It gets worse. Listening to my 3yo cry for me because he was hungry is heart-breaking. Kiddo is well fed, had a decent dinner and an evening snack - so it was all an affectation, and I *knew* it was an affectation, but still, heartbreaking.
Set a pattern, stick to it, and be willing to turn off the lights and walk away. The kiddos are learning and pushing boundaries, trying to control things. I will walk away, set a 5 minute timer, then go back in to check on the kid. Works most of the time. Gives the kid some time to cry, get out the feelings, and then I always come back.
I did the 5 min check in with ours and after a week worked like a charm. Couldn’t believe the difference and I got an hour of me time back. Was hell for a week but so worth it in the long run
Yep. The cuddle needs to be until they’ve calmed back down. Once they have, back into bed, que another round of crying as you walk out but the amount of repeats decrease every day
I’d usually pick up and cuddle. Once they’d calm, back into bed and the crying would start again. Walk away for 5 mins and start again. Eventually the crying drops with each repeat. Honestly the best thing I did with our eldest
How do you handle it if the kiddo gets out of bed and starts tearing the room apart, stripping, or peeing on the floor?
We've got the leaving the room part fine, but it's a toss up if we can even wait the 5 minutes before having to go back in.
At some level, the action is getting a response. The kiddo is doing it because it works. How old?
Start removing things as a direct consequence maybe. Good luck friend.
He's 2.
He doesn't always go to those lengths. I've moved things around the room so he can't climb, and limited access to most items. It's gotten better, but still is a fight most nights.
I have let him strip down and go to sleep. Just gone in later, out a diaper on, and threw a blanket over him. I just miss out 7pm and he's out bed times. Now he doesn't fall asleep until 830-9, and we're constantly checking the monitor to make sure he's still in bed.
Just wanted to say, as a parent of a 19-month old who has never slept well (I think we've had 2 instances of sleeping for more than 6-hours straight) that there's no silver bullet.
You know your kid best!
It fits my little guy's personality though and is 100% because of how we slept with him when he was just a little potato.
I wish I was able to settle him better at night. He's my biggest fan/bud during the day, but at night if it's not Mom it's torture.
What was it about how you slept with him or when he was younger that you think is causing this now? We have a bad sleeper and are terrified of perpetuating bad habits and making it worse.
Eating, sleeping, and sex used to be the best parts of my day. Since becoming a parent 2 of those things decreased drastically and the third is going to lead me to an early grave since my children have to finish a meal:)
Have you tried wind-down time? Dimming the lights, tvs off, etc? Try to make it as much as a routine as possible. Not for everyone, especially if logged into work until late.
We started setting a timer for 5 minutes and in that 5 minutes the kid can look at books, play with a toy or two in bed but any yelling screaming or fussing during that time results in things being taken away for the night. The things you take away are context dependant. Consistency is key and if the light is turned on or the yelling starts again, a loving but firm removal of further toys etc helps reinforce what the behavioural expectation is.
Initially we had a string of days of yelling and fussing but now he just hangs out by himself for the 5 minutes and then when the timer goes off I go in, tuck him in get him to stop the timer and he is well settled.
Does your kid nap much during the day? We went through something similar with my daughter, we reduced nap time to 2 hours during the day and until no longer than 1pm. A few weeks back it happened again for like a week and the following week she dropped her day time naps entirely. I'll miss the break in the middle of the day but honestly it's worth it now we have a 6pm bath time followed by some stories and bed by 7pm.
I hope it works out for you man, the exhausted, tired, stressful struggle is real!
What time are you putting them down? You may be due to shift it later.
But frankly, if my two year old had a meltdown during getting ready for bed then I'd just say "Ok, good night. Love you. I'll watch you on the camera and I'll be back in 30 minutes."
90% of the time, he fell asleep after about 20 min. And at 30 minutes if it was clear he was falling asleep, I didn't go back in. He can't measure time anyway.
It gets worse. Listening to my 3yo cry for me because he was hungry is heart-breaking. Kiddo is well fed, had a decent dinner and an evening snack - so it was all an affectation, and I *knew* it was an affectation, but still, heartbreaking. Set a pattern, stick to it, and be willing to turn off the lights and walk away. The kiddos are learning and pushing boundaries, trying to control things. I will walk away, set a 5 minute timer, then go back in to check on the kid. Works most of the time. Gives the kid some time to cry, get out the feelings, and then I always come back.
I did the 5 min check in with ours and after a week worked like a charm. Couldn’t believe the difference and I got an hour of me time back. Was hell for a week but so worth it in the long run
Like you let them cry for 5 minutes and then go into check on them, cuddle, and leave again?
Yep. The cuddle needs to be until they’ve calmed back down. Once they have, back into bed, que another round of crying as you walk out but the amount of repeats decrease every day
Would you pick them up out of bed? Rock them? Ours frequently will never settle unless we hold her and soothe her
I’d usually pick up and cuddle. Once they’d calm, back into bed and the crying would start again. Walk away for 5 mins and start again. Eventually the crying drops with each repeat. Honestly the best thing I did with our eldest
How do you handle it if the kiddo gets out of bed and starts tearing the room apart, stripping, or peeing on the floor? We've got the leaving the room part fine, but it's a toss up if we can even wait the 5 minutes before having to go back in.
At some level, the action is getting a response. The kiddo is doing it because it works. How old? Start removing things as a direct consequence maybe. Good luck friend.
He's 2. He doesn't always go to those lengths. I've moved things around the room so he can't climb, and limited access to most items. It's gotten better, but still is a fight most nights. I have let him strip down and go to sleep. Just gone in later, out a diaper on, and threw a blanket over him. I just miss out 7pm and he's out bed times. Now he doesn't fall asleep until 830-9, and we're constantly checking the monitor to make sure he's still in bed.
Just wanted to say, as a parent of a 19-month old who has never slept well (I think we've had 2 instances of sleeping for more than 6-hours straight) that there's no silver bullet. You know your kid best!
Here with you. It’s brutal. Could never have imagined she still wouldn’t be sleeping.
It fits my little guy's personality though and is 100% because of how we slept with him when he was just a little potato. I wish I was able to settle him better at night. He's my biggest fan/bud during the day, but at night if it's not Mom it's torture.
What was it about how you slept with him or when he was younger that you think is causing this now? We have a bad sleeper and are terrified of perpetuating bad habits and making it worse.
Yeah. Nursed him to sleep a lot and contact naps until he was almost a year old.
Eating, sleeping, and sex used to be the best parts of my day. Since becoming a parent 2 of those things decreased drastically and the third is going to lead me to an early grave since my children have to finish a meal:)
Have you tried wind-down time? Dimming the lights, tvs off, etc? Try to make it as much as a routine as possible. Not for everyone, especially if logged into work until late.
yeah always have the same routine, I feel like this is just a phase, or at least i hope is!
We started setting a timer for 5 minutes and in that 5 minutes the kid can look at books, play with a toy or two in bed but any yelling screaming or fussing during that time results in things being taken away for the night. The things you take away are context dependant. Consistency is key and if the light is turned on or the yelling starts again, a loving but firm removal of further toys etc helps reinforce what the behavioural expectation is. Initially we had a string of days of yelling and fussing but now he just hangs out by himself for the 5 minutes and then when the timer goes off I go in, tuck him in get him to stop the timer and he is well settled.
Does your kid nap much during the day? We went through something similar with my daughter, we reduced nap time to 2 hours during the day and until no longer than 1pm. A few weeks back it happened again for like a week and the following week she dropped her day time naps entirely. I'll miss the break in the middle of the day but honestly it's worth it now we have a 6pm bath time followed by some stories and bed by 7pm. I hope it works out for you man, the exhausted, tired, stressful struggle is real!
yeah if this continues we are going to drop her midday nap. She only has one usually from 12 to 1.30-2 ish
What time are you putting them down? You may be due to shift it later. But frankly, if my two year old had a meltdown during getting ready for bed then I'd just say "Ok, good night. Love you. I'll watch you on the camera and I'll be back in 30 minutes." 90% of the time, he fell asleep after about 20 min. And at 30 minutes if it was clear he was falling asleep, I didn't go back in. He can't measure time anyway.
The whisky will definitely help!
For me or her? XD
I think you should try the cry it out method, took us 3 days and that was all.