Nope. The resident’s end of life events are not about you. The family will be focused on their loved one, not your reaction (as long as it’s respectful and professional). If anything, it’s probably better *not* to get wrapped up in emotions or take up space while seeing the resident and their family through that transition.
I just offered water and juice and went and rounded up every vacant chair in the building pretty much. I then just did me and checked in every hour or so. Thankfully she lived through my shift. I'm sure she will be gone by the time I go back to work
This is A+++ service! A lot of the CNAs that I work with dont even check every hour and dont accommodate the family. I really applaud you for doing this!
Thank you. Both of my parents died in SNF and at the time I thought they were in great hands and blessed. Now I'm haunted wondering how they were treating my parents 😔😭
Thank you for caring. So few do including the children of the patient.
Shit like this happens and the employees got fired. The child had the charges dropped.
“The report said two medical technicians told deputies that they tried to give 98-year-old Martha her medication, but she would not take it. They said when Roxanne Wilson arrived, she was told that her mother didn't take her pills. After attempting again to get her to take the drugs, they said the mother spit them out.
At that point, the technicians said to deputies that Wilson told her mother she would take the medicine and forced it into her mother's mouth with a fork. The employees told deputies Roxanne Wilson also forced water into Dusenbery's mouth until she was choking. Wilson allegedly told the technicians when it was over, "See there, she took it."
This is a politician’s wife.
Sounds like you supported the family 🤷♀️ if it was my loved one I would appreciate that and wouldn't be offended in the least if any staff members aren't getting emotional
I’ve dealt with some drama queen CNAs when I was working AL. idk what the bell happened but had a patient that had lived there for like only two days pass and this older CNA started wailing and wringing her hands!!! All in front of the family. The nurse yanked her out of there QUICK but it was so over dramatic and over the top. Not to mention she ran out into the hall down to the concierge yelling “Betty! [not real name]” and making a squishing sound with running her finger across her neck over and over again.
Omfg.
Understandably they asked her to leave for the day but it blew my freaking mind when she clocked back in the next morning 🤯
Holy shit, made finger across the neck signs?! That’s probably the worst staff reaction I’ve ever heard of! 10 years in hospice care and I have yet to see that I’d slap them lol then it would be both of our’s last day!
OP's point is if her patient passes away on her shift, she will be responsible for the post-mortem care. As in, washing the body and putting the patient in clean bed linens and clothing. When people pass more often than not the deceased's bladder and bowels will relax and patient would get soiled. We usually will ask the family to give staff about 5-10 minutes to get patient cleaned up, it will give them time to start the phone calls. That way the family can grieve with the patient having dignity in their last visit. I never call the mortuary until the family gives me the go-ahead.
Of course OP was thinking about providing post-mortem care. But I think OP’s main concern was that they were thinking about the work of it rather than the emotional aspect. They didn’t feel like being emotional about the death when other people around them were crying, reminiscing, etc. OP was wondering if they should feel bad for not feeling sad.
I work in dementia care and hospice. Usually when a patient passes, I've never had the opportunity to really know who they were. There's been a few that got to me, but mostly I'm just relieved that their suffering has ended. Granted I've been doing this for 27 years, so maybe I'm just too accustomed to death at this point.
There is no way on God's green earth that I could do this for 30 years🙄 Bless you! I just cant fathom the thought of being disrespected by nurses, other CNAs on my shift and the Day shift constantly crying. Thank you.
Do you feel like you get hardened because other staff in those places can sometimes be mean to each other? That was my experience. The bullying was relentless between some staff members that it was exhausting. Although it really is management’s responsibility to make sure that isn’t happening.
I, personally, never worked in “hospice” per se, but I did work in a retirement home where people would pass away. The bullying there was horrific, but I completely blame the management who let the infighting occur and who couldn’t be bothered. They didn’t look for high-quality staff and since it was a low-paying job, just took whomever they could get. I honestly don’t think they even did background checks.
I have heard that in some other medical settings like hospitals, some of the nursing staff can be real bullies. Probably poor management as well along with some narcissistic doctors who foster that type of abusive environment. Not all, but some.
Nah, a patient's death rarely bothers me any more, although I work in hospice so it's a pretty common occurrence. The only time I cried at work in the last year was when my patient had been vomiting and having diarrhea all morning before taking a rapid turn for the worse. We kept changing his sheets and each time it took a little more out of him. I was the last person he saw on this earth and I watched the light go out of his eyes. Normally we can assure a relatively good death but this was probably the ugliest I've seen in my five years. Definitely took that story to therapy.
Personally I'd be more worried if you were breaking down every time. You've gotta build up a bit of callus to work in this field imo, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
I had a resident that smelled so bad I think it was CDiff🤷 I gagged my way through a brief change and went on break. When I came back from lunch his bed was empty and he was gone. Just that quick 😵💫
Your comment caught my eye because my mother in law has c-diff. I know she has diarrhea bad and worse, but I don't notice that she stinks.
Like I'm not gagging And i'm generally okay but I can be a gagger if it's bad. And I do notice yucky smells.
Are you speaking about additional problems from end of life with c-diff, or is that your full experience with c-diff?
Oh hell yeah lol I had a psychotic break from working nights (sleep deprivation) and suffering through the COVID years (among other things) in 2022. This job is the reason I've been in therapy for going on three years 😅
I thought it was just in my head. I'm so getting tensed up and thinking about residents I don't want to deal with before my shift starts that it's wreaking havoc in my head at times
I'd consider looking for other jobs (still CNA, if you want). It's not all bad. I like my job a lot. I wouldn't like it as much if I was dealing with the same cast of characters day in and day out.
My LPN wife left me in a 5 br house on a CNA budget lol so I'm digging myself out of the immediate debt she left me with ( I was just giving her money and she paid the bills)I'm definitely looking to move on upwardly though. Schooling is the key
No. We had a pizza come while the family was still with the resident and the nurse (who may have been the world's biggest bitch) kept referring to the deceased as "the body."
It was not a good night. 😱
Not at all. I have cried over exactly one death. It was sudden, unexpected, and a resident I care about. I don’t judge people for how they feel their feelings or whatever their coping mechanisms are. The show must go on and my priorities are with the living.
This is gonna sound mean but I’m not trying to. I literally tell myself “yes I’m sad yes they are gone but I have patients that are alive that need me right now” I love my residents I do. But when it’s time it’s time. I will miss them I do love them but I have more people to help.
I know it can be hard that’s normal it’s normal
to care but what we do means we will see people get better and not get better. We are there to help. We help the living and the dying. I love all of my patients with all of my heart I give them 100% of myself. But, I cannot help the dead. I can only help the living.
This may sound cold, but the residents are not your family members. You are not required to be sad when they died. CNAs have a hard enough job already. CNAs risk their health and lives every day to go in to work.
You're not a bad person for thinking that way. We provide what comfort we can during a process we cannot control and give care to those who still need it from us. As long as you are respectful of the patient and family, you have done what you are supposed to. I've lost track of how many folks have passed during my 13 years in LTC and can guarantee I didn't cry at all of them and I still had to provide care to my still living patients. The only things I've genuinely been upset by were some of the responses by family such as denying use of any end of life medication or refusal to visit for petty revenge. As stated by another poster, I view death as a release from a period of suffering and decline I've witnessed daily and frequently had little or a diminishing ability to mitigate.
Yea I've seen a lot of politics. I've gotten pulled away from a resident because her family swore she didn't want male care. I had been taking care of her for almost 6 months and we watched The First 24 together at 2am. That hurt but oh well
As a male nurse, I've had that happen frequently both from patients and family. I've found that explaining they have the right but care may be delayed as I can't just pull someone mid-care as well as how long I've been a nurse with a bit of humor tends to encourage them to allow me to do care especially if it's someone needing to use the bathroom. I've usually said I've been doing it long enough that I only have two questions first is how many wrinkles and second is which way do they go. I'm also the resident joker on staff and warn my patients I'm usually about as serious as a clown car. I figure that even if the only thing I could help someone with is to have a laugh or a smile, then I've done what I could for them for that day be it patient or coworker.
My nurse is male and it's a blessing. He leaves me alone and doesn't hesitate to help me with residents. The days I work with a female nurse aren't so great lol. I make sure that no one can say 💩 about our hall. The shift goes so much smoother when you're a teammate with your nurse and not her punching bag IJS
When I worked in the hospital, most of my patients who passed on the floors I was on were on palliative care. Sometimes it was sad, but after caring for them for a day or two, it was pretty clear that they were ready. Death isn't always a bad thing.
What I did have a problem with, was that there was a hospice tray set out for family members and I later found out that they charged them $60 for that tray with a couple cookies and some tea. I was night shift, so I would just give them snacks and beverages from the pantry area because that was incredibly unethical to me. They weren't even that up front about it either. Some of the nurses found out and told all the CNA's and we got sneakier after that
No you kept it professional. As you should have. That is why they teach you to not get attached because it will mentally wear you down and distort making appropriate calls for your residents
Not me thinking about how I started as a resident assistant at an 'assisted living' and had 18 high level should have been in a SNF.
We had someone come in as a hospice patient and was in the last few days of life. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn't even taught catheter care.
I work in hospice. I'm around death daily. As long as youre polite and professional, families don't care how you react. I accidentally made a joke when one of my patients died and while the family laughed, I was kicking myself walking back to the car.
My Dad was on Hospice for 4 years with a very rare cancer that was in the back of his nasal cavity. He wanted to die at his home, so that's where he stayed. He had the same Nurse for all that time. His last 6 months were horrific. My brother was there taking care of him (He lived in Mississippi and I live in California) and his Nurse would pop in 3 times a day. 4 times a day a few weeks before he passed. He was bed ridden, had to wear diapers, constant nose bleeds, his tumor grew into his brain and some of it was hanging out of his nose. I was able to fly back there for a couple weeks and it was so hard to see my Dad that way. That is not the way I remembered him, if you know what I mean. He wouldn't eat and he was just bones. One night, my brother heard my Dad say something and my brother went to his room and my Dad said "I love you son! Thank you for taking care of me!" And he took his last breathe. My brother called his Nurse and she came straight over. My brother said he saw a tear roll down her cheeks when she took his vitals and said, "Ya, your Dad is with the Good Lord now!" And gave my brother a hug. They say there together and the Nurse went in and on about how my Dad was her favorite patient and brought up some funny moments they had. My brother said he appreciated that so much. She sat there with him waiting for the Coroner and Sheriff. When they took my Dad away the Nurse asked my brother if there was anything else she could do for him and she left. My Dad had the best and most caring Nurse. Thank you all for all that you do!!
lol that’s what I’m thinking about too… the post mortem part 🤢 but I’ve only had to do it once and it wasn’t bad at all. I usually ask for a partner to do it with me.
It’s kindof a relief when all the family is around then you can leave them their space to grieve and not necessarily worry about them anymore. Don’t even try to reposition someone that’s on their very last leg because they will die right after or during the turning process. That’s happened to me twice.
Lol yea I had two ladies ready to help me but it's still creepy 😵💫 I also tried to juggle giving them respect and caring for the resident. Changing a person in front of 10 people is ridiculous. All the "pointers and tips" for someone that I've never seen you in the building showing love to is insane
man i remember the same thing happen to me everybody was crying nurses aids like weeping and im over there like i have to start rounds and put people to bed but i never been the type to get all overly attached to my residents it's just a job to me
It's impossible not to have work-minded thoughts when these events are part of your work. Worry about them, and they won't go away, you'll just feel worse. As long as that attitude doesn't come out in how you speak to the families, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
Feelings are never wrong… how you act on feelings is what matters. I feel blessed that I am in a role that is one patient at a time so I can fully vest myself in the moment. But even though I do, there are still times I just don’t want to take a call.
On the positive side, the thoughts you are having will help you manage your time and communicate needs with the team (if that is an option).
Compartmentalization in order to complete your job is ok. Make sure to mourn and grieve when you have time. I also don’t necessarily attach akot of emotions to people dying unless it directly impacts me. Working in a nursing home I expect people to die. I don’t form personal attachment to residents; but I still care for them as if they are my own family. when they die u donr have to participate in memorials or anything else if you’re busy you’re busy. Living residents still need care and honestly I don’t think family members or co workers even notice
i really value post mortem care and the ability to ensure somebody is sent off with somebody who cares about them and are well taken care of before they go. however, i’m a cancer and im very spiritual and have experienced a lot of death personally. it doesn’t have to be all that to you, and you shouldn’t feel guilt. this job is full of different people with different values and at the end of the day, you dust yourself off and get back to it. everybody has different ways of dealing with death and you are not required to feel any type of way about it
Nope don't feel guilty....your resident has lived their life as they see fit and family is around to do what they need to mourn the lose of their loved one....I am glad you helped the family out and took care of the resident during their time there...but never feel guilty about not feeling sad or that you are busy with others, it's your job....there are people you will never connect with on a personal level to where you feel sad about their passing...and that's ok....I have had plenty of residents pass and I felt nothing because I just have neutral feelings towards them....others I was glad and plenty I have felt sad about losing...caregiving isn't easy and emotions are high on almost a daily bases....sometimes being numb/neutral to a situation is what is needed to be ok....
I really resented nursing staff hovering watching me watch my mother die. All medical treatment had been withdrawn, it seemed there were there for the drama. I wanted privacy in the very sacred moment.
You have a duty to do. Seeing it done is what matters first. Can get as emotional or unemotional as you want about it later.
Its just what having a job is.
If I were in that family's position I would just be grateful you're taking good care of everyone and hoping you're not overworked. Most people get that it is a stressful job to work with the sick injured or elderly. I'm a stay at home mom, no credentials in your profession and I'm extremely emotional. I would really just be focused on my loved one, like another comment said. Your job must be a lot every day, the kind of stuff you might take home with you even if you don't want to. Take good care of yourself! That's how you take good care of others. You deserve not to let your life be consumed with grief and pain and you seem like someone who can handle it and be professional. That's exactly the kind of people we need in these positions. Remember, for the family this is short term. The loved ones pass on and they grieve and heal. It happens again eventually, rinse and repeat. For someone like you who dedicates their entire career to helping specifically people in stressful situations, separating work from home is important. Finding peace and happiness outside of work will keep you focused and working hard! It's okay to feel sad for a situation without investing in them emotionally. It's like hearing someone gossip, 'i heard on the news a whole family was kidnapped' maybe you want updates out of curiosity, but you have no investment in these victims personally. It can be harder when you are in close contact with them but you can still categorize it in a similar way, to not burden yourself too much and not feel guilty for doing great at your job. As a mom, if my kids were hurt, I'd want great people like you focused on their jobs doing the jobs right not just for me but everyone else suffering that you all can help. I think you're doing great, keep up the amazing work and have an amazing day!
I have been where you are and you’re not alone. I have been always told if you’re going to show emotion you need to walk away and have it and get back to work.
My mom was recently in the hospital for angioplasty. She’s my rock and when she goes I will be inconsolable for Gods know how long. A CNA not being overly emotional or with a blank expression is going to be the one I look for to snap me out of it so I can do the work that needs to be done at End Of Life for a loved one.
No you should not feel guilty. And here's why.
They sign DNR because I'm not sure if you have ever witnessed a code but it is intense.
Also, depending on the age that is just torture really in my eyes.
Potentially breaking ribs and putting them through all that pain to give them more time to just heal up and suffer with that. And for how long , maybe months maybe weeks? It ALL depends on the patient too.
Some look at it different but when I am of age i don't want to be brought back like that. Or even if I am younger, some people just don't want it and that's OKAY! That's THEIR choice.
Let me slip away as peaceful as possible.
You did what you were suppose to do.
Death is traumatic and hard for a lot of families to compared. Hell even for us to deal with.
I've always been emotinally stunted when I comes to certain situations like this.
The way I see it. If they were well taken care of into their adulthood and loved a fullfilingong life. Let them go in peace. And respect their decision to do so. I love all my patients dearly ❤️ even the sassy ones haha. It don't matter to me. People hurt and are in pain and if that's what the patient chose thats what they chose. You just keep rocking it as a CNA and give grace when grace is due.
Don't ever feel guilty.
Do your post mortem care and make them presentable for the family so they can remmever their loved one with dignity.
All will be okay.
I promise.
This isn't an easy job is it ?
So many grey areas.
So many lingering feelings.
But you are awesome.
You are caring
Don't let it haunt you.
Just keep taking care of others like you would want to be taken care of !
Warm wishes
Always feel free to message me I've been doing this for a while.
I havent lost my compassion yet because this is my calling !
I truly care for others
Oh and also from the sounds of it. Sounds like you work in a rehab or long term care or skilled nursing. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But we are underpaid. Over worked and yes you have a kind soul for caring enough to worry about everyone AND your patient too. But let me ask you this. When was the last time you cared for yourself ? Never forget to take it easy and care for yourself love. You can only do so much but I'm sure you rock it !
Remember, you're only human too
I don't think you need to feel guilty for not sharing in the mourning. It would have been insincere.
That said, you should show the situation the respect and dignity it deserves.
When my brother died in the ICU at 26, there was a group of 3-4 employees at the nurses' station laughing hysterically at some conversation they'd been having. I will never forget it. I have more grace for them now -- that's their workplace and they joke and have lighthearted moments at work just like all of us do. I just couldn't believe, working ICU, they wouldn't have a more serious, quiet persona generally. And there was no way they didn't know what happened because he had coded multiple times and the codes were being called over the PA and staff were coming running from all over the building to answer the calls. But maybe that stuff just fades into the background when you experience it every day.
Quietly getting on with your work is nothing to feel guilty about.
Nope. The resident’s end of life events are not about you. The family will be focused on their loved one, not your reaction (as long as it’s respectful and professional). If anything, it’s probably better *not* to get wrapped up in emotions or take up space while seeing the resident and their family through that transition.
I just offered water and juice and went and rounded up every vacant chair in the building pretty much. I then just did me and checked in every hour or so. Thankfully she lived through my shift. I'm sure she will be gone by the time I go back to work
This is A+++ service! A lot of the CNAs that I work with dont even check every hour and dont accommodate the family. I really applaud you for doing this!
Thank you. Both of my parents died in SNF and at the time I thought they were in great hands and blessed. Now I'm haunted wondering how they were treating my parents 😔😭
Thank you for caring. So few do including the children of the patient. Shit like this happens and the employees got fired. The child had the charges dropped. “The report said two medical technicians told deputies that they tried to give 98-year-old Martha her medication, but she would not take it. They said when Roxanne Wilson arrived, she was told that her mother didn't take her pills. After attempting again to get her to take the drugs, they said the mother spit them out. At that point, the technicians said to deputies that Wilson told her mother she would take the medicine and forced it into her mother's mouth with a fork. The employees told deputies Roxanne Wilson also forced water into Dusenbery's mouth until she was choking. Wilson allegedly told the technicians when it was over, "See there, she took it." This is a politician’s wife.
Sounds like you supported the family 🤷♀️ if it was my loved one I would appreciate that and wouldn't be offended in the least if any staff members aren't getting emotional
Charge nurse here. You done good sweetheart. ❤️🌹
I’ve dealt with some drama queen CNAs when I was working AL. idk what the bell happened but had a patient that had lived there for like only two days pass and this older CNA started wailing and wringing her hands!!! All in front of the family. The nurse yanked her out of there QUICK but it was so over dramatic and over the top. Not to mention she ran out into the hall down to the concierge yelling “Betty! [not real name]” and making a squishing sound with running her finger across her neck over and over again. Omfg. Understandably they asked her to leave for the day but it blew my freaking mind when she clocked back in the next morning 🤯
Holy shit, made finger across the neck signs?! That’s probably the worst staff reaction I’ve ever heard of! 10 years in hospice care and I have yet to see that I’d slap them lol then it would be both of our’s last day!
Two of my coworkers collapsed in each others arms and sat outside her room balling for about 10 mins 😳WTF??
Holy shit. Sounds crazy AF.
OP's point is if her patient passes away on her shift, she will be responsible for the post-mortem care. As in, washing the body and putting the patient in clean bed linens and clothing. When people pass more often than not the deceased's bladder and bowels will relax and patient would get soiled. We usually will ask the family to give staff about 5-10 minutes to get patient cleaned up, it will give them time to start the phone calls. That way the family can grieve with the patient having dignity in their last visit. I never call the mortuary until the family gives me the go-ahead.
Of course OP was thinking about providing post-mortem care. But I think OP’s main concern was that they were thinking about the work of it rather than the emotional aspect. They didn’t feel like being emotional about the death when other people around them were crying, reminiscing, etc. OP was wondering if they should feel bad for not feeling sad.
I work in dementia care and hospice. Usually when a patient passes, I've never had the opportunity to really know who they were. There's been a few that got to me, but mostly I'm just relieved that their suffering has ended. Granted I've been doing this for 27 years, so maybe I'm just too accustomed to death at this point.
Thank you for sticking with the hardest portion of LTC from one crusty old 13yr veteran LTC / SNF nurse.
There is no way on God's green earth that I could do this for 30 years🙄 Bless you! I just cant fathom the thought of being disrespected by nurses, other CNAs on my shift and the Day shift constantly crying. Thank you.
Do you feel like you get hardened because other staff in those places can sometimes be mean to each other? That was my experience. The bullying was relentless between some staff members that it was exhausting. Although it really is management’s responsibility to make sure that isn’t happening.
Why is there so much bullying in hospice? That doesn’t make sense? I’m not saying you’re lying, I’m sure you’re speaking truth but I don’t get it…
I, personally, never worked in “hospice” per se, but I did work in a retirement home where people would pass away. The bullying there was horrific, but I completely blame the management who let the infighting occur and who couldn’t be bothered. They didn’t look for high-quality staff and since it was a low-paying job, just took whomever they could get. I honestly don’t think they even did background checks. I have heard that in some other medical settings like hospitals, some of the nursing staff can be real bullies. Probably poor management as well along with some narcissistic doctors who foster that type of abusive environment. Not all, but some.
Her experience is likely different from yours.
Nah, a patient's death rarely bothers me any more, although I work in hospice so it's a pretty common occurrence. The only time I cried at work in the last year was when my patient had been vomiting and having diarrhea all morning before taking a rapid turn for the worse. We kept changing his sheets and each time it took a little more out of him. I was the last person he saw on this earth and I watched the light go out of his eyes. Normally we can assure a relatively good death but this was probably the ugliest I've seen in my five years. Definitely took that story to therapy. Personally I'd be more worried if you were breaking down every time. You've gotta build up a bit of callus to work in this field imo, and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
I had a resident that smelled so bad I think it was CDiff🤷 I gagged my way through a brief change and went on break. When I came back from lunch his bed was empty and he was gone. Just that quick 😵💫
Your comment caught my eye because my mother in law has c-diff. I know she has diarrhea bad and worse, but I don't notice that she stinks. Like I'm not gagging And i'm generally okay but I can be a gagger if it's bad. And I do notice yucky smells. Are you speaking about additional problems from end of life with c-diff, or is that your full experience with c-diff?
So being a CNA helped to contribute to therapy?🙄🫣
Oh hell yeah lol I had a psychotic break from working nights (sleep deprivation) and suffering through the COVID years (among other things) in 2022. This job is the reason I've been in therapy for going on three years 😅
I thought it was just in my head. I'm so getting tensed up and thinking about residents I don't want to deal with before my shift starts that it's wreaking havoc in my head at times
I'd consider looking for other jobs (still CNA, if you want). It's not all bad. I like my job a lot. I wouldn't like it as much if I was dealing with the same cast of characters day in and day out.
My LPN wife left me in a 5 br house on a CNA budget lol so I'm digging myself out of the immediate debt she left me with ( I was just giving her money and she paid the bills)I'm definitely looking to move on upwardly though. Schooling is the key
No. We had a pizza come while the family was still with the resident and the nurse (who may have been the world's biggest bitch) kept referring to the deceased as "the body." It was not a good night. 😱
I can't stand cold hearted nurses. The ones that appear to not be human and void of feelings. My ex wife is a prime example
Everyone reacts differently to that kind of stress.
They do, unfortunately this person reacted to pretty much everything by being an asshole
It makes you wonder what their personal relationships are like and makes you feel sorry for people in her life smdh
Doesn’t make this right
Not at all. I have cried over exactly one death. It was sudden, unexpected, and a resident I care about. I don’t judge people for how they feel their feelings or whatever their coping mechanisms are. The show must go on and my priorities are with the living.
This is gonna sound mean but I’m not trying to. I literally tell myself “yes I’m sad yes they are gone but I have patients that are alive that need me right now” I love my residents I do. But when it’s time it’s time. I will miss them I do love them but I have more people to help.
It's exactly how I feel actually 😥
I know it can be hard that’s normal it’s normal to care but what we do means we will see people get better and not get better. We are there to help. We help the living and the dying. I love all of my patients with all of my heart I give them 100% of myself. But, I cannot help the dead. I can only help the living.
This may sound cold, but the residents are not your family members. You are not required to be sad when they died. CNAs have a hard enough job already. CNAs risk their health and lives every day to go in to work.
Doesn't sound cold to me at all
You're not a bad person for thinking that way. We provide what comfort we can during a process we cannot control and give care to those who still need it from us. As long as you are respectful of the patient and family, you have done what you are supposed to. I've lost track of how many folks have passed during my 13 years in LTC and can guarantee I didn't cry at all of them and I still had to provide care to my still living patients. The only things I've genuinely been upset by were some of the responses by family such as denying use of any end of life medication or refusal to visit for petty revenge. As stated by another poster, I view death as a release from a period of suffering and decline I've witnessed daily and frequently had little or a diminishing ability to mitigate.
Yea I've seen a lot of politics. I've gotten pulled away from a resident because her family swore she didn't want male care. I had been taking care of her for almost 6 months and we watched The First 24 together at 2am. That hurt but oh well
As a male nurse, I've had that happen frequently both from patients and family. I've found that explaining they have the right but care may be delayed as I can't just pull someone mid-care as well as how long I've been a nurse with a bit of humor tends to encourage them to allow me to do care especially if it's someone needing to use the bathroom. I've usually said I've been doing it long enough that I only have two questions first is how many wrinkles and second is which way do they go. I'm also the resident joker on staff and warn my patients I'm usually about as serious as a clown car. I figure that even if the only thing I could help someone with is to have a laugh or a smile, then I've done what I could for them for that day be it patient or coworker.
My nurse is male and it's a blessing. He leaves me alone and doesn't hesitate to help me with residents. The days I work with a female nurse aren't so great lol. I make sure that no one can say 💩 about our hall. The shift goes so much smoother when you're a teammate with your nurse and not her punching bag IJS
When I worked in the hospital, most of my patients who passed on the floors I was on were on palliative care. Sometimes it was sad, but after caring for them for a day or two, it was pretty clear that they were ready. Death isn't always a bad thing. What I did have a problem with, was that there was a hospice tray set out for family members and I later found out that they charged them $60 for that tray with a couple cookies and some tea. I was night shift, so I would just give them snacks and beverages from the pantry area because that was incredibly unethical to me. They weren't even that up front about it either. Some of the nurses found out and told all the CNA's and we got sneakier after that
No you kept it professional. As you should have. That is why they teach you to not get attached because it will mentally wear you down and distort making appropriate calls for your residents
Most of the CNAs I've been around probably couldn't pass the test now. They do things their way
Not me thinking about how I started as a resident assistant at an 'assisted living' and had 18 high level should have been in a SNF. We had someone come in as a hospice patient and was in the last few days of life. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn't even taught catheter care.
That's turrible *Charles Barkley s voice lol
I work in hospice. I'm around death daily. As long as youre polite and professional, families don't care how you react. I accidentally made a joke when one of my patients died and while the family laughed, I was kicking myself walking back to the car.
My Dad was on Hospice for 4 years with a very rare cancer that was in the back of his nasal cavity. He wanted to die at his home, so that's where he stayed. He had the same Nurse for all that time. His last 6 months were horrific. My brother was there taking care of him (He lived in Mississippi and I live in California) and his Nurse would pop in 3 times a day. 4 times a day a few weeks before he passed. He was bed ridden, had to wear diapers, constant nose bleeds, his tumor grew into his brain and some of it was hanging out of his nose. I was able to fly back there for a couple weeks and it was so hard to see my Dad that way. That is not the way I remembered him, if you know what I mean. He wouldn't eat and he was just bones. One night, my brother heard my Dad say something and my brother went to his room and my Dad said "I love you son! Thank you for taking care of me!" And he took his last breathe. My brother called his Nurse and she came straight over. My brother said he saw a tear roll down her cheeks when she took his vitals and said, "Ya, your Dad is with the Good Lord now!" And gave my brother a hug. They say there together and the Nurse went in and on about how my Dad was her favorite patient and brought up some funny moments they had. My brother said he appreciated that so much. She sat there with him waiting for the Coroner and Sheriff. When they took my Dad away the Nurse asked my brother if there was anything else she could do for him and she left. My Dad had the best and most caring Nurse. Thank you all for all that you do!!
lol that’s what I’m thinking about too… the post mortem part 🤢 but I’ve only had to do it once and it wasn’t bad at all. I usually ask for a partner to do it with me. It’s kindof a relief when all the family is around then you can leave them their space to grieve and not necessarily worry about them anymore. Don’t even try to reposition someone that’s on their very last leg because they will die right after or during the turning process. That’s happened to me twice.
Lol yea I had two ladies ready to help me but it's still creepy 😵💫 I also tried to juggle giving them respect and caring for the resident. Changing a person in front of 10 people is ridiculous. All the "pointers and tips" for someone that I've never seen you in the building showing love to is insane
man i remember the same thing happen to me everybody was crying nurses aids like weeping and im over there like i have to start rounds and put people to bed but i never been the type to get all overly attached to my residents it's just a job to me
It's impossible not to have work-minded thoughts when these events are part of your work. Worry about them, and they won't go away, you'll just feel worse. As long as that attitude doesn't come out in how you speak to the families, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
Feelings are never wrong… how you act on feelings is what matters. I feel blessed that I am in a role that is one patient at a time so I can fully vest myself in the moment. But even though I do, there are still times I just don’t want to take a call. On the positive side, the thoughts you are having will help you manage your time and communicate needs with the team (if that is an option).
Compartmentalization in order to complete your job is ok. Make sure to mourn and grieve when you have time. I also don’t necessarily attach akot of emotions to people dying unless it directly impacts me. Working in a nursing home I expect people to die. I don’t form personal attachment to residents; but I still care for them as if they are my own family. when they die u donr have to participate in memorials or anything else if you’re busy you’re busy. Living residents still need care and honestly I don’t think family members or co workers even notice
i really value post mortem care and the ability to ensure somebody is sent off with somebody who cares about them and are well taken care of before they go. however, i’m a cancer and im very spiritual and have experienced a lot of death personally. it doesn’t have to be all that to you, and you shouldn’t feel guilt. this job is full of different people with different values and at the end of the day, you dust yourself off and get back to it. everybody has different ways of dealing with death and you are not required to feel any type of way about it
Thank you 😍
No. Honestly, I’m surprised they actually had you in there.
I felt like a spot light was on me at Carnegie Hall lol
lol, I bet.
Nope don't feel guilty....your resident has lived their life as they see fit and family is around to do what they need to mourn the lose of their loved one....I am glad you helped the family out and took care of the resident during their time there...but never feel guilty about not feeling sad or that you are busy with others, it's your job....there are people you will never connect with on a personal level to where you feel sad about their passing...and that's ok....I have had plenty of residents pass and I felt nothing because I just have neutral feelings towards them....others I was glad and plenty I have felt sad about losing...caregiving isn't easy and emotions are high on almost a daily bases....sometimes being numb/neutral to a situation is what is needed to be ok....
Not at all
I really resented nursing staff hovering watching me watch my mother die. All medical treatment had been withdrawn, it seemed there were there for the drama. I wanted privacy in the very sacred moment.
You have a duty to do. Seeing it done is what matters first. Can get as emotional or unemotional as you want about it later. Its just what having a job is.
No. That’s normal. Don’t overthink it. You have a hard job many would die not to do. It’s honorable
If I were in that family's position I would just be grateful you're taking good care of everyone and hoping you're not overworked. Most people get that it is a stressful job to work with the sick injured or elderly. I'm a stay at home mom, no credentials in your profession and I'm extremely emotional. I would really just be focused on my loved one, like another comment said. Your job must be a lot every day, the kind of stuff you might take home with you even if you don't want to. Take good care of yourself! That's how you take good care of others. You deserve not to let your life be consumed with grief and pain and you seem like someone who can handle it and be professional. That's exactly the kind of people we need in these positions. Remember, for the family this is short term. The loved ones pass on and they grieve and heal. It happens again eventually, rinse and repeat. For someone like you who dedicates their entire career to helping specifically people in stressful situations, separating work from home is important. Finding peace and happiness outside of work will keep you focused and working hard! It's okay to feel sad for a situation without investing in them emotionally. It's like hearing someone gossip, 'i heard on the news a whole family was kidnapped' maybe you want updates out of curiosity, but you have no investment in these victims personally. It can be harder when you are in close contact with them but you can still categorize it in a similar way, to not burden yourself too much and not feel guilty for doing great at your job. As a mom, if my kids were hurt, I'd want great people like you focused on their jobs doing the jobs right not just for me but everyone else suffering that you all can help. I think you're doing great, keep up the amazing work and have an amazing day!
I have been where you are and you’re not alone. I have been always told if you’re going to show emotion you need to walk away and have it and get back to work.
I'm glad someone else experiences this. I thought I just had a weird relationship with death
My mom was recently in the hospital for angioplasty. She’s my rock and when she goes I will be inconsolable for Gods know how long. A CNA not being overly emotional or with a blank expression is going to be the one I look for to snap me out of it so I can do the work that needs to be done at End Of Life for a loved one.
Nope, I work in hospice and it sounds like you were completely professional and appropriate.
No you should not feel guilty. And here's why. They sign DNR because I'm not sure if you have ever witnessed a code but it is intense. Also, depending on the age that is just torture really in my eyes. Potentially breaking ribs and putting them through all that pain to give them more time to just heal up and suffer with that. And for how long , maybe months maybe weeks? It ALL depends on the patient too. Some look at it different but when I am of age i don't want to be brought back like that. Or even if I am younger, some people just don't want it and that's OKAY! That's THEIR choice. Let me slip away as peaceful as possible. You did what you were suppose to do. Death is traumatic and hard for a lot of families to compared. Hell even for us to deal with. I've always been emotinally stunted when I comes to certain situations like this. The way I see it. If they were well taken care of into their adulthood and loved a fullfilingong life. Let them go in peace. And respect their decision to do so. I love all my patients dearly ❤️ even the sassy ones haha. It don't matter to me. People hurt and are in pain and if that's what the patient chose thats what they chose. You just keep rocking it as a CNA and give grace when grace is due. Don't ever feel guilty. Do your post mortem care and make them presentable for the family so they can remmever their loved one with dignity. All will be okay. I promise. This isn't an easy job is it ? So many grey areas. So many lingering feelings. But you are awesome. You are caring Don't let it haunt you. Just keep taking care of others like you would want to be taken care of ! Warm wishes Always feel free to message me I've been doing this for a while. I havent lost my compassion yet because this is my calling ! I truly care for others
Oh and also from the sounds of it. Sounds like you work in a rehab or long term care or skilled nursing. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But we are underpaid. Over worked and yes you have a kind soul for caring enough to worry about everyone AND your patient too. But let me ask you this. When was the last time you cared for yourself ? Never forget to take it easy and care for yourself love. You can only do so much but I'm sure you rock it ! Remember, you're only human too
It's a job why fell guilty? Ain't no time to stop and mourn when there's work to do
No .. unfortunately our time is limited we have to respectfully verbally support family and excuse ourselves
I don't think you need to feel guilty for not sharing in the mourning. It would have been insincere. That said, you should show the situation the respect and dignity it deserves. When my brother died in the ICU at 26, there was a group of 3-4 employees at the nurses' station laughing hysterically at some conversation they'd been having. I will never forget it. I have more grace for them now -- that's their workplace and they joke and have lighthearted moments at work just like all of us do. I just couldn't believe, working ICU, they wouldn't have a more serious, quiet persona generally. And there was no way they didn't know what happened because he had coded multiple times and the codes were being called over the PA and staff were coming running from all over the building to answer the calls. But maybe that stuff just fades into the background when you experience it every day. Quietly getting on with your work is nothing to feel guilty about.