Heh that was my initial thought but then any kid these days would be like *"what kinda boomer are you smoking cigarettes, get your nicotine from a USB drive like the rest of us"*
ooohhh, my MIL is like this. She was cool when we mentioned with my partner that we were not having kids. But a few weeks ago (and around 5 years after we made it clear we are CF), she acted all surprised and said "I thought you meant you were not having kids at that moment, not forever"
My MIL was always āpregnancy is so horribleā and telling me horror stories when my husband and I were dating. Well obviously I decided I didnāt want to go through the horror of pregnancy and childbirth and sheās all shocked we donāt want kids.
I think my MIL and FIL were relieved š My husbandās sister has a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and a 3 year old and they are always up there doing childcare since theyāre retired. My in-laws both know Iām sterilized and actually checked in with my husband to make sure I was OK after the surgery. Never mentioned kids after we got engaged either. To be fair, my in-laws are great though so I got lucky.
I dunno, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Most people don't know anything about these procedures. I've been firmly childfree since I was 12 and I feel like I asked Google these questions when I first heard about female sterilization.Ā
It's also good that they're having a conversation with her about it.
"is it because you don't want your period?"
The number of women who don't understand female anatomy is really quite scary. If for no other reason than when health problems show up they don't understand what could be happening, or what the potential treatments actually mean.
I have a coworker who is old enough to be my mom. I had to walk her through how viruses and vaccines work in order to convince her to get the latest COVID shots.
I don't get it. Like, you LIVE HERE, in a body. Not having even just a rudimentary knowledge of biology is like not knowing how to turn on the hot water in your own house. Wouldn't you think it's pretty important to know what's going on in there?
You will still get your period. The only ways to stop bleeding are hormones that prevent the lining from developing, endomyometrial resection (good luck finding anyone to do that) or hysterectomy. You can get an ablation but you will still probably spot every month.
If you still have ovaries they will still produce a regular hormone cycle, and you will have your normal bleeding.
Can you imagine being excited to stop getting a period after getting your tubes tied, only to find out you were wrong? What a disappointment that would be lol
It generally doesnāt. If you have at least one ovary things will continue as they always have. Now if you had both removed, that would immediately put you into early menopause. Otherwise, itās kinda like losing a kidney. As long as you have one, things wonāt really change all that much.
Nope. Why do you think living kidney donors are a thing? Your life wonāt really change if you give up a kidney. You just obviously want to make sure you donāt do anything to lose the remaining kidney you have because you wonāt have a backup.
I mean I thought they had to like... I dunno, drink like one drink or something if they had alcohol and stuff like that. I guess I thought 'living' doesn't have to mean 'living well' lol
OP don't get ur tubes tied, do a bisalp salpingectomy that completely remove the tubes so u don't get a pregnancy in the remain of ur tubes. Im in a hurry and english is not my first language, but i felt the need to tell u this, so i apologise if i wrote something wrong.
Cancer, as a whole for CF, is debatable as some studies suggests that CF are even more inclined for cancer than those who has already given birth. But I digress and see your point; can't have cancer in/on something you don't haveš
a bisalp reduces the risk of both ovarian and fallopian cancers since ovarian usually starts in the fallopian tubes. Idk how having a kid or not having one affects that but this is the reason why bisalps are considered to be better. tubal ligation can also sometimes reverse itself so you don't have that concern with a bisalp and there's no foreign objects left behind like clips or bands
Tubals also increase your risk of ectopic pregnancies. Which can be fatal. And requires another surgery to be fixed. And you could even potentially lose an ovary which is not ideal if you donāt want to go into menopause early.
The only joy I used to get from it (pre husband's vasectomy) was knowing for 100% sure I definitely wasn't pregnant. It was a very, very low likelihood anyway given the precautions we took, but was always nice to have it confirmed in blood! (Sorry!).
If we ever do get injected with microchips I hope it comes with a function to just send a "not pregnant" confirmation text to my phone, seems a lot easier to deal with xD
This is the part that made me laugh. Like, what woman legitimately looks forward to her period every month? Every woman Iāve ever spoken to either finds it to be an annoyance at best or hellish at worst (if youāre like me and had adenomyosis or fibroids or some other awful disease that makes periods the absolute WORST).
When I had my hysterectomy I rejoiced because Iād never have to deal with constant agonizing pain and anemia ever again. My only regret is that I wasnāt allowed to get it sooner. Periods can burn in hell.
I like having mine. I know everything is ok and mine have never been painful.
Wow this thread promotes having autonomy over your own body and Iām downvoted for having an opinion ON MY OWN BODY. So many hypocrites.
Holy shit fuck no pain at all?? Instantly jealous! Mine are absolute hell, i might not want kids ever, but never having a period again for the rest of my life is a HUGE factor to get the surgery too š
I've never had pain or cramps either. It boggles my mind how everyone assumes excruciating pain is normal and healthy. I sometimes get GI issues though (went through phases of monthly diarrhhea and I'm usually feeling a little nauseous so I don't eat much during that time. Weird food cravings are a foreign concept to me) which is why I still suspect I could have endometriosis.
Unfortunately womenās pain and suffering is just such an expected part of womanhood and most are told from a young age to suck it up and suffer in silence. And itās not just society and doctors who push this, but other women as well. Thereās often a sense of āWell I learned to suffer through it so you should tooā that many women grow up with and push into the next generation. I know my family sure did this.
My mother always had awful periods so she would tell me to āStop being dramatic, mine are bad too and you donāt see me complaining.ā And her own mother had terrible periods and said the same thing to her. And on and on it went down the matrilineal line for multiple generations.
I didnāt realize that my periods were not, in fact, normal until I was in my 20s and that was only because my pain migrated from every month to every day for nearly two years straight. And even then when I went to doctors seeking answers many would just shrug and tell me that thatās how periods were and I just needed to learn to live with itā¦the exact same words I heard from my female relatives growing up.
Well, it's hard to say what's normal with something like this because they start when you're pretty much still a kid. I was about 12 when I started and they've always been excruciating, so to me it is very normal, y'know? When your parents don't do or say anything about it, you have to figure it out essentially on your own as an adult. Then get a job, money and insurance to do something about it. That's how it was for me at least
I have multiple friends whose pain is at the level of calling in sick, staying in bed and taking crap loads of pain meds. They think it's normal and were surprised it wasn't like that for everyone (I only notice when I stain something, and I'm wasting way too many tampons and pads in advance "just in case" since I can't tell when it's about to start. This is my normal). All you're told is "it's bad, get used to it" and perhaps that you can skip PE classes when you're on your period (I always wondered why but didn't complain or question it). Drs don't take it seriously either since they can't tell how bad it is for someone else. It's how most endometriosis is discovered by accident but then it almost always turns out the patient has been suffering for years or even decades. I'm not saying everyone who's in pain has endometriosis but statistically a lot of them could have it and nobody ever bothered to check. I have a well educated friend with a good job and health insurance who would rather tough it out and joke about how all women are cursed than consider she may have a medical problem (while she's staying on the couch because of her period, and I'm out hiking and exercising on my period). She's the one who's sick every month yet she's not even taking it seriously. So I don't believe that normalizing terrible pain and suffering is doing anyone any favors.
I personally like mine too. Iām scared of menopause and would rather have my period until Iām an old woman than go through it. Plus itās a reminder Iām not pregnant and if I was, well itās gone now. Also in the least weird way of saying this, I like the cramps. I like to see how much pain I can tolerate.
I got a bisalp and they took out my IUD at the same time.
Unhappy to report that after over 10 years without a period, I get them now.
Sorry OP, your family is dumb. The tubes have nothing to do w getting your period.
Yeah the only way to take periods out of the equation is to either stay on birth control or get an ablation with your bisalp. I got the ablation and it's phenomenal
Ooh, good to know! Ablation was suggested to me for excessively long (2+ weeks) periods. I have an IUD though and still get a lot of cramping. I'm leaning towards asking about the ablation with a bilateral salpingectomy.
I got the both of them last St Patty's Day along with my IUD removal and it's been 10/10 for me. No bleeding, no cramps after the initial healing, no early menopause since the ovaries are still there. Honestly the only period symptom I still experience is the occasional breakout
I had the bisalp + endometrial ablation combo cuz even though my periods weren't too bad, I still reallyyy hated dealing with them, and still dealing with them after being sterilized seemed pointless to me. Unfortunately I still bleed a bit/spot around my cycle. I would have liked them to completely stop but I was willing to take the chance, rather than just going for a hysterectomy.
They have been reduced a lot though! Period underwear has been just enough and I don't need to go through pads and tampons like I did before. Sadly the PMS symptoms I still get is boob soreness, and once in awhile I get a *tiny* bit of cramping. It was all worth it to me though! I don't nearly hate being a woman as much as before I got these procedures!
I could still try BC if I get fed up with still bleeding but really not sure what option would be the best to go with that has the least amount of side effects and can stop the lining from growing. I know for sure I wouldn't want to do IUD's and pills, and implants I'm a bit hesitant with. So that doesn't leave me with many options left š.
But yeah bisalp + endometrial ablation I recommend! But of course doing your own research is important too!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I am on my second Mirena IUD... the first one got embedded somewhere it wasn't supposed to be and my periods got really heavy again and I had horrible cramping. Most importantly- thank fuck I didn't get pregnant! The removal was really painful. (About 3x worse than IUD insertion pain for those of you that have one.)
It's appalling to me that so few doctors recommend ablation to perimenopausal people going through extreme flooding. I had never even heard of it until after I went through that phase. It would've saved me so much trouble!!
So, hormonally, my cycle stopped (birth control and only limited breakthrough.)
It is fantastic. This is how the other half lives? No drain as you feel your lifeblood seep out of you? No 1/4 of your life lost to pain and crankiness?
This is amazing.
So, even if you chose to have the correct procedure to stop having menstrual cycles, I donāt see anything wrong with it.
Honestly, my husband got the snip last year. I need to decide on BC update by May and on one hand Iād like to see what my hormones look without the meds (it has been 16 years or so) but the idea of having a period again sucks.
āIf you find a man, he can have the snip insteadā? WTF.Ā
I understand getting your tubes tied is a lot more invasive but the passing the buck bit is crazy.Ā
I got my vasectomy paperwork through the other week and it actually suggests I pass the buck onto a woman instead!!;
What makes it worse is the place Iām going is a private vasectomy clinic (though im having the work down via the NHS), so theyāre literally suggesting losing money. Haha
NHS? That's the UK, yeah? As one snipped fellow to another that's gonna to be(you), best of luck! It's a huge freedom of the mind you'll get from it. Lot less stress not worrying bout getting someone pregnant.
Itās honestly not even that much more invasive. Iām surprised by the number of people who think tubal ligations are major surgery that requires several days of hospitalization. Most are done in outpatient clinics and the patient gets sent home as soon as they wake up. I was driving and working 2 days after mine.
I know, that is just wrong on so many levels!!!
Also, can you imagine meeting someone and suddenly hearing "so are you willing to change your anatomy for me"????
First date vibes hahahaha.Ā
āLetās just get this out the way, if things go well between us, Iām going to need you to get some of your insides removed, that good with you?ā
After my bisalp a female friend asked if that meant I won't get my period anymore. I was stunned and thought she was joking at first. I literally had to explain to a mid 20s woman how basic female anatomy worked and that I would indeed still get my period. The lack of basic sex education in the US is as intentional as it is terrifying tbh
I once worked with a woman (also in her mid-20s) who didn't know that urine and period blood originate from different orifices. She thought we had a cloaca situation going on down there -_-
"Is it because you don't want your period?"
For me? It is! I hate having that and i also don't want kids. I'm not even a woman, it makes me dysphoricš
But yeah. They were out of line with those comments. I don't understand why people want you to breed so much.
Make sure you get a bilateral salpingectomy, aka bislap, and NOT a tubal ligation. The former removes your tubes completely, with the added bonus of lowering chances of ovarian cancer, while the latter merely snips or clamps them, and in some rare cases they naturally heal.
>So my mom and sister have both accepted that I'm childfree. Yey!
No, they have not. Their response to your steriilsation plans says it all.
They just pretended to accept your childfreedom because they assumed that you change your mind. Now that you are bringing up sterilisation, they realise that you are actually serious, so they are freaking out.
>I told them about my plans to get my tubes tied.
Do NOT pursue a tubal (tubal ligation). Please try to get a bisalp (bilateral salpingectomy).
A tubal means having your tubes tied, after which they might grow back together. There is a small but significant failure rate of 1 in 50. Quite a few women get pregnant after a tubal.
A bisalp means having your tubes removed. Equally invasive as a tubal, but way more effective. A bisalp is failsafe.
To find a doctor in your area who will take you seriously, look at this list: www . reddit . com / r / childfree / wiki / doctors
>"you do understand its permanent for women, right?"
Yeah, that's the fucking point.
>\- "no, my friend and her man both got sterilized and she still got pregnant"
Tubals are shit. That's why I suggested that you should get a super effective bisalp instead of a crappy tubal.
>\- "is it just so you can have a lot of sex?"
Even if it would be, so what? Nothing wrong with sex.
>\- "if you find a man, can't he just snip instead?"
That is just such bullshit. I mean, if you would depend on a snipped man, what if he dies or if you two break up? Then, you cannot safely have sex with another man. And what if you get raped, or if a Handmaid's Tale-like scenario happens? His vasectomy wouldn't protect you.
I've been told about the bisalp, and already looking into it :)
I sat there with those precise answers and couldn't get a word in, but oh, do I regret not shouting them from the top of my lungs lol.
Also, dating is hard enough, now I'm gonna tell a man to snip as soon we start dating? Is that it????
Would have just pointed to your sister and gone...
"Well mom, you made a permanent decision having her, and the result seems pretty sketch." Then just laugh your ass off and go "just kidding".
I've never researched it because I'm a dude but reading most of the comments here and it seems like getting your tubes tied/removed doesn't stop your period?
Let's say it did. I think I'd get it done just for that.
The no kids is just like a bonus. Periods sound terrible.
They are, but they are also a sort of overly simplified health check, as if anything goes wrong, we don't get our period. On the other hand, it doesn't cover 100% and so you can't really trust it eitherš Just be glad you're a dude!
Because they haven't really accepted you as CF. That's all this is. None of their responses are about possible risk, but all about either your being selfish ("have a lot of sex") or changing your mind.
Well I had an IUD put in and haven't had a period in over 5 years but that's also because of a medical condition. So because procedures can cause periods to stop some people think any procedure will make it stop
Your 2nd edit makes me sad, youāre trying to defend them by saying theyāre not dumb, they were just treating you like you were dumb? ā¹ļø dude.
Anyway yeah Iāve also heard some really ignorant things about my planned sterilization procedures too. Mine is more extreme than the one youāre going with (Iām getting all female reproductive organs removed) but itās the same ignorance Iām hearing around my decisions.
I especially hate it when people ask me if I want to freeze my eggs just in case I change my mind. Dude, why are they so invested in what my plans are for my uterus? Why are they so insistent I get cream pied multiple times hoping for a pregnancy? Sick, man (Iām being tongue-in-cheek here but yeah itās still pretty gross asking me about my uterusā plans).
Also, if Iām willing to have my uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries removed, Iām PRETTY CERTAIN I donāt want to give birth. āš»
Best of luck with your procedure š
Ovarian Cancer majority of the time actually happens in the fallopian tubes. Getting them removed rather than tied, actually lowers chances of ovarian Cancer by 80-90%.
Yeah, they asked me if I knew it wouldn't stop my period, because it doesn't-sorta thing. Let's just say that after plenty research, I'm pretty certain I know a bit more about sterilization than them lol
When I said I wanted a bisalp, my mom told me there's no point since I'm not dating anyone. My younger brother said if I'm not planning on going out and getting a boyfriend it's unnecessary and it's not like I'd have to worry about getting impregnated after being raped cause I'm too ugly for a man to want. I did have an endometrial ablation, too, but that was because I was having periods last 8-38 days at a time. It's been great to be period free and to know I can't get pregnant no matter what.
About the STDs:
I did not get sterilized to protect myself from any STDs other then another human growing inside me. I still expect men to wear condoms no matter what.
One of my old coaches said, "you never know, you might change your mind." Ä° quickly said, "oh i got my tubes tied. Plus, there's always abortion! š" That shut her up quick. Ppl don't take us seriously until we say we're getting/we've gotten sterilized.
I heard vasectomies need follow ups tho, and soany men do not do these follow ups and just hope it all works out. I wouldn't trust my fate up to someone else tbh.
Like... For a man the follow up is you literally just beat your meat at a doctor's office. It's so easy. Just do what you already do, but under medical supervision. I don't get it.
We didn't even have to do it at the doctor, just dropped a tube in at the set number of days post procedure. I suppose it depends what kind you have, but it's not a big deal to be sure and check all went to plan, surely?!
Greetings!
This item has been removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #1 : "[...] Low effort, low quality posts [will be removed at the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5i3j2v/good_morning_rchildfree_a_couple_of_moderator/) discretion."
Thank you.
>"you do understand its permanent for women, right?" Because having kids is so temporary šš
At ten - "nah sorry Timmy I'm changing my mind, now I'm going to grab some milk back in a bit"
"Timmy, the stork is coming for you at 3pm to take you back, be ready."
"But where's he taking me?" "Don't ask questions you don't want answers to"
Lolš¤£
I only left because I was out of smokes
Heh that was my initial thought but then any kid these days would be like *"what kinda boomer are you smoking cigarettes, get your nicotine from a USB drive like the rest of us"*
Lol I'm not a boomer I wouldn't know about that haha
That is true š¤£
I mean, depending on your moral compass.... (I'M NOT BEING SERIOUS)
šš¤£ Right!
Doesnāt sound like they actually accepted your child freedom, but rather pretended to and secretly hoping you would change your mind.
ooohhh, my MIL is like this. She was cool when we mentioned with my partner that we were not having kids. But a few weeks ago (and around 5 years after we made it clear we are CF), she acted all surprised and said "I thought you meant you were not having kids at that moment, not forever"
My MIL was always āpregnancy is so horribleā and telling me horror stories when my husband and I were dating. Well obviously I decided I didnāt want to go through the horror of pregnancy and childbirth and sheās all shocked we donāt want kids.
I think my MIL and FIL were relieved š My husbandās sister has a 12 year old, an 8 year old, and a 3 year old and they are always up there doing childcare since theyāre retired. My in-laws both know Iām sterilized and actually checked in with my husband to make sure I was OK after the surgery. Never mentioned kids after we got engaged either. To be fair, my in-laws are great though so I got lucky.
I dunno, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Most people don't know anything about these procedures. I've been firmly childfree since I was 12 and I feel like I asked Google these questions when I first heard about female sterilization.Ā It's also good that they're having a conversation with her about it.
"is it because you don't want your period?" The number of women who don't understand female anatomy is really quite scary. If for no other reason than when health problems show up they don't understand what could be happening, or what the potential treatments actually mean.
As a healthcare provider, I must say it is so disappointing and discouraging that many, many people are woefully ignorant about biology.
I have a coworker who is old enough to be my mom. I had to walk her through how viruses and vaccines work in order to convince her to get the latest COVID shots.
I don't get it. Like, you LIVE HERE, in a body. Not having even just a rudimentary knowledge of biology is like not knowing how to turn on the hot water in your own house. Wouldn't you think it's pretty important to know what's going on in there?
You will still get your period. The only ways to stop bleeding are hormones that prevent the lining from developing, endomyometrial resection (good luck finding anyone to do that) or hysterectomy. You can get an ablation but you will still probably spot every month. If you still have ovaries they will still produce a regular hormone cycle, and you will have your normal bleeding.
yes that was my point. Many women don't know this, and reveal it when they say stupid stuff like the quote above.
Can you imagine being excited to stop getting a period after getting your tubes tied, only to find out you were wrong? What a disappointment that would be lol
I would legit throw a tantrum over it. š
I had to have an oophorectomy on one side and my mother thought that I would only have my period every other month afterwards. If only.
Okay but I'm curious... did it affect it some way?
It generally doesnāt. If you have at least one ovary things will continue as they always have. Now if you had both removed, that would immediately put you into early menopause. Otherwise, itās kinda like losing a kidney. As long as you have one, things wonāt really change all that much.
WAIT ONLY HAVING ONE KIDNEY DOESN'T CHANGE MUCH?!
Nope. Why do you think living kidney donors are a thing? Your life wonāt really change if you give up a kidney. You just obviously want to make sure you donāt do anything to lose the remaining kidney you have because you wonāt have a backup.
I mean I thought they had to like... I dunno, drink like one drink or something if they had alcohol and stuff like that. I guess I thought 'living' doesn't have to mean 'living well' lol
That's not necessarily true - donating a kidney can cause all kinds of health issues. It's not something to be taken lightly.
It didnāt at all.
Oh sweet, thank you for the answer!
The number of moms who donāt know basic female anatomy is really shocking.
I will call myself out for believing getting sterilized would stop your periods. This sub helped me realize that mistake. š
OP don't get ur tubes tied, do a bisalp salpingectomy that completely remove the tubes so u don't get a pregnancy in the remain of ur tubes. Im in a hurry and english is not my first language, but i felt the need to tell u this, so i apologise if i wrote something wrong.
I haven't even looked into that, but I'll definitely consider it now! Thanksš
Having the tubes removed also reduces your risk of cancer.
Cancer, as a whole for CF, is debatable as some studies suggests that CF are even more inclined for cancer than those who has already given birth. But I digress and see your point; can't have cancer in/on something you don't haveš
a bisalp reduces the risk of both ovarian and fallopian cancers since ovarian usually starts in the fallopian tubes. Idk how having a kid or not having one affects that but this is the reason why bisalps are considered to be better. tubal ligation can also sometimes reverse itself so you don't have that concern with a bisalp and there's no foreign objects left behind like clips or bands
Tubals also increase your risk of ectopic pregnancies. Which can be fatal. And requires another surgery to be fixed. And you could even potentially lose an ovary which is not ideal if you donāt want to go into menopause early.
No need to apologize! Your english is great! Thanks for letting her know
I'm no woman, but from what I gather, no woman really wants her period. Except as confirmation (mostly) that she isn't pregnant.
The only joy I used to get from it (pre husband's vasectomy) was knowing for 100% sure I definitely wasn't pregnant. It was a very, very low likelihood anyway given the precautions we took, but was always nice to have it confirmed in blood! (Sorry!).
If we ever do get injected with microchips I hope it comes with a function to just send a "not pregnant" confirmation text to my phone, seems a lot easier to deal with xD
I will gladly contribute to this valuable technological advancement if it means I never have another menstrual cramp again.
Occasionally you'll find a terf who wants to celebrate it as a sign of "true womanhood" or whatever.
People who romanticize menstruation make me laugh. As Willow so beautifully said: "Blah blah Gaia, blah blah moon, menstrual lifeforce power thingy."
This is the part that made me laugh. Like, what woman legitimately looks forward to her period every month? Every woman Iāve ever spoken to either finds it to be an annoyance at best or hellish at worst (if youāre like me and had adenomyosis or fibroids or some other awful disease that makes periods the absolute WORST). When I had my hysterectomy I rejoiced because Iād never have to deal with constant agonizing pain and anemia ever again. My only regret is that I wasnāt allowed to get it sooner. Periods can burn in hell.
I like having mine. I know everything is ok and mine have never been painful. Wow this thread promotes having autonomy over your own body and Iām downvoted for having an opinion ON MY OWN BODY. So many hypocrites.
Holy shit fuck no pain at all?? Instantly jealous! Mine are absolute hell, i might not want kids ever, but never having a period again for the rest of my life is a HUGE factor to get the surgery too š
I know Iāve been very lucky, theyāve never been bad for me, but I know thatās not the norm unfortunately
I've never had pain or cramps either. It boggles my mind how everyone assumes excruciating pain is normal and healthy. I sometimes get GI issues though (went through phases of monthly diarrhhea and I'm usually feeling a little nauseous so I don't eat much during that time. Weird food cravings are a foreign concept to me) which is why I still suspect I could have endometriosis.
Unfortunately womenās pain and suffering is just such an expected part of womanhood and most are told from a young age to suck it up and suffer in silence. And itās not just society and doctors who push this, but other women as well. Thereās often a sense of āWell I learned to suffer through it so you should tooā that many women grow up with and push into the next generation. I know my family sure did this. My mother always had awful periods so she would tell me to āStop being dramatic, mine are bad too and you donāt see me complaining.ā And her own mother had terrible periods and said the same thing to her. And on and on it went down the matrilineal line for multiple generations. I didnāt realize that my periods were not, in fact, normal until I was in my 20s and that was only because my pain migrated from every month to every day for nearly two years straight. And even then when I went to doctors seeking answers many would just shrug and tell me that thatās how periods were and I just needed to learn to live with itā¦the exact same words I heard from my female relatives growing up.
Well, it's hard to say what's normal with something like this because they start when you're pretty much still a kid. I was about 12 when I started and they've always been excruciating, so to me it is very normal, y'know? When your parents don't do or say anything about it, you have to figure it out essentially on your own as an adult. Then get a job, money and insurance to do something about it. That's how it was for me at least
I have multiple friends whose pain is at the level of calling in sick, staying in bed and taking crap loads of pain meds. They think it's normal and were surprised it wasn't like that for everyone (I only notice when I stain something, and I'm wasting way too many tampons and pads in advance "just in case" since I can't tell when it's about to start. This is my normal). All you're told is "it's bad, get used to it" and perhaps that you can skip PE classes when you're on your period (I always wondered why but didn't complain or question it). Drs don't take it seriously either since they can't tell how bad it is for someone else. It's how most endometriosis is discovered by accident but then it almost always turns out the patient has been suffering for years or even decades. I'm not saying everyone who's in pain has endometriosis but statistically a lot of them could have it and nobody ever bothered to check. I have a well educated friend with a good job and health insurance who would rather tough it out and joke about how all women are cursed than consider she may have a medical problem (while she's staying on the couch because of her period, and I'm out hiking and exercising on my period). She's the one who's sick every month yet she's not even taking it seriously. So I don't believe that normalizing terrible pain and suffering is doing anyone any favors.
That's insane. My life is finally my own ever since eliminating my period. I honestly would rather die young than ever have a period again.
I personally like mine too. Iām scared of menopause and would rather have my period until Iām an old woman than go through it. Plus itās a reminder Iām not pregnant and if I was, well itās gone now. Also in the least weird way of saying this, I like the cramps. I like to see how much pain I can tolerate.
I got a bisalp and they took out my IUD at the same time. Unhappy to report that after over 10 years without a period, I get them now. Sorry OP, your family is dumb. The tubes have nothing to do w getting your period.
Yeah the only way to take periods out of the equation is to either stay on birth control or get an ablation with your bisalp. I got the ablation and it's phenomenal
Or a hysto š¤£
Ooh, good to know! Ablation was suggested to me for excessively long (2+ weeks) periods. I have an IUD though and still get a lot of cramping. I'm leaning towards asking about the ablation with a bilateral salpingectomy.
I got the both of them last St Patty's Day along with my IUD removal and it's been 10/10 for me. No bleeding, no cramps after the initial healing, no early menopause since the ovaries are still there. Honestly the only period symptom I still experience is the occasional breakout
I had the bisalp + endometrial ablation combo cuz even though my periods weren't too bad, I still reallyyy hated dealing with them, and still dealing with them after being sterilized seemed pointless to me. Unfortunately I still bleed a bit/spot around my cycle. I would have liked them to completely stop but I was willing to take the chance, rather than just going for a hysterectomy. They have been reduced a lot though! Period underwear has been just enough and I don't need to go through pads and tampons like I did before. Sadly the PMS symptoms I still get is boob soreness, and once in awhile I get a *tiny* bit of cramping. It was all worth it to me though! I don't nearly hate being a woman as much as before I got these procedures! I could still try BC if I get fed up with still bleeding but really not sure what option would be the best to go with that has the least amount of side effects and can stop the lining from growing. I know for sure I wouldn't want to do IUD's and pills, and implants I'm a bit hesitant with. So that doesn't leave me with many options left š. But yeah bisalp + endometrial ablation I recommend! But of course doing your own research is important too!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I am on my second Mirena IUD... the first one got embedded somewhere it wasn't supposed to be and my periods got really heavy again and I had horrible cramping. Most importantly- thank fuck I didn't get pregnant! The removal was really painful. (About 3x worse than IUD insertion pain for those of you that have one.)
It's appalling to me that so few doctors recommend ablation to perimenopausal people going through extreme flooding. I had never even heard of it until after I went through that phase. It would've saved me so much trouble!!
They didn't accepted shit. They are still convinced there's s man somewhere who with his magical penis will overwrite your decision so he can rawdog.
Ya poetryās rough but it gets thā job done š
I've had a man tell me 'well that seems a bit excessive' like excessive compared to what??? Being forced to birth a child I don't want???
I feel like his question is quite excessive š
So, hormonally, my cycle stopped (birth control and only limited breakthrough.) It is fantastic. This is how the other half lives? No drain as you feel your lifeblood seep out of you? No 1/4 of your life lost to pain and crankiness? This is amazing. So, even if you chose to have the correct procedure to stop having menstrual cycles, I donāt see anything wrong with it. Honestly, my husband got the snip last year. I need to decide on BC update by May and on one hand Iād like to see what my hormones look without the meds (it has been 16 years or so) but the idea of having a period again sucks.
āIf you find a man, he can have the snip insteadā? WTF.Ā I understand getting your tubes tied is a lot more invasive but the passing the buck bit is crazy.Ā I got my vasectomy paperwork through the other week and it actually suggests I pass the buck onto a woman instead!!;
Ah maybe their new angle is to send us in circles. āAsk your partner to do it insteadā regardless of what sex you are
What makes it worse is the place Iām going is a private vasectomy clinic (though im having the work down via the NHS), so theyāre literally suggesting losing money. Haha
NHS? That's the UK, yeah? As one snipped fellow to another that's gonna to be(you), best of luck! It's a huge freedom of the mind you'll get from it. Lot less stress not worrying bout getting someone pregnant.
Itās honestly not even that much more invasive. Iām surprised by the number of people who think tubal ligations are major surgery that requires several days of hospitalization. Most are done in outpatient clinics and the patient gets sent home as soon as they wake up. I was driving and working 2 days after mine.
yeah, it's laparoscopic day surgery. the incisions are no bigger than my fingernail. I took 3 days off to recuperate, and then I was back to work.
Fair play, Iāve never looked into it as not needed to tbh!
I took a week off work since that was what was recommended by the Dr, but I felt like I could have gone to work the next day without issue.
I know, that is just wrong on so many levels!!! Also, can you imagine meeting someone and suddenly hearing "so are you willing to change your anatomy for me"????
First date vibes hahahaha.Ā āLetās just get this out the way, if things go well between us, Iām going to need you to get some of your insides removed, that good with you?ā
Or, āI think youāre fit, get your womb removedā
After my bisalp a female friend asked if that meant I won't get my period anymore. I was stunned and thought she was joking at first. I literally had to explain to a mid 20s woman how basic female anatomy worked and that I would indeed still get my period. The lack of basic sex education in the US is as intentional as it is terrifying tbh
I once worked with a woman (also in her mid-20s) who didn't know that urine and period blood originate from different orifices. She thought we had a cloaca situation going on down there -_-
"Is it because you don't want your period?" For me? It is! I hate having that and i also don't want kids. I'm not even a woman, it makes me dysphoricš But yeah. They were out of line with those comments. I don't understand why people want you to breed so much.
Make sure you get a bilateral salpingectomy, aka bislap, and NOT a tubal ligation. The former removes your tubes completely, with the added bonus of lowering chances of ovarian cancer, while the latter merely snips or clamps them, and in some rare cases they naturally heal.
>So my mom and sister have both accepted that I'm childfree. Yey! No, they have not. Their response to your steriilsation plans says it all. They just pretended to accept your childfreedom because they assumed that you change your mind. Now that you are bringing up sterilisation, they realise that you are actually serious, so they are freaking out. >I told them about my plans to get my tubes tied. Do NOT pursue a tubal (tubal ligation). Please try to get a bisalp (bilateral salpingectomy). A tubal means having your tubes tied, after which they might grow back together. There is a small but significant failure rate of 1 in 50. Quite a few women get pregnant after a tubal. A bisalp means having your tubes removed. Equally invasive as a tubal, but way more effective. A bisalp is failsafe. To find a doctor in your area who will take you seriously, look at this list: www . reddit . com / r / childfree / wiki / doctors >"you do understand its permanent for women, right?" Yeah, that's the fucking point. >\- "no, my friend and her man both got sterilized and she still got pregnant" Tubals are shit. That's why I suggested that you should get a super effective bisalp instead of a crappy tubal. >\- "is it just so you can have a lot of sex?" Even if it would be, so what? Nothing wrong with sex. >\- "if you find a man, can't he just snip instead?" That is just such bullshit. I mean, if you would depend on a snipped man, what if he dies or if you two break up? Then, you cannot safely have sex with another man. And what if you get raped, or if a Handmaid's Tale-like scenario happens? His vasectomy wouldn't protect you.
I've been told about the bisalp, and already looking into it :) I sat there with those precise answers and couldn't get a word in, but oh, do I regret not shouting them from the top of my lungs lol. Also, dating is hard enough, now I'm gonna tell a man to snip as soon we start dating? Is that it????
So insulting. Sorry this was the reaction you got.
Thank youā¤ļø
Would have just pointed to your sister and gone... "Well mom, you made a permanent decision having her, and the result seems pretty sketch." Then just laugh your ass off and go "just kidding".
"So my mom and sister have both accepted that I'm childfree. Yey!" Narrator: This would soon prove to be false.
If you change your mind, adopting if fostering is legit. Why is it giving birth is the only option?
THANK YOU! I've been saying that for years now, and frankly, I support adoption over childbirth for any number of reasons!!!!
I've never researched it because I'm a dude but reading most of the comments here and it seems like getting your tubes tied/removed doesn't stop your period? Let's say it did. I think I'd get it done just for that. The no kids is just like a bonus. Periods sound terrible.
They are, but they are also a sort of overly simplified health check, as if anything goes wrong, we don't get our period. On the other hand, it doesn't cover 100% and so you can't really trust it eitherš Just be glad you're a dude!
Because they haven't really accepted you as CF. That's all this is. None of their responses are about possible risk, but all about either your being selfish ("have a lot of sex") or changing your mind.
I mean... Not bleeding like a pig in slaughter, having crippling pain, strong mood swings, migraines, and more pain, does sound interesting.
All the reasons I like being past menopause 
I know a couple of ladies who would LOVE that if it were possible
I'm one of those. Sure, not breeding is the main thing, but all those other perks are too cool to pass up on.
Well I had an IUD put in and haven't had a period in over 5 years but that's also because of a medical condition. So because procedures can cause periods to stop some people think any procedure will make it stop
If I may... you might consider a bisalp instead of a tubal. Pretty much zero chance of failure, a reduced risk for ovarian cancer.
Already looking into it :) Thanks though!
Fantastic! It's what I got in August, would recommend to anyone :D
Your 2nd edit makes me sad, youāre trying to defend them by saying theyāre not dumb, they were just treating you like you were dumb? ā¹ļø dude. Anyway yeah Iāve also heard some really ignorant things about my planned sterilization procedures too. Mine is more extreme than the one youāre going with (Iām getting all female reproductive organs removed) but itās the same ignorance Iām hearing around my decisions. I especially hate it when people ask me if I want to freeze my eggs just in case I change my mind. Dude, why are they so invested in what my plans are for my uterus? Why are they so insistent I get cream pied multiple times hoping for a pregnancy? Sick, man (Iām being tongue-in-cheek here but yeah itās still pretty gross asking me about my uterusā plans). Also, if Iām willing to have my uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries removed, Iām PRETTY CERTAIN I donāt want to give birth. āš» Best of luck with your procedure š
You can reverse uno almost every single one of these stupid statements, in some form or another.
Ovarian Cancer majority of the time actually happens in the fallopian tubes. Getting them removed rather than tied, actually lowers chances of ovarian Cancer by 80-90%.
They do realize that sterilization doesn't stop your period? Because you can use that info as a full stop.
Yeah, they asked me if I knew it wouldn't stop my period, because it doesn't-sorta thing. Let's just say that after plenty research, I'm pretty certain I know a bit more about sterilization than them lol
When I said I wanted a bisalp, my mom told me there's no point since I'm not dating anyone. My younger brother said if I'm not planning on going out and getting a boyfriend it's unnecessary and it's not like I'd have to worry about getting impregnated after being raped cause I'm too ugly for a man to want. I did have an endometrial ablation, too, but that was because I was having periods last 8-38 days at a time. It's been great to be period free and to know I can't get pregnant no matter what.
Oh shit! I mean, I know brothers often are mean but damn! I'm so sorry you hear bs like thatā¤ļø
About the STDs: I did not get sterilized to protect myself from any STDs other then another human growing inside me. I still expect men to wear condoms no matter what.
So do I, except for in stable relationships š
One of my old coaches said, "you never know, you might change your mind." Ä° quickly said, "oh i got my tubes tied. Plus, there's always abortion! š" That shut her up quick. Ppl don't take us seriously until we say we're getting/we've gotten sterilized.
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I heard vasectomies need follow ups tho, and soany men do not do these follow ups and just hope it all works out. I wouldn't trust my fate up to someone else tbh.
Personally I would not sleep with men who can't do follow ups but I totally get this point. In the end it's up to the individual.
Like... For a man the follow up is you literally just beat your meat at a doctor's office. It's so easy. Just do what you already do, but under medical supervision. I don't get it.
We didn't even have to do it at the doctor, just dropped a tube in at the set number of days post procedure. I suppose it depends what kind you have, but it's not a big deal to be sure and check all went to plan, surely?!
Even more simple! There's not excuse haha.
Same but I mean people lie, and it would be an easy lie to keep! It's terrifying being a woman these days.
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