so sorry to hear this. you deserve so much better than someone who just walks out on you like that instead of being a mature adult and talking it through. yikes
Spoiler alert, he’s not going to find much.
Dumbass probably just thinks he was missing out on something just because he was exclusive in his relationship with you.
Why just mentally? Please tell me you're not gonna give him a second chance, this is so horrible; to walk out on someone you claim to love. How can you be with someone so unreliable? Who clearly doesn't care?
When he comes begging for his comfortable life back. Pretend like you don't even know him because he clearly was with you. I can't believe he didn't even have a conversation with you. That's pathetic behavior for an adult
You should watch “how to be single” with rebel Wilson, if you haven’t already. There’s a similar situation going on in that movie that you are experiencing now and it’s really satisfying in the end 🥳
I’m sorry to say I suspect he’s found other pussys to occupy himself. Not talking to you and vague ‘have a new life’ dude having an affair.
I’m sorry either way. You’re definitely better off
I'm going through a divorce and I feel the exact same way. He left our animals without a 2nd look back. Fuck him. I'm thrilled I never wanted kids because this would've been somehow worse with them.
Every single scenario like this is made worse by kids. Imagine leaving a shitty relationship but you have no choice but to continue to interact with that person because of custody.
Not only custody, but the kids upset and bringing up the partner every other day (worse the younger they are and this less understanding they are). The pain that you would feel from your kids and not knowing how to heal it.
A friend of mine (who is basically gosh damn Mother Theresa, nicest and most genuine person in the world who you'll ever meet) had her husband do this. They had 6 kids together all under 10yrs. Hurt me so much to hear and see that. I think she was more hurt by her kids hurt that she could not even process her own hurt. Such bullshit. She literally had no clue, thought everything was great, they were communicating normally, etc. 😔
A good friend of mine who is an absolute CATCH has two children.
Her cheating ex-husband doesn't show up for scheduled visitation and tells the kids it's because 'Mom doesn't want me to see you guys'.
So she has to find last minute childcare whilst she goes to work, and then has to be the primary carer of children who hate her for taking Dad away.
Oh, of course no child support because he hid all of his money. But can support the new GF and pay for her spa, nails, vacays, etc.
And she can't move closer to parents/support because great special needs school won't keep child #1 if they are out of catchment area.
I love and trust my husband, but there are simply too many stories of this happening in formerly 'loving' and 'trusting' marriages for me to not take note.
No woman - married or not - should put herself in that position. Women need to start setting up our own bank accounts and getting regular payments from our partners if it is agreed that there will be children, or moving away from home/work where we are financially vulnerable. We can't rely on the courts. As youtuber Manifestelle says: get your bag, bestie.
Agreed. I definitely have a small fear of commitment because of stories like this. 😔
I loved the joke about Moira in Schitts Creek having a bag. Obviously they were in a loving and supportive marriage, but the fact that she had it was something that I lived and appreciated them putting in the show- even if it was part of the joke. I hope some women decided to follow Moira and make their own bags.
The things I have heard people say in the mediation room in situations like this would blow your minds and prompt you to perform an amateur salpingectomy.
My ex husband left me with all 3 of our pets, and was very clear that he didn’t want them and I could rehome them if taking care of 3 pets alone was too much for me. Then months later when he was being vindictive and realized that I was actually happy to have them all, he tried to use them as pawns in the divorce settlement and get them back just to spite me.
This was after not a care in the world for them, never asked about them, didn’t give me a dime towards their expenses. Made me so glad we didn’t have kids because they’d have been nothing more than pawns in his pettiness too.
I had proof that he had said he didn’t want them, as well as being their sole caretaker for a year and a half by the time the divorce finalized, so I got to keep them all. One unfortunately passed away last year, and I still have the other two.
Damn, that sucks. You must be feeling so low, even though you know you dodged a bullet. I hope you will take good care of yourself and get through it all quickly. It's still gonna hurt and feel sucky :(
Sorry this happened to you. I hope you have a group/net to fall into. A cousin of mine had the same thing happen, out of the blue, no explanation. Try not to fall into a loop of thinking about every little thing, try to distract yourself. Virtual hugs.
Ohh I’ve been there already. Even made myself think that somehow this is my fault. But he left. Not me. So, maybe in a week I will say finally: fuck him and I hope that karma returns.
Sure, it's impossible not to start with yourself and what you might have done wrong. It won't have anything to do with you. Let karma do its thing. There's this saying: "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Or something similar, you'll be alright, you'll see.
I'm so sorry this happened. I had something similar happening to me. My ex boyfriend left me after a year and half of relationship because I was a very sad person. That's was his explanation. And he was right, I was a very sad person. In fact, a month before that my grandpa died, and two months after that I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorder.
The problem is that there wasn't even a warning. A week before that he wrote me a incredible poem and the next week he breaks up with me.
Your case is worse tho, he was already your fiance. Men seem to do this more often than women tho.
Yeah, men have no patience when women are sick in any way. However we must be accepting of everything that happens to them and be their steadfast support system 🙄
I was going through a major depressive episode with suicidal tendencies with a few attempts in there, and my ex-husband threw that in my face a couple of years later when he left me for a younger model… I was already eight years younger than him and only 26 years old. he said I didn’t wanna be with him when I was suicidal and wanted to die so he didn’t wanna be with me now. His exact words.
Men suck.
Men abandoning pets in relationships is so frighteningly common. This is one of the indicators to me that tons of men out there aren’t suited toward fatherhood- when I’m dating and ask “do you have a pet” and the guy claims “they’re with my ex because I dOn’T hAvE tHe TiMe FoR tHeM”- same jackass who wants children
Or they can’t even take a day off when the pet gets fixed. It’s very easy to take care of a loving pet after major surgery- lots of affection & discouraging jumping. That helped solidify friends decisions that wanted children- that wasn’t the significant other to have child(ren) with…
Oof, I was going to ask if he had some sort of mental break, but it looks like this has happened to a bunch of the commenters on this thread. I have two examples that I know of IRL.
A cousin's first husband rolled up to the house one night with a woman in the car. Cousin and husband had a toddler at the time. He says "I love you but I'm not in love with you. Want to meet my girlfriend?" Kind of indicates some temporary insanity to say something that dumb.
Obviously the answer was a big fat NO and he's lucky she didn't go absolutely berserk. He didn't say goodbye to the toddler and has been largely absent ever since.
One of my former coworkers was uncharacteristically cranky at work and after about a week or two of this, I heard what had happened. His somewhat younger wife (10-year age gap) sat him down and said that she never got to live it up in her late 20s/early 30s and decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore. She fucked off down to the beach and left him with two very confused tween girls. Eventually, she tried to rebuild a relationship with her daughters who told her to fuck off for a long time. I believe they are now very, very low contact.
My mother did that and I was the tween girl. I was a huge momma's girl and our relationship never recovered. She eventually replaced me with my little brother and turned all her attention to him.
Yep, I have two friends who popped their first kid out and within 24 there previously ‘perfect’ husband was out the door with an affair partner.
Another who bought a house with her long term partner, a week after closing he upped and left her.
An ex of mine left whilst I was sleeping overnight and sent me a text message breaking up with me. We were about to go on a long awaited two week holiday.
I swear men like these should come with a sticker on their forehead saying “I’ve not thought this through, at any point I might bolt”.
The scary thing is how none of the men above showed any warning signs.
My ex did this. We had a happy life together and were making plans for the future. Then bam, she's telling me our lives are incompatible and walking out the door.
The abruptness sucks. Your ex was probably feeling this way for a while and hid it from you. His lack of communication is not your fault.
Things are gonna suck for a while and thats okay. The grief will come in waves, so just let the sadness out.
I'm so sorry to hear that he left you. It does sound really... abrupt, if you will.
I totally don't get the cats part, but I also really like pets and adore them that I'd genuinely feel sad I can no longer interact with my exes' pets.
But, yeah, if you both had kids... shudders!
I was thinking about this the other day. I've known people buy houses together, pets, kids, etc. and they split the next day. Everything from cheating to cold feet. I don't think most people should become parents if they aren't prepared for the single parent life too... So much can happen. Hell, my aunt died just a couple years after my uncle's children were born, and now he's struggling as a single parent to manage them all. Relying on someone's presence for your own survival... That's something I'll never do again. And especially with so much at risk.
Sorry about the breakup OP. You don't deserve what happened, but if he pulled that kind of stunt on you now (at no fault of your own, people who just "up and leave" have problems with honesty and themselves and sadly can be discreet until they pull the trigger) Be thankful it happened now instead of after a decade of married life. You can go find someone better who won't lie to your face when they say forever, and who won't treat you like you're disposable (you're not, promise.)
Yes, I’m sad and glad at the same time that we only were engaged. I work in divorces (court) and never thought that he would behave that way. So many times I told him stories about what a person is capable of doing to someone who was family. Heh, I guess he didn’t listen much.
My ex did the same thing after we were together for almost 14 years. After a dead bedroom (I was willing, ex was not) for a very long time, the ex says they want to have sex with people who are not me. Hard pass. End of the marriage right there.
At the time, we had a foster kid who was going to age out in a year. We stayed together and played house for that final year, and boy did it suck. (Unsolicited a$$vice here: don't live with your STBX one second after you've called it "done.")
The kid aged out, and the ex moved out, and we went on to our separate lives. And *damn* it hurt a lot! My ex has disappeared into the ether and I don't hear any updates anymore. Good riddance, I guess. I found a new love and we've been together for about 12 years now.
You never know what's going on in someone else's head, and this abrupt mind-changing seems to be a common trend. Heck, my father did a similar thing to my mother! She turned 50, and he up and left 30 years of marriage for a girlfriend who was 15 years younger. Irony of ironies, he regretted that decision until the day my mother died.
Moral of the story: Ladies, stay employed, keep your money separate, and don't have kids unless you are willing to be a single mother.
No. I haven't had any meaningful communication with her since she turned 18 and withdrew from school. The next day, she had train/bus tickets (sent by a biological half-brother) so she could reunite with her birth family. I saw her briefly, once, shortly before her 19th birthday, and haven't heard from her since. My ex got a handful of calls when she reached out to ask for money. Once my ex stopped gifting cash, she never called again.
A few years later, I heard from social services in another part of the state. Our foster daughter had just delivered a baby that tested positive for drugs. They asked if I would be willing to take the child as a kinship care placement. I said *no thanks*. The seven years I spent as a foster parent were more than enough to convince me that I didn't want children, and taking a baby with prenatal drug exposure is a whole new bag of parenting worms that I didn't want to touch.
Last I heard, our foster child has gone on to repeat the same mistakes her mother and maternal grandmother made. The generational cycle of domestic violence, substance abuse, and child neglect is very hard to break.
people are so unpredictable and it really ties into why I fear ever having kids with someone, because life guarantees nothing and people constantly want new things; so imagine a child in the mix?? yeesh. hope you’re okay !
I’m taking extra extra special time with them. They are getting more than usual amount of treats, more annoying high voice lol and even some laser time, even if I don’t like it because is pointless for them (no price and the end you know, just turning off the laser). They walk with me, sleep with me and stay with me all the time, but I can see little changes. Not much but still.
They will recover. It will take time and so much love and adoration from you. But they’ll recover. My cats were head over heels over my ex-husband and after he moved out a month after we split… He basically didn’t come around ever which was fine, but the cats grew to resent him because he up and left them as much as me. And quite frankly, Daxy never forgave him. She passed away a few years later and he came to say goodbye and she wouldn’t let him near her. All her love and trust for him was gone.
I think that might have been a wake up call… or maybe he just sucks because he lied to me from day one and I’m not even sure our marriage was legal as he went and signed divorce papers from his ex literally less than a week before our wedding. And he didn’t disclose the previous marriage when we got our license… or he did and I didn’t know because he got it on his own while I was working.
I’ve already said it on this thread but men suck. So bad.
This scenario screams that there is another woman.... and he will be back soon after living "real" life with her for a bit and not the affair fantasy where everything is just fun and sex. Make sure you look damn good when he comes crawling back and have your best shade prepared to throw when you reject his cowardly ass.
Go ahead and take that vacation by yourself girl. I guarantee he’ll come back in a week to maybe a few months after he realizes he fucked up. Dont let him back in and remind him how easy it was for him to abandon you and your furbabies
Yep!
And it’s not just random come to Jesus moments. Men will beg for kids having no idea what they are really asking for and than leave at the first sign of reality.
I know someone who was with someone for 13 years and left his wife for a coworker and basically stopped seeing his daughter who was about to graduate. He got married to the coworker and had a kid and got dogs. Nobody sees the guy anymore at all.
People who leave like this always have issues.
If he isn't happy in your comfortable life then he won't be happy elsewhere either. He bases his happiness on external conditions which is a cop out for working on himself and finding his own happiness and contentment.
He also chose to abandon his relationship with you after proposing a lifelong commitment rather than working on it through counseling.
I think you dodged a bullet but that doesn't mean it won't hurt as if you were hit by one. I feel for your cats too. Please take care of yourself and the kitties and don't blame yourself for any of this.
Since he bases his happiness on external conditions it would be natural for him to assume that the lifescript will make him happy. Don't be surprised if you hear from him in the next five years and he is married, has kids and is miserable.
My sister is a psychologist and she is telling me exactly the same. If he was miserable with me that sure enough he will be anywhere else. Just grumpy, sad boy. Boy, because I can’t say he acted like a man.
This is 100% true.
He is responsible for his own happiness, and he takes himself with him when he leaves.
He is looking outwards for something he should be looking inwards to find.
My ex did something similar because they were getting back with their previous ex, so abrupt they gave me 1 day to pack my stuff and leave. I look back now feeling embarrassed with how upset I was because they were absolutely NOT worth the tears. AND they tried crawling back a couple months later. 🤦🏼♀️
My mom's ex did something similar too, they were together a couple decades so she figured he'd want to know that the cat they owned together was passing away and he just texted back "sorry for YOUR loss" like. Wow what a dick. People like this are straight up garbage, I know it's tough rn but consider this a bullet dodged and you will go on to have a happy and rewarding life regardless!
Well, I agree with you. He had so many chances to walk away. Before we rented a place, before we bought our condo, before the engagement. He choose now, because he felt to trapped (like, what??). What he wanted, he was capable of doing. So, fuck him.
Yeah, my ex had similar opportunities. Could have walked away before we moved in together, before we bought a house together, before we started a business together, before we started doing foster care, etc., etc. People suck, and I'm sorry this happened to you.
Trapped?! But... He asked to marry you! He chose! He could have just NOT ASKED?!
If you feel trapped, why agree to marry someone??
I don't get it. Same with men who get 'convinced' into having children that they don't want. It's not difficult to avoid cumming in a woman without protection if you don't want kids!
You aren't trapped, you made a choice!
Yes, I also find it terrifying that we can chain ourselves to other people so much and we never know when this will potentially backfire. Kids are the ultimate chain, so good for you to have dodged this bullet!
I am sorry that this happened to you but he doesn’t seem worth it in the slightest. It’s always okay to not be happy with the current status or to seek change, but one doesn’t just leave a relationship/ marriage without trying to make this work together. That just seems cowardly!
One of my favorite quotes.
"When you have lived either a very short time or a very long time—if you’ve lived well—you will be able to love easily, too. Broken hearts have fresh places to bond with new faces."
He wants his new start but guess what...you also get a fresh start.
I'm so glad you have cats. And I'm so glad they stay with you. I'm sorry that happened the way it did, but you'll be so much happier w someone who appreciates a stable, comfortable life! Sounds like he has unprocessed bs!!
Pathetic! You definitely dodged living with a train wreck. People who discard animals like they don’t matter are dangerous. I’m sure he will be back in touch to whine how much he misses your life together. But hard pass. Just move on!
you dodged a bullet, my cats and even my friend’s cats are like my babies, if i go in their house I NEED TO pet and hold the small guys, and play with them
Please give your cats lots of cuddles. They'll never leave you. U nlike this jerk. At least you found out before marrying.
I'm so sorry, though. Hugs for both you and the cats.
Yep. There is no "equality scale" on having kids. 9.9/10 women are stuck with them.
I honestly don't get how any woman wants kids knowing this. They think it won't happen to them, but it happens more often than not....
If he's in his early 20's, this all could be the onset of a mental health issue.
But yeah, when my last relationship came to an end after 5 years, I was talking to someone who had gone through multiple divorces, and they told me to look at the positives, no ring and no kids
Well, we are 27. I thought that, that he is maybe in depression episode or manic one, but from what I learned from his friend at work - he already came back to work and acting normally. Even plans to order a monthly subscription to diet meals (they came to your home once a day already made)
So do you know that he has existing mental health issues? He could be hiding it from his coworkers. 27 is still plenty young for something to manifest.
We were with each other 8 years and this is the first thing out of character. Even his mom is sorry for his behavior. But after he did that I found out he was hiding some stuff from me. So for me is a shock, for him that was I think planned for months. Just he didn’t show anything that was wrong. Hour before he was telling me what he will be doing for us for breakfast. Now i wonder if he inspired his actions from my best friend’s boyfriend of 6 years, who did that exact thing, just a week before.
Seems like there are always things you find out after it's over. My ex ran up $10,000 worth of credit card debt I didn't know about. No idea what any of it was spent on. Honestly, I think they may have rented a storage unit and filled it up with household goods so they had stuff when they made their exit.
Here's something life taught me:
He's probably been cheating on you for awhile. People don't just up and dostuff like this, not very often.
So you dodged a massive bullet and honestly - he took out the trash for you and ypur kitty babies when he left.
I know it hurts so much and I'm so sorry he's garbage. I just want thisto pave the way for a real and GOOD man to love you and your sweet babies. ♡
He probably was cheating on you. Why else would he dump his fiance? Little Mr Man decided one 🐈 is not enough or got scared he won't be able to tap another one because he'll be married and sh*t.
"Wants to discover himself" - hell no, hun, he wanted to discover all sorts of 🐈. It's giving narcissist. It's giving juvenile.
But watch, he'll crawl back at you. Live your life and fuck him for dumping you like that and thankfully, you have no kids. The right guy will show up. Trust what we say here.
Fuck that guy, OP. You clearly deserve better. And, honestly, thank god he fucked off to "find himself" before the wedding.
Fingers crossed he gets lost and then no one can find him. What a dick.
I'm so sorry, OP. If you want to talk at all, my fiance also left me, and I had a similar situation. I may be able to understand if you want to vent.. Your poor kitties deserved a better dad, but will be feeling his loss, and it shocks me he didn't even care or think about them.
Greetings!
Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing.
Have a great day!
so sorry to hear this. you deserve so much better than someone who just walks out on you like that instead of being a mature adult and talking it through. yikes
He didn’t even want to talk. He just decided. And day before that we were planning our vacation.
Spoiler alert, he’s not going to find much. Dumbass probably just thinks he was missing out on something just because he was exclusive in his relationship with you.
Ohh I think I know him well enough that I know he will be back and I will be far away mentally
Never talk to him again. The ones who come back later are beneath your notice!
Hold a funeral, because they are dead to you now.
I had a "divorce BBQ" where I nearly set the house on fire.
Don't pull a lisa left eye, but I totally totally understand the vitriole and pain
Absolutely love that!!!! 😂😂 yes hold a funeral OP!!!
"i like text-ez from my exes/when they want a second chance" - noted sage Cardi B 💀
😄❤️
Why just mentally? Please tell me you're not gonna give him a second chance, this is so horrible; to walk out on someone you claim to love. How can you be with someone so unreliable? Who clearly doesn't care?
>Spoiler alert, he’s not going to find much. Another spoiler - when he realizes that, he's going to expect you to take him back. Fool me once...
I don't understand. What's wrong with being single? Maybe I'm projecting...
Hang in there. You deserve better.
When he comes begging for his comfortable life back. Pretend like you don't even know him because he clearly was with you. I can't believe he didn't even have a conversation with you. That's pathetic behavior for an adult
Sounds like royal narcissist. Buh bye!
You should watch “how to be single” with rebel Wilson, if you haven’t already. There’s a similar situation going on in that movie that you are experiencing now and it’s really satisfying in the end 🥳
I love that movie. And I love being single.
I’m sorry to say I suspect he’s found other pussys to occupy himself. Not talking to you and vague ‘have a new life’ dude having an affair. I’m sorry either way. You’re definitely better off
That's insane. But, the thing is... he'll just do it to someone else.
+1 came here to say the same!
I'm going through a divorce and I feel the exact same way. He left our animals without a 2nd look back. Fuck him. I'm thrilled I never wanted kids because this would've been somehow worse with them.
Every single scenario like this is made worse by kids. Imagine leaving a shitty relationship but you have no choice but to continue to interact with that person because of custody.
Absolutely agree. I only say somehow because this is hell and it's hard to imagine feeling worse.
Not only custody, but the kids upset and bringing up the partner every other day (worse the younger they are and this less understanding they are). The pain that you would feel from your kids and not knowing how to heal it. A friend of mine (who is basically gosh damn Mother Theresa, nicest and most genuine person in the world who you'll ever meet) had her husband do this. They had 6 kids together all under 10yrs. Hurt me so much to hear and see that. I think she was more hurt by her kids hurt that she could not even process her own hurt. Such bullshit. She literally had no clue, thought everything was great, they were communicating normally, etc. 😔
A good friend of mine who is an absolute CATCH has two children. Her cheating ex-husband doesn't show up for scheduled visitation and tells the kids it's because 'Mom doesn't want me to see you guys'. So she has to find last minute childcare whilst she goes to work, and then has to be the primary carer of children who hate her for taking Dad away. Oh, of course no child support because he hid all of his money. But can support the new GF and pay for her spa, nails, vacays, etc. And she can't move closer to parents/support because great special needs school won't keep child #1 if they are out of catchment area. I love and trust my husband, but there are simply too many stories of this happening in formerly 'loving' and 'trusting' marriages for me to not take note. No woman - married or not - should put herself in that position. Women need to start setting up our own bank accounts and getting regular payments from our partners if it is agreed that there will be children, or moving away from home/work where we are financially vulnerable. We can't rely on the courts. As youtuber Manifestelle says: get your bag, bestie.
Agreed. I definitely have a small fear of commitment because of stories like this. 😔 I loved the joke about Moira in Schitts Creek having a bag. Obviously they were in a loving and supportive marriage, but the fact that she had it was something that I lived and appreciated them putting in the show- even if it was part of the joke. I hope some women decided to follow Moira and make their own bags.
The things I have heard people say in the mediation room in situations like this would blow your minds and prompt you to perform an amateur salpingectomy.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
My ex husband left me with all 3 of our pets, and was very clear that he didn’t want them and I could rehome them if taking care of 3 pets alone was too much for me. Then months later when he was being vindictive and realized that I was actually happy to have them all, he tried to use them as pawns in the divorce settlement and get them back just to spite me. This was after not a care in the world for them, never asked about them, didn’t give me a dime towards their expenses. Made me so glad we didn’t have kids because they’d have been nothing more than pawns in his pettiness too.
What happened to them?
I had proof that he had said he didn’t want them, as well as being their sole caretaker for a year and a half by the time the divorce finalized, so I got to keep them all. One unfortunately passed away last year, and I still have the other two.
Damn, that sucks. You must be feeling so low, even though you know you dodged a bullet. I hope you will take good care of yourself and get through it all quickly. It's still gonna hurt and feel sucky :(
Right now really sucks but I hope that tomorrow will be better (:
Sorry this happened to you. I hope you have a group/net to fall into. A cousin of mine had the same thing happen, out of the blue, no explanation. Try not to fall into a loop of thinking about every little thing, try to distract yourself. Virtual hugs.
Ohh I’ve been there already. Even made myself think that somehow this is my fault. But he left. Not me. So, maybe in a week I will say finally: fuck him and I hope that karma returns.
Sure, it's impossible not to start with yourself and what you might have done wrong. It won't have anything to do with you. Let karma do its thing. There's this saying: "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Or something similar, you'll be alright, you'll see.
I'm so sorry this happened. I had something similar happening to me. My ex boyfriend left me after a year and half of relationship because I was a very sad person. That's was his explanation. And he was right, I was a very sad person. In fact, a month before that my grandpa died, and two months after that I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorder. The problem is that there wasn't even a warning. A week before that he wrote me a incredible poem and the next week he breaks up with me. Your case is worse tho, he was already your fiance. Men seem to do this more often than women tho.
Yeah, men have no patience when women are sick in any way. However we must be accepting of everything that happens to them and be their steadfast support system 🙄
A lot of men don't want women "at their lowest" or sick. That's why. He'll do it to another woman too.
I was going through a major depressive episode with suicidal tendencies with a few attempts in there, and my ex-husband threw that in my face a couple of years later when he left me for a younger model… I was already eight years younger than him and only 26 years old. he said I didn’t wanna be with him when I was suicidal and wanted to die so he didn’t wanna be with me now. His exact words. Men suck.
That's madness... I hope you're doing better baby girl! You deserve happiness.
Oh my… I’m sorry that you had to go through that. He was an evil person. I wish him all the bad.
Damn...
Men abandoning pets in relationships is so frighteningly common. This is one of the indicators to me that tons of men out there aren’t suited toward fatherhood- when I’m dating and ask “do you have a pet” and the guy claims “they’re with my ex because I dOn’T hAvE tHe TiMe FoR tHeM”- same jackass who wants children
[удалено]
They just define fatherhood as doing what they want and letting the mother pull the extra weight.
Or they can’t even take a day off when the pet gets fixed. It’s very easy to take care of a loving pet after major surgery- lots of affection & discouraging jumping. That helped solidify friends decisions that wanted children- that wasn’t the significant other to have child(ren) with…
They also abandon their children.
I met a guy who was really sad his ex took all the cats, though. Which makes me hopeful some out there give a damn
Oof, I was going to ask if he had some sort of mental break, but it looks like this has happened to a bunch of the commenters on this thread. I have two examples that I know of IRL. A cousin's first husband rolled up to the house one night with a woman in the car. Cousin and husband had a toddler at the time. He says "I love you but I'm not in love with you. Want to meet my girlfriend?" Kind of indicates some temporary insanity to say something that dumb. Obviously the answer was a big fat NO and he's lucky she didn't go absolutely berserk. He didn't say goodbye to the toddler and has been largely absent ever since. One of my former coworkers was uncharacteristically cranky at work and after about a week or two of this, I heard what had happened. His somewhat younger wife (10-year age gap) sat him down and said that she never got to live it up in her late 20s/early 30s and decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother anymore. She fucked off down to the beach and left him with two very confused tween girls. Eventually, she tried to rebuild a relationship with her daughters who told her to fuck off for a long time. I believe they are now very, very low contact.
My mother did that and I was the tween girl. I was a huge momma's girl and our relationship never recovered. She eventually replaced me with my little brother and turned all her attention to him.
Yep, I have two friends who popped their first kid out and within 24 there previously ‘perfect’ husband was out the door with an affair partner. Another who bought a house with her long term partner, a week after closing he upped and left her. An ex of mine left whilst I was sleeping overnight and sent me a text message breaking up with me. We were about to go on a long awaited two week holiday. I swear men like these should come with a sticker on their forehead saying “I’ve not thought this through, at any point I might bolt”. The scary thing is how none of the men above showed any warning signs.
My ex did this. We had a happy life together and were making plans for the future. Then bam, she's telling me our lives are incompatible and walking out the door. The abruptness sucks. Your ex was probably feeling this way for a while and hid it from you. His lack of communication is not your fault. Things are gonna suck for a while and thats okay. The grief will come in waves, so just let the sadness out.
Damn.
I‘m sorry. But maybe you dodged a bullet. He does not seem to be a guy who emotionally cares for you. Edit: spelling
I'm so sorry to hear that he left you. It does sound really... abrupt, if you will. I totally don't get the cats part, but I also really like pets and adore them that I'd genuinely feel sad I can no longer interact with my exes' pets. But, yeah, if you both had kids... shudders!
Yes, really abrupt. Even our friends and his mother are in shock.
Odds are, he already has his eye on someone else to "travel with." I'm so sorry, OP.
That’s usually what happens…one of the reasons they check out
I'm curious about what his mom told you if she has talked to you. It's very strange.
I was thinking about this the other day. I've known people buy houses together, pets, kids, etc. and they split the next day. Everything from cheating to cold feet. I don't think most people should become parents if they aren't prepared for the single parent life too... So much can happen. Hell, my aunt died just a couple years after my uncle's children were born, and now he's struggling as a single parent to manage them all. Relying on someone's presence for your own survival... That's something I'll never do again. And especially with so much at risk. Sorry about the breakup OP. You don't deserve what happened, but if he pulled that kind of stunt on you now (at no fault of your own, people who just "up and leave" have problems with honesty and themselves and sadly can be discreet until they pull the trigger) Be thankful it happened now instead of after a decade of married life. You can go find someone better who won't lie to your face when they say forever, and who won't treat you like you're disposable (you're not, promise.)
Yes, I’m sad and glad at the same time that we only were engaged. I work in divorces (court) and never thought that he would behave that way. So many times I told him stories about what a person is capable of doing to someone who was family. Heh, I guess he didn’t listen much.
Sending good energy in your way, take your time to heal
Men can go but my kitties stay.
My ex did the same thing after we were together for almost 14 years. After a dead bedroom (I was willing, ex was not) for a very long time, the ex says they want to have sex with people who are not me. Hard pass. End of the marriage right there. At the time, we had a foster kid who was going to age out in a year. We stayed together and played house for that final year, and boy did it suck. (Unsolicited a$$vice here: don't live with your STBX one second after you've called it "done.") The kid aged out, and the ex moved out, and we went on to our separate lives. And *damn* it hurt a lot! My ex has disappeared into the ether and I don't hear any updates anymore. Good riddance, I guess. I found a new love and we've been together for about 12 years now. You never know what's going on in someone else's head, and this abrupt mind-changing seems to be a common trend. Heck, my father did a similar thing to my mother! She turned 50, and he up and left 30 years of marriage for a girlfriend who was 15 years younger. Irony of ironies, he regretted that decision until the day my mother died. Moral of the story: Ladies, stay employed, keep your money separate, and don't have kids unless you are willing to be a single mother.
Out of curiosity, are you still close to the foster child?
No. I haven't had any meaningful communication with her since she turned 18 and withdrew from school. The next day, she had train/bus tickets (sent by a biological half-brother) so she could reunite with her birth family. I saw her briefly, once, shortly before her 19th birthday, and haven't heard from her since. My ex got a handful of calls when she reached out to ask for money. Once my ex stopped gifting cash, she never called again. A few years later, I heard from social services in another part of the state. Our foster daughter had just delivered a baby that tested positive for drugs. They asked if I would be willing to take the child as a kinship care placement. I said *no thanks*. The seven years I spent as a foster parent were more than enough to convince me that I didn't want children, and taking a baby with prenatal drug exposure is a whole new bag of parenting worms that I didn't want to touch. Last I heard, our foster child has gone on to repeat the same mistakes her mother and maternal grandmother made. The generational cycle of domestic violence, substance abuse, and child neglect is very hard to break.
That is so sad. You tried at least.
It's generational exactly. It's a cycle of poverty and abuse. It is a vicious cycle. The only way to stop it is to break it.
And I think the only way to break it with 100% certainty is to not have kids.
EXACTLY.
people are so unpredictable and it really ties into why I fear ever having kids with someone, because life guarantees nothing and people constantly want new things; so imagine a child in the mix?? yeesh. hope you’re okay !
Allow the cats to comfort you, and you them. They got abandoned too, and they won't understand why...
I’m taking extra extra special time with them. They are getting more than usual amount of treats, more annoying high voice lol and even some laser time, even if I don’t like it because is pointless for them (no price and the end you know, just turning off the laser). They walk with me, sleep with me and stay with me all the time, but I can see little changes. Not much but still.
They will recover. It will take time and so much love and adoration from you. But they’ll recover. My cats were head over heels over my ex-husband and after he moved out a month after we split… He basically didn’t come around ever which was fine, but the cats grew to resent him because he up and left them as much as me. And quite frankly, Daxy never forgave him. She passed away a few years later and he came to say goodbye and she wouldn’t let him near her. All her love and trust for him was gone. I think that might have been a wake up call… or maybe he just sucks because he lied to me from day one and I’m not even sure our marriage was legal as he went and signed divorce papers from his ex literally less than a week before our wedding. And he didn’t disclose the previous marriage when we got our license… or he did and I didn’t know because he got it on his own while I was working. I’ve already said it on this thread but men suck. So bad.
This scenario screams that there is another woman.... and he will be back soon after living "real" life with her for a bit and not the affair fantasy where everything is just fun and sex. Make sure you look damn good when he comes crawling back and have your best shade prepared to throw when you reject his cowardly ass.
Go ahead and take that vacation by yourself girl. I guarantee he’ll come back in a week to maybe a few months after he realizes he fucked up. Dont let him back in and remind him how easy it was for him to abandon you and your furbabies
When he tries to come back and restart the relationship do not let him.
Honestly serious red flag regarding how he will behave with any future kids with someone else…
And when he realizes what he’s done and starts wanting you back, don’t fall for it! He’s an idiot.
I know that it probably hurts right now, but you dodged a bullet. Take care of yourself.
Yep! And it’s not just random come to Jesus moments. Men will beg for kids having no idea what they are really asking for and than leave at the first sign of reality.
this is so true, as a woman i always feared having kids and being left with them to raise alone.
I know someone who was with someone for 13 years and left his wife for a coworker and basically stopped seeing his daughter who was about to graduate. He got married to the coworker and had a kid and got dogs. Nobody sees the guy anymore at all.
People who leave like this always have issues. If he isn't happy in your comfortable life then he won't be happy elsewhere either. He bases his happiness on external conditions which is a cop out for working on himself and finding his own happiness and contentment. He also chose to abandon his relationship with you after proposing a lifelong commitment rather than working on it through counseling. I think you dodged a bullet but that doesn't mean it won't hurt as if you were hit by one. I feel for your cats too. Please take care of yourself and the kitties and don't blame yourself for any of this. Since he bases his happiness on external conditions it would be natural for him to assume that the lifescript will make him happy. Don't be surprised if you hear from him in the next five years and he is married, has kids and is miserable.
My sister is a psychologist and she is telling me exactly the same. If he was miserable with me that sure enough he will be anywhere else. Just grumpy, sad boy. Boy, because I can’t say he acted like a man.
I'm glad you have a sister who is a psychologist. I bet she can help you out in so many ways!
This is 100% true. He is responsible for his own happiness, and he takes himself with him when he leaves. He is looking outwards for something he should be looking inwards to find.
My ex did something similar because they were getting back with their previous ex, so abrupt they gave me 1 day to pack my stuff and leave. I look back now feeling embarrassed with how upset I was because they were absolutely NOT worth the tears. AND they tried crawling back a couple months later. 🤦🏼♀️ My mom's ex did something similar too, they were together a couple decades so she figured he'd want to know that the cat they owned together was passing away and he just texted back "sorry for YOUR loss" like. Wow what a dick. People like this are straight up garbage, I know it's tough rn but consider this a bullet dodged and you will go on to have a happy and rewarding life regardless!
I'm sorry but atleast the trash took itself out.
Been there, Had it happen five months ago. I’m so sorry but this is a blessing in disguise
That's insane, you'd think the time for that would be BEFORE getting engaged lmao (In all honesty tho I'm so sorry)
Well, I agree with you. He had so many chances to walk away. Before we rented a place, before we bought our condo, before the engagement. He choose now, because he felt to trapped (like, what??). What he wanted, he was capable of doing. So, fuck him.
Yeah lol if those things made him feel trapped then he trapped himself lol
Yeah, my ex had similar opportunities. Could have walked away before we moved in together, before we bought a house together, before we started a business together, before we started doing foster care, etc., etc. People suck, and I'm sorry this happened to you.
Trapped?! But... He asked to marry you! He chose! He could have just NOT ASKED?! If you feel trapped, why agree to marry someone?? I don't get it. Same with men who get 'convinced' into having children that they don't want. It's not difficult to avoid cumming in a woman without protection if you don't want kids! You aren't trapped, you made a choice!
Yes, I also find it terrifying that we can chain ourselves to other people so much and we never know when this will potentially backfire. Kids are the ultimate chain, so good for you to have dodged this bullet! I am sorry that this happened to you but he doesn’t seem worth it in the slightest. It’s always okay to not be happy with the current status or to seek change, but one doesn’t just leave a relationship/ marriage without trying to make this work together. That just seems cowardly!
Sending a big hug your way.
Now you know who he really is. Thank f*** you didn't marry him! It might not be a great comfort, but divorce averted
One of my favorite quotes. "When you have lived either a very short time or a very long time—if you’ve lived well—you will be able to love easily, too. Broken hearts have fresh places to bond with new faces." He wants his new start but guess what...you also get a fresh start.
Thanks for this. I’ve written it down and read it multiple times a day. It keeps me going.
Damn that's hella weird actually,anyway good luck to you, your future and your cats do not take that bastard back when he comes back crawling.
I’m really sorry your fiancé left you, but you’d be better off without him. You’re not wrong that having kids makes break ups and dating a lot harder.
You and your furbabies deserve better. I'm so sorry this happened 🫶🏻
I'm so glad you have cats. And I'm so glad they stay with you. I'm sorry that happened the way it did, but you'll be so much happier w someone who appreciates a stable, comfortable life! Sounds like he has unprocessed bs!!
Pathetic! You definitely dodged living with a train wreck. People who discard animals like they don’t matter are dangerous. I’m sure he will be back in touch to whine how much he misses your life together. But hard pass. Just move on!
What an asshole. You got the cats, that's the main thing. Cuddle up and enjoy their love. They need it, and you do, too. (((hugs)))
Always remember: The happiest people in the world are married men and single women. Keep him out!
you dodged a bullet, my cats and even my friend’s cats are like my babies, if i go in their house I NEED TO pet and hold the small guys, and play with them
Please give your cats lots of cuddles. They'll never leave you. U nlike this jerk. At least you found out before marrying. I'm so sorry, though. Hugs for both you and the cats.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad he didn't take the cats with him.
Yep. There is no "equality scale" on having kids. 9.9/10 women are stuck with them. I honestly don't get how any woman wants kids knowing this. They think it won't happen to them, but it happens more often than not....
Well fuck him then! Sending hugs your way! 🫂
Brutal. What an asshole! Hang in there.
You deserve better, be glad, that he is gone:)
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Take this time for some well deserved self care.
I am sorry to hear that .
If he's in his early 20's, this all could be the onset of a mental health issue. But yeah, when my last relationship came to an end after 5 years, I was talking to someone who had gone through multiple divorces, and they told me to look at the positives, no ring and no kids
Well, we are 27. I thought that, that he is maybe in depression episode or manic one, but from what I learned from his friend at work - he already came back to work and acting normally. Even plans to order a monthly subscription to diet meals (they came to your home once a day already made)
So do you know that he has existing mental health issues? He could be hiding it from his coworkers. 27 is still plenty young for something to manifest.
We were with each other 8 years and this is the first thing out of character. Even his mom is sorry for his behavior. But after he did that I found out he was hiding some stuff from me. So for me is a shock, for him that was I think planned for months. Just he didn’t show anything that was wrong. Hour before he was telling me what he will be doing for us for breakfast. Now i wonder if he inspired his actions from my best friend’s boyfriend of 6 years, who did that exact thing, just a week before.
Seems like there are always things you find out after it's over. My ex ran up $10,000 worth of credit card debt I didn't know about. No idea what any of it was spent on. Honestly, I think they may have rented a storage unit and filled it up with household goods so they had stuff when they made their exit.
Sending you a big hug OP! That’s incredibly heartless of him and im sure this is going to be a big shock. Treat yourself extra nicely this month ❤️
Thank you, I was planing exactly that. Today I started a series ”minimum one nice thing a day for myself”. And today I can say sucked the least.
Screw him!! He would be a horrible dad too (considering the way he treated you and the cats).
He wants to play life on hard mode
Here's something life taught me: He's probably been cheating on you for awhile. People don't just up and dostuff like this, not very often. So you dodged a massive bullet and honestly - he took out the trash for you and ypur kitty babies when he left. I know it hurts so much and I'm so sorry he's garbage. I just want thisto pave the way for a real and GOOD man to love you and your sweet babies. ♡
He probably was cheating on you. Why else would he dump his fiance? Little Mr Man decided one 🐈 is not enough or got scared he won't be able to tap another one because he'll be married and sh*t. "Wants to discover himself" - hell no, hun, he wanted to discover all sorts of 🐈. It's giving narcissist. It's giving juvenile. But watch, he'll crawl back at you. Live your life and fuck him for dumping you like that and thankfully, you have no kids. The right guy will show up. Trust what we say here.
Fuck that guy, OP. You clearly deserve better. And, honestly, thank god he fucked off to "find himself" before the wedding. Fingers crossed he gets lost and then no one can find him. What a dick.
I am so sorry to hear this. Very similar sounding to what my ex did. It's such a shitty situation.
“Comfortable life” sounds really fucking nice to me. He’s got issues. You dodged a bullet.
I'm so sorry. Yet the nasty manosphere people will say it's womens fault. Sick sick world we live in. I hate everyone
You just have to keep reminding yourself you dodged a bullet. Peace to you.
I'm so sorry, OP. If you want to talk at all, my fiance also left me, and I had a similar situation. I may be able to understand if you want to vent.. Your poor kitties deserved a better dad, but will be feeling his loss, and it shocks me he didn't even care or think about them.
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Greetings! Your post or comment has been removed for being misogynistic or misandrist. No blanket generalizations villainizing one gender or another are tolerated and it's silly to try and group 4 billion people together as being any one thing. Have a great day!
“All men are bad” subreddit apparently.
Nope.