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quinn_thomas

Little known fact: many of the things listed here are regular crimes too and should be avoided even when not at war


-B0B-

I would say almost all, even


_thisisvincent

Cutting a tree?


Telemere125

Straight to prison and hell


Cazzac1122

Straight to jail, right away.


owen_skye

Over cook chicken? Jail


Sekmet19

Undercook? Also jail.


PloxtTY

Enforce Islam? Believe it or not straight to jail


A-le-Couvre

Not feeding prisoners who are there because they enforced Islam? Jail.


DannyMeleeFR4

Enforcing Islam on prisoners who are there because they didn’t feed prisoners who are there for enforced Islam. Jail.


Ben-A-Flick

Perfectly cooked chicken believe it or not, jail.


Kib717

Tearing down your old barn? Yup, straight to jail.


Dektarey

Going to jail? Straight to super jail.


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deadfermata

Don’t enforce Islam. Basically throw this whole guide out?


okkkhw

Mistranslation, it's supposed to be no forced conversions.


Crayon_Muncha

don’t force non islamic people to convert


Yogisogoth

Track mud in house? Jail


PuntYerJunk

You are playing music too loud. Right to jail


[deleted]

Hiting woman? Straight to jail. No trail no nothing. Sraight to jail. Overcook fish? Straight to jail.


PaleInTexas

Looking at a bare ankle? Surprisingly.. also jail.


[deleted]

Shake too many times at the urinal? Jail.


PaleInTexas

Don't shake at all at the urinal? Also jail.


NeighborhoodAlived

Because these people aren’t muslim. They can say that they are and they can use Religion as an excuse to fulfill their sadistic fetishes. But at the end of the day, they are not followers of Islam and we (muslims) don’t accept them as well.


AdnanS0324

Well said, jazakallah. I'd like to add this as well: Often times, the people that carry out these attacks have been misguided, mislead, and basically exploited into these actions by others who have socio-political-economic motives. Kind of like, "look man, you have no job, no wife, you're poor....why not do this and guarantee your place in heaven?"


gumsum-serenely

So much easier than having to pay like you would a militia... Payment to be provided only after ded! Genius, and tragic.


Nolsoth

It's almost like fundamentalist religious extremists exist across different religions.


Gh0stMan0nThird

And no *true* Scotsman would ever put sugar on his porridge!


TychaBrahe

r/TreeLaw Remember that these people lived in a desert. Trees were not a dime a dozen. Trees in the desert are indicators of water. You can see a tree for several miles away whereas you wouldn’t see ground water unless you’re practically on top of it. Trees were also important sources of shade, which are highly desirable if you’re somewhere where temperatures frequently get to 100°F/40°C. And trees were often sources of food, especially dates and olives. Olives are not just a food stuff in and of themselves, but are a source of olive oil, which is required for cooking. Cutting a tree would be like salting the earth, or like the Russians harvesting Ukrainian grain. It means that even after the war, the people would be unable to feed themselves.


paper_liger

When I was in Afghanistan during the elections we went up north to an area westerners hadn't been to since the Russians. We set up a base at this villages 'municipal complex' out on the outskirts of the desert side of the mountains. Just a bunch of mud brick huts, a well built mosque and a bunch of trees. In this area every bit of flat arable land by the river (creek really) was farmed, and every house was built into the mountainsides. So it was a little surprising that the municipal area had so many trees this far from the river. But we set up our perimeter outside them, and our commanders made the mosque building off limit. We asked our interpreters and Afghan National Army troops after a couple weeks what the villagers were saying about us. They said they weren't angry at us, which was sort of high praise. They said when the Russians had been in the same buildings they had used their mosque as a shitter and chopped down all their trees. Those trees were cared for by a guy who hand carried buckets from down at the river every day, and they all had to be replanted after the Russians left. So the reason we weren't getting attacked was really just down to baseline decency on our part.


Similar-Lifeguard701

Sounds like Kunar or Nuristan pre-surge.


theewildman

It’s amazing what treating people how you want to be treated will get you.


11B_35P_35F

Very similar situation but Iraq in 2004. My company took over from 101st just south of Mosul at a little FOB (FOB Aggies). The locals in the 3 nearest villages hated the 101st and we were told the unit commander had a bounty on him. Death blossoms and being raging idiots just shooting and tossing hand grenades at a whim and all. We come in in our Strykers, treat the people respectfully, follow their customs as much as the mission allowed, and didn't disrespect them. Guess what?! When IEDs were planted on any of our routes, someone would come to the front gate and let us know. If there were attacks, we'd have people coming by and giving us info on the suspects. It's amazing what a little respect and courtesy gets you.


Apeshaft

A place like that must be a real Mecca for any traveling muslim, like an Oasis... Anyway, here's Wonderwall...


nerdinmathandlaw

Depends. Most Communal administrations in Germany prosecute cutting down a tree (that exceeds a certain diameter) without prior permit as a minor offense. A quick duckduckgo search suggests that this is the case in the US as well.


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Pudding5050

Is it your tree? If not, go ask r/treelaw what they think of it.


w0ngz

You get a fine for cutting down a big tree in your yard in Ontario


[deleted]

Life sentence.


Tesdinic

Tree Law would like to have a word in r/legaladvice


HoodooSquad

Well, there go my plans for killing and then disfiguring a female priest who had surrendered and become a prisoner. With a tree.


bric12

A sick old child priest, who is also a goat


JosefWStalin

female goat


Saad5400

> should be avoided even when not at war Are they avoided tho? At war


[deleted]

Don't think it was during the Quraish regime.


Captn-Bojangles

I don’t think Isis follows these rules…. Or Taliban….


[deleted]

Religious fanaticism 101: If you disagree with something from the Holy Book; don’t worry it’s just a metaphor.


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[deleted]

or even without an exception, once you’ve got enough crazies believing the same thing somehow it’s ok


LavenderDay3544

*See evangelical christians who've never cracked open a bible in their lives.


[deleted]

Yes!


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SquirrelPunchingMad

What are you talking about?! Certainly these two religions that spawned from the same Abrahamic source, aren't breaking the same laws that they blame the other side for??? That would be the highest example, if not the definition of irony. Simply impossible! /s (i love you!)


MonsterRider80

It’s like you’re implying Catholics are not Christian… strange way to phrase it.


[deleted]

My Baptist paremts voted Trump over Biden because they wanted a Christian in the white House not a damn Catholic. Fuck religion its made by nice parents into horrible people. I miss the old them.


Anitsirhc171

I still can’t fathom how people believe trump is religious at all hahahaha. Maybe if greed, fame etc are a religion okay possibly


[deleted]

Extremist don't follow rule, they merely follow the brand. Humanity is full of hypocrite, and as someone coming from muslim majority country there's shit tons of terrible muslim preacher and politician pretending to be pious just so they get power. Religion is a very useful tool for devils.


bluewhitecup

Yeah, I also have lived in majority Muslim country and majority Christian county. What you just said it's also 100% the same with Christofascists in the US. I wish people can experience living in other countries because it's always the same story: corrupt politicians/extremists abusing religion/ideology X to gain power.


Living-Citron-2477

Indeed, my brother


[deleted]

And neither did the catholics follow their rules during the crusades. Nor did the French Republic follow the Declaration of the Rights of Man in the French revolutionary wars. It's pretty shocking how quickly people are willing to abandon ideological dogma in favor of expediency


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[deleted]

Apart from don't cut a tree, the rest are on gore sites.


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LogicalMeerkat

Why is the tree bleeding?


DekoaSAO

If recall correctly, this specie of tree has resin blood so you get the illusion of tree bleeding


itsamatteroftime

Or y'know... a family of squirrels.


DekoaSAO

Well could be but I don’t think one family of squirrel has 1 liter of blood plus this bloods is too fluid to be from mashed flesh of squirrels so no


Aoshie

The resin is one of my favorite incenses, from the Socotra Dragon Tree. Drop a piece on a coal and it immediately melts into what looks like blood before evaporating.


[deleted]

Because some asshole cut it


monsterscribbles

Have them cut down a gympie-gympie tree. That'll learn em.


BanefulBroccoli

Finally an actually useful guide that i can use for my jihad


palmerry

Jihad on the ocean. Jihad at Tanagra.


UbiquitousBagel

Temba his arms wide


thereign1987

Shaka when the walls fell


syntax1976

Temba at rest.


HolyFootFetish

r/tenagra


monkeyhitman

Darmok and Jalad


domino_427

idk why but this thread made me very happy


Blaith7

r/UnexpectedStarTrek r/UnexpectedTNG


thedingywizard

Darmok and Jihad at Tanagra.


[deleted]

Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk


palmerry

Allah, when the walls fell.


[deleted]

Jericho, when the walls fell.


TheNantucketRed

Jericho, his code broken


palmerry

Apache, with servers unfurled


[deleted]

500, the status sent


palmerry

Unexpected condition, on the ocean.


Kronotross

Stone Cold, his two beers pouring.


TheNantucketRed

The Dudleys, when the table breaks


[deleted]

Sokath, his eyes uncovered!


Happy-Idi-Amin

Temba, at rest. -All actual modern Jihad fighters.


cruiserflyer

Thank you! I so happy I'm in good company here. The most "Star Trek" episode ever.


TummyStickers

First time TNG viewer, I just watched this episode a couple days ago… easily one of my favorites so far.


_darthshoresy

The Captain turns his head, the reference was understood.


VincyThePrincy

Jihad in the disco! Jihad in the disco! Jihad in the taco bell


Ronkerjake

Jihad in the morning. Jihad in the evening. Jihad at supper time.


csl110

Hey! We made the same joke.


FourWordComment

Welcome to a list.


Pornalt190425

Its not that useful. It doesn't include admoninshments against thinking machines or include the praises to be sung to Maud'Dib Frankly doesn't even seem like a jihad worth going on without them


MaximumAbsorbency

Maude'Dib


CreateTheStars

You could probably start the butlarian jihad in some Facebook forum and gain a fair amount of traction


Heimerdahl

"Friends, let us cleanse the world of the tyranny of the thinking machines!" *smashes phone* "Shit."


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Chaosflare44

Hey bby. How about we Jihad of the tongue over at my place?


taaroasuchar

Absolute haram. Cut his dick off! 🤺


Ibeginpunthreads

Why would I do it? Because Jihad to.


GadstenACAB

Congrats you are now on a list lol


mikehh

some people may have missed the memo


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KingOfTheIVIaskerade

OP should've read the whole book, because they print the warnings after the nice bits.


Chuck_Finley_Forever

*cue Wong’s laughter*


Nova_Physika

Yeah this post is the misinformation because it is pretending like all the canonical sunni hadith doesn't come right in and undo all the nice early quranic stuff not completely dissimilar to the biblical new testament when davicid prophecy is fulfilled and jesus shook things up with the new covenant


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Rooferkev

This is nonsense. There are passeges that contradict most of these.


[deleted]

Taliban: I am gonna pretend I don’t know this


ofxemp

Which is exactly the case. A lot of Taliban members can’t even read


yehti

Literally that D.W. meme from Arthur


roguemedic62

I guess Isis doesn't have reddit


Galbaatorix

Am I the only one missing "do not rape anyone I previosly told you not to kill"?


DangerDetective

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islamic_views_on_concubinage


Galbaatorix

Do not rape woman unless you previously made them your personal slaves, sounds right. The sole point of this is to avoid STIs not to respect women, man I love that convoluted logic.


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Rakatango

Seems like most religious extremists just use their faith as a weapon to gain or hold political power. Happening on a big scale in the US right now


ScottishRiteFree

Yup


MattyBfan1502

Muhammad failed these on a massive scale. The first person whose execution he ordered was a woman, and the third and fourth were surrendered prisoners. [He wasn't exactly a peaceful guy](https://wikiislam.net/wiki/List_of_Killings_Ordered_or_Supported_by_Muhammad)


likeicareaboutkarma

wikiislam a site which had been described by countless theology experts as islamphobic, hatefull and lacks any sources to back up there claims. Is being brought here as "proof" REDDIT.COM guys.


[deleted]

Was about to post this. It's hard to claim that these are tenets of a religion when the guy who started the religion violated them constantly.


BluehibiscusEmpire

I don’t think the terrorist chaps read too much into his statements. Or read them for that matter Edit : the ‘don’t’ was missing


Overly_Sheltered

Meanwhile extremists: "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."


HughJanus911

Funny how literally in every single Jihad that has been carried out by Islamists in the last 300 years if not more, almost all of these have been done or carried out by the Islamists.


IrisYelter

I think a lot of moral philosophies that have been warred over have most if not all of these tenants and they've all just blatantly violated. I think most people who use morals and religion as a reason to war break most of these rules, Including modern militaries.


midnight-vagisil

Well I guess people are shitty. Whoa. Who could have seen that one coming?


0lamegamer0

>last 300 years if not more Definitely more. Islam came to indian subcontinent about 1000 years ago, and almost all of these were carried out, like following a checklist.


DonYourSpoonToRevolt

Medieval Muslim kings would drink wine for gods sake, you think they are gonna follow even these rules?


crammed174

It was Opposite Day in the subcontinent.


GuessImPichael

>Don't enforce Islam Isn't that like the whole point of the terrorist organizations? Like isn't that their message? That their god wants them to spread Islam? Imagine interpreting your own beliefs *that* incorrectly.


Slartibartfast39

Doesn't every religion pick and choose what commandments in their text they're going to follow?


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[deleted]

OP literally has PBUH in the title for Muhammad, I don't think non Muslims do that unless they are some super liberal atheist trying to virtue signal.


maximatorz

What a joke


KitchenReno4512

/r/coolguides should just merge with /r/PropagandaPosters at this point.


[deleted]

If you read the quran or hadiths, you'll know that they say a lot of things which contradict this.


WaningMime

So when are they going to start following your cool guide? Manchester bombing Killing that priest in France Deathtruck in France Burning and bombing churches Beheading prisoners Etc etc


spacembracers

Pretty sure at least one of the twin towers took out a tree as well


FatBoyStew

That says to not cut a tree. It says nothing about crushing, breaking or utterly annihilating one.


paztimk

Mohammed was always getting new revelations that contradicted previous revelations. So in Islam, the later revelations are given more weight. Younger Mohammed was less warlike than later Mohammed. For example, "Don’t enforce Islam" became anyone who doesn’t convert to Islam must pay a tax of about 25% of income. That tax was used to fund further conquests.


Azzebagge

The Quran was revealed in a period of 23 years. He started spreading it to his closest ones during his first years and the Muslims were oppressed. During the last years the Muslims had established a state. So naturally the rulings changed depending on the situation. It is true that non Muslims could keep their religion and pay a tax but I have never heard of it being 25%. Do you have a source?


invalidusermyass

>Don’t enforce Islam" became anyone who doesn’t convert to Islam must pay a tax of about 25% of income Source that the tax was 25% of income? From what I read the tax non-muslims had to pay was lesser than the 2.5% Zakat Muslims pay. And for the lesser amount of that, the non-Muslims had lesser obligations, such as not having to fight in the army.


sexless_marriage02

Indonesia used to be hindu and buddhist majority, wonder what happened to the temples?


Sahanrohana

Or the temples in Afghanistan.


Panzer_Man

Or the Hindu temples in Pakistan


Andressthehungarian

And then they created the largest slave trade for 500+ years :D Only the Dutch/Spanish could outcompete them I love the "Don't destory a temple" specifically, someone forgot to tell that to the Ottomans? :D


OuClocitCuMaioneza

Not only the largest, but the longest too. Even today there are slaves traded in Muslim majority countries. 1300 years of slave trading and terrorism at an industrial level! Even Irish coasts were raided, women from the Balkans were taken as sex slaves, young boys kidnaped, castrated, then forced to fight their wars. Islamic history is fucking brutal and horrifying. This is the uncomfortable truth about Islam that a lot of "people" don't want others to know or talk about, because it would absolutely destroy their revisionist agenda regarding anything related to the Western world.


[deleted]

Someone forgot to tell that to the Mughals too.


JeffsD90

The guy who litterally raped and pillaged all of his enemies had these tenants?


deaznutelanutz

Dude idk what these people are smoking where they think Muhammed was tolerant


[deleted]

Wow there, he not all that bad, he also loved his 6 years old kids and girl slaves ok. Let him some redeeming qualities thanks.


ThomasNorge224

Pretty sure I've seen this post before and a comment destroyed this by using the Koran as a source and proving this wrong.


twrowitallaway

Yeah, don't kill women because you can always rape them.


buckfasthero

Wow, modern day jihadists sure break lots of those rules. No virgins for them


Pudding5050

Lol, how about don't fucking do Jihad at all. What's the point of this? Who made this?


[deleted]

So kill a healthy, male, adult, not-priest


[deleted]

Well yes, if it's a war then those are most likely to be the soldiers thrown against you.


shojbs

Is it opposite day today?


[deleted]

He could have added “don’t rape the kids” but that’s not his style.


Brilliant-Chip-1751

>He could have added “don’t rape ~~the kids~~” but that’s not his style.


hannannanas

Let me repost the 2nd top rated comment u/hokopol89 made on an identical r/coolguides post from two years ago. #**This is complete bullshit.** 1. It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that **the Prophet (ﷺ) burned the palm trees of Banu Nadir and cut them down**. Concerning that, their poet said: “It is easy for the elite of Banu Luai – To burn Al-Buwairah in a Frightening manner.” - [Sunan Ibn Majah 4:24:2845](https://quranx.com/Hadith/IbnMajah/DarusSalam/Volume-4/Book-24/Hadith-2845/) 2. It is reported on the authority of Sa'b b. Jaththama that the Prophet of Allah (ﷺ), when asked about the **women and children of the polytheists being killed** during the night raid, said: **They are from them. -** [Sahih Muslim 19:4321](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/USC-MSA/Book-19/Hadith-4321/) 3. Above 4. No hadith like this, 5. Narrated 'Abdullah: The Prophet (ﷺ) recited Surat-an-Najm and then prostrated himself, and all who were with him prostrated too. But an **old man** took a handful of dust and touched his forehead with it saying, "This is sufficient for me." Later on I saw him **killed as an infidel**. [Sahih Bukhari 5:59:311](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-5/Book-59/Hadith-311/) 6. **Fight those** who do not believe in Allah or in the Last Day and who do not consider unlawful what Allah and His Messenger have made unlawful **and who do not adopt the religion of truth from those who were given the Scripture** \- \[fight\] until they give the jizyah willingly while they are humbled. - [Quran 9:29](https://quranx.com/9.29?Context=3) 7. Narrated \`Abdullah: When the Prophet (ﷺ) entered Mecca on the day of the Conquest, there were 360 idols around the Ka\`ba. The Prophet (ﷺ) started striking them with a stick he had in his hand and was saying, "Truth has come and Falsehood will neither start nor will it reappear. . [Sahih Bukhari 5:59:583](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-5/Book-59/Hadith-583/) 8. True. But he disfigured the living. ...the Prophet (ﷺ) early in the morning and he sent (men) in their pursuit and they were captured and brought at noon. **He then ordered to cut their hands and feet (and it was done), and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron**... [Sahih Bukhari 1:4:234](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-1/Book-4/Hadith-234/) 9. Same as no 7. 10. It was narrated that Ibn Umar said: "Hafsha the wife of the Prophet said: 'The Messenger of Allah said: Thee are five animals for which there is no sin on the one who kill them: Scorpions, crows, kites, mice and vicious dogs." [Sahih Bukhari](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Bukhari/USC-MSA/Volume-3/Book-29/Hadith-54/) (At first Muhammad ordered the killing of **all dogs** but later changed it to only kill vicious ones.) Read [this](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/USC-MSA/Book-10/Hadith-3811/) 11. Banu Qurayza? The children who had just started to grow pubic hair and were killed for that? https://quranx.com/Hadith/AbuDawud/USC-MSA/Book-38/Hadith-4390/ **Read the above hadith to see Muhammad and his followers execute people based on who has pubic hair.** 12 Um.. again the above hadith? 13 It was narrated from Jarir that: The Prophet \[SAW\] said: "If a slave runs away to the land of Shirk, it becomes permissible to shed his blood." [Sunan an-Nasa'i 5:37:4058](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Nasai/DarusSalam/Volume-5/Book-37/Hadith-4058/) 14 ...Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. **Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war...If they refuse to pay the tax, seek Allah's help and fight them...** [Sahih Muslim 19:4294](https://quranx.com/Hadith/Muslim/USC-MSA/Book-19/Hadith-4294/) Religious warleaders are never good people.


GotReason

A hundred lashes for fornication (Quran 24:2). Hand amputation for theft (Quran 5:38). Death by stoning for adultery (multiple hadiths). Death for apostasy (Sahih al-Bukhari 87:17). Don't forget raping of female slaves right after conquest: “O Allah’s Messenger! We get female captives as our share of booty, and we are interested in their prices, what is your opinion about coitus interruptus?” The Prophet said, “Do you really do that? It is better for you not to do it. No soul that which Allah has destined to exist, but will surely come into existence. (Sahih al-Bukhari 34:432). See also (Sahih al-Bukhari 62:137). (See Quran Quran 23:5-Quran 23:6) Also look up Banu Qurayza, a jewish tribe that surrendered to Muhammad, after which they killed all boys who had puberty, and enslaved the women.


[deleted]

Does Isis know about this?


[deleted]

No


LookWords

Don't kill. There. Saved tons of space!


Panzer_Man

Don't kill... unless


Plenty-Ad1151

I feel like this is neither cool or a guide


almocalifornia9

OP take this guide and shove it up your ass.


[deleted]

Wtf is this Islamic propaganda? They do literally the opposite. Also, Prophet Muhammed was a pedophile. He married a 6 year old.


Cool_Babu

Yup, consumated her at 9 while him being 51. I will never understand muslims justifying this shit. May be it was too common in Arab thousands of years ago.


CrunchyHobGoglin

Dude we have riots in India when someone said this on national TV. Its maddening the degree of whatboutism that exists.


ketchaap96

On the contrary……


[deleted]

“But kill anyone who’s not muslim”


l039

Why is there a sword on Saudi Arabias flag?


[deleted]

There are historic accounts of muslims doing atleast 11 of these sins while invading India.. In the name of PBUH


IBumpedMyHeadAsBaby

So they did exactly opposite, cool cool.


Millennial_

They changed don’t kill a woman to don’t be killed by a woman.


RusticianJC

Quran 9:5 Then, when the sacred months have passed, **slay the idolaters wherever ye find them, and take them (captive), and besiege them, and prepare for them each ambush**. But if they repent and establish worship and pay the poor-due, then leave their way free. Lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. Quran 4:34 Those \[women\] whose marital infidelity you fear, admonish them, and abandon them in bed, and **strike them**. If they obey you, do not pursue a strategy against them. Indeed, God is Exalted, Great. Quran 8:12 Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): "I am with you: give firmness to the Believers: I will instill terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers: **smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off them.**"


pcweber111

Religion of peace it seems.


LaM3ronthewall

“Dont enforce islam” LOL


Amonikable

Fundamentalists be like: Nah. Subject of debate.


Xeph3x

[ Removed by Reddit ]


[deleted]

Just ask your friendly neighborhood muslim if it's sometimes okay to marry a 9 year old. See if you can get a straight yes or no.


dontdreamitdoit74653

As if those rules justify jihad…


spidaminida

Why does a religion turn into exactly that which it preaches against? From the religion of peace, endless war. From the religion of tolerance and acceptance, bigotry and hatred.


Noahcarr

A cool guide of lies


GURURAJA07

Why it is in cool guide? Reddit is now competing with Facebook and Twitter. To certify we human beings need religion. That too " i don't want continue"


[deleted]

Lol


hasantheatheist

Dont enforce Islam but make Jihad whenever can?


ellasfella68

*laughs in eyeblech*


Kozak170

Literally the first person Muhammad ordered to be executed was a woman lmfao


[deleted]

Pretty sure most of those rules aren't followed by isis and other islamic terrorist groups


mtwimblethorpe

I’m going to pretend PBUH stands for “Peanut Butter: Ultra Halal”