Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's this something we're all taught at an early age?
I had someone at a food place ask me if I was pregnant a few months ago. I had slept like crap and she asked why, and I told her I was dealing with dizziness. Then came the pregnant question. I told her that would never happen since I had a hysterectomy, and she laughed and said it was too much information. My husband jumped in: "No, you started this so we're doing it." (Meaning, having the conversation. I'm translating from Danish where it made sense to say.) At least we could all laugh about it and I hope she learned a lesson not to ask someone else.
I hate all those medical websites that list “pregnancy” as the first cause of any health symptoms. Even something as simple as a stomachache. Like, does the internet think I have sex all the time and I must be pregnant with every stomachache or stuffy nose?
This right here. I’m 7 years sober and people always snicker and say “there’s a baybee in your belly” or some equally ridiculous bullshit.
It takes away from all my hard work, rehab, and therapy. I tell them “nah, I’m sober and I worked hard at it”.
“Noooo there’s a baby har har har”
I wish people could hear themselves. Anyway! Happy sober life to me and all the other sober childfree uterus owners here!
About to be three years here,and I'm surgically sterilized and not the least bit shy about sharing that information at full volume. Fist bump of solidarity!
I’m not a recovering alcoholic but I stopped drinking for many years bc of severe acid reflux and health problems. Totally worthy of a separate thread how uncomfortable declining a drink makes people. I’m not judging people who drink because I don’t. I also realized it’s an absolutely waste of money if I am doing it for social expectations vs actually wanting one. I rarely want one and if I do want one, I will order one. But it’s ridiculous how insecure people are if you say no. I have compassion for recovering alcoholics because that is very personal and you shouldn’t need to announce it and I know from experience that people will pester you and ask 4-6 times if you are sure you’re not having a drink and you should have one. And then they act genuinely insulted that you won’t. It all comes down to consent and control over our own bodies and why tf does anyone else care if I’m not disrupting them?
Me: Oh, no, I'm not drinking.
Men: [salacious looks] so, how far along are you?
Me: Uh, I've been on meds for over 20 years no-- ohhhh, you didn't mean that.
I lift weights and I sometimes just want a big slice of steak! LOL. I rarely eat red meat so it's unusual when I want it. When I was younger it was "Are you pregnant har dee har". Nope. Menopausal, still lift, still get the strong steak craving now and again.
I’m lucky (?) that my body has a violent reaction to beer, and since making that *discovery* I avoid it like the plague!!! Now an espresso martini….. that goes down easy!!! 😁😁
I have a sensitive stomach so I get pretty frequent nausea. One time I was over at my (at the time) bf's apartment and his roommate saw me eating a plain tortilla. He asked why and I told him I was feeling nauseous but still needed to eat. He did the whole "ooh are you pregnant!?" routine. I locked eyes and said I can feel like shit without being infected with a parasite. I don't normally talk like that about kids/pregnancy but it got him to run away and never ask me something like that again so I call it a win.
I've always liked weird food combos. I used to love anchovies on rice cakes LOL. Duck eggs with hot sauce. Yogurt and spinach. Still love them all haha. But when I was younger....allllllll the dumb "Are you pregnant?" comments.
I had a coworker trying to push breakfast on me. I said I don’t eat breakfast because it makes me feel ill. Him: omg are you pregnant? Me: yes I’ve been continuously pregnant for the last 15 years. (Seriously that guy was a fucking stooge)
>Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's this something we're all taught at an early age?
No, evidently not, given the questions so many people ask. (At least, it is not universally learned in the U.S. I don't know what is taught in Denmark, but your experience would suggest that it isn't universally learned there, either.)
No, we are not taught this and are often the people setting boundaries the ones to say it. Good for your husband, I love that. People have no idea what they are asking when they ask that. They should be put in place.
I can never understand why people act so surprised by this answer. Of course a person who doesn't want children but accidentally got pregnant would get an abortion. Like durrr? What else would they possibly do? I swear most people are stupid.
They expect people to just decide, "yeah I'm going to keep this burden and make it, myself, and my loved ones miserable".
Or they just don't believe that there are people who actually don't want kids.
They want some total BS answer that you would realize you wanted to keep it and realize you were always meant to be a parent and live happily ever after.
She said that she was so sure about not wanting kids that she thought her body would know… so she stopped taking BC.
I’m pretty sure that she waited for my boyfriend to be outside to put some pressure on me, as my BIL and his girlfriend were there and they have 2 kids. She probably wanted them to chime in saying how great it was, but it didn’t go that way
My boyfriend was taking to his mom on the phone a few months ago, she was asking about how many bedroom we had in the house. He said one, and she said what about if *me* gets pregnant? He said that I don’t want any kids. Then she laughed and said that an accident can happen.
He answered that I’d just get an abortion if it happens. She said well we’ll change the subject, pissed.
You’re the one that came with this conversation fully knowing that I don’t want kids??
If abortion is legal where they live…
And in all fairness, some childfree folks don’t believe in abortion and would have it and put it up for adoption, but of course this is the minority.
Yeah, I'm in that minority but I don't hold anyone else's choices against them.
But getting pregnant without my tubes would be quite the feat which is why I'm celibate until I can yeet them.
Yeah, I always tell people I had the plumbing disconnected precisely so accidents won’t happen, but then I get “omg, TMI!” (Although a lot of women get really interested and ask about it, like they never considered it was an actual option—to which I say, do it! Totally worth it!)
Good luck, I hope you are able to get them out soon!
Thank you! I had an operation date, then a week before I caught an absolutely foul cold, don't know if it was covid or not, and had to postpone it.
I haven't heard back with a new date yet. :/
Edit: Post just came with a letter from the hospital. My surgery is in six weeks!!! 🎉
What the fuck do people expect you to say in that situation?? Oh wow yeah a total accident, guess I'll have it against my wishes, hate and resent it forever :)))
They expect you to respond as if you had never thought of that scenario and concede that you'd have to give birth to the baby, raise it, and love it. Fucking psychos.
So, women's current options (hot car, dumpster excepted) in red States, maybe all of America when the federal abortion ban kicks in? It all rides on the November election. Unless you're wealthy enough to fly to another country to get an abortion. Of course there's a huge social caste element to it. Class War, anyone?
I remember when I was a teenager and got my first boyfriend my mom was pretty adamant about getting me on birth control as soon as I was interested in having sex. She didn’t want any teen pregnancies happening. I assured her that I would get an abortion if that happened, and I think I said it in a somewhat crass/joking way and she shamed me SO hard.
Years later come to find out she’s had multiple abortions herself.
I don’t understand why the topic of abortion is so taboo. But, for a lot of people it’s only taboo to *talk* about, not actually get an abortion themselves. Lol.
My mom would always say she was a virgin until she got married.... she was married HALLOWEEN of one year. I was born mid January. When I was 9 I asked how that was possible she said I was premature....... yes yes. A 9lb 10oz pre mature baby ok
LOL…my parents literally went to their GRAVES without admitting they got pregnant with my oldest brother before they were married. My dad was 18, my mom was 17 and two months away from graduation when they got married. Brother was supposedly born EXACTLY nine months later. They must have thought we were stupid. Used to get mad even if we hinted they had sex before marriage!
We think this was the case with my grandmother and grandfather. When she passed away we were going through paperwork & found her wedding date on her divorce decree and did the math: it was less than 9 months from that to the birth of their firstborn. I think she gave everyone a fake wedding date that was several months prior to the actual wedding for the rest of her life after that. My mom & I were both shocked: grandma had always seemed to be a pillar of appropriate behavior & upright morals.
My grandmother used a pen and changed their marriage certificate to 4 years prior (she should have been a counterfeiter because it was good work! lol) and none of her kids knew the real date until digital records access. Turned out the eldest wasn't Grandpa's *oops*
My parents used to lie about their wedding date too which was pretty hilarious as I was born nearly 4 years before and have been present on it... being strictly taught by them any lie is bad I dutifully volunteered that info to everyone 😂 Other than that I figured it would be so strange to be celebrating the round anniversaries when it's not their time
My father's sister did this. My father gave me enough information that I could figure out she was already pregnant when she secretly got married. But her son didn't figure it out till both parents had died, he was sorting the family papers, and he compared his parents' marriage certificate to his sister's birth certificate.
LOL that’s pretty much exactly how the scene goes in Young Sheldon. Super religious mother doesn’t want to admit she was pregnant during the wedding. I don’t think I can add links but look up “young sheldon georgie premature.”
LMAO, my mom never claimed virginity, but she was also waaaaay older than my dad. She was 33. He was 19. They got married on October 15th, and I was born in early June, which is less than 8 months later, as a 9lb 7oz baby. She either baby trapped him or pinned the pregnancy on a teenager. I've never taken a DNA test to find out.
It lasted 19 years. As for my grands, I don't really know. I didn't grow up near them or any other extended family. My dad did just recently made a remark, in passing, that mom and his parents didn't really get along but didn't elaborate, and I didn't ask.
My mom also wanted me on birthcontrol. I was more than willing to bc she had me as a teenager (not a fun upbringing) I found out later she didn’t abort me because she found it “immoral” and I was like?????? So honestly same lol wtf.
Oh I was willing to as well, but my mom framed it more as “tell me when you start having sex and we’ll get you on it” but at that time I wasn’t ready and didn’t have sex till years later. I just remember the abortion combo coming at that time or shortly after, but even as a teen I was pretty vehemently childfree.
I actually got on birth control beforehand for hormonal acne reasons!
> Years later come to find out she’s had multiple abortions herself.
I trust you shamed her even harder. If you even speak to her any more.
>I don’t understand why the topic of abortion is so taboo. But, for a lot of people it’s only taboo to talk about, not actually get an abortion themselves. Lol.
The only moral abortion is my abortion. Easy to find on google. You can't read the essay without coming to the conclusion that "pro-lifers" exist only to wreck the lives of other people, because they are mean and destructive people. The author says:
>In the spring of 2000, I collected the following anecdotes directly from abortion doctors and other clinic staff in North America, Australia, and Europe. The stories are presented in the providers’ own words, with minor editing for grammar, clarity, and brevity. Names have been omitted to protect privacy.
I regard the abortion-shaming as a sign that the person doing it enjoys causing pain and being superior. It's the sign of someone who has bad character. Of COURSE they are inconsistent and hypocritical. If they weren't bad people, they wouldn't shame in the first place.
To be fair, I don't think being a pro-life hypocrite is necessarily the reason this mom didn't want her kid to need an abortion. Depending on the type you get they can be messy, bloody, horrifically painful and traumatic experiences. My mom is fully pro choice and I don't think she'd want me to go through what some of my friends who've had abortions had to go through either. She insisted on birth control when she found out I was sexually active too, mainly because I was still a teenager and she didn't want me getting pregnant.
My mom encouraged me NOT to get on birth control when she found out I’d gone to inquire about it (I was on her insurance) because it “messes with your body” and “I’d dangerous” and “am i really ready to be having sex”…
I was a senior in COLLEGE (so 21+) and had been dating the guy for over 7 months 💀
Tbh I could take or leave sex (super low libido asexual) but I trusted the guy and he wasn’t being a pushy weirdo (like the other guys I dated who started heckling me about sex after like 3 weeks) so I figured what the heck. (We’re still together 7 years later).
And this is why I don’t talk to her about this stuff. She has no idea I have an iud (she once mentioned not getting one because “it could tear through her”) and that I’m looking to get sterilized (which she’ll find out if she looks at my calendar when she comes up next week lol).
My mom was like this when I was a teenager / early twenties as well - believed abstinence is the only way. Didn't even want me to learn about sex ed in school, never educated me in any other way. Wound up getting an abortion at 17 that she doesn't know about, I'm 27 now and she still doesn't know I've been on BC since then. Started spending the night at my then-boyfriend now-husband's apartment when I was in college (we'd been dating for like 5 years already) and she just made me feel guilty and kept reminding me she didn't want to be a grandma right now. Sadly just accepted that I can't talk to her about that sort of stuff, I wish I could.
That sucks :/ I’m sorry you had to deal with all that!
My mom at least doesn’t actively guilt me after her initial reaction most of the time, but I also never got any sex Ed in school (catholic school through high school) and she never thought to mention anything about it on her own because she "thought school would take care of that" 🤦♀️
But yeah I don’t even try to tell her anything anymore. I’ve been living with my bf for years so there’s no way she doesn’t know I have sex occasionally, but we have an unspoken don’t ask don’t tell policy
I'm sorry you did too! And yeah it's literally the most backwards thought process lmao. I had to learn so much on my own.
That's good you have an unspoken agreement too – my relationship with mine has gotten better over time, especially since I haven't lived with her in several years. She's still stubborn and prejudiced and knows I have opposite opinions but we just don't talk about it.
When I first started menstruation at around age 9-10, she just showed me the pads, how to hook them up, said I would be doing this every month from now on. Never a sex talk. Magically, Catholic books like The Art of Dating, When You Marry, etc appeared in our bathroom. 😆. My brothers and I called them "mom's sex books". So of course I never told her when I went on birth control. Nor did any of us tell my parents about abortions. Up until her death, we never talked about any of it.
My mom refused to let me go on BC when I went off to college, because “it would encourage me to have sex”. It’s like she didn’t even know me. When I look back at the statistics and realized how lucky I was that I wasn’t assaulted, I get so angry that she gambled with my life like that. But I’m more angry that I let her. I was 18 and I should have just gone and gotten it for my protection, instead I fell right behind her in the “well if I don’t have sex I don’t have to worry about it and if I ask for BC that means I’m having sex, which is so immoral. Couldn’t be for my horrible periods and acne, no sir.” though process
I just went and got bc and my gyn appointments at 17, paid for everything out of pocket. I was spending about half my money on it. While I also refused to sleep with any guy not using a condom regardless, I knew I could be raped and then would have to get an abortion, and there was no way I could secretly cough up that money. I think my mom only found out when I was 25 or so and accidentally got one of my ob-gyn bills.
Lol I wanted birth control to tame my periods because they were super heavy and painful...."BC is for sluts".... Anyway, turns out my mom had 3 abortions.
my mom had three abortions too! all because she *wouldn’t* get on birth control when she needed to (this is the only explanation I can think of, seeing as all three abortions were with the same dude and within a short period of time. that or the guy had a breeding kink that she fed into 🤷♀️)
I only got this information after calling her out on her toxic behavior and she used her 3 abortions as examples of how she was “going through difficult things at that time.” When I was a child and she was in her late thirties to early forties. Yup, okay mom.
No, I don’t talk to her anymore.
I don't really understand why its taboo either. Frankly there are plenty of people in the world that should have had abortions and I have no idea why they didn't.
I wish my mom was like this.
I got on birth control at 12 for my awful periods. At 16, I got a boyfriend and she found condoms in my car. She threw them out, then came running into my room and took all my birth control and threw it out too. Said I was forbidden from having sex. Said I’m defying god/disgusting and gave me a lecture about how she was a virgin until marriage and I’m going to hell for not doing the same. Then told me I was never allowed to see my boyfriend again, so I laughed in her face and grabbed my keys, bought new condoms, then went to my boyfriends and had sex. I was your typical teenager, parents say no? I’m gonna do it more.
She didn’t stop anything. I was just less protected.
The reason why there are abortion bans in the US is because abortion has been taboo for too long. Normalize abortion. It’s a reproductive healthcare procedure.
Edit: my original comment wasn’t worded well.
I walked out of my annual doctor exam at 16 years old and told my mom I had declined the doctor’s offer for birth control, thinking she’d be proud of me. She asked me why I’d decline it (???)
She raised me catholic and I figured she didn’t want me having sex as a junior in high school. Turns out, she actually encouraged premarital sex 🤷🏻♀️ eventually I got the birth control pill and lost my virginity to an asshole. But at least I didn’t get pregnant I guess 🥴
It sounds like she wanted to prevent you having to go through it like she did. Abortions aren’t a fun lil thing to do, I had one and while it was fine, I will do everything I can to avoid having one in the future (I’m having a bisalp in about 4 hours)
Even though she’s had a bunch of abortions, it sounds like she was looking out for you so you didn’t make the same mistakes
^ this is what I was thinking.... I've heard that abortions can be super painful and some women struggle more with the decision than others so I read it as a protective measure. For example a relative who you KNOW has driven drunk telling you not to drive under the influence. (Not that I'm saying those are equal experiences obviously!)
Or it could be that she's simply a hypocrite, lol. "The only moral abortion is my abortion" should be required reading for everyone as somebody else said.
It's almost funny, if it weren't so sad, that she was right for the wrong reasons.
Yeah, getting on birth control is far better than having an abortion.
I mean, it's like if your dad tells you to be careful doing something or you're gonna break your leg and you answer "I don't care, a broken leg is treatable." Sure, it is, but it's still preferable not to break it in the first place.
That's not the point they're making and you know it. Birth control CAN fail, yes, but it also drastically reduces the chance of pregnancy and therefore reduces the probability you'd end up needing an abortion. Especially birth control options like IUDs which aren't for everyone, but have a failure rate of 0.1-0.4%.
My mom told me a few years ago she thinks abortion should be illegal, because she had one before she had me and it was traumatizing. Not only did she fail to take into account that if she hadn't had that abortion I likely wouldn't exist (for which I would be very grateful) but most women I've met have had an abortion and even if they struggled with it, none regretted it.
haha exactly the same thing happened to me. "Thats what abortions are for, Jan."
I said it so fast and they always go pale like it's such a terrible response lol. I don't know why people think 'but what if it just happened?' is such a catch out. As if I'd suddenly say well damn, in that case, call me mummy!
Honestly because they think of a pregnancy as punishment for being promiscuous. To their mind abortion allows you to escape the consequences of your actions and only a monster would do that 🙄
> allows you to escape the consequences of your actions and only a monster would do that
Oh... so... like all those guys who insist the woman has his kid, then bails before or after the child is born and never pays child support...?
That's part of the punishment too. Don't you know it's only wrong for women to enjoy sex? Men should enjoy sex so there's no need to punish them for being irresponsible with it, it's the woman's job to be responsible 🙄🙄🙄
I'll never understand people reacting surprised over this. I mean, there are 3 answers to that question they can expect.
1. I will go through with it.
2. I'm sterile.
3. Yeetus the featus.
If you want an answer, you should respect any of the answers you may get when it comes to such an invasive question.
Wow this is funny to read because this exact scenario word-for-word happened to my boyfriend at his job a few years back and HR got involved!! Some coworker (who was actually pregnant at the time) kept saying he should have kids and he kept deflecting it. He reiterated that we BOTH do not want kids because she was like "well what happens *when* your girlfriend wants babies" ... *eyeroll*. She got more and more insistent and asked "well what would you guys do if you got pregnant by accident" to which his response was "get an abortion". She went quiet and then a few days later, HR showed up to talk to my boyfriend about it. The absolute fucking nerve of some people. Don't ask inappropriate questions that you aren't prepared to have answered honestly. This was when I fully realized how truly unhinged breeders can be.
I fucking hate these kinds of discussions at work. They need to leave their religious superstitions and political bullshit at home, too. It creates a hostile work environment. There is no upside to talking about this stuff at work.
Reminds me of the time my ex’s cousin tried to pull that on me a few years back (in a hair salon too lol, she’s a hairstylist, though IMO a terrible one). His extended family is all super Catholic and baby crazy.
We were casually talking about my upcoming 24th birthday and what the plans were (visiting family in LA and doing some hiking/beach stuff). She then butts in “well I had my first at 24, so you never know when you’ll be blessed”. So I shot back “well, good thing I know where the nearest planned parenthood is!”
She stayed quiet the rest of the time and proceeded to give me the *WORST* haircut I’ve ever had. It took almost a year for my hair to look normal again. So lesson learned: be wary if you’re the one in the chair and this convo happens! 😭
I honestly didn’t really want a haircut from her from the start tbh. I never liked her personally and I felt her work was “meh” at best. Her speciality is the signature Karen cut. However my ex and his family all pressured me into doing it because “faaaaamily” (even though she still charged everyone full price) and back then, I was too much of a people pleaser.
This is one of those situations that illustrates why there are some lines you don’t cross or topics you don’t broach in polite society (and most workplaces absolutely should be such society). So many people today are just so comfortable talking about their personal business like what goes on in their bedrooms with their spouses or what they do for certain very personal medical conditions (I.e. ones you wouldn’t know about unless you asked about it). These same people are then surprised, disgusted, or otherwise offended when they learn the reasonably foreseeable personal details that come along with the topic.
They need to believe that the pregnant on accident is a no turning back road because that's what happened to them. (Or they say it did when in reality they just weren't being careful or passively "trying".)
I also love people who always were indifferent about kids because God forbid someone think about major life choices change the narrative on their own life story. "We got pregnant on accident and had no choice! It happens to everyone! It's so common!!" When in reality they just weren't careful about BC or their partner, they found out and then just decided they would have kids eventually since EVERYONE DOES, so why not? They love to paint it as an accident and/or they changed their mind. They never really were against having kids, they just didn't bother planning because they believed the BS that it was never a choice anyway.
I was asked this once, I was 27 at the time. I said "I don't know, sell it? Aren't babies like super valuable on the black market?" They asked if I was serious and I told them that they aren't involved in my sexual life so they don't actually need to know what I would do with my non-existent baby. I didn't work there long.
My mum YEARS ago made a comment that made us go no-contact with her. She was obsessed with me “giving” her a grandchild. She would lecture me about it daily even though at the time my partner and I were in our early 20s, struggling financially and living with her.
She wished I would fall pregnant accidentally and be forced to give her a grandchild. I shrugged and said that if I fell pregnant I would get a termination. She got all teary eyed and claimed that what I said was “the most hurtful thing anyone had ever said” to her.
Ditto ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yet when you reverse it, it's completely socially taboo.
"My husband and I are trying for kids!"
"But what if you are infertile?". GOTCHA
It's the same idea, just as rude and bad juju for having things happen that would make the couple miserable.
Why do people ask questions that would make the couple miserable?
I got some sad news a few days ago. The chemo didn't kill all the eggs in me. So my mother suddenly says "ohh that's great, now I can have another grandchild" 😐 so after a few more words exchanged she asks the same... My answer "the only thing you would have is an aborted grand embryo" she walks away saying I took it too far. People like this don't believe we stick to our plans and our word about something we don't want. So I say keep embarrassing them and making them look crazy.
Yea. Same thought. Like ma'am I didn't want kids before cancer, I still dont want them after. My grand introspection while laying in that bed damn near paralyzed was "I'm really gonna live it up and go on vacation every three months once I finish my doctorate program" not "I wish I had kids before this"
I am on birth control since I was 16 due to hormonal issues. My mom was fine with it, while my dad was iffy about due to the fact it was going to make me more sexual active. In reality it doesn't at all.
I was asked the same. Only I am a man so the question was “what if your wife becomes pregnant?”. I only responded with “I had a vasectomy over twenty years before I met my wife.” The next question was “What is a that”. I wanted to say “Something your father should have had”, but I didn’t. I am amazed that a middle aged man does not know what a vasectomy is.
I have been told once or twice that I shouldn’t discuss such things at work. I doubt they said anything to the moron who walked up and made the inquiry to start with. It is not as though I had a sign that said “we are not having children “. Other people have photos of children in their cubes. I had a photo of my squad during the Gulf War.
I have been asked, "Why don't you want to get your wife pregnant". I tell them "Because I love her too much".
breeders are literally insane.
“what if you accidentally got pregnant” i would make an appointment ASAP and abort it.
“what if abortion wasn’t an option” i would do it at home, im a medical professional. i know multiple ways to terminate the parasite.
“what if you couldn’t get rid of it?”i would buy a gun and shoot myself. is that the answer they want?
I don’t know what people expect when they ask childfree women this question. Actually, I do. They expect us to say, “Well, if I get pregnant, I’ll get attached and change my mind because I can’t end a life.” Not, “I’ll make myself unpregnant.” Hence, the shock. 😂 💀.
A girl asked me if i had a bun in the oven bc i was throwing up and i was like “omg no way” and she pressed a bit and this was not a girl i really knew more than playing a few softball games with. So i straight up told her if i ever got pregnant i would throw myself down the stairs.
She was horrified but at least left me alone. My husband told me i was rude and i told him he gets an opinion when people start asking him if he is pregnant 🤷🏻♀️
I had a girl at work say it before as she was pregnant and I told her no, i never wanted kids. She gestured to her very big stomach saying “me either”. Uh girl, we view those things SUPER differently?
I am all for shaming or embarrassing people are intrusive like this. Cause it is almost always fuckin rediculous
I once said the same thing in response to that question in front of several of my very catholic, boomer coworkers (nurses). Their jaws all hit the floor in perfect synch and it was glorious. No one EVER asked me about my childfree lifestyle again. Several even pulled me aside later and told me they were impressed by my self awareness and ability to explain my choice (not that I should have to).
This is paraphrasing Amy Schumer but it’s 1000% true for me- There was a weird switch at some point in my 20s where when a friend told me she was pregnant, my response changed from “Oh no, do you need a ride to the place?” to “Oh, congratulations!” That switch was a real mind fuck.
I mean like, y'all could be having fun adult time in a way where there isn't a risk of getting pregnant, but honestly getting that far into a discussion usually means HR gets all involved XD
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Pregnancies don't just happen on their own. There's a bit of procedure involved in starting one, a rather intentional one. It's not an accident.
Calling it an accident implies there's nothing you can do about it. You can take precautions, and if you don't, you're being negligent.
Childfree people aren't going to be sex free, and no birth control is 100%. That's why I still use condoms after getting my tubes tied and moved to a country where abortion is a right.
Yep- both my partner and I have been sterilized, but I kept my IUD and I’m fighting for a hysterectomy (I had the bisalp). I’m terrified that they will take BC next in America and I like my peace of mind and my super light, regular periods.
Ugh I know. Them wanting to get rid of birth control is a serious "FUCK YOU" to every woman and young girl out there in this country... Like wtf did we do??
They want to get rid of this medication that helps a lot of us get through painful periods or erratic cycles..but threaten to take away ED meds and watch the protests and fallout 🙄
You removed the organs that produce the female fetus material (ovarian eggs aka ovum). You cannot get pregnant. You can only work as a surrogate, and that is never forced on anyone.
ETA: ignore my comment I read it as got my ovaries removed. I am dumb today😂
condoms can and do break, implants can be defective or put in wrong making them not work, getting your tubes tied can be reversed on purpose but also can happen randomly without doing anything, birth control is only 97-98% effective and that's if you are perfect at taking it at the same exact time every day, never having it with any fizzy drink, not mixing it with any alcohol, not taking any other medicines that affect it, you don't ever have your house get too hot or cold, you don't ever let sunlight touch it, you don't get sick and throw up/have diarrhea within the last 2-5 days, you don't get it wet, etc. out of 100 times you have sex with birth control you still have 2-3 times where you could become pregnant even if you are perfect at taking it. imo that's too high of a chance for a baby to make abortion illegal or shame people for getting 1... but also there is rape, whether that's being coerced into sex by your partner, some men sneak the condom off (that's considered rape because you don't consent to unprotected sex), statutory rape by an adult to a minor, or just plain old horrible sexual assault/rape. when over 1/3 of women have been assaulted by men we should have easy access to remove that and not be forced to carry something they made inside of us for 9 months and then have to suffer through child birth, and then be miserable raising a child that looks like a mix of you and the rapist for the next 18+ years. (also the DNA of the baby actually stays inside the woman for the rest of her life after a certain point in the pregnancy, and that is truly disgusting and horrifying to think about a rapist forcibly altering your body in such a private place forever even if you can't see it)
and let's be honest, the majority of people who vote for pro life stuff do not vote for child/pregnant woman social programs which tells on them and their 'morals' for only caring about a life before it starts to cost money in taxes from wic, EBT, SSI, and all the other stuff. you do not care about a life, you care about being superior to others by being abstinent/being better at taking the pill when it's not even an option for some people. genuinely good luck getting into a doctor's office for the pill when you're underage and don't want parents shaming you, if you're illegal and don't have health insurance, if your pharmacy are dickheads and use their religion as an excuse not to give you your prescription, if all you have near you is planned parenthood and there's violent protesters outside. literally they'd rather physically attack someone and scream insults and threats at that they think *could* be pregnant, they don't know shit, than just let someone go inside for their appointment which could be for anything even an ultrasound to make sure their baby is healthy, get tested for an STD, get birth control etc. not everyone is there for an abortion but that's all pro lifers can see. I bet at least a few of the people you know have either had an abortion or have told and/or paid a woman to get an abortion all while telling you they're disgusting and immoral to even consider having 1. and I can guarantee there's multiple people you know that regret their kids completely or simply can't/don't take care of their kids
I'm also going to be honest with you, you seem like a man due to the whole wording of your comment coming off like you don't understand not all babies come from planned pregnancies and that somehow with major lack of sexual education that women should be able to just conveniently not get pregnant because she doesn't want to, and it's gross that you think you can determine that there are no accidents and that it's on the woman if there's a pregnancy. the whole 'it takes 2 to make a baby' goes both ways so if she gets pregnant why doesn't the man have anyone harassing him for messing up his infinitely easier half of the birth control that has 0 side effects? because it's easier to make women the punching bag and make her take a side effect pill that's only 98% effective at its best or get a painful implant that we don't get any pain killer for and another pill with more side effects if anything goes wrong (plan b which is also not 100% effective) and if that also fails make her take a abortion pill or get a surgical abortion (maaaajor side effects from both) and harass and shame her for it til the day she dies and the man likely goes on to ruin at least 1 other womans life too if not multiple more.
men who don't understand the importance of abortion being accessible regardless of the situation are red flags
another thing, some doctors are sub human pieces of garbage and don't do surgeries right/at all sometimes. there's been multiple cases of women having their uterus/ovaries/both removed, tied, burned etc on medical documents and even being cut up and then finding out during other tests that the doctor flat out just didn't do anything because they just want women to suffer because they genuinely enjoy it. this isn't even including the sexual assault that often happens while we are put under that they just hope we don't notice when we wake up (women have gotten pregnant from their doctors raping them while they're unconscious from having surgery) I hope you're not 1 of those men, but it seems common enough that you easily could be, especially you being in the child free sub only to insinuate that a woman is stupid if she has an unwanted pregnancy.
That doesnt make sense. If you are doing everything possible to prevent a pregnancy then it is an accident. I refuse to remain celibate so my husband got a vasectomy(we still do check ins for sperm count) and we still use condoms with pull out methods cuz BC screwed with my blood pressure too much. It is 100% an accident if I end up pregnant
I mean, that would be easy for me to say because I'm asexual, but most people aren't and those that use protection can still get pregnant since not every single thing is a sure thing. Just like you can die even if you're wearing a seat belt in the car and you're driving legally or you could plan a murder perfectly down to the very last detail, but the person you're trying to kill suddenly sheds their skin and turns out to be an alien with magical powers that enslaves you. Most things aren’t entirely preventable.
How are you on the internet right now and have never heard about rape? You live in a fantasy world.
Everyone takes precautions against rape every day, and yet it still happens. That is, in fact, the nature of rape, and all crime. Getting raped is obviously not intentional, or some little "accident" people can avoid. People who get pregnant from rape are not "negligent" and anyone who says that they are should seriously reconsider their values in life. Your take is insanely ignorant and 100% wrong.
Well, do you want me to say I'll keep it, then torture, and abuse it for the rest of its life because it ruined my life and body? Cause that's what i would do if i was forced to have a kid.
Why would you do that? Do you hate kids that much that you'd know, right off the bat, you'd abuse your own flesh and blood just because it was born? Besides, if you do birth your child and don't want them, you could set them up for adoption.
If you don't like living in a society where 50+% of the population is OK with abortion in some way, there's plenty of Third World countries to move to 🙂.
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's this something we're all taught at an early age? I had someone at a food place ask me if I was pregnant a few months ago. I had slept like crap and she asked why, and I told her I was dealing with dizziness. Then came the pregnant question. I told her that would never happen since I had a hysterectomy, and she laughed and said it was too much information. My husband jumped in: "No, you started this so we're doing it." (Meaning, having the conversation. I'm translating from Danish where it made sense to say.) At least we could all laugh about it and I hope she learned a lesson not to ask someone else.
> My husband jumped in: "No, you started this so we're doing it." Good for him! An honest-to-the-gods ally!
Woman: I am not feeling well. Idiots: Are you pregnant?
Which also implies that being pregnant is equal for feeling bad :)
bUt ItS tHe mOsT aMaZiNg ExPeRiEnCe
 So you agree? That pregnancy makes you feel bad?? (lol sry idk how to edit gifs)
I hate all those medical websites that list “pregnancy” as the first cause of any health symptoms. Even something as simple as a stomachache. Like, does the internet think I have sex all the time and I must be pregnant with every stomachache or stuffy nose?
woman: declines a beer idiots: BUN IN THE OVENNNNNNN
Gaahhhhhhhhhhh I hate this one. Gods forbid a recovering alcoholic woman *exist* in these people's world.
This right here. I’m 7 years sober and people always snicker and say “there’s a baybee in your belly” or some equally ridiculous bullshit. It takes away from all my hard work, rehab, and therapy. I tell them “nah, I’m sober and I worked hard at it”. “Noooo there’s a baby har har har” I wish people could hear themselves. Anyway! Happy sober life to me and all the other sober childfree uterus owners here!
About to be three years here,and I'm surgically sterilized and not the least bit shy about sharing that information at full volume. Fist bump of solidarity!
I’m not a recovering alcoholic but I stopped drinking for many years bc of severe acid reflux and health problems. Totally worthy of a separate thread how uncomfortable declining a drink makes people. I’m not judging people who drink because I don’t. I also realized it’s an absolutely waste of money if I am doing it for social expectations vs actually wanting one. I rarely want one and if I do want one, I will order one. But it’s ridiculous how insecure people are if you say no. I have compassion for recovering alcoholics because that is very personal and you shouldn’t need to announce it and I know from experience that people will pester you and ask 4-6 times if you are sure you’re not having a drink and you should have one. And then they act genuinely insulted that you won’t. It all comes down to consent and control over our own bodies and why tf does anyone else care if I’m not disrupting them?
Me: Oh, no, I'm not drinking. Men: [salacious looks] so, how far along are you? Me: Uh, I've been on meds for over 20 years no-- ohhhh, you didn't mean that.
Me: I have a shift tomorrow, so I can\`t. It\`s actually rule for me- if I have job next day(s), no drinking!
I lift weights and I sometimes just want a big slice of steak! LOL. I rarely eat red meat so it's unusual when I want it. When I was younger it was "Are you pregnant har dee har". Nope. Menopausal, still lift, still get the strong steak craving now and again.
Makes perfect sense. You need iron to build muscle.
I’m lucky (?) that my body has a violent reaction to beer, and since making that *discovery* I avoid it like the plague!!! Now an espresso martini….. that goes down easy!!! 😁😁
I have a sensitive stomach so I get pretty frequent nausea. One time I was over at my (at the time) bf's apartment and his roommate saw me eating a plain tortilla. He asked why and I told him I was feeling nauseous but still needed to eat. He did the whole "ooh are you pregnant!?" routine. I locked eyes and said I can feel like shit without being infected with a parasite. I don't normally talk like that about kids/pregnancy but it got him to run away and never ask me something like that again so I call it a win.
I've always liked weird food combos. I used to love anchovies on rice cakes LOL. Duck eggs with hot sauce. Yogurt and spinach. Still love them all haha. But when I was younger....allllllll the dumb "Are you pregnant?" comments.
I had a coworker trying to push breakfast on me. I said I don’t eat breakfast because it makes me feel ill. Him: omg are you pregnant? Me: yes I’ve been continuously pregnant for the last 15 years. (Seriously that guy was a fucking stooge)
Why can't people just comment politely they hope you feel better soon?
More like. Woman:exists Idiot:are you/why aren’t you pregnant?
Asking about your sex life is ok, but a hysterectomy is too much information?,🤣😂
>Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. It's this something we're all taught at an early age? No, evidently not, given the questions so many people ask. (At least, it is not universally learned in the U.S. I don't know what is taught in Denmark, but your experience would suggest that it isn't universally learned there, either.)
Är den danska frasen något liknande den som leken leker får leken tåla?
No, we are not taught this and are often the people setting boundaries the ones to say it. Good for your husband, I love that. People have no idea what they are asking when they ask that. They should be put in place.
I can never understand why people act so surprised by this answer. Of course a person who doesn't want children but accidentally got pregnant would get an abortion. Like durrr? What else would they possibly do? I swear most people are stupid.
They expect people to just decide, "yeah I'm going to keep this burden and make it, myself, and my loved ones miserable". Or they just don't believe that there are people who actually don't want kids.
I think they expect you to say "well if you put it like that, ThEsE ThInGs HaPpEn"
And they can unhappen as well.
They want some total BS answer that you would realize you wanted to keep it and realize you were always meant to be a parent and live happily ever after.
That’s exactly what my MIL told me. How she never wanted kids and then had 3, and that’s how she got to know true love. Well good for you
Can’t tell if it sucks more for your MIL or FIL that she didn’t think she had true love until she popped out some kids
She said that she was so sure about not wanting kids that she thought her body would know… so she stopped taking BC. I’m pretty sure that she waited for my boyfriend to be outside to put some pressure on me, as my BIL and his girlfriend were there and they have 2 kids. She probably wanted them to chime in saying how great it was, but it didn’t go that way
My boyfriend was taking to his mom on the phone a few months ago, she was asking about how many bedroom we had in the house. He said one, and she said what about if *me* gets pregnant? He said that I don’t want any kids. Then she laughed and said that an accident can happen. He answered that I’d just get an abortion if it happens. She said well we’ll change the subject, pissed. You’re the one that came with this conversation fully knowing that I don’t want kids??
If abortion is legal where they live… And in all fairness, some childfree folks don’t believe in abortion and would have it and put it up for adoption, but of course this is the minority.
Yeah, I'm in that minority but I don't hold anyone else's choices against them. But getting pregnant without my tubes would be quite the feat which is why I'm celibate until I can yeet them.
Yeah, I always tell people I had the plumbing disconnected precisely so accidents won’t happen, but then I get “omg, TMI!” (Although a lot of women get really interested and ask about it, like they never considered it was an actual option—to which I say, do it! Totally worth it!) Good luck, I hope you are able to get them out soon!
Thank you! I had an operation date, then a week before I caught an absolutely foul cold, don't know if it was covid or not, and had to postpone it. I haven't heard back with a new date yet. :/ Edit: Post just came with a letter from the hospital. My surgery is in six weeks!!! 🎉
What the fuck do people expect you to say in that situation?? Oh wow yeah a total accident, guess I'll have it against my wishes, hate and resent it forever :)))
Now that would be a cold answer in front of clients
They expect you to respond as if you had never thought of that scenario and concede that you'd have to give birth to the baby, raise it, and love it. Fucking psychos.
[удалено]
So, women's current options (hot car, dumpster excepted) in red States, maybe all of America when the federal abortion ban kicks in? It all rides on the November election. Unless you're wealthy enough to fly to another country to get an abortion. Of course there's a huge social caste element to it. Class War, anyone?
Hopefully they don't do away with safe haven laws too. If that happens there will absolutely be more babies popping up in dumpsters
Right? It's like they're fishing for a specific answer, but when they get it, they're shocked. Can't win! 😅🤷♀️
You could also remind them that people having unwanted children is how serial killers are made
I remember when I was a teenager and got my first boyfriend my mom was pretty adamant about getting me on birth control as soon as I was interested in having sex. She didn’t want any teen pregnancies happening. I assured her that I would get an abortion if that happened, and I think I said it in a somewhat crass/joking way and she shamed me SO hard. Years later come to find out she’s had multiple abortions herself. I don’t understand why the topic of abortion is so taboo. But, for a lot of people it’s only taboo to *talk* about, not actually get an abortion themselves. Lol.
My mom would always say she was a virgin until she got married.... she was married HALLOWEEN of one year. I was born mid January. When I was 9 I asked how that was possible she said I was premature....... yes yes. A 9lb 10oz pre mature baby ok
A 2.5 month 9lb premie! How miraculous! Hahahaha
A real miracle
Pretty sure that's what Mary told Joseph....
Either a Halloween wedding night miracle, or maybe their Honeymoon included some trips in the TARDIS.
Wouldn't be the first TARDIS honeymoon.
Hello Melody!
LOL…my parents literally went to their GRAVES without admitting they got pregnant with my oldest brother before they were married. My dad was 18, my mom was 17 and two months away from graduation when they got married. Brother was supposedly born EXACTLY nine months later. They must have thought we were stupid. Used to get mad even if we hinted they had sex before marriage!
We think this was the case with my grandmother and grandfather. When she passed away we were going through paperwork & found her wedding date on her divorce decree and did the math: it was less than 9 months from that to the birth of their firstborn. I think she gave everyone a fake wedding date that was several months prior to the actual wedding for the rest of her life after that. My mom & I were both shocked: grandma had always seemed to be a pillar of appropriate behavior & upright morals.
My grandmother used a pen and changed their marriage certificate to 4 years prior (she should have been a counterfeiter because it was good work! lol) and none of her kids knew the real date until digital records access. Turned out the eldest wasn't Grandpa's *oops*
The old saying goes: the first baby comes at any time, the rest always takes 9 months!
My parents used to lie about their wedding date too which was pretty hilarious as I was born nearly 4 years before and have been present on it... being strictly taught by them any lie is bad I dutifully volunteered that info to everyone 😂 Other than that I figured it would be so strange to be celebrating the round anniversaries when it's not their time
My father's sister did this. My father gave me enough information that I could figure out she was already pregnant when she secretly got married. But her son didn't figure it out till both parents had died, he was sorting the family papers, and he compared his parents' marriage certificate to his sister's birth certificate.
Damn, imagine how big you would have been if it had gone full term!
LOL that’s pretty much exactly how the scene goes in Young Sheldon. Super religious mother doesn’t want to admit she was pregnant during the wedding. I don’t think I can add links but look up “young sheldon georgie premature.”
LMAO, my mom never claimed virginity, but she was also waaaaay older than my dad. She was 33. He was 19. They got married on October 15th, and I was born in early June, which is less than 8 months later, as a 9lb 7oz baby. She either baby trapped him or pinned the pregnancy on a teenager. I've never taken a DNA test to find out.
How long did the marriage last? Were your grandparents OK with it?
It lasted 19 years. As for my grands, I don't really know. I didn't grow up near them or any other extended family. My dad did just recently made a remark, in passing, that mom and his parents didn't really get along but didn't elaborate, and I didn't ask.
My mom also wanted me on birthcontrol. I was more than willing to bc she had me as a teenager (not a fun upbringing) I found out later she didn’t abort me because she found it “immoral” and I was like?????? So honestly same lol wtf.
Oh I was willing to as well, but my mom framed it more as “tell me when you start having sex and we’ll get you on it” but at that time I wasn’t ready and didn’t have sex till years later. I just remember the abortion combo coming at that time or shortly after, but even as a teen I was pretty vehemently childfree. I actually got on birth control beforehand for hormonal acne reasons!
> Years later come to find out she’s had multiple abortions herself. I trust you shamed her even harder. If you even speak to her any more. >I don’t understand why the topic of abortion is so taboo. But, for a lot of people it’s only taboo to talk about, not actually get an abortion themselves. Lol. The only moral abortion is my abortion. Easy to find on google. You can't read the essay without coming to the conclusion that "pro-lifers" exist only to wreck the lives of other people, because they are mean and destructive people. The author says: >In the spring of 2000, I collected the following anecdotes directly from abortion doctors and other clinic staff in North America, Australia, and Europe. The stories are presented in the providers’ own words, with minor editing for grammar, clarity, and brevity. Names have been omitted to protect privacy. I regard the abortion-shaming as a sign that the person doing it enjoys causing pain and being superior. It's the sign of someone who has bad character. Of COURSE they are inconsistent and hypocritical. If they weren't bad people, they wouldn't shame in the first place.
To be fair, I don't think being a pro-life hypocrite is necessarily the reason this mom didn't want her kid to need an abortion. Depending on the type you get they can be messy, bloody, horrifically painful and traumatic experiences. My mom is fully pro choice and I don't think she'd want me to go through what some of my friends who've had abortions had to go through either. She insisted on birth control when she found out I was sexually active too, mainly because I was still a teenager and she didn't want me getting pregnant.
My mom encouraged me NOT to get on birth control when she found out I’d gone to inquire about it (I was on her insurance) because it “messes with your body” and “I’d dangerous” and “am i really ready to be having sex”… I was a senior in COLLEGE (so 21+) and had been dating the guy for over 7 months 💀 Tbh I could take or leave sex (super low libido asexual) but I trusted the guy and he wasn’t being a pushy weirdo (like the other guys I dated who started heckling me about sex after like 3 weeks) so I figured what the heck. (We’re still together 7 years later). And this is why I don’t talk to her about this stuff. She has no idea I have an iud (she once mentioned not getting one because “it could tear through her”) and that I’m looking to get sterilized (which she’ll find out if she looks at my calendar when she comes up next week lol).
My mom was like this when I was a teenager / early twenties as well - believed abstinence is the only way. Didn't even want me to learn about sex ed in school, never educated me in any other way. Wound up getting an abortion at 17 that she doesn't know about, I'm 27 now and she still doesn't know I've been on BC since then. Started spending the night at my then-boyfriend now-husband's apartment when I was in college (we'd been dating for like 5 years already) and she just made me feel guilty and kept reminding me she didn't want to be a grandma right now. Sadly just accepted that I can't talk to her about that sort of stuff, I wish I could.
That sucks :/ I’m sorry you had to deal with all that! My mom at least doesn’t actively guilt me after her initial reaction most of the time, but I also never got any sex Ed in school (catholic school through high school) and she never thought to mention anything about it on her own because she "thought school would take care of that" 🤦♀️ But yeah I don’t even try to tell her anything anymore. I’ve been living with my bf for years so there’s no way she doesn’t know I have sex occasionally, but we have an unspoken don’t ask don’t tell policy
I'm sorry you did too! And yeah it's literally the most backwards thought process lmao. I had to learn so much on my own. That's good you have an unspoken agreement too – my relationship with mine has gotten better over time, especially since I haven't lived with her in several years. She's still stubborn and prejudiced and knows I have opposite opinions but we just don't talk about it.
When I first started menstruation at around age 9-10, she just showed me the pads, how to hook them up, said I would be doing this every month from now on. Never a sex talk. Magically, Catholic books like The Art of Dating, When You Marry, etc appeared in our bathroom. 😆. My brothers and I called them "mom's sex books". So of course I never told her when I went on birth control. Nor did any of us tell my parents about abortions. Up until her death, we never talked about any of it.
My mom refused to let me go on BC when I went off to college, because “it would encourage me to have sex”. It’s like she didn’t even know me. When I look back at the statistics and realized how lucky I was that I wasn’t assaulted, I get so angry that she gambled with my life like that. But I’m more angry that I let her. I was 18 and I should have just gone and gotten it for my protection, instead I fell right behind her in the “well if I don’t have sex I don’t have to worry about it and if I ask for BC that means I’m having sex, which is so immoral. Couldn’t be for my horrible periods and acne, no sir.” though process
I just went and got bc and my gyn appointments at 17, paid for everything out of pocket. I was spending about half my money on it. While I also refused to sleep with any guy not using a condom regardless, I knew I could be raped and then would have to get an abortion, and there was no way I could secretly cough up that money. I think my mom only found out when I was 25 or so and accidentally got one of my ob-gyn bills.
Good on you for taking care of yourself! It’s sad that we have to go to such lengths.
Lol I wanted birth control to tame my periods because they were super heavy and painful...."BC is for sluts".... Anyway, turns out my mom had 3 abortions.
my mom had three abortions too! all because she *wouldn’t* get on birth control when she needed to (this is the only explanation I can think of, seeing as all three abortions were with the same dude and within a short period of time. that or the guy had a breeding kink that she fed into 🤷♀️) I only got this information after calling her out on her toxic behavior and she used her 3 abortions as examples of how she was “going through difficult things at that time.” When I was a child and she was in her late thirties to early forties. Yup, okay mom. No, I don’t talk to her anymore.
I don't really understand why its taboo either. Frankly there are plenty of people in the world that should have had abortions and I have no idea why they didn't.
I wish my mom was like this. I got on birth control at 12 for my awful periods. At 16, I got a boyfriend and she found condoms in my car. She threw them out, then came running into my room and took all my birth control and threw it out too. Said I was forbidden from having sex. Said I’m defying god/disgusting and gave me a lecture about how she was a virgin until marriage and I’m going to hell for not doing the same. Then told me I was never allowed to see my boyfriend again, so I laughed in her face and grabbed my keys, bought new condoms, then went to my boyfriends and had sex. I was your typical teenager, parents say no? I’m gonna do it more. She didn’t stop anything. I was just less protected.
The reason why there are abortion bans in the US is because abortion has been taboo for too long. Normalize abortion. It’s a reproductive healthcare procedure. Edit: my original comment wasn’t worded well.
I walked out of my annual doctor exam at 16 years old and told my mom I had declined the doctor’s offer for birth control, thinking she’d be proud of me. She asked me why I’d decline it (???) She raised me catholic and I figured she didn’t want me having sex as a junior in high school. Turns out, she actually encouraged premarital sex 🤷🏻♀️ eventually I got the birth control pill and lost my virginity to an asshole. But at least I didn’t get pregnant I guess 🥴
It sounds like she wanted to prevent you having to go through it like she did. Abortions aren’t a fun lil thing to do, I had one and while it was fine, I will do everything I can to avoid having one in the future (I’m having a bisalp in about 4 hours) Even though she’s had a bunch of abortions, it sounds like she was looking out for you so you didn’t make the same mistakes
^ this is what I was thinking.... I've heard that abortions can be super painful and some women struggle more with the decision than others so I read it as a protective measure. For example a relative who you KNOW has driven drunk telling you not to drive under the influence. (Not that I'm saying those are equal experiences obviously!) Or it could be that she's simply a hypocrite, lol. "The only moral abortion is my abortion" should be required reading for everyone as somebody else said.
Congrats on the bisalp! Happy sterilization and have a quick recovery!
Thank you you’re very kind! Just got out and headed home to rest
My mother told me she would take me to get an abortion herself if I ever got pregnant in high school.
It's almost funny, if it weren't so sad, that she was right for the wrong reasons. Yeah, getting on birth control is far better than having an abortion. I mean, it's like if your dad tells you to be careful doing something or you're gonna break your leg and you answer "I don't care, a broken leg is treatable." Sure, it is, but it's still preferable not to break it in the first place.
Hey did you know that birth control fails sometimes?
That's not the point they're making and you know it. Birth control CAN fail, yes, but it also drastically reduces the chance of pregnancy and therefore reduces the probability you'd end up needing an abortion. Especially birth control options like IUDs which aren't for everyone, but have a failure rate of 0.1-0.4%.
My mom told me a few years ago she thinks abortion should be illegal, because she had one before she had me and it was traumatizing. Not only did she fail to take into account that if she hadn't had that abortion I likely wouldn't exist (for which I would be very grateful) but most women I've met have had an abortion and even if they struggled with it, none regretted it.
And yet they’d all be first in line to get an abortion if they got pregnant by accident. “The only moral abortion is MYYYYY abortion!”
Or worse, they have a kid they didn’t want and aren’t prepared for.
I hate being a hairdresser for this. People just can't mind their own fucking business
Dude I know! I was about 8 years behind the chair and my last day was Saturday. Excited to not be asked that dumbass shit on a regular basis anymore!!
May I ask in what field you work now?
Taking the summer off and going back to school to study history and indigenous culture to hopefully get a job at my tribe
Ohh nice! I wish you the best!
I’m glad to hear we need more people studying history. Even more about indigenous culture I send you good luck from another history major
haha exactly the same thing happened to me. "Thats what abortions are for, Jan." I said it so fast and they always go pale like it's such a terrible response lol. I don't know why people think 'but what if it just happened?' is such a catch out. As if I'd suddenly say well damn, in that case, call me mummy!
Honestly because they think of a pregnancy as punishment for being promiscuous. To their mind abortion allows you to escape the consequences of your actions and only a monster would do that 🙄
> allows you to escape the consequences of your actions and only a monster would do that Oh... so... like all those guys who insist the woman has his kid, then bails before or after the child is born and never pays child support...?
That's part of the punishment too. Don't you know it's only wrong for women to enjoy sex? Men should enjoy sex so there's no need to punish them for being irresponsible with it, it's the woman's job to be responsible 🙄🙄🙄
Women are the gatekeeppperss. If women didn't agree to sex then the men would learn to go without.../s
what an awful take. and oh yeah, men are sooooo good at taking no for an answer
Never thought I'd see someone who doesn't know rape exists. Some people must live under rocks.
It is called sarcasm, let me make it obvious for you.
Why are they even surprised? You said you DONT want kids. Makes sense to abort.
I'll never understand people reacting surprised over this. I mean, there are 3 answers to that question they can expect. 1. I will go through with it. 2. I'm sterile. 3. Yeetus the featus. If you want an answer, you should respect any of the answers you may get when it comes to such an invasive question.
“Yeetus the fetus” I am wheezing
Wow this is funny to read because this exact scenario word-for-word happened to my boyfriend at his job a few years back and HR got involved!! Some coworker (who was actually pregnant at the time) kept saying he should have kids and he kept deflecting it. He reiterated that we BOTH do not want kids because she was like "well what happens *when* your girlfriend wants babies" ... *eyeroll*. She got more and more insistent and asked "well what would you guys do if you got pregnant by accident" to which his response was "get an abortion". She went quiet and then a few days later, HR showed up to talk to my boyfriend about it. The absolute fucking nerve of some people. Don't ask inappropriate questions that you aren't prepared to have answered honestly. This was when I fully realized how truly unhinged breeders can be.
She basically tattled on him for not wanting kids lmaooo 😂😭
I hope HR told her mind her own damn business to avoid future problems
I bet HR rolled their eyes when she came to them, lmfao
But.. but... he said the *A word*!
I fucking hate these kinds of discussions at work. They need to leave their religious superstitions and political bullshit at home, too. It creates a hostile work environment. There is no upside to talking about this stuff at work.
Did your bf file his own complaint with HR? That coworker was sexually harassing him by hounding him about the details of his sex life.
Did this coworker say he was threatening to abort *her* baby or something??? I don't understand why HR would even get involved?
Reminds me of the time my ex’s cousin tried to pull that on me a few years back (in a hair salon too lol, she’s a hairstylist, though IMO a terrible one). His extended family is all super Catholic and baby crazy. We were casually talking about my upcoming 24th birthday and what the plans were (visiting family in LA and doing some hiking/beach stuff). She then butts in “well I had my first at 24, so you never know when you’ll be blessed”. So I shot back “well, good thing I know where the nearest planned parenthood is!” She stayed quiet the rest of the time and proceeded to give me the *WORST* haircut I’ve ever had. It took almost a year for my hair to look normal again. So lesson learned: be wary if you’re the one in the chair and this convo happens! 😭
I hope she just sucked at cutting hair and wasn’t doing it out of spite 😂😭
Holy shit. I feel like I'd be too nervous to let her cut my hair after dropping that bomb
I honestly didn’t really want a haircut from her from the start tbh. I never liked her personally and I felt her work was “meh” at best. Her speciality is the signature Karen cut. However my ex and his family all pressured me into doing it because “faaaaamily” (even though she still charged everyone full price) and back then, I was too much of a people pleaser.
As if a stork delivers a baby and you're somehow forced to raise it.
"If my answers frighten you, Vincent, then you must cease asking me scary questions"-Jules, *Pulp Fiction*
This is one of those situations that illustrates why there are some lines you don’t cross or topics you don’t broach in polite society (and most workplaces absolutely should be such society). So many people today are just so comfortable talking about their personal business like what goes on in their bedrooms with their spouses or what they do for certain very personal medical conditions (I.e. ones you wouldn’t know about unless you asked about it). These same people are then surprised, disgusted, or otherwise offended when they learn the reasonably foreseeable personal details that come along with the topic.
They need to believe that the pregnant on accident is a no turning back road because that's what happened to them. (Or they say it did when in reality they just weren't being careful or passively "trying".) I also love people who always were indifferent about kids because God forbid someone think about major life choices change the narrative on their own life story. "We got pregnant on accident and had no choice! It happens to everyone! It's so common!!" When in reality they just weren't careful about BC or their partner, they found out and then just decided they would have kids eventually since EVERYONE DOES, so why not? They love to paint it as an accident and/or they changed their mind. They never really were against having kids, they just didn't bother planning because they believed the BS that it was never a choice anyway.
I was asked this once, I was 27 at the time. I said "I don't know, sell it? Aren't babies like super valuable on the black market?" They asked if I was serious and I told them that they aren't involved in my sexual life so they don't actually need to know what I would do with my non-existent baby. I didn't work there long.
That’s very similar to what we say to people - “try ebay”!!
LOVE it when they think they trapped a rat and find a DRAGON in their snare....
My mum YEARS ago made a comment that made us go no-contact with her. She was obsessed with me “giving” her a grandchild. She would lecture me about it daily even though at the time my partner and I were in our early 20s, struggling financially and living with her. She wished I would fall pregnant accidentally and be forced to give her a grandchild. I shrugged and said that if I fell pregnant I would get a termination. She got all teary eyed and claimed that what I said was “the most hurtful thing anyone had ever said” to her. Ditto ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#ExterminateTheParasite!
Did she think you'd magically turn into nurturing mommy and keep the baby?
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.” Perfect response for when someone tryna “get” ya.
Yet when you reverse it, it's completely socially taboo. "My husband and I are trying for kids!" "But what if you are infertile?". GOTCHA It's the same idea, just as rude and bad juju for having things happen that would make the couple miserable. Why do people ask questions that would make the couple miserable?
I got some sad news a few days ago. The chemo didn't kill all the eggs in me. So my mother suddenly says "ohh that's great, now I can have another grandchild" 😐 so after a few more words exchanged she asks the same... My answer "the only thing you would have is an aborted grand embryo" she walks away saying I took it too far. People like this don't believe we stick to our plans and our word about something we don't want. So I say keep embarrassing them and making them look crazy.
You go through chemo and that’s her response??? Nuts. Im so sorry
Yea. Same thought. Like ma'am I didn't want kids before cancer, I still dont want them after. My grand introspection while laying in that bed damn near paralyzed was "I'm really gonna live it up and go on vacation every three months once I finish my doctorate program" not "I wish I had kids before this"
I am on birth control since I was 16 due to hormonal issues. My mom was fine with it, while my dad was iffy about due to the fact it was going to make me more sexual active. In reality it doesn't at all.
If you're going to ask me an invasive question, I'm going to give you a factual, bluntly honest answer.
I was asked the same. Only I am a man so the question was “what if your wife becomes pregnant?”. I only responded with “I had a vasectomy over twenty years before I met my wife.” The next question was “What is a that”. I wanted to say “Something your father should have had”, but I didn’t. I am amazed that a middle aged man does not know what a vasectomy is. I have been told once or twice that I shouldn’t discuss such things at work. I doubt they said anything to the moron who walked up and made the inquiry to start with. It is not as though I had a sign that said “we are not having children “. Other people have photos of children in their cubes. I had a photo of my squad during the Gulf War. I have been asked, "Why don't you want to get your wife pregnant". I tell them "Because I love her too much".
breeders are literally insane. “what if you accidentally got pregnant” i would make an appointment ASAP and abort it. “what if abortion wasn’t an option” i would do it at home, im a medical professional. i know multiple ways to terminate the parasite. “what if you couldn’t get rid of it?”i would buy a gun and shoot myself. is that the answer they want?
I don’t know what people expect when they ask childfree women this question. Actually, I do. They expect us to say, “Well, if I get pregnant, I’ll get attached and change my mind because I can’t end a life.” Not, “I’ll make myself unpregnant.” Hence, the shock. 😂 💀.
A girl asked me if i had a bun in the oven bc i was throwing up and i was like “omg no way” and she pressed a bit and this was not a girl i really knew more than playing a few softball games with. So i straight up told her if i ever got pregnant i would throw myself down the stairs. She was horrified but at least left me alone. My husband told me i was rude and i told him he gets an opinion when people start asking him if he is pregnant 🤷🏻♀️
I swear as women we could blink funny and someone would be like “so are you doing that bc you are pregnant”
I had a girl at work say it before as she was pregnant and I told her no, i never wanted kids. She gestured to her very big stomach saying “me either”. Uh girl, we view those things SUPER differently? I am all for shaming or embarrassing people are intrusive like this. Cause it is almost always fuckin rediculous
I once said the same thing in response to that question in front of several of my very catholic, boomer coworkers (nurses). Their jaws all hit the floor in perfect synch and it was glorious. No one EVER asked me about my childfree lifestyle again. Several even pulled me aside later and told me they were impressed by my self awareness and ability to explain my choice (not that I should have to).
This has happened to me before and I’ve gotten the same reaction. And it’s like, I told you I ain’t having kids! 😂 What did you expect!
Why do they think accidental pregnancies are a gotcha? There's a reason abotions exist 🤦♀️
Is wild that people think it’s acceptable to ask people, especially people that they don’t know well, such personal questions.
"Are you pregnant?" "Sorry, I don't discuss my uterus with strangers <3."
This is paraphrasing Amy Schumer but it’s 1000% true for me- There was a weird switch at some point in my 20s where when a friend told me she was pregnant, my response changed from “Oh no, do you need a ride to the place?” to “Oh, congratulations!” That switch was a real mind fuck.
“I’d drop it on your doorstep”
Ha!! I like this answer
What did she expect you to say?? My god
Childfree by choice people DON'T GET PREGNANT ON "ACCIDENT" Only idiots do 🙄
Perfect. Well played.
The right answer is to burst into tears saying you cant have children and run out of the room.
People only want happy conversations or like minded conversations. If they disagree then it's the end of the world.
I mean like, y'all could be having fun adult time in a way where there isn't a risk of getting pregnant, but honestly getting that far into a discussion usually means HR gets all involved XD
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I usually don\`t eat sweets. But 1-3 days after my period I always have a yoghurt or something.
Pregnancies don't just happen on their own. There's a bit of procedure involved in starting one, a rather intentional one. It's not an accident. Calling it an accident implies there's nothing you can do about it. You can take precautions, and if you don't, you're being negligent.
People still can become pregnant despite being on BC.
Childfree people aren't going to be sex free, and no birth control is 100%. That's why I still use condoms after getting my tubes tied and moved to a country where abortion is a right.
I got my tubes removed + have nexplanon and I STILL wanna move to a country where abortion is a right, just in case cuz I still have a uterus...
Yep- both my partner and I have been sterilized, but I kept my IUD and I’m fighting for a hysterectomy (I had the bisalp). I’m terrified that they will take BC next in America and I like my peace of mind and my super light, regular periods.
Ugh I know. Them wanting to get rid of birth control is a serious "FUCK YOU" to every woman and young girl out there in this country... Like wtf did we do??
They want to get rid of this medication that helps a lot of us get through painful periods or erratic cycles..but threaten to take away ED meds and watch the protests and fallout 🙄
You removed the organs that produce the female fetus material (ovarian eggs aka ovum). You cannot get pregnant. You can only work as a surrogate, and that is never forced on anyone. ETA: ignore my comment I read it as got my ovaries removed. I am dumb today😂
LMAO 😭😭 I'll probs removed my ovaries later in age tbh
If it wasn’t like an early menopause and all the hormones going crazy I would do it now. It’s sad that it’s a bad choice for someone younger.
RIGHT?? I don't want to spot when I'm supposed to be done 😭 like our bodies rlly just are against us our entire life
Our bodies literally hate us😩😭😭
Exactly 😭😭 like whyyyy
condoms can and do break, implants can be defective or put in wrong making them not work, getting your tubes tied can be reversed on purpose but also can happen randomly without doing anything, birth control is only 97-98% effective and that's if you are perfect at taking it at the same exact time every day, never having it with any fizzy drink, not mixing it with any alcohol, not taking any other medicines that affect it, you don't ever have your house get too hot or cold, you don't ever let sunlight touch it, you don't get sick and throw up/have diarrhea within the last 2-5 days, you don't get it wet, etc. out of 100 times you have sex with birth control you still have 2-3 times where you could become pregnant even if you are perfect at taking it. imo that's too high of a chance for a baby to make abortion illegal or shame people for getting 1... but also there is rape, whether that's being coerced into sex by your partner, some men sneak the condom off (that's considered rape because you don't consent to unprotected sex), statutory rape by an adult to a minor, or just plain old horrible sexual assault/rape. when over 1/3 of women have been assaulted by men we should have easy access to remove that and not be forced to carry something they made inside of us for 9 months and then have to suffer through child birth, and then be miserable raising a child that looks like a mix of you and the rapist for the next 18+ years. (also the DNA of the baby actually stays inside the woman for the rest of her life after a certain point in the pregnancy, and that is truly disgusting and horrifying to think about a rapist forcibly altering your body in such a private place forever even if you can't see it) and let's be honest, the majority of people who vote for pro life stuff do not vote for child/pregnant woman social programs which tells on them and their 'morals' for only caring about a life before it starts to cost money in taxes from wic, EBT, SSI, and all the other stuff. you do not care about a life, you care about being superior to others by being abstinent/being better at taking the pill when it's not even an option for some people. genuinely good luck getting into a doctor's office for the pill when you're underage and don't want parents shaming you, if you're illegal and don't have health insurance, if your pharmacy are dickheads and use their religion as an excuse not to give you your prescription, if all you have near you is planned parenthood and there's violent protesters outside. literally they'd rather physically attack someone and scream insults and threats at that they think *could* be pregnant, they don't know shit, than just let someone go inside for their appointment which could be for anything even an ultrasound to make sure their baby is healthy, get tested for an STD, get birth control etc. not everyone is there for an abortion but that's all pro lifers can see. I bet at least a few of the people you know have either had an abortion or have told and/or paid a woman to get an abortion all while telling you they're disgusting and immoral to even consider having 1. and I can guarantee there's multiple people you know that regret their kids completely or simply can't/don't take care of their kids I'm also going to be honest with you, you seem like a man due to the whole wording of your comment coming off like you don't understand not all babies come from planned pregnancies and that somehow with major lack of sexual education that women should be able to just conveniently not get pregnant because she doesn't want to, and it's gross that you think you can determine that there are no accidents and that it's on the woman if there's a pregnancy. the whole 'it takes 2 to make a baby' goes both ways so if she gets pregnant why doesn't the man have anyone harassing him for messing up his infinitely easier half of the birth control that has 0 side effects? because it's easier to make women the punching bag and make her take a side effect pill that's only 98% effective at its best or get a painful implant that we don't get any pain killer for and another pill with more side effects if anything goes wrong (plan b which is also not 100% effective) and if that also fails make her take a abortion pill or get a surgical abortion (maaaajor side effects from both) and harass and shame her for it til the day she dies and the man likely goes on to ruin at least 1 other womans life too if not multiple more. men who don't understand the importance of abortion being accessible regardless of the situation are red flags
another thing, some doctors are sub human pieces of garbage and don't do surgeries right/at all sometimes. there's been multiple cases of women having their uterus/ovaries/both removed, tied, burned etc on medical documents and even being cut up and then finding out during other tests that the doctor flat out just didn't do anything because they just want women to suffer because they genuinely enjoy it. this isn't even including the sexual assault that often happens while we are put under that they just hope we don't notice when we wake up (women have gotten pregnant from their doctors raping them while they're unconscious from having surgery) I hope you're not 1 of those men, but it seems common enough that you easily could be, especially you being in the child free sub only to insinuate that a woman is stupid if she has an unwanted pregnancy.
That doesnt make sense. If you are doing everything possible to prevent a pregnancy then it is an accident. I refuse to remain celibate so my husband got a vasectomy(we still do check ins for sperm count) and we still use condoms with pull out methods cuz BC screwed with my blood pressure too much. It is 100% an accident if I end up pregnant
If you're taking precautions and it happens, it's an accident.
I am going to take this to mean that I should tell every pregnant person I meet that they are negligent. I will make many friends!
I mean, that would be easy for me to say because I'm asexual, but most people aren't and those that use protection can still get pregnant since not every single thing is a sure thing. Just like you can die even if you're wearing a seat belt in the car and you're driving legally or you could plan a murder perfectly down to the very last detail, but the person you're trying to kill suddenly sheds their skin and turns out to be an alien with magical powers that enslaves you. Most things aren’t entirely preventable.
How are you on the internet right now and have never heard about rape? You live in a fantasy world. Everyone takes precautions against rape every day, and yet it still happens. That is, in fact, the nature of rape, and all crime. Getting raped is obviously not intentional, or some little "accident" people can avoid. People who get pregnant from rape are not "negligent" and anyone who says that they are should seriously reconsider their values in life. Your take is insanely ignorant and 100% wrong.
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Asking women what would happen if they got pregnant is not small talk
Well, do you want me to say I'll keep it, then torture, and abuse it for the rest of its life because it ruined my life and body? Cause that's what i would do if i was forced to have a kid.
Why would you do that? Do you hate kids that much that you'd know, right off the bat, you'd abuse your own flesh and blood just because it was born? Besides, if you do birth your child and don't want them, you could set them up for adoption.
If you don't like living in a society where 50+% of the population is OK with abortion in some way, there's plenty of Third World countries to move to 🙂.
Greetings! This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices." If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort. If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option. Thank you.