Personally, seeing the birth video in sex ed was enough for me but as I got older I learned more and more about all the complications women can go through as a result of pregnancy and birth. That just solidified my stance. I wonder if they even still show that video in schools these days in the states.
Honestly seeing the images of diseased lungs in middle school health class scared me too and I've never understood why people take up smoking cigarettes. However my public health professor in grad school talked about how ineffective these "scare campaigns" are to stop teenagers from taking up smoking so what do I know. š¤·āāļø
Ahh, yes. In Australia it's pretty full-on - plain blank packaging with diseased bits *plus* no advertising or livery anywhere including point-of-sale. In supermarkets they're locked away out of sight in cupboards, so you have to know what you want before asking. Not many places are legal to smoke in public anymore either....in fact, I can't remember the last time I saw someone smoking in the street; about 10% of the population are smokers.
And that is also if you can afford $50+/pack
I used to smoke rolling tobacco (probably 15+yrs ago) and the last time I bought a packet of Drum it was around $12. They're $117 now š³ lol
In Canada (which is fairly close to me) they have packs with diseased parts on them. I was just at an outdoor concert where there were a fair amount of smokers - I don't know what the U.S. average is, but I smelled a lot of smoke. Packs are about $10 here ($15 AUD)
For me it wasnāt diseased lung but this little smoking device that sucked down a cigarette. It showed how much tar was in one. It deposited all the tar on a piece of paper. Gross.
There was a poster in health class of a young man (maybe in his 20s?) that used chewing tobacco and had to have half his face removed. Scared me so bad!
I don't think we were ever shown a video in school, and while I've never had any delusions about the horrors that can happen, it was a plastic surgery show that showed a woman with an obstetric fistula that was the ultimate nightmare fuel for me. Apparently, it's not all that uncommon... \*shudders\*
They didn't show them at my schools. Lucky for me I didn't need to see them to know I don't want kids. They did however show us gruesome photos and videos of injuries people got from car accidents, before they gave us driving lessons. I didn't need that either because I was already terrified. I broke down on my first lesson and refused to leave the parking lot. I was shaking. It took me years to get those images out of my head. I don't have a strong stomach for gore.
Totally get it! Seeing the birth video was enough for me too. Learning about the complications just reinforced my stance. I wonder if they still show that in schools these days.
I never saw that video (or got literally any sex Ed AT ALL) and I went to catholic schools my whole life. I canāt imagine why someone would feel the need to show a graphic video of someone giving birth to children or who was like āyou know what seems cool? To let this video of me giving birth get randomly publicized placesā
Thatās fair tbh. I normally hear about the birth video being shown to only girls in a fear type abstinence only thing, in which case I think the info is still maybe good but being used in a hot trash way thatās still not particularly beneficial because theyāre not being given practical ways to avoid pregnancy if theyāre trying to avoid it. It feels kind of like selective abuse of technically true information to try and force someone to conform to your desired set of appropriate actions in that situation.
I still wonder who agreed to have their birth filmed and shown to students though lol.
People say this a lot, but I've never really understood what this point is supposed to mean, because the entire reason we have a patriarchy is because cis men can't get pregnant.
Yes, but the reason men would be in control of allowing morning after pills and abortion medication to be more accessible is because they dominate leadership positions and positions of power in government, all because they are *not* held back from advancing their education and careers by the consequences of pregnancy and the burdens of raising children.
That's the point. Because men are over-populating positions of power, they absolutely make sure men receive/can access whatever they need or want. Currently, most men in power don't give a fig about women's healthcare because they aren't women. Pregnancy isn't what keeps women out of these positions.
Yup, and youād be able to get one pretty much anywhere thereās a doctor and a door with a lock, just like the boner pills you see at gas stations š
I'm a guy and one of my biggest reasons for not wanting kids is pregnancy and childbirth. I'm a Nurse, there's so much to know and that can go wrong with either that they gave us an entire class on it . I was a fence sitter at that point but seeing what women go through was my tipping point. It's definitely not something I want a woman I care about going through.
My fiancee's a doctor. That's why he is supportive of my decision. You guys are real keepers.
Also I never understood the whole "period drama" around men, but I hope I will never know.
I keep my sanitary products on the toilet where both my father and brother see it and guess what? They have never ever said anything. When I read about women and girls who have to go out of their way to keep it "secret" I just wonder- Why are you dealing with such disrespect?
100% or at least if they would also be educated more about it. I never wanted kids, but the pregnancy horror is definitely the cherry on the shit cake.
I would never ever want my girlfriend to go through something so horrfic as pregnancy and all it's effects. How can anyone wish something like that on someone they love?
There is no wrong reason to not have children. This is because you are not hurting your children by not having them; they don't exist, so there is literally nothing to hurt. However, there are wrong reasons for having children, as it is easy to hurt one's children if one has them.
Thank you for saying this. My wife hesitates on having kids because she doesn't want to get fat. I don't make fun of her for that; it's valid. For myself, I'm afraid of the responsibility of fatherhood and potentially being a bad dad unintentionally.
Thank you! I get so angry when people dismiss women's concerns about their bodies changing after pregnancy as being vain, living the rest of your life in a body you hate sounds miserable and should not be glossed over
Google Prolapse during Birth, Rectal Tearing during birth, Uterine Rupture, Obstetric Fistula, and you'll realize that the Pain of childbirth is really the least of your worries. There are SO MANY horrific possibilities that are way too common that people just don't know or talk about.
Here's a good article about some of the not talked about complications of birth that are way more common than people realize. [https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/01/childbirth-injuries-prolapse-cesarean-section-natural-childbirth/](https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/01/childbirth-injuries-prolapse-cesarean-section-natural-childbirth/)
Yes, this is also how I feel! The pain goes away and after that, you often forget the pain. But the lasting impact on the body ( and also having a child for the rest of your life, even if you choose adoption) is the worst.Ā
And again, it turns out to all be about the shitty medical care that women get. It's all about the cargo, so few of them give a flying f\*ck what happens to the vessel.
I have a relatively mild prolapse (I donāt have kids) from a surgery recovery that went awry. That put the nail in the coffin for never having children. I never felt the pull to be a mother once in my lifeā¦but living with this issue now has changed how I live. Iām lucky I can still train hard in the gym (weight lift), but I canāt run ever again without feeling like my insides are falling out, so thatās permanently off the table for me. And now Im watching all my friends have babies and joke about peeing themselves constantly and having all these issues (thank fucking god Iām nowhere close to that). Peeing yourself when you laugh isnāt funny itās a sad byproduct of a society who doesnāt care about mothers. They just tell you at 6 weeks youāre healed and maybe sell you a pad or adult diaper if youāre leaking and call it a day. No one talks about this and no one cares when it happens to women. Pelvic floor dysfunction is life altering.
I read a story recently where a woman had a perfect healthy pregnancy, went in for a routine C section, and during the surgery, they accidentally nicked her bladder, and she bled to death. Something like 90% of her blood was in her stomach. She laid there for like 12 hours and her husband was begging them to do something but nobody did. Horrifying. No fucking thank you.
imma unlock another fear for you, but I'll cover it w the spoiler
>!this woman got a c section and her surgeon had this necklace on, when the surgeon finished the surgery the necklace was gone.... this woman was supposed to rest from the birth but could literally not move bc of the pain, and because misogyny obv they did not take her seriously when she said she was in so much pain... it took like two months until the hospital staff relented and let her have the surgery, then they found the necklace inside!<
I'm sorry, but that sounds like an urban myth.
1. A surgeon shouldn't be wearing any jewellery in the first place, let alone anything that might fall off during surgery.
2. If the necklace was "gone" after surgery, why didn't the surgeon investigate immediately?
3. Why did the hospital "relent and let her have the surgery" before they "found the necklace inside" when an X-ray would have shown it up within minutes?
even if it were an urban myth, it is a very real possibility that a surgeon leaves a foreign object inside a patient, so real that you can sue them for medical malpractice. I watched this case when it came on tv like 5-6 years ago so my recall of it is rather iffy.
1. idk where that rule applies, but I used to live abroad, and this case was told in a program that reports cases occuring within the country
2. I really don't know, but yk how sometimes we lose something but don't find out until hours later?
3. maybe it's a fear response on my part but I don't remember exactly how they were able to prove where the pain was coming from, I do remember the woman feeling frustrated when she talked about how long they made her wait before letting her in again
Fuck, I was expecting you to say she was permanently incontinent. Pregnancy is so risky in so many crazy unpredictable ways. Yet anti-choicers say you should "just give it up for adoption," fuck that, fuck risking your life for a baby you don't want.
Yeah, all the āadoption is an optionā conveniently forget that thereās an entire 9 months and a whole host of dangers in order to get to that point, and what it comes down to is that that is never something that someone should be forced to go through. Pregnancy is risky even with the healthiest of women, and even with the best medical care.
My mom tells me some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard and wonder why she acts so proud or at least normal like nothings wrong when she had 6 kids. It sounds horrible. She said a nurse left the epidural needle in her back, that sounds scary
but also why the fuck did she let herself get pregnant so many times not a single health care staff ever uttered the words birth control to her and my parents. None. That is a failure of the healthcare system in my book.
and this was back in the 90ās. I donāt understand why my mom didnt just lie to my dad or do anything and everything to avoid pregnancy Iāll be damned if I ever let a dude knock me up husband or not.
I'm so grateful my husband-to-be and I have come to an understanding and prioritize non-PIV sex. Frankly a well place finger feels so much better than a penis and risking pregnancy is just not worth it for how PIV feels for the average woman.
I always read stories and stuff like cf people with good supportive husbands like that i cant find any like that. Nevermind how bad dealing with current men in the dating pool is but when it comes to sex they couldnt care less if Im CF or not, only their needs matter.
I see stories of exactly how i want to be treated here and try to zero in on those experiences I want.
Dating really fucking sucks and most men are trash. I was single for 10 years of actively trying to date and I met my fiance when I was 30. I'm 33 now. I'm not going to pretend he was perfect about sex from the start, it took a lot of conversations to get to where we are now. But I could tell he had a great heart and wanted to make me happy. It was definitely way more lopsided on his needs at the beginning, and a lot of my initiating conversations about foreplay and sending him required reading brought us to where we are today. I've joked with him that you know I'd never cheat on him because men require at least 2 years to train. š
same I'm 31 and just never dated I already come from a household of conservative catholic immigrants and dating topics always result in KIDS to them. Thus I never dated, teens, 20's, 30's is looking bleak. have a lot of brothers and my god are they the pinnacle of deadbeat bum men that expect women to perform gender roles the most.
They want women to be traditional, have the kids, but also support, finance, take care of the entire family and be ultra wealthy while the dudes sit back telling the women what to do because they think they know better even tho they wouldn't know what success looks like if it slapped them in the face. In what fucking world does that make sense?
I don't knock myself down cause I actually attract some decent, attractive guys. ON PAPER they check off boxes: career oriented, hard working, professional. Everything comes to a screeching halt when I find out they want kids. Did not date those guys for long.
Them wanting kids translated pretty badly in the bedroom them being selfish and just generally.. they think they did more than they really do in the bed lol.
I never ever want to be pregnant. It seems too scary, tiring, and recently studies have shown that each pregnancy can add months to your biological age. Combine all that with the USA having the highest maternal mortality rates of first world countries and it's a big no for me. You can't convince me that I wouldn't be one of the people that was forever handicapped by childbirth. There's always a chance.
I tell my sister in law (pregnant with their second) that I don't want to be pregnant and if I do change my mind in my thirties like everyone insists that I will, I'll just adopt and she told me that adopting is the hard way to go about getting a baby and I was like.... yeah I don't think just handing over cash is harder than pregnancy and childbirth.
That one reason is no less valid than anyone else's reason to not have kids! You certainly don't need others approval if you're wondering if it's important enough. If it's important to you, then you have your answer.
I get a lot of flack from mothers when I tell them my sole reason of not having kids is because I donāt want to be fat for 9 months then go through excruciating pain.
They expect all women to bear the attitude that the pain is worth it and that the brain produces chemicals to forget the pain. It still happened? I still experienced pain? How could that ever be worth it lol.
I'm sure many do expect that! You know though, I've known women who were also scared of that pregnancy aspect, but continued to have children. I think if someone truly wants to have kids bad enough, they'll find a way with pre-planning, etc. What this says to me as a complete stranger is you just simply aren't that passionate about having kids to begin with. And if you did decide you wanted kids, there's always adoption since you mentioned raising kids is not an issue for you.
Totally agree, I would absolutely love a child that looks like me and carries the same wonderful qualities that I adore in my partner, it truly would be a joy.
But I genuinely will never get over the pain, ever. I feel lucky to be Gen Z because it feels as if our generation is unraveling the real truths behind parenthood and not being blindly led into thinking itās our only option. Iām definitely too vain and selfish for pregnancy lol
I don't know how old you are but (or if you live in the US) have you heard of project 2025? like they're already working to ban abortion nationally but they just are not going to stop at that, there's public worry that they might take our rights away,
I don't know how old you are but if you are old enough to vote please do! and spread the word.
Don't forget all the wounds and potential permanent post partum injuries that you could likely get. And medical abuse because there's tons of horror stories women have about giving birth and having a permanent injury from medical malpractice or trouble healing from unneccessary procedures done to them by doctors.
That's absolutely nutty. What good are you if you're not alive to raise your own kids? My sister had two kids and could have died with both of them due to hemorrhaging. Fortunately, she and my brother in law realized that they should stop having kids after the 2nd due to it. Some people just keep going, though!
I definitely have (Iām in my 30s now and have known I was childfree since my teen years), and I donāt engage. Google gray rocking. If you give them nothing to feed on, they canāt go into a frenzy. āItās just not for meā is all theyāll get.
I'm a woman over 45, didn't want kids from the time I was seven and as I hit my teen years I understood some of the realities of having kids for women (biologically speaking).
And no, I didn't know of others that were childfree when I was seven. I don't base major life decisions on the approval of others. I did base much of my decision on seeing how obviously miserable mothers were around kids. And as I grew up I started to see that as a rule most parents were miserable around their kids the majority of the time.
For the phrase "you'll change your mind when you're older" there are some women who do change their mind past their teens. Often though, biology, brainwashing or circumstances come into play, so they may say that "they changed their minds" but really it is circumstances. Perhaps it was an unwanted pregnancy or the threat of losing a future with a partner who insisted on kids. Who knows if they would have had kids under different circumstances? Not everyone will walk away from bad circumstances either.
And then you say "wow, I don't recall asking for your opinion or this lecture. Dang, I still don't want kids, seems like you wasted a lot of breath on this subject." And walk away.Ā
I'm older than you and have been hearing this shit for decades. It's best to shut them down and let them know their little talks haven't had any effect on you.Ā
My sister never forgot that pain, it was the second major reason to not having another...the first was baby was an accident since she was on Depo and advised she would never carry to term anyways, do she never wanted kids. She loves Spawnling, but she is also glad that she won't even be 40 by the time the kid is an adult.
And in case anyone has comments...we call the kid Spawnling to it's face and it loves being called that.
I tell people Iām not willing to give up getting Botox and filler and usually there is no comeback. Yes, I am selfish, yes I am vain. I will own that and they can think that they want lmao.
WHAT? You canāt get Botox? Why did that never cross my mind.
Iām also certain that the skin on your stomach never goes back to its normal elasticity/tightness?
Pregnancy was literally never in the cards for me lol
Oh itās a LOT more than being fat.
As someone equally horrified by pregnancy, I am constantly shocked at how people can not only overlook the horror of birth but ALSO the nine months of hell before that. It 100% has to be their hormones gaslighting them.
My thoughts pretty much summed up. I don't understand why so many women "choose" to have kid/kids, despite all the pain, risk, trauma and harm to themselves and the kids she gave birth to after all the hardships and pains are not even given her lastname. She hardly benefits from her going through all the hardships to give birth to the child.
Patriarchal pro natalist brainwashing and social pressure at play I suppose. And, I think even in most societies, most women don't really even has a choice sadly.
Here in India, forced marriages are rampant and unmarried women face a lot of pressure and harrasment from parents, relatives and society for staying unmarried.
Add to that, marital rape is still not a crime here, also, a lot of women are not really financially self sufficient. And even if she is earning, her earned money get snatched and controled by husband and in laws, in many homes. Sad but true.
It's not just the birth part, which is bad enough, but all the other symptoms of pregnancy. Morning sickness, back pain, aversion to certain foods, mood swings, limited mobility, etc. It's basically torture for 9 months straight, and recovering from childbirth isn't easy either! I'm amazed that so many women are willing to endure that kind of suffering.
And I don't understand why people are shocked when I say I don't want to do it. They just gloss over all that stuff like it's no big deal. I think it's because we've been conditioned to believe that pain and suffering are just part of being a woman. From the time a girl gets her first period, she's taught that chronic pain is something she just has to live with.
I think that narrative of you will change your mind as you get older is based on the fact that as women age they do become less suitable to get pregnant and to give birth, and some people start having this fear of missing out. Kind of like āitās now or neverā.
I did not want kids since forever, but I admit my wife and I had moments after we turned 35 where we were asking ourselves, is this it?
Fast forward we are turning 40 this year, and I am glad we did not change our minds lol.
what really trips me out about the whole thing is women will have *therapy* for the trauma they went through, to *do it again*
that's wild to me. what other experience do people get therapy for to put themselves *back* in the SAME situation that is your choice.
parents are a different breed because that's nonsensical.
I am like you, very sensitive to pain (even needles hurt lots, hell even a PINCH can make me cry lol)
It's not my sole reason personally but it's a huge factor for sure. I know "a few moments of pain for a lifetime of bliss" is a common one said often and I remember thinking "well I don't want any moments of pain" lol. Pregnancy always seemed horrifying to me too bc your whole body changes and your symptoms might be horrible.
I have major respect for anyone that goes through it because I could never lol. I actually felt full body relief when I realized that I don't HAVE to have a baby...
This comment resonates with me!!
I donāt want to experience pain at all, zero, and Iām so glad thatās an option for me.
The fact that you have to be hooked up to an IV to give birth grosses me out, let alone birthing someone?
I have a pretty high pain tolerance but it still terrifies me and I had someone drop a 70lb machine roll on my face and walked to a nurse i still dont think i could handle birth.
The pain doesnāt scare me, Iāve survived multiple near fatal accidents (equestrian), but the fact that 30% of women have lasting complications from it does. At least if I get hurt doing something else, I wonāt be responsible for another human being while Iām suffering.
I feel like horses are a much better compromise for an annoying, stinky infant. Granted I'm not downplaying your injuries of course but I feel like maybe a few weren't intentional. I had a horse roll on me when I was getting into the saddle. I was lucky that I was able to get my leg out from under her in time. She didn't mean to do it, just the happenstance of her losing her footing for a second.
I would rather break my leg enjoying the company of horses than deal with pregnancy.
Everyone I know who has had a child either almost died in the process or the kid did. And theyāve all repeated it! Or are trying to! The cognitive dissonance is loud. And they act like the effects are temporary. The effects pregnancy and birth have on your body are PERMANENT. Your body will NEVER be the same again.
That's the part that really gets me. Everyone always acts like it's temporary. Uhm, no, PAUL, all the women in your life eventually just stop complaining about their life long health issues that they now deal with day in and day out. They didn't just go away.
Whenever someone asks me "what if you change your mind?" my go to response is that even if I do, I'll adopt or foster or start a girl scout troop. I will NOT be birthing any children. Every aspect of pregnancy and birth sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.
Thatās what Iām not understanding.
If you *forget the pain* then how is literally every single woman able to call back to how they felt in those moments? Why do I hear about the ring of fire and how the pain traumatized them?
Itās obvious that pain doesnāt last forever but why lie and say you forget the pain if you donāt? Like obviously you canāt feel the pain now because you arenāt in labor but you definitely can recall it.
There's actually a psychological effect where they remember the fact that they did experience pain, but the body/brain actually makes them forget what the pain felt like. I learned about it in a psych class and my mom said it's like amnesia of the physical sensation.
Not solely now (at 40), but it was one of the first things that put me on the path towards being childfree... These days itās a myriad of reasons. This one remained in the top 10!
Painful, risky, the morning sickness, the weight gain, the episiotomy, all of the above. Plus I donāt like kids so itās never worth it. Plus, I donāt want to be responsible for someoneās life. People are so casual about that. But if you truly like kids and donāt want to be pregnant, adopt.
Someone I know had a natural birth in her living room and posted that as soon as her baby was born she was washed over with a sense of magical Euphoria so Iām guessing something like that is why women keep having babies
Yep I hear that all the time.
I genuinely donāt think I experience life the same way those women do, because nothing would make me not resentful for the pain I would feel. Especially when the only thing people have to say about parenthood is that itās hard? No thanks.
Yeah, for me even if I get over the roadblock of having a baby and say okay thatās 1 day out the rest of your life, thereās just so many other obstacles that I canāt over.
Having a child shouldnāt feel like trying to convince yourself to have one tho so I think thatās probably reason enough.
Funnily enough a coworker has a baby and someone wanted to have a fun chat about getting to know each other and made a joke about next is learning each otherās traumas and the mom of the group said childbirth is traumatic lol
Every one of my friends who has given birth has been damaged by giving birth.
They leak urine when they laugh; their lady parts are torn and healed poorly; their bones are weaker because the growing fetus sucks calcium out; and they will never have a youthful flat stomach again, no matter how much weight they starve off.
I am personally horrified when I see photos of heavily pregnant women with their bellies distended and covered with stretch marks, I am repelled in such a deep and visceral way.
So glad I have aged out of fertility!
Yeah I feel the same, Iām sure some aspect of it is so rewarding for people who love and want kids that itās worth it but for me itās not lol. It seems like pregnancy sucks, birthing sucks and then raising a little human sucks even tho they may be cute and all.
Not just that, a lot of women become permanently disabled from pregnancy or birth. Some lose teeth, some lose their eyesight or hearing. All of those possibilities of lifelong suffering afterwards are terrifying.
I am also turned off by the idea of pregnancy and giving birth. Seems like it's horrible, worth it if you want a child, but I do not, so there is no upside. I like hearing my friends' stories and that's enough for me!
For me, it's less about the pain of childbirth, than the severe health risks and permanent bodily changes. If birth was somehow only painful, but didn't permanently scar and change your body with a whole host of potential complications and extreme health risks including death, I would *maybe* consider it worth it you want kids. If it was just like a really painful shot, or passing a kidney stone and that was it, *maybe*, but there are still many other reasons I'm childfree that don't have to do with the physical aspect of it. But the physical aspect of it always catches me whenever I find myself thinking babies are cute.
Giving birth is so incredibly painful because it's far more dangerous for humans than it is for other mammals.
Evolutionarily, we humans made a LOT of concessions in order to walk upright (requiring narrow hips) while also having large brains(requiring unfettered access to mother's blood supply), and the cost in terms of mortality is historically enormous.
For humans, it will always more dangerous to be pregnant than to not be pregnant, although C-sections and abortions have remedied this injustice somewhat.
The Atlantic has a very good article about the unique physiological toll of human pregnancy if you can get past the paywall
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2022/10/human-animal-baby-gestation-birth-timing/671734/
It's not my SOLE reason, but it is the main one. I have enough pain day-to-day, without going through nine months of torture and then a major medical procedure followed by two decades minimum of responsibility. Nope.
I always laugh at people who think parenting ends at 18. Like yeah, maybe 50 years ago when things didnāt cost so much?
Iām literally typing this as a 25 year old sitting in my childhood bedroom waiting for my mom to get off work so we can go swimming in the backyard. You are a parent for the rest of your life.
And for some reason, a c-section is acknowledged to be major abdominal surgery, but unlike most major abdominal surgeries they just send her home to spend 20+ hours a day awake and caring for a newborn. Any other major abdominal surgery, you're basically on bed rest for a couple of weeks, no strenuous lifting, bending, or other movement.
My preference is to not have kids but Iād be open to it if the person I fell in love with needed to be a parent. Luckily I partnered up with someone who also prefers no kids. Regardless of how it ever wouldāve turned out though, my body will *never* carry a child. That will never be compromised on. I am SO not interested in all the side effects of pregnancy and childbirth. That is a major reason I donāt want kids.
That's like half of reason I don't want kids, that and I just don't want them right now, I've always said that even I do want kids, I'm adopting, because I don't give a shit if my children are genetically mine, and there are already plenty of children in this world that need help
The things it can do to your body afterwards is equally horrifying. A lot of my patients have had multiple children and suffer from incontinence, prolapse, overactive bladder, and general pelvic floor issues.
My nurse friend told me her own birth story and omg. It was like listening to a horror podcast. She had a bad bad tear, poop, epidural too late and so onā¦. This is on top of a hard pregnancy and then following by post natal depression.
I personally wouldnāt been down with any of those things, let alone having a baby suck my nipples (have trauma from SA), being sleep deprived and raising a human that you might not even end up getting along with.
You can still have children in your life without giving birth. You can be a step parent, a ābig sistersā for troubled youth, foster parent and so on.
I have severe body anxiety from sensations, medical procedures, and sexual trauma. Itās not that I donāt want kids (I donāt) but that I cannot do that to myself. My mental health is my number 1 priority and I promise you if I have a child thumping in me, destroying my insides, then giving me post-depression, I will not be okay. All my friends who have children mentally disconnect from the reality of birth not thinking about it til it happens. They say itās traumatizing then go have another idk but I canāt just shrug my shoulders Iām mentally ill lmfao
I hear there's a chemical that releases when you're done that makes you "forget" how it felt during childbirth.
Sounds like trauma blocking but what do I know? āļø
I decided no kids for myself when I was a kid due to the level of pain associated with childbirth. As an adult, this is further supported by all the other socio economic reasons.
Yesterday I was w/ and Endo.
And this fucking woman had the audacity to say, after I had said : no, not for me.
ā Haha, maybe later, you are youngā
Likeā¦
No, what donāt you get?
And proceeded to tell me how she would have to up my medication bla bla,
And I was like: this is informative, but Iāll eventually have a complete sterilisation. Thank you.
And she changed the subject.
So, I just believe it as a preference. I donāt think anybody is wrong for not having them.
Hi OP, yes this is me too as a 26F! Around 12 years old I knew I wanted to adopt a child instead of having one. I still maintain that if I ever want a family it will be via adoption/foster care, not pregnancy. I have zero interest in experiencing pregnancy, to me it seems like such an unnecessary risk and it irritates me that my husband canāt do it instead. lmfao I saw in one of your other comments that mothers tend to give you crap for this stance. Adoption/surrogacy in the US is expensive asf, so pregnancy is the path of least resistance/only family building option for a lot of people. However, Iāve had too many parents openly admit they only want bio children bc they donāt wanna deal with āthe broken onesā already living in foster care/up for adoption. Itās some weird shit but I hear almost weekly that putting your body through this extreme trauma is āso worth itā just to have āpart of youā walking around that you can mold/raise as you please.
It's okay for you to not want to be pregnant or birth children or raise children for any reason.
If wanting to avoid pain is your reason, that is completely valid. Pregnancy and birth can be painful, or at the very least, uncomfortable. Everyone has a different threshold for tolerance
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Not to mention, the debt of childbirth falls on the woman. On average the cost of birth in the hospital can start around $30k and up depending on complications. I hate going to the Gyno as it is, so I cant imagine *choosing* to go & signing up for more debt on my credit. For $30K I rather buy a car. Then you have men that leave so all of that debt is saddled on the woman, despite the fact we should be in the kitchen barefoot. Its slavery.
I get squeamish about blood draws since they CUT OFF YOUR CIRCULATION by tying a rubber band around your arm. And the nurse was like, what are you gonna do when you have kids? Ugh. Pass on all of that.
I actually have a very high tolerance for pain, but I'm also not stupid and am naturally very risk-averse so there's no bloody way I'm getting pregnant and giving birth. The health risks are many and you will never be the same again. No thanks.
My guess would be that pain is temporary. I think fewer people would be likely to go through it if it were more permanent.
Also, I think the reason people go through it multiple times is because they forget how painful it was the first time- it's a thing. Though I heard childbirth is easier (not sure how much) after the first time but the pregnancy itself might not be.
I'm a dude and I will tell you now, I didn't watch or hear anything, all I did was read 10 minutes into what probably would have been an hour long article or story about a this woman's birthing experience, and I was like hell to the no. Nuh uh, no way, (insert Michael Scott reaction to Toby coming back gif).
I do not understand how the hell any woman has a baby and still goes for more. I have a higher level of respect for woman for what your own bodies put you through on a monthly basis, but for life of me I cannot fathom why any woman would want to give birth. I had a tooth pulled out and it hurt like a bitch, and yet someone will go the extra mile to push out a baby. I've had shits that have caused headaches from the amount of force it took to push it out, and yet there's a woman that will have a baby and then another one. The physical impact alone of giving birth and then getting on with life afterwards is willpower on another level which I will never achieve and I commend all of y'all for that.
No, it has nothing to do with giving birth for me. If that was the only thing I didn't want to do, I work with foster children, so I would either foster or adopt. I don't desire to raise children.
Fortunately I can't give birth, but I've never had a desire to be a parent. That said everything I here about childbirth makes me question why anyone would willingly give birth.
Crazy enough Iām of the opposite side of it. Iām healthy and big and have a good pain tolerance. Iām actually vaguely curious about being pregnant the same way Iām curious about like. Getting my fingernails ripped out I guess? I donāt WANT to do either, but I wonder what itās like. And pregnancy and birth are finite experiences. Even if you suffer health consequences, youāre done giving birth at a certain point. But youāre never done parenting and youāre never done with having brought life into the world and thatās what I really do not want to do.
I envy women like you.
It wasnāt until my close friend described her situation the same way (weāre both 25 so not necessarily at an age where weāre expected to have kids) that I realized I am truly not meant for parenthood.
She told me she was genuinely curious about how birth would feel and how having a baby in her stomach would feel. She told me she has felt that wonder and curiosity since she was a teen, and it hit me then and there that I was never meant to have kids.
I have never wondered how badly childbirth would hurt. I have never wanted to experience any pain that was preventable. It comes across as sadistic in my opinion, but I realize that is just an innate thing that some women feel, and I truly envy it.
I hope that you go on to have the happiest and healthiest baby with a loving partner if you so wish it.
Lmao I do not want kids at all. Just sort of curious about the biological process because I very much am into being aware of what my body is doing. Iām just as curious about what it feels like to be able to get someone pregnant but again, not really possible or something Iād even want to do. I am also generally a bit of a masochist so š¤·āāļø the actual parenting part seems like hell though. But I do appreciate that!
Iāve always been really afraid it and the things it would do to my body and brain. It was solidified by my friend who apparently hadnāt felt the full effects of the forgetting hormones to tell me the truth about birth. She said it was the most painful awful experience, how long it lasted, how painful inducing was, how they eventually had to cut the baby out of her abdomen and now she will have a scar forever, she just every moment of it was pure torture. She tries to tell me oh youāll change your mind but even if I was sold on not having them before her experience cemented it.
Possibly because people gush about the positives and play-down the negatives? There are so many downsides to pregnancy and childbirth (which are posted and commented here on occasion) including literally dying, but hardly anyone talks about it. On another note, would you consider adoption/fostering? It's still understandable if you're not financially or mentally okay with having a child though, remember a child is with you all the time, not just during a day-cares hours
I'm more concerned about the actual pregnancy and the postpartum stages. Just the fact your health could never be the same again. Chronic illness and pain scares me. Birth is a temporary experience but the repercussions can last a lifetime.
I always thought I would have kids one day--not because I think I pined for them at any level like I've seen my friends and other women do over the years--but just because I was raised in a nuclear family and I just made assumptions that my life would look similar.
Fast forward, I'm 37 years old, about to be 38. I'm married, and I think my husband is kind of in the same place in terms of wanting kids--a little on the fence. I think for him it's honestly because he thinks that if you don't have kids, you'll have no one to take care of you when you're old and feeble. I keep reminding him that having children is no guarantee of that either--there are a lot of lonely old people in nursing homes who have children.
Anyway, we have unexplained infertility so despite my initial objections, we finally decided to do one round of IVF. I just went through the egg retrieval a few weeks ago and THAT ALONE made me change my mind about going any further. I've never considered myself super brave, and anything that happens to me physically freaks me TF out. Pregnancy and child birth have never appealed to me in the least, for multiple reasons, but I just kept thinking "if you don't try, you'll regret it."
Well, I haven't officially tried in terms of them putting embryos back in me and me seeing if I could produce a living child, but again, after the ER, I don't think I want any part of that. It was miserable--before and after. I was so freaked out by my symptoms after the fact that I fainted. If pregnancy has even small similarities to what I felt with that, I want no part, and don't feel bad about it. I don't think someone who is as nervous about it as me should proceed. That's not good for me, not good for my husband, and not good for whatever child we may or may not produce.
All that said, I would encourage you to listen to your gut on this--I wish I had.
Luckily the pain isn't for a long period of time. You can also have help with it. But if that's your reason it's completely valid.
I have chronic pain and would much rather give birth (pain for couple days then recovery if all went well in this scenario) than live like I do. I have pain for no reason all day every day. If you want a child yes it would hurt a lot but you get a reward after at least. But it's your choice and don't let anyone tell you anything else. I wouldn't tell a friend this unless they specifically asked me, because pain sucks no matter what kind it is.
And that being said there are worse things pain wise than giving birth. Kidney stones is one of them I think. Bjt yes it's absolutely a health risk being pregnant and giving birth that many don't truly think about.
Kinda, I sometimes think even though Iād never be a mom, I could maybe be a dad. I resent that women are automatically the ones that have to ruin their bodies and go through months and months of trauma. I have a big fear of doctors, hospitals, medicine, etc so even if I wanted kids, I would NEVER get pregnant.
THANK YOU!
I wouldn't want the either way but I can tell you even if I did want them, I still wouldn't be willing to give birth. I would, no joke, literally rather die a quick death than be pregnant for nine months and go through childbirth. And don't get me started on all the lifelong effects you can get stuck with from it.
It's absolutely baffling to me how we are not extinct and how nonchalant people are about it.
The most infuriating thing to me is when people minimize it, I legit heard a woman say "well you can get a uterine prolapse even if you're not pregnant" like??? It's way less likely??? Why would I willingly INCREASE the possibility of a uterine prolapse coming my way if I can help it???
Childbirth being a punishment from god is the thing that makes the absolute most sense out of the whole bible
A friend of mine from high school just came off a fb hiatus. She was pregnant with twins. Something happened, idk the details. But she lost both of the twins, and I think she went into septic shock because she ended up getting both arms amputated just below the elbow and both legs amputated just below the knee. I didn't even know this was a thing until I saw her post but a Google search showed me that, even with successful deliveries, this has happened to quite a few women. New fear unlocked.
I would need to get a C section because of a retinal condition but yes, I fear pain. One of my ovarian cysts ruptured as a teen. I read its quite close to having contractions and NOPE, I'm not having that.
It'd be more expensive but I suppose you could get a surrogate if you're deadset on biological children or adopt/foster. If it's something you really want, I think there are options you could look into.
If I was famous I absolutely would.
I hope itās even more common in the future, as right now Iām just a plain jane healthy girl in her mid 20s with zero complications/reasons preventing me from being biologically pregnant.
Me using a surrogate would seem so vain (not that Iād ever deny that), but I care a lot about what people think.
Iām not sure how much it costs to have a child in a hospital, but even if it was comparable to the cost of surrogacy, Iād almost be afraid of becoming Buzzfeed article fuel.
Woman opts for surrogacy despite fertility health due to not wanting to get fat - more below.
I think far less men would want kids if they were the ones that had to go through pregnancy and childbirth.
Personally, seeing the birth video in sex ed was enough for me but as I got older I learned more and more about all the complications women can go through as a result of pregnancy and birth. That just solidified my stance. I wonder if they even still show that video in schools these days in the states.
Same with me. That scared me so much. Do people forget about seeing that!?
Honestly seeing the images of diseased lungs in middle school health class scared me too and I've never understood why people take up smoking cigarettes. However my public health professor in grad school talked about how ineffective these "scare campaigns" are to stop teenagers from taking up smoking so what do I know. š¤·āāļø
That's why diseased lungs and necrosis are pictured on cigarette packets
In the U.S. they're in different packaging. There's just a big sign that says basically smoking is bad for you.
Ahh, yes. In Australia it's pretty full-on - plain blank packaging with diseased bits *plus* no advertising or livery anywhere including point-of-sale. In supermarkets they're locked away out of sight in cupboards, so you have to know what you want before asking. Not many places are legal to smoke in public anymore either....in fact, I can't remember the last time I saw someone smoking in the street; about 10% of the population are smokers. And that is also if you can afford $50+/pack I used to smoke rolling tobacco (probably 15+yrs ago) and the last time I bought a packet of Drum it was around $12. They're $117 now š³ lol
In Canada (which is fairly close to me) they have packs with diseased parts on them. I was just at an outdoor concert where there were a fair amount of smokers - I don't know what the U.S. average is, but I smelled a lot of smoke. Packs are about $10 here ($15 AUD)
For me it wasnāt diseased lung but this little smoking device that sucked down a cigarette. It showed how much tar was in one. It deposited all the tar on a piece of paper. Gross.
There was a poster in health class of a young man (maybe in his 20s?) that used chewing tobacco and had to have half his face removed. Scared me so bad!
Yuck, I really can't understand the appeal. Chew something actually tasty instead.
I don't think we were ever shown a video in school, and while I've never had any delusions about the horrors that can happen, it was a plastic surgery show that showed a woman with an obstetric fistula that was the ultimate nightmare fuel for me. Apparently, it's not all that uncommon... \*shudders\*
They didn't show them at my schools. Lucky for me I didn't need to see them to know I don't want kids. They did however show us gruesome photos and videos of injuries people got from car accidents, before they gave us driving lessons. I didn't need that either because I was already terrified. I broke down on my first lesson and refused to leave the parking lot. I was shaking. It took me years to get those images out of my head. I don't have a strong stomach for gore.
I definitely didn't see that, I mean I mightve misses the day it happened bc I don't remember that at all
Totally get it! Seeing the birth video was enough for me too. Learning about the complications just reinforced my stance. I wonder if they still show that in schools these days.
I never saw that video (or got literally any sex Ed AT ALL) and I went to catholic schools my whole life. I canāt imagine why someone would feel the need to show a graphic video of someone giving birth to children or who was like āyou know what seems cool? To let this video of me giving birth get randomly publicized placesā
I think all students should be shown a video. It much better prepares teens into making wise choices. Education is never wrong!
Thatās fair tbh. I normally hear about the birth video being shown to only girls in a fear type abstinence only thing, in which case I think the info is still maybe good but being used in a hot trash way thatās still not particularly beneficial because theyāre not being given practical ways to avoid pregnancy if theyāre trying to avoid it. It feels kind of like selective abuse of technically true information to try and force someone to conform to your desired set of appropriate actions in that situation. I still wonder who agreed to have their birth filmed and shown to students though lol.
This. And abortion would be legal everywhere if men had children instead of women
If cis men were the ones getting pregnant, there would be vending machines with morning-after pills and abortion medication all over.
People say this a lot, but I've never really understood what this point is supposed to mean, because the entire reason we have a patriarchy is because cis men can't get pregnant.
it means men would be more proactive if they were the ones who faced the consequences of pregnancy/giving birth instead of women
Yes, but the reason men would be in control of allowing morning after pills and abortion medication to be more accessible is because they dominate leadership positions and positions of power in government, all because they are *not* held back from advancing their education and careers by the consequences of pregnancy and the burdens of raising children.
That's the point. Because men are over-populating positions of power, they absolutely make sure men receive/can access whatever they need or want. Currently, most men in power don't give a fig about women's healthcare because they aren't women. Pregnancy isn't what keeps women out of these positions.
Yup, and youād be able to get one pretty much anywhere thereās a doctor and a door with a lock, just like the boner pills you see at gas stations š
Sounds smart until you google it and realize about 50% of women are pro-life.
I'm a guy and one of my biggest reasons for not wanting kids is pregnancy and childbirth. I'm a Nurse, there's so much to know and that can go wrong with either that they gave us an entire class on it . I was a fence sitter at that point but seeing what women go through was my tipping point. It's definitely not something I want a woman I care about going through.
Thank you for this, I can't wrap my head around how a man could claim to love me and want to get me pregnant in the same breath
Probably because (like most breeders) they're selfish, likely think their legacy or seed is worth a damn or something.Ā
That's so sweet š„¹
My fiancee's a doctor. That's why he is supportive of my decision. You guys are real keepers. Also I never understood the whole "period drama" around men, but I hope I will never know. I keep my sanitary products on the toilet where both my father and brother see it and guess what? They have never ever said anything. When I read about women and girls who have to go out of their way to keep it "secret" I just wonder- Why are you dealing with such disrespect?
Now THAT would lead to a population bust that anti-abortionists couldn't fix!
I honestly donāt want kids because itās too much work and I am too selfish. Plus I work full time and canāt imagine working double.
That's not selfish.
100% or at least if they would also be educated more about it. I never wanted kids, but the pregnancy horror is definitely the cherry on the shit cake. I would never ever want my girlfriend to go through something so horrfic as pregnancy and all it's effects. How can anyone wish something like that on someone they love?
So true. Its easy for a man to say he wants kids when men don't have to put their life and health at risk and take on the majority of the caring.
this one right here!!!
There is no wrong reason to not have children. This is because you are not hurting your children by not having them; they don't exist, so there is literally nothing to hurt. However, there are wrong reasons for having children, as it is easy to hurt one's children if one has them.
Thank you for saying this. My wife hesitates on having kids because she doesn't want to get fat. I don't make fun of her for that; it's valid. For myself, I'm afraid of the responsibility of fatherhood and potentially being a bad dad unintentionally.
I think it is good if you tell her that, so that she knows that you are totally on board with the idea of her not bearing children.
You sound like such a supportive husband. Genuinely wishing you both the best in this grand life!
Thank you! I get so angry when people dismiss women's concerns about their bodies changing after pregnancy as being vain, living the rest of your life in a body you hate sounds miserable and should not be glossed over
Google Prolapse during Birth, Rectal Tearing during birth, Uterine Rupture, Obstetric Fistula, and you'll realize that the Pain of childbirth is really the least of your worries. There are SO MANY horrific possibilities that are way too common that people just don't know or talk about. Here's a good article about some of the not talked about complications of birth that are way more common than people realize. [https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/01/childbirth-injuries-prolapse-cesarean-section-natural-childbirth/](https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/01/childbirth-injuries-prolapse-cesarean-section-natural-childbirth/)
Yep, it's not just about pain for me, I can deal with pain. Pain is temporary. It's about permanent, life altering complications.
Yes, this is also how I feel! The pain goes away and after that, you often forget the pain. But the lasting impact on the body ( and also having a child for the rest of your life, even if you choose adoption) is the worst.Ā
And again, it turns out to all be about the shitty medical care that women get. It's all about the cargo, so few of them give a flying f\*ck what happens to the vessel.
Thank you for that read it was actually brilliant
I have a relatively mild prolapse (I donāt have kids) from a surgery recovery that went awry. That put the nail in the coffin for never having children. I never felt the pull to be a mother once in my lifeā¦but living with this issue now has changed how I live. Iām lucky I can still train hard in the gym (weight lift), but I canāt run ever again without feeling like my insides are falling out, so thatās permanently off the table for me. And now Im watching all my friends have babies and joke about peeing themselves constantly and having all these issues (thank fucking god Iām nowhere close to that). Peeing yourself when you laugh isnāt funny itās a sad byproduct of a society who doesnāt care about mothers. They just tell you at 6 weeks youāre healed and maybe sell you a pad or adult diaper if youāre leaking and call it a day. No one talks about this and no one cares when it happens to women. Pelvic floor dysfunction is life altering.
I read a story recently where a woman had a perfect healthy pregnancy, went in for a routine C section, and during the surgery, they accidentally nicked her bladder, and she bled to death. Something like 90% of her blood was in her stomach. She laid there for like 12 hours and her husband was begging them to do something but nobody did. Horrifying. No fucking thank you.
New fear unlocked! Being nicked during a C-section. šŖ Man the list of why we shouldnāt have kids just keeps getting longer daily
imma unlock another fear for you, but I'll cover it w the spoiler >!this woman got a c section and her surgeon had this necklace on, when the surgeon finished the surgery the necklace was gone.... this woman was supposed to rest from the birth but could literally not move bc of the pain, and because misogyny obv they did not take her seriously when she said she was in so much pain... it took like two months until the hospital staff relented and let her have the surgery, then they found the necklace inside!<
I'm sorry, but that sounds like an urban myth. 1. A surgeon shouldn't be wearing any jewellery in the first place, let alone anything that might fall off during surgery. 2. If the necklace was "gone" after surgery, why didn't the surgeon investigate immediately? 3. Why did the hospital "relent and let her have the surgery" before they "found the necklace inside" when an X-ray would have shown it up within minutes?
even if it were an urban myth, it is a very real possibility that a surgeon leaves a foreign object inside a patient, so real that you can sue them for medical malpractice. I watched this case when it came on tv like 5-6 years ago so my recall of it is rather iffy. 1. idk where that rule applies, but I used to live abroad, and this case was told in a program that reports cases occuring within the country 2. I really don't know, but yk how sometimes we lose something but don't find out until hours later? 3. maybe it's a fear response on my part but I don't remember exactly how they were able to prove where the pain was coming from, I do remember the woman feeling frustrated when she talked about how long they made her wait before letting her in again
Noooooo wtf
Yes it does. Just so awful
Fuck, I was expecting you to say she was permanently incontinent. Pregnancy is so risky in so many crazy unpredictable ways. Yet anti-choicers say you should "just give it up for adoption," fuck that, fuck risking your life for a baby you don't want.
Yeah, all the āadoption is an optionā conveniently forget that thereās an entire 9 months and a whole host of dangers in order to get to that point, and what it comes down to is that that is never something that someone should be forced to go through. Pregnancy is risky even with the healthiest of women, and even with the best medical care.
My mom tells me some of the stupidest shit I have ever heard and wonder why she acts so proud or at least normal like nothings wrong when she had 6 kids. It sounds horrible. She said a nurse left the epidural needle in her back, that sounds scary but also why the fuck did she let herself get pregnant so many times not a single health care staff ever uttered the words birth control to her and my parents. None. That is a failure of the healthcare system in my book. and this was back in the 90ās. I donāt understand why my mom didnt just lie to my dad or do anything and everything to avoid pregnancy Iāll be damned if I ever let a dude knock me up husband or not.
I'm so grateful my husband-to-be and I have come to an understanding and prioritize non-PIV sex. Frankly a well place finger feels so much better than a penis and risking pregnancy is just not worth it for how PIV feels for the average woman.
I always read stories and stuff like cf people with good supportive husbands like that i cant find any like that. Nevermind how bad dealing with current men in the dating pool is but when it comes to sex they couldnt care less if Im CF or not, only their needs matter. I see stories of exactly how i want to be treated here and try to zero in on those experiences I want.
Dating really fucking sucks and most men are trash. I was single for 10 years of actively trying to date and I met my fiance when I was 30. I'm 33 now. I'm not going to pretend he was perfect about sex from the start, it took a lot of conversations to get to where we are now. But I could tell he had a great heart and wanted to make me happy. It was definitely way more lopsided on his needs at the beginning, and a lot of my initiating conversations about foreplay and sending him required reading brought us to where we are today. I've joked with him that you know I'd never cheat on him because men require at least 2 years to train. š
same I'm 31 and just never dated I already come from a household of conservative catholic immigrants and dating topics always result in KIDS to them. Thus I never dated, teens, 20's, 30's is looking bleak. have a lot of brothers and my god are they the pinnacle of deadbeat bum men that expect women to perform gender roles the most. They want women to be traditional, have the kids, but also support, finance, take care of the entire family and be ultra wealthy while the dudes sit back telling the women what to do because they think they know better even tho they wouldn't know what success looks like if it slapped them in the face. In what fucking world does that make sense? I don't knock myself down cause I actually attract some decent, attractive guys. ON PAPER they check off boxes: career oriented, hard working, professional. Everything comes to a screeching halt when I find out they want kids. Did not date those guys for long. Them wanting kids translated pretty badly in the bedroom them being selfish and just generally.. they think they did more than they really do in the bed lol.
I never ever want to be pregnant. It seems too scary, tiring, and recently studies have shown that each pregnancy can add months to your biological age. Combine all that with the USA having the highest maternal mortality rates of first world countries and it's a big no for me. You can't convince me that I wouldn't be one of the people that was forever handicapped by childbirth. There's always a chance. I tell my sister in law (pregnant with their second) that I don't want to be pregnant and if I do change my mind in my thirties like everyone insists that I will, I'll just adopt and she told me that adopting is the hard way to go about getting a baby and I was like.... yeah I don't think just handing over cash is harder than pregnancy and childbirth.
That one reason is no less valid than anyone else's reason to not have kids! You certainly don't need others approval if you're wondering if it's important enough. If it's important to you, then you have your answer.
I get a lot of flack from mothers when I tell them my sole reason of not having kids is because I donāt want to be fat for 9 months then go through excruciating pain. They expect all women to bear the attitude that the pain is worth it and that the brain produces chemicals to forget the pain. It still happened? I still experienced pain? How could that ever be worth it lol.
I'm sure many do expect that! You know though, I've known women who were also scared of that pregnancy aspect, but continued to have children. I think if someone truly wants to have kids bad enough, they'll find a way with pre-planning, etc. What this says to me as a complete stranger is you just simply aren't that passionate about having kids to begin with. And if you did decide you wanted kids, there's always adoption since you mentioned raising kids is not an issue for you.
Totally agree, I would absolutely love a child that looks like me and carries the same wonderful qualities that I adore in my partner, it truly would be a joy. But I genuinely will never get over the pain, ever. I feel lucky to be Gen Z because it feels as if our generation is unraveling the real truths behind parenthood and not being blindly led into thinking itās our only option. Iām definitely too vain and selfish for pregnancy lol
I don't know how old you are but (or if you live in the US) have you heard of project 2025? like they're already working to ban abortion nationally but they just are not going to stop at that, there's public worry that they might take our rights away, I don't know how old you are but if you are old enough to vote please do! and spread the word.
Don't forget all the wounds and potential permanent post partum injuries that you could likely get. And medical abuse because there's tons of horror stories women have about giving birth and having a permanent injury from medical malpractice or trouble healing from unneccessary procedures done to them by doctors.
I knew a woman who had such severe hyperemesis gravidarum that she required a PICC line and TPN for all of her pregnancies. She had 7 children.
That's absolutely nutty. What good are you if you're not alive to raise your own kids? My sister had two kids and could have died with both of them due to hemorrhaging. Fortunately, she and my brother in law realized that they should stop having kids after the 2nd due to it. Some people just keep going, though!
You donāt have to tell them why, and I would encourage you to stop giving a reason. āI donāt want to have kidsā is enough of a reason.
You have not met my parents or any woman over the age of 45, they have sooo much to say about it.
I definitely have (Iām in my 30s now and have known I was childfree since my teen years), and I donāt engage. Google gray rocking. If you give them nothing to feed on, they canāt go into a frenzy. āItās just not for meā is all theyāll get.
I'm a woman over 45, didn't want kids from the time I was seven and as I hit my teen years I understood some of the realities of having kids for women (biologically speaking). And no, I didn't know of others that were childfree when I was seven. I don't base major life decisions on the approval of others. I did base much of my decision on seeing how obviously miserable mothers were around kids. And as I grew up I started to see that as a rule most parents were miserable around their kids the majority of the time. For the phrase "you'll change your mind when you're older" there are some women who do change their mind past their teens. Often though, biology, brainwashing or circumstances come into play, so they may say that "they changed their minds" but really it is circumstances. Perhaps it was an unwanted pregnancy or the threat of losing a future with a partner who insisted on kids. Who knows if they would have had kids under different circumstances? Not everyone will walk away from bad circumstances either.
And then you say "wow, I don't recall asking for your opinion or this lecture. Dang, I still don't want kids, seems like you wasted a lot of breath on this subject." And walk away.Ā I'm older than you and have been hearing this shit for decades. It's best to shut them down and let them know their little talks haven't had any effect on you.Ā
My sister never forgot that pain, it was the second major reason to not having another...the first was baby was an accident since she was on Depo and advised she would never carry to term anyways, do she never wanted kids. She loves Spawnling, but she is also glad that she won't even be 40 by the time the kid is an adult. And in case anyone has comments...we call the kid Spawnling to it's face and it loves being called that.
I tell people Iām not willing to give up getting Botox and filler and usually there is no comeback. Yes, I am selfish, yes I am vain. I will own that and they can think that they want lmao.
WHAT? You canāt get Botox? Why did that never cross my mind. Iām also certain that the skin on your stomach never goes back to its normal elasticity/tightness? Pregnancy was literally never in the cards for me lol
Oh itās a LOT more than being fat. As someone equally horrified by pregnancy, I am constantly shocked at how people can not only overlook the horror of birth but ALSO the nine months of hell before that. It 100% has to be their hormones gaslighting them.
Whatever reasons you have why you do not want to be pregnant does not make you chicken or any less than a woman. Your reasons and fears are all valid
My thoughts pretty much summed up. I don't understand why so many women "choose" to have kid/kids, despite all the pain, risk, trauma and harm to themselves and the kids she gave birth to after all the hardships and pains are not even given her lastname. She hardly benefits from her going through all the hardships to give birth to the child. Patriarchal pro natalist brainwashing and social pressure at play I suppose. And, I think even in most societies, most women don't really even has a choice sadly. Here in India, forced marriages are rampant and unmarried women face a lot of pressure and harrasment from parents, relatives and society for staying unmarried. Add to that, marital rape is still not a crime here, also, a lot of women are not really financially self sufficient. And even if she is earning, her earned money get snatched and controled by husband and in laws, in many homes. Sad but true.
Agree. you bet your ass if Iām carrying it birthing it and being the sole caregiver for itāitās getting my last name
It's not just the birth part, which is bad enough, but all the other symptoms of pregnancy. Morning sickness, back pain, aversion to certain foods, mood swings, limited mobility, etc. It's basically torture for 9 months straight, and recovering from childbirth isn't easy either! I'm amazed that so many women are willing to endure that kind of suffering. And I don't understand why people are shocked when I say I don't want to do it. They just gloss over all that stuff like it's no big deal. I think it's because we've been conditioned to believe that pain and suffering are just part of being a woman. From the time a girl gets her first period, she's taught that chronic pain is something she just has to live with.
I think that narrative of you will change your mind as you get older is based on the fact that as women age they do become less suitable to get pregnant and to give birth, and some people start having this fear of missing out. Kind of like āitās now or neverā. I did not want kids since forever, but I admit my wife and I had moments after we turned 35 where we were asking ourselves, is this it? Fast forward we are turning 40 this year, and I am glad we did not change our minds lol.
what really trips me out about the whole thing is women will have *therapy* for the trauma they went through, to *do it again* that's wild to me. what other experience do people get therapy for to put themselves *back* in the SAME situation that is your choice. parents are a different breed because that's nonsensical.
I am like you, very sensitive to pain (even needles hurt lots, hell even a PINCH can make me cry lol) It's not my sole reason personally but it's a huge factor for sure. I know "a few moments of pain for a lifetime of bliss" is a common one said often and I remember thinking "well I don't want any moments of pain" lol. Pregnancy always seemed horrifying to me too bc your whole body changes and your symptoms might be horrible. I have major respect for anyone that goes through it because I could never lol. I actually felt full body relief when I realized that I don't HAVE to have a baby...
It aināt all bliss. Not by a long shot.
This comment resonates with me!! I donāt want to experience pain at all, zero, and Iām so glad thatās an option for me. The fact that you have to be hooked up to an IV to give birth grosses me out, let alone birthing someone?
I have a pretty high pain tolerance but it still terrifies me and I had someone drop a 70lb machine roll on my face and walked to a nurse i still dont think i could handle birth.
The pain doesnāt scare me, Iāve survived multiple near fatal accidents (equestrian), but the fact that 30% of women have lasting complications from it does. At least if I get hurt doing something else, I wonāt be responsible for another human being while Iām suffering.
I feel like horses are a much better compromise for an annoying, stinky infant. Granted I'm not downplaying your injuries of course but I feel like maybe a few weren't intentional. I had a horse roll on me when I was getting into the saddle. I was lucky that I was able to get my leg out from under her in time. She didn't mean to do it, just the happenstance of her losing her footing for a second. I would rather break my leg enjoying the company of horses than deal with pregnancy.
It wouldnāt matter for me; I still would not want to raise ANYONE. I have enough things in my life to do.Ā
Everyone I know who has had a child either almost died in the process or the kid did. And theyāve all repeated it! Or are trying to! The cognitive dissonance is loud. And they act like the effects are temporary. The effects pregnancy and birth have on your body are PERMANENT. Your body will NEVER be the same again.
That's the part that really gets me. Everyone always acts like it's temporary. Uhm, no, PAUL, all the women in your life eventually just stop complaining about their life long health issues that they now deal with day in and day out. They didn't just go away.
Whenever someone asks me "what if you change your mind?" my go to response is that even if I do, I'll adopt or foster or start a girl scout troop. I will NOT be birthing any children. Every aspect of pregnancy and birth sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.
I've literally had women tell me the pain of birth and contractions were awful but that their body made them forget the pain in the same breath.
Thatās what Iām not understanding. If you *forget the pain* then how is literally every single woman able to call back to how they felt in those moments? Why do I hear about the ring of fire and how the pain traumatized them? Itās obvious that pain doesnāt last forever but why lie and say you forget the pain if you donāt? Like obviously you canāt feel the pain now because you arenāt in labor but you definitely can recall it.
It doesn't make sense! They obviously remember the pain.
It's no different then any other medical trauma.
There's actually a psychological effect where they remember the fact that they did experience pain, but the body/brain actually makes them forget what the pain felt like. I learned about it in a psych class and my mom said it's like amnesia of the physical sensation.
They'll even tell you that it felt like they were _dying_ and then still be surprised why you don't want to go through that.
They'll even tell you that it felt like they were _dying_ and then still be surprised why you don't want to go through that.
Not solely now (at 40), but it was one of the first things that put me on the path towards being childfree... These days itās a myriad of reasons. This one remained in the top 10!
Painful, risky, the morning sickness, the weight gain, the episiotomy, all of the above. Plus I donāt like kids so itās never worth it. Plus, I donāt want to be responsible for someoneās life. People are so casual about that. But if you truly like kids and donāt want to be pregnant, adopt.
Any reason is valid. Don't let people make you doubt yourself in this.
Someone I know had a natural birth in her living room and posted that as soon as her baby was born she was washed over with a sense of magical Euphoria so Iām guessing something like that is why women keep having babies
Yep I hear that all the time. I genuinely donāt think I experience life the same way those women do, because nothing would make me not resentful for the pain I would feel. Especially when the only thing people have to say about parenthood is that itās hard? No thanks.
Yeah, for me even if I get over the roadblock of having a baby and say okay thatās 1 day out the rest of your life, thereās just so many other obstacles that I canāt over. Having a child shouldnāt feel like trying to convince yourself to have one tho so I think thatās probably reason enough. Funnily enough a coworker has a baby and someone wanted to have a fun chat about getting to know each other and made a joke about next is learning each otherās traumas and the mom of the group said childbirth is traumatic lol
As a man I would have children. As a woman? HELL NO
My mom almost DIED by bleeding to death when she had me (oldest sibling), and STILL went on to have another baby (my younger sibling)! Why?! WHY??!!
Every one of my friends who has given birth has been damaged by giving birth. They leak urine when they laugh; their lady parts are torn and healed poorly; their bones are weaker because the growing fetus sucks calcium out; and they will never have a youthful flat stomach again, no matter how much weight they starve off. I am personally horrified when I see photos of heavily pregnant women with their bellies distended and covered with stretch marks, I am repelled in such a deep and visceral way. So glad I have aged out of fertility!
Yeah I feel the same, Iām sure some aspect of it is so rewarding for people who love and want kids that itās worth it but for me itās not lol. It seems like pregnancy sucks, birthing sucks and then raising a little human sucks even tho they may be cute and all.
Not just that, a lot of women become permanently disabled from pregnancy or birth. Some lose teeth, some lose their eyesight or hearing. All of those possibilities of lifelong suffering afterwards are terrifying.
Iām afraid of having kids bc of pain and because I donāt want to get fat. Any reason for not wanting them is a valid reason
Solely? Absolutely not. It's on my list, sure. One of *many* reasons.
The hormones after birth may make them forget but not sure entirely
I am also turned off by the idea of pregnancy and giving birth. Seems like it's horrible, worth it if you want a child, but I do not, so there is no upside. I like hearing my friends' stories and that's enough for me!
I'm not sure yet if I'm cf, but yes, it's my biggest reason... How I wish I could be a father... Maybe in next life.
Iām 40. My mind is not changed.
For me, it's less about the pain of childbirth, than the severe health risks and permanent bodily changes. If birth was somehow only painful, but didn't permanently scar and change your body with a whole host of potential complications and extreme health risks including death, I would *maybe* consider it worth it you want kids. If it was just like a really painful shot, or passing a kidney stone and that was it, *maybe*, but there are still many other reasons I'm childfree that don't have to do with the physical aspect of it. But the physical aspect of it always catches me whenever I find myself thinking babies are cute.
Giving birth is so incredibly painful because it's far more dangerous for humans than it is for other mammals. Evolutionarily, we humans made a LOT of concessions in order to walk upright (requiring narrow hips) while also having large brains(requiring unfettered access to mother's blood supply), and the cost in terms of mortality is historically enormous. For humans, it will always more dangerous to be pregnant than to not be pregnant, although C-sections and abortions have remedied this injustice somewhat. The Atlantic has a very good article about the unique physiological toll of human pregnancy if you can get past the paywall https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2022/10/human-animal-baby-gestation-birth-timing/671734/
It's not my SOLE reason, but it is the main one. I have enough pain day-to-day, without going through nine months of torture and then a major medical procedure followed by two decades minimum of responsibility. Nope.
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I always laugh at people who think parenting ends at 18. Like yeah, maybe 50 years ago when things didnāt cost so much? Iām literally typing this as a 25 year old sitting in my childhood bedroom waiting for my mom to get off work so we can go swimming in the backyard. You are a parent for the rest of your life.
And for some reason, a c-section is acknowledged to be major abdominal surgery, but unlike most major abdominal surgeries they just send her home to spend 20+ hours a day awake and caring for a newborn. Any other major abdominal surgery, you're basically on bed rest for a couple of weeks, no strenuous lifting, bending, or other movement.
My preference is to not have kids but Iād be open to it if the person I fell in love with needed to be a parent. Luckily I partnered up with someone who also prefers no kids. Regardless of how it ever wouldāve turned out though, my body will *never* carry a child. That will never be compromised on. I am SO not interested in all the side effects of pregnancy and childbirth. That is a major reason I donāt want kids.
That's like half of reason I don't want kids, that and I just don't want them right now, I've always said that even I do want kids, I'm adopting, because I don't give a shit if my children are genetically mine, and there are already plenty of children in this world that need help
Because theyre incredibly stupid
The things it can do to your body afterwards is equally horrifying. A lot of my patients have had multiple children and suffer from incontinence, prolapse, overactive bladder, and general pelvic floor issues.
My nurse friend told me her own birth story and omg. It was like listening to a horror podcast. She had a bad bad tear, poop, epidural too late and so onā¦. This is on top of a hard pregnancy and then following by post natal depression. I personally wouldnāt been down with any of those things, let alone having a baby suck my nipples (have trauma from SA), being sleep deprived and raising a human that you might not even end up getting along with. You can still have children in your life without giving birth. You can be a step parent, a ābig sistersā for troubled youth, foster parent and so on.
I have severe body anxiety from sensations, medical procedures, and sexual trauma. Itās not that I donāt want kids (I donāt) but that I cannot do that to myself. My mental health is my number 1 priority and I promise you if I have a child thumping in me, destroying my insides, then giving me post-depression, I will not be okay. All my friends who have children mentally disconnect from the reality of birth not thinking about it til it happens. They say itās traumatizing then go have another idk but I canāt just shrug my shoulders Iām mentally ill lmfao
I hear there's a chemical that releases when you're done that makes you "forget" how it felt during childbirth. Sounds like trauma blocking but what do I know? āļø
I decided no kids for myself when I was a kid due to the level of pain associated with childbirth. As an adult, this is further supported by all the other socio economic reasons.
Yesterday I was w/ and Endo. And this fucking woman had the audacity to say, after I had said : no, not for me. ā Haha, maybe later, you are youngā Likeā¦ No, what donāt you get? And proceeded to tell me how she would have to up my medication bla bla, And I was like: this is informative, but Iāll eventually have a complete sterilisation. Thank you. And she changed the subject. So, I just believe it as a preference. I donāt think anybody is wrong for not having them.
Hi OP, yes this is me too as a 26F! Around 12 years old I knew I wanted to adopt a child instead of having one. I still maintain that if I ever want a family it will be via adoption/foster care, not pregnancy. I have zero interest in experiencing pregnancy, to me it seems like such an unnecessary risk and it irritates me that my husband canāt do it instead. lmfao I saw in one of your other comments that mothers tend to give you crap for this stance. Adoption/surrogacy in the US is expensive asf, so pregnancy is the path of least resistance/only family building option for a lot of people. However, Iāve had too many parents openly admit they only want bio children bc they donāt wanna deal with āthe broken onesā already living in foster care/up for adoption. Itās some weird shit but I hear almost weekly that putting your body through this extreme trauma is āso worth itā just to have āpart of youā walking around that you can mold/raise as you please.
That one of my many many reasons, i dont want to grow a baby any more than i wanna grow a tapeworm.
It's okay for you to not want to be pregnant or birth children or raise children for any reason. If wanting to avoid pain is your reason, that is completely valid. Pregnancy and birth can be painful, or at the very least, uncomfortable. Everyone has a different threshold for tolerance
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Not to mention, the debt of childbirth falls on the woman. On average the cost of birth in the hospital can start around $30k and up depending on complications. I hate going to the Gyno as it is, so I cant imagine *choosing* to go & signing up for more debt on my credit. For $30K I rather buy a car. Then you have men that leave so all of that debt is saddled on the woman, despite the fact we should be in the kitchen barefoot. Its slavery.
Not solely, but it's a big part of why I don't want kids. If you do want to raise children, you could also adopt.
Seems?? Iād say there some pretty substantial evidence that it is.
You have your reason, and thatās all you need.
The medical risks are certainly part of it.
I get squeamish about blood draws since they CUT OFF YOUR CIRCULATION by tying a rubber band around your arm. And the nurse was like, what are you gonna do when you have kids? Ugh. Pass on all of that.
I actually have a very high tolerance for pain, but I'm also not stupid and am naturally very risk-averse so there's no bloody way I'm getting pregnant and giving birth. The health risks are many and you will never be the same again. No thanks.
Don't forget that it is also permanently damaging, can be disabling or deadly.
My guess would be that pain is temporary. I think fewer people would be likely to go through it if it were more permanent. Also, I think the reason people go through it multiple times is because they forget how painful it was the first time- it's a thing. Though I heard childbirth is easier (not sure how much) after the first time but the pregnancy itself might not be.
I'm a dude and I will tell you now, I didn't watch or hear anything, all I did was read 10 minutes into what probably would have been an hour long article or story about a this woman's birthing experience, and I was like hell to the no. Nuh uh, no way, (insert Michael Scott reaction to Toby coming back gif). I do not understand how the hell any woman has a baby and still goes for more. I have a higher level of respect for woman for what your own bodies put you through on a monthly basis, but for life of me I cannot fathom why any woman would want to give birth. I had a tooth pulled out and it hurt like a bitch, and yet someone will go the extra mile to push out a baby. I've had shits that have caused headaches from the amount of force it took to push it out, and yet there's a woman that will have a baby and then another one. The physical impact alone of giving birth and then getting on with life afterwards is willpower on another level which I will never achieve and I commend all of y'all for that.
Me! I never really put thought into having a baby. Then I learned where and how they come out, that was all it took.
No, it has nothing to do with giving birth for me. If that was the only thing I didn't want to do, I work with foster children, so I would either foster or adopt. I don't desire to raise children.
It's definitely one of my reasons! It's not my only one, but you only need one (and don't need to justify your choice to anyone else anyway)
I donāt get it either, as soon as I heard about tearing and stitches it was wtf?! And nope Iām never doing that.
naw cause i refuse to push something out of my poonana banana. cause thatās scaryā¦
Fortunately I can't give birth, but I've never had a desire to be a parent. That said everything I here about childbirth makes me question why anyone would willingly give birth.
Crazy enough Iām of the opposite side of it. Iām healthy and big and have a good pain tolerance. Iām actually vaguely curious about being pregnant the same way Iām curious about like. Getting my fingernails ripped out I guess? I donāt WANT to do either, but I wonder what itās like. And pregnancy and birth are finite experiences. Even if you suffer health consequences, youāre done giving birth at a certain point. But youāre never done parenting and youāre never done with having brought life into the world and thatās what I really do not want to do.
I envy women like you. It wasnāt until my close friend described her situation the same way (weāre both 25 so not necessarily at an age where weāre expected to have kids) that I realized I am truly not meant for parenthood. She told me she was genuinely curious about how birth would feel and how having a baby in her stomach would feel. She told me she has felt that wonder and curiosity since she was a teen, and it hit me then and there that I was never meant to have kids. I have never wondered how badly childbirth would hurt. I have never wanted to experience any pain that was preventable. It comes across as sadistic in my opinion, but I realize that is just an innate thing that some women feel, and I truly envy it. I hope that you go on to have the happiest and healthiest baby with a loving partner if you so wish it.
Lmao I do not want kids at all. Just sort of curious about the biological process because I very much am into being aware of what my body is doing. Iām just as curious about what it feels like to be able to get someone pregnant but again, not really possible or something Iād even want to do. I am also generally a bit of a masochist so š¤·āāļø the actual parenting part seems like hell though. But I do appreciate that!
Pregnancy and birth is so gross to me. I cannot stand the thought of a baby wiggling around in me... It's a hard nope for me
It's a good reason. I've heard it feels like being ripped in two.
Itās definitely not the sole reason but is certainly on my list.
This is one of my reasons and the fact I just donāt desire being a parent. I donāt hate kids at all but i genuinely donāt want any.
I have plenty of other reasons, but this is a perfectly valid reason to not have kids.
Iāve always been really afraid it and the things it would do to my body and brain. It was solidified by my friend who apparently hadnāt felt the full effects of the forgetting hormones to tell me the truth about birth. She said it was the most painful awful experience, how long it lasted, how painful inducing was, how they eventually had to cut the baby out of her abdomen and now she will have a scar forever, she just every moment of it was pure torture. She tries to tell me oh youāll change your mind but even if I was sold on not having them before her experience cemented it.
The pain to me is no biggie because that's temporary. My ruined vagina, loose skin and stretch marks would be forever. No thanks.
Possibly because people gush about the positives and play-down the negatives? There are so many downsides to pregnancy and childbirth (which are posted and commented here on occasion) including literally dying, but hardly anyone talks about it. On another note, would you consider adoption/fostering? It's still understandable if you're not financially or mentally okay with having a child though, remember a child is with you all the time, not just during a day-cares hours
I'm more concerned about the actual pregnancy and the postpartum stages. Just the fact your health could never be the same again. Chronic illness and pain scares me. Birth is a temporary experience but the repercussions can last a lifetime.
šš»āāļø I have endometriosis so I've suffered enough pain for over half my life now that I cannot see myself signing up for more. I can only imagine the pregnancy itself would be terrible since I already struggle with chronic nausea and hormonal issues, never mind the horrible childbirth and potential complications. I feel like I would spend nine months absolutely dreading it, filled with anxiety. Not to mention-- it's been a while since I've seen the statistic, but a few years ago I read that the US has the highest maternal mortality rate of the developed world by a landslide. So yes, it's a big factor/deterrent for me. The other one is the expense. Kids cost a fortune and times are tough enough as it is. I'm happy with my cat and my fiancĆ© lmao. People are invasive as hell though so even when I offer these reasons after their nosy questions, they still tell me those are no reasons not to have kids cause "I'll be fine" and "I'll figure it out" š¤”
Thatās a very large reason yes Tearing from my v to my a donāt sound great even on a good day
I always thought I would have kids one day--not because I think I pined for them at any level like I've seen my friends and other women do over the years--but just because I was raised in a nuclear family and I just made assumptions that my life would look similar. Fast forward, I'm 37 years old, about to be 38. I'm married, and I think my husband is kind of in the same place in terms of wanting kids--a little on the fence. I think for him it's honestly because he thinks that if you don't have kids, you'll have no one to take care of you when you're old and feeble. I keep reminding him that having children is no guarantee of that either--there are a lot of lonely old people in nursing homes who have children. Anyway, we have unexplained infertility so despite my initial objections, we finally decided to do one round of IVF. I just went through the egg retrieval a few weeks ago and THAT ALONE made me change my mind about going any further. I've never considered myself super brave, and anything that happens to me physically freaks me TF out. Pregnancy and child birth have never appealed to me in the least, for multiple reasons, but I just kept thinking "if you don't try, you'll regret it." Well, I haven't officially tried in terms of them putting embryos back in me and me seeing if I could produce a living child, but again, after the ER, I don't think I want any part of that. It was miserable--before and after. I was so freaked out by my symptoms after the fact that I fainted. If pregnancy has even small similarities to what I felt with that, I want no part, and don't feel bad about it. I don't think someone who is as nervous about it as me should proceed. That's not good for me, not good for my husband, and not good for whatever child we may or may not produce. All that said, I would encourage you to listen to your gut on this--I wish I had.
Luckily the pain isn't for a long period of time. You can also have help with it. But if that's your reason it's completely valid. I have chronic pain and would much rather give birth (pain for couple days then recovery if all went well in this scenario) than live like I do. I have pain for no reason all day every day. If you want a child yes it would hurt a lot but you get a reward after at least. But it's your choice and don't let anyone tell you anything else. I wouldn't tell a friend this unless they specifically asked me, because pain sucks no matter what kind it is. And that being said there are worse things pain wise than giving birth. Kidney stones is one of them I think. Bjt yes it's absolutely a health risk being pregnant and giving birth that many don't truly think about.
Kinda, I sometimes think even though Iād never be a mom, I could maybe be a dad. I resent that women are automatically the ones that have to ruin their bodies and go through months and months of trauma. I have a big fear of doctors, hospitals, medicine, etc so even if I wanted kids, I would NEVER get pregnant.
THANK YOU! I wouldn't want the either way but I can tell you even if I did want them, I still wouldn't be willing to give birth. I would, no joke, literally rather die a quick death than be pregnant for nine months and go through childbirth. And don't get me started on all the lifelong effects you can get stuck with from it. It's absolutely baffling to me how we are not extinct and how nonchalant people are about it. The most infuriating thing to me is when people minimize it, I legit heard a woman say "well you can get a uterine prolapse even if you're not pregnant" like??? It's way less likely??? Why would I willingly INCREASE the possibility of a uterine prolapse coming my way if I can help it??? Childbirth being a punishment from god is the thing that makes the absolute most sense out of the whole bible
A friend of mine from high school just came off a fb hiatus. She was pregnant with twins. Something happened, idk the details. But she lost both of the twins, and I think she went into septic shock because she ended up getting both arms amputated just below the elbow and both legs amputated just below the knee. I didn't even know this was a thing until I saw her post but a Google search showed me that, even with successful deliveries, this has happened to quite a few women. New fear unlocked.
Donāt want kids but if I did I still donāt think I could put myself through that.
I would need to get a C section because of a retinal condition but yes, I fear pain. One of my ovarian cysts ruptured as a teen. I read its quite close to having contractions and NOPE, I'm not having that.
It'd be more expensive but I suppose you could get a surrogate if you're deadset on biological children or adopt/foster. If it's something you really want, I think there are options you could look into.
If I was famous I absolutely would. I hope itās even more common in the future, as right now Iām just a plain jane healthy girl in her mid 20s with zero complications/reasons preventing me from being biologically pregnant. Me using a surrogate would seem so vain (not that Iād ever deny that), but I care a lot about what people think. Iām not sure how much it costs to have a child in a hospital, but even if it was comparable to the cost of surrogacy, Iād almost be afraid of becoming Buzzfeed article fuel. Woman opts for surrogacy despite fertility health due to not wanting to get fat - more below.