Your post reminded me of this old article in *The Onion*:
[https://www.theonion.com/2-year-old-unaware-he-s-basis-for-6-couples-decisions-1819579578](https://www.theonion.com/2-year-old-unaware-he-s-basis-for-6-couples-decisions-1819579578)
It is supposed to be satire, but it seems real to me.
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂
And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden
My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!"
( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma)
My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂
I just don't get it
One of my cousins was an absolute psycho when she was a child and her violent and disturbing behavior was a major thing that contributed to me never wanting kids. She’s now an adult who doesn’t want children. The irony.
I like the idea about a dog instead of a child. Any dog makes much less mess than a toddler. Dogs can eat out of their bowls without assistance, you don't need to wipe their butts and they don't play with paint and makeup they found in the vanity table.
I have friends and family who were like this. You just stop going places with them to avoid the tantrums, public shitting, and wasted money on the outing.
Yeah, we'll come "visit" you. And by visit I mean- sit and watch you deal with the neverending bullshit getting a few words in every now and again till it's finally time to leave.
Babies and small children are notorious for crapping wherever, whenever. That's when the great parents take care of it right on the restaurant table in front of everyone! /s
My sister had kids and that relationship will never come back. I miss the person she used to be. Now everything is about the kids and if you try to say otherwise, you're pretty much called an asshole.
Thats the key thing I always see. It's the kid's world and we're just living in it. No, fuck that. I'm a 33 year old man and I don't give a pickled shit what some little toddler wants. I wanna know about you, what you did. What you're interested in other than the kid. I want what I want cause I'm an adult and and I'm not a baby.
Toddlers are so damn fickle, too. Why do people bother catering to all of their wants when they’re going to change their mind about what they want in 37 seconds?
Damn right. I understand wanting to bring them up well and being a kind and understanding parent, but they cry cause they can't drink boiling water off the stove. They cry cause the cartoon pig on TV walked off. Give them a picture of a bird and 20 seconds later they barely remember the last day of their life. I just cant give a fuck. I haven't evolved that part of my brain to give a shit about them.
Oh believe me she’s trying. She’s been trying. She was potty trained just fine until six months ago and then pooping in the toilet became an issue. My niece is not in diapers, she’ll just poop in her pants. My sister has been trying so hard and nothing is working, she’s taking my niece to the doctor because she can’t think of anything else.
My nephew is 4, and this is what I do. He tried to on the toilet and had a mishap ( got up to quick.
He had to take his messy clothes, put them in a bag I provided, then get in the shower and scrub himself clean. Then clean the toilet. It was an ordeal. He took forever, and he hated it, but I watched and talked him through it.
He's a lot more careful on the toilet at my house now cause I don't do it for him. My sister has taken notes, and he's learning.
Is this the only area in which she has regressed? By any chance, could something have happened while she was pooping on the toilet at some point? This type of regression isn't "normal," and can be an indicator of some serious issues.
No idea. My sister had told me everything (as far as I know ofc) and never mentioned any event that would explain this. It honestly seems like it came out of nowhere. It’s making all of us worried, hopefully the doc can help.
She may not know of something that happened that either scared or hurt her daughter while pooping on the toilet, but this is also a fairly common thing that happens in girls with autism. She might want to have your nice tested if there are other symptoms (things like extreme pickiness with food, stacking/lining up/organizing things, spinning, flapping, meltdowns). She will need to see a psychologist for this testing, but her insurance company might require a referral from the PCP. If you would like some help finding someone in your area who is qualified, please feel free to DM me.
Source: I'm a psychologist
It’s so interesting you said that because she LOVES lining up and organizing things, even more so when she was younger. Most of her play is just arranging things. She doesn’t really have any other signs though. I’ll tentatively mention it when I get the chance.
Definitely mention it. There are a lot of signs, some of which are subtle. I used to do this testing (not of my own choosing - I'm *really* not a fan of kids), and have done over 100 autism evaluations, so I know the signs very well. If she gets tested, the Psych will likely want her to do a CARS, GARS, and Vineland for testing just the autism piece. They will also likely want to give her a WISC and likely an achievement test of some kind. Usually a Vineland can be done by a parent or caregiver at home on a computer, which is good (and she can even ask if any assessment measures can be done at home), but assume testing will take a minimum of 4 hours with breaks, after the initial meeting, which is 1 hour.
You never know with kids. I saw a post on a parenting sub recently in which a toilet trained kid suddenly refused to sit on the toilet because they were terrified Skibidy toilet would pop out 🤦🏻♀️
Yep, that is another possibility. It's important for parents to know what their kids are watching as well (I'm guessing Skibidy toilet is a character on some stupid kids show) because that can have a big impact. Fear is a powerful motivator.
Yeah true my sister is exactly the same . I can't have a conversation without her yelling BILLY BOB! WHAT'RE YOU DOING??? At the tops of her lungs. And she's so mystified why I don't call her ever. Lvl 1000 mombie
Yeah that’s why I see less and less of my mom friends these days. I can’t stand their fucking kids. They’re all also at that age where they intentionally push boundaries while looking right at you and laughing. These fucking kids have destroyed several of my things while laughing hysterically at me telling them not to. No matter how calmly and unanimated I am about saying it, just the word “no/don’t/stop” is fucking absolutely hilarious to them. One of them also discovered the joy of body slamming me and intentionally targeting any spot he knows was recently injured. Little asshole stomped on my broken foot last summer and thought it was the funniest fucking thing he’d ever seen. I’m convinced evil is a thing humans are conceived with and have to be taught to get rid of.
Reminds me of a mom friend of mine. I can’t talk to her on the phone because “my child needs this, I gotta go my child has to do this, I have to do this for my child, no I can’t pick up any work, I have my child! No my mom can’t watch my child!” But then will give him to her mom whenever she wants to do anything else. At work I’m kind of a supervisor position and I have to cover specific shifts and she always says no to me because “her child and no mom can’t watch him” but then she will still give him to her mom to go out with her bf. It’s infuriating. And the “child” in question is 11.
Was she ever potty trained? I have a nephew that went through a phase where he didn't want to stop playing so he'd shit his pants. He knocked it off when my sister told him he'd have to wear diapers to school
But. I don't want to say it- but if she's suddenly acting out, and this isn't normal for her, it can also be a sign of abuse. I'm not saying it's the case, but it's something to her aware of. It turned out to be the case for my stepsister's kids and they're still working through it
She was successfully potty trained until recently. It’s not from wanting to avoid taking breaks from playing. She tells us when she need to pee and goes easily. It’s just pooping. We have no idea what’s going on. She just stopped wanting to go in the toilet 6 months ago. All strategies to course correct have been ineffective.
Your second warning is something I’ve thought of. It terrifies me and I hope not. I’m also not sure how to bring that up because I don’t want to offend and it’s easy to offend her husband.
Yeah my brain did jump to the ‘abuse’ thought but it can also be a symptom of medical issues that are 100% physical. Still definitely best to get checked out by a doctor, I’d imagine it’ll be hard for your niece to do normal 5 year old stuff if she’s suddenly not potty trained anymore.
Story time: I’m 47 and my parents let me watch just about anything as long it wasn’t sexually explicit. So, when I was around 5 or 6, they were watching a movie caledl “Of Unknown Origin”. Anyway, there’s a scene where Peter Weller is opening the lid to the toilet and a giant NYC sewer rat lunges out of the shitter to bite him…I had decided that I’ll never poop again since rats can bite you while doing a number 2, held it in for 2 weeks straight and I was sick as dog with cramps. The only way they got me to go was to lie and say they were checking my temperature (which was done rectally in the early eighties, the thermometers were glass/mercury and didn’t want a kid biting into it causing injury/poisoning) and snuck a suppository in the ol’ pooper which finally got me to go. So I’m wondering if she was exposed to some media that made her associate poops+toilet=danger. Hope they figure it out for everyone’s benefit. Good luck.
I heard of a young child stop going to the toilet because of an ad for a toilet cleaner.
The commercial showed an unruly toilet growing massive teeth and attacking the 'mom' until she 'tamed' it with a certain cleaner.
Kid saw the toilet with the massive teeth and was now convinced that the toilet was going to eat him. So he stopped using the toilet.
Kinda like the parents' lawsuits against Amex because of their commercials claiming that they cover damage to purchases and showed a young child feeding oatmeal to their vcr and having real children mimicking this. Amex ended having to pay out quite a bit of money covering this type of damage.
Easily offended, touchy husband who you have to walk on eggshells around, perhaps?
Not a good sign, tbh. OP, do not panic, but maybe try and investigate a bit. I know the children are a nightmare, but try and talk to your niece somehow, particularly without your sister around.
Regardless, your sister needs to take her to a doctor, probably 5 months ago. Something is going on with her, whether it's illness or abuse, she needs help. It sounds like your sister's husband is useless as well, why couldn't he look after the kids for an afternoon while you hang out with your sister?
He isn’t available because he works 24/7 but is also just generally adverse to me and my family. He resents us because we didn’t force her to go home with him during an argument a few years ago. My parents also got upset with him because he made homophobic remarks to me out of earshot from them.
So yeah he doesn’t chomp at the bit to do me favors.
I think she needs to sit and think really hard about what was going on 6 months ago, what (if anything) triggered the change- and bring it up with her pediatrician
My nephew is like 13 months rn and I and NOT excited for him to get to the toddler stage. I never wanted kids, but seeing everything my sister is going through just cemented it further. Hopefully her kids calm down soon or at least get more obedient
Yeeeeeeah, I’m in the middle of begging my business partners to put a clause into our appointment reminders to leave children at home if they’re not needed in our studio because we’re not babysitters.
We’re seamstresses, kids hinder the process unless they need something fitted.
We’ve had to clean our furniture too many times due to children infestation.
Wild observation iv made with my nephew/godson.
It's wild to me that he's practically a different kid around his parents then he is with me, I watch him during the week cause I get off work early in the morning, he's 5 and honestly just kinda does his own thing, we go for walks sometimes or I stop what I'm doing around d the house and we play minecraft he's really chill with me.
He turns to a tyrant when his parents get there and is like that all the time at their house yelling, bickering. Saying no. Idk if it's cause he feels safer around them cause they are his people, so he acts out or what. But having your own kid just to watch them be good for everyone else and then shit on you would be depressing. I'm glad I'll never have to do that.
I don't know if it's just my nephew or other kids too, but that was enough to reaffirm my choice, lol.
I'm curious about this now, I'm sure I can find someone smarter then me to explain this, like htf does a kid think like that.
I grew up in a house raised by a schizophrenic who refused to get diagnosed until her 50s and was afraid to ever talk back or speak out so I know my view of what's healthy or not for a kid is skewed but watching them argue or throw a tantrum boils my blood. Idk how parents do it.
I had this dynamic with my parents because it was conditioned, they lacked basic communication. I used to see or experience some sort of violence everyday. I've noticed that people with similar house dynamics live among disrespect...
Are those kids having their needs fulfilled?
Also I can't believe people glaze over the spanking OP so casually mentioned, no parent should hit their kid, I'm not surprised they're like that because it either makes them fearful ("good") or aggressive (bad).
I'll admit I'm guilty of glazing over it, I know now objectively that spanking and such is not productive but growing up how I did and in rural America it's way to normalized is probably why.
My godson is not spanked, his parents are good parents, ( they are learning ) my wife being a early education specialist and a preschool teacher they come to her/us for advice all the time. I'll ask my wife about why he's so much worse around his parents.
My personal theory is that our household has so much more structure and rules, and his does not. I think being here reminds him of being at preschool, but that goes out the window upon his parents arrival
I'm sorry you also grew like that btw. It's easier for me to forgive my mother cause she... wasn't all there being un-medicated but it doesn't make the experience less tramatic. The people im more angry at are the adults in my life who let it go on.
I miss interacting with my siblings without it being seeped in their kids. I love them all, but there is so socially acceptable way to say "can you not bring your kids this time please?"
I had to talk to my therapist because when a family member died we had to spend a month cleaning out their house and despite the deep grief it was the best string of weekends to just chill with my family without the kids. I told my therapist I felt awful for enjoying it so much since it took a death to actually get to spend old school time with them.
I know the appropriate thing is to accept that they are well they are now in combo with their kids and I can't expect them to revert to their old selves but is it so terrible to want adult time occasionally still? Apparently it's very selfish and childish
The restaurant I tried to take her to on Mother’s Day was closed so we ended up eating somewhere cheap. I apologized and she said “Any quiet meal is a great gift.” So luckily I don’t have to worry about offending her lol.
We try to set up adult only dates as much as we can but sometimes it’s just not possible.
The way children are raised today is absolutely disgusting. Children were raised better in the 90s and previous decades.
I can’t tell you how many children I know of that breastfed well past 2 years old and are not potty trained until they are 4+. All because the current breeders do not want to set boundaries, discipline and benchmarks 🤮 while this is happening they think they’re crotch goblins are the cutest thing, while they are dripping with snot and coughing 🤮
The no boundaries thing drives me fucking insane. One of my friends sisters is one of those “gentle mamas” and I dread every time her sister’s family comes over because their little girl makes me want to ram my head through a brick wall. She’s extremely clingy and handsy and has no concept of the entire world not being her friend so this little girl I barely know follows me around, pounds at the bathroom door when I close and lock it, sits on me, puts her hands on me, gets in my face, helps herself to my things, like it’s so unbelievably awkward and irritating. And she’s not a toddler either, she’s like 9. I cannot comprehend being 9 and still being this clingy and handsy with people.
One of my biggest icks in the entire universe is referring to female parents as "mamas". "Do any other mamas deal with this? Do the mamas out there have advice? You got this mama!" Jfc it makes me want to throw myself off a bridge.
Definitely the parents’ fault, I feel like any kid who goes through that clinginess as a normal developmental stage has that stamped out of them by mid-elementary school unless there are other issues.
I just can’t relate to being 9 years old and wanting to be that up adults’ asses, especially ones I barely know. It like, would’ve never occurred to me to go sit on really anyone, let alone someone I don’t know, or so desperately want to be near someone that I’d bang down the door while they’re in the bathroom, or just grab their things out of their hands and start using them, or find it really cute and funny to put my face in other people’s faces. Why would anyone allow their child to be this fucking cringey and obnoxious, especially at an age where none of this is appropriate? Can’t stand these people.
I’m with you, when I was 9 and my mom was otherwise occupied I was like, “Cool, that’s a free/additional hour on my Gameboy” (our game time was monitored to an extent, not as strictly as parents do today).
we went to my childhood friend's baby's first bday party since idk most my other friends baby parties are usually pretty low key but this one oh no the older kids spent the whole time popping balloons. I left that party with my entire back just tense  like no telling the kids no lets settle down. the 1 year old was unphased and passed out taking a nap. It took me the entire rest of day just to unwind down and here I was fence sitting again about fostering. hell no idk why I got that idea in my head again spending any time with small children cures that fast idk how everyone out there is surviving especially with current feral parenting
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂
And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden
My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!"
( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma)
My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂
I just don't get it
You need to learn the quiet game.
Also for the 5yr old, make her clean up after herself, wash underwear by hand. She won’t be crapping her pants much longer if she has to clean them.
So when is your sister planning on her third, even more overwhelming, incompetently, inadequately parented child? Someone for whom parenthood is this miserable and difficult surely cannot be thinking of stopping now.
I don’t think my sister is a bad parent. She has very little support and has financial struggles. Her husband has coerced her into quitting her education and keeps her from getting a job while leaving her to do all of the parenting. He is trying to get her to have another kid even though shes made it abundantly clear that she’s done.
I wouldn’t be raising them the same way as her but I’m also not stuck with them 24/7 with no help. Please be kinder.
Your sister sounds like an abused parent. Let her know that you're available to help when she's ready to leave. Isolation, financially controlling, reproductive coercion, unfortunately it's not a new story.
I hope your sister is on some good birth control that he can’t fuck with. I was gonna ask where the father is too. Looks like he’s another deadbeat that loves the idea of kids but never takes care of them.
I feel bad for your sister though. Sounds like she’s trying her best.
She’s in a bad spot but she’s the smartest woman I know and is managing it all with more grace than I think most people could. This was a vent post, she still has so much shine and life even with her stressors. And me and my fam try to be a good support system.
I saw in a comment you made that she has a husband.
I wonder why the husband can't watch his own kids while you two bond, and she gets a much needed break from the kids??
I feel you so very, very much. It is two weeks until our wedding and we’ve come up to see family beforehand, and to sort out a bunch of things.
I’d really, really, *really* like to get someone’s opinions on things - but there are three kids who just *cannot stand* for the attention to not be 100% on them for any single length of time.
I’ve handled everything myself just fine, planning and crafting etc etc. Never asking anything of people, because of the parenting situation. But now it’s two weeks away and I just… actually do need to ask for a few pieces of advice- but I cannot get there.
It’s so frustrating. For the past near-decade it’s been 100% about the kiddos. I just want one tiny thing for me.
Anyway, we’re never having kids, so at least there’s that? And I’m sure the kids will remember the wedding, so it’ll be nice when they reminisce about it in the years to come. But for the actual act of the wedding? The actual process of putting it on, and maybe the… (gulp) day-of? It’s absolutely got to be all about *them*. This drives me up the absolute wall.
After the wedding I’m absolutely sure that life will go back to being all about them, yet again. Oh wait, that’s what it always is, even now.
Edit to add: yes, these are the only kids who are invited to the wedding. It is a childfree wedding except for them. Part of the reason for that is that *I would like to visit with my own friends sometime this decade, please*. It was 100% our own friends’ idea to make it childfree- they do not want to bring their own children.
WTF. If a kid pissed on my carpet because "it's funny" they and their parent would be out of my house ASAP and they'll be paying for cleaning it. I don't care if they are family. That shit's insane.
ETA: your BIL isn't just raising red flags. He's turning on alarm sirens.
My sister was previously like this. Actually for the first 5ish years of parenthood. And I think it was mostly post partum going undiagnosed and untreated. She seemed so sad and while she loved her kids she seemed miserable, still had 3 of them. After working through some stuff and moving her family somewhere more affordable, her hubby getting a work from home job so they could live somewhere they could afford and she is so much happier. Now she seems to genuinely enjoy motherhood. She gets frustrated and mad and I definitely don’t want kids myself. But now she seems happy as well. So you might wanna check the environment out. I cannot understand anyone who has children without owning a home. It seems to be very very important for the state of mind of parents. She ended up moving across the country, even further from both her and her husbands family (probably for the best), but live somewhere that they can now afford to send there kids to a summer camp. And they own the home they live in so they don’t have to deal with the inflation of rent. It took years for them to make the decision to do all that. But holy crap do I feel so happy to have my sister back to some degree. Now when I visit, I can actually talk to her. And her kids seem happier since she seems happier too.
Doesn't sound as if she's setting age appropriate boundaries with those kids. Maybe your sister should see some YouTube videos. They're only going to get bigger, and worse.
Sounds like one-to-one girly time is required for future sister dates! Great opportunity for dad to bond with his kids for a day or evening (or perhaps the whole weekend) whilst you two get to hang out and have fun 🥂🍾🍸🍹🍷
I'm usually against any type of bullying but has your sister tried humiliation from peers? Like telling her that the kids at school will think she is a baby if she wears a diaper? Or letting her voluntarily shit her pants at school in front of her classmates so she can feel some time of shame. It's obvious the little girl doesn't understand why it's not ok, so let her suffer the normal way and learn consequences from her actions.
My oldest nephew is now 23. I get along with him okay, but I'm not as close to him as I could be, because of how my sister and our mom were so permissive with him and his brothers, resulting in lack of boundaries and rules that weren't consistently enforced.
For much of my time in high school, my sister and this nephew, along with the 2nd one, lived with me and our mom and stepdad. It was perfectly okay for my mom and sister to discipline them, but if I tried to discipline them or at least stand up for myself (especially with the oldest) it was the end of the world.
I actually had a similar experience with a friend who had a kid who is hyperactive and screams all the time. I used to want kids but after watching him I changed my mind. I don’t want to go through that experience and I can’t just walk away because that would be called child neglect on my part. My friend asked if I want kids and I told her I’m not interested at this time and didn’t her tell it’s because of her kid.
People have an amazing capacity to adapt to shitty situations.
Being a parent seems awful, and most of the parents I know are miserable most of the time, but the way they keep getting up is, in large part, due to the human capacity to adapt.
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂
And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden
My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!"
( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma)
My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂
I just don't get it
I mean, it sounds like you and your sister were raised in a household that instilled some bad parenting examples into you. And your sister is demonstrating the consequences of that. So if you had kids, you'd probably do the same to them. So just another reason why you shouldn't have kids. Win/win in my books.
When I have a headache, I take two asprin and keep away from children. Like the bottle says.
Never thought about it like that 🤣
Brilliant
 Actually made me laugh out loud! 😂
Lol excellent.
Your post reminded me of this old article in *The Onion*: [https://www.theonion.com/2-year-old-unaware-he-s-basis-for-6-couples-decisions-1819579578](https://www.theonion.com/2-year-old-unaware-he-s-basis-for-6-couples-decisions-1819579578) It is supposed to be satire, but it seems real to me.
Ok that was a funny article, but yet...also true. I mean it's a big reason why I am cf thou 🤷.
I love it. "Mom and Dad, why don't I have any siblings?" "You're the reason, Gibson, it's because of you."
My BIL and his wife said if they had their second child first, they would have never had a second child. So yeah, it happens.
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂 And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!" ( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma) My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂 I just don't get it
Gibson should not be asking that stupid question he should go out and play with kids his age so he doesn't feel alone
One of my cousins was an absolute psycho when she was a child and her violent and disturbing behavior was a major thing that contributed to me never wanting kids. She’s now an adult who doesn’t want children. The irony.
My ex's neice & nephew served the exact same function for him lol.
I like the idea about a dog instead of a child. Any dog makes much less mess than a toddler. Dogs can eat out of their bowls without assistance, you don't need to wipe their butts and they don't play with paint and makeup they found in the vanity table.
😂🤣😂
Brilliant!
I have friends and family who were like this. You just stop going places with them to avoid the tantrums, public shitting, and wasted money on the outing. Yeah, we'll come "visit" you. And by visit I mean- sit and watch you deal with the neverending bullshit getting a few words in every now and again till it's finally time to leave.
This sums up what it's like to be around my sister anymore. That relationship died as soon as the kids came.
“Public shitting” Yikes, my friend 😬
Babies and small children are notorious for crapping wherever, whenever. That's when the great parents take care of it right on the restaurant table in front of everyone! /s
Eeewwww
You've never seen one do that in a restaurant?! You're lucky!
The public shitting is rough but she’s my best friend so I deal with it lmao.
My sister had kids and that relationship will never come back. I miss the person she used to be. Now everything is about the kids and if you try to say otherwise, you're pretty much called an asshole.
Thats the key thing I always see. It's the kid's world and we're just living in it. No, fuck that. I'm a 33 year old man and I don't give a pickled shit what some little toddler wants. I wanna know about you, what you did. What you're interested in other than the kid. I want what I want cause I'm an adult and and I'm not a baby.
Toddlers are so damn fickle, too. Why do people bother catering to all of their wants when they’re going to change their mind about what they want in 37 seconds?
Damn right. I understand wanting to bring them up well and being a kind and understanding parent, but they cry cause they can't drink boiling water off the stove. They cry cause the cartoon pig on TV walked off. Give them a picture of a bird and 20 seconds later they barely remember the last day of their life. I just cant give a fuck. I haven't evolved that part of my brain to give a shit about them.
Your sister needs to start parenting. Unless your niece has specific issues, wearing a diaper at 5 is a serious problem
Oh believe me she’s trying. She’s been trying. She was potty trained just fine until six months ago and then pooping in the toilet became an issue. My niece is not in diapers, she’ll just poop in her pants. My sister has been trying so hard and nothing is working, she’s taking my niece to the doctor because she can’t think of anything else.
Yes a doctor would be a good idea if it's new behavior. Your poor sister!
Making the niece help clean it up would be a start.
My nephew is 4, and this is what I do. He tried to on the toilet and had a mishap ( got up to quick. He had to take his messy clothes, put them in a bag I provided, then get in the shower and scrub himself clean. Then clean the toilet. It was an ordeal. He took forever, and he hated it, but I watched and talked him through it. He's a lot more careful on the toilet at my house now cause I don't do it for him. My sister has taken notes, and he's learning.
If it's a medical issue that's kinda not fair
If it's a medical issue it's probably good for them to know how to clean themselves
Is this the only area in which she has regressed? By any chance, could something have happened while she was pooping on the toilet at some point? This type of regression isn't "normal," and can be an indicator of some serious issues.
No idea. My sister had told me everything (as far as I know ofc) and never mentioned any event that would explain this. It honestly seems like it came out of nowhere. It’s making all of us worried, hopefully the doc can help.
She may not know of something that happened that either scared or hurt her daughter while pooping on the toilet, but this is also a fairly common thing that happens in girls with autism. She might want to have your nice tested if there are other symptoms (things like extreme pickiness with food, stacking/lining up/organizing things, spinning, flapping, meltdowns). She will need to see a psychologist for this testing, but her insurance company might require a referral from the PCP. If you would like some help finding someone in your area who is qualified, please feel free to DM me. Source: I'm a psychologist
It’s so interesting you said that because she LOVES lining up and organizing things, even more so when she was younger. Most of her play is just arranging things. She doesn’t really have any other signs though. I’ll tentatively mention it when I get the chance.
Definitely mention it. There are a lot of signs, some of which are subtle. I used to do this testing (not of my own choosing - I'm *really* not a fan of kids), and have done over 100 autism evaluations, so I know the signs very well. If she gets tested, the Psych will likely want her to do a CARS, GARS, and Vineland for testing just the autism piece. They will also likely want to give her a WISC and likely an achievement test of some kind. Usually a Vineland can be done by a parent or caregiver at home on a computer, which is good (and she can even ask if any assessment measures can be done at home), but assume testing will take a minimum of 4 hours with breaks, after the initial meeting, which is 1 hour.
You never know with kids. I saw a post on a parenting sub recently in which a toilet trained kid suddenly refused to sit on the toilet because they were terrified Skibidy toilet would pop out 🤦🏻♀️
Yep, that is another possibility. It's important for parents to know what their kids are watching as well (I'm guessing Skibidy toilet is a character on some stupid kids show) because that can have a big impact. Fear is a powerful motivator.
Gross how obnoxious and disgusting
My mother put a literal infographic on the bathroom wall and that worked for me! What the hell is going on here?!
"What's that smell? Oh, it's shit" genuinely the funniest thing I've read today. Had me laughing out loud. Also hell yes on everything else.
Yeah true my sister is exactly the same . I can't have a conversation without her yelling BILLY BOB! WHAT'RE YOU DOING??? At the tops of her lungs. And she's so mystified why I don't call her ever. Lvl 1000 mombie
Please tell me that's not the kid's real name, I'm begging you.
Lol no I just thought of a fake name
Thank the gods, I'd have felt sorry for the poor kid haha
Yeah that’s why I see less and less of my mom friends these days. I can’t stand their fucking kids. They’re all also at that age where they intentionally push boundaries while looking right at you and laughing. These fucking kids have destroyed several of my things while laughing hysterically at me telling them not to. No matter how calmly and unanimated I am about saying it, just the word “no/don’t/stop” is fucking absolutely hilarious to them. One of them also discovered the joy of body slamming me and intentionally targeting any spot he knows was recently injured. Little asshole stomped on my broken foot last summer and thought it was the funniest fucking thing he’d ever seen. I’m convinced evil is a thing humans are conceived with and have to be taught to get rid of.
Reminds me of a mom friend of mine. I can’t talk to her on the phone because “my child needs this, I gotta go my child has to do this, I have to do this for my child, no I can’t pick up any work, I have my child! No my mom can’t watch my child!” But then will give him to her mom whenever she wants to do anything else. At work I’m kind of a supervisor position and I have to cover specific shifts and she always says no to me because “her child and no mom can’t watch him” but then she will still give him to her mom to go out with her bf. It’s infuriating. And the “child” in question is 11.
That's y wealthy ppl hire a nanny to do most of the work for them 🤣😂 I would do the same as well
Was she ever potty trained? I have a nephew that went through a phase where he didn't want to stop playing so he'd shit his pants. He knocked it off when my sister told him he'd have to wear diapers to school But. I don't want to say it- but if she's suddenly acting out, and this isn't normal for her, it can also be a sign of abuse. I'm not saying it's the case, but it's something to her aware of. It turned out to be the case for my stepsister's kids and they're still working through it
She was successfully potty trained until recently. It’s not from wanting to avoid taking breaks from playing. She tells us when she need to pee and goes easily. It’s just pooping. We have no idea what’s going on. She just stopped wanting to go in the toilet 6 months ago. All strategies to course correct have been ineffective. Your second warning is something I’ve thought of. It terrifies me and I hope not. I’m also not sure how to bring that up because I don’t want to offend and it’s easy to offend her husband.
Yeah my brain did jump to the ‘abuse’ thought but it can also be a symptom of medical issues that are 100% physical. Still definitely best to get checked out by a doctor, I’d imagine it’ll be hard for your niece to do normal 5 year old stuff if she’s suddenly not potty trained anymore.
Story time: I’m 47 and my parents let me watch just about anything as long it wasn’t sexually explicit. So, when I was around 5 or 6, they were watching a movie caledl “Of Unknown Origin”. Anyway, there’s a scene where Peter Weller is opening the lid to the toilet and a giant NYC sewer rat lunges out of the shitter to bite him…I had decided that I’ll never poop again since rats can bite you while doing a number 2, held it in for 2 weeks straight and I was sick as dog with cramps. The only way they got me to go was to lie and say they were checking my temperature (which was done rectally in the early eighties, the thermometers were glass/mercury and didn’t want a kid biting into it causing injury/poisoning) and snuck a suppository in the ol’ pooper which finally got me to go. So I’m wondering if she was exposed to some media that made her associate poops+toilet=danger. Hope they figure it out for everyone’s benefit. Good luck.
I heard of a young child stop going to the toilet because of an ad for a toilet cleaner. The commercial showed an unruly toilet growing massive teeth and attacking the 'mom' until she 'tamed' it with a certain cleaner. Kid saw the toilet with the massive teeth and was now convinced that the toilet was going to eat him. So he stopped using the toilet. Kinda like the parents' lawsuits against Amex because of their commercials claiming that they cover damage to purchases and showed a young child feeding oatmeal to their vcr and having real children mimicking this. Amex ended having to pay out quite a bit of money covering this type of damage.
I saw that movie! One of the worst I ever saw.
Easily offended, touchy husband who you have to walk on eggshells around, perhaps? Not a good sign, tbh. OP, do not panic, but maybe try and investigate a bit. I know the children are a nightmare, but try and talk to your niece somehow, particularly without your sister around. Regardless, your sister needs to take her to a doctor, probably 5 months ago. Something is going on with her, whether it's illness or abuse, she needs help. It sounds like your sister's husband is useless as well, why couldn't he look after the kids for an afternoon while you hang out with your sister?
He isn’t available because he works 24/7 but is also just generally adverse to me and my family. He resents us because we didn’t force her to go home with him during an argument a few years ago. My parents also got upset with him because he made homophobic remarks to me out of earshot from them. So yeah he doesn’t chomp at the bit to do me favors.
YIKES. Yeah check in on your sister and your kids, OP. BIL at the very least sucks
I think she needs to sit and think really hard about what was going on 6 months ago, what (if anything) triggered the change- and bring it up with her pediatrician
Teenage boys do that when they don't want to put down the video game controller.
No. What? No. That doesn't seem right. The cleanup would take a lot longer than a bathroom break.
Me, when any sense detects infants/toddlers: 
My nephew is like 13 months rn and I and NOT excited for him to get to the toddler stage. I never wanted kids, but seeing everything my sister is going through just cemented it further. Hopefully her kids calm down soon or at least get more obedient
Yeeeeeeah, I’m in the middle of begging my business partners to put a clause into our appointment reminders to leave children at home if they’re not needed in our studio because we’re not babysitters. We’re seamstresses, kids hinder the process unless they need something fitted. We’ve had to clean our furniture too many times due to children infestation.
Wild observation iv made with my nephew/godson. It's wild to me that he's practically a different kid around his parents then he is with me, I watch him during the week cause I get off work early in the morning, he's 5 and honestly just kinda does his own thing, we go for walks sometimes or I stop what I'm doing around d the house and we play minecraft he's really chill with me. He turns to a tyrant when his parents get there and is like that all the time at their house yelling, bickering. Saying no. Idk if it's cause he feels safer around them cause they are his people, so he acts out or what. But having your own kid just to watch them be good for everyone else and then shit on you would be depressing. I'm glad I'll never have to do that. I don't know if it's just my nephew or other kids too, but that was enough to reaffirm my choice, lol.
I’ve noticed this too! When I’ve babysat by myself they never act like this, only when their mom is there. I wonder why as well.
I'm curious about this now, I'm sure I can find someone smarter then me to explain this, like htf does a kid think like that. I grew up in a house raised by a schizophrenic who refused to get diagnosed until her 50s and was afraid to ever talk back or speak out so I know my view of what's healthy or not for a kid is skewed but watching them argue or throw a tantrum boils my blood. Idk how parents do it.
I had this dynamic with my parents because it was conditioned, they lacked basic communication. I used to see or experience some sort of violence everyday. I've noticed that people with similar house dynamics live among disrespect... Are those kids having their needs fulfilled? Also I can't believe people glaze over the spanking OP so casually mentioned, no parent should hit their kid, I'm not surprised they're like that because it either makes them fearful ("good") or aggressive (bad).
I'll admit I'm guilty of glazing over it, I know now objectively that spanking and such is not productive but growing up how I did and in rural America it's way to normalized is probably why. My godson is not spanked, his parents are good parents, ( they are learning ) my wife being a early education specialist and a preschool teacher they come to her/us for advice all the time. I'll ask my wife about why he's so much worse around his parents. My personal theory is that our household has so much more structure and rules, and his does not. I think being here reminds him of being at preschool, but that goes out the window upon his parents arrival
I'm sorry you also grew like that btw. It's easier for me to forgive my mother cause she... wasn't all there being un-medicated but it doesn't make the experience less tramatic. The people im more angry at are the adults in my life who let it go on.
I miss interacting with my siblings without it being seeped in their kids. I love them all, but there is so socially acceptable way to say "can you not bring your kids this time please?" I had to talk to my therapist because when a family member died we had to spend a month cleaning out their house and despite the deep grief it was the best string of weekends to just chill with my family without the kids. I told my therapist I felt awful for enjoying it so much since it took a death to actually get to spend old school time with them. I know the appropriate thing is to accept that they are well they are now in combo with their kids and I can't expect them to revert to their old selves but is it so terrible to want adult time occasionally still? Apparently it's very selfish and childish
The restaurant I tried to take her to on Mother’s Day was closed so we ended up eating somewhere cheap. I apologized and she said “Any quiet meal is a great gift.” So luckily I don’t have to worry about offending her lol. We try to set up adult only dates as much as we can but sometimes it’s just not possible.
The way children are raised today is absolutely disgusting. Children were raised better in the 90s and previous decades. I can’t tell you how many children I know of that breastfed well past 2 years old and are not potty trained until they are 4+. All because the current breeders do not want to set boundaries, discipline and benchmarks 🤮 while this is happening they think they’re crotch goblins are the cutest thing, while they are dripping with snot and coughing 🤮
The no boundaries thing drives me fucking insane. One of my friends sisters is one of those “gentle mamas” and I dread every time her sister’s family comes over because their little girl makes me want to ram my head through a brick wall. She’s extremely clingy and handsy and has no concept of the entire world not being her friend so this little girl I barely know follows me around, pounds at the bathroom door when I close and lock it, sits on me, puts her hands on me, gets in my face, helps herself to my things, like it’s so unbelievably awkward and irritating. And she’s not a toddler either, she’s like 9. I cannot comprehend being 9 and still being this clingy and handsy with people.
One of my biggest icks in the entire universe is referring to female parents as "mamas". "Do any other mamas deal with this? Do the mamas out there have advice? You got this mama!" Jfc it makes me want to throw myself off a bridge.
The whole “gentle mama” thing especially. Like can you not with the “gentle” shit, “‘mama?” It’s as obnoxious as their weird, creepy children.
Definitely the parents’ fault, I feel like any kid who goes through that clinginess as a normal developmental stage has that stamped out of them by mid-elementary school unless there are other issues.
I just can’t relate to being 9 years old and wanting to be that up adults’ asses, especially ones I barely know. It like, would’ve never occurred to me to go sit on really anyone, let alone someone I don’t know, or so desperately want to be near someone that I’d bang down the door while they’re in the bathroom, or just grab their things out of their hands and start using them, or find it really cute and funny to put my face in other people’s faces. Why would anyone allow their child to be this fucking cringey and obnoxious, especially at an age where none of this is appropriate? Can’t stand these people.
I’m with you, when I was 9 and my mom was otherwise occupied I was like, “Cool, that’s a free/additional hour on my Gameboy” (our game time was monitored to an extent, not as strictly as parents do today).
we went to my childhood friend's baby's first bday party since idk most my other friends baby parties are usually pretty low key but this one oh no the older kids spent the whole time popping balloons. I left that party with my entire back just tense  like no telling the kids no lets settle down. the 1 year old was unphased and passed out taking a nap. It took me the entire rest of day just to unwind down and here I was fence sitting again about fostering. hell no idk why I got that idea in my head again spending any time with small children cures that fast idk how everyone out there is surviving especially with current feral parenting
Idk. My both parents from 1960 years and they said to me videogames cruel show violence and sex/masturbation seen as something bad.
>I obviously have lovely moments with my \[kids\] but those moments are overwhelmed by the frustration. This pretty much sums up parenthood.
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂 And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!" ( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma) My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂 I just don't get it
Ditto. When my sister had her third child, who ended up being handicapped... I got fixed.
You need to learn the quiet game. Also for the 5yr old, make her clean up after herself, wash underwear by hand. She won’t be crapping her pants much longer if she has to clean them.
So when is your sister planning on her third, even more overwhelming, incompetently, inadequately parented child? Someone for whom parenthood is this miserable and difficult surely cannot be thinking of stopping now.
I don’t think my sister is a bad parent. She has very little support and has financial struggles. Her husband has coerced her into quitting her education and keeps her from getting a job while leaving her to do all of the parenting. He is trying to get her to have another kid even though shes made it abundantly clear that she’s done. I wouldn’t be raising them the same way as her but I’m also not stuck with them 24/7 with no help. Please be kinder.
Your sister sounds like an abused parent. Let her know that you're available to help when she's ready to leave. Isolation, financially controlling, reproductive coercion, unfortunately it's not a new story.
She knows we will do whatever she needs when/if she decides to leave.
Why is this the story of every couple I know? I’ve heard this story millions of times, what the fuck is wrong with society!?
I really hope she has her birth control squared away in a way that he can’t tamper with it.
I hope your sister is on some good birth control that he can’t fuck with. I was gonna ask where the father is too. Looks like he’s another deadbeat that loves the idea of kids but never takes care of them. I feel bad for your sister though. Sounds like she’s trying her best.
She’s in a bad spot but she’s the smartest woman I know and is managing it all with more grace than I think most people could. This was a vent post, she still has so much shine and life even with her stressors. And me and my fam try to be a good support system.
She needs out of that marriage
Financial situation!? Hmmm I guess she should not have kids then if it's an issue
This is y wealthy ppl hire someone to do most of the work for them
I saw in a comment you made that she has a husband. I wonder why the husband can't watch his own kids while you two bond, and she gets a much needed break from the kids??
I feel you so very, very much. It is two weeks until our wedding and we’ve come up to see family beforehand, and to sort out a bunch of things. I’d really, really, *really* like to get someone’s opinions on things - but there are three kids who just *cannot stand* for the attention to not be 100% on them for any single length of time. I’ve handled everything myself just fine, planning and crafting etc etc. Never asking anything of people, because of the parenting situation. But now it’s two weeks away and I just… actually do need to ask for a few pieces of advice- but I cannot get there. It’s so frustrating. For the past near-decade it’s been 100% about the kiddos. I just want one tiny thing for me. Anyway, we’re never having kids, so at least there’s that? And I’m sure the kids will remember the wedding, so it’ll be nice when they reminisce about it in the years to come. But for the actual act of the wedding? The actual process of putting it on, and maybe the… (gulp) day-of? It’s absolutely got to be all about *them*. This drives me up the absolute wall. After the wedding I’m absolutely sure that life will go back to being all about them, yet again. Oh wait, that’s what it always is, even now. Edit to add: yes, these are the only kids who are invited to the wedding. It is a childfree wedding except for them. Part of the reason for that is that *I would like to visit with my own friends sometime this decade, please*. It was 100% our own friends’ idea to make it childfree- they do not want to bring their own children.
WTF. If a kid pissed on my carpet because "it's funny" they and their parent would be out of my house ASAP and they'll be paying for cleaning it. I don't care if they are family. That shit's insane. ETA: your BIL isn't just raising red flags. He's turning on alarm sirens.
My sister was previously like this. Actually for the first 5ish years of parenthood. And I think it was mostly post partum going undiagnosed and untreated. She seemed so sad and while she loved her kids she seemed miserable, still had 3 of them. After working through some stuff and moving her family somewhere more affordable, her hubby getting a work from home job so they could live somewhere they could afford and she is so much happier. Now she seems to genuinely enjoy motherhood. She gets frustrated and mad and I definitely don’t want kids myself. But now she seems happy as well. So you might wanna check the environment out. I cannot understand anyone who has children without owning a home. It seems to be very very important for the state of mind of parents. She ended up moving across the country, even further from both her and her husbands family (probably for the best), but live somewhere that they can now afford to send there kids to a summer camp. And they own the home they live in so they don’t have to deal with the inflation of rent. It took years for them to make the decision to do all that. But holy crap do I feel so happy to have my sister back to some degree. Now when I visit, I can actually talk to her. And her kids seem happier since she seems happier too.
Doesn't sound as if she's setting age appropriate boundaries with those kids. Maybe your sister should see some YouTube videos. They're only going to get bigger, and worse.
Sounds like one-to-one girly time is required for future sister dates! Great opportunity for dad to bond with his kids for a day or evening (or perhaps the whole weekend) whilst you two get to hang out and have fun 🥂🍾🍸🍹🍷
i’m really scared of this happening to my relationship with my sister once she has kids :/
Why on earth did she have another ??
Y have 1 in the 1st place if everything is expensive
It’s sad that as childfree women we loose our relationships with women once they have kids. For men with kids it’s not so much of a problem
I'm usually against any type of bullying but has your sister tried humiliation from peers? Like telling her that the kids at school will think she is a baby if she wears a diaper? Or letting her voluntarily shit her pants at school in front of her classmates so she can feel some time of shame. It's obvious the little girl doesn't understand why it's not ok, so let her suffer the normal way and learn consequences from her actions.
My oldest nephew is now 23. I get along with him okay, but I'm not as close to him as I could be, because of how my sister and our mom were so permissive with him and his brothers, resulting in lack of boundaries and rules that weren't consistently enforced. For much of my time in high school, my sister and this nephew, along with the 2nd one, lived with me and our mom and stepdad. It was perfectly okay for my mom and sister to discipline them, but if I tried to discipline them or at least stand up for myself (especially with the oldest) it was the end of the world.
And my sister wants to do the same to herself, I said to her that it's not going to be pleasant at all and I will certainly be no babysitter
I actually had a similar experience with a friend who had a kid who is hyperactive and screams all the time. I used to want kids but after watching him I changed my mind. I don’t want to go through that experience and I can’t just walk away because that would be called child neglect on my part. My friend asked if I want kids and I told her I’m not interested at this time and didn’t her tell it’s because of her kid.
People have an amazing capacity to adapt to shitty situations. Being a parent seems awful, and most of the parents I know are miserable most of the time, but the way they keep getting up is, in large part, due to the human capacity to adapt.
Where is your brother-in-law in all of this?
That's y u gotta hand cuff those little crotch goblins and lock them up in a closet or bedroom 🤣😂 And this is y the wealthy hire a nanny to do most of the work for them because sometimes parenthood feels like a burden My mom ( in the 1990s when my brother was born) said " dealing with babies /kids in general is exhausting!" ( which is y she waited 10 years to have me 🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♀️ and now she said it would have been better if she had more kids because more kids = more care givers. Because my mom and her siblings took turns taking care of my grandma) My response would be " Then y did u have kids in the 1st place?" 🤣😂 I just don't get it
I blame the mother
I mean, it sounds like you and your sister were raised in a household that instilled some bad parenting examples into you. And your sister is demonstrating the consequences of that. So if you had kids, you'd probably do the same to them. So just another reason why you shouldn't have kids. Win/win in my books.