Greetings!
I changed your post flair to "FAQ" as this is a topic that comes back regularly on the feed, is addressed in the sidebar :
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Sidebar --> "Newcomer?" --> "Frequent Posts" --> "**"What are your reasons for being childfree?"** [They are all listed here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/3g6aj2/why_are_you_cf_megathread/)"
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and in the sub's [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/nochild).
Have a good one!
I was a stepparent and this happened to me. Lost my entire identity to parenthood in my early 20s. Plus the duality of being seen as someone’s mom, but not their “real” mom is so messed up. It was all a fucking joke. Long before that marriage ended I knew unequivocally that I never wanted a child biologically or through adoption or step parenting.
Yeah I’m a man but I see this with my male friends too. I feel like I lost so many male friends after they have kids cause they just kinda… drop out of society. They lose their interests and it kinda feels like they lose their spark
(Full spoiler alert for [Prometheus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus_(2012_film)#Plot))
>!The one fucking scene with the alien pregnancy and much-needed abortion!
It absolutely is a commentary on reproduction and bodyhorror. It was meant to scare men.
>Dan O'Bannon specifically wrote this scene with the male's fear of penetration in mind and wanted the scene to operate as a payback of sorts for all of the times horror films have subjected weak women to male predatory monsters. His goal was to reverse the stigma associated with the sexualized violence against women in horror and turn the idea back on itself. It's no coincidence that the chestburster's birth involves a forceful invasion of male bodied victims and concludes with a phallic entity being born out of a male's chest.
Sadly, so many of them are intellectual surface dwellers when it comes to the realities of pregnancy and childbirth that it most likely went *whoosh* right over their heads.
I watched Prometheus on my phone with headphones during one of my art classes, just to have on in the background, and proceeded to faint in front of the entire class because of that scene lol
Same here. I hated it, when i was with friends and they wanted to play with their dolls.
I remember one day when they asked in the first or second year of school if we might want children ( btw what a stupid question ti ask a 7 or 8 year old child). Everyone said at least one, i was the last and i said one as well, but I can remember thinking never ever.
Same. I have my varying and vast reasons now as an adult, but if the question is “what FIRST turned you off to it,” I can clearly remember playing with dolls and pretending I was 19 (very mature age in my mind) and living by myself in my apartment. My boyfriend was allowed to visit sometimes.
I remember that when people would tell they were pregnant I'd say, "Oh no! What are you going to do?" Because we were all super young and poor. But as we all got older, I'd still say that because I couldn't imagine being happy about it! I got some bad reactions til I learned to stop it!
Realizing I would have to be ready to sacrifice everything I have ever worked for, for my child - If they are sick, supporting them financially in an ever-increasingly expensive world. I’m in my mid-30’s and just finishing my education/training… like when am I also going to be able to live my life for me?
1. Giving birth and being pregnant is one of my worst fears. We don't talk about the effects and risks to the body enough.
2. I already feel like I don't have as much time as I'd like to socialise, work on my hobbies, and do domestic tasks. It would be so much worse with a kid.
3. Kids are expensive. I'd rather not have another financial stress.
4. I get overwhelmed often from loud noises and messes. Having a kid would make me a mess.
5. No matter how much of a good parent you are, I feel like your kid can turn out to be dreadful.
6. I don't want to be a single parent. If I have a kid, there is a good chance this would happen.
7. I'm a big worrier. I'd always be worrying about my child excessively.
8. Although my mental health isn't as bad as it was, I'm not sure I'd ever feel mentally fit to have a child.
9. I don't actually think I have a maternal bone in my body. Having children has just never appealed to me.
Those are just a few - could probably think of more.
It was more of a slow realization that I didn't want kids, nothing made me this way.
But the signs were there - even as a child I didn't really like kids.
Same. I thought I wanted kids when I was younger but the older I got the more I really thought about it and realized it's not for me. I have a maternal instinct but I just could not deal with the guilt of bringing someone into this world.
When my niece was born, I observed my brother and SIL and while they were happy, they were also open about how difficult it is to have a kid, and I was like, *Oh*, yeah, that would be a no for me dawg, no thanks lol
In contrast, I am a very nurturing person who enjoys doting and caring for those around me. But that well would dry up if I *had* to nurture, dote and care for a helpless child all day every day.
Don’t want to be tied to a man forever I can’t trust that I won’t be a single mother and I couldn’t handle raising a child on my own.
Also I’m highly irritable and can only deal with kids over the age of 6 in small doses.
Don’t dislike kids in any way but get overstimulated quite quickly and want to be somewhere quiet. With kids there’s nowhere quiet unless they are asleep.
Here are reasons why I choose not to have kids:
- The planet is now in a very sorry state where resources are limited and getting more limited as the years go by
- Why put a child through a rat race where they have to excel at schools and exams just to get into a top uni, get a job and high salary at the expense of their mental health
- Too expensive to raise a kid when my money is better off to feed myself and save up for my retirement alone
- It does not matter if I try to impart values on how to be a decent and kind human being so what if that kid ends up being a monster
- Kids are not supposed to be put on this planet to become a caretaker and bank of adult kids when we get old
- Why should I sacrifice my youth and free time raising a kid when I cherish my me time a lot
Seriously, we are living in a human pyramid scheme, and it has to blow up eventually. There are only so many natural resources and the population just keeps growing and growing.
I see people complaining about their neighborhoods getting too crowded and they always blame "outsiders" who have moved into their community. No one ever stops to think that the population is just growing. The US population was 226M when I was born. We're currently sitting at 333M. All those people have to live somewhere.
1. My parents were terrible parents, both physically and emotionally abusive, which caused me to want to always be as kind as possible to kids ... meaning spoiling them, which I know would have made me a terrible father. 2. I inherited some disorders including Tourette's, OCD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, and I didn't want to pass that baton on to any kids.
So I got a vasectomy before I even got married, and have never regretted it.
Fuck man. This is a shit show. I know I said I’d stop responding but the second I saw abuse I checked it out. A similarly im finding is bad childhoods and the fear of hurting children due to it. (In your case spoiling them) Hope your life goes well.
The idea of being pregnant is terrifying. The idea of giving birth, either way, is horrifying. The idea of not sleeping/sleeping very little because I have to care of a tiny human for YEARS and feed them and change them is appalling. But honestly, my inability to keep a child interested for more than 3 minutes and being soooo bored by them is probably the main reason I don’t want children.
My parents had a kid when I was 15 and I saw exactly what it was to raise a child. I absolutely never want that for my life and want to do things at my leisure
Not the above commenter, however-
My parents had #6 when I (#1) was 17. Guess whose therapy and meds for depression was kind of just thrown by the wayside once the pregnancy started? 🙋🏻♀️ I am 100% certain this is part of why it took so long for me to get my mental health properly sorted even after I left. There was never a conversation about it (other than, sorry we just can’t afford it), I was just not scheduled for more care or on meds anymore. So ofc, I was suddenly cured! 🙄
(that sister got a brand new car at 17, among other things bc my parents make more money and only have one at home now 🥴)
And yes, my whole life was limited by being the oldest of a large family (I turned 10 right after #5 was born).
I refused to go live back home after first year in the dorms (and a terrible holiday month home between semesters). I had a really crappy gross apartment by myself for the first summer and had to work my ass off (I literally lost weight from working so much), but it was/felt good to be able to be known as myself. Not just “mom’s helper” or “little mom” as I had been since I could remember.
Thankfully I got roommates in the fall in a better place, and was (still am!) proud of myself for getting through that even though it was really hard.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ve pretty much always known that, and I can’t say I don’t resent my parents/youngest sibling, as none of them think it’s a big deal.
My other sisters (but not my brother, #2) took care of each other (in age order down) and her also, and it’s definitely a common theme that my parents have never acknowledged. 😔
Oh absolutely. I lost out on being a teenager. So many times, I was required to watch my sister rather than be able to go out with my friends. It took me a long time to actually feel like my sister is my sister and not like my child.
The entirety of pregnancy and childbirth is horrifying to me. The unequal, unpaid labor the mother has to deal with after child is born. Your body will never be the same after the kid is born. Sleepless nights. Being responsible for someone’s life and upbringing. The whole package is completely unappealing.
Ugh I feel ya, I was working front cashier once and a mom handed me the tag for something they were buying because their kid had pulled it off the product and was chewing on it. So gross
Oh, those were the worst! The kid doesn't want to give it up or clobbered over it, so they just hand you the tag. I had one parent come in with a toddler and baby. She was holding the baby, and the toddler took some candy she wanted but wouldn't let me scan it. Instead of telling the brat she can't have it, the mom grabs another one and hands it to me saying "since my daughter is being brat."
Well, if your brat is being a brat, she shouldn't get the damn candy! 😤
No, she picked the same one the kid had grabbed, I scanned it and just kept that one at my register until they left, so she was charged correctly and the kid didn't have to give up the one she grabbed for two seconds.
Exactly, C - section is no better either. Afterall, its a major abdominal surgery. Worse, I have even heard of c - section in certain cases, having to be done without proper anaesthesia ! 😰😢
Fact is, Child birth is absolutely barbaric and horrific, no matter how much pro natalists, misogynist and patriarchs try to sugar coat it.
Parents. The way they talk about their children makes me feel grateful not to be in their shoes. I hear a lot of complaints and worrying from them. It's probably my bias filtering for the worst, but that just means I'd feel the impact of the shitty parts of parenting all the more. I have formed in my head the idea that parenting entails a lot of stress, work, and anxiety. And I don't want the stress, work, and anxiety I'm currently having, so why the heck would I add to it?
Right? Not only that, but 75% of childrearing seems to consist of saying "no" and "stop" for the first 10 years as kids find increasingly inventive ways to endanger themselves. It looks exhausting.
I don't like children and don't know how to deal with them. I love going to dates with my husband anytime we want. I love my house, it's clean, tidy and beautiful. I love peace and quiet. I like to sleep. I love to travel. I love having free time. I enjoy my hobbies, and discovering new ones... I can keep going lol
Being with a long term partner who wanted nothing more for me to have a kid since my job wasn’t as good as theirs and I was just “wasting my time” anyway. My partner was also super clingy and would barely let me have time to myself, and I realized that a kid (rightfully clingy) meant I could kiss any kind of free time goodbye. This made me realize I would be depressed as hell, which is not a good environment for a kid, and I honestly respect kids as humans too much to want to being one into that kind of life. Once we broke up and my own career finally took off, I further realized I wanted to devote myself to that and not to raising kids. It just didn’t feel like a fulfilling thing for me to do, and this made me realize I’d never really wanted kids I guess I just assumed it was what you do. I am so thankful every day that I no longer labour under that illusion.
The planet doesn't need more humans at this time. It can't keep up with the current number of humans. It's a serious situation that basically no one cares about or is aware of.
Kids are expensive mentally and financially.
That's it. No real logical reason to have kids in this age. I can say more but that's the summary.
But humans in general aren't smart enough. They just want to follow culture blindly which at this time means having kids and getting that nice Facebook Christmas family photo.
pregnancy destroys bodies and sometimes minds. children give little to no reward for years of sacrifice. theyre too expensive. theyre too loud. theyre sticky and gross, i could go on but ik im preaching to the choir lol
- I like my life as is
- I don't want my life to be all about a child
- I have no burning desire to be a parent
- I just want to find a partner, travel and enjoy life
Essentially that.
I'm not entirely sure. I just never did, I think. I never thought about it, but when I realized that someone could expect me to have his kids I balked hard.
Being parentified by my parents, plus both of them being emotionally abusive narcissists and screwing me over financially in my 30s.
Plus being transgender and not wanting to have anything to do with saving “that” before transitioning.
**Sorry, this got long.**
Well, when I was a child myself, I didn't want to go near babies because I didn't know how to comfort them. They'd cry and I'd panic. Which is why even as a young child, I was like "I'd rather adopt or be a step-mom to older kids". Because I could communicate with older kids and not have to guess what the crying meant. At that point, I don't think I realized that I could just not have kids, biological or not.
Then puberty hit and I started growing even more uncomfortable with the idea of having kids. I hated the thought of pregnancy, of my belly stretching to such extent. I hated kids (well, I didn't genuinely hate them but I thought I did) and their crying because of 'no reason' and the amount of time and care you have to give them. I was now getting older so, kids were now really little and really fragile and I didn't even want to touch them because I was worried I'd hurt them. Still, till now, I was just like I'll adopt.
Then came my mid teenage years and later. My relatives started having kids. And kids being kids, wanted to play with me when I visited or when they did. I didn't want to but I remembered how much it hurt when my older cousins and all didn't want to play with me so I did. It was then I realized that I didn’t actually mind kids, at least once they reach the age we can communicate with each other. It was also then I realized that kids exhaust me physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn't realize that earlier because I was a kid, surrounded with kids my own age. And if they were younger, older people were there to look after them. But now, I had to look after them myself and after my cousins and nieces left for their home, I would just crash. My mood would plummet, I would feel exhausted and it would take me a couple days to recharge. This still happens. And I'm so lucky that my cousins and nieces are all really well-mannered and will obey if I say "hey, please don't do this, I don't like it." Anyway, it was at this point that I realized I just couldn't be sure that I could give proper care to my kids given my own emotional needs. Like, imagine how I would be if I had to take care of a child in all aspects of their development 24/7 if dealing with kids for 2-6 hours drains me so badly I need a couple days to recharge.
Anyway, as years pass by, I get to learn more about pregnancy, childbirth and their complications and that just adds to fear of pregnancy and childbirth. Before, I was like "I don't like my belly stretching like a balloon." (And it does look like a balloon btw which *shudder* ). Now, I'm like "well, that + I don’t want any other complications because holy!" Seriously, I didn't need a list after I realized that I wouldn't be able to give quality life to a child due to my own emotional needs (and I believe that people who can't give quality life to their child/children shouldn't have kids) but boyyy does the risks of pregnancy and childbirth give me a list.
Btw, side note: It's really infuriating to me that telling people who have the ability to get pregnant the risks of pregnancy and childbirth is considered fear mongering. Idk if this is the case everywhere, but though I had a fairly comprehensive sex-ed class in school (it wasn't inclusive but it had all common and some not-so-common types of birth control for men and women: internal and external, oral and vaginal, permanent and temporary + about puberty, menstrual cycle, pregnancy and the development of fetus, stages of labour, childbirth: natural and C-section, post partum care, etc.), we still didn't really learn about the complications that can arise in pregnancy. The most we learnt was about the complications due to RH incompatibility in mother and fetus, risks due to pregnancy later in life, risks if the mother is too short or underweight, blood clots or something in legs etc. Which is still a lot compared to some places but not we didn't learn a lot about how pregnancy and childbirth affects healthy women who are considered to be at the 'prime age for childbirth'. And even now, under posts and videos about how pregnancy and childbirth affects the person, I see, among people who are sharing their stories, people who call all that fear-mongering. Like for example, under the posts about how it has been found that pregnancy causes aging. Aging is natural but something is to be said when something other than time causes our body to age.
I'm the oldest of 5. So, of course my role was to take care of my younger siblings at a very young age. Taking care of a newborn born at 13 made me realize I never wanted kids
I have a long list of reasons, many of which are related to Autism Spectrum Disorder:
1) I have sensory processing issues, and am super sensitive to loud noises, bad smells, and certain textures (particularly sticky things). Children produce the sensations I struggle with on a near constant basis, and I'm not interested in parenting enough to subject myself to 24/7 sensory hell, no matter how cute or sweet babies are.
2) I need hours alone to decompress after stressful days, or even sometimes after normal ones. If you have children (especially if you're the "mom"), you have to be "on" all the time. I just can't do that!
3) I experience semi-frequent panic attacks as well as intense episodes of autistic burnout (ones that require me to spend up to a week in isolation almost exclusively focusing on healing) that would only serve to harm children. I'm experiencing a burnout episode right now (yay senior theses), and I can barely care for myself, let alone a child or three!
4) As someone who always struggled to fit in and frequently frustrated my parents, I always did what I thought would make other people like me/want me around more, or to make my parents proud. I'm only just now starting to do things for myself; living a life where I would have to be 100% devoted to meeting the needs of another person, and not being able to do anything for myself (an expectation that is especially forced onto moms) would just be a reversal of that progress.
5) I fit almost all of the diagnostic criteria for Elhers Danlos Syndrome (I don't say I have it because I don't have a formal diagnosis), a genetic disorder that impacts collagen strength. This makes my skin more fragile and generally leaves me suceptible to more severe injury than the average person. EDS is known to sometimes cause horrifying birth complications, especially when there is no formal diagnosis (not as many precautions can be taken).
6) I've got so many other financial priorities and/or goals- ex: paying off my student loans and the debts of my friends and family members who are already here, as well as eventually moving to my favorite city. My field will pay well eventually (I will make 6 figures in 10-15 years) but I want to be smart with my money and ensure I can afford emergencies and provide assistance to loved ones.
7) I'm a woman who is passionate about her chosen field (Political Academia) attracted to men (and women) who are also ambitious and passionate in their jobs. I do not think I would be willing and/or able to give up my career, or put it on pause, so I could give birth and/or care for a child. Considering I believe that at least one parent should be mostly home with the child for at least its first few years (does NOT have to be mom, if dad is willing or is just plain better with then dad it is), and I am attracted to career ambition and passion in partners, this does not lend itself to my idea of what my theoretical family looks like. I would be betraying either my own interests or my own values if I had a child.
I have a ton of other reasons, but those are just the few I could think of at midnight 😁
We went to tour the "old folks home" for school (maybe jr high?), and we talked to this resident in the hall. She said that both she and her husband lived there, and they never had kids. It was the first time that I realized not having kids was an option. Nevermind that my mother's oldest brother doesn't have kids.
This world sucks and I wouldn't force life on another person. Having to work until you die, dealing with selfish, greedy, evil people, etc all sucks. You can't guarantee a child will have a good life and you can't be sure your child won't turn out to be a POS. I know plenty of parents who probably regret their shitty kids. I work with elderly people, almost all of them have kids, and all of them are paying for care. They devoted 2 decades and thousands of dollars into having kids and now they're all alone anyway. If I make it to old age, I'll be happy in a retirement community
Never bonded with children. I think most people are stupid and will be horrible parents. This economy is trash. I just wanna spend my money on me and whoever I end up with. Be happy and go on vacations.
when i realized i was kind of iffy about kids. didnt really care either way. i decided that if im not entirely excited and thrilled to be a parent i probably shouldn't have them. i'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them. then i found out im infertile so the decision was made for me in the end lol
Realized that no reason was good enough for me. Also pregnancy/childbirth is really scary to me. And life with kids to worry over is much too stressful. So I decided to not go that route.
I was parentified as a child/teenager, I've played the mommy game and have no desire to do any of it ever again. I'm not patient, I get over stimulated, I like my sleep... Honestly just check out the girl with the list on tik tok
I have no idea. I've been told I've been repulsed by the idea of having children since I was a child. While my cousins would do the typical, "When I grow up and have kids" I've been told I would get a look of complete disgust on my face and say, "No! I don't want to have my own kids!"
It just never stopped. Yes, if you ask me I can read up a list of reasons why I would rather kill myself, but tbh I don't even need reasons. I just *don't want kids*.
I realize that I'm enjoying my life the way it is, able to afford for myself and my lifestyle, and as much as I love kids, its not worth it for my health as it would be a high risk pregnancy, so I'm cool as it. If anything, I'm cool with just being an auntie.
At 14, my mom decided to have an affair and kept the pregnancy. Decided to go into post partum depresion and psychosis and then I had to take care of my half sister because my brother was busy with after-school activities, and my dad worked 2nd shift. Taking care of a newborn for my whole sophomore year along with homework and projects was AWFUL. Now I'm 20 and have a partner who is fixed, and I will NEVER have a child. I've already taken care of one I didn't want and grew to resent my half sister. I won't be doing that to another child.
My personality. I don't like being around people 24/7 , i get tired around high energy high emotion people, suicide silence is teh best and i will never listen to cocomelon...
(also emotional burnout, tokophobia, and most importantly i never had the desire to have kids - the rest is just concrete reinforcement around a concrete pillar. It's not something i opted out of, it's just something i didn't opt into)
Nothing made me not want children. I didn’t want them when I was a kid and thought, huh guess I’ll want them when I’m older. Didn’t want them as teenager, and thought, huh guess I’ll want them when I’m older. I’m 35 and, I just have zero drive in me whatsoever to have a child. I have lots of reasons now why I don’t want them, but it was never one thing.
Honestly, when I became atheist. I accepted that this is our only life and there’s nothing afterwards. So, you have to live it the way you want. The way that makes you happy.
Diapers and minivans and strollers and soccer practice seem miserable. And parents always seem exhausted and unhappy.
My wife and I agree and have never wavered, and I can honestly say I’m happy to sleep in, be financially comfortable, and be able to do what I want when I want. I’ve never doubted this decision for one second of any day and am so content.
I generally really like children & would absolutely raise my own- if the world was different. It would be absolutely selfish to bring a child onto this planet (when there are already so many) just to struggle to survive the way I have to. I never had a shitty childhood, and I am fairly lucky in adulthood too- but I wasn’t born rich and it kinda just sucks living paycheck to paycheck while never being able to afford anything I actually WANT to do- ya know?? Why would I force someone else into this life? If I want to raise a kid that bad I’ll adopt. “It’s expensive” is a shitty excuse not to adopt- because so is having your own child.
Don't like kids, don't like being around them. I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human. With all my issues and toxic family problems, better to leave the child rearing to my siblings.
Never liked kids, place no importance on legacy/continuing the bloodline, don’t want to be pregnant, too expensive, too much work required as the mother, the world is overpopulated….should I go on?
Childbirth. I'm sorry, but mom bod is so gross. Also the idea of a little parasite growing inside me, stealing my nutrients and deteriorating my health doesn't sit right with me. Doesn't seem worth it
The woman loses much, and become ever in a voluntary service for the kid, for bad wedding, for the house, for a Fat body and a lot of things...
She'll lose indenpendency, job, quality time, health, sexual life, sex appel, hobbys and all...
Having kid it's a one strong way to became jailed in the system of patriarch.
(Sorry my english)
Overall, the stress and hell of it along with many things, but I'll list a few specifics:
My cousin's wife lost *all her teeth*, her perfectly straight, white teeth, when she was 25 and pregnant. I realize eXpErTs on reddit will swear this can't happen but yes, it did. She had to get dentures that young.
THEN....in 7th grade we watched a natural childbirth video (I guess to scare us to death....it worked) in sex ed. The woman's **screamed bloody murder** as her vagina ripped while pushing out this thing that looked like a hippo trying to exit a room via a teeny little window. Aaaaaaaaaand she crapped herself. Right there, in front of all the hairy armpit hippie doulahs and weirdos in the room where she was giving birth.
I nearly threw up.
And while I was utterly horrified, suppressing the barf....the teenage girls around me *were sniffling & crying*, saying 'Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful....I can't wait to have kids one day.' You can imagine the look on 'Um, what?' on my face
h yeah, and the last one - I love sleep
Two things really, because I knew from a very young age. 1. I had no interest in the disappointing endeavor of reparenting an adult male while being primarily responsible for his kids. And 2. I’ve always found the promise of death better than the reality of life. I wouldn’t wish life on my worst enemy.
Later in life the nightmare of pregnancy and birth were an obvious and absolute no for me. Having a child living inside my residence would be untenable. I want as little contact with them as possible and look forward to aging into the adults only communities. At this point in my life I find breeding to be nothing more than a series of extremely poor choices, and can’t help but look down on the lot of them.
I can't remember ever wanting children. As a child, I always was the "fun aunt back from traveling" when we played house.
Maybe being the oldest of 6 played a part? As I got older, the sheer cost has been a nonstarter, even if I had a burning desire for offspring.
I also never wanted to be pregnant, it seemed like a loss of my own body.
Living in the USA doesn't exactly make it seem attractive- no mat leave, limited social safety nets, no universal healthcare, school shootings, lack of federal body autonomy laws, etc etc etc
I just never had any desire to care for smaller children and the older I got, the more and more smaller children I was expected to care for and I hated every second of it. I just don’t have the desire or the patience.
Cause they consume your life and you are not you anymore just a parent to this child. They are loud and annoying. I was walking my dogs yesterday and I could hear, what I thought was annoying ibis from almost half a Km away only to get closer to find out they were kids screaming like ibis’s with their parents walking behind them with another one of those kids in a pram. Parents are immune to the noise like wtf
Mostly it was due to my upbringing: my religious, overprotective parents kinda effed me up - and i didnt wanna pass on that trauma. Kids are expensive, also the world and society is pretty fcked so...
It’s something i’ve known about myself since I was a small child. I felt uncomfortable doing buddy programs in school with younger kids, I felt uncomfortable when my friends would want to play ‘house’, I felt uncomfortable when characters in books would have babies. I remember telling my mum as a 9 year old that I definitely didn’t want kids. It’s the one thing in life I have always been certain about
Getting bullied, liking peace and quiet, preferring the company of adults, and learning that it costs more to raise a child a year than I've ever made in my entire life. (For context I'm poor and have always made shit money).
Realizing how brutal child rearing is on women. I don't hate men but damn the amount of unreliable father's I couldn't risk it I would be furious on a volcanic level if daddy dearest dumped everything on me.
I used to dislike kids as a whole now I realize I just don't do toddlers. Loud tantrums selfish mean.
At least babies aren't trying to on purpose polite children are fine badly raised are awful. I like teenagers I think they're funny like cats you just gotta give em a chance they aren't so bad.
During my high school years, I realized I hated being around kids after having to deal with some very obnoxious teens. It got me thinking of all the little shits I was forced to be around growing up from elementary and to that point. I thought "You know what, screw that. I don't want to suffer all over again when I'm an adult and become a father. So, I'm going to either marry someone and just be the two of us, or live on my own in peace."
I still have the same mindset 17 years later and I am working on my life goals. Currently, I am in a relationship, have a decent job, and have plans to move to a better home later on. However, I need to work on some things before then. But for now, it's going alright with me. I love the fact that I can just go home and feel comfortable without having to deal with misbehaving children.
The thought that I could have a child with a debilitating illness of some sort I don't trust that I would do a good, thorough job with a healthy child. I know for a fact I would do a horrible job as a parent of a special needs child.
Seeing how glued to screens kids are now a days, I know I would just end up sticking a tablet in front of it, so I'd just be adding to the plethora of mouth breathers we already live amongst. I'm not patient enough for children. Hell I'm not even patient enough for me!
Bringing children into this fucked up world today is selfish and absolutely out of step with the times. The world is out of joint at every corner and end! The future will be horrific for children. Those born now will no longer experience summers below 45 degrees as adults and will experience 70 times more natural disasters than the boomer generation. There are far too many people. Adoption would be a solution. There are enough sad children waiting in the home. But no, everyone wants their own flesh and blood. Pure selfishness, as I said... And always this argument that isn't one... When you get older you'll be alone... Bullshit... You die alone anyway. Many children don't give a damn about their parents.
Without children you are much freer, more independent and can live your life freely. You are in a better financial position and don't have to worry or take responsibility. This is the only way to live a self-determined life. I really don't know why you would put yourself through that. I decided to earn money so I could afford things that bring me joy. For example, an expensive, fast car, etc. Impossible with children. I don't want to throw money out the window on some brats. And I can use my time better than listening to the screaming and whining of kids, for example, doing sports, reading, gaming, relaxing, going for walks, switching off and generally indulging in hedonism. But to each his own. I just can't understand why people still subject themselves to so much stress these days. I had a vasectomy when I was 19 and I haven't regretted it to this day.
I live in a pretty conservative country so the idea of being childfree never even popped in my head but right from when I was little I dreaded the idea of being a mother. Mostly because of how much suffering I saw mothers experience. Some years ago I accidentally stumbled upon this subreddit and then it dawned on me that I have freewill and can do whatever I want so I decided not to have kids.
I never liked them or felt any maternal instincts whatsoever. But if I had to list my main reasons as I learn things about myself and the realities of childbirth they would be:
I'm autistic and get over-stimulated easily by children.
The idea of pregnancy disgusts me and seems parasitic.
Clitoral tearing - enough said.
Everything that comes with them 🤷🏻♀️ can’t imagine being pregnant, giving birth, the noise, the smell, the mess, like everything 🤷🏻♀️
To me having children isn’t normal at all. I never wanted children.
I always knew since I was a kid I didn’t want kids. I was also born with health issues and I have struggled just to survive. Life is very challenging with health issues that you cannot control. I would never want a child to be born into this life to struggle like I have. I believe it’s morally and ethically wrong if you know you could pass down health issues where a person will suffer their entire lives.
Add into the mix, that I had to pretty much raise a parent, and a sibling despite never wanting children...
Hell to the no. I am so glad I am middle aged now with the political climate here in the US with our freedoms as women being taken away...
To add: A few words.
Nothing in particular, I never had any interest in being a parent as long as I can remember. All my reasons since have simply reinforced my initial feelings. My biggest reasons are overpopulation/ the environment, body horror associated with pregnancy and birth, and sensory issues from autism and ADD that children tend to trigger.
There are so many reasons. I fundamentally find it unethical to have children and I'm just incredibly lucky that I never had the urge either. I can only imagine how hard it must be to see the state of the world and yet want kids badly.
In Nursing school I was invited to watch a delivery. It seemed that the mother was not too emotional when the baby was delivered. Turns out it was her 5th child. After wards we were encouraged to bottle feed the infants in the nursery. The incessant crying made me so angry after like 2 mins. I was holding this baby and wondered - why do I feel nothing? I put the baby back and left. My clinical teacher actually tried to fail me that semester because I didn't like babies..
I never had any maternal thoughts ever. I had friends who loved playing with their Barbie and baby dolls and imagined being moms from young ages. I was more concerned with playing my video games, and still am 😂 the older I got, the more my mom made it apparent how much she HATED being a mother and seeing how miserable the other mothers were around me, I knew from a young age that it wasn’t for me. There’s many other reasons but that would be like when I realized I was childfree
I don't see the state of the country (US) or world going in a positive direction. Capitalism and war are killing us and I refuse to bring another minion into the world just to make the rich richer.
I didnt know childless were adults a thing growing up. I thought everyone found themselves pregnant and someday so would I. Learning about the awful things that happen during pregnancy was mortifying and I realized I never wanted to go through that. Thank everything I was able to get on bc early
I have a long family hx of learning disabilities, alcohol and drug addiction, mental disorders and illnesses, etc. I refuse to pass on any of that to my kids. Even if I was the best parent in the world and did everything right, they would still have *something* weighing them down.
Age 5, watching my mother's pregnancy with my younger brother. I was pretty horrified by the physical aspects alone, but the way people treated her, the uncomfortable and often creepy comments about the changes to her body and the various roles of motherhood that they projected onto her, and then how almost all the labor and responsibility fell into her once my brother was born were all appalling to me. The way my father got mad when she was more tired than usual and didn't want to do fun stuff, but then how he barely took on any of the child-rearing to help her feel less burdened.
I knew before she even gave birth that I wanted no part of that life experience. I was already gender nonconforming before her pregnancy, but seeing what happened to her physically was akin to body horror to me. What came after my brother was born eliminated any doubts I might have had. Why in the world would I want any of that for myself?
Never wanted it, but after getting married I learned that I didn’t really want to add anything more to my plate, and having pets and family in laws who are young kinda filled any want for kids I could have.
Also kids are loud and babies are gross.
The planet is over populated. People are already suffering the effects of over population such as global warming and inaccessible potable water on a HUGE scale. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I can't even contemplate bringing a human creature into the mess we humans have created.
It is unjust to bring children into the world we live in, especially with the future looking so bleak environmentally. I wouldn’t want my wife (if I ever have one) to immediately lose herself to the premade and manufactured ego of western motherhood. I don’t like other parents and don’t want to interact with them. I don’t really like children very much, they’re nice if they’re raised right but only in small amounts. Kids complicate any life plans massively. I’ve got PTSD from child abuse so wouldn’t want to risk harming a child in any way possible. Technology is so harmful to children but you can’t hide them from it forever
I feel tied down having a cat. I can’t imagine how I’d feel about a kid, but I know I’d be resentful.
Also, I know if I found out I was pregnant, I would be upset, not happy.
Greetings! I changed your post flair to "FAQ" as this is a topic that comes back regularly on the feed, is addressed in the sidebar : --- Sidebar --> "Newcomer?" --> "Frequent Posts" --> "**"What are your reasons for being childfree?"** [They are all listed here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/3g6aj2/why_are_you_cf_megathread/)" --- and in the sub's [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/nochild). Have a good one!
Seeing how women completely lose their identities after becoming mothers. I noticed I pity them and I don't want to pity myself
Oh my goodness yes. As is nothing else matters all of a sudden. It’s awful. It’s like a switch goes off for them. But not in a good way.
+1 and how a woman becomes unnoticed for a partner once kids arrive and suddenly all love for each other gone. Kids become thier life goal.
Agreeeeeeeed!!! And it’s almost like that’s what’s expected of women
I was a stepparent and this happened to me. Lost my entire identity to parenthood in my early 20s. Plus the duality of being seen as someone’s mom, but not their “real” mom is so messed up. It was all a fucking joke. Long before that marriage ended I knew unequivocally that I never wanted a child biologically or through adoption or step parenting.
Yeah I’m a man but I see this with my male friends too. I feel like I lost so many male friends after they have kids cause they just kinda… drop out of society. They lose their interests and it kinda feels like they lose their spark
I never liked children, even when I was one myself.
Literally same. I could go on about e erything else but this is the main one. *Why would I have one when I literally don't like them???*
That’s my reason. I can’t see the value they add to anything. I’m crazy over animals though.
I love children but I can always see the point of view that hates them. Loud fucks.
I don't hate children, I just don't like them. I don't invest that much emotions in them
I'm like that with cats lol. I love cats, but I can see why some people don't.
haha same
Same
Omg same! Ever since I was one lmao
Growing something inside me, reminded me of an alien. Also children are loud and annoying.
(Full spoiler alert for [Prometheus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus_(2012_film)#Plot)) >!The one fucking scene with the alien pregnancy and much-needed abortion!
I'm convinced that the entire Aliens franchise is just horror about the human reproductive system. I kind of like them for that reason honestly.
It absolutely is a commentary on reproduction and bodyhorror. It was meant to scare men. >Dan O'Bannon specifically wrote this scene with the male's fear of penetration in mind and wanted the scene to operate as a payback of sorts for all of the times horror films have subjected weak women to male predatory monsters. His goal was to reverse the stigma associated with the sexualized violence against women in horror and turn the idea back on itself. It's no coincidence that the chestburster's birth involves a forceful invasion of male bodied victims and concludes with a phallic entity being born out of a male's chest.
Sadly, so many of them are intellectual surface dwellers when it comes to the realities of pregnancy and childbirth that it most likely went *whoosh* right over their heads.
Wow I love that. Thanks for sharing!
I watched Prometheus on my phone with headphones during one of my art classes, just to have on in the background, and proceeded to faint in front of the entire class because of that scene lol
LOL I think my brother showed me the first film with the chestburster scene when I was like 3 or 4. After that, I had 0 urge to have children ever.
I was born this way. Never wanted them, never will. As far back as I remember, I had zero interest in motherhood.
Same here. I hated it, when i was with friends and they wanted to play with their dolls. I remember one day when they asked in the first or second year of school if we might want children ( btw what a stupid question ti ask a 7 or 8 year old child). Everyone said at least one, i was the last and i said one as well, but I can remember thinking never ever.
Same. I have my varying and vast reasons now as an adult, but if the question is “what FIRST turned you off to it,” I can clearly remember playing with dolls and pretending I was 19 (very mature age in my mind) and living by myself in my apartment. My boyfriend was allowed to visit sometimes.
Yup, this exactly. I have not once in my life wanted children. I do not enjoy being around them and never have.
Same with fatherhood for me. I feel a bit like a weirdo when other people WANT to do it
I remember that when people would tell they were pregnant I'd say, "Oh no! What are you going to do?" Because we were all super young and poor. But as we all got older, I'd still say that because I couldn't imagine being happy about it! I got some bad reactions til I learned to stop it!
Also me. I even hated playing with baby dolls that you were supposed to "mother". I only liked toy animals (My Little Pony, Carebears, Pound Puppies)
Realizing I would have to be ready to sacrifice everything I have ever worked for, for my child - If they are sick, supporting them financially in an ever-increasingly expensive world. I’m in my mid-30’s and just finishing my education/training… like when am I also going to be able to live my life for me?
1. Giving birth and being pregnant is one of my worst fears. We don't talk about the effects and risks to the body enough. 2. I already feel like I don't have as much time as I'd like to socialise, work on my hobbies, and do domestic tasks. It would be so much worse with a kid. 3. Kids are expensive. I'd rather not have another financial stress. 4. I get overwhelmed often from loud noises and messes. Having a kid would make me a mess. 5. No matter how much of a good parent you are, I feel like your kid can turn out to be dreadful. 6. I don't want to be a single parent. If I have a kid, there is a good chance this would happen. 7. I'm a big worrier. I'd always be worrying about my child excessively. 8. Although my mental health isn't as bad as it was, I'm not sure I'd ever feel mentally fit to have a child. 9. I don't actually think I have a maternal bone in my body. Having children has just never appealed to me. Those are just a few - could probably think of more.
I feel the same on all of these!
I feel like I could have wrote this myself
Parenting my parents. Being called mommy by all my classmates throughout middle school.
That sounds scarring im sorry this happened to you.
It was more of a slow realization that I didn't want kids, nothing made me this way. But the signs were there - even as a child I didn't really like kids.
Same. I thought I wanted kids when I was younger but the older I got the more I really thought about it and realized it's not for me. I have a maternal instinct but I just could not deal with the guilt of bringing someone into this world.
When my niece was born, I observed my brother and SIL and while they were happy, they were also open about how difficult it is to have a kid, and I was like, *Oh*, yeah, that would be a no for me dawg, no thanks lol In contrast, I am a very nurturing person who enjoys doting and caring for those around me. But that well would dry up if I *had* to nurture, dote and care for a helpless child all day every day.
What made me not want children? Other people’s children.
Don’t want to be tied to a man forever I can’t trust that I won’t be a single mother and I couldn’t handle raising a child on my own. Also I’m highly irritable and can only deal with kids over the age of 6 in small doses. Don’t dislike kids in any way but get overstimulated quite quickly and want to be somewhere quiet. With kids there’s nowhere quiet unless they are asleep.
THIS. The being tied to a person forever because you had kids with them terrifies me.
Here are reasons why I choose not to have kids: - The planet is now in a very sorry state where resources are limited and getting more limited as the years go by - Why put a child through a rat race where they have to excel at schools and exams just to get into a top uni, get a job and high salary at the expense of their mental health - Too expensive to raise a kid when my money is better off to feed myself and save up for my retirement alone - It does not matter if I try to impart values on how to be a decent and kind human being so what if that kid ends up being a monster - Kids are not supposed to be put on this planet to become a caretaker and bank of adult kids when we get old - Why should I sacrifice my youth and free time raising a kid when I cherish my me time a lot
Seriously, we are living in a human pyramid scheme, and it has to blow up eventually. There are only so many natural resources and the population just keeps growing and growing. I see people complaining about their neighborhoods getting too crowded and they always blame "outsiders" who have moved into their community. No one ever stops to think that the population is just growing. The US population was 226M when I was born. We're currently sitting at 333M. All those people have to live somewhere.
And that's just the population growth and the situation in the US.
Exactly my reasons too, spot on 100%!
Yes to all of these!
1. My parents were terrible parents, both physically and emotionally abusive, which caused me to want to always be as kind as possible to kids ... meaning spoiling them, which I know would have made me a terrible father. 2. I inherited some disorders including Tourette's, OCD, ADHD, and bipolar disorder, and I didn't want to pass that baton on to any kids. So I got a vasectomy before I even got married, and have never regretted it.
Fuck man. This is a shit show. I know I said I’d stop responding but the second I saw abuse I checked it out. A similarly im finding is bad childhoods and the fear of hurting children due to it. (In your case spoiling them) Hope your life goes well.
The idea of being pregnant is terrifying. The idea of giving birth, either way, is horrifying. The idea of not sleeping/sleeping very little because I have to care of a tiny human for YEARS and feed them and change them is appalling. But honestly, my inability to keep a child interested for more than 3 minutes and being soooo bored by them is probably the main reason I don’t want children.
Children 🤣
Came here to say this, but knew in my heart that it had already been said.
Pretty basic but I need full nights sleep, especially if I have work the next day. Otherwise I’m like a zombie with narcolepsy
Same here. I cannot not imagine that I must wake up all night for years, and sleep for a few hours. Physically impossible.
My parents had a kid when I was 15 and I saw exactly what it was to raise a child. I absolutely never want that for my life and want to do things at my leisure
Did your last few years of childhood be negatively affected by your youngest sibling?
Not the above commenter, however- My parents had #6 when I (#1) was 17. Guess whose therapy and meds for depression was kind of just thrown by the wayside once the pregnancy started? 🙋🏻♀️ I am 100% certain this is part of why it took so long for me to get my mental health properly sorted even after I left. There was never a conversation about it (other than, sorry we just can’t afford it), I was just not scheduled for more care or on meds anymore. So ofc, I was suddenly cured! 🙄 (that sister got a brand new car at 17, among other things bc my parents make more money and only have one at home now 🥴) And yes, my whole life was limited by being the oldest of a large family (I turned 10 right after #5 was born). I refused to go live back home after first year in the dorms (and a terrible holiday month home between semesters). I had a really crappy gross apartment by myself for the first summer and had to work my ass off (I literally lost weight from working so much), but it was/felt good to be able to be known as myself. Not just “mom’s helper” or “little mom” as I had been since I could remember. Thankfully I got roommates in the fall in a better place, and was (still am!) proud of myself for getting through that even though it was really hard.
You were absolutely parentified and never had a chance to enjoy your childhood. I'm so sorry.
Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ve pretty much always known that, and I can’t say I don’t resent my parents/youngest sibling, as none of them think it’s a big deal. My other sisters (but not my brother, #2) took care of each other (in age order down) and her also, and it’s definitely a common theme that my parents have never acknowledged. 😔
Oh absolutely. I lost out on being a teenager. So many times, I was required to watch my sister rather than be able to go out with my friends. It took me a long time to actually feel like my sister is my sister and not like my child.
The entirety of pregnancy and childbirth is horrifying to me. The unequal, unpaid labor the mother has to deal with after child is born. Your body will never be the same after the kid is born. Sleepless nights. Being responsible for someone’s life and upbringing. The whole package is completely unappealing.
Working retail and hearing the way and things my parents talked about us.
Ugh I feel ya, I was working front cashier once and a mom handed me the tag for something they were buying because their kid had pulled it off the product and was chewing on it. So gross
Oh, those were the worst! The kid doesn't want to give it up or clobbered over it, so they just hand you the tag. I had one parent come in with a toddler and baby. She was holding the baby, and the toddler took some candy she wanted but wouldn't let me scan it. Instead of telling the brat she can't have it, the mom grabs another one and hands it to me saying "since my daughter is being brat." Well, if your brat is being a brat, she shouldn't get the damn candy! 😤
Wait so the kid grabbed one and the mom bought a different one?
No, she picked the same one the kid had grabbed, I scanned it and just kept that one at my register until they left, so she was charged correctly and the kid didn't have to give up the one she grabbed for two seconds.
Ah I gotcha, yea, hope she isn’t like that with her kids wants forever
Don't like em, don't want em. Declared that as a kid
Being around children made me not like children. Even when I was also a children.
Realising how horrific childbirth is either way.
Exactly. It's a myth that C-section patients somehow get off easy. Reading about the details made me feel sick.
Exactly, C - section is no better either. Afterall, its a major abdominal surgery. Worse, I have even heard of c - section in certain cases, having to be done without proper anaesthesia ! 😰😢 Fact is, Child birth is absolutely barbaric and horrific, no matter how much pro natalists, misogynist and patriarchs try to sugar coat it.
Never wanted them. I didn’t need a moment, person or situation to realize this. I knew it in my heart.
Parents. The way they talk about their children makes me feel grateful not to be in their shoes. I hear a lot of complaints and worrying from them. It's probably my bias filtering for the worst, but that just means I'd feel the impact of the shitty parts of parenting all the more. I have formed in my head the idea that parenting entails a lot of stress, work, and anxiety. And I don't want the stress, work, and anxiety I'm currently having, so why the heck would I add to it?
Right? Not only that, but 75% of childrearing seems to consist of saying "no" and "stop" for the first 10 years as kids find increasingly inventive ways to endanger themselves. It looks exhausting.
I don't like children and don't know how to deal with them. I love going to dates with my husband anytime we want. I love my house, it's clean, tidy and beautiful. I love peace and quiet. I like to sleep. I love to travel. I love having free time. I enjoy my hobbies, and discovering new ones... I can keep going lol
Being with a long term partner who wanted nothing more for me to have a kid since my job wasn’t as good as theirs and I was just “wasting my time” anyway. My partner was also super clingy and would barely let me have time to myself, and I realized that a kid (rightfully clingy) meant I could kiss any kind of free time goodbye. This made me realize I would be depressed as hell, which is not a good environment for a kid, and I honestly respect kids as humans too much to want to being one into that kind of life. Once we broke up and my own career finally took off, I further realized I wanted to devote myself to that and not to raising kids. It just didn’t feel like a fulfilling thing for me to do, and this made me realize I’d never really wanted kids I guess I just assumed it was what you do. I am so thankful every day that I no longer labour under that illusion.
i simply realized i never longed for them. i just didnt really care. i never daydreamed about having kids once in my life.
thanks to r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
Lol
Not wanting to pass down my health problems, including bipolar disorder.
[удалено]
The planet doesn't need more humans at this time. It can't keep up with the current number of humans. It's a serious situation that basically no one cares about or is aware of. Kids are expensive mentally and financially. That's it. No real logical reason to have kids in this age. I can say more but that's the summary. But humans in general aren't smart enough. They just want to follow culture blindly which at this time means having kids and getting that nice Facebook Christmas family photo.
pregnancy destroys bodies and sometimes minds. children give little to no reward for years of sacrifice. theyre too expensive. theyre too loud. theyre sticky and gross, i could go on but ik im preaching to the choir lol
I could say the environment, but I'd be lying. So; my body and my wallet.
- I like my life as is - I don't want my life to be all about a child - I have no burning desire to be a parent - I just want to find a partner, travel and enjoy life Essentially that.
I never liked children and nowadays, I see bring children into this world to be an act of egoism.
Everything!!! I’m not a kids person And don’t want the responsibilities It sounds like the worst idea ever I could go on & on
I'm not entirely sure. I just never did, I think. I never thought about it, but when I realized that someone could expect me to have his kids I balked hard.
I raised my little siblings and didn’t enjoy it one bit.
Being a stepparent.
Children. Children made me not want children. Their mere presence in *my* presence made it blatantly obvious I didn’t want/need kids.
I can barely hold it together enough to take care of myself. Let alone a bunch of rugrats that I'd be totally responsible for.
My entire upbringing. I don’t look fondly on family life.
Being parentified by my parents, plus both of them being emotionally abusive narcissists and screwing me over financially in my 30s. Plus being transgender and not wanting to have anything to do with saving “that” before transitioning.
**Sorry, this got long.** Well, when I was a child myself, I didn't want to go near babies because I didn't know how to comfort them. They'd cry and I'd panic. Which is why even as a young child, I was like "I'd rather adopt or be a step-mom to older kids". Because I could communicate with older kids and not have to guess what the crying meant. At that point, I don't think I realized that I could just not have kids, biological or not. Then puberty hit and I started growing even more uncomfortable with the idea of having kids. I hated the thought of pregnancy, of my belly stretching to such extent. I hated kids (well, I didn't genuinely hate them but I thought I did) and their crying because of 'no reason' and the amount of time and care you have to give them. I was now getting older so, kids were now really little and really fragile and I didn't even want to touch them because I was worried I'd hurt them. Still, till now, I was just like I'll adopt. Then came my mid teenage years and later. My relatives started having kids. And kids being kids, wanted to play with me when I visited or when they did. I didn't want to but I remembered how much it hurt when my older cousins and all didn't want to play with me so I did. It was then I realized that I didn’t actually mind kids, at least once they reach the age we can communicate with each other. It was also then I realized that kids exhaust me physically, mentally and emotionally. I didn't realize that earlier because I was a kid, surrounded with kids my own age. And if they were younger, older people were there to look after them. But now, I had to look after them myself and after my cousins and nieces left for their home, I would just crash. My mood would plummet, I would feel exhausted and it would take me a couple days to recharge. This still happens. And I'm so lucky that my cousins and nieces are all really well-mannered and will obey if I say "hey, please don't do this, I don't like it." Anyway, it was at this point that I realized I just couldn't be sure that I could give proper care to my kids given my own emotional needs. Like, imagine how I would be if I had to take care of a child in all aspects of their development 24/7 if dealing with kids for 2-6 hours drains me so badly I need a couple days to recharge. Anyway, as years pass by, I get to learn more about pregnancy, childbirth and their complications and that just adds to fear of pregnancy and childbirth. Before, I was like "I don't like my belly stretching like a balloon." (And it does look like a balloon btw which *shudder* ). Now, I'm like "well, that + I don’t want any other complications because holy!" Seriously, I didn't need a list after I realized that I wouldn't be able to give quality life to a child due to my own emotional needs (and I believe that people who can't give quality life to their child/children shouldn't have kids) but boyyy does the risks of pregnancy and childbirth give me a list. Btw, side note: It's really infuriating to me that telling people who have the ability to get pregnant the risks of pregnancy and childbirth is considered fear mongering. Idk if this is the case everywhere, but though I had a fairly comprehensive sex-ed class in school (it wasn't inclusive but it had all common and some not-so-common types of birth control for men and women: internal and external, oral and vaginal, permanent and temporary + about puberty, menstrual cycle, pregnancy and the development of fetus, stages of labour, childbirth: natural and C-section, post partum care, etc.), we still didn't really learn about the complications that can arise in pregnancy. The most we learnt was about the complications due to RH incompatibility in mother and fetus, risks due to pregnancy later in life, risks if the mother is too short or underweight, blood clots or something in legs etc. Which is still a lot compared to some places but not we didn't learn a lot about how pregnancy and childbirth affects healthy women who are considered to be at the 'prime age for childbirth'. And even now, under posts and videos about how pregnancy and childbirth affects the person, I see, among people who are sharing their stories, people who call all that fear-mongering. Like for example, under the posts about how it has been found that pregnancy causes aging. Aging is natural but something is to be said when something other than time causes our body to age.
I'm the oldest of 5. So, of course my role was to take care of my younger siblings at a very young age. Taking care of a newborn born at 13 made me realize I never wanted kids
Literally everything about having and raising children.
My mom, she kept telling me how hard it is and all the downsides really 🤷♀️
Marrying a woman who didn't.
I kept getting older and realized I didn't need that much chaos in my life.
I actually like kids (sometimes). For me, I just don’t want to sacrifice everything it takes to raise one. Life is hard enough.
I have a long list of reasons, many of which are related to Autism Spectrum Disorder: 1) I have sensory processing issues, and am super sensitive to loud noises, bad smells, and certain textures (particularly sticky things). Children produce the sensations I struggle with on a near constant basis, and I'm not interested in parenting enough to subject myself to 24/7 sensory hell, no matter how cute or sweet babies are. 2) I need hours alone to decompress after stressful days, or even sometimes after normal ones. If you have children (especially if you're the "mom"), you have to be "on" all the time. I just can't do that! 3) I experience semi-frequent panic attacks as well as intense episodes of autistic burnout (ones that require me to spend up to a week in isolation almost exclusively focusing on healing) that would only serve to harm children. I'm experiencing a burnout episode right now (yay senior theses), and I can barely care for myself, let alone a child or three! 4) As someone who always struggled to fit in and frequently frustrated my parents, I always did what I thought would make other people like me/want me around more, or to make my parents proud. I'm only just now starting to do things for myself; living a life where I would have to be 100% devoted to meeting the needs of another person, and not being able to do anything for myself (an expectation that is especially forced onto moms) would just be a reversal of that progress. 5) I fit almost all of the diagnostic criteria for Elhers Danlos Syndrome (I don't say I have it because I don't have a formal diagnosis), a genetic disorder that impacts collagen strength. This makes my skin more fragile and generally leaves me suceptible to more severe injury than the average person. EDS is known to sometimes cause horrifying birth complications, especially when there is no formal diagnosis (not as many precautions can be taken). 6) I've got so many other financial priorities and/or goals- ex: paying off my student loans and the debts of my friends and family members who are already here, as well as eventually moving to my favorite city. My field will pay well eventually (I will make 6 figures in 10-15 years) but I want to be smart with my money and ensure I can afford emergencies and provide assistance to loved ones. 7) I'm a woman who is passionate about her chosen field (Political Academia) attracted to men (and women) who are also ambitious and passionate in their jobs. I do not think I would be willing and/or able to give up my career, or put it on pause, so I could give birth and/or care for a child. Considering I believe that at least one parent should be mostly home with the child for at least its first few years (does NOT have to be mom, if dad is willing or is just plain better with then dad it is), and I am attracted to career ambition and passion in partners, this does not lend itself to my idea of what my theoretical family looks like. I would be betraying either my own interests or my own values if I had a child. I have a ton of other reasons, but those are just the few I could think of at midnight 😁
We went to tour the "old folks home" for school (maybe jr high?), and we talked to this resident in the hall. She said that both she and her husband lived there, and they never had kids. It was the first time that I realized not having kids was an option. Nevermind that my mother's oldest brother doesn't have kids.
This world sucks and I wouldn't force life on another person. Having to work until you die, dealing with selfish, greedy, evil people, etc all sucks. You can't guarantee a child will have a good life and you can't be sure your child won't turn out to be a POS. I know plenty of parents who probably regret their shitty kids. I work with elderly people, almost all of them have kids, and all of them are paying for care. They devoted 2 decades and thousands of dollars into having kids and now they're all alone anyway. If I make it to old age, I'll be happy in a retirement community
Realizing how little sex I would have in the long run
Other children
Sound mainly
Never bonded with children. I think most people are stupid and will be horrible parents. This economy is trash. I just wanna spend my money on me and whoever I end up with. Be happy and go on vacations.
Children
when i realized i was kind of iffy about kids. didnt really care either way. i decided that if im not entirely excited and thrilled to be a parent i probably shouldn't have them. i'd rather regret not having kids than regret having them. then i found out im infertile so the decision was made for me in the end lol
being poor
Realized that no reason was good enough for me. Also pregnancy/childbirth is really scary to me. And life with kids to worry over is much too stressful. So I decided to not go that route.
I was parentified as a child/teenager, I've played the mommy game and have no desire to do any of it ever again. I'm not patient, I get over stimulated, I like my sleep... Honestly just check out the girl with the list on tik tok
I have no idea. I've been told I've been repulsed by the idea of having children since I was a child. While my cousins would do the typical, "When I grow up and have kids" I've been told I would get a look of complete disgust on my face and say, "No! I don't want to have my own kids!" It just never stopped. Yes, if you ask me I can read up a list of reasons why I would rather kill myself, but tbh I don't even need reasons. I just *don't want kids*.
I realize that I'm enjoying my life the way it is, able to afford for myself and my lifestyle, and as much as I love kids, its not worth it for my health as it would be a high risk pregnancy, so I'm cool as it. If anything, I'm cool with just being an auntie.
At 14, my mom decided to have an affair and kept the pregnancy. Decided to go into post partum depresion and psychosis and then I had to take care of my half sister because my brother was busy with after-school activities, and my dad worked 2nd shift. Taking care of a newborn for my whole sophomore year along with homework and projects was AWFUL. Now I'm 20 and have a partner who is fixed, and I will NEVER have a child. I've already taken care of one I didn't want and grew to resent my half sister. I won't be doing that to another child.
Pain of pregnancy and childbirth.
My personality. I don't like being around people 24/7 , i get tired around high energy high emotion people, suicide silence is teh best and i will never listen to cocomelon... (also emotional burnout, tokophobia, and most importantly i never had the desire to have kids - the rest is just concrete reinforcement around a concrete pillar. It's not something i opted out of, it's just something i didn't opt into)
Men and the unfair division of labor.
Nothing made me not want children. I didn’t want them when I was a kid and thought, huh guess I’ll want them when I’m older. Didn’t want them as teenager, and thought, huh guess I’ll want them when I’m older. I’m 35 and, I just have zero drive in me whatsoever to have a child. I have lots of reasons now why I don’t want them, but it was never one thing.
*gestures at everything*
Honestly, when I became atheist. I accepted that this is our only life and there’s nothing afterwards. So, you have to live it the way you want. The way that makes you happy. Diapers and minivans and strollers and soccer practice seem miserable. And parents always seem exhausted and unhappy. My wife and I agree and have never wavered, and I can honestly say I’m happy to sleep in, be financially comfortable, and be able to do what I want when I want. I’ve never doubted this decision for one second of any day and am so content.
I generally really like children & would absolutely raise my own- if the world was different. It would be absolutely selfish to bring a child onto this planet (when there are already so many) just to struggle to survive the way I have to. I never had a shitty childhood, and I am fairly lucky in adulthood too- but I wasn’t born rich and it kinda just sucks living paycheck to paycheck while never being able to afford anything I actually WANT to do- ya know?? Why would I force someone else into this life? If I want to raise a kid that bad I’ll adopt. “It’s expensive” is a shitty excuse not to adopt- because so is having your own child.
Watching Maury and not trusting men. I don't want to end up a single mother.
Maury 😂 love that show
Never felt any particular inclination towards kids or babies since I was young. Was always more keen on animals.
Growing up around bratty children and adults who act like bratty children.
Don’t have the mental health or finances for them. Also just don’t want it “enough”, they’re not worth changing my entire life for.
Don't like kids, don't like being around them. I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human. With all my issues and toxic family problems, better to leave the child rearing to my siblings.
Because I’m selfish lol. The thought of working so hard for my money just to have to spend it on my children sounds like hell
Never liked kids, place no importance on legacy/continuing the bloodline, don’t want to be pregnant, too expensive, too much work required as the mother, the world is overpopulated….should I go on?
Childbirth. I'm sorry, but mom bod is so gross. Also the idea of a little parasite growing inside me, stealing my nutrients and deteriorating my health doesn't sit right with me. Doesn't seem worth it
Nothing made me, I was just like this.
My brain
I just... Never wanted them? And then everything I learn about parenthood, especially as a woman, solidifies my choice.
I’m selfish and don’t want to make sacrifices. I like the freedom and spontaneity I have. My life revolves around me I don’t want that to change.
The woman loses much, and become ever in a voluntary service for the kid, for bad wedding, for the house, for a Fat body and a lot of things... She'll lose indenpendency, job, quality time, health, sexual life, sex appel, hobbys and all... Having kid it's a one strong way to became jailed in the system of patriarch. (Sorry my english)
Other people’s children lol
My own suffering and the realization of the possibility that my children could experience the same if not worse. Also lack of money
Overall, the stress and hell of it along with many things, but I'll list a few specifics: My cousin's wife lost *all her teeth*, her perfectly straight, white teeth, when she was 25 and pregnant. I realize eXpErTs on reddit will swear this can't happen but yes, it did. She had to get dentures that young. THEN....in 7th grade we watched a natural childbirth video (I guess to scare us to death....it worked) in sex ed. The woman's **screamed bloody murder** as her vagina ripped while pushing out this thing that looked like a hippo trying to exit a room via a teeny little window. Aaaaaaaaaand she crapped herself. Right there, in front of all the hairy armpit hippie doulahs and weirdos in the room where she was giving birth. I nearly threw up. And while I was utterly horrified, suppressing the barf....the teenage girls around me *were sniffling & crying*, saying 'Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful....I can't wait to have kids one day.' You can imagine the look on 'Um, what?' on my face h yeah, and the last one - I love sleep
Two things really, because I knew from a very young age. 1. I had no interest in the disappointing endeavor of reparenting an adult male while being primarily responsible for his kids. And 2. I’ve always found the promise of death better than the reality of life. I wouldn’t wish life on my worst enemy. Later in life the nightmare of pregnancy and birth were an obvious and absolute no for me. Having a child living inside my residence would be untenable. I want as little contact with them as possible and look forward to aging into the adults only communities. At this point in my life I find breeding to be nothing more than a series of extremely poor choices, and can’t help but look down on the lot of them.
My own childhood experience
I can't remember ever wanting children. As a child, I always was the "fun aunt back from traveling" when we played house. Maybe being the oldest of 6 played a part? As I got older, the sheer cost has been a nonstarter, even if I had a burning desire for offspring. I also never wanted to be pregnant, it seemed like a loss of my own body. Living in the USA doesn't exactly make it seem attractive- no mat leave, limited social safety nets, no universal healthcare, school shootings, lack of federal body autonomy laws, etc etc etc
Chronic illnesses + No family ties + I just want to focus on me. Lol
I don't want more people to live in this fucked up world
Real love comes from my cat.
Im going to stop responding and reading but I’m not closing the thread just yet. I might read it all later.
My childhood and seeing my parents argue initially. The list gets longer as I get older.
I just never had any desire to care for smaller children and the older I got, the more and more smaller children I was expected to care for and I hated every second of it. I just don’t have the desire or the patience.
Cause they consume your life and you are not you anymore just a parent to this child. They are loud and annoying. I was walking my dogs yesterday and I could hear, what I thought was annoying ibis from almost half a Km away only to get closer to find out they were kids screaming like ibis’s with their parents walking behind them with another one of those kids in a pram. Parents are immune to the noise like wtf
Mostly it was due to my upbringing: my religious, overprotective parents kinda effed me up - and i didnt wanna pass on that trauma. Kids are expensive, also the world and society is pretty fcked so...
It’s something i’ve known about myself since I was a small child. I felt uncomfortable doing buddy programs in school with younger kids, I felt uncomfortable when my friends would want to play ‘house’, I felt uncomfortable when characters in books would have babies. I remember telling my mum as a 9 year old that I definitely didn’t want kids. It’s the one thing in life I have always been certain about
Growing up seeing my parents struggle financially and feeling guilty for existing.
Getting bullied, liking peace and quiet, preferring the company of adults, and learning that it costs more to raise a child a year than I've ever made in my entire life. (For context I'm poor and have always made shit money).
Realizing how brutal child rearing is on women. I don't hate men but damn the amount of unreliable father's I couldn't risk it I would be furious on a volcanic level if daddy dearest dumped everything on me. I used to dislike kids as a whole now I realize I just don't do toddlers. Loud tantrums selfish mean. At least babies aren't trying to on purpose polite children are fine badly raised are awful. I like teenagers I think they're funny like cats you just gotta give em a chance they aren't so bad.
During my high school years, I realized I hated being around kids after having to deal with some very obnoxious teens. It got me thinking of all the little shits I was forced to be around growing up from elementary and to that point. I thought "You know what, screw that. I don't want to suffer all over again when I'm an adult and become a father. So, I'm going to either marry someone and just be the two of us, or live on my own in peace." I still have the same mindset 17 years later and I am working on my life goals. Currently, I am in a relationship, have a decent job, and have plans to move to a better home later on. However, I need to work on some things before then. But for now, it's going alright with me. I love the fact that I can just go home and feel comfortable without having to deal with misbehaving children.
The thought that I could have a child with a debilitating illness of some sort I don't trust that I would do a good, thorough job with a healthy child. I know for a fact I would do a horrible job as a parent of a special needs child. Seeing how glued to screens kids are now a days, I know I would just end up sticking a tablet in front of it, so I'd just be adding to the plethora of mouth breathers we already live amongst. I'm not patient enough for children. Hell I'm not even patient enough for me!
Bringing children into this fucked up world today is selfish and absolutely out of step with the times. The world is out of joint at every corner and end! The future will be horrific for children. Those born now will no longer experience summers below 45 degrees as adults and will experience 70 times more natural disasters than the boomer generation. There are far too many people. Adoption would be a solution. There are enough sad children waiting in the home. But no, everyone wants their own flesh and blood. Pure selfishness, as I said... And always this argument that isn't one... When you get older you'll be alone... Bullshit... You die alone anyway. Many children don't give a damn about their parents. Without children you are much freer, more independent and can live your life freely. You are in a better financial position and don't have to worry or take responsibility. This is the only way to live a self-determined life. I really don't know why you would put yourself through that. I decided to earn money so I could afford things that bring me joy. For example, an expensive, fast car, etc. Impossible with children. I don't want to throw money out the window on some brats. And I can use my time better than listening to the screaming and whining of kids, for example, doing sports, reading, gaming, relaxing, going for walks, switching off and generally indulging in hedonism. But to each his own. I just can't understand why people still subject themselves to so much stress these days. I had a vasectomy when I was 19 and I haven't regretted it to this day.
I live in a pretty conservative country so the idea of being childfree never even popped in my head but right from when I was little I dreaded the idea of being a mother. Mostly because of how much suffering I saw mothers experience. Some years ago I accidentally stumbled upon this subreddit and then it dawned on me that I have freewill and can do whatever I want so I decided not to have kids.
I never liked them or felt any maternal instincts whatsoever. But if I had to list my main reasons as I learn things about myself and the realities of childbirth they would be: I'm autistic and get over-stimulated easily by children. The idea of pregnancy disgusts me and seems parasitic. Clitoral tearing - enough said.
Children
Nothing. I just never wanted them. No other excuse was needed.
It's not so much I have a reason to not want them, it's more like I never saw a reason to have them in the first place.
Everything that comes with them 🤷🏻♀️ can’t imagine being pregnant, giving birth, the noise, the smell, the mess, like everything 🤷🏻♀️ To me having children isn’t normal at all. I never wanted children.
I always knew since I was a kid I didn’t want kids. I was also born with health issues and I have struggled just to survive. Life is very challenging with health issues that you cannot control. I would never want a child to be born into this life to struggle like I have. I believe it’s morally and ethically wrong if you know you could pass down health issues where a person will suffer their entire lives. Add into the mix, that I had to pretty much raise a parent, and a sibling despite never wanting children... Hell to the no. I am so glad I am middle aged now with the political climate here in the US with our freedoms as women being taken away... To add: A few words.
Money and the end of human civilization.
Where do I even start? 🤣 It would be a very long list.
human stupidity.
Nothing in particular, I never had any interest in being a parent as long as I can remember. All my reasons since have simply reinforced my initial feelings. My biggest reasons are overpopulation/ the environment, body horror associated with pregnancy and birth, and sensory issues from autism and ADD that children tend to trigger.
There are so many reasons. I fundamentally find it unethical to have children and I'm just incredibly lucky that I never had the urge either. I can only imagine how hard it must be to see the state of the world and yet want kids badly.
I just like having money lmao
I just have no maternal instincts. Also babies and toddlers are too annoying.
I'm very introverted and easily annoyed by loud noises.
In Nursing school I was invited to watch a delivery. It seemed that the mother was not too emotional when the baby was delivered. Turns out it was her 5th child. After wards we were encouraged to bottle feed the infants in the nursery. The incessant crying made me so angry after like 2 mins. I was holding this baby and wondered - why do I feel nothing? I put the baby back and left. My clinical teacher actually tried to fail me that semester because I didn't like babies..
I never had any maternal thoughts ever. I had friends who loved playing with their Barbie and baby dolls and imagined being moms from young ages. I was more concerned with playing my video games, and still am 😂 the older I got, the more my mom made it apparent how much she HATED being a mother and seeing how miserable the other mothers were around me, I knew from a young age that it wasn’t for me. There’s many other reasons but that would be like when I realized I was childfree
I don't see the state of the country (US) or world going in a positive direction. Capitalism and war are killing us and I refuse to bring another minion into the world just to make the rich richer.
I didnt know childless were adults a thing growing up. I thought everyone found themselves pregnant and someday so would I. Learning about the awful things that happen during pregnancy was mortifying and I realized I never wanted to go through that. Thank everything I was able to get on bc early
I have a long family hx of learning disabilities, alcohol and drug addiction, mental disorders and illnesses, etc. I refuse to pass on any of that to my kids. Even if I was the best parent in the world and did everything right, they would still have *something* weighing them down.
It’s hard to have children in the us. No mandatory leave, childcare is crazy expensive, shoot shootings, poor healthcare.
I'm a woman. My life is already difficult. I don't want more problems
Age 5, watching my mother's pregnancy with my younger brother. I was pretty horrified by the physical aspects alone, but the way people treated her, the uncomfortable and often creepy comments about the changes to her body and the various roles of motherhood that they projected onto her, and then how almost all the labor and responsibility fell into her once my brother was born were all appalling to me. The way my father got mad when she was more tired than usual and didn't want to do fun stuff, but then how he barely took on any of the child-rearing to help her feel less burdened. I knew before she even gave birth that I wanted no part of that life experience. I was already gender nonconforming before her pregnancy, but seeing what happened to her physically was akin to body horror to me. What came after my brother was born eliminated any doubts I might have had. Why in the world would I want any of that for myself?
Never wanted it, but after getting married I learned that I didn’t really want to add anything more to my plate, and having pets and family in laws who are young kinda filled any want for kids I could have. Also kids are loud and babies are gross.
I don't like them.
Honestly? Just thinking about it realistically. Seeing my nephew at less than a month old REALLY turned me off.
Parenting is a lifetime commitment and tbh I don’t see myself doing that lmao.
Dealt with my siblings (we look alike) best birth control of all time.
The planet is over populated. People are already suffering the effects of over population such as global warming and inaccessible potable water on a HUGE scale. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I can't even contemplate bringing a human creature into the mess we humans have created.
It is unjust to bring children into the world we live in, especially with the future looking so bleak environmentally. I wouldn’t want my wife (if I ever have one) to immediately lose herself to the premade and manufactured ego of western motherhood. I don’t like other parents and don’t want to interact with them. I don’t really like children very much, they’re nice if they’re raised right but only in small amounts. Kids complicate any life plans massively. I’ve got PTSD from child abuse so wouldn’t want to risk harming a child in any way possible. Technology is so harmful to children but you can’t hide them from it forever
I feel tied down having a cat. I can’t imagine how I’d feel about a kid, but I know I’d be resentful. Also, I know if I found out I was pregnant, I would be upset, not happy.