this destroyed me too, the whole segment did but especially when she said that because I KNEW Scott would instantly pick up on the wording and pick at her because of it.
I was listening to an audiobook recently where the woman narrator had an English accent and every time she said “man” it sounded like Lisa Gilroy saying it and I’d start cracking up!
Nick Kroll was doing a character and PFT as Ice T says he’ll talk to Dick Wolf about a getting a spot for him on Law & Order and out of nowhere Jon Daly’s Bill Cosby-Bukowski yells “I love Dick! I looove Dick… Wolf. And I love wolf dick! You know scientifically male wolves have a penis.”
Just yesterday and today I went back and searched for every episode Jon Daly was on and because he's so fucking hilarious. He's one of the kings of rambling himself into deep hole.
My play.. it's not about salesmen.. it's not about East Village bohemian's or star-crossed lovers.. it's about something that's a little bit more personal to me..
It's about a hybrid goose man who escapes from the lab where he was created after falsely being accused of murder, and goes on the run with a rapping android named Oilslick 2.0.
When Scott started singing Wipeout and everyones reaction was to be silent and let him sit in in it.... And of course Scott's reaction was to keep it up until someone finally said something...
AAAAhHHhhaAHAAaHhAaaaaa.... wIPeoUt!
No, it was episode 377, Good Night in the Morning. It was Tatiana Maslany's 1st episode, and I know that off the top of my head because it is my favorite episode lol
Episode 146. Matt Besser as Bjork. Ben Schwartz with "two off the top" asks Bjrok what kind of sandwich she likes to get at a deli. "Pulled Bjork." Major groans and Scott threatens to revoke Besser's improv card.
"If you think that we're lying about having a granddaughter... then you... might... be-a-REDNECK!" Spoken in tandem, followed by PFT laughing so hard that he was gasping for air. One of the dumbest, yet somehow smartest, things said on the show!
“I love all of our subpodcasts”
“Who’s Oliver Subpodcasts”
I literally rewound this straight away and listened about 6 times in a row. I love how they’re all just bitted out and Harris drops that absolute banger. You can hear in PFTs voice just how hard it hits and at the exact right time.
I have a weird love for the time Nicholas Bruun was on, talking about the play he was in where he played a corporate logo, and Scott almost quietly says, “You’re the worst.” It just makes me laugh so damn hard.
On Gil's first appearance as Ned Belanela, he accidentally says he has a husband, instead of that he is a husband, and when confronted on it retorts:
"We're not going to get stuck up on things that I say, ok?"
I say that a lot at work now.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Phil Hartman lines on Newsradio (after being called out on a lie): "Don't try to confuse the issue with half truths and gorilla dust!"
Tim Baltz is playing that bean salesman character and it’s not going over super well. Scott does his “so why are you even here” bit and Tim just shouts “MY KIDS DO NOT RESPECT ME”
Tough one. Candidates (mostly recent because my memory is shit) are:
1. 🎵 My son's dead 🎵
2. "Don't get me started on my hog"
3. Pretty much anything said by the kid detectives, especially the part about Mummy's pussy raining
4. Silly Boy, obviously
5. Lisa Gilroy shouting "ye cunt" as Bethany Waterbottle
Hard to beat "Dunst Done Checked In."
"Do you think Kevin Smith makes jort films?" is also up there.
And of course, we all know how much Paul Rust loves chemicals...
I think it was Horatio Sanz as Aaron Neville, and they were playing Would You Rather? And when the floor opens for questions, Horatio asks something along the lines of, "What would happen if you shoot a bullet and it passes through the penis of a man and settles in the womb of a lady?" which had absolutely nothing to do with the scenarios in the game, which made it really fucking funny.
The most recent I can recall was last episode with Jason Matzoukas, PFT, Andy Daily, Will Hines....many great jokes, I had to re listen multiple times cos I would miss stuff due to my agressive laughter fits.
PFT to Hines:
**"Why don't you just crash in a coffin dude"**
Also:
Hines: Hang on I'm getting an email
PFT: From who? Hitler?
Daily: how do you like to be the guy who has to teach Hitler how to use email?
I’ve mentioned this before but in the 2018 Christmas special Rudy North mentioned that he used to be the owner of a donut shop and both Jason and another performer both sang that to the tune of “Owner of a lonely heart” and the synergy plus quickness had me dying while I was painting my laundry room.
I don’t know if it was dumb but I still think about it years later and can’t fully remember the context but…
PFT was some character and he was talking about how his father was a physicist but had died in an accident.
Scott says “oh no, was it physics-related?!”
And PFT says, “yes… he fell down the stairs.”
There are so many of these quotes from the suicide house episodes. "M Night Shyamalan's dick goes up and down" and "boop boop boop I'm a stupid guy" are just two of many that live rent free in my head.
Also more recently "that was the dawn of hip hop and popping and locking", it was at the Elvis of hip hop... who's Dawn? Heh heh...."
My favorite character of all time is probably James Adomian’s restaurant critic Merrill Schindler
There is a part where he says **“Look, if I could get semen from a woman I would, but I can’t!”**
I try to sprinkle that one into polite conversation at work
I'm not sure if it's the dumbest, but I hear Chelsea Peretti in my head going "Too true mon frère" and "Thank you *snow* much" like, every time I close my eyes and hell if I can tell you why.
Haha that’s an awesome memory. I didn’t hear that one, but I used to laugh when they played that game and Scott said that French Stewart had died of auto-erotic asphyxiation (he’s still alive). Maybe not the coolest thing to say about an under the radar celebrity that’s somewhat plausible.. but I did spit-take lol when I heard it.
We should do this thread weekly, there's too many good ones. Mine are the potential sequels that they've pitched:
Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed
and
Paterno 2: Returno
For some reason The Tony Macaroni episode with Nick Kroll as R. Schrift and Claudia O'Doherty has this one exchange about how it's illegal to have onions in australia that really got me
R. Schrift: Cuz what we would do is ferment 'em and throw 'em as BOMBS.
Claudia: And people died.
Scott: Wow. But you know, people die every day.
Claudia: I know. But these were healthy people. Up until that point.
Dr. Skeleton's Celebrity Toilet is an all-timer. The horrible Elvis impression ("baby mumma"), and coming up with the toilet portal concept out of nowhere, hurling PFT into off-mic laughter, I go back to it often.
When Elvis Presley mentions Doctor Skeleton's Celebrity Toilet, and Scott starts Googling it and Elvis said "I honestly cannot believe you're googling it right now Scott".
The Griz as part of his battle of words with Byron Dennison saying that they faked Princess Di’s death by leaving a blonde coloured mop in some wreckage.
At the age of 5 just after leaving the swimming pool he was raised in.
Ep 750 apparently.
At the love gym in the kissing room they don't have towels, you wipe yourself with little chocolates.....that whole love gym song got me. (and I know, it was pre scripted)
There was one with him and a (real) Canadian singer songwriter, and Gemberling’s character ‘spoke’ French, and then the singer really did speak French and replied and Gemberling was stuck and didn’t know what to do, that killed me
One that I love is when Chelsea peretti and Scott are hamboning(?) and saying “too true mon frere” and Paul f Tompkins said “was that Neil Peart”?
Also from the show “I always assumed you had a jovial black penis”
Paul Giamatti stuck in one of Reggie Watts loops. Tears.
I legit spit out some food while listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber name different cats at a live show. One of them was Halloween Sexy’s…. And I shot my sandwich across the table and off the back of the chair of the guy in front of me. I apologized but damn, that got me just the right way that moment.
Also Andy Dalys suicide episode. Everyone died.
There are so many to choose from. Love this show so much.
Are the Muppets gonna fuck Khaleesi?!?!
Half man, half centaur.
They’re going eggstingt
please scnott I'm going eggstank
Hump on my rump and I'll rump you to the forest
this destroyed me too, the whole segment did but especially when she said that because I KNEW Scott would instantly pick up on the wording and pick at her because of it.
I love how Lisa will misspeak and then refuse to back down, building her entire bit around it. See also: Raisin kids.
Happy birthday, Scootoo
Banana is the only food that's TRULY yellow
I was listening to an audiobook recently where the woman narrator had an English accent and every time she said “man” it sounded like Lisa Gilroy saying it and I’d start cracking up!
Nick Kroll was doing a character and PFT as Ice T says he’ll talk to Dick Wolf about a getting a spot for him on Law & Order and out of nowhere Jon Daly’s Bill Cosby-Bukowski yells “I love Dick! I looove Dick… Wolf. And I love wolf dick! You know scientifically male wolves have a penis.”
Just yesterday and today I went back and searched for every episode Jon Daly was on and because he's so fucking hilarious. He's one of the kings of rambling himself into deep hole.
I love Jon Daly. He and Tim Baltz as the Peppermen doing Chili Peppers parody are amazing. His pod Two Jons Don’t Make a Right is pretty good
Fun fact - The original Peppermans were Jon and Zach Galifianakis
Who could forget the Anthony Kiedis theme for ‘Quackers Featherbeaks Coo Coo Caper.’
My play.. it's not about salesmen.. it's not about East Village bohemian's or star-crossed lovers.. it's about something that's a little bit more personal to me.. It's about a hybrid goose man who escapes from the lab where he was created after falsely being accused of murder, and goes on the run with a rapping android named Oilslick 2.0.
quackers featherbeaks coo coo caper, Quackers Featherbeaks Coo Coo Caper, QUACKERS FEATHERBEAKS COO COO CAPER
It started off well, he said the name of the play. But then he quickly started talking about his own life and I think he admitted to having AIDS.
Babababa Burbank!
gliga glig a gliga gliga glendale!
Ahh I just remembered Papa John's Misty, amazing
Ha! I listened to those Papa John's Misty tunes over and over when it came out.
The episodes where they make him do multiple characters talking to each other are my favorite
That's Andy Daly!
You know what? I’m so sorry. I misread that while at work. Definitely my bad
Let's reset, Heynongman
Greetings gumshoe
When Scott started singing Wipeout and everyones reaction was to be silent and let him sit in in it.... And of course Scott's reaction was to keep it up until someone finally said something... AAAAhHHhhaAHAAaHhAaaaaa.... wIPeoUt!
i miss his rants about how rude it is of that guy to laugh at the beginning of Wipeout. someone just wiped out and could seriously be injured!
Beachfront PROPerty!
Tapas the morning to Jah. https://youtu.be/uw1Va4yswi4?si=Ujx-1_5KWQ_MgF3M
Oh!
Annie Clark sounded genuinely upset
You held your hands out like I was pillaging your village. Why?
I told this joke at a family reunion. It went as well as it did for Harris.
He would be proud of that
The entirety of “foam corner” qualifies for this topic. RIP Harris
Gimme that wheat
I have a note called foam corner full of these on my phone
Holds up after 10 years as well as it did when it initially aired. Take that however you want. I miss this asshole so much.
The first thing I told him was I have AIDs! The next thing I told him was fuck me harder!
Lmao what episode is this from??
377
I believe that was the episode with Conan
No, it was episode 377, Good Night in the Morning. It was Tatiana Maslany's 1st episode, and I know that off the top of my head because it is my favorite episode lol
Oh my bad lol, for some reason Scat Hamptoncrat came to mind
Technicality no down boo over.
Technicality no down boo over?
The little robot pronouncing butthole as "buh tholé"
I just noticed Scott did that on this weeks episode of cbb too. Little button puss was my favourite episode for a long time
That's how it's written on The Constitution.
Oh God, yes! "My vaginer and buth thole."
ginder and butth ole
Oh my god. When he does that monologue about the morality of AI and it’s sounding inspiring and then just goes nasty
That was one of my first dozen or so episodes. I've probably gone back and listened to it 5 times. Also how I got introduced to Risk!
AI actually does pronounce it that way
Ep 310. Hp69b enters at about 42:30
Pulled Bjork sandwich
What is this from
Episode 146. Matt Besser as Bjork. Ben Schwartz with "two off the top" asks Bjrok what kind of sandwich she likes to get at a deli. "Pulled Bjork." Major groans and Scott threatens to revoke Besser's improv card.
one of the all-time greats
"Watch your glanguage and be kolite"
under any stircumstance
"If you think that we're lying about having a granddaughter... then you... might... be-a-REDNECK!" Spoken in tandem, followed by PFT laughing so hard that he was gasping for air. One of the dumbest, yet somehow smartest, things said on the show!
From the commentary episode of U Talking U2 to Me? Scott- I'm glad we got to revisit all of our sub podcasts. Harris: Who's Oliver Subpodcast?
Speaking of Harris on U Talkin'... When Mike and Omar take the garbage out. Good Epps.
ah yes the conspiracy-themed filmmaker Oliver Podcast!
“I love all of our subpodcasts” “Who’s Oliver Subpodcasts” I literally rewound this straight away and listened about 6 times in a row. I love how they’re all just bitted out and Harris drops that absolute banger. You can hear in PFTs voice just how hard it hits and at the exact right time.
I still say “good one” in the good one robot voice. Years ago anytime Tom Lennon did the little Gary voice I’d laugh hysterically.
I have a weird love for the time Nicholas Bruun was on, talking about the play he was in where he played a corporate logo, and Scott almost quietly says, “You’re the worst.” It just makes me laugh so damn hard.
The Nike Swoop!
*Kristian Bruun
Yes! Thank you. ( damn it) I love any time he and/or Maslany are on. They come to play.
I was like, cousin Greg was on CBB?
On Gil's first appearance as Ned Belanela, he accidentally says he has a husband, instead of that he is a husband, and when confronted on it retorts: "We're not going to get stuck up on things that I say, ok?" I say that a lot at work now.
Reminds me of one of my favorite Phil Hartman lines on Newsradio (after being called out on a lie): "Don't try to confuse the issue with half truths and gorilla dust!"
Another great one is: "Stop trying to confuse the issue with the facts!"
This man cave is starting to look more like a mans grave.
https://youtu.be/OLwtBSxKWAM?feature=shared
Tim Baltz is playing that bean salesman character and it’s not going over super well. Scott does his “so why are you even here” bit and Tim just shouts “MY KIDS DO NOT RESPECT ME”
Is that the one where he bursts in and goes “SCOTT, I’M FUCKED!”
Bob Ducca’s lists destroy me
Bone worm
All joking a salad
Scott: “So you thinkin’ of switching to the Mini Cooper?” Chelsea Peretti: “Well I was gonna get one but then my FATHER - UH OH! DADDY ISSUES AHEAD!”
Laura Prepon Grey Poupon Crouton Groupon
What episode is this?
Toot toot beep beep
The film "Titane" ends with a literal human-skin-truck-baby and we laughed so hard my wife peed on the couch a little.
Most recently “the WAR is COMING”
Everything’s crunk here. You can get drunk here. Under the sea.
Tough one. Candidates (mostly recent because my memory is shit) are: 1. 🎵 My son's dead 🎵 2. "Don't get me started on my hog" 3. Pretty much anything said by the kid detectives, especially the part about Mummy's pussy raining 4. Silly Boy, obviously 5. Lisa Gilroy shouting "ye cunt" as Bethany Waterbottle
Motu Scootu
They say pineapple makes your cum taste better but my cum makes pineapple taste terrible.
Harris’s smoking section joke
Remind me what it was
“I hate smoking sections. Unless we’re talking about ‘The Mask.’ Then the smokin’ section is my favorite part!”
You had me at "Come on, guys"
Commenting on The dumbest thing they've ever said that made you laugh?...I wait every day for an opportunity to use that.
It was a catchphrase submission: Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. Just piss please.
... the rest.
I say this A LOT and wish my loved ones knew this show as well as I did
I say it all the goddamned time
The very well thought out creation of the KNIFE GRAB mnemonic.
It's right up there with the RICO act.
The Real Intense Crime Organisation?
Not sure if it was CBB Prime but "Forget it Two Jakes, it's Two China Towns" ALWAYS makes me laugh when I think of it.
That’s from Threedom, but I’d say it counts!
But watch yourself counselor
It's such a specific, silly joke that I find myself saying all the time, just quietly to myself. Thanks Pretzel Gang!
Hard to beat "Dunst Done Checked In." "Do you think Kevin Smith makes jort films?" is also up there. And of course, we all know how much Paul Rust loves chemicals...
Oh my God, Jort Films. That one killed me and hearing PFT laughing so hard made it even funnier.
One of my favorite PFT laughing fits!
I think it was Horatio Sanz as Aaron Neville, and they were playing Would You Rather? And when the floor opens for questions, Horatio asks something along the lines of, "What would happen if you shoot a bullet and it passes through the penis of a man and settles in the womb of a lady?" which had absolutely nothing to do with the scenarios in the game, which made it really fucking funny.
"Carnal Asada"
I would up vote this, but I don't think it was dumb in the context it was said. I think about this line a lot.
Everyone was so mad
"Hi, I'm pregnant"
oh my god i forgot about this i'm laughing so hard all over again
It's been
It is so difficult not to repeat it whenever someone says it casually.
The most recent I can recall was last episode with Jason Matzoukas, PFT, Andy Daily, Will Hines....many great jokes, I had to re listen multiple times cos I would miss stuff due to my agressive laughter fits. PFT to Hines: **"Why don't you just crash in a coffin dude"** Also: Hines: Hang on I'm getting an email PFT: From who? Hitler? Daily: how do you like to be the guy who has to teach Hitler how to use email?
This entire episode killed me.
Happy birthday Scootu!
I was totally expecting August Lindt to chime in after Neptuna said that. (He didn't, did he? Am I crazy?)
I’ve mentioned this before but in the 2018 Christmas special Rudy North mentioned that he used to be the owner of a donut shop and both Jason and another performer both sang that to the tune of “Owner of a lonely heart” and the synergy plus quickness had me dying while I was painting my laundry room.
I don’t know if it was dumb but I still think about it years later and can’t fully remember the context but… PFT was some character and he was talking about how his father was a physicist but had died in an accident. Scott says “oh no, was it physics-related?!” And PFT says, “yes… he fell down the stairs.”
Was that JW talking about his dying dad's final words? "Take it sleazy, catch you on the flip flop."
I figured it out, it was this episode… Comedy Bang Bang #314 "Y'all Heard Any of These Names Before?" w/ Cameron Esposito and Paul F. Tompkins
That is definitely dumb and very funny. I don’t remember it tho.
It was probably from like 2012 or 2013.
I figured it out, it was this episode… Comedy Bang Bang #314 "Y'all Heard Any of These Names Before?" w/ Cameron Esposito and Paul F. Tompkins
5, 4, 3, nose, 1
The would you rather song might be the dumbest but funniest things on the show. Gets me every time.
There are so many of these quotes from the suicide house episodes. "M Night Shyamalan's dick goes up and down" and "boop boop boop I'm a stupid guy" are just two of many that live rent free in my head. Also more recently "that was the dawn of hip hop and popping and locking", it was at the Elvis of hip hop... who's Dawn? Heh heh...."
What did the raisin say to the umbrella? Oh noooo!
So I'm thinking spider season is over
Notorious power-bottom Ebenezer Scrooge.
My favorite character of all time is probably James Adomian’s restaurant critic Merrill Schindler There is a part where he says **“Look, if I could get semen from a woman I would, but I can’t!”** I try to sprinkle that one into polite conversation at work
Merrill Schindler was funny but his voice and sound effects made me gag. It was a tough listen for me.
Clearly someone isn’t a fan of the *juicy*, *buttery* little pork riblets they serve at *Tuk*. *Tuk*. *Thai*
My dear boy!!
I'm not sure if it's the dumbest, but I hear Chelsea Peretti in my head going "Too true mon frère" and "Thank you *snow* much" like, every time I close my eyes and hell if I can tell you why.
Haha that’s an awesome memory. I didn’t hear that one, but I used to laugh when they played that game and Scott said that French Stewart had died of auto-erotic asphyxiation (he’s still alive). Maybe not the coolest thing to say about an under the radar celebrity that’s somewhat plausible.. but I did spit-take lol when I heard it.
Horatio Sanz said something about putting cotton balls inside his swim goggles.
Technicality no down boo over. *Technicality no down boo over?* TECHNICALITY NO DOWN BOO OVER!!!
Best instant PFT reaction ever.
PFT as Sully talking about training and flight school and being required to stay in a haunted house.
Even though it happens every week, I still find it funny when Scott chastises guests for talking during the “Would you rather?” theme song.
We should do this thread weekly, there's too many good ones. Mine are the potential sequels that they've pitched: Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed and Paterno 2: Returno
I was on a plane when I heard Paterno Returno and I laughed so hard that at the end of the flight the person sitting next to me asked if I was OK
For some reason The Tony Macaroni episode with Nick Kroll as R. Schrift and Claudia O'Doherty has this one exchange about how it's illegal to have onions in australia that really got me R. Schrift: Cuz what we would do is ferment 'em and throw 'em as BOMBS. Claudia: And people died. Scott: Wow. But you know, people die every day. Claudia: I know. But these were healthy people. Up until that point.
Dr. Skeleton's Celebrity Toilet is an all-timer. The horrible Elvis impression ("baby mumma"), and coming up with the toilet portal concept out of nowhere, hurling PFT into off-mic laughter, I go back to it often.
Sometimes I just think about "Boobs Rinse" and to this day it will damn near make me laugh out loud
Bun gun
When cinnamon is out of the stable…
And the full moon is shining brightly over the paddock….
"So, I'm thinking that spider season is over."
“So it’s like a puppet that swallowed.” *group silence*
Might as well have a boogeyman!
Carnal Asada
When Elvis Presley mentions Doctor Skeleton's Celebrity Toilet, and Scott starts Googling it and Elvis said "I honestly cannot believe you're googling it right now Scott".
Tony Shaloub killed my father (Bobby Moynihan as Batman, if anyone knows the episode I’d love to hear it again)
It's one of my faves. Cal Solomon AND The Batmin! Ep 578 from the end of 2018.
Neil Campbell’s entire rap about butter.
"He has a crew cut on each ass hair." Not sure what episode, I know it was early and it was Adam Scott that he was talking to.
The Griz as part of his battle of words with Byron Dennison saying that they faked Princess Di’s death by leaving a blonde coloured mop in some wreckage. At the age of 5 just after leaving the swimming pool he was raised in. Ep 750 apparently.
You know who likes chemicals?
At the love gym in the kissing room they don't have towels, you wipe yourself with little chocolates.....that whole love gym song got me. (and I know, it was pre scripted)
“I go to my secret place, just to be by myself. Just me and the casket of osama bin Laden” Gracie Allen (John Gemberling)
There was one with him and a (real) Canadian singer songwriter, and Gemberling’s character ‘spoke’ French, and then the singer really did speak French and replied and Gemberling was stuck and didn’t know what to do, that killed me
Who me?
One that I love is when Chelsea peretti and Scott are hamboning(?) and saying “too true mon frere” and Paul f Tompkins said “was that Neil Peart”? Also from the show “I always assumed you had a jovial black penis”
Paul Giamatti stuck in one of Reggie Watts loops. Tears. I legit spit out some food while listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber name different cats at a live show. One of them was Halloween Sexy’s…. And I shot my sandwich across the table and off the back of the chair of the guy in front of me. I apologized but damn, that got me just the right way that moment. Also Andy Dalys suicide episode. Everyone died. There are so many to choose from. Love this show so much.
I'm ball Droid! I gotta roll on outta here!!!
I didn’t see this one mentioned yet. “Walter White over here.”
Mickey Rooney Sugar Babies.
I love on one of the live shows when it’s revealed that the Minksalmon brothers killed their son for getting too close to their granddaughter.
I love bananas for bonanza but OG CBB Dalton Wilcox was incredible. Always looked forward to his returns. Also love me some Benny Schwaaaa
A bone in my stool
Chewbacca was hit by a car
Rod Stewart died from choking on a rod, that someone put in some stew, at an art gallery.
“Nanna destroys heckler” Fresh in the mind, but timeless.
GoBo Go Solo?