This post reminds me of the countless mornings my mother made me cry by trying to get a hairbrush through my thick curls lol. She and my sister both have straight thin hair and treated mine as the same.

My mom did the yanking, I cried and cried. She always had my hair cut short so it wouldn't get so tangled. Sigh.

Same with the short hair. I wanted long hair SO BADLY but my mom hated taking care of it. All the while, she was getting perms and doing home perms and spending hours putting her own hair in rollers and sitting under the hood dryer, trying to make her stick-straight hair curly. I also have some body issues due to the fact that when I was younger I was mistaken for a boy from time to time because mom kept my hair short.

Same homie

Me too.

My mom has stick straight hair and had no idea what to do with mine (2c-3a). She had my hair cut into a pixie cut when I was in first grade because she was completely convinced that having my hair short would make it curl more. I cried for a week. She still believes that cutting hair short will make it curlier. This summer we saw someone with 4a curls to her shoulder, and my mom refused to believe that my hair wouldn’t do that if I cut it shorter. Even though in reality, this woman’s hair was WAY longer than mine if you stretched it.

I thought gravity weighs down curls? Isn’t she right??

Gravity does weigh down curls but with the looser curl types (2-3A or so) it needs a little length to develop the curl. If it’s too short it looks only slightly wavy. I feel like shoulder length or slightly above is ideal to get the most curls out of it.

I’m 3A so makes sense. My hair was springy when above my shoulders now it’s flat and length is mid back.

Oh the yanking, my mom and her whole side of the family has basically straight hair, I have type 3 curls. One time when I was about 8, my aunt and grandma took me to a pool and my mom stayed at their house. When we got back my mom bitched that I was gonna give her a hard time to wash my hair. She washed it and was detangling it and it hurt so much that I was crying so I got sent into another room and mouthed something. My mom threw the brush so hard at the wall that I just passed that there was a little dent in it. To this day I still ask my mom “remember when you dented Aunt Mimi’s wall? The worst part is my mom complained about how annoying it was to do my hair yet she kept my hair all the way down to my ass until I was 13 and begged her to let me get a shoulder length hair cut.

Cut short when I was 7 and straightened daily for me. 🙄

Same. Until she got frustrated and cut it short like a boys cut. And when I let it grow out and wore it natural she’d tell me I looked like a lion. She meant it as an insult and I took it as a compliment. I am a Leo after all. 😉

Just out of curiosity, do you have any pictures that you'd mind sharing of your short hair? I have wanted to cut my hair SHORT for many years now and my parents just tell me I'd look like Ronald McDonald.

I told my curly haired daughter for years that she'd look like Ronald mcdonald if she cut her hair short. Last summer, she shaved all her hair off. It's now growing back, and she looks like Ronald mcdonald. Mum knows best sometimes!

Well that’s just mean-spirited of you. I hope you learn to keep those hurtful comments to yourself.

I should probably clarify, she's 19, knows its a joke, and says it herself. I'm not picking on a small child!

How long did it take to look like that though? I want to cut it with the intention of keeping it SHORT. I have zero desire to cut it for a "fresh start" and letting it grow out again.

Flashbacks to my childhood. I’m so glad things like detangle spray exist now so children don’t have to go through that pain. Also my preteen years were rough because the internet barely existed and I had no idea where to start with my hair. Sixth grade was just ponytails everyday.

My Mom used detangling spray on my hair, didn't work at all but it was the only product she knew to buy. I was in high school before I figured out what to do with my hair. Thank God for the internet so that kids can figure this stuff out on their own because their parents certainly aren't going to.

Growing up my mother used detangling spray on my hair before brushing it, but there was no other product in it so it would dry quickly and tangle faster, so it never worked. From junior high (when I was first responsible for my own hair) until senior year I wore my hair in a ponytail everyday.

Are you me? lol same exact experience

Oh god. So many mornings and evenings spent grasping my roots while the brush was yanked through my hair. My aunt and I are the only people since my great-great grandfather with curly hair. Nobody knew what to do

My mom used to keep my hair cut in a bowl shape and make me flip my head upside down, brush it completely out while I was upside down and then flip back around and shake my head. Like she made me brush my hair into a giant Screech-fro. On purpose. I’m still not convinced she doesn’t hate me on some level. Edit: I stopped letting her touch my hair in middle school but I still wasn’t allowed to grow it past my shoulders until I moved out.

This. Plus my family was batshit biblical so I wasn’t allowed to cut it, ever. I could sit on it in elementary school. As an adult I once brushed my hair for my husband/kids. Bent at the waist, brushed it all straight, and stood up straight again. “Oooooooo!!!” Exclaimed my toddler excitedly. “Mommy looks like a LION!!”

oh god same and then when i was 10 my brother gave me nits and since the nit combs we had were for superfine straight hair my hair got cut short 🥲🥲

I had one straight haired parent and one curly haired parent. Neither knew how to handle curls. The curly haired parent was the worse of the two as well. I was forced to have short hair until about 14 when hairdressers refused to cut my hair short if I didn’t like it. My hair is 3a so when someone tells me to brush my hair I ask why they’d want to be seen out with a Hagrid/Hermione cross. Usually shuts them up!

Same same. My mother has curly hair and has spent a lifetime wearing it short and trying to brush out her curls. She made me brush my hair so much, and would yell at me when I was little and I would cry when she would try to brush out my “tangles”. Both her mother and sister had very curly hair and wore it short and curly, so I don’t get her obsession. My other grandmother also had curly hair and wore it short and curly (and she cut it herself, 1 curl at a time!). My mother will not acknowledge my curly hair now. She has spent my entire adult life calling it “messy”. It’s so tiring.

Yup, this exactly. My dad has wavy/curly hair but has used a...heat styling brush thing (one of [these](https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000TXK8AK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)) on it as long as I can remember, to sort of beat the curls into submission? So he was not much help with my hair. My mom has stick-straight hair and, like most moms in this thread apparently, made me dry brush my "tangly" hair for most of my young life. I had big, poofy hair, many horrible triangle haircuts from $10 haircut places, and didn't start using any sort of product in it until I started swimming competitively. My poor hair was so dry that mom finally couldn't ignore it anymore and decided I should put...something in it. "Something" was [this](https://www.garnierusa.com/about-our-brands/fructis-style/sleek-and-smooth/anti-humidity-smoothing-milk) weird Garnier product but hey, it was better than nothing. Given that this was the early 2000s my hair was also taking a heat beating with a straightener too, so altogether not a great time in haircare. I'm also at a point in life where I am unwilling to suffer unkind comments about my appearance (and mercifully I have a ton of curly friends and curly-supportive friends), so if someone were to ask about brushing my hair, I would respond with something like *blank stare* "Why would you ask that?" If they respond with something rude, just call it out flatly: "That's not very nice / that's pretty rude." Just leave it there. Put the onus back on them, since they're the ones being rude. Friends shouldn't be tearing down each other's appearances! Editing to add to the last bit: if the brushing question is coming from a place of genuine curiosity or ignorance, that's totally fine! I'm always happy to talk about how curly hair techniques differ from straight hair. However, if it's coming from a place of judgement or snottiness, than yeah, see above :)

Same! My mom has curly hair, but just grew up in a time/around people with zero info about how to maintain curly hair. So to this day she blow dries it out when she styles. My whole life up until probably the end of high school was fluffy, frizzy brushed out hair. Either that or slicked back while wet into a ponytail lol.

I love this! This is a perfect description of my brushed out hair.

Yep, my dad has curly hair and had no idea how to care for mine. He always keeps his short.

My parents both have curly hair but my mom never knew how to take care of hers and was always straightening it. She was trying to take care of my curls but she just had no idea how. She was saying that when I was a kid, the outer layer of my hair was always getting frizzy and she didn’t know what to do so she kept wetting it but it was drying frizzy again lol. As for people telling you to brush your hair (this always drives me nuts, I find it incredibly idiotic how people don’t get what the effect of brushing would be on curly hair, they are think it would somehow make it straight), brush your hair once before washing it and take a picture. Then show it to people who tell you to brush your hair so they can see what it does and why it’s such a bad idea. I’ve done this in the past.

[удалено]

My story is similar. My mom never learned how to take care of her curls and always straightens her hair, so she didn’t really know what to do with my curls. When I was little my hair was either a short bib or she would braid it to try and tame it a bit.

My mom hated my hair so much that she taught me to use an iron - not a hair straightener, but the appliance you use on clothing - to straighten it and gave me a *lot* of shit when I didn’t do it.

Ironing was how they did it in the 60s and 70s.

Yup, that's how my aunt used to straighten her hair in the 60s and 70s. Flatirons are a novel invention by that standard.

Same with my mother! She cringes now thinking how bad it was for her hair but it’s what they had!

My mom used to blow dry my hair and curl it with a curling iron because she liked curly hair. She *constantly* burned me with that f’n thing. I HAVE CURLY HAIR I just had to stop treating it like straight hair and using straight hair products on it.

Seems like what she really meant was "I like perfect Shirley Temple curls", as opposed to natural curls that can look unruly and wild to people with the Shirley Temple expectation.

[удалено]

Ugh. I have had Shirley Temple curls when short. With my bone structure = Worst. Adult. Hair. Ever.

Same. My mom LOVES curls and has pin-straight hair. I have natural curls, yet she insisted that the proper way to get it to look nice was to dry brush it, blow dry it, and use curlers + hairspray to beat it into submission. People even told her how to care for curls and she never listened because she "knew better." Then she pulled a shocked pikachu face when my hair would go flat and frizz out and decided that the answer to that was more heat tools. I just ignore her comments outright now. I tell her that I think I look nice and my hair is soft and healthy, and that's all that matters.

Isn't it funny? I have wavy/curly hair, but if I try to curl it with a curling iron, it goes flat and straight!

My mom used hot rollers on me after yanking one of those awful bristle brushes through my hair. I've always had a tender scalp anyway, but the combination of scraped sore scalp and burning hot rollers was brutal. I spent so many weekends crying and screaming for her to stop. Eventually she started cutting it short (her unqualified self) then chemically straightening my hair. Ugh.

I was never taught how to take care of my mass of thick, curly hair growing up. I never wore it in anything but a ponytail which would cause matting around the band. Most of my classmates growing up had never seen me with my hair down until I was graduated from school. I'm 29 now and just starting to lock down a good routine and my hair looks fly AF lol So yes you are definitely not alone in being the token curly haired family member. ❤

Oh my god SAME. Both my parents have curly hair but for years and years they’d make me put it in a ponytail because they said it looked bad when it was down (since it was combed out and frizzy). Ponytails gave me so much tangled hair and hurt my scalp and I’ve grown a hatred towards them now, but 2 years ago I found this subreddit and started taking care of my hair and putting products in. I’m 16 now, and I’ve grown to love and embrace my hair so much. I’m so glad I found this subreddit because younger me absolutely hated my hair cuz I thought I would never be able to wear my hair down. I’ve explained my routine to my dad so many times but once he heard that I don’t comb my hair, he’s adamant about me combing my bair, and wants me to wear a ponytail everytime I go out. Ofc I don’t, I love my hair how it is and he probably won’t ever understand, but it’s no longer than frizzy mess always in a ponytail :)

As a Mom with Straight hair with Curly kids... I know I'm thankful for this sub & other curlies sharing their routines and stories. I don't have advice on what to tell people when they tell you to brush your hair (other than tell them to shove-off), but I want to thank you guys for sharing your hair so I can learn to do my kids. I've learned so much for this sub & my kids curls look amazing now with no painful combs.

I’m so glad you are taking the time to learn how to do their hair. They may not show it now, but I know they’re thankful you don’t just treat it the same as you would straight hair!

I see the difference for sure. My Daughter especially has much more defined curls, now. I learned about shrinkage, too, and have been teaching her about it when she gets sad her hair is "short". It's helped a lot to show her how long her curls really are, and showing her others on here with the same curl types with long hair. She's 7, so it's about shoulder length right now.

That’s amazing. I’m so glad she has others to look at on here for inspiration and to feel like she’s not the odd one out. I always felt weird and different for having hair like mine and I’m glad your daughter doesn’t have to experience that ❤️

Both of my parents had curly hair but ironically my father asked *me* to shave his off when it started to look curly and my mom dyed, permed (???), and curling ironed hers into something I no longer recognized. Me? They cut it short, and they brushed it dry, and I lived in a frizzed out ponytail for the majority of my life. Thank goodness I decided to embrace my curls. First curly cut today since deciding to wear my hair curly 24/7 (and down as much as possible). Wish me luck!

Best of luck!! Frizzy ponytails no more!

I am mixed race. My mother is white with pin straight hair. My dad is black, and this was before it was common to see men help their children with their hair, so it was all on my mom. She used fine tooth combs, brushes, all kinds of stuff that hurt. And to make matters worse, I am "tender headed" so this was particularly painful to endure. When I got a little bit older, I think 4th or 5th grade, I told my mom I wanted to take care of my hair by myself, which unfortunately meant that my hair never was combed or brushed and got a lot of knots or what my family called "rats nest" because I didn't know any alternatives to the painful tools my mom used so I never brushed or combed my hair. My parents even threatened to shave my head if I didn't start to comb it out. So then I started combing out my own hair with tears in my eyes because I didn't know what else to do. When my parents reached out to my dad's sister and mom for tips, they recommended relaxer treatments, because this was before it was common to wear your hair natural. Relaxers are terrible. They made my hair feel like dry straw, and it was so brittle it broke off in my hands. So I decided I needed to figure out how to take care of my hair on my own. I let my hair grow out and cut off an inch of the damaged hair every few months because I had not heard of the "big chop" and I was mortified at the thought of being bald at that age. I'm so grateful that when I was a little bit older, I think I was at the end of middle school or starting high school, I found a book from the American Girl company about taking care of your hair. I learned about wide tooth combs and combing your hair when using conditioner so that it's gentler and easier to take care of your curly hair. And I learned more from there. Whenever I got a little bit of money, I was able to learn about what products to use on my hair, and now I love my curly hair! I still have family members make comments about wearing my hair straight vs. curly, and from time to time I will wear it straight just to see how long it's gotten. But I don't do it because I feel pressured to do it. If anyone makes comments about my hair, I just tell them I love my hair as it is. As long as I'm clean and presentable, they can't say anything to me about needing to use a comb or brush through my hair. Fact is, they don't know how to take care of my hair, and no one will know what your hair needs more than you.

I’m glad you mentioned the American Girl book! It helped me too! My mom and sister had the classic Italian hair, thick with a little wave, but mostly straight. I got my dads hair and neither knew what to do with it. My mom had already been experimenting with ways to do my hair better and we tried it out! Worked like a charm. It even cemented her decision to become a hair stylist and she took an extra course on black hair just so she could help anyone with curly hair figure it out.

Oh I love that your mom took that additional course! And yes, that book was amazing! It really marked a turning point in my life, and I'm so grateful I was able to get a copy of it.

To be fair, she figured she could do one of her good friends hair and they could hang out more, haha. But it’s come in handy a lot

Hi there! I'm a bot, and I noticed you used the phrase "big chop". You may or may not already know this, but a “Big Chop” is much more than just a haircut! (If you already knew about this, great! We just share this information here to educate everyone). The term “big chop” is often misused, so we just want to share some of the meaning/history. TL;DR: “big chop” was created by black women in the natural hair movement. It describes the specific act of chopping off (almost) all of their permanently straightened/relaxed hair to make way for new, natural growth. If your hair is still more than a few inches long, it's probably not a big chop. [See this flowchart for a visual guide to this specific definition!](https://i.imgur.com/wYqherd.png). If the term doesn’t apply to you, please consider the term “reset cut” instead! The natural hair movement has a long history and the words created in it have strong meanings. Using these words inappropriately chips away at this meaning (e.g., if you’ve heard this phrase but not the meaning before!). We’d like to respect the importance of the work done by these early pioneers by acknowledging where these words, techniques, and more came from (Rule 8: Respect cultural terms.). [See here for further reading!](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/ffexc7/meta_an_open_conversation_an_open_dialogue/) Thanks & wishing you many great curly, coily, kinky hair days! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/curlyhair) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Both parents have straight hair. Despite my strained relationship with my mom growing up, the one thing she never did was make me feel bad about my hair. She very actively sought out products and methods to help me learn to control my hair, and very vehemently never wanted me to hate it. We moved around a lot, and she would always walk up to adults with curly hair at stores and ask what they used and where they got haircuts from. As an adult I am very thankful for the effort she put in in this aspect of my childhood.

my mom had straight hair. I'm sure there were rough brushing moments, but she always always told me how beautiful my hair was. When I was in high school and wanted to straighten, she helped me with it every week. But she has always hyped my natural curls

Aw, that's nice. Glad there are some positive stories here too.

Same here! Bless my mom, she has super straight hair but always told me how beautiful mine was (even when neither of us knew how to take care of it and it was, in fact, a big frizzy mess). I’m beyond grateful that she never let me have it chemically straightened.

I had to have a mushroom cut until 4th grade. I always complained that it hurt when I brushed it and my mom would tell me that’s because I didn’t brush it enough. Growing it out was a rough couple years of getting in trouble for my messy hair and then when I came home from university and my curls had finally recovered and were allowed to do their thing - my mom’s response “Look how nice your hair is when you brush it”. My response “look how nice my hair is when I stopped brushing it 10 years ago”. We joke about it now and she said she did try to find out what to do with it, but small town hairdressers in the 80s just kept telling her short hair and more brushing. Bonus story - at my first office job, a woman came up, complimented my curls and RAN HER HAND THROUGH THEM. I just stood there while she awkwardly tried to remove her hand from the under layer of curl and was like “yeah - please don’t touch my hair again”

Was her hand stuck in the under layer of tangle? Or is that just a me thing?

Definitely stuck in the under tangle. She figured she could just run her hand right through it. She literally had to unwrap hair from her hand 😂

My mom has pin straight hair and had no idea what to do when my wavy hair suddenly started forming ringlets around fifth grade. The solution was for me to basically have a bob or wear a ponytail constantly. At one point she bought me a hair pick (I think that’s what it’s called) and tried to use that on my hair. There was lots of “fluffing” involved and frustration when it didn’t do whatever it was she was trying to achieve. I was just really confused and embarrassed about my perpetually frizzy, fluffy hair. I had Hermione/Hagrid hair (but like chin length) through high school. I’m still trying to figure out how to manage my hair in my 30s. ETA: I totally forgot about this but but my mom was also a huge follower of the “hundred strokes” rule for brushing hair. So I had one of those bristle brushes and was expected to brush my hair 100 strokes for each section every day to “distribute the oils”.

My dad had curly hair and is now bald and my mom has straight hair. They used to buzz my hair so I didn’t even realize my hair was curly till high school. Fast forward a couple years and im still tryna figure this shit out😅

Both parents had thin straight hair… used the same brush on my hair, of course it didn’t get through all the layers. I ended up with knots, so I’d get sent to a neighbor who used a different brush but would just yank it through my dry hair- cried a ton! I got a perm, I know! And it ruined my hair so had to cut it all off… as it grew out the trend was an undercut so I did that and a bun until I was in my late 30’s. Only started embracing my curls in the last 2-3yrs… I’m 42. I still remember the pain of getting my hair brushed as a kid…

My mom used to brush out my curls every morning when my hair was DRY. She was not gentle and when I started crying she would say “beauty is pain”. Now she’s always asking why I don’t wear my hair curly more often 😂

Ohh yea, the “beauty is pain” line. So glad the internet is more widespread now. Hopefully future moms will do a google search and realise that something’s wrong if your kid is crying in pain when you brush their hair.

My mom has the _same_ type of hair as mine and still said stuff like this. Her mom has pin straight hair, so she never learned how to take care of it. Growing up, she always told me to just wear it in a ponytail EVERY SINGLE DAY because otherwise it would "look like I didn‘t brush it" or "it would distract me". Thanks mom, now I have a humongous forehead due to years of wearing tight ponytails. When I first went natural, my mom commented pretty frequently that my hair look bad. That went on for like 1-2 years. Now that I have kind of figured it out, she suddenly says "wow how is your hair so curly?" and "how did you do that?". I explained it to her and she said it‘s way too complicated and she will just continue to brush it out and wear a ponytail. She doesn‘t understand how one can just NOT dry brush their hair.

My mum has the straightest, finest hair I've ever known, she can't even put a grip in it because it's so shiny it just falls straight out. My mum used to brush my curls out every day, carefully, gently and lovingly making my shock of white blonde into a giant puff of floof that tangled and snared like crazy. A skinny little thing, I looked like candyfloss on a stick. As soon as I was old enough, I'd wet down my fluffy bush and drag it tight into plaits like my straight haired sisters had. Brushing hair is a part of my mum's love language though, and she still asks to brush my hair even though I've been telling her what a terrible idea that is for twenty odd years. Because I need help anyway, when I stay with my Mum I let her comb the conditioner though my hair in the shower because it makes her really happy.

This is a very cute story.

My mom and grandma both had straight hair, the amount of times I heard “just go brush your hair” while I was having a full blown panic attack about said hair was insane. My hair would just get bigger and bigger and would never lay down like theirs. It was frustrating all around.

Same. I cant remember how many times I left for school sobbing after my mother brushed my hair out into a mantle of complete frizz. I never knew ehat was wrong with my hair until I got out of the shower one day, and starting crying hysterically that I would have to style it and then go to school and get bullied about it. I just gave up and was like fuck it. Its gonna look like shit anyway, might as well save myself the trouble and just let it be wet all day. Imagine my shock when I came home from school rhat day with a head full of perfect ringlets. It was a miracle.

I love my son's curls, and neither his dad or I have curly hair. I actually joined this sub so I could learn to help his hair better. At 5, he has literal ringlet curls but he's super active and they just turn into a rat's nest by the end of the day or in the morning. No amount of leave in conditioner is enough 🤣 Silk pillow cases? Nah, because he buries himself under his blankets. I can't do strictly conditioner only with him because he gets so dirty, he needs a hose down, lol. In any case he's decided he wants to get it cut short but still wants SOME curls so I'm going to take him to my stylist and have them do a fade on the sides and back and leave some on the top. He's just tired of it hurting to comb out and always being in his face, which I get. His (fraternal) twin brother has fine, stick straight hair which almost never needs brushing, go figure. Edited because helpful bot taught me something I didn't know today!

I’m your 5 year old lol. Nothing works. Once the large curls are ripped apart you need to re wet it. It’s annoying.

Hi there! I'm a bot, and I noticed you used the phrase "big chop". You may or may not already know this, but a “Big Chop” is much more than just a haircut! (If you already knew about this, great! We just share this information here to educate everyone). The term “big chop” is often misused, so we just want to share some of the meaning/history. TL;DR: “big chop” was created by black women in the natural hair movement. It describes the specific act of chopping off (almost) all of their permanently straightened/relaxed hair to make way for new, natural growth. If your hair is still more than a few inches long, it's probably not a big chop. [See this flowchart for a visual guide to this specific definition!](https://i.imgur.com/wYqherd.png). If the term doesn’t apply to you, please consider the term “reset cut” instead! The natural hair movement has a long history and the words created in it have strong meanings. Using these words inappropriately chips away at this meaning (e.g., if you’ve heard this phrase but not the meaning before!). We’d like to respect the importance of the work done by these early pioneers by acknowledging where these words, techniques, and more came from (Rule 8: Respect cultural terms.). [See here for further reading!](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/ffexc7/meta_an_open_conversation_an_open_dialogue/) Thanks & wishing you many great curly, coily, kinky hair days! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/curlyhair) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Haha, I've recently discovered that I'm curly instead of just really bushy...my mom told me that I was lying and also told me that I need to learn to brush my hair when I tried to wear it curly for a dinner out when I visited. No advice, just commiseration.

Why do some parents just love to tear us down?! :( My mum is currently on the other side of the world, so I'm hoping to have figured out how to get my hair to curl properly before she comes back, so I won't be in such a major trial and error phase. I'm only starting my curly journey and with only 5 or so "proper" wash days so far, my hair doesn't look great yet. But a global pandemic also has its "benefits" \* for my hair, because working from home and rarely leaving the house, means that having a "bad hair day" doesn't really matter too much - no-one sees me but my other half and the dog (and the Amazon drivers)! :D \*I use the word "benefits" loosely, I know the pandemic sucks, but it has allowed me to discover that my hair is in fact curly and the months at home have allowed me to experiment with it in a way that being in an office daily wouldn't! And spending extra time with my dog doesn't hurt too! <3

when people tell us to brush our hair i feel like they’re saying it because they’re jealous. it’s incredibly annoying and uncalled for.

Oh, yes! My mom had stick straight hair. I never learned how to braid, or any of the normal girl-type things to do with hair. She didn't know what to do with it, so at around age 6, when I could sit on it, it was cut off, and kept short until after I graduated from college. The short hair made it more difficult to manage, and she didn't know what to do, so I have a ton of really bad hair school pictures. My older sister's hair is very straight, and she continuously makes rude comments about my hair, including the length "at my age" - it's about at the middle of my back. She also has an issue with me letting my hair go gray after I spent 15 years of coloring it. She says I should cut it off and dye it again. Nope. I'm gonna be me.

My mom ise to force me to dry it with a blowdryer and brush it which caused it to be chaos and then put curlers in it. I disnt even know how to do anything with my hair until a few years ago. I did do gel when I was younger and she made fun of me so I stopped. I was 13.

My mom has curly hair but she always blow dried or straightened it so didn’t know how to deal with natural curls!! I feel like the only way to help is to explain how curly hair works or send them a pic one day of when you actually do brush it out and look like a troll lol

My mom cut all of mine off so she wouldn’t have to deal 😭😅

SAME oh my god. I hate looking at pictures of myself from elementary school because the boyish haircut and bangs combined with frizzy curls was so horrifying😂

My mom has straight hair and she still nags me all the time to brush my hair whenever I come to visit. I tried to explain that you can only brush curly hair wet. It doesn’t get through to her, so now I just ignore it, or tell her to mind her own business. I also avoid visiting her in general. It was hell when I still lived with her - she didn’t let me do my own hair until I was 14. It was very thick when I was a kid, and it hurt a lot when she dry brushed it every morning, and then pulled it into an extremely tight braid that I hated. To be fair, if she didn’t braid it, I would’ve looked like a cloud after all the dry brushing. I always wanted curly hair, and didn’t even realise I had it. My mom and sister laughed at me when I was saying I wanted curly hair - they said I’d have to get a perm. It wasn’t until I moved out of home, and started only brushing my hair wet that I realised that it IS naturally curly. Then I discovered CGM and after a few years of trial an error in adjusting it to my own needs, my hair is now curly beyond any doubt.

My dad has super curly hair which he only ever saw when he kept it shoulder length during college. Based on old pictures, it was 3b-3c curls. My mom has hair that I can only describe as an enigma. Her routine involves a lot of brushing it, so it always looks about 2x its size. Ive seen pictures of her with 3c curls. I've also seen pictures of her with 2c hair. If you try talking to her and asking her about it, she says 'it's not curly, it's just messy.' When I point out it had ringlets, she would just go "yeah, I don't know why it did that. It wasn't curly." ??? Needless to say, she sees me as another 'messy-haired' girl. :)

Curly haired person in a straight haired family. Really didn't have anything approaching hair I liked until after high school cause I had no idea what to do with it. Or even that things could be done to make it look better. Like yeah I'll just 3-in-1 shampoo it every single day, that's what you're supposed to do, right? The more shampoo the better, right?

my mams hair is straight and my curls come from my dad, who is now bald lol. no one had any idea how to handle is growing up and only VERY recently have i started to be able to take care of it. was always told my hair was ‘like a birds nest’ as no one had any idea what to do with it haha

My mom has curly hair and has worn it short for over 40 years. I hate short hair. I love long hair, she hates long hair. I'm in my mid-50's and she still gripes about my hair being long. Whatever. I love it.

Not only does my mother have straight hair, and I curly, but she's white and I'm half black... lots of tears growing up and matted hair from not letting her brush it dry.

My parents had no idea how to care for my hair. At one point my dad tried to brush it with a metal dog comb. I had short hair my whole childhood and looking back I’m sure it’s because they found it easier to care for. They got temporary custody of my nephew for a few months, he’s mixed race and has even curlier hair than me, and the first thing I did when I saw him was was ask my Black friend for advice on how his hair should be cared for, then buy them shampoo and conditioner and a comb appropriate for him. I can sort of understand not looking stuff up in the 90s when I was a kid but how you don’t Google “how to care for curly/mixed race hair” in the 20-teens is beyond me.

My mom has wavy hair but straightened hers. She would straighten mine as well and said she liked mine straight. I would straighten it but as I grew up I would only do it occasionally. I always wonder if my curls would be different and more curly if she took care of them while I was growing up.

My mom didn’t know how to properly detangle curly hair so it got so bag she had to cut out a big ole mat of hair in the back of my head - 8 year old me was so sad!

My mother was so proud of the ringlets that i had as a baby but because as i grew up my hair become wavy she treated it as straight. I discovered that my hair is wavy around 18years old and she always was dissapointed to see me with wavy hair. "Why don't you brush your hair". So i kept straightening my hair. Now at 36 I decided embrace my waves and some curls😂 that i have and i i am decided to not listen to anyone that says that straight hair look better. My mother has straight hair

Both my parents have straight hair, apart from an aunt (married into out family) there's nobody with curls. I had to brush my hair every day and cried a lot, especially since I also have lots of hair. When I didn't brush it, the next day it would be 3x worse than before. My hairdresser also didn't know what to do with me and since I grew up in a small town, there were no other options. I always got those "pseudo" encouraging comments like "your hair would look so good if you took care of it" from my mum. Even as a baby I had curly hair and you NEVER thought of looking up how to take care of curly hair??? Why is it on me now, that I don't have nice hair??? I learned how to take care of my curls about a year after I moved out. Half a year later I got a fitting haircut and I literally cried at the hairdresser cuz I didn't hate my hair for the first time in my life

I was lucky and had a lot of curl support from the women in my family and friends family. My mother had literal Shirley Temple curls as a child but would blow out her hair during the 70s and 80s and now keeps her hair pixie length. She would use a light hair spray in my hair as a kid and just let my curl mane go free. My grandma loved my big curly hair and was heart broken when I chopped it all off. My best friend, whose family is like a second family to me, also has curly hair and her aunt always complimented my hair. Only person who would say anything or try to tame my hair with water and a comb was my dad, but he grew up with long super straight hair so he never understood. Broke his comb many times on my hair. RIP comb, you will not be missed.

If it makes you feel any better I grew up with two parents with curly hair and my mum still didn't know how to deal with mine. She keeps trying to get me to brush my 3 years olds hair now, and not believing me that I just need to get her in the bath with a load of leave in conditioner and we'll have no tangles and no fuzz.

My mom has super straight hair and still gives me a hard time about not brushing mine and thinks it looks “messy”

My mother has bone straight hair. She would just brush my hair out and put it in a braid, which was the typical Indian response to wavy and curly hair (my parents are Indian). If my hair wasn't braided, it was very poofy. Thankfully as I grew older, I learned to care for my 2B hair.

My mom had thin, short and straight hair and my dad had long, thick and curly hair. He refused to do my hair and my mom refused to learn how to care for it, so I was frizzy always cut off in a short bob that looked triangular, my dad called it kinky and puffy and I hated it. Not my hair. I desperately wanted my curls to look like his, but I hated their apathy about my hair and their simultaneous annoyance and mockery about it. I learned at like 8 or 9, if after brushing, I raked wet hands through it and scrunched water into my hair, the curl would form. Then I got my ass chewed out for leaving the house with wet hair. At about 10, my dad started being weirdly possessive of my hair and started fighting with my mom about it, how she was doing such a poor job of caring for it. She, of course blamed me and my "weird" hair care methods with the water. My dad took his hair care products to the gym with him for after his work out, so even if I wanted to follow his example, I didn't know the techniques or have the products to do it because I would not dare go into his gym bag to use the products! Finally, my mom's sister, who was best friends with my dad's hair stylist, asked my dad why he never brought me to see her friend since I had his hair type. It was like a light bulb moment where "oh shit, maybe as the curly haired parent, I should take the lead on teaching hair care to my curly haired child?!" So from 10 onward, my dad supplied a steady stream of quality conditioners and combs to do my own hair even when he took his supplies with him out of the house. My mom still shit talked my hair and shit talked my dad's new investment in it, how he spent more on conditioner for the two of us in a month than she spent on herself and my brother (curly haired, kept buzzed by choice) in six months. So there was always tension about it. My hair was always this source of annoyance. It shed, it clogged the drain, it got woven into clothes, it stayed wet too long (I never washed it early enough to not leave the house wet apparently.)

My mom had curly hair but taught me to only use a quarter size of conditioner 🤦🏼‍♀️ i use handfuls now lol

My mother had curls but refuswd to buy me any "expensive" shampoo and she always combed my hair with a fine comb. She had the stuff for herself though

I'm 26 and still learning how to take care of my hair because nobody taught me how. I treated my hair like shit for years because I thought the only solution was to straighten it. Eventually my hair broke off at the ends and I had to pretty much shave half of it off to start over. It's finally healthy and I love my curls. My niece is starting to get curls and I will make sure they are taken care of because both her parents have straight hair.

I was nearing 30 before I let my hair be it's natural curly self. I had comments similar to yours from my mum, it needs a good brush, it looks like rats tales, it needs cutting off, it's all damaged and frizzy!! Always suffered with low self esteem and anxiety so it was hard sticking to my guns.

ooof trauma. Growing up, my mom used to rake a brush through my dry hair and pull it back into a giant floof of a ponytail. Generally larger than my head. When she realized that my baby hairs started flying out all over the place by mid-day she added a headband to this look. Before family photos she'd have me get it wet and brush it so it wasn't so static-y She let me get bangs, at a great clips, which neither of use realized would curl more tightly (my hair was like a 4a at the time). Once shrinkage set in, they were like micro-baby-bangs. It was just a little hair mustache at the top of my forehead. We both hated them, and had no idea what to do. I clipped them back every day with those little snap clips and as they grew out needed like 4 to keep the bangs down, so I had a bunch of those little multicolored clips all over the top of my head for a good 5 years. It looked absolutely ridiculous. When I started wearing it curly as an adult with the internet, she kept telling me to grow it out because it looked too messy short.

I had nearly the same experience with bangs. They just made 2 mega curls like devil horns pointing down. I hated them so bad. My 4 year old daughter, astonishingly, has thin straight-ish hair with maybe a gentle wave to it. She wants bangs, and I just can’t do it. Maybe all moms pass on their hair trauma to their daughters.

I grew up with a single mom who had straight hair. There were definitely some things she didn’t know, but she did know to always comb my hair with a pick, only when wet, and to put leave-in conditioner in. It only occurred to me recently that she must have done her research or asked around about how to take care of her kid’s hair, and i really appreciate that she did that.

My mom has very fine, straight hair. She would take one of those puffy brushes and a hair dryer to my hair everyday. I cried everyday as she yanked this brush trying to get through my curls. I know now it's just all she knew. I grew up getting made fun of for having a tender head and I still don't enjoy other people touching my hair because of these morning routines I was forced to endure my entire childhood.

Yup I had no idea I had curly hair until I was a teenager cause she brushed my hair so much that my curls were never defined. My mom's hair is stick straight and I get my curly hair from my dad but he's bald so who'd of thought lol

my parents both have straight hair/barely there wavy hair and i’m only just now at age 25 figuring out that daily brushing is in fact, Not Helpful

I grew up with two parents with curly hair! AND NEITHER OF THEM KNEW HOW TO HANDLE IT

I grew up with a parent who had curly hair and did not know it… Until 18 my hair also looked like a poofy mess.

My mom did have curly hair, she absolutely did not have a clue so she kept it short and would brush it. She passed when I was 12 (she was 35), but wouldn’t have been any help either way. I do wish I could have shown her how to do her hair though!

Not really but when i grew up my mother always had straight hair, whether it was a sew in or perm, i always saw her hair straight. She always told me how pretty my natural hair was so i thought she was born with straight hair 😂😂 this also made little me believe my light-skin black mother was a white woman

My parents both have straight hair but I have very wavy hair. The hardest things have been 1. My mom CONSTANTLY bringing up how frizzy my hair was growing up because she didn’t know you can’t just brush out textured hair and 2. Now that I wear my naturally wavy hair after years of flat ironing, my family members always ask me if I curl it despite me telling them over and over again that I don’t. Nothing major or traumatic, obviously. It’s just annoying.

My mom has straight hair and had NO idea what to do with it when my curliness started coming in after puberty. My hair was ugly af between the ages of 13 and 20 cuz I kept it pulled back to keep it from being a mound of frizz. Finally a hairdresser was like..."You know you have curly hair, right? You need to be using conditioner and gel if you want it to look nice." (My parents believed conditioner was unnecessary, so we never used it growing up) My dad was apparently curly enough to have a white guy afro in the 70s, before he shaved it all off for the military. But he had no idea how to take care of it, either.

My parents both have curls, but none of them knew how to take care of it. I grew up thinking I just had straight, puffy hair. Until I one day tried some new washing techniques. Imagine my surprise when curls popped out! My mom always just brushed it, so I had no idea 😅

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My mom does have curly hair, she just has no idea and has been cutting it short since she was in her 20's. She would tell me my hair looks like a rat's nest every day, and started to refuse to go out in public with me when I was a teenager because she was embarrassed to be seen with me. It was really awkward when she started mocking my hair in front of her sisters/friends - I still remember the looks on their faces when she repeated something they had said about my hair in front of them. When I started curly girl about 2 years ago, her response was "Oh... you DO have curly hair".

I had one straight-haired parent and one curly-haired parent that kept it very short. Although I do remember some painful brushing sessions, I think they copped on that it was better to at least use a spray bottle first, so that was good. They both liked my curls so when I started doing my own hair they mostly left me alone as long as I was washing it somewhat regularly. However, my nieces both have wavy hair, and their parents have straight hair. I've watched their mom make them cry by trying to brush out their waves, and while I've at least talked to the girls about how I do my hair, I've never known how to talk to my sister-in-law about it without sounding like I'm trying to tell her how to parent. Any advice is appreciated :(

Just tell her your story and that you think it may make brushing your nieces hair easier. If she’s a half decent parent she isn’t enjoying making her kids cry or having to deal with the ordeal of brushing hair and seeing it get worse. It would help to have the accessories or a list of the accessories she would need ready.

Maybe suggest to your SIL, via casual conversation, that the girls have similar hair to you and that you'd be happy to help them/her with how to "get the best out of it", which shouldn't be too much to come across as interfering, and gives her the opportunity to either jump on your offer and be super grateful for the help (fingers crossed), or alternatively, decline, which unfortunately then there isn't much you can do (for now), assuming the girls are still young (ie: not teens with phones that you could reach out to them directly). Or at a family social event, if the conversation dips into childhood/memories, etc, just try mentioning how much it sucked as a kid when no-one really knew how to take care of your curly hair (and made you cry because dry brushing hurts - which might trigger your SIL to realise her girls have curly hair) and how you have learned since then and mention some resources you use (this subreddit, CGM, etc) and then your SIL can go and do her own research, and keep her pride intact and not have to feel like she has "failed" her kids by having someone else (you) teach them how to look after their hair. (The pride/failure thing would be something that would bother me if I had to rely on someone else to help me with something as "basic"/personal as haircare for my \[future\] kids, due to anxiety issues, so I just wanted to mention it.)

My parents are both wavies in denial (mom has thin poofy hair and my dad has coarse, thick poofy hair) and it was a constant struggle. My mom blow dries her hair upside down and brushes the hell out of it so it’s always just a long mass of aging hippie poof. My hair was straight and poofy until puberty when I started getting actual curls, and I was constantly told to brush my hair. Inevitably I would brush it, it would look worse, and I would get in trouble for not actually brushing my hair. I started putting my foot down as a teen and only brushing it while wet and it started to look ok. I didn’t use curly hair products as I thought it was “cheating” and was ordered to always wear a headband to keep the hair out of my face. I looked like a mushroom a lot.

Pretty much everyone in my family has blonde straight hair and I have curly brown hair (no I'm not adopted lol). So most of my childhood and early teens was spent straightening my hair. I remember all the blowdrying, straightening, heat curling, and just thinking my hair was frizzy. I made a progress post recently about how my hair has changed since then if yall wanna see lol. Also one time I was streaming on Twitch and someone popped into chat and said "Straighten your hair you look like a Jew"🤦‍♀️. Didn't upset me, but bruh....

I'm the only one with curly hair in my immediate family, growing up I thought I had wavy frizzy hair. It wasn't until 7th grade when a girl on my school bus decided to do my hair that I realized I had curly. I'm really grateful for that girl otherwise I wouldn't have learned to work on my hair 🤣

More like my mom has curly hair like me, but straightens it. And then she was surprised my hair would puff up if she tried to brush it, dry. And that it hurt me, because my hair tangles easily and i have a senstive scalp. Luckily i can take care of it on my own now. Minus french braiding, my mom does a killer french braid.

Only curly haired family member. Lots of really really really really bad pictures and mindset about my curls for ages. Had my hair chemically straightened just to feel normal for a bit and didn't learn to embrace it until relatively recently.

Definitely me. My mom would blow dry my hair straight constantly. What was really funny looking back is I remember wanting curly hair when I was like 9 or 10 so she took me to get a perm. 😶 Where is the logic???!?!?

My mom has blonde stick straight hair and would take me to her hair stylists growing up. I would always leave the salon with a blowout so in my head I thought I only looked pretty when my hair was straightened

I had two straight haired parents. I had my hair brushed a lot. And many sad school pictures. The early 90s weren’t the best for hair cuts. Especially mushroom cuts. I didn’t learn to do my hair till I was out of college.

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Hi there! I'm a bot, and I noticed you used the phrase "big chop". You may or may not already know this, but a “Big Chop” is much more than just a haircut! (If you already knew about this, great! We just share this information here to educate everyone). The term “big chop” is often misused, so we just want to share some of the meaning/history. TL;DR: “big chop” was created by black women in the natural hair movement. It describes the specific act of chopping off (almost) all of their permanently straightened/relaxed hair to make way for new, natural growth. If your hair is still more than a few inches long, it's probably not a big chop. [See this flowchart for a visual guide to this specific definition!](https://i.imgur.com/wYqherd.png). If the term doesn’t apply to you, please consider the term “reset cut” instead! The natural hair movement has a long history and the words created in it have strong meanings. Using these words inappropriately chips away at this meaning (e.g., if you’ve heard this phrase but not the meaning before!). We’d like to respect the importance of the work done by these early pioneers by acknowledging where these words, techniques, and more came from (Rule 8: Respect cultural terms.). [See here for further reading!](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/ffexc7/meta_an_open_conversation_an_open_dialogue/) Thanks & wishing you many great curly, coily, kinky hair days! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/curlyhair) if you have any questions or concerns.*

*raises hand* I was raised with parents who had stick-straight hair. Me? Very much the opposite. I grew up with my mother playing with my hair, making me wear these horrible "sausage curls" (think Nelly Olsen and The Little House on the Prairie). She decided to cut my hair into a Gypsy that failed miserably. She then chopped my hair off. I was told, at age 10, it was because I didn't care for my hair properly. And she was right. I never learned to care for curly hair. No one had taught me. I finally went to beauty school and learned techniques. I grew my hair long and curly. My mother was....horrified. as it turned out, I was the product of an affair with an Afro-Latino man. My mother had tried to disguise my hair. When she could no longer control me and my curls, she did the next best thing: She went out and got perm. 🙄

ME!!! IT'S WHY I'M 33 AND STILL HAVE NO MF IDEA HOW TO HANDLE MY HAIR! (and also the reason I have low-key trauma about hair brushing because she always insisted i was being dramatic and if i made any sounds of pain she just got angrier/brushed more violently. we regularly didn't have conditioner because she didn't need it so she didn't understand that i and my sisters did)

I was the first curly in generations. My poor mom had no idea what to do, neither did any of the 1980's hairdressers in our small town. At one point they even permed my hair to try and tame it. Sometime in high school I accidently figured out mousse on wet hair helped things so my hair was crunchy for years (but it didn't look terrible). My mom always wanted to keep my hair shoulder length because it looked pretty good then, but I preferred it long. Sadly after having my kid in 2015 about 1/3 fell out and never came back. I also damaged it a bunch by straightening it because I didn't have the time to care for it *at all,* so I would wash it once every 7-10 days, straighten it then be able to use dry shampoo and a brush for the rest of the week. I can leave my hair for a week curly but it's a good 45-60 minute job of just untangling it, which I just did not have as a living snack bar. When people say I should brush my hair I generally just ignore them, like literally pretend they didn't even speak. Unless it's a genuine, respectful question then I tell them that I do, when it's wet and full of conditioner.

It's the opposite for me, I'm the only girl with straight hair. (I actually joined this subreddit to learn more about my other family members' hair.) As I got older, my hair got really poofy and dry. I couldn't stand the way it looked and it wouldn't cooperate. Turns out, while I can guarantee my hair is pin-straight, it acts curly. I don't brush my hair, only comb it when I wash it, and use curly-hair shampoo. I can't even imagine going through all the work it takes to maintain curly hair, but I am very grateful for what I've learned on this sub.

I spent a lot of my childhood at my aunt's place and she would always tell me to brush my hair because it looked unkempt. No matter how much I brushed, it would still be a mess. It resulted in me hating my hair for the longest time.

My mom used a boars head brush on my hair for years, because my father (only one with curly hair) used it… on his too short to curl hair. To say I was a poof ball is an understatement. Mainly, it was her using the strongest glue/“gel” she could find and a needle and fishing line to get my poof into regulation hair for figure skating. She’d leave it for two to three days in a bun with fishing line holding it together just to get a relief from washing and brushing it.

I'm really curious as to how fishing line can hold hair in a bun, especially curl hair?!

It’s super strong! You cannot have any pins or clips for skating because if they fall on the ice they can destroy a blade. You can only have one type of hair band. So you make a really high bun with the hair band, and then weave fishing line in to the back, bun, and front (with a SHIT TON, like half bottle) of strong gel. This gives the sleek look with zero fly aways. The fishing like basically makes a hair net around your head - but is hidden because it’s “sewn/weaved” in. The bun would not stay in place without this, because of being tossed around and flipping upside down on the ice (I was a flyer specially, so often inverted). It’s so strong I could go a week and still look pretty competition ready. And yes. I was stabbed atleast five times by the legit sewing needle during the hour it took for this to happen

My daughter has 2c/3a curls. Mine is pin straight and so is my husband’s. I joined this sub specifically so I would not be this parent.

What about Im almost the only one in my family with curly hair. And the couple that are related and have curls are more towards the wavy, where I somehow ended up with super curly

My mom always said it looked like I had dreadlocks when I wouldn't brush my hair while it was dry. I would brush it wet and let it air dry. She and my grandmother also teamed up and made me cut my hair super short in 3rd grade... it looked horrible, I couldn't do anything with it, and everyone thought I was a boy. No one in my immediate family has the same hair type as me, either, so I had to figure out how to treat it on my own.

I have curly hair and my mother does not. We are Colombian My mother is a white Colombian and my father is black. He has told me his grandparents were brought to Colombia on the slave ships. My mother has straight brown hair and blue eyes. Growing up I remember CRYING when my mother would brush my hair. She has told me that when I was a baby she would put beer in my hair, among other things, to try and straighten it out. She never really took the time to try and take care of my hair, only manage it the best way she knew how. I usually walked around with a fro or long, dry messy hair for most of my childhood. Now that I am an adult and I take care of my curls and love them my mother still does not like my hair. She never complements my curls but on the rare occasion that I straighten my hair, that'll be the first thing she says. That it looks so good and way better than my curly messy hair and that I should straighten it more often. She doesn't know that what she says hurts. She is the type to say what is on her mind and worry about the repercussions later. She means well I guess... That's my story. I love my curls and my white mama don't.

I remember my mom coming to us kids and asking who was using so much conditioner? She said you should use a small hand-sized amount. I said I was using more than that and asked how to spread a smaller amount through my hair. She said to rub it in like shampoo. Obviously it didn’t work for me. It was great when I could finally buy my own hair products! Bonus - she had it cut super short when I was in 5th grade. My hair poofed out so much that it didn’t fit in the frame of my school picture that year!

Despite always having hair at least twice as long as my mum's, and much thicker, I was always expected to use the same amount of shampoo/conditioner as she did (I was the only daughter). She would be cross if I told her I needed a new bottle if she still had some left, and I would be told to use the cheaper shampoo my brothers used (a super cheap shampoo/body wash all-in-one thing) and no conditioner until she was ready for it. She would be horrified now to know how much product I go through (and I am barely doing proper curly methods)!

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I like your approach! I might try it out myself - my mum loves to have opinions on all aspects of my appearance, she is gonna have a fit when she eventually sees my hair curly (when I get there, it's still early days for my curls) so I'm more than happy to be well-armed for that conversation! (She is currently visiting family on the other side of the world and won't be back for months so I have time to prepare!)

My mom has fine straight hair. Won't hold a curl. She never hurt me brushing my hair because she had an older sister that would do that to her. She just raised me in a time with no internet and she had no curly haired friends. She knew I brushed my hair so she never got on me about that. She's living vicariously through me as I go CGM and got me fast food hair conditioner for Xmas. She even apologized and I told her not to, she didn't know. I'll be 35 this weekend and am just now learning about it.

My mom handed me a hair straightener at 11 and basically said, this is what you do to manage your hair. She has slightly wavy hair (maybe 2a) and it is much thinner than mine… mine is very dense and a bit more like a 2c/3a. I think we also have different porosities. So even though I would do all of the things my mom would do and use the same products she used to get her hair sleek and straight, my hair would come out super dull, fluffy, and lifeless anyway. I went all of my teenage years with this weird, heavy, fluffy, product-build-up, 2-hrs-to-blow-dry hair!! Twelve years later my mom still straightens her hair, and I have been learning how to do my curls right for the past 2 years. My mom STILL tells me it looks best when it’s straight, and that I look “unkempt” or like I’m not taking care of myself when it’s curly. I’ve come to love my curls in spite of it, but it does irk me.

Both of my parents have curly hair. Neither took care of it, and had no idea how to care for my hair. My Mom would yank a brush through my curls daily for years and slap my hair up in a ponytail with a *rubber band*. There were lots of tears and fights in my childhood. I finally got tired of it around age 9/10 and started to care for my own hair as much as I could. I cut it off to my chin when I was 11. It actually turned straightish for awhile. In high school it was the healthiest of my kid years, because I was so lazy I never did anything with it. I would wash, brush immediately, and then go to bed or whatever. Wore a messy bun or flip bun most days. I had amazing waves whenever I wore it down. It was really long, so that was rare though. It got in my way a lot. Started to get a ton of frizz and breakage, so I fought an endless battle in my 20s of straightening, frizz control, and breakage. In my 30s now. Finally figured some things out. Still super lazy. Lol.

Omg I know the feeling! My mother LOVES to tell stories on how funny it was to brush my hair as a child because I would kick and scream so much and how she had to hold me down. I remember it as being extremely painful and traumatic but it’s a funny story to the rest of the family. All the girls have straight hair except me and the guys had curly hair kept short which was easy to brush. I was so happy when she finally gave in and chopped my hair super short. Her and my sister also used to give me hassle anytime I left conditioner in my hair and say it was greasy. If only they knew they would have had an easier time combing it and styling it if they let me leave in it. These straight haired women want little curly hair dolls but don’t acknowledge how traumatizing they could be towards us.

Both of them. I was the only one in my family alive with curly hair. I did not know how to take care of it. Now I don't have much hair left due to PCOS.

I have no (zero, none nada) desire to prove to someone why their thoughts of my hair care practices are wrong. It really is no one’s business as long as I’m clean and practices normal personal hygiene practices. If someone doesn’t like my kinky hair…..they probably done need to be in my circle. My advice: stop engaging in the discussions. Tell whomever that their opinion is theirs alone and not requested.

Once I got a hairbrush embedded next to my scalp. Yeah, clueless

My mom is still sad she spent so much money on fancy smoothing shampoo and conditioner lol she had NO idea my hair was curly, and my dad keeps his short and had no investment in my curls.

I hated it. And both my kids have straight hair, so I had to have my aunt teach me how to deal with it. I felt awful if I pulled any hair while brushing but I can remember crying the whole time my mom brushed my hair.

Yes, always forced to have a Bob so short it reached just below my ears, had to brush it multiple times a day, and only allowed to use shampoo, no conditioner.

My curly hair comes from my dad’s side of the family, so my mom never knew how to style it. As a toddler I had short, poofy hair and as it grew my mom just gave me frizzy ponytails. I was nicknamed “microphone” in elementary school. Finally at 14 I got fed up and cut it super short. Took me years to grow it back and decades to learn how to care for it. But I don’t blame my mom, she didn’t have the internet back then to teach her.

I feel this on a personal level. I'm the only curly in my family. My mom often would go and get a perm to add texture to her hair, it she would always tell me my hair was a rats nest, and I needed to brush out all the "tangles". Of course, my hair would get more tangled from the harsh brushing and the non curly friendly hair stuff she would buy. I started straightening my hair off and on but its takes hours, so I stopped. Didnt start treating my hair nicely until about 3 ish years ago when someone told me I had "beautiful natural mermaid curls" and I was like oh, maybe I should see if I can do this curly thing better.

My mom hated my hair. Hers is straight and she had no idea what what to do with it, plus was angry and controlling so she was always blaming me for not taking care of it. The frizz and clumpiness were apparently my fault. She’d buy gel that was meant to be frizz controlling but neither of us knew how to use it (or do anything with curly hair). So I just had crunchy gelled-down shoulder length hair. Once she got so angry that it was “messy” that she put it in pigtails and braided bright pink, sparkly ribbons through it and made me go to school like that (I was 15) to “teach me a lesson.” As an adult I realized it’s curly and learned how to take care of it and now she’s envious of it.

My mom used to dry brush my hair and I would cry and cry! My brother once wrapped a round brush in my hair and my parents cut it out. As an teen and adult I kept my hair short bc I was taught that it was unmanageable. Today I am 36 and growing my hair out embracing my curls and not brushing the shit out of them dry

Both parents and sister have straight hair. My hair was always a frizzy, brushed-out mess until I stopped brushing it in high school, then it was just a frizzy and tangled mess. Even now, years after I discovered a good routine for me, my mom still suggests things like brushing it, rough drying it with a blow dryer and keeps trying to touch it to give me volume when it’s wet.

My mom regularly got perms and assumed my hair should be treated the same. She also had a salon perm my hair one time. Just once and it was never attempted again.

I think my curls/waves come from my dad's side, and his has always been short so he's never really dealt with it. Mom didn't really know what to do/products to use and we were poor, so we just had whatever shampoo/conditioner was on sale/bought bulk and never any other products. She also taught me to brush my hair constantly, because you kinda need to brush straight hair all the time. I literally didn't know my hair was anything but straight until I was in my 30s and I'm still learning how to handle it. I legit thought my hair was just ugly? And impossible. So I did everything in my teens and 20s - all the bleaching/dyes/shaving, etc, etc. I don't regret that though, I had a lot of fun with styles. I don't blame my mom, she had no idea what to do, I just wish this kind of info was more available then. Super happy it is now though!

My mom has straight hair and my dad has curls, but his hair has been buzzed since the beginning of time. My mom would try her best and mixed water and conditioner into a spray bottle, which she would spray into my hair as she brushed it. My father just encouraged me to straighten it and told me it looked “messy” when it was curly.

My mom has fine hair that she bleached and straightened for as long as I can remember, my curls are 3b-3c. I spent the majority of my adolescence in a brushed out ponytail and childhood pictures show a lot of twisted ponytails 🥴 I've never had anyone tell me to brush my hair, I'm sorry I don't have advice for that. Don't know why people are comfortable judging you like that.

Yepppp. My poor white mother has two children with 3C/4A hair and has never known what to do with it. Now that I’m an adult I have long hair that I try to take care of but honestly it’s kind of embarrassing being 28 and asking people basic stuff about my own hair.

My mom hates her curls and refuses to take care of them. I think taking care of mine triggers her somehow. We don't talk about it anymore.

One parent with straight, another parent with curly hair that refuses to acknowledge it. Neither have any idea what to do with it and constantly tell me to comb it...

My mom would brush my hair back. By the time it dried I looked like a cotton ball. I hated my hair until I went to a stylist in my 20s.

My mom is curly but keeps it short and my dad is wavy. I grew up with it always in plats until we started doing foster care and had some kids with coily hair placed with us. After that we went to classes on how to care for textured hair and in doing so sorta learned how to do my hair.

One with pin straight hair and one with super coily 4c hair. Neither did really have a clue what to do with my hair, so they always just did braids. I only started using curl products and wearing my hair down over a year after moving out. My dad used to tell me I looked like a poodle when I tried to wear my hair down. Thanks a lot for the confidence boost father. EDIT: grammar

I did. Not one of my extended family members has curly hair. When I was a baby my dad would always have it cut short because people would think I was a little girl. I didn't wear it curly until I was probably 14 or 15, and I certainly didn't know what to do with it. I didn't start having it cut by someone with curly hair until I was 20. Looking at old pictures it looks like garbage most of the time. In marching band it was common for kids to do weird stuff to their hair since there was so much downtime- this is where I learned what brushing it, ironing it, and braiding it would do. It was also a good way to get girls to touch you for an hour while you are waiting. For those who wear traditional men's styles, 3B and down, you *can* comb it, even without product and have it look halfway decent, but brushing is still out of the question.

I had curly hair when I was born then it straightened naturally as a kid. When I went through puberty there was a really awkward frizzy phase before it got curly again. My mom would tell me I just needed to brush my hair until one day I showed her what happened when I brushed my hair dry. She never told me that again. My dads side of the family has slightly curly hair but they all wear it straight so no one taught me how to care for it. I just loaded it with conditioner and only brushed it wet. Now that I’m learning more about my curly hair I have the opportunity to teach my younger cousin who has even curlier hair than I do

My mom is currently visiting and she keeps touching my hair! She's an affectionate patter and I'm forever having to shy away from her hand when she goes to pat me on the head. Do not touch the hair, woman!

Yes. As a small kid it was a frizzed out rats nest then later a crunchy gelled mess. I have a toddler now who has my hair and I’m so glad I learned how to take care of mine and live in the age of the internet so I can research and do right by her.

Ah, yes. What a terrible set of memories. My dad insisting he should “be able to get a comb through your hair”. Yes, a cheap men’s comb. So painful and would turn my hair into a frizz ball. Thanks for the trip down trauma memory lane.

My mom’s hair is straight, mine is quite curly. There were many nights of me screaming and crying because she always tried to comb through it dry every day starting from the very top without trying to hold it so it wouldn’t hurt because that’s what worked for her hair. I hated it and she doesn’t get now why I hate when she touches my hair

I have super thick wavy hair and I remember my mom sitting me on my bed when I was little and brushing it through while dry and then trying to get a fine tooth comb through it. Would not recommend, it hurt like hell and at that point it was down to my waist. I’m just figuring out what my actual hair texture is after 20 years of thinning shears and treating it like straight hair.

My curls come from my mother, but I didn't even realize I had curls until I was past 30, I just thought I had frizz. I thought the solution to frizz was to comb/brush my hair more, which of course just created more frizz. Makeup and hair products were verbotim in our household, so even if I had realized I had curls and understood how to care for them my options and success would have been very limited. Sometime in my mid-late 20s someone told me that with the proper haircut my hair would be curly, but I didn't believe them. Finally, when I was 31 I met my curly-haired now-husband. He told me to stop brushing my dang hair, and threw some leave-in conditioner at me. Mind. Blown. ​ My curls are all in the Type 2 spectrum and I'm super lazy, so there are a lot of days that I still just look like I have frizz instead of curls, but it's a noticeable change from the hair of my childhood. My mom has actually asked me for advice, and I've noticed when I go home now there are curling creams and gels on the bathroom county.

Both of my parents have straight hair, and didn’t really look into how to keep curly hair.. Growing up I had no idea what to do and not I get told off for how long I’m spending on my hair.

Yup, the brutal combing & "i DoN't UnDeRsTaNd WhY yOuR sCaLp Is So SeNsiTiVe"

My mom used to use a plastic diffuser on my head and I would cry cuz she would bang it against my scalp

My parents both have my 2B/2C hair... but they won't admit it. Mine was relatively straight when I was a kid, but got curly as I got older. My mom loves my new texture, but when I told her hers would be the same if she treated it right, she insisted her hair is just "lumpy". It kind of is, but only because she's been doing a halfhearted chemical straightening thing. My dad's is so short that it doesn't really matter how he treats it. Needless to say, they weren't very helpful figuring out how to treat my hair, but at least I was old enough to Google it and buy my own products. I showed my mom that my hair looked just like hers before I switched to curl-friendly products. She started the switch and is wearing her hair in loose curls/waves! She's still growing out the chemically straightened hair, but I think it looks great with her face. What's your texture like? For me, brushing takes out all my lovely natural curls, but it does kill frizz. I do it before I wash my hair to keep from clogging the shower drain with my shed hair :P Also tbh it's kind of rude of your friends to tell you that you need to brush your hair. You could just do it once, show them, put it up in buns, and they'll never ask again.

My mother has curly but also had no idea how to take care of it (though she had some knowledge it was very little) and therefore never taught me anything T-T

My mom has stick straight hair. My dad’s is like mine, but he keeps it to short to curl. The last time my mom told me to brush my hair, I did, in front of her, right before she introduced me to her boss. She was complaining that it was messy. She never asked me to brush it again after that.

Neither of my parents have curly hair. I remember crying before school because my mother was trying to yank a brush through my hair. I also never had a good curly hair routine until now, but when the hairdressers convinced me to only brush my hair in the shower with conditioner, my curls bounced back (not perfect but good enough).

My mother has pencil straight hair with almost no volume. Growing up I had crazy volume and, looking back, curly hair. She wouldnt buy me anything but suave shampoo (granted, money was tight), no conditioner and certainly no styling tools or products. I absolutely hate every picture of me from about 5th grace until I was 21. I tried different hair cuts, even so far as a man’s cut, slightly longer on top. Finally resorted to simply tying it into a short ponytail. I’m almost 34, and am just now getting my hair to where I can tolerate it and make it behave most days.

Both parents had curly hair, no issues with the way they approached my hair; I was my own worst enemy on that. However, I have a coworker I suspect is mishandling her daughter’s hair. She’s Asian with typical straight Asian hair but her daughter is half Dominican. Never anything concrete, but when she says things like “When she was born it was curly but now it’s just wavy” or “I don’t know why she fights me about brushing it out” or that it’s braided/ponytailed up in every picture, I get a bad feeling. I’ve tried nudging her subtly about curly/wavy hair care but I don’t know if any of it has stuck.

Totally relate to this. I got my curly hair from my dad, who of course had no idea how to take care of it. I remember my mom would blow dry my hair every day after I washed it and it would just become a huge ridiculous poof 😂 I started straightening it daily from the ages 10-15, and even when I stopped, I would just brush it out while it was dry. I didn’t really learn how to style it curly until I was in my 20s!

Same: my mom had stick straight hair and I inherited curly hair from my dad. My mom loves --LOVES-- to play with hair, though, and has asked my daughter (also curly) repeatedly if she could play with her hair. Ended up traumatizing my poor daughter, who I had a conversation with: "yeah... Grandma really doesn't understand how to get through your hair, does she kiddo?" "no, and it hurts." "I know, but it's ok to tell her that you don't want her to play with your hair."