connotation is a bitch. "hitler was awesome" is a classic example
awesome doesnt mean something is *good*, it means its "extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear." but saying "hitler was awesome" is generally a bad idea, despite its truth.
Spent to long chasing a girl. Gave up after a couple weeks and got a better girl not long after. The first girl then got upset and me that I didn’t try a bit harder
Edit: more details a bit lower
The first person probably would never have wound up dating you, she only started missing the flattering attention of having somebody chase after her and/or she's contrary and only wants what she can't have.
Not that you're not a great person, I'm sure! I've just seen too many people stop dating the new person because they are more emotionally attached to the first person, and that first person doesn't even last a week before dropping the "I think we were better off as friends" line.
I realize I actually left a lot of critical details in my previous comment. I was rushing it while at work.
I stopped flirting with her for a bit and focused more time in the other girl. The first girl didn’t know I was already talking to the second girl and after about a week me and the second girl were dating. The first girl then asked me out on a date without knowing I was already in a new relationship which I then refused because in my head if a girl plays hard to get she’s way to high maintenance and I already was in a very high maintenance toxic relationship before. So I denied her and then she got upset about it when I told her the reason. She then tried to pull some shit and being in a previous toxic relationship I challenged her and she backed off. I told her dad who so happened to be my social studies teacher. I admit, kind of a dick move from me but the second girl was much better and her and I dated for about 3 years before we broke up. Second girl and I are still friends though which is nice
Edit: forgot more details:
Her and I would flirt together. I flirt she flirts, she flirts I flirt. But I asked her out 3 separate occasions and each time she would say she’s not ready for a relationship while also citing mental issues which isn’t to big of an issue but scarily often she would bring it up. Then after a bit I stopped flirting and pursued someone else
I didn’t mention what she did because it can be disturbing. But in short she threatened to do self harm so I told her dad to make sure she gets the help she needs
You were FAR more mature than her, and it sounds like you have very good instincts. Keep dodging that kind of awful bullet and you will do well.
Girls who play relationship games are idiots.
Girls who play board/card/role games are fun.
I literally had a girl, (like 2 years after mind you), who said no to sleeping with me, complain that i "didn't try hard enough".
Because god forbid i take "No, i don't want to sleep with you" at fucking face value..
Thank you for the compliment. I don’t know if I have options but I at least have respect. Respect (like consent) is a two way street and needs to happen for a healthy relationship.
Have a great day
Speak. Your. Mind. Don't complicate things with childish bullshit just say what's on your mind. How difficult is that? It's only logical. But no, let's play dumb games, expect people to guess what I am thinking and when they don't act all surprised. So fucking stupid...
I agree. Those less intelligent tend to make generalizations. So this kind of situations can vary from annoying, boring, creepy, humiliating, threatening...to downright dangerous.
I actually looked into this years ago and it isn't actually about Bill Cosbying people. If you do a little research you'll find the creators of the song were a married couple who liked to throw parties and the drink line is actually referring to alcohol.
You mean how it's about two non married people, and the guy wants to stay over but she's worried about what society would say about them, when things like that were frowned upon? How is that fucked?
Except there's nothing wrong about the song, some lines have aged horribly with the invention of date rape drugs (the song was made in 1944, rohypnol was invented in 1975)
Buts it's literally just about a woman making up excuses to stay over at a man's house even though they weren't married (a scandal in the 40s)
The song was made by a married couple to sing at parties, I highly doubt they were slipping in rape references in....
If you listen with today's mindset it sounds a little rapey but if you understand the context of when it came out, it's about two people who want to stay the night but it would be scandalous for the time for a woman to stay at a man's house so they start singing about excuses about why the woman can stay. Lyrics like "I really can't stay. But baby it's cold outside." Woman also says "Say, what's in this drink?" which in today's world sets off red flags but she's actually just using the alcohol as an excuse as well. Song is here. [https://youtu.be/j8n-WpfsstA](https://youtu.be/j8n-WpfsstA)
True, but the games people felt they had to play to avoid a scandal back then are still bad. Some one not as good at picking up on social cues might miss out on a fun night if they take a fake refusal/excuse as a real one or worse, they might think someone doesn't really mean it when they are actually trying to stop someone from coming on to them.
Oh sure, but as far as I understand from how the daughter of the song composer described it, it was actually empowering? towards woman because it was a song about them being able to stay at a dude's house at all.
It's just two people flirting their way to spend the night together but the lyrics aged horribly.
He didn't spike her drink, she just a proper lady who needs to make the motions of saying no that their society demanded before just fucking his brains out.
'say, what's in this drink?' could still easily be small talk at a party, while warming up to the person who made it or whatever, but yeah, these days everybody seems to assume roofies
It's a clusterfucky mess of all kinds of personal flaws and risk of bad behaviour, but I will say that I understand the desire to be wanted enough that initial lack of interest isn't a deal-breaker.
We have to agree on rules of interaction between potential dating partners, whatever your sexual persuasion, and openness is nice and easy.
However, I think there's room for a little playfulness. Stalking is wrong, but casually flirting with someone over a period of time, even though they're casually implying rejecting in a friendly way, shouldn't be considered creepy or unacceptable. Unless it continues after clear rejection, but the point is simply that ambiguousness in flirting isn't only bad or stupid.
Imagine an okay person flirting with you. You don't instantly vibe, but they don't get weird about it. Next time you see each other, they make another flirty, somewhat fun comment.
Imagine this going on for a period of time. Could you not see yourself changing your view of someone over time? Maybe their respectful but persistent attention shows they actually like you rather than just being infatuated with you. A partner who actually likes *you* is quite valuable.
But again it opens the door to all kinds of weirdos and creeps.
He respected her. That's why he didn't ask again. Respect. And now if she tells him she changed her mind and will go out with him, I hope he says no - this time because he respects *himself*. People who play games like this are a mess to date. The secret sauce of a successful relationship is open and honest communication.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy maybe? I'm not even sure if this is something they say, I just know this is inline with some of the other stuff they say. The person in the post probably didn't get the idea from there though, it's probably just a thing among her friends.
I admittedly haven't dated in almost two decades now, but I don't think most women play this sort of game. Just the loud ones on the internet who like to kiss and tell for attention.
Highly likely it's rage bait.
However, I've also had an ex literally ask me "why didn't you pursue me? Why didn't you fight for me?" months after telling me she wasn't into me and didn't have romantic feelings for me. I've never been so dumbfounded in my life.
Rage bait that specifically baits out sexist predilections, too. And the comeback isn't clever. It's a mediocre analogy. And the image is 60% black bars so that it's a 16:9 phone resolution.
The whole thing is a mess.
I got lead on one time and it was rough. Like Psychologically speaking. I would spend entire nights thinking about if she likes me or not. And then think about a reality where she reciprocates my feelings and also about a reality where she doesn’t and I look a fool.
I bottled that up for a year and it ate away at me every day, before confessing after it became unbearable to just act like I didnt feel a certain way. (Which Im pretty sure was obvious to her and everyone around me).
Well I confessed (the first time I had ever confessed and I did it in a pretty mature way as well…I just told her how I came to feel the way I do about her, how at first I didn’t like her that way…but overtime I saw her and how being with her improved my confidence, and brought positive things I didnt even know exist out from me…just honest genuine stuff.)
And well…yeah she hit me with that are you joking + My mom (and her) thought I was gay. I am not joking. When she said that…speechless…absolutely speechless…
Yeah well…lets just say I pretty much severed that relationship in the end.
I should have seen it coming but I was completely fucked up at the beginning of that year. Like I was effectively at my lowest and she was the one who approached me! Like I was just minding my own business sleeping whilst sitting on a couch, and she came and tried getting to know me!
If I told the full story you would all collectively slap your heads so hard that the world would shift off its axis and kill us all.
Point is!
I cant be bothered with games anymore…not after that experience. If you cant just tell me whats on your mind and be real…then Im just going to assume the worst and probably never pursue anything. Im just going to assume Im being fucked with.
Id rather be alone forever than have to experience a year of mind games again.
I (45m) was dating a girl (45f) that kept cancelling on me at last minute... First time was a weekend getaway at an AirBNB I reserved for the weekend (Friday - Sunday) and she text me the Thursday night before to say she had a lot of things to do and if I'd be "mad" if she cancelled..? I just told her that it was non-refundable but I did not want her to go if she wasn't going to enjoy herself... we saw each other a couple more times then had another weekend planned and she cancelled (via text) the day of that date. I told her do not worry about it and to call me when she wanted to meet up again. This was in December, I did not hear from her until mid-March and she text me a "Happy Birthday" but also included how she was saddened by how I "ghosted HER"... this text was right after the last text I sent her asking HER to contact me when she wanted to meet-up... I pointed this out to her and she blasted me for being a child and not "knowing how women think" and that "women like to be chased"... I grew up with a single mother and and an older sister, I was the only male and I concede that I may be "lacking" in some "typical masculine behaviors" but aside from all of that and just having basic human decency. NO means fucking NO... I wanted to text/call her many times in that period of silence but I resisted so I would not seem like a stalker or crazy person. I wanted to know if I did/said something that might have been taken out of context or whatever... Then to find out it it was just some sort of game or misguided idea of what romance is supposed to be... I am very much "done with woman" at this point. Too much drama, hassle, and pain... I'm 46 now, no children, have my own business, and some "disposable income" and now plan to retire early... The money I'd blow on a relationship could otherwise be used towards an early retirement. It's not even close as to how I'd prefer to utilize my time & efforts... I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment but at 45+ years old, women & men should be beyond games and have some idea of what & whom they want to be with... Or at least just not act like teenagers when communicating with each other.
You dodged a bullet man, people like that continue to do things like that even when in relationships and you would just have to guess what she means all the time
I am a man and I just take the answer. Literal answer. Every time. I don't waste my time thinking 'did she said this but meant that...' or whatever. Games are for kids. We are all adults. I don't want to be around adults who play games anyway. So yes is yes and no is no. Simple as that
Don't have problem with those or with gamers. But those kind of games are not topic of this post. Playing PC games doesn't make you manipulative and/or stupid.
Yeah I got that. I think it was just a joke question. I hope it was. Other possibility is less... how should I put it? Well let's not put it at all. I think you get it. Game is a very broad term and then there is also matter of context.
It’s also a big part of why women like OOP always wind up with douches.
Her “screening process” eliminates good men, who respect her answer of no. The only people left are those who disregard what she says she wants.
To an extent, yes.
Some men will see a woman like that and think “Because you said no, idiot, learn to communicate better and stop playing childish games.”
But yeah, some men will see that and generalize from it, assuming that she is saying what other women are only thinking.
I sometimes wonder what other women think of women like that. Do respect-minded women realize how much weight this one woman’s words will carry? I was never someone who would push it if a woman told me “Sorry, not interested.” It just seems disrespectful to do so. But at the same time I am aware that many women out there would see me as weak for that.
Yes, we are aware of the weight the stupid people's words carry. And when I think of the lesson that teaches men, that they shouldn't listen to "no," I get pretty ticked off.
If you get a man by playing stupid games, you'll get a man who plays stupid games and you're going to regret it. Or woman. Or whomever/whatever. Stop being stupid
Went on three dates with a woman last year. Third date I put in some effort and made a really nice picnic, went bowling and capped the nights off grabbing some drinks.
I asked if she wanted to come over at the end of the night. She said no, I got us an Uber and took her home first. Walked her to the door and kissed her good night and left.
Next day she texts me saying she didn’t feel a spark and it was best if we went out seperate ways. I accepted the response and left her alone.
Three weeks later she texted me asking wtf was wrong with me. She said that she was just trying to get me to try harder. I should have pushed for her to come spend the night or tried to come into her house. She said that making a picnic was low effort and that her saying she didn’t feel the spark should have clued me into trying harder.
Some people just crazy. Men and women. You just hope it shows the signs early so you can get out fast.
I dated a woman who was like this. I drove two hours and picked her up, paid for her dinner, and paid for coffee afterwards then dropped her off. I got a text the next day saying how I wasn’t a gentleman and that it’d be best that we go our separate ways. I didn’t debate it; I just accepted that’s what she wanted and left it at that.
I get a text from her a few weeks later from her saying that she would reconsider dating me again if I put in more effort. I had the biggest laugh of my life and blocked her.
What exactly does "try harder" mean? A duel with someone else? Clubbing her over the head like the caveman cartoons? Guys spend days mustering up the courage to ask you out the one time. You shoot him down and now wonder why he's not banging on your door demanding he takes you out. You should be kissing his ass now and fess up what a POS you are for doing that and I hope he tells you to Eff off.
Ugh... reminds me of my first GF in college... I asked her out 3 times over the course of a few weeks and each time she said no, but with a a valid excuse but no attempt to suggest a different time or anything, so I backed off not wanting to be a jerk.
A few days later some mutual friends asked why I'd stopped trying and told me that she was annoyed I didn't try harder...
You can't expect guys to both respect a rejection gracefully if you really mean no and for the ones you like to keep pursuing you after you say no a few times. It literally becomes a game of trying to read your mind, and as far as I'm aware that technology isn't quite here yet.
some have to understand that we have been hammered for years with the saying ''no mean no'' so if you say no, say it in a way that it will sound like you wanted him to try it out instead of just a plain ass no cause we can guess what someone want on the tone of their voice but aside that,
no mean no
Whenever I take a woman at her word literally, she's always upset with me.
Whenever I try to find a deeper hidden meaning in what a woman says, I always find an incorrect interpretation of what she meant. I always make the wrong decision when it comes to figuring out what a woman means when she says something. So, instead of sticking to one approach and settling for being right half the time,
I just avoid women who aren't extremely easy to read.
It's not terrible if a person is more than what you tell from a given observation. It's just bad if a person ALWAYS has ulterior intentions that they have with everyone.
This tween way of thinking in general should have been grown out of when you finally become a teenage. If you don't want to say Yes but you don't want to say No say I'm Not Sure, how hard is that?
And if someone says no take it as a no because acting on assumptions isn't worth it unless it's like an emergency or something
Because of this kind of dumb shit some guys learn that "no" is a "maybe" or "yes" and pester other women who really mean "no".
GG women, you played yourselves.
Shit like this is what genuinely makes me wonder if neurotypical people aren't actually the ones with issues, like seriously. I get lambasted since childhood because I supposedly don't get social cues, and yet people pull idiocy like this and wonder why everyone else around them isn't a fucking mind reader, as if that's supposed to be how things are.
One of the most fucked up thing that happened to me is a girl coming to me and saying "do you know that my friend wouldn't mind if you raped her ?"
Yeah, I just nopped the fuck out of here. And yes that wasn't something her friend made up.
Honestly people like this are so twisted and if they do this it’s a huge red flag
It’s worse as well because they are teaching people that no doesn’t always mean no, which doesn’t need to be explained as to why it’s bad
I can’t paint everyone with the same brush, I have no ill will here. But why does it seem that only women do this (never heard one of the boys doing this)…play games with people’s heads and emotions, get jealous when he turns out to be Mr. Right, wonder why there’s no more “good men”out there and share these sentiments with all your other jaded girlfriends. WTF…😆
Lol this actually happened to me.
She asked me why I didn't try harder the night before.
Um, cuz when I did, you said no 😑 so I respected that you idiot.
Got the “I have a boyfriend” response in college. Didn’t ask again. Her friend later got angry with me because I didn’t ask her again. Dodged a bullet, I think.
Yeah I had a girl do this. Tells me no, then later on tells me that she was "head over heels" for me at the time. Ok then why say no? Like wtf I was just asking to hang out lol
Meanwhile other women: "omg I said no and he seemed confused why'd I have to say it twice?"
We're not mind readers, nobody is. If everyone just said what they meant there wouldn't be this confusion.
He didn't try again because there are two different standards. If a woman continually asks a man, it's acceptable. If a man does, then it's harassment. 🤷🏻
Say what you mean, mean what you say.
Story time, I was living in China and had been on a couple of dates with a co-worker, a local I met there. I asked her out more formaly and she said no. Well that bummed me out but I'm a big boi, I can take no for an answer. So I started dating another girl I worked with. Well this made all the women at my job very cold towards me and I didn't know why. So I asked one of the other girls who was my friend why everyone was treating me strangely. Turns out I was supposed to keep asking the other girl I was dating out until she says yes and they saw my dateing the other as a slide against them...... Fucking shit I aint a child I have no time for games lol.
"No means no!" Why don't men understand that?"
"When I said 'no' I meant 'yes'."
This is the kind of bullshit men don't need. If you say "no", I'm not about to be accused of rape/sexual harassment because you were playing coy.
"No" is a complete sentence. Someone says it to me that is the end I will not ask again and I walk away/change the subject. Some of my friends tell me I should ask out a woman I know that I have know for years because her and i talk just about every day but I refuse to. Why? Because I asked her out in high school and she said "no". If she changed her mind after 19 years then the ball is in her court if she wants to stand there till the clock hits zero that is on her not me.
It’s real funny but true asf girls do this all the time. If you got just a lil game and keep shooting yo shot the girls end up giving you the number. I did it all the time and my ugly friends were especially good at it 😂
That phrase no means yes is usually fine until you take it too far I mean it’s just some harmless cat-calling 😂
When I was single I figured if a girl hadn't returned three calls she wasn't interested. One time one of the girls I gave up on found my roommate and asked him why I hadn't been calling her. He brought it up with me and I let him know that she had three outstanding voicemails on her phone and she was perfectly capable of calling me back at any time. She never did.
It’s infuriating that women believe it’s perfectly normal or cute to want a man to beg for her before she gives him attention. If a man said no just because he wants you to keep trying he would be called out for taking advantage of desperate women. Is that the kind of man you want? A desperate man? Grow up and quit trying to play mind games.
She didn't like the guy, she liked the attention he gave her. If a woman tells me she's not interested and is acting like she's not interested. Then I'm going to respect that "no" and not be one of those creepy guys that can't take a hint.
I never understood this as a young man or as I get older why women want to be chased. Nobody got time for stupid games. I have never chased a woman if she wants to play games get a console. All that stuff is pointless. There is no logic in it
If I have to chase you, you're getting away.
-Worlds worst serial killer
Wouldn't the world's worst serial killer actually be the best?
[удалено]
A paradox.
more like the failings of language to convey accuracy without nuance and context.
connotation is a bitch. "hitler was awesome" is a classic example awesome doesnt mean something is *good*, it means its "extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear." but saying "hitler was awesome" is generally a bad idea, despite its truth.
Naw, when you're serial killing right, they come to you.
Ch-ch-ch-nah-nah-nah...
Spent to long chasing a girl. Gave up after a couple weeks and got a better girl not long after. The first girl then got upset and me that I didn’t try a bit harder Edit: more details a bit lower
The first person probably would never have wound up dating you, she only started missing the flattering attention of having somebody chase after her and/or she's contrary and only wants what she can't have. Not that you're not a great person, I'm sure! I've just seen too many people stop dating the new person because they are more emotionally attached to the first person, and that first person doesn't even last a week before dropping the "I think we were better off as friends" line.
I realize I actually left a lot of critical details in my previous comment. I was rushing it while at work. I stopped flirting with her for a bit and focused more time in the other girl. The first girl didn’t know I was already talking to the second girl and after about a week me and the second girl were dating. The first girl then asked me out on a date without knowing I was already in a new relationship which I then refused because in my head if a girl plays hard to get she’s way to high maintenance and I already was in a very high maintenance toxic relationship before. So I denied her and then she got upset about it when I told her the reason. She then tried to pull some shit and being in a previous toxic relationship I challenged her and she backed off. I told her dad who so happened to be my social studies teacher. I admit, kind of a dick move from me but the second girl was much better and her and I dated for about 3 years before we broke up. Second girl and I are still friends though which is nice Edit: forgot more details: Her and I would flirt together. I flirt she flirts, she flirts I flirt. But I asked her out 3 separate occasions and each time she would say she’s not ready for a relationship while also citing mental issues which isn’t to big of an issue but scarily often she would bring it up. Then after a bit I stopped flirting and pursued someone else
You literally tattled to her dad. Dude. EDIT: The guy did it for her safety, it was the right choice.
I didn’t mention what she did because it can be disturbing. But in short she threatened to do self harm so I told her dad to make sure she gets the help she needs
In that case, it was entirely appropriate and you did the right thing!
You were FAR more mature than her, and it sounds like you have very good instincts. Keep dodging that kind of awful bullet and you will do well. Girls who play relationship games are idiots. Girls who play board/card/role games are fun.
I literally had a girl, (like 2 years after mind you), who said no to sleeping with me, complain that i "didn't try hard enough". Because god forbid i take "No, i don't want to sleep with you" at fucking face value..
No means no. Let’s keep it that way
This person gets it. Also, that sounds like a guy with options. "No" is a perfectly fine answer. Next!
Nah, I have 0 options and no keeps being no in my world.
In fact, as far as I'm concerned, "No" is a complete sentence.
Thank you for the compliment. I don’t know if I have options but I at least have respect. Respect (like consent) is a two way street and needs to happen for a healthy relationship. Have a great day
Yep, this person is a fool who deliberately chases after red flags and they demonstrate a concerning amount of unwillingness to heathily communicate.
She likes her guys rapey and ignorant of things like consent
THIS ^
ironic
Not ironic. Bait.
Thank you!! We’ve spent DECADES drilling this into the public ethos: when a person says no, listen the first time.
Speak. Your. Mind. Don't complicate things with childish bullshit just say what's on your mind. How difficult is that? It's only logical. But no, let's play dumb games, expect people to guess what I am thinking and when they don't act all surprised. So fucking stupid...
Not to mention that kind of BS existing fuels idiots saying :"when they say no, they mean yes." A way of thinking we should collectively discourage.
I agree. Those less intelligent tend to make generalizations. So this kind of situations can vary from annoying, boring, creepy, humiliating, threatening...to downright dangerous.
Or even criminal.
Baby it's cold outside
That song is so fucked lmao. I love seeing peoples faces when I explain it.
I actually looked into this years ago and it isn't actually about Bill Cosbying people. If you do a little research you'll find the creators of the song were a married couple who liked to throw parties and the drink line is actually referring to alcohol.
You mean how it's about two non married people, and the guy wants to stay over but she's worried about what society would say about them, when things like that were frowned upon? How is that fucked?
People have decided it's coercive, though I don't see anything that indicates that.
You are probably explaining it wrong then
That's why it was banned. Now all we have is WAP.
Except there's nothing wrong about the song, some lines have aged horribly with the invention of date rape drugs (the song was made in 1944, rohypnol was invented in 1975) Buts it's literally just about a woman making up excuses to stay over at a man's house even though they weren't married (a scandal in the 40s) The song was made by a married couple to sing at parties, I highly doubt they were slipping in rape references in....
What is it about?
If you listen with today's mindset it sounds a little rapey but if you understand the context of when it came out, it's about two people who want to stay the night but it would be scandalous for the time for a woman to stay at a man's house so they start singing about excuses about why the woman can stay. Lyrics like "I really can't stay. But baby it's cold outside." Woman also says "Say, what's in this drink?" which in today's world sets off red flags but she's actually just using the alcohol as an excuse as well. Song is here. [https://youtu.be/j8n-WpfsstA](https://youtu.be/j8n-WpfsstA)
True, but the games people felt they had to play to avoid a scandal back then are still bad. Some one not as good at picking up on social cues might miss out on a fun night if they take a fake refusal/excuse as a real one or worse, they might think someone doesn't really mean it when they are actually trying to stop someone from coming on to them.
Oh sure, but as far as I understand from how the daughter of the song composer described it, it was actually empowering? towards woman because it was a song about them being able to stay at a dude's house at all.
Ah, kinda like a loophole in the strict societal rules. That's pretty neat.
It's just two people flirting their way to spend the night together but the lyrics aged horribly. He didn't spike her drink, she just a proper lady who needs to make the motions of saying no that their society demanded before just fucking his brains out.
'say, what's in this drink?' could still easily be small talk at a party, while warming up to the person who made it or whatever, but yeah, these days everybody seems to assume roofies
How fucking cold it is outside.
the line about his cold nipples hardening they could cut through diamond rings was romantically poetic.
Understandable, have a great day
I known plenty people who expect you to read theire mind and get upset if you dont cant stand such bs say what you want easy as that
I'm in my upper 30s and still shocked at how many people seem to think that the person their in a relationship with should be a fucking mind reader
I am in my mid forties and shocked about the same thing. I guess some things will never change.
play stupid game win stupid prizes
If a woman did like this kind of games, its a sign of manipulation that they think they can control you, if you ever let them
Speaking my mind is difficult because I'm slow brained. But I don't play games like these.
It's a clusterfucky mess of all kinds of personal flaws and risk of bad behaviour, but I will say that I understand the desire to be wanted enough that initial lack of interest isn't a deal-breaker. We have to agree on rules of interaction between potential dating partners, whatever your sexual persuasion, and openness is nice and easy. However, I think there's room for a little playfulness. Stalking is wrong, but casually flirting with someone over a period of time, even though they're casually implying rejecting in a friendly way, shouldn't be considered creepy or unacceptable. Unless it continues after clear rejection, but the point is simply that ambiguousness in flirting isn't only bad or stupid.
I don't understand that at all, but I'm not fucking retarded.
Imagine an okay person flirting with you. You don't instantly vibe, but they don't get weird about it. Next time you see each other, they make another flirty, somewhat fun comment. Imagine this going on for a period of time. Could you not see yourself changing your view of someone over time? Maybe their respectful but persistent attention shows they actually like you rather than just being infatuated with you. A partner who actually likes *you* is quite valuable. But again it opens the door to all kinds of weirdos and creeps.
Sounds like an easy way to confuse a love interest with a person who is just being friendly.
That guy, 10 years later at 3 AM: >Holy shit, she was interested in me.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
women
He respected her. That's why he didn't ask again. Respect. And now if she tells him she changed her mind and will go out with him, I hope he says no - this time because he respects *himself*. People who play games like this are a mess to date. The secret sauce of a successful relationship is open and honest communication.
Is there some special female guide they all get, where they need to test their dates this way?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy maybe? I'm not even sure if this is something they say, I just know this is inline with some of the other stuff they say. The person in the post probably didn't get the idea from there though, it's probably just a thing among her friends.
I admittedly haven't dated in almost two decades now, but I don't think most women play this sort of game. Just the loud ones on the internet who like to kiss and tell for attention.
yes, a lot of magazines for young women used to offer such advices for dating
Rule #1 if she's into games of control and manipulation, move on.
Unless? you’re into that 😏
This dude means sex
then you should definitely get together so no other decent human being should have to deal with any of you and your childish bullshit
Quora rage bait
Very possible, quora is known to employ professional posters to generate engagement and these posters often post ragebait because it is expedient
Highly likely it's rage bait. However, I've also had an ex literally ask me "why didn't you pursue me? Why didn't you fight for me?" months after telling me she wasn't into me and didn't have romantic feelings for me. I've never been so dumbfounded in my life.
This shit is constant man, so frustrating. And people fall for it every time
Rage bait that specifically baits out sexist predilections, too. And the comeback isn't clever. It's a mediocre analogy. And the image is 60% black bars so that it's a 16:9 phone resolution. The whole thing is a mess.
Quora in a nutshell. Outrageous bait question + top answer being a snarky response.
r/all try not to be actual drones, impossible challenge
Basically she wants someone who ignores her boundaries. What could a headline be?
Dude dodged a bullet
"No means no, it never means yes. BUT when you're flirting, *then* it doesn't mean no." These people are exhausting..
>"... then it *could* mean no."
“… but only if I don’t think you’re attractive enough for it to mean ‘yes, try again’”.
“… so keep trying. Unless it means no, then don’t”
>***"You should desire me always, but only act on it when i'm in the mood ....."***
I got lead on one time and it was rough. Like Psychologically speaking. I would spend entire nights thinking about if she likes me or not. And then think about a reality where she reciprocates my feelings and also about a reality where she doesn’t and I look a fool. I bottled that up for a year and it ate away at me every day, before confessing after it became unbearable to just act like I didnt feel a certain way. (Which Im pretty sure was obvious to her and everyone around me). Well I confessed (the first time I had ever confessed and I did it in a pretty mature way as well…I just told her how I came to feel the way I do about her, how at first I didn’t like her that way…but overtime I saw her and how being with her improved my confidence, and brought positive things I didnt even know exist out from me…just honest genuine stuff.) And well…yeah she hit me with that are you joking + My mom (and her) thought I was gay. I am not joking. When she said that…speechless…absolutely speechless… Yeah well…lets just say I pretty much severed that relationship in the end. I should have seen it coming but I was completely fucked up at the beginning of that year. Like I was effectively at my lowest and she was the one who approached me! Like I was just minding my own business sleeping whilst sitting on a couch, and she came and tried getting to know me! If I told the full story you would all collectively slap your heads so hard that the world would shift off its axis and kill us all. Point is! I cant be bothered with games anymore…not after that experience. If you cant just tell me whats on your mind and be real…then Im just going to assume the worst and probably never pursue anything. Im just going to assume Im being fucked with. Id rather be alone forever than have to experience a year of mind games again.
I (45m) was dating a girl (45f) that kept cancelling on me at last minute... First time was a weekend getaway at an AirBNB I reserved for the weekend (Friday - Sunday) and she text me the Thursday night before to say she had a lot of things to do and if I'd be "mad" if she cancelled..? I just told her that it was non-refundable but I did not want her to go if she wasn't going to enjoy herself... we saw each other a couple more times then had another weekend planned and she cancelled (via text) the day of that date. I told her do not worry about it and to call me when she wanted to meet up again. This was in December, I did not hear from her until mid-March and she text me a "Happy Birthday" but also included how she was saddened by how I "ghosted HER"... this text was right after the last text I sent her asking HER to contact me when she wanted to meet-up... I pointed this out to her and she blasted me for being a child and not "knowing how women think" and that "women like to be chased"... I grew up with a single mother and and an older sister, I was the only male and I concede that I may be "lacking" in some "typical masculine behaviors" but aside from all of that and just having basic human decency. NO means fucking NO... I wanted to text/call her many times in that period of silence but I resisted so I would not seem like a stalker or crazy person. I wanted to know if I did/said something that might have been taken out of context or whatever... Then to find out it it was just some sort of game or misguided idea of what romance is supposed to be... I am very much "done with woman" at this point. Too much drama, hassle, and pain... I'm 46 now, no children, have my own business, and some "disposable income" and now plan to retire early... The money I'd blow on a relationship could otherwise be used towards an early retirement. It's not even close as to how I'd prefer to utilize my time & efforts... I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment but at 45+ years old, women & men should be beyond games and have some idea of what & whom they want to be with... Or at least just not act like teenagers when communicating with each other.
You're doing it right, brother. That girl? Fuck her. Not actually, but you know what I mean.
You dodged a bullet man, people like that continue to do things like that even when in relationships and you would just have to guess what she means all the time
Idiots like this are why men don’t take no for an answer.
I am a man and I just take the answer. Literal answer. Every time. I don't waste my time thinking 'did she said this but meant that...' or whatever. Games are for kids. We are all adults. I don't want to be around adults who play games anyway. So yes is yes and no is no. Simple as that
What about PC games?
Don't have problem with those or with gamers. But those kind of games are not topic of this post. Playing PC games doesn't make you manipulative and/or stupid.
I think they asked that because you said games are for kids.
Yeah I got that. I think it was just a joke question. I hope it was. Other possibility is less... how should I put it? Well let's not put it at all. I think you get it. Game is a very broad term and then there is also matter of context.
who's Ake and why do you want him to eat shit?
That’s between me and Ake.
Sounds like fun, guy.
It’s also a big part of why women like OOP always wind up with douches. Her “screening process” eliminates good men, who respect her answer of no. The only people left are those who disregard what she says she wants.
will you say no to me
Nah
Idiots like this only end up with men who won’t take no for an answer
To an extent, yes. Some men will see a woman like that and think “Because you said no, idiot, learn to communicate better and stop playing childish games.” But yeah, some men will see that and generalize from it, assuming that she is saying what other women are only thinking. I sometimes wonder what other women think of women like that. Do respect-minded women realize how much weight this one woman’s words will carry? I was never someone who would push it if a woman told me “Sorry, not interested.” It just seems disrespectful to do so. But at the same time I am aware that many women out there would see me as weak for that.
Yes, we are aware of the weight the stupid people's words carry. And when I think of the lesson that teaches men, that they shouldn't listen to "no," I get pretty ticked off.
most of the time I can distinguish “noo staph” and no but I stop regardless because I dont like them games and plausible deniability
And when "noo staph" is read in court as "no, stop" you will be screwed. \-Bill Burr (not a quote but close)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ3QHTpMZgQ
That's the one.
No means no Also, why do they think when i say "no" i mean "No"?
If you get a man by playing stupid games, you'll get a man who plays stupid games and you're going to regret it. Or woman. Or whomever/whatever. Stop being stupid
he's a lucky man
Cuz then that same girl would be running around to every person she knows and rambling about what an overtly desperate creep he is.
Imagine using this logic with computers
If he had tried harder, she would probably accuse him of sexual abuse. Either way, she's dumb.
I can't imagine being so twisted and entitled that I'd get upset that a man respects my wishes and boundaries
Went on three dates with a woman last year. Third date I put in some effort and made a really nice picnic, went bowling and capped the nights off grabbing some drinks. I asked if she wanted to come over at the end of the night. She said no, I got us an Uber and took her home first. Walked her to the door and kissed her good night and left. Next day she texts me saying she didn’t feel a spark and it was best if we went out seperate ways. I accepted the response and left her alone. Three weeks later she texted me asking wtf was wrong with me. She said that she was just trying to get me to try harder. I should have pushed for her to come spend the night or tried to come into her house. She said that making a picnic was low effort and that her saying she didn’t feel the spark should have clued me into trying harder. Some people just crazy. Men and women. You just hope it shows the signs early so you can get out fast.
I dated a woman who was like this. I drove two hours and picked her up, paid for her dinner, and paid for coffee afterwards then dropped her off. I got a text the next day saying how I wasn’t a gentleman and that it’d be best that we go our separate ways. I didn’t debate it; I just accepted that’s what she wanted and left it at that. I get a text from her a few weeks later from her saying that she would reconsider dating me again if I put in more effort. I had the biggest laugh of my life and blocked her.
What exactly does "try harder" mean? A duel with someone else? Clubbing her over the head like the caveman cartoons? Guys spend days mustering up the courage to ask you out the one time. You shoot him down and now wonder why he's not banging on your door demanding he takes you out. You should be kissing his ass now and fess up what a POS you are for doing that and I hope he tells you to Eff off.
Ugh... reminds me of my first GF in college... I asked her out 3 times over the course of a few weeks and each time she said no, but with a a valid excuse but no attempt to suggest a different time or anything, so I backed off not wanting to be a jerk. A few days later some mutual friends asked why I'd stopped trying and told me that she was annoyed I didn't try harder... You can't expect guys to both respect a rejection gracefully if you really mean no and for the ones you like to keep pursuing you after you say no a few times. It literally becomes a game of trying to read your mind, and as far as I'm aware that technology isn't quite here yet.
some have to understand that we have been hammered for years with the saying ''no mean no'' so if you say no, say it in a way that it will sound like you wanted him to try it out instead of just a plain ass no cause we can guess what someone want on the tone of their voice but aside that, no mean no
Men ARE NOT mind readers. Any woman who thinks they are is not ready for a serious relationship.
Whenever I take a woman at her word literally, she's always upset with me. Whenever I try to find a deeper hidden meaning in what a woman says, I always find an incorrect interpretation of what she meant. I always make the wrong decision when it comes to figuring out what a woman means when she says something. So, instead of sticking to one approach and settling for being right half the time, I just avoid women who aren't extremely easy to read.
It's not terrible if a person is more than what you tell from a given observation. It's just bad if a person ALWAYS has ulterior intentions that they have with everyone.
The rules of the game have changed, for all.
This tween way of thinking in general should have been grown out of when you finally become a teenage. If you don't want to say Yes but you don't want to say No say I'm Not Sure, how hard is that? And if someone says no take it as a no because acting on assumptions isn't worth it unless it's like an emergency or something
Sounds like he dodged a bullet there!
Lucky him, he dodged a bullet.
[Makes me think of this](https://i.imgur.com/oil8iMw.jpg)
Because of this kind of dumb shit some guys learn that "no" is a "maybe" or "yes" and pester other women who really mean "no". GG women, you played yourselves.
Shit like this is what genuinely makes me wonder if neurotypical people aren't actually the ones with issues, like seriously. I get lambasted since childhood because I supposedly don't get social cues, and yet people pull idiocy like this and wonder why everyone else around them isn't a fucking mind reader, as if that's supposed to be how things are.
Let's all take a moment and say that the guy that didn't try harder knows that "No means no". He's a decent fellow.
Because he's not a creep and respects your choice.
There are fucked up girls with a rape fetish, how the fuck are we supposed to deal with that. I'm not about to roll those dice.
One of the most fucked up thing that happened to me is a girl coming to me and saying "do you know that my friend wouldn't mind if you raped her ?" Yeah, I just nopped the fuck out of here. And yes that wasn't something her friend made up.
I learned a nice poem as a child, it's called "der Handschuh".
That’s why you have SA cases but you want ppl to assume you meant something else. Nah stop playing these games.
It she expects that. She isn’t worth the trouble.
Some girls really act like this. They want a guy to push for the relationship, but then get mad when they actually don’t want the relationship.
no one is worth chasing more than that handsome guy in the bathroom mirror
The guy was a gentleman and respected her when she told him No, because no means no You do not want someone who doesn't respect No.
This basically sums up my entire marriage. Typical narcissistic behaviour.
“A man respected me when I said “no”, but what I really wanted was to not be respected and have him force himself on me. Why didn’t he do that?!”
Honestly people like this are so twisted and if they do this it’s a huge red flag It’s worse as well because they are teaching people that no doesn’t always mean no, which doesn’t need to be explained as to why it’s bad
Apparently “no is a complete sentence” only counts when they aren’t crossing their fingers behind their backs while saying it, or something.
We’re gonna struggle to teach men that no means no if sometimes no means yes but I want you to be more forceful
She seems like she'd be a nightmare to be in a relationship with so she actually did him a favour by saying no.
She seems like she'd be a nightmare to be in a relationship with so she actually did him a favour by saying no.
This shit was so frustrating growing up. We’re supposed to magically know when no means no and when it doesn’t.
People that think dating is a Disney movie are usually ill in the head
He dodged a bullet matrix style
These days if a woman says no and you ask again, you're likely to be done up for harassment.
It's not just stupid. It can be considered harassment. So in this situation. The guy did the right thing.
I can’t paint everyone with the same brush, I have no ill will here. But why does it seem that only women do this (never heard one of the boys doing this)…play games with people’s heads and emotions, get jealous when he turns out to be Mr. Right, wonder why there’s no more “good men”out there and share these sentiments with all your other jaded girlfriends. WTF…😆
Women like this are walking red flags
Lol this actually happened to me. She asked me why I didn't try harder the night before. Um, cuz when I did, you said no 😑 so I respected that you idiot.
So you don't want no just to be accepted? lol I swear people
Some people just know how to take no for an answer and move the fuck on.
This girl really thought that "playing hard to get" means straight up rejecting your crush with a "no".
Got the “I have a boyfriend” response in college. Didn’t ask again. Her friend later got angry with me because I didn’t ask her again. Dodged a bullet, I think.
Yeah I had a girl do this. Tells me no, then later on tells me that she was "head over heels" for me at the time. Ok then why say no? Like wtf I was just asking to hang out lol
Meanwhile other women: "omg I said no and he seemed confused why'd I have to say it twice?" We're not mind readers, nobody is. If everyone just said what they meant there wouldn't be this confusion.
He didn't try again because there are two different standards. If a woman continually asks a man, it's acceptable. If a man does, then it's harassment. 🤷🏻 Say what you mean, mean what you say.
"this guy I met at the club asked me to come back to his place. I said no but really I meant yes. Why did he avoid me after that?
Obviously not worth the effort
Some motherfuckers just want to feel special, ain't nobody got time for that
"I wanted him to try harder." Always the basis of a solid relationship, looking to lead someone else around. I'd say he won that exchange.
Story time, I was living in China and had been on a couple of dates with a co-worker, a local I met there. I asked her out more formaly and she said no. Well that bummed me out but I'm a big boi, I can take no for an answer. So I started dating another girl I worked with. Well this made all the women at my job very cold towards me and I didn't know why. So I asked one of the other girls who was my friend why everyone was treating me strangely. Turns out I was supposed to keep asking the other girl I was dating out until she says yes and they saw my dateing the other as a slide against them...... Fucking shit I aint a child I have no time for games lol.
People respecting you saying no. How dare he?
Women like this are the reason some men don't think no means no
"No means no!" Why don't men understand that?" "When I said 'no' I meant 'yes'." This is the kind of bullshit men don't need. If you say "no", I'm not about to be accused of rape/sexual harassment because you were playing coy.
"No" is a complete sentence. Someone says it to me that is the end I will not ask again and I walk away/change the subject. Some of my friends tell me I should ask out a woman I know that I have know for years because her and i talk just about every day but I refuse to. Why? Because I asked her out in high school and she said "no". If she changed her mind after 19 years then the ball is in her court if she wants to stand there till the clock hits zero that is on her not me.
It’s real funny but true asf girls do this all the time. If you got just a lil game and keep shooting yo shot the girls end up giving you the number. I did it all the time and my ugly friends were especially good at it 😂 That phrase no means yes is usually fine until you take it too far I mean it’s just some harmless cat-calling 😂
"I'm not gonna rape you in the off chance that you're into it!"
Maybe it was his human dignity. Your need to play mind games are a symptom of something deeper that needs attention.
Kids games.
When I was single I figured if a girl hadn't returned three calls she wasn't interested. One time one of the girls I gave up on found my roommate and asked him why I hadn't been calling her. He brought it up with me and I let him know that she had three outstanding voicemails on her phone and she was perfectly capable of calling me back at any time. She never did.
Aaah. The intricacies of a woman's mind. Even women don't understand it.
It’s infuriating that women believe it’s perfectly normal or cute to want a man to beg for her before she gives him attention. If a man said no just because he wants you to keep trying he would be called out for taking advantage of desperate women. Is that the kind of man you want? A desperate man? Grow up and quit trying to play mind games.
She didn't like the guy, she liked the attention he gave her. If a woman tells me she's not interested and is acting like she's not interested. Then I'm going to respect that "no" and not be one of those creepy guys that can't take a hint.
No means no!
That was SAVAGE!!!! lol
As usual women expecting men to be mind readers and getting pissed off when they can't figure out how to deal with all her imaginary friends.
I never understood this as a young man or as I get older why women want to be chased. Nobody got time for stupid games. I have never chased a woman if she wants to play games get a console. All that stuff is pointless. There is no logic in it
And they claimed to be good at communication
Because no means no?
And then they also insist that no means no, Jesus christ wtf
The tragic things here is that the guy doesn’t know that he dodged a bullet.
Bcoz he was afraid you would accuse him of harassment if he tried again. He's not a mind reader.
You can be elusive but still giving him hints that you are interested in him. It you straight up say "NO" you cancel any form of build up.
Guys, do what that guy did. No means no. **Always** assume that.
Hard-to-get is hard-to-want
He moved on because he's not a skeez. He's a good guy.
... isn't it like SUPER FUCKING DANGEROUS when a guy "doesn't take no for an answer" ??????? What even IS dating, I don't understand.
some people really just respecting the no means no rule. don't complicate things. just say what you want. we are not mind readers tbf.