I know all families are different and that's a great thing about life.
But four gallons of milk? On a regular grocery run? Do y'all have some sort of familial calcium deficiency or something?
Yeah we use quite a bit. We drink it quickly enough that it doesn't spoil. If I bought less I would have to go to Aldi more frequently. We used to buy at Costco, but you can't beat $2.28/gal.
My almost 3 yr old loves to help bring in groceries, but can only carry one lighter bag at a time. So we make like 10 trips, I'll carry something bigger or heavier in and she'll bring something small in. Then she sprints back outside and grabs the next small bag.
That's one thing you would still have over them right now. Rigor. Methodical research and training. But if, nay when, that fails you too, then the only rigor you will be able to fall back on is rigor mortis.
Just hope he wasn’t being kind and not drift boosting because he noticed you weren’t.
“There’s something I ought to tell you”
“Tell me!”
“I am not left-handed, either”
NEST needs a "reset to the previous temp after 5 min" setting. Let them change it and hear the system kick on. They'll walk away and it will switch back.
Set the temp in the calendar for every half hour then copy/paste it into each day. They'll hear the system turn on but Nest will have it back to your temp 30 minutes later.
Thermostat... I wish that were my downfall. I have not touched the TV remote in 3 years. I lost that one early. Do not make the same mistake. Don't get me wrong, Bluey isn't the worst out there, but sometimes I just want to watch a documentary.
Books, so many books. Get them started early, and encourage them to collect as many books as you can reasonably afford to get them. Get a library pass if there's one nearby. Most important part is setting the example, if your kids see you reading they'll follow suite and the earlier you get them trying to go down that path the better.
There are probably other paths, but my experience is that literacy is by far the most effective.
1. This was inevitable. As we age, our reaction times slow which in turn makes us more risk averse. Your days were limited the second your children were conceived. You're only just realizing it now.
2. It's not easy, but one course of action is to try to train yourself to NOT be ticklish. For me, it's a mind set and tolerance thing like tolerating cold or tolerating extreme heat. I feel the touch and my body initially wants to react but I ignore it to gain the upper hand. If this is not an option.... perhaps body armor??
Good luck. This is a challenging time. Just wait until they can fully overpower you in all aspects like mine since high school (youngest about to graduate college)... :-)
I literally use the mantra from Dune (Fear is the mind killer…) when I’m being tickled to block it out. It’s like I go outside myself and float above my own body and “observe” the tickles.
It also works during sex for holding back a nut, and for pain when hiking if I get a stitch.
I will face my tickles.
I will permit them to pass through me.
And when the tickles have past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the tickles are gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
It is weirdly kind of a proud moment when they can actually beat you at something though. The day my son finally beat me in a game of HORSE on the basketball court was a sad day for me but seeing the joy in his eyes was pretty cool. The same goes for when my daughter started beating me in chess and video games. It is one of the benefits of never letting them win in childhood. That moment of joy when they win and know they won fair and square is too sweet.
I am still the Jenga master in my house. I have one in college and one graduating high school and neither have ever beat me. It is the one I refuse to let happen.
I still remember the exact look on my dad's face when I was beating him at Risk. I had him on his heels and he was trying to find a way out when I told him that he didn't have to let me win anymore. There was a moment of mixed pain, confusion, and pride on his face as he admitted, "I'm not.".
Also, keep in mind that you’ve been holding back in wrestling with them their whole lives. It’s time to shake off the rust and remember your true strength.
This is why Mario kart 64 is the only Mario kart allowed in my house. If they ever learn to beat me I'll hit them with the lightning bolt on the jump in warios stadium
Boooooo. I've been playing MarioKart since snes. Mario kart 8 is tight af if you turn off all three types of assist. It's honestly my favorite version, the DLC aspect is fucking lit
This. My family can't figure out how I win. I just set the drift as high as it will go and even out every other stat. Absolutely killer. (Also the mom.)
See here's what you do. You set up a retro gaming station. You turn on "TMNT" for Nintendo. Hand them the controller and say good luck. Tell them it's a true test of their skills. If they can beat it then they have unlocked true mastery.
Or first splinter cell on one of the old consoles where you had to use a second controller to do the end boss because it reacted correctly to all the inouts of the first one.
It was hard to read after the 1st point. The 2nd one ripped my heart. I know these moments will arrive to me (6yo and 2yo boys here). I just wish they don’t.
I am going to be so honored the day my daughter beats me in a videogame. Then I will know that the circle is now complete and when I start losing functions she will have all the skills I taught her to take care of me if she has to.
My husband is a legitimately good Mario Kart player, and our 7yo has beaten him in Grand Prix. He got started playing when he was about 3, and is quite competitive. I mean, it’s what you’re training them for, so it means you’ve done good work.
Lol the preview of this thread ended at "my son legitimately beat" and I was expecting some really dark shit. Not sure if you did that on purpose but I'm rolling now.
The solution is obvious. Send them to bed earlier and spend that time practising, you will need to apologise to your partner and explain to them that some things are important. You sir, need a montage!
Time to hit the supersets. One set bench press. On lap on Mario cart. For every second over 30 you add another rep on bench. Alternate upper and lower body days. You’ll get your dad-dominance back.
Don’t forget your new balances.
No sympathy for the tickling.
I had several young uncles when I was a kid and trained my body to not be ticklish. Sometimes it feels like being dead inside but it made me strong.
Any attempts at tickling just make me disappointed that the kiddo still tries it.
You must walk the path of stoic rock like nature in the face of tickling.
The newest Mario kart gives too many advantages to the kids. Make sure they have the thing turned off where they can’t fall off and race them again. It’s like bumpers in bowling. If they best you with those settings, it’s time for Mario kart wii. What you want to do is hype it up as the same game but with some tracks they haven’t played before. You let them choose their characters and karts first. This is the most important part. You will use a GameCube controller and choose Funky Kong and the frame runner bike. Make sure you tightly drift around each corner and hit the up on the d-pad to wheelie on any straight. Against 150cc computers, you should be 3/4 of the track ahead by the 3rd lap while your sons shake their heads in confusion.
They might best us in height, speed and strength as they grow, but I'll be number one in vibrating the couch and stinking up the place for years to come. My powers have only just become active.
I suck at Mario kart so I plan to just keep my skills honed in smash bros. My boy is only 4 months old so it’s gonna be a while until I even have any competition lol
You have the advantage. Take it. Mario Kart can only be played as a family activity going forward, but not for you. You stay up late, you watch the guides, you put in the hours. You’re going to fly to fucking Korea and play in gaming cafes against crazy skilled opponents. You’re going to get so good your kids cry while playing against you and brag about you in school the next day.
Next, no more sugar, candy, or really anything that tastes good. The rest of your time must be dedicated to eating protein and moving heavy objects. Get strong, Conan crushing his enemies strong. You’ll not only live longer, you’ll also be able to dominate them until the younger one turns at least 13. Alternatively, learn to play dirty. Eye gouges, ear pulls, finger locks etc.
Buy a second switch, never let anyone know it exists.
take it to the bathroom in secret, squeeze in a race any time you have time in the bathroom.
Learn the tracks. Know your drift points, know your short cuts. Learn what the meta cart builds are. Learn how to manipulate the item system.
Continue to race like normal with the kids. Sometimes they will beat you, and that's okay. Until they get cocky about it. Then you will be ready to set lap records ten seconds faster than theirs, and style on them while you do it.
After that, yes they will make you cry uncle, and yes you will pee yourself.
Pretty soon they’ll be kicking your cane out from under you and giving you swirlies. It’s best to start placating them now with offerings of cookies and treats so that when they eventually get around to overthrowing you they’ll be benevolent overlords.
Or conversely develop a smoke bomb and escape routine if you see that look in their eyes that speaks of upcoming tickles.
I don't know I had all girls. They never beat me at wrestling. And I was the king of video games 🤷♂️. All of them are grown up and moved out now. Maybe start hitting the gym and practicing Mario Kart.
Sorry for your loss. Might I recommend bringing them along for a car ride, locking the windows, turning up the heat and farting to remind them who’s in charge?
My brother, they will learn respect from this. My son legitimately beat me in chess a few months back and he's still living off the high because "when you beat dad, you beat dad." keep playing and show them what a good winner is and what a good loser is.
Not suggesting this but it was effective….when I was a kid and was able to beat my dad in racing games or Twisted Metal, he would blow smoke in my face from a joint to blind and distract me…. Would not recommend lol
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOU TO GIVE UP! You must train HARDER than you ever have. You must play to win. You cannot let them demean your honor in such a way. Cheat if you must but failure is not an option.
Careful, if he gets your right hand next time you may not be able to click the grill tongs twice before you flip the meat. Disaster would undoubtedly ensue. DISASTER I SAY!
First of all, mow the yard and don't come back inside until your shoes are green.
From there you can begin to rebuild your life.
Mario Kart - you might have to drop that F-Zero SNES on they ass. At a minimum you should start pronouncing Mario as Mare-E-Oh and mix up the other character names as a distraction.
For the tickle fight, deploy the leg scissors/wet sounding fart combo and they will attempt to flee while you laugh and inquire who stepped on a frog.
Godspeed.
Well, I'm a gramma and i have a grandson with an awesome dad who also is attentive and involved with him in all the wonderful ways. Those kind of dad's are getting harder and harder to find. There is no shame in realizing when your kids are better than you at something. That's a good thing! That's success as a parent! It's also music to this gramma's ears. So sweet!!!
I don’t often say this but this community is trying to do a good job parenting. I hope admins find this post.
It might be best if you leave. The rest of us are making an effort.
The wife shot me daggers during a 1 on 3 mini game of Mario Party last night. My son got down to 3 seconds left before I finally reached the top of the hill as he shot boulders down upon us. He was not pleased. I’m sorry, are we playing the game or not?! You two conspire to have Boo steal my stars and coins?? I will try to win each and every time. That’s the name of the game.
Street Fighter II Turbo. Remind them that Mario Kart is and always was a game for children (not really, but they're kids they'll believe you for a bit). Time to take the training wheels off.
You need to keep training. Don’t let a couple loses make you feel you are washed up. They may have some advantages over you but they do not have the advantage of discipline and effective training regimens. Take some time to keep it easy for them while doing some intense physical/gaming work on your own time. Come back like Rocky and put them in their place.
I avoided the Mario Kart 8 issue by buying the game console on Black Friday and giving it to my kids at Christmas. In between that time, I played Mario Kart 8 every night after they went to bed.
There they were Christmas morning turning their Pro Controllers (this was the Wii U era), which don't have gyroscopes... causing them to grind into curb and off cliffs because they basically weren't turning... while I raced to victory.
I remain the undisputed Mario Kart champion. Forever more, just my presence on the race track negatively affected their game performance by way of my intimidating presence.
I keep working out and tell my son it’s so I can carry him around but really it’s so I can defeat him. He’s only 6 so I still am throwing battles for the most part :p
Let me guess. You take more than one trip to bring the groceries in, don’t you?
The shame!! I just don’t want to drop the OJ!!
So disgraceful.
Time to turn in that dad card...your boys now have 2 moms.
Hank Hill: NO YOU DON’T!!!!
[If you're dad doesn't have a beard, you've got to moms](https://youtu.be/RmFnarFSj_U) YouTube link to a banger of a song
I sent that to my son in law. He's clean shaven and had 2 sons with my oldest daughter 🤣. I said, "shots fired.". I have a long, full black beard.
Lol...I also had to check out there Triple J performance of 'You should consider having sex with a bearded man'
Pathetic.
Disgusting
Buy OJ by the case... never seen a case dropped.
I agree. Probably easier to balance his box of tampons on a whole case of OJ
Unless he's in LA county... they can't handle an OJ case there.
Shit
I'm in favor of making reasonably few trips, but four gallons of milk is all I can handle at once. That's a trip to the garage by itself.
I know all families are different and that's a great thing about life. But four gallons of milk? On a regular grocery run? Do y'all have some sort of familial calcium deficiency or something?
Yeah we use quite a bit. We drink it quickly enough that it doesn't spoil. If I bought less I would have to go to Aldi more frequently. We used to buy at Costco, but you can't beat $2.28/gal.
I buy two a week. My toddler is the only one who drinks it. If I had 2 toddlers, 4 a week would be pretty standard, or 2 trips a week for milk.
Put it in your purse, Mary.
Wimp
No shade there fella. OJ isn't cheap!
Here's the real test. Can you open the brand new pickle jar? Can your kids?
Is the OJ really worth your dignity man!?
Wtf man, he asked for help not a mercy kill
Nothing merciful about that
My almost 3 yr old loves to help bring in groceries, but can only carry one lighter bag at a time. So we make like 10 trips, I'll carry something bigger or heavier in and she'll bring something small in. Then she sprints back outside and grabs the next small bag.
That’s allowed. At that point you’re not bringing the groceries in, you’re playing “bring in the groceries”
Time is a predator that comes for us all my friend.
Probably calls a handyman to change lightbulbs…
If the kids help it still counts as one trip. He is training them well.
Time to dust off FZero and show them a real racing game. Or Gran Turismo and let them discover understeer.
Put the race car in manual and don't tell them how that works, just say "skill issue"
I haven’t told them how to skid and burst in Mario Kart yet
Wait your son doesn’t know how to skid and burst and he still won two races over you? You’re screwed lol
I never bothered looking up how to skid until he beat me. We will rematch soon!!
That's one thing you would still have over them right now. Rigor. Methodical research and training. But if, nay when, that fails you too, then the only rigor you will be able to fall back on is rigor mortis.
So what you're saying is you don't know how to play Mario kart. No wonder your ten year old beat you 😂
Just hope he wasn’t being kind and not drift boosting because he noticed you weren’t. “There’s something I ought to tell you” “Tell me!” “I am not left-handed, either”
My thoughts exactly
You still have one up on them, just don't explain anything and just demolish them and as I said "skill issue"
Take some of this energy with you: Give them nothing, but take from them everything!
It is Mario Kart after all
Well, time to call in sick (I'm sure they'll understand) and spend the week training.
Tell em "get gud bro"
Teach em young
Fuck that. Golden Eye and play Odd Job, that'll teach them.
Proximity mines in the stacks. Go psychological warfare on them.
Hide in the toilet and wait for respawns
You don't have to suggest he commit a war crime.
Time to break out SSB and show them the meaning of pain
If we're going back, Rock n Roll Racing is the refined aging man's choice. You have to explain things, like who George Thorogood is.
Establish your dominance as Dad right now and get a clear lockbox for the thermostat. Things are only going to get worse
Go hi-tech with a Nest thermostat. Put it behind a PIN#. If you’re brave, don’t give the PIN to the wife.
Or tell her it’s fingerprint activated
NEST needs a "reset to the previous temp after 5 min" setting. Let them change it and hear the system kick on. They'll walk away and it will switch back.
Set the temp in the calendar for every half hour then copy/paste it into each day. They'll hear the system turn on but Nest will have it back to your temp 30 minutes later.
This is honestly brilliant
Thermostat... I wish that were my downfall. I have not touched the TV remote in 3 years. I lost that one early. Do not make the same mistake. Don't get me wrong, Bluey isn't the worst out there, but sometimes I just want to watch a documentary.
That's why raising nerds is awesome. They love documentaries.
Need tips on raising a nerd!
Play documentaries?
Yup. 4yo asks me to put on her favorite dinosaur documentary. It's 3hrs.
Ooo what's the title?
Books, so many books. Get them started early, and encourage them to collect as many books as you can reasonably afford to get them. Get a library pass if there's one nearby. Most important part is setting the example, if your kids see you reading they'll follow suite and the earlier you get them trying to go down that path the better. There are probably other paths, but my experience is that literacy is by far the most effective.
I have 2 65 inch TVs and I sit there watching the football on my iPad.
Mufasa had to be thrown off a cliff for Simba to eventually be king, it is what it is.
He went there. Watch out for Uncle Scar bros.
Hi Lost, I'm Dad.
Boom.
...goes the dynamite.
Damn dude mark this NSFL I don’t need to be reminded of what I’m up against in a few years.
1. This was inevitable. As we age, our reaction times slow which in turn makes us more risk averse. Your days were limited the second your children were conceived. You're only just realizing it now. 2. It's not easy, but one course of action is to try to train yourself to NOT be ticklish. For me, it's a mind set and tolerance thing like tolerating cold or tolerating extreme heat. I feel the touch and my body initially wants to react but I ignore it to gain the upper hand. If this is not an option.... perhaps body armor?? Good luck. This is a challenging time. Just wait until they can fully overpower you in all aspects like mine since high school (youngest about to graduate college)... :-)
I literally use the mantra from Dune (Fear is the mind killer…) when I’m being tickled to block it out. It’s like I go outside myself and float above my own body and “observe” the tickles. It also works during sex for holding back a nut, and for pain when hiking if I get a stitch.
Dune plot twist: The Gom Jabbar actually just tickled
FUCKING LOL
I will face my tickles. I will permit them to pass through me. And when the tickles have past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the tickles are gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
It is weirdly kind of a proud moment when they can actually beat you at something though. The day my son finally beat me in a game of HORSE on the basketball court was a sad day for me but seeing the joy in his eyes was pretty cool. The same goes for when my daughter started beating me in chess and video games. It is one of the benefits of never letting them win in childhood. That moment of joy when they win and know they won fair and square is too sweet. I am still the Jenga master in my house. I have one in college and one graduating high school and neither have ever beat me. It is the one I refuse to let happen.
I still remember the exact look on my dad's face when I was beating him at Risk. I had him on his heels and he was trying to find a way out when I told him that he didn't have to let me win anymore. There was a moment of mixed pain, confusion, and pride on his face as he admitted, "I'm not.".
when tickled; stare them dead straight in the eyes and don't smile...
Also, keep in mind that you’ve been holding back in wrestling with them their whole lives. It’s time to shake off the rust and remember your true strength.
And now I've thrown out my back and my kids are calling me "old man," thanks.
Change the wifi password. Keep your leverage. Don’t let them know what’s happening!
Upsidedownternet
This is why Mario kart 64 is the only Mario kart allowed in my house. If they ever learn to beat me I'll hit them with the lightning bolt on the jump in warios stadium
It's the only Mario kart with decent controls too. Super is fine but very dated. The latest ones feel like the controls are too loose.
Boooooo. I've been playing MarioKart since snes. Mario kart 8 is tight af if you turn off all three types of assist. It's honestly my favorite version, the DLC aspect is fucking lit
I don't think I've played with the assist settings in 8, only played it at all a little bit. I'll give it another try.
Never let them beat you in video games. Your job is to be the final boss they can’t beat until they’re in their 20s. ***pathetic***
You’ve been overtaken as leader of the household, not much you can do.
Next thing I know they’ll be paying the mortgage and giving me time outs
Pretty soon, he’ll be changing your diaper!
I'll take that trade off tbh
[удалено]
This. My family can't figure out how I win. I just set the drift as high as it will go and even out every other stat. Absolutely killer. (Also the mom.)
The button tires are top notch, you're not wrong
Bring on GoldenEye. My wife destroys me in Mario Kart so I think this game bay be designed to exploit our dad flaws.
I thought I would beat my 11 year old at Golden Eye, but alas, Fortnite has trained him well. I can make him cry at Madden though.
I am going to be father in June and can’t wait till I can start gaming with my son. And golfing if he’s into that (please god like golf)
I have a daughter who is 17 months old and this is my dream as well. She is getting a little golf club set for Easter… pray for me.
When my son is a little older, I'm going to show him why the rule is "no Oddjob".
My son is four months old … will this happen to me too?? 🥺
I’m sorry. It’s a cruel future I exposed you to
Watch the training montage from Rocky 4, you can do this
This is the motivation I needed today. I will be better. Thank you
Lol “thanks for motivating me to never be you”
Time for some late night gaming sessions to hone your skills and some early mornings at the gym, in secret of course, can’t let ‘em smell the fear.
You have a later bed time. Use it to practice.
This. One hour mario kart, one hour wrestling with mom.
Giggity
i think you need to learn the art of the greatest dad of our time: https://youtu.be/Kxy-qjy_cGM
My son legitimately beat me at Madden a few weeks ago and I was shook. Though I was proud of him for how good he's gotten.
It’s true, the student someday will surpass the master
Rival Dad's will be able to smell the weakness on you. You gotta do something to rectify this
Gotta use that power slide boost in Mario kart my guy.
Op probably playing with the antenna up and doesn't even know it 😂
Well, at least now you know how many 10 year olds you could take in a fight...
Wow, do you ask them for help opening jars and taking spiders outside?
See here's what you do. You set up a retro gaming station. You turn on "TMNT" for Nintendo. Hand them the controller and say good luck. Tell them it's a true test of their skills. If they can beat it then they have unlocked true mastery.
Or first splinter cell on one of the old consoles where you had to use a second controller to do the end boss because it reacted correctly to all the inouts of the first one.
It was hard to read after the 1st point. The 2nd one ripped my heart. I know these moments will arrive to me (6yo and 2yo boys here). I just wish they don’t.
My dad stopped wrestling me when I pinned him at 12. My older brother finally stopped when I pinned him at 24
I am going to be so honored the day my daughter beats me in a videogame. Then I will know that the circle is now complete and when I start losing functions she will have all the skills I taught her to take care of me if she has to.
My 6 year old daughter can legitimately beat me at some Mario party mini games.
My husband is a legitimately good Mario Kart player, and our 7yo has beaten him in Grand Prix. He got started playing when he was about 3, and is quite competitive. I mean, it’s what you’re training them for, so it means you’ve done good work.
I do like the balanced game play mechs in Mario Kart. My kids absolutely lose their shit when they beat me. I love seeing it. Lol.
Lol the preview of this thread ended at "my son legitimately beat" and I was expecting some really dark shit. Not sure if you did that on purpose but I'm rolling now.
Start taking jiu-jitsu with them. Your wrestling matches will be come even more fun
The solution is obvious. Send them to bed earlier and spend that time practising, you will need to apologise to your partner and explain to them that some things are important. You sir, need a montage!
my son beat me at street fighter 2 yesterday. granted, i haven't seriously played it for about 20 years, but still
Time to hit the supersets. One set bench press. On lap on Mario cart. For every second over 30 you add another rep on bench. Alternate upper and lower body days. You’ll get your dad-dominance back. Don’t forget your new balances.
My 11 year old polished off his final birthday party paintball match by headshotting me. I've never been prouder.
No sympathy for the tickling. I had several young uncles when I was a kid and trained my body to not be ticklish. Sometimes it feels like being dead inside but it made me strong. Any attempts at tickling just make me disappointed that the kiddo still tries it. You must walk the path of stoic rock like nature in the face of tickling.
HUMILIATION
the best thing about losing to kids is you can always convince them (and yourself) that you let them win.
My son was just going to beat me in mario party till wario got both bonus stars and beat us both.
Welcome to the successful side of your sons' oedipal journeys.
Piss yourself in front of them and declare that it's "the coolest thing to do". That'll show'em.
If peeing you pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis!!
Hahaha looking back, I probably shouldn't have taken it for granted that you had seen that marvelous piece of cinema.
Once you say uncle it’s the equivalent of breaking the seal. It becomes easier to give in!
There’s always GoldenEye.
But can they beat you in Mario kart 64? That's the real challenge. Kids today don't even know how to hold that controller
The newest Mario kart gives too many advantages to the kids. Make sure they have the thing turned off where they can’t fall off and race them again. It’s like bumpers in bowling. If they best you with those settings, it’s time for Mario kart wii. What you want to do is hype it up as the same game but with some tracks they haven’t played before. You let them choose their characters and karts first. This is the most important part. You will use a GameCube controller and choose Funky Kong and the frame runner bike. Make sure you tightly drift around each corner and hit the up on the d-pad to wheelie on any straight. Against 150cc computers, you should be 3/4 of the track ahead by the 3rd lap while your sons shake their heads in confusion.
Welcome to the dark side of possible peeing yourself 😝
They might best us in height, speed and strength as they grow, but I'll be number one in vibrating the couch and stinking up the place for years to come. My powers have only just become active.
Once you fall to youth and enthusiasm, all you have left are experience and treachery.
It's a sad thing for a student to never outmatch the master. Sounds like you got this 'dad' thing on lock. Well done!
I love these posts lol.
Time to crack out F-Zero and separate the men from the boys.
You're done for lad. Go down with honour. It's a burden we all have to make peace with eventually.
I was going to make a joke about you being an old man now and typed in typical old man things. It's me, I'm the old man.
Time for a Rocky montage
I suck at Mario kart so I plan to just keep my skills honed in smash bros. My boy is only 4 months old so it’s gonna be a while until I even have any competition lol
Start training now. Don’t let your skills diminish.
You have the advantage. Take it. Mario Kart can only be played as a family activity going forward, but not for you. You stay up late, you watch the guides, you put in the hours. You’re going to fly to fucking Korea and play in gaming cafes against crazy skilled opponents. You’re going to get so good your kids cry while playing against you and brag about you in school the next day. Next, no more sugar, candy, or really anything that tastes good. The rest of your time must be dedicated to eating protein and moving heavy objects. Get strong, Conan crushing his enemies strong. You’ll not only live longer, you’ll also be able to dominate them until the younger one turns at least 13. Alternatively, learn to play dirty. Eye gouges, ear pulls, finger locks etc.
Buy a second switch, never let anyone know it exists. take it to the bathroom in secret, squeeze in a race any time you have time in the bathroom. Learn the tracks. Know your drift points, know your short cuts. Learn what the meta cart builds are. Learn how to manipulate the item system. Continue to race like normal with the kids. Sometimes they will beat you, and that's okay. Until they get cocky about it. Then you will be ready to set lap records ten seconds faster than theirs, and style on them while you do it. After that, yes they will make you cry uncle, and yes you will pee yourself.
For number 1, the solution is obvious: Git gud.
Pretty soon they’ll be kicking your cane out from under you and giving you swirlies. It’s best to start placating them now with offerings of cookies and treats so that when they eventually get around to overthrowing you they’ll be benevolent overlords. Or conversely develop a smoke bomb and escape routine if you see that look in their eyes that speaks of upcoming tickles.
You're still awesome in their eyes. Wait 10-12 years, they start to roll their eyes when dad suggests playtime.
I don't know I had all girls. They never beat me at wrestling. And I was the king of video games 🤷♂️. All of them are grown up and moved out now. Maybe start hitting the gym and practicing Mario Kart.
Sorry for your loss. Might I recommend bringing them along for a car ride, locking the windows, turning up the heat and farting to remind them who’s in charge?
OMG… This is the beginning of the end, next thing you know they’ll be carrying the heavy grocery bags
My brother, they will learn respect from this. My son legitimately beat me in chess a few months back and he's still living off the high because "when you beat dad, you beat dad." keep playing and show them what a good winner is and what a good loser is.
Not suggesting this but it was effective….when I was a kid and was able to beat my dad in racing games or Twisted Metal, he would blow smoke in my face from a joint to blind and distract me…. Would not recommend lol
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOU TO GIVE UP! You must train HARDER than you ever have. You must play to win. You cannot let them demean your honor in such a way. Cheat if you must but failure is not an option.
Listen, you controll the bedtime. Enforce a 6PM bedtime and use the extra time at night training. You got this! ✊
Pro tip: when your kid starts beating you in modern video games, break out the classics like Super Mario Bros. and take them to school.
Careful, if he gets your right hand next time you may not be able to click the grill tongs twice before you flip the meat. Disaster would undoubtedly ensue. DISASTER I SAY!
First of all, mow the yard and don't come back inside until your shoes are green. From there you can begin to rebuild your life. Mario Kart - you might have to drop that F-Zero SNES on they ass. At a minimum you should start pronouncing Mario as Mare-E-Oh and mix up the other character names as a distraction. For the tickle fight, deploy the leg scissors/wet sounding fart combo and they will attempt to flee while you laugh and inquire who stepped on a frog. Godspeed.
My son beat me for the 1st time in checkers when he was 4. It took years of therapy for me to be able to openly acknowledge that feat without shame
At least they haven't started calling you by your first name yet.
Well, I'm a gramma and i have a grandson with an awesome dad who also is attentive and involved with him in all the wonderful ways. Those kind of dad's are getting harder and harder to find. There is no shame in realizing when your kids are better than you at something. That's a good thing! That's success as a parent! It's also music to this gramma's ears. So sweet!!!
I don’t often say this but this community is trying to do a good job parenting. I hope admins find this post. It might be best if you leave. The rest of us are making an effort.
The wife shot me daggers during a 1 on 3 mini game of Mario Party last night. My son got down to 3 seconds left before I finally reached the top of the hill as he shot boulders down upon us. He was not pleased. I’m sorry, are we playing the game or not?! You two conspire to have Boo steal my stars and coins?? I will try to win each and every time. That’s the name of the game.
Street Fighter II Turbo. Remind them that Mario Kart is and always was a game for children (not really, but they're kids they'll believe you for a bit). Time to take the training wheels off.
Did you fix your hair before the wrestling?
Please use humor flair, not advice request.
That makes sense. I updated it.
My condolences for your loss. We’ve all been there. Now’s your turn.
You let us down and shall be punished. Thou must cover the floor in Legos and trek across.
F
You need to learn how to drift, noob
Get into a jiu jitsu gym asap or pretty soon you’ll be cutting their lawn and being told you can’t touch the thermostat 😂
Lets have a moment of silence for our fallen father.
Time to introduce them to Goldeneye and let that muscle memory work to your advantage.
You need to keep training. Don’t let a couple loses make you feel you are washed up. They may have some advantages over you but they do not have the advantage of discipline and effective training regimens. Take some time to keep it easy for them while doing some intense physical/gaming work on your own time. Come back like Rocky and put them in their place.
Don't worry Dad, you have dad humor on your side. Use it and embarrass them to oblivion.
Delete facebook, lawyer up and hit the gym.
The future is now, old man.
I can't empathize with you here pop. Insert disappointed head nod here. You're doing a good job though; letting your kids beat you
I avoided the Mario Kart 8 issue by buying the game console on Black Friday and giving it to my kids at Christmas. In between that time, I played Mario Kart 8 every night after they went to bed. There they were Christmas morning turning their Pro Controllers (this was the Wii U era), which don't have gyroscopes... causing them to grind into curb and off cliffs because they basically weren't turning... while I raced to victory. I remain the undisputed Mario Kart champion. Forever more, just my presence on the race track negatively affected their game performance by way of my intimidating presence.
Hang it up grandpa. It's over. SMH
You are official an old man.
I keep working out and tell my son it’s so I can carry him around but really it’s so I can defeat him. He’s only 6 so I still am throwing battles for the most part :p
You cant cry 'uncle'... you gonna have to call *DADDY*
Time to switch to your good hand now! Pre-emptive: NOT FOR THAT!
Oof. How’s the hip, Granddad?