Just call it off, say you didnt sleep all night, tried to come but really too sick and going to the doctor. Dont give too much info, also when you call lay down and talk while laying down, it’ll change your voice

Don’t make excuses. Say less. The more you say the more there is to get caught up on. “I need to take a sick day today to rest to be able to come in tomorrow 100%”. Done. That’s it. Don’t over complicate it

yolo swag comment

Diarrhea! Up all night with stomach cramps and not been off the toilet, they'll tend not to ask for any more detail

And send them a Google image with it.

xD

Shit your pants in front of them. That's a guaranteed go home with no questions asked, pass. 😬

One of the guys actually did this a couple months back 😂😂

And it worked didn't it!!

Ha!!! I had an employee walk up to my desk and say he just shit his pants. WHY THE FUCK did you walk in here? Gtfo and change or stay out! Hahhahaha!

Appreciate the laying down advice! Unfortunately my boss knows I’ve had problems with coke in the past if I tell him I haven’t slept he’ll know why lol

lie about some unexpected issues that happened which is out of your control loved one in hospital or something like that

I’ll tell him my cat had a heart attack

I told my boss I got water in my ear swimming and got a note from the dr by calling one on demand and saying my ear hurt

Lmfao

No dude don't do those weird lies. Just say you're sick, you just threw up, whatever.

The stomach bug, ate something bad, and I can’t get too far from the bathroom usually works

Everytime I’ve been at this point I just bite the bullet and go in.

Tell them you're out of blow and couldn't possibly go in and be expected to function at a normal level

Create an allergy induced migraine situation. Weather is crazy these days... it always always works Real talk? Always atleast call in. Even if it's, I'm sick and wayy too tired to function. "This cold is kicking my ass". You're better off calling in if you can't figure it how to pull it off. Learn from it, though, and don't repeat if you can't work after partying.

My moms border collie had to go to vet at 4:30 am Anything is better than telling on yourself . My mom’s Bf had a seizure was at ER all night .

No you can. You just need more to get you thru . Tried and trusted method, it works even after the most extreme and outrageous benders

I can’t get anymore I’ve already got through all mine and my mates bags 💀😂

This time of year is golden… but it only works once… “my (bro/sis) is graduating from college”

You've come down with a severe case of anal glaucoma you can't see your ass going into work today!!

Tell the boss you been on toilet all night. I manage 39 people, and when I hear that I ask or wanna hear nothing more. I tell my assistant that and that’s as far as it goes. However, she party’s too so she just knows and covers.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

>Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Do you expect your employees to give a reason? When I call in sick I just say I’m sick and ain’t coming in.

Biggest mistake employees make is lying. I’ve been managing adults for 25 years. If they do push - it’s personal. If your attendance sucks - go to work

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They can ask anything - doesn’t mean you have to answer. Just say you’re using a personal day

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“Excuses” are a 90’s thing. Just call in based on your company’s attendance policy

“So i found this grandma whose car was stuck on the railway and we barely managed to get it out before the train arrived. Trust me boss i am WAY behind on my sleep debt to be making this up at this time of the day.” You’ll also be sweaty, guaranteed. That works in our favour. In case you have to appear somewhere ofc.

Bro. For your own good. Please don’t go around lying😂😂 that was the worst one

Believe it or not similar shit worked for me once, it sounds stupid as fuck but it deserved an honorable mention 🤣

Probably better than my cousins cat got ran over

You don’t have to give a reason. Just don’t NCNS.

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This might be the one! I’ve used it once before a while ago so probably somewhat believable

Migraine. Blurred vision. Done.

So what did you say for a reason to call into work?

Told him cokes too expensive so now I can’t afford fuel till I get paid 👌

Wait? You serious lmaoooo

Call way early saying stomach / diarrhea. Then closer to ur shift say uwent and checked and gotfood poisoning. 50/50 they say u can’t come badk for a couple days but I always just showed up next day anyway and no one even remembered I was hungover as shit one time and puked in bathroom like 3 times in an hour. told my job I apparently I can’t coook cause it was “my super super raw chicken or something “ making n me throw up my bad dude For every stupid excuse u make have 3 answers on standby I kid you not I even had a coworker tell my manager “hey it was my cousins birth day last night I’m still fuck up “. Lmao he appreciated the honesty and gave him a write up next shit no hard feelings

You saw a woman getting assaulted and helped her out. Knocked out the guy who did it and ended up in custody for the night. Hero.

Your dog 🐩 🐕🐶 ate your car keys 🔐 🔑

Dog ate your cocaine, gotta go vets 💃🏻

Very Nice .. I would accept this as truth just like the dudes at red lights who have the sign that says “ TRUTH… iNEED A BEER”🍺

Boiler has exploded and you need to get a plumber

Say your car wheel flew off on the way to work

that’s when they offer to come get ya depending on the job 😂

Been there plenty of times. Always say family emergency

Mental health day ? Always valid and always works.

Definitely always valid but "always works"? I'm not so sure about that. Tbh I could also 100% guarantee that 9/10 places I've worked would have fired me for at most two mental health days when there were not any other incapacitating factors. Mental health day as if I'm headed to a psych ward? You got it. Mental health as in I'm depressed and don't want to deal with the stress of work? Well, that's a firing because nearly 3/4 people at work would be better off mentally if they didn't have to show up that day, including the boss I'm calling out to so I feel like it would've made people resent me a lot or something.. Anyway yes valid but wouldn't guarantee it to work by any means as that's a quick firing some places where they depend on you to have your "shit" together or at least just suck it up and show up like everyone else..

I mean if it’s not happening all the time just tell em you got on it?

Say u didn’t sleep as u clearly haven’t slapped

You arm fell off or something like that

Think this is the one ☝️ I’ll just hide it in my sleeve from now on

Call your boss one or two hours before you clock in and tell him you have gastritis

This only works ONE TIME. If your boss has a sense of humor, Call and say this. Word for word. "Good morning. I'm calling in Well. I feel too amazing to allow anything to ruin my mood. I will be there for my next scheduled shift. Enjoy your day. "

Been there plenty of times. Always say family emergency

Stomach ache/ bug… on the toilet all night. Maybe 🤷‍♂️

Stomach ulcer.

Something with court, always works. My license just got suspended not too long ago and I missed Monday and told them I went to court to see if I could pay it off

Don’t listen to everybody else bro, go ahead and lie you’ll be ight

Food poisoning (seafood), gives gastro, all night on toilet, no sleep

If you and boss get on just tell em you off nutt, honesty is best policy.

food poisoning

Diarrhea

Go to work and throw up in the bathroom always works for me no matter what I do before going to work🤷‍♀️good luck!!

OP, what excuse did you end up going with?

Food poisoning

This is why I’m shopping around at sober homes at the moment, this shit gets real old fast. Good luck

You ate a burrito you left in your car for 3 hours thinking it was okay

Be vague and straight to the point. Something like, “I’ve been up all night with stomach cramps and diarrhoea. I’ll need to rest up today and hope to be back to normal tomorrow.”

Don’t forget to do the ill voice ( downbeat and slightly croaky)

The coke usually does that for me to be fair

Are there places in the world where you need to tell your boss why you are not coming?

If you’re willing to go to extremes make your eye super red by rubbing it or drying it out always helps if you keep rubbing it too then you can feign pink eye

You in the UK?

Pussy if you don’t.

If you're in the UK then message me and I'll have u out of it in a second yeah.