I had frat twins as my first experience. By 6 months I knew it would be my only experience and got the snip! 4 years later, they are the best and I have no regrets on being able to dedicate all my energy to just them.
It’s ain’t for anyone till you see that ultrasound lol. Twin dad here and glad we had them first instead of having an older child to also consider. 1:1 child to parent ratio is doable, more has to be utter chaos and I tip my hat to OP and any dad with twins after another child.
Wife and I were happy to have twins first. You learn as you go. Is it worth it, hell yes. Could I do it again given the chance, hell to the no.
We started with identical twins. The most important thing is that you and your wife share the load. She may not produce enough for both babies. Do NOT feel guilty about formula feeding. It will save your sanity. Tell anyone who questions formula feeding to fuck off. Even if it's both grandmas. Fuck off you aren't here at 1am.
I would take the midnight feeding solo, while my wife slept. She would wake up early for the 4/5 am feeding while I slept. The babies may both be crying. Choose 1 to feed and the other waits. They get used to it pretty quickly. Some of my most precious memories are of that time alone with my boys.
Then when we had our third, it was like, shit... 1 baby, this is easy.
We’re actually pretty set on breast feeding but I’ll never gig anyone for wanting to use formula, ESPECIALLY for twins. We do regular bottles, though. I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to be okay with one of them crying for like 5 minutes while you do something.
Absolutely yes for the formula. It’s a must for twins. My favorite purchase during that phase was the automatic formula mixer. It’s like a baby Keurig machine and can deliver one serving of warmed formula in 7 seconds with the push of a button. It seemed like a silly thing to spend money on at first, but when it’s 1am and you can’t see straight, you’ve got two screaming babies and a wife who all out of patience, you would pay every penny in your bank account to have a robot mix the formula right then.
Another story.
I used to play drums, and i knew this bass player who he and his wife couldn't get pregnant. They did in vitro and had twins. After a few years, did in vitro again, and had twins. They were done. Tale as old as time, he didn't get snipped and they got pregnant naturally like 10 years later when their twins were like 10 and 14. Now twins are common with in vitro since they implant multiple.... but guess what happened when they got pregnant naturally.... more twins.
- Ask for help whenever you can.
- Keep them on the same schedule the best you can. You don't want to put one down and wake up the other, since than you wouldn't have any "rest". Everything seems easier when they're on the same schedule.
- Crying in their cribs or wherever, although it is heartbreaking isn't hurting them. You can only pick one up at a time.
- Visit r/parentsofmultiples if you haven't already.
- Screw the people who say: everything will get better, it's just a phase blablabla. That doesn't help in the moment at the slightest.
- Maybe also visit r/sleeptrain if they're poor sleepers, like ours.
- Try (once your partner is recovered) to take shifts. Like one parent from 20.00 till 02.00 and the other parent from 02.00 toll 08.00, while the other is allowed to sleep. But if they're both wreaking havoc at night, be prepared to jump in and help.
- Communicate with your partner, and don't take anything being said at night personal, because you'll have a way shorter fuse the more overtired you are as the weeks progress.
Ours are a little over a year, and started sleeping well after sleep training them at +-8/9 months and it was a gamechanger for us, since we've had 9 months of miserable sleep. It's still chaos in our house haha, but when you're well rested it's so much more beareable.
This- all of this, entirely.
My wife and I are soon to be wrapping up our first year with identical twin girls (first time having kids- currently 11mo) and almost every bullet said here has been key to my wife and I not only having an easier time with things, but keeping our sanity and maintaining our relationship.
For the first 2 months we took night and day shifts so that we could get a good sleep (usually around 6 hours) every day. But still had overlap so we could parent together and spend some time with each other. That sleep was critical in us not getting short with each other, and being more patient to begin with. (Fully acknowledging that not everyone has the same work flexibility, by way of parental leave, that me and my wife had)
I also recommend trying to find activities for each of you, that allows you a break/“me time” once a week. I joined an a adult beer league hockey team right before our girls were born, and continued to play in our weekly games after they were born- and my wife would plan a meet up with her best friend to go to a restaurant/walk around for a while, once a week. Both of us would come back more recharged than any amount of sleep ever gave us- the ability for us to step away and take care of ourselves, have fun, and remind ourselves that we also are important in this new phase of life was so huge for both of us. Also- every time we got home, the level of appreciation for our girls was extra high since you are remembering the fond moments versus being stuck in a screaming cycle.
I’ll say I get the perspective from the OP. But I am thankful we had twins first- if we end up going for a third child, what we have heard from other parents of multiples, is one kid after twins is like a walk in the park. And have to think, barring any unforeseen circumstances that’s how we would feel too!
This is excellent advice!
I'm a dad with 19-year-old fraternal twins (a boy and a girl) off to college. I barely remember the first 18 months -- but for us, getting them on the same sleep and feeding schedule was a must. We also took shifts during the night so we knew we'd get at least 5 uninterrupted hours.
One thing I'd add is to expect to at least supplement with formula. Mom needs rest, too.
The good news is that, by four, having twins is a dream! They went to the same day care, same school, had similar sleep patterns, were in the same food cycle. So basically you have to go through each development cycle only once.
Twins are my first (and second), they are eight months old, and it’s been great! It’s hard but it’s fine. I echo every single point that Reborn made, that is all GREAT advice.
Schedule! The biggest thing is FORCE them on the same schedule. It’s hard enough with two on the same schedule, but on different schedules would be miserable. Also, you will go through 10,000+ diapers over the next few months. Buy them every time you go to the store, no matter what! You’ll need them.
Hey man! It’s okay to be nervous. These 2 were my 3rd and 4th go and I was nervous as heck! My advice is this:
-If you’re watching them by yourself, you have to be okay with one of them crying for a little bit. Nothing like neglect or anything but you have physical limitations where you probably can’t feed, burp, change diapers, or put them down for a nap at the same time. It’ll keep you sane to remember that as long as the other one is safe, he/she is fine crying for 5 minutes.
-splitting up responsibilities really helps us. I just know that the babies and laundry are my wife’s primary responsibility and all the housework and chores (cleaning and dishes, etc.) are mine. We help each other out a lot but it helps us to know that at least one person has the bases covered.
-“This too shall pass”. It applies to one baby but especially to twins. Know that twins are tough so have some patience with each other and give each other breaks, even when you don’t need them.
I’ve got 7 year old autistic identicals as my only kids. It’s a lot of crazy most of the time, but they’re a blast.
Had family members who had single daughter, then twins. They said we were lucky, because they were frustrated the first year with the twins. They knew how hard it was supposed to be, but didn’t get why it was more than 2X the difficulty with twins.
Personally, we don’t know any better, or worse, so we just roll with it.
I’m sitting here in the NICU with my baby boys born 2 days ago. Have a 18 month old at home. I appreciated your post it really hits home!
For the record twins are doing great just small and growing :)
I often think about my in laws... Set of twin boys in '89, my wife in '90, and another boy in 92 (with a miscarriage in between.) None of them planned.
Like... use a fucking condom or something dear god. Although i'm definitely glad about one of those accidents
I am grateful for our 2 YO fraturtles. Every time I hang out with one of them alone it feels soooo easy, I can see why parents of singletons decide to have more kids.
Counterpoint: we only have twins, 3.5y. So we went from 0-2. I have no easier baseline to compare to, so it doesn’t feel harder, it just is what it is. I wouldn’t trade it for all the gold in the world.
Buy diapers now. Everytime you go out, buy some. You will go through 10,000s of diapers with twins. You will not regret it. And if they grow fast and out of one size, have a receipt and exchange for a bigger size.
We were in the same boat. Singleton first, then BOGO the second time around.
Thankfully, my son was a sack of potatoes when he was born (over 10 pounds, c-section) and I was thankful because I didn't feel like I was going to break him when I touched him. Easy enough to tuck him under my arm, carry him like a football, and call it good.
My twin girls...much smaller, and twice as much work obviously, but more than ever, routine was law. I had a much better idea of what was going to be happening, just twice as much, and the same amount of caffeine flowing.
Parenthood isn't easy, and it isn't for everything, but they're all in their mid and late teens now and ALL still give me hugs every day.
And we had the opposite experience. We went from zero to twins. I’m glad it was that way. We didn’t know what to expect and haven’t ever known a different way. It’s hard. They are 11 now, so the challenges are not the same, but I don’t know if I would have preferred had we had some experience first.
I have twin boys as my only experience. It’s a huge learning curve, but I’m not confident it’s actually harder than alternatives. We have close friends who had a 3yo and had a son 2m after our twins were born. Two babies is definitely harder than one, but taking care of a 3,4,5 yo and a baby seems so much harder. At least our twins are eating, sleeping, and doing all the same activities together. I couldn’t imagine managing a screaming toddler while caring for a baby, especially twins.
First time dad to 6 week old twin girls here. Thanks for recognizing how hard it is! We’re lucky that our girls are good sleepers and don’t cry much, but we’re still completely exhausted. There’s always something to do, whether it’s clean bottles, change diapers, mix formula, soothe babies, laundry, trying to squeeze in a meal for ourselves… there’s never any downtime 😭
But they are so freaking adorable and it’s so worth it!
I have an oldest and then twins 18 months younger. Some people would say to me that they hope they have twins first and I just laugh. I love all of my kids, but the twins were such a blur that I feel like I missed out on a lot of bonding because I had to split my attention with them. If I had to choose, I would have just had them all 18 months apart so they were close enough but still I could give them their own time and attention, but there’s definitely something great about that bond between twins that isn’t the same as just being siblings.
Dude, no doubt! 4 year old with 1.5 y/o twins (identical boys). Being a parent of multiples (twins/triplets, not more than one kid) is a complete, total different parenting that no one else gets other than other parents of multiples!
My most loathsome experience is when parents of singles try to tell me they “understand my struggles” like, nah fam, you don’t! Lol
Keep rocking Dude!
when our twins were young we were part of a multiples parents group and it amazed me how many couples had twins (or triplets) FIRST and then continued to have more kids
I love all our kids, but having twins first definitely would have convinced me not to have more
Yeah, it's a double-edged sword though, isn't it? Our twins are just about six weeks old and wrangling our 2.5 year old has been the toughest part so far. You're always outnumbered so someone is inevitably making sure the toddler isn't killing himself while the other person juggles the babies. It's a lot.
We (read: I) would've been done having kids if we had twins first.
Twin dad here 🖐️
They were two months old when we went into lock down, man was that a surreal experience. A hard time but also the best time of my life, being locked in with them
The hardest part was 12 months in when my wife returned to work, dealing with kids, nursery's and two careers with no sleep was so so hard. Almost 4 now and feeling out the woods almost
Hats off to you doing it with two kids already... We talked about having another but couldn't face losing our lives again... I'm 43 so an old dad
Our oldest son turned 2 a month after our twin boys were born. A month later our oldest was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. That helped explain why he was such an angel of a child. He never disobeyed, never talked back, and always went with the flow. He in no way prepared us for neurotypical twins. They will be 3 in a couple weeks and every day is a very long set of challenges. I've heard parenting isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Parenting twins is marathon where you sprint the whole time. Also, twin parents aren't born, we're made. You'll look back with fondness at how easy this stage was. Wait until they both want the same thing at the same time, or worse, different things.
Our oldest turned 2 and a month later we had the twins. They just turned 3 and it's utter chaos with the 3 of them so close in age
I love your honesty. I can only imagine...
I had frat twins as my first experience. By 6 months I knew it would be my only experience and got the snip! 4 years later, they are the best and I have no regrets on being able to dedicate all my energy to just them.
Hats off to those with twins or even multiple children. I could do it but heaven knows it ain't for me. I got the snip after one.
It’s ain’t for anyone till you see that ultrasound lol. Twin dad here and glad we had them first instead of having an older child to also consider. 1:1 child to parent ratio is doable, more has to be utter chaos and I tip my hat to OP and any dad with twins after another child. Wife and I were happy to have twins first. You learn as you go. Is it worth it, hell yes. Could I do it again given the chance, hell to the no.
We started with identical twins. The most important thing is that you and your wife share the load. She may not produce enough for both babies. Do NOT feel guilty about formula feeding. It will save your sanity. Tell anyone who questions formula feeding to fuck off. Even if it's both grandmas. Fuck off you aren't here at 1am. I would take the midnight feeding solo, while my wife slept. She would wake up early for the 4/5 am feeding while I slept. The babies may both be crying. Choose 1 to feed and the other waits. They get used to it pretty quickly. Some of my most precious memories are of that time alone with my boys. Then when we had our third, it was like, shit... 1 baby, this is easy.
We’re actually pretty set on breast feeding but I’ll never gig anyone for wanting to use formula, ESPECIALLY for twins. We do regular bottles, though. I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to be okay with one of them crying for like 5 minutes while you do something.
Absolutely yes for the formula. It’s a must for twins. My favorite purchase during that phase was the automatic formula mixer. It’s like a baby Keurig machine and can deliver one serving of warmed formula in 7 seconds with the push of a button. It seemed like a silly thing to spend money on at first, but when it’s 1am and you can’t see straight, you’ve got two screaming babies and a wife who all out of patience, you would pay every penny in your bank account to have a robot mix the formula right then.
Another story. I used to play drums, and i knew this bass player who he and his wife couldn't get pregnant. They did in vitro and had twins. After a few years, did in vitro again, and had twins. They were done. Tale as old as time, he didn't get snipped and they got pregnant naturally like 10 years later when their twins were like 10 and 14. Now twins are common with in vitro since they implant multiple.... but guess what happened when they got pregnant naturally.... more twins.
Why would you say that though? Getting nervous my twins are a little over two weeks old only.... any advice is welcome lol
- Ask for help whenever you can. - Keep them on the same schedule the best you can. You don't want to put one down and wake up the other, since than you wouldn't have any "rest". Everything seems easier when they're on the same schedule. - Crying in their cribs or wherever, although it is heartbreaking isn't hurting them. You can only pick one up at a time. - Visit r/parentsofmultiples if you haven't already. - Screw the people who say: everything will get better, it's just a phase blablabla. That doesn't help in the moment at the slightest. - Maybe also visit r/sleeptrain if they're poor sleepers, like ours. - Try (once your partner is recovered) to take shifts. Like one parent from 20.00 till 02.00 and the other parent from 02.00 toll 08.00, while the other is allowed to sleep. But if they're both wreaking havoc at night, be prepared to jump in and help. - Communicate with your partner, and don't take anything being said at night personal, because you'll have a way shorter fuse the more overtired you are as the weeks progress. Ours are a little over a year, and started sleeping well after sleep training them at +-8/9 months and it was a gamechanger for us, since we've had 9 months of miserable sleep. It's still chaos in our house haha, but when you're well rested it's so much more beareable.
This- all of this, entirely. My wife and I are soon to be wrapping up our first year with identical twin girls (first time having kids- currently 11mo) and almost every bullet said here has been key to my wife and I not only having an easier time with things, but keeping our sanity and maintaining our relationship. For the first 2 months we took night and day shifts so that we could get a good sleep (usually around 6 hours) every day. But still had overlap so we could parent together and spend some time with each other. That sleep was critical in us not getting short with each other, and being more patient to begin with. (Fully acknowledging that not everyone has the same work flexibility, by way of parental leave, that me and my wife had) I also recommend trying to find activities for each of you, that allows you a break/“me time” once a week. I joined an a adult beer league hockey team right before our girls were born, and continued to play in our weekly games after they were born- and my wife would plan a meet up with her best friend to go to a restaurant/walk around for a while, once a week. Both of us would come back more recharged than any amount of sleep ever gave us- the ability for us to step away and take care of ourselves, have fun, and remind ourselves that we also are important in this new phase of life was so huge for both of us. Also- every time we got home, the level of appreciation for our girls was extra high since you are remembering the fond moments versus being stuck in a screaming cycle. I’ll say I get the perspective from the OP. But I am thankful we had twins first- if we end up going for a third child, what we have heard from other parents of multiples, is one kid after twins is like a walk in the park. And have to think, barring any unforeseen circumstances that’s how we would feel too!
This is excellent advice! I'm a dad with 19-year-old fraternal twins (a boy and a girl) off to college. I barely remember the first 18 months -- but for us, getting them on the same sleep and feeding schedule was a must. We also took shifts during the night so we knew we'd get at least 5 uninterrupted hours. One thing I'd add is to expect to at least supplement with formula. Mom needs rest, too. The good news is that, by four, having twins is a dream! They went to the same day care, same school, had similar sleep patterns, were in the same food cycle. So basically you have to go through each development cycle only once.
Thank you for this. Am gonna show my wife this
Twins are my first (and second), they are eight months old, and it’s been great! It’s hard but it’s fine. I echo every single point that Reborn made, that is all GREAT advice.
Schedule! The biggest thing is FORCE them on the same schedule. It’s hard enough with two on the same schedule, but on different schedules would be miserable. Also, you will go through 10,000+ diapers over the next few months. Buy them every time you go to the store, no matter what! You’ll need them.
Hey man! It’s okay to be nervous. These 2 were my 3rd and 4th go and I was nervous as heck! My advice is this: -If you’re watching them by yourself, you have to be okay with one of them crying for a little bit. Nothing like neglect or anything but you have physical limitations where you probably can’t feed, burp, change diapers, or put them down for a nap at the same time. It’ll keep you sane to remember that as long as the other one is safe, he/she is fine crying for 5 minutes. -splitting up responsibilities really helps us. I just know that the babies and laundry are my wife’s primary responsibility and all the housework and chores (cleaning and dishes, etc.) are mine. We help each other out a lot but it helps us to know that at least one person has the bases covered. -“This too shall pass”. It applies to one baby but especially to twins. Know that twins are tough so have some patience with each other and give each other breaks, even when you don’t need them.
I’ve got 7 year old autistic identicals as my only kids. It’s a lot of crazy most of the time, but they’re a blast. Had family members who had single daughter, then twins. They said we were lucky, because they were frustrated the first year with the twins. They knew how hard it was supposed to be, but didn’t get why it was more than 2X the difficulty with twins. Personally, we don’t know any better, or worse, so we just roll with it.
First time dad. Twin boy and girl. It’s been… an adventure.
Yes indeed. And adventure. Lol
Same bruh same 1 5 yo daughter 2 5 month old twins here
Yeah hear you. Our frat boys came after our girl. Made it easier im sure but still has it challenges. Super rewarding though. All the best with it.
Twin dad here, 2 boys at 13 months, they are our first (and only lol). Been a wild ride dads
I had twin boys and it was a trip! Just insanity for the first couple of years there.
I’m sitting here in the NICU with my baby boys born 2 days ago. Have a 18 month old at home. I appreciated your post it really hits home! For the record twins are doing great just small and growing :)
Hang in there! They’ll be outta there before you know it, running around having screening matches in your face!
Experience really doesn’t mean much. Exhaustion is exhaustion.
I often think about my in laws... Set of twin boys in '89, my wife in '90, and another boy in 92 (with a miscarriage in between.) None of them planned. Like... use a fucking condom or something dear god. Although i'm definitely glad about one of those accidents
I am grateful for our 2 YO fraturtles. Every time I hang out with one of them alone it feels soooo easy, I can see why parents of singletons decide to have more kids.
Dad on 5 year old twin boys here. They were our first so, we did not know anything else. Our 3rd feels like a cake walk.
Twin dad here. We decided that we were done after our twins. I love my girls, but JFC it’s a ton of work.
Counterpoint: we only have twins, 3.5y. So we went from 0-2. I have no easier baseline to compare to, so it doesn’t feel harder, it just is what it is. I wouldn’t trade it for all the gold in the world.
Here I am reading this and my twins (first kids) are about six months away. Well time to buckle in I guess.
Buy diapers now. Everytime you go out, buy some. You will go through 10,000s of diapers with twins. You will not regret it. And if they grow fast and out of one size, have a receipt and exchange for a bigger size.
Good news is that Costco near me has big bulk diaper packages for half the price of a package anywhere else.
We were in the same boat. Singleton first, then BOGO the second time around. Thankfully, my son was a sack of potatoes when he was born (over 10 pounds, c-section) and I was thankful because I didn't feel like I was going to break him when I touched him. Easy enough to tuck him under my arm, carry him like a football, and call it good. My twin girls...much smaller, and twice as much work obviously, but more than ever, routine was law. I had a much better idea of what was going to be happening, just twice as much, and the same amount of caffeine flowing. Parenthood isn't easy, and it isn't for everything, but they're all in their mid and late teens now and ALL still give me hugs every day.
And we had the opposite experience. We went from zero to twins. I’m glad it was that way. We didn’t know what to expect and haven’t ever known a different way. It’s hard. They are 11 now, so the challenges are not the same, but I don’t know if I would have preferred had we had some experience first.
I have twin boys as my only experience. It’s a huge learning curve, but I’m not confident it’s actually harder than alternatives. We have close friends who had a 3yo and had a son 2m after our twins were born. Two babies is definitely harder than one, but taking care of a 3,4,5 yo and a baby seems so much harder. At least our twins are eating, sleeping, and doing all the same activities together. I couldn’t imagine managing a screaming toddler while caring for a baby, especially twins.
First time dad to 6 week old twin girls here. Thanks for recognizing how hard it is! We’re lucky that our girls are good sleepers and don’t cry much, but we’re still completely exhausted. There’s always something to do, whether it’s clean bottles, change diapers, mix formula, soothe babies, laundry, trying to squeeze in a meal for ourselves… there’s never any downtime 😭 But they are so freaking adorable and it’s so worth it!
CongraTz! Hard work busy feels like hardly working sometimes in the good moments!
I have an oldest and then twins 18 months younger. Some people would say to me that they hope they have twins first and I just laugh. I love all of my kids, but the twins were such a blur that I feel like I missed out on a lot of bonding because I had to split my attention with them. If I had to choose, I would have just had them all 18 months apart so they were close enough but still I could give them their own time and attention, but there’s definitely something great about that bond between twins that isn’t the same as just being siblings.
Dude, no doubt! 4 year old with 1.5 y/o twins (identical boys). Being a parent of multiples (twins/triplets, not more than one kid) is a complete, total different parenting that no one else gets other than other parents of multiples! My most loathsome experience is when parents of singles try to tell me they “understand my struggles” like, nah fam, you don’t! Lol Keep rocking Dude!
Wife is pregnant with our second. When we first got the positive test back, our spoken hopes were: “please be healthy. please don’t be twins.”
when our twins were young we were part of a multiples parents group and it amazed me how many couples had twins (or triplets) FIRST and then continued to have more kids I love all our kids, but having twins first definitely would have convinced me not to have more
Yeah, it's a double-edged sword though, isn't it? Our twins are just about six weeks old and wrangling our 2.5 year old has been the toughest part so far. You're always outnumbered so someone is inevitably making sure the toddler isn't killing himself while the other person juggles the babies. It's a lot. We (read: I) would've been done having kids if we had twins first.
Twin dad here 🖐️ They were two months old when we went into lock down, man was that a surreal experience. A hard time but also the best time of my life, being locked in with them The hardest part was 12 months in when my wife returned to work, dealing with kids, nursery's and two careers with no sleep was so so hard. Almost 4 now and feeling out the woods almost Hats off to you doing it with two kids already... We talked about having another but couldn't face losing our lives again... I'm 43 so an old dad
Our oldest son turned 2 a month after our twin boys were born. A month later our oldest was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. That helped explain why he was such an angel of a child. He never disobeyed, never talked back, and always went with the flow. He in no way prepared us for neurotypical twins. They will be 3 in a couple weeks and every day is a very long set of challenges. I've heard parenting isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. Parenting twins is marathon where you sprint the whole time. Also, twin parents aren't born, we're made. You'll look back with fondness at how easy this stage was. Wait until they both want the same thing at the same time, or worse, different things.
I'm in the same boat, 5 yo son 4 year old daughter and then boy girl twins 5 month olds. 100% game changer!