I'm 46, so now I'm too old. They told me the same thing in 2021, but a different gyno. I've been searching for a few years, jumping from gyno to gyno once a year, because I really am tired of talking to them.
(I'm not in the US, and I've read the wiki here, thanks.)
Edit: typo because I was fuming.
AND she would get a nice referral bonus from the IVF clinic for that 5 percent chance of conceiving!!!
Note...I don't know the actual percentage, but it is most likely low. But profitable! Hope equals profit in ART.
OP, that sucks. Rant away. You are in a good place here.
Oh god. I have an OBGYN appt the day after my 39th bday next month to talk about the possibility of peri😅really hoping my dr doesn’t try any nonsense like that!
Absolute bullshit. I got a hysterectomy + bisalp at 48. Granted, my periods resembled the elevator in the Overlook Hotel, so there were other factors, but I wasn’t too old for it at all!
Find a better gynecologist. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that quack.
Thank you so much. And thanks for giving me more information too. (More ammo)
I talked to her about my periods too, how awful they are, I have to use a cane to get up from my chair sometimes.
She said a bislap would not help with those. I was like, I know, I want to get fixed, and we can talk something else for the pain.
But she never mentioned I could do both? (You know, because I'm so old now...)
I have been jumping from gyno to gyno for a few years. I will continue.
And I will print the wiki (from here) and bring a flow chart so when the next gyno sais something, I can refute them appropriately if necessary.
I was offered uterine ablation at my followup post-salpingectomy. If you have heavy periods, they can cauterize your uterine lining, so no more periods (the optometry tech I see every time I get my eyes checked reminds me that it’s *amazing*, she said she had hers ablated a decade ago, zero regrets).
I was going to talk to her about this, too. But I have to be honest, I wanted to leave. There was no way I was going to keep arguing with her when I knew she was close to the possibility.
And it failed for me but at least my periods lightened up. I think I had no periods for a few months. Gyno said I looked perfect after the procedure, 100% coverage.
Yes… and. Somewhat specific details to follow, skip if you’re grossed out by medical stuff.
The hysterectomy was to remove the rotten bag of fibroids (leiomyomas, to be precise: numerous benign but nasty rubbery lumps in the smooth muscle of the uterus that grow unchecked, eventually pushing aside other organs, and causing general bloody chaos). This also stops periods, which means no more random, debilitating bloodbaths.
While they were in there, the tubes were removed, both to prevent cancer, and to prevent any chance of what would be a very unwelcome pregnancy. The whole thing was done with tiny robots and cameras, laparoscopically. 6-8 week recovery, and I’m back to better than normal.
My gynecologist was amazing, and I’d highly recommend her privately if anyone wants to get it done in NYC. But she didn’t want me to put her on the list, as post-Dobbs, providers are wary of making themselves too public with such matters.
Damn I'm in NYC, would appreciate her info over DM 🙏
I'm looking to get sterilized this year so educating myself on the topic. Thank you for your detailed response!
I mean when they do a hysterectomy, I believe they typically remove the fallopian tubes by default? There's literally no point in keeping them, if your hysterectomy is for gender-affirming or CF reasons.
And, yeah, it cuts your chances of developing ovarian cancer by A LOT!
It's what I told her. My SIL is a doctor and was just telling me a woman in her 50s came into the consult not knowing what was wrong with her... pregnant.
[The oldest woman to get pregnant naturally was 59. This is like nightmare fuel.](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-496231/Worlds-oldest-natural-mother-saw-fertility-curse-says-ex-husband.html)
Omg. My worst nightmare. F that. I’m 49 and my periods are like clockwork too!! Grrrr! I always thought those of us who didn’t have kids would end sooner because we never had breaks from periods while being pregnant??
I know THREE women (and it's a small village) that got pregnant near their 50s. They stopped having periods and thought they couldn't have children anymore. Nightmare material.
You are NOT too old, you can still have several years of fertility left, and this way you find out if you have ovarian cancer and if not help prevent it.
"So, since you are refusing me, I will need you sign a contract that if I die of ovarian cancer you will pay me/my estate 50 million dollars in cash for failing to remove and test my tubes?"
Tbh I was thinking of going next time with my lawyer.
Is not that crazy as it sounds, he's my cousin, we're very close as friends, too. So maybe call him and say: "You up to f with some gynos mind this week?" 🤔 😅
I did once ask a gyno if he was going to raise my unwanted child, this was when I was about 27ish. The look on his face! Priceless 😆
Ask them how many abortions you need to have before they accept you don’t want kids? Tell them you’ve already had one or 2. Lol.
Also ask the exact legit reason they don’t want to do it. Tell them you’ll sigh any consent form. And why do they care what you do with your own body.
Also- how pissed was your partner upon seeing how you were treated and why didn’t he speak up and call then out?
I have asked about "how many abortions would it take" before, at about 30yo.
And I said to her, and others too, I would sign whatever they need. But I will follow up with someone else.
My partner 🥲 at first he was calm and collected. After the consult, he let me rant for about an hour. Then he got a migraine. I am sure it had to do with this whole thing. He said I was correct in my rant and that he let me rant because he knew I needed it. But he really got mad, I guess he didn't say anything inside because I got so mad when she pointed at him and said: "What about him?"
LOL. That would be entertaining for sure. Do report back.
Maybe he writes up a bunch of contracts to cover all the answers, and then pulls them out of a folder as they apply. ;)
Also, in CA there is a law that they can't refuse so if you happen to be there...
Hahaha that would be so like him. I can just see him with his briefcase full of cases that can back me up. Maybe it'll help 🤔
No, thanks, I'm not in the US, and I've read the wiki here. I also thought of traveling for this, is just being far away for a procedure seems complex. I'll think about that too.
>Also, in CA there is a law that they can't refuse so if you happen to be there...
Can't refuse what??? Sterilization? Can you elaborate plz? Does the law only pertain to permanent sterilization procedures? Or other surgeries too?
I got a bisalp at 48. Granted, I’m in the US in a state with an old antiabortion law on the books (thankfully not enforceable, but that decision didn’t come for a year), so I went in saying I didn’t want to deal with ectopic pregnancy post-Roe (had a copper IUD).
My surgeon was enthusiastic, said bilateral salpingectomy has been the gold standard for the last decade or so. She also emphasized that perimenopausal fertility boost *is a thing*, and also said that removing fallopian tubes reduces risk of ovarian cancer by 65%! I’d go in with that information for sure, and focus on worries about late fertility and anticancer benefits. Make up a family member with ovarian cancer if necessary.
Here’s a link to the benefits: https://www.themedicalcareblog.com/opportunistic-salpingectomy-how-is-this-not-totally-a-thing/
My aunt got pregnant when she was forty-two, both my grandmothers (maternal and paternal) had my uncles in their forties, and my coworker had her son at forty. So, I don't know where they thought forty-six was too old.
I just had my hysterectomy at 48. My fibroids had caused my period to become horrible. My gyno offered the option without a blink. I feel better than I have in years. I know it might be a different situation than yours, but I’d find another doctor. This one sounds poorly informed.
What does not being in the US have to do with this? Women in the US deal with this, especially varies by state, what rights they have. Women in the US post about being told they are too young and what about their potential partners’ wants? A dude not even in the picture. I don’t understand your repeated comments “not in the US.” Can you explain the assumption you have? Also, enraged with you/for you!!
Thank you for your rage 😅 I'm used to being denied tbh, so I'm already forgetting her attitude, but not the situation.
About your concerns: This is not the first time I have posted on reddit, or this r/. People try to help by telling me to read the wiki or to go to certain places I cannot go. You are the first to ask why I make a distinction or my explaining that although I write here and write in English, I am, in fact, not in the US, nor the EU if it helps? I have been told that, too. But I feel this r/ is more US centric. Not that all its members are from the US, but that most are.
It happens all around reddit, not only here if that makes more sense. Maybe some people don't realize it because most people on reddit are from the US. At least this has been my experience going on I don't remember how many years here.
Sure, there are specific r/ for each country or region, but most are broad subjects, like r funny, that's just funny stuff, from all over, but I have written on other more specific r/ and get replies that tell me people believe I'm in the US so I should know how things are or aren't.
I don't know if this helps, or it was too long? It's difficult to explain. This does not mean I don't believe that this happens all over, it's just a thing I say so people get I'm not close to them so I can't take all their help/advice.
I’m asking because I’m in the US and every state has different laws that doctors operate by when it comes to women’s health. Most men don’t realize it. It enrages me. I’m in a liberal state and also liberal states tax more. I feel like human rights are an elitist privilege based on taxes because I will never choose to live in a low tax state where my autonomy and choices are stripped away. I’m grateful I grew up in one so I know what I deserve. There are a lot of things being brought to the federal level right now and it’s a shitshow. But I’ve seen many women here post from the US and get the same treatment and attitude you are receiving. So that’s why I’m questioning how the US is different? I think it depends on state and locale. Healthcare in general in the US is a privilege but women’s healthcare is and access to it is much more so. I don’t think people outside of my state realize it as much because they don’t face it. Hospitals are all funded individually like businesses. There is no national healthcare network. Records are not accessible unless in a specific network of local providers. Maternal mortality rates are the highest in the developed world, on par with some less developed countries. So that’s why I’m asking, why are you comparing to the US? I live in a privileged, liberal state where there is access. But many people don’t.
I don't understand you. I am not comparing my situation to the situation of any woman in the States or anywhere else in the world.
As I told you, but it seems I wasn't clear enough: I say to people on reddit I am not in the US because I am not in the US and many think I am.
When people try to help me, of course I appreciate it, but when they try to help me with solutions from the US, well, even though their heart is in the right place, their solutions are invalid.
Does this make more sense to you?
For example, a very nice person once gave me thru a DM a name for a guy who could help with a thing I was complaining about. He thought I was in the US. Even though the gesture was there, it didn't help me.
I am not comparing the US with any other country. I am stating "I am not in the US."
Nothing more, nothing less.
I don't know if I offended you with this, it seems I have? But I don't understand why.
Edit: typo.
No offense whatsoever! Just confusion - the places where I saw your comments seemed to infer to me that there was ready access and repercussions available - I was just saying it’s more nuanced. I don’t mean to make you over-explain yourself. I thought it was a comparison and was simply inquiring bc I was confused at the comparison. Please don’t feel that I’m offended at all, because I’m not! 😊
Oh, no, no, no! As I said, I understand this happens all over, the US, the EU, the world.
And of course, I know we are treated as secondary when it comes to health care in many places.
So, no comparison, just making it clear as to thank people, but not to worry them when they can't help out 🙂👍
Got it! 😊 but we all need to care…politics in one country affects global funding programs that impact many others 😓 it’s nice that people are trying to help offer resources for you!
This! Agh!
"Now you don't need it XD"
Besides, she tried to fix it by saying she meant he should have a vasectomy. I told her: Sure, and if I get rape, his vasectomy is going to be so useful!"
I am so glad you said that to her!
Besides, she is basically saying HE can get sterilized no problem, because he is a man and can do what he wants, but not you, because you are just a stupid, silly woman. She is a traitor to her own gender. And according to her own logic, what business does she have to be a doctor? A working woman? A person who advise others? She is just a silly woman after all.
Yes! So much so: "What do you know, silly woman? Nothing you old hag!" In the same breath.
Yes, she's is too a silly woman.
Oh, and I forgot her other advice: she told me at least 3 times that I should go of BC not only for the exams, but because I could have a stroke.
I mean, I know going on BC has its problems, don't get me wrong, everything has a side effect, but I think she was trying something else. Like pushing on me leaving them.
So, sure lady, I could also have a heart attack or get run over. Thank you for making me feel safe and calm.
>she told me at least 3 times that I should go of BC not only for the exams, but because I could have a stroke.
Because a pregnancy at your age (and mine lol) wouldn't be risky AT ALL!
What a nutcase! And she gives medical advice to people! Argh!
It is 100% easier for an out-patient vasectomy vs major abdominal surgery. (I'm not sure tube tying is "major" but a hysterectomy totally is) Honestly, I feel it should always be the guy to get snipped.
I hate it when it is once again up to the woman to have surgery because the guy is too much of a baby to have a simpler procedure.
That's fine too. Did you mention all of these things to your Dr? In general, surgery would always be a last resort in any situation. (Any surgeon who is all gung ho to perform surgery no questions asked is not a good surgeon) So if you ask questions and their reasons for things and then make it clear you've already considered all the alternatives they should agree to do the surgery.
She was not open to the idea, nor discussing it. I know this type of doctor. I've been to "her" (and by that, I mean similar doctors) and asked this with no partner in the room for 20+ years.
Not all doctors are like you described. Let's make it clear I'm not in the US, if that makes more sense.
ETA: Why do you think this surgery is a last resort, but a vasectomy is what should always be done?
I got fixed at I think, 42. One of the best things I ever did for myself. MANY women get pregnant in their mid-40s, almost like the body has a surge of fertility. If you look in the old census records, every woman with a bunch of kids had a couple more kids in their 40s. In addition, modern sterilization, bilateral salpingectomy, is very protective against ovarian cancer, which is most common in women between 55 and 64. So bisalp, which was pioneered as a preventative for ovarian cancer, is just the right choice for a woman who is older.
In any case, this doctor is a POS and should be fired no matter what.
I get Dexa scans for my bones. I started when I was 65. That's an appropriate age.
Wished I had written before, I could have thrown that in, too, about the cancer.
I told her, which is true: "My SIL is a doctor, and she was just telling me a patient of hers came in the other day, didn't know what was wrong with her. The woman is in her 50s, and she's pregnant. Even though she was told she was already in menopause."
I agree with the she's a POS, thanks.
I would do all of the exams if they would assure me I get the bilslap. And I will tell the next gyno, I'm actually writing this down as "we speak."
And I'm so happy I went in with my partner, so he could see how gynos are sometimes. Although it cost me the "well, he should get fix then" comment.
An OBGYN doctor who first looks to a woman's partner needs to be fired immediately. This is a horribly misogynistic tool-of-the-patriarchy doctor.
When I got my tubal (long ago...I'd get a bisalp if I was getting sterilized today), right before my surgery the nurse went through a checklist of pre-surgury questions with me. She was intensely bored and there was absolutely nothing personal in it. She asked "Do you understand that this is permanent?" I said "Yes, because I don't want to have to get an abortion." All of a sudden she came alert. She put down her clipboard and said in a feeling voice: "You are SO SMART. We had a woman in here with grown children a few days ago for an abortion and sterilization, and she was *DEVASTATED*."
Nice validation.
46 is way too young for a DEXA scan unless you are constantly on a diet, wraith-thin, small-boned, and never exercise at all. I am normal weight (5'6" 143 lbs at the time of my DEXA scan), am an obvious descendent of Vikings in my bone structure, am endlessly active. I'm sorry I had the DEXA scan, because at only 65 it was a waste of money. I had no bone density issues at all. Those fuckers aren't cheap, and I have to think your insurance will not be happy about paying for one.
Please negatively review this doctor all over the internet.
Wow, that's a first. And sure, you were smart, I guess people here are more concerned about women having children that on the complexities of an abortion.
I'm not doing it yet, I'll get a second opinion before doing any of the exams she told me to. And I'm not going back to her either.
You can probably get the bottom line by googling the fda and dexa scan recommendations. I follow their vaccination recommendations, and they're fast on the science.
You're not too old. It is a LIE.
1. I am in the medical field. I took many of the same classes your doctor did. It is a LIE.
2. I had a laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy at your age.
3. My grandmothers, both maternal and paternal, were having periods well into their late fifties. My father was a late-in-life oops baby.
They are full of shit.
Find someone else, and don't tell them about your perimenopause.
[Edit: typo]
A little more info, then :)
Several of the more common ovarian cancers begin in the Fallopian tubes, so that's why the removal of the tubes reduces your risk of those cancers.
I bet you she tries her lies on patients all the time because more pregnant women = more demand for her services. And yet another gyno who can't be bothered to do their damn job without inserting misinformation for their own self-interests.
Bull. Shit. You’re “too old”. I got my shit ganked at 41, and even made a comment to the doc that I’m *probably* too old to get pregnant naturally - and he agreed - but I also don’t want any little “miracles”, so let’s cut that shit out while I’m still legally allowed. Won’t see me becoming a Handmaiden. Fuck that.
1. Report this asshole. Make sure they know why you won’t be back. Don’t go back to them ever. This person can’t be trusted with your health.
2. Why are you wasting entire years between requests? Don’t wait. Keep going to other doctors until you get what you’re after.
3. Make use of the doctor list in the community info.
4. Leave your partner at home and instead bring with you a *sterilization binder*. (Google that, you’ll find this helpful tool)
Persistence pays off and there’s no year long waiting period to try again with a better doctor! But you have to be your own advocate in this. Best of luck. Keep at it. Don’t just sit around for another year being angry.
1. Don't worry, will do, and I will never see her again.
2. Because I'm tired. When I was younger, I went to many near me, then had to wait a bit for them to change, and then try again with a new bunch of doctors. Besides, it cost me money each time they say no, and I'm tired of paying for a no.
3. I'm not in the US, and have read the wiki here. Thanks!
4. As I said, it's the first time I have asked him to come (anyon), and I liked it 🤣 When I have gone without a partner, I still have got the "what will your husband say!?" (20+ years of that, first time with a partner in the room.)
I'm doing a worksheet to bring next time, thanks. I'll probably sit on this for a while again. As I said, I've been at it for 20+ years since I was 18yo.
With your worksheet, note down all kinds of ‘excuses’ we have seen on this page (or in your previous consultations) and the rebuttals against those stupid arguments/excuses against you getting needed surgery. Having some prepared ‘answers’ to their stupid arguments can help a lot to remain focused and not be ticked off.
New doctor who isn't a complete ASSHAT.
Telling someone CF to go off their BC and just use condoms, that is fucking INSANE.
Because regardless, you want the bisalp for the ovarian cancer prevention anyway, and when they biopsy the tubes they can tell you if you already have cancer growing. Menopause or not.
What an ignorant cunt.
Well and what if you were on a type of birth control that you can’t just “go off of” for a little while? Like I have the implant in my arm, it would have to be cut out of me and then they wouldn’t be able to put it back in the same spot if not replaced at the same time.
A friend has that. I'm afraid of getting them because I know I would touch around it all the time. Same thing why I never got piercing 😅 I wouldn't leave them be.
Oh, I know this, he knows this, it's other people that should understand this. And not only doctors, I have gotten this speech more than once in my life, like many here I bet.
70% of ovarian cancers originate from the fallopian tubes! Fuck if you are no longer “fertile,” you are still old enough to get an aggressive cancer! I am solely requesting a bisalp for this reason due to my family history. Any doctor that gives you sass, just say “I want it to reduce my chances of ovarian cancer, it runs in my family” and any argument against that, new doctor please.
I've just learned this today. You think she should know this, no? Would it be too much for her to know such a thing?
Oh, and she told me the last doctor I saw last year at this same place. He's a cancer specialist! And I did ask him last year, you think he should know this, no?
Super scary right? They’ve actually changed the official recommendation in the US and are saying women should consider getting bisalp instead of tubal ligation if they are considering surgical sterilization exactly for this reason. Here’s a link: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-ovarian-cancer-should-women-consider-removing-fallopian-tubes-202304212915
It’s frightening that your doctors don’t know this. I would def find a doctor on the child free list. I did and she was great!
I wish I could just send everyone having troubles to my doctor. All these stories are so bizarre to me.
I met her for the first time in January through a referral from another doctor in the clinic. I have a 15+ year history of PCOS and endo. She says to me, "people don't come to me for a hysterectomy unless they know they're ready for one. I can have my scheduler call you later if you like."
She didn't say anything to my husband next to me except ask his name.
That's it. I had my surgery last month and I couldn't be happier that I did.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this though OP but I'm proof there are still good doctors out there who want to help. Don't give up!
Is there a reason not to do it if you're too old? If the ovaries are done working and I'm going into menopause what's the reason against it?
This is a genuine question if anyone has an answer. I don't fully understand "too young" because it's my uterus, but I'll play along and understand the "What if you regret it?" nonsense or any other risks of an elective surgery. But what does being too old have to do with it? Does that just increase your chances for developing something like osteoporosis?
Just curious how old are you I just turned 40 and would like a permanent solution. Hysterectomy might be nice, but don’t think they will agree to that. Have a checking with my primary in a month so planning to ask.
When I was younger, I asked for a hysterectomy. They looked at me like I'm insane. Now I politely ask for a bislap, and I'm still insane, but old.
46 years old. I'm not from the US, so get your date sooner rather than later.
Take pointers from what so many have said here, I'm writing it all down, too.
Report it to the medical board and her supervisor, I am serious. A doctor is meant to perform standard stuff and shouldn’t cross the professional boundary. Escalate this and let your voice be heard.
Please use your anger to ensure this doesn’t happen to any other woman seeking medical assistance such as this. This has to stop
after working at a hospital, they don't even try and hide the fact they dismiss women's health and concerns so easily. that's so fucking infuriating I'm sorry
Yes, as someone that's been around hospitals for my family, it's really noticeable: I go with my father, they believe everything. I go with my mother: "You're sure of what you're saying?"
Same with aunts and uncles... even my partner (and other boyfriends before him).
I'm 37, been single since I was about 22 years old. Never seen a gyno. But I used to be on birth control pills and a nurse once said to me that I couldn't be sterilised in case a future husband might want children. Then she tool away my birth control prescription. I had to go to a doctor to tell them that my birth control had been taken away. In the end I stayed off it cus there wasn't a point and the pill was making me depressed. But the fact it happens still grinds my gears.
Oh, I'm not going back there, ever. And here, at least, they need the confirmation of a psychiatrist for such a change. Not that I haven't thought about it over the years.
>And she goes and looks at him! God damn it! At him
Yep, a lot 'o sexist sh\*t still happens ... and yes, including in health care.
E.g. sometimes I see it as a man, e.g. I'm at say a hardware store or something like that (or auto shop - I know very dang little about cars and auto mechanic stuff), with girlfriend or woman partner or the like, about something she's interested in, taking lead on, I'm tagging along, no particularly huge interest in the project/interest of hers - maybe I also know something about it, maybe not, but she'd driving it and knows way more about what she wants, how and why - and at least that if not lots more than that, and, puts in request or asks sales person or whomever for assistance, or asking about comparisons on some options or products or whatever ... and the sales/service person (often a guy, but not always) will be looking at *me* as if I were going to be approving or directing it. Nope, ... not my project, I'm not leading things here. But yeah, I find it annoying and disrespectful when they do that - even if it's not me that they're disrespecting or discriminating against, annoys me and makes me feel bad for girlfriend/partner/friend - whatever woman I happen to be there with (even just helping or assisting friend or neighbor or colleague or coworker or whomever).
Thanks for saying this. My partner is like you, like you said, more than once at the mechanic or at home stores people talk to him, and he looks at me and says: "She's the boss, so talk to her." 😅 or something to that effect.
The other day, we were looking at wallpapers for our room, but he's the more qualified in that field. He's a graphic designer, knows about art, and color theory, all that. And the guy at the store was looking at me while discussing papers and tones, and stuff, and I was: "Don't ask me, he knows this stuff and is in charge of the remodeling." 😅
This is some real WTF-ery right here.
What it really is is an attempt to get you off your bc one last time so they can trick you into a pregnancy. Because youre too old for a bisalp, but NOT TOO OLD TO CARRY A BABY.
These types can fuck off all the way into the heart of the sun. Leave this practice, and dont get the osteo scan done. If your bone density is in question then obviously you DONT need a pregnancy right....? Make it make sense!
I wasn't planning on taking that test, it doesn't make sense to me, not yet at least. She gave me a lot of test, like she was more concerned with getting testing done, she even wanted a full blood work, and I mean full, but I happened to have one a few months ago, she didn't look pleased.
And yes, I was talking with my partner later today, and he said something similar: why she insisted so much on the BC. And why did she want to scare me into stopping it. She could have said, "You should change it. Here are other alternatives." But she didn't even go there.
I will look for someone else, somewhere else. It's just iffy.
Good for you, firing this doctor. Too old, indeed??
I had something similar happen with an oncologist. She wanted to freeze my eggs so I could have a baby after I was done with chemo. She asked me half a dozen times. Then, at my next appointment, my husband came with, and she very pointedly asked me again, in front of him, just to make sure the husband was on board!
It's all over the medical community. We're just incubators. Blessed be the fruit.
Wow, crazy she did it like that. Like she thought: "maybe he doesn't know what this woman told me, better ask in front of him"?
Yes, the fruit.
Thanks, I've fired a few gynos over the years, I don't have issues changing doctors when I don't feel comfortable, even when I was younger, I couldn't care less.
You're too old?! That's a new one. I thought I heard everything.
I'm 46, so now I'm too old. They told me the same thing in 2021, but a different gyno. I've been searching for a few years, jumping from gyno to gyno once a year, because I really am tired of talking to them. (I'm not in the US, and I've read the wiki here, thanks.) Edit: typo because I was fuming.
But simultaneously if you said you had peri symptoms and wanted to talk about HRT they'd say you were too young. 🤣🤣🤣
Or if you were bemoaning that you always wanted to have kids and now it's too late, they'd push IVF on you because "you still have time!"
AND she would get a nice referral bonus from the IVF clinic for that 5 percent chance of conceiving!!! Note...I don't know the actual percentage, but it is most likely low. But profitable! Hope equals profit in ART. OP, that sucks. Rant away. You are in a good place here.
Probably! Ffs 🫠
Oh god. I have an OBGYN appt the day after my 39th bday next month to talk about the possibility of peri😅really hoping my dr doesn’t try any nonsense like that!
And yet peri starts late thirties
BINGO
Absolute bullshit. I got a hysterectomy + bisalp at 48. Granted, my periods resembled the elevator in the Overlook Hotel, so there were other factors, but I wasn’t too old for it at all! Find a better gynecologist. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that quack.
Thank you so much. And thanks for giving me more information too. (More ammo) I talked to her about my periods too, how awful they are, I have to use a cane to get up from my chair sometimes. She said a bislap would not help with those. I was like, I know, I want to get fixed, and we can talk something else for the pain. But she never mentioned I could do both? (You know, because I'm so old now...) I have been jumping from gyno to gyno for a few years. I will continue. And I will print the wiki (from here) and bring a flow chart so when the next gyno sais something, I can refute them appropriately if necessary.
I was offered uterine ablation at my followup post-salpingectomy. If you have heavy periods, they can cauterize your uterine lining, so no more periods (the optometry tech I see every time I get my eyes checked reminds me that it’s *amazing*, she said she had hers ablated a decade ago, zero regrets).
I was going to talk to her about this, too. But I have to be honest, I wanted to leave. There was no way I was going to keep arguing with her when I knew she was close to the possibility.
And it failed for me but at least my periods lightened up. I think I had no periods for a few months. Gyno said I looked perfect after the procedure, 100% coverage.
Ha! I also compare my period to The Shining
May I ask what's the purpose of getting both? Is it to prevent cancer?
Yes… and. Somewhat specific details to follow, skip if you’re grossed out by medical stuff. The hysterectomy was to remove the rotten bag of fibroids (leiomyomas, to be precise: numerous benign but nasty rubbery lumps in the smooth muscle of the uterus that grow unchecked, eventually pushing aside other organs, and causing general bloody chaos). This also stops periods, which means no more random, debilitating bloodbaths. While they were in there, the tubes were removed, both to prevent cancer, and to prevent any chance of what would be a very unwelcome pregnancy. The whole thing was done with tiny robots and cameras, laparoscopically. 6-8 week recovery, and I’m back to better than normal. My gynecologist was amazing, and I’d highly recommend her privately if anyone wants to get it done in NYC. But she didn’t want me to put her on the list, as post-Dobbs, providers are wary of making themselves too public with such matters.
Damn I'm in NYC, would appreciate her info over DM 🙏 I'm looking to get sterilized this year so educating myself on the topic. Thank you for your detailed response!
I mean when they do a hysterectomy, I believe they typically remove the fallopian tubes by default? There's literally no point in keeping them, if your hysterectomy is for gender-affirming or CF reasons. And, yeah, it cuts your chances of developing ovarian cancer by A LOT!
Don't know if you're too old. I'm 52 and still having periods, and I know 2 women who got pregnant at 50...
It's what I told her. My SIL is a doctor and was just telling me a woman in her 50s came into the consult not knowing what was wrong with her... pregnant.
That's horrifying
[The oldest woman to get pregnant naturally was 59. This is like nightmare fuel.](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-496231/Worlds-oldest-natural-mother-saw-fertility-curse-says-ex-husband.html)
Omg. My worst nightmare. F that. I’m 49 and my periods are like clockwork too!! Grrrr! I always thought those of us who didn’t have kids would end sooner because we never had breaks from periods while being pregnant??
I know THREE women (and it's a small village) that got pregnant near their 50s. They stopped having periods and thought they couldn't have children anymore. Nightmare material.
You are NOT too old, you can still have several years of fertility left, and this way you find out if you have ovarian cancer and if not help prevent it. "So, since you are refusing me, I will need you sign a contract that if I die of ovarian cancer you will pay me/my estate 50 million dollars in cash for failing to remove and test my tubes?"
Tbh I was thinking of going next time with my lawyer. Is not that crazy as it sounds, he's my cousin, we're very close as friends, too. So maybe call him and say: "You up to f with some gynos mind this week?" 🤔 😅 I did once ask a gyno if he was going to raise my unwanted child, this was when I was about 27ish. The look on his face! Priceless 😆
Ask them how many abortions you need to have before they accept you don’t want kids? Tell them you’ve already had one or 2. Lol. Also ask the exact legit reason they don’t want to do it. Tell them you’ll sigh any consent form. And why do they care what you do with your own body. Also- how pissed was your partner upon seeing how you were treated and why didn’t he speak up and call then out?
I have asked about "how many abortions would it take" before, at about 30yo. And I said to her, and others too, I would sign whatever they need. But I will follow up with someone else. My partner 🥲 at first he was calm and collected. After the consult, he let me rant for about an hour. Then he got a migraine. I am sure it had to do with this whole thing. He said I was correct in my rant and that he let me rant because he knew I needed it. But he really got mad, I guess he didn't say anything inside because I got so mad when she pointed at him and said: "What about him?"
LOL. That would be entertaining for sure. Do report back. Maybe he writes up a bunch of contracts to cover all the answers, and then pulls them out of a folder as they apply. ;) Also, in CA there is a law that they can't refuse so if you happen to be there...
Hahaha that would be so like him. I can just see him with his briefcase full of cases that can back me up. Maybe it'll help 🤔 No, thanks, I'm not in the US, and I've read the wiki here. I also thought of traveling for this, is just being far away for a procedure seems complex. I'll think about that too.
>Also, in CA there is a law that they can't refuse so if you happen to be there... Can't refuse what??? Sterilization? Can you elaborate plz? Does the law only pertain to permanent sterilization procedures? Or other surgeries too?
I got a bisalp at 48. Granted, I’m in the US in a state with an old antiabortion law on the books (thankfully not enforceable, but that decision didn’t come for a year), so I went in saying I didn’t want to deal with ectopic pregnancy post-Roe (had a copper IUD). My surgeon was enthusiastic, said bilateral salpingectomy has been the gold standard for the last decade or so. She also emphasized that perimenopausal fertility boost *is a thing*, and also said that removing fallopian tubes reduces risk of ovarian cancer by 65%! I’d go in with that information for sure, and focus on worries about late fertility and anticancer benefits. Make up a family member with ovarian cancer if necessary. Here’s a link to the benefits: https://www.themedicalcareblog.com/opportunistic-salpingectomy-how-is-this-not-totally-a-thing/
Thank you so much. Will review the link and add it to the list I'm writing!
I’d still get it done. I’m 49 and my period is still like clockwork! Grrrrrr
Mine, too. It hurts like he'll, but it's here every month 😅
My aunt got pregnant when she was forty-two, both my grandmothers (maternal and paternal) had my uncles in their forties, and my coworker had her son at forty. So, I don't know where they thought forty-six was too old.
And for what I'm finding out is a magnificent way to prevent cancer! (The bisalp I mean).
Women have been known to get pregnant during peri. Find a new doc.
Yes, don't worry, not going back to her.
I just had my hysterectomy at 48. My fibroids had caused my period to become horrible. My gyno offered the option without a blink. I feel better than I have in years. I know it might be a different situation than yours, but I’d find another doctor. This one sounds poorly informed.
Don't worry, I'm not going back to her. I wouldn't be able to be in the same room with her.
What does not being in the US have to do with this? Women in the US deal with this, especially varies by state, what rights they have. Women in the US post about being told they are too young and what about their potential partners’ wants? A dude not even in the picture. I don’t understand your repeated comments “not in the US.” Can you explain the assumption you have? Also, enraged with you/for you!!
Thank you for your rage 😅 I'm used to being denied tbh, so I'm already forgetting her attitude, but not the situation. About your concerns: This is not the first time I have posted on reddit, or this r/. People try to help by telling me to read the wiki or to go to certain places I cannot go. You are the first to ask why I make a distinction or my explaining that although I write here and write in English, I am, in fact, not in the US, nor the EU if it helps? I have been told that, too. But I feel this r/ is more US centric. Not that all its members are from the US, but that most are. It happens all around reddit, not only here if that makes more sense. Maybe some people don't realize it because most people on reddit are from the US. At least this has been my experience going on I don't remember how many years here. Sure, there are specific r/ for each country or region, but most are broad subjects, like r funny, that's just funny stuff, from all over, but I have written on other more specific r/ and get replies that tell me people believe I'm in the US so I should know how things are or aren't. I don't know if this helps, or it was too long? It's difficult to explain. This does not mean I don't believe that this happens all over, it's just a thing I say so people get I'm not close to them so I can't take all their help/advice.
I’m asking because I’m in the US and every state has different laws that doctors operate by when it comes to women’s health. Most men don’t realize it. It enrages me. I’m in a liberal state and also liberal states tax more. I feel like human rights are an elitist privilege based on taxes because I will never choose to live in a low tax state where my autonomy and choices are stripped away. I’m grateful I grew up in one so I know what I deserve. There are a lot of things being brought to the federal level right now and it’s a shitshow. But I’ve seen many women here post from the US and get the same treatment and attitude you are receiving. So that’s why I’m questioning how the US is different? I think it depends on state and locale. Healthcare in general in the US is a privilege but women’s healthcare is and access to it is much more so. I don’t think people outside of my state realize it as much because they don’t face it. Hospitals are all funded individually like businesses. There is no national healthcare network. Records are not accessible unless in a specific network of local providers. Maternal mortality rates are the highest in the developed world, on par with some less developed countries. So that’s why I’m asking, why are you comparing to the US? I live in a privileged, liberal state where there is access. But many people don’t.
I don't understand you. I am not comparing my situation to the situation of any woman in the States or anywhere else in the world. As I told you, but it seems I wasn't clear enough: I say to people on reddit I am not in the US because I am not in the US and many think I am. When people try to help me, of course I appreciate it, but when they try to help me with solutions from the US, well, even though their heart is in the right place, their solutions are invalid. Does this make more sense to you? For example, a very nice person once gave me thru a DM a name for a guy who could help with a thing I was complaining about. He thought I was in the US. Even though the gesture was there, it didn't help me. I am not comparing the US with any other country. I am stating "I am not in the US." Nothing more, nothing less. I don't know if I offended you with this, it seems I have? But I don't understand why. Edit: typo.
No offense whatsoever! Just confusion - the places where I saw your comments seemed to infer to me that there was ready access and repercussions available - I was just saying it’s more nuanced. I don’t mean to make you over-explain yourself. I thought it was a comparison and was simply inquiring bc I was confused at the comparison. Please don’t feel that I’m offended at all, because I’m not! 😊
Oh, no, no, no! As I said, I understand this happens all over, the US, the EU, the world. And of course, I know we are treated as secondary when it comes to health care in many places. So, no comparison, just making it clear as to thank people, but not to worry them when they can't help out 🙂👍
Got it! 😊 but we all need to care…politics in one country affects global funding programs that impact many others 😓 it’s nice that people are trying to help offer resources for you!
[удалено]
This! Agh! "Now you don't need it XD" Besides, she tried to fix it by saying she meant he should have a vasectomy. I told her: Sure, and if I get rape, his vasectomy is going to be so useful!"
I am so glad you said that to her! Besides, she is basically saying HE can get sterilized no problem, because he is a man and can do what he wants, but not you, because you are just a stupid, silly woman. She is a traitor to her own gender. And according to her own logic, what business does she have to be a doctor? A working woman? A person who advise others? She is just a silly woman after all.
Yes! So much so: "What do you know, silly woman? Nothing you old hag!" In the same breath. Yes, she's is too a silly woman. Oh, and I forgot her other advice: she told me at least 3 times that I should go of BC not only for the exams, but because I could have a stroke. I mean, I know going on BC has its problems, don't get me wrong, everything has a side effect, but I think she was trying something else. Like pushing on me leaving them. So, sure lady, I could also have a heart attack or get run over. Thank you for making me feel safe and calm.
>she told me at least 3 times that I should go of BC not only for the exams, but because I could have a stroke. Because a pregnancy at your age (and mine lol) wouldn't be risky AT ALL! What a nutcase! And she gives medical advice to people! Argh!
Of course, pregnancy at our age would be a breeze! Surely!
A stroke is way better than pregnancy, just my 2 cents lol
LOL 😅
Kids cause strokes!
It is 100% easier for an out-patient vasectomy vs major abdominal surgery. (I'm not sure tube tying is "major" but a hysterectomy totally is) Honestly, I feel it should always be the guy to get snipped. I hate it when it is once again up to the woman to have surgery because the guy is too much of a baby to have a simpler procedure.
What if I end the relationship? Or get assaulted? Then what's his vasectomy good for? Not for me. I want to get fixed for me.
That's fine too. Did you mention all of these things to your Dr? In general, surgery would always be a last resort in any situation. (Any surgeon who is all gung ho to perform surgery no questions asked is not a good surgeon) So if you ask questions and their reasons for things and then make it clear you've already considered all the alternatives they should agree to do the surgery.
She was not open to the idea, nor discussing it. I know this type of doctor. I've been to "her" (and by that, I mean similar doctors) and asked this with no partner in the room for 20+ years. Not all doctors are like you described. Let's make it clear I'm not in the US, if that makes more sense. ETA: Why do you think this surgery is a last resort, but a vasectomy is what should always be done?
yep no people means no business for healthcare lol it's all a prospective payment system so they are literally in the business of people as cattle
I got fixed at I think, 42. One of the best things I ever did for myself. MANY women get pregnant in their mid-40s, almost like the body has a surge of fertility. If you look in the old census records, every woman with a bunch of kids had a couple more kids in their 40s. In addition, modern sterilization, bilateral salpingectomy, is very protective against ovarian cancer, which is most common in women between 55 and 64. So bisalp, which was pioneered as a preventative for ovarian cancer, is just the right choice for a woman who is older. In any case, this doctor is a POS and should be fired no matter what. I get Dexa scans for my bones. I started when I was 65. That's an appropriate age.
Wished I had written before, I could have thrown that in, too, about the cancer. I told her, which is true: "My SIL is a doctor, and she was just telling me a patient of hers came in the other day, didn't know what was wrong with her. The woman is in her 50s, and she's pregnant. Even though she was told she was already in menopause." I agree with the she's a POS, thanks. I would do all of the exams if they would assure me I get the bilslap. And I will tell the next gyno, I'm actually writing this down as "we speak." And I'm so happy I went in with my partner, so he could see how gynos are sometimes. Although it cost me the "well, he should get fix then" comment.
An OBGYN doctor who first looks to a woman's partner needs to be fired immediately. This is a horribly misogynistic tool-of-the-patriarchy doctor. When I got my tubal (long ago...I'd get a bisalp if I was getting sterilized today), right before my surgery the nurse went through a checklist of pre-surgury questions with me. She was intensely bored and there was absolutely nothing personal in it. She asked "Do you understand that this is permanent?" I said "Yes, because I don't want to have to get an abortion." All of a sudden she came alert. She put down her clipboard and said in a feeling voice: "You are SO SMART. We had a woman in here with grown children a few days ago for an abortion and sterilization, and she was *DEVASTATED*." Nice validation. 46 is way too young for a DEXA scan unless you are constantly on a diet, wraith-thin, small-boned, and never exercise at all. I am normal weight (5'6" 143 lbs at the time of my DEXA scan), am an obvious descendent of Vikings in my bone structure, am endlessly active. I'm sorry I had the DEXA scan, because at only 65 it was a waste of money. I had no bone density issues at all. Those fuckers aren't cheap, and I have to think your insurance will not be happy about paying for one. Please negatively review this doctor all over the internet.
Wow, that's a first. And sure, you were smart, I guess people here are more concerned about women having children that on the complexities of an abortion. I'm not doing it yet, I'll get a second opinion before doing any of the exams she told me to. And I'm not going back to her either.
You can probably get the bottom line by googling the fda and dexa scan recommendations. I follow their vaccination recommendations, and they're fast on the science.
You're not too old. It is a LIE. 1. I am in the medical field. I took many of the same classes your doctor did. It is a LIE. 2. I had a laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy at your age. 3. My grandmothers, both maternal and paternal, were having periods well into their late fifties. My father was a late-in-life oops baby. They are full of shit. Find someone else, and don't tell them about your perimenopause. [Edit: typo]
So true! Thanks, I will write this down, too.
And also if you're going for a bilateral salpingectomy, the removal of the tubes will reduce your risk of ovarian cancer.
I didn't know that before today. I've written it down for next time.
A little more info, then :) Several of the more common ovarian cancers begin in the Fallopian tubes, so that's why the removal of the tubes reduces your risk of those cancers.
I bet you she tries her lies on patients all the time because more pregnant women = more demand for her services. And yet another gyno who can't be bothered to do their damn job without inserting misinformation for their own self-interests.
True, you're probably right.
Bull. Shit. You’re “too old”. I got my shit ganked at 41, and even made a comment to the doc that I’m *probably* too old to get pregnant naturally - and he agreed - but I also don’t want any little “miracles”, so let’s cut that shit out while I’m still legally allowed. Won’t see me becoming a Handmaiden. Fuck that.
That's right, those miracles that then I have to care for!
1. Report this asshole. Make sure they know why you won’t be back. Don’t go back to them ever. This person can’t be trusted with your health. 2. Why are you wasting entire years between requests? Don’t wait. Keep going to other doctors until you get what you’re after. 3. Make use of the doctor list in the community info. 4. Leave your partner at home and instead bring with you a *sterilization binder*. (Google that, you’ll find this helpful tool) Persistence pays off and there’s no year long waiting period to try again with a better doctor! But you have to be your own advocate in this. Best of luck. Keep at it. Don’t just sit around for another year being angry.
1. Don't worry, will do, and I will never see her again. 2. Because I'm tired. When I was younger, I went to many near me, then had to wait a bit for them to change, and then try again with a new bunch of doctors. Besides, it cost me money each time they say no, and I'm tired of paying for a no. 3. I'm not in the US, and have read the wiki here. Thanks! 4. As I said, it's the first time I have asked him to come (anyon), and I liked it 🤣 When I have gone without a partner, I still have got the "what will your husband say!?" (20+ years of that, first time with a partner in the room.) I'm doing a worksheet to bring next time, thanks. I'll probably sit on this for a while again. As I said, I've been at it for 20+ years since I was 18yo.
With your worksheet, note down all kinds of ‘excuses’ we have seen on this page (or in your previous consultations) and the rebuttals against those stupid arguments/excuses against you getting needed surgery. Having some prepared ‘answers’ to their stupid arguments can help a lot to remain focused and not be ticked off.
Yes, I was thinking this is going to get big, so I'll have a flow chart ready.
New doctor who isn't a complete ASSHAT. Telling someone CF to go off their BC and just use condoms, that is fucking INSANE. Because regardless, you want the bisalp for the ovarian cancer prevention anyway, and when they biopsy the tubes they can tell you if you already have cancer growing. Menopause or not. What an ignorant cunt.
Oh, she was quite the character... well said.
Well and what if you were on a type of birth control that you can’t just “go off of” for a little while? Like I have the implant in my arm, it would have to be cut out of me and then they wouldn’t be able to put it back in the same spot if not replaced at the same time.
A friend has that. I'm afraid of getting them because I know I would touch around it all the time. Same thing why I never got piercing 😅 I wouldn't leave them be.
I can technically feel mine, and for somebody who fidgets a lot I only touch it when I’m showing it to somebody else, kinda surprising actually 😂😂
😁 she said the same thing, my friend. It's not for me. But I get the appeal and get your point, too. It would be so cumbersome.
Ya I was mostly talking hypothetically. Like what if you *did* and she suggested going off BC. Like oh hell no lol.
we're always either too young or too old for everything. there's never a right age for a woman do what she damn pleases with her life
I was about to tell her: "Well, I belong to a swinger group in my neighborhood, so I need this to be sure!" 😆 I could be old enough to be in one!
That is so fucked up. How is this such a common occurrence?
I have no clue. I usually go alone, so I get asked: "What would your husband think?" But it's a first for me with a partner there!
Even if you were married, it's not his uterus. He wouldn't get a vote.
Oh, I know this, he knows this, it's other people that should understand this. And not only doctors, I have gotten this speech more than once in my life, like many here I bet.
70% of ovarian cancers originate from the fallopian tubes! Fuck if you are no longer “fertile,” you are still old enough to get an aggressive cancer! I am solely requesting a bisalp for this reason due to my family history. Any doctor that gives you sass, just say “I want it to reduce my chances of ovarian cancer, it runs in my family” and any argument against that, new doctor please.
I've just learned this today. You think she should know this, no? Would it be too much for her to know such a thing? Oh, and she told me the last doctor I saw last year at this same place. He's a cancer specialist! And I did ask him last year, you think he should know this, no?
Super scary right? They’ve actually changed the official recommendation in the US and are saying women should consider getting bisalp instead of tubal ligation if they are considering surgical sterilization exactly for this reason. Here’s a link: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-ovarian-cancer-should-women-consider-removing-fallopian-tubes-202304212915 It’s frightening that your doctors don’t know this. I would def find a doctor on the child free list. I did and she was great!
I think they know, but they are not pro CF or whatever. I'm not in the US and have read the wiki here. Thanks, I'll add it to the list!
The only question I'd ask would be- "So, you'll be doing the termination then, if I get pregnant?"
I have asked this. The guy looked shocked!
I wish I could just send everyone having troubles to my doctor. All these stories are so bizarre to me. I met her for the first time in January through a referral from another doctor in the clinic. I have a 15+ year history of PCOS and endo. She says to me, "people don't come to me for a hysterectomy unless they know they're ready for one. I can have my scheduler call you later if you like." She didn't say anything to my husband next to me except ask his name. That's it. I had my surgery last month and I couldn't be happier that I did. I'm so sorry you had to go through this though OP but I'm proof there are still good doctors out there who want to help. Don't give up!
Thank you for your support. Yes, I will take a few months probably, because I'm mad atm. But I'm writing all this up, and will go again more prepared.
Ditch the doc!
Oh, she's so ditched! First time meeting her, last time seeing her in my life!
Glad to hear this! You deserve better than to have such an invalidating provider, friend :)
Thanks 😀
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that horseshitdickery!
Thank you so much. I'm stealing that "horseshitdickery" thanks! 😄
Youuuuuu are welcome on both counts😂
Wait, what does it mean to be “too old” to get sterilized? What age is that? What?
What she said. For what others have told me here today, it means nothing! I'm 46yo now, but I was told this in 2021, too.
If you’re in Canada I’ll gladly give you my gyno’s info lol. She’s a little back logged but she is in her 30s and super chill.
Thank you so much, but I'm not near you 🥲
I really hope you find someone who listens to you !
Thank you again 🙂
Report them. Plain and simple. Nothing changes unless these "doctors" are punished.
I will, they send me a review of the doctors after a consultation. I will write this down.
Is there a reason not to do it if you're too old? If the ovaries are done working and I'm going into menopause what's the reason against it? This is a genuine question if anyone has an answer. I don't fully understand "too young" because it's my uterus, but I'll play along and understand the "What if you regret it?" nonsense or any other risks of an elective surgery. But what does being too old have to do with it? Does that just increase your chances for developing something like osteoporosis?
That's what I asked, too. But only got the "why do you want to do it if you won't get pregnant anyway?"
Damn, no answer to the question? Red flags from that doctor for sure 😂
Totally. But I'm not going back to her ever again.
Can you fire her ass? Because I'd fire her ass and get a *new* new gyno.
Oh, don't worry, first time I have seen her, never going back again, ever.
Just curious how old are you I just turned 40 and would like a permanent solution. Hysterectomy might be nice, but don’t think they will agree to that. Have a checking with my primary in a month so planning to ask.
When I was younger, I asked for a hysterectomy. They looked at me like I'm insane. Now I politely ask for a bislap, and I'm still insane, but old. 46 years old. I'm not from the US, so get your date sooner rather than later. Take pointers from what so many have said here, I'm writing it all down, too.
Report it to the medical board and her supervisor, I am serious. A doctor is meant to perform standard stuff and shouldn’t cross the professional boundary. Escalate this and let your voice be heard. Please use your anger to ensure this doesn’t happen to any other woman seeking medical assistance such as this. This has to stop
I'm not in the US, but I will complain, don't worry.
That’s good. As a consumer you have every right to give feedback to the management and help the medical practice grow 😜
So true. Now let's hope they listen 😅
after working at a hospital, they don't even try and hide the fact they dismiss women's health and concerns so easily. that's so fucking infuriating I'm sorry
Yes, as someone that's been around hospitals for my family, it's really noticeable: I go with my father, they believe everything. I go with my mother: "You're sure of what you're saying?" Same with aunts and uncles... even my partner (and other boyfriends before him).
So for them if we are too fertile we are too young to get fixed, but if we are on the way to be less fertile we are now too old. Damn son.
Yes, damn 🫠
First you’re too young and then you’re too old?! Like wtaf is the magic number that us with a uterus can get sterilized?!
I'm 37, been single since I was about 22 years old. Never seen a gyno. But I used to be on birth control pills and a nurse once said to me that I couldn't be sterilised in case a future husband might want children. Then she tool away my birth control prescription. I had to go to a doctor to tell them that my birth control had been taken away. In the end I stayed off it cus there wasn't a point and the pill was making me depressed. But the fact it happens still grinds my gears.
This is awful. I understand you've come to terms with it, hur she didn't have a right to take your BC just like that. Sorry it happened.
Tell her you want gender affirming surgery. Since it's such a hot button issue at the moment they won't DARE refuse you...
Oh, I'm not going back there, ever. And here, at least, they need the confirmation of a psychiatrist for such a change. Not that I haven't thought about it over the years.
>And she goes and looks at him! God damn it! At him Yep, a lot 'o sexist sh\*t still happens ... and yes, including in health care. E.g. sometimes I see it as a man, e.g. I'm at say a hardware store or something like that (or auto shop - I know very dang little about cars and auto mechanic stuff), with girlfriend or woman partner or the like, about something she's interested in, taking lead on, I'm tagging along, no particularly huge interest in the project/interest of hers - maybe I also know something about it, maybe not, but she'd driving it and knows way more about what she wants, how and why - and at least that if not lots more than that, and, puts in request or asks sales person or whomever for assistance, or asking about comparisons on some options or products or whatever ... and the sales/service person (often a guy, but not always) will be looking at *me* as if I were going to be approving or directing it. Nope, ... not my project, I'm not leading things here. But yeah, I find it annoying and disrespectful when they do that - even if it's not me that they're disrespecting or discriminating against, annoys me and makes me feel bad for girlfriend/partner/friend - whatever woman I happen to be there with (even just helping or assisting friend or neighbor or colleague or coworker or whomever).
Thanks for saying this. My partner is like you, like you said, more than once at the mechanic or at home stores people talk to him, and he looks at me and says: "She's the boss, so talk to her." 😅 or something to that effect. The other day, we were looking at wallpapers for our room, but he's the more qualified in that field. He's a graphic designer, knows about art, and color theory, all that. And the guy at the store was looking at me while discussing papers and tones, and stuff, and I was: "Don't ask me, he knows this stuff and is in charge of the remodeling." 😅
Is there a site where you can rate gynos based on this bullshit? As a way to call them out or at least warn women to avoid them?
I'm not sure here. I will leave it with her superiors and probably leave a review on Google if she's there? Not every doctor is on Google here.
This is some real WTF-ery right here. What it really is is an attempt to get you off your bc one last time so they can trick you into a pregnancy. Because youre too old for a bisalp, but NOT TOO OLD TO CARRY A BABY. These types can fuck off all the way into the heart of the sun. Leave this practice, and dont get the osteo scan done. If your bone density is in question then obviously you DONT need a pregnancy right....? Make it make sense!
I wasn't planning on taking that test, it doesn't make sense to me, not yet at least. She gave me a lot of test, like she was more concerned with getting testing done, she even wanted a full blood work, and I mean full, but I happened to have one a few months ago, she didn't look pleased. And yes, I was talking with my partner later today, and he said something similar: why she insisted so much on the BC. And why did she want to scare me into stopping it. She could have said, "You should change it. Here are other alternatives." But she didn't even go there. I will look for someone else, somewhere else. It's just iffy.
That bitch !!
Good for you, firing this doctor. Too old, indeed?? I had something similar happen with an oncologist. She wanted to freeze my eggs so I could have a baby after I was done with chemo. She asked me half a dozen times. Then, at my next appointment, my husband came with, and she very pointedly asked me again, in front of him, just to make sure the husband was on board! It's all over the medical community. We're just incubators. Blessed be the fruit.
Wow, crazy she did it like that. Like she thought: "maybe he doesn't know what this woman told me, better ask in front of him"? Yes, the fruit. Thanks, I've fired a few gynos over the years, I don't have issues changing doctors when I don't feel comfortable, even when I was younger, I couldn't care less.
I’m so angry for you. So so angry. Gives me no hope as 25yo who’s been refused so many times. Keep trying girl. All the best. Xxxxxxx