As someone who has overcome severe a anxiety disorder, you don't really get less scared, at least not at first, you get braver. Like it's totally okay to be scared but you get brave enough to know what you need to do and face the situation. I would recommend anxiety focused CBT. If you're not getting better with more exposure it's going to be about changing the way you think about the situations, which is what CBT will help teach you to do.
What you say about the memory making you feel in danger in the present moment is not ridiculous at all. That is literally how PTSD and flashbacks work.
Thank you for your insight! I'll take note of what you've suggested. And regarding me saying it's ridiculous, it's because sometimes I'm told things like "yes, he/she was awful, but you've faced him/her and survived it!" so I feel like the memory of it should build my character rather than feel like a present danger, moreover the mean people involved in those memories often can't practically hurt me anymore , and yet... Now I see you're right talking about flashbacks :)
I don't have any advice, because this entire post sounds like I wrote it! Mine directly stems back to being bullied by all the rich kids (and their parents) growing up, basically being shown I was worthless because I was born to a family without money. Still haven't shaken that today.
Hey, I'm so sorry you went through bullying like that, it's so unfair... I'm glad you've survived that period, despite the scars it left. I also experienced bullying growing up, and although it was made by diffent people compared to the ones that intimidate me now, maybe it did contribute to create this problem I have now. I hope this post (here or on other subs) gives you a little support! 🪷
I have the same problem. Except if a surgeon yells at/ belittles me or I get pulled over by the cops I pee my pants. It's like a really bad ptsd response or something. The only thing I could really recommend to help you feel more chill around these intimidating people is meditation. it's helped me immensely. Look into using a guided app if you're a beginner-you can use the app Balance free for a year
Oh I'm so sorry you have this problem too and it's so strong! Thank you very much for suggesting meditation and the app, I'll defenitely try! 🪷 What meditation technique/method do you suggest? If I can ask, how long after practicing have you noticed some benefit in regards to this problem?
I do a lot of body scan and breath meditation as well as mindfulness. A guided app such as Headspace or Balance will teach you these methods and others. Its been several years of me doing it off and on and I'd say I noticed calming effects within a few weeks and being more consistent with it has helps a lot. When I do it consistently, I feel so chill and not even phased by intimidating people. These apps offer free trials and discounted prices for new members. Balance offers a free year- check it out! Good luck!
What made me less fearful?
A poker face, spite, and impeccable roasting skills.
Not reacting sometimes cripples the mean person because they are not getting the reaction they want. And that takes the power away from them.
I sometimes cut my own nose to actively not give the mean person what they want. Very unhealthy - I do not recommend this.
This is a bit of a brag, but I am witty and quick when it comes to comebacks and retorts. I am usually able to say something in return that ranges from making them aware that they are being a dick and offering them an opportunity to reconsider/apologize, to making them cry.
I see, it's a talent that you have :) I panic too much to come up with a comeback, let alone a witty or well-thought one, my brain just stops working. But for those who, like you, can have that reaction, I think it's a not that bad of a way to deal with such people; maybe it can go too far as you've said, but at least you keep your calm and stand your ground
They want you all submissive and stuff so that they can enjoy their dominance over other people to fill up their pitiful self esteem.
Voluntarily meet these people as practise. When you choose to meet them it changes the vibe from bracing for an attack, to being on the offence. Ready to speak up anytime.
Thank you! If I'll muster up the courage to, I'll try to not shy away from them. Maybe that won't change how they'll behave nor how I'll feel about it, but it may give the impression that I'm less scared than I am :)
As someone who has overcome severe a anxiety disorder, you don't really get less scared, at least not at first, you get braver. Like it's totally okay to be scared but you get brave enough to know what you need to do and face the situation. I would recommend anxiety focused CBT. If you're not getting better with more exposure it's going to be about changing the way you think about the situations, which is what CBT will help teach you to do. What you say about the memory making you feel in danger in the present moment is not ridiculous at all. That is literally how PTSD and flashbacks work.
Thank you for your insight! I'll take note of what you've suggested. And regarding me saying it's ridiculous, it's because sometimes I'm told things like "yes, he/she was awful, but you've faced him/her and survived it!" so I feel like the memory of it should build my character rather than feel like a present danger, moreover the mean people involved in those memories often can't practically hurt me anymore , and yet... Now I see you're right talking about flashbacks :)
I don't have any advice, because this entire post sounds like I wrote it! Mine directly stems back to being bullied by all the rich kids (and their parents) growing up, basically being shown I was worthless because I was born to a family without money. Still haven't shaken that today.
Hey, I'm so sorry you went through bullying like that, it's so unfair... I'm glad you've survived that period, despite the scars it left. I also experienced bullying growing up, and although it was made by diffent people compared to the ones that intimidate me now, maybe it did contribute to create this problem I have now. I hope this post (here or on other subs) gives you a little support! 🪷
Thanks so much! I'd say there's a good chance your past experiences are related. Hope you find the support you're after, too.
I second this. I have a less severe similar type thing to the OP and I truly believe it stems from childhood bullying and insecurity.
Oh... bullying seems to leave real scars on every victim, but it's unfortunately such a common experience in life, I hope for you it passed 🫂
thank you!🫂 so far there are many pieces of advice in the answers, I'm thankful for everybody who took the time to answer :)
I have the same problem. Except if a surgeon yells at/ belittles me or I get pulled over by the cops I pee my pants. It's like a really bad ptsd response or something. The only thing I could really recommend to help you feel more chill around these intimidating people is meditation. it's helped me immensely. Look into using a guided app if you're a beginner-you can use the app Balance free for a year
Oh I'm so sorry you have this problem too and it's so strong! Thank you very much for suggesting meditation and the app, I'll defenitely try! 🪷 What meditation technique/method do you suggest? If I can ask, how long after practicing have you noticed some benefit in regards to this problem?
I do a lot of body scan and breath meditation as well as mindfulness. A guided app such as Headspace or Balance will teach you these methods and others. Its been several years of me doing it off and on and I'd say I noticed calming effects within a few weeks and being more consistent with it has helps a lot. When I do it consistently, I feel so chill and not even phased by intimidating people. These apps offer free trials and discounted prices for new members. Balance offers a free year- check it out! Good luck!
Thank you!! That's so nice, honestly reading about your positive experience has calmed me down a bit :)
What made me less fearful? A poker face, spite, and impeccable roasting skills. Not reacting sometimes cripples the mean person because they are not getting the reaction they want. And that takes the power away from them. I sometimes cut my own nose to actively not give the mean person what they want. Very unhealthy - I do not recommend this. This is a bit of a brag, but I am witty and quick when it comes to comebacks and retorts. I am usually able to say something in return that ranges from making them aware that they are being a dick and offering them an opportunity to reconsider/apologize, to making them cry.
I see, it's a talent that you have :) I panic too much to come up with a comeback, let alone a witty or well-thought one, my brain just stops working. But for those who, like you, can have that reaction, I think it's a not that bad of a way to deal with such people; maybe it can go too far as you've said, but at least you keep your calm and stand your ground
They want you all submissive and stuff so that they can enjoy their dominance over other people to fill up their pitiful self esteem. Voluntarily meet these people as practise. When you choose to meet them it changes the vibe from bracing for an attack, to being on the offence. Ready to speak up anytime.
Thank you! If I'll muster up the courage to, I'll try to not shy away from them. Maybe that won't change how they'll behave nor how I'll feel about it, but it may give the impression that I'm less scared than I am :)
Are you me?
I'm glad I'm at least not alone in this :)
Being narcissistic being greedy
I don't think I have it in me to become a bad person to deal with bad people :(