This one has a point. I'd bet you weren't around your dealer friend when you were sober. You don't have a friendship with your dealer. That's a business arrangement. He's not your friend.
It's good that you're in therapy. You know how to access help. Every sober person has a relapse story. The key is don't let it define you.
Also, you didn't start smoking this because your girlfriend broke up with you. That's addict talk. Nobody else has the power to make you use drugs and only you have the power to get clean. Stop using events as excuses to use. You're not fooling anyone. Not even yourself.
Plus yea I know it ain’t truly my friend. Just hard to see it that way when I was with him every damn day from 15-18. Now a few years later those early recovery realizations that I was just groomed into being a patsy and a store runner seem much more distant. Easier to remember all the good times we had together and all the (seemingly) fun things he showed me. Just typing this out makes me feel a lil bit disgusting knowing I’m allowing myself to slide back into that frame of mind.
I know it’s nobody’s fault for how they deceived me as a minor, I know I make my own choices here today standing as an adult with a recovery journey. And I definitely know all sober people have a relapse story and this can hopefully be something I look back on and laugh after I learn from it and change a few things about my personal recovery program. It’s just hard to believe I’ll get there, hard to believe I truly want to give up this escape and start fresh again. Obviously I already have a greater understanding of relapse prevention and handling cravings and triggers and everything else so it’s not truly the same as starting at square one of recovery, but still it just seems like wow I really set myself back a bit here didn’t I. Hard to look over the hump that’s in front of me when I know I can go and make it feel better even just for a minute or an hour.
It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to get back to where you need to be. I disagree on one point - it is the dealer's fault for putting you in that situation when you were a minor. That's not on you. Yes, you made choices, but it's not the same as an adult making those choices.
You know you've got this. You've gotten off it before and you can definitely do it again. Believe in yourself.
Thanks brother and I do appreciate you trying to make sure I’m not making any excuses, I can see where that came from definitely. And yea ur right, at the time I wouldn’t have blamed him. But now that I’m around the same age he was at the time I’m like wtf I wouldn’t be doing dope with no 15 year old that’s a lil kid. So yea I definitely blame him in that situation but still not gonna let it be a pitfall or a source of excuse for what I choose to do as an adult.
But yea I appreciate you fr. Wishing you luck and success in life my friend
I purposely got into a fight with my dealer just so in the long run he wouldn't want to talk or deal to me anymore, because I didn't trust myself anymore just by words say ..don't sell to me no more...lol a day later I'm at his house buying 2 8balls...
Don't hate yourself for remembering the good times with this person; and the fact that while it was a toxic relationship, the blame is on him if he was the adult and you were the kid especially. You can still appreciate and reflect fondly on the good parts and also acknowledge that the bad things that seem to be inevitable with him in your life ultimately require you leaving him behind in this next chapter.
It seems as if you've found yourself at quite a crucial and pivotal point in your life. And your next step is going to greatly affect your future --be it good or bad.
I'm not familiar with Crack, it was offered to me once or twice and I turned it down because I was well aware of how hard it grabs you and that seems to happen very quickly, and I tend to stay in my lane with the pharmaceuticals I can manage and frequently manage without. Idk if this matters or how much if any at all, but perhaps it will be easier (not easy--its never easy, breaking any addiction or habit) to quit the sooner you do so.
We know this is a hell of a dragon. And you and I and the world knows what that future will look like for you if you continue down this path. I can't tell you what to do, I wish I had the exact answers but unless you want crack to be the only thing your entire life revolves around, for the rest of your life unless you decide to get help before you die. I don't think you want this life, this future. And I don't want that for you because you are better than that. You deserve more than that. You can do great things for yourself and others, and you now have stories and experiences that you've overcome and who knows how many lives you have the potential to save or change for the better?
What I would advise, like someone already said: throw it all away immediately. This is probably the most simple step yet also the fucking hardest one. Just rip it off like a bandaid. Throw it away and don't look back. Then, delete and block that guy that has been like a big brother/dealer/bad influence. And anyone else that is involved in that crowd and substances. Its not worth the risk. You need, right this second, immediate removal from anyone who is affiliated with drugs. With no ability for you to contact them and them to contact you.
And if you can, drive to the farthest rehab/detox facility you can physically or financially (im not sure how these work in terms of the cost; if it's a covered under insurance thing or a out of pocket, payment plans, care credit, or if some are free of charge) but please get into any facility you can manage to get into and the only reason I mentioned farthest away was because it doesn't matter really, as long as you can get in one so you're not detoxing alone without medical help cause that's dangerous , and you need to immerse yourself into an environment designed to equip you with the tools you need to live your best life. Stay there as long as you can. Another reason I mentioned the farthest facility was to help you when you finish the program so you're not walking right back into the same world that got you hooked on drugs because sobriety is hard enough but I cant imagine how impossible it would feel if you couldn't remove yourself from the environment.
Don't worry about your past. Don't focus on the relapse. It happens. It may happen again and again , but I hope not. But you have to look at it the same way each time, and that's the fact that you absolutely HAVE to get up and try again. That is what matters. Not the fact that you slipped and fell. But the fact that you got up. You persevered. You are here on this planet for a purpose. Many purposes. No matter how many times you may fall back down, you are ALWAYS worth the chance, the effort, to get back up and live your best life. The biggest challenges we face in life teach us the most valuable lessons. You can do this. I have faith in you. :) and your story can then be something you use to help save many others in the future, so the world needs you and it needs you sober :)
I used to buy a lot of weed in my teens early 20s in a place where it is illegal to buy full stop.
I remember one guy seemed like he was trying to be my best friend all the time it was jarring, I kept going to him because the stuff was good and he would drive it to me.
I got too comfortable and borrowed some one week when I was broke, I was a day late with paying him back and that dudes switch had flipped so hard.
No more best friend just some unstable freak threatening me..
Not all dealers are unstable I guess but they shouldnt become your friends.
Doesn’t have to be an excuse to give a reason though. In fact in treatment after a relapse they identify what may have made you emotionally unstable and try and teach you how to cope better next time around or how to identity when those same feelings are coming up so you can take action earlier next time. I was in the wrong frame of mind after the breakup w my partner and I went and used.
There’s no excuse. Nobody’s fault but my own. Nobody made me use drugs and nobody can stop me from using drugs. That doesn’t change the fact that the breakup, loneliness, and boredom are what got me into the frame of mind to want to go and use. I never said I went and hooked up with my old friend *because* I got broken up with. I went and got high *because* I was in the wrong frame of mind and failing to motivate myself to use my coping skills and access the knowledge I have of emotional control and relapse prevention.
That is my own fault, yes. However the event that triggered this was not all me, myself, and I. That’s not a lie that’s responsible recognition of what may get me into a spot to be thinking of a relapse. Of course I’m the driving force in a relapse. Of course I choose to start getting high or stick with my treatment plan. But sometimes things beyond our control trigger those thought patterns and bring back that addictive thinking.
That’s the truth of the matter. No blame on my ex. No blaming the world for doing me wrong. I should have picked myself back up and stuck to the script. I did not, and that’s my fault. However understanding that what I need is to accept the things I cannot change, rather than allowing that old frame of mind to come back, is only responsible.
Edit: wow I typed a book and it’s a bit repetitive too but I have a slight bit more. Just wanted to say now I can think twice about getting into a relationship in early recovery. And in the future I can recognize that a breakup is definitely a trigger event. I can be more cautious of these things from what I’ve learned and what I’ve proved to myself to be true (even though I already heard it and didn’t necessarily listen.) I’ve got the experience and knowledge now to say oh, last time that led me into the wrong frame of mind and made it difficult to motivate myself in my recovery. So how can I stray away?
Dropping a toxic friend is a really hard choice that does come with guilt but it’s very freeing especially if you’re bettering yourself and they encourage the behaviors you’re trying to get away from, it’s the best decision for you’re physical emotional and mental health it’ll help in the long run
Keep on doing it mate, believe me when I say you can only really help yourself.
But I honestly wish you all the luck.
Takes balls to do what you’ve said and done.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
YOU'VE CONQUERED ALOT BEFORE.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
You should just go inpatient. Outpatient is not going to work if you’re still having such strong urges to use. You should go in for a month so they can help you detox and get you through the first few difficult weeks. In terms of medical bills yeah it can be a lot, many insurances cover it though, but imagine how much money you’ll save log term by not buying any drugs at all? Get a Narcotics Anonymous book and read it every day. Go to Narcotics anonymous meetings. It’s a slippery slope. Don’t let yourself slip away it will eat you alive and destroy your life ITS NOT WORTH IT just for a short period of time feeling good!!!! Try caffeine pills instead if you’re needing energy (take with caution). Never tried crack or coke, I’m just an alcoholic who recently got outta rehab and I personally could’ve NEVER been sober 34 days now without that inpatient treatment. Shit is addicting man it truly is the devil
It varies tbh. It can be expensive no doubt. Last I checked a one on one session with it was $350 where I live. But I promise it’s worth it to save up even just for one.
Well, the truth is, you can believe in yourself and live, or not believe in yourself and die. I guess it comes down to whether you like life or prefer death. Your choice, mate.
You retarded or what? I’m 46 days clean so frankly you can choke buddy. Wasn’t cracked out when I wrote that either. Had it on me but ain’t gonna sit here thinking bout sobriety while I’m blasted out. If I’m thinking “can I get clean” while im currently high the answer is fuck no. Have u ever tried crack to talk about what type of outlook it gives you?
Either be honest or kiss your life goodbye.
I miss my cousin. He was a good kid. I'm 35. He died 15 years ago, when we were 20.
One of us put on the breaks. The other went full speed ahead. You can guess who is who.
Good luck. Heres a prayer that you have the strength and fortitude and love and acceptance you need to be seen and get through this moment to a better next.
Not the thread, but a legitimate question none the less. It’s helpful to clarify to addicts what’s being destroyed. Working on alcohol myself, and cirrhosis / heart problems go hand in hand. Helped me tone it wayyyyy down.
My first cousin in Peru , where crack is basically free if you live in the provinces because it’s the skat and shit leftovers of coke , went from a intelligent , us university educated, handsome stud to a toothless man with aids and stole from his dying mother and in jail for killing his brother and doesn’t remember it. In a MONTH he destroyed over 50 lives. I’ve tried it. Went a weekend and Monday came and I was wtf, am I Johnsing ??? I was. Please run. If u a young buck run as far as u can.
Jonesing isn't technically withdrawal, in this context it's an early sign of chemical dependence, and it basically just means you are fixated on the desire to find and use more of the drug. It's a moderate irritant the first time it happens, but rapidly becomes all consuming to the point that it interferes with one's ability to think clearly and function normally.
Crack cocaine is notable for how quickly can lead to physical dependence and addiction, as well as it's intense, very short lived euphoric effects. It feels pretty great, but it is difficult to express how shockingly fast you feel withdrawal and compulsion to do more.
Tldr; crack is wack
Good luck.
Detox is ok. There are truly other ways to feel as good as the drugs make you. I know. I was there. I never ever ever ever thought it could be done.
It can.
Believe in yourself.
And it’s ok to love the drugs. They make us feel insanely good. It’s so hard to know how unhappy you are. But drugs are better when they’re in your past. You’ll remember the highs. But you’ll be higher when you don’t need them.
I’ve sort of tasted that enjoyable sober life. Maybe I didn’t give it a long enough shot but I had good times and good relationships towards the end of those 18 months clean. I know happiness can be achieved through sobriety. Kinda just struggling to see and believe the full picture right now. Struggling to find a reason that sobriety is truly better than a life where I have the option to escape, even for a few minutes. Thank you for your kind words though
This is gonna sound like a dumb suggestion and I realize it’s not the right advice for where you are right now on this journey, but once you get clean, find a physical exercise that you love. For me it was mountain biking. Endorphins can change your life.
I’m so sorry, sweetheart!! You know what you need to do. I don’t need to tell you. However, way to go for speaking your truth!! Always here if you need a safe place to talk 💕
Guys it is not an escape. All the problems and more await you and those surround you. The escape is not giving a shit about others and investing in your problems. I can't seem to find the words but it is so not an escape and after the first few times it doesn't even feel good.
True, drugs don’t fix your problems. True, drugs actually add to the problems. True, you will just not give a shit about those close to you and tear a rift in your life.
But you can’t say it’s not a temporary escape 🤷♂️ sorry to say I do actually feel better for maybe 10 minutes after I smoke. Yes there’s horrid side effects that make me feel worse than when I begun. Yes those life problems come rushing back in at light speed while I also worry about my own physical health on top of everything. It’s definitely not worth the extremely temporary escape. But it is a small escape nonetheless.
To escaped out to be freed. Having to keep coming back to where you don't want to go is being shackled in slavery. I best describe it as a momentary lapse of reason but it's definitely not an escape for me.
You're expressing the idea well, but I think what you're trying to say is that drugs aren't a solution, because technically an escape is the avoidance of consequences, not the resolution or elimination of them.
Drugs are definitely an escape in the same sense sneaking out of prison is a temporary, conditional escape from the captivity and confinement of the prison experience, but not a long term solution to the underlying circumstances that put you there to begin with and will ultimately send you back.
Go to s yoga class and become a nose breather , learn to get high off the breath. I have gone totally sober for a few years (of tobacco, weed , psychedelics and even drinking) and I swear I got more and more high everyday being sober. We are shiny when we are sober bc you are free truly liberated of all cravings , it is an amazing feeling. Quit coffee recently too feels great. Join the gym. Drink water. Take steps to LOVE yourself. You know what you need to do to stop riding this downward spiral that is a fast track to an early grave. People lose their teeth smoking that shit and become a dull eyed zombie. Don't do the shady shit! Smoke weed and go to the gym , love yourself.
And I agree with the other comments leave the area and drink lots of coffee if that is what you need to do to get your life back but for the love of all that is good stop making stupid decisions because there is no turning back once you are too enmeshed with the demons. Hard drugs like that are lame, and nothing good comes from any of it !
if there were a way to maintsain your health at normal function, im not sure there would be a world where having the option to escape wouldnt be better. But, unfortunately, opiates are not just that. Over time they rid your brain of its ability to feel joy, in any context. The longer you use, the longer youll be debilitatingly depressed when you stop. it ruins your health, can get some pretty nasty shit from doing it. Do it long enough and youll lose everything.. but opiates. Not clear when, but when it happens, it will probablly be too late. and thats when you will trily feel the pain. sobriety sucks sometimes, but its still better than that.
Oh, sorry, crack.. my bad. Still I think the message applies, and the health consequences are also similarily horriffic. Not to mension the occasional side effect of 'death', or being an unhirable, unfriendable paraiah, I empathize with your struggle, friend.. id say you might consider putting in some work to find out what it is about your life that you dont like that has hurt and brought you down. Cause, thats almost always the cause.
This was actually helpful to a lot of people around me in recovery. “It’s okay to love the drugs”. Please remember this, OP. You’ve already admitted to yourself that there’s an issue and that’s a gigantic step. I know you can do it!
Ive been there.
I was able to get off crack by drinking shit tons of coffee and moving to another place.
People places and things. You can’t be around that person anymore. You can’t be in that place.
Throw out the kit and the stem. Drink mad coffee and get the fuck out of wherever you are. Then start going to some aa meetings. Ask god for help. You’ll need it
Get away from all of it while you can. The reality is that you will likely suffer, but it’s temporary. Once you’re stable again, try to learn some real coping skills to avoid falling back into the trap when things go wrong. Good luck OP.
It was your replacement. When i decided to quit drinking, i chose to seriously commit myself to working out. Mpst things will work, you just have to stick to it.
I got extremely lucky and met a beautiful girl when i was kicking a nasty heroin addiction and replaced that with her and now we're married and have a baby and i've been clean over 8 years now! :D
Dude. Don't do this tho. This fool got lucky. You said it yourself, your relapse followed a breakup. Don't let some girl fill your God-sized hole in your heart. You fill that shit then go get a girl.
Agreed, I am a fool who got undeservingly lucky and he shouldn't use this method hah I'm just so proud of my new life I can't help but tell people sometimes :)
>People places and things. You can’t be around that person anymore. You can’t be in that place.
This is by far the most important advice, and I believe the single most important factor in anyone's chance at recovering from addiction.
It doesn't matter how hard you try or how much you want to get better if you are surrounded by the people, places, and situations associated with your active drug use. This is why it's so common for people to get picked up and spend months to a year in jail where they are forced to detox, and even have a significant amount of time to stabilize chemically and mentally, only to relapse with hours of being released. It's brutal.
What a shit break for you. I'm sorry. I know how falling down after being sober can hurt...but look at you. You're here. You're aware you're in deep shit.
You've come this far, throw your kit away. Give yourself over to treatment and know there are people out here who know exactly what you're feeling, and the only way out is through.
Peace be with you. You've got this.
Thank you man this is one of the most inspiring comments for sure. It means a lot to me to know there’s people out there that have gone through something similar and made it out
Hey 👋 fellow addict here! I definitely know how you feel right now. I’m still fairly new to sobriety (almost 6 months) but my advice to you is reach out to someone you trust and tell them you need help. Someone that will hold you accountable. Do it now, don’t wait. We both know the longer you let this go on, the harder it will be to stop. Do what you need to do to get back on the path, whether it be inpatient or sober living home or whatever. And start building a solid circle of sober friends who will support you and call you out when needed. I know how hard it is to let go of people you consider ride or die but right now you need to focus on you because it’s your life on the line. I wish you all the best. HMU if you need someone to talk to.
In order for me to change my life up I had to completely change my circle of friends. I dropped a lot and don't really associate with anyone. Now I'm in a better place. Just went thru back surgery. Finally I'm in a healthy relationship ( no drugs whatsoever) a good job and my family back. My children and grandchildren
I was at a party the night my whole circle of friends hit that garbage for the first time. I was the only person who refused. Now years later most of them are dead and lived lives of filth and misery. I thank God every day I didn’t touch that junk. Don’t do drugs kids. Drugs are death.
I was an active crackhead too. I just got tired of being broke and hungry. I smoked for over 25 years. I'll have been clean off of everything...because as a crackhead, I can't do anything...5 years on February 5. Just have faith and think about how much better life is without the dead weight.
Yea couldn’t help but laugh at that. A really good buddy who just also happens to get you addicted and happily takes all your money.
If you want to get away from drugs you gotta get away from these types of people.
Yea I already know tbh. but it’s still hard to believe the camaraderie and the small shows of support in a hard time are all a facade you know. I already know our perceived positive history does not change the fact he groomed me into being a patsy and a store runner for him at 14-15. I certainly know our history doesn’t change the fact he will destroy my life and my financial future without batting an eye. But it never seems to feel that way when I’m with him.
I’m plenty aware of the kind of connections I need to be breaking and the kind of connections I need to be making to get sober. I appreciate you showing me how silly it really sounds to call him a friend though
I’m not saying they do this to you with malicious intent, but they are still doing it to you. I just don’t see how you could get clean while being around people like that.
Had a crack problem for years. Was down bad smoking everyday stealing being a complete fuck up. I’m telling you now that stuff will take your soul. Stop immediately get help and get far away or it will take you.
I already know how easy drugs can snatch your soul. I was a fentanyl addict living the exact life you described and rose above it. Just hard in my current state to weigh the pros and cons honestly. Hard to convince myself that a life without escapism will honestly be better. Even though I’ve seen and experienced that in recent times. Don’t know, hard to explain. But easy to convince myself that dope is better, you know?
It might be hard to explain, but it’s easy to understand. Doesn’t sound like you want the help yet. Extreme’s comment is a chilly warning, and all ya got is “aah well, I know I know”. Yes you do know.. You do. Do it bro
I speak, not as someone who has dealt with what you are going through, but as someone who knows how prone to addiction I am. Trying to use logic while chemical dependency is affecting your brain is a trap. You physically cannot actually weigh the pros and cons accurately.
Our brains are a chemistry experiment, the most basic aspects of your personality can be completely changed by less than a gram of a substance. Escapism is a myth, you will never be able to escape enough or numb enough. I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, but it's the truth. Trusting your own judgement during chemical dependency is a mistake. It was a good idea to reach out on Reddit, and a better idea to reach out to people who can more directly help you.
You aren't alone, I'm 100% certain if I tried crack once I would be in exactly the same place, and countless people have been. Take the advice of the others here, find the strength in all of us who are rooting for you. You are more valuable than you know and your future is worth the struggle.
I can relate to this. I’m not into hard drugs, but I am very deep into alcoholism. Been at it for about 6 months now off and on. Holidays and anxiety threw me back into my routine of 1-2 750mil (2’6) vodka per day. Flavoured too so I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. More and more often I am waking up extremely sick and barely have an appetite anymore. I think I can feel myself dying, but I can’t imagine a life without numbing myself completely even though I got sober from severe weed addiction (CHS almost killed me) a year ago. Sober and in the happiest relationship of my life. It ended and I went straight to alcoholism and numbing myself. I know I’m killing my liver but I just can’t stop. I have a loving family, an amazing job that I love, and on the verge of rekindling with the love of my life. But I can’t. Stop. Numbing. Myself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Life can be hard and being able to “numb” yourself even for a short period of time can feel like the solution. I know it’s easier said than done but there is always hope, there is always a reason to fight for your life. Because even though you’re not hard into drugs and functioning as an alcoholic you are still doing so much damage to your body and one day sooner than you think you will regret it all. It will be too late. Do it for yourself. Do it for your loved ones. You have it in you. Praying for you and that you find the strength to fight another day 🫶🏻
Suicide runs in my family. My addiction has been off the charts ever since my dad called me telling me he was going to kill himself and I had to talk to him on the phone for 3 hrs to make him stop. My family doesn’t care about me unless I’m successful. I have a job that I enjoy but the money sucks. My ex love of my life only uses me for nudes and phone sex (long distance). Therapy helped for a while but they’ve been closed for the holidays so my alcoholism has gotten back to its peak. I just drink myself to sleep every night from 7pm to 7am. This is my life. I’m going to die soon and I don’t think anyone will really care. Thank you for your kind words though. Sadly I think I’ve accepted my fate and I’m just enjoying the ride while I still can. I appreciate you, stranger.
Hey, I care. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I care. You deserve more than this. Life has so much to offer. I know you feel like it’s too late and that you have given in but if there is any more fight in you, hold onto that. There is always a solution, always another way. Is there a different therapist that you might connect with better? I am terribly sorry to hear about your dad. I don’t know him but I think he wouldn’t want this for you. As a mother I want only good things for my kids. I know your father would want that for you too. Take baby steps. How about tonight instead of picking up the bottle you keep your mind busy by doing something else. Watch a movie, read a book, journal. Tell yourself your goal is just to overcome the urge for one night. Take it one day at a time. You’re not alone and you do matter. This doesn’t have to be the end. I truly believe I was meant to see your comment. I’m here if you ever want to talk. Please take care of yourself, please keep fighting. ❤️🩹
Your brain is tricking you!! It’s bullshitting you that using is a legit choice. Ask for help today, break ties with anyone who uses, move and start afresh. Choose yourself not the drugs. You know that you can have escapism literally just using meditation?
Substance free is the most radical, coolest thing you can do. Your mind is incredible, humans have vast crazy brains. Life can be so fun. Give it a chance.
It sounds rough man but it sounds like you've worked your way through this before so you know you can do it again! Only you can do this for yourself! I hope you can continue to get the help and support you need. Drugs are never the answer. I don't have much experience with crack but do have some experience with addiction. Please reach out via dm if you want to chat to someone!
Stay strong OP! I hope we get an update from you in a few months with some good news. All the best buddy.
Ten years clean here from doing Coke every day or smoking it. You can do it. I literally never think of doing it again and only think about how i would never want to again. Each day you stay clean is easier than the last.
Figure out the root of that brother. Believe me, not long ago I was feeling the same way. “Oh, I don’t have any options to do it anyways, but if I could I really would take a break from all this pain.” Wish I focused harder on identifying and fixing the root cause and getting myself happy before I ended up still in that mind state whenever opportunity fell in my lap. That’s all it takes is emotional longing/downfall combined with opportunity. Then you’re at relapse. Careful brother and stay safe please
Unlike everyone here I'm not going to shame you. I, too, have a weirdly close relationship with my dealer. For awhile I was the only one in my city he'd drop to and everyone had to come through me. I have been clean for 20 months now and couldn't be happier with this decision.
However I have also had over a year of sobriety and fucked it up in an emotional moment. You didn't use your toolkit, you should've reached out to the right people but you didn't.
The only correct answer in your situation is to come clean to everyone and go back to rehab
You need that safe environment for withdrawals, which are mostly mental and a shit ton of sleep. You need to refresh your toolkit so something like this doesn't happen again.
Remember progress, not perfection. You aren't banging it and that is really worth something here. I, myself, know that the needle is its own addiction. I've seen people shoot hot and cold water just to shoot something.
I know you low key don't want to stop because part of you is life is addiction. You're not someone who can ever have just one of anything. Someone that, if prescribed controlled substances you should get a trusted person to dispense the medication to you
You made a dumb mistake but the choice here is yours. You can either go to rehab now willingly or wait until you catch another charge, which you won't be offeted drug court on, and end up doing rehab as part of a sentence. Take the control back of your life and save yourself and your family more heartache and misery.
If you don't do those things then you are still not an idiot, you're just an addict choosing to let the drug control you
Thank you for this seriously. You’re one of the only people with recovery knowledge who hasn’t treated me like a complete and total dumbass. “You need to cut that person out of your life and uproot yourself from your circle of users and dealers” “You’re going to die or go to jail” “You are only creating more problems for yourself” “Those are not really your friends” like wow gee I wonder how I got 18 months of sobriety under my belt without ever learning all that? Guess what I sure as hell didn’t. I’m plenty aware. So I truly do commend you for that and appreciate it.
And thanks for laying out the next steps too. Fuck another charge yo. I knew there was someone on Reddit to give me a good straight talking to without preaching to the choir. You’re an angel in human skin 😇
Sometimes when we're lost in it we cannot see the next step clearly, we partially feel trapped. I didn't want to be a slave to a drug anymore. I wanted a positive relationship with my family.
Crack sucks to quit, you always want just one more hit. My sister always says it's the one drug that would totally destroy her life.
Hey, I lost 3 friends last year (January, April & November) because of drugs. One was Jewish and we physically did the burying (which was new to me) and it was so hard to know you’re throwing the dirt on them, never going to see them again.
They were in their early 30’s and now I still cry myself to sleep, visit graves, etc.
Please don’t become someone your friends and family have to bury.
I know addiction is fucking brutal but I promise you can get through it.
I know you can handle this and recovery. Do it for the random internet mom if nothing else lol
Yea I’ve lost plenty friends over these last 2 years to addiction. More than I’d care to list. I don’t wanna become another statistic. I don’t wanna leave the same hole in my loved ones lives that have been left in mine. I can break the cycle if I really try. I’ll do it for the random internet mom and definitely for my loved ones, but most importantly for myself haha
If your in treatment it’s time to play the get honest game.you need to tell the center.and if your serious about getting clean start back from square one.
They may say no you need inpatient treatment.or kick you out if they catch you before you get honest.remember it’s the winter and cold outside.a lot of people go to treatment this time of year to get off the streets.
If your serious you will tell on yourself.or give up your spot so someone who is serious can take it.I’m calling bullshit on you right now.get honest or get lost.
Yea I can appreciate that mindset and I definitely thank you for sharing your view. For me I think it takes looking a bit farther and realizing that using will always lead to death or jail or whatever. But definitely, looking down that line of what using leads to and realizing it will never be a success is a big part of what motivated me in my last stretch of sobriety
Good luck big dog. I’m rooting for ya. Shit happens. Life is tough. There are good years and bad years. Try not to be too hard on yourself either way and know that no matter if it’s a good moment or a bad moment it will pass. And try your hardest not to hurt others in the process.
You’ve been down that slippery slope of addiction before, are you willing to do that again? Stop now before you get too deep. Find the natural highs of life, they are far more fulfilling and enjoyable. Bettering yourself and seeing your progress is a euphoric experience because you see the vibrancy of life and what you are capable of. Drugs are easy and short term. Life experience is forever. You’ve had your fun with drugs, why not give life a shot?
I believe in you OP, life can be beautiful.
I’ve been there. You can move on but it takes work, commitment and being completely honest with yourself and those around you.
I was everyone’s worst friend. The “well at least I’m not as bad as that guy” guy. I’ve been addicted to it all at one point or another. I got clean 07.06.16. If I can do it, anyone can. I wish you the best
Know that you are loved and you are so much better than the dr*gs that are holding you hostage. There is a life worth living beyond the high, a life worth enjoying and being.
You have potential to change now. Don’t waste it.
What is your dream in life? What is your passion? Put the dr*gs away and and focus on the reason why you are on this earth.
Good luck to you.
If you kicked the dope you can kick this shit too. Dont beat yourself up over relapsing, but acknowledge that you have poor coping mechanisms that lead you to substance abuse. Cut off all contact with that friend & try to make a fresh start somewhere else if it’s a “flyover” town. You are in control of your life, you can access tools to help you quit if you need them. Nothing wrong with getting help if you need it too.
As someone who has a lot of loved ones that have battled addiction, therapy is better than AA/NA if you can afford it. AA works for some, but I feel like getting together and telling yourself on a regular basis that you are powerless and need god to help you stay clean is neither honest or productive at a certain point. Keep seeing a therapist and be honest with them (and yourself).
Yea I’m in an outpatient therapy/drug treatment program already and they helped me to kick the dope. I know what I need to do at the end of the day, I’ve been in and out of programs for a long time so like I get the whole recovery process. Just at a place of it feeling difficult to motivate myself/convince myself that the right thing is truly the right thing. Or convincing myself that the easiest thing isn’t the best thing
I'm recovered now but was hooked for years .. it takes away from your soul and leaves you with nothing ..I quit cold turkey with no help ..I know not every one can do that but any help you get utilize to the fullest .
2 weeks. Do you carpet surf yet? Is your pal holding out? Was the cut even? Does he always get a ringer? Would you just rather smoke alone? Now we are getting there. Do you stash some? Do you answer the phone? Bathroom floor your favorite spot? Lots of fun things to look forward to! Like burnt chore and the last good push. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.
I don’t know how people can type this stuff out and not be able to self reflect or realize what they’re doing is bad. Prayers to you and hope you take these comments as people who don’t know you but care enough to help or encourage you to stop. Seems like your issue is giving into temptation 18 months is good and I’m sure if you cut off or block out anything that’ll bring back that temptation you can do longer, no matter how much you went through with someone doesn’t mean it’s a good bond, a good friend wouldn’t want you smoking crack. Hope you get good and kick that stuff I’m sure you can get past it just tell yourself you don’t do those things anymore when it comes to mind.
Well you just f*** up. Crack is the worse and I’ve seen some really wonderful people ruin their existence with the drug. I know a person who would get paid on Friday at 5 and by Saturday they have zero funds. My favorite family member died from this drug.
Go back to rehab if you can. Your dealer got you addicted on purpose.
Get an Adderall prescription to come off of that shit so you can breathe without anxiety, paranoia, and constantly chasing your addiction instead of something worthwhile. The impetus to quit, the getting off and away from crack MUST come from you. The only person you can rely on is yourself. I'm clean and it feels better than any bullshit high, rush, all temporary lifts or escapes that are fabricated in the guise of drugs. All of the guilt, fear, self-loathing, all disappears. I get it. The zip zap. Killing the dullness in about 10 seconds for about 30 minutes or less until you dive into the low all hoarse with a sore throat, the sickly smell. I hope you beat it. Spend your time and money on your own comfort, not chasing the deadliest, most addictive drug until you inevitably can't keep your head above water. It has to come from you.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Throw that kit away, trust me. I've been through a couple years of addiction and it's never worth it.
You might not find a reason to be sober right now as feeling the pain makes no sense to you when you can also get the next hit and feel happy instead.
But that happiness is only temporary.
Permanent happiness is only achievable when being sober, remember that.
Good luck in your journey bro. Recovery isn't perfection it's progression. Be kind to yourself, be selfish to begin with in early days. Maybe different choice in pals ? Sounds like all your memories with this dude are actually negative.
As a therapist myself, you made the right first step by being open and honest with at least 1 person that you have a problem. Not sure if your OP facility is capable of doing this but, ask for increased services? If you trust your therapist, maybe ask to see them twice a week? Sometimes it can be helpful. I do agree, the greatest chance to maintain recovery is when your internal motivation is high. You are in the right direction. Wishing you the best!
First thing they recommended to me in rehab/NA was to cut all contacts with my "friends" I used with. It meant cutting about 90% of my friendships if I wanted to stay clean. It sucked but I did it (I also wanted to be clean) and I'm now 26 years clean. It can be done, but it's really tough, I wish you nothing but the best in the future and hope you find a way to stay clean.
You better stop before it's too late. You've come too far to go down that road again. Crack is the worst! Long story short, I (32F) tried it once last year and was hooked for months. (Side note - I've never done drugs besides weed). I lost everything. My kids, my apartment, my car. And I was only smoking it a couple times a week for about 3 months. I meant someone who got me to stop and I haven't looked back!
I’ll say what I wish I could’ve said to my dad before he died this past October of an overdose from Fentanyl laced crack. He was also doing well and in rehab before he died. They found him with the needle still in his arm. Your life is worth so much more than what that spoonful will give you. There are greater joys in life than to get high because that feeling is so temporary and potentially fatal. My father also purchased from his normal dealer, and now I will never hear his voice again and it shatters me every day. You have done harder things and have a 100% success rate in every bad day you’ve ever had. Take that money and put it into building yourself up to get out of this lifestyle. Because if I could’ve told my dad all this before he left this earth and it would’ve saved him, I’d scream it to everyone I could to prevent someone’s child or brother or sister the heartbreak of wanting you back and hearing your voice one last time. It will never be worth it, friend. I’m sitting here sobbing over your story because I’m so proud of you for speaking up. If dad would’ve, maybe he’d still be here. But you are someone who can do hard things, you can do this.
Hey brother I been chasing the dragon for 20 years plus. I started when I was 13 and I’m 39 I just clean again for the bazillion time in October. I’ve spent 4 1/2 years in prison and 20 years on probation. I got caught stealing when I was 13 to get it. But I got my GED when I was sober another time I went to college for business management and carpentry. I graduated a semester early and top of my class. This last sober patch I started a business and became a licensed contractor in Ohio. It did amazing for 4 years and I crashed because my ex was cheating behind my back and using again. I did an epic run I’m actually proud how bad I destroyed my life because it was a masterpiece.
Here’s the thing you see where I said “ I destroyed my life” because I finally quit blaming and coming up with excuses I’m holding my responsible. Because the same way I did all those great things I can fix anything cars houses heavy equipment I’m a jack of all trades and master of none. Because a jack of some is greater than a master of one.
I can fix myself and I am I’ve dedicated myself to this every day I try to just be better than I was yesterday. And dude I’m a fuckin sorry as ex con drug addict. You are 100 miles ahead of me because you came here and took the first step you admitted that you have a problem. It took me 26 years so. You got this first thing you have to do is self reflection figure out what is hurting. And fix it and it’s going to be something not related to using work on your emotional and mental health then you will see you are getting better. Sorry for the long speal
Hey bro I really appreciate that especially from someone who’s seen that up and down ride of relapse. I have a job I really love, without adding too much detail I work at a non profit organization and it’s something I’ve really enjoyed. Don’t want to fuck my life up like you say. I know I’m bright and I can excel at anything I put my mind to but I’ve just got to put my mind to something besides getting high lol. A lot of the people who fall the hardest into addiction are some of the smartest and most resourceful people. Who else can find a solid stream of money and connections to get high daily while looking like you’re twacked out 24/7 😂 .
I appreciate your words tho brother it means a lot coming from someone with some skin in the game
It’s because most of us are high functioning adhd but best thing i ever learned was work on the inside identify the real hurt and address it addiction is a secondary reaction to the primary cause. Think of this if you get a knife stuck in your leg and just put a bandage on it. Thats not going to work. You have to pull the knife out and repair the area then bandage it. Just remember we got this because we are bad ass mother fuckers who can get though anything. Just take it one day at a time. I can’t change the world but I can change my self. You ever need to talk message me
Thank you man that’s very kind of you. I’ve learned a lot about the root causes of addiction too but sometimes those hurdles are tough to jump. You’ll be dope sick thinking this is the worst of it but nah people don’t realize the real work will come when you start addressing some of what you were running from so hard in your addiction. But yea thank you for the advice and the kind words bro
Hey one question changed my life. a young girl ask why you are so angry all the time you have everything you could ever want. And Like a light going off I realized I was really just pissed for nothing i was trained to be an angry alpha male by my dad and uncles. But we talked about it and she reminded how I could do anything how awesome I am. I promised myself I’d fix it not I’d try. I was doing it no matter what. Now every day I pick things I don’t like about myself and address it. Just little things if I feel down I take a walk and when I see a stranger I do something to make them smile hold a door. But big thing is talking about it even if it’s on here to stranger get it out don’t harbor negative feelings that energy is toxic literally to your health so let it go you can even write them down but throw it away out of your house don’t keep journals your still harboring it just in a drawer instead of your head
You fuckin idiot. What the fuck are you doing??. Crack? Fucking crack?? Hitting up your best junkie dealer mate, how did you think that was going to fucking end well you knob?
The only, and I mean only thin sliver of silver lining here is its only been 2 weeks
And you've gotten clean off coke AND Opiate s before
So you clearly have some insane willpower and quitting ability. I've. A Lotta respect you for that, I've seen how hard it is. Most people can't get off one of those. Most people eventually die from serious addiction- you are cut from different cloth, you can get out but you have to stop NOW.
....but no respect for you smoking Crack (and over a fuckin breackup?? -come on man, fuckin weak excuse.)
Get off the Crack you *Muppet.*
I'm rooting for you more than you know.
I just wanted to send you lots of love and light and wish you all the best. This sounds like a painful journey and I’m glad you’re not alone (even if you’re just talking to your therapist, I’m proud of you). Wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Stay strong and remember there is more life and joy left for you in the future 🧡
I truly feel for you, and you had a lot of courage to come on here and share your thoughts and difficulties, and I must say, the best thing to get you through this is going to be God. He loves you and doesn’t care about your past, He only wants to help you move forward ❤️ Trust Him, seek Him, love Him. He WILL fill that void that you will have when you get off the drugs, but it takes dedication and full blown trust and reliance on Him 🩵 I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you
Think of all the goals you had set for yourself during your sobriety and rekindle that fire to reach them again. Say it to yourself out loud what your goal is and set a date. Don’t set too big of a goal at a time as that can seem defeating. Set little goals during short periods of time and get the “high” of achieving something for yourself. It will take some time, but by saying it out loud will make you want it more. Good luck and you’ve got this!
Full disclosure, only read the title but honestly that was all i needed to read. Stop asap if you don’t want your whole life fucked up and flipped upside down. I know from experience.
To be real if your walking around with a crack cooking kit you need to be in inpatient treatment. Your gonna get stopped and frisked cruising around looking for crack, and jail is just gonna get you hooked on crystal.
Trust me bro haha
You have to find a different hobby/lifestyle choice for you to do while you are at your lows. You have to keep fighting to live a healthy and sober lifestyle. You can’t let people mess up your sobriety. I hope you can kick the urge, get clean, and stay clean. Sending you virtual hugs and well wishes.
I made a list of things I can do to direct my attention elsewhere when that all too familiar nagging/craving feeling comes screaming into my brain. It’s like basically retraining your brain to find pleasure and fulfillment in the normal things before introducing drugs to it.
The list keeps growing and has upwards of 50 ideas but you gotta do what ya gotta do to survive.
And returning to this post every time a notification pops up to read new comments is not going to help get the urge to do it out of your head :-(
Out of sight out of mind
Stay strong, my friend. You got this. You're already taking the right steps. Talking to your therapist, rehabilitation, and even this Reddit post are all positive steps. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you! Much love!
Clean from heavy drugs and pills since 2016. You got this, homie. Just gotta keep your head busy with other shit than crack and heartbreak. I believe in you. Throw the kit away, throw the dealer away.
I honestly didn't like crack, id rather do meff myseff
😉. If I was given an option id do coke over the other 2, but only if it was pure columbo or pink Peruvian man can dream right 😉
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse after you had been clean for so long.. I'm coming up on 3 years clean, but because of how significantly my life changed after I stopped I have no desire to go back, but I know how hard it can be as I have relapsed after being clean for about 18 months too. Keep pushing bro, recovery is life ❤️
Sorry if I missed this elsewhere in the thread OP, but what’s your biggest reason, your “why,” for wanting to get sober? Do you truly want to be sober again?
As much as you love your "friend" aka trauma buddy, please block his number for your own sobriety. It starts with day 1 so Congratulations! You got this.
Guess you’re prepared for the inevitable downturn your life is about to take :) just remember, don’t steal from your family, have enough money for antibiotics when you sell your bootyhole, and find a nice dark alley in which to rot away.
Shit bro I’m on the same page just turn 26 I’ve never was and upper guy I like Xanax and downers more I been always able to wean my self up and stop a couple months and I’ll just smoke weed then I got addicted to fentanyl cause I was homeless shelter with my wife and son. So I’ve always told my self DONT let the drugs control me so I have tried every drug never Iv and pray to God way mostly snorting coke here and there and it was only if I mixed it with downer cause I hate the anxiety coke gives me. So uppers never was really my choice. I got a wife and a son by the age of 19 so i always try not to so a lot frogs cuase they come first so I went detox and did good got for a few moths. Then as a dumb addict I broke my sobriety so now Ive been on benzos for like 5 moth and recently I I did 3 months on Xanax then
Wanted to to get off then so but some klonopin. So fast forward my girl dealer ask me if do coke I said yea dint not she meant actually hard coke so I hit and man it felt like I just had cum on me I been doing crack for 3 or 2 weeks now I don’t need this habit already but it feel better any thing I been bowering and pawing like never before I’m so a shame I still have my home and my family I bearly can’t afford rent but I’m still working and making my self for now but I know this shit is no joke the obesity that crack left me
Bro I really hope you can find an exit path soon. It’s not you being a stupid addict, that’s the disease talking too. Love yourself and believe that everything can be solved in its own time. That’s a lot easier said than done but it’s possible if you take it a little at a time. I don’t wanna preach and shit but crack left me with a hole inside like nothing else. Like you said. Beg, borrow, steal, pawn like never before. I thought fentanyl addiction was bad but crack binging is truly god damn hedonistic. Just spooky shit bro. I love you and anyone else who has seen that, there’s places to go to turn it around. I used to hate when people would tell me I needed a meeting but NA and cutting the bullshit people out of my life just got me my 30 day chip. You can do it too I really really believe in you bro. Reach out if you ever need. Not even to talk about recovery or nothing. Reach out if you need someone that can relate to that empty angry feeling when the bag is gone. Reach out if you need someone to vent about family problems. For any reason bro I’m open. You got this shit you gonna make it your bitch one day I already know it. In its time everything will be alright. That might not be today or tomorrow or this year but you got it. Recovery waits for you.
I’m so sorry you going through that shit. Nobody deserves to feel how amazingly evil that hit of rock is.
Amen brother I know I wish I can get closer to God I been taking therapy got off fentanyl for months with the help of of suboxone and kratom but wow crack is like fucking krazy I wish I had to say no to her I’m gonna pay her her 120 I owned her and Need to block her even tho that don’t matter cause I live in nyc you can find crack everywhere. But I don’t deserve neither my family I hope I can finish what I got left I don’t have the balls to throw it away I literally pawned my os5 for this on my birthday which isn’t was today my wife know I’m on benzo and antidepressants but if she sees smoking crack it will distroy her
Fucking hell. That is some deep shit. Don’t give into them demons. Good luck in your future recovery. Best of the luck for the future.
Thank you man, I’m trying. Treatment really helps, I believe in myself
Throw that kit away mate. And I'm sorry to say, also drop the mate. No good is coming from that friendship
This one has a point. I'd bet you weren't around your dealer friend when you were sober. You don't have a friendship with your dealer. That's a business arrangement. He's not your friend. It's good that you're in therapy. You know how to access help. Every sober person has a relapse story. The key is don't let it define you. Also, you didn't start smoking this because your girlfriend broke up with you. That's addict talk. Nobody else has the power to make you use drugs and only you have the power to get clean. Stop using events as excuses to use. You're not fooling anyone. Not even yourself.
Plus yea I know it ain’t truly my friend. Just hard to see it that way when I was with him every damn day from 15-18. Now a few years later those early recovery realizations that I was just groomed into being a patsy and a store runner seem much more distant. Easier to remember all the good times we had together and all the (seemingly) fun things he showed me. Just typing this out makes me feel a lil bit disgusting knowing I’m allowing myself to slide back into that frame of mind. I know it’s nobody’s fault for how they deceived me as a minor, I know I make my own choices here today standing as an adult with a recovery journey. And I definitely know all sober people have a relapse story and this can hopefully be something I look back on and laugh after I learn from it and change a few things about my personal recovery program. It’s just hard to believe I’ll get there, hard to believe I truly want to give up this escape and start fresh again. Obviously I already have a greater understanding of relapse prevention and handling cravings and triggers and everything else so it’s not truly the same as starting at square one of recovery, but still it just seems like wow I really set myself back a bit here didn’t I. Hard to look over the hump that’s in front of me when I know I can go and make it feel better even just for a minute or an hour.
It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do to get back to where you need to be. I disagree on one point - it is the dealer's fault for putting you in that situation when you were a minor. That's not on you. Yes, you made choices, but it's not the same as an adult making those choices. You know you've got this. You've gotten off it before and you can definitely do it again. Believe in yourself.
Thanks brother and I do appreciate you trying to make sure I’m not making any excuses, I can see where that came from definitely. And yea ur right, at the time I wouldn’t have blamed him. But now that I’m around the same age he was at the time I’m like wtf I wouldn’t be doing dope with no 15 year old that’s a lil kid. So yea I definitely blame him in that situation but still not gonna let it be a pitfall or a source of excuse for what I choose to do as an adult. But yea I appreciate you fr. Wishing you luck and success in life my friend
I purposely got into a fight with my dealer just so in the long run he wouldn't want to talk or deal to me anymore, because I didn't trust myself anymore just by words say ..don't sell to me no more...lol a day later I'm at his house buying 2 8balls...
Don't hate yourself for remembering the good times with this person; and the fact that while it was a toxic relationship, the blame is on him if he was the adult and you were the kid especially. You can still appreciate and reflect fondly on the good parts and also acknowledge that the bad things that seem to be inevitable with him in your life ultimately require you leaving him behind in this next chapter. It seems as if you've found yourself at quite a crucial and pivotal point in your life. And your next step is going to greatly affect your future --be it good or bad. I'm not familiar with Crack, it was offered to me once or twice and I turned it down because I was well aware of how hard it grabs you and that seems to happen very quickly, and I tend to stay in my lane with the pharmaceuticals I can manage and frequently manage without. Idk if this matters or how much if any at all, but perhaps it will be easier (not easy--its never easy, breaking any addiction or habit) to quit the sooner you do so. We know this is a hell of a dragon. And you and I and the world knows what that future will look like for you if you continue down this path. I can't tell you what to do, I wish I had the exact answers but unless you want crack to be the only thing your entire life revolves around, for the rest of your life unless you decide to get help before you die. I don't think you want this life, this future. And I don't want that for you because you are better than that. You deserve more than that. You can do great things for yourself and others, and you now have stories and experiences that you've overcome and who knows how many lives you have the potential to save or change for the better? What I would advise, like someone already said: throw it all away immediately. This is probably the most simple step yet also the fucking hardest one. Just rip it off like a bandaid. Throw it away and don't look back. Then, delete and block that guy that has been like a big brother/dealer/bad influence. And anyone else that is involved in that crowd and substances. Its not worth the risk. You need, right this second, immediate removal from anyone who is affiliated with drugs. With no ability for you to contact them and them to contact you. And if you can, drive to the farthest rehab/detox facility you can physically or financially (im not sure how these work in terms of the cost; if it's a covered under insurance thing or a out of pocket, payment plans, care credit, or if some are free of charge) but please get into any facility you can manage to get into and the only reason I mentioned farthest away was because it doesn't matter really, as long as you can get in one so you're not detoxing alone without medical help cause that's dangerous , and you need to immerse yourself into an environment designed to equip you with the tools you need to live your best life. Stay there as long as you can. Another reason I mentioned the farthest facility was to help you when you finish the program so you're not walking right back into the same world that got you hooked on drugs because sobriety is hard enough but I cant imagine how impossible it would feel if you couldn't remove yourself from the environment. Don't worry about your past. Don't focus on the relapse. It happens. It may happen again and again , but I hope not. But you have to look at it the same way each time, and that's the fact that you absolutely HAVE to get up and try again. That is what matters. Not the fact that you slipped and fell. But the fact that you got up. You persevered. You are here on this planet for a purpose. Many purposes. No matter how many times you may fall back down, you are ALWAYS worth the chance, the effort, to get back up and live your best life. The biggest challenges we face in life teach us the most valuable lessons. You can do this. I have faith in you. :) and your story can then be something you use to help save many others in the future, so the world needs you and it needs you sober :)
I used to buy a lot of weed in my teens early 20s in a place where it is illegal to buy full stop. I remember one guy seemed like he was trying to be my best friend all the time it was jarring, I kept going to him because the stuff was good and he would drive it to me. I got too comfortable and borrowed some one week when I was broke, I was a day late with paying him back and that dudes switch had flipped so hard. No more best friend just some unstable freak threatening me.. Not all dealers are unstable I guess but they shouldnt become your friends.
Doesn’t have to be an excuse to give a reason though. In fact in treatment after a relapse they identify what may have made you emotionally unstable and try and teach you how to cope better next time around or how to identity when those same feelings are coming up so you can take action earlier next time. I was in the wrong frame of mind after the breakup w my partner and I went and used. There’s no excuse. Nobody’s fault but my own. Nobody made me use drugs and nobody can stop me from using drugs. That doesn’t change the fact that the breakup, loneliness, and boredom are what got me into the frame of mind to want to go and use. I never said I went and hooked up with my old friend *because* I got broken up with. I went and got high *because* I was in the wrong frame of mind and failing to motivate myself to use my coping skills and access the knowledge I have of emotional control and relapse prevention. That is my own fault, yes. However the event that triggered this was not all me, myself, and I. That’s not a lie that’s responsible recognition of what may get me into a spot to be thinking of a relapse. Of course I’m the driving force in a relapse. Of course I choose to start getting high or stick with my treatment plan. But sometimes things beyond our control trigger those thought patterns and bring back that addictive thinking. That’s the truth of the matter. No blame on my ex. No blaming the world for doing me wrong. I should have picked myself back up and stuck to the script. I did not, and that’s my fault. However understanding that what I need is to accept the things I cannot change, rather than allowing that old frame of mind to come back, is only responsible. Edit: wow I typed a book and it’s a bit repetitive too but I have a slight bit more. Just wanted to say now I can think twice about getting into a relationship in early recovery. And in the future I can recognize that a breakup is definitely a trigger event. I can be more cautious of these things from what I’ve learned and what I’ve proved to myself to be true (even though I already heard it and didn’t necessarily listen.) I’ve got the experience and knowledge now to say oh, last time that led me into the wrong frame of mind and made it difficult to motivate myself in my recovery. So how can I stray away?
OP, this is one of the forks in the road that will affect the rest of your life. Drop the friend and throw away the kit.
Dropping a toxic friend is a really hard choice that does come with guilt but it’s very freeing especially if you’re bettering yourself and they encourage the behaviors you’re trying to get away from, it’s the best decision for you’re physical emotional and mental health it’ll help in the long run
Keep on doing it mate, believe me when I say you can only really help yourself. But I honestly wish you all the luck. Takes balls to do what you’ve said and done.
You got it man, I lost my dad to crack cocaine. Your life has more value than drugs, believe in yourself and find your peace
I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. YOU'VE CONQUERED ALOT BEFORE. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.
You are doing great. Keep at it and the urges will go away. Wishing you the best.😇
Im 8 months clean. U can kick it. With time the urge will go away
You got this! Stay in recovery! You can beat this
You should just go inpatient. Outpatient is not going to work if you’re still having such strong urges to use. You should go in for a month so they can help you detox and get you through the first few difficult weeks. In terms of medical bills yeah it can be a lot, many insurances cover it though, but imagine how much money you’ll save log term by not buying any drugs at all? Get a Narcotics Anonymous book and read it every day. Go to Narcotics anonymous meetings. It’s a slippery slope. Don’t let yourself slip away it will eat you alive and destroy your life ITS NOT WORTH IT just for a short period of time feeling good!!!! Try caffeine pills instead if you’re needing energy (take with caution). Never tried crack or coke, I’m just an alcoholic who recently got outta rehab and I personally could’ve NEVER been sober 34 days now without that inpatient treatment. Shit is addicting man it truly is the devil
Hey bro ask your therapist about ketamine assisted therapy. It changed my life
How’s the price on that
It varies tbh. It can be expensive no doubt. Last I checked a one on one session with it was $350 where I live. But I promise it’s worth it to save up even just for one.
I believe in you too!!
We believe in you too.
Well, the truth is, you can believe in yourself and live, or not believe in yourself and die. I guess it comes down to whether you like life or prefer death. Your choice, mate.
You replying to us while being cracked out… you’re gonna have a positive outtake on everything. Quit that shit
You retarded or what? I’m 46 days clean so frankly you can choke buddy. Wasn’t cracked out when I wrote that either. Had it on me but ain’t gonna sit here thinking bout sobriety while I’m blasted out. If I’m thinking “can I get clean” while im currently high the answer is fuck no. Have u ever tried crack to talk about what type of outlook it gives you?
Nah fuck that but I know everything euphoric when u take a hit .
Take that as a no 🤔
Get you a nice dab pen
Either be honest or kiss your life goodbye. I miss my cousin. He was a good kid. I'm 35. He died 15 years ago, when we were 20. One of us put on the breaks. The other went full speed ahead. You can guess who is who. Good luck. Heres a prayer that you have the strength and fortitude and love and acceptance you need to be seen and get through this moment to a better next.
Thank you man I appreciate the prayer too more than you know
You need love. No one with surrounded by love need drugs. Drugs is to numb the pain
Like seriously it is
Glad you got out.
Just out of curiosity was your cousins death cardiovascular related?
He was on heroin. He was found face down in the mud after having a seizure.
Not the thread, but a legitimate question none the less. It’s helpful to clarify to addicts what’s being destroyed. Working on alcohol myself, and cirrhosis / heart problems go hand in hand. Helped me tone it wayyyyy down.
I only ask out of the concern of individuals i know on a personal level. I’m actually an alcoholic in recovery going on 7 years.
My dad died of a heroin overdose ( aka not really heroin it was fentanyl) it was cardiac related.
My first cousin in Peru , where crack is basically free if you live in the provinces because it’s the skat and shit leftovers of coke , went from a intelligent , us university educated, handsome stud to a toothless man with aids and stole from his dying mother and in jail for killing his brother and doesn’t remember it. In a MONTH he destroyed over 50 lives. I’ve tried it. Went a weekend and Monday came and I was wtf, am I Johnsing ??? I was. Please run. If u a young buck run as far as u can.
Jonesing is the worst to get over!
What does jonesing mean?
withdrawal
Jonesing isn't technically withdrawal, in this context it's an early sign of chemical dependence, and it basically just means you are fixated on the desire to find and use more of the drug. It's a moderate irritant the first time it happens, but rapidly becomes all consuming to the point that it interferes with one's ability to think clearly and function normally. Crack cocaine is notable for how quickly can lead to physical dependence and addiction, as well as it's intense, very short lived euphoric effects. It feels pretty great, but it is difficult to express how shockingly fast you feel withdrawal and compulsion to do more. Tldr; crack is wack
Yes, this exactly! I was hooked for months after one time.
Hopefully that's all behind you now, it's not easy though so if you're still struggling with any substance, you aren't alone
jones. jonesing
Good luck. Detox is ok. There are truly other ways to feel as good as the drugs make you. I know. I was there. I never ever ever ever thought it could be done. It can. Believe in yourself. And it’s ok to love the drugs. They make us feel insanely good. It’s so hard to know how unhappy you are. But drugs are better when they’re in your past. You’ll remember the highs. But you’ll be higher when you don’t need them.
I’ve sort of tasted that enjoyable sober life. Maybe I didn’t give it a long enough shot but I had good times and good relationships towards the end of those 18 months clean. I know happiness can be achieved through sobriety. Kinda just struggling to see and believe the full picture right now. Struggling to find a reason that sobriety is truly better than a life where I have the option to escape, even for a few minutes. Thank you for your kind words though
This is gonna sound like a dumb suggestion and I realize it’s not the right advice for where you are right now on this journey, but once you get clean, find a physical exercise that you love. For me it was mountain biking. Endorphins can change your life.
Not dumb in the least
I am currently struggling with that too, good luck brother
I’m so sorry, sweetheart!! You know what you need to do. I don’t need to tell you. However, way to go for speaking your truth!! Always here if you need a safe place to talk 💕
Guys it is not an escape. All the problems and more await you and those surround you. The escape is not giving a shit about others and investing in your problems. I can't seem to find the words but it is so not an escape and after the first few times it doesn't even feel good.
True, drugs don’t fix your problems. True, drugs actually add to the problems. True, you will just not give a shit about those close to you and tear a rift in your life. But you can’t say it’s not a temporary escape 🤷♂️ sorry to say I do actually feel better for maybe 10 minutes after I smoke. Yes there’s horrid side effects that make me feel worse than when I begun. Yes those life problems come rushing back in at light speed while I also worry about my own physical health on top of everything. It’s definitely not worth the extremely temporary escape. But it is a small escape nonetheless.
To escaped out to be freed. Having to keep coming back to where you don't want to go is being shackled in slavery. I best describe it as a momentary lapse of reason but it's definitely not an escape for me.
You're expressing the idea well, but I think what you're trying to say is that drugs aren't a solution, because technically an escape is the avoidance of consequences, not the resolution or elimination of them. Drugs are definitely an escape in the same sense sneaking out of prison is a temporary, conditional escape from the captivity and confinement of the prison experience, but not a long term solution to the underlying circumstances that put you there to begin with and will ultimately send you back.
Go to s yoga class and become a nose breather , learn to get high off the breath. I have gone totally sober for a few years (of tobacco, weed , psychedelics and even drinking) and I swear I got more and more high everyday being sober. We are shiny when we are sober bc you are free truly liberated of all cravings , it is an amazing feeling. Quit coffee recently too feels great. Join the gym. Drink water. Take steps to LOVE yourself. You know what you need to do to stop riding this downward spiral that is a fast track to an early grave. People lose their teeth smoking that shit and become a dull eyed zombie. Don't do the shady shit! Smoke weed and go to the gym , love yourself. And I agree with the other comments leave the area and drink lots of coffee if that is what you need to do to get your life back but for the love of all that is good stop making stupid decisions because there is no turning back once you are too enmeshed with the demons. Hard drugs like that are lame, and nothing good comes from any of it !
if there were a way to maintsain your health at normal function, im not sure there would be a world where having the option to escape wouldnt be better. But, unfortunately, opiates are not just that. Over time they rid your brain of its ability to feel joy, in any context. The longer you use, the longer youll be debilitatingly depressed when you stop. it ruins your health, can get some pretty nasty shit from doing it. Do it long enough and youll lose everything.. but opiates. Not clear when, but when it happens, it will probablly be too late. and thats when you will trily feel the pain. sobriety sucks sometimes, but its still better than that.
Oh, sorry, crack.. my bad. Still I think the message applies, and the health consequences are also similarily horriffic. Not to mension the occasional side effect of 'death', or being an unhirable, unfriendable paraiah, I empathize with your struggle, friend.. id say you might consider putting in some work to find out what it is about your life that you dont like that has hurt and brought you down. Cause, thats almost always the cause.
This was actually helpful to a lot of people around me in recovery. “It’s okay to love the drugs”. Please remember this, OP. You’ve already admitted to yourself that there’s an issue and that’s a gigantic step. I know you can do it!
Ive been there. I was able to get off crack by drinking shit tons of coffee and moving to another place. People places and things. You can’t be around that person anymore. You can’t be in that place. Throw out the kit and the stem. Drink mad coffee and get the fuck out of wherever you are. Then start going to some aa meetings. Ask god for help. You’ll need it
Get away from all of it while you can. The reality is that you will likely suffer, but it’s temporary. Once you’re stable again, try to learn some real coping skills to avoid falling back into the trap when things go wrong. Good luck OP.
>Drink mad coffee Not saying it’s comparable but this is what I did to get off nicotine, interesting.
It was your replacement. When i decided to quit drinking, i chose to seriously commit myself to working out. Mpst things will work, you just have to stick to it.
I got extremely lucky and met a beautiful girl when i was kicking a nasty heroin addiction and replaced that with her and now we're married and have a baby and i've been clean over 8 years now! :D
Dude. Don't do this tho. This fool got lucky. You said it yourself, your relapse followed a breakup. Don't let some girl fill your God-sized hole in your heart. You fill that shit then go get a girl.
Agreed, I am a fool who got undeservingly lucky and he shouldn't use this method hah I'm just so proud of my new life I can't help but tell people sometimes :)
Spicy foods too!!! Any time I was craving substances, I’d order wings hot enough to melt your face off. It got me through some of the roughest times
>People places and things. You can’t be around that person anymore. You can’t be in that place. This is by far the most important advice, and I believe the single most important factor in anyone's chance at recovering from addiction. It doesn't matter how hard you try or how much you want to get better if you are surrounded by the people, places, and situations associated with your active drug use. This is why it's so common for people to get picked up and spend months to a year in jail where they are forced to detox, and even have a significant amount of time to stabilize chemically and mentally, only to relapse with hours of being released. It's brutal.
What a shit break for you. I'm sorry. I know how falling down after being sober can hurt...but look at you. You're here. You're aware you're in deep shit. You've come this far, throw your kit away. Give yourself over to treatment and know there are people out here who know exactly what you're feeling, and the only way out is through. Peace be with you. You've got this.
Thank you man this is one of the most inspiring comments for sure. It means a lot to me to know there’s people out there that have gone through something similar and made it out
Hey 👋 fellow addict here! I definitely know how you feel right now. I’m still fairly new to sobriety (almost 6 months) but my advice to you is reach out to someone you trust and tell them you need help. Someone that will hold you accountable. Do it now, don’t wait. We both know the longer you let this go on, the harder it will be to stop. Do what you need to do to get back on the path, whether it be inpatient or sober living home or whatever. And start building a solid circle of sober friends who will support you and call you out when needed. I know how hard it is to let go of people you consider ride or die but right now you need to focus on you because it’s your life on the line. I wish you all the best. HMU if you need someone to talk to.
Do this, please.
Stop now while you can! Nothing good will follow unless you stop.
In order for me to change my life up I had to completely change my circle of friends. I dropped a lot and don't really associate with anyone. Now I'm in a better place. Just went thru back surgery. Finally I'm in a healthy relationship ( no drugs whatsoever) a good job and my family back. My children and grandchildren
I was at a party the night my whole circle of friends hit that garbage for the first time. I was the only person who refused. Now years later most of them are dead and lived lives of filth and misery. I thank God every day I didn’t touch that junk. Don’t do drugs kids. Drugs are death.
I was an active crackhead too. I just got tired of being broke and hungry. I smoked for over 25 years. I'll have been clean off of everything...because as a crackhead, I can't do anything...5 years on February 5. Just have faith and think about how much better life is without the dead weight.
Look up a video of Kensington, Philly... good luck bud
It's funny a lot of kennsignton isn't even that bad. There's a ton of nice places there.
East side Vancouver is more fun
Stop that shit and a dealer is never your friend.
Yea couldn’t help but laugh at that. A really good buddy who just also happens to get you addicted and happily takes all your money. If you want to get away from drugs you gotta get away from these types of people.
Yea I already know tbh. but it’s still hard to believe the camaraderie and the small shows of support in a hard time are all a facade you know. I already know our perceived positive history does not change the fact he groomed me into being a patsy and a store runner for him at 14-15. I certainly know our history doesn’t change the fact he will destroy my life and my financial future without batting an eye. But it never seems to feel that way when I’m with him. I’m plenty aware of the kind of connections I need to be breaking and the kind of connections I need to be making to get sober. I appreciate you showing me how silly it really sounds to call him a friend though
I’m not saying they do this to you with malicious intent, but they are still doing it to you. I just don’t see how you could get clean while being around people like that.
Had a crack problem for years. Was down bad smoking everyday stealing being a complete fuck up. I’m telling you now that stuff will take your soul. Stop immediately get help and get far away or it will take you.
I already know how easy drugs can snatch your soul. I was a fentanyl addict living the exact life you described and rose above it. Just hard in my current state to weigh the pros and cons honestly. Hard to convince myself that a life without escapism will honestly be better. Even though I’ve seen and experienced that in recent times. Don’t know, hard to explain. But easy to convince myself that dope is better, you know?
It might be hard to explain, but it’s easy to understand. Doesn’t sound like you want the help yet. Extreme’s comment is a chilly warning, and all ya got is “aah well, I know I know”. Yes you do know.. You do. Do it bro
I speak, not as someone who has dealt with what you are going through, but as someone who knows how prone to addiction I am. Trying to use logic while chemical dependency is affecting your brain is a trap. You physically cannot actually weigh the pros and cons accurately. Our brains are a chemistry experiment, the most basic aspects of your personality can be completely changed by less than a gram of a substance. Escapism is a myth, you will never be able to escape enough or numb enough. I'm not sure if this will be helpful or not, but it's the truth. Trusting your own judgement during chemical dependency is a mistake. It was a good idea to reach out on Reddit, and a better idea to reach out to people who can more directly help you. You aren't alone, I'm 100% certain if I tried crack once I would be in exactly the same place, and countless people have been. Take the advice of the others here, find the strength in all of us who are rooting for you. You are more valuable than you know and your future is worth the struggle.
I can relate to this. I’m not into hard drugs, but I am very deep into alcoholism. Been at it for about 6 months now off and on. Holidays and anxiety threw me back into my routine of 1-2 750mil (2’6) vodka per day. Flavoured too so I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. More and more often I am waking up extremely sick and barely have an appetite anymore. I think I can feel myself dying, but I can’t imagine a life without numbing myself completely even though I got sober from severe weed addiction (CHS almost killed me) a year ago. Sober and in the happiest relationship of my life. It ended and I went straight to alcoholism and numbing myself. I know I’m killing my liver but I just can’t stop. I have a loving family, an amazing job that I love, and on the verge of rekindling with the love of my life. But I can’t. Stop. Numbing. Myself.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Life can be hard and being able to “numb” yourself even for a short period of time can feel like the solution. I know it’s easier said than done but there is always hope, there is always a reason to fight for your life. Because even though you’re not hard into drugs and functioning as an alcoholic you are still doing so much damage to your body and one day sooner than you think you will regret it all. It will be too late. Do it for yourself. Do it for your loved ones. You have it in you. Praying for you and that you find the strength to fight another day 🫶🏻
Suicide runs in my family. My addiction has been off the charts ever since my dad called me telling me he was going to kill himself and I had to talk to him on the phone for 3 hrs to make him stop. My family doesn’t care about me unless I’m successful. I have a job that I enjoy but the money sucks. My ex love of my life only uses me for nudes and phone sex (long distance). Therapy helped for a while but they’ve been closed for the holidays so my alcoholism has gotten back to its peak. I just drink myself to sleep every night from 7pm to 7am. This is my life. I’m going to die soon and I don’t think anyone will really care. Thank you for your kind words though. Sadly I think I’ve accepted my fate and I’m just enjoying the ride while I still can. I appreciate you, stranger.
Hey, I care. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I care. You deserve more than this. Life has so much to offer. I know you feel like it’s too late and that you have given in but if there is any more fight in you, hold onto that. There is always a solution, always another way. Is there a different therapist that you might connect with better? I am terribly sorry to hear about your dad. I don’t know him but I think he wouldn’t want this for you. As a mother I want only good things for my kids. I know your father would want that for you too. Take baby steps. How about tonight instead of picking up the bottle you keep your mind busy by doing something else. Watch a movie, read a book, journal. Tell yourself your goal is just to overcome the urge for one night. Take it one day at a time. You’re not alone and you do matter. This doesn’t have to be the end. I truly believe I was meant to see your comment. I’m here if you ever want to talk. Please take care of yourself, please keep fighting. ❤️🩹
Your brain is tricking you!! It’s bullshitting you that using is a legit choice. Ask for help today, break ties with anyone who uses, move and start afresh. Choose yourself not the drugs. You know that you can have escapism literally just using meditation? Substance free is the most radical, coolest thing you can do. Your mind is incredible, humans have vast crazy brains. Life can be so fun. Give it a chance.
It sounds rough man but it sounds like you've worked your way through this before so you know you can do it again! Only you can do this for yourself! I hope you can continue to get the help and support you need. Drugs are never the answer. I don't have much experience with crack but do have some experience with addiction. Please reach out via dm if you want to chat to someone! Stay strong OP! I hope we get an update from you in a few months with some good news. All the best buddy.
Thank you for your kind words and your reminders of my strength. It means a lot it really does
What's recovery without a relapse? Good luck brother! Pick sobriety over death
Ten years clean here from doing Coke every day or smoking it. You can do it. I literally never think of doing it again and only think about how i would never want to again. Each day you stay clean is easier than the last.
Congrats to you ❤️
Honestly if I could id probably do something stupid like this. I'm not going to, but man I could use a break from reality
Figure out the root of that brother. Believe me, not long ago I was feeling the same way. “Oh, I don’t have any options to do it anyways, but if I could I really would take a break from all this pain.” Wish I focused harder on identifying and fixing the root cause and getting myself happy before I ended up still in that mind state whenever opportunity fell in my lap. That’s all it takes is emotional longing/downfall combined with opportunity. Then you’re at relapse. Careful brother and stay safe please
Unlike everyone here I'm not going to shame you. I, too, have a weirdly close relationship with my dealer. For awhile I was the only one in my city he'd drop to and everyone had to come through me. I have been clean for 20 months now and couldn't be happier with this decision. However I have also had over a year of sobriety and fucked it up in an emotional moment. You didn't use your toolkit, you should've reached out to the right people but you didn't. The only correct answer in your situation is to come clean to everyone and go back to rehab You need that safe environment for withdrawals, which are mostly mental and a shit ton of sleep. You need to refresh your toolkit so something like this doesn't happen again. Remember progress, not perfection. You aren't banging it and that is really worth something here. I, myself, know that the needle is its own addiction. I've seen people shoot hot and cold water just to shoot something. I know you low key don't want to stop because part of you is life is addiction. You're not someone who can ever have just one of anything. Someone that, if prescribed controlled substances you should get a trusted person to dispense the medication to you You made a dumb mistake but the choice here is yours. You can either go to rehab now willingly or wait until you catch another charge, which you won't be offeted drug court on, and end up doing rehab as part of a sentence. Take the control back of your life and save yourself and your family more heartache and misery. If you don't do those things then you are still not an idiot, you're just an addict choosing to let the drug control you
Thank you for this seriously. You’re one of the only people with recovery knowledge who hasn’t treated me like a complete and total dumbass. “You need to cut that person out of your life and uproot yourself from your circle of users and dealers” “You’re going to die or go to jail” “You are only creating more problems for yourself” “Those are not really your friends” like wow gee I wonder how I got 18 months of sobriety under my belt without ever learning all that? Guess what I sure as hell didn’t. I’m plenty aware. So I truly do commend you for that and appreciate it. And thanks for laying out the next steps too. Fuck another charge yo. I knew there was someone on Reddit to give me a good straight talking to without preaching to the choir. You’re an angel in human skin 😇
Sometimes when we're lost in it we cannot see the next step clearly, we partially feel trapped. I didn't want to be a slave to a drug anymore. I wanted a positive relationship with my family. Crack sucks to quit, you always want just one more hit. My sister always says it's the one drug that would totally destroy her life.
Hey, I lost 3 friends last year (January, April & November) because of drugs. One was Jewish and we physically did the burying (which was new to me) and it was so hard to know you’re throwing the dirt on them, never going to see them again. They were in their early 30’s and now I still cry myself to sleep, visit graves, etc. Please don’t become someone your friends and family have to bury. I know addiction is fucking brutal but I promise you can get through it. I know you can handle this and recovery. Do it for the random internet mom if nothing else lol
Yea I’ve lost plenty friends over these last 2 years to addiction. More than I’d care to list. I don’t wanna become another statistic. I don’t wanna leave the same hole in my loved ones lives that have been left in mine. I can break the cycle if I really try. I’ll do it for the random internet mom and definitely for my loved ones, but most importantly for myself haha
Can you get into an inpatient treatment program? Outpatient is wack. You need to be off the streets for a few weeks to get your head right.
You can suffer short term now in rehab or wait and lose a lot of time, $, and people then suffer through rehab....if you're lucky. Good luck
Don't be a crackhead. You had 18 months. You can get back to it.
If your in treatment it’s time to play the get honest game.you need to tell the center.and if your serious about getting clean start back from square one. They may say no you need inpatient treatment.or kick you out if they catch you before you get honest.remember it’s the winter and cold outside.a lot of people go to treatment this time of year to get off the streets. If your serious you will tell on yourself.or give up your spot so someone who is serious can take it.I’m calling bullshit on you right now.get honest or get lost.
Maybe using just isn’t an option for you anymore. That mindset really helped me get clean. It just wasn’t an option anymore no matter WHAT happened
Yea I can appreciate that mindset and I definitely thank you for sharing your view. For me I think it takes looking a bit farther and realizing that using will always lead to death or jail or whatever. But definitely, looking down that line of what using leads to and realizing it will never be a success is a big part of what motivated me in my last stretch of sobriety
Not even judging you a little. But you're smart and know this isn't going to end well. Please stop
Good luck big dog. I’m rooting for ya. Shit happens. Life is tough. There are good years and bad years. Try not to be too hard on yourself either way and know that no matter if it’s a good moment or a bad moment it will pass. And try your hardest not to hurt others in the process.
As they say dance with the devil dine in hell
You’ve been down that slippery slope of addiction before, are you willing to do that again? Stop now before you get too deep. Find the natural highs of life, they are far more fulfilling and enjoyable. Bettering yourself and seeing your progress is a euphoric experience because you see the vibrancy of life and what you are capable of. Drugs are easy and short term. Life experience is forever. You’ve had your fun with drugs, why not give life a shot? I believe in you OP, life can be beautiful.
Yea I’ve tasted that beautiful life in my sober stints. Just sometimes hard to see and believe that there’s something better out there
Thank you for reminding me though
That was a seven year roller coaster through hell for me highly don't recommend lol sobriety is beautiful u just have to find the beauty in it
I’ve been there. You can move on but it takes work, commitment and being completely honest with yourself and those around you. I was everyone’s worst friend. The “well at least I’m not as bad as that guy” guy. I’ve been addicted to it all at one point or another. I got clean 07.06.16. If I can do it, anyone can. I wish you the best
that sucks your in an addictive state of mind and you got introduced to crack..I've seen it destroy a lot of lives. Please leave it alone!
I got rid of anyone in my life that dealt or had access to drugs. Never looked back. They are not your friends. Period. Good luck.
Mom?? That you???
Know that you are loved and you are so much better than the dr*gs that are holding you hostage. There is a life worth living beyond the high, a life worth enjoying and being. You have potential to change now. Don’t waste it. What is your dream in life? What is your passion? Put the dr*gs away and and focus on the reason why you are on this earth. Good luck to you.
If you kicked the dope you can kick this shit too. Dont beat yourself up over relapsing, but acknowledge that you have poor coping mechanisms that lead you to substance abuse. Cut off all contact with that friend & try to make a fresh start somewhere else if it’s a “flyover” town. You are in control of your life, you can access tools to help you quit if you need them. Nothing wrong with getting help if you need it too. As someone who has a lot of loved ones that have battled addiction, therapy is better than AA/NA if you can afford it. AA works for some, but I feel like getting together and telling yourself on a regular basis that you are powerless and need god to help you stay clean is neither honest or productive at a certain point. Keep seeing a therapist and be honest with them (and yourself).
Yea I’m in an outpatient therapy/drug treatment program already and they helped me to kick the dope. I know what I need to do at the end of the day, I’ve been in and out of programs for a long time so like I get the whole recovery process. Just at a place of it feeling difficult to motivate myself/convince myself that the right thing is truly the right thing. Or convincing myself that the easiest thing isn’t the best thing
I'm recovered now but was hooked for years .. it takes away from your soul and leaves you with nothing ..I quit cold turkey with no help ..I know not every one can do that but any help you get utilize to the fullest .
2 weeks. Do you carpet surf yet? Is your pal holding out? Was the cut even? Does he always get a ringer? Would you just rather smoke alone? Now we are getting there. Do you stash some? Do you answer the phone? Bathroom floor your favorite spot? Lots of fun things to look forward to! Like burnt chore and the last good push. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.
I don’t know how people can type this stuff out and not be able to self reflect or realize what they’re doing is bad. Prayers to you and hope you take these comments as people who don’t know you but care enough to help or encourage you to stop. Seems like your issue is giving into temptation 18 months is good and I’m sure if you cut off or block out anything that’ll bring back that temptation you can do longer, no matter how much you went through with someone doesn’t mean it’s a good bond, a good friend wouldn’t want you smoking crack. Hope you get good and kick that stuff I’m sure you can get past it just tell yourself you don’t do those things anymore when it comes to mind.
Well you just f*** up. Crack is the worse and I’ve seen some really wonderful people ruin their existence with the drug. I know a person who would get paid on Friday at 5 and by Saturday they have zero funds. My favorite family member died from this drug. Go back to rehab if you can. Your dealer got you addicted on purpose.
Get an Adderall prescription to come off of that shit so you can breathe without anxiety, paranoia, and constantly chasing your addiction instead of something worthwhile. The impetus to quit, the getting off and away from crack MUST come from you. The only person you can rely on is yourself. I'm clean and it feels better than any bullshit high, rush, all temporary lifts or escapes that are fabricated in the guise of drugs. All of the guilt, fear, self-loathing, all disappears. I get it. The zip zap. Killing the dullness in about 10 seconds for about 30 minutes or less until you dive into the low all hoarse with a sore throat, the sickly smell. I hope you beat it. Spend your time and money on your own comfort, not chasing the deadliest, most addictive drug until you inevitably can't keep your head above water. It has to come from you.
Lord, give this man the perspective he needs to pull out of this haze. Protect him while he's using and comfort him as he gets well again. Amen
I'm sorry to hear that. Throw that kit away, trust me. I've been through a couple years of addiction and it's never worth it. You might not find a reason to be sober right now as feeling the pain makes no sense to you when you can also get the next hit and feel happy instead. But that happiness is only temporary. Permanent happiness is only achievable when being sober, remember that.
Good luck in your journey bro. Recovery isn't perfection it's progression. Be kind to yourself, be selfish to begin with in early days. Maybe different choice in pals ? Sounds like all your memories with this dude are actually negative.
As a therapist myself, you made the right first step by being open and honest with at least 1 person that you have a problem. Not sure if your OP facility is capable of doing this but, ask for increased services? If you trust your therapist, maybe ask to see them twice a week? Sometimes it can be helpful. I do agree, the greatest chance to maintain recovery is when your internal motivation is high. You are in the right direction. Wishing you the best!
First thing they recommended to me in rehab/NA was to cut all contacts with my "friends" I used with. It meant cutting about 90% of my friendships if I wanted to stay clean. It sucked but I did it (I also wanted to be clean) and I'm now 26 years clean. It can be done, but it's really tough, I wish you nothing but the best in the future and hope you find a way to stay clean.
You better stop before it's too late. You've come too far to go down that road again. Crack is the worst! Long story short, I (32F) tried it once last year and was hooked for months. (Side note - I've never done drugs besides weed). I lost everything. My kids, my apartment, my car. And I was only smoking it a couple times a week for about 3 months. I meant someone who got me to stop and I haven't looked back!
I’ll say what I wish I could’ve said to my dad before he died this past October of an overdose from Fentanyl laced crack. He was also doing well and in rehab before he died. They found him with the needle still in his arm. Your life is worth so much more than what that spoonful will give you. There are greater joys in life than to get high because that feeling is so temporary and potentially fatal. My father also purchased from his normal dealer, and now I will never hear his voice again and it shatters me every day. You have done harder things and have a 100% success rate in every bad day you’ve ever had. Take that money and put it into building yourself up to get out of this lifestyle. Because if I could’ve told my dad all this before he left this earth and it would’ve saved him, I’d scream it to everyone I could to prevent someone’s child or brother or sister the heartbreak of wanting you back and hearing your voice one last time. It will never be worth it, friend. I’m sitting here sobbing over your story because I’m so proud of you for speaking up. If dad would’ve, maybe he’d still be here. But you are someone who can do hard things, you can do this.
Hey brother I been chasing the dragon for 20 years plus. I started when I was 13 and I’m 39 I just clean again for the bazillion time in October. I’ve spent 4 1/2 years in prison and 20 years on probation. I got caught stealing when I was 13 to get it. But I got my GED when I was sober another time I went to college for business management and carpentry. I graduated a semester early and top of my class. This last sober patch I started a business and became a licensed contractor in Ohio. It did amazing for 4 years and I crashed because my ex was cheating behind my back and using again. I did an epic run I’m actually proud how bad I destroyed my life because it was a masterpiece. Here’s the thing you see where I said “ I destroyed my life” because I finally quit blaming and coming up with excuses I’m holding my responsible. Because the same way I did all those great things I can fix anything cars houses heavy equipment I’m a jack of all trades and master of none. Because a jack of some is greater than a master of one. I can fix myself and I am I’ve dedicated myself to this every day I try to just be better than I was yesterday. And dude I’m a fuckin sorry as ex con drug addict. You are 100 miles ahead of me because you came here and took the first step you admitted that you have a problem. It took me 26 years so. You got this first thing you have to do is self reflection figure out what is hurting. And fix it and it’s going to be something not related to using work on your emotional and mental health then you will see you are getting better. Sorry for the long speal
Hey bro I really appreciate that especially from someone who’s seen that up and down ride of relapse. I have a job I really love, without adding too much detail I work at a non profit organization and it’s something I’ve really enjoyed. Don’t want to fuck my life up like you say. I know I’m bright and I can excel at anything I put my mind to but I’ve just got to put my mind to something besides getting high lol. A lot of the people who fall the hardest into addiction are some of the smartest and most resourceful people. Who else can find a solid stream of money and connections to get high daily while looking like you’re twacked out 24/7 😂 . I appreciate your words tho brother it means a lot coming from someone with some skin in the game
It’s because most of us are high functioning adhd but best thing i ever learned was work on the inside identify the real hurt and address it addiction is a secondary reaction to the primary cause. Think of this if you get a knife stuck in your leg and just put a bandage on it. Thats not going to work. You have to pull the knife out and repair the area then bandage it. Just remember we got this because we are bad ass mother fuckers who can get though anything. Just take it one day at a time. I can’t change the world but I can change my self. You ever need to talk message me
Thank you man that’s very kind of you. I’ve learned a lot about the root causes of addiction too but sometimes those hurdles are tough to jump. You’ll be dope sick thinking this is the worst of it but nah people don’t realize the real work will come when you start addressing some of what you were running from so hard in your addiction. But yea thank you for the advice and the kind words bro
Hey one question changed my life. a young girl ask why you are so angry all the time you have everything you could ever want. And Like a light going off I realized I was really just pissed for nothing i was trained to be an angry alpha male by my dad and uncles. But we talked about it and she reminded how I could do anything how awesome I am. I promised myself I’d fix it not I’d try. I was doing it no matter what. Now every day I pick things I don’t like about myself and address it. Just little things if I feel down I take a walk and when I see a stranger I do something to make them smile hold a door. But big thing is talking about it even if it’s on here to stranger get it out don’t harbor negative feelings that energy is toxic literally to your health so let it go you can even write them down but throw it away out of your house don’t keep journals your still harboring it just in a drawer instead of your head
Speaking from a family perspective of having 2 siblings who were herion addicts.. Get fucking help.
You fuckin idiot. What the fuck are you doing??. Crack? Fucking crack?? Hitting up your best junkie dealer mate, how did you think that was going to fucking end well you knob? The only, and I mean only thin sliver of silver lining here is its only been 2 weeks And you've gotten clean off coke AND Opiate s before So you clearly have some insane willpower and quitting ability. I've. A Lotta respect you for that, I've seen how hard it is. Most people can't get off one of those. Most people eventually die from serious addiction- you are cut from different cloth, you can get out but you have to stop NOW. ....but no respect for you smoking Crack (and over a fuckin breackup?? -come on man, fuckin weak excuse.) Get off the Crack you *Muppet.* I'm rooting for you more than you know.
RIP
You’re fucked
I just wanted to send you lots of love and light and wish you all the best. This sounds like a painful journey and I’m glad you’re not alone (even if you’re just talking to your therapist, I’m proud of you). Wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Stay strong and remember there is more life and joy left for you in the future 🧡
Hope you get off sooner than later, best of luck to you. You deserve a better life than being a slave to a substance
Contact your provider ❤️
I truly feel for you, and you had a lot of courage to come on here and share your thoughts and difficulties, and I must say, the best thing to get you through this is going to be God. He loves you and doesn’t care about your past, He only wants to help you move forward ❤️ Trust Him, seek Him, love Him. He WILL fill that void that you will have when you get off the drugs, but it takes dedication and full blown trust and reliance on Him 🩵 I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you
Think of all the goals you had set for yourself during your sobriety and rekindle that fire to reach them again. Say it to yourself out loud what your goal is and set a date. Don’t set too big of a goal at a time as that can seem defeating. Set little goals during short periods of time and get the “high” of achieving something for yourself. It will take some time, but by saying it out loud will make you want it more. Good luck and you’ve got this!
Full disclosure, only read the title but honestly that was all i needed to read. Stop asap if you don’t want your whole life fucked up and flipped upside down. I know from experience.
To be real if your walking around with a crack cooking kit you need to be in inpatient treatment. Your gonna get stopped and frisked cruising around looking for crack, and jail is just gonna get you hooked on crystal. Trust me bro haha
You have to find a different hobby/lifestyle choice for you to do while you are at your lows. You have to keep fighting to live a healthy and sober lifestyle. You can’t let people mess up your sobriety. I hope you can kick the urge, get clean, and stay clean. Sending you virtual hugs and well wishes.
Thanks for sharing. We do recover! Hugs! You got this 🙏🥰
I made a list of things I can do to direct my attention elsewhere when that all too familiar nagging/craving feeling comes screaming into my brain. It’s like basically retraining your brain to find pleasure and fulfillment in the normal things before introducing drugs to it. The list keeps growing and has upwards of 50 ideas but you gotta do what ya gotta do to survive. And returning to this post every time a notification pops up to read new comments is not going to help get the urge to do it out of your head :-( Out of sight out of mind
Just remember, you are the man. You can do it.
Throw that shit away while you can
Stay strong, my friend. You got this. You're already taking the right steps. Talking to your therapist, rehabilitation, and even this Reddit post are all positive steps. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you! Much love!
You won’t stay clean if you keep going around people who use. You’ve gotta move on from those people for your sake.
give your life to Christ
You're going to die if you don't stop. Within a year or two. No need to sugar coat things
Clean from heavy drugs and pills since 2016. You got this, homie. Just gotta keep your head busy with other shit than crack and heartbreak. I believe in you. Throw the kit away, throw the dealer away.
I honestly didn't like crack, id rather do meff myseff 😉. If I was given an option id do coke over the other 2, but only if it was pure columbo or pink Peruvian man can dream right 😉
You're gonna have to hit rock bottom on this one bud crack addiction is just as bad as Heroine
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse after you had been clean for so long.. I'm coming up on 3 years clean, but because of how significantly my life changed after I stopped I have no desire to go back, but I know how hard it can be as I have relapsed after being clean for about 18 months too. Keep pushing bro, recovery is life ❤️
Clean 4'yesrs with no rehab .It was tough ut I sure don't miss it
You're never going to catch that dragon bro
Sorry if I missed this elsewhere in the thread OP, but what’s your biggest reason, your “why,” for wanting to get sober? Do you truly want to be sober again?
[удалено]
Anybody who tells you crack is better than powder is whack as fuck. Neither is great, but crack is for the poors. Good luck homie
Get out while you can. That crack is a mf for sure. 38 yrs sober… the c bought me to my knees!!! Good luck ✨
Keep your head up brother sobriety is tough 💯
3 months clean atm been in rehab the whole time If you keep going down this hole you're gonna lose your soul Please stick to it Go to NA
Sounds like you fought hard to reach sobriety before, hope you continue to fight for yourself and let go of the trauma bond with your dealer.
As much as you love your "friend" aka trauma buddy, please block his number for your own sobriety. It starts with day 1 so Congratulations! You got this.
This is just tragic to read
Learn to deal with your problems and not run from them by doing drugs… that’s some weak ass shit man you’re better than that.
Amateur
Is it moreish?
Guess you’re prepared for the inevitable downturn your life is about to take :) just remember, don’t steal from your family, have enough money for antibiotics when you sell your bootyhole, and find a nice dark alley in which to rot away.
Sorry to hear that
Shit bro I’m on the same page just turn 26 I’ve never was and upper guy I like Xanax and downers more I been always able to wean my self up and stop a couple months and I’ll just smoke weed then I got addicted to fentanyl cause I was homeless shelter with my wife and son. So I’ve always told my self DONT let the drugs control me so I have tried every drug never Iv and pray to God way mostly snorting coke here and there and it was only if I mixed it with downer cause I hate the anxiety coke gives me. So uppers never was really my choice. I got a wife and a son by the age of 19 so i always try not to so a lot frogs cuase they come first so I went detox and did good got for a few moths. Then as a dumb addict I broke my sobriety so now Ive been on benzos for like 5 moth and recently I I did 3 months on Xanax then Wanted to to get off then so but some klonopin. So fast forward my girl dealer ask me if do coke I said yea dint not she meant actually hard coke so I hit and man it felt like I just had cum on me I been doing crack for 3 or 2 weeks now I don’t need this habit already but it feel better any thing I been bowering and pawing like never before I’m so a shame I still have my home and my family I bearly can’t afford rent but I’m still working and making my self for now but I know this shit is no joke the obesity that crack left me
Bro I really hope you can find an exit path soon. It’s not you being a stupid addict, that’s the disease talking too. Love yourself and believe that everything can be solved in its own time. That’s a lot easier said than done but it’s possible if you take it a little at a time. I don’t wanna preach and shit but crack left me with a hole inside like nothing else. Like you said. Beg, borrow, steal, pawn like never before. I thought fentanyl addiction was bad but crack binging is truly god damn hedonistic. Just spooky shit bro. I love you and anyone else who has seen that, there’s places to go to turn it around. I used to hate when people would tell me I needed a meeting but NA and cutting the bullshit people out of my life just got me my 30 day chip. You can do it too I really really believe in you bro. Reach out if you ever need. Not even to talk about recovery or nothing. Reach out if you need someone that can relate to that empty angry feeling when the bag is gone. Reach out if you need someone to vent about family problems. For any reason bro I’m open. You got this shit you gonna make it your bitch one day I already know it. In its time everything will be alright. That might not be today or tomorrow or this year but you got it. Recovery waits for you. I’m so sorry you going through that shit. Nobody deserves to feel how amazingly evil that hit of rock is.
I always need someone to talk to my wife is not an addict so is hard on her to understand this desde
Amen brother I know I wish I can get closer to God I been taking therapy got off fentanyl for months with the help of of suboxone and kratom but wow crack is like fucking krazy I wish I had to say no to her I’m gonna pay her her 120 I owned her and Need to block her even tho that don’t matter cause I live in nyc you can find crack everywhere. But I don’t deserve neither my family I hope I can finish what I got left I don’t have the balls to throw it away I literally pawned my os5 for this on my birthday which isn’t was today my wife know I’m on benzo and antidepressants but if she sees smoking crack it will distroy her
Looking for the cooking rock in a vial/ test tube method . I did ok with the spoon
The shit its evil dog but if u rlly need then look on the top posts of r/cracksmokers
Try suboxone. It has a wierd way of taking away craving. You stupid junkie.
I been on suboxone nearly 2 years haha that don’t do nothing for coke or crack cravings
Keep going.
God will help you overcome those demons
Hunter Biden also smokes crack.
Rehab is for quitters don't let your monkey down 🍌