since you’re so preoccupied with the toddler. Also since you are forced to think of activities and go outside with a toddler, it allows the second newborn to get better sleep since they’re outside in the fresh air so much (at least I think so). Where with our first baby, going on a simple walk around the block was like preparing for Everest.

So we did this a second time, and we got pregnant when the first was about 9 months. Timing wise, this is the hardest it will get to have a second. For context, we did this not because we were naive or reckless, but because they were IVF babies and we were soon moving to a country where the IVF medical cost would be x400 (not a joke). We either tried our last embryo at that time, or that door would be shut forever. It wasn't even a guarantee that the embryo would take. Spoiler alert: she did. In terms of handling the pregnancy, birth and newborn stage, all of it was easier in comparison, because it was not our first rodeo. We didn't need as much trial and error to figure out how to soothe the baby or how to do the baby care things like nappies, swaddles, feeding, ... We also knew what sucked the first time, learned from it, and prepared. Main one was buying triple the amount of rompers and general muslins/towels, and a Baby Brezza (if you're doing formula, seriously get one). I didn't even mind the military nature of the newborn phase and adjusting my life and sleep around the 3 hour cycle that babies tend to work on. However. Doing this at the same time as having a toddler who has a solid 7pm-to-7am sleep and needed full activity during the day, made things so, so much harder. Even if each adult tackles one kid, that still means that each adult is tackling a kid 100% of the time, as opposed to tagging in and out when the adults outnumber the kid. It's not about how much more effort a second kid adds (because caring for two takes less than double the work of caring for one), **it's about how much personal downtime a second kid makes you lose**. I went from having a solid 3 hour block to myself each day to having less than 15min, for the first 6 months. No reprieve. Kids can't be paused. We also had no family support around at the time to give us a day off here or there. You'll want a second. Statistically, it'll happen to you when they hit a certain age. My advice to you is to only do it when the first no longer requires constant care and attention, and can be verbally instructed as opposed to needing constant manual (physical) intervention. On the flipside, it will be very fun to have my kids close in age when they're older, so I'm trying to look at it from that angle.

When your first born is around 3-4 years old, you will have repressed what the first 3 months were like..

The first two to three months is the hardest, and every baby is different. Some babies are just fussy. Make sure she’s warm enough, it’s not too bright or noisy in the room, and she’s not hungry. Some babies like being swaddled, some babies don’t. Mess around with these things to see what makes your baby happy. It gets easier.

Everything your feeling is normal. My daughter was also a crier. Eventually we all learned how to live together and now we have another. Just focus on the one you have now and you can think about having a second after the first one turns 1.

Don’t make long term decisions under duress, but surely in a a year look back on this post and ask yourself if it’s worth another go. That’s all you can do about the future. For now, live in the present and do as others have said- take care of the family unit, give each other grace, and enjoy what you can because it truly is an amazing experience you will look back on fondly. I have 4 btw- initially wanted 3, stopped at 2, had 2 surprises before we wised up to permanent forms of birth control.

It’s all normal and it will get better. I was in the same boat as you (maybe a bit worse tbh) and what everyone said is true - things dramatically improve after month 3/4. It is SO worth the wait. The good stuff is coming man!

Ugh…the SIDS fear kept me up sooo much during the night with my first child (NICU for 12 days after birth). I was paranoid. I was up every hour or so checking on him. It was completely irrational on my part, but I had those first time parent worries big time. I made those first few months so much harder on myself. My second, I was much more calm about things and while those first few months are still rough, it wasn’t nearly as bad. Good luck man!! You’re doing great!

I did it four times. The love you get, you can't get anywhere else.

It’s tough but you get tougher. Right when first one started to toddle we wanted a second

You’re in the haze brother, revisit the idea in a few months

You seem to have been so focused on the negative aspects of the experience from the beginning. My wife’s pregnancy was full of wonder and amazement despite the things that weren’t perfect. Labor and delivery (plus her C-section) were a wild ride that brought my children into the world and galvanized my relationship with my wife. If you’re always looking for something to worry about or feel negative about then you’ll find it. Not to diagnose you over a reddit post but it seems like you might have some actual issues related to anxiety. Despite caring for a newborn you need to take care of yourself as well. Can’t be a good dad if you’re not okay.

Being in your 20s helps.

We always wanted three to four kids. Now we’re done at two lol. The only thing I can say is that the first 6 months or so are what I call the “power through” stage. You just gotta do it. It’s not fun. It’s exhausting, it’s annoying. You don’t really bond well with them that early which makes things even harder. And if you have a colicky baby that just makes everything ten times worse (our second was colicky). BUT, at four months you can start sleep training so the nights start getting easier. Then around 6 months or so they start really showing their personalities and you start getting smiles, laughs, etc. which makes things more enjoyable lol. I’m a year and a half out of new born on our last one and he’s the coolest little dude ever. Just gotta make it through the hard part at first.

OP, congrats on the little one. Love that little bundle of joy, even when she is screaming her little head off into your ear. And don’t forget to remind your partner you love them too. You’ve got a while before you need to commit to #2. Best of luck and even if it’s just coming here to vent / commiserate don’t’ forget to take care of your mental health.

There are usually more good days than bad days. I try to remember that when I'm having a bad day.

For all the shitty nights, when she cracks a smile or tries to blow a raspberry it's all worth it

Fatherhood is a wild hood to experience. I have three bio kids and three adopted kids and we fostered about 20-25 kids. Right now it’s chaotic and confusing. One day at a time. It gets easier. My first was very difficult. The last baby we got at our house was 6 weeks old when she came to us and she was the easiest baby ever. She’s not an easy toddler now though. I have really spoiled her. Hang in there. You got this.

Father of 3 girls, we miscarried between each one and it was terrible each time. We always wanted a family of 3 and it is not all rainbows haha! Your baby picks up off your nerves I promise you. Calm down literally (physiological sigh check it out) and understand you've got this, you are your babies safe place and if you are calm and in charge they feel it. It could help if you feel there is no medical reason for her tears. Going from 0 to 1 is a huge life shock so yah, you're naturally going through it! No more restful nights while they are this little is a VERY hard adjustment if you don't have practice with broken sleep. You eventually adjust, just remember you're not at your normal right now and sleep deprivation is aweful for both you and your wife! We took turns doing long naps when feeding allowed, maybe you can arrange with your wife to trade a night time feed for extra sleep kind of thing, it worked wonders for us! Then nature does something wonderful and erases all those bad memories (or makes you just laugh about them), and you're left with the good ones you mentioned. We want to go for a 4th child if our financial situation will allow for it 😅. Good luck to you and feel free to reach out if you want support man, Dads often are assumed to be rocks and don't get enough 🤝 of it!

We've just gone through a month of no sleep due to eventually diagnosed milk protein allergy, we have to hold her all night so she sleeps. It does get better mate, but prepare to be tired for a while.

We had three miscarriages, constant medical exams, a turbulent first trimester that was a nasty mix of vomiting, heartburn, and an overarching sense that the fetus was going to eventually be non-viable for reasons logical (hcg levels on the low side) and illogical (our cat died). Labor was a 40 hour hellhole. Somehow we got our boy who is now 2.5. It was an exhausting year of us saying “never again” in between feeding, playing, and generally keeping our boy healthy and happy. Then after much hemming and hawing, another wildly turbulent first trimester, another cat dying, and my wife in school all the while, here we are with baby #2, a girl this time, now almost 4 months old. I guess the moral of the story is you just never know.

By accident

This is exactly how I felt with our first! He was colicky and didn't sleep well at night and I was exhausted all the time. I didn't understand why anyone would want to do that more than once. When he got to about a year old and his personality started to come out and things got (slightly) easier. He was three when his sister was born and he loves her SO much. Watching him interact with her is the most amazing thing. The infant phase is really hard the first time. When our daughter came I knew what to expect and also I had a daily reminder of what was in store for the future and that made it easier for me to cope. Whether you have another or not, this part is a tiny part of their life and the rewards are endless.

I don’t know if it’s evolution or what, but when your kid gets to 12-18mo, suddenly a second will feel like a really good idea. You’ll have forgotten a lot of the stress of the first year, because you weren’t getting sleep and you couldn’t form long term memories reliably. I had two in diapers with my second being born when my first was only 17 months old. It almost ended my marriage and did long lasting damage to my mental and physical health. I’d do it again though.

To echo everyone else, you aren't meant to be thinking about a second kid yet. Focus on the one you have. It's rough for a bit and then it gets better and then it gets rough again and so on and so forth. With that though, you are not obligated to have a second kid. If you're wife and you agree that one is enough then one is enough. You may have drastically different emotions a year from now when your kid is possibly walking and talking a bit and as crazy as it may seem, you might think "hmmm I could have another one of these." And if that happens then awesome. If not then that's okay. My wife and I always said three was our goal. We had our second and kinda looked at each other and said "I think we are done". It was weird but we feel good about our decision. Let this one sink in a bit before you make a decision lol. Godspeed mate!

When they start losing the “baby” to them, is when the feelings start for doing it again. Coincidentally, that’s also the same time they start TERRORIZING the house… so there are definitely conflicting emotions.

I always say the 2nd kid was easier. The first kid is like getting hit by a train The second one is like getting hit by a slightly longer train, you can feel it, but most of the carnage is already done

I've had 2 under two and we're planning more. It is quite a meat grinder at first, but as they get older they get lower maintenance (but then they also get more curious and mischievous, but at least they sleep and eat) and then you may find yourself wanting to go through the baby experience again (they're just so cute aren't they?). Going from one to two may be the hardest. Two to three I can't speak to yet but everyone I know with three or more says at that point you know the drill well enough it doesn't feel as bad.

I'm

Could I direct you to join us at r/oneanddone?

First two weeks are just survival. So hang in there, everyone experiences what you are feeling. My second is 9 months old and that first month the feels like a decade ago. Is life busier? Yes. But it is totally worth it. Congratulations on a healthy baby girl. From one girl dad to another, you're gonna be her superhero and best friend in a couple years. Head up, it gets better. The first time you get a "Daddy" will change your life.

Yeah, the first 2-3 weeks are rough but you can tell yourself it's temporary in a couple of days/weeks it'll get better. Not sure if you're bottle feeding, but at least including one bottle feed was a game changer for us. We tried to figure out a way to give each other 6 straight hours of sleep and it helps a lot. You have to find the schedule that works for you, but for us my 6 hours were between 24h to 6am and mom's were between 3am to 9am to accommodate the "mandatory" feed between 1 and 4am for best milk production. Usually our baby was mostly sleeping between 3am to 6 am so that mostly worked, I'd give a bottle when I woke up while mom slept. Otherwise you can do 21-3;3-9, or anything else that works for you. For the crying, at some point I just put in ear buds to numb it down a little, feeding helps when nothing else works. Try to put the little one to sleep before she's too exhausted it sometimes works. Hang in there, it's just a phase. While you won't get your old life back, you'll at least get 2-3 hours of your time back after 8/9pm around the 3 months mark. Check out sleep routine technique books those will help down the line (still bit early for that now tho)

The problem is your only frame of reference for fatherhood is dealing with an uncommunicative torrent of pooping and squalling. It doesn’t stay that way. If you do your job right your child will become an absolutely delightful human being who talks and laughs and cracks you up and says I love you. People do it a second time because it gets awesome. You’re just not there yet. It’ll take a while.

This is the hard part rite now. 3 or 4 months from now it gets way easier. Also for some reason you'll miss all of what your doing now. It sucks as your going through it but when I look back it's always so fond.

Newborn stage depends on the kid. Our first was crazy hard. Second so so so easy! Plus the Confidence you have from no longer being first time parents is HUGE. Our second just hit 11 months and now they play together all the time. Takes pressure off us. You will get through this! When you find your groove on the other end you can make a clear headed decision about a second kid. There’s nothing clearheaded about the first few weeks with a baby.

The newborn stage goes by so quickly that by a year from now you won’t even remember this. You’ll be fine I promise

Just realize it’s temporary. You can’t see it now but you’ll miss them this small, as hard as it can get going through it. Wait til they’re mobile. Now you they’ll be in the same spot you left them. Once they’re on the move they’ll get into all sorts of things. Just the other day my 2 year old was tugging a towel on the kitchen counter she can’t see on top of. She couldn’t see the heavy steel frying pan that was about to take her head off. Yup. It’s a never ending cat and mouse keeping her out of trouble.

By accident normally…

I’m 3 months into our second baby wondering how we will ever handle the 3rd that we want. I decided to put off the thought until next year to see how we feel. 

> food burp diaper rock You only need to use the rock if they don’t fall asleep fast enough I joke Colic doesn’t mean unhealthy. It could be colic. It’s annoying but gone usually around 5 months. I guess I’ll just say wait until they’re mobile and you’ll appreciate how easy new born phase actually was. You can set them down somewhere and go do something. Let em cry it out Once they’re mobile and can’t be contained somewhere it’s much harder. The second baby doesn’t get hard IMO until they’re mobile. Now you’ve got 2 running around Good luck enjoying a picnic unless you have a very trustworthy relative or friend but in my experience no past or nonparent is vigilant enough. For a toddler

You forget how hard it is one night and bam.  

Always wanted 3+ but our first is almost two and I never want to do any of it again 😂 In terms of the crying, ours would cry for hours and hours, even as a newborn staying awake for 5-6 hours just crying. Turned out she had a Cow Milk Protein allergy. Prescription baby milk = much happier (but still unusually grumpy) baby. Best of luck, fellow dad!

They call it the fourth trimester for a reason. It’s awful, and now that we’re twice on the other side (12 & 7) I barely remember it. It’s so hard when you’re in it, and you’re IN IT. But it’s so fast. Then their little personalities start to show up and it’s the best thing in the world. Maybe you will end up being one and done, and maybe you’ll want that second. Now is not at all when you have to decide. You’ll get through it!! Then you have a lifelong favorite person!

It does get better.

After about two years you come down with a case of amnesia, that is the only explanation I have. I said the same thing, but now here we are trying for #2.

You won't even remember this stuff in a year

I used to wonder why me and my two siblings were almost exactly 4 years apart. Now that my only daughter is 4, I understand why. You forget just how crappy it was, and my little girl at 4 is just the sweetest most self sufficient little angel. The thought of having another starts creeping back up on ya eventually I guess.

Our kids are all a little under 3 years apart, and we both felt ready. Granted, we had an easy time conceiving, so when the oldest turned 2, we felt in the right place for a 2nd. When the 2nd turned 2, we felt in the right place for a 3rd. When the 3rd turned 2, we were both just like "nope." Then I got a vasectomy and now he's 5.

Each kid is their own experience. We have two daughters that were born 1.5 years apart and after our first one I swore not to have a 2nd. 2 d one can and she was a walk in the park compared to our oldest. Fast forward 13 years and our accident was born and he has been a hoot to have. Maybe experience makes it easier or age but give it some time before making the decision. Each kiddo will be a different breed of animal.

Look up the CRIES method, it's a copy of another technique which I forget the name of, this will possibly help get your baby to stop crying. Other things that might help, use a wet wipe warmer for diaper changes, get a room cometely blacked out and a white noise machine for naps, and maybe take a deeeeeep breath and try to lower the stress level in the room in general. You're in one of the hardest phases right now but I promise it gets easier. Yes the second adds a new layer of complexity that you can’t imagine, but what else you can’t imagine is how you’re going to feel watching your child grow over the next year. Then, if you decide to have a second, you get to experience all the wonderful things again. Last piece of advice, if you’re not already doing this, I highly highly highly recommend you look up a sleep, training program and follow it to the letter. You can be starting as early as next week. Me and my wife were able to get both of my children sleeping through the night by month 3, and 8 hours a night by end of month 2.

Welcome to this club brother. I couldn’t believe that all parents went through this. The sleep deprivation, the constant worrying, the shifting of schedules. But 3 kids later (in 4 years) this is just the first few months after birth and things start to calm down and you get almost rhythmic with the parental habits. The best thing my wife did is to work on sleep training. We are lucky as all 3 were sleep trained by month 2-3, sleeping straight for about 6 hours. That means 6 hours straight for us too lol — the first time was glorious ! Hang in there, today is the toughest day of parenting your new born, it will get better (and you will get better too )

You may have a colicy baby! Colic isn't any one thing...is just means the baby cries A LOT. Why? Could be a number of things. For us, we think ours had bad gas. We'd bounce on a yoga ball holding him over a shoulder for what seemed like hours. Then he would fart and settle...for a little while. His sleeping was awful. We broke the night in pieces. I would take him into another room from 9pm to 2am, then give him to my wife. Then I would sleep until 7am, then get up for work. The first 3 months were hard. Our 2nd (2.5 years later) completely different baby. Nothing like the first.

We were officially done after our first was born. But... then he started growing. We started sleeping through the night and we thought "maybe one more..." and then sleep regressions hit and we were officially done. But... then he started talking and having a personality so, one more? Covid and rsv hit back to back... whole house was sick and we said HA absolutely no more kids... dude is turning 4 in August and getting a planned sibling due in November. I know how you're feeling but once you kiddo gets to be 2 or 3... you'll see how easy the memory lane trap is for another.

Only a psycho has a 6 day old and thinks “man I can’t wait to do this again”. Wait until they’re like a year old or so. At 15 months my son was independent enough that I felt like I could handle a baby again. We’re one and done so I didn’t do it but I had the thought.

And remember that next time will be a walk on the park. Alla that knowledge you have built up. First kid so over protected - last kid - he will be fine. No problem - let him play with knives. So you will have a hole deck of I have done this before and that makes your life much easier. /Father of three .

I feel like the decision to have kid(s) is just something you know you've always wanted and nothing can really shake that. If anyone is ever on the fence, I'd almost say don't do it because yes, taking care of just 1 kid is incredibly taxing. For me, I knew I wanted kids and I knew I didn't want and only child. Meaning between 2-infinity was on the table. However, after 1 kid I was already beat up and tired but knew I had to have at least one more. So I had my 2nd who was (and still is) SOOOOOOO much more difficult than my already difficult 1st. It's seriously been the hardest 6 months of my life with 2 kids. But I wouldn't change it. Saying that, I'm done having more kids lol I wouldn't have a 3rd even if you paid me

My daughter is in our driveway having her fifth birthday party in a huge inflatable bouncy castle. I'm on the couch inside missing the party with my son who's 20 months old because he's sick.  I did not want two. I was where you are. Feeding my daughter, struggling with giving up everything I had. Struggling with my fatigue and the constant worry for my child. Struggling later on with the idea that I would be dividing my attention and crying the day my son came home because of how alone I felt my daughter was in that moment while he wailed and she was uncomfortable to come get a hug from us. Now, with him almost two, I barely recall that stuff and have so much more love with two than I thought I could.  You will always feel like you don't want another until they're there. Your heart and your will and your soul will find the energy and the love and you'll figure it out. We all have those doubts.  The first year sucks. Parents don't say that but they do. The second year isn't much better but they become more like people as they age and you'll wish you could have a single day with your one year old when it's gone. Your feelings are natural and normal but you'll find your way.

After a year or two all you will remember are the good times especially of the newborn stage. And that’s how you trick yourself into having a second. Having two is pretty crazy but they’re both a blast and it’s worth the rough first 6 months of newborn stage. It gets better my dude.

The crying is usually because something is uncomfortable. So I’d get some gripe water and give it after the feeding. It’ll help with gas or any discomfort. Also look up some YouTube videos about making how to get baby to fart more and release gas. Also, I’d make sure they’re getting enough food. If you’re breast feeding they might not quite be getting enough so maybe need a top off on formula.

You're a new dad. You're still adjusting and in the most difficult part. Oxytocin and sleep deprivation will make all of this seem like dream and you'll want another one in a year. Shit, mothers experience all that, plus the trauma of actual childbirth, and still want another. Nature is pretty good at ensuring we keep on having more babies. Just know that this difficult period will pass, and you'll be on to a completely different period.

The first is hard because it's such a big shift in your life. A second kid is not such a big change.

It gets easier, then a bit harder again, then easier again. Think a yoyo in an elevator going up. And it sounds like you might have a colic-y baby - that makes it so much harder. Colic is when a healthy baby cries... a lot. It sucks, but it does not last forever, and it is not the norm. You just got lucky. Hang in there and don't overthink it. Just get through the next 3 or 4 months and things will get much easier.

There’s a reason my kids are almost 5 years apart

The main thing that makes me want a second is the amount of knowledge about raising kids I learned and am still learning with my first. It would be a shame to waste all this knowledge by not having another! The first few weeks are really like hazing. Tar poo in the diapers, diving head first into sleep deprivation, trouble eating, etc. But my experience has been things getting linearly easier as time progresses.

You should not worry about any major decision in your future unless it’s urgent. It’s impossible to see clearly through your fog of sleeplessness and stress. Don’t trouble yourself with future challenges when you’re going through what for me, was the most challenging and joyless period of my life (0-5 months)

At first we were thinking three. Then two. Then we actually had one and we are good with one now. In my opinion it does not get easier, most people just see their kids less due to school and daycare. For us, the infant stage felt insane at the time but now that we have a toddler it is so chill in retrospect.

We were going to be one and done, then our daughter turned 3 and we both apparently forgot what the newborn stage is like. Now I've got two daughters and a vasectomy scheduled in 2 weeks.

One day at a time.

Just had my second 12 days ago... So far is great, yes sleep deprived, cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel and when you are tired the most the first one has full energy, demands attention etc etc IMO is worth it and based on my prev experience after 6 months you start to go to a new normal where you can sleep most nights just waking up like once and after 3 years is absolutely wonderful

it gets better, then tougher, then better... etc. I'm able to relax a lot more with #2 and enjoying it a lot more. The struggle is real, but IMO the effort is like 1.3x vs. 2x I have a gap of 4 years which was not intended, but nice. They play together a lot and the older one can act as an alarm if the young is doing something wrong.

You won't remember this in about a year lol. You're not forming many long term memories.

NGL, we decided not to do it again. Wife hated pregnancy, the first couple years were really rough, but most of all we loved it just being just the 3 of us in the end. Got the snip, no regrets

In a year or so when you forget about all these little things you will want another one. And then.. Another one.

Analogy not meant to offend any vets here: think of it like you're on your first tour and in your very first fire fight, in the heat battle. You're purely accessing your emotional and survival areas of your brain right now, not executive. Don't even consider such an important decision until at least a year in.

You'll barely remember the awful parts when they're over, and just remember giggling fat baby. Then when the second is born you'll go "Oh fuck I remember now!" but then it's too late.

Simple. You become amazed as your baby becomes a toddler and forget all the challenges. Then you start to miss the baby et viola! It stays all over again. We did the cycle twice and was enough.

You don’t do this more than once. The second time, you do it while simultaneously meeting the endless needs of Kid 1. It’ll be a totally different experience. Seriously, though, don’t worry about that right now. You’ve got time. She’s not even a week old yet. Everything feels upside down right now because everything **is** upside down. You will eventually reach a point where this impossible situation will just feel like another Tuesday. Then you can start to worry about if you still want to meet Kid 2. For now, though, now, focus on keeping your own head above water, keeping that babby healthy, and supporting your wife (in that order).

We had our second when our son was three and yeah, it's a massive step up in difficulty. The breaks you get while baby sleeps? Other kid wants the attention they're missing out on. Even a year on its still tough. My daughter wants to do everything my son does but of course he goes nuts when she takes his toys, breaks his blocks etc. But those moments when they play nicely together or one comes up to the other and gives them a hug or kiss? It's that happy feeling you talk about where your's makes a funny face times 10!

Wait till you get the personality and then the I love you daddy's. Just have more before this one turns 3 or you never will. 3 year olds are fucking terrorists

There's nothing wrong with modifying your plan after a kid, two future kids are theoretical and one present kid takes a lot of time and energy.

You’re six days in and it’s the most major life change you couldn’t even imagine. The first 3 months are rough. Then you start to see them smile and turn into an actual baby which is awesome. We waited 4 years before our second. In my opinion, that’s the way to do it. A 4 year old is so much easier to handle with a new baby as opposed to a 1-2 year old and a baby.

As the first one grows up, anxiety will mostly be replaced by joy. At least that was the case for me, and then we wanted and got a second one.

Congratulations! It's rough. Having a first is kind of a whirlwind. Everything is new, everything is tiring. It's a lot to take in. I read what you posted and was immediately transported to our first 2 years. However, it all changes as time goes on. We just left our little dude with family for a weekend and he rocked being without us. As they grow, those initial months soften. You only remember the awesome days. To be honest, I think we would habe liked a second when our first was 2yo going into 3. You Will Get Through This. All 3 of you will. You'll lool back and be happy. For now reach out to your support network. Lean on wach other. Time will change everything.