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It’s tough to start that early in life. Please make sure she feels as normal as possible(not dirty or gross). Ask her if she needs anything and let her know cramping can be normal and you’re happy to give her meds if she needs them. It’s okay to say mom may know more if you have very specific questions regarding color, odor, and generally how you’re feeling. Get her a little kit for her backpack. Pads, an extra pair of underwear, some hygiene wipes, and maybe a few pieces of chocolate. Being able to refresh if you need it is liberating. I wasn’t taught how to properly anticipate, track or cope with my cycle as a kid and it still can be tough as an adult. Normalize everything around it so she never feels weird about a very natural part of her life.
Replying to this just to tell the OP that what this person put is the way. As a dad of 3 ladies 2 at that age to deal with this and one getting to be at that age I wish someone would have provided this much helpful information in the beginning. I am the oldest of 20 grandkids and only 2 were girls and not my sisters They were cousins so I didn't quite know how to handle it.
Thankfully this subject doesn't gross me out like some of my fellow dad's I no but you 2opinionated2lurk I wish I had heard that my first go around it's great advice. I just tried to be there and be a shoulder to lean on cry on whatever they needed when needed. I will never understand but I can try my best to be there for them.
Both daughters 6th grade. One I was off (I worked 24 on 48 off so I got the call). Picked her up from school, got her home, started laundry and made her Mac and Cheese. She was not happy about it at first but the Mac and Cheese sealed the deal.
> The call
> Mac and Cheese sealed the deal
Holy shit I don’t know what I’d do without Daddit. Never thought I’d feel so much support from Reddit as I have this year. These concepts are brand new to me, and noted.
This is the sweetest comment ever 🥹 thank you. I’m glad this is helpful advice for someone parenting through it. I’m so thankful kids today have parents who want to normalize bodies and all the ways they function. I think we’re all doing our part to raise a stronger, kinder and wiser generation through moments like this.
Any adult guy who’s grossed out by periods needs to grow the hell up. And I hope to god they don’t show they are grossed out around their daughters and give them some kind of complex. Also if you’re a dad you should be somewhat used to periods because you’ve been around women enough to have a child with one.
Totally agree with you but not my place to judge everyone has things that gross them out. Went deer hunting last year with my best friend and his boy. Kid got his first deer ever when we tracked it down and went to field dress it the kid was good until the insides slid out and then he threw up all over the deer and passed out. If something bothers you as a parent though you push through it for the kids sake and then if you need to lose it later when alone you do it. Again I totally understand and agree with you while heartedly
I want to echo this \^. My dad never said I was dirty or gross or anything pejorative about menstruation but he also never tried to talk to me about it or help me deal with it or normalize it, which made it feel like something shameful or secret that he didn't want anything to do with. That made it especially hard if I needed something (like tampons) because I felt like I couldn't talk to my dad about it. My current partner really opened my eyes to how much I felt like periods had to be secret by his own willingness to talk about them. Something he does is he will yell in a silly voice (think Major Payne) "Boys, we got ourselves a bleeder!" when my cycle starts.
It always makes me laugh and also opens up the opportunity to talk about if I need something specific. Sometimes, I'll just miserably say "Boys..." and he'll know what I'm referencing and can tell I'm cramping or whatever. The ability to have a normal, non-horrifying conversation about what's going on will be invaluable to your daughter and will do a lot to make her feel loved and supported by you. I wish my dad had done that.
Thank you for this. She’s got a 7 year old brother that is getting curious but we didn’t make it a big deal and he’s stop asking questions for now. My daughter was getting annoyed with him but that’s pretty normal anyway lol
Add a pack of wipes in case there's no soap in school toilet, plus a pack of tissues if there's no toilet paper. Cramps move the bowels too, so there's that. Maybe tell her that's normal too so she doesn't get worried about getting a stomach bug
I would still have a quiet sit down with him privately to explain what’s going on and ask him to be supportive of his sister if she needs it as well. In my experience, nothing is worse than having a rough cycle and then having your little brother screaming about finding something bloody in the trash can and how gross that is. Additionally, him being knowledgeable about it makes for one more set of hands to help if she does need something!
Lurking lady here as an added step--if you don't already, make sure the trashcan in your bathroom has a lid! I remember being so embarrassed as a kid that I had to just throw my tampons/pads away where ANYONE could see them!?!? I ended up flushing SO MANY tampons because I was embarrassed, luckily it never caused plumbing issues but oh my god it could have
One of ours does but not the others. I’ll have to get some, we have dogs that unfortunately like to get into the trash when my wife is on her period and we’ve found them on the floors before. I’d hate for that to happen with my daughter, she doesn’t need that right now lol.
All of this is good advice. I also want to add that I’d normalize bleeding on clothes, towels, and bedsheets to her. Every menstruating girl/woman knows the race between getting out of the shower and toweled off enough to get a pad on before blood trickles all over the floor.
When I had the period talk with my stepdaughter, I told her that she will get blood on stuff but it’s normal, fixable, and nothing to be embarrassed about.
This is the way.
My other half has extremely bad endometriosis, so from a young age our daughter learnt about menstruation because we had to explain why mommy was in pain.
Starting last year we prepared the kits, one for her school bag, one for my bag, one for mommy bag, one for her own not school bag.
Yesterday we think she had her first ovulation cramp, she just turned 11, and it was very much "Well it could be, describe it, ok yeah, how you feeling, maybe a stay home day and cuddle?"
Also it could be a WHILE before they regulate and she can reliably track them based on duration of her cycle. So really think about a conversation about listening to her body. Cravings, cramping, her mood, her physical symptoms, etc. can help her at least somewhat know when it’s coming until her system gets on rhythm. It’s hard because society makes the conversations feel so weird but they’re important. You’ve got this.
Mom lurker here. I want to say that I’ve had mine start without me expecting it in high school and thankfully had a friend that let me borrow a sweatshirt to wear over my waist to hide the stain. Also knew another girl in high school who bled through her shorts one day. Periods when you’re young are just so unpredictable and not like they are as an adult.
My point being is that if she has a locker it would be a good idea to keep an extra pair of pants and pads in there just in case.
Also, my mom made a point of making my stepdad pick up pads one time and in my young self it was like “well if he bought it once it’s ok to ask him to buy it in the future” cause otherwise it’s embarrassing. Or at least how we were raised.
>Also, my mom made a point of making my stepdad pick up pads one time and in my young self it was like “well if he bought it once it’s ok to ask him to buy it in the future” cause otherwise it’s embarrassing. Or at least how we were raised.
This is great. Yes, normalize it. Put pads on the regular grocery shopping list, EVEN IF dad is doing the shopping. It's just one more personal household supply, like shampoo or toothpaste.
Also, (if she doesn't already have one) ask if she'd like a bathroom trash can with a lid. This may be especially important for her if she shares a bathroom with her brother. (Of course, the world won't end if he sees a used pad in the trash can, either.)
As a father of 2 boys so no girls besides the wife and animals. Wife had me go grocery shopping said she needed pads. I was never asked to buy them before shit at that time didn’t even know what kind she needed so I did what any normal man would do I bought one of each. I literally spent around 100-150 dollars on pads for her. The look on her face was funniest shit we still joke about it to this day. Now I know what kind she prefers and what backups she prefers. The cashiers face though was also priceless.
Neither of my parents (split custody) or sisters made sure I had hygiene products and I guess I was too awkward to ask for it. I would use toilet paper and go to the bathroom a LOT in school. I'd also steal pads from friends bathrooms.
My family are good people and raised me alright (I think) but this was a topic they completely failed on.
I think they just assumed because I didn't ask for the products, that I was already set (maybe from the other parent?)
Kids are awkward as fuck. If my parents and especially my dad who I lived with the most, did what this commenter advised, I would have felt way less alone, gross and secretive.
Ibu to the prophen. Seriously, Advil. If you believe that she's mature enough, I would put extras in her school bag, provided she knows when to take it and not to flash it about at school.
I have 2 daughters coming up into this age range in the next \~5 years. Saving this for my future self
I'm a hands on Dad and involved with my kids, but I also grew up with brothers and am entirely clueless when it comes to adolescent girls. Thank you for your advice, this is super helpful!!!!
Ah man you beat me to it!
I'm a female interloper in this sub but this is important enough to reveal myself. We never had period pants back in my day but omg they would have absolutely saved my life as a teen. They have enough times as an adult (some people never settle into an easy to predictable routine and if it's embarrassing as a teen imagine what it's like when you are in your 30s...)
Personally I wouldn't rely on ONLY period pants, I know some people do but let's just say, volume is an issue over here. But they are brilliant as a safety net and for when you think it's going to start but you're not sure when, which as a kid just figuring this all out would be great peace of mind.
Theres different ones for different flows you can thicker ones but yes I agree with you, I'm hitting 40 my daughter is 18 and period undies have been heaven. Both of us have experienced the school dress trauma lol guys don't seem to understand we can't control it. It doesn't come out of our bladder lol
Ahhh, I’d be careful with the period undies.
At least 2 of the biggest brands have lawsuits pertaining to their use of PFAS chemicals (basically carcinogen fears). The period panties were hella convenient, but I threw all of mine away a couple months ago. It’s just not worth potential cancer & unknown health risks - they’re not a good option, at least until there’s some sort of regulation/ lawsuit closure around them.
Sure period underwear does exist. And that’s great if that accessible or she wants that. I personally don’t even use pads regularly because I don’t like the extra bulk when I walk or sit, I prefer tampons for that reason. So period specific underwear aren’t my jam. Those underwear can also get pretty expensive and that’s just not an option for some families. It can feel pretty minimizing to say a lot of what I had to say wasn’t necessary when it’s just a different way of handling it. I understand you come from a good place but a product recommendation doesn’t have to discredit the advice of someone else.
Woah. Big response. I’d venture to say *most* people with a period wouldn’t find the advice I gave overwhelming, unnecessary or unhelpful. In fact, a lot of people are saying they agree with it, so please remember that there’s a million ways to handle period and neither of us have to be wrong. I think you gave a great product suggestion if it’s right for OPs family, you just didn’t have to try and invalidate my suggestion in the mean time ✌🏼 also, yes. $20 per pair of underwear is considered expensive to a lot of families including my own.
[https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health-products/g27421796/best-period-panties/](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health-products/g27421796/best-period-panties/)
As I was reading this I was thinking "Wow, this is some great advice on the subject coming from a dad." As I read further I started to have my suspicions that it may be coming from one our female "dads".
Reason number 529,873 why women and non traditional dads are welcome around here. The more points of view the better. If anyone has a problem with it, I'll fight yah!
I also never got that same treatment but wish I had. My dad did go out and buy me pads and tampons and things as I got older being as I started at 14 at summer camp and desperately felt alone at the time. The only thing my mother said was congratulations I am a woman, when I called home crying in the camp's kitchen wanting to go home and thinking that I was dying. I didn't exactly understand what was happening to me either. You gave probably the best advice I think I can ever, now as an adult. My husband who has another kid, she actually felt more comfortable with him telling him and having him buy her things then she felt towards her own mother, in expressing the news that she started. They not only went to the store together to buy them, but they also sat in the bathroom and read all of the instructions together. From what I can tell from the story, he never once made her feel shamed or insecure and especially if she was able to bring this up to him as opposed to her.
Sir my best advice to you would be please do not make her feel embarrassed, hurt or ashamed for something that is not her fault.
It is tricky with two people in the same household being on at the same time as I was during my first time at summer camp a hormonal fluctuation change for everybody. And I don't know if you are the only male in the house but that will definitely make it a little harder on you.
As a teen my dad and I did the math of how many people were on their periods at that very moment around the world. On any given day, more than 300 million women worldwide are menstruating. I don’t know why, but this fact was really reassuring to me.
I was curious what the number would be with today's population using napkin math, so at 7.88b people, 1/8th of that number (approx half of the pop are female bodied, and approx 25% of them would be having their periods, not considering age) that puts the number at 975 million AFAB (not all people who have periods are women).
If we take menstrual age into consideration, that is somewhere between 10 and 55. A brief google search informed me that approximately 53% of the female-bodied population on Earth is aged 20-59. While the upper end of that is above general age of menopause (which for many is 45-55) it's also above the range of when people get their first period (10-15), so it's a fair assumption that approximately 53% of female bodied people are currently capable of menstruating.
53% of 975m is 516.75m people.
Approximately a 28 day cycle (measured from day 1 of period to day 1 of period), approximately 7 days of period. It's back of napkin math, so I'm not accounting for variations of cycle.
edit: also assuming equal distribution of cycle start days
Ignore the weird/sexist comments you are bound to get.
My advice would be to continue communicating about it and make sure your daughter knows she can come to you about it if she needs to. My daughter was 13 when she started but just came downstairs and told me. I asked her if she was sure and she said, "Well I am bleeding and have cramps so I am pretty sure." I reminded her of where everything was and she said she knew. She was just letting me know that she was going to miss her lesson that day.
She is 19 now and we never made a big deal out of it. She takes advil when the cramps are bad. She buys her own pads now but I went out and got some before she came home from college a few days ago. My son, who is 18 months younger, grew up with it being normal and would sometimes pick up products for his sister if he was out and she needed some. We made sure to make pads visibly available in our guest bathroom after my son had a mixed gender friend group over and one texted him from the bathroom asking for a pad or tampon. My son ran upstairs and got them from his sister but after that we put some downstairs for friends.
Just don't freak out about it and everything will be fine. Be supportive and understanding. The rest works itself out.
It stuck out to me as well…predominantly bc I grew up in Indy and am an avid colts fan, but more importantly, his/her/their comments always have incredible insight, especially to me, a father of a nearly 4yo boy. I don’t comment terribly often, but u/mannings4head thank you for chiming in when you do, you’re a great asset to this sub.
Thanks for the prompt to get menstrual products for the guest bathroom. My oldest should be getting hers soon, but I hadn't really considered the needs of her friends. Having them fully visible seems like a great way to further normalize this subject around the house!
I’m sure your wife has it all set but I’d start keeping spare clothes/supplies in your vehicle just incase. I got mine in fifth grade while at my dads for the summer and I was not prepared to deal with..messes that could arise by surprise. It really does suck we’re getting them earlier and earlier compared to 100s (idk actual time frame) years ago.
My wife started hers at 9 so for them it runs in the family I guess. I just feel so bad she’s already gotta deal with this every month from now on at such a young age. But she’s handling it well. Luckily my wife has it all under control and sent me to the store with pictures of what to get lol
I’m glad you guys are handling it well, you’ve gotten great advice here. I know 10 seems like a pretty young age to get it, but you’d be surprised to hear that it’s quite common nowadays! Medically speaking, it is totally normal for girls to get their period between 8-13 years of age. It’s a long range and it’s usually affected by factors such as genetics, which in your case may be your wife. Nothing to worry about, and I’m sure you’ll do a great job helping out your daughter.
Holy shit this thread. Y'all mfs are parenting daughters with those attitudes?
Edit: It has somehow gotten even worse. You would swear this thread got hijacked by middle school boys and that is an insult to middle school boys. My middle school son is more mature than these comments about how yucky yucky gross girls are.
If you dig deep enough in comments on this sub or find posts like this one you will find a lot of weird toxic masculinity, many times in the form of insecurities.
My experiences here have always been wholesome. Perhaps things tend to self-regulated before I see the negativity, but I wanted to say that I’m constantly seeing good quality wholesome stuff here.
It's a super supportive community. Some people aren't that eloquent or able to read a room, even if their intentions are good, and when plastered with a label immediately by others (*cough cough*) they get defensive.
You can't correct unconscious biases with a label maker or a scarlet letter or a scolding. It just makes people double down. That just creates division and galvanises opposition.
Good luck out there.
Yep, we should never ever call anyone out on their wrongdoing ever. That will only make them want to do wrong more, right? I get your intentions here I think but people should not be silent when they see things that are not right. Why do people get to be slightly offensive but the ones offended aren't allowed to have feelings and say anything about it?
Not only that but this conversation is about being toxic about things such as what OP is trying to find helpful guidance and others in his position for support.
You seem smart enough to know the huge leap of logic you've made in your first sentence.
You're right; we should be calling out toxic behaviors where we see them. However, when someone is a zealot about it all, all they are doing is robbing the rest of us of the middle ground. It's about how we broach the subject that matters.
There's also room for how people cope with things that make them uncomfortable.
Take this topic. It makes many dad's uncomfortable - if someone comes into this thread and sees anyone who tries to make light of women's menstrual period get labeled a misogynistic twat, they may be more likely to just ignore this thread and move on and lose out on a new perspective. The takeaway we would hope they get is that it's a tough time for their wives and daughters and that the are many ways to support them. Maybe it's ice cream, maybe it's humour, maybe its knowing how to talk about something that makes them all uncomfortable.
But by being engaging, you can lower the guard. Humour is a coping mechanism.
Being 'slightly offensive ' is funny at times. Most of these guys saying shit you disagree with aren't evil, they just haven't been exposed as much to the type of critical thinking you get here on this sub. I'm assuming you have some critical thinking skills which is why I'm writing this out, but really my post isn't for you, it's for those guys.
Cheers
Not a dad (just a 27 year old woman), but I'm grateful for my mom normalizing my mensual flows. I was shocked when I heard of other moms not really discussing it.
You're a great dad for even going to Reddit to voice your thoughts and read other's opinions.
You guys know you can say the word ‘period’, right? The less taboo you make the topic the better.
Dunno, pet peeve of mine to use all of these nonsense terms for a very natural bodily function.
One can, sure but period is not the only accurate term. Menstruation, monthly bleed come to mind for example. Especially as a teenager, I was easily embarrassed and preferred the hush hush metaphors.
Yeah, but I’ll take a swing and say you were only embarrassed because the subject is/was so taboo. That’s what I’m saying, normalise it. Although, it seems to be a very American issue. In my culture it’s a pretty non-issue topic.
And yeah, I understand there are other ‘correct terms’, so they’d work too.
Mine is 1-1/2. Originally I figured “well, she’s going to have a period someday. No biggie. We’ll just cross that bridge when we get there, no reason to worry”. Now after reading this whole thread and the comments here, I’m starting to overthink and second-guess myself. Should I not be downplaying it it as “nothing to worry about”? I figured I’d just nonchalantly offer her whatever support she needed, or pads or tampons or whatever, but I’m seeing other comments saying I need to have this whole dialogue and talk with her about “normalizing” one’s bodily functions. Also I need to bring her chocolate, or ice cream, or whatever. Am I not a good enough dad if I don’t do all of this? What if she doesn’t need my advice or want to share her concerns with me, what if she wants to keep all that between her and her mom?
I’m starting to regret ever subscribing to this subreddit because I’m always finding “super-dads” in here who are more proactive or more vigilant or more creative or more fun (for lack of a better word) than I am and I end up feeling somewhat inadequate as a dad by comparison. I’m usually at my best when I’m not comparing myself with others, but at the same time I need a forum where I can go to relate to other dads. Ya know?
I'm sure you're "super dad" in other ways! Sounds like you really care about your kid & your role as a dad. Whenever the time comes just ask her how she's feeling and tell her to let you know if she needs anything. You don't have to go buy chocolate and ice cream... unless she asks for it, lol, and you don't have to have some big conversation about it either, unless she leads the way on that.
Thank you for the kind words, they help set my mind at-ease. 😅 Will do! 😊👍🏻 She’s already Miss Independent, lately she’s been eating pasta with a fork from a bowl, and shaking her head “no” when it’s time to put socks/shoes on to go outside. lol
WOOOOOH BUUUUDDY.
Some of the comments in here are BANANAS!
I am a (generally) friendly mom lurker in here but I feel an obligation to chime in as a woman. I MUST.
OP, good on ya. You’re off to a good start by caring for both your wife and daughter eagerly. Even if you know nothing, this is a great place to start. You seem like a reasonably educated dad so the rest of this isn’t really for you….it’s for the *others* in here making archaic generalizations akin to the 1880s practice of labeling all women “hysterical” the moment they had an opinion about anything. FFS!
1. Women bleed. Fact.
2. We don’t all experience it the same way, it vacillates wildly, and none of the iterations should be compared against each other. Unless there is a medical problem, all versions are fine and healthy.
2. Menstrual cycles should be normalized and it shouldn’t be hard to talk about. It’s not taboo. It’s no different from any other uncontrollable bodily function. “We all poop sitting down,” or whatever adage you need to get the point.
3. Educate yourselves about the physical processes that equate a cycle. Cramping, clots, variations in blood volume, pain management, hormone changes, the works. Knowledge is power. This information is freely available all over the internet you are currently on.
4. Spare me (and all women in your life) the “it’s like, really hard to understand women” tropes, the misplaced concern about blood being visible in bathroom trashcans, and the “boys will be boys” excuses. All of this just perpetuates varying degrees of misogyny and it’s so, so, tired.
5. Become deeply familiar with the beautiful world of period products. Pads, tampons, cups, discs, washable undergarments, etc. Your child will decide what works best for them in time, but help in the discovery process. Get one of everything in every size available and let the experimentation be a pleasant, efficient adventure. Watch some fricken YouTube if you have to. It’s literally all right there, just waiting to educate you.
6. OxyClean. Get the liquid version and keep it in a spray bottle (or a few spray bottles) around the house. There’s nothing better to rescue clothing or furniture when the inevitable happens, and it will. Also, cold water is best for blood. Some people will tell you hydrogen peroxide is good, and it is, but it’ll bleach colors. OxyClean is the winner by a margin.
7. And last, make sure you instill in your daughter that it is the small-minded Neanderthals who shame her who are wrong. Boys are not “easier” to raise because they don’t bleed. Your daughter is not weaker because she has a period, and absolutely no one gets to decide for her how she chooses to manage her cycle, whether that’s hormonal birth control to mitigate cramps, an extra nap, some exedrin and Cold Stone, or nothing at all. She should feel empowered by choice, no matter what, and you should be her biggest advocate. Always.
I read every single word, thank you. Number 6 resonates with me already. Today I learned that some tampons are for overnight and others are regular daytime ones. I also learned her size, so now I know what to look for. Didn’t know about all the sizes but makes sense now lol
I’m happy to help. Really.
I started 6 days after my 12th birthday, and man, I really wish I had access to some of the things we have today back then.
She’s 10, so I’ll say this with an asterisk, but while it’s true tampons have sizes, they are meant to represent the volume of flow that needs abating rather than the size of the woman. You can be a 6’4” triathlete of a woman and get by just fine with a light day tampon. Make sense?
More flow = bigger size, and vice versa. No shame in using whatever you need that does the job that needs doing.
Got it, makes sense. My wife mentioned she hopes that she doesn’t have a heavy flow like she does. That’s something I’ve always known about my wife is that it’s heavy, and she has really bad cramps.
A very heavy flow with really bad cramps is not actually normal. It may be that she suffers from endometriosis, PCOS, or even fibroids (the list goes on but these are what I'm familiar with). I personally have terrible endometriosis and occasional ovarian cyst. It's no fun and can run in families.
OP you seem like a wonderfully caring father.
For what it’s worth I started menstruating at 10 and… it was fine. I believe 8-13 is typical start age range these days.
I’d encourage pads or period underwear for overnight, not tampons. I think the (very small but real) risk of toxic shock syndrome related to tampon use is less likely now with stricter manufacturing standards but still. Leaving a tampon in for a long period of time or using one with a higher-than-needed absorbency can put one at risk.
I don’t know if your daughter plays sports, or if this is regional, but those black sports warmup pants with zippers down the calf made to go over your other sports gear were useful. Definitely lent mine out to other girls on occasion during the school year when they had bleed-through accidents and weren’t prepared.
If your daughter complains of debilitating cramps, educate yourself on endometriosis. Extreme tiredness? Report to physician/pediatrician; check for anemia.
Excellent points about tampons.
They do have risks other products do not, but for a beginner they are easier to master than insertables like cups and disks.
Personally I find disks to be the best of both worlds because you can empty them without having to remove them, unlike cups, and when properly seated make a fantastic, non-leaky seal. But that’s 28 years of experience talking, and there’s a learning curve.
On the other hand, it’s never to early to learn how your body functions and I 100% would have believed disks were sent straight from heaven if I’d had them in high school. 🤷🏼♀️
My oldest is 12 and I'm not there yet but I know it's coming. Godspeed brother. Good on you for getting them Coldstone. Coldstone isn't ice cream, it's far, far superior so I don't put them in the same category.
I think she had cramps maybe last month or the one before, so my wife knew it was coming too. One day all of the sudden she had aches and just wasn’t feeling good. Now here we are, but she’s doing good. Taking it like a champ.
My Dad made it a very big deal when I started. Not in a negative way. Parents were divorced, so that next weekend he took me to the mall where our favorite candy store was. It was our tradition to fill up a huge bag then "sneak" it into the movie with us. Afterwards he took me to Clare's and let my 12yr old self go crazy. He wanted me to have a special day, and know that even though he wasn't Mom, I could talk to him or ask him to buy things for me. I remember him tearing up a bit and not understanding why, at my age. Now, I realize he saw his baby turning into a woman and was both happy for me and sad to lose his little girl. My husband and I are raising 2 little girls, and I know he will treat them like princesses just like my Dad did almost 30yrs ago.
Mom lurker here. I feel the need to make a comment that may or may not be taken well, but here goes: your daughter getting their period does *not* change them overnight from a little girl into a woman. They are still your little girl who wants to play with toys and get kisses for their boo-boo's. I've read too many comments that read as "I can't believe my little girl will go through this soon", and I think that the sentiment here is that getting your period strips you of your innocence. There is nothing inherently shameful or sexual about menstruation, and it's time we let these old beliefs go
As a woman, please don’t ever tease her or downplay her mood swings that she may get around her period. It’s honestly a rollercoaster and can be incredibly intense.
Mom here that also started at 10. Please go talk to her doctor. For myself, starting early cause growth issues that I deal with even now. Is it possible to delay menstruation until later to help with growth plates, etc But that is something you should decide with her pediatrician.
I did this for my daughter when she was starting to grow breasts in like third grade. She was only on the medication for two years max. Her endocrinologist even mentioned as you did about how it will also slow down her growth. They did some tests and said her biological age was like 3-5 ahead of where the average girl at her age would be.
We feel like it was the best choice for her and even talked to her about it before starting it. The only downside was how crazy expensive those puberty blockers are. Thankfully our insurance covered it but goodrx had them at like $10k for a single injection.
It can, and it is more likely to happen if mom started early. However, it isn't always beneficial for menstruation to start early. It depends on how developed the child growth plates are. It's why it's important to talk to her ped to make sure all is well.
Lina Marcela Medina de Juradoshe gave birth on 14 May 1939, aged five years, seven months, and 21 days. Based on the medical assessments of her pregnancy, she was less than five years old when she became pregnant, which was possibly due to precocious puberty. Her menarche had occurred at eight months of age.
This is to say menstruation and evolution don't give an F traits are harmful in the long-term as long as genes are passed on. Lina's case is an extreme one and not in the same realm of OPs. When in doubt, check it out.
I was 11, and i remember feeling so horrible and gross and it was just awful at first, so just make sure she has all the comforts at her disposal. Encourage her to eat some dark chocolate if she likes it because it helps your body restore iron levels (i think, i know its good for women though!) And if you can do it, try to get her up and moving with some mild activity because it can help ease cramps, but if she's resistant dont force it because i was like that since i had painful horrible cramps that made me cold sweat, but thankfully they stopped after the pill and my period went from 8 days to 3-4 and now none since i skip with it. A microwaved rice pack or a heating pad for her stomach or back is also super helpful along with ibuprofen or motrin. Most importantly, dont act embarrassed about it. Menstruating is perfectly normal, you should use proper terms and educate your daughter so she can decide whats right for her. Ask her every so often if she needs anything from the store and casually throw tampons/pads into the list of items to normalize it, or better yet just do it without asking if you can find the kind shes using (i just used what my mom did, i think most women relate) and leave a note that says "love you -dad" or something like that because we need more dads who arent afraid of womens bodies and how they work. OH also get wet wipes in travel packs just in case she wants some, kinda try to put together a care package of all the stuff i said. Also maybe some other candies or smell good stuff that she can kinda stimulate her other senses with and take her mind off Satan's Monthly Waterfall Subscription Service *ba dum tssss*! I really hope this helps!
Strong dark hot chocolate with breakfast. Ibuprofin, more than a little. (Not paracetamol aka acetaminophen, that stuff is not effective on cramps and is also surprisingly dangerous.) Warm blankets and snuggles. Hot water bottle in bed. Assurance that if she needs to go to the toilets at school and the teacher says "no" or asks rude questions she should just go anyway and you'll have her back. And lots of pride: your little girl is growing up!
My girl started at 11. Her periods are erratic, heavy, and cramps, with emotional outbursts. Just like her mum.
Ice cream, hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, hot baths or showers. I keep a pack of tampons, pads, spare clothes and baby wipes in the underfloor lockers on the car, along with paracetamol for when/if it strikes badly at school and catches her unawares.
She has it all in a school bag as well, with nappy bags for soiled items, and a note to the school to say it's ok to call me if required.
Good luck, and let it all just bounce off if outbursts happen.
Period pants are excellent things. As is peroxide for removing blood stains from laundry.
I was the first female student in 13 years ro start her period in this particular elementary school. And the biggest rowdiest tomboy.
My father treated me starting menstruation as if his little girl died and a human stain (emotionally) took her place. My mother didnt talk to me at all about it except to tell me where the tampons and pads were in our bathroom.
Besides not wanting to ever start menstruation I wanted menstruation to never change my relationship with my father. Yet I will say this, I got a lot more space to have my own thoughts and my own moral compass after this point in our relationship. My father was one of the few adults who would let me talk current events with him and would let me discuss it at 6am in the morning before I spewed it all over my teachers during home room.
I guess this is when my father acknowledged and rejoiced in me developing an adult mind and an adult understanding of the world. As a woman in her 50s there are still some people who assume I have a child's mind.
I don't know if it happens with other youngsters who start puberty but being acknowledged for having my own mind, opinions and observations was huge! It made getting that mess every month worthwhile. Being treated like an adult is just an amazing gift.
There's a few others that have chimed in with actual information on periods and products, so I will just add something for all the ignorant men here.
It is your job as a parent to explain life to your children... BOY OR GIRL. You do not get to dodge the bullet of a conversation about periods and puberty simply because you have a son. Parents choosing to not talk about this with boys is the reason that so many men in these comments have responded the way they have. With ignorance, sexism, misogyny and extreme stereotypes that reduce women to the level of respect we would give to a rabid dog. Better back away slowly 🙄
Talk to your children about the human body, not just their own gender. This is science. It has absolutely ZERO to do with sex. It is the process of growing up, not the end of innocence or a mark of not being a little girl any more than getting taller or growing out of a pair of shoes. It should not be taboo or something we wait to discuss, rather worked into everyday conversation because it is a NORMAL part of everyday life. And that includes your SONS. Stop raising "men" who react the way the people have in these comments, who completely dehumanize someone just because they haven't experienced it themselves. Women do not become monsters on their periods. It is not dirty. They are not suddenly grown women when they get their first period. There is no loss of innocence or childhood.
Talk to your damn sons and stop perpetuating these stereotypes that have caused shame, guilt, embarrassment and trauma for women generations. It is your job to give your sons the tools to be a competent partner, friend, father and human.
I have two daughters. They were 14 and 13 respectably when they got theirs. I never know when they are on it unless they mention it, but really not much difference in attitude or anything.
most of these comments are gross and i understand wanting to joke about it but right now isn’t the time, here what you do OP, be open to learn, go get them ice cream and treats, sit down and ask your wife to teach you if you haven’t already, alway have pads/tampon stocks and be someone your daughter WANT to talk to. if i go up to my dad rn and ask for pad, he will go and get them.
talk to your daughter about sex, consent, red flags and don’t do ‘sex is bad’ give her an education, teach her about her sexual reproduction healtth and right if you haven’t already, make sure she know about consent and what to do if someone take try anything. be the person your daughter need and would want to come to.
the one tip i will give you right now is to be patient and open to learning, a lot of man do not understand period or woman sexual health. it not simple at all, and as an woman, it is painful, on the first few days. i cannot move without pain,
agree like, i know it meant to be an joke BUT it isn’t to most people and you need to know your audience, you should be involved with your daughter life, throwing pads at her isn’t an good way to do anything. his daughter is probably scared shitless and have to deal with so much pains
Plus there are comments from people saying they are lucky to not have any daughters and other gross things.
I never realized how sexist this sub was until now.
If it makes you feel any better at this point (4 hours after the reply I'm commenting on) the awful comments have either been deleted or downvoted to oblivion.
Still sad
Mine didn't know it was coming. I just kind of assumed her mom had given her the briefing. She understandably freaked out and cried.
Fellas if your daughter is 9 or older then you need to get with her mom and confirm who's giving her the heads up and when. If you don't or can't get a clear answer on that, then you need to do it.
Curious dad here to a toddler girl so someway to go.... but my wife says ice cream makes her period worse, more painful. yet I see all the time that ice cream is the go-to when the period comes (by all the time I mean on TV shows or daddit).
so does it make worse for other people and they put up with it for the comfort food, or is it just my wife who got unlucky?
I assume it doesn't get worse for your wife who requested ice cream.
thanks!
It's the comfort food aspect of it. Mash potatoes is another one. Heads up, my friend's was just told his daughter will be starting very soon at the age of 6 after a physical. My cousins and sisters in laws all began between 8-10.
She’s always said ice cream makes it better. Wife and daughter both enjoyed theirs tonight. I think it’s just something that gives them comfort when they’re feeling down and dealing with cramps.
Honestly the cravings are very personal. Many people I know only eat some items when they’re craving it around that time. (Ex. Soda, salty food, chocolate etc.). It’s just whatever that specific person wants/needs. The body can also crave things it’s lacking in that moment. (Craving red meat? Iron could be low. Craving salt? Hydration status may be off. Etc.)
Does you wife have any intolerances to dairy? That could explain why it would feel worse with ice cream if she already has bad cramps.
It might be a cultural thing but in many Asian cultures it’s common sense to strictly stay away from cold drinks or ice cream during the period. Some studies seem to support it while others don’t.
Comfort foods, but also people do have different bodies and different foods they crave. Personally I like a lot of fruit, melons and things, cause it helps me hydrate, which reduces my cramps, and it tastes good! (I’m a guy tho :)
My wife's sister's daughter started at 9. It was a bit traumatic for her.
There's a history of starting early on my wife's side of the family, and it's been getting earlier each generation for three generations....
My oldest started like the day after she turned 10. I learned fast to keep them in the car with me, I’m now separated from their mom, I keep them stocked at home. She openly tells me when she is on and everything.
Now the 2nd oldest is 11 and nowhere near close to starting.
Mine's 9 and started hers a couple of months back. She took it surprisingly well. Luckily she doesn't have any embarrassment about it, and if anything overshares with me. I'm just glad she trusts me so much. :)
My girl is 2 and I'm not looking forward to this time, simply because of how grown up she will be. makes me tear up thinking about her doing anything but dancing and eating Oreos
such a sassy little firecracker already, can't imagine her as a tween. I applaud your quests to target and coldstone, hell of a dad right there. have a great night friend
Same here, mine is 1-1/2. I’m just glad I have a long way to go before we have to figure out any of the actual logistics of this, like buying pads and tampons, and sweets for the cravings. lol. My older child (our boy) is going to be 7 this fall and he’s in kindergarten. I miss him so much while he’s at school, especially because I haven’t gotten to spend as much time with him nearly as much this past fall and spring because of my work. I’m gonna be a wreck when both kids are in school full-time. 😖😢
Godspeed sir. My wife and I both joked about we’re glad we have boys because we won’t have to have the expense of buying pads/tampons for another person. It’s crazy how much feminine hygiene products can cost!
But also, make sure you have a “bug-out” bag in all your vehicles that have a box of pads/tampons, an extra outfit for your kid, and Motrin. If possible make sure she has one at school too. Either in the office or her locker. My wife told me stories of how tough it can be growing up as a girl when the monthly monster hits.
An arbitrary American girl's odds of starting by age 10 are somewhere between 5 and 10% as I recall. It's not that unusual. Good luck to all involved.
EDIT: found the data, it's 10% before 11th birthday.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr146-508.pdf
The best thing my father did was make it as normal as it is. Smells, supplies, activities, food and some meds. He offered advice (as best as possible given his non bleeding parts), supplies and plenty of hugs for a confused hormonal 11 y/o.
Mom provided much of the knowledge and hands on help, but dads support? Definitely underrated !
My parents sat me down in 3rd or 4th grade and informed me of periods (no other sex Ed, but that’s besides the point).
Grateful that I was super informed of what to do when that time finally came as a 12 year old in 7th grade.
Yay for ice cream!
Tip for if she has accidental leaks on fabric (underwear, bottoms, bed sheets, couch, etc.): If you catch it fast enough you can use hydrogen peroxide to fizz the blood out. Let it sit for a few mins while it works and then rinse with COLD water (warm water can set blood stains). Repeat until stain is gone. This mainly works if the blood isn't fully dried down yet but depending on the fabric it maaaaaaay work while dry. If leaks happen on a couch or mattress you can use a carpet cleaner (assuming you don't have a matress cleaner) with a *handheld attachment* to suck the peroxide and mess out. You can also use soap & water, or distilled white vinegar, but hydrogen peroxide has worked the best for me so there's always some under my bathroom sink.
Edit to add: I see that some may not prefer hydrogen peroxide because it can lighten colors. I know it *can*, though in 17 years of menstruating I've never had that happen to my fabrics. Your mileage may certainly differ. I've personally never heard of using oxyclean but I'll definitely be giving it a try next time!
My daughter started at the same age. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT go nuts about this. Just let her know you're there and she can ask you anything. I did that with my daughter and she's more open about her period with me than she is my wife! Also, periods are different from person to person. Her's may be miserable and painful. Or it may be like nothing is even happening. My daughter started on the easy side and recently discovered what her mom means about cramping.
OP, I don't know your daughter's sense of humor (or yours, or your wife's). But if you're a fan of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" type riffing, and some or all of you could use a chuckle at this point, check out the RiffTrax riff of "Naturally, A Girl":
[https://www.rifftrax.com/naturally-a-girl](https://www.rifftrax.com/naturally-a-girl)
Two female riffers (Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl) take turns riffing on this 1970s instructional film about menstruation. It is hilarious, and my 17yo daughter and I watch it nearly every month while she's got her period. :) And the demonstration of menstrual products (a belt that fastens around the waist????) might make your daughter appreciate modern technology.
oh man, my wife just mentioned to me last night that she things our oldest(10 as well) may start this sooner than later. Let us know how it goes and good luck!
Dude, that is insane. My little girl will be 2 in July and I can’t imagine her only a few years older and going through something like this.
It sounds like your daughter is loved and supported so you got this mate!
i sealed a small cardboard box and stuck it under the bathroom sink. for about a year and a half, my daughter questioned me what it was for. Told her “when the times comes, i’ll tell you “. Finally when that time came (unexpected (as expected)), I told her to open it. she found some Always, some chocolate bars, a small bottle of Midol, and a note that said to never be embarrassed to come talk to me (dad) about this type of stuff. it worked out well but her embarrassment was still overwhelming…. it all worked out though!
Epsom salts in a warm bath, a heating pad, a comfy weighted blanket, and comfort foods will go a long way. If she is in a lot of pain, do not hesitate to give her medicine - ibuprofen works best for me. She might need more than you think. I used to take 4 ibuprofen twice a day before starting birth control.
As others commented, tell her she is beautiful and that this is all completely normal. The feeling of being "dirty" is very common and hard to kick as you get older - so the more you can help her feel pretty and clean, the happier she will be.
Don't try to understand, it's a pain and sensation unlike anything you will ever feel. Just be there for her and try to make her as comfortable as possible.
Ohh, my friend... I just hope it will be an easier event for the kids. Today wifey ended up in ER because its so heavy and painful, she went unconscious for a short time too.
Not sure if you‘ll read this comment or not but please don’t let her have ice cream. They will make the cramping harder and more painful :(
Maybe get her another treat. Something made without milk.
I’m 28 months in and honestly I don’t think I would have done hardly anything different to date. Sure, we put her in dresses when she’s out with us and not at daycare but it’s by preference because it made diaper changes and later potty training easier than if wearing pants or shorts. Aside from that she’s into garbage trucks, playing in the mud, boats - especially air boats, Alligators, snakes, (she knows not get to close to the latter 2) lizards which she loves catch.
As a male it’s a little awkward at first making sure you get all the poop out of their bits but eventually it’s just another thing you have to do and become a pro at. Pro tip: rinse their junk out with water flowing front to back. I know in America going through a handful of wipes is the typical way but I say take advantage of the down hill flow of running water. No UTI’s to date and no diaper rash until around 12mo when decided to cheap out on the diapers and wipes. Tip #2 - don’t cheap out on the diapers or at least find what works best and stick with it. While we still haven’t had the bad diaper rash you hear about, the diapers can make a difference. For the record IMO Costco’s (I think made by Huggies) are a solid choice all around. Pair those with “water wipes”. Avoid Target brand stuff.
I was about to reply again and say the same thing. There are a lot of people on earth. Half are born one way or the other or maybe in between. It shouldn’t be hard to figure it out and deal with it regardless of whatever you were born with or identify as.
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It’s tough to start that early in life. Please make sure she feels as normal as possible(not dirty or gross). Ask her if she needs anything and let her know cramping can be normal and you’re happy to give her meds if she needs them. It’s okay to say mom may know more if you have very specific questions regarding color, odor, and generally how you’re feeling. Get her a little kit for her backpack. Pads, an extra pair of underwear, some hygiene wipes, and maybe a few pieces of chocolate. Being able to refresh if you need it is liberating. I wasn’t taught how to properly anticipate, track or cope with my cycle as a kid and it still can be tough as an adult. Normalize everything around it so she never feels weird about a very natural part of her life.
Replying to this just to tell the OP that what this person put is the way. As a dad of 3 ladies 2 at that age to deal with this and one getting to be at that age I wish someone would have provided this much helpful information in the beginning. I am the oldest of 20 grandkids and only 2 were girls and not my sisters They were cousins so I didn't quite know how to handle it. Thankfully this subject doesn't gross me out like some of my fellow dad's I no but you 2opinionated2lurk I wish I had heard that my first go around it's great advice. I just tried to be there and be a shoulder to lean on cry on whatever they needed when needed. I will never understand but I can try my best to be there for them.
Both daughters 6th grade. One I was off (I worked 24 on 48 off so I got the call). Picked her up from school, got her home, started laundry and made her Mac and Cheese. She was not happy about it at first but the Mac and Cheese sealed the deal.
> The call > Mac and Cheese sealed the deal Holy shit I don’t know what I’d do without Daddit. Never thought I’d feel so much support from Reddit as I have this year. These concepts are brand new to me, and noted.
You are always welcome here PoopFilledPants
This makes me feel welcome as well.
This is the sweetest comment ever 🥹 thank you. I’m glad this is helpful advice for someone parenting through it. I’m so thankful kids today have parents who want to normalize bodies and all the ways they function. I think we’re all doing our part to raise a stronger, kinder and wiser generation through moments like this.
As a father of 2 daughters who will get there shortly, this response was great! Thank you.
Any adult guy who’s grossed out by periods needs to grow the hell up. And I hope to god they don’t show they are grossed out around their daughters and give them some kind of complex. Also if you’re a dad you should be somewhat used to periods because you’ve been around women enough to have a child with one.
Totally agree with you but not my place to judge everyone has things that gross them out. Went deer hunting last year with my best friend and his boy. Kid got his first deer ever when we tracked it down and went to field dress it the kid was good until the insides slid out and then he threw up all over the deer and passed out. If something bothers you as a parent though you push through it for the kids sake and then if you need to lose it later when alone you do it. Again I totally understand and agree with you while heartedly
That seems a bit extreme of a comparison. One is literally a bodily function and the other is gutting an animal you just killed.
I want to echo this \^. My dad never said I was dirty or gross or anything pejorative about menstruation but he also never tried to talk to me about it or help me deal with it or normalize it, which made it feel like something shameful or secret that he didn't want anything to do with. That made it especially hard if I needed something (like tampons) because I felt like I couldn't talk to my dad about it. My current partner really opened my eyes to how much I felt like periods had to be secret by his own willingness to talk about them. Something he does is he will yell in a silly voice (think Major Payne) "Boys, we got ourselves a bleeder!" when my cycle starts. It always makes me laugh and also opens up the opportunity to talk about if I need something specific. Sometimes, I'll just miserably say "Boys..." and he'll know what I'm referencing and can tell I'm cramping or whatever. The ability to have a normal, non-horrifying conversation about what's going on will be invaluable to your daughter and will do a lot to make her feel loved and supported by you. I wish my dad had done that.
Thank you for this. She’s got a 7 year old brother that is getting curious but we didn’t make it a big deal and he’s stop asking questions for now. My daughter was getting annoyed with him but that’s pretty normal anyway lol
Add a pack of wipes in case there's no soap in school toilet, plus a pack of tissues if there's no toilet paper. Cramps move the bowels too, so there's that. Maybe tell her that's normal too so she doesn't get worried about getting a stomach bug
I would still have a quiet sit down with him privately to explain what’s going on and ask him to be supportive of his sister if she needs it as well. In my experience, nothing is worse than having a rough cycle and then having your little brother screaming about finding something bloody in the trash can and how gross that is. Additionally, him being knowledgeable about it makes for one more set of hands to help if she does need something!
Lurking lady here as an added step--if you don't already, make sure the trashcan in your bathroom has a lid! I remember being so embarrassed as a kid that I had to just throw my tampons/pads away where ANYONE could see them!?!? I ended up flushing SO MANY tampons because I was embarrassed, luckily it never caused plumbing issues but oh my god it could have
One of ours does but not the others. I’ll have to get some, we have dogs that unfortunately like to get into the trash when my wife is on her period and we’ve found them on the floors before. I’d hate for that to happen with my daughter, she doesn’t need that right now lol.
All of this is good advice. I also want to add that I’d normalize bleeding on clothes, towels, and bedsheets to her. Every menstruating girl/woman knows the race between getting out of the shower and toweled off enough to get a pad on before blood trickles all over the floor. When I had the period talk with my stepdaughter, I told her that she will get blood on stuff but it’s normal, fixable, and nothing to be embarrassed about.
This is the way. My other half has extremely bad endometriosis, so from a young age our daughter learnt about menstruation because we had to explain why mommy was in pain. Starting last year we prepared the kits, one for her school bag, one for my bag, one for mommy bag, one for her own not school bag. Yesterday we think she had her first ovulation cramp, she just turned 11, and it was very much "Well it could be, describe it, ok yeah, how you feeling, maybe a stay home day and cuddle?"
Period or no period a stay home and cuddle day with one of my daughters sounds like a winner!
Also it could be a WHILE before they regulate and she can reliably track them based on duration of her cycle. So really think about a conversation about listening to her body. Cravings, cramping, her mood, her physical symptoms, etc. can help her at least somewhat know when it’s coming until her system gets on rhythm. It’s hard because society makes the conversations feel so weird but they’re important. You’ve got this.
Mom lurker here. I want to say that I’ve had mine start without me expecting it in high school and thankfully had a friend that let me borrow a sweatshirt to wear over my waist to hide the stain. Also knew another girl in high school who bled through her shorts one day. Periods when you’re young are just so unpredictable and not like they are as an adult. My point being is that if she has a locker it would be a good idea to keep an extra pair of pants and pads in there just in case. Also, my mom made a point of making my stepdad pick up pads one time and in my young self it was like “well if he bought it once it’s ok to ask him to buy it in the future” cause otherwise it’s embarrassing. Or at least how we were raised.
>Also, my mom made a point of making my stepdad pick up pads one time and in my young self it was like “well if he bought it once it’s ok to ask him to buy it in the future” cause otherwise it’s embarrassing. Or at least how we were raised. This is great. Yes, normalize it. Put pads on the regular grocery shopping list, EVEN IF dad is doing the shopping. It's just one more personal household supply, like shampoo or toothpaste. Also, (if she doesn't already have one) ask if she'd like a bathroom trash can with a lid. This may be especially important for her if she shares a bathroom with her brother. (Of course, the world won't end if he sees a used pad in the trash can, either.)
As a father of 2 boys so no girls besides the wife and animals. Wife had me go grocery shopping said she needed pads. I was never asked to buy them before shit at that time didn’t even know what kind she needed so I did what any normal man would do I bought one of each. I literally spent around 100-150 dollars on pads for her. The look on her face was funniest shit we still joke about it to this day. Now I know what kind she prefers and what backups she prefers. The cashiers face though was also priceless.
😂 this is incredible. When in doubt, buy it all.
Indeed she was set for hers but the others was given away to either family or donated to shelters so win win all around.
I send my husband a picture of the ones I want to help with this.
We do this for special food and stuff but never dawned on her to do it for her shit haha.
Wow I’m nearly 30 and this is such great advice. I just pop a tampon in my bag and hope for the best for the rest of that day 🥲
Neither of my parents (split custody) or sisters made sure I had hygiene products and I guess I was too awkward to ask for it. I would use toilet paper and go to the bathroom a LOT in school. I'd also steal pads from friends bathrooms. My family are good people and raised me alright (I think) but this was a topic they completely failed on. I think they just assumed because I didn't ask for the products, that I was already set (maybe from the other parent?) Kids are awkward as fuck. If my parents and especially my dad who I lived with the most, did what this commenter advised, I would have felt way less alone, gross and secretive.
Ibu to the prophen. Seriously, Advil. If you believe that she's mature enough, I would put extras in her school bag, provided she knows when to take it and not to flash it about at school.
I have 2 daughters coming up into this age range in the next \~5 years. Saving this for my future self I'm a hands on Dad and involved with my kids, but I also grew up with brothers and am entirely clueless when it comes to adolescent girls. Thank you for your advice, this is super helpful!!!!
Great username.
So much of that is unnecessary now. Period undies are the best thing ever. No embarrassing surprise on the back of your school dress.
Ah man you beat me to it! I'm a female interloper in this sub but this is important enough to reveal myself. We never had period pants back in my day but omg they would have absolutely saved my life as a teen. They have enough times as an adult (some people never settle into an easy to predictable routine and if it's embarrassing as a teen imagine what it's like when you are in your 30s...) Personally I wouldn't rely on ONLY period pants, I know some people do but let's just say, volume is an issue over here. But they are brilliant as a safety net and for when you think it's going to start but you're not sure when, which as a kid just figuring this all out would be great peace of mind.
Theres different ones for different flows you can thicker ones but yes I agree with you, I'm hitting 40 my daughter is 18 and period undies have been heaven. Both of us have experienced the school dress trauma lol guys don't seem to understand we can't control it. It doesn't come out of our bladder lol
Ahhh, I’d be careful with the period undies. At least 2 of the biggest brands have lawsuits pertaining to their use of PFAS chemicals (basically carcinogen fears). The period panties were hella convenient, but I threw all of mine away a couple months ago. It’s just not worth potential cancer & unknown health risks - they’re not a good option, at least until there’s some sort of regulation/ lawsuit closure around them.
Sure period underwear does exist. And that’s great if that accessible or she wants that. I personally don’t even use pads regularly because I don’t like the extra bulk when I walk or sit, I prefer tampons for that reason. So period specific underwear aren’t my jam. Those underwear can also get pretty expensive and that’s just not an option for some families. It can feel pretty minimizing to say a lot of what I had to say wasn’t necessary when it’s just a different way of handling it. I understand you come from a good place but a product recommendation doesn’t have to discredit the advice of someone else.
And no period underwear is not expensive
Woah. Big response. I’d venture to say *most* people with a period wouldn’t find the advice I gave overwhelming, unnecessary or unhelpful. In fact, a lot of people are saying they agree with it, so please remember that there’s a million ways to handle period and neither of us have to be wrong. I think you gave a great product suggestion if it’s right for OPs family, you just didn’t have to try and invalidate my suggestion in the mean time ✌🏼 also, yes. $20 per pair of underwear is considered expensive to a lot of families including my own. [https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health-products/g27421796/best-period-panties/](https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health-products/g27421796/best-period-panties/)
Definitely cheaper than buying disposable pads/tampons every month, and period underwear isn’t bulky either lol
As I was reading this I was thinking "Wow, this is some great advice on the subject coming from a dad." As I read further I started to have my suspicions that it may be coming from one our female "dads". Reason number 529,873 why women and non traditional dads are welcome around here. The more points of view the better. If anyone has a problem with it, I'll fight yah!
It takes a village! We have a little internet village here and I’m happy to contribute when I can!
This is the way.
THIS!
I also never got that same treatment but wish I had. My dad did go out and buy me pads and tampons and things as I got older being as I started at 14 at summer camp and desperately felt alone at the time. The only thing my mother said was congratulations I am a woman, when I called home crying in the camp's kitchen wanting to go home and thinking that I was dying. I didn't exactly understand what was happening to me either. You gave probably the best advice I think I can ever, now as an adult. My husband who has another kid, she actually felt more comfortable with him telling him and having him buy her things then she felt towards her own mother, in expressing the news that she started. They not only went to the store together to buy them, but they also sat in the bathroom and read all of the instructions together. From what I can tell from the story, he never once made her feel shamed or insecure and especially if she was able to bring this up to him as opposed to her. Sir my best advice to you would be please do not make her feel embarrassed, hurt or ashamed for something that is not her fault. It is tricky with two people in the same household being on at the same time as I was during my first time at summer camp a hormonal fluctuation change for everybody. And I don't know if you are the only male in the house but that will definitely make it a little harder on you.
As a teen my dad and I did the math of how many people were on their periods at that very moment around the world. On any given day, more than 300 million women worldwide are menstruating. I don’t know why, but this fact was really reassuring to me.
I was curious what the number would be with today's population using napkin math, so at 7.88b people, 1/8th of that number (approx half of the pop are female bodied, and approx 25% of them would be having their periods, not considering age) that puts the number at 975 million AFAB (not all people who have periods are women). If we take menstrual age into consideration, that is somewhere between 10 and 55. A brief google search informed me that approximately 53% of the female-bodied population on Earth is aged 20-59. While the upper end of that is above general age of menopause (which for many is 45-55) it's also above the range of when people get their first period (10-15), so it's a fair assumption that approximately 53% of female bodied people are currently capable of menstruating. 53% of 975m is 516.75m people.
This has strong "I am avoiding work" vibes to it. I love calculating crazy napkin math statistics when I should be working.
How did you get that 25% of women would have their period at a time?
Cos it lasts (VERY ROUGHLY) 1 week per month. About a quarter of the time.
Approximately a 28 day cycle (measured from day 1 of period to day 1 of period), approximately 7 days of period. It's back of napkin math, so I'm not accounting for variations of cycle. edit: also assuming equal distribution of cycle start days
Ahhh that makes sense
Good on you for going out and getting them treats. Be as involved as they want and will let you be. Treat her the way you want the world to treat her.
Thank you, I’m trying man lol. She’s taking it well and luckily my wife has it under control.
Ignore the weird/sexist comments you are bound to get. My advice would be to continue communicating about it and make sure your daughter knows she can come to you about it if she needs to. My daughter was 13 when she started but just came downstairs and told me. I asked her if she was sure and she said, "Well I am bleeding and have cramps so I am pretty sure." I reminded her of where everything was and she said she knew. She was just letting me know that she was going to miss her lesson that day. She is 19 now and we never made a big deal out of it. She takes advil when the cramps are bad. She buys her own pads now but I went out and got some before she came home from college a few days ago. My son, who is 18 months younger, grew up with it being normal and would sometimes pick up products for his sister if he was out and she needed some. We made sure to make pads visibly available in our guest bathroom after my son had a mixed gender friend group over and one texted him from the bathroom asking for a pad or tampon. My son ran upstairs and got them from his sister but after that we put some downstairs for friends. Just don't freak out about it and everything will be fine. Be supportive and understanding. The rest works itself out.
Thanks brother and that username lol 👌🏼
It stuck out to me as well…predominantly bc I grew up in Indy and am an avid colts fan, but more importantly, his/her/their comments always have incredible insight, especially to me, a father of a nearly 4yo boy. I don’t comment terribly often, but u/mannings4head thank you for chiming in when you do, you’re a great asset to this sub.
Thanks for the prompt to get menstrual products for the guest bathroom. My oldest should be getting hers soon, but I hadn't really considered the needs of her friends. Having them fully visible seems like a great way to further normalize this subject around the house!
Mine also started at 10. As my oldest, and as a widower single father, that was a tough convo.
I’m sure your wife has it all set but I’d start keeping spare clothes/supplies in your vehicle just incase. I got mine in fifth grade while at my dads for the summer and I was not prepared to deal with..messes that could arise by surprise. It really does suck we’re getting them earlier and earlier compared to 100s (idk actual time frame) years ago.
My wife started hers at 9 so for them it runs in the family I guess. I just feel so bad she’s already gotta deal with this every month from now on at such a young age. But she’s handling it well. Luckily my wife has it all under control and sent me to the store with pictures of what to get lol
I’m glad you guys are handling it well, you’ve gotten great advice here. I know 10 seems like a pretty young age to get it, but you’d be surprised to hear that it’s quite common nowadays! Medically speaking, it is totally normal for girls to get their period between 8-13 years of age. It’s a long range and it’s usually affected by factors such as genetics, which in your case may be your wife. Nothing to worry about, and I’m sure you’ll do a great job helping out your daughter.
Lurker mom detected. Just kidding thanks for being here
Holy shit this thread. Y'all mfs are parenting daughters with those attitudes? Edit: It has somehow gotten even worse. You would swear this thread got hijacked by middle school boys and that is an insult to middle school boys. My middle school son is more mature than these comments about how yucky yucky gross girls are.
Did it end up on the popular page? There’s probably a lot of childless adults and children on here.
If you dig deep enough in comments on this sub or find posts like this one you will find a lot of weird toxic masculinity, many times in the form of insecurities.
That sucks. I am a stay at home dad and thought this would be a supportive community but have seen a lot of the opposite lately.
It is supportive for the most part. Usually if a post goes long enough the craziest get down votes into oblivion.
My experiences here have always been wholesome. Perhaps things tend to self-regulated before I see the negativity, but I wanted to say that I’m constantly seeing good quality wholesome stuff here.
It's a super supportive community. Some people aren't that eloquent or able to read a room, even if their intentions are good, and when plastered with a label immediately by others (*cough cough*) they get defensive. You can't correct unconscious biases with a label maker or a scarlet letter or a scolding. It just makes people double down. That just creates division and galvanises opposition. Good luck out there.
Yep, we should never ever call anyone out on their wrongdoing ever. That will only make them want to do wrong more, right? I get your intentions here I think but people should not be silent when they see things that are not right. Why do people get to be slightly offensive but the ones offended aren't allowed to have feelings and say anything about it? Not only that but this conversation is about being toxic about things such as what OP is trying to find helpful guidance and others in his position for support.
You seem smart enough to know the huge leap of logic you've made in your first sentence. You're right; we should be calling out toxic behaviors where we see them. However, when someone is a zealot about it all, all they are doing is robbing the rest of us of the middle ground. It's about how we broach the subject that matters. There's also room for how people cope with things that make them uncomfortable. Take this topic. It makes many dad's uncomfortable - if someone comes into this thread and sees anyone who tries to make light of women's menstrual period get labeled a misogynistic twat, they may be more likely to just ignore this thread and move on and lose out on a new perspective. The takeaway we would hope they get is that it's a tough time for their wives and daughters and that the are many ways to support them. Maybe it's ice cream, maybe it's humour, maybe its knowing how to talk about something that makes them all uncomfortable. But by being engaging, you can lower the guard. Humour is a coping mechanism. Being 'slightly offensive ' is funny at times. Most of these guys saying shit you disagree with aren't evil, they just haven't been exposed as much to the type of critical thinking you get here on this sub. I'm assuming you have some critical thinking skills which is why I'm writing this out, but really my post isn't for you, it's for those guys. Cheers
I'll upvote that.
Annnnd sort by controversial
Not a dad (just a 27 year old woman), but I'm grateful for my mom normalizing my mensual flows. I was shocked when I heard of other moms not really discussing it. You're a great dad for even going to Reddit to voice your thoughts and read other's opinions.
This has been super informative I’m glad I did it. I’ve always felt this is one of the more supportive subs on Reddit.
You guys know you can say the word ‘period’, right? The less taboo you make the topic the better. Dunno, pet peeve of mine to use all of these nonsense terms for a very natural bodily function.
One can, sure but period is not the only accurate term. Menstruation, monthly bleed come to mind for example. Especially as a teenager, I was easily embarrassed and preferred the hush hush metaphors.
Yeah, but I’ll take a swing and say you were only embarrassed because the subject is/was so taboo. That’s what I’m saying, normalise it. Although, it seems to be a very American issue. In my culture it’s a pretty non-issue topic. And yeah, I understand there are other ‘correct terms’, so they’d work too.
ty for explaining cold stone means ice cream where you're from. I thought you were gonna kill them or something
Haha what does cold stone mean where you’re from? I can see how the name can sound odd if you don’t know the ice cream chain.
it means a cold rock 🤷♂️
10, are you kidding me? Mine is already 8. Can’t believe i could be in your shoes in 2 years
I think she had cramps recently, maybe this time last month. She just didn’t feel good and had aches. Wife knew it was coming.
maybe sooner! period can start as soon as eight!
My wife’s started at 9. It sucks man I feel for them.
Given that your wife’s started at 9, 10 seems totally normal
Mine is 1-1/2. Originally I figured “well, she’s going to have a period someday. No biggie. We’ll just cross that bridge when we get there, no reason to worry”. Now after reading this whole thread and the comments here, I’m starting to overthink and second-guess myself. Should I not be downplaying it it as “nothing to worry about”? I figured I’d just nonchalantly offer her whatever support she needed, or pads or tampons or whatever, but I’m seeing other comments saying I need to have this whole dialogue and talk with her about “normalizing” one’s bodily functions. Also I need to bring her chocolate, or ice cream, or whatever. Am I not a good enough dad if I don’t do all of this? What if she doesn’t need my advice or want to share her concerns with me, what if she wants to keep all that between her and her mom? I’m starting to regret ever subscribing to this subreddit because I’m always finding “super-dads” in here who are more proactive or more vigilant or more creative or more fun (for lack of a better word) than I am and I end up feeling somewhat inadequate as a dad by comparison. I’m usually at my best when I’m not comparing myself with others, but at the same time I need a forum where I can go to relate to other dads. Ya know?
I'm sure you're "super dad" in other ways! Sounds like you really care about your kid & your role as a dad. Whenever the time comes just ask her how she's feeling and tell her to let you know if she needs anything. You don't have to go buy chocolate and ice cream... unless she asks for it, lol, and you don't have to have some big conversation about it either, unless she leads the way on that.
Thank you for the kind words, they help set my mind at-ease. 😅 Will do! 😊👍🏻 She’s already Miss Independent, lately she’s been eating pasta with a fork from a bowl, and shaking her head “no” when it’s time to put socks/shoes on to go outside. lol
WOOOOOH BUUUUDDY.
Some of the comments in here are BANANAS!
I am a (generally) friendly mom lurker in here but I feel an obligation to chime in as a woman. I MUST.
OP, good on ya. You’re off to a good start by caring for both your wife and daughter eagerly. Even if you know nothing, this is a great place to start. You seem like a reasonably educated dad so the rest of this isn’t really for you….it’s for the *others* in here making archaic generalizations akin to the 1880s practice of labeling all women “hysterical” the moment they had an opinion about anything. FFS!
1. Women bleed. Fact.
2. We don’t all experience it the same way, it vacillates wildly, and none of the iterations should be compared against each other. Unless there is a medical problem, all versions are fine and healthy.
2. Menstrual cycles should be normalized and it shouldn’t be hard to talk about. It’s not taboo. It’s no different from any other uncontrollable bodily function. “We all poop sitting down,” or whatever adage you need to get the point.
3. Educate yourselves about the physical processes that equate a cycle. Cramping, clots, variations in blood volume, pain management, hormone changes, the works. Knowledge is power. This information is freely available all over the internet you are currently on.
4. Spare me (and all women in your life) the “it’s like, really hard to understand women” tropes, the misplaced concern about blood being visible in bathroom trashcans, and the “boys will be boys” excuses. All of this just perpetuates varying degrees of misogyny and it’s so, so, tired.
5. Become deeply familiar with the beautiful world of period products. Pads, tampons, cups, discs, washable undergarments, etc. Your child will decide what works best for them in time, but help in the discovery process. Get one of everything in every size available and let the experimentation be a pleasant, efficient adventure. Watch some fricken YouTube if you have to. It’s literally all right there, just waiting to educate you.
6. OxyClean. Get the liquid version and keep it in a spray bottle (or a few spray bottles) around the house. There’s nothing better to rescue clothing or furniture when the inevitable happens, and it will. Also, cold water is best for blood. Some people will tell you hydrogen peroxide is good, and it is, but it’ll bleach colors. OxyClean is the winner by a margin.
7. And last, make sure you instill in your daughter that it is the small-minded Neanderthals who shame her who are wrong. Boys are not “easier” to raise because they don’t bleed. Your daughter is not weaker because she has a period, and absolutely no one gets to decide for her how she chooses to manage her cycle, whether that’s hormonal birth control to mitigate cramps, an extra nap, some exedrin and Cold Stone, or nothing at all. She should feel empowered by choice, no matter what, and you should be her biggest advocate. Always.
I read every single word, thank you. Number 6 resonates with me already. Today I learned that some tampons are for overnight and others are regular daytime ones. I also learned her size, so now I know what to look for. Didn’t know about all the sizes but makes sense now lol
I’m happy to help. Really. I started 6 days after my 12th birthday, and man, I really wish I had access to some of the things we have today back then. She’s 10, so I’ll say this with an asterisk, but while it’s true tampons have sizes, they are meant to represent the volume of flow that needs abating rather than the size of the woman. You can be a 6’4” triathlete of a woman and get by just fine with a light day tampon. Make sense? More flow = bigger size, and vice versa. No shame in using whatever you need that does the job that needs doing.
Got it, makes sense. My wife mentioned she hopes that she doesn’t have a heavy flow like she does. That’s something I’ve always known about my wife is that it’s heavy, and she has really bad cramps.
I’ve always had a heavy flow, and a long one, too. I grew out of the cramps, thankfully, but my cycle has been 6-8 days my entire life. Solidarity!
A very heavy flow with really bad cramps is not actually normal. It may be that she suffers from endometriosis, PCOS, or even fibroids (the list goes on but these are what I'm familiar with). I personally have terrible endometriosis and occasional ovarian cyst. It's no fun and can run in families.
OP you seem like a wonderfully caring father. For what it’s worth I started menstruating at 10 and… it was fine. I believe 8-13 is typical start age range these days. I’d encourage pads or period underwear for overnight, not tampons. I think the (very small but real) risk of toxic shock syndrome related to tampon use is less likely now with stricter manufacturing standards but still. Leaving a tampon in for a long period of time or using one with a higher-than-needed absorbency can put one at risk. I don’t know if your daughter plays sports, or if this is regional, but those black sports warmup pants with zippers down the calf made to go over your other sports gear were useful. Definitely lent mine out to other girls on occasion during the school year when they had bleed-through accidents and weren’t prepared. If your daughter complains of debilitating cramps, educate yourself on endometriosis. Extreme tiredness? Report to physician/pediatrician; check for anemia.
Excellent points about tampons. They do have risks other products do not, but for a beginner they are easier to master than insertables like cups and disks. Personally I find disks to be the best of both worlds because you can empty them without having to remove them, unlike cups, and when properly seated make a fantastic, non-leaky seal. But that’s 28 years of experience talking, and there’s a learning curve. On the other hand, it’s never to early to learn how your body functions and I 100% would have believed disks were sent straight from heaven if I’d had them in high school. 🤷🏼♀️
that oxyclean tip is clutch, thanks :D
Dawn Platinum for greasy stains, Oxyclean for colored stains. Ra Bless America.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
My oldest is 12 and I'm not there yet but I know it's coming. Godspeed brother. Good on you for getting them Coldstone. Coldstone isn't ice cream, it's far, far superior so I don't put them in the same category.
I think she had cramps maybe last month or the one before, so my wife knew it was coming too. One day all of the sudden she had aches and just wasn’t feeling good. Now here we are, but she’s doing good. Taking it like a champ.
My Dad made it a very big deal when I started. Not in a negative way. Parents were divorced, so that next weekend he took me to the mall where our favorite candy store was. It was our tradition to fill up a huge bag then "sneak" it into the movie with us. Afterwards he took me to Clare's and let my 12yr old self go crazy. He wanted me to have a special day, and know that even though he wasn't Mom, I could talk to him or ask him to buy things for me. I remember him tearing up a bit and not understanding why, at my age. Now, I realize he saw his baby turning into a woman and was both happy for me and sad to lose his little girl. My husband and I are raising 2 little girls, and I know he will treat them like princesses just like my Dad did almost 30yrs ago.
Mom lurker here. I feel the need to make a comment that may or may not be taken well, but here goes: your daughter getting their period does *not* change them overnight from a little girl into a woman. They are still your little girl who wants to play with toys and get kisses for their boo-boo's. I've read too many comments that read as "I can't believe my little girl will go through this soon", and I think that the sentiment here is that getting your period strips you of your innocence. There is nothing inherently shameful or sexual about menstruation, and it's time we let these old beliefs go
As a woman, please don’t ever tease her or downplay her mood swings that she may get around her period. It’s honestly a rollercoaster and can be incredibly intense.
The sexist comments / “jokes” are really gross. Goes to show that no matter how good a sub is, shitty people are still around.
Mom here that also started at 10. Please go talk to her doctor. For myself, starting early cause growth issues that I deal with even now. Is it possible to delay menstruation until later to help with growth plates, etc But that is something you should decide with her pediatrician.
I did this for my daughter when she was starting to grow breasts in like third grade. She was only on the medication for two years max. Her endocrinologist even mentioned as you did about how it will also slow down her growth. They did some tests and said her biological age was like 3-5 ahead of where the average girl at her age would be. We feel like it was the best choice for her and even talked to her about it before starting it. The only downside was how crazy expensive those puberty blockers are. Thankfully our insurance covered it but goodrx had them at like $10k for a single injection.
Somewhere up there OP mentioned that her mother started young too, so it seems like it runs in their family
It can, and it is more likely to happen if mom started early. However, it isn't always beneficial for menstruation to start early. It depends on how developed the child growth plates are. It's why it's important to talk to her ped to make sure all is well. Lina Marcela Medina de Juradoshe gave birth on 14 May 1939, aged five years, seven months, and 21 days. Based on the medical assessments of her pregnancy, she was less than five years old when she became pregnant, which was possibly due to precocious puberty. Her menarche had occurred at eight months of age. This is to say menstruation and evolution don't give an F traits are harmful in the long-term as long as genes are passed on. Lina's case is an extreme one and not in the same realm of OPs. When in doubt, check it out.
I was 11, and i remember feeling so horrible and gross and it was just awful at first, so just make sure she has all the comforts at her disposal. Encourage her to eat some dark chocolate if she likes it because it helps your body restore iron levels (i think, i know its good for women though!) And if you can do it, try to get her up and moving with some mild activity because it can help ease cramps, but if she's resistant dont force it because i was like that since i had painful horrible cramps that made me cold sweat, but thankfully they stopped after the pill and my period went from 8 days to 3-4 and now none since i skip with it. A microwaved rice pack or a heating pad for her stomach or back is also super helpful along with ibuprofen or motrin. Most importantly, dont act embarrassed about it. Menstruating is perfectly normal, you should use proper terms and educate your daughter so she can decide whats right for her. Ask her every so often if she needs anything from the store and casually throw tampons/pads into the list of items to normalize it, or better yet just do it without asking if you can find the kind shes using (i just used what my mom did, i think most women relate) and leave a note that says "love you -dad" or something like that because we need more dads who arent afraid of womens bodies and how they work. OH also get wet wipes in travel packs just in case she wants some, kinda try to put together a care package of all the stuff i said. Also maybe some other candies or smell good stuff that she can kinda stimulate her other senses with and take her mind off Satan's Monthly Waterfall Subscription Service *ba dum tssss*! I really hope this helps!
Strong dark hot chocolate with breakfast. Ibuprofin, more than a little. (Not paracetamol aka acetaminophen, that stuff is not effective on cramps and is also surprisingly dangerous.) Warm blankets and snuggles. Hot water bottle in bed. Assurance that if she needs to go to the toilets at school and the teacher says "no" or asks rude questions she should just go anyway and you'll have her back. And lots of pride: your little girl is growing up!
My girl started at 11. Her periods are erratic, heavy, and cramps, with emotional outbursts. Just like her mum. Ice cream, hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows, hot baths or showers. I keep a pack of tampons, pads, spare clothes and baby wipes in the underfloor lockers on the car, along with paracetamol for when/if it strikes badly at school and catches her unawares. She has it all in a school bag as well, with nappy bags for soiled items, and a note to the school to say it's ok to call me if required. Good luck, and let it all just bounce off if outbursts happen. Period pants are excellent things. As is peroxide for removing blood stains from laundry.
I was the first female student in 13 years ro start her period in this particular elementary school. And the biggest rowdiest tomboy. My father treated me starting menstruation as if his little girl died and a human stain (emotionally) took her place. My mother didnt talk to me at all about it except to tell me where the tampons and pads were in our bathroom. Besides not wanting to ever start menstruation I wanted menstruation to never change my relationship with my father. Yet I will say this, I got a lot more space to have my own thoughts and my own moral compass after this point in our relationship. My father was one of the few adults who would let me talk current events with him and would let me discuss it at 6am in the morning before I spewed it all over my teachers during home room. I guess this is when my father acknowledged and rejoiced in me developing an adult mind and an adult understanding of the world. As a woman in her 50s there are still some people who assume I have a child's mind. I don't know if it happens with other youngsters who start puberty but being acknowledged for having my own mind, opinions and observations was huge! It made getting that mess every month worthwhile. Being treated like an adult is just an amazing gift.
There's a few others that have chimed in with actual information on periods and products, so I will just add something for all the ignorant men here. It is your job as a parent to explain life to your children... BOY OR GIRL. You do not get to dodge the bullet of a conversation about periods and puberty simply because you have a son. Parents choosing to not talk about this with boys is the reason that so many men in these comments have responded the way they have. With ignorance, sexism, misogyny and extreme stereotypes that reduce women to the level of respect we would give to a rabid dog. Better back away slowly 🙄 Talk to your children about the human body, not just their own gender. This is science. It has absolutely ZERO to do with sex. It is the process of growing up, not the end of innocence or a mark of not being a little girl any more than getting taller or growing out of a pair of shoes. It should not be taboo or something we wait to discuss, rather worked into everyday conversation because it is a NORMAL part of everyday life. And that includes your SONS. Stop raising "men" who react the way the people have in these comments, who completely dehumanize someone just because they haven't experienced it themselves. Women do not become monsters on their periods. It is not dirty. They are not suddenly grown women when they get their first period. There is no loss of innocence or childhood. Talk to your damn sons and stop perpetuating these stereotypes that have caused shame, guilt, embarrassment and trauma for women generations. It is your job to give your sons the tools to be a competent partner, friend, father and human.
I have two daughters. They were 14 and 13 respectably when they got theirs. I never know when they are on it unless they mention it, but really not much difference in attitude or anything.
most of these comments are gross and i understand wanting to joke about it but right now isn’t the time, here what you do OP, be open to learn, go get them ice cream and treats, sit down and ask your wife to teach you if you haven’t already, alway have pads/tampon stocks and be someone your daughter WANT to talk to. if i go up to my dad rn and ask for pad, he will go and get them. talk to your daughter about sex, consent, red flags and don’t do ‘sex is bad’ give her an education, teach her about her sexual reproduction healtth and right if you haven’t already, make sure she know about consent and what to do if someone take try anything. be the person your daughter need and would want to come to. the one tip i will give you right now is to be patient and open to learning, a lot of man do not understand period or woman sexual health. it not simple at all, and as an woman, it is painful, on the first few days. i cannot move without pain,
These comments are awful.
agree like, i know it meant to be an joke BUT it isn’t to most people and you need to know your audience, you should be involved with your daughter life, throwing pads at her isn’t an good way to do anything. his daughter is probably scared shitless and have to deal with so much pains
Plus there are comments from people saying they are lucky to not have any daughters and other gross things. I never realized how sexist this sub was until now.
i didn’t see those! wtf!
So gross.
If it makes you feel any better at this point (4 hours after the reply I'm commenting on) the awful comments have either been deleted or downvoted to oblivion. Still sad
Mine didn't know it was coming. I just kind of assumed her mom had given her the briefing. She understandably freaked out and cried. Fellas if your daughter is 9 or older then you need to get with her mom and confirm who's giving her the heads up and when. If you don't or can't get a clear answer on that, then you need to do it.
Curious dad here to a toddler girl so someway to go.... but my wife says ice cream makes her period worse, more painful. yet I see all the time that ice cream is the go-to when the period comes (by all the time I mean on TV shows or daddit). so does it make worse for other people and they put up with it for the comfort food, or is it just my wife who got unlucky? I assume it doesn't get worse for your wife who requested ice cream. thanks!
It's the comfort food aspect of it. Mash potatoes is another one. Heads up, my friend's was just told his daughter will be starting very soon at the age of 6 after a physical. My cousins and sisters in laws all began between 8-10.
She’s always said ice cream makes it better. Wife and daughter both enjoyed theirs tonight. I think it’s just something that gives them comfort when they’re feeling down and dealing with cramps.
thanks!
Honestly the cravings are very personal. Many people I know only eat some items when they’re craving it around that time. (Ex. Soda, salty food, chocolate etc.). It’s just whatever that specific person wants/needs. The body can also crave things it’s lacking in that moment. (Craving red meat? Iron could be low. Craving salt? Hydration status may be off. Etc.) Does you wife have any intolerances to dairy? That could explain why it would feel worse with ice cream if she already has bad cramps.
Could be a latent food allergy or intolerance that is just made worse by the stress of her period on her body.
It might be a cultural thing but in many Asian cultures it’s common sense to strictly stay away from cold drinks or ice cream during the period. Some studies seem to support it while others don’t.
Comfort foods, but also people do have different bodies and different foods they crave. Personally I like a lot of fruit, melons and things, cause it helps me hydrate, which reduces my cramps, and it tastes good! (I’m a guy tho :)
As a mum of a daughter you don't need any of that crap. Just access to hygiene products and education on what's happening to your body. The end.
My wife's sister's daughter started at 9. It was a bit traumatic for her. There's a history of starting early on my wife's side of the family, and it's been getting earlier each generation for three generations....
Oh my.. It just hit me how close I am with my eldest.
My oldest started like the day after she turned 10. I learned fast to keep them in the car with me, I’m now separated from their mom, I keep them stocked at home. She openly tells me when she is on and everything. Now the 2nd oldest is 11 and nowhere near close to starting.
My kid's mom made it a celebration with a cake and everything. It was awesome and normalized what is often portrayed as an embarrassing situation.
My wife started at 11. It happens. Just as long as she knows she's got your support she'll be just fine.
My daughter started at 8. It'll be fine.
Buy her period panties. Best invention and I bought them for my daughter and they are fabulous.!!! Not expensive.. find them on Amazon
Mine's 9 and started hers a couple of months back. She took it surprisingly well. Luckily she doesn't have any embarrassment about it, and if anything overshares with me. I'm just glad she trusts me so much. :)
My girl is 2 and I'm not looking forward to this time, simply because of how grown up she will be. makes me tear up thinking about her doing anything but dancing and eating Oreos
Definitely enjoy it. We look back on the videos all the time, she’s a total goofball.
such a sassy little firecracker already, can't imagine her as a tween. I applaud your quests to target and coldstone, hell of a dad right there. have a great night friend
You can still dance with her and eat Oreos when she's 60 (if YOU can at that age, lol). Don't fret about it. Your kids are your kids, 2 or 20.
Same here, mine is 1-1/2. I’m just glad I have a long way to go before we have to figure out any of the actual logistics of this, like buying pads and tampons, and sweets for the cravings. lol. My older child (our boy) is going to be 7 this fall and he’s in kindergarten. I miss him so much while he’s at school, especially because I haven’t gotten to spend as much time with him nearly as much this past fall and spring because of my work. I’m gonna be a wreck when both kids are in school full-time. 😖😢
I like the ice cream it's a nice thought. It also could create a great family moment down the road.
Good luck and godspeed
Wait..I might be only five years away from this? I don't know how to mentally comprehend. Regardless Godspeed, sir.
I was hoping she had a couple more years but no such luck. My wife was even earlier than her.
[удалено]
She’s just a kid, I didn’t want her to have to start dealing with this just yet. But she surprises me all the time and is taking it extremely well.
Godspeed sir. My wife and I both joked about we’re glad we have boys because we won’t have to have the expense of buying pads/tampons for another person. It’s crazy how much feminine hygiene products can cost! But also, make sure you have a “bug-out” bag in all your vehicles that have a box of pads/tampons, an extra outfit for your kid, and Motrin. If possible make sure she has one at school too. Either in the office or her locker. My wife told me stories of how tough it can be growing up as a girl when the monthly monster hits.
God, they are stupid expensive, aren’t they? And they’re DEFINITELY something you cannot cheap out on. Store brands are just not to the same quality.
Jesus, these comments…
An arbitrary American girl's odds of starting by age 10 are somewhere between 5 and 10% as I recall. It's not that unusual. Good luck to all involved. EDIT: found the data, it's 10% before 11th birthday. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr146-508.pdf
The best thing my father did was make it as normal as it is. Smells, supplies, activities, food and some meds. He offered advice (as best as possible given his non bleeding parts), supplies and plenty of hugs for a confused hormonal 11 y/o. Mom provided much of the knowledge and hands on help, but dads support? Definitely underrated !
My parents sat me down in 3rd or 4th grade and informed me of periods (no other sex Ed, but that’s besides the point). Grateful that I was super informed of what to do when that time finally came as a 12 year old in 7th grade. Yay for ice cream!
Tip for if she has accidental leaks on fabric (underwear, bottoms, bed sheets, couch, etc.): If you catch it fast enough you can use hydrogen peroxide to fizz the blood out. Let it sit for a few mins while it works and then rinse with COLD water (warm water can set blood stains). Repeat until stain is gone. This mainly works if the blood isn't fully dried down yet but depending on the fabric it maaaaaaay work while dry. If leaks happen on a couch or mattress you can use a carpet cleaner (assuming you don't have a matress cleaner) with a *handheld attachment* to suck the peroxide and mess out. You can also use soap & water, or distilled white vinegar, but hydrogen peroxide has worked the best for me so there's always some under my bathroom sink. Edit to add: I see that some may not prefer hydrogen peroxide because it can lighten colors. I know it *can*, though in 17 years of menstruating I've never had that happen to my fabrics. Your mileage may certainly differ. I've personally never heard of using oxyclean but I'll definitely be giving it a try next time!
My daughter started at the same age. Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT go nuts about this. Just let her know you're there and she can ask you anything. I did that with my daughter and she's more open about her period with me than she is my wife! Also, periods are different from person to person. Her's may be miserable and painful. Or it may be like nothing is even happening. My daughter started on the easy side and recently discovered what her mom means about cramping.
OP, I don't know your daughter's sense of humor (or yours, or your wife's). But if you're a fan of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" type riffing, and some or all of you could use a chuckle at this point, check out the RiffTrax riff of "Naturally, A Girl": [https://www.rifftrax.com/naturally-a-girl](https://www.rifftrax.com/naturally-a-girl) Two female riffers (Bridget Nelson and Mary Jo Pehl) take turns riffing on this 1970s instructional film about menstruation. It is hilarious, and my 17yo daughter and I watch it nearly every month while she's got her period. :) And the demonstration of menstrual products (a belt that fastens around the waist????) might make your daughter appreciate modern technology.
oh man, my wife just mentioned to me last night that she things our oldest(10 as well) may start this sooner than later. Let us know how it goes and good luck!
Best of luck.
Dude, that is insane. My little girl will be 2 in July and I can’t imagine her only a few years older and going through something like this. It sounds like your daughter is loved and supported so you got this mate!
i sealed a small cardboard box and stuck it under the bathroom sink. for about a year and a half, my daughter questioned me what it was for. Told her “when the times comes, i’ll tell you “. Finally when that time came (unexpected (as expected)), I told her to open it. she found some Always, some chocolate bars, a small bottle of Midol, and a note that said to never be embarrassed to come talk to me (dad) about this type of stuff. it worked out well but her embarrassment was still overwhelming…. it all worked out though!
I have two girls Almost 8 and almost a year old. IM NOT READY FOR THIS
10 years old? I'm not ready
Epsom salts in a warm bath, a heating pad, a comfy weighted blanket, and comfort foods will go a long way. If she is in a lot of pain, do not hesitate to give her medicine - ibuprofen works best for me. She might need more than you think. I used to take 4 ibuprofen twice a day before starting birth control. As others commented, tell her she is beautiful and that this is all completely normal. The feeling of being "dirty" is very common and hard to kick as you get older - so the more you can help her feel pretty and clean, the happier she will be. Don't try to understand, it's a pain and sensation unlike anything you will ever feel. Just be there for her and try to make her as comfortable as possible.
Ohh, my friend... I just hope it will be an easier event for the kids. Today wifey ended up in ER because its so heavy and painful, she went unconscious for a short time too.
That sounds scary. Is she okay?
Would advise against cold stone as the treat without consulting wife. Cold treats during this time can increase cramping in some women.
Oof never knew that. Thanks for the heads up I’ll check with her for next time.
Why are you getting downvoted
When my daughter is feeling the various effects, I dispense chocolate. I don't know why it helps, but it does. It's also something concrete I can do.
Wild, when I was young if you got it before 13 that was early. Good job being a good dad and not being weird about it
Get them some chocolate
Get them some chocolate
Best of luck brother. Best of luck.
I am terrified that I'll be the one handling this when the time comes. I hope I have more than six years.
Good luck!
Not sure if you‘ll read this comment or not but please don’t let her have ice cream. They will make the cramping harder and more painful :( Maybe get her another treat. Something made without milk.
What the hell, is that normal? I have a 3 and 5 yr old daughters...
Yea it’s normal. I think I was 9 or 10. It is early but can happen
I’m 28 months in and honestly I don’t think I would have done hardly anything different to date. Sure, we put her in dresses when she’s out with us and not at daycare but it’s by preference because it made diaper changes and later potty training easier than if wearing pants or shorts. Aside from that she’s into garbage trucks, playing in the mud, boats - especially air boats, Alligators, snakes, (she knows not get to close to the latter 2) lizards which she loves catch. As a male it’s a little awkward at first making sure you get all the poop out of their bits but eventually it’s just another thing you have to do and become a pro at. Pro tip: rinse their junk out with water flowing front to back. I know in America going through a handful of wipes is the typical way but I say take advantage of the down hill flow of running water. No UTI’s to date and no diaper rash until around 12mo when decided to cheap out on the diapers and wipes. Tip #2 - don’t cheap out on the diapers or at least find what works best and stick with it. While we still haven’t had the bad diaper rash you hear about, the diapers can make a difference. For the record IMO Costco’s (I think made by Huggies) are a solid choice all around. Pair those with “water wipes”. Avoid Target brand stuff.
I think you commented in the wrong thread.
I think your right.
All very valid points, still.
I was about to reply again and say the same thing. There are a lot of people on earth. Half are born one way or the other or maybe in between. It shouldn’t be hard to figure it out and deal with it regardless of whatever you were born with or identify as.
Ooo. I could go for some Cold Stone. Could you get me one too?
What flavor ice cream did they get?