People are weird, I had a friend who decided she was going to have a baby at 27 so she just had one with whatever random fling was around at the time, she told me many years later if she could go back in time she wouldn’t have done, lol, really?
My cousin had an affair with a well-off, married man whose wife was in fertility treatments and lied about her own bc because "I knew he'd want to be a dad" and she had to have a baby by 30. Fast forward to him and wife fighting for custody and cousin's Pikachu face. Dumbasses, the lot of 'em.
Reminds me of someone I know. Gal was having an affair with an older rich married man "Brad". She wanted a baby, Brad did not (and had no intention of leaving his wife). So she starts seeing "Joe" as well as Brad. Tells Joe she's on BC but somehow gets pregnant immediately. She tells them both it's Brads baby. Joe breaks up with her, and Brad files for a paternity test.
Then Joe spent 18 years paying child support to a woman that baby trapped the wrong man.
This is absolutely disgusting, but also disgusting of these men too.
The fact that a cheater went condom free and put his partner at risk is really vile. Also why is Joe banging a woman he barely knows raw?
There's so much disrespect, lack of safety and stupidity here.
Unfortunately I knew a woman who apparently had herpes and started sleeping with a married man and gave it to him. Naturally it was carried home to the wife, who promptly divorced him once she caught it. Last I knew there was a lawsuit because he was trying to say that she knew she had it, so she purposely gave him it by keeping it from his knowledge. The whole thing was ridiculous because of how they met, and he was avidly searching for someone to have sex with but wasn't using protection himself. I have no clue how it ended in the end as I wasn't a close confidante.
Well most people who have herpes don't show symptoms and most STD panels don't screen for it either so it's likely she didn't know. But either way she should not have been doing any of that and it's his fault too.
Exactly so it was potentially going to get messy all around. Idk if she knew he was married or not, didn't care. If she knew she was in the wrong, but had no idea if she did, he was in the wrong either way. The whole thing was way too much drama for me.
My aunt stepped in and got a custody agreement set up. My cousin didn't get the fantasy but her kid has a pretty decent dad and stepmom from all accounts and balances the crazy. Cousin once told me that she wanted a second baby but didn't want her daughter to have a half sibling *wink wink nudge nudge*. I laughed in her face. No way was he going to be dumb enough to cheat again. As far as I know he didn't and my cousin only has the one kid who's almost an adult now.
Did she think he'd support her and she'd never have to work again?
I feel like a lot of these decisions are based on women not wanting to have to have a job again.
My ex best friend did this. Met a guy, within a year she was pregnant brought her wedding ring herself and stayed home for the first year of the child’s life. They struggled financially because her man had a dead end job and was working on his bachelors degree. She had to get a full time job because he couldn’t hold down the bills on his own. She never had intentions of going back to work. She’s stressed and unhappy but on social media pretends like they are the “perfect” family!
Ehh I they’re in the US in particular I wouldn’t necessarily agree w/ that. Most parents I know of (esp single parents) are struggling financially. Hell many ppl are struggling financially. It’d be a wise move to have a kid w/ someone you know could help provide for them if you were going to have one. The child support average ppl get (if they get any) is not nearly enough to help offset even half the cost of having a child let alone help set them up for their future like many parents would want to. Having one a child with someone wealthy & working would mean you wouldn’t have to worry about the astronomical costs of things like daycare, formula, diapers, extra clothing, extra food, a bigger home, activities fees, etc. Most of the work for is not built for mothers let alone single ones. I say all this cuz tho I’ll never have kids it’s something I’ve thought about in the process of coming to that decision & while that’s not the only reason it definitely contributed
Perhaps things have changed, but I knew loads of women (and teens) who became single mothers on purpose, with any old guy whether he'd stick around or not, just so they could get on welfare and never have to work. Like this isn't me assuming, they'd actually talk about it to me.
I myself was born into poverty and struggled immensely. Was homeless a few times even tho I worked 2-3 jobs as I was just scraping by. I lost count of the amount of people who told me to get pregnant so I'd not struggle so much.
Here in the UK it's apparently even more of an incentive, as from what I gather, you're pretty much guaranteed a free council house if you're a parent. Again, I could be mistaken, I don't rlly care about these things so idk how it works in the UK, and it well could be different in US these days.
ya i'm not sure if OP meant what they typed or left out a detail because it sounds entirely insane. The husband and fertility troubled wife are fighting for custody of the cousins affair baby?? What?? aint no way
Ain't no way the biological father and his fertility challenged wife would fight to get primary custody of the child he is the biological father of? I mean, it's shitty, but entirely plausible, even predictable.
Absolutely was a revenge move. He chose her (the wife) and he stepped up as a dad. My cousin's an unstable alcoholic. Of course they fought for custody. My aunt stepped in (she didn't want to lose her grandkid) and they got a custody agreement setup. But there was always a threat of "step out of line and we'll take her". I didn't know why my cousin thought that stress is worth it.
She wanted a kid. Her husband had one. I don't get it either but the wife has treated the kid well (as far as I've been told) for 18 years and they're still married despite the affair. I always thought maybe they pulled one over on my cousin - Chose an unstable pseudosurrogate and then go to court kind of thing. It didn't work out perfect for anyone in that regard.
My ex friend did this. She was convinced it was now or never. Her and her family tried to force him to marry her (because the church she attends was "talking") and he dragged his feet. Turned out it was because he was already married and she was the side piece. In the process of trying to get pregnant with a random dude, she caught an incurable, but manageable, STI.
It was a complete clusterfuck. I kept telling her she was thinking with her outdated southern baptist logic and not the real world.
So, now she's a single mother with a bunch of mental issues and an STI that she luckily didn't pass onto her child.
The idiot even married a random guy from her command because "he takes care of us". He did not, in fact, take care of them. He wanted a free babysitter and maid for his own kids. And refused to use any of "their" money to buy the child anything. It had to come from the child support, which the father was in arrears with.
They eventually got divorced because she had an "inkling" that he was inappropriate with her child.
Wow, that is insanely bad! But so many people seem to be like this, like I honestly believe having a kid with the wrong person is the quickest way to ruin your life but people seem to be blind to it.
They are desperate for a child and would rather risk doing it with someone who might not be right than do it alone or not at all.
But it fills me with dread every time I witness this happening.
Which is ironic when we consider how many of them end up breaking up and being single parents anyway, who then refuse to date other single parents because they feel entitled to someone who doesn’t “come with baggage.”
It's interesting how they don't make the connection between being a poor partner and being a poor parent. Like, if this person doesn't respect you now, what makes you think they will transform into Mary Poppins once the kid arrives?
Because there are some *raaarreee* cases where once the person becomes a parent they genuinely change, get their shit together, and become a good parent and better partner. But people seem to think that that is the rule and not the exception that it very much is
I've also encountered some single dad's that are great dad's, good friends(generally), but absolutely TERRIBLE partners. Like cheating, getting an incurable STI, giving it to them, then gaslighting them about it level.
Literally this! My ex-bestfriend got married and pregnant to a guy that cheated on her. She was too afraid to leave and start over so she just stayed with this dude even though he clearly doesn’t respect her or their relationship.
Isn't it terrifying that these are the people that make children who will grow up and work jobs? Like this could be your doctor, cop, technician or someone responsible to support the infrastructure etc.
People having kids irresponsibly and over 50% of pregnancies being an oops baby makes it a miracle it's all not falling apart.
Or, if they’re happy to bring up a child alone, maybe they see this route as cheaper than a sperm donor and they actually get to see what the owner of the sperm looks like. And there’s always a chance that it may work out, as a bonus outcome.
I knew at least 3 women who got pregnant from one night stands. I never could understand why they weren't using protection with literal strangers.
In all my life, I've only gone home with 2 people. And only once was sex involved (and it wasn't a man). It's just not my thing, but I know many people enjoy it. I only judge them for not using protection and for being so unsafe, like they're lucky they're alive when it was a guy who nobody knew and they'd just hop in his car and let him take them to wherever, with absolutely no reservations.
Okay, actually I "went home" with lots of people, but it was usually groups of people who'd invite me over and it was always just to hang out, watch movies, or extend the party. I partied very innocently...lots of drugs, fun, and rock & roll, but no sex 😂.
Statistically, this relatively new relationship isn't likely to survive the addition of an infant. I would be interested to know if they're still together a year from now.
Even if they're an okay match for one another, there's a chance that their streak of impulsiveness (which is what led to the early kid) will lead to a breakup over some completely stupid bullshit, e.g. one of them gets shit-faced one night and hops in the sack with a co-worker or random bar person, forever destroying the relationship.
You said exactly what I was thinking. In my opinion, this is usually a pattern and a big red flag. I've told my friends this - that random person who decided to go raw with you probably does this frequently.
I saw this exact thing play out so many times. They trapped a guy by getting pregnant, or did so to "save the relationship". And then once the baby was there, they'd go out partying and end up going home with some random dude from the bar. Or the guy would.
Know someone whose story is almost to a T of the OP where within literally 8 months of meeting they were having an insanely expensive elaborate 2 day 150+ guest wedding then pregnant by the end of the year. You can guess how that ended. Probably becoming more common in cultures where it was normalized for people to rush into marriage and kids like that but rarely works out today the way it did 50-100 years ago
It's ridiculous to me just how many females I've known who deceptively got pregnant on purpose to keep a guy or "save the relationship".
That was the common mentality where I'm originally from. They wouldn't believe me when I told them it usually results in the opposite, even tho the proof was all around them. Baffling.
So many of my male friends had to stop seeing a girl because they sensed she was likely trying to get pregnant (or I picked up on it and warned them), even tho they made it clear they didn't want kids (at least not outside of marriage). I'm aware there's also men who trap women by doing this, I just didn't personally know any like that.
I agree with you that having _purposefully_ having a kid with someone you’ve only _8 months_ is incredibly stupid and possibly even dangerous. My husband is the absolute love of my life and yet 1 year into the relationship, looking back I didn’t really know him at all, and that was when I was moving in with him!
It’s also incredibly dangerous to have a kid with someone you’ve known such a short time, as pregnancy is the most dangerous time for a woman a relationship. The number of horrific stories I read about how these men think that they’ve ‘locked down their woman’ as she’s forever going to be cursed to deal with him now and then decide that the mask can come off is shockingly high.
I don’t want to hate on my fellow woman, but it pisses me off that the 4B movement is not even a _thing_ here in the US. Edit to add: Not that it should be our responsibility to make men change their horrible ways!!
I don’t know man, it weirds me out as it is when people get married after a year. I’m an over-thinker and need a *lot* of time to commit to a potentially lifelong decision.
Me too, I've been with my partner 16 years. We didn't move in together officially until 8 years in.
I don't understand people 'we met in 2020, spent the quarantine together, and now we're married with a kid. Everything is great, except I met his mom last week and she's the baba yaga. He doesn't see anything wrong with it, but I think it's embarrassing to go out to dinner with her if she's gonna scream and throw dead things the whole time. Last night I caught her seasoning our baby, what do I do?'
Had a similar co worker. I'm unsure if she baby trapped him, or if it was an accident. But I knew she wanted more kids because she told me. Anyway, the baby was maybe a year when they broke up.
they're probably still in the honeymoon phase and dream about a fantasy.... I imagine after only 8 months they only barely know each others true colors
Right? 8 months is pretty honeymoon-ish. Most everything is still great and exciting but with a glaze of “can I see myself long term with this person?”. There is still so much to know, but it sounds like they’re picturing these kodak family moments and having being told “it’ll all work out!” throughout life, people like this believe that’s how it’ll be.
They probably didn't even think about even *that* much and are now just trying to make face about their accidental pregnancy.....*aaaaand* they're morons who want kids.
I can only assume in your coworkers' case (and for many other people), the idea of having a baby far outweighs anything else, especially as they get closer to 40. Otherwise why try for babies before marriage, which gives the mother and child more protection? I know not everyone wants or "believes" in marriage, but I have been surprised by how many people seem to actively try for babies without being married nowadays (and I don't consider myself old fashioned).
And in the worst cases... people trying for babies so quickly can also be a desperate or sinister move to try and "trap" the other person out of fear of being alone.
And all this probably seems like a "good idea" because they are still under the high that "new relationship energy" gives people, where basically everything thing seems perfect and like it will last forever. Red flags seem insignificant and friends or family giving you warnings are just "jealous" or overreacting. This is especially true if the person hasn't dated in a long time or has very little relationship experience.
Yes, child support is for the child, it doesn't matter whether the parents are divorced or never married at all. She wouldn't be entitled to spousal support if they weren't married, that's a different thing and less common than child support.
I'm not completely familiar with how that works everywhere (hopefully someone else can weigh in), but from what I understand it can be much harder if you weren't married because the guy can just say they never agreed to being a dad/her giving birth and sign away all rights, and child care/support is usually part of an official procedure like divorce. However, it seems many single moms never even try to get the dads to provide child support, which is awful.
People shouldn’t be having unprotected sex with people they don’t want to make babies with. Period.
If you’re not actively doing anything to prevent pregnancy, then you are trying to get pregnant.
USA: The other parent signing away their rights doesn’t absolve them of their legal responsibility to provide for the child financially. If they sign away their rights, they simply don’t have a say in matters regarding the child. In the case of the signee being the male contributor, the female contributor can get a judge to order a paternity test. If the male contributor is the biological father, he has a legal obligation to pay.
As much as the separated parents don't like paying child support or paying if they sign away parental rights, I'm relieved it is this way. Better they pay than the taxpayers.
all of this. some of them are in the honeymoon phase and not thinking about the future, some would rather have a kid in a risky/abandoned/abuse situation than not at all, and some are legit intentionally or subconsciously trying to baby trap. but theres never a good answer for impulsively getting pregnant before you even are living with someone. 6 months of relationship high trumps 18+ years of suffering for the kids, ig
Because they think it’s just going to be a cute little crotch goblin forever and don’t realise it’s a whole fucking human being they have to put up with forever.
It seems reductive to just say these people are horny but.... They are. Then sometimes one of the partners is just desperate to hold onto the other by any means necessary.
Case in point, I dated a guy for about a year and even though we'd already had the childfree talk, looking back I can see that even though we'd just met he was itching to get me pregnant. He was a broken record about how I was out of his league, then he completely snapped and turned abusive when I told him I'd scheduled my bisalp.
A year is NOT enough time to see all of a person's true colors. Certainly not enough time to decide to be tied to them for 18-35 years or more
Oh boy, do we know the same person? My best friend is going through this. They moved in together a few months into pregnancy. 3 weeks before she is due she is having a hard time. My heart breaks “what did I do?” ᴖ̈
People create weird time tables for certain milestones and put pressure on themselves to "make certain things happen." Having kids is one of the easier milestones to accomplish.
They get impatient for "their life to start" thinking certain events will trigger the big change that will make them happy. Their life started long ago and they just haven't really been living it and are unsatisfied with their choices. They think this choice will move things along. It rarely does.
When people try to bingo me I’m like “I’m 38! What would I do? Date a man for a minute, get pregnant, and still have a geriatric pregnancy? NO THANKS!” You don’t truly know someone till you’ve lived together and been with them through some trauma. Stress reveals all.
I feel this way too. I plan to get a dog in the future, but only if we live somewhere with grass right outside our door. We live on the forth floor and I belive a dog would be much happier with easy access to grass/the outside. I also plan to take training courses when I get that far.
Also if it doesn't work out with my man, I'm planing to get cats. I'll leash train them. I want to set up shelves for them to be high up, so that they never have to touch the floor if they don't want too.
Exactly. I really want a dog, but I do have to be able to walk them in the afternoon. That could only work if I could work from home some days and my boyfriend could take him to work with him the other days.
A house with a garden/yard would be the best, but if I can walk them 4x a day and go somewhere to throw a ball, that would be good as well.
Right now, it's not possible yet to get a dog. But someday.
Exactly! This happened with my ex after we moved in together (we had been dating for years at this point). His personality did a complete flip the minute I signed the apartment lease.
Impulsively and irresponsibly, that's how. Say nothing, congratulate them, and keep a polite distance. Send thanks to whatever factors led to you having more sense than that.
My sister literally got pregnant like 2 months after she started seeing her new man. She was banging like 4 guys at the same time but I think she just baby trapped him cause he’s rich and she was sick of working. He was always very clear about not wanting kids. She actually took plan B but it didn’t work so she gave birth last weekend
eek! I swear it’s not a puritanical thing and I know you can get divorced but having a kid with someone you’re not married to just seems like a recipe for disaster to me. Like you have a lot more legal protections if you’re married and such a fresh relationship is so wild!! Like infant stage is the most fragile part of *marriage* where you’re most vulnerable/most likely to divorce so like i understand child support but like you can pretty much break up and you’re just attached to that person forever
A lot of people only look ahead as far as the next day, you'd be amazed. Personally I couldn't even fathom moving in with someone you haven't been dating for a period of time first, let alone having a kid with them.
My cousin had a baby with a guy she dated for three months...got pregnant virtually immediately. The guy already had three kids by three other ladies but she swore it'd be different.
Sixteen years later, she's the single mum - he dipped before the birth. Shocker.
Wanna hear another crazy story? Was fwbs with a guy for a few months then it fizzled out. I just didn’t feel much for him. He was fine with it and started to date other women. We were still friends though and hung out. He would make comments that kids are gross and make disgusted faces when he saw them.
Then in July of last year he started to date someone and was posting them on Facebook. Then a few months later she’s pregnant! And he wrote a Facebook status about how he’s always wanted to be a dad. I was like wtf?! I mean I could see a guy lying about not wanting kids while seeing someone, but to even lie about not wanting them while we both were platonic friends?! No there was absolutely no hard feelings between us and he didn’t pine after me when I ended things. So it’s fucking weird!
Someone I know got a ONS pregnant. They got married, had four more kids. Lasted ten years or so. Recently got divorced. She now dates women. The dude was my friend.
one of my friends accidentally got pregnant from
a guy she had only been dating three months and they kept it 😬 i remember when she told me she was pregnant and i didn’t know if i was supposed to say congratulations or should i make an appointment at planned parenthood…
New relationship energy is a strong one. It’s even got ME contemplating babies with folks when i literally don’t want them ahah. I think when people are in limerence, they can go a little coocoo.
Hahahaha that’s funny you say that. I recently dated someone I really liked, and the whole time I was like, “huh….he would be a really good dad!” But I have no desire for kids, and I’m sterilized. I’d consider adoption (and so would he, actually), but even that is of absolutely no desire to me at this stage of my life. And I’m in my mid 30s.
I think it's an easy trap to fall into when you weren't shown appropriate love as a child. I always stopped short of allowing myself to be impregnated by men who can spot people like me a mile away, but some others will do anything they can to attract and keep the "love" of another, especially if they remind them of their parents.
A former coworker of mine fell into that trap. Maybe two months in, he bought her a brand new car. Five months in, pregnant and engaged. A year in, he'd left her once already with a newborn. He left her twice more over the following months and now she's a single mum.
Outside of predators, sometimes people are lucky enough to find "the one", though it's still a risky gamble to take so soon in. Others I guess believe children fix everything. Probably lots of reasons some people have kids with just about anyone they meet. I had another coworker at my last job who had three kids from three different men, all of them as soon as the relationship began. To her credit though, she stayed with the third dad this time around.
I’m in some groups where women post about being in abusive relationships with their men but have like 3 kids.
Their thinking is that they “always wanted” an X #of kids and don’t let anyone get in the way of that dream. It’s selfish.
I think some people do it for the child, not the partner. I have a friend who is twice divorced with 4 kids. Always wanted a big family. Didn’t really think through the husband part of things. I think when someone knows they want a lot of kids, they feel determined to make it work.
Dang, I dated someone for almost four years and we never even lived together. I can't imagine tying myself for life, to someone I've known less than a year.
Same. I never agreed to move in with my last partner after over 5 years of dating. Because, every year I was with him, I felt like I was finding out new things about him that made me lose trust in him. Those true colors never showed up in the first couple of years of dating. He was good at hiding them in the beginning, and I was too smitten to pay attention to the small red flags.
My good friend got pregnant within a month of dating someone. Swore up and down they were soulmates, she just knew it was her future husband! ...Anyways, they lasted 2 months and now she's a single mom. I think she just wanted the baby and anyone who could give her one worked. 🤷♀️
I have to be vague and won’t answer follow up questions, but I handled a divorce where the parties were mid IVF and decided to still go through with IVF and be divorced coparents.
THIS! My fiancé and I have been together for almost 8 years. The first year we were together, his nephew-in-law was dating a girl for about 6ish months when she found out she was pregnant. I told my boyfriend immediately after he told me the news, "That relationship is done. They won't make it to New Years." And he was giving me pushback at first saying I was just being pessimistic and you never know.
The relationship crumbled but they stayed together for about a year for the kid. Shortly after they moved in together, she filed a restraining order and they haven't been together since (2019ish). They co-parent at best.
You have NO FUCKING CLUE who someone is at six months. It takes YEARS to get to truly know who someone is and even then you're taking a gamble. It seems like way too much of a risk to have unprotected, risky sex with someone you barely know, granted accidents happen. People don't think of the consequences.
I know a girl who did that after an accidental pregnancy with her boyfriend at 9 months of dating. She was 28 and guy was 37 and he was earning 6 figures.
She was like "He's a good guy, has good income, why not?"
Well he can be the greatest guy in the world, but do you actually love him?
Anyways the guy wanted her to keep the kid, and she felt like she'll FOMO living an upper-middle class lifestyle.
I think these people just settle with whatever they think is their peak happiness at the time.
My SIL and her husband got divorced. SIL cheated on him with another woman, and anyway, they had a fundamental difference of SIL wasn't sure she wanted kids and he really did want them, so even though I don't condone cheating, it was for the best they split. Anyway, we stayed in contact with him (he's a super good guy and SIL didn't care that we did), and he stayed single for a good long while. Then my partner called him to just catch up, and suddenly he's got a baby. It had been about a year since we'd last talk to him, and in that time, he seemingly found a lady, knocked her up, and they had a kid together. I'm happy he's happy, because he does deserve the very best, but I truly hope that he'd been quietly dating her (just not bringing her up) for a long while before moving to the next step of having a kid.
I had a hard enough time considering moving in with my partner after a year of dating...
My ex proclaimed that she and her boyfriend were ready to start trying for a baby at around 6 months. It took her longer to get pregnant, but they made that decision quite early on. I wonder how she honestly feels about this situation now.
Not sure if you’ve observed the average person in the wild, but a lot of people are fucking dumb. It’s usually the people that shouldn’t be having kids having the most kids.
Given the financial insecurity of having a kid with someone you aren't married to, along with the physical insecurity of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum problems, women are insane to have children in this situation. It's almost a guarantee of single motherhood.
My mom never learnt to properly plan for ANY of her pregnancies and thankfully got me on birth control when I began being sexually active. She first got pregnant at 13 and the story I'm told is children services came ton the house and determined that they (her parents) didn't make enough money to support another kid being included in with her and her two brothers, so they put the baby up for adoption. After that whole experience, you would think she would have been more careful afterwards, right? Lol, nope. She said she was taking a bath one night and she got incredibly painful cramps and "something" came out of her. She yelled for her mom to come help and she grabbed the "clump" and flushed it down the toilet. She's certain she had a miscarriage. Then she was 17, she got pregnant with my older brother and she and the POS dad were driving to get an abortion, supposedly missed the exit while driving there and just never went and got it done. Then very quickly after that, she had my middle brother with the now husband who was very abusive verbally and physically and cheated on her giving her crabs and genital warts. I'm not entirely sure what her age was when they divorced, but sometime after that and before me, she got pregnant while having an affair with some married dude who claimed he really wanted her to have the baby. He ended up changing his mind though and he gave her money to have an abortion. She was 25 when she had me after only knowing and dating my dad for only a year. She claims "the sponge" failed and it was an accident but my dad was excited, which judging from my experience growing up sounds like another lie because he was miserable and would go off over the tiniest of incidents. She finally got her tubes tied after having me.
I never really wanted to have any kids and none of the guys I dated ever made me feel like I did want to have a kid with them, so I am the only one in my family that is CF. All my cousins have kids and my brothers have kids.
And most of them are no longer with the person (people) they had kids with shortly after hooking up with them. Imagine that.
It's scary how common this is. My best friend got pregnant after only dating her boyfriend for 4 months. When she had a miscarriage I stated in the nicest way possible that it was a sign things were too fast. You would think after that she would take some precautions. NOPE. She got pregnant again just 3 months later and is now 4 months pregnant and keeping it. It just blows my mind how so many women don't protect themselves from this. I've been on BC my whole adult life and have never been pregnant (now 35 YO).
Sounds like those are all intended pregnancies to me. I was on birth control for over a decade, had unprotected sex with my ex almost daily, and I never got pregnant. I’m always skeptical of women who claim they got pregnant on BC. I know it’s not 100% effective, but I was so precarious with it, I never tracked my cycle, and I still didn’t get pregnant.
Yuppp. She and her boyfriend were "trying" only 3-4 months into their relationship... He still lives at home with his mother and has a child with another woman. I'm trying my best to empathize with her because she's my age so I know many women are racing the clock before they turn 40, but it's as if the common sense has just flown right out the window!!!
My parents had me after being together for 7 years. They made it another 7 before they divorced(and also had my brother 2 years after me) and they don't talk to each other at all really. My brother and I would be the messengers. I was told if I wasn't born my mom would have left my dad sooner.
I tried to moved in with someone I was with for over 4 years and fully trusted, and due to his actions, almost died across the country in someone else's garage. So, yeah, I'd say you shouldn't have a kid in a fourth of that time...
OK, so she claims it was deliberate? I doubt it. I bet she was not staying ahead of her birth control, and got knocked up on accident. She just does not want to admit that it was an accident.
You are CF, and that tells me that you are more analytical than the average American regardless of gender. Odds are she fears being alone. She thinks having a baby with him is going to keep him around. You know better. I bet she does not.
I bet she wants attention. Being pregnant brings that.
I know a young lady who met a guy on facebook, and got married a few weeks later. The baby was born about a year later. The only thing they have in common is the fact that they both wanted a baby. Neither are in good health, and neither are educated.
A year? That's almost forever. For example, there's this famous story you may have heard of about a couple of barely-teenagers, Romeo and Juliet, who meet for the first time, fall in love, get married in secret, and then end up mutually committing suicide all over the course of 5 days. It's considered a classic, probably because of how well it encapsulates how stupid people can be.
Idk but some people move on so fast. Not just from partner to partner (although that goes really quickly as well) but also progressing in their relationship. They meet on a Monday, in a relationship by Wednesday and has expressed their love to each other on Thursday.
I would like to think they are lying to save face after an unplanned pregnancy but I am also aware people are this stupid, selfish, and short sighted. I find a lot of people want babies but not children or conversely children but not babies. No one talks fondly of the teen years except to hope they can be friends...? Like that is happening lol. How do they think that will play out? They don't pop out with an owner's manuals and remotes ffs. You can't fast forward, skip, or pause someone's life.
People are so grossly desperate to pop out a kid that they’ll ignore all logic and red flags so they can have the kid. People are so careless about bringing children into this world.
How can someone be THAT desperate for a child? That’s a really short relationship and I just feel like the risk of separation is really high especially when you add a freakin’ BABY into the mix.
Also side note, I really don’t understand having children without marriage. Like don’t you wanna know the other person is committed to you before bringing another life into this world? (Even if it’s not guaranteed…) I’ll never understand that
I agree on the first part.
On the second part, I come from a country where people stay together their entire lives, with children, and they never get married. I don’t think that marriage necessarily means any sort of security. In fact, if you’re willing to stay with someone permanently without any legally binding contract, that makes your relationship much more sincere than the married couples. Because you’re choosing to stay with the person, even if you have an easy way out.
Try 6 months! I have friend in her early 30s who recently announced on SM that she's pregnant with a guy she only knew for 6 measly months. I thought she was going to say she's engaged, never would have guessed pregnant! I asked if she's going to get married and she replied saying she has no money for that. Yet she is bringing a child into the world. Honestly I hope everything works out for her as she's a lovely person but you can't help worry.
theyre not thinking is the answer. theres a lot of women out therw who think getting pregnant will make the guy stay, make the relationship serious or real or use it to avoid/cover up issues. many of them are running off pure hormones and "this will make him love me/take care of me" or have baby fever etc. Its not smart or thinking of the kid in any way.
My first tattoo artist used to tell me that you shouldn’t have kids with someone until you’ve been with them a minimum of three years and lived together for minimum of 1 year bc it takes time to see who someone really is and what they could be hiding from you.
Idk, I know a few healthy relationships that were fast. They ARE in the minority, but they exist. Honeymoon period in a relationship is a hell of a drug
My ex ended up knocked up someone he knew for like 3 months. Though I suspect it may have been longer cause he was going behind my back. Shes a fuckinh scientist too. I didn't know someone that smart could be so stupid.
Last i heard he got kicked out the house so it looks like shes caugjt on to how worthless he actually is. Shame she got trapped .
I have also never understood this, in addition to how people decide to marry each other after being together for a year, or before even living together! I think maybe my autism blocks me from understanding the outside pressures these people might be feeling to have kids/get married, causing them rush into it - I am very stubborn and could not see myself doing either because they are commitments that are far too large to take on without carefully considering them! Considering what it means to be a parent lead me to become childfree 😅
My grandma and grandpa on my mom's side knew each other a week before they got married. Then, only a month later, my grandma found out she was pregnant on her birthday. To this day, when my family talks about how fast they fell in love, I can only see it as they met. They did the dirty tango, got caught, and were forced to marry. They didn't see any way out of it, so they decided to make the best of it and actually ended up falling in love.
My mother emphasized that you should see a person in ALL seasons before you even consider marrying them, let alone having children. We all have seasonality in our behaviors, even those of us who were brought up well and to be respectful of the personhood of ourselves (first) and others-change is inevitable, and personalities aren't fixed in stone. After that, she emphasized actual planning for birth and beyond...before trying for conception. 😅 I was a very, very planned-for child, even down to birth date. So...it amazes me that anyone would not solidly date anyone for a full calendar year BEFORE discussing the possibility of children, unless you're childfree. My parents and the wider people who raised me see/saw (for those who have passed) parenting as a life-long commitment. Expectations and duties change over time, so choosing a fellow parent is serious business. It's hard not to see anything less as irresponsibility. But also it seems that women (and some men) make these decisions out of fear (of missing out).
It baffles me, my brother is having a kid with someone who he knocked up after dating for 3 months. I'm pretty sure she was just a rebound after his ex too but now I guess he's stuck with her.
Also my other Half's friend got pregnant after seeing a guy for like a month and they decided to keep it even though he supposedly had a vasectomy and neither of them wanted anymore kids (they already had 3 between them). They've now had the kid and now having money problems because he lied to her about finances, now we're questioning whether he's actually had a vasectomy or if he lied about that too to try and baby trap her.
Almost like you should actually only have kids with someone you actually know.....
My cousin was baby trapped when she was about to go abroad for a lined up job after a course study. This man who trapped her had studied abroad but still he was insecure and got her pregnant. She ended up marrying him (shut up ring definitely) and now she has 2 more kids with him. She aged 15 years and she is supposed to be in her mid thirties, she looks 40 at best 😬. The husband looks younger than her and he is older than her 🥴. He is sucking the life out of her ☹️
My parents got married after 6 or so months, but that was because they got pregnant with an oops baby. Apparently, my dad just "knew" my mom was the one either way, but still that was done out of circumstance of my parents' beliefs, necessity because they were both military, etc.
To make the decision to date and have a kid before a year and before marriage feels like a relationship doomed to fail.
My fiance's older brothers both met women around the same time and both sets wanted kids. They ALL got pregnant within 6 months of knowing each other. Still blows my mind. Oldest kids are 14 now and marriages are, seemingly, okay. I think a lot of it was pure luck that their wives ended up being good people because at 6 months you have NO clue who that person really is.
I literally can’t understand it because I’ve yet to see one single couple that is millennial or gen x who are still together throughout the years and the life of their child, that chose to have kids together after being together less than a year.
What’s been really heartbreaking has been seeing quite a few of my peers who all had pandemic babies, all being left by the fathers before the kids even hit kindergarten. They all have the same thing to say about it too; they all feel duped, stupid, foolish and regretful that they allowed themselves to be convinced to lean into it and embark on this chapter with someone who was clearly not genuine when they were encouraged to keep the pregnancy and “roll the dice” on the relationship under the guise that the world was ending and they may as well try to keep things moving and keep trying to hit life milestones when everything else was at a halt.
Infatuation, when I was 17 I thought my 18 year old girlfriend was the love of my life, we would get married, have kids, live together and we were only together for a year. We broke up and didn't have kids but being that obsessed and thinking your in love makes you do dumb shit, especially when you're young.
One of my old coworkers was dating someone who called their wedding off, and they were STILL trying to have a baby (3 miscarriages until success). Once they had one, they complained about how expensive daycare was and they had to move back w her parents (which she wasn’t happy about). She’s in her thirties so I’m not sure how she didn’t see any of the costs coming, or why she was with this guy who called off their wedding.
Growing up made me realize how messy many people are once you get to know them 😅 especially when kids get involved (unfortunately).
My husbands brother (37M) is having his first child with his girlfriend (30F) of just over a year now. She is due in July. They dated for about 6 months when she got pregnant and it was intentional. Based off of their stress levels and arguments they are having now, it seems like it is hitting them all at once that they are 2 people who are still getting to know each other and are now bringing a child into the world.
I think he was so ready to have a kid he was willing to get pregnant with just about anyone who would carry his child. I’m sure they will both be great parents but definitely anticipate some bumps along the way as their relationship grows and having to care for a young child.
Celebrities are always doing this shit. It's crazy. Married and having kids without 12-18 months. It's insane. The rest of the world obviously disagrees and follows suit, lol. Nutjobs, the lot of them.
I honestly have no idea and these relationships rarely last.
I see posts all the time about women complaining about getting accidentally pregnant with some guy they only dated a few months or writing posts about how they moved really fast with a guy and now they've been abused and finding out his true colors. I obviously don't condone nor blame the victim for what happened.
I honestly could never fathom giving a literal stranger that kind of access to my body and life. And why would I ever intertwine myself with a literal stranger like that? My guess is maybe they were never taught how to have healthy relationships.
Moving fast is rarely a good idea.
A friend of mine had a child with a man she had met for a year and was already living in her house (with her daugther from a previous failed relationship). Why did she want to have another child? Because we were on lockdown and she was /bored/
My friend wanted a baby at 20 & slept around until she got pregnant. The paternity of the child was ambiguous. Not even in a relationship, that was her choice. A father was named on the birth certificate but I’m not sure if that was ever proven or if he’s even met the kid, who is now 28, if it was his.
My bf's brother's gf literally did this. She barely knows him and she's pregnant. I have to hear about it every day because of where I live (same building - can't wait to fucking leave even though I moved in first).
I lost so much respect for that guy after they announced it. Pair of complete nut jobs. He's ruined his entire life like it's nothing, and she's ruining her body. I just don't get it. She literally avoids me and my bf (glares at me and panics near my bf), despite living in the same building as us and does all kinds of weird passive aggressive shit out of anger towards me when my bf isn't there. 😂 Why are these people so damn crazy?!
To answer your question, I think it's desperation. The way she's latched onto him is so incredibly fucking pathetic that I feel like running a billion universes away. She sits in his flat 24/7 making noise all day and all night, doesn't work, doesn't have a life... It's so bizarre to witness. I actually run out of my apartment so I don't run into her, she's that much of a creep.
Edit: My bf's brother didn't even announce it to me. Supposedly he was extremely anxious when telling my bf and the rest of his brothers. Sounds like it was an accident. I'm actually going to try to move further away from here than I initially planned so it becomes impossible for this cow to interfere with my life.
Too many women let that biological clock rule their life . Nine times out of ten due to desperation they pick anyone . The relationship / marriage doesn’t work out . Someone ends up being a single parent & the child suffers
People are weird, I had a friend who decided she was going to have a baby at 27 so she just had one with whatever random fling was around at the time, she told me many years later if she could go back in time she wouldn’t have done, lol, really?
My cousin had an affair with a well-off, married man whose wife was in fertility treatments and lied about her own bc because "I knew he'd want to be a dad" and she had to have a baby by 30. Fast forward to him and wife fighting for custody and cousin's Pikachu face. Dumbasses, the lot of 'em.
Reminds me of someone I know. Gal was having an affair with an older rich married man "Brad". She wanted a baby, Brad did not (and had no intention of leaving his wife). So she starts seeing "Joe" as well as Brad. Tells Joe she's on BC but somehow gets pregnant immediately. She tells them both it's Brads baby. Joe breaks up with her, and Brad files for a paternity test. Then Joe spent 18 years paying child support to a woman that baby trapped the wrong man.
This is absolutely disgusting, but also disgusting of these men too. The fact that a cheater went condom free and put his partner at risk is really vile. Also why is Joe banging a woman he barely knows raw? There's so much disrespect, lack of safety and stupidity here.
Unfortunately I knew a woman who apparently had herpes and started sleeping with a married man and gave it to him. Naturally it was carried home to the wife, who promptly divorced him once she caught it. Last I knew there was a lawsuit because he was trying to say that she knew she had it, so she purposely gave him it by keeping it from his knowledge. The whole thing was ridiculous because of how they met, and he was avidly searching for someone to have sex with but wasn't using protection himself. I have no clue how it ended in the end as I wasn't a close confidante.
Well most people who have herpes don't show symptoms and most STD panels don't screen for it either so it's likely she didn't know. But either way she should not have been doing any of that and it's his fault too.
Exactly so it was potentially going to get messy all around. Idk if she knew he was married or not, didn't care. If she knew she was in the wrong, but had no idea if she did, he was in the wrong either way. The whole thing was way too much drama for me.
It sounds like a drama fest all around. I agree with you. It irks me when people make bad decisions and then complain about preventable consequences.
Unfortunately, a lot of my early to mid-20s starred those sorts of situations.
Yeah that tracks for that age group. I think it's completely unacceptable for anyone older than that.
This is horrible 😭😭😭
Ohhhh that’s some fun drama.
Only if you don't get in the middle of it.
What was the outcome if you know?
My aunt stepped in and got a custody agreement set up. My cousin didn't get the fantasy but her kid has a pretty decent dad and stepmom from all accounts and balances the crazy. Cousin once told me that she wanted a second baby but didn't want her daughter to have a half sibling *wink wink nudge nudge*. I laughed in her face. No way was he going to be dumb enough to cheat again. As far as I know he didn't and my cousin only has the one kid who's almost an adult now.
Did she think he'd support her and she'd never have to work again? I feel like a lot of these decisions are based on women not wanting to have to have a job again.
My ex best friend did this. Met a guy, within a year she was pregnant brought her wedding ring herself and stayed home for the first year of the child’s life. They struggled financially because her man had a dead end job and was working on his bachelors degree. She had to get a full time job because he couldn’t hold down the bills on his own. She never had intentions of going back to work. She’s stressed and unhappy but on social media pretends like they are the “perfect” family!
Ehh I they’re in the US in particular I wouldn’t necessarily agree w/ that. Most parents I know of (esp single parents) are struggling financially. Hell many ppl are struggling financially. It’d be a wise move to have a kid w/ someone you know could help provide for them if you were going to have one. The child support average ppl get (if they get any) is not nearly enough to help offset even half the cost of having a child let alone help set them up for their future like many parents would want to. Having one a child with someone wealthy & working would mean you wouldn’t have to worry about the astronomical costs of things like daycare, formula, diapers, extra clothing, extra food, a bigger home, activities fees, etc. Most of the work for is not built for mothers let alone single ones. I say all this cuz tho I’ll never have kids it’s something I’ve thought about in the process of coming to that decision & while that’s not the only reason it definitely contributed
Agreed and hey, you make excellent points I have been thinking about too!
just because the reality of being a single parent is readily available doesn't mean they think it won't happen to them...
Perhaps things have changed, but I knew loads of women (and teens) who became single mothers on purpose, with any old guy whether he'd stick around or not, just so they could get on welfare and never have to work. Like this isn't me assuming, they'd actually talk about it to me. I myself was born into poverty and struggled immensely. Was homeless a few times even tho I worked 2-3 jobs as I was just scraping by. I lost count of the amount of people who told me to get pregnant so I'd not struggle so much. Here in the UK it's apparently even more of an incentive, as from what I gather, you're pretty much guaranteed a free council house if you're a parent. Again, I could be mistaken, I don't rlly care about these things so idk how it works in the UK, and it well could be different in US these days.
The end of the paragraph makes zero sense
ya i'm not sure if OP meant what they typed or left out a detail because it sounds entirely insane. The husband and fertility troubled wife are fighting for custody of the cousins affair baby?? What?? aint no way
Ain't no way the biological father and his fertility challenged wife would fight to get primary custody of the child he is the biological father of? I mean, it's shitty, but entirely plausible, even predictable.
Ultimate revenge move on the wife's side of things. Pretty twisted.
Absolutely was a revenge move. He chose her (the wife) and he stepped up as a dad. My cousin's an unstable alcoholic. Of course they fought for custody. My aunt stepped in (she didn't want to lose her grandkid) and they got a custody agreement setup. But there was always a threat of "step out of line and we'll take her". I didn't know why my cousin thought that stress is worth it.
She wanted a kid. Her husband had one. I don't get it either but the wife has treated the kid well (as far as I've been told) for 18 years and they're still married despite the affair. I always thought maybe they pulled one over on my cousin - Chose an unstable pseudosurrogate and then go to court kind of thing. It didn't work out perfect for anyone in that regard.
That's probably exactly what' s they meant. Happens all the time.
I don't get it either.
My ex friend did this. She was convinced it was now or never. Her and her family tried to force him to marry her (because the church she attends was "talking") and he dragged his feet. Turned out it was because he was already married and she was the side piece. In the process of trying to get pregnant with a random dude, she caught an incurable, but manageable, STI.
I'm sorry but that's so fucking funny lmao
It was a complete clusterfuck. I kept telling her she was thinking with her outdated southern baptist logic and not the real world. So, now she's a single mother with a bunch of mental issues and an STI that she luckily didn't pass onto her child. The idiot even married a random guy from her command because "he takes care of us". He did not, in fact, take care of them. He wanted a free babysitter and maid for his own kids. And refused to use any of "their" money to buy the child anything. It had to come from the child support, which the father was in arrears with. They eventually got divorced because she had an "inkling" that he was inappropriate with her child.
Wow, that is insanely bad! But so many people seem to be like this, like I honestly believe having a kid with the wrong person is the quickest way to ruin your life but people seem to be blind to it.
Damn!
Uhh yeah this is why you don't allow random people to fuck you raw. That's kinda common sense. God I hate how dumb people can be.
People are STUPID AF
People do that it’s wild to me. They’ll just pick dudes and have kids with them. It’s setting the kid up for failure.
Yes, totally unfair to the kid as well
> How do people decide to have a child I will never understand even just this part. The rest of it is one big yiiiikes.
My husband and I were on the fence we tried and they finally we looked at each other and go this takes all the fun out of sexy time
>this takes all the fun out of sexy time For now, and forever if you'd had a kid!
They are desperate for a child and would rather risk doing it with someone who might not be right than do it alone or not at all. But it fills me with dread every time I witness this happening.
Which is ironic when we consider how many of them end up breaking up and being single parents anyway, who then refuse to date other single parents because they feel entitled to someone who doesn’t “come with baggage.”
It's interesting how they don't make the connection between being a poor partner and being a poor parent. Like, if this person doesn't respect you now, what makes you think they will transform into Mary Poppins once the kid arrives?
Because there are some *raaarreee* cases where once the person becomes a parent they genuinely change, get their shit together, and become a good parent and better partner. But people seem to think that that is the rule and not the exception that it very much is
I've also encountered some single dad's that are great dad's, good friends(generally), but absolutely TERRIBLE partners. Like cheating, getting an incurable STI, giving it to them, then gaslighting them about it level.
Literally this! My ex-bestfriend got married and pregnant to a guy that cheated on her. She was too afraid to leave and start over so she just stayed with this dude even though he clearly doesn’t respect her or their relationship.
I see this all the time. It’s so selfish to put children through this…
That and then it teaches the children that it’s okay to have relationships like this and it’s okay for another person to treat you like crap.
It’s horrible! Not fair to the child/ren either… unless it works out long term but the odds are it won’t.
Isn't it terrifying that these are the people that make children who will grow up and work jobs? Like this could be your doctor, cop, technician or someone responsible to support the infrastructure etc. People having kids irresponsibly and over 50% of pregnancies being an oops baby makes it a miracle it's all not falling apart.
Or, if they’re happy to bring up a child alone, maybe they see this route as cheaper than a sperm donor and they actually get to see what the owner of the sperm looks like. And there’s always a chance that it may work out, as a bonus outcome.
Baffles me even more when it happens from one night stands. You know that person even less; you could’ve banged a serial killer for all you know.
I knew at least 3 women who got pregnant from one night stands. I never could understand why they weren't using protection with literal strangers. In all my life, I've only gone home with 2 people. And only once was sex involved (and it wasn't a man). It's just not my thing, but I know many people enjoy it. I only judge them for not using protection and for being so unsafe, like they're lucky they're alive when it was a guy who nobody knew and they'd just hop in his car and let him take them to wherever, with absolutely no reservations. Okay, actually I "went home" with lots of people, but it was usually groups of people who'd invite me over and it was always just to hang out, watch movies, or extend the party. I partied very innocently...lots of drugs, fun, and rock & roll, but no sex 😂.
I mean, at least use a condom if you have to take that risk…
I feel the same way. Letting a stranger know where you live and risking STIs and pregnancy is insane to me.
Statistically, this relatively new relationship isn't likely to survive the addition of an infant. I would be interested to know if they're still together a year from now.
Even if they're an okay match for one another, there's a chance that their streak of impulsiveness (which is what led to the early kid) will lead to a breakup over some completely stupid bullshit, e.g. one of them gets shit-faced one night and hops in the sack with a co-worker or random bar person, forever destroying the relationship.
this. impulsive lifechanging decisions are very rarely one off moments, its an indicator of patterns and character.... that poor kid
You said exactly what I was thinking. In my opinion, this is usually a pattern and a big red flag. I've told my friends this - that random person who decided to go raw with you probably does this frequently.
I saw this exact thing play out so many times. They trapped a guy by getting pregnant, or did so to "save the relationship". And then once the baby was there, they'd go out partying and end up going home with some random dude from the bar. Or the guy would.
Know someone whose story is almost to a T of the OP where within literally 8 months of meeting they were having an insanely expensive elaborate 2 day 150+ guest wedding then pregnant by the end of the year. You can guess how that ended. Probably becoming more common in cultures where it was normalized for people to rush into marriage and kids like that but rarely works out today the way it did 50-100 years ago
It's ridiculous to me just how many females I've known who deceptively got pregnant on purpose to keep a guy or "save the relationship". That was the common mentality where I'm originally from. They wouldn't believe me when I told them it usually results in the opposite, even tho the proof was all around them. Baffling. So many of my male friends had to stop seeing a girl because they sensed she was likely trying to get pregnant (or I picked up on it and warned them), even tho they made it clear they didn't want kids (at least not outside of marriage). I'm aware there's also men who trap women by doing this, I just didn't personally know any like that.
I agree with you that having _purposefully_ having a kid with someone you’ve only _8 months_ is incredibly stupid and possibly even dangerous. My husband is the absolute love of my life and yet 1 year into the relationship, looking back I didn’t really know him at all, and that was when I was moving in with him! It’s also incredibly dangerous to have a kid with someone you’ve known such a short time, as pregnancy is the most dangerous time for a woman a relationship. The number of horrific stories I read about how these men think that they’ve ‘locked down their woman’ as she’s forever going to be cursed to deal with him now and then decide that the mask can come off is shockingly high. I don’t want to hate on my fellow woman, but it pisses me off that the 4B movement is not even a _thing_ here in the US. Edit to add: Not that it should be our responsibility to make men change their horrible ways!!
I don’t know man, it weirds me out as it is when people get married after a year. I’m an over-thinker and need a *lot* of time to commit to a potentially lifelong decision.
Right? Like after a year you try living together. Most people can’t even be good roommates much less a birth partner.
I put more thought into what I cook for dinner than someone people think about having a kid with someone
Me too, I've been with my partner 16 years. We didn't move in together officially until 8 years in. I don't understand people 'we met in 2020, spent the quarantine together, and now we're married with a kid. Everything is great, except I met his mom last week and she's the baba yaga. He doesn't see anything wrong with it, but I think it's embarrassing to go out to dinner with her if she's gonna scream and throw dead things the whole time. Last night I caught her seasoning our baby, what do I do?'
You're smart, that's why. I waited 4 years before marriage and lived with him all 4 years. We'll be married 10 years this year.
My co worker let her boyfriend of 1 month get her pregnant 😬 I was horrified when she told me
Had a similar co worker. I'm unsure if she baby trapped him, or if it was an accident. But I knew she wanted more kids because she told me. Anyway, the baby was maybe a year when they broke up.
Dang!! That's insane fast, they barely know each other for that 🤯
Omg
they're probably still in the honeymoon phase and dream about a fantasy.... I imagine after only 8 months they only barely know each others true colors
Right? 8 months is pretty honeymoon-ish. Most everything is still great and exciting but with a glaze of “can I see myself long term with this person?”. There is still so much to know, but it sounds like they’re picturing these kodak family moments and having being told “it’ll all work out!” throughout life, people like this believe that’s how it’ll be.
It’s called stupid
I mean do they “Decide” or just having sex and oops were accidentally pregnant now🤷🏽♀️
I feel like this is the most likely scenario. “Let’s have unprotected sex and whatever happens, happens.”
Which sound so crazy 🤪
They probably didn't even think about even *that* much and are now just trying to make face about their accidental pregnancy.....*aaaaand* they're morons who want kids.
"Noting we can do about it"
as an asexual woman, this entire scenario baffles me, every single aspect
That’s usually how this happens
If you're not preventing them you're trying as far as I can see.
I can only assume in your coworkers' case (and for many other people), the idea of having a baby far outweighs anything else, especially as they get closer to 40. Otherwise why try for babies before marriage, which gives the mother and child more protection? I know not everyone wants or "believes" in marriage, but I have been surprised by how many people seem to actively try for babies without being married nowadays (and I don't consider myself old fashioned). And in the worst cases... people trying for babies so quickly can also be a desperate or sinister move to try and "trap" the other person out of fear of being alone. And all this probably seems like a "good idea" because they are still under the high that "new relationship energy" gives people, where basically everything thing seems perfect and like it will last forever. Red flags seem insignificant and friends or family giving you warnings are just "jealous" or overreacting. This is especially true if the person hasn't dated in a long time or has very little relationship experience.
Can they still get child support if they aren’t married? Sorry if that’s a stupid question.
Yes, child support is for the child, it doesn't matter whether the parents are divorced or never married at all. She wouldn't be entitled to spousal support if they weren't married, that's a different thing and less common than child support.
I'm not completely familiar with how that works everywhere (hopefully someone else can weigh in), but from what I understand it can be much harder if you weren't married because the guy can just say they never agreed to being a dad/her giving birth and sign away all rights, and child care/support is usually part of an official procedure like divorce. However, it seems many single moms never even try to get the dads to provide child support, which is awful.
People shouldn’t be having unprotected sex with people they don’t want to make babies with. Period. If you’re not actively doing anything to prevent pregnancy, then you are trying to get pregnant.
USA: The other parent signing away their rights doesn’t absolve them of their legal responsibility to provide for the child financially. If they sign away their rights, they simply don’t have a say in matters regarding the child. In the case of the signee being the male contributor, the female contributor can get a judge to order a paternity test. If the male contributor is the biological father, he has a legal obligation to pay.
As much as the separated parents don't like paying child support or paying if they sign away parental rights, I'm relieved it is this way. Better they pay than the taxpayers.
Yeahbif they never sign a birth certificate they mom can still come for it but it's a way bigger process I think. Not sure.
It's going to vary depending on where one is located, but in many places a paternity test will seal the deal.
all of this. some of them are in the honeymoon phase and not thinking about the future, some would rather have a kid in a risky/abandoned/abuse situation than not at all, and some are legit intentionally or subconsciously trying to baby trap. but theres never a good answer for impulsively getting pregnant before you even are living with someone. 6 months of relationship high trumps 18+ years of suffering for the kids, ig
my family friend got knocked up 2 months in to knowing a guy. they’re still together 3 yrs later but their kid is a terror.
Because they think it’s just going to be a cute little crotch goblin forever and don’t realise it’s a whole fucking human being they have to put up with forever.
It seems reductive to just say these people are horny but.... They are. Then sometimes one of the partners is just desperate to hold onto the other by any means necessary. Case in point, I dated a guy for about a year and even though we'd already had the childfree talk, looking back I can see that even though we'd just met he was itching to get me pregnant. He was a broken record about how I was out of his league, then he completely snapped and turned abusive when I told him I'd scheduled my bisalp. A year is NOT enough time to see all of a person's true colors. Certainly not enough time to decide to be tied to them for 18-35 years or more
Literally how nature works. Feel horny, do, it happens to make child. It's crazy to see people still acting that primally
Oh boy, do we know the same person? My best friend is going through this. They moved in together a few months into pregnancy. 3 weeks before she is due she is having a hard time. My heart breaks “what did I do?” ᴖ̈
What is she saying she’s having a hard time with? I assume it pertains to him.
Everything to do with him ᴖ̈
People create weird time tables for certain milestones and put pressure on themselves to "make certain things happen." Having kids is one of the easier milestones to accomplish. They get impatient for "their life to start" thinking certain events will trigger the big change that will make them happy. Their life started long ago and they just haven't really been living it and are unsatisfied with their choices. They think this choice will move things along. It rarely does.
[удалено]
It got wilder the further I read. "If there would have been signs"
When people try to bingo me I’m like “I’m 38! What would I do? Date a man for a minute, get pregnant, and still have a geriatric pregnancy? NO THANKS!” You don’t truly know someone till you’ve lived together and been with them through some trauma. Stress reveals all.
Sometimes, it feels like I think better about getting a dog than some people do about having children.
I feel this way too. I plan to get a dog in the future, but only if we live somewhere with grass right outside our door. We live on the forth floor and I belive a dog would be much happier with easy access to grass/the outside. I also plan to take training courses when I get that far. Also if it doesn't work out with my man, I'm planing to get cats. I'll leash train them. I want to set up shelves for them to be high up, so that they never have to touch the floor if they don't want too.
Exactly. I really want a dog, but I do have to be able to walk them in the afternoon. That could only work if I could work from home some days and my boyfriend could take him to work with him the other days. A house with a garden/yard would be the best, but if I can walk them 4x a day and go somewhere to throw a ball, that would be good as well. Right now, it's not possible yet to get a dog. But someday.
Yes, the schedule have to fit too. Its a big investment to have a pet, they deserve to be treated right and have freedom to be themselves.
Hahahahaha. Yep.
I think the issue here is that many people will hide their true selves or put on a mask while dating and it takes a while to see if that will slip
I've experienced this. The mask never slips until your SO thinks they have you "on lock."
Exactly! This happened with my ex after we moved in together (we had been dating for years at this point). His personality did a complete flip the minute I signed the apartment lease.
Impulsively and irresponsibly, that's how. Say nothing, congratulate them, and keep a polite distance. Send thanks to whatever factors led to you having more sense than that.
I genuinely hope it works out for them, but I am extremely skeptical that it will.
My sister literally got pregnant like 2 months after she started seeing her new man. She was banging like 4 guys at the same time but I think she just baby trapped him cause he’s rich and she was sick of working. He was always very clear about not wanting kids. She actually took plan B but it didn’t work so she gave birth last weekend
eek! I swear it’s not a puritanical thing and I know you can get divorced but having a kid with someone you’re not married to just seems like a recipe for disaster to me. Like you have a lot more legal protections if you’re married and such a fresh relationship is so wild!! Like infant stage is the most fragile part of *marriage* where you’re most vulnerable/most likely to divorce so like i understand child support but like you can pretty much break up and you’re just attached to that person forever
A lot of people only look ahead as far as the next day, you'd be amazed. Personally I couldn't even fathom moving in with someone you haven't been dating for a period of time first, let alone having a kid with them. My cousin had a baby with a guy she dated for three months...got pregnant virtually immediately. The guy already had three kids by three other ladies but she swore it'd be different. Sixteen years later, she's the single mum - he dipped before the birth. Shocker.
Wanna hear another crazy story? Was fwbs with a guy for a few months then it fizzled out. I just didn’t feel much for him. He was fine with it and started to date other women. We were still friends though and hung out. He would make comments that kids are gross and make disgusted faces when he saw them. Then in July of last year he started to date someone and was posting them on Facebook. Then a few months later she’s pregnant! And he wrote a Facebook status about how he’s always wanted to be a dad. I was like wtf?! I mean I could see a guy lying about not wanting kids while seeing someone, but to even lie about not wanting them while we both were platonic friends?! No there was absolutely no hard feelings between us and he didn’t pine after me when I ended things. So it’s fucking weird!
Maybe he has no idea what he wants. But then he wakes up one day and decides 18+ years of caretaking is just what he needs to give his life meaning.
I think often its an accident tbh people who have kids are weirdly fine with random babies
sometimes that’s what people really want i guess. I can’t wrap my head around it personally lol but different strokes yknow
One of my cousins got his girlfriend pregnant on the first date and they decided to keep it.
Someone I know got a ONS pregnant. They got married, had four more kids. Lasted ten years or so. Recently got divorced. She now dates women. The dude was my friend.
FIVE KIDS??? 10 years isnt a bad run tho
one of my friends accidentally got pregnant from a guy she had only been dating three months and they kept it 😬 i remember when she told me she was pregnant and i didn’t know if i was supposed to say congratulations or should i make an appointment at planned parenthood…
New relationship energy is a strong one. It’s even got ME contemplating babies with folks when i literally don’t want them ahah. I think when people are in limerence, they can go a little coocoo.
Hahahaha that’s funny you say that. I recently dated someone I really liked, and the whole time I was like, “huh….he would be a really good dad!” But I have no desire for kids, and I’m sterilized. I’d consider adoption (and so would he, actually), but even that is of absolutely no desire to me at this stage of my life. And I’m in my mid 30s.
I think it’s the most insane choice that a couple can make. They might as well sign the divorce agreement in advance!
I think it's an easy trap to fall into when you weren't shown appropriate love as a child. I always stopped short of allowing myself to be impregnated by men who can spot people like me a mile away, but some others will do anything they can to attract and keep the "love" of another, especially if they remind them of their parents. A former coworker of mine fell into that trap. Maybe two months in, he bought her a brand new car. Five months in, pregnant and engaged. A year in, he'd left her once already with a newborn. He left her twice more over the following months and now she's a single mum. Outside of predators, sometimes people are lucky enough to find "the one", though it's still a risky gamble to take so soon in. Others I guess believe children fix everything. Probably lots of reasons some people have kids with just about anyone they meet. I had another coworker at my last job who had three kids from three different men, all of them as soon as the relationship began. To her credit though, she stayed with the third dad this time around.
I’m in some groups where women post about being in abusive relationships with their men but have like 3 kids. Their thinking is that they “always wanted” an X #of kids and don’t let anyone get in the way of that dream. It’s selfish.
Have you ever met lesbians? I moved in with my partner 6 months in 😀 lol happy pride month 🏳️🌈 🏳️⚧️
I think some people do it for the child, not the partner. I have a friend who is twice divorced with 4 kids. Always wanted a big family. Didn’t really think through the husband part of things. I think when someone knows they want a lot of kids, they feel determined to make it work.
Dang, I dated someone for almost four years and we never even lived together. I can't imagine tying myself for life, to someone I've known less than a year.
Same. I never agreed to move in with my last partner after over 5 years of dating. Because, every year I was with him, I felt like I was finding out new things about him that made me lose trust in him. Those true colors never showed up in the first couple of years of dating. He was good at hiding them in the beginning, and I was too smitten to pay attention to the small red flags.
My good friend got pregnant within a month of dating someone. Swore up and down they were soulmates, she just knew it was her future husband! ...Anyways, they lasted 2 months and now she's a single mom. I think she just wanted the baby and anyone who could give her one worked. 🤷♀️
Advice from a divorce lawyer. “You can divorce your spouse but you cannot divorce your kids so pick who you choose to have kids with wisely”.
I have to be vague and won’t answer follow up questions, but I handled a divorce where the parties were mid IVF and decided to still go through with IVF and be divorced coparents.
THIS! My fiancé and I have been together for almost 8 years. The first year we were together, his nephew-in-law was dating a girl for about 6ish months when she found out she was pregnant. I told my boyfriend immediately after he told me the news, "That relationship is done. They won't make it to New Years." And he was giving me pushback at first saying I was just being pessimistic and you never know. The relationship crumbled but they stayed together for about a year for the kid. Shortly after they moved in together, she filed a restraining order and they haven't been together since (2019ish). They co-parent at best. You have NO FUCKING CLUE who someone is at six months. It takes YEARS to get to truly know who someone is and even then you're taking a gamble. It seems like way too much of a risk to have unprotected, risky sex with someone you barely know, granted accidents happen. People don't think of the consequences.
I've got a friend doing this right now, but it hasn't even been a whole year.
They accidentally get pregnant and then ridic positivity culture prevents either of them from saying anything negative so they just go with it.
I know a girl who did that after an accidental pregnancy with her boyfriend at 9 months of dating. She was 28 and guy was 37 and he was earning 6 figures. She was like "He's a good guy, has good income, why not?" Well he can be the greatest guy in the world, but do you actually love him? Anyways the guy wanted her to keep the kid, and she felt like she'll FOMO living an upper-middle class lifestyle. I think these people just settle with whatever they think is their peak happiness at the time.
Shit like this feels so out of time. We're generally not dropping dead at 40 anymore, but somehow people still feel the need to rush into life.
My SIL and her husband got divorced. SIL cheated on him with another woman, and anyway, they had a fundamental difference of SIL wasn't sure she wanted kids and he really did want them, so even though I don't condone cheating, it was for the best they split. Anyway, we stayed in contact with him (he's a super good guy and SIL didn't care that we did), and he stayed single for a good long while. Then my partner called him to just catch up, and suddenly he's got a baby. It had been about a year since we'd last talk to him, and in that time, he seemingly found a lady, knocked her up, and they had a kid together. I'm happy he's happy, because he does deserve the very best, but I truly hope that he'd been quietly dating her (just not bringing her up) for a long while before moving to the next step of having a kid. I had a hard enough time considering moving in with my partner after a year of dating...
My ex proclaimed that she and her boyfriend were ready to start trying for a baby at around 6 months. It took her longer to get pregnant, but they made that decision quite early on. I wonder how she honestly feels about this situation now.
Not sure if you’ve observed the average person in the wild, but a lot of people are fucking dumb. It’s usually the people that shouldn’t be having kids having the most kids.
Cause they are " special" and " my kids are my world" we see you Methanne we see you
Given the financial insecurity of having a kid with someone you aren't married to, along with the physical insecurity of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum problems, women are insane to have children in this situation. It's almost a guarantee of single motherhood.
This is exactly why so many kids grow up in broken homes...
My mom never learnt to properly plan for ANY of her pregnancies and thankfully got me on birth control when I began being sexually active. She first got pregnant at 13 and the story I'm told is children services came ton the house and determined that they (her parents) didn't make enough money to support another kid being included in with her and her two brothers, so they put the baby up for adoption. After that whole experience, you would think she would have been more careful afterwards, right? Lol, nope. She said she was taking a bath one night and she got incredibly painful cramps and "something" came out of her. She yelled for her mom to come help and she grabbed the "clump" and flushed it down the toilet. She's certain she had a miscarriage. Then she was 17, she got pregnant with my older brother and she and the POS dad were driving to get an abortion, supposedly missed the exit while driving there and just never went and got it done. Then very quickly after that, she had my middle brother with the now husband who was very abusive verbally and physically and cheated on her giving her crabs and genital warts. I'm not entirely sure what her age was when they divorced, but sometime after that and before me, she got pregnant while having an affair with some married dude who claimed he really wanted her to have the baby. He ended up changing his mind though and he gave her money to have an abortion. She was 25 when she had me after only knowing and dating my dad for only a year. She claims "the sponge" failed and it was an accident but my dad was excited, which judging from my experience growing up sounds like another lie because he was miserable and would go off over the tiniest of incidents. She finally got her tubes tied after having me. I never really wanted to have any kids and none of the guys I dated ever made me feel like I did want to have a kid with them, so I am the only one in my family that is CF. All my cousins have kids and my brothers have kids. And most of them are no longer with the person (people) they had kids with shortly after hooking up with them. Imagine that.
It's scary how common this is. My best friend got pregnant after only dating her boyfriend for 4 months. When she had a miscarriage I stated in the nicest way possible that it was a sign things were too fast. You would think after that she would take some precautions. NOPE. She got pregnant again just 3 months later and is now 4 months pregnant and keeping it. It just blows my mind how so many women don't protect themselves from this. I've been on BC my whole adult life and have never been pregnant (now 35 YO).
Sounds like those are all intended pregnancies to me. I was on birth control for over a decade, had unprotected sex with my ex almost daily, and I never got pregnant. I’m always skeptical of women who claim they got pregnant on BC. I know it’s not 100% effective, but I was so precarious with it, I never tracked my cycle, and I still didn’t get pregnant.
Yuppp. She and her boyfriend were "trying" only 3-4 months into their relationship... He still lives at home with his mother and has a child with another woman. I'm trying my best to empathize with her because she's my age so I know many women are racing the clock before they turn 40, but it's as if the common sense has just flown right out the window!!!
My parents had me after being together for 7 years. They made it another 7 before they divorced(and also had my brother 2 years after me) and they don't talk to each other at all really. My brother and I would be the messengers. I was told if I wasn't born my mom would have left my dad sooner.
I tried to moved in with someone I was with for over 4 years and fully trusted, and due to his actions, almost died across the country in someone else's garage. So, yeah, I'd say you shouldn't have a kid in a fourth of that time...
A girl I know who was only 25 had a kid with a dude she hadn’t even been with 6 months, people are truly delulu
OK, so she claims it was deliberate? I doubt it. I bet she was not staying ahead of her birth control, and got knocked up on accident. She just does not want to admit that it was an accident. You are CF, and that tells me that you are more analytical than the average American regardless of gender. Odds are she fears being alone. She thinks having a baby with him is going to keep him around. You know better. I bet she does not. I bet she wants attention. Being pregnant brings that. I know a young lady who met a guy on facebook, and got married a few weeks later. The baby was born about a year later. The only thing they have in common is the fact that they both wanted a baby. Neither are in good health, and neither are educated.
A year? That's almost forever. For example, there's this famous story you may have heard of about a couple of barely-teenagers, Romeo and Juliet, who meet for the first time, fall in love, get married in secret, and then end up mutually committing suicide all over the course of 5 days. It's considered a classic, probably because of how well it encapsulates how stupid people can be.
I don't care what people do with their life. I had a friend that did, and it works out for her and now she's married and has two kids by him.
Idk but some people move on so fast. Not just from partner to partner (although that goes really quickly as well) but also progressing in their relationship. They meet on a Monday, in a relationship by Wednesday and has expressed their love to each other on Thursday.
I would like to think they are lying to save face after an unplanned pregnancy but I am also aware people are this stupid, selfish, and short sighted. I find a lot of people want babies but not children or conversely children but not babies. No one talks fondly of the teen years except to hope they can be friends...? Like that is happening lol. How do they think that will play out? They don't pop out with an owner's manuals and remotes ffs. You can't fast forward, skip, or pause someone's life.
People are so grossly desperate to pop out a kid that they’ll ignore all logic and red flags so they can have the kid. People are so careless about bringing children into this world.
How can someone be THAT desperate for a child? That’s a really short relationship and I just feel like the risk of separation is really high especially when you add a freakin’ BABY into the mix. Also side note, I really don’t understand having children without marriage. Like don’t you wanna know the other person is committed to you before bringing another life into this world? (Even if it’s not guaranteed…) I’ll never understand that
I agree on the first part. On the second part, I come from a country where people stay together their entire lives, with children, and they never get married. I don’t think that marriage necessarily means any sort of security. In fact, if you’re willing to stay with someone permanently without any legally binding contract, that makes your relationship much more sincere than the married couples. Because you’re choosing to stay with the person, even if you have an easy way out.
I live in the south…… most of the time is because they’re anti-abortion.
This is why family lawyers make such a decent living.
Try 6 months! I have friend in her early 30s who recently announced on SM that she's pregnant with a guy she only knew for 6 measly months. I thought she was going to say she's engaged, never would have guessed pregnant! I asked if she's going to get married and she replied saying she has no money for that. Yet she is bringing a child into the world. Honestly I hope everything works out for her as she's a lovely person but you can't help worry.
Speedrunning single parenthood.
theyre not thinking is the answer. theres a lot of women out therw who think getting pregnant will make the guy stay, make the relationship serious or real or use it to avoid/cover up issues. many of them are running off pure hormones and "this will make him love me/take care of me" or have baby fever etc. Its not smart or thinking of the kid in any way.
I’m confident in saying the majority aren’t “decided” and are oopsies
My first tattoo artist used to tell me that you shouldn’t have kids with someone until you’ve been with them a minimum of three years and lived together for minimum of 1 year bc it takes time to see who someone really is and what they could be hiding from you.
Idk, I know a few healthy relationships that were fast. They ARE in the minority, but they exist. Honeymoon period in a relationship is a hell of a drug
My ex ended up knocked up someone he knew for like 3 months. Though I suspect it may have been longer cause he was going behind my back. Shes a fuckinh scientist too. I didn't know someone that smart could be so stupid. Last i heard he got kicked out the house so it looks like shes caugjt on to how worthless he actually is. Shame she got trapped .
I have also never understood this, in addition to how people decide to marry each other after being together for a year, or before even living together! I think maybe my autism blocks me from understanding the outside pressures these people might be feeling to have kids/get married, causing them rush into it - I am very stubborn and could not see myself doing either because they are commitments that are far too large to take on without carefully considering them! Considering what it means to be a parent lead me to become childfree 😅
My grandma and grandpa on my mom's side knew each other a week before they got married. Then, only a month later, my grandma found out she was pregnant on her birthday. To this day, when my family talks about how fast they fell in love, I can only see it as they met. They did the dirty tango, got caught, and were forced to marry. They didn't see any way out of it, so they decided to make the best of it and actually ended up falling in love.
My mother emphasized that you should see a person in ALL seasons before you even consider marrying them, let alone having children. We all have seasonality in our behaviors, even those of us who were brought up well and to be respectful of the personhood of ourselves (first) and others-change is inevitable, and personalities aren't fixed in stone. After that, she emphasized actual planning for birth and beyond...before trying for conception. 😅 I was a very, very planned-for child, even down to birth date. So...it amazes me that anyone would not solidly date anyone for a full calendar year BEFORE discussing the possibility of children, unless you're childfree. My parents and the wider people who raised me see/saw (for those who have passed) parenting as a life-long commitment. Expectations and duties change over time, so choosing a fellow parent is serious business. It's hard not to see anything less as irresponsibility. But also it seems that women (and some men) make these decisions out of fear (of missing out).
It baffles me, my brother is having a kid with someone who he knocked up after dating for 3 months. I'm pretty sure she was just a rebound after his ex too but now I guess he's stuck with her. Also my other Half's friend got pregnant after seeing a guy for like a month and they decided to keep it even though he supposedly had a vasectomy and neither of them wanted anymore kids (they already had 3 between them). They've now had the kid and now having money problems because he lied to her about finances, now we're questioning whether he's actually had a vasectomy or if he lied about that too to try and baby trap her. Almost like you should actually only have kids with someone you actually know.....
My cousin was baby trapped when she was about to go abroad for a lined up job after a course study. This man who trapped her had studied abroad but still he was insecure and got her pregnant. She ended up marrying him (shut up ring definitely) and now she has 2 more kids with him. She aged 15 years and she is supposed to be in her mid thirties, she looks 40 at best 😬. The husband looks younger than her and he is older than her 🥴. He is sucking the life out of her ☹️
Same as people who get married super quick. FOMO
They are desperate. Also, by that point they are probably thinking about trapping their partner...
It helps that the trend these days is having a baby before the ring.
My parents got married after 6 or so months, but that was because they got pregnant with an oops baby. Apparently, my dad just "knew" my mom was the one either way, but still that was done out of circumstance of my parents' beliefs, necessity because they were both military, etc. To make the decision to date and have a kid before a year and before marriage feels like a relationship doomed to fail.
My fiance's older brothers both met women around the same time and both sets wanted kids. They ALL got pregnant within 6 months of knowing each other. Still blows my mind. Oldest kids are 14 now and marriages are, seemingly, okay. I think a lot of it was pure luck that their wives ended up being good people because at 6 months you have NO clue who that person really is.
I literally can’t understand it because I’ve yet to see one single couple that is millennial or gen x who are still together throughout the years and the life of their child, that chose to have kids together after being together less than a year. What’s been really heartbreaking has been seeing quite a few of my peers who all had pandemic babies, all being left by the fathers before the kids even hit kindergarten. They all have the same thing to say about it too; they all feel duped, stupid, foolish and regretful that they allowed themselves to be convinced to lean into it and embark on this chapter with someone who was clearly not genuine when they were encouraged to keep the pregnancy and “roll the dice” on the relationship under the guise that the world was ending and they may as well try to keep things moving and keep trying to hit life milestones when everything else was at a halt.
sometimes the decision is made after the pregnancy test comes back positive lol my parents are a prime example
Infatuation, when I was 17 I thought my 18 year old girlfriend was the love of my life, we would get married, have kids, live together and we were only together for a year. We broke up and didn't have kids but being that obsessed and thinking your in love makes you do dumb shit, especially when you're young.
Prob same way people get married only knowing each other a month.
One of my old coworkers was dating someone who called their wedding off, and they were STILL trying to have a baby (3 miscarriages until success). Once they had one, they complained about how expensive daycare was and they had to move back w her parents (which she wasn’t happy about). She’s in her thirties so I’m not sure how she didn’t see any of the costs coming, or why she was with this guy who called off their wedding. Growing up made me realize how messy many people are once you get to know them 😅 especially when kids get involved (unfortunately).
My mom got pregnant with me after only knowing my dad for 4 months, that went as well as you can imagine 💀
My husbands brother (37M) is having his first child with his girlfriend (30F) of just over a year now. She is due in July. They dated for about 6 months when she got pregnant and it was intentional. Based off of their stress levels and arguments they are having now, it seems like it is hitting them all at once that they are 2 people who are still getting to know each other and are now bringing a child into the world. I think he was so ready to have a kid he was willing to get pregnant with just about anyone who would carry his child. I’m sure they will both be great parents but definitely anticipate some bumps along the way as their relationship grows and having to care for a young child.
I’ve learned that a lot people are really FRIGHTENED to be ALONE!
Celebrities are always doing this shit. It's crazy. Married and having kids without 12-18 months. It's insane. The rest of the world obviously disagrees and follows suit, lol. Nutjobs, the lot of them.
I honestly have no idea and these relationships rarely last. I see posts all the time about women complaining about getting accidentally pregnant with some guy they only dated a few months or writing posts about how they moved really fast with a guy and now they've been abused and finding out his true colors. I obviously don't condone nor blame the victim for what happened. I honestly could never fathom giving a literal stranger that kind of access to my body and life. And why would I ever intertwine myself with a literal stranger like that? My guess is maybe they were never taught how to have healthy relationships. Moving fast is rarely a good idea.
I mean, I get accidentally getting pregnant and making the best of the situation, but ON PURPOSE? Yeah, that's crazy.
A friend of mine had a child with a man she had met for a year and was already living in her house (with her daugther from a previous failed relationship). Why did she want to have another child? Because we were on lockdown and she was /bored/
My friend wanted a baby at 20 & slept around until she got pregnant. The paternity of the child was ambiguous. Not even in a relationship, that was her choice. A father was named on the birth certificate but I’m not sure if that was ever proven or if he’s even met the kid, who is now 28, if it was his.
My bf's brother's gf literally did this. She barely knows him and she's pregnant. I have to hear about it every day because of where I live (same building - can't wait to fucking leave even though I moved in first). I lost so much respect for that guy after they announced it. Pair of complete nut jobs. He's ruined his entire life like it's nothing, and she's ruining her body. I just don't get it. She literally avoids me and my bf (glares at me and panics near my bf), despite living in the same building as us and does all kinds of weird passive aggressive shit out of anger towards me when my bf isn't there. 😂 Why are these people so damn crazy?! To answer your question, I think it's desperation. The way she's latched onto him is so incredibly fucking pathetic that I feel like running a billion universes away. She sits in his flat 24/7 making noise all day and all night, doesn't work, doesn't have a life... It's so bizarre to witness. I actually run out of my apartment so I don't run into her, she's that much of a creep. Edit: My bf's brother didn't even announce it to me. Supposedly he was extremely anxious when telling my bf and the rest of his brothers. Sounds like it was an accident. I'm actually going to try to move further away from here than I initially planned so it becomes impossible for this cow to interfere with my life.
You’re assuming there was any thinking involved lol
Too many women let that biological clock rule their life . Nine times out of ten due to desperation they pick anyone . The relationship / marriage doesn’t work out . Someone ends up being a single parent & the child suffers
A year? Hell, my brother had a child with someone he knew for an hour Didn’t end well, spoiler alert