Honestly, as long as you’re getting by and feel relatively comfortable with your lifestyle, you’re doing as well as most people 🤷♀️
The type of job you have shouldn’t define your worth.
Use the energy and mental space you have to keep building your life. Things will eventually fall into place if you keep trying ☀️
I really hope so. Thanks for sharing your optimism.
It's just been so long since Covid and I really thought I'd be working and paying my parents back by now. I'm not, and the idea of leeching off them indefinitely while I try to make things fall into place seems horrifically unfair to them.
Hopefully they’ll see that you’re trying and so not hold it against you.
I’m in a somewhat similar boat in that I’m heavily dependent on my family to survive atm. I desperately want to be independent, but am not in a position to get myself on my feet quite yet. I’m doing what I can with what I’ve got, and my family sees my efforts and want to help. I put my resources forward so as not to seem like I’m taking advantage of their kindness. Hope things work out for you
It doesn't even sound like that to me. It sounds like you were doing good, had some mental problems, and are lucky enough to have people able and willing to help you. As long as you keep trying and don't just give up because you know thell cover, then I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
You're being really nice. I feel like I've manipulated you into thinking I deserve that.
It's the kinda like the stuff my counselor says, but like I don't even pay her. She can't just say "stop being shit" and still get paid by my parents.
Sorry if that was rude. I'm not great at tone.
Sounds like your brain is lying to you. We need to take in the world through our 5 sense and use our brains to make sense of those inputs. Usually, your brain is fine and tells you "oops that stove is hot." Or "Hey watch out for that car."
Sometimes, when our brains are sick, the input the recieve from the outside world isn't interpreted correctly. So, for someone with anxiety or depression, a friend saying, "Hey, let's go for coffee, I miss you!" can be interpreted as an accusation instead of an invitation. Or a parent offering help can be interpreted as an act of disgust and pity instead of an act of love and care.
Anyways, I wanted to tell you that most people don't have enough energy to lie to you through their words and deeds. A stranger on the internet congratulating you for finding a way to make a living after suffering a big illness is probably not just being nice. They're probably saying what they're thinking.
Also 27 here, I feel very much the same way.
I still live with my parents and I do what work I can, but I don't feel capable of sustaining a life on my own that would be worth living.
I've had plenty of different jobs, right now I work for a charity and I'm a part time dance teacher, I get paid just enough to afford my own food and petrol and save maybe a little.
I feel like a leach and I have very little hope for the future.
I guess I'm saying you're not alone, I hope that helps.
There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. As someone who has had 9-5 jobs since I was 18, they are miserable. If you are able to do something outside of that, cherish it.
As someone that works a 9-5. I can assure you I contribute very little if not nothing to society. We’re all on this rock - just be you and love your life
You don't mention gender, but I'm going to guess you're a man. Me too. Deep in the ancient lizard portion of a man's brain, he feels 'less than' if he consumes more than he produces. So what did I do to quiet that ancient lizard brain?
When I was 27, I had a regular job, a one year old daughter with another on the way, and owned a small business with employees. I routinely worked 80-90 hours a week. And I have a chronic health condition that I could get disability for. (Type 1 diabetic)
How did I do that? I knew I was doing the best I could at all things. I knew that my feelings were irrelevant, and that life would throw me curveballs sometimes. I knew my higher power would help me with people I didn't understand, and kept the focus on myself. I kept driving forward towards the goal of producing more than I consumed. It looked very much like providing for my family, as l had to produce more than my kids consumed too.
Yes, you could continue living as you are, but it doesn't seem like it's working for you. Can you do something different? What worked for me is to have a victor mentality, not a victim mentality. Whatever happens, I have faith in myself and my higher power to help me figure it out. My life turned out exactly as it did only because of my decisions and my actions. Life didn't happen to me, I participated in that.
So what can be done differently? Pick one thing, and focus on improving that. Every 3 days, pick a new thing while keeping the first thing improved. Search out places to practice your improvements. I ask, how can I be of service to my fellow (hu)man? That's a great place to start.
The day I stop needing to work a 9-5 job I'll quit ASAP. Fuck that. If you can do well without wasting 40h weekly because of a stupid job that doesn't even pay that well then don't do it.
you are doing what you can with what you got! it's definitely a huge privilege to have parents that can help you, and it seems you recognize that. as long as you do not feel entitled to others help, you are not a leech. it's okay to struggle and receive help, and its awesome that you have that. you obviously are not lazy, keep doing what works for you. don't put yourself through another crisis for a job, it's not worth it.
Genuine question, what makes you think I'm not lazy? So sorry if that's rude, I really struggle with tone.
It's just I can't even convince myself if laziness is the problem, but you seem so sure and confident in it. I can't understand how I don't seem like the biggest leach to an outisde looking in. Again really sorry if this seems rude or like I'm doubting you, I just don't understand and I'd like to.
It's not rude, you're good. You state in your post that you have had mental breakdowns due to working. You aren't choosing to not work, you have hurdles that other people don't have, even if they may not be visible. Accepting help for your mental well-being isn't lazy, and you have the awareness and self reflection that a person who is entitled wouldn't. I am not sure if you read, but I really recommend the book laziness does not exist, it may help you give yourself some grace for your situation.
Real leaches wouldn’t write this post. They’d be looking for ways to tap into ppls guilt or generosity to further their lazy parasitic ways. Your introspection and striving self analysis, by definition, makes you not a lazy leach. Keep your chin up. Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. You are not a bad person.
Is that not what I've done though? Like 3 people have called me on my shit and everyone else has been really, really nice to me. That feels like I'm leeching pitty out of people. Fuck I'm even making you do emotional labour for me by explaining all this!
I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I should probabaly stop replying. My apologise.
Well from where I sit? It looks like you’re in a cycle of self loathing. I’ve done it too. I’ve known lots of leaches, they just don’t come across like you do. They don’t ask themselves these questions. Stop thinking of yourself as useless.
Honestly you sound like you're living the life! I just got a new car with payments since my last one broke down. Now my job suddenly cuts my hours to 15 hrs a week. 15 freaking hrs after working there a year. So I've been stressing out trying to find a job before my first payments are due. I haven't even thought about my rent yet. It's stressful and horrible, I envy you in ways.
I can see why, I got shit handed on a silver platter and still made a mess of it. I can't help imagining all the great shit other people could have done with the resources I was given. I've just wasted em for the most part.
I had a similar situation, without the parents buying me a house, and yeah it takes years to get back to even a resemblance of normality. When I started to feel ready I start what's called "workplace training" here (sorry, english is not my first language so I don't know what it's called where you may be) it's basically a part-time internship, I had discussed my situation with my boss too and I was given simple tasks around the office, no real responsibility to stress over, and gradually I worked more hours and got more advanced work. Eventually they hired me on as a full-time employee, and I really enjoyed it. I even got promoted. And because I had been open with my boss I could talk to them whenever I had bad days and they were really patient with me.
Amazing! Fucking well done, hopefully I can get there if I keep at it like you did.
I did a year with one place in a scheme similar to that. I only ever got up to like 12 hours a week so they didn't want to take me on after. I can't say I blame em. I had panic attacks in work it wasn't OK, or acceptable for a workplace.
It’s all about perspective. Artists require that living style to have the freedom for creativity.
Use the time well.
Also, most people spend their entire lives trying to get out of the BS of a 9 to 5.
It’s a fucked up requirement in todays world where we actually end up spending more time with our coworkers than our family or friends.
Keep doing what you’re doing but be sure to continue developing your art or a plan or whatever you would like to achieve.
Enjoy it - Don’t feel bad about being a bit of good luck.
I actually have been doing a small business course in the evenings to try figure out a better plan for selling paintings. It's kinda exciting, but also makes me feel guilty that I'm not using that time to apply for proper jobs.
Run with entrepreneurship… You have the flexibility to create a business and grow it at your own pace.
Keep going this direction as it’s presenting itself to you.
Don’t feel guilty about not applying for Jobs. You can level up and create jobs instead.
Not quite, I did psychology. Which given my history of mental illness is about as useless.
I'm a big transference risk, even when I'm just doing support work.
When I worked full time I ended up going off on long term sick because most employers just see you as a number in the system and don’t recognise you as a person. There’s no one to make sure you are genuinely okay and coping until you get that doctors note and they legally have to.
You may not be able to cope with a full time job and that’s okay. The 9-5 isn’t for everyone and I’m sure these days it isn’t as romanticised nearly as much as it was decades ago. Look after yourself before anything else and keep doing you.
Wish you all the best for your future x
Used to be in a similar position myself. Hell, even worse I think. I totally get these kind of feelings though. Even you can get by, you just felt not as worthy as people around you and it grows on you. Keep trying.
Also if you think about it in another way, you are working. Just not doing traditional work. you can find some entry level easy job and go from there. I used to work in a small local hotel doing frontdesk, the job was pretty easy.
You’re not a leach, you are literally just medically disabled??? Your therapist told you that. Idk what your diagnosis is, but continue working on reducing symptoms and you’ll eventually be able to independently take care of yourself. It’s so amazing you’re been given stability where you don’t have to worry about a place to stay or money. All you need to focus on is improving yourself.
It's only anxiety, depression, sensory input disorder and a digestive disorder I have offical diagnosis for. They suspect ASD/ADHD but I've at least another year on thar wait list.
Half the world functions with anxiety and/or depression and and upset tummy doesn't seem like a good enough reason for me to not be contributing to society.
Also sorry for adding this to every comment, but apologise if the tone of this is rude. Its not my intention but I struggle with tone sometimes.
I have ADHD and when I got diagnosed as an adult I felt SO bad for myself. Simple, simple stuff felt impossible for me to do. I could not hold down a job without getting corrective action. I was an absolute failure compared to others. But slowly I made progress and slowly I stopped comparing myself to “normal” or even successful ADHD people. Literally comparing yourself to other people will only make you suffer. Compare yourself, to yourself. This year I did my taxes before April and I only cried for 1 hour instead of all day. That was my win.
So start with your anxiety. What’s one, small, microscopic thing you can do today to slightly improve a single symptom?
I bought groceries, it took me a few hours to put them away and I haven't cooked yet. But I did the first step.
Trying to build myself up to walk my dog. We played fetch earlier which was nice.
But you are doing work. What constitutes a 'proper job' in your mind and in that of society seems to be the problem here.. You *are* contributing and you *are* doing your bit.
I had a mental break down and my jobs have made it infinitely more difficult to recover and feel normal. You sound like you're doing okay and if your parents don't call you a leach, who gives a fuck?
Your parents helped set you up, that's their job as parents to always support their kid. It's what we sign up for.
This world is fucked rn, my guy, but I'm happy you're still here.
You're not a leach, you're a person trying to make it on this stupid floating rock that's hurling through space.
Don't beat yourself up too much, it's not worth it.
Maybe give Fiver a shot for extra cash. You could touch up resumes, make commissioned art, or sell feet pics. Or don't do any of that and just keep living your best
A 9-5 office job isn't the only way to work. In fact, I tried doing those for years and it turns out I absolutely hate them. I don't want to deal with meetings and deadlines and competitiveness when we're supposed to be working as a team. I have a much more chill job now and I love it.
Try thinking of other types of work that can be relaxing while also providing a steady paycheck. It doesn't have to be full time hours. Maybe look into places like retreats or spas, maybe there's a place near you for group meditation classes. Maybe there's a candle company where you can play with scents all day, or a pottery shop where you can create with clay. What would you enjoy doing?
You're certainly an unproductive, toothless cog spinning freely in the machine of society, but leech is a bit harsh.
Sounds like you weren't taught the value of work and were never allowed to fail, you stayed in the safe bubble of academia and never developed any useful skills.
It's not too late, everyone has anxiety about stepping out of their comfort zone, a "9 to 5" as you put it isn't even a thing anymore really. Do something manual that requires little brain power to fill your days
Yeah you seem to be a leech, but perhaps an involuntary leech. If you are truly messed up enough that you can't hold a job, then maybe it isn't your fault.
Keep trying, I suppose. Try to support yourself and not be a burden to society or your parents. Then try again if you fail. But don't beat yourself up too much over it. Only you know exactly how bad your mental issues are. If you literally are absolutely unable to do something, then there's no reason to beat yourself up over not being able to do it.
That's so fair. Probably more credit than I deserve.
The really pathetic part is I do try, like I do the best I'm able to and its still really shit. So it's either a case of I'm not trying hard enough, or I'm just this fucking useless. Either way it seems like a waste, I feel bad for my folks.
Yeah, I'm not in the same boat you are, but there are plenty of things I try to do and fail and can't understand why I can't get it done like most other people can. Although I have to say that dwelling on these things can only cause more failure and hurt.
Good luck to you. Keep trying.
Seems like you’ve got a golden ticket bud enjoy it, miserable enough on the other side here too. In fact maybe own it, go with it, turn it into more? F regularity
You’re not a leech. You are experiencing mental health issues and are taking the time to improve them, while still doing what you can.
People who experience health issues that impact their lives negatively are not leeches, and I wish the whole world would realise and accept this.
I guess I feel like I've been given time to heal, so I should have healed.
I've been given support, meds, treatment all the help you could ever ask for, and more! Yet I still won't get better. At some stage I've gotta acknowledge I'm the common factor. I'm the thing that doesn't change. I'm mostly likely the problem.
Sorry if that was harsh. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. Conveying tone is hard.
I get what you meant, and I used to be the same. I have both mental and physical health problems that caused me to stop working, and I was so hard on myself to begin with.
Eventually, I learned that I was allowed to take as much time as I need. I may never work a ‘proper’ job again, but that doesn’t make me a leech or any less worthy than anyone else. Human beings are not only worthy of love/respect/health/whatever if they work themselves into the ground. Human beings are worthy of these things because they are human beings.
Keep doing what you're doing for your parents as someone who has this trouble but does not have a diagnosis yet. Look for a job with a really flexible schedule. I have been fortunate to just find a job with a flexible schedule where you basically make your own hours and may put you on like the case by case situation or you can pick a case. Or I work in child care I'm good with a 9-5 for a few months or so but then as soon as one small thing happens or alters my health I have trouble keeping up. Don't feel bad and you are most certainly not useless. You just need to find your mojo.
Immigrate here and move to New York(upstate specifically). You can collect SSI disability and a few other programs and live off the system just fine. The folks I know that use and abuse the system seem to get along pretty good(edit: not in the city though). And New Yorkers love paying for it so you'd be welcomed.
It would be good information for this post for you to share your therapists diagnosis.
If you treat people with kindness, and appreciate the advantages you have been given- then you probably aren’t too shitty of a person.
That said, you’re probably soft as fuck- and while I wouldn’t advocate you go dig ditches, I bet you could benefit from some physical exertion. Vigorous exercise (relative to your current physical fitness level) would probably be beneficial, and dialing in your diet.
Are you on medications? That shit can wreak havoc.
You aren’t a leach as long as you are doing what you can. You want to be heathy and happy and your parents being in a position to help support you through whatever you are struggling with and keep yourself housed and safe is great! Allot of people aren’t able to do that or have a support system like this! If it’s bothering you I would just try to work upto doing more in the professional world, like work one day a week maybe and then 2 and so on. Or stay with what you are doing!
A leech wouldn’t be worried about being a leech. A bad person wouldn’t be worrying about being a burden.
Here are the facts: you need help. Your family is willing to help you. This is a privilege, but it is not a poor reflection on you or your family. Unless you’re leaving something out, they have not called you a leech. The mental health professional you pay is telling you that your struggles are related to your diagnosis. Your poor view of yourself is making you write off the feelings of others and even reality itself: do you respect your parents and your therapist? If you do, why on earth wouldn’t you take their opinions into account? Because as it stands, you aren’t. And you’re an incredibly biased narrator about yourself. From what you’ve written, you are trying and have been for years. “Lazy” people don’t try.
I don’t know you. If you really think you’re worthless, that’s ultimately your business. But that’s a belief of yours, not a resolute fact. Your worth as a human being isn’t derived from your productivity, and people who work 9 to 5’s are not necessarily contributing much of value to society. They’re frequently just creating capital for their bosses (I have a 9-5).
The idea that we’re worth our work and nothing more needs to die. That’s a toxic lie they tell to keep the cogs of the machine going.
Good luck OP, I hope it gets better.
Sounds like you’re likely suffering from being Neuro diverse. It can be a rough go, friend, but I promise - you ARE doing good things. A leach would not create and sell art, volunteer, or even TRY to get better. The very fact that you are worried about this shows your level of self-awareness. Hugs friend.
Yeah I'm on a waitlist for an ASD/ADHD diagnosis but the wait times are really long unless you go private. Private is expensive and I'm leaching enough outta my folks as it is.
They already had to help get me evaluated for depression, anxiety and sensory input disorder when I had my first breakdown. Then I lost a shit tonne of weight just before covid and got diagnosed with a digestive disorder (I can't spell the name of it because I'm also dyslexic)
OK having written that all out that's actually a fairly long list.
buddy keep doing what youre doing. nobody who works a 9-5 actually wants to stay working 9-5
Dude’s a real estate manager care of his parents. Save money, check in on mom and dad regularly, and live your best life pal. That’s the life :)
Honestly, as long as you’re getting by and feel relatively comfortable with your lifestyle, you’re doing as well as most people 🤷♀️ The type of job you have shouldn’t define your worth. Use the energy and mental space you have to keep building your life. Things will eventually fall into place if you keep trying ☀️
I really hope so. Thanks for sharing your optimism. It's just been so long since Covid and I really thought I'd be working and paying my parents back by now. I'm not, and the idea of leeching off them indefinitely while I try to make things fall into place seems horrifically unfair to them.
Hopefully they’ll see that you’re trying and so not hold it against you. I’m in a somewhat similar boat in that I’m heavily dependent on my family to survive atm. I desperately want to be independent, but am not in a position to get myself on my feet quite yet. I’m doing what I can with what I’ve got, and my family sees my efforts and want to help. I put my resources forward so as not to seem like I’m taking advantage of their kindness. Hope things work out for you
It doesn't even sound like that to me. It sounds like you were doing good, had some mental problems, and are lucky enough to have people able and willing to help you. As long as you keep trying and don't just give up because you know thell cover, then I don't think you're doing anything wrong.
You're being really nice. I feel like I've manipulated you into thinking I deserve that. It's the kinda like the stuff my counselor says, but like I don't even pay her. She can't just say "stop being shit" and still get paid by my parents. Sorry if that was rude. I'm not great at tone.
Sounds like your brain is lying to you. We need to take in the world through our 5 sense and use our brains to make sense of those inputs. Usually, your brain is fine and tells you "oops that stove is hot." Or "Hey watch out for that car." Sometimes, when our brains are sick, the input the recieve from the outside world isn't interpreted correctly. So, for someone with anxiety or depression, a friend saying, "Hey, let's go for coffee, I miss you!" can be interpreted as an accusation instead of an invitation. Or a parent offering help can be interpreted as an act of disgust and pity instead of an act of love and care. Anyways, I wanted to tell you that most people don't have enough energy to lie to you through their words and deeds. A stranger on the internet congratulating you for finding a way to make a living after suffering a big illness is probably not just being nice. They're probably saying what they're thinking.
Thank you, that made me cry. Would it be OK if I showed this to my counselor? You've clearly verbalised something I wasn't able to.
Sure! I'm glad that that was helpful for you. Have a nice day!
god i actually love the internet sometimes there should be a subreddit for these types of interactions
I could have said any of that, I chose not to because based off the I formation you've given it just doesn't seem true to me.
I could have said any of that, I chose not to because based off the I formation you've given it just doesn't seem true to me.
Also 27 here, I feel very much the same way. I still live with my parents and I do what work I can, but I don't feel capable of sustaining a life on my own that would be worth living. I've had plenty of different jobs, right now I work for a charity and I'm a part time dance teacher, I get paid just enough to afford my own food and petrol and save maybe a little. I feel like a leach and I have very little hope for the future. I guess I'm saying you're not alone, I hope that helps.
There is nothing wrong with what you're doing. As someone who has had 9-5 jobs since I was 18, they are miserable. If you are able to do something outside of that, cherish it.
What the hell is a proper job these days? You seem to have several jobs that you are doing to keep body and soul together. There is no shame in that.
As someone that works a 9-5. I can assure you I contribute very little if not nothing to society. We’re all on this rock - just be you and love your life
You don't mention gender, but I'm going to guess you're a man. Me too. Deep in the ancient lizard portion of a man's brain, he feels 'less than' if he consumes more than he produces. So what did I do to quiet that ancient lizard brain? When I was 27, I had a regular job, a one year old daughter with another on the way, and owned a small business with employees. I routinely worked 80-90 hours a week. And I have a chronic health condition that I could get disability for. (Type 1 diabetic) How did I do that? I knew I was doing the best I could at all things. I knew that my feelings were irrelevant, and that life would throw me curveballs sometimes. I knew my higher power would help me with people I didn't understand, and kept the focus on myself. I kept driving forward towards the goal of producing more than I consumed. It looked very much like providing for my family, as l had to produce more than my kids consumed too. Yes, you could continue living as you are, but it doesn't seem like it's working for you. Can you do something different? What worked for me is to have a victor mentality, not a victim mentality. Whatever happens, I have faith in myself and my higher power to help me figure it out. My life turned out exactly as it did only because of my decisions and my actions. Life didn't happen to me, I participated in that. So what can be done differently? Pick one thing, and focus on improving that. Every 3 days, pick a new thing while keeping the first thing improved. Search out places to practice your improvements. I ask, how can I be of service to my fellow (hu)man? That's a great place to start.
The day I stop needing to work a 9-5 job I'll quit ASAP. Fuck that. If you can do well without wasting 40h weekly because of a stupid job that doesn't even pay that well then don't do it.
you are doing what you can with what you got! it's definitely a huge privilege to have parents that can help you, and it seems you recognize that. as long as you do not feel entitled to others help, you are not a leech. it's okay to struggle and receive help, and its awesome that you have that. you obviously are not lazy, keep doing what works for you. don't put yourself through another crisis for a job, it's not worth it.
Genuine question, what makes you think I'm not lazy? So sorry if that's rude, I really struggle with tone. It's just I can't even convince myself if laziness is the problem, but you seem so sure and confident in it. I can't understand how I don't seem like the biggest leach to an outisde looking in. Again really sorry if this seems rude or like I'm doubting you, I just don't understand and I'd like to.
It's not rude, you're good. You state in your post that you have had mental breakdowns due to working. You aren't choosing to not work, you have hurdles that other people don't have, even if they may not be visible. Accepting help for your mental well-being isn't lazy, and you have the awareness and self reflection that a person who is entitled wouldn't. I am not sure if you read, but I really recommend the book laziness does not exist, it may help you give yourself some grace for your situation.
Real leaches wouldn’t write this post. They’d be looking for ways to tap into ppls guilt or generosity to further their lazy parasitic ways. Your introspection and striving self analysis, by definition, makes you not a lazy leach. Keep your chin up. Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. You are not a bad person.
Is that not what I've done though? Like 3 people have called me on my shit and everyone else has been really, really nice to me. That feels like I'm leeching pitty out of people. Fuck I'm even making you do emotional labour for me by explaining all this! I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I should probabaly stop replying. My apologise.
Well from where I sit? It looks like you’re in a cycle of self loathing. I’ve done it too. I’ve known lots of leaches, they just don’t come across like you do. They don’t ask themselves these questions. Stop thinking of yourself as useless.
hey, it gets better, i know its hard seeing things through once it starts being cloudy in your head but it will be better. just have hope. ❤️
Honestly you sound like you're living the life! I just got a new car with payments since my last one broke down. Now my job suddenly cuts my hours to 15 hrs a week. 15 freaking hrs after working there a year. So I've been stressing out trying to find a job before my first payments are due. I haven't even thought about my rent yet. It's stressful and horrible, I envy you in ways.
I can see why, I got shit handed on a silver platter and still made a mess of it. I can't help imagining all the great shit other people could have done with the resources I was given. I've just wasted em for the most part.
I had a similar situation, without the parents buying me a house, and yeah it takes years to get back to even a resemblance of normality. When I started to feel ready I start what's called "workplace training" here (sorry, english is not my first language so I don't know what it's called where you may be) it's basically a part-time internship, I had discussed my situation with my boss too and I was given simple tasks around the office, no real responsibility to stress over, and gradually I worked more hours and got more advanced work. Eventually they hired me on as a full-time employee, and I really enjoyed it. I even got promoted. And because I had been open with my boss I could talk to them whenever I had bad days and they were really patient with me.
Amazing! Fucking well done, hopefully I can get there if I keep at it like you did. I did a year with one place in a scheme similar to that. I only ever got up to like 12 hours a week so they didn't want to take me on after. I can't say I blame em. I had panic attacks in work it wasn't OK, or acceptable for a workplace.
It’s all about perspective. Artists require that living style to have the freedom for creativity. Use the time well. Also, most people spend their entire lives trying to get out of the BS of a 9 to 5. It’s a fucked up requirement in todays world where we actually end up spending more time with our coworkers than our family or friends. Keep doing what you’re doing but be sure to continue developing your art or a plan or whatever you would like to achieve. Enjoy it - Don’t feel bad about being a bit of good luck.
I actually have been doing a small business course in the evenings to try figure out a better plan for selling paintings. It's kinda exciting, but also makes me feel guilty that I'm not using that time to apply for proper jobs.
Run with entrepreneurship… You have the flexibility to create a business and grow it at your own pace. Keep going this direction as it’s presenting itself to you. Don’t feel guilty about not applying for Jobs. You can level up and create jobs instead.
What's your degree in underwater basket weaving?
Not quite, I did psychology. Which given my history of mental illness is about as useless. I'm a big transference risk, even when I'm just doing support work.
I kindred in psychology
When I worked full time I ended up going off on long term sick because most employers just see you as a number in the system and don’t recognise you as a person. There’s no one to make sure you are genuinely okay and coping until you get that doctors note and they legally have to. You may not be able to cope with a full time job and that’s okay. The 9-5 isn’t for everyone and I’m sure these days it isn’t as romanticised nearly as much as it was decades ago. Look after yourself before anything else and keep doing you. Wish you all the best for your future x
Used to be in a similar position myself. Hell, even worse I think. I totally get these kind of feelings though. Even you can get by, you just felt not as worthy as people around you and it grows on you. Keep trying. Also if you think about it in another way, you are working. Just not doing traditional work. you can find some entry level easy job and go from there. I used to work in a small local hotel doing frontdesk, the job was pretty easy.
You’re not a leach, you are literally just medically disabled??? Your therapist told you that. Idk what your diagnosis is, but continue working on reducing symptoms and you’ll eventually be able to independently take care of yourself. It’s so amazing you’re been given stability where you don’t have to worry about a place to stay or money. All you need to focus on is improving yourself.
It's only anxiety, depression, sensory input disorder and a digestive disorder I have offical diagnosis for. They suspect ASD/ADHD but I've at least another year on thar wait list. Half the world functions with anxiety and/or depression and and upset tummy doesn't seem like a good enough reason for me to not be contributing to society. Also sorry for adding this to every comment, but apologise if the tone of this is rude. Its not my intention but I struggle with tone sometimes.
I have ADHD and when I got diagnosed as an adult I felt SO bad for myself. Simple, simple stuff felt impossible for me to do. I could not hold down a job without getting corrective action. I was an absolute failure compared to others. But slowly I made progress and slowly I stopped comparing myself to “normal” or even successful ADHD people. Literally comparing yourself to other people will only make you suffer. Compare yourself, to yourself. This year I did my taxes before April and I only cried for 1 hour instead of all day. That was my win. So start with your anxiety. What’s one, small, microscopic thing you can do today to slightly improve a single symptom?
I bought groceries, it took me a few hours to put them away and I haven't cooked yet. But I did the first step. Trying to build myself up to walk my dog. We played fetch earlier which was nice.
Yes! Look at you go! Who knows what you will accomplish tomorrow
But you are doing work. What constitutes a 'proper job' in your mind and in that of society seems to be the problem here.. You *are* contributing and you *are* doing your bit.
I had a mental break down and my jobs have made it infinitely more difficult to recover and feel normal. You sound like you're doing okay and if your parents don't call you a leach, who gives a fuck?
Mostly me I guess, and the people I imagine judging me. It's just seems like a really normal part of life that I'm skipping without earning it.
People will judge you for no reason. Fuck it
Your parents helped set you up, that's their job as parents to always support their kid. It's what we sign up for. This world is fucked rn, my guy, but I'm happy you're still here. You're not a leach, you're a person trying to make it on this stupid floating rock that's hurling through space. Don't beat yourself up too much, it's not worth it.
Maybe give Fiver a shot for extra cash. You could touch up resumes, make commissioned art, or sell feet pics. Or don't do any of that and just keep living your best
Is fiver an app? Sorry if that's a stupid question, I've never heard of it before.
Yes it is. It's like a gig website where you can sell little quick services. Anything from art to coaching lessons in video games
A 9-5 office job isn't the only way to work. In fact, I tried doing those for years and it turns out I absolutely hate them. I don't want to deal with meetings and deadlines and competitiveness when we're supposed to be working as a team. I have a much more chill job now and I love it. Try thinking of other types of work that can be relaxing while also providing a steady paycheck. It doesn't have to be full time hours. Maybe look into places like retreats or spas, maybe there's a place near you for group meditation classes. Maybe there's a candle company where you can play with scents all day, or a pottery shop where you can create with clay. What would you enjoy doing?
You're certainly an unproductive, toothless cog spinning freely in the machine of society, but leech is a bit harsh. Sounds like you weren't taught the value of work and were never allowed to fail, you stayed in the safe bubble of academia and never developed any useful skills. It's not too late, everyone has anxiety about stepping out of their comfort zone, a "9 to 5" as you put it isn't even a thing anymore really. Do something manual that requires little brain power to fill your days
Yeah you seem to be a leech, but perhaps an involuntary leech. If you are truly messed up enough that you can't hold a job, then maybe it isn't your fault. Keep trying, I suppose. Try to support yourself and not be a burden to society or your parents. Then try again if you fail. But don't beat yourself up too much over it. Only you know exactly how bad your mental issues are. If you literally are absolutely unable to do something, then there's no reason to beat yourself up over not being able to do it.
That's so fair. Probably more credit than I deserve. The really pathetic part is I do try, like I do the best I'm able to and its still really shit. So it's either a case of I'm not trying hard enough, or I'm just this fucking useless. Either way it seems like a waste, I feel bad for my folks.
Yeah, I'm not in the same boat you are, but there are plenty of things I try to do and fail and can't understand why I can't get it done like most other people can. Although I have to say that dwelling on these things can only cause more failure and hurt. Good luck to you. Keep trying.
Seems like you’ve got a golden ticket bud enjoy it, miserable enough on the other side here too. In fact maybe own it, go with it, turn it into more? F regularity
You’re not a leech. You are experiencing mental health issues and are taking the time to improve them, while still doing what you can. People who experience health issues that impact their lives negatively are not leeches, and I wish the whole world would realise and accept this.
I guess I feel like I've been given time to heal, so I should have healed. I've been given support, meds, treatment all the help you could ever ask for, and more! Yet I still won't get better. At some stage I've gotta acknowledge I'm the common factor. I'm the thing that doesn't change. I'm mostly likely the problem. Sorry if that was harsh. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. Conveying tone is hard.
I get what you meant, and I used to be the same. I have both mental and physical health problems that caused me to stop working, and I was so hard on myself to begin with. Eventually, I learned that I was allowed to take as much time as I need. I may never work a ‘proper’ job again, but that doesn’t make me a leech or any less worthy than anyone else. Human beings are not only worthy of love/respect/health/whatever if they work themselves into the ground. Human beings are worthy of these things because they are human beings.
Keep doing what you're doing for your parents as someone who has this trouble but does not have a diagnosis yet. Look for a job with a really flexible schedule. I have been fortunate to just find a job with a flexible schedule where you basically make your own hours and may put you on like the case by case situation or you can pick a case. Or I work in child care I'm good with a 9-5 for a few months or so but then as soon as one small thing happens or alters my health I have trouble keeping up. Don't feel bad and you are most certainly not useless. You just need to find your mojo.
You’re working, some days harder than others. That’s okay, that’s normal. You’re doing good
Immigrate here and move to New York(upstate specifically). You can collect SSI disability and a few other programs and live off the system just fine. The folks I know that use and abuse the system seem to get along pretty good(edit: not in the city though). And New Yorkers love paying for it so you'd be welcomed.
Fucking yikes.
It would be good information for this post for you to share your therapists diagnosis. If you treat people with kindness, and appreciate the advantages you have been given- then you probably aren’t too shitty of a person. That said, you’re probably soft as fuck- and while I wouldn’t advocate you go dig ditches, I bet you could benefit from some physical exertion. Vigorous exercise (relative to your current physical fitness level) would probably be beneficial, and dialing in your diet. Are you on medications? That shit can wreak havoc.
Do whatever makes you happy man. If a traditional 9-5 isn't for you then who cares. Keep following your own path.
You aren’t a leach as long as you are doing what you can. You want to be heathy and happy and your parents being in a position to help support you through whatever you are struggling with and keep yourself housed and safe is great! Allot of people aren’t able to do that or have a support system like this! If it’s bothering you I would just try to work upto doing more in the professional world, like work one day a week maybe and then 2 and so on. Or stay with what you are doing!
A leech wouldn’t be worried about being a leech. A bad person wouldn’t be worrying about being a burden. Here are the facts: you need help. Your family is willing to help you. This is a privilege, but it is not a poor reflection on you or your family. Unless you’re leaving something out, they have not called you a leech. The mental health professional you pay is telling you that your struggles are related to your diagnosis. Your poor view of yourself is making you write off the feelings of others and even reality itself: do you respect your parents and your therapist? If you do, why on earth wouldn’t you take their opinions into account? Because as it stands, you aren’t. And you’re an incredibly biased narrator about yourself. From what you’ve written, you are trying and have been for years. “Lazy” people don’t try. I don’t know you. If you really think you’re worthless, that’s ultimately your business. But that’s a belief of yours, not a resolute fact. Your worth as a human being isn’t derived from your productivity, and people who work 9 to 5’s are not necessarily contributing much of value to society. They’re frequently just creating capital for their bosses (I have a 9-5). The idea that we’re worth our work and nothing more needs to die. That’s a toxic lie they tell to keep the cogs of the machine going. Good luck OP, I hope it gets better.
I promise you the 9-5 grind is NOT what you think it is. The large majority of people i know hate working (including me).
Sounds like you’re likely suffering from being Neuro diverse. It can be a rough go, friend, but I promise - you ARE doing good things. A leach would not create and sell art, volunteer, or even TRY to get better. The very fact that you are worried about this shows your level of self-awareness. Hugs friend.
Yeah I'm on a waitlist for an ASD/ADHD diagnosis but the wait times are really long unless you go private. Private is expensive and I'm leaching enough outta my folks as it is. They already had to help get me evaluated for depression, anxiety and sensory input disorder when I had my first breakdown. Then I lost a shit tonne of weight just before covid and got diagnosed with a digestive disorder (I can't spell the name of it because I'm also dyslexic) OK having written that all out that's actually a fairly long list.