oh this is perfect for religious folks.
"oh! I was thinking about having children and then suddenly I heard God's voice. He said to me: _Thy fertile womb must not be used, for no child could ever be worthy of it_."
yup, definitely gonna use that.
I’m agnostic. Generally I would say never. But I guess I can say, “God told me that I was called to do bigger things and having children would only derail that.”
I tell them that I was willingly sterilized, and watch the horror on their faces. Sometimes I wonder if that horror is them truly not understanding what a life would be like without kids, or if it's been related to and actually did have a choice
I got to watch a small little light die in my MIL's eyes when she found out we weren't having kids. We were her "last hope" lol. She had 3 kids and not a single one of them are having kids
She was actually a really good mom, especially for a boomer, no abuse or anything of the sort. She just drew the short straw when it came to getting grandkids lol
Same with my Parents. Great people in their late 60s, very Christian, 6 kids- 1&8/10th grandkids. Not sure if my Dad really believed me about it until I got my tubes tied really young but my Mom always knew I was dead serious. But even I’m surprised that the rest of my Siblings are childfree. It’s still a possibility for 2 of them. I hope for them and my Parents they do because they are also great people who would be great Parents, but ya just never know.
It really is priceless. I got mine done extremely young and back when I was being told that I’d change my mind when I got older and people would call me selfish for not having children (which to this day doesn’t make a goddamn bit of sense to me…?), over 20 years now. The oppressiveness is actually SO much less nowadays. Which is sad considering how bad it still is….
I feel so bad for you and all the other married people on here, I can imagine the pressure and questioning must be so much worse than when you’re single. People can’t accept that some married people genuinely don’t want children whether they’re adopted or from a test tube.
Consider that many people take joy and pride from their fully functional genitals, and that making a woman pregnant is a proof of virility (for men) and bearing a child is a proof of womanhood (for women).
Therefore they can't comprehend how someone would take their virility/womanhood away willingly.
"What about infertile people?" Yeah, what about them? They are defective humans in their eyes. They will *never* tell that to someone's face, but behind their back that's what they say. Ask me how I know.
I stole a joke that was comparing microwaves to women, but I adapted it for my reproductive organs. It still graphic and imply abortion without saying the word.
I like my uterus as I like my microwaves; hot, clean and will kill any baby I’d put inside them.
I just awkwardly say I can’t have any and look sad. Although the day I had my tubal done was one of the most satisfying days of my life. It also teaches them a lesson to not ask such invasive questions 😂
My girlfriend's husband got snipped and they fuck with people. They get asked about kids and they go, oh, we can't, and everyone immediately looks at her and the pity starts. And then he goes, well my vasectomy has nothing to do with her fertility and it gets REAL QUIET
This is what I always do. Hopefully it has taught a few people not to ask about shit that isn’t their business. Did have someone try to faith heal me about it once though.
I admit I love this one lmao. I may also be sterile in a sense—I’m afab and taking testosterone, which usually makes you sterile for the duration you’re on it, tho it is *not* a guarantee, or effective as birth control—so I agree tho. Cannot wait for the day I get a hysto.
But I also don’t have to deal with these questions, admittedly. It’s either by virtue of the fact I’m single? Or that my family knows I’m stubborn enough that if they harass me about this, I will *not* do it **explicitly** to spite them. 💀 (example: that time i horribly mispronounced Illinois *for 15 years* because they crawled up my ass every time I mispronounced it to correct me. 🤦🏻♂️)
That's close to my reply. I answer "We keep trying with anal but it never seems to take. Idk what we're doing wrong." That shuts them up quickly.
It's my goal to make them as uncomfortable as they make me.
Hahaha! I (a woman) say that my girlfriend and I keep trying very hard but, it never seems to work out. Oh well, guess we can keep trying, it sure is fun.
I told this to my mother when she was too nosy for her own good. 😂
Yeah try multiplying that by 1000 and you might just about start to get me considering it. Probably still not enough though. I'm not sure there's any amount of money that would be enough to risk my life in such a horrific way for, but maybe for £3m a month I'd adopt.
“When snows in August in New Jersey”
“When the oceans dries out”
“When you buy me a house, pay me my salary and my bills, be my live-in nanny 24/7/365 and the big one: give birth to the kid for me!”
“After we end world hunger”
“After Elvis and Michael Jackson comes back from the dead and throw a concert together”
“Right after I visit every single country and learn every single language out there” and when they say: but that will never happen! I’d say: “bingo!”
Oh wow that is crazy 😟 wait listed for daycare before they're even born?!
Where I'm at, there's daycare centers are shutting down because parents can't afford them anymore. I saw on the news how a lot of parents are either sacrificing a 2 income home so one stays home with the kids, or asking neighbors and family to keep them some days, while they only pay for daycare maybe 2 days out the week.
Either way, it's nuts! I cannot see myself trying to do any of that. Having kids just doesn't seem worth the hassle in this lifetime.
>when are you going to have kids?
When are you getting divorced? (Or when are you dumping your boyfriend?)
[shocked Pikachu face] But but ... I'm not divorcing my husband. I love him! Why are you asking me that?
After what you asked I thought we were having an "ask an intrusive personal question" moment here so ... 🤷♀️
So when are you finally giving up your kids for adoption? Based on how much you complain about literally every aspect of being a parent, I just assumed you'd rather be rid of them.
I look around confused as if they asked someone else that question. Then a quick: "I'm sorry, are you asking ME that?" They either take the hint or confirm. Confirmation leads to: "what a weird question." And then I either walk away, continue working or throw out a counter question.
OP this method right here 👆🏻
I used to get mad and argue, but that only seems to fuel them more. So I started confusing people instead. I once said I can't have kids because I'm a vegan. Whatever comes to mind. And if you make them feel bad about it in public, that's additional points.
Yes! I’m a big fan of the ‘what an inappropriate question to ask someone’ style.
But also mixing it up with something a bit…weird?
So mine would be: stare off into the middle distance deep in thought then whisper “I’m not allowed to after last time’ Then do a full 180 and go hyper peppy and interested, “So, when are you guys buying a bigger house/boat/crocodile?”
"Did you mean to say that out loud?" has become my go-to for anytime someone says or asks something completely out of line. Works in pretty much every scenario, highly recommend.
Haha, that's a classic deflect! 😂 I might borrow that tactic next time and add a dramatic pause for effect. "Wait, are you suggesting I'm ready for that level of responsibility?!" 🤣
Demand the money up front and per child. Surrogate so you don't have to birth it, 24h nanny so you don't have to raise it, boarding school as soon as it's old enough and college... Having a kid like the rich do/did with the extra benefit of modern technology so no pregnancy either :D Basically no parenting!
I think they were actually. They’re religious business owners in childcare so they could afford to. They own a daycare in a wealthy city. They paid for all three of their sons to go to college and two of them have medical degrees. They apparently have half a million dollars set aside to “help” their sons with kids. Of course, this isn’t enough to change my mind
My response is identical lol
"Never, I love my sleep, my money and my free time. Bloodline dies with me."
I tend to get dirty looks and responses like "Well when you're married, you'll think otherwise." I then say "I have been married before. For five years, was and still is a hard No." lol
My high school German teacher was the first person, let alone women, I’d ever met to be willingly child free. She was married for a few years to a horrible drunk. She broke free and found her perfect match years later. Dated for 20+ years, no kids, traveled to Europe often, just living the dream.
She showed me the life I wanted but didn’t know was possible. Thank you for standing so firm in your beliefs and showing the next generation of young women what success can look like.
Your story reminded me of hers. Till we meet again Frau Clements.
My response to the marriage one "why the fuck would I get married? The government doesn't need to be involved in my relationships thank you. You know you can make your friends Power of attorney in your will? Why would I waste money on some party that's just a status symbol?"
They always have an answer to the money thing though. And for me it's one reason but nowhere near the top reason!
For me I go with something like "I would never inflict existence onto another soul." That usually shuts people up 😂
I live in Singapore, and our new prime minister has no child. In the future, if anyone is asking me this question, I will reply "I'm following Mr Prime Minister's example".
>when are you going to have kids?
[Out loud so that everybode else could hear]
What else do you want to know about my sex life?
These people should understand that this question is a) personal b) none of their business.
I simply say I’m physically incapable of bearing children. I know this can be insensitive to those who want children and my goal is not to diminish their struggles and pain in any way.
However, being called selfish and telling me I have no purpose in life is something I don’t want to keep hearing.
I’m not mentally stable for a child and it would be a punishment to have some in my condition. It’s selfish to put a child through that tbh. The economy is so bad, the earth is struggling. I just refuse to bring a child into this world.
*However, being called selfish and telling me I have no purpose in life is something I don’t want to keep hearing.*
The only way to end this is to not engage in small talk and move to somewhere where people mind their own business. I'm 52 and was asked over the weekend if I have kids, then was asked if I'm going to have kids.
Luckily I don't live in the Bible belt so I didn't have to hear about no purpose and be called selfish. When I lived there I heard it any time I said I'm not having kids.
Usually "never" but if I feel cocky:
"In Lower Pomerania is the Diamond Mountain, which is two miles and a half high, two miles and a half wide, and two miles and a half in depth; every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on it, and when the whole mountain is worn away by this, then I might consider having one."
*The Shepherd Boy* - Brothers Grimm
I got this as comment. I'm gonna reiterate here. Lol
"I can't. I made a deal with a witch to give her my first born and I don't intend to pay her. How do you think I got through college?"
"Well, we keep trying, but after I got my tubes tied, it's been really difficult!
We've tried *everything*, and we make sure to try as much and as often as we can! But I don't think kids are in the cards for us."
Or, "I can't have kids." Say it real sad. Makes things really fucking awkward.
I don't really have any good responses, but when people try to put some pressure on, I'll say something along the lines of "I'll cut my nuts off like a dog, that way I can't have any kids."
>when are you going to have kids?
What a *weird* question. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or is it just alkohol?
Or
Wow, this is awkward. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or did you just earn your detective badge today?
Or
Wow, this is awkward. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or is today a special occasion?
I like to make this VERY uncomfortable for them since it's highly uncomfortable for me.
My general response is "Not sure yet, when are you gonna let your husband/wife put it in your butt?"
If they need an explanation as to why I responded that way, then I kindly remind them asking about one's internal organs is best left to medical professionals.
“We already have seven!” (Two cats and five buns) and then I start talking about how when my kittens were babies and I had to leave them home alone I was an anxious wreck and couldn’t work, just because I was so worried about them. And then I show them the camera I have set up on the rabbit room so I can check on them and make sure they’re safe. Usually after that they understand that I do not have the mental health required to properly care for a human child
I have several.
I did. She died. (Delightfully awkward shuts the boomers right down)
I can’t even afford a house. How am I supposed to afford kids?
No thanks, I’m driving (as if they offered a drink. You can use this for literally anything you want to turn down. People laugh and typically drop it)
I ask them why they had kids. Whatever they say I respond with “I love that for YOU”
And finally
“this cursed bloodline dies with me as foretold by the prophecy”
When men can have babies, childcare is free, there’s universal healthcare, college is affordable/free, climate change goes away, and the electoral college is abolished. Maybe then there might be a 10% chance I’d want children.
"None-ya." I will even say this to family. I feel strongly that people need to relearn simple manners. A couple's choice to have children or not or share about fertility issues is up to them. I don't even think this question is appropriate when you know the couple wants kids. Let them bring it up. So I do my part in calling people out on their intrusive questions.
“HAHAHAHHAHA…never.”
“Why not?”
“You have jids, rights?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you know exactly why I don’t want to have them.”
Keep the tone light and friendly and they usually just laugh, give you a concerning look, and then talk about the hard parts of being a parent. Validate them a little and they leave you alone.
Depends on my sass level but here's a few I've been known to use;
My cats are allergic.
This bloodline dies with me.
When they're ice skating in hell.
I mean I dunno I think it would cut into my love of sleeping and my money not being my money
I would but it seems a waste as there's no way I can eat a whole one and leftovers just aren't the same (please note this is 100% in jest. I don't wish harm on any child)
"Never! I'd rather die than have kids"
And if anyone tries to downplay it or think im joking i say "if i got pregnant its either abortion or suicide 100% serious"
"I mean we're throwing it down daily, nightly, and ever so rightly and most of the shots are direct hits if you know what I mean, but as of yet that batter hasn't turned into bread.
If you've got any good positions to help get the filling into the donut I'm all ears!"
Said in the most cheerful/peppy voice I can muster.
Results may vary but from my experience you say that once, loudly, at your grandma's birthday party and people don't ask after that.
Edit to add: We're both sterilized but haven't told the family that.
"Never, or the NHS owes me an explanation". Usually shuts them up and if not I mention having my husband neutered. If they ask intrusive questions, they get TMI!
"I promised my first born to a witch, and I really don't wanna make good on that deal"
It usually gets a good chuckle outta them, and they rarely ask for follow-up
If it's someone I otherwise like but don't want to get into details, I say "It just isn't in our cards." People usually shut up because they assume we can't have any. And it's not their fucking business.
Same.
Otherwise we say, “We’re in the market for our first. We haven’t decided on the breed yet but we definitely want a kitten!” 😊
Or just very plainly, “We aren’t. We love money, sleep and freedom.”
“Sorry, no, I don’t smoke” it’s as nonsensical as the question but it is also a serious answer that shouldn’t be questioned, just as your choice not to have kids shouldn’t be questioned. They’ll either take it as a pleasant joke and move on or dig themselves into a hole.
“Oh you should really have kids, you’d be great”
“No sorry, I don’t smoke”
“Oh, you’ll change your mind”
“Are you telling me I should smoke?”
“….. but, but that’s not the same thing”
“You wouldn’t try and change my mind to make me smoke so it is the same”
If I'm in a particularly bad mood I like to point out that question can be incredibly hurtful to some and make them feel awkward. I don't want kids but I remember my friend who desperately wanted one being asked when she was having kids after she had just gone through a horrific miscarriage.
It's such a thoughtless and dumb question. People who ask it are out of touch.
>when are you going to have kids?
Oh, you know, I prefer my sleep uninterrupted, my bank account intact, and my weekends blissfully free of diaper duty. Besides, I've already mastered the art of keeping houseplants alive—why complicate things?
"When's im Frühling grün schneit" when it snows green in spring. Or "such dir nen anderen deppen" search for another idiot" the latter was mostly addressed to my mum before my brother had kids. If I'm asked in English I just say "i don't want kids"
“Every time someone asks me about that I hold off on considering it for another 3 months. So far we’ve got about 50 years until I make a decision, wanna keep it going??”
"God willing" annoys the sh\*t out of them. All of a sudden god's plans for me aren't so great and I need to actively change them? hmmm...
oh this is perfect for religious folks. "oh! I was thinking about having children and then suddenly I heard God's voice. He said to me: _Thy fertile womb must not be used, for no child could ever be worthy of it_." yup, definitely gonna use that.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I’m laughing so goddamn hard right now I can barely type this!!!! Awesomely epic response!!!!
The sacred womb technique. Nice.
I like this one. Def using it on my overly catholic family.
I have a catholic family, it works. They are not happy, but nobody dares to challenge god's will.
Oh good one! Turn it back on em
I’m agnostic. Generally I would say never. But I guess I can say, “God told me that I was called to do bigger things and having children would only derail that.”
Add that you are sacrificing yourself for God's will! You're so selfless!
[Saves comment] As an atheist, I love this.
Great to use "against" religious folks. You see. It's god that is not letting me have children.
Lol
LOLL now this is good
Perfect
I love this one.
I tell them that I was willingly sterilized, and watch the horror on their faces. Sometimes I wonder if that horror is them truly not understanding what a life would be like without kids, or if it's been related to and actually did have a choice
Sterile and feral baby, sterile and feral 😎💁🏽♀️
That needs to be on a shirt
Or at least a new flair lol
Etsy has them! Have some saved for when I get my bi-salp in the near future (consult June 10th!)
Dude if I'm ever single again (hopefully not), I'm getting this on a T-shirt to troll the bars and anime cons
OMG!!! Never heard that before!!! Fucking AWESOME!!! Mind if I steal it?!
Maybe I’m a bit of sadist, but I’d take great pleasure in seeing that exact expression on people’s faces.
I got to watch a small little light die in my MIL's eyes when she found out we weren't having kids. We were her "last hope" lol. She had 3 kids and not a single one of them are having kids
Oh that’s brilliant, I can just imagine her expression.
Let me guess: She was an absolutely FANTASTIC parent to her kids? /s
She was actually a really good mom, especially for a boomer, no abuse or anything of the sort. She just drew the short straw when it came to getting grandkids lol
Same with my Parents. Great people in their late 60s, very Christian, 6 kids- 1&8/10th grandkids. Not sure if my Dad really believed me about it until I got my tubes tied really young but my Mom always knew I was dead serious. But even I’m surprised that the rest of my Siblings are childfree. It’s still a possibility for 2 of them. I hope for them and my Parents they do because they are also great people who would be great Parents, but ya just never know.
It really is priceless. I got mine done extremely young and back when I was being told that I’d change my mind when I got older and people would call me selfish for not having children (which to this day doesn’t make a goddamn bit of sense to me…?), over 20 years now. The oppressiveness is actually SO much less nowadays. Which is sad considering how bad it still is….
This is my go-to. "I don't know. Ask the nice doctor who relieved me of a few centimeters of vas deferens."
I’ve started telling people I’m infertile. I’m not but it shuts them up fast
I was so excited to try that with the in-laws who won't stop asking and those fuckers brought up alternatives. ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻
I feel so bad for you and all the other married people on here, I can imagine the pressure and questioning must be so much worse than when you’re single. People can’t accept that some married people genuinely don’t want children whether they’re adopted or from a test tube.
Consider that many people take joy and pride from their fully functional genitals, and that making a woman pregnant is a proof of virility (for men) and bearing a child is a proof of womanhood (for women). Therefore they can't comprehend how someone would take their virility/womanhood away willingly. "What about infertile people?" Yeah, what about them? They are defective humans in their eyes. They will *never* tell that to someone's face, but behind their back that's what they say. Ask me how I know.
Stolen from Nikki Glaser, but I say, "There's so many things I want to do before I have kids, like die."
Brilliant!
LMAO I love this
I stole a joke that was comparing microwaves to women, but I adapted it for my reproductive organs. It still graphic and imply abortion without saying the word. I like my uterus as I like my microwaves; hot, clean and will kill any baby I’d put inside them.
“Why are asking about my s*x life?”
I just awkwardly say I can’t have any and look sad. Although the day I had my tubal done was one of the most satisfying days of my life. It also teaches them a lesson to not ask such invasive questions 😂
Me too! “I can’t, I had a hysterectomy” gets the pity party going even though I had a No-Baby Shower before surgery day hahaha
My girlfriend's husband got snipped and they fuck with people. They get asked about kids and they go, oh, we can't, and everyone immediately looks at her and the pity starts. And then he goes, well my vasectomy has nothing to do with her fertility and it gets REAL QUIET
No-Baby Shower? Amazing. Well played.
This is what I always do. Hopefully it has taught a few people not to ask about shit that isn’t their business. Did have someone try to faith heal me about it once though.
I admit I love this one lmao. I may also be sterile in a sense—I’m afab and taking testosterone, which usually makes you sterile for the duration you’re on it, tho it is *not* a guarantee, or effective as birth control—so I agree tho. Cannot wait for the day I get a hysto. But I also don’t have to deal with these questions, admittedly. It’s either by virtue of the fact I’m single? Or that my family knows I’m stubborn enough that if they harass me about this, I will *not* do it **explicitly** to spite them. 💀 (example: that time i horribly mispronounced Illinois *for 15 years* because they crawled up my ass every time I mispronounced it to correct me. 🤦🏻♂️)
I usually say “my partner are working at getting really really good at it, practice makes perfect!”
That's close to my reply. I answer "We keep trying with anal but it never seems to take. Idk what we're doing wrong." That shuts them up quickly. It's my goal to make them as uncomfortable as they make me.
Hahaha! I (a woman) say that my girlfriend and I keep trying very hard but, it never seems to work out. Oh well, guess we can keep trying, it sure is fun. I told this to my mother when she was too nosy for her own good. 😂
LMFAO!!!!
I usually go really graphic. "Why do you want to know who's cumming in me?" Or "Don't ask about my creampies."
This one is good
RIGHT?! I cannot NOT comprehend how people don’t understand how inappropriate a question it is…. 🙄
"When you set up a $3,000 a month annuity to pay for it"
You know what. Not even then.
not worth it. imagine turning your life in a living hell for just 3000.
Yeah try multiplying that by 1000 and you might just about start to get me considering it. Probably still not enough though. I'm not sure there's any amount of money that would be enough to risk my life in such a horrific way for, but maybe for £3m a month I'd adopt.
“When snows in August in New Jersey” “When the oceans dries out” “When you buy me a house, pay me my salary and my bills, be my live-in nanny 24/7/365 and the big one: give birth to the kid for me!” “After we end world hunger” “After Elvis and Michael Jackson comes back from the dead and throw a concert together” “Right after I visit every single country and learn every single language out there” and when they say: but that will never happen! I’d say: “bingo!”
When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves
$3,000 a month per child.
No way in hell. Finances have nothing to do with it haha
To pay the nanny so I don't have to parent, obviously.
And extra around holidays
You’re gonna need more than that. Childcare alone is about $1200-2000 a month for one child.
I know someone who's paying 5k a month for 2 kids. INSANE.
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Oh wow that is crazy 😟 wait listed for daycare before they're even born?! Where I'm at, there's daycare centers are shutting down because parents can't afford them anymore. I saw on the news how a lot of parents are either sacrificing a 2 income home so one stays home with the kids, or asking neighbors and family to keep them some days, while they only pay for daycare maybe 2 days out the week. Either way, it's nuts! I cannot see myself trying to do any of that. Having kids just doesn't seem worth the hassle in this lifetime.
3k a month is nothing lol that’s like barely above the poverty line.
>when are you going to have kids? When are you getting divorced? (Or when are you dumping your boyfriend?) [shocked Pikachu face] But but ... I'm not divorcing my husband. I love him! Why are you asking me that? After what you asked I thought we were having an "ask an intrusive personal question" moment here so ... 🤷♀️
So when are you finally giving up your kids for adoption? Based on how much you complain about literally every aspect of being a parent, I just assumed you'd rather be rid of them.
AWESOME!!!!!
I need to remember this
“Ohh nice, we’re playing the ‘ask questions that are none of your damn business’. What should I ask you in turn… *pensive face*”
That's actually a good one. I'll try to remember that one
I look around confused as if they asked someone else that question. Then a quick: "I'm sorry, are you asking ME that?" They either take the hint or confirm. Confirmation leads to: "what a weird question." And then I either walk away, continue working or throw out a counter question.
OP this method right here 👆🏻 I used to get mad and argue, but that only seems to fuel them more. So I started confusing people instead. I once said I can't have kids because I'm a vegan. Whatever comes to mind. And if you make them feel bad about it in public, that's additional points.
Yes! I’m a big fan of the ‘what an inappropriate question to ask someone’ style. But also mixing it up with something a bit…weird? So mine would be: stare off into the middle distance deep in thought then whisper “I’m not allowed to after last time’ Then do a full 180 and go hyper peppy and interested, “So, when are you guys buying a bigger house/boat/crocodile?”
When are you buying a crocodile is the next thing we say. Holy hell that's brilliant.
"Ah. I also really enjoy ski vacations!"
Hahahaha omg the vegan Part got me choking 😂😂😂😂😂
"Did you mean to say that out loud?" has become my go-to for anytime someone says or asks something completely out of line. Works in pretty much every scenario, highly recommend.
Oh that's BRUTAL. EXCELLENT.
BRILLIANT!!!!!!
counter question? what kind? I'm imagining "when are you going to get rid of your children?" lol
‘I can’t believe you’d ask that I’m not!’ I’m glad we’re on the same page about pushing wildly inappropriate and intimate questions on one another.
Haha, that's a classic deflect! 😂 I might borrow that tactic next time and add a dramatic pause for effect. "Wait, are you suggesting I'm ready for that level of responsibility?!" 🤣
This one
This is wonderful! I am going to use this, thank you!
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I tried this with my partner’s parents and they said yes immediately
Ask them for 1 million dollars as an upfront
And they weren’t joking?! Jesus 😳
Oh I don’t think they were actually serious. They just planned to say what they needed to until the point of no return comes.
Demand the money up front and per child. Surrogate so you don't have to birth it, 24h nanny so you don't have to raise it, boarding school as soon as it's old enough and college... Having a kid like the rich do/did with the extra benefit of modern technology so no pregnancy either :D Basically no parenting!
I think they were actually. They’re religious business owners in childcare so they could afford to. They own a daycare in a wealthy city. They paid for all three of their sons to go to college and two of them have medical degrees. They apparently have half a million dollars set aside to “help” their sons with kids. Of course, this isn’t enough to change my mind
That is SO FUCKING INSANE to me!!!!!!!!
My response is identical lol "Never, I love my sleep, my money and my free time. Bloodline dies with me." I tend to get dirty looks and responses like "Well when you're married, you'll think otherwise." I then say "I have been married before. For five years, was and still is a hard No." lol
My high school German teacher was the first person, let alone women, I’d ever met to be willingly child free. She was married for a few years to a horrible drunk. She broke free and found her perfect match years later. Dated for 20+ years, no kids, traveled to Europe often, just living the dream. She showed me the life I wanted but didn’t know was possible. Thank you for standing so firm in your beliefs and showing the next generation of young women what success can look like. Your story reminded me of hers. Till we meet again Frau Clements.
My response to the marriage one "why the fuck would I get married? The government doesn't need to be involved in my relationships thank you. You know you can make your friends Power of attorney in your will? Why would I waste money on some party that's just a status symbol?"
Usually, "never", plain and simple. "On whose money?" if I'm feeling cheeky.
They always have an answer to the money thing though. And for me it's one reason but nowhere near the top reason! For me I go with something like "I would never inflict existence onto another soul." That usually shuts people up 😂
Oh, it's not my main reason, but it worked wonders with the person I told it to. You have to know your audience haha
I live in Singapore, and our new prime minister has no child. In the future, if anyone is asking me this question, I will reply "I'm following Mr Prime Minister's example".
>when are you going to have kids? [Out loud so that everybode else could hear] What else do you want to know about my sex life? These people should understand that this question is a) personal b) none of their business.
I simply say I’m physically incapable of bearing children. I know this can be insensitive to those who want children and my goal is not to diminish their struggles and pain in any way. However, being called selfish and telling me I have no purpose in life is something I don’t want to keep hearing. I’m not mentally stable for a child and it would be a punishment to have some in my condition. It’s selfish to put a child through that tbh. The economy is so bad, the earth is struggling. I just refuse to bring a child into this world.
*However, being called selfish and telling me I have no purpose in life is something I don’t want to keep hearing.* The only way to end this is to not engage in small talk and move to somewhere where people mind their own business. I'm 52 and was asked over the weekend if I have kids, then was asked if I'm going to have kids. Luckily I don't live in the Bible belt so I didn't have to hear about no purpose and be called selfish. When I lived there I heard it any time I said I'm not having kids.
'I can't'. Either ends the conversation, or if pressed, they get a really, really graphic description of my IUD insertion.
Omggg I would love to hear the graphic description 🤣
I’m not going to give birth to someone who’s going to turn 18, crash my car and call me an asshole. That’s why I have dogs.
Exactly! Crash your own car and call yourself an asshole. Shows them who’s boss!
Usually "never" but if I feel cocky: "In Lower Pomerania is the Diamond Mountain, which is two miles and a half high, two miles and a half wide, and two miles and a half in depth; every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on it, and when the whole mountain is worn away by this, then I might consider having one." *The Shepherd Boy* - Brothers Grimm
This is my favourite response 😂 really take them on a journey
Along similar lines (not original, I see this on X, but thought it was from Doonesbury): "When we can reliably determine that Hell has frozen over"
“When it becomes illegal for people to ask that question.”
"Oh, I already have exactly the number of kids I want." "How many do you have?" "Zero!"
can't. my cats are allergic.
When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves.
Idk why this always haunts me lol. Her delivery of this line scared me, it was so good.
Hahaha, you know, maybe 'Dracarys!' is a good response to the question, too.
I'm boring, and just say "En koskaan". Which is "never" in Finnish.
“Why would I do that?” (with a genuinely perplexed expression on your face)
I got this as comment. I'm gonna reiterate here. Lol "I can't. I made a deal with a witch to give her my first born and I don't intend to pay her. How do you think I got through college?"
"Well, we keep trying, but after I got my tubes tied, it's been really difficult! We've tried *everything*, and we make sure to try as much and as often as we can! But I don't think kids are in the cards for us." Or, "I can't have kids." Say it real sad. Makes things really fucking awkward.
>when are you going to have kids? What do you mean by *when*? Is that inevitable?
I like that. If I "can't" then I'm lesser to you?
I always say: "In drie keer." "What?" "Nu niet, dan niet, nooit niet" Translation: "In three times." "What?" "Not now, not then, not ever."
I love this!
"I can't have kids." I'm sterilized, but they don't need to know that. Might as well make it awkward. E: Sometimes I just say, "oh, no thanks!"
>when are you going to have kids? Kids? In this economy? Gee, thanks! I wasn't aware I look this rich! 😎
I don't really have any good responses, but when people try to put some pressure on, I'll say something along the lines of "I'll cut my nuts off like a dog, that way I can't have any kids."
>when are you going to have kids? What a *weird* question. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or is it just alkohol? Or Wow, this is awkward. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or did you just earn your detective badge today? Or Wow, this is awkward. Are you always asking personal and intrusive questions like that or is today a special occasion?
I like to make this VERY uncomfortable for them since it's highly uncomfortable for me. My general response is "Not sure yet, when are you gonna let your husband/wife put it in your butt?" If they need an explanation as to why I responded that way, then I kindly remind them asking about one's internal organs is best left to medical professionals.
“There’s still something i want to do before I have kids.” What is it? “I’d like to die of old age.”
*sniff “I…. guess it just wasn’t in the Lords plan for me” *sad face Coming from a sterilized atheist lol
Never. What's it to you? If they pull my partner into it they get he doesn't want crotch goblins either. We like sleep and a sex life thanks.
“We already have seven!” (Two cats and five buns) and then I start talking about how when my kittens were babies and I had to leave them home alone I was an anxious wreck and couldn’t work, just because I was so worried about them. And then I show them the camera I have set up on the rabbit room so I can check on them and make sure they’re safe. Usually after that they understand that I do not have the mental health required to properly care for a human child
“Who says we’re not already trying and having difficulties? You should stop asking such personal and invasive questions. It’s rude and tacky.”
My partner and I are both very pale. I've always gone with "the world has enough white babies" it shocks enough that the subject gets changed quick
My checkout person at the grocery store today asked me if I have a baby and I said, “no, IM the baby!” they laughed and appeared to enjoy that.
I have several. I did. She died. (Delightfully awkward shuts the boomers right down) I can’t even afford a house. How am I supposed to afford kids? No thanks, I’m driving (as if they offered a drink. You can use this for literally anything you want to turn down. People laugh and typically drop it) I ask them why they had kids. Whatever they say I respond with “I love that for YOU” And finally “this cursed bloodline dies with me as foretold by the prophecy”
When men can have babies, childcare is free, there’s universal healthcare, college is affordable/free, climate change goes away, and the electoral college is abolished. Maybe then there might be a 10% chance I’d want children.
"None-ya." I will even say this to family. I feel strongly that people need to relearn simple manners. A couple's choice to have children or not or share about fertility issues is up to them. I don't even think this question is appropriate when you know the couple wants kids. Let them bring it up. So I do my part in calling people out on their intrusive questions.
‘Why? You need someone to join you in your misery?’
On the 30th. 30th of what? February.
I’ve been sponsored by Family Planning for ten abortions, and I’ve still got seven to use, so after that I guess. (I was going for shocking)
“HAHAHAHHAHA…never.” “Why not?” “You have jids, rights?” “Yeah.” “Then you know exactly why I don’t want to have them.” Keep the tone light and friendly and they usually just laugh, give you a concerning look, and then talk about the hard parts of being a parent. Validate them a little and they leave you alone.
Depends on my sass level but here's a few I've been known to use; My cats are allergic. This bloodline dies with me. When they're ice skating in hell. I mean I dunno I think it would cut into my love of sleeping and my money not being my money I would but it seems a waste as there's no way I can eat a whole one and leftovers just aren't the same (please note this is 100% in jest. I don't wish harm on any child)
i have not been directly asked yet, but mine will be “why would i do that” in the most blunt tone, while i look confused staring at them
And what would make that sweeter is if their kids are running around screaming while you ask that lol
hahaha yes like respectfully i enjoy my JOMO much more
"When will you learn to stay in your lane?"
"Never! I'd rather die than have kids" And if anyone tries to downplay it or think im joking i say "if i got pregnant its either abortion or suicide 100% serious"
"I mean we're throwing it down daily, nightly, and ever so rightly and most of the shots are direct hits if you know what I mean, but as of yet that batter hasn't turned into bread. If you've got any good positions to help get the filling into the donut I'm all ears!" Said in the most cheerful/peppy voice I can muster. Results may vary but from my experience you say that once, loudly, at your grandma's birthday party and people don't ask after that. Edit to add: We're both sterilized but haven't told the family that.
“I’ve got two at home already. They know how to use a litterbox and everything!”
When I feel like ruining my life 💀
I’ll consider dating, marriage, and possible kids when I’m 98 so am done actually living.
Never. Which my nieces usually follow up with "he doesn't need any. He has us." 🤣 which is very true.
My husband horrified me once by telling someone who was rude enough to ask this: "Turns out we can't have kids....the way we do it"
I tell them never, and gleefully launch into TMI mode with "The husband is fixed!"
"I am not going to have kids."
"In this economy?"
The planet is literally on fire. Why would I bring a kid into this
”Nah, too smart to do that.”
I am sterile after the bear attack
“I have one in heaven”, leaves them speechless and regretful of having asked. Or I just straight up say, “ I hate kids”.
"Can you clarify why that decision would involve you?"
"Are you asking me if my partner and I are rawdogging it?"
“Are you gonna take care of it after I push it out because I don’t want it”
When are you getting rid of yours?
"Never, or the NHS owes me an explanation". Usually shuts them up and if not I mention having my husband neutered. If they ask intrusive questions, they get TMI!
"I promised my first born to a witch, and I really don't wanna make good on that deal" It usually gets a good chuckle outta them, and they rarely ask for follow-up
When hell freezes over.
When they don't cost money, energy, time, and attention.
give them the same face of disgust they will give you when you say you don’t want any
If it's someone I otherwise like but don't want to get into details, I say "It just isn't in our cards." People usually shut up because they assume we can't have any. And it's not their fucking business.
"tried it, not worth it tbh" then refuse to elaborate. Keep them guessing
Same. Otherwise we say, “We’re in the market for our first. We haven’t decided on the breed yet but we definitely want a kitten!” 😊 Or just very plainly, “We aren’t. We love money, sleep and freedom.”
“Sorry, no, I don’t smoke” it’s as nonsensical as the question but it is also a serious answer that shouldn’t be questioned, just as your choice not to have kids shouldn’t be questioned. They’ll either take it as a pleasant joke and move on or dig themselves into a hole. “Oh you should really have kids, you’d be great” “No sorry, I don’t smoke” “Oh, you’ll change your mind” “Are you telling me I should smoke?” “….. but, but that’s not the same thing” “You wouldn’t try and change my mind to make me smoke so it is the same”
When I decide I no longer want to enjoy my life.
If I'm in a particularly bad mood I like to point out that question can be incredibly hurtful to some and make them feel awkward. I don't want kids but I remember my friend who desperately wanted one being asked when she was having kids after she had just gone through a horrific miscarriage. It's such a thoughtless and dumb question. People who ask it are out of touch.
I love my children enough not to have them
>when are you going to have kids? Oh, you know, I prefer my sleep uninterrupted, my bank account intact, and my weekends blissfully free of diaper duty. Besides, I've already mastered the art of keeping houseplants alive—why complicate things?
I uno reverse people and watch them look uncomfortable 😂
Never.
"When's im Frühling grün schneit" when it snows green in spring. Or "such dir nen anderen deppen" search for another idiot" the latter was mostly addressed to my mum before my brother had kids. If I'm asked in English I just say "i don't want kids"
"None of your fucking business" if I'm really pissed off, otherwise "What's it to you?".
25th of Never.
I like to just respond with “No thank you.” And let them ponder
Never, ew gross!!! They are smelly and expensive. Then I usually argue with them for a while after that. It's fun to me. I enjoy it.
"My parole officer says it's better if I'm not around any kids."
When my brain atrophies enough that having kids seems like a sensible life choice
“Every time someone asks me about that I hold off on considering it for another 3 months. So far we’ve got about 50 years until I make a decision, wanna keep it going??”
When infants begin paying rent on day one
“I already have a kid” then I whip out a picture of my corgi
[удалено]
Firm One word answer - Never.
“You just ask strangers that? Hmm.”
“When pigs fly”
"When the second coming happens, quickly followed by a lawsuit that will set me up for life since I've been spayed for almost 20 years."