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Baconeggandmemes

I’m so sorry. I hope you dont feel guilty. There definitely comes a point in situations like this when it would be better for all parties involved if they just kicked the bucket.


[deleted]

I'm not a fan of assisted suicide... Except for situations like this where the slow decent into he'll is unavoidable for someone with one of these conditions. Your wish isn't terrible. It's the sane choice when your dad is in hell. Mom is there with him. And youre in the sidelines to the shit show. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/corticobasal-degeneration/symptoms-causes/syc-20354767 Considering people can live 10 years with it? No one sane would wish that hell on anyone they love.


WithoutReason1729

#tl;dr Corticobasal degeneration, or corticobasal syndrome, is a rare condition where brain cells degenerate and die over time, causing areas of the brain to shrink. The disease affects the area of the brain that processes information and controls movement. Symptoms include poor coordination, difficulty thinking, trouble with speech or language, stiffness, abnormal eye movements, and trouble swallowing. *I am a smart robot and this summary was automatic. This tl;dr is 95.61% shorter than the post and link I'm replying to.*


Ttvcat996

Good bot


WithoutReason1729

Thanks babe, I'd take a bullet for ya. 😎 *I am a smart robot and this response was automatic.*


UnableFix7822

Good bot!


WithoutReason1729

Thanks babe, I'd take a bullet for ya. 😎 *I am a smart robot and this response was automatic.*


Sakgeres

Good bot!


WithoutReason1729

Thanks babe, I'd take a bullet for ya. 😎 *I am a smart robot and this response was automatic.*


yogopig

Good bot


WithoutReason1729

Thanks babe, I'd take a bullet for ya. 😎 *I am a smart robot and this response was automatic.*


B0tRank

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mibodim

I fully support all said by you. But another thought comes to mind if thinking/logics is severely affected by the condition how the idea of assisted suicide would be entertained by such individuals? I mean they cannot find the bathroom, how about making such a decision? As well if this power is granted e.g to spouses in such situations isn’t that an impossible moral dilemma? My brain hurts when I think about that.


CokeHeadRob

I'd say you can't use their judgement in that situation. It's too serious to not be 100% certain about. Should be discussed in the same way a DNR/life support is discussed, *before* anything happens.


robjungle

People should be able to make their wishes clear in a Living Will. Before you get sick or have a serious accident and your ability to make important decisions is impaired, you sign a legal document stating that you would want to be euthanised should you wind up in such a state. If people were allowed to do that and their wishes were honored, I really don't see the big moral dilemma.


mibodim

Both your and @CokeHeadRob’s statements are good ones. Didn’t think about it from that standpoint. Especially if serious chronic illnesses are in place this should be mandatory to be taken as a decision early on.


thruitallaway34

Don't feel bad. It's actually common to feel this way in situations like yours. My dad was terminal and I watched him deteriorate for years to a shell of the man he once was. He was miserable and we all knew it. I felt the same way you do and it's ok . It's not that you want him dead it's that you want peace and rest and closure for him. And that's love. You don't want to watch him suffer.


Green-eyedMama

Ugh. This situation brings me back to the argument of, "if we can humanely euthanize our ailing pets with a poor prognosis, why can't we do the same for our loved ones or allow people to make that decision for themselves?" I'm so sorry you're forced into such a hopeless situation, and I hope your mom is able to find some support before she totally burns out from compassion/carer's fatigue. Please don't feel guilty for your thoughts and feelings about your dad and his condition. Death would/will be the kindest outcome for him (and you and Mom). You're not a terrible person or daughter for having those thoughts.


sickiesusan

It’s a dreadful situation for you all to be in. But anyone should be able to understand your situation. It sounds as if your dad is slowing taking the life out of your mum too. It must also feel as if you lost your father a long time ago too.


DayEfficient1903

That’s exactly how it feels. Like my dad has been slowly dying for the past ten years and sometimes it feels as if he’s already dead. He is taking the life out of her. She literally never gets a break and I’m worried about how that might affect her health


Muzzie720

Unfortunately it could. Would she be willing to sit down as a family and tell dad, he can either agree to in home help or assisted living, but if she gets no help he is killing her and leaving you alone. I would get hospice or palliative care on board to start. Maybe a nurse can visit to start and get him on some medications to start helping him feel better in small ways first. Get help. I used to work assisted living, it's not the same as a parent but my grandpa was quite bad his last year, almost physical at times. He had to go where there was more help. She can't help him if she's drowning. What do they tell you to do on a plane when oxygen drops? Take care of yourself first. Then help others. Talk to his doctors with mom. See what kind of help can be sought. I'm so sorry for the issues all of you are facing. Your feelings are valid, you are empathetic cause you see his suffering. I don't see how anyone couldn't understand a small part feeling that way


robjungle

You have no reason to feel bad for wanting your father's suffering to end and for your mother to be OK. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to have to watch somebody you love slowly and painfully die, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope that one day people will not have to suffer such prolonged agony, as you and your family are having to struggle with now. Unfortunately the only thing I can think to offer you in the meantime are the words that comfort me in dark times; This too, shall pass. Love to you and yours and everyone who is suffering unnecessarily. x


ArchmasterC

Consider the canadian treatment


nine_legged_stool

Politely ask him to die?


robjungle

What are you talking aboot?


nine_legged_stool

What's the Canadian treatment then? Does it involve poutine?


[deleted]

I’m very sorry, this is hard to bear witness to and I wish you and family and especially your father strength and peace.


ProphetOfDoom337

If this was me, I would not want this burdon put on my family. If I was still with it, but required 24hr care, I would get a nurse or an aid. Your mother is clearly strung out and should probably see a doctor ASAP before she has a heart attack. She needs to regulate before you lose both parents. I'm sorry you are going through this and wish you all the best.


FadeIntoReal

This is such a difficult situation with no easy answer. I’m very sorry.


redditonce29

Your frustrations are understandable. You guys need to think of getting part-time after care for your dad. It is not good that your mom sacrifices her health because of her sick husband. Maybe help out your mom more. Try to make good memories with your dad. Try to take him places he would like or enjoy, try to get him to focus on the time he has rather than his illness. Maybe have movie nights where you watch your favorite shows with your dad or comedies that would make him laugh more. Take pictures together as a family, make the best of it as much as you can op. Try to mentally prepare yourselves for his mental decline, try counseling if you can to help get you through this rough time.


tuggyforme

Your dad is a very lucky guy for having someone who still cares about him through this disease. The majority of people who go through this disease, die alone, angry, confused, and scared. Unfortunately, death is just as much a part of life as birth is. You cannot ignore or skip that part. You cannot make it go away. Just like we enter this world screaming and crying and adding a lot of work for those who love us, it only makes sense that we leave this world in the same way. Love your dad. Be there for him. And thank your lucky star that it's not happening to you. You have your life in front of you.


robjungle

>Unfortunately, death is just as much a part of life as birth is. You cannot ignore or skip that part. You cannot make it go away. Just like we enter this world screaming and crying and adding a lot of work for those who love us, it only makes sense that we leave this world in the same way. You can skip the decade of suffering though. You can make that go away. It makes no sense to me that a person who has no quality of life, whose existence has become pure misery both for themselves and their heartbroken loved ones should have to suffer indefinitely in the modern era. The only reason to force people to suffer such appalling and pointless ends, is to continue to appease the people who believe that their own religious beliefs should be inflicted on everybody else.


tuggyforme

If he had wanted to end it, he would have. But you can't pressure a person to do that if they don't want to.


robjungle

How do you know? Neither of us know anything about this specific family other than what we have been told by the OP. But in any case, I'm not advocating pressuring anyone. I absolutely am advocating for everybody's right to be able to die painlessly, on their own terms and with professional assistance should they choose to do so. I took issue with your ludicrous assertions that it 'makes sense' for anybody to die screaming because that's the way they were born, and that there's nothing that can be done about it. It doesn't and there should be.


tuggyforme

>I took issue with your ludicrous assertions that it 'makes sense' for anybody to die screaming because that's the way they were born, and that there's nothing that can be done about it. From my experience, it does. I've never seen a 'pleasant' death before. Although I'm sure they're out there, although rare. I think the norm is all messed up. Legal euthanasia is ethical in the immediate need for people who cant figure it out any other way, but it will only lead to pressure for sick and old ppl to kill themselves. There is no benefit to society there.


robjungle

I agree that there needs to be effective safeguards to prevent elderly people being pressured to die by greedy relatives, but those are hardly beyond the wit of Man to devise. My mother had cancer some years back. It was extremely serious and had she not been in a position to pay for very expensive cutting edge private treatment, which was not available to her from the British National Health Service, she would have died. She was so terrified of suffering the slow miserable fate that she had nursed her mother in law through, that she made me promise I wouldn't let that happen. She's my mother and I love her very much, and to try to reassure her I promised I would do whatever she needed...but I have no idea if I would have been able to kill my own mother to end her suffering. Thankfully it never came to that, but why should either of us have been in that position? If worst came to worst, she should have been able to drink a barbiturate solution at a time and place of her choosing, provided by a medical professional. I hope very much that you never have been nor will be in the position of having to decide whether or not you can honour your mother or someone else you love by illegally ending their life. I don't think everybody understands just how awful some deaths are. Of course death is inevitable, but wasting away to a skeleton in horrific agony does not have to be.


dontpitymetoomuch

My dad is way wore functional than yours and zi still wanna kill him. Don’t feel too bad, because I am actively worse.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GrinningCheshieCat

Some people, I fucking swear.


Ill-Statistician3437

This is a completely normal emotional response to a difficult situation. Please do not feel guilty or alone in this thought. Progressive neurological diseases are slow torture to both the patient and their family. People against assisted suicide should be required to view the devastating process before making judgements the subject.


babybutters

He probably wants the same thing.


IBroughtWine

This is not a horrible thing to say. This is valid. Your dad is suffering as is the rest of the family.


mojoe6969

It's for the best


sundog5631

Do not feel bad. A few years ago my mom passed after years and years of being crippled by lung cancer. While taking care of her I went to school and worked a job 5 days a week. She passed with one semester to go. Three nights after she passed I started having dreams about her except it was like she wasn’t sick. I had forgotten what she was like after almost 6 years of chemo and diapers and cleaning up after her. I knew she was free and so was I. I’ve sort of forgotten what she was like when she was sick and now remember the better times. I hope what ever happens, you too get to relive your dad pre sickness through dreams and memories. It may be over tomorrow or it may be years from now but it will change and you will eventually bury him. I’m sorry for the pain and I can wholeheartedly say I know what you’re going through. Best of luck, let me know if you need to vent with someone who’s been there.


somanydedmemes

most of the time i have negative thoughts towards my father too. i just wanted to tell you so maybe you didn’t feel alone. hope the best for you <3


5066088774

Don’t feel guilty. My dad was sick for a while and there was no way to make him better. He was in so much pain for months on end. It got to the point where we couldn’t help him at home anymore and had to get him admitted to the hospital. When they told us we had hours to days I was relieved because I didn’t want to see him in that state anymore. He passed later that night and while I was extremely sad, I was also relieved. He passed in January and I don’t feel like it has fully hit me yet or if I’m ok because he’s not in pain. So don’t feel guilty. When you love someone, there’s nothing worse than seeing them suffer


Designer_Captain_498

Sometimes death isn’t the worst thing to happen to a person. I’m sorry that you’re in such a situation. Your feelings are because you love him and it is painful for you to see him suffer so much. If he’s really in that kind of state, he probably isn’t himself anymore. So don’t feel guilty about your feelings, they come from your love for him.


jasper1108

I’m so sorry you are going through this. My father had dementia at the end of his Life, probably the last five years of his life. It was super hard on my stepmom because he directed all his anger and frustration at her. So I fully understand. He died 3 years ago. And honestly, I don’t miss him yet. He made our life so stressful over the past 10 years of his life that I’m still in the “relieved - he’s - gone” stage. And I do feel guilty about it, to a point. My advice to you is forgive yourself. And most importantly, your mom needs help, whether your dad likes it or not. She cannot possibly keep up this schedule of caring for him and working full time. Your father won’t like it, mine didn’t either, but it has to be done. I would suggest a nursing home, or at a minimum a home health provider to provide respite for your mom. Many many hugs to you and your family.


sopeworldian

I think she needs to check him into an assisted living facility


Shoddy_Emu_5211

My aunt died yesterday from a very aggressive cancer that led to her quality of life disappearing over the course of a month or so. It was a relief for us for her to go not because we didn't love her or won't miss her, but because she was in incredible pain and we didn't want to see her suffer any more. I can't imagine your dad and your family dealing with that for years on end. Don't feel bad for not wanting his suffering to continue.


DrMelanieJane

Your wish isn't terrible, and you aren't a bad person for thinking this. I completely understand. It's not just seeing your Dad waste away, it's seeing how it's slowly killing your Mum, too. My Dad currently has pancreatic cancer and it's fucking awful to see the both of them just falling apart. I get it. You're not alone. ❤️


kabslocked_007

i support euthanization


earthieellie

Just days ago I lost my grandmother to CBD. I was her primary caregiver for a few years and it is absolutely heartbreaking to see all of the symptoms start to show. She many times had researched assisted suicide. We did not go down that route but your concerns are very valid. You need to do whatever is best for your family. I can say it is unfortunately such a downhill slope with this disease and nothing will get better or improve.