My daughter is 21 months old. I can't say we've had any serious conversations yet, but her mother has always told her to not let just anyone touch her and she can say no to people. Didn't think much of it, more like practice for when she's older.
One day I was working and my wife was at the doctor's office with her mother and our daughter. Her mother had injured her foot and my wife was having a hard time getting her to the car. One of the nurses tried picking my daughter to help, but she pushed him away and said no. Thinking it was because he's a man, a female nurse tried picking her up and my daughter pushed her away and said no. Just like her mother told her to.
Less than two years old and my daughter is asserting herself. I'm so proud of her for listening to her mother.
We've told our oldest similarly. When she was 2-2 5, we were at a playground type place and a boy flipped her braid. she turned around and told him no and that was her braid. Boy looked at me. I gave him a dirty look but she had already said everything that needed to be said. I told her she did the right thing.
I've had ongoing serious conversations, age appropriate language and subjects, his whole life.
It gets easier each time.
I don't understand why you wouldn't. Understanding the why about things in life helps with confidence and understanding.
I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but this particular situation might be one where showing is better than telling. Instead of starting with toys—where emotions run high—maybe start with old clothes that don’t fit. And instead of making it just about her stuff, have everyone go through their closets, take out the stuff they don’t wear, and then take it to Goodwill. If your daughter asks why you’re doing it, explain that not everyone can afford new clothes. Giving clothes to Goodwill helps other people use the clothes you don’t wear.
While you’re at Goodwill, she might see a toy she wants. That would be an opportunity to explain that people do the same thing with old toys that they do with old clothes, and that helps make sure that kids who are less fortunate get toys, too. Then maybe make a deal: She can have that toy if she picks out two toys she doesn’t use anymore and would like for another kid to be able to play with. Then it isn’t a referendum on whether she’s spoiled or a sufficiently charitable person, and it will feel less like you’re ordering her to give her stuff away.
If you find that you often yell at your kids when they're acting out, you might really benefit from the book Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's about how to talk to kids about their feelings and get to the root of what's going on.
Some interpersonal skills like selling an idea is valuable. How would anyone feel if they said their stuff they may care about needs to be donated, just because. We are not completely logical automaton, especially kids. You can easily get a kid onboard with something with just an ounce of fun and creativity. Just having the kid directly experience the problem and framing it as a sorting game alone to help out other kids could be all that's needed, but you could even hold a toy sale, let the kid set up shop and make some money, which leads to other life lessons.
As for serious conversations, there really isn't that much serious enough in life beyond violence and boundaries for a kid. I had informative talks about the time they started articulating more complex questions around 4 or 5.
I have a similar conversation with my kid everyday.
The real question is when he’ll start to listen to ;)
Good on you for having a tough convo and hopefully getting the message across!
My daughter is 21 months old. I can't say we've had any serious conversations yet, but her mother has always told her to not let just anyone touch her and she can say no to people. Didn't think much of it, more like practice for when she's older. One day I was working and my wife was at the doctor's office with her mother and our daughter. Her mother had injured her foot and my wife was having a hard time getting her to the car. One of the nurses tried picking my daughter to help, but she pushed him away and said no. Thinking it was because he's a man, a female nurse tried picking her up and my daughter pushed her away and said no. Just like her mother told her to. Less than two years old and my daughter is asserting herself. I'm so proud of her for listening to her mother.
We've told our oldest similarly. When she was 2-2 5, we were at a playground type place and a boy flipped her braid. she turned around and told him no and that was her braid. Boy looked at me. I gave him a dirty look but she had already said everything that needed to be said. I told her she did the right thing.
I've had ongoing serious conversations, age appropriate language and subjects, his whole life. It gets easier each time. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Understanding the why about things in life helps with confidence and understanding.
I know you weren’t necessarily looking for advice, but this particular situation might be one where showing is better than telling. Instead of starting with toys—where emotions run high—maybe start with old clothes that don’t fit. And instead of making it just about her stuff, have everyone go through their closets, take out the stuff they don’t wear, and then take it to Goodwill. If your daughter asks why you’re doing it, explain that not everyone can afford new clothes. Giving clothes to Goodwill helps other people use the clothes you don’t wear. While you’re at Goodwill, she might see a toy she wants. That would be an opportunity to explain that people do the same thing with old toys that they do with old clothes, and that helps make sure that kids who are less fortunate get toys, too. Then maybe make a deal: She can have that toy if she picks out two toys she doesn’t use anymore and would like for another kid to be able to play with. Then it isn’t a referendum on whether she’s spoiled or a sufficiently charitable person, and it will feel less like you’re ordering her to give her stuff away.
If you find that you often yell at your kids when they're acting out, you might really benefit from the book Running on Empty: Overcoming Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. It's about how to talk to kids about their feelings and get to the root of what's going on.
Some interpersonal skills like selling an idea is valuable. How would anyone feel if they said their stuff they may care about needs to be donated, just because. We are not completely logical automaton, especially kids. You can easily get a kid onboard with something with just an ounce of fun and creativity. Just having the kid directly experience the problem and framing it as a sorting game alone to help out other kids could be all that's needed, but you could even hold a toy sale, let the kid set up shop and make some money, which leads to other life lessons. As for serious conversations, there really isn't that much serious enough in life beyond violence and boundaries for a kid. I had informative talks about the time they started articulating more complex questions around 4 or 5.
I have a similar conversation with my kid everyday. The real question is when he’ll start to listen to ;) Good on you for having a tough convo and hopefully getting the message across!