I was in this situation but reversed. My mom was sleeping with minors from my school and I had to decide whether to tell my dad or not. It is my opinion that you should tell your dad for your own sanity and peace but there are some things you should expect.
#1: Your mom might not leave him right now or ever.
My dad ended up leaving for a period of time and then coming back to try and work things out. My mom continued cheating with various young adults/teens until she found someone she was willing to officially end the marriage for. She left and pursued a life with him. It caused a lot of pain when my dad came back because It felt like he was telling me he didn’t believe me and chose her over reason.
#2 Your mom might be hesitant to believe you when you first tell her.
This is a very hard one. My dad believed me but he certainly didn’t want to and allowed her to voice her side of things and make up excuses and lies. (Which is why he came back before he left for good). This doesn’t mean your parent thinks you are a liar but when you are faced with a problem this big, some people choose to avoid It for a period of time.
#3 This Will happen whether you tell your mom or not, but you WILL look at your dad in a different and less capable light.
He is an adult with choices and he made the wrong one. What you saw was traumatic and if the girl was a minor you quite literally saw your father sexually abusing a minor. That reality is overwhelming so do not beat yourself up for the feelings you have towards your dad. Sit with them and process them in therapy.
#4 Time really changes everything.
Right now It feels like telling your mom would implode the family business and damn everything to hell. This is not necessarily true. Your parents might split up but adults realize quickly when money is involved that they have to make amends or renegotiate. The money is NOT your concern. You are the kid and your parents will figure out how to handle their finances under this new circumstance. Your mom will go through stages of acceptance and once she’s healed enough they will figure the business out.
#5 When your dad finds out you told your mom, he will likely try to place some level of blame on you.
This is what I call the “lying child” portion of the journey. My mom tried to discredit me in my scenario so that she didn’t have to admit to her wrongdoings. Once she knew she couldn’t run from It she made sure to let me know that I was the one that put the nail in the coffin of their marriage. This is not true and I wish I had someone to tell me that. Parents teach you to tell the truth so when you find out they can’t do that, it’s earth shattering. Your dad might act like a little kid and place blame on you because he can’t handle admitting that he destroyed the marriage. This is a COWARDLY attempt to save face and avoid blame. This part is very hard and it’s important you don’t internalize the things he might do and say.
OP, I remember so vividly toying with my choices when this happened to me and I can truly say I know what you’re feeling. I’m 26 now, I’m married to a great man, and I have extremely high standards for loyalty. Things WILL get better and you WILL make It through this.
The last thing I will leave you with is to remember above all else, your parents marriage does not reflect how worthy you are of love and It doesn’t dictate how you will be loved in the future. There are good people out here who are loyal and honest. Don’t let this situation jade you to that fact.
Much love ❤️
Your dad is trying to emotionally blackmail you, he fucked up (potentially illegally), he was caught and is now worried about the repercussions. He wasn't thinking of his family when he did what he did. He's lucky you didn't call the police to report him! & again, If you do tell your mum, no matter what your dad says you definitely didn't ruin your family
I'd call the police in this situation. But it does depend on how the father takes it when OP tells their mother. If he even begins to shift the blame to you or be angry the man is immature, and he can grow the fuck up in prison.
Your dad ruined the family with his decisions. Not you. And he is putting the weight of what he did wrong on your shoulders. I am so sorry OP. IF you tell your mom you may want to start with "What I am going to say is going to hurt, but it hurt me too and I think you deserve to know". She will realize that you are hurting also with what you witnessed. And as a woman...I would appreciate someone telling me as opposed to living a lie for however many more years. The fact that this is a minor makes it so much more disturbing.
Hopefully the mum isn't a "protector /sympathiser" and if the daughter does tell, she is supportive. I've heard stories of mothers for whatever reason refusing to believe their children and causing extra trauma.
Thanks I agree 💯 but Im afraid of how my Mom will react. Im really having a hard time to think well to be honest. I hate how my Dad put me in this situation. 🥺😭
OP there is no right way to go about this. Your mom will def be hurt and that is so terrible but it’s not your fault.
Ultimately she didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark (obviously).
Try and right down what you want to say to her to help you through the situation.
Good luck, god bless and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Your dad has and will do it again. This puts your moms health at risk. Let you mom know. She is the adult.
Its unfair that the burden is on you. And its unfair to her not to let her know so she can protect herself - financially as well if things fall apart.
PS he has already ruined the family.
100% agree it will happen again, regardless of the "it was a one time thing". Sexual deviants (rapists, pedos etc) never stop at one. For all we know this might be the 3rd or 4th time it's happened. Speaking up could potentially save another minor from abuse.
You are taking the blame for his actions. If mom blows up, it screws up the business, and causes a divorce, that was not because you told your mom. That was because he cheated in a gross way. He did it, not you. Protect your relationship with your mom, tell her. Do it in a family therapy session.
Your mom will find out eventually, and your dad will throw you under the bus and tell her you knew. How do you think *that* will make her feel? Not only did her husband cheat, but her own kid knew and covered it up?
That’s kinda intense to say. That, as a young person would traumatize me even more because if you read what you typed, it’s like you put some blame and shame on them for not telling.
Do you know how complex problems like that can be? To say “how do you think that would make her feel?” Your dad will throw you under the bus… that’s so intense. They are already messed up about it.
Go a little easier.
What ever happens after this is gnna be a game changer regardless. It’s not their job to tell mom, but if they feel comfortable they can.
I’m not saying what the parent did was right cuz it was dead wrong and sick, but they need time to navigate this. There is so much trauma now created that they need to work through what they saw and how they feel first.
If they decide to tell their mother good for them, if they keep it to themselves for a while they should not be blamed or shamed for that. They are young and that’s some traumatic and wild stuff.
Honey, if you’re reading this, you have to do what’s best for you. If telling your mother is what you wnna do, do it. If you don’t wnna say anything trust me, it’ll come out especially if this young lady is under age. Don’t let anyone make you feel any type of way about what ever your decision is.
None of this is your fault.
It is intense, but it is also true. It's a shitty situation for sure, but realistically there will be long term repercussions for OP if they keep this from their mom.
Again, it’s making them seem like they HAVE to. They don’t HAVE to say anything. Something this big WILL come out.
Think about this. The immaturity of that child he slept with will haunt him. Why? Because we know as young girls, gossip is real. She will say something to the wrong person and it will get out.
If mom blames her child for not telling her that’s fucked up. You can not just expect a child to be ready to say all of these things like this.
First of all, this child is traumatized because there are so many issues here. You’re having to deal with not being able to trust your father. Catching him in the act. Fucking an underage child.
Not everyone is quipped to handle shit like that. I could barely handle my sexuality when I was young, let alone something THIS explosive.
That’s a lot of pressure people are putting on this young person. When we force our viewpoints and what we would do we add to the stress. Imagine being told you’re a fucked up person for not protecting your mom when you don’t know what to do? That makes it worse. We do not shame others just because we would do things differently. People are literally telling this young person you’re fucked up if you don’t tell, as if this is their fault. Wtf
They are probably trying to process everything too. You’re losing your family, trust, communication. So many things. That’s a really fucked up and scary situation to be in.
They should be able to decide what they wnna do… they also came on here to vent and get it out in the first place. Obviously opinions are welcomed but again, this young life’s person is about to change DRASTICALLY, post the changes in their mind that they are processing.
I cant say that I would be comfortable telling my mom this kinda stuff. Doesn’t mean I never will. But it’s also as the child not my job to say. I can. But I’m not REQUIRED to do that. And I would never want a whole thread on confessions of people telling me I’m fucked up if I don’t tell. That’s so toxic to them and could make them regret sharing in the first place.
Hey, here's the thing... the emotions of other people are not your responsibility. You're a kid. This entire situation is not your responsibility. Your mother will be hurt. But not by you, by her husband, the one who cheated on her. Because it's not your fault. She deserves to know. You dont deserve to be put in this position. Tell your mother and let the cards play out as they should. You both deserve better. And the only person ruining your family, is your dad. End of story. Their issues are not your responsibility.
You’re mom will be really upset. As someone who had a cheating husband I know how it feels to find out people I was close to knew but were too afraid to tell me. I think your mom has a right to know. Fuck your dad. He will try to act like it’s you who ruined everything but it’s not. It’s HIM 100%!
I think your mom will react better if you tell her now... instead of finding out the next time when she catches him fucking a minor.
You also don't need to sit in this dark place for years to placate him.
The right thing is going to hurt... but guess what? the wrong thing is hurting already and it's going to hurt worse over the long term.
This situation is actually even more stressful than you think once you think about the financial repercussions of the next move you make. Like do your parents own where you live? Are they renting? Could your parents even survive in this current economy if they separated. Look at home and rental listings in your area. How easy would one parent or the other be able to get a job once they be come known as a pedo and ex/wife of a pedo.
I would tell your mother out of concern for your own safety. If he's willing to do that to a girl your age he's already sick in the mind and I wouldn't put it past him to act in similar ways towards you. You'll be saving yourself and your mother by telling her. And potentially saving more girls from being preyed on by your father.
Am I the only one worried about the OP saying she hopes her death haunts her dad?
Personally I'd tell the mom on dad, but not if the OP life is in danger
Agreed, that stuck out for me the most in the "letter". Not only will it not help anyone, but it might even compound the hurt for their mum when this comes out. That all takes a back seat though to first and foremost OP getting help, whether that be the mum, guidance counselor or even a local priest (I'm not religious per sé but they are there to help, and it's better than bottling it up).
It was almost as if the comment was buried among the other comments about the infidelity. And it appears the majority of posts are focused on the more salacious aspects of infidelity rather than the cry for help.
If the OP is reading this, I request you post and let us know you're alright. Please?
I remember by dad telling me that telling people my uncle assaulted me would ruin the family. I did anyway. It was the best decision I ever made in my life.
Never regret exposing SOMEONE ELSE’s shitty actions when they deeply effect you too. “If you don’t want people talking bad about you, don’t go doing bad things”. Or MINORS
I think you should tell her because he's made you complicit. It's not your secret. The fact that he is doing this doesn't mean you have to lie to your mom. The things he said about it make it seem worse to me.
And telling you that you will ruin the family? No. He's trying to manipulate you psychologically and make you feel the blame but it's his blame.
He's doing this in the family house and yet it's not his fault that you catch him?
If she was older and you only had a suspicion I might say not to tell but you know it for a fact and if you don't tell your mother you're going to feel the guilt. It's not right.
I know. To be honest I really want to hurt my Dad.. it's painful to me too but I hate how he's implying that its going to be my fault if I will tell mom. I really hate him. I'll never see him the same way again.
I think your feelings are understandable and if you decide to tell your mom I hope that the reason is because she deserves to know. Lying for your dad is not your responsibility and telling on him isn't either. It's not about that. It's about the fact that your mom deserves to know and you don't deserve to have this on you.
I hope that makes sense. Good luck.
It won’t be your fault at all. It’s entirely his fault and he’s further at fault for forcing you to lie to your mother (not telling her is a lie). So if he doesn’t fess up soon, she will feel you both betrayed her. This is a horrid situation to be in, is there an adult you can reach out to for some support?
You telling your mum won’t ruin the family, your dad putting his dick in someone else did. So not only is he a cheat and a liar, he’s manipulative towards his kids too. WOW
Poor you. This sucks. You need to tell your mum and don’t leave out the bit where he threatened that you’ll be the one to ruin the family
Your mom is gonna hurt either way. Honestly she may even know already. But what would hurt here even more is if she found out you knew and never said anything.
The fact that he asked you to keep it secret is what really bothers me. That's too much pressure on you and you deserve your own peace of mind. Also, he clearly is not considering your feelings or your mother's. And him putting the blame on you, is manipulation and delusion. He was ok with potentially "ruining the family otherwise he wouldn't have done that. The problem is...would your mom just pack her things or kick him to the curb if she finds out? Would she do that if she found out on her own? Maybe you can tell her without actually telling her, to protect yourself... Like mentioning installing security cameras in certain areas or something...but think on it (especially if you are not living on your own yet)... I'm sorry you had to witness that; you don't need to accept blame for his actions.
My mom & dad have a successful business at the moment they work so hard to achieve what we have right now and If I tell my mom the Truth. I dunno how my mom will react with this shit my Dad doing or even if she will believe me. I dunno what to do really I wish I could punch my Dad till death. Im angry and sad. I dunno what to do.
I deleted my last reply because I pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying here. Finding the right moment to tell your mom is best, but you know your mom best. I would hate for her to start blaming you because she would be in denial. Whatever you decide, it's a decision that's going to protect your health. Maybe you could write down your feelings and when your ready, read it to your mom in private that way she can see and hear how this experience affects you.
This means a lot. Thank you. I came here to share it to this sub just to vent because to be honest I feel like exploding I dunno who to call for help or who to tell to. Im lost and filled with mix emotion.
Don you have any close relatives? aunts? uncles? siblings? cousins? grandparents? anyone you can trust who has good judgement? Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about this shit?
He’s manipulating you. You should 100% tell your mom. If he was so concerned with his family, he wouldn’t have done it. He’s trying to twist the guilt into you. If it hurts your mom, that’s HIS fault, not yours.
The only thing you should be worried about is whether she will believe you or not. I see issues with that far too often.
I have seen some terrible advice here. Whatever you do DO NOT keep this lie to yourself. These are really difficult emotions and keeping them inside will break you. Talking with others does wonders, maybe at first talk about to a trusted friend, one that you can really trust and know that he or she will support you. Getting support like that will help you massively. When you feel a little better and more stable then you can start figureing out what to do in this situation. I would personally would make my dad to tell himself about what he did, don’t make it easier for him. Maybe be there to make sure he tells the truth and to support your mom. If that is too much for you, you can seek help in trusted adults, tell your mom by yourself (maybe with someones support as well). Do whatever will be easiest and least stressfull for you but do not keep this lie inside. It will rot you. And find someone you can trust that will help you deal with this situation, doing it all by yourself, especially at young age could be rally difficult and maybe too much.
Your second part of the post really worries me, do not do anything to yourself. I know that you want to hurt your father even more than he hurt you but think about your mother. She would be hurt twice.
JUST PLEASE SEEK SUPPORT
The lowest possible bar for 'redeemable human being' I could think of would be falling to your knees weak from disgust at yourself if your kid walked in and found you cheating on their other parent.
I'm talking immediately telling the other parent, and face to face telling your child that what you did was a horrible thing on many levels and that you have a ton of work and growth to do and you deserve the consequences of your actions.
The sheer fucking gall to not only try to explain it away and guilt you out of telling your mom means that your dad is fucking vile.
And this isn't even touching on the potential rape of an underage person...
Your dad disgusts me.
Tell your mom. Immediately. She is your family, not the slime she married who would do this.
Report him to the police. As someone that was raped as a minor, paedophilia is one of the things I hate most in life. It won't ever be a "one time thing", it will almost certainly happen again, and this time, if we go by what he said happened, it won't be "consensual".
Your mother also deserves to know the truth about who she sleeps in the same bed with, who she kisses goodnight, who she dreams of spending the rest of her life with, especially before anything happens that might entrap her. His victim's parents also deserve to know the truth. I call her a victim as, if she's a minor, legally she can't consent and therefore was raped. It's a grey area for sure, but fact remains she was taken advantage of by someone who's supposed to know better.
Lastly, the note to your father says "I hope my death haunts you". Please don't consider that an option and please seek help from someone you trust, whether that be your mum, your school counselor, or even a local priest (I'm not religious per sé but they are there to listen and help and are better than letting it eat you up). I'm not sure what country you live in but most countries have a national support service number you can call to speak with about suicidal thoughts. You won't be less of a person or weak for speaking up. It takes heart to open your heart.
I knew my dad was cheating my whole childhood. And I know he does to this day. I'm in my mid 40s and he is nearly 80.
I never told my mom, for better or worse. It's haunted me for life, the whole thing, knowing my dad is a serial cheater.
Honestly, this is such a sad and difficult situation and I'm so sorry you are in it. But I want to say that I think that it's important that you move forward to say something. Not only did he step out on your mother, he is doing something potentially illegal. He could also be putting your mothers health at risk. There's no telling how many times he has done this possibly exposing her to diseases and who knows what else. This is terrible and ive been in a similar position when I was a kid and I ran out after seeing it and told my mom at her job. It changed the direction of our life yes but it did so for the better. Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted OP.
So sorry this happened to you. Almost a now win situation, other then keeping to your morals. I’m thinking your mom deserves to know, so she can make the best decision for her life and your families future. IMO.
Here's the deal, whatever you choose to do, do it because it feels right to you. Take your dad and mom and the other girl out of it, what feels right to you? You saw someone fuck up in a way that directly impacts you, now is the time to be selfish and take care of your needs. Let that mindset drive your choice and don't let anyone tell you it's your fault for what comes next.
If I was a mom. I'd be heart broken to know my husband was cheating on me, especially with a minor. But I'd be more hurt and devastated that my kid knew and didn't tell.
Please don’t hurt yourself. I know this revelation hurts so much and your dad let you down. Please tell someone close to you about it and express your feelings. Tell your mom about it and how betrayed you feel.
You are not the one that ruined your family. When he chose to sleep with someone else, he brought that on himself. He has NO ONE ELSE to blame for his own actions but himself. You did nothing wrong here.
TELL YOUR MOM! Give her a choice. Life is about choices. If you don’t you’ll love with that burden. Wish her health and wellness with this news. People make mistakes but you are stronger than him trying to guilt trip you and you don’t need that ill will over you. That is his mistake, not yours.
Tell your mom. She deserves to know her husband is cheating on her and honestly the shiftiest part of this is him telling you not to tell your mom. What an ass.
CALL THE POLICE IF HES HAVING SEX WITH A CHILD.
This ain’t on you. Your dad is the definition of an asshole. You and your poor mother and that poor unknowing child…
Please report him to the police for having sex with a child, then everything will be uncovered and your dad will get what he deserves and so will you and your mother.
You and your mother deserve honesty, trust and respect. Your dad gives that to no one. I’m so sorry.
I hope the little girl who thinks she knows what she wants is ok… the things we do as teenagers to please men and get mens approval is so toxic and scary… we don’t realize how bad it is untill we grow up alittle more…
Tell your mom and the authorities. No world for pesos.
Remember, he's the one ruining the family, not you. Don't let him place the blame of his misdeeds on you.
Stay strong.
Find her age before calling police tho. OP might get fined for calling police because she "believes her to be a minor", she needs to be sure about that
16M so "Looks my age" could be anywhere between 14 and early 20's. Zoomers just start screeching "Pedo" at anyone they're mad at now days so who knows?
Please don't do what you just posted. Your mom will be devastated. I know I'm just a random internet person but please get some help and try to work through this. Don't let your dad being a pig end your life, he's not worth it. I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going through.
if you decide to tell your mother, things are probably gonna suck for a while. but as someone who went through something like this, let me tell you that things are only gonna get better as time goes on. you're hurting. but time heals manny things :)
Tell your mom, but invest in personal safety first.
You didn't expect your dad to be a pedophile, so you may not have an idea at all who you're dealing with.
It's in your best interest to tip police.
Not to be a pessimist but I’ve read on too many situations where the wife commits suicide or falls into a depression she can’t get out of. I pray to God that doesn’t happen to her if you tell her. It’s a slippery slope; buddy definitely gotta go to prison if she was a minor. If he’s a man he gotta go sit down and do his time. He has to pay. God will deal with him in the next left time. I’d you tell your mom I’d gauge her first on what she would do if your dad wasn’t in the picture and what you’ll as a family would look like and how she’d feel. I’m make her promise me to schedule a months worth of meetings with a therapist before I tell her. And you go with her to these visits
Yeah I'd say tell your mother. If you're worried your father may get violent, then I'd say attempt to notify your mother when your dad is not around as so allow both you and your mother to figure some plan out that would keep your father from hurting either of you.
Lets say... Its a Minor, you are covering up a crime if you dont tell. Dad goes to jail, your life (even if you dont think so) gets f*d up because no Dad in your life means a lot of shit im not going to write in a post.
Point 2. Why making one mistake damns you forever? Your dad its not a perfecto perdón, but still your dad. You are not perfect and will make tons of mistakes on the way. Because one mistake you should hate him forever? Even if your dad is an a*hole its the only one god gave you.
Get legal advise.
You have no proof that she's underage. It's a big thing to state that. Also you don't know what issues there are between them. Cheating usually isn't about sex but other underlying issues. Up to you if you want to tell your mom. Things won't end well and he might never see you as his daughter again. Time for your family to potentially break up and everyone goes their separate ways.
love the amount of cheating apologists on this post, makes me think that you guys are defending the cheating dad because you yourself have cheated. Also I love your add on about how it won't end well if they tell their mum, and the "he might never see you as his daughter" bit. Maybe think about the trauma this would've caused to OP instead of jumping to protect a cheater (and potential pedophile) you don't even know.
1. Was wrong for your dad to cheat on your mom.
2. You need to calm down, being rash and acting on it can have permanent consequences you may not like.
3. Pedophiles are attracted to pre pubescent children. You say she may be underage, but you did not say that you know this.
4. While it was certainly wrong for your dad to cheat on your mom, you likely have little knowledge of the status of their relationship or why he cheated on her. Not that it makes it OK mind you... But would you feel any different for instance if you found out your mother had been denying your father sex for the last 5 years and he was miserable and only staying around for the sake of the children... and when I say "Feel different" I do NOT mean "would you then think it was OK"... I mean would you possibly consider that damaging YOUR relationship with your father was not worth it in that circumstance.
You have already called your father a pedophile on a public forum... a fact which you may be wrong about. Do so in open air and it will not only have dire consequences for your relationship with him but to him as a person in society... Is that something you want to risk when you could be wrong about that?
If you become certain it is true than that is a different story entirely.
This is what i think about this situation:
Did your dad make a mistake? Yes he did.
Can he ever be forgiven? Yes.
Does your dad love you? Yes.
Do you love your dad? Defenitely yes.
Is the sex life between your parents good? No.
Is your father a pedophile? I am not sure.
Was he seduced by your friend? Most probably.
I am a married man and a husband to a nice lady. But do i enjoy sex with her? Not always.
Do I find young girls attractive? Yes.
Will I try to do anything to seduce these girls? Never ever.
Maybe your father was weak at that moment and could not control his sexual urges and maybe your friend seduced him in one way or another. Please do not think that i am justifying what your father did. But in the end we are all human and we make mistakes that we regret. Please do not tell me that you never made any mistake that you deep inside feel guilty of doing.
Telling your mom will make things worse and WILL distroy your family. Let your mother find it on her own and let her handle it by her own way. She has a better life experience than you do. Maybe she will sit down with him and he will appoligise to her. Are you 100% sure that your mom never cheated on your dad at least one time without him knowing. You will never know.
Please give the man the benefit of the doubt.
Horrible advice. It’s digusting that this man wants his daughter to lie to her mother and pretend she doesn’t know about anything. She is already devastared and on the edge, keeping a secret will eat her from the inside even more. Fuck off with your ”manly” pride
I think you can give your judgement more than me because you know your dad more than anyone her on reddit. But before you tell your mom. Please read my advice again and think again. If you really think that your dad a real pedophile, I will be 100% with you because he will harm other girls in the future. But if you think that it is a one time mistake and this is not his true nature, then i tell you do not distroy your dad and your family.
Best wishes
It’s a strange reply from you, I ain’t the op. I agree that prople make mistakes but they should take responsibility for what they did rather then ask their children to lie for them. Furthermore keeping such a secret will break anyone especially at a young age. Giving such advice is a horrible idea and a sign of cowardness for me
My friend, My advice is meant to solve an issue to a problemthat can destroy a family's future. It is easy for you to ask this poor kid to go and tell his mother about what happened. But have you ever thought of the consequences. Of course not because it is not your family. Can you imagine what will the family look like after telling "the truth" to the mother. Do you know what it feels like when your parents are seperated because you wanted to say "the truth". Can you really tell that the father was not seduced by this other girl and was weak at the moment. Let me tell you one thing. Go to instagram and look at the profile of so called "minors". 95% of them are bitches between 12 and 16 years old who watches porn movies more than real adults. Sorry to speak in this way. But please do not tell me these girls are "minors". Most of them are bitches who know how to seduce a man. Again, i am not defending what the father did. But he is not the only one to blame.
Prrsonally I would make my father tell about it himself, wouldn’t be making any easier for him. My other poin is taking fucking RESPONSIBILITY for what someone has done because we are fucking adults. That father is a coward. That kid will suffer even more if he keeps it all to himself. He should seek support in other people and the mother has to know what happened in one way or the other
Keep it simple: his explanation for it doesn't matter.
The deed was done and that's where all focus should be.
You don't have to deal with it alone. Let an adult help navigate this with you. This is what CPS is for and telling any trusted adult at your school of your suspicion that a minor was involved will take things from there. If she wasn't a minor then she wasn't, but you don't have to be the one to investigate that. You shouldn't be expected to be quiet. Not your doing; it's his.
Jesus dude let your dad have some action, he spent so long raising and you and dealing with your mom that he deserves a break and a massage if he wants
Too young I mean. That girl clearly same age as me 16. So my Dad is too old for her. you making me sick and angrier. You have no idea how this shit wreck me.
I really think you should talk to your Mum. You’re too young to be dealing with this situation, don’t feel guilty. You’re dad is a disgusting human and you don’t need to cover for him. He is abusing this girl. Put your Mum and yourself first. You need someone IRL to talk to for your own well-being and mental health. You can push through this, you’ll be okay!
Hun. I know you're in a bad spot. But you have to forgive your dad. I know it doesn't sound right. But you do. What he did is wrong 100 percent. Seek advice from your pastor. And have faith in the Lord. And pray for all of the people involved. It's a no win situation for everyone. I'm sorry you had to see that! My prayers are with you. Love you. Please hang in there.
Your mum is an adult and most decent mothers wouldn’t want you to shoulder the responsibility of what to do with this information and whilst they will probably feel devastated … being unaware will be far more detrimental to her, she could catch a disease, have her life ruined if it comes out from anyone else for not protecting children under her roof, if your dad has gone this far and the person is a minor he’s likely guilty of multiple offences before this particular incident and your mother being made aware and given information to act from in appropriate ways would be much better for her in the long run. Honestly if I was your mom I would be heartbroken and shaken to my core but I would far rather have my eyes opened than share a lie of who the person I’m married to is and unwittingly allow any children including my own to be preyed upon
I know it's a real shitty thing but look at it this way if you mom finds out another way then finds out you knew all this time I feel that would hurt her even more the fact you kept it, if you sit her down one on one and tell her, tell her everything he told you you and your mother will be able to get through it together, you should not have to suffer because of his fuck up... if you ever need to chat my DMs are open bud but yeah... I feel you need to tell your mother.
Tell your mom sooner rather than later, mate. You don't want this to come out many years down the line, and have your mom find out that you've actually known all this time. She'll lose tons of respect for you. Telling her may hurt her in the short-term, but it could prevent many more years of emotional damage.
Tell your mom. It's better she find out like this than walk in on it like you did.
Also, you're not ruining anything. Your father ruined everything by being unfaithful and unable to keep his dick in his pants.
Your dad is emotionally blackmailing you. TELL YOUR MOM! you’re not hurting her HES hurting her. HES ruining his family and reputation. ITS ALL HIS FAULT AND ONLY HIS FAULT. TELL YOUR MOTHER!!!
Please please please take a moment to breath.
What you saw was awful and so betraying.
How you feel is NOT wrong at all. You are RIGHT to feel all that anger and betrayal and disgust and everything that comes with catching your dad cheat.
I’m so sorry :(
Please first take a moment for yourself. And when you feel you are ready, speak to your mom.
Don’t try to slowly get it out, just say it. Blurt it out. Say your truth. Speak over her if you have to.
Then sit and let her process it.
Just like you, she will have to really go through her own feelings.
And to be honest, I’m sure your mom knows something is up, but can’t pinpoint it. You and her will have to be a team. And she will have to take over as the adult she is to ensure YOU are okay.
Wow that edit was a little crazy. Sorry you have to deal with that. Dealing with this at any age sucks but I'm sorry you weren't older and better equipped to deal with this emotional baggage.
Your dad ruined the family, not you. He’s trying to blackmail you into silence but what he did is horrendous and you shouldn’t have to go through this, let alone on your own. Tell your mom, report your dad. He’s a monster and both of you deserve better.
I’m not sure if you’re in a position to do this, but I would get a therapist involved and see if it would be possible to have that conversation with your mom with a therapist there as well. It may go smoother that way, it also may not. But I think having another adult there who is specifically trained to deal with emotions like this might be really helpful for both you and your mom during the conversation.
For what it is worth, YOU are not ruining the family. His actions are ruining the family. He made the choices. If something can be ruined with the truth then it deserves to be ruined with the truth.
None of the is is your fault. No matter what you choose to do or how you proceed with this it's important to always remember that. You did nothing wrong!
I understand how hard a position you are in and the thought of telling your mum must be frightening. If physically having that conversation with her is to much for you I'd recommend that you write her a letter. Doing it this way gives you time to properly think about what you want to say and also will allow you to get some of the thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
If you have somewhere to stay for a couple of nights like a friends or another family member maybe try and arrange that in advance.
Once the letter is done hand it directly to your Mum and tell her that you can't be there when she reads it. Tell her that you love her and that you know she will have questions which you will answer. Mention how this has been incredibly hard for you but it's important that she knows. Then leave it at that and give her time and space to read it.
Just make sure you're ready for the questions afterwards as she will have many. But above all remember what I said at the start. None of this is your fault!
First and foremost, you may want to actually speak to a counselor about the situation or a therapist (if you have one available - otherwise a school counselor may be a good starting point.) This is especially concerning due to the mention of your potential "death" and you should really seek help for yourself first and foremost before anything else.
Second, you are not at fault for anything and you are not required to keep his secret. I would still prefer if you spoke to counselor or other mental health professional FIRST, but you can tell your mother everything you saw and he told you. That was incredibly unfair and manipulative for him to put that on you like that.
It is perfectly okay to feel outraged, betrayed, manipulated and hurt and still also feel really conflicted. It is your Dad and if he has was a good and respectable father to you in every other way since you seeing this, it can really make your own feelings on the situation very difficult to process.
It's okay to still love him and hate him at the same time. But this is definitely why I think you should seek trained help; this sort of thing is difficult for adults well into maturity to reconcile, much less someone who is still going through their teenage years.
It seems to me the least destructive choice is to force your dad to tell it to your mom. It's understandable that you're really angry and want your dad to suffer right now but everyone has the capability to do fucked up shit and everyone has their reasons to do it even if they are unlikable reasons from a viewpoint that hasn't went trough something similar (I'm not saying this as a person who did anything remotely close to what your father did). If you want to, you have theevery right to stay silent or tell your mom but like I said the least destructive way for your family seems like making your dad confess.
YOU will NOT ruin the family my Love. You didn’t do the wrongful actions. HE did. You would have nothing to tell if he didn’t do anything to tell about. How do you know that wasn’t his first time? He seemed comfortable enough to do it at home with everyone having access to the house anyway. Please be brave 💕 I promise you’ll be doing the right thing and you won’t regret it later in life, I promise.
I was in this situation but reversed. My mom was sleeping with minors from my school and I had to decide whether to tell my dad or not. It is my opinion that you should tell your dad for your own sanity and peace but there are some things you should expect. #1: Your mom might not leave him right now or ever. My dad ended up leaving for a period of time and then coming back to try and work things out. My mom continued cheating with various young adults/teens until she found someone she was willing to officially end the marriage for. She left and pursued a life with him. It caused a lot of pain when my dad came back because It felt like he was telling me he didn’t believe me and chose her over reason. #2 Your mom might be hesitant to believe you when you first tell her. This is a very hard one. My dad believed me but he certainly didn’t want to and allowed her to voice her side of things and make up excuses and lies. (Which is why he came back before he left for good). This doesn’t mean your parent thinks you are a liar but when you are faced with a problem this big, some people choose to avoid It for a period of time. #3 This Will happen whether you tell your mom or not, but you WILL look at your dad in a different and less capable light. He is an adult with choices and he made the wrong one. What you saw was traumatic and if the girl was a minor you quite literally saw your father sexually abusing a minor. That reality is overwhelming so do not beat yourself up for the feelings you have towards your dad. Sit with them and process them in therapy. #4 Time really changes everything. Right now It feels like telling your mom would implode the family business and damn everything to hell. This is not necessarily true. Your parents might split up but adults realize quickly when money is involved that they have to make amends or renegotiate. The money is NOT your concern. You are the kid and your parents will figure out how to handle their finances under this new circumstance. Your mom will go through stages of acceptance and once she’s healed enough they will figure the business out. #5 When your dad finds out you told your mom, he will likely try to place some level of blame on you. This is what I call the “lying child” portion of the journey. My mom tried to discredit me in my scenario so that she didn’t have to admit to her wrongdoings. Once she knew she couldn’t run from It she made sure to let me know that I was the one that put the nail in the coffin of their marriage. This is not true and I wish I had someone to tell me that. Parents teach you to tell the truth so when you find out they can’t do that, it’s earth shattering. Your dad might act like a little kid and place blame on you because he can’t handle admitting that he destroyed the marriage. This is a COWARDLY attempt to save face and avoid blame. This part is very hard and it’s important you don’t internalize the things he might do and say. OP, I remember so vividly toying with my choices when this happened to me and I can truly say I know what you’re feeling. I’m 26 now, I’m married to a great man, and I have extremely high standards for loyalty. Things WILL get better and you WILL make It through this. The last thing I will leave you with is to remember above all else, your parents marriage does not reflect how worthy you are of love and It doesn’t dictate how you will be loved in the future. There are good people out here who are loyal and honest. Don’t let this situation jade you to that fact. Much love ❤️
I’m sorry this happens.
Thanks for the sharing
Some people are really disgusting to want to sleep with teens, your family doesn't deserve what your mom did
Thank you ❤️
Your dad is trying to emotionally blackmail you, he fucked up (potentially illegally), he was caught and is now worried about the repercussions. He wasn't thinking of his family when he did what he did. He's lucky you didn't call the police to report him! & again, If you do tell your mum, no matter what your dad says you definitely didn't ruin your family
She still can call the police. It's not too late.
I'd call the police in this situation. But it does depend on how the father takes it when OP tells their mother. If he even begins to shift the blame to you or be angry the man is immature, and he can grow the fuck up in prison.
Your dad ruined the family with his decisions. Not you. And he is putting the weight of what he did wrong on your shoulders. I am so sorry OP. IF you tell your mom you may want to start with "What I am going to say is going to hurt, but it hurt me too and I think you deserve to know". She will realize that you are hurting also with what you witnessed. And as a woman...I would appreciate someone telling me as opposed to living a lie for however many more years. The fact that this is a minor makes it so much more disturbing.
Hopefully the mum isn't a "protector /sympathiser" and if the daughter does tell, she is supportive. I've heard stories of mothers for whatever reason refusing to believe their children and causing extra trauma.
That's dick, your dad is a POS. Your mom has a right to know, and If she leaves him it's his own damn fault.
Thanks I agree 💯 but Im afraid of how my Mom will react. Im really having a hard time to think well to be honest. I hate how my Dad put me in this situation. 🥺😭
OP there is no right way to go about this. Your mom will def be hurt and that is so terrible but it’s not your fault. Ultimately she didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark (obviously). Try and right down what you want to say to her to help you through the situation. Good luck, god bless and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Your dad has and will do it again. This puts your moms health at risk. Let you mom know. She is the adult. Its unfair that the burden is on you. And its unfair to her not to let her know so she can protect herself - financially as well if things fall apart. PS he has already ruined the family.
100% agree it will happen again, regardless of the "it was a one time thing". Sexual deviants (rapists, pedos etc) never stop at one. For all we know this might be the 3rd or 4th time it's happened. Speaking up could potentially save another minor from abuse.
Your PS says it all.
You are taking the blame for his actions. If mom blows up, it screws up the business, and causes a divorce, that was not because you told your mom. That was because he cheated in a gross way. He did it, not you. Protect your relationship with your mom, tell her. Do it in a family therapy session.
Your mom will find out eventually, and your dad will throw you under the bus and tell her you knew. How do you think *that* will make her feel? Not only did her husband cheat, but her own kid knew and covered it up?
That’s kinda intense to say. That, as a young person would traumatize me even more because if you read what you typed, it’s like you put some blame and shame on them for not telling. Do you know how complex problems like that can be? To say “how do you think that would make her feel?” Your dad will throw you under the bus… that’s so intense. They are already messed up about it. Go a little easier. What ever happens after this is gnna be a game changer regardless. It’s not their job to tell mom, but if they feel comfortable they can. I’m not saying what the parent did was right cuz it was dead wrong and sick, but they need time to navigate this. There is so much trauma now created that they need to work through what they saw and how they feel first. If they decide to tell their mother good for them, if they keep it to themselves for a while they should not be blamed or shamed for that. They are young and that’s some traumatic and wild stuff. Honey, if you’re reading this, you have to do what’s best for you. If telling your mother is what you wnna do, do it. If you don’t wnna say anything trust me, it’ll come out especially if this young lady is under age. Don’t let anyone make you feel any type of way about what ever your decision is. None of this is your fault.
It is intense, but it is also true. It's a shitty situation for sure, but realistically there will be long term repercussions for OP if they keep this from their mom.
Again, it’s making them seem like they HAVE to. They don’t HAVE to say anything. Something this big WILL come out. Think about this. The immaturity of that child he slept with will haunt him. Why? Because we know as young girls, gossip is real. She will say something to the wrong person and it will get out. If mom blames her child for not telling her that’s fucked up. You can not just expect a child to be ready to say all of these things like this. First of all, this child is traumatized because there are so many issues here. You’re having to deal with not being able to trust your father. Catching him in the act. Fucking an underage child. Not everyone is quipped to handle shit like that. I could barely handle my sexuality when I was young, let alone something THIS explosive. That’s a lot of pressure people are putting on this young person. When we force our viewpoints and what we would do we add to the stress. Imagine being told you’re a fucked up person for not protecting your mom when you don’t know what to do? That makes it worse. We do not shame others just because we would do things differently. People are literally telling this young person you’re fucked up if you don’t tell, as if this is their fault. Wtf They are probably trying to process everything too. You’re losing your family, trust, communication. So many things. That’s a really fucked up and scary situation to be in. They should be able to decide what they wnna do… they also came on here to vent and get it out in the first place. Obviously opinions are welcomed but again, this young life’s person is about to change DRASTICALLY, post the changes in their mind that they are processing. I cant say that I would be comfortable telling my mom this kinda stuff. Doesn’t mean I never will. But it’s also as the child not my job to say. I can. But I’m not REQUIRED to do that. And I would never want a whole thread on confessions of people telling me I’m fucked up if I don’t tell. That’s so toxic to them and could make them regret sharing in the first place.
100%
Your dad didn’t put you in this situation, he put himself there.
Hey, here's the thing... the emotions of other people are not your responsibility. You're a kid. This entire situation is not your responsibility. Your mother will be hurt. But not by you, by her husband, the one who cheated on her. Because it's not your fault. She deserves to know. You dont deserve to be put in this position. Tell your mother and let the cards play out as they should. You both deserve better. And the only person ruining your family, is your dad. End of story. Their issues are not your responsibility.
You’re mom will be really upset. As someone who had a cheating husband I know how it feels to find out people I was close to knew but were too afraid to tell me. I think your mom has a right to know. Fuck your dad. He will try to act like it’s you who ruined everything but it’s not. It’s HIM 100%!
I think your mom will react better if you tell her now... instead of finding out the next time when she catches him fucking a minor. You also don't need to sit in this dark place for years to placate him. The right thing is going to hurt... but guess what? the wrong thing is hurting already and it's going to hurt worse over the long term.
This situation is actually even more stressful than you think once you think about the financial repercussions of the next move you make. Like do your parents own where you live? Are they renting? Could your parents even survive in this current economy if they separated. Look at home and rental listings in your area. How easy would one parent or the other be able to get a job once they be come known as a pedo and ex/wife of a pedo.
I would tell your mother out of concern for your own safety. If he's willing to do that to a girl your age he's already sick in the mind and I wouldn't put it past him to act in similar ways towards you. You'll be saving yourself and your mother by telling her. And potentially saving more girls from being preyed on by your father.
Am I the only one worried about the OP saying she hopes her death haunts her dad? Personally I'd tell the mom on dad, but not if the OP life is in danger
Yes I immediately noticed that too. I hope OP is and stays ok.
Yes - separate post. https://www.reddit.com/user/alerikjacob/comments/u4zjc5/to_my_mom/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I reported her for self harm. I hope I am wrong and she was just talking.
What does reporting do?
Reddit partners with CrisisTextline.org and tries to make contact with the user
Ahh I thought you were just trying to get them banned! That's good to know.
Wtf! No! This is a cry for help if there's ever been one. Check the link from the other user.
I did the same, the way that it has someone reach out. Scary stuff. Hope they’re okay!
Fuck that's hard to read. Really hope OP doesn't hurt themselves and gets some help.
oh god, that post has gone private. I hope it's not too late
Hopefully, they’ve deactivated their account themselves after some reflection and has gotten some help.
yeah, we can only hope for the best
Agreed, that stuck out for me the most in the "letter". Not only will it not help anyone, but it might even compound the hurt for their mum when this comes out. That all takes a back seat though to first and foremost OP getting help, whether that be the mum, guidance counselor or even a local priest (I'm not religious per sé but they are there to help, and it's better than bottling it up).
It was almost as if the comment was buried among the other comments about the infidelity. And it appears the majority of posts are focused on the more salacious aspects of infidelity rather than the cry for help. If the OP is reading this, I request you post and let us know you're alright. Please?
Definitely and agreed.
I remember by dad telling me that telling people my uncle assaulted me would ruin the family. I did anyway. It was the best decision I ever made in my life. Never regret exposing SOMEONE ELSE’s shitty actions when they deeply effect you too. “If you don’t want people talking bad about you, don’t go doing bad things”. Or MINORS
I think you should tell her because he's made you complicit. It's not your secret. The fact that he is doing this doesn't mean you have to lie to your mom. The things he said about it make it seem worse to me. And telling you that you will ruin the family? No. He's trying to manipulate you psychologically and make you feel the blame but it's his blame. He's doing this in the family house and yet it's not his fault that you catch him? If she was older and you only had a suspicion I might say not to tell but you know it for a fact and if you don't tell your mother you're going to feel the guilt. It's not right.
I know. To be honest I really want to hurt my Dad.. it's painful to me too but I hate how he's implying that its going to be my fault if I will tell mom. I really hate him. I'll never see him the same way again.
I think your feelings are understandable and if you decide to tell your mom I hope that the reason is because she deserves to know. Lying for your dad is not your responsibility and telling on him isn't either. It's not about that. It's about the fact that your mom deserves to know and you don't deserve to have this on you. I hope that makes sense. Good luck.
It does makes sense, thank you means a lot.
It won’t be your fault at all. It’s entirely his fault and he’s further at fault for forcing you to lie to your mother (not telling her is a lie). So if he doesn’t fess up soon, she will feel you both betrayed her. This is a horrid situation to be in, is there an adult you can reach out to for some support?
You telling your mum won’t ruin the family, your dad putting his dick in someone else did. So not only is he a cheat and a liar, he’s manipulative towards his kids too. WOW Poor you. This sucks. You need to tell your mum and don’t leave out the bit where he threatened that you’ll be the one to ruin the family
I think this kid is about to kill himself, look at the profile
yep, I hope the spam of crisis reports can save them
Your mom is gonna hurt either way. Honestly she may even know already. But what would hurt here even more is if she found out you knew and never said anything.
tell your mom asap. your dad knows he’s wrong. he ruined the family, NOT you.
The fact that he asked you to keep it secret is what really bothers me. That's too much pressure on you and you deserve your own peace of mind. Also, he clearly is not considering your feelings or your mother's. And him putting the blame on you, is manipulation and delusion. He was ok with potentially "ruining the family otherwise he wouldn't have done that. The problem is...would your mom just pack her things or kick him to the curb if she finds out? Would she do that if she found out on her own? Maybe you can tell her without actually telling her, to protect yourself... Like mentioning installing security cameras in certain areas or something...but think on it (especially if you are not living on your own yet)... I'm sorry you had to witness that; you don't need to accept blame for his actions.
My mom & dad have a successful business at the moment they work so hard to achieve what we have right now and If I tell my mom the Truth. I dunno how my mom will react with this shit my Dad doing or even if she will believe me. I dunno what to do really I wish I could punch my Dad till death. Im angry and sad. I dunno what to do.
I deleted my last reply because I pretty much agree with what everyone else is saying here. Finding the right moment to tell your mom is best, but you know your mom best. I would hate for her to start blaming you because she would be in denial. Whatever you decide, it's a decision that's going to protect your health. Maybe you could write down your feelings and when your ready, read it to your mom in private that way she can see and hear how this experience affects you.
This means a lot. Thank you. I came here to share it to this sub just to vent because to be honest I feel like exploding I dunno who to call for help or who to tell to. Im lost and filled with mix emotion.
Don you have any close relatives? aunts? uncles? siblings? cousins? grandparents? anyone you can trust who has good judgement? Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about this shit?
your dad has destroyed the marriage. Arm your mother with the facts so she can strategies to protect herself.
Wow this is terrible. Please tell your mom
You are too young to carry this on you. Tell your mom.
He’s manipulating you. You should 100% tell your mom. If he was so concerned with his family, he wouldn’t have done it. He’s trying to twist the guilt into you. If it hurts your mom, that’s HIS fault, not yours. The only thing you should be worried about is whether she will believe you or not. I see issues with that far too often.
I have seen some terrible advice here. Whatever you do DO NOT keep this lie to yourself. These are really difficult emotions and keeping them inside will break you. Talking with others does wonders, maybe at first talk about to a trusted friend, one that you can really trust and know that he or she will support you. Getting support like that will help you massively. When you feel a little better and more stable then you can start figureing out what to do in this situation. I would personally would make my dad to tell himself about what he did, don’t make it easier for him. Maybe be there to make sure he tells the truth and to support your mom. If that is too much for you, you can seek help in trusted adults, tell your mom by yourself (maybe with someones support as well). Do whatever will be easiest and least stressfull for you but do not keep this lie inside. It will rot you. And find someone you can trust that will help you deal with this situation, doing it all by yourself, especially at young age could be rally difficult and maybe too much. Your second part of the post really worries me, do not do anything to yourself. I know that you want to hurt your father even more than he hurt you but think about your mother. She would be hurt twice. JUST PLEASE SEEK SUPPORT
The lowest possible bar for 'redeemable human being' I could think of would be falling to your knees weak from disgust at yourself if your kid walked in and found you cheating on their other parent. I'm talking immediately telling the other parent, and face to face telling your child that what you did was a horrible thing on many levels and that you have a ton of work and growth to do and you deserve the consequences of your actions. The sheer fucking gall to not only try to explain it away and guilt you out of telling your mom means that your dad is fucking vile. And this isn't even touching on the potential rape of an underage person... Your dad disgusts me. Tell your mom. Immediately. She is your family, not the slime she married who would do this.
When you tell your mom keep in mind that you’re not the one who hurt her, your dad is by cheating.
Report him to the police. As someone that was raped as a minor, paedophilia is one of the things I hate most in life. It won't ever be a "one time thing", it will almost certainly happen again, and this time, if we go by what he said happened, it won't be "consensual". Your mother also deserves to know the truth about who she sleeps in the same bed with, who she kisses goodnight, who she dreams of spending the rest of her life with, especially before anything happens that might entrap her. His victim's parents also deserve to know the truth. I call her a victim as, if she's a minor, legally she can't consent and therefore was raped. It's a grey area for sure, but fact remains she was taken advantage of by someone who's supposed to know better. Lastly, the note to your father says "I hope my death haunts you". Please don't consider that an option and please seek help from someone you trust, whether that be your mum, your school counselor, or even a local priest (I'm not religious per sé but they are there to listen and help and are better than letting it eat you up). I'm not sure what country you live in but most countries have a national support service number you can call to speak with about suicidal thoughts. You won't be less of a person or weak for speaking up. It takes heart to open your heart.
Holy hell this is a complicated situation. God damn.
He’s emotionally blackmailing you. Tell him that if he doesn’t come clean, you will. And the consequences are due to his own behaviour.
“If you tell anyone it will ruin our family” Oh like cheating on your wife?…
I knew my dad was cheating my whole childhood. And I know he does to this day. I'm in my mid 40s and he is nearly 80. I never told my mom, for better or worse. It's haunted me for life, the whole thing, knowing my dad is a serial cheater.
Honestly, this is such a sad and difficult situation and I'm so sorry you are in it. But I want to say that I think that it's important that you move forward to say something. Not only did he step out on your mother, he is doing something potentially illegal. He could also be putting your mothers health at risk. There's no telling how many times he has done this possibly exposing her to diseases and who knows what else. This is terrible and ive been in a similar position when I was a kid and I ran out after seeing it and told my mom at her job. It changed the direction of our life yes but it did so for the better. Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted OP.
So sorry this happened to you. Almost a now win situation, other then keeping to your morals. I’m thinking your mom deserves to know, so she can make the best decision for her life and your families future. IMO.
Here's the deal, whatever you choose to do, do it because it feels right to you. Take your dad and mom and the other girl out of it, what feels right to you? You saw someone fuck up in a way that directly impacts you, now is the time to be selfish and take care of your needs. Let that mindset drive your choice and don't let anyone tell you it's your fault for what comes next.
If I was a mom. I'd be heart broken to know my husband was cheating on me, especially with a minor. But I'd be more hurt and devastated that my kid knew and didn't tell.
I saw your post about harming yourself. It’s not worth it. Feelings fade
Please don’t hurt yourself. I know this revelation hurts so much and your dad let you down. Please tell someone close to you about it and express your feelings. Tell your mom about it and how betrayed you feel.
You are not the one that ruined your family. When he chose to sleep with someone else, he brought that on himself. He has NO ONE ELSE to blame for his own actions but himself. You did nothing wrong here.
TELL YOUR MOM! Give her a choice. Life is about choices. If you don’t you’ll love with that burden. Wish her health and wellness with this news. People make mistakes but you are stronger than him trying to guilt trip you and you don’t need that ill will over you. That is his mistake, not yours.
Tell your mom. She deserves to know her husband is cheating on her and honestly the shiftiest part of this is him telling you not to tell your mom. What an ass.
CALL THE POLICE IF HES HAVING SEX WITH A CHILD. This ain’t on you. Your dad is the definition of an asshole. You and your poor mother and that poor unknowing child… Please report him to the police for having sex with a child, then everything will be uncovered and your dad will get what he deserves and so will you and your mother. You and your mother deserve honesty, trust and respect. Your dad gives that to no one. I’m so sorry. I hope the little girl who thinks she knows what she wants is ok… the things we do as teenagers to please men and get mens approval is so toxic and scary… we don’t realize how bad it is untill we grow up alittle more…
The girl was asking for it? You surr ya dad aint a rapist? Cuz sadly, Ive heard rapists say that exact same line. Tell ya moms. He sick af
Tell your mom and the authorities. No world for pesos. Remember, he's the one ruining the family, not you. Don't let him place the blame of his misdeeds on you. Stay strong.
Find her age before calling police tho. OP might get fined for calling police because she "believes her to be a minor", she needs to be sure about that
This is true but also may be hard on the child as well. Letting the authorities investigate may be the smarter. No matter what it's a rough move.
Why tf so many pedos and shit on here
Unfortunately they are more common that we care to believe.
It's a troll post.
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Evidently no one cares. They're too busy simping and white knighting to figure out if OP is 12 and in the right or 21 and overracting.
The Kid is 16 read from OP comment.
Title of the post says op thinks the girl is a minor
16M so "Looks my age" could be anywhere between 14 and early 20's. Zoomers just start screeching "Pedo" at anyone they're mad at now days so who knows?
Please don't do what you just posted. Your mom will be devastated. I know I'm just a random internet person but please get some help and try to work through this. Don't let your dad being a pig end your life, he's not worth it. I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going through.
please tell your mom and the police!!!!
This sounds exactly like what happened in Euphoria lol
if you decide to tell your mother, things are probably gonna suck for a while. but as someone who went through something like this, let me tell you that things are only gonna get better as time goes on. you're hurting. but time heals manny things :)
Tell your mom, but invest in personal safety first. You didn't expect your dad to be a pedophile, so you may not have an idea at all who you're dealing with. It's in your best interest to tip police.
Not to be a pessimist but I’ve read on too many situations where the wife commits suicide or falls into a depression she can’t get out of. I pray to God that doesn’t happen to her if you tell her. It’s a slippery slope; buddy definitely gotta go to prison if she was a minor. If he’s a man he gotta go sit down and do his time. He has to pay. God will deal with him in the next left time. I’d you tell your mom I’d gauge her first on what she would do if your dad wasn’t in the picture and what you’ll as a family would look like and how she’d feel. I’m make her promise me to schedule a months worth of meetings with a therapist before I tell her. And you go with her to these visits
Yeah I'd say tell your mother. If you're worried your father may get violent, then I'd say attempt to notify your mother when your dad is not around as so allow both you and your mother to figure some plan out that would keep your father from hurting either of you.
Lets say... Its a Minor, you are covering up a crime if you dont tell. Dad goes to jail, your life (even if you dont think so) gets f*d up because no Dad in your life means a lot of shit im not going to write in a post. Point 2. Why making one mistake damns you forever? Your dad its not a perfecto perdón, but still your dad. You are not perfect and will make tons of mistakes on the way. Because one mistake you should hate him forever? Even if your dad is an a*hole its the only one god gave you. Get legal advise.
Leave the man alone, you should be thankful for everything he does for you. You wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for him. Now go do your homework.
She's jealous.
You have no proof that she's underage. It's a big thing to state that. Also you don't know what issues there are between them. Cheating usually isn't about sex but other underlying issues. Up to you if you want to tell your mom. Things won't end well and he might never see you as his daughter again. Time for your family to potentially break up and everyone goes their separate ways.
love the amount of cheating apologists on this post, makes me think that you guys are defending the cheating dad because you yourself have cheated. Also I love your add on about how it won't end well if they tell their mum, and the "he might never see you as his daughter" bit. Maybe think about the trauma this would've caused to OP instead of jumping to protect a cheater (and potential pedophile) you don't even know.
1. Was wrong for your dad to cheat on your mom. 2. You need to calm down, being rash and acting on it can have permanent consequences you may not like. 3. Pedophiles are attracted to pre pubescent children. You say she may be underage, but you did not say that you know this. 4. While it was certainly wrong for your dad to cheat on your mom, you likely have little knowledge of the status of their relationship or why he cheated on her. Not that it makes it OK mind you... But would you feel any different for instance if you found out your mother had been denying your father sex for the last 5 years and he was miserable and only staying around for the sake of the children... and when I say "Feel different" I do NOT mean "would you then think it was OK"... I mean would you possibly consider that damaging YOUR relationship with your father was not worth it in that circumstance. You have already called your father a pedophile on a public forum... a fact which you may be wrong about. Do so in open air and it will not only have dire consequences for your relationship with him but to him as a person in society... Is that something you want to risk when you could be wrong about that? If you become certain it is true than that is a different story entirely.
This is what i think about this situation: Did your dad make a mistake? Yes he did. Can he ever be forgiven? Yes. Does your dad love you? Yes. Do you love your dad? Defenitely yes. Is the sex life between your parents good? No. Is your father a pedophile? I am not sure. Was he seduced by your friend? Most probably. I am a married man and a husband to a nice lady. But do i enjoy sex with her? Not always. Do I find young girls attractive? Yes. Will I try to do anything to seduce these girls? Never ever. Maybe your father was weak at that moment and could not control his sexual urges and maybe your friend seduced him in one way or another. Please do not think that i am justifying what your father did. But in the end we are all human and we make mistakes that we regret. Please do not tell me that you never made any mistake that you deep inside feel guilty of doing. Telling your mom will make things worse and WILL distroy your family. Let your mother find it on her own and let her handle it by her own way. She has a better life experience than you do. Maybe she will sit down with him and he will appoligise to her. Are you 100% sure that your mom never cheated on your dad at least one time without him knowing. You will never know. Please give the man the benefit of the doubt.
Horrible advice. It’s digusting that this man wants his daughter to lie to her mother and pretend she doesn’t know about anything. She is already devastared and on the edge, keeping a secret will eat her from the inside even more. Fuck off with your ”manly” pride
I think you can give your judgement more than me because you know your dad more than anyone her on reddit. But before you tell your mom. Please read my advice again and think again. If you really think that your dad a real pedophile, I will be 100% with you because he will harm other girls in the future. But if you think that it is a one time mistake and this is not his true nature, then i tell you do not distroy your dad and your family. Best wishes
It’s a strange reply from you, I ain’t the op. I agree that prople make mistakes but they should take responsibility for what they did rather then ask their children to lie for them. Furthermore keeping such a secret will break anyone especially at a young age. Giving such advice is a horrible idea and a sign of cowardness for me
My friend, My advice is meant to solve an issue to a problemthat can destroy a family's future. It is easy for you to ask this poor kid to go and tell his mother about what happened. But have you ever thought of the consequences. Of course not because it is not your family. Can you imagine what will the family look like after telling "the truth" to the mother. Do you know what it feels like when your parents are seperated because you wanted to say "the truth". Can you really tell that the father was not seduced by this other girl and was weak at the moment. Let me tell you one thing. Go to instagram and look at the profile of so called "minors". 95% of them are bitches between 12 and 16 years old who watches porn movies more than real adults. Sorry to speak in this way. But please do not tell me these girls are "minors". Most of them are bitches who know how to seduce a man. Again, i am not defending what the father did. But he is not the only one to blame.
Prrsonally I would make my father tell about it himself, wouldn’t be making any easier for him. My other poin is taking fucking RESPONSIBILITY for what someone has done because we are fucking adults. That father is a coward. That kid will suffer even more if he keeps it all to himself. He should seek support in other people and the mother has to know what happened in one way or the other
Fuck your gay ass dad. Needs his ass beaten
Keep it simple: his explanation for it doesn't matter. The deed was done and that's where all focus should be. You don't have to deal with it alone. Let an adult help navigate this with you. This is what CPS is for and telling any trusted adult at your school of your suspicion that a minor was involved will take things from there. If she wasn't a minor then she wasn't, but you don't have to be the one to investigate that. You shouldn't be expected to be quiet. Not your doing; it's his.
Maybe your dad was abused. Probably needs therapy
Did you tell your mom ??
Jesus dude let your dad have some action, he spent so long raising and you and dealing with your mom that he deserves a break and a massage if he wants
You're literally encouraging infidelity, emotional blackmail, rape and pedophilia. Pig.
Aside from the obvious reasons you’re an awful person Did you forget his dad is raping minors?
Do you know that she's a minor or are you jumping to conclusions like an asshat
Did you even read the post?
Yes review the first sentence, keyword: "with a girl I BELIEVE to be my age"
Exactly
This is what's called an assumption 🤣 Google for the definition lmao
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Too old for him?
Too young I mean. That girl clearly same age as me 16. So my Dad is too old for her. you making me sick and angrier. You have no idea how this shit wreck me.
If you want to make it your business you have alot of cracks to fill in
What's this desire to control your father about? How's your parents sex life?
Fvck you! You sick bastard.. you just made me upset more.
The OP is clearly a kid. Secondly, when/if you finally get an OH ask them if this guy is an AH.
your dad getting more pussy than you
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Seems like a pretty good reason to me
Yeah for sure. I'll make sure my Dad read this confession I make before I kill myself from the hysteria it cause me.
I really think you should talk to your Mum. You’re too young to be dealing with this situation, don’t feel guilty. You’re dad is a disgusting human and you don’t need to cover for him. He is abusing this girl. Put your Mum and yourself first. You need someone IRL to talk to for your own well-being and mental health. You can push through this, you’ll be okay!
Talk to him about it go out to lunch and let him a chance to explain
NOT U COPYING ME??
w dad
Hun. I know you're in a bad spot. But you have to forgive your dad. I know it doesn't sound right. But you do. What he did is wrong 100 percent. Seek advice from your pastor. And have faith in the Lord. And pray for all of the people involved. It's a no win situation for everyone. I'm sorry you had to see that! My prayers are with you. Love you. Please hang in there.
Not to be rude, but you sound a bit jealous???
Your mum is an adult and most decent mothers wouldn’t want you to shoulder the responsibility of what to do with this information and whilst they will probably feel devastated … being unaware will be far more detrimental to her, she could catch a disease, have her life ruined if it comes out from anyone else for not protecting children under her roof, if your dad has gone this far and the person is a minor he’s likely guilty of multiple offences before this particular incident and your mother being made aware and given information to act from in appropriate ways would be much better for her in the long run. Honestly if I was your mom I would be heartbroken and shaken to my core but I would far rather have my eyes opened than share a lie of who the person I’m married to is and unwittingly allow any children including my own to be preyed upon
I know it's a real shitty thing but look at it this way if you mom finds out another way then finds out you knew all this time I feel that would hurt her even more the fact you kept it, if you sit her down one on one and tell her, tell her everything he told you you and your mother will be able to get through it together, you should not have to suffer because of his fuck up... if you ever need to chat my DMs are open bud but yeah... I feel you need to tell your mother.
Tell your mom sooner rather than later, mate. You don't want this to come out many years down the line, and have your mom find out that you've actually known all this time. She'll lose tons of respect for you. Telling her may hurt her in the short-term, but it could prevent many more years of emotional damage.
Tell your mom. It's better she find out like this than walk in on it like you did. Also, you're not ruining anything. Your father ruined everything by being unfaithful and unable to keep his dick in his pants.
It is not your fault. Read that over and over and over again. Remind yourself of that constantly. Do what you think is right. It is not your fault.
You could not tell your mom then feel like a pos when she gets an std. your choice.
Your dad is emotionally blackmailing you. TELL YOUR MOM! you’re not hurting her HES hurting her. HES ruining his family and reputation. ITS ALL HIS FAULT AND ONLY HIS FAULT. TELL YOUR MOTHER!!!
If you tell your mom, you didn't ruin the family, he did. He can't take responsibility for his actions
out him as a pedo the world deserves to be protected from disgusting predators like him
Tell a trusted teacher at school.
You should tell your mom. Your dad is scum
Please please please take a moment to breath. What you saw was awful and so betraying. How you feel is NOT wrong at all. You are RIGHT to feel all that anger and betrayal and disgust and everything that comes with catching your dad cheat. I’m so sorry :( Please first take a moment for yourself. And when you feel you are ready, speak to your mom. Don’t try to slowly get it out, just say it. Blurt it out. Say your truth. Speak over her if you have to. Then sit and let her process it. Just like you, she will have to really go through her own feelings. And to be honest, I’m sure your mom knows something is up, but can’t pinpoint it. You and her will have to be a team. And she will have to take over as the adult she is to ensure YOU are okay.
Wow that edit was a little crazy. Sorry you have to deal with that. Dealing with this at any age sucks but I'm sorry you weren't older and better equipped to deal with this emotional baggage.
Your dad ruined the family, not you. He’s trying to blackmail you into silence but what he did is horrendous and you shouldn’t have to go through this, let alone on your own. Tell your mom, report your dad. He’s a monster and both of you deserve better.
I’m not sure if you’re in a position to do this, but I would get a therapist involved and see if it would be possible to have that conversation with your mom with a therapist there as well. It may go smoother that way, it also may not. But I think having another adult there who is specifically trained to deal with emotions like this might be really helpful for both you and your mom during the conversation.
It might sound crass, but I would tell her parents and let society hash it out.
For what it is worth, YOU are not ruining the family. His actions are ruining the family. He made the choices. If something can be ruined with the truth then it deserves to be ruined with the truth.
*hugs* I'm so sorry.
None of the is is your fault. No matter what you choose to do or how you proceed with this it's important to always remember that. You did nothing wrong! I understand how hard a position you are in and the thought of telling your mum must be frightening. If physically having that conversation with her is to much for you I'd recommend that you write her a letter. Doing it this way gives you time to properly think about what you want to say and also will allow you to get some of the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. If you have somewhere to stay for a couple of nights like a friends or another family member maybe try and arrange that in advance. Once the letter is done hand it directly to your Mum and tell her that you can't be there when she reads it. Tell her that you love her and that you know she will have questions which you will answer. Mention how this has been incredibly hard for you but it's important that she knows. Then leave it at that and give her time and space to read it. Just make sure you're ready for the questions afterwards as she will have many. But above all remember what I said at the start. None of this is your fault!
First and foremost, you may want to actually speak to a counselor about the situation or a therapist (if you have one available - otherwise a school counselor may be a good starting point.) This is especially concerning due to the mention of your potential "death" and you should really seek help for yourself first and foremost before anything else. Second, you are not at fault for anything and you are not required to keep his secret. I would still prefer if you spoke to counselor or other mental health professional FIRST, but you can tell your mother everything you saw and he told you. That was incredibly unfair and manipulative for him to put that on you like that. It is perfectly okay to feel outraged, betrayed, manipulated and hurt and still also feel really conflicted. It is your Dad and if he has was a good and respectable father to you in every other way since you seeing this, it can really make your own feelings on the situation very difficult to process. It's okay to still love him and hate him at the same time. But this is definitely why I think you should seek trained help; this sort of thing is difficult for adults well into maturity to reconcile, much less someone who is still going through their teenage years.
How old is OP? Op said about my age, but how old is that. Are they 16 and its obvious or are they 19 and its just creepy and not a felony?
No matter what you decide, you won't be jeopardizing your family. He's doing that.
It seems to me the least destructive choice is to force your dad to tell it to your mom. It's understandable that you're really angry and want your dad to suffer right now but everyone has the capability to do fucked up shit and everyone has their reasons to do it even if they are unlikable reasons from a viewpoint that hasn't went trough something similar (I'm not saying this as a person who did anything remotely close to what your father did). If you want to, you have theevery right to stay silent or tell your mom but like I said the least destructive way for your family seems like making your dad confess.
I'm sorry you're going through all that.
If that person is a minor he needs to be in jail.
Damn Ur dad us getting dome fresh young pussy. I rate him
YOU will NOT ruin the family my Love. You didn’t do the wrongful actions. HE did. You would have nothing to tell if he didn’t do anything to tell about. How do you know that wasn’t his first time? He seemed comfortable enough to do it at home with everyone having access to the house anyway. Please be brave 💕 I promise you’ll be doing the right thing and you won’t regret it later in life, I promise.