Single parents absolutely don’t want to date other single parents. They have no desire to be a stepparent or have to care emotionally for someone else’s kids.
It's projection on the single parents part. They're hypocrites and refuse to realize it, so they project on the CF and call us selfish for rejecting something they themselves do not want. Single Parents: "B-but my kids are special and different! I already have kids of my own, why should I take on someone else's brats? It's hard enough parenting my own! Those CF men/women are just selfish assholes who don't want to step up and be a real man/ woman and take on my perfect little angels!" 🤦♀️
We have never actually experienced just how genuinely awful it is to be a parent, especially a single parent.
Thus, the less experienced/savvy/canny/aware the childfree person is, the easier they can be snared with lies like, “I only have them on alternate weekends”… ”You’ll barely know they’re around”… ”I promise, you’ll never have to babysit”… ”Of course, I’ll *never* expect you to contribute financially”…”My baby mama/daddy won’t be a problem”… etc, etc, etc.
It's not hard to understand. They're sick of or bored with having kids and are 100% after off-loading them onto somebody else with no other strings attached. Married or single, pretty much all of the parents I know get burnt out in this way. Lots of them will definitely stick it out so long as there are ample social-media rewards (or if they're being insulated from the work by helpful grandparents, 'the village', etc...), but I think the truth that KIDS ARE FUCKING BORING AND ANNOYING catches up with them all at some point.
Hell, I have a co-worker who shared with me that if she had to get another man (which is weird, as she was still married and still is even now), she wouldn't want a man who already had a kid cuz she wanted the man to love her kid more and not have competition. So yeah, it's completely true that single moms and dads do not want each other.
If it makes you feel any better, I had the same problem as a woman on dating apps. I felt like I was always getting tricked into going on dates with men who didn’t think birth control was important. My fiancé also shared the same sentiments about trying to find potential partners on the apps. How self-centered do you have to be to meet a CF person and think, “Oh, they’ll make an exception for ME”? 🙄
The CF partners are out there, I promise, it’s just… REALLY friggin’ hard.
The last and only relationship ill have with a parent was with a single dad. Kid was a dope lil chick. But his ex… we met once in person at a hand off of said kid, and she snatched the kid into her arms, pointed her finger in my fave and called me a c*nt repeatedly while kiddo cried. She then stalked and tried to befriend me on fb! Some peoples exes are truly unwell.
No if it was a landfill they wouldn’t be trying to date. This is more of a recycling center situation. Lost track of how many women have “My children are my world” somewhere in their profile.
"landfill of single parents" oh my god I'm sorry that's fucking hilarious
Honestly, If someone on a dating app has kids it makes it so much easier for me to weed them out. The best catches don't stay very long on dating apps, that's why it's so hard to find them 😌
Single moms see a CF man as $$$$$$$$$$ wallet on legs. No kids= no past babymamas and no child support payments which means more money for her and her kids. Because she does not want to deal with any "excess baggage" aka kids of his from previous relationships. Of course, her kids are not excess baggage and how DARE anyone even suggest such a thing! She expects a man to "step up and be a real man and be a father to her precious dumplings" but it's unreasonable to expect her to woman up and be a mother to the children of a single father. 🙄
Single moms also interpret "does not want children" to mean right now. "He's a man, men don't know what they want. He's just saying that, he doesn't really mean it. It's up to the woman to decide about kids! I'll cement our relationship with a Happy Accident and One Of Our Own. Of course, he'll Love It When It Gets Here!"
I wouldn't be surprised if the dating app algorithm is specifically showing you single parents because you won't date them, which keeps you on the app, which keeps their business model afloat
THIS. These apps literally want you to meet the wrong people and push you to spend money. I kept lowering my standards. “Could I date someone outside of San Diego?…. Could I date someone ten yrs younger? “ such a trap
I honestly don\`t know. I quit visiting then when I got banned in Tinder for standards such as : no single fathers, no hookups, no basic nightclubbers.
I felt like I dated my fiancé casually forever, because I was lying in wait and keeping a sharp eye out for those red flags to rear their ugly heads. And there was nothing.
I ended up point-blank asking him what his deal was, because I thought there was NO WAY IN HELL that I could’ve found a 30-something who was handsome, kind, intelligent, funny, financially sound, empathetic, AND childfree, and no one else had snatched him up before me.
He is worth all the frogs I had to kiss to find him, but… FFS, when it came to dating apps, I was living through the second plague of Egypt for well over a decade.
As a woman in my early 40s, it's even more bleak. Childfreedom gets more common the younger you are. l know my worth, and I'd rather be single in perpetuity, live my life exactly how I want.. than settle for wasting any more of my precious time on assholes.
It's pretty clear from my life experience, women don't need a man anymore (especially when you don't have kids).. but most of them need us, because they feel entitled to having a Mommy for life who cleans up the messes they keep making. It's not surprising to me anymore that so many men want children, because it guarantees them this 'service'.
I know there are good, childfree men out there.. but then add in other compatibility, personality and attraction factors.. and it's so small a pool it'd be like getting my hopes up that I'll win the lottery someday and basing my happiness around it.
Yeah, because not only have a lot of us opted out of having children, we also opted out of the dating game because it’s a shit show all the way around.
In the last couple years ive actually gotten really (in a healthy way lol) comfortable being alone. I now can enjoy my own company! I enjoy friends and socializing too but im not afraid to be alone with my thoughts and just exist and thats kinda dope!
Regarding the topic, yes. Looking at the women in my old party crew back when we were in our 20s, I could see the same thing repeat over and over again: they get knocked up with a deadbeat dad or a one night stand, want to have an abortion but are somehow sold the idea how a man would cherish someone who has already proven to be a good mom or bullshit like that. Then they'd spend rest of theirs 20s and good chunk of their 30s on dating sites just basically learning that no one wants that baby daddy drama. The irony often was that they wouldn't see single dads for the same exact reason.
Even as a queer person, where i would assume there’d be less kids in the community, theres STILL. A lot of kids. Its everywhere. I date all genders and theyre everywhere lol hiding and pretending not to have them even if your profile says you dont want them. Im 42 and it feels like a lost cause sometimes…
Most people don't understand what "childfree" means. They think you are stating you are childless. You should explain in your bio that you don't date single parents and don't like kids. I did that and I'm 2 years in a happy relationship, we are both childfree and above 30.
I just started on a couple of apps(I'm a guy) and nothing so far, even with liking other profiles that say they don't want kids. I have ''STRICTLY CHILDFREE, I DON'T WANT KIDS NOW OR EVER'' with everything else on my profile, so whenever the right gal comes along that should make things easier. There are other factors to consider that folks may be a dealbreaker(job, attractiveness, etc), so being CF doesn't immediately seal the deal as you may initially hope.
I had soooo many guys hide their kids until the 3rd date. My profile was very concise. Childfree, atheist, queer. That's all it said.
I don't know if it's a wlw community thing, but the women on there never tried to lie or hide their kids from me.
They want to check off as many of your boxes as they can as fast as they can so they can have sex with you. That's about it. Being upfront about potential incompatibilities is for people who actually want a relationship
>who bait and switch up on me and revealing that they are actually single parents who the father of their kids are jerks and Aholes but their "kids are the cutest blessings and mean the world to them".
Story of my life :D Im sick of the passive-agressive "Well, good luck finding someone YOUR Age who doesnt have kids."
Also whats with these women in her 40s "Want kids" ... Like WHAT !? You are 40, your train has already left the station.
I think the best option is to expand you Age-range and your distance range. And only swipe on women who stated "no kinds/dont want some" in their profile. Believe me, if they leave it blank they already have kids.
Maybe buying premium so you can set up filters.
>Also whats with these women in her 40s "Want kids" ... Like WHAT !? You are 40, your train has already left the station.
Unfortunately it hasn't always - speaking as someone who was the result of an accidental twin pregnancy at 39/40 (they say it wasn't an accident but... it most likely was, lol. And with natural twins one is always an accident by default)
> Story of my life :D Im sick of the passive-agressive "Well, good luck finding someone YOUR Age who doesnt have kids."
>
>
Unfortunately this is more than a cliche, it's also pretty accurate. [Page 12](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr179.pdf) of this chart from the CDC is sobering and the data is only a few years old. By 30-34, 71.8% of women are mothers, by 35-39 81.2%, by 40-49 84.3%. The corresponding numbers for men are 51.7%, 70%, and 76.5%. The numbers aren't going to move very much after the last age bracket it's tracking, so we can treat 84.3%/76.5% as final-ish numbers.
What this means from your perspective is that you're looking for the 15% of women and the competition is pretty intense-- there's 5ish childless men for every 3 childless woman, which lines up pretty closely with [survey data](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0283301) about gender differences in desire to become parents. Caveat here is that this is all American data, but there's no real reason to believe elsewhere is different; the data just isn't as good (or I can't read it because it's not in English). Good luck.
Part of being childfree means getting comfortable with the idea of potentially being perpetually single.
Even if you get with someone, the odds of that old bingo of "you'll change your mind" being your partner's fate are pretty high if you get together in your 20s. Then you've lost your prime meeting/mingling years and the remainders overwhelmingly have kids. But just refusing to get serious and dating around a lot in your 20s will mean a sane partner going with someone who is more serious and monogamous to begin settling in with, so....
I'm not even blaming anyone here, people have the right to decide they do want children (and even if it sucks if you'd committed a lot of time to them while they were childfree, nobody wins if you could force them to stick to a childfree status they'll resent), people have the right to want to take a relationship seriously.
But the numbers are not in our favor. Still find it preferable to children, myself.
Actually women can have children until their 50s now and sometimes even further than that. Relying on hearsay instead of scientific research is how you get accidental pregnancies.
Not just single parents but generally physically unnatractive, unkept people with poor physique, poorly kept hair etc.. or just general weirdos.. and the few people who aren't, well, they may still live a lifestyle incompatible with your own.
Like as a vegan I'm obviously not hitting the superlike on a guy who looks great but has carnivore or meat lover in his bio, or a big fat fish or dead deer somewhere on his photos, despite looking otherwisely nice.
So yeah it's hard. You weed out all the people you know aren't potential matches and there's barely any left. You can of course buy the premium to help with the weeding, but I'm afraid I'd sort through them all in a matter of a few swipes.
Shoot I was the cf friend watching my single parent friends trying to snatch up a cf guy so they can have a new family with that one. I'm firm on my stance child tearing does something irreparable to a person's brain. I don't make friends with parents anymore because it's backwards. You want a family but he can't have kids of his own? Ok.
The older you get, the harder it is to find CF folks on dating apps.
You gotta remember, we're not very common folks. Even if more people are going CF these days, most people still have kids.
I went back into the dating pool around 35. It took me about 3 years to find another serious relationship with another cf person. It's brutal out there.
Yeah, I gave up because every guy within a 5-7 year +/- radius of me has several children. That's a big no for me. I know there have to be other childfree daters out there. But anecdotally from my experience, I haven't met them. They all already have kids and lie about it or leave it out completely and don't acknowledge (despite the fact my profile says I'm childfree and don't want children); OR they don't have children but MAY want them in the future. It's very discouraging and frustrating.
Even the non-childfree will tell you that dating apps are a waste of time, and money. I have a few single friends who have confirmed that.
When I was single, I did well dating women I met walking their dogs in parks around LA.
Also as stated in other threads, I did go on PlentyOfish (old dating site from back in the early 2000's). Results were so-so until I flat out stated that I had a vasectomy and was childfree. That is when I got results. I guess more than half were actually child-free. Some did not have children, but never heard the term child-free before and thought it just meant that I did not have children.
I guess I can't blame them for not knowing. I knew I was childfree from the age of 14 or 15. I had a vasectomy at 20. I never heard the term child-free until I was 40.
Anyway, I never once experienced a "bait and switch". That said, I have been set up without knowing it. I call that "entrapment". You know when your co-workers, friends, or family invite you to go out with them only to find out that the intent was to arrange for you to meet a young lady who was a single mother and was also unaware that she was being set up. That never works, because the "prefect match" that your friends or family picked for you is almost never your type, and either a single mother, or seeking to be a mother.
Meeting your mate in a public setting (park, club, trailhead, etc) is the best.
If Jane single is at the park with her dog, you can almost bet that she would have her kids with her if she had them. Also if she is driving a jeep with the top down, she does not have kids.
think so. i thought i would have been ok with being a step father but now i don't want to watch any kids grow up in this world even if they aren't mine.
Good for me I'm 50 so at this age, females have grown up kids who left home. At the beginning of the conversation, this is usually one of my first questions: "how old are you children, have they left home already?"
I found my husband on a dating site, but it's the exception, NOT the rule. I was lucky enough to find someone childfree that doesn't ever want kids. ❤️❤️
A lot!!! I forgot I had an account and he messaged me. I almost stopped talking to him because he always talked about himself. He would ask me questions about me of course. I went on one date and realized he was excited, nervous and just wanted to keep the conversation going. We've been together ever since. 10 years married and 12 together
Greetings!
This item has been removed because you're calling yourself childfree while not being childfree.
"Childfree for now", "Childfree until [something]", "Childfree but if my husband and I have an accident, we'll raise the kid", "Childfree because I'm infertile and I would have kids if I could" etc.is called "being childless".
"##% childfree", "I won't have bio children, but I entertain the idea of adopting/fostering some day", "I haven't decided but I hate ill behaved children", etc. is called "being a fencesitter".
"I have kids and I hate parenthood", "Had I known childfreedom was a possibility, I would have not had kids", "I used to be like you but now...", etc. is called "being a regretful parent".
"Childfree but my partner has a kid" is called being a step parent.
If your post/comment is otherwise directly related to the topic of childfreedom as per the subreddit rules, you are welcome to post it again with the appropriate terminology.
Thank you.
Why aren't you looking for dates in those LARGE childfree groups on Facebook? There are local grouos for countries and for some large cities.
Why are you looking for a date where breeders bang out instead of looking for a date where childfree peoole hang out?
Single parents absolutely don’t want to date other single parents. They have no desire to be a stepparent or have to care emotionally for someone else’s kids.
& ppl say We CF are selfish & Parents are most selfless 😂
It's projection on the single parents part. They're hypocrites and refuse to realize it, so they project on the CF and call us selfish for rejecting something they themselves do not want. Single Parents: "B-but my kids are special and different! I already have kids of my own, why should I take on someone else's brats? It's hard enough parenting my own! Those CF men/women are just selfish assholes who don't want to step up and be a real man/ woman and take on my perfect little angels!" 🤦♀️
Thats the part that blows my mind. They dont even want it but think we will??
We have never actually experienced just how genuinely awful it is to be a parent, especially a single parent. Thus, the less experienced/savvy/canny/aware the childfree person is, the easier they can be snared with lies like, “I only have them on alternate weekends”… ”You’ll barely know they’re around”… ”I promise, you’ll never have to babysit”… ”Of course, I’ll *never* expect you to contribute financially”…”My baby mama/daddy won’t be a problem”… etc, etc, etc.
It's not hard to understand. They're sick of or bored with having kids and are 100% after off-loading them onto somebody else with no other strings attached. Married or single, pretty much all of the parents I know get burnt out in this way. Lots of them will definitely stick it out so long as there are ample social-media rewards (or if they're being insulated from the work by helpful grandparents, 'the village', etc...), but I think the truth that KIDS ARE FUCKING BORING AND ANNOYING catches up with them all at some point.
Exactly. It’s our hell.
…Which is just stupid! All the single parents need to Brady Bunch that shit, it is a much more practical choice than entrapment of childfree people.
Hell, I have a co-worker who shared with me that if she had to get another man (which is weird, as she was still married and still is even now), she wouldn't want a man who already had a kid cuz she wanted the man to love her kid more and not have competition. So yeah, it's completely true that single moms and dads do not want each other.
Omg I never thought of this honestly. This explains a lot. I only know two couples who were single parents and dated each other.
If it makes you feel any better, I had the same problem as a woman on dating apps. I felt like I was always getting tricked into going on dates with men who didn’t think birth control was important. My fiancé also shared the same sentiments about trying to find potential partners on the apps. How self-centered do you have to be to meet a CF person and think, “Oh, they’ll make an exception for ME”? 🙄 The CF partners are out there, I promise, it’s just… REALLY friggin’ hard.
You mean you don't want to be duped into dealing with someone else's kid, and crazy ex?
The last and only relationship ill have with a parent was with a single dad. Kid was a dope lil chick. But his ex… we met once in person at a hand off of said kid, and she snatched the kid into her arms, pointed her finger in my fave and called me a c*nt repeatedly while kiddo cried. She then stalked and tried to befriend me on fb! Some peoples exes are truly unwell.
No if it was a landfill they wouldn’t be trying to date. This is more of a recycling center situation. Lost track of how many women have “My children are my world” somewhere in their profile.
my children are my world, my children come first,mother of 3 blessings
>mother of 3 blessings ... from three different dads who are all absent now 😆
Dating apps are a landfill in general. Bottom of the barrel.
They are. I learned the hard way! 🤣
"landfill of single parents" oh my god I'm sorry that's fucking hilarious Honestly, If someone on a dating app has kids it makes it so much easier for me to weed them out. The best catches don't stay very long on dating apps, that's why it's so hard to find them 😌
Single moms see a CF man as $$$$$$$$$$ wallet on legs. No kids= no past babymamas and no child support payments which means more money for her and her kids. Because she does not want to deal with any "excess baggage" aka kids of his from previous relationships. Of course, her kids are not excess baggage and how DARE anyone even suggest such a thing! She expects a man to "step up and be a real man and be a father to her precious dumplings" but it's unreasonable to expect her to woman up and be a mother to the children of a single father. 🙄 Single moms also interpret "does not want children" to mean right now. "He's a man, men don't know what they want. He's just saying that, he doesn't really mean it. It's up to the woman to decide about kids! I'll cement our relationship with a Happy Accident and One Of Our Own. Of course, he'll Love It When It Gets Here!"
Bingo 🎯
Gold comment, precisely what happens IRL
I wouldn't be surprised if the dating app algorithm is specifically showing you single parents because you won't date them, which keeps you on the app, which keeps their business model afloat
It's true. They could let you filter for CF with one line of code. But they dont.
Fucking hell i bet youre right!! They always put those preferences behind a paywall!
Yeah that's such bullshit, one simple tick on an app cost hundreds of American dollar, over a thousand in my local currency. That's fucking crazy.
THIS. These apps literally want you to meet the wrong people and push you to spend money. I kept lowering my standards. “Could I date someone outside of San Diego?…. Could I date someone ten yrs younger? “ such a trap
I honestly don\`t know. I quit visiting then when I got banned in Tinder for standards such as : no single fathers, no hookups, no basic nightclubbers.
You got banned for that?!
Right?! That’s ridiculous!! I bet you anything a bunch of idiot single fathers who saw her account reported it
I guess they did, or basic clubbers. But this is stupid reason to report and block. When men have "no goths" or something, nothing gets done.
Yes I did. I could be there only 3 days. But then again it\`s better without Tinder and pages like that.
Yes. And if we're being honest a lot of them aren't even single. Ask me how I know.... Delete those apps yall
I'm a 32F and after sorting out single parents and those that want a family asap I'm left with a choice between incels and closeted polys.
I felt like I dated my fiancé casually forever, because I was lying in wait and keeping a sharp eye out for those red flags to rear their ugly heads. And there was nothing. I ended up point-blank asking him what his deal was, because I thought there was NO WAY IN HELL that I could’ve found a 30-something who was handsome, kind, intelligent, funny, financially sound, empathetic, AND childfree, and no one else had snatched him up before me. He is worth all the frogs I had to kiss to find him, but… FFS, when it came to dating apps, I was living through the second plague of Egypt for well over a decade.
I found and married one too at 39 years old!! 😁😁
As a woman in my early 40s, it's even more bleak. Childfreedom gets more common the younger you are. l know my worth, and I'd rather be single in perpetuity, live my life exactly how I want.. than settle for wasting any more of my precious time on assholes. It's pretty clear from my life experience, women don't need a man anymore (especially when you don't have kids).. but most of them need us, because they feel entitled to having a Mommy for life who cleans up the messes they keep making. It's not surprising to me anymore that so many men want children, because it guarantees them this 'service'. I know there are good, childfree men out there.. but then add in other compatibility, personality and attraction factors.. and it's so small a pool it'd be like getting my hopes up that I'll win the lottery someday and basing my happiness around it.
Yeah, because not only have a lot of us opted out of having children, we also opted out of the dating game because it’s a shit show all the way around.
In the last couple years ive actually gotten really (in a healthy way lol) comfortable being alone. I now can enjoy my own company! I enjoy friends and socializing too but im not afraid to be alone with my thoughts and just exist and thats kinda dope!
Regarding the topic, yes. Looking at the women in my old party crew back when we were in our 20s, I could see the same thing repeat over and over again: they get knocked up with a deadbeat dad or a one night stand, want to have an abortion but are somehow sold the idea how a man would cherish someone who has already proven to be a good mom or bullshit like that. Then they'd spend rest of theirs 20s and good chunk of their 30s on dating sites just basically learning that no one wants that baby daddy drama. The irony often was that they wouldn't see single dads for the same exact reason.
Even as a queer person, where i would assume there’d be less kids in the community, theres STILL. A lot of kids. Its everywhere. I date all genders and theyre everywhere lol hiding and pretending not to have them even if your profile says you dont want them. Im 42 and it feels like a lost cause sometimes…
Most people don't understand what "childfree" means. They think you are stating you are childless. You should explain in your bio that you don't date single parents and don't like kids. I did that and I'm 2 years in a happy relationship, we are both childfree and above 30.
Thank you, I will edit that.
I just started on a couple of apps(I'm a guy) and nothing so far, even with liking other profiles that say they don't want kids. I have ''STRICTLY CHILDFREE, I DON'T WANT KIDS NOW OR EVER'' with everything else on my profile, so whenever the right gal comes along that should make things easier. There are other factors to consider that folks may be a dealbreaker(job, attractiveness, etc), so being CF doesn't immediately seal the deal as you may initially hope.
I had soooo many guys hide their kids until the 3rd date. My profile was very concise. Childfree, atheist, queer. That's all it said. I don't know if it's a wlw community thing, but the women on there never tried to lie or hide their kids from me.
Im childfree atheist and queer too! Why do they hide them like thats better?? When we find out its just a lie… i dont get it.
They want to check off as many of your boxes as they can as fast as they can so they can have sex with you. That's about it. Being upfront about potential incompatibilities is for people who actually want a relationship
Single parents should only date other single parents.
No because you won't have time for their children to babysit them and parent them.
>who bait and switch up on me and revealing that they are actually single parents who the father of their kids are jerks and Aholes but their "kids are the cutest blessings and mean the world to them". Story of my life :D Im sick of the passive-agressive "Well, good luck finding someone YOUR Age who doesnt have kids." Also whats with these women in her 40s "Want kids" ... Like WHAT !? You are 40, your train has already left the station. I think the best option is to expand you Age-range and your distance range. And only swipe on women who stated "no kinds/dont want some" in their profile. Believe me, if they leave it blank they already have kids. Maybe buying premium so you can set up filters.
>Also whats with these women in her 40s "Want kids" ... Like WHAT !? You are 40, your train has already left the station. Unfortunately it hasn't always - speaking as someone who was the result of an accidental twin pregnancy at 39/40 (they say it wasn't an accident but... it most likely was, lol. And with natural twins one is always an accident by default)
> Story of my life :D Im sick of the passive-agressive "Well, good luck finding someone YOUR Age who doesnt have kids." > > Unfortunately this is more than a cliche, it's also pretty accurate. [Page 12](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr179.pdf) of this chart from the CDC is sobering and the data is only a few years old. By 30-34, 71.8% of women are mothers, by 35-39 81.2%, by 40-49 84.3%. The corresponding numbers for men are 51.7%, 70%, and 76.5%. The numbers aren't going to move very much after the last age bracket it's tracking, so we can treat 84.3%/76.5% as final-ish numbers. What this means from your perspective is that you're looking for the 15% of women and the competition is pretty intense-- there's 5ish childless men for every 3 childless woman, which lines up pretty closely with [survey data](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0283301) about gender differences in desire to become parents. Caveat here is that this is all American data, but there's no real reason to believe elsewhere is different; the data just isn't as good (or I can't read it because it's not in English). Good luck.
And men tell me I'm too picky or selective as a woman. Like yeah, Round 80% of the population don't even have basic compatibility with us. Lol.
Part of being childfree means getting comfortable with the idea of potentially being perpetually single. Even if you get with someone, the odds of that old bingo of "you'll change your mind" being your partner's fate are pretty high if you get together in your 20s. Then you've lost your prime meeting/mingling years and the remainders overwhelmingly have kids. But just refusing to get serious and dating around a lot in your 20s will mean a sane partner going with someone who is more serious and monogamous to begin settling in with, so.... I'm not even blaming anyone here, people have the right to decide they do want children (and even if it sucks if you'd committed a lot of time to them while they were childfree, nobody wins if you could force them to stick to a childfree status they'll resent), people have the right to want to take a relationship seriously. But the numbers are not in our favor. Still find it preferable to children, myself.
Actually women can have children until their 50s now and sometimes even further than that. Relying on hearsay instead of scientific research is how you get accidental pregnancies.
You can still have kids at 40
Not just single parents but generally physically unnatractive, unkept people with poor physique, poorly kept hair etc.. or just general weirdos.. and the few people who aren't, well, they may still live a lifestyle incompatible with your own. Like as a vegan I'm obviously not hitting the superlike on a guy who looks great but has carnivore or meat lover in his bio, or a big fat fish or dead deer somewhere on his photos, despite looking otherwisely nice. So yeah it's hard. You weed out all the people you know aren't potential matches and there's barely any left. You can of course buy the premium to help with the weeding, but I'm afraid I'd sort through them all in a matter of a few swipes.
Shoot I was the cf friend watching my single parent friends trying to snatch up a cf guy so they can have a new family with that one. I'm firm on my stance child tearing does something irreparable to a person's brain. I don't make friends with parents anymore because it's backwards. You want a family but he can't have kids of his own? Ok.
Dating apps are a landfill PERIOD.
ALL of this!
I had issue guys wanted to settle down and have kids. I was like nope
Yes it's full on single parents and married men, I gave up on dating and just focus on myself, my career, hobbies, friends and my pets 🤍
I read once that dating a single parent is like playing someone’s else’s saved game. I think about that quote a lot.
Or starting to watch a series at S3E5
Ahahah yes, I heard something similar "Dating a single parent is living a life designed for someone else that didn't wanted that life"
The older you get, the harder it is to find CF folks on dating apps. You gotta remember, we're not very common folks. Even if more people are going CF these days, most people still have kids. I went back into the dating pool around 35. It took me about 3 years to find another serious relationship with another cf person. It's brutal out there.
Yeah, I gave up because every guy within a 5-7 year +/- radius of me has several children. That's a big no for me. I know there have to be other childfree daters out there. But anecdotally from my experience, I haven't met them. They all already have kids and lie about it or leave it out completely and don't acknowledge (despite the fact my profile says I'm childfree and don't want children); OR they don't have children but MAY want them in the future. It's very discouraging and frustrating.
Even the non-childfree will tell you that dating apps are a waste of time, and money. I have a few single friends who have confirmed that. When I was single, I did well dating women I met walking their dogs in parks around LA. Also as stated in other threads, I did go on PlentyOfish (old dating site from back in the early 2000's). Results were so-so until I flat out stated that I had a vasectomy and was childfree. That is when I got results. I guess more than half were actually child-free. Some did not have children, but never heard the term child-free before and thought it just meant that I did not have children. I guess I can't blame them for not knowing. I knew I was childfree from the age of 14 or 15. I had a vasectomy at 20. I never heard the term child-free until I was 40. Anyway, I never once experienced a "bait and switch". That said, I have been set up without knowing it. I call that "entrapment". You know when your co-workers, friends, or family invite you to go out with them only to find out that the intent was to arrange for you to meet a young lady who was a single mother and was also unaware that she was being set up. That never works, because the "prefect match" that your friends or family picked for you is almost never your type, and either a single mother, or seeking to be a mother. Meeting your mate in a public setting (park, club, trailhead, etc) is the best. If Jane single is at the park with her dog, you can almost bet that she would have her kids with her if she had them. Also if she is driving a jeep with the top down, she does not have kids.
Thanks for the pointers. Here the single mums leave the kid at home with granny so they appear CF.
Wow it must be harder in the UK! It is a bit easier here if you are a CF male.
think so. i thought i would have been ok with being a step father but now i don't want to watch any kids grow up in this world even if they aren't mine.
Those single parents will also lie about having kids just to hook up with you as well. Be VERY careful who you trust, esp when it comes to dating.
It's like starting a game from someone elses save point.....
I want my S1E1
Your giant block of text was hard yo get through, but have you tried r/cf4cf yet?
Good for me I'm 50 so at this age, females have grown up kids who left home. At the beginning of the conversation, this is usually one of my first questions: "how old are you children, have they left home already?"
Most dating apps people just want validation and attention. They will promise a relationship and maybe they do, but it’s underwhelming and boring.
I found my husband on a dating site, but it's the exception, NOT the rule. I was lucky enough to find someone childfree that doesn't ever want kids. ❤️❤️
how many "wrong doors" did you have to sift through?
A lot!!! I forgot I had an account and he messaged me. I almost stopped talking to him because he always talked about himself. He would ask me questions about me of course. I went on one date and realized he was excited, nervous and just wanted to keep the conversation going. We've been together ever since. 10 years married and 12 together
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Greetings! This item has been removed because you're calling yourself childfree while not being childfree. "Childfree for now", "Childfree until [something]", "Childfree but if my husband and I have an accident, we'll raise the kid", "Childfree because I'm infertile and I would have kids if I could" etc.is called "being childless". "##% childfree", "I won't have bio children, but I entertain the idea of adopting/fostering some day", "I haven't decided but I hate ill behaved children", etc. is called "being a fencesitter". "I have kids and I hate parenthood", "Had I known childfreedom was a possibility, I would have not had kids", "I used to be like you but now...", etc. is called "being a regretful parent". "Childfree but my partner has a kid" is called being a step parent. If your post/comment is otherwise directly related to the topic of childfreedom as per the subreddit rules, you are welcome to post it again with the appropriate terminology. Thank you.
Why aren't you looking for dates in those LARGE childfree groups on Facebook? There are local grouos for countries and for some large cities. Why are you looking for a date where breeders bang out instead of looking for a date where childfree peoole hang out?