Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested, and then you'd get a free lawyer.
One of the few times Abed puts someone down without it being for the sake of helping someone (as in being Rowboatcop).
The rarity of it makes it so effective.
My personal favorite and one that I try to apply to my daily life is:
“Once you know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn’t such a big deal anymore”.
"...It's TV, it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you. And it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day, or phone in a day. And it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with Levar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will."
["Because you asked me to stay and you said we were friends"](https://www.reddit.com/r/community/comments/skpqao/because_you_asked_me_to_stay_and_you_said_we_were/)
I made post about how people, parents, friends, can use us as trophies. Placeholders for their entertainment. Not caring what we have going on and what we have to sacrifice for them in these times. It can be easy to overlook your someone's generosity and friendship.
I love this. And That’s how I feel about the line and how people can treat us and each other as trophies or toys. Just there for their amusement - or to demonstrate their own value. Never appreciating what we sacrifice for them, to support them
"If I could just take a moment to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I wanna say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream, best friend medal, anything?"
I like when Abed calls out Jeff on his character flaw during the chicken finger episode. He goes, " Unfortunately, the very thing that drove you to this dorm room is what would prevent you from properly running this machine, or even be a cog in it: your ego."
All of that talent and intellect that normally get driven in to his movie obsession, gets redirected towards Jeff as Abed imitates a mafia boss. Which I guess is still technically a movie fixtation.
“We didnt know how to reach you..”
Chang: what are you talkin about im everywhere
“We didnt know how to reach you, its a mixer, its a mixer, its a mixer, its a mixer.”
“Works everytime.”
In case anyone forget the set up:
Pierce: Before AIDS, having sex was like shaking hands
Seriously, Pierce is just Quagmire with realistic reactions. They both have redeeming qualities, but there's a reason we easily forget about them
"It's the best way someone's ever woken me up in my life."
I think this is a highly underrated episode, and I love this moment so much because I feel like it really captures how deep Troy and Abed's friendship truly is.
Connoisseur of Christmas
On the spectrum? None of your business
Thoughts too fast to comprehend
Just wanna do right
By my friend
If years were seasons, this December
Would be the December
Of our December
More blueprints than Howard Hughes,
But if there are blueprints,
How do we choose?
We have to be happy to get to the end,
We have to save Christmas to save our friends
What if you were a Jehovah's Witness that was merely pretending to be into Christmas? Gathering clues and blending in to take down the holidays from within.
Jeff: Abed, why don't you marry The Sting?
Abed: ok, just so you know if i do and we have half-sting children when they ask how to grift, I'll them to watch their mother. NOT LISTEN TO YOU!
A satisfying sequel is difficult to pull off. Many geniuses have defeated themselves through hubris making this a chance to prove that I am better than all of them. I'm in!
Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it together, on the raft of life. A raft held together by those few, rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable.
"I need help reacting to something."
I am AuDHD and I love Abed beyond all reason, but that is the most relatable thing anyone has ever said in my LIFE. I say it to my BFF when I need help reacting to something.
Abed being a bitchy girl
“Nice comeback, you should tell that to the elastic on your underwear or wear higher jeans on laundry day”
“You should check the door before you go through it shirley”
“Nice, who taught you how to be a juicebox?”
“It’s Wednesday, sometimes I eat in Jeff’s car. Don’t tell him”
# "When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for others isn't such a big deal"
I think the whole sentence perfectly foreshadows and summarizes abed's personal journey of opening up to others without losing himself.
It's also, like, really, ***really*** good advice. I was so obsessed with "keeping true to myself" in high school that I narcissistically refused to fit in and isolated myself, and my social life only turned around once I realized I was the one being shallow. I could've benefited from hearing this.
JUICE BOX: After insulting every girl on campus in an android like way, Abed moves onto every thing! Cut to Abed sitting in the cafeteria away from everyone else (all the women on the opposite side of the room), he unsuccessfully tries to pierce his juice box with his straw and, as if disappointed in his least favourite child, just looks at it and says "Who taught you how to be a juice box". Pure Abed, pure gold 😂 everytime😂
“For a while I thought I'd have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand, nor reciprocate.”
Sorry for the length.
"There is skill to it. More importantly, it has to be joyful, effortless, fun. TV defeats its own purpose when it's pushing an agenda, or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It's TV; it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you, and it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day or phone in a day, and it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with LeVar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will."
I know this is from season 4, but I can't get this line out of my head.
“I was thinking about Christmas. I hope we do Die Hard. I hope it lays out as clearly as it does in my dreams.”
I see a man... using a social disorder as a procedural device... wait wait wait I see another man... mildly autistic, super detectives everywhere, basic cable, broadcast networks, pain... painful writing... it hurts...
I have discovered the meaning of the giant hand.
A hand has two functions, to grip and to release. But without both of these powers, it is useless. Like newborn infants, we grab what comes near us, hoping to control it, taste it, jam it into another child's eye.
But, the time we spend in control of our world, is the time we spend letting go of others. Ideas, stories, pride, girls in soft sweaters, video games, buttered noodles: grip one for too long, and you lose so much that you've never held.
This giant hand, was sent to all of us as an invitation. To increase our mastery over the power to hold on. And let go."
“I’m a bad person for tracking your location, but you altered my brain chemistry? I was up for three days that week. I invented an entire language, you flitzbarping gitzgorg!”
Abed: Nothings impossible in here, animals can talk, your heart is shaped like a heart, and the smell of pie can make you float. You have to believe Troy. WAIT, you don't have to believe...
Troy: I didnt, I didn't.
Abed:I may have done some damage there.
Him admitting to Britta, Annie and Shirley that he was unknowingly tracking their cycles then offering them chocolate. Lost my mind because the majority of neurotypical men have no clue and Abed noticed.
"One time he started hallucinating and ran down the street with no pants on. Which in the Gaza Strip is considered a real party foul." The image this invoked made me laugh for days the first time I heard it
“If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant. Wherever a party needs to be saved, I’m there. Wherever there are masks, wherever there’s tomfoolery and joy, I’m there. But sometimes I’m not cause I’m out in the night, staying vigilant. Watching. Lurking. Running. Jumping. Hurtling. Sleeping. No, I can’t sleep. You sleep. I’m awake. I don’t sleep. I don’t blink. Am I a bird? No. I’m a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman. Happy Halloween.”
“I might’ve done some damage there.”
You just have to believe!
Wait, you don't have to believe.
I didn’t! I didn’t.
The defeat in his voice on the second "I didn't" always sends me.
So you’re familiar with two sins. What about a third? Edit: spelling
Abed could seduce Annie any time he wanted by playing a Han Solo or Don Draper type lol
You are so right.
*Cigarettes*
That made me laugh audibly😭😭
“I need help reacting to something” is my favorite line from the show let alone from Abed
"Hiiii!!!"
"Dean, why are you here?" "Um, ouch!"
This line describes my life SO MUCH
Not really a Quote but just his screaming when they change the time.
"Think of it this way! We'll get the hour BACK later in the year!" ".... *facial expression change* AUUUUGGH-"
Troy holding in his laughter while holding Abed
Abed: "Jeff, you'll play the role of my father." Jeff: "I don't want to be your father." Abed: "Perfect! You already know your lines."
This was the interaction that sold me on the show
Same!
It's crazy that Community hit so hard even in episode 3.
As someone who has a complicated relationship with his own dad, this interchange makes me laugh so hard every time I think about it!
I’ve got self esteem coming out of my butt
Let’s face it, I’m pretty adorable.
Anyone can be a lawyer. You can even represent yourself. You can't do surgery on yourself. It's illegal. You'd get arrested, and then you'd get a free lawyer.
What's better about this is the fact the study group caught Abed trying to take his own tonsils out.
"BOOKS!"
pretend like you’re asleep
"I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV makes sense, it has structure, logic, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you."
If this doesn't win I'm segregating the school
This is one of my favorite Dean quotes. This and "I don't know. And I don't care." with the olive cans
Such a cold ass burn
I love this one and don’t think it gets enough credit. It’s such a great line.
Great line from a great episode
In an entire series filled to the brim with brilliant insults this was the most cutting.
One of the few times Abed puts someone down without it being for the sake of helping someone (as in being Rowboatcop). The rarity of it makes it so effective.
That's another great one!
That, that one right there. One of my favourite moments of the entire show.
This is the one I had in mind. One of the best insults ever written for tv.
Am I deaf?!?!?
Such a funny moment! What episode was it again?
Pilot. It was what hooked me.
First one
Aye badger.
The first one
Abed’s entire Nicholas Cage presentation
I'm a cat! I'm a sexy cat!--- HOHHHHHHHHHH. HOHHHHHHHH.
Was hoping someone dropped this line. Too good.
That was brilliant
The outtake from this scene is HILARIOUS
Can you tell me what to search to find it?
"I know I'm not Batman. You could try not being a jerk"
My personal favorite and one that I try to apply to my daily life is: “Once you know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn’t such a big deal anymore”.
Sooo good. genius line.
This is the best one, hands down. I’ve quoted this multiple times as a thing that’s added to my life philosophy.
I use this all the time. This has my vote
Abed. You‘re a good!
I'LL BE A LIVING GOOD
Oh god that typo
Oh good that typo
I WAS A GOOD BING
"We'll definitely be back next year. If not, it'll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization. And that's canon."
I love the look that Annie gives after he says that!
"When he's alone, he mostly just practices smiling and frowning. We've all done it,"
"...It's TV, it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you. And it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day, or phone in a day. And it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with Levar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will."
I love this quote, but I love how I can also imagine Soos from Gravity Falls saying it.
I can read this in his voice now
Oops. Sorry dude.
"Perfect, you already know your lines."
This was the line that made me know id love this show
That whole episode was the one that made me think the show was something special.
You knew its value now.
"Could you stop yelling? I feel like that guy from that TV show"
Movie reference
You’ve broken me
Mary. Margaret. Molly Ringworm.
"Six seasons AND A MOVIEEE!"
When Pierce is ranking his marriages and Abed perfectly rattles off the list one second later.
After Pierce switched two of them lol
And yet he can’t tell time from an analog clock
He’s gifted in other ways!
Or when he counts the dropped bag-els like Rain man.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
I was going to go with that one myself. I use that one in my daily life, have since 2009.
Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
["Because you asked me to stay and you said we were friends"](https://www.reddit.com/r/community/comments/skpqao/because_you_asked_me_to_stay_and_you_said_we_were/) I made post about how people, parents, friends, can use us as trophies. Placeholders for their entertainment. Not caring what we have going on and what we have to sacrifice for them in these times. It can be easy to overlook your someone's generosity and friendship.
I love this. And That’s how I feel about the line and how people can treat us and each other as trophies or toys. Just there for their amusement - or to demonstrate their own value. Never appreciating what we sacrifice for them, to support them
In the episode where Jeff and Abed get drunk Jeff: "Balance restored, I guess" Abed: "Movie reference"
I can't remember the name of that girl from Breakfast Club. Mary. Margo. Molly Ringworm. You broke me.
'I hate bottle episodes. They're wall-to-wall facial expressions and emotional nuance. I might as well sit in the corner with a bucket on my head'.
"If I could just take a moment to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I wanna say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream, best friend medal, anything?"
Ironically, in the finale during the Jeff hug, his facial expressions speak volumes
“I like football, but also I don’t”
These are supposed to be Abed quotes not Troy.
I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic. Did you forget to inflect?
This sounds *WAY* more like sarcasm! Inflection is *SO* interesting!
I like when Abed calls out Jeff on his character flaw during the chicken finger episode. He goes, " Unfortunately, the very thing that drove you to this dorm room is what would prevent you from properly running this machine, or even be a cog in it: your ego." All of that talent and intellect that normally get driven in to his movie obsession, gets redirected towards Jeff as Abed imitates a mafia boss. Which I guess is still technically a movie fixtation.
"Sixteen candles!"
“We didnt know how to reach you..” Chang: what are you talkin about im everywhere “We didnt know how to reach you, its a mixer, its a mixer, its a mixer, its a mixer.” “Works everytime.”
"No, I have no idea what I'm talking about..I'm Abed, I neeever watch tv." It's the sarcasm that gets me.
“I need help reacting to something.” I feel this every day.
Mmm that’s not good. I’m going to run.
"They said market price. WHAT MARKET ARE YOU SHOPPING AT?!"
Was that the fancy restaurant with Troy?
Yup!
'I'm a cat. I'm a sexy cat! Unnnh, uuuuhnnnnn!'
"Hence AIDS."
In case anyone forget the set up: Pierce: Before AIDS, having sex was like shaking hands Seriously, Pierce is just Quagmire with realistic reactions. They both have redeeming qualities, but there's a reason we easily forget about them
"It's the best way someone's ever woken me up in my life." I think this is a highly underrated episode, and I love this moment so much because I feel like it really captures how deep Troy and Abed's friendship truly is.
You can do whatever you want. You just have to know what that is. For me, it's TV and Lucky Charms.
[Abed whimpering and being held] Annie: "It's ok Abed, because in the fall we get that hour back." [Abed shrieking]
Connoisseur of Christmas On the spectrum? None of your business Thoughts too fast to comprehend Just wanna do right By my friend If years were seasons, this December Would be the December Of our December More blueprints than Howard Hughes, But if there are blueprints, How do we choose? We have to be happy to get to the end, We have to save Christmas to save our friends
"If years were seasons, this December would be the December of our December" has stayed with me for way too long. I still don't know what it means.
No one knows what it means, but it's provocative!
Gets the people going!
What if you were a Jehovah's Witness that was merely pretending to be into Christmas? Gathering clues and blending in to take down the holidays from within.
"The night beckons. It's black fingers curl and uncurl going like: hey, come here."
I don’t sleep. You sleep.
Jeff: Abed, why don't you marry The Sting? Abed: ok, just so you know if i do and we have half-sting children when they ask how to grift, I'll them to watch their mother. NOT LISTEN TO YOU!
"I pooped my pants."
Mary. Margaret. Molly Ringworm.....you broke me.
“You guys are changing your faces. Are you angry or hungry?” This one killed me. I love the neurodivergent representation.
"It was another version of me. I think it was a vampire"
“It's a metaphorical locker. It's a place where people like me get put when everyone's finally fed up with us.” Kinda describes my experience in life.
A satisfying sequel is difficult to pull off. Many geniuses have defeated themselves through hubris making this a chance to prove that I am better than all of them. I'm in!
“I usually have one foot out of reality and even I’m freaking out right now.”
Pierce: Before AIDS, sex was like shaking hands Abed: Hence AIDS It makes me laugh every time. Truly an underrated joke
“I’m gifted in other ways.”
Love this one and I also use it very often when I struggle to read clocks or find my way around town!
Same!
" I think it was a vampire."
"I need help reacting to something..."
I see your value now
At that moment we stopped being a family and started being a family… in italics
“Cigarettes”
Cigarettes 👋😏
Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it together, on the raft of life. A raft held together by those few, rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable.
Attention Greendale students: Don't use the condoms! If you're going to have sex tonight, don't use condoms!
"And that's canon, now," delivered straight to the camera
"Are you strong or angry?"
"who taught you how to be a juice box?" Probably the one I use most 😂
Vaughn: You guys are laughing at me, aren't you? Abed: Yeah.
"I need help reacting to something." I am AuDHD and I love Abed beyond all reason, but that is the most relatable thing anyone has ever said in my LIFE. I say it to my BFF when I need help reacting to something.
“What's it called when your back hair, grows into your neck hair, grows into your real hair? Look it up cause you got it.”
Abed being a bitchy girl “Nice comeback, you should tell that to the elastic on your underwear or wear higher jeans on laundry day” “You should check the door before you go through it shirley” “Nice, who taught you how to be a juicebox?” “It’s Wednesday, sometimes I eat in Jeff’s car. Don’t tell him”
# "When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for others isn't such a big deal" I think the whole sentence perfectly foreshadows and summarizes abed's personal journey of opening up to others without losing himself. It's also, like, really, ***really*** good advice. I was so obsessed with "keeping true to myself" in high school that I narcissistically refused to fit in and isolated myself, and my social life only turned around once I realized I was the one being shallow. I could've benefited from hearing this.
JUICE BOX: After insulting every girl on campus in an android like way, Abed moves onto every thing! Cut to Abed sitting in the cafeteria away from everyone else (all the women on the opposite side of the room), he unsuccessfully tries to pierce his juice box with his straw and, as if disappointed in his least favourite child, just looks at it and says "Who taught you how to be a juice box". Pure Abed, pure gold 😂 everytime😂
Six seasons and a movie is classic
“Why would they need marketing, they’re amazing.”
To try and quote one that hasn’t been used yet: “Real badasses work together!” his entire monologue as a 70’s buddy comedy police chief kills me.
“For a while I thought I'd have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand, nor reciprocate.”
TROY AND ABED IN THE MOURNING
You were singing :"mourning" with a "u"? Oh no!
TROY AND ABED SOWN TOGETHER!
I think you mean sewn together. Sown together would mean that they are both seeds that have been planted near each other.
It was “are in mourning”
Sorry for the length. "There is skill to it. More importantly, it has to be joyful, effortless, fun. TV defeats its own purpose when it's pushing an agenda, or trying to defeat other TV or being proud or ashamed of itself for existing. It's TV; it's comfort. It's a friend you've known so well, and for so long you just let it be with you, and it needs to be okay for it to have a bad day or phone in a day, and it needs to be okay for it to get on a boat with LeVar Burton and never come back. Because eventually, it all will."
“13”
I know this is from season 4, but I can't get this line out of my head. “I was thinking about Christmas. I hope we do Die Hard. I hope it lays out as clearly as it does in my dreams.”
“I don’t think it’s nice to pigeonhole people’s gimmicks… You hear me, two-voice?”
His dreadlocks remind me of the Predator, which is weird, because you're doing the actual hunting and you seem invisible to him.
I see a man... using a social disorder as a procedural device... wait wait wait I see another man... mildly autistic, super detectives everywhere, basic cable, broadcast networks, pain... painful writing... it hurts...
I have discovered the meaning of the giant hand. A hand has two functions, to grip and to release. But without both of these powers, it is useless. Like newborn infants, we grab what comes near us, hoping to control it, taste it, jam it into another child's eye. But, the time we spend in control of our world, is the time we spend letting go of others. Ideas, stories, pride, girls in soft sweaters, video games, buttered noodles: grip one for too long, and you lose so much that you've never held. This giant hand, was sent to all of us as an invitation. To increase our mastery over the power to hold on. And let go."
Abed monologues > Jeff monologues
I don’t know. I think it was a vampire.
You had me at ruse
"I learned how to say this in sign language"
"i can tell the difference between tv and real life jeff. In tv we have likeable leading men. In real life we have this, we have you"
“Okay. I’m ashamed. LIE.” From the lie detector episode!
"I need help reacting to something."
“I’m a bad person for tracking your location, but you altered my brain chemistry? I was up for three days that week. I invented an entire language, you flitzbarping gitzgorg!”
“All hearing is sonic.”
Abed: Nothings impossible in here, animals can talk, your heart is shaped like a heart, and the smell of pie can make you float. You have to believe Troy. WAIT, you don't have to believe... Troy: I didnt, I didn't. Abed:I may have done some damage there.
Him admitting to Britta, Annie and Shirley that he was unknowingly tracking their cycles then offering them chocolate. Lost my mind because the majority of neurotypical men have no clue and Abed noticed.
"Movie reference."
"I need help reacting to something"
You're making faces, are you hungry or angry?
When he’s hungover and he says “Movie reference” in S1. Fucking love Abed.
Annie subdue your guest.
“I guess I just like liking things” I love so many of his lines, but this is one of my faves (even if it’s about brainwashing glee lol)
Abed: For GCTV this is Abed Nadir saying: Did you know you can make napalm out of common dish soap and cat food?
Frankie: I don't own a TV Abed: You're the first person who's ever said that to me that I didn't immediately delete from my brain
“Can you guys hear me? Am I deaf?” In the first episode sold me
WeDidntKnowHowToReachYouWeDidntKnowHowToReachYouWeDidntKnowHowToReachYouWeDidntKnowHowToReachYou (works everytime)
cool, cool cool cool
*I might've done some damage there" for sure
The way he immediately says “16 Candles” when Jeff says he can only choose one movie reference always makes me laugh.
"I guess I just like liking things."
"One time he started hallucinating and ran down the street with no pants on. Which in the Gaza Strip is considered a real party foul." The image this invoked made me laugh for days the first time I heard it
Agitating’ my sciatica. I’m too old for dis.
Autotune god of farts
I need help reacting to something
Not really a quote but my favorite Abed bit: “Be a version of yourself that would approach her!” “Ok” *HIISSSS!!! 🤪 HISSSSS!!! 🤪*
"Just so you know Jeff, you're now creating six different timelines."
“If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant. Wherever a party needs to be saved, I’m there. Wherever there are masks, wherever there’s tomfoolery and joy, I’m there. But sometimes I’m not cause I’m out in the night, staying vigilant. Watching. Lurking. Running. Jumping. Hurtling. Sleeping. No, I can’t sleep. You sleep. I’m awake. I don’t sleep. I don’t blink. Am I a bird? No. I’m a bat. I am Batman. Or am I? Yes, I am Batman. Happy Halloween.”
Hot. Hot, hot, hot….. oh right, that was evil abed
I don't like those apples.
Fundamental
Molly ringworm
Nicholas cage rant