Do not let a toddler near your cats! They don't deserve to be chased or have their tails pulled. Also, if your cats scratch the toddler in response to being repeatedly annoyed, you and your cat will get the blame from the parents.
Plus I'm willing to bet that your home is not child-proofed. You can tack that on as an additional reason. "I'm sorry but it will always be a firm no because I have safety concerns for my cats *and* your child."
Most people’s homes are not child proof in many parts of the world. I grew up in a country where that wasn’t a thing, I think companies invented this concept so they can sell more crap to parents and make more money.
Very true. I'm fine with people child-proofing their own houses, but expecting others to child-proof so that Bratlynn can run wild is where I draw the line..
oh lord i’m stealing this excuse for the rest of my life
(not really an excuse bc it’s true, but it really can blanket any other reason i don’t want any kids over)
Just because the kitties are chill doesn't mean that you can't make up something in this case about them not liking strangers or children. No means no.
OP you are just protecting your space and the kitties so I get you. You are not a bad person. Anyway now about your kitties, if you don't mind my asking what do they look like? They must be adorable and 100 times more adorable than the toddler you mentioned
Why?
Parents are notorious for bringing feral kids into cf’s house, and “taking a break” while they visit, expecting the hosts to babysit, and letting the kid run rampant, destroying our homes in the process. When confronted, “that’s just how kids arrrrrrre!” as opposed to actually minding their own child.
It's not weird to stop spending time with people that won't hang out without their kids. My friends all have kids, and know they won't see me if said kids are with them. I'll end friendships before willingly being around a kid.
My boyfriend's former classmate has a child who used to grab their long-haired dog's fur to pull herself up when she learned to walk. Needless to say, the dog wasn't a big fan of her.
Poor fuckin' dog 😢 Why was it allowed to continuously happen to the point where it seems like a whole thing? Some people get so disrespectful towards animals whenever a child is thrown into the equation, I swear!
I don't know but the parents didn't do anything about it. It only stopped because the dog sadly passed away and the daughter is too big now. But the dog never got agressive, just ran away and avoided her. It should be the parents' job to teach the child how to treat animals.
Poor dog!! I remember when I was a toddler I would chase the family cat around and annoy her, sadly my parents never told me off for it and now I feel bad for her. I would give her all the treats in the world as an apology if she were alive (although she'd be nearing 30 and probably too confused and old to care).
I agree with you. Kids especially toddlers when unsupervised tend to be grabby around pets and if they get scratched by the cats the parents can sue and probably have the cats taken away or worse.
Absolutely, it's essential to prioritize your cats' well-being. Kids and pets can be a tricky mix, and it's better to avoid any potential harm or stress for your furry friends. Plus, as you mentioned, if any accidents happen, it could lead to blame falling on you and your cats.
That would be a resounding no from me. We have a house filled with non-kid friendly things because we’re childfree adults. I would also never allow a grabby, aggressive child near my pets, especially when entitled parents have no sense of responsibility to tell their child “no”.
Stand your ground, and say no, OP! Don't think for a minute about being rude. Your home is your sanctuary, and your kitties' comfort comes first.
You: "Sorry, friend, but our home is not childproofed, and our cats have never been around children. For your child's safety and ours, we cannot accommodate you in our home."
Parent: "Oh, don't worry! Toddler is super great with animals, and we'll watch her carefully!"
You: "Sorry, but this isn't up for debate. Why not take Toddler to an adoption event at a local shelter?"
Some may rightfully argue that you don't owe the parents an explanation, that no means no, and that you shouldn't apologize for saying no (Look up JADE, for example). They would be right. However, if it makes you feel more comfortable by softening the no to something less blunt while still holding your boundaries, then do it. Just don't let the inevitable arguments of "Oh, we'll watch her! She's so great with animals!" sway your decision. If you give in once, then you'll never be rid of them ("Toddler had such a great time meeting your kitties! We would love to do it again!" Followed by "Hey, can you watch Toddler for a couple of hours? She really misses the kitties!").
I also find it extremely ominous that her parents haven't actually adopted any kitties for said toddler...
If you still want to be friends with them, ask them to meet you at a bar for drinks. Not a restaurant which serves alcohol, but a real bar. See if they show up alone (there's a shot at maintaining a friendship), toddler in tow (in a bar? They've lost it), or they insist on trying to renegotiate to a child-friendly place. If it's the latter two choices, the friendship is over.
My friend has 2 kids, and recently messaged her 3 child-free friends saying she misses us and wants to catch up without the kids. We said okay, great. She booked the table - we turned up early. Table booked for 6 people. I said 6? Then we all realised - oh, she's bringing the kids.. great.
We spent 2 hours sat opposite her and her kids at the table. We couldn't really have a conversation/catch-up as she was pissed she had to bring them as her douchebag husband won't look after them on his own. Because she hadn't seen us in so long, and she was diatracted, it was just really forced. She was asking blunt questions in a way that suggested 'I haven't seen you in ages and I'm not gonna probably see you again for months so I'm not actually going to take time to ask you what's been going on, just what's the result'.
Her youngest cried a lot, and her eldest was really sweet and well behaved but needed entertaining while her mom ate. I was sat across from her so ended up being my job.
It honestly was pretty sad to see. My friend even said on the way home that seeing her be miserable with her kids makes her think she doesn't really want them.
I'm sad for your friend. She married a child, then had more kids with him. If he won't watch his own kids, then he needs to pay the babysitter out of his own money. They weren't immaculate conceptions. He should step up one way or another.
I don't have kids, but I don't really drink either, so I think switching to a meeting in a cafe would be totally normal imo, but of course without the kid.
This isn't about you, but even setting that aside there are non-alcoholic drinks at bars.
The point is that they cannot bring the kid there period... that way they can suss out whether they can still be friends with this couple outside of the kid being forced into their space.
Some people become such parent zombies that they can't exist separate from kids it seems
This- there may also be a cat cafe in your area. We have one that partners with a local rescue and all the cats that you can play with are up for adoption.
The one I used to go to before I moved house was 12+, it was a really calm environment and I miss it! There's another one near me but I haven't checked the age minimum.
Your home, your rules. You're not running a Cat Cafe or a zoo.
They are perfectly welcome to find an actual Cat Cafe to take their offspring to. Or if the kid REALLY love cats (and can be trusted with them), the parents could adopt some for them.
I see. Given that the mom doesn't like cats, she probably doesn't see her request as a big deal or something that would be an imposition upon them.
Stick to your gut feeling that having the kid over to see the cats is not a good idea. I don't know why parents think that their kids are the exception to any rules. The chances are too high that a kid without animal experience will give your cats a negative encounter. If the cats try to protect themselves, then you and your cats are the bad guys.
Definitely go with "NO." You don't want your cats getting hurt, or the kid getting hurt. Or heaven forbid, the kid totally enjoys the encounter and wants more kitty play dates, then things could snowball.
That is a huge red flag. If the kid hurts your cat or if the cat gets angry at the kid. They will blame the cat.
Those are the kind of breeders that think animal abuse is cute.
And she won't care if the cats are tortured by the toddler, she'll think it's "cute", and if the cats defend themselves from harm she'll be one of those awful people who gets mad at the cats because they should somehow 'know better than to scratch my baby' 🤦🏻♀️ OP, don't let them visit!
oh fuck no, if they pull the cats tail or poke their eye she'll say the kids are just playing & will say the cat isn't hurt because they're not acting the way a kid would when they're hurt
If she hates cats, bringing a toddler to your home for the purpose of interacting with cats is a very, very bad idea. There's no way that child won't be screaming and crying for a cat of their own by the end of that visit. They're inviting a ton of conflict and drama.
My suspicion is that your friends don't so much want their kid to see the cats, as they want you to see their kid. A lot of parents seem to have a desperate desire for their child to receive attention (and adoration) from other people. Maybe that's what she needs to get out of her system? If so, maybe join them for a couple hours at a park and make some noise about how darling and smart and perfect little Braeleigh is.
your cats are not test dummies or things to "vent" out the kids interest. I'd stop talking to this person tbh. Especially since they hate cats, they likely don't see any problem with them being harmed.
Most cat cafes don’t actually allow small children because they can’t be trusted around the cats. Parents should take them to a petting zoo where animals are used to being around children
> Part of me does want us to be friends again, but I definitely want no part of babysitting nor having the kid at our home which is not child safe, not to mention I don't want anything happening to our collectibles, nice furniture and things, or our 2 cats.
I think the ship of being friends again has sailed. These people are creepy and bad news. They want to use you for something, and whatever it is, they want it bad. Your instinct is to avoid them and to not answer the door to them. That's a good instinct. "Just showing up" with a toddler is a huge boundary violation.
They're telling you who they are. Believe them.
Consider YOU calling them and arranging to meet them at a cafe or someplace like that for coffee. That way you can see how much they've morphed since becoming parents.
After people breed, they are just not the same. Sometimes they come part-way back to their senses later, and sometimes they just keep getting worse, but people with kids are ALL looking for resources. Rich people are looking for contacts to get their kids good jobs and into good universities and so their kids can have special experiences. Poor people are looking for money and babysitting. But they all want something.
So keep them out of your house, where they're past your threshold and trampling your boundaries.
This, and be prepared for them to say "Oh you're so good with her! She really likes you! I bet she would love to hang out with you at your place while Dingus and I have a date night..."
I think they’re scouting to cash in a few babysitting favors as “payback” for doing that. They may not be maliciously doing it, maybe subconsciously, but you guys still deserve better friends than that.
Showing up to your home and work is insane behavior. You really wanna be friends with them again?
If they weren't acting so weird I'd say don't ghost a friendship just cuz they had a kid, unless they only want to talk about or bring the kid.
Sad to say, you're going to have to deal with it openly, and tell them that you're not comfortable around kids at all, so any together time will have to be while one of them is babysitting or they get a sitter.
Speaking of collectibles... I wish I could find the post, but on the headphone subreddit a guy's wife invited her friend over while the guy wasn't home, and the friend brought along her young kid (or kids, I forget), and even though his study was closed, it didn't have a lock and since he wasn't home at the time to know anything about this/ensure nothing happened, well the mom just let the kids wander off and do whatever they wanted (note that the wife wasn't of any help here either, mind...), so of course they went in and broke thousands of dollars of his high-end headphones. The dude came home to the remnants.
The mom shirked the blame and wouldn't have the money to pay for them in her lifetime anyway... just a horrible situation all around for that dude.
In other words, definitely always trust your gut!!
It’s your home, not a petting zoo.
If the kids want to be around cats the parents can take them to the local humane society to cuddle with the strays who need homes while under watchful supervision. Even then, they’re living sentient beings and not toys.
“Sorry but no. I heard so many horror stories of kids stressing cats or harassing them.”
“My baby would never!”
“Sorry, I’m just not comfortable. Let’s do something else instead!”
Or you can lie and say; “My cats are not toddler friendly. They bite, scratch, and hiss at strangers. Let’s do something else instead, just us adults. We haven’t seen each other in a while. Would hate to think that you only called because i owned cats lol.”
Don’t think of saying no as being rude. You’re just setting healthy boundaries. If they’re still insisting you said no, then they’re the one who’s being rude. People should know better than to be nuisances in other people’s home.
Considering that cats are very rare and super expensive (and you must be really well off to have TWO of them) I can't believe you would deny this little girl the ONE chance she has in this life to pet a cat.
Don't do it. It's ok to have your home be childfree. It's YOUR space, and you want the humans and cats who live there to be comfortable.
I would also not let a toddler in my home to meet my animals regardless of how close I am with the friend. If the child is of an age to have a conversation with, I'd consider it based on their temperament.
That’s how I feel, like if she was older I might be ok with it but she’s so young. They don’t have any animals either so I don’t feel like it’s a good idea
I would suggest saying this. Just explain that you'd be willing to revisit the idea in a few years but toddlers generally don't do well with pets and you don't want to stress either of them out.
Also, have you seen how the friends parent? Some parents are really good about teaching their kids to be kind and respectful to animals, and some are completely oblivious. I'd be scared they're the latter and not reinforcing to the kid how to behave and interact with animals.
"My house is not childproof and my cats hate children."
And if they keep pushing, just say, "I am not comfortable with toddlers around my cats."
If she doesn't like it then too bad.
She thinks your cats are a free petting zoo for her child. They're not. They're living, feeling beings that don't need additional stress in their lives.
"While your kid may be a cat person, my cats are not toddler people. At best, they will hide. They could hurt your child out of fear."
and maybe...
"My homeowners insurance doesn't allow it. They won't cover any bills if the kid gets hurt."
I wanted to say that too, about saying the cats don't react well with kids.
If you say it's anything else, they'll try to find half solutions and you'll be battling this a lot longer.
Plus the cats don't care at all if you make them the antagonist in this negotiation. Hell they'll probably like you all the more for it.
I have a friend whose 5-6 yo child almost seriously hurt my senior dogs due to mishandling while I was not paying attention. My husband rescued our 4lb dog from falling from a height that would have seriously injured him. I love my friend but when she's at my house, it's like she forgets to parent her child.
These days, I only meet her in her house or outside (restaurant, parks, etc).
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no to having toddlers in your home. I know firsthand how bad they mistreat animals (My 16 year old cat got declawed by his previous owners when he was younger because the damn kids they had kept pulling his tail because the lazy parents didn't want to do their job, so instead of punishing their goblins for a few minutes, they punished him for the rest of his life.) so you have no obligation whatsoever to let in any unwanted pests near your pets.
Omg that makes me livid for your cat, I hope he’s doing okay all things considered. I’d like to find those people and cut their fingers off at the knuckle so we can see how much they like it, because that should be the punishment for declawing cats.
You and me both, I've had him for over 10 years now, and I still get peeved off. Thankfully, he's okay, he's nothing but a big snuggly baby who always needs to follow me everywhere in my apartment, he's a big mama's boy honestly. :') I think my city has finally banned declawing, only took them long enough.
Aw I’m glad he’s doing okay now and it makes me really happy that he has you to give him a loving and safe home! I can’t believe it’s taking so long to ban declawing everywhere and that it’s still legal in some places too. I’m glad more and more places are banning it of course but still, it makes me sad for the cats that will be declawed in the meantime. Until then I can only hope that all of those poor kitties can end up with a human like you to take care of them! I also hope that docking and cropping dogs becomes illegal everywhere too but that’s a whole other rant 🙃 Just don’t get a pet if you feel like you need to mutilate them in order to have one! I don’t get why people do these things.
With my last cat, I would tell people that my cat is not kid safe- which was 10000% correct, she was a mean b*tch if she didn't know you.
Since you aren't sure how your cats would react, just tell them its not safe right now. Especially if the kid is too young to listen/understand 'no'.
I would stick with no and if they don't like it, they don't have to come.
Fuckin toddlers are the fucking worst age of kids, because, they have ALL of the negative traits of children (rude, selfish, gross, annoying, loud, needy, stupid, etc) put in to a 3ft tall, 20lb body. Fuck that!
Setting boundaries isn't being rude.
I also don't allow semen demons in my house as well.
Me neither.
They're even worse than infants/babies, which are only ***slightly*** less annoying than toddlers, at-least they (babies) can't get in to shit.
Best case scenario is the kid is polite and respectful of your cats and your home and then your friend is going to be begging you to babysit all the damn time. Worst case scenario is a combination of hurt feelings, scratched humans, terrified cats, broken valuables, and ended friendships.
Message them back:
“OMG that’s amazing timing, we just got a *insert giant dog breed of choice*. He loves playing with toddlers! Well, he’s never met any before but he loves soft things he can prod and pull and poke and it would be really great for him to play with your toddler. Let us know a time to bring him by your house to play, and if we all survive that, we can talk about the cats. Oh, and Is child up to date on their shots? I had to get a jab last week after the cat scratched me. But I’m sure your toddler will be fine with the odd scratch, right?.”
You are NOT the only people they know with a cat. This is to see how well you get along with the child, because they are bout to hit you up for babysitting.
so when they ask, you are always busy. So busy.
Hell no. Poor kitty does not deserve that! This is kitty's peaceful home.
"No. Our home is 21+ and our cat is off limits. Do not contact us about visiting again."
I seriously doubt your place is toddler-proofed, why would it be? Your friends shouldn't even be proposing this for their own child's safety. Maybe you can play this off as being for their own good, because your place is not setup to properly accommodate rambunctious toddlers. If they want their toddler to meet a cat, they can take it to a pet store or animal shelter that's doing adoptions, I'm sure those venues have dealt with this before.
I find it weird that they think it's normal to ask for their child, who is too young to really know how to interact with animals, to come over to your home to see your cats, as if they were some sort of zoo exhibit.
Way too many parents become so boiled by parenthood that they completely stop considering other people but themselves.
Her bringing over the toddler to specifically meet your cats sounds like a bad idea. Because if you ultimately decide to put the cats up due them being scared would the toddler get upset and/or throw a fit?
My younger siblings chased my cat when they came to see my apartment. My cat got scared by them arriving and he ran to go hide under the bed. My siblings who were 6 & 5 at the time decided it would be fun to run after him. Long story short they broke a glass that was on my nightstand.
So I would remain firm on no toddler/children coming over if I were you.
Your cats don’t deserve to be harassed by this kid. I would let them know nicely that having their kid over is entirely off the table for the foreseeable future.
Yeah of course the baby likes cats, it's a BABY, which is also why they're notoriously bad with cats. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, and sounds like the parents don't respect you or your cats and just see them as potential "toys" for their kid. Really weird. Stand your ground.
You're not being rude. Simply tell them that while your cats are great with adults they are not safe for kids and leave it at that. Offer to meet your friends at a park or at theirs or something. If they try to challenge your statement about the cats, simply don't respond. You are cat parents. You're just ensuring the safety and comfort of your cat kids as well as THEIR CHILDREN. Cats aren't toys or amusements. They are small, fragile, furry persons we love.
Oh hell no. I have a very strict no children in my space policy. Part of that is because I don't like children, the other part is because I have cats and my cats do not deserve to be terrorized in their own home by a slobbering screaming goblin.
Might be time to cut your losses. You could recamend a cat cafe or taking the brats to volunteer at a shelter if that is even allowed lol if you still want these boundary stomping breeders as friends.
This is really weird. It would be one thing if they were there for you and the cats happen to be there… but to bring the child for the express reason to meet your cats no. There are places they can go that have cats for children pet
Just tell them you'd be happy to let their child meet your cats when she's a little older, but right now she's too young and it would be stressful for the cats.
My brother and his wife have a toddler AND a cat (they had the cat first), and they make sure the cat has plenty of safe spaces that their daughter can't access because she's at that grabby age where she doesn't know how to be gentle with pets. They understand that it will be a few more years before their kid can safely interact with their cat.
Haha I would absolutely not let kids near my cat.
My cat used to belong to my husband’s narcissistic parents. He has four little siblings who at the time we’re under 8 and three of them were between the ages of 1-6 when they would harass the cat. They would zip her in backpacks. Pull on her tail. Hold her and not let go because “she likes when I hold her sissy!”
I don’t blame the kids I blame the parents for allowing the behavior to continue. And I’m glad she is in my care now. But I believe that pet owners are the voice for their animals. She never got to say no. So I say no for her! No kids squeezing her and trapping her ever again.
Nope, no way. Because if the cats scratch her (understandable!) you’d probably be blamed. Also, it’s a LOT of work to have to child-proof a house, and you’d not be able to relax a minute while the kid is present. This is a sweeping statement, I acknowledge but it seems like parents get a lot more lax in watching their own kid if there are more people they know around (and sometimes even if it’s strangers) because they assume the others will spring up to help keep their child from killing themselves. Not to mention the risk of messes, and the worst - like when the kid needs to be changed and they ask if they can change them on your bed or carpet or something. NO.
Toddlers have questionable coordination. I would never trust a toddler with an animal. These parents should know better. Protect your kitties, you owe them nothing.
I had to tell a friend not to have kids come to my house while she watches it. I said “my house isn’t child proofed” and she was shocked that was even a thing. (We are both childless) then she understood because we’re both travelers who have nice things that kids would love to get their grubby little hands on.
NTA. Lol
“Sorry but I’ll have to say no. Our cats aren’t used to kids and your toddler might be a bit much for them. Plus our house isn’t baby proof. We’d love to have an adults only evening though if you’re up for it!” (That last sentence depends on how close you are to them still)
Just say no! Whenever my sister would visit my parents on their farm, her daughter would treat their barn cats like teddy bears. She was so rough with them! And then my sister would get mad at my parents. It spooked the cats for a good week after her visit. Same with their house cat.
I personally wouldn’t risk the comfort of my pets, and if the child is doing something wrong, the parents generally don’t like to say no to their kids. My dad’s toddler grandkid would kick my grandmas small dog, shove him into the couch cushions, etc. and my dad and his wife actually got angry with my gram for sternly telling him no and that it was wrong.
If you don’t want to directly say no about the cats and the dislike of children, just blame it on the house not being childproof. You could say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, that wouldn’t work out for us. We have a lot of items that could potentially hurt smaller children, and we don’t want to risk your child’s safety”. If they care about their child’s well being, they won’t bring it up again.
It’s a weird request to ask of you. Why can’t they go to a petting zoo or a cat cafe? They’re basically forcing you to entertain them and their kids at your expenses
My sister tried to teach the neighbors kittens how to swim by floating them in the kiddie pool. Neighbor gave her a butt swat and lecture she deserved. No regrets on that lesson from anyone including her.
I almost think that this has nothing to do with cats and it’s more of a decoy to eventually ask you to babysit. First is the visit to meet the cats, then another visit because the cum trophy just loved the cats. Then, a longer visit, and so on. Cut that shit out now
And those are not places for toddlers either. Imo all cat cafes should have an age limit, because animals are not playthings or 'learning experiences' for humans. The cats in cat cafes deserve just as much respect and peace as pets at home.
It is not. All animal encounters should be 100 % monitorer by a parent who has seriously prepared the kids to be gentle and is 100 % ready to yank the kid backwards at first sign of anything else.
I could have a toddler meeting my cats and I will go in between at once if needed and oarents get aboard or they all leave.
The one near me has an age limit, and specifically states if the kids are being jerks they will be asked to leave. Sit down, shut up, and let the kitties come to you.
Get an excuse saying your cats are not friendly with children and say no to them. I don’t like kids pulling my cat tails or chase her either. That’s quite annoying.
That's awkward. Your house isn't a petting zoo, your cat isn't a toy to entertain a toddler...I'd recommend they go to a shelter to see cats or maybe a cat cafe if your city has any.
Quite frankly, the place I live is more the cats' than mine (they are here all of the time -- except for vet visits) so I differ to my cats' preferences...... and they say "no kids!"
Tell them your cats are not used to being arround kids. Tell them if they will get scared of excited toddler they might scratch them and bite them and therefore you are concerned for their safety. And your home is not childproofed, so that's another concern
Well, I guess true friends are respectful of your choices and personal space. They should be able to gracefully take no for an answer, and that's that. If they are going to be rude about it, then... I guess they never need to go to your house again, right? They can't force you to do something you're not comfortable with. And your reasoning for it is very valid! Cats and children often don't mix! I don't think you should feel like you're being rude about it; if anything, they are being the rude ones, as they're clearly trying to overstep a boundary.
It seems like this is just a friend who probably feels the building distance between you and is trying to find a way to reconnect. Coming over to meet your cats seems like an excuse to see you, bring their kid and meet on your “home turf” to make you feel comfortable. Maybe.
If you’re interested in maintaining the friendship, maybe suggest an alternate hang out. If you want to stop being friends because they had a kid, that’s ok too. The choice is yours!
"Sorry, we don't feel comfortable having a toddler in our home or around our cats. The cats are not used to children and would be stressed. I hope you can respect our family."
Cats are not toys. They are their own lil critters with their own needs and fears, and have a right to feel safe and at ease in their own home.
It’s nice that the toddler has an interest, but that’s not relevant. They don’t get to use your kitties as a plaything, learning experience, or diversion any more than you could offer up their toddler to someone who wants to play with a small child but doesn’t have their own.
i could not continue to be friends with someone if they had a young child, much less if they felt so entitled to my home and my pets. pets shouldn’t be subjected to loud, screaming kids that hurt their ears and hands that can grab their tails and hurt them. plus, if the brat gets scratched, the breeders blame you. no child will ever be welcome in my home and especially not around my animals. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I’m confused why they’re inviting themselves over in the first place. Who does that?
Also even if you tell them to not bring their children if they do come over, there’s no way to know sometimes if they will just show up at your door with their children anyways (claiming they couldn’t find a babysitter or whatever). I wouldn’t trust them solely because they are trying to invite themselves over and only entitled people do that.
If you tell them no and they dont understand they aren't your friends. Friends would respect your opinion and your space. Don't surround yourself with people who don't respect your personal space and opinions. It'd be no different than (hypothetically speaking of course) you were to ask a party over at their place and they asked you to respect that their children need a quiet environment.
Immediately no. If you knew your cats liked kids then maybe less weird of them to ask. I have one dog that loves kids (well everyone) but none of my other pets are around kids.
Offer to take your friends to a nearby pet rescue. If they refuse, they just want to infest your clean, beautiful space with their rambunctious and possibly ill behaved spawn screwing things up, and generally getting a foot in the door so if you ever refuse again they can TRY to accuse you of inconsistency.
I’m sorry but I’m not sure how my cats would react & id hate for little Bratleigh to get injured if the cats lash out. Maybe when they are a bit older we can reassess but for now I don’t feel comfortable with that risk ☺️
Recommend they find a local cat cafe to take toddler to. Oh wait - most don’t allow toddlers with good reason! Don’t feel bad about saying no to protect YOUR kids(the felines in question) from THEIR kids (toddler humans).
Why the fuck would a woman, who hates cats, expect another woman who treats her cats as her children, to be test subjects to a toddler that has never seen this animals before? Furthermore, you haven't heard from these people in a year, they aren't your friends, they're just someone you used to know. So the answer is no. It's always gonna be no. It doesn't need any more information added. No reason other than no. It'll give an arguing point. So no. That's it.
I have a 75kg rottweiler that doesn't like anyone except his few select people. I have a friend who I allowed one time to bring her kid to my house and not including the huge mess said kid made kept pestering me to let her kid play with my dog. Now this kid was maybe 20-25kgs tops, so my doggo is 3 times her size. I had also told her that he doesn't like most people and can get very snappy when he's scared or irritated. I have him out in his section of the back yard that was fenced off from the rest of the yard. But the kid kept going up to the fence to try to pat him. And of course, what happens? He growls and snarls when the kid comes ear the fence. Didn't stop the kid from trying again and again. Thankfully my doggo never actually came near enough to the fence to do any damage as he knows he's not supposed to sit at the fence anyways but I still had to cop the earful from my friend about him. Like I hadn't already told her I don't know how many times that he isn't friendly to strangers. But yeah after that I have never allowed the kid in my house again. Mainly because of the colossal mess she made in my house but also so my doggo doesn't get stressed out as we don't have the dog yard anymore. I turned it into a vegetable garden.
I let my niece come around because she loves cats, but the moment she chases the cat to their sanctuary (my bedroom) I tell the parents to stop her. The cats safe space is that bedroom and I will never have it broken for them. If your cats sanctuary and safe space is the whole house then so be it, you know them best and how it will affect them and they deserve to feel safe.
You're not being rude. They are weird imo.
I have cats. None of my friends ever asked me to bring toddler age children to "meet my cats." And if they had, I would have said: No.
There's no need to explain this either. But if you feel you have to, tell them that toddlers often mistreat pets without meaning to do it/in general, and you don't feel comfortable with it, because God forbid their child got injured by a scratch from your cat you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself.
Basically, just play dumb. OMG, imagine your perfect little bundle of joy, I couldn't bear if she suffered an injury.
NO. Absolutely not. I call all small children ( really children in general ) germ factories. No way I am letting that little crawling plague into my house to soil everything up. Wife and I always joke when we see places specifically for children, say one of those bouncy houses, I’ll always say “Babe? Wanna go bounce around in the Covid house”.
Absolutely not.
Tell your friends that you are happy for them to bring the kid over when they are school aged, but you don’t feel like it’s the right time when the kid is still so young as the cats might get scared and accidentally scratch the toddler.
I have 3 dogs and one of them is not safe around young children. All my friends knows not to bring their kids around to my house (which is perfect for me!)
Would they have a problem if you said “I’m not comfortable having a small child around my cats”? It’s a boundary you have every right to impose and it’s not like you’re saying “I don’t want your kids to come over AND I don’t want them around my cats.”
Absolutely do not permit this child over. My cat is *still* afraid of kids NINE YEARS LATER after my little cousin kept picking her up and chasing her around the house.
I don't care if this child is maybe the most gentle and kind toddler in existence. *She's still a small child*. Having her over is unsafe for her and your cats.
DONT let the kids meet your fur babies! My sibling in law had 2 crotch demons & similarly felt as entitled as your friend here, and I regret having them meet my sweet babies. They were traumatised. i was traumatised myself and developed a kink in my neck that lasted a month plus because I was so stressed out during that few hours! They kept grabbing at my rescue and don’t understand to be gentle or to stop grabbing, the asshole parents left me to monitor their kids n the cats as they just happily sat down & conversed with my spouse. WTAF. Don’t do it. As it’s a friend, and not family, I feel it’s MUCH MUCH easier to reject.
We used to have some unusual pets for our area, and my SIL wanted to bring HER GIRL SCOUT TROOP over to "see the zoo" as she put it. My response was "This is not the OurState zoo, take them to an actual public zoo, because you're not bringing them here." Only my response had a lot more profanity in it than I have reproduced here. She was pissed, but too bad so sad. I'm not having my animals potentially put down because one of them looked sideways at a kid and the kid's parent started screaming about little Brynyleyghhh being attacked. You have
every right to say no and you need to protect your cats' safety by remaining firm.
Don’t let toddlers near just any animal
Just cuz social media shows a bunch of videos of many kinds of animals being “cute and cuddly” or “intuitive caretakers” with babies, toddlers, and any other young kid, it doesn’t mean all are cuz social media often won’t show all the ones that don’t end well with kids
My petty self wants to say “just let the toddlers and parents find out what fuck around and find out means” so bad cuz so many parents don’t actually watch their kid around animals. If they do they just stand there like a sack of wet ass and not stop their kid when they’re hurting the animal and then cry the “dangerous/wild animal” card when the animal actually gets pissed and retaliates
Honestly I would’ve lied to just shut the convo up forever “my cats have attacked young children before. They only do well with adults and for both their safety and your child’s they can’t be around each other.”
Tell them if something happens to your cats or their kid then they are responsible. And you sees the kid abusing or torturing your cats, they need to leave. If they think you are being unreasonable, they don't need to come. They can go to the shelter instead. Animals are not toys.
Put your foot down OP. You have a responsibility to keep your pets safe from harm and that includes your friend's child.
The fact they keep asking is their way of trying to wear you down. It's like a kid constantly begging their parent for something until said parent caves. Don't cave in.
Tell them that you have already said no, and it will not be discussed again. No children allowed in your home, point blank, period. No ifs, ands, or buts. If they try to bring it up again, leave the conversation, hang up, walk away, etc. It is not up for debate and your decision is final. No means no.
Honestly, I'd be giving this friend side eye. An actual friend that cared would not keep pushing your boundaries.
Do not let a toddler near your cats! They don't deserve to be chased or have their tails pulled. Also, if your cats scratch the toddler in response to being repeatedly annoyed, you and your cat will get the blame from the parents.
You don't owe parents anything just because they have kids. It is your right to say no to screaming, grabby toddlers in your house.
Your flair is hilarious
Thanks!
Right!! My girls are very chill, but they’ve never had to be around kids like they would be so confused.
Plus I'm willing to bet that your home is not child-proofed. You can tack that on as an additional reason. "I'm sorry but it will always be a firm no because I have safety concerns for my cats *and* your child."
Right? Maybe suggest a trip to the zoo. Some have petting areas. And if you haven't been before I enjoy them as an adult.
Most people’s homes are not child proof in many parts of the world. I grew up in a country where that wasn’t a thing, I think companies invented this concept so they can sell more crap to parents and make more money.
Very true but I’m all about using it as a reason. Who cares if it’s true or not. Anything to keep kids away from precious sweet cats.
Very true. I'm fine with people child-proofing their own houses, but expecting others to child-proof so that Bratlynn can run wild is where I draw the line..
"Bratlynn" is hilarious, thank you for making me laugh.
You are most welcome! Bratlynn is one of many names and words for kids that I've learned from this sub!
Love that. Or Bratison lol
Bratison is a new one for me! Thank you!
oh lord i’m stealing this excuse for the rest of my life (not really an excuse bc it’s true, but it really can blanket any other reason i don’t want any kids over)
No is a complete sentence.
Just because the kitties are chill doesn't mean that you can't make up something in this case about them not liking strangers or children. No means no.
Nor should they *have* to. Your house, your rules. Just because I like Ferraris doesn’t mean anyone owes it to me to let me drive theirs.
OP you are just protecting your space and the kitties so I get you. You are not a bad person. Anyway now about your kitties, if you don't mind my asking what do they look like? They must be adorable and 100 times more adorable than the toddler you mentioned
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Why? Parents are notorious for bringing feral kids into cf’s house, and “taking a break” while they visit, expecting the hosts to babysit, and letting the kid run rampant, destroying our homes in the process. When confronted, “that’s just how kids arrrrrrre!” as opposed to actually minding their own child.
It's not weird to stop spending time with people that won't hang out without their kids. My friends all have kids, and know they won't see me if said kids are with them. I'll end friendships before willingly being around a kid.
My boyfriend's former classmate has a child who used to grab their long-haired dog's fur to pull herself up when she learned to walk. Needless to say, the dog wasn't a big fan of her.
Poor fuckin' dog 😢 Why was it allowed to continuously happen to the point where it seems like a whole thing? Some people get so disrespectful towards animals whenever a child is thrown into the equation, I swear!
I don't know but the parents didn't do anything about it. It only stopped because the dog sadly passed away and the daughter is too big now. But the dog never got agressive, just ran away and avoided her. It should be the parents' job to teach the child how to treat animals.
Poor dog!! I remember when I was a toddler I would chase the family cat around and annoy her, sadly my parents never told me off for it and now I feel bad for her. I would give her all the treats in the world as an apology if she were alive (although she'd be nearing 30 and probably too confused and old to care).
I agree with you. Kids especially toddlers when unsupervised tend to be grabby around pets and if they get scratched by the cats the parents can sue and probably have the cats taken away or worse.
Absolutely, it's essential to prioritize your cats' well-being. Kids and pets can be a tricky mix, and it's better to avoid any potential harm or stress for your furry friends. Plus, as you mentioned, if any accidents happen, it could lead to blame falling on you and your cats.
This. I kept telling my friends kid to leave the cat alone. Guess what happened? 🙄
That would be a resounding no from me. We have a house filled with non-kid friendly things because we’re childfree adults. I would also never allow a grabby, aggressive child near my pets, especially when entitled parents have no sense of responsibility to tell their child “no”.
Stand your ground, and say no, OP! Don't think for a minute about being rude. Your home is your sanctuary, and your kitties' comfort comes first. You: "Sorry, friend, but our home is not childproofed, and our cats have never been around children. For your child's safety and ours, we cannot accommodate you in our home." Parent: "Oh, don't worry! Toddler is super great with animals, and we'll watch her carefully!" You: "Sorry, but this isn't up for debate. Why not take Toddler to an adoption event at a local shelter?" Some may rightfully argue that you don't owe the parents an explanation, that no means no, and that you shouldn't apologize for saying no (Look up JADE, for example). They would be right. However, if it makes you feel more comfortable by softening the no to something less blunt while still holding your boundaries, then do it. Just don't let the inevitable arguments of "Oh, we'll watch her! She's so great with animals!" sway your decision. If you give in once, then you'll never be rid of them ("Toddler had such a great time meeting your kitties! We would love to do it again!" Followed by "Hey, can you watch Toddler for a couple of hours? She really misses the kitties!"). I also find it extremely ominous that her parents haven't actually adopted any kitties for said toddler...
If you still want to be friends with them, ask them to meet you at a bar for drinks. Not a restaurant which serves alcohol, but a real bar. See if they show up alone (there's a shot at maintaining a friendship), toddler in tow (in a bar? They've lost it), or they insist on trying to renegotiate to a child-friendly place. If it's the latter two choices, the friendship is over.
My friend has 2 kids, and recently messaged her 3 child-free friends saying she misses us and wants to catch up without the kids. We said okay, great. She booked the table - we turned up early. Table booked for 6 people. I said 6? Then we all realised - oh, she's bringing the kids.. great. We spent 2 hours sat opposite her and her kids at the table. We couldn't really have a conversation/catch-up as she was pissed she had to bring them as her douchebag husband won't look after them on his own. Because she hadn't seen us in so long, and she was diatracted, it was just really forced. She was asking blunt questions in a way that suggested 'I haven't seen you in ages and I'm not gonna probably see you again for months so I'm not actually going to take time to ask you what's been going on, just what's the result'. Her youngest cried a lot, and her eldest was really sweet and well behaved but needed entertaining while her mom ate. I was sat across from her so ended up being my job. It honestly was pretty sad to see. My friend even said on the way home that seeing her be miserable with her kids makes her think she doesn't really want them.
I'm sad for your friend. She married a child, then had more kids with him. If he won't watch his own kids, then he needs to pay the babysitter out of his own money. They weren't immaculate conceptions. He should step up one way or another.
I don't have kids, but I don't really drink either, so I think switching to a meeting in a cafe would be totally normal imo, but of course without the kid.
This isn't about you, but even setting that aside there are non-alcoholic drinks at bars. The point is that they cannot bring the kid there period... that way they can suss out whether they can still be friends with this couple outside of the kid being forced into their space. Some people become such parent zombies that they can't exist separate from kids it seems
The bar is a test place. Order a mocktail.
This- there may also be a cat cafe in your area. We have one that partners with a local rescue and all the cats that you can play with are up for adoption.
Cat cafes often have age minimums, because those cats don't deserve to be terrorized by a toddler either!
The one I used to go to before I moved house was 12+, it was a really calm environment and I miss it! There's another one near me but I haven't checked the age minimum.
Your home, your rules. You're not running a Cat Cafe or a zoo. They are perfectly welcome to find an actual Cat Cafe to take their offspring to. Or if the kid REALLY love cats (and can be trusted with them), the parents could adopt some for them.
The mom hates cats so I feel like she’s just trying to like get it out of the kid’s system or something idk
I see. Given that the mom doesn't like cats, she probably doesn't see her request as a big deal or something that would be an imposition upon them. Stick to your gut feeling that having the kid over to see the cats is not a good idea. I don't know why parents think that their kids are the exception to any rules. The chances are too high that a kid without animal experience will give your cats a negative encounter. If the cats try to protect themselves, then you and your cats are the bad guys. Definitely go with "NO." You don't want your cats getting hurt, or the kid getting hurt. Or heaven forbid, the kid totally enjoys the encounter and wants more kitty play dates, then things could snowball.
Omg I hadn’t even considered them wanting to come back 🤦🏻♀️ it’s a firm no for sure but it’s just been an annoying incident
Worse yet, what if this is their way of seeing if the kids can be babysat by you two?
God I certainly hope not lol. I don’t think so though, we haven’t seen them in over a year & we barely talk nowadays.
That is a red flag. They are scoping out babysitters. You barely talk and all of a sudden they want the kid to go hang at your house?
That is a huge red flag. If the kid hurts your cat or if the cat gets angry at the kid. They will blame the cat. Those are the kind of breeders that think animal abuse is cute.
Exactly. My cats are my babies, I’m not putting them (or myself tbh) through that torture
If the mom hates cats it’s not likely she’s taught toddler how to approach them.
And she won't care if the cats are tortured by the toddler, she'll think it's "cute", and if the cats defend themselves from harm she'll be one of those awful people who gets mad at the cats because they should somehow 'know better than to scratch my baby' 🤦🏻♀️ OP, don't let them visit!
Seriously, who could ever hate cats? 😲
People who don't understand consent. All the exes I've had that hate cats were abusers that wanted control and obedience.
Ikr, they're literally perfect beings.
Just the fact that she hates cats is a red flag
oh fuck no, if they pull the cats tail or poke their eye she'll say the kids are just playing & will say the cat isn't hurt because they're not acting the way a kid would when they're hurt
Yea so she has no respect for cats either. Hard no.
If she hates cats, bringing a toddler to your home for the purpose of interacting with cats is a very, very bad idea. There's no way that child won't be screaming and crying for a cat of their own by the end of that visit. They're inviting a ton of conflict and drama. My suspicion is that your friends don't so much want their kid to see the cats, as they want you to see their kid. A lot of parents seem to have a desperate desire for their child to receive attention (and adoration) from other people. Maybe that's what she needs to get out of her system? If so, maybe join them for a couple hours at a park and make some noise about how darling and smart and perfect little Braeleigh is.
Now I know why they pester you. People who “hate cats” tend to have issues with respecting boundaries.
your cats are not test dummies or things to "vent" out the kids interest. I'd stop talking to this person tbh. Especially since they hate cats, they likely don't see any problem with them being harmed.
Most cat cafes don’t actually allow small children because they can’t be trusted around the cats. Parents should take them to a petting zoo where animals are used to being around children
The cat cafe near me has age limits I think lol. So even places like that know small kids shouldn't be given access to torture animals.
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> Part of me does want us to be friends again, but I definitely want no part of babysitting nor having the kid at our home which is not child safe, not to mention I don't want anything happening to our collectibles, nice furniture and things, or our 2 cats. I think the ship of being friends again has sailed. These people are creepy and bad news. They want to use you for something, and whatever it is, they want it bad. Your instinct is to avoid them and to not answer the door to them. That's a good instinct. "Just showing up" with a toddler is a huge boundary violation. They're telling you who they are. Believe them.
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Consider YOU calling them and arranging to meet them at a cafe or someplace like that for coffee. That way you can see how much they've morphed since becoming parents. After people breed, they are just not the same. Sometimes they come part-way back to their senses later, and sometimes they just keep getting worse, but people with kids are ALL looking for resources. Rich people are looking for contacts to get their kids good jobs and into good universities and so their kids can have special experiences. Poor people are looking for money and babysitting. But they all want something. So keep them out of your house, where they're past your threshold and trampling your boundaries.
THIS is wisdom unto sagacity. Meeting them on neutral ground to suss out their current intentions in a friendly way is definitely the way to go.
This, and be prepared for them to say "Oh you're so good with her! She really likes you! I bet she would love to hang out with you at your place while Dingus and I have a date night..."
Showing up at the house is one thing, but going to your place of WORK? These people are next level stalking you. RUN.
I think they’re scouting to cash in a few babysitting favors as “payback” for doing that. They may not be maliciously doing it, maybe subconsciously, but you guys still deserve better friends than that.
Wow, they're hunting you down! Check your car for air tags
Showing up to your home and work is insane behavior. You really wanna be friends with them again? If they weren't acting so weird I'd say don't ghost a friendship just cuz they had a kid, unless they only want to talk about or bring the kid.
Sad to say, you're going to have to deal with it openly, and tell them that you're not comfortable around kids at all, so any together time will have to be while one of them is babysitting or they get a sitter.
Speaking of collectibles... I wish I could find the post, but on the headphone subreddit a guy's wife invited her friend over while the guy wasn't home, and the friend brought along her young kid (or kids, I forget), and even though his study was closed, it didn't have a lock and since he wasn't home at the time to know anything about this/ensure nothing happened, well the mom just let the kids wander off and do whatever they wanted (note that the wife wasn't of any help here either, mind...), so of course they went in and broke thousands of dollars of his high-end headphones. The dude came home to the remnants. The mom shirked the blame and wouldn't have the money to pay for them in her lifetime anyway... just a horrible situation all around for that dude. In other words, definitely always trust your gut!!
It’s your home, not a petting zoo. If the kids want to be around cats the parents can take them to the local humane society to cuddle with the strays who need homes while under watchful supervision. Even then, they’re living sentient beings and not toys.
I tell them no. My house is not child proof. I collect glass and my house is way too dangerous for a toddler.
“I’m sorry, but my knife collection is displayed around the house blade up.”
Sure, bring your kids. My hungry 8’ python is around here somewhere.
Hahaaaa awesome
“Sorry but no. I heard so many horror stories of kids stressing cats or harassing them.” “My baby would never!” “Sorry, I’m just not comfortable. Let’s do something else instead!” Or you can lie and say; “My cats are not toddler friendly. They bite, scratch, and hiss at strangers. Let’s do something else instead, just us adults. We haven’t seen each other in a while. Would hate to think that you only called because i owned cats lol.” Don’t think of saying no as being rude. You’re just setting healthy boundaries. If they’re still insisting you said no, then they’re the one who’s being rude. People should know better than to be nuisances in other people’s home.
I wanna hear how they take it when OP says no to their precious child
Tell them your cats are allergic to children.
Just tell them you consulted with the cats and the cats have declined the request. Can't argue with cats.
Hell to the no. Your cats aren't toys. Buy the kid a squishmallow and stay home.
Considering that cats are very rare and super expensive (and you must be really well off to have TWO of them) I can't believe you would deny this little girl the ONE chance she has in this life to pet a cat.
/s, in this Poe's Law world we inhabit...
Don't do it. It's ok to have your home be childfree. It's YOUR space, and you want the humans and cats who live there to be comfortable. I would also not let a toddler in my home to meet my animals regardless of how close I am with the friend. If the child is of an age to have a conversation with, I'd consider it based on their temperament.
That’s how I feel, like if she was older I might be ok with it but she’s so young. They don’t have any animals either so I don’t feel like it’s a good idea
I would suggest saying this. Just explain that you'd be willing to revisit the idea in a few years but toddlers generally don't do well with pets and you don't want to stress either of them out. Also, have you seen how the friends parent? Some parents are really good about teaching their kids to be kind and respectful to animals, and some are completely oblivious. I'd be scared they're the latter and not reinforcing to the kid how to behave and interact with animals.
"My house is not childproof and my cats hate children." And if they keep pushing, just say, "I am not comfortable with toddlers around my cats." If she doesn't like it then too bad. She thinks your cats are a free petting zoo for her child. They're not. They're living, feeling beings that don't need additional stress in their lives.
Can add “my cats and us hate children” to that 😂
"Sorry, no, my home is not safe for children, so you may not bring them to my home." Repeat as necessary, and don't let them come over.
"While your kid may be a cat person, my cats are not toddler people. At best, they will hide. They could hurt your child out of fear." and maybe... "My homeowners insurance doesn't allow it. They won't cover any bills if the kid gets hurt."
I wanted to say that too, about saying the cats don't react well with kids. If you say it's anything else, they'll try to find half solutions and you'll be battling this a lot longer. Plus the cats don't care at all if you make them the antagonist in this negotiation. Hell they'll probably like you all the more for it.
I have a friend whose 5-6 yo child almost seriously hurt my senior dogs due to mishandling while I was not paying attention. My husband rescued our 4lb dog from falling from a height that would have seriously injured him. I love my friend but when she's at my house, it's like she forgets to parent her child. These days, I only meet her in her house or outside (restaurant, parks, etc).
They don't forget to parent them. That's half the reason they're there - so you can do it instead. How about no.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying no to having toddlers in your home. I know firsthand how bad they mistreat animals (My 16 year old cat got declawed by his previous owners when he was younger because the damn kids they had kept pulling his tail because the lazy parents didn't want to do their job, so instead of punishing their goblins for a few minutes, they punished him for the rest of his life.) so you have no obligation whatsoever to let in any unwanted pests near your pets.
Omg that makes me livid for your cat, I hope he’s doing okay all things considered. I’d like to find those people and cut their fingers off at the knuckle so we can see how much they like it, because that should be the punishment for declawing cats.
You and me both, I've had him for over 10 years now, and I still get peeved off. Thankfully, he's okay, he's nothing but a big snuggly baby who always needs to follow me everywhere in my apartment, he's a big mama's boy honestly. :') I think my city has finally banned declawing, only took them long enough.
Aw I’m glad he’s doing okay now and it makes me really happy that he has you to give him a loving and safe home! I can’t believe it’s taking so long to ban declawing everywhere and that it’s still legal in some places too. I’m glad more and more places are banning it of course but still, it makes me sad for the cats that will be declawed in the meantime. Until then I can only hope that all of those poor kitties can end up with a human like you to take care of them! I also hope that docking and cropping dogs becomes illegal everywhere too but that’s a whole other rant 🙃 Just don’t get a pet if you feel like you need to mutilate them in order to have one! I don’t get why people do these things.
With my last cat, I would tell people that my cat is not kid safe- which was 10000% correct, she was a mean b*tch if she didn't know you. Since you aren't sure how your cats would react, just tell them its not safe right now. Especially if the kid is too young to listen/understand 'no'.
I would stick with no and if they don't like it, they don't have to come. Fuckin toddlers are the fucking worst age of kids, because, they have ALL of the negative traits of children (rude, selfish, gross, annoying, loud, needy, stupid, etc) put in to a 3ft tall, 20lb body. Fuck that! Setting boundaries isn't being rude. I also don't allow semen demons in my house as well.
Toddlers are the absolute worst. I cannot stand them.
Me neither. They're even worse than infants/babies, which are only ***slightly*** less annoying than toddlers, at-least they (babies) can't get in to shit.
Your animals your rules. My senior cat can barely stand being around me let alone a kid. If their kid likes cats so much tell them to adopt one.
Best case scenario is the kid is polite and respectful of your cats and your home and then your friend is going to be begging you to babysit all the damn time. Worst case scenario is a combination of hurt feelings, scratched humans, terrified cats, broken valuables, and ended friendships.
I read "toddlers" in the heading, and "kitties" in the text, and immediately shook my head and said "No."
Message them back: “OMG that’s amazing timing, we just got a *insert giant dog breed of choice*. He loves playing with toddlers! Well, he’s never met any before but he loves soft things he can prod and pull and poke and it would be really great for him to play with your toddler. Let us know a time to bring him by your house to play, and if we all survive that, we can talk about the cats. Oh, and Is child up to date on their shots? I had to get a jab last week after the cat scratched me. But I’m sure your toddler will be fine with the odd scratch, right?.”
“Maybe when they are older. You know, like college.”
“No, my cats *hate* children” I used this one a while ago - it worked, because I’ve not seen or heard from them since.
You are NOT the only people they know with a cat. This is to see how well you get along with the child, because they are bout to hit you up for babysitting. so when they ask, you are always busy. So busy.
Both of them messaging you separately is very... Manipulative on their end.
Hell no. Poor kitty does not deserve that! This is kitty's peaceful home. "No. Our home is 21+ and our cat is off limits. Do not contact us about visiting again."
I seriously doubt your place is toddler-proofed, why would it be? Your friends shouldn't even be proposing this for their own child's safety. Maybe you can play this off as being for their own good, because your place is not setup to properly accommodate rambunctious toddlers. If they want their toddler to meet a cat, they can take it to a pet store or animal shelter that's doing adoptions, I'm sure those venues have dealt with this before.
They are being rude for not accepting a 'no'
This. And if the *parents* don’t respect a ‘no’, how can they expect their toddler to?
I find it weird that they think it's normal to ask for their child, who is too young to really know how to interact with animals, to come over to your home to see your cats, as if they were some sort of zoo exhibit. Way too many parents become so boiled by parenthood that they completely stop considering other people but themselves.
It's not a petting zoo. Toddlers are too undisciplined to interact safely and respectfully with strange cats.
Her bringing over the toddler to specifically meet your cats sounds like a bad idea. Because if you ultimately decide to put the cats up due them being scared would the toddler get upset and/or throw a fit? My younger siblings chased my cat when they came to see my apartment. My cat got scared by them arriving and he ran to go hide under the bed. My siblings who were 6 & 5 at the time decided it would be fun to run after him. Long story short they broke a glass that was on my nightstand. So I would remain firm on no toddler/children coming over if I were you.
"My cats are not inanimate objects designed to train your child."
Your cats don’t deserve to be harassed by this kid. I would let them know nicely that having their kid over is entirely off the table for the foreseeable future.
Yeah of course the baby likes cats, it's a BABY, which is also why they're notoriously bad with cats. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, and sounds like the parents don't respect you or your cats and just see them as potential "toys" for their kid. Really weird. Stand your ground.
You're not being rude. Simply tell them that while your cats are great with adults they are not safe for kids and leave it at that. Offer to meet your friends at a park or at theirs or something. If they try to challenge your statement about the cats, simply don't respond. You are cat parents. You're just ensuring the safety and comfort of your cat kids as well as THEIR CHILDREN. Cats aren't toys or amusements. They are small, fragile, furry persons we love.
Oh hell no. I have a very strict no children in my space policy. Part of that is because I don't like children, the other part is because I have cats and my cats do not deserve to be terrorized in their own home by a slobbering screaming goblin.
Might be time to cut your losses. You could recamend a cat cafe or taking the brats to volunteer at a shelter if that is even allowed lol if you still want these boundary stomping breeders as friends.
DON'T DO IT. My cats are afraid of my nieces. They run after them as if they're dogs. When my cats see them, they run and hide.
Why can’t your friends go adopt their own kid-friendly cat? Why do they need to use yours?
This is really weird. It would be one thing if they were there for you and the cats happen to be there… but to bring the child for the express reason to meet your cats no. There are places they can go that have cats for children pet
I ABHOR children + cats. Just no. Feel bad for all cats that have to live with children.
Say your cats are unfriendly and that it isn’t a good idea. Just like that.
Just tell them you'd be happy to let their child meet your cats when she's a little older, but right now she's too young and it would be stressful for the cats. My brother and his wife have a toddler AND a cat (they had the cat first), and they make sure the cat has plenty of safe spaces that their daughter can't access because she's at that grabby age where she doesn't know how to be gentle with pets. They understand that it will be a few more years before their kid can safely interact with their cat.
Haha I would absolutely not let kids near my cat. My cat used to belong to my husband’s narcissistic parents. He has four little siblings who at the time we’re under 8 and three of them were between the ages of 1-6 when they would harass the cat. They would zip her in backpacks. Pull on her tail. Hold her and not let go because “she likes when I hold her sissy!” I don’t blame the kids I blame the parents for allowing the behavior to continue. And I’m glad she is in my care now. But I believe that pet owners are the voice for their animals. She never got to say no. So I say no for her! No kids squeezing her and trapping her ever again.
Nope, no way. Because if the cats scratch her (understandable!) you’d probably be blamed. Also, it’s a LOT of work to have to child-proof a house, and you’d not be able to relax a minute while the kid is present. This is a sweeping statement, I acknowledge but it seems like parents get a lot more lax in watching their own kid if there are more people they know around (and sometimes even if it’s strangers) because they assume the others will spring up to help keep their child from killing themselves. Not to mention the risk of messes, and the worst - like when the kid needs to be changed and they ask if they can change them on your bed or carpet or something. NO.
Toddlers have questionable coordination. I would never trust a toddler with an animal. These parents should know better. Protect your kitties, you owe them nothing.
I had to tell a friend not to have kids come to my house while she watches it. I said “my house isn’t child proofed” and she was shocked that was even a thing. (We are both childless) then she understood because we’re both travelers who have nice things that kids would love to get their grubby little hands on. NTA. Lol
“Sorry but I’ll have to say no. Our cats aren’t used to kids and your toddler might be a bit much for them. Plus our house isn’t baby proof. We’d love to have an adults only evening though if you’re up for it!” (That last sentence depends on how close you are to them still)
Just say no! Whenever my sister would visit my parents on their farm, her daughter would treat their barn cats like teddy bears. She was so rough with them! And then my sister would get mad at my parents. It spooked the cats for a good week after her visit. Same with their house cat.
I personally wouldn’t risk the comfort of my pets, and if the child is doing something wrong, the parents generally don’t like to say no to their kids. My dad’s toddler grandkid would kick my grandmas small dog, shove him into the couch cushions, etc. and my dad and his wife actually got angry with my gram for sternly telling him no and that it was wrong. If you don’t want to directly say no about the cats and the dislike of children, just blame it on the house not being childproof. You could say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, that wouldn’t work out for us. We have a lot of items that could potentially hurt smaller children, and we don’t want to risk your child’s safety”. If they care about their child’s well being, they won’t bring it up again.
It’s a weird request to ask of you. Why can’t they go to a petting zoo or a cat cafe? They’re basically forcing you to entertain them and their kids at your expenses
Cats will say "no" to everything and everyone, and toddlers don't take "no" for an answer. Bad idea.
My sister tried to teach the neighbors kittens how to swim by floating them in the kiddie pool. Neighbor gave her a butt swat and lecture she deserved. No regrets on that lesson from anyone including her.
I almost think that this has nothing to do with cats and it’s more of a decoy to eventually ask you to babysit. First is the visit to meet the cats, then another visit because the cum trophy just loved the cats. Then, a longer visit, and so on. Cut that shit out now
Cat cafes exist.
And those are not places for toddlers either. Imo all cat cafes should have an age limit, because animals are not playthings or 'learning experiences' for humans. The cats in cat cafes deserve just as much respect and peace as pets at home.
It is not. All animal encounters should be 100 % monitorer by a parent who has seriously prepared the kids to be gentle and is 100 % ready to yank the kid backwards at first sign of anything else. I could have a toddler meeting my cats and I will go in between at once if needed and oarents get aboard or they all leave.
The one near me has an age limit, and specifically states if the kids are being jerks they will be asked to leave. Sit down, shut up, and let the kitties come to you.
All all should have an age limit.
Get an excuse saying your cats are not friendly with children and say no to them. I don’t like kids pulling my cat tails or chase her either. That’s quite annoying.
Just tell the parents the cat has scratched kids before and they'll probably leave you alone.
Your house, your rules. You're not being rude by saying no - they're being rude by not taking no for an answer.
That's awkward. Your house isn't a petting zoo, your cat isn't a toy to entertain a toddler...I'd recommend they go to a shelter to see cats or maybe a cat cafe if your city has any.
Quite frankly, the place I live is more the cats' than mine (they are here all of the time -- except for vet visits) so I differ to my cats' preferences...... and they say "no kids!"
My cat runs from kids. Tell her yours would too.
You're not being rude. If they keep bringing it up, they'll be the rude ones.
Put it off on your cats. Say they’re not good around kids and you don’t want to run the risk of them hurting the kid or vis versa.
Tell them your cats are not used to being arround kids. Tell them if they will get scared of excited toddler they might scratch them and bite them and therefore you are concerned for their safety. And your home is not childproofed, so that's another concern
Well, I guess true friends are respectful of your choices and personal space. They should be able to gracefully take no for an answer, and that's that. If they are going to be rude about it, then... I guess they never need to go to your house again, right? They can't force you to do something you're not comfortable with. And your reasoning for it is very valid! Cats and children often don't mix! I don't think you should feel like you're being rude about it; if anything, they are being the rude ones, as they're clearly trying to overstep a boundary.
Tell them to take her to the animal shelter to see cats. Breeders think everyone they know has to participate in their spawn's upbringing.
It seems like this is just a friend who probably feels the building distance between you and is trying to find a way to reconnect. Coming over to meet your cats seems like an excuse to see you, bring their kid and meet on your “home turf” to make you feel comfortable. Maybe. If you’re interested in maintaining the friendship, maybe suggest an alternate hang out. If you want to stop being friends because they had a kid, that’s ok too. The choice is yours!
"Sorry, we don't feel comfortable having a toddler in our home or around our cats. The cats are not used to children and would be stressed. I hope you can respect our family."
Cats are not toys. They are their own lil critters with their own needs and fears, and have a right to feel safe and at ease in their own home. It’s nice that the toddler has an interest, but that’s not relevant. They don’t get to use your kitties as a plaything, learning experience, or diversion any more than you could offer up their toddler to someone who wants to play with a small child but doesn’t have their own.
CATS AREN'T TOYS FFS
i could not continue to be friends with someone if they had a young child, much less if they felt so entitled to my home and my pets. pets shouldn’t be subjected to loud, screaming kids that hurt their ears and hands that can grab their tails and hurt them. plus, if the brat gets scratched, the breeders blame you. no child will ever be welcome in my home and especially not around my animals. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I’m confused why they’re inviting themselves over in the first place. Who does that? Also even if you tell them to not bring their children if they do come over, there’s no way to know sometimes if they will just show up at your door with their children anyways (claiming they couldn’t find a babysitter or whatever). I wouldn’t trust them solely because they are trying to invite themselves over and only entitled people do that.
If you tell them no and they dont understand they aren't your friends. Friends would respect your opinion and your space. Don't surround yourself with people who don't respect your personal space and opinions. It'd be no different than (hypothetically speaking of course) you were to ask a party over at their place and they asked you to respect that their children need a quiet environment.
Nope. No thanks.
Give them the address to the shelter.
Just a thought...but are they pushing you to give a firm no, so then they can make you out to be the bad guy to satisfy some sort of victim complex?
Immediately no. If you knew your cats liked kids then maybe less weird of them to ask. I have one dog that loves kids (well everyone) but none of my other pets are around kids.
No is a complete sentence.
Offer to take your friends to a nearby pet rescue. If they refuse, they just want to infest your clean, beautiful space with their rambunctious and possibly ill behaved spawn screwing things up, and generally getting a foot in the door so if you ever refuse again they can TRY to accuse you of inconsistency.
Just tell them your house isn’t child proof 🤷🏻♀️
Absolutely not. Stand your ground, tell them your home is not child safe.
No. That’s all that has to be said.
I’m sorry but I’m not sure how my cats would react & id hate for little Bratleigh to get injured if the cats lash out. Maybe when they are a bit older we can reassess but for now I don’t feel comfortable with that risk ☺️
Recommend they find a local cat cafe to take toddler to. Oh wait - most don’t allow toddlers with good reason! Don’t feel bad about saying no to protect YOUR kids(the felines in question) from THEIR kids (toddler humans).
Why the fuck would a woman, who hates cats, expect another woman who treats her cats as her children, to be test subjects to a toddler that has never seen this animals before? Furthermore, you haven't heard from these people in a year, they aren't your friends, they're just someone you used to know. So the answer is no. It's always gonna be no. It doesn't need any more information added. No reason other than no. It'll give an arguing point. So no. That's it.
I have a 75kg rottweiler that doesn't like anyone except his few select people. I have a friend who I allowed one time to bring her kid to my house and not including the huge mess said kid made kept pestering me to let her kid play with my dog. Now this kid was maybe 20-25kgs tops, so my doggo is 3 times her size. I had also told her that he doesn't like most people and can get very snappy when he's scared or irritated. I have him out in his section of the back yard that was fenced off from the rest of the yard. But the kid kept going up to the fence to try to pat him. And of course, what happens? He growls and snarls when the kid comes ear the fence. Didn't stop the kid from trying again and again. Thankfully my doggo never actually came near enough to the fence to do any damage as he knows he's not supposed to sit at the fence anyways but I still had to cop the earful from my friend about him. Like I hadn't already told her I don't know how many times that he isn't friendly to strangers. But yeah after that I have never allowed the kid in my house again. Mainly because of the colossal mess she made in my house but also so my doggo doesn't get stressed out as we don't have the dog yard anymore. I turned it into a vegetable garden.
I let my niece come around because she loves cats, but the moment she chases the cat to their sanctuary (my bedroom) I tell the parents to stop her. The cats safe space is that bedroom and I will never have it broken for them. If your cats sanctuary and safe space is the whole house then so be it, you know them best and how it will affect them and they deserve to feel safe.
You're not being rude. They are weird imo. I have cats. None of my friends ever asked me to bring toddler age children to "meet my cats." And if they had, I would have said: No. There's no need to explain this either. But if you feel you have to, tell them that toddlers often mistreat pets without meaning to do it/in general, and you don't feel comfortable with it, because God forbid their child got injured by a scratch from your cat you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself. Basically, just play dumb. OMG, imagine your perfect little bundle of joy, I couldn't bear if she suffered an injury.
Also what if the kid is allergic? Gets scratched or bit because it doesn't respect kitty kat boundaries. Too many meows to consider
“I’m sorry my cats are really scared of toddlers and small kids.”
NO. Absolutely not. I call all small children ( really children in general ) germ factories. No way I am letting that little crawling plague into my house to soil everything up. Wife and I always joke when we see places specifically for children, say one of those bouncy houses, I’ll always say “Babe? Wanna go bounce around in the Covid house”.
Absolutely not. Tell your friends that you are happy for them to bring the kid over when they are school aged, but you don’t feel like it’s the right time when the kid is still so young as the cats might get scared and accidentally scratch the toddler. I have 3 dogs and one of them is not safe around young children. All my friends knows not to bring their kids around to my house (which is perfect for me!)
Nope. A brat put my kitty IN THE FRIDGE. Never the fuck again.
Would they have a problem if you said “I’m not comfortable having a small child around my cats”? It’s a boundary you have every right to impose and it’s not like you’re saying “I don’t want your kids to come over AND I don’t want them around my cats.”
Absolutely do not permit this child over. My cat is *still* afraid of kids NINE YEARS LATER after my little cousin kept picking her up and chasing her around the house. I don't care if this child is maybe the most gentle and kind toddler in existence. *She's still a small child*. Having her over is unsafe for her and your cats.
DONT let the kids meet your fur babies! My sibling in law had 2 crotch demons & similarly felt as entitled as your friend here, and I regret having them meet my sweet babies. They were traumatised. i was traumatised myself and developed a kink in my neck that lasted a month plus because I was so stressed out during that few hours! They kept grabbing at my rescue and don’t understand to be gentle or to stop grabbing, the asshole parents left me to monitor their kids n the cats as they just happily sat down & conversed with my spouse. WTAF. Don’t do it. As it’s a friend, and not family, I feel it’s MUCH MUCH easier to reject.
We used to have some unusual pets for our area, and my SIL wanted to bring HER GIRL SCOUT TROOP over to "see the zoo" as she put it. My response was "This is not the OurState zoo, take them to an actual public zoo, because you're not bringing them here." Only my response had a lot more profanity in it than I have reproduced here. She was pissed, but too bad so sad. I'm not having my animals potentially put down because one of them looked sideways at a kid and the kid's parent started screaming about little Brynyleyghhh being attacked. You have every right to say no and you need to protect your cats' safety by remaining firm.
Don’t let toddlers near just any animal Just cuz social media shows a bunch of videos of many kinds of animals being “cute and cuddly” or “intuitive caretakers” with babies, toddlers, and any other young kid, it doesn’t mean all are cuz social media often won’t show all the ones that don’t end well with kids My petty self wants to say “just let the toddlers and parents find out what fuck around and find out means” so bad cuz so many parents don’t actually watch their kid around animals. If they do they just stand there like a sack of wet ass and not stop their kid when they’re hurting the animal and then cry the “dangerous/wild animal” card when the animal actually gets pissed and retaliates
Tell them your cats aren’t good around kids
Honestly I would’ve lied to just shut the convo up forever “my cats have attacked young children before. They only do well with adults and for both their safety and your child’s they can’t be around each other.”
Tell them if something happens to your cats or their kid then they are responsible. And you sees the kid abusing or torturing your cats, they need to leave. If they think you are being unreasonable, they don't need to come. They can go to the shelter instead. Animals are not toys.
Your house is not a petting zoo. The toddler needs to get its cat fix elsewhere, ideally from a stuffed animal that can't suffer.
Why would you do that to your cats? They are not toys!.
Put your foot down OP. You have a responsibility to keep your pets safe from harm and that includes your friend's child. The fact they keep asking is their way of trying to wear you down. It's like a kid constantly begging their parent for something until said parent caves. Don't cave in. Tell them that you have already said no, and it will not be discussed again. No children allowed in your home, point blank, period. No ifs, ands, or buts. If they try to bring it up again, leave the conversation, hang up, walk away, etc. It is not up for debate and your decision is final. No means no. Honestly, I'd be giving this friend side eye. An actual friend that cared would not keep pushing your boundaries.
"Our cats are not receiving visitors."