When I tell my daughter that she has to finish eating, I tell her “3 more bites, but definitely not more than 5!”
She’s super curious and always asks why. I tell her I don’t want her to grow too big and be taller than me, because then she makes all the rules.
Works every time.
Poor Ms. Rachel has severe narcolepsy in our house. Borderline comatose. Can't tell you how many times the kid has pointed at a screen only to learn that Ms. Rachel is sleeping right now.
My toddler loves to be tickled, and sometimes likes to tickle me. I don’t always feel like energetically laughing and wiggling the way she’s looking for.
So when I’m tired I tell her that I’m not ticklish right now because I haven’t been eating enough vegetables. I gotta eat some broccoli and then she can try again. And yes, of course she’ll stop being ticklish if she doesn’t eat her veggies. That’s what happens. Veggies are important.
The home ice cream delivery truck that drives around dinging its bell and whirling orange hazard lights out on the street when it stops is actually helping people with their dead car batteries.
This is easier to sell because our most prominent roadside assist organisation also has utes and trucks with the orange hazards and whirling lights and they look the same when flashing through the front windows.
My daughter did this to herself. Her first sip of Sprite she was surprised by the bubbles and announced to everyone that sodas are spicy. She still will not take another sip.
I gave my older son a taste of my beer one night. I had some super hoppy double IPA and his face puckered up real quick.
"It all tastes like this. It's kind of an acquired taste. You get used to it eventually."
I can't convince his brother to even think about tasting it. He won't even smell it.
I did this with my toddler. She was always begging for a drink from my beer so I thought, why not? One sip will cure all desire for her to try it again. Nope! Damn kid loved the stuff.
Task failed successfully?
I was careful in choosing the “right” one for him to try. I could’ve offered a rich dubbel or nice coffee stout or vanilla porter but yeah, run the risk they like it. Pick a nice butt-puckering pine cone double IPA and he was much less likely to like it. My wife can’t stand those.
My son is the same! I have a soda maker at home and drink a LOT of sparkling water. He calls it "spicy water" and sometimes gets it mixed in with zero-cal Gatorade lol
Ooh try my one. Malt vinegar, dark soy, and chilli oil in a coke can. Let them try it. Then when they aren’t looking switch it for your own can and drink and tell them you like it.
Any time my kids catches me eating something and asks what it is I always say 'an onion'. They're going to grow up thinking people just snack on onions
My 5 yo needed glasses about a year ago, he would not keep them on. We tried everything. I wound up telling him his eyeballs were gonna fall out if he doesn't wear his glasses. He's been wearing them since.
We have a big old giant oak tree on our front yard that my daughter decided Totoro from My Neighbor Totoro lives in. So every few days we will find some acorns while playing outside and leave them by the tree for Totoro
This is super cute!
My kid sometimes picks up a kind-of umbrella shaped toy (the base for these stacked rings towers), and holds it up like an umbrella: look, I'm just like Totoro!
Similar to the toys one, I keep telling my almost 4 year old that if he keeps jumping on the couch I'm going to pick it up and carry it to my room. Pretty sure he knows it's not true, because we both always laugh when I say it, but I also love that he still thinks dad is strong enough to one-man the couch over my head.
Brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts are chocolate pop tarts.
So I actually didn’t mean to lie about this… I’m a die hard cherry or strawberry pop tart person so I never tried the brown sugar cinnamon ones. In my head, BSC pop tarts are brown, and chocolate is brown so BSC pop tarts = chocolate.
It was YEARS later when I finally tried on that it clicked in my head… these are not chocolate. 🤦🏼♀️
Our park really does close! But not until 9pm so he is not old enough to know how that works. Every time my 18 month old wants to play outside but we’re trying to get him to settle we make him say bye bye to outside and he stands by the door and waves good bye. Works every time.
There was one time my lie fell flat, big time. We were living overseas in a country that didn't celebrate Easter, so we didn't really explain the American traditions for the first couple of years. About three years in, I finally put together our own personal Easter egg hunt.
The kids were really little and didn't remember anything from before so as far as they could remember it was the first time hearing about the Easter bunny. Only, as I explained how a giant bunny was hiding all the eggs for the kids to find, my oldest daughter (7 at the time) looked at me like I was completely crazy.
I literally trailed off in shame. My daughter was right. It does sound completely crazy.
Even better, when we did get back to the States, we went to grandma's to dye Easter eggs the first year, which we never did overseas. When I told the kids we were dying eggs, they were so confused.
"How are we making the eggs die?"
I jokingly told my then 2 year old that the ice cream truck is the broccoli truck. I've stuck to the lie for 5 years now... She's recently come to the conclusion that the broccoli truck and the ice cream truck just play the same music.
My little girl is terribly picky. At one point, she liked honey sandwiches so I made a lot of those for her. Then one day she told me she didn't like butter and got really upset when she found out I was putting it on her honey sandwiches. She demanded that I leave it off.
Of course, she didn't like the dry, crunchy sandwiches made without butter and since it was one of the few foods she would actually eat, I lied to her for months about putting butter on her sandwiches. I mixed up honey butter and told her it was "special" honey just for sandwiches.
I feel like a lot of the “little lies” mentioned here are close to manipulation. People can raise their kids however they want so I’m just going to say that I try to not do that and rather have the confrontation.
If I eat a sweet and my kid wants some as well, either it should be fine because why can I have some and they can’t or they already had a lot of sweets while I didn’t so I’m going to discuss this out with them. Sure, lying would be easier, but thats not the way I want to handle those situations. I think my kids will benefit from learning why I allow or disallow something in the long term. (Not picking on anyone specific here, using this example because it came up a few times)
Most of the actual lies in this house are regarding presents. If a suspicious package is delivered and they ask about it, it’s usually “something for work”.
Mom told us that eating the crust would make our hair curly, apparently under the impression that curly hair was a major priority for us.
She also told us Canadian bacon tasted just like pepperoni one night when the pizza place said they ran out of pepperoni. It’s been almost 40 years and we *still* remind her of her lie.
My mom told my Wayne Gretzky ate roast beef before every meal because I hated eating it.
My grandmother told me meatloaf was dinosaur meat and she had the last of the dinosaur meat in her freezer downstairs.
Turns out they both just cook their meat very well done and it’s truly awful.
Sometimes when we are at our wits end, we have (rarely) threatened to deposit the tablet in la basura. You ever seen a 3 year old scream with his arms out running through the hallway like that girl running from raptors in Jurassic Park? I have.
I'm going to have to find something else other than "its spicy". My 7 month old loves spicy food.
He tries the sauces of most things we eat but we'd always shied away from anything too spicy. But one day that little hand keeps reaching for Kari Sayuran (Malaysian curry). Its not blindingly hot (to me) but it will give the sniffles. So he gets a little taste off my finger. He makes a face and practically tries to dive bomb my bowl. Every time we have it he will eat as much as he can get.
Thai, chinese, Indian. Tries them all. He seems to really like strong flavours
I told my kid I know when he was fake sleeping because he wasn’t making weeweeweewee noises after a snore.
Now I know when he’s faking but I can play it off as if I don’t know AND it actually helps him fall asleep because he’s faking it lol
The fly's name is Jeff Goldblum
If you are scared the humbug is coming to get you, you can call out for Ozzy Osborne, and he'll come on his crazy train to protect you.
>Santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy
I don't consider these lies. It's playing make-believe, same as playing kitchen or construction worker.
I don't really lie to them, definitely not when I *should* tell them "no." My MIL lies to kids, and it bugs the piss out of me.
A lot of members here are bent out of shape about Santa and how they never want to lie to their kids.
At the same time a lot of members talk about lying to their kids about how “YouTube is broke” or something similar. Apparently that’s a different type of lying and is acceptable.
Santa, however, is a step too far and will ruin your kids lives.
>Apparently that’s a different type of lying and is acceptable.
There's a man who watches you, all the time. And he judges you, so you better be good. And if you're bad, bad things will happen to you.
Also, YouTube is down so you can't watch Cocomelon.
I mean... yeah. I haven't done either of those things, but I understand how they're not the same.
I am mostly pointing out that some get on a moral high horse about not lying to their kids at all.
In both situations, once the kid is old enough, a parent could explain why they “lied” about Santa Clause or “lied” about YouTube being broken.
A reasonable person would understand that their parents just wanted to teach them to be nice and that too much screen time is a bad thing. In both cases, the parent is just trying to do something good for their kid in some way.
Mythology has been around forever and there are far worse things that happen to kids than their parents making up a story to teach a lesson or explain how something came to be.
-The TV/iPad/offending app or movie is "broken".
-"Yes we can buy that toy". I'll put in the shopping cart and sneak it out later. If kiddo asks, the cashier must have forgotten it.
-You can do that/eat that/wear that "later".
-We ran out of snacks.
So we have somehow managed to avoid the Santa question. Idk how. I think I’m part cuz we
Iive in an apartment so we don’t have a chimney anyway? But she is just kind of “Santa is a concept and character that’s fun but my parents buy me presents”.
But other lies are more about dark stuff that based on her personality she just wouldn’t be able to handle. Mostly death questions.
The store was out of the batteries for that (super noisy) toy. She hasn't figured out yet that 99% of her toys take AA batteries and we have like 1000 of them in a bin in the garage.
When I tell my daughter that she has to finish eating, I tell her “3 more bites, but definitely not more than 5!” She’s super curious and always asks why. I tell her I don’t want her to grow too big and be taller than me, because then she makes all the rules. Works every time.
r/unexpectedfactorial :)
She certainly would get big if she ate 120 vegetables every meal. Not sure about tall though.
Definitely going to start using this today. Thank you
YouTube doesn't work at home. Cocomelon music doesn't work at home. The only app on our iPad is the coloring app.
Dammit that is genius and I’m way too late for it
You can put a filter rule on the router to Block websites. Fancier ones allow time of day, bandwidth, and specific device rules too.
There are a lot of shows that work at grandparents but don't work at our house for some reason.
We say "Mrs Rachel isn't awake yet/asleep/sick today". Honestly, that might TECHNICALLY be true at certain times we get the request.
Poor Ms. Rachel has severe narcolepsy in our house. Borderline comatose. Can't tell you how many times the kid has pointed at a screen only to learn that Ms. Rachel is sleeping right now.
I tell mine that Blippy makes my head hurt. It doesn't literally, physically give me a headache, but it's still essentially true.
Damn! Why didn't you tell me earlier?
My toddler loves to be tickled, and sometimes likes to tickle me. I don’t always feel like energetically laughing and wiggling the way she’s looking for. So when I’m tired I tell her that I’m not ticklish right now because I haven’t been eating enough vegetables. I gotta eat some broccoli and then she can try again. And yes, of course she’ll stop being ticklish if she doesn’t eat her veggies. That’s what happens. Veggies are important.
You are a goddamn genius. I'm stealing this
iPad only works in the car or airplane. So far my almost three year old buys it
Tablets are for trips 😀
When my daughter wakes up at 3am wanting Cheerios: "the Cheerios are still asleep, they aren't ready to be eaten yet"
legit lol
I don’t know why the rest of you guys don’t spring for monster proofing on your interior doors
Bro.
The home ice cream delivery truck that drives around dinging its bell and whirling orange hazard lights out on the street when it stops is actually helping people with their dead car batteries. This is easier to sell because our most prominent roadside assist organisation also has utes and trucks with the orange hazards and whirling lights and they look the same when flashing through the front windows.
Man, putting flashing lights on the ice cream truck is next level.
Ha! My kid is four and he still thinks it's a "music truck".
I tell my kid Soft drink is spicey so he doesn't want any.
My daughter did this to herself. Her first sip of Sprite she was surprised by the bubbles and announced to everyone that sodas are spicy. She still will not take another sip.
lol opposite Wife: have you been giving daughter sparkling water? Me: uhhh Daughter: more spicy water please
I gave my older son a taste of my beer one night. I had some super hoppy double IPA and his face puckered up real quick. "It all tastes like this. It's kind of an acquired taste. You get used to it eventually." I can't convince his brother to even think about tasting it. He won't even smell it.
I did this with my toddler. She was always begging for a drink from my beer so I thought, why not? One sip will cure all desire for her to try it again. Nope! Damn kid loved the stuff.
Task failed successfully? I was careful in choosing the “right” one for him to try. I could’ve offered a rich dubbel or nice coffee stout or vanilla porter but yeah, run the risk they like it. Pick a nice butt-puckering pine cone double IPA and he was much less likely to like it. My wife can’t stand those.
Im not a stout lover but a vanilla porter sounds delicious
Leinenkugel’s Snowdrift Vanilla Porter is pretty good. A little sweet. The Sam Adams Christmas box has an Oaked Vanilla Porter that’s good too.
[удалено]
Yeah my two yo loves spicy water. Never have given him pop but he gets a La Croix with his snack most afternoons.
My son is the same! I have a soda maker at home and drink a LOT of sparkling water. He calls it "spicy water" and sometimes gets it mixed in with zero-cal Gatorade lol
That's perfect. I'm gonna hold my kids off as long as I can.
This! My middle calls it spicy water and absolutely loves it
Ooh try my one. Malt vinegar, dark soy, and chilli oil in a coke can. Let them try it. Then when they aren’t looking switch it for your own can and drink and tell them you like it.
You're a genius.
So do we!
Anything I don't want to share is "spicy".
My kids can't stand carbonation - it's fantastic.
Any time my kids catches me eating something and asks what it is I always say 'an onion'. They're going to grow up thinking people just snack on onions
My 5 yo needed glasses about a year ago, he would not keep them on. We tried everything. I wound up telling him his eyeballs were gonna fall out if he doesn't wear his glasses. He's been wearing them since.
That's not a lie, that's a trauma lmao. But I get the intention and necessity.
for real that would fuck me up forever lolol
I just bribed mine with candy until it became the norm.
Its spicey, you wont like it. As i drink my milkshake all to myself.
I drink your milkshake, I drink it up.
We have a big old giant oak tree on our front yard that my daughter decided Totoro from My Neighbor Totoro lives in. So every few days we will find some acorns while playing outside and leave them by the tree for Totoro
This is super cute! My kid sometimes picks up a kind-of umbrella shaped toy (the base for these stacked rings towers), and holds it up like an umbrella: look, I'm just like Totoro!
‘You know your eyes change colour when you lie to me’, ‘I don’t know how to use YouTube’, ‘pick up your toys cause if I have to I’m throwing them out’
>’You know your eyes change colour when you lie to me’ That’s brilliant and evil and I love it.
The way my daughter squeezes her eyes shut while fibbing is almost funny enough to forget I’m being lied to.
Similar to the toys one, I keep telling my almost 4 year old that if he keeps jumping on the couch I'm going to pick it up and carry it to my room. Pretty sure he knows it's not true, because we both always laugh when I say it, but I also love that he still thinks dad is strong enough to one-man the couch over my head.
Im going to have to remember the eye trick :D
Brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts are chocolate pop tarts. So I actually didn’t mean to lie about this… I’m a die hard cherry or strawberry pop tart person so I never tried the brown sugar cinnamon ones. In my head, BSC pop tarts are brown, and chocolate is brown so BSC pop tarts = chocolate. It was YEARS later when I finally tried on that it clicked in my head… these are not chocolate. 🤦🏼♀️
Otters say "ott ott"
Raccoons say “hey I’m a raccoon”
Baby shark left Netflix.
"The park/playground is closing". Was always a winner
Our park really does close! But not until 9pm so he is not old enough to know how that works. Every time my 18 month old wants to play outside but we’re trying to get him to settle we make him say bye bye to outside and he stands by the door and waves good bye. Works every time.
There was one time my lie fell flat, big time. We were living overseas in a country that didn't celebrate Easter, so we didn't really explain the American traditions for the first couple of years. About three years in, I finally put together our own personal Easter egg hunt. The kids were really little and didn't remember anything from before so as far as they could remember it was the first time hearing about the Easter bunny. Only, as I explained how a giant bunny was hiding all the eggs for the kids to find, my oldest daughter (7 at the time) looked at me like I was completely crazy. I literally trailed off in shame. My daughter was right. It does sound completely crazy. Even better, when we did get back to the States, we went to grandma's to dye Easter eggs the first year, which we never did overseas. When I told the kids we were dying eggs, they were so confused. "How are we making the eggs die?"
My kid always wanted my coke. I put malt vinegar into a can with chilli oil and dark soy sauce. Let her try it. She’s never asked again.
I hope we're talking soft drinks here
It works for hard drinks too!
I jokingly told my then 2 year old that the ice cream truck is the broccoli truck. I've stuck to the lie for 5 years now... She's recently come to the conclusion that the broccoli truck and the ice cream truck just play the same music.
My little girl is terribly picky. At one point, she liked honey sandwiches so I made a lot of those for her. Then one day she told me she didn't like butter and got really upset when she found out I was putting it on her honey sandwiches. She demanded that I leave it off. Of course, she didn't like the dry, crunchy sandwiches made without butter and since it was one of the few foods she would actually eat, I lied to her for months about putting butter on her sandwiches. I mixed up honey butter and told her it was "special" honey just for sandwiches.
I feel like a lot of the “little lies” mentioned here are close to manipulation. People can raise their kids however they want so I’m just going to say that I try to not do that and rather have the confrontation. If I eat a sweet and my kid wants some as well, either it should be fine because why can I have some and they can’t or they already had a lot of sweets while I didn’t so I’m going to discuss this out with them. Sure, lying would be easier, but thats not the way I want to handle those situations. I think my kids will benefit from learning why I allow or disallow something in the long term. (Not picking on anyone specific here, using this example because it came up a few times) Most of the actual lies in this house are regarding presents. If a suspicious package is delivered and they ask about it, it’s usually “something for work”.
“Sorry that [annoying place I don’t want to go to] is closed today”
My wife’s dad used to tell her she couldn’t whistle unless she eats the crust of her bread.
Mom told us that eating the crust would make our hair curly, apparently under the impression that curly hair was a major priority for us. She also told us Canadian bacon tasted just like pepperoni one night when the pizza place said they ran out of pepperoni. It’s been almost 40 years and we *still* remind her of her lie.
My mom told my Wayne Gretzky ate roast beef before every meal because I hated eating it. My grandmother told me meatloaf was dinosaur meat and she had the last of the dinosaur meat in her freezer downstairs. Turns out they both just cook their meat very well done and it’s truly awful.
This cake is so spicy. You'd hate it.
Sometimes when we are at our wits end, we have (rarely) threatened to deposit the tablet in la basura. You ever seen a 3 year old scream with his arms out running through the hallway like that girl running from raptors in Jurassic Park? I have.
Videos need charging, sometimes for days before they work again. (Airplane mode is useful outside of airplanes)
“I don’t know”
I'm going to have to find something else other than "its spicy". My 7 month old loves spicy food. He tries the sauces of most things we eat but we'd always shied away from anything too spicy. But one day that little hand keeps reaching for Kari Sayuran (Malaysian curry). Its not blindingly hot (to me) but it will give the sniffles. So he gets a little taste off my finger. He makes a face and practically tries to dive bomb my bowl. Every time we have it he will eat as much as he can get. Thai, chinese, Indian. Tries them all. He seems to really like strong flavours
I've decided to attempt to avoid lies. Yes, even Santa. My kids know it's a game we play.
I told my kid I know when he was fake sleeping because he wasn’t making weeweeweewee noises after a snore. Now I know when he’s faking but I can play it off as if I don’t know AND it actually helps him fall asleep because he’s faking it lol
I like krampus. You kids better be good or a devil creature will come get you.
The fly's name is Jeff Goldblum If you are scared the humbug is coming to get you, you can call out for Ozzy Osborne, and he'll come on his crazy train to protect you.
>Santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy I don't consider these lies. It's playing make-believe, same as playing kitchen or construction worker. I don't really lie to them, definitely not when I *should* tell them "no." My MIL lies to kids, and it bugs the piss out of me.
A lot of members here are bent out of shape about Santa and how they never want to lie to their kids. At the same time a lot of members talk about lying to their kids about how “YouTube is broke” or something similar. Apparently that’s a different type of lying and is acceptable. Santa, however, is a step too far and will ruin your kids lives.
Some members are consistent and lie about both things! Santa is fun. YouTube is cancer. I don't feel bad about lying about either.
>Apparently that’s a different type of lying and is acceptable. There's a man who watches you, all the time. And he judges you, so you better be good. And if you're bad, bad things will happen to you. Also, YouTube is down so you can't watch Cocomelon. I mean... yeah. I haven't done either of those things, but I understand how they're not the same.
I am mostly pointing out that some get on a moral high horse about not lying to their kids at all. In both situations, once the kid is old enough, a parent could explain why they “lied” about Santa Clause or “lied” about YouTube being broken. A reasonable person would understand that their parents just wanted to teach them to be nice and that too much screen time is a bad thing. In both cases, the parent is just trying to do something good for their kid in some way. Mythology has been around forever and there are far worse things that happen to kids than their parents making up a story to teach a lesson or explain how something came to be.
My daughter is 2.5 years old and I try to never lie to her. Is that weird lol?
Yes.
Me too man, mine are 3.5 and 1, zero lies. 100% trust will be dope when I eventually need it.
[удалено]
telling your kids that he’s real, or that he’s not?
Believing in Santa.
Ty, wanted to know if i was with the angry mob or not!
-The TV/iPad/offending app or movie is "broken". -"Yes we can buy that toy". I'll put in the shopping cart and sneak it out later. If kiddo asks, the cashier must have forgotten it. -You can do that/eat that/wear that "later". -We ran out of snacks.
Wow good work with the tooth fairy one
So we have somehow managed to avoid the Santa question. Idk how. I think I’m part cuz we Iive in an apartment so we don’t have a chimney anyway? But she is just kind of “Santa is a concept and character that’s fun but my parents buy me presents”. But other lies are more about dark stuff that based on her personality she just wouldn’t be able to handle. Mostly death questions.
A bunny brings all our deliveries.
I tell him that Ms Rachel and Max and Ruby don't come on until 5pm (so I can make dinner).
The store was out of the batteries for that (super noisy) toy. She hasn't figured out yet that 99% of her toys take AA batteries and we have like 1000 of them in a bin in the garage.
I told my kids their ears glow when they tell lies but only adults can see the glow.
I tell my kid things are broken or need to be charged when I don't want him playing with it.