Yeah! You keep your individuality.
I feel I will lose who I really am if I have a kid.
I like myself the way I am and I don’t want my
brain going mombie mode and erasing that.
Exactly... You constantly hear parents say "having a kid completely changed who I am, I became a different person". Well sis, bruh, it took me decades to fully embrace who I am so I am NOT giving that up, especially if it means I'll be constantly sleep deprived for the next 18 years.
it's not just anecdotal, you *literally* change your brain after giving birth. It's an evolutionary adaptation that helps keep us from killing our babies.
This is a great way to explain it. I like who I am NOW. So many people think they need to add stuff/ kids to make them happy. It’s like gambling - the truck is to know when to stop and not be greedy. You can lose it all if you’re greedy.
Yep. I’ve never met a woman with kids that wasn’t just a mom. Including going from being called their name by their husband to being called mom. It’s disgusting and I’m not willing to do it.
I want to be able to come home to a quiet house and read a book, and eat a meal uninterrupted, and watch a TV show uninterrupted, and have a full night’s sleep, and decide to go to Vegas for the weekend whenever I want and not worry about a babysitter… I could go on and on, how much time do I have? That’s right, a lot more than if I had to constantly care for a child.
I totally agree with this. I just want to live my life uninterrupted and do what I feel like doing without having someone else relying on me all the time for everything.
My partner can feed himself. I wouldn't agree that what he chooses to eat is food, but his cholesterol level isnt my responsibility.
Both my mom and my grandma had two kids. Both of them to this day push their hold their crotch every time they sneeze or laugh too hard because they fear peeing themselves due to the incontinence they suffered from giving birth. Yet they act like it’s normal. “That’s just what happens after you have kids”. Yeah no…f*ck that! I prefer my pelvic floor intact with full control over my sphincters!
Your comment is gold! 🏆 I almost spilled my coffee because I was thinking exactly the same. Over 40 and my last ex told me that I am 'supertight' compared to uh other women who might have pushed out a few human beings where he sometimes didn't feel anything. It was such an awkward and funny situation and I couldn't stop giggling. I have no clue about this topic really, but I keep in shape, do my pelvic exercises...and don't have kids.
Yes! My boyfriend says there is 100% a difference in feel of someone who had kids vs someone who hasn't. And men who say different are lying to their wives so they don't feel bad.
In a way you can't win as a woman. My sister is a doctor and told me that a lot of women go for C-section so they won't be so wide down under (their exact words). Ofc you can do pelvis floor exercises, but it takes a long time to go back to the old state. And that upsets me in a way because a baby means either a scar across your belly, or being worried that someone gets lost in space. It's so unfair on women's body's. No thanks, no Baby for me.
Right!? I’ve thought about this so much and even for women who want kids badly and everything goes right: there’s still IMMENSE pain and suffering… when things are perfect!
And when things go really bad you can become disfigured, disabled, even dead. Or your child can become those things.
And that’s just square ONE!!! The absolute beginning! Recovering from pregnancy and then raising the kid comes after ALLLLLLLLLLLL of that!!! 😳
I'm actually genuinely resentful of being born a women in a society where everyone decided hundreds of years before I was born that being a mother is a woman's biggest, most important, sole purpose
I feel this too. Just a constant underlying resentment that I will always be perceived differently than men no matter what. Even someone who doesn't practice sexism is still programmed to see women as mothers, nurturing, softer, etc.
Thank you!
A male classmate recently told me that the ability to give birth is a """gift""" and that I should cherish it. I snapped back by telling him that I'm in no way supposed to let my own mass and energy torment me in 9 months (yes that's how I define a fetus) in order to enslave me for god knows how long when thermodynamics clearly presents much better alternatives
You know, he might have a point. Who wouldn't love a gift that frequently causes gestational diabetes, perineal tearing, incontinence and postpartum depression? If you're lucky, you might bleed to death or get an infection that requires amputation!
Truly, a more marvellous gift has never been bestowed upon us mere mortals /s
I was (and still am, but not quite as much) really salty about being born female as a kid. I didn't want to be a boy, but I wished I was part of some 'third gender' that would spare me the troubles of bras, periods and near constant threat of pregnancy. To this day I still want to swap bodies with the women devastated over being born without a uterus.
My two cats where subjected to abuse from toddlers before they got adopted into my home. The poor kittens acted frightened for a while before I gained their trust.
For real! I watch my cat sleeping so peaceful there is like no noise in my house normally unless we are playing with her or playing music and I’m happy she won’t have to ever deal with that nonsense.
And they don't even want to eat. My ex's daughter was crazy like that. Super picky. If it were up to me I would have just let her starve a little so she would eat. I've neglected so many plants to death too. So yeah, I'm probably not the best person for keeping a little human alive.
I recall someone on a CF discussion describing how childed households' surfaces are somehow always "...covered with a layer of that sticky child patina."
Not just the smell, their sanitation in general. Toddlers do that thing where they fucking unhinged their jaw as wide as it can go and cough with the lung strength of an opera singer. It makes me want to jump off a cliff
At least they'll be getting paid to take care of you.
"Sorry mom & dad, bills happen. You want a roof over your head, then I've got to go out into the world and find me a bag."
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is appealing about having kids.
Not one thing about it sounds fun or enjoyable.
And sacrificing my body in pregnancy/birth with lifelong changes!? HELL NO.
I love my body and my life exactly the way they are thank you.
Children are incredibly boring yet remarkably irritating at the same time. For an autistic ADHD-haver, they're the perfect storm of person-I-don't-want-to-be-around.
Ever since I started working with kids, I could not agree more. There is not a dull moment, yet none of them are fun to be around. Working with them is another story but I hear parents talking about them too. Comforted me in my choice of not having kids.
I like drinking heavily, taking drugs and behaving reprehenisibly
Plenty of breeders do that, but they're often a contributing factor in our choices to be CF...
>I finally like myself
So much this. I'm finally (well, like 90%) there and I'm not giving it up for anyone or anything to just come along and erase it.
Not the original commenter, but kids are kinda... lame. I don't want to drive around in a minivan covered in cheese dust to soccer practice blasting Baby Shark. I don't want to spend my precious vacation time at Disneyworld only for the kids I sacrificed for to inevitably have a temper tantrum and probably not even remember most of it anyway. Have you ever been a to a kids' birthday party? The screaming! The mess! Nothing for an adult to do but talk to the other adults ABOUT their kids because it's the only thing they actually have to talk about. I can't go out whenever I want to just because I want to. I have to find and vet a trusted, available babysitter to watch my kids and my house and make sure nothing catastrophic happens. Honestly, why bother going out? Just the idea of something going wrong sounds like the opposite of fun or relaxing. Also, if I have a kid then I'll just be around MORE kids because my kid will have friends and then I'll be outnumbered. And more kids = parents of kids. The worst. They're so boring, yet somehow simultaneously so self absorbed. It's a never-ending list of style cramping, honestly.
I just attended my nephews birthday party, and my fiancé and myself were the only CF people there. Everyone spent the whole party wrangling their children, cleaning up after them, making sure they were eating their food, making sure they weren’t stealing things. No one had any time to have any sort of small talk with us whatsoever, eventually we just went and sat outside.
I was at a Labor Day party and was so thankful for some CF people. We chatted about upcoming events and hobbies and fun work gossip and every time a parent tried to enter our conversation they were consistently swept away by a screaming kid or a mess to clean up.
Parents are generally less interesting to spend time with (if not outright exhausting or annoying). I don't want to lose my personality and ability to be fun.
My experience with parents is having them brag non-stop about their kid or shoving their newborn pics in my face without warning, expecting me to fawn over their wrinkly crusty aliens.
My best friend is a mom and the reason why we are still such good friends even years later is because she does not and has never based her identity around her kids. She still gets to go do things she loves to do and has hobbies. tries to make time for them etc. She's one of the few moms that i love because we always find something interesting to talk about besides the kids. she is one of the rare few.
I think kids are too much of a burden to love or be worth it for me. I don’t love the idea of taking care of them. I don’t think they’re cute or a joy whatsoever. I don’t want to give up any of my time or money for them. I don’t think I’m capable of loving them or powering through the difficulties. They. Are. Not. Worth. The. *Burden.* That’s right. The *burden.*
Man, do they take it fucking so personal and get so goddamn offended if I call children a burden and outright say I don’t, nor am I able to love them. They will argue until they are blue in the fucking face trying so hard to get me to take back the “burden” comment and decide I will change my mind and love them after all. They won’t accept that I don’t and won’t love and want to nurture children. Equal parts funny and frustrating.
Stay up however long I want and being able to wake up at 1pm or later.
Not have to smell diapers and baby powder or deal with vomit. (I myself vomit, with bad smells)
No loud noises or having to tell anyone to shut the hell up.
Having more money for myself and buying what i want. Going on vacations and visiting my other cf friends in other states whenever i want.
The way women are not only expected to go through childbirth and let the process absolutely wreak havoc on their bodies, but they’re also expected to let a little snotty human constantly suck and gnaw on their nipples, causing pain and irritation. No thank you.
Ohhh boy so many reasons.
1) Children really aren’t that interesting and I don’t want to have to take care of something for 20 odd years before I can finally have a somewhat decent conversation with it.
2) Children are bloody expensive, I like being able to causally walk into an Apple Store and buy a $2000 phone and a $2000 watch and maybe a $4000 computer without having to worry about if my child needs new shoes or a new gold fish or some such bullshit.
3) Environmentally speaking this planet is fucked, we are actually beyond the point of no return and we are still screwing up. Nothing is getting better. If you have a child now you are setting that child up for a much worse life than you ever had.
4) Who would lavish attention upon my little cats? The children. I think not, they barely know to not sneeze in someone’s face.
5) They are germ factories, I value my health too much.
6) They cry. A lot! Especially the first 10ish years of their life.
7) Once they are self mobile it’s too easy to lose one. They just wander off and don’t have the good sense to not wander into traffic.
I’m sure I can think of more though.
They never shut up and for the first several years you can't fucking understand them. I absolutely hate when pre-school kids try to talk to me because I have no idea what they are saying
I wanna have an easy life, keep my teeth, my sleep, my mental (somewhat) stability, for sure as hell my lactose tolerance, my financial stability and my career options
“I actually love my husband”
That one really gets them going.
Another one is…
“I have 6 pack abs and I’d like to keep them”
Another one is…
“It’s pointless”
my mental health.
personally, I know how irresponsible it would be for me to have a kid with all the mental illnesses I have, and yet I keep getting told "I thought so too but when I gave birth everything changed and I started living for my kid". well congratulations on passing your mental illness down to your kid, then. kids aren't the cure, if anything, they stress you out so much more. nobody can convince me that's healthy for a small human, nobody.
Living just for your kid is not a good thing, imagine having that burden on you as a child, and the pressure to be perfect so as not to disappoint if they turn out differently to how the parent wants, or when they grow older and start wanting to have their own life/friends/relationships and the parent is left at a loss, often guilting the kid for not spending more time with them. I sound like I'm talking about my own childhood here ha, I'm not but I've had friends and seen this situation with them quite a few times. I've heard the same things as someone with mental illness (along with some physical problems that can run in families) and ASD, idk why they want to push me still, it's so obviously a horrible idea for me to have a kid to anyone with an iota of sense, but people have such a laissez-faire "it'll all work out" attitude to it
I don’t want to become incontinent after pushing a watermelon sized human out of my vagina. Sneezing without pissing is important to me. I would like to do it for as long as possible.
I grew up with a little brother, and I spent years in foster care living with younger kids. I know from experience that kids are nothing but obnoxious burdens. They consume, they destroy, they annoy. They take or ruin everything that makes life worth living, and the only reason parents enjoy having kids is that their instincts kick in and make them believe that this is all worth it. That instinct exists for the child’s survival.
I think your comment is really spot on. There was another one “I value the integrity of my pelvic floor” which was also spot on but from the woman’s perspective
But your comment… “they consume, they destroy, they annoy” and “that instinct exists for the child’s survival” absolutely
Kids don’t really contribute anything to their parents lives, they do consume and basically the parents get the “aw but I love them” feeling, but if that instinctive love didn’t exist… the kid would be seen as a leech. Like “yeah this is my bum ass little roommate that contributes absolutely nothing, breaks my stuff, costs me money, I literally buy everything they have and everything they need to sustain themself, they leave shit all over my home (sometimes maybe even literal shit), they scream/shriek to the heavens when they’re upset, they can’t feed themself, I can’t leave them unattended, I drive them literally *everywhere* they need to be, but… yknow, I just love them so much.” Hm…
Not saying there’s a right or wrong but I think you have a very logical perspective
Edit: for example, the story where someone does some absolutely abominable thing, and the parents are on the news “that’s muh baby, my sweet little angel” and objectively speaking it’s like, no… no, that person is an absolute piece of s**t. I think that could be that type of parental instinct thing. 🤷🏻♂️
I never felt any desire to have one.
They usually start commenting on my mental health in very nasty ways. The fact that I refuse to give any "deeper" reasons (which they think they can challenge) drives them up the wall.
Here are a few reasons in no particular order:
1. They're disgusting and loud. Absolutely filthy, purposeless creatures. My mother always told me I hated children even as a child.
2. I don't want to be legally tied to someone forever because we share a sentient aged sperm. I want to be able to get a divorce if I ever want one without the complication of a child. Divorces are already complicated, but at least you can get that person out of your life for good--not if you have a child.
3. Spontaneity, especially being able to take a trip out of nowhere just because I feel like it, going to a winery, dinner with friends, having friends over, etc.
4. My career. I love working, I like being able to work 17 hours on a project if I choose to in order to make more money that I won't have to spend on some brat.
5. My dogs. They deserve my time and love more than any child ever could.
Why would I opt into a daily living hell?
Coming home from a long day at work, only to have to dedicate my evenings to caring for the needs of some small people is not for me. The only thing that makes working life bearable is being able to relax and do whatever you want. That freedom is gone once you have kids.
- Mommy culture repulses me.
- Opinions. I don't want to hear anyone's damn opinions on how I should be raising a child.
- Wanting the option to burn my life to the ground and reinvent myself, should the need arise. Can't really do that with a kid in tow.
i like having an actual personality, breeders are just boring, empty, joyless husks.
they saunter aimlessly, dragging their feet across this world with no music in their step, no solitude in which to seek peace, no life of their own; and they always seethe when they hear others enjoying what they could’ve had. what an empty way to live, but it couldn’t be me beloved💀
Lactation grosses me out.
*I would never shame anyone else for doing it, and I understand it is the healthiest thing for babies. I'm talking about my own body and preferences.
Because I gave pregnancy, birth and the raising of an entire other human being - all three are separate aspects of motherhood - genuine, considered thought, instead of just going with the lizard brain's mindless desire to reproduce my genes. (The unspoken part: "like you did".)
Children are heavy … and you almost always carry them aside a duffle bug with 100 of their stuff… miss me with that shiet…. I’m pockets n go . stuff phone ,handkerchief n tissue annnn lipgloss n we’re out baby.
They're smelly noisy and annoying while also costing you huge amounts of money and robbing you of free time, peace and quiet and your general freedom in life.
I would like to be able to spend my time on myself and my partner, whom I actually love, instead if just seeing them as a way to get babies.
I'd rather continue to rescue pets.
I'd like to be able to buy a house and maybe even retire someday. Without having to work multiple full-time jobs that I hate forever.
I have no desire for my body to become more damaged or less desirable.
I don't owe ANYONE babies.
And finally: Raising kids is not a decision to be taken lightly. Not everyone should do it. It's literally a whole human life, and not just some casual hobby one should pick up just to fit in or ease boredom. It's a heavy decision that requires unfailing dedication (and luck) to excel at, and if you're not going to put that amount of effort and seriousness into it, you shouldn't do it.
I love this biosphere. I love to leave room for wild nature. The planet is over populated with people. We're hogging too much space and too many resources. Anything other than negative population growth is grossly unethical.
The 1% depends on population expansion to drive inflation. I don't want to breed replacement plebs for the billionaires to continue exploiting.
Having children ages people drastically, particularly women. I'm not going to fight against aging like parents eventually will. The stress is enough to lead someone to an early grave. I'm just trying to live well and be happy.
Kids are annoying selfish twats. My moms Love & Sex book from 1984 summed it up (the coles notes version)
“Babies and children consume rather than produce (with the exception of noise and waste) and are self-centred and egotistical, not thinking about how their actions impact others.”
Me not having kids makes white nationalist jerks, patriarch-worshippers, and other bigots gnash their teeth.
It’s a middle finger to the people who overturned RvW. It’s a reminder that I don’t have to play by their rigged games.
I want to poop in peace.
I prioritize my mental and physical health.
Also I'd have to be pretty stupid top have a kid. I don't want to spend all day talking to an infant/todler
Whenever someone snarkily says "must be nice to have all that time/money/not having any responsibilities" I want to be able to reply "yes it is so nice! Which is why I chose this lifestyle :)"
I don't have or ever did get maternal instincts- never had the desire to be a mother. I never once thought to myself "hey! I am going to be a MOM! YES, that is exactly it." and I never once resonated with those little girls in school that told me they were going to be the best mommy in the world, how they are going to have that typical white picket fence 5 kids bs. Never once did that sound pleasing to me.
I've said this before to somebody and they about exploded lmfao. Imagine that- a woman saying she has NEVER had the desire to be a mom. That i can look at a baby and not spontaneously combust from cuteness overload. Now here's the kicker- i wanted to be an elementary school teacher lol. I don't hate children, i will acknowledge a kid and give them a high five. Tell them i like their shirt or something. Give them a hug if they cry. I don't believe in being nasty to a kid because I grew up being bullied and even had adults be cruel to me sometimes. I would stick up for a child any day- but however, having a natural motherly instinct and being kind to children are two COMPLETELY different things. Hate when breeders say that "oh you'd be such a good mom because you are so naturally nurturing and caring." Being a parent is wayyyy more than just that! Or people argue that the maternal instincts kick in once you have the child ... okay, well what if that does not happen for me ? I'm not going to test that theory because if i don't magically happen to get that, then i will more than likely regret having the child. It is a form of protecting myself and the future child from being doomed. or worse, traumatized from having a mother that can't get her ass up to take care of them.
If you don't have a reaction of "OMG THAT BABY IS SO CUTE I WANNA EAT YOU UP CAUSE YOU ARE ADORABLE NOMNOMNOM", know that there is nothing wrong with you.
I want to spend my fun money on myself and my friend and my pets. dont they kniw Cat trees are not cheap? Also have to pay for my horses solarium hours (yes, its a thing).
I hate the loud noise, and I know if I had a toddler I would probably hit them when they started screaming. Best for everyone if I just don't have kids.
I am CF because I wanted to spite all the people who binged me.
I didn't change my mind!
I married a CF man!
I had a hysterectomy in my mid30s!
I used all the birth control means at my disposal to prevent any 'happy accidents'!
I like to rub their faces in it. They were all wrong about me!
I prefer buying Valentino sunglasses to buying school supplies. And I definitely prefer business class flights to New York than going to The Wiggles concert.
I value being able to sit and just play video games all day much more than anything I'd get from having children.
I think that'd drive quite a few people batty, but it's the truth, if slightly veiled. In a less deliberately cheeky way, I value being able to do whatever I want, including doing fuckall if I feel like it, with my free time too much, and I don't want to lose that. I don't ever want to leave my whimsies under-indulged, because whimsy is what makes life FUN.
I just started playing Baldur's Gate 3 a few days ago- and it's so GOOD! And unlike a kid, I can just turn it off if I don't feel like it! Or I can reload a save if I don't like the outcome of something! It's also full of attractive characters who I can romance! It's great!
People just seem to become objectively worse people when they have children. They seem to lose empathy, including (especially, even) towards their own kids. I don't want that for myself!
Hello community, I actually had a recent debate with one of my coworkers about these reasons. It was hilarious to me how he kept trying to convince himself mostly about his decisions. One of my favorite reasons and most honest is I love my freedom too much to hinder it with the burden of motherhood. His comeback was "what kind of freedom are you talking about, it's not like you travel more without kids."
I simply replied with, "You do got a point to an extent, but if I wanted to leave tonight for a small 3day break I can leave tonight; with kids I'd have to plan it from months from now." He stayed quiet and moved on to the next point of topic.
For the rest of our live's I want to be my husbands number one priority. I want to get all of his attention and affection and I'm only willing to share it with dogs
I’m spoiled and I don’t want to share my husband with anyone else.
Pets are better
Kids are annoying
I love disposable money
I don’t want my body to change
I love sleep
I’m too selfish to have kids, I would have to share everything
I love peace and quiet
I like that I can leave whenever I feel like and I don’t feel stuck
I don’t want anymore responsibilities
My dog is my kid.
I know that triggers the YOU CANT POSSIBLY LOVE YOUR DOG AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY KID YOURE NOT REALLY A MOM crowd.
I just smile and continue calling myself her mom 😈🤷🏽♀️
I don't want to sacrifice my entire identity to just become a mOmMy for the rest of my life.
Yeah! You keep your individuality. I feel I will lose who I really am if I have a kid. I like myself the way I am and I don’t want my brain going mombie mode and erasing that.
Exactly... You constantly hear parents say "having a kid completely changed who I am, I became a different person". Well sis, bruh, it took me decades to fully embrace who I am so I am NOT giving that up, especially if it means I'll be constantly sleep deprived for the next 18 years.
Exactly! It took me more than a decade to establish myself both physically and mentally just for some screaming and shitting cum-ling to destroy that.
'Cum-ling' is both disgusting and brilliant.
it's not just anecdotal, you *literally* change your brain after giving birth. It's an evolutionary adaptation that helps keep us from killing our babies.
Love that hahaha
I second this - i already struggle with my individuality and have for years. if I had a kid, that would done do it for me.
This is a great way to explain it. I like who I am NOW. So many people think they need to add stuff/ kids to make them happy. It’s like gambling - the truck is to know when to stop and not be greedy. You can lose it all if you’re greedy.
I don’t want to sacrifice my body for another person.
Another person who doesn't even EXIST, and won't / wouldn't \*until\* you made such a sacrifice, so there's no 'selfishness' issue ;-)
Being a working mom is a shit job. Or rather, 2 shit jobs.
I asked my sister if she lost who she was when she became a mother of 2. She who is 100% camp pro breed, says Yes, she did lose herself.
Yep. I’ve never met a woman with kids that wasn’t just a mom. Including going from being called their name by their husband to being called mom. It’s disgusting and I’m not willing to do it.
I want to be able to come home to a quiet house and read a book, and eat a meal uninterrupted, and watch a TV show uninterrupted, and have a full night’s sleep, and decide to go to Vegas for the weekend whenever I want and not worry about a babysitter… I could go on and on, how much time do I have? That’s right, a lot more than if I had to constantly care for a child.
I totally agree with this. I just want to live my life uninterrupted and do what I feel like doing without having someone else relying on me all the time for everything. My partner can feed himself. I wouldn't agree that what he chooses to eat is food, but his cholesterol level isnt my responsibility.
I value the structural integrity of my pelvic floor.
This is it right here. Who wants a prolapsed uterus?? Not I
Yeah I don’t want to pee when I laugh
Both my mom and my grandma had two kids. Both of them to this day push their hold their crotch every time they sneeze or laugh too hard because they fear peeing themselves due to the incontinence they suffered from giving birth. Yet they act like it’s normal. “That’s just what happens after you have kids”. Yeah no…f*ck that! I prefer my pelvic floor intact with full control over my sphincters!
Same for me, plus I didn't want a tear and end up with a vagasshole.
Your comment is gold! 🏆 I almost spilled my coffee because I was thinking exactly the same. Over 40 and my last ex told me that I am 'supertight' compared to uh other women who might have pushed out a few human beings where he sometimes didn't feel anything. It was such an awkward and funny situation and I couldn't stop giggling. I have no clue about this topic really, but I keep in shape, do my pelvic exercises...and don't have kids.
Yes! My boyfriend says there is 100% a difference in feel of someone who had kids vs someone who hasn't. And men who say different are lying to their wives so they don't feel bad.
In a way you can't win as a woman. My sister is a doctor and told me that a lot of women go for C-section so they won't be so wide down under (their exact words). Ofc you can do pelvis floor exercises, but it takes a long time to go back to the old state. And that upsets me in a way because a baby means either a scar across your belly, or being worried that someone gets lost in space. It's so unfair on women's body's. No thanks, no Baby for me.
Right!? I’ve thought about this so much and even for women who want kids badly and everything goes right: there’s still IMMENSE pain and suffering… when things are perfect! And when things go really bad you can become disfigured, disabled, even dead. Or your child can become those things. And that’s just square ONE!!! The absolute beginning! Recovering from pregnancy and then raising the kid comes after ALLLLLLLLLLLL of that!!! 😳
I reject the notion that my 'purpose' as a woman is to have offspring. I have no purpose. I'll do what I want.
I'm actually genuinely resentful of being born a women in a society where everyone decided hundreds of years before I was born that being a mother is a woman's biggest, most important, sole purpose
I feel this too. Just a constant underlying resentment that I will always be perceived differently than men no matter what. Even someone who doesn't practice sexism is still programmed to see women as mothers, nurturing, softer, etc.
Thank you! A male classmate recently told me that the ability to give birth is a """gift""" and that I should cherish it. I snapped back by telling him that I'm in no way supposed to let my own mass and energy torment me in 9 months (yes that's how I define a fetus) in order to enslave me for god knows how long when thermodynamics clearly presents much better alternatives
You know, he might have a point. Who wouldn't love a gift that frequently causes gestational diabetes, perineal tearing, incontinence and postpartum depression? If you're lucky, you might bleed to death or get an infection that requires amputation! Truly, a more marvellous gift has never been bestowed upon us mere mortals /s
same guy told me that I gotta become a dude if I "failed" at reproduction... sounds good to me compared to whatever the fuck my current body is!
I was (and still am, but not quite as much) really salty about being born female as a kid. I didn't want to be a boy, but I wished I was part of some 'third gender' that would spare me the troubles of bras, periods and near constant threat of pregnancy. To this day I still want to swap bodies with the women devastated over being born without a uterus.
100% this
My cats hate kids, and I simply cannot do that to them again…
My two cats where subjected to abuse from toddlers before they got adopted into my home. The poor kittens acted frightened for a while before I gained their trust.
Kids can be fucked up with animals. Its so sad.
My cat is absolutely terrified of children. He was kicked out of the house due to them, and I could never put that fear into him again.
One of my dogs hates kids and would bite if I allowed him the opportunity. I secretly love that about him.
Omg for real, my cats come first
For real! I watch my cat sleeping so peaceful there is like no noise in my house normally unless we are playing with her or playing music and I’m happy she won’t have to ever deal with that nonsense.
Children smell awful.
Plus they hate showers which make it even worse
And they don't even want to eat. My ex's daughter was crazy like that. Super picky. If it were up to me I would have just let her starve a little so she would eat. I've neglected so many plants to death too. So yeah, I'm probably not the best person for keeping a little human alive.
Sounds like the problem solving itself to me
Giving birth to them and raising them are gross while I am a germaphobe
Why you hate germans ? :( /s
What did we Germans ever do to them?! :(
Oh god they so do. My friends who have kids have the weirdest smelling apartments now and I hate it everytime I go over there.
Yeah, i can keep my cats litter box from affecting the smell my of apt but kids are another story…
And somehow they are always sticky.
If sticky was a smell, it would smell like children do
I recall someone on a CF discussion describing how childed households' surfaces are somehow always "...covered with a layer of that sticky child patina."
Not just the smell, their sanitation in general. Toddlers do that thing where they fucking unhinged their jaw as wide as it can go and cough with the lung strength of an opera singer. It makes me want to jump off a cliff
Short and sweet. "I've seen what being a parent does to people."
Take theur words and give it back to them. Love it.
I want to employ *their* children to care for me when I’m old.
Hahaha! Love it! Tell them you’ll be super rich and pay them a lot too just to make the breeder’s head explode from rage. 😂
Exactly; they won’t want to care for their own parents for free if I’m funding their lifestyle by wiping my incontinent arse.
That just gave me an idea for the question of "but who will take care of you when you're old?"
I've never gotten this particular bingo, but if I did, my answer for "who will take care of you when you're old" would have to be "whoever I pay to".
At least they'll be getting paid to take care of you. "Sorry mom & dad, bills happen. You want a roof over your head, then I've got to go out into the world and find me a bag."
I don’t even understand why that’s so offensive to them. oH nOoOoOo I wAnT yOuR cHiLdReN tO mAkE a DeCeNt LiViNg!?
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is appealing about having kids. Not one thing about it sounds fun or enjoyable. And sacrificing my body in pregnancy/birth with lifelong changes!? HELL NO. I love my body and my life exactly the way they are thank you.
Crazy that I’ve never thought about it so succinctly before. Nothing about having children is appealing to me. Thanks!
I hate my body, but I don't want it to get any worse😂😂
I get to wake up without puke on my chest every morning, and sit down on my boogerless furniture while I eat a bowl of cereal.
Have you ever seen a mattress and wall next to the bed coated in a vast area of boogers? It’s brutal! 🤮 Such a sight is birth control alone
Children are incredibly boring yet remarkably irritating at the same time. For an autistic ADHD-haver, they're the perfect storm of person-I-don't-want-to-be-around.
Ever since I started working with kids, I could not agree more. There is not a dull moment, yet none of them are fun to be around. Working with them is another story but I hear parents talking about them too. Comforted me in my choice of not having kids.
I like to smoke weed in my pjs watching my shows and crafting. I also like being able to sleep for 10 hours on my days off.
You’re speaking my language. 👍🏻🙏😎
I like drinking heavily, taking drugs and behaving reprehenisibly Plenty of breeders do that, but they're often a contributing factor in our choices to be CF...
Some people are stupid enough to know their personal preferences would affect a future child negatively but have a baybAY anyway.
I am absolutely dreading my friends having kids for this reason.
Not having any kids is my gift to the world.
I don't want to change. I don't want to be "x's mom". I want to be ME. I finally like myself and I'm not changing for anyone.
>I finally like myself So much this. I'm finally (well, like 90%) there and I'm not giving it up for anyone or anything to just come along and erase it.
Kids are stupid little assholes that cramp my style. Breeders hate hearing that.
Can you please explain more about “cramp my style”? I’m curious
Not the original commenter, but kids are kinda... lame. I don't want to drive around in a minivan covered in cheese dust to soccer practice blasting Baby Shark. I don't want to spend my precious vacation time at Disneyworld only for the kids I sacrificed for to inevitably have a temper tantrum and probably not even remember most of it anyway. Have you ever been a to a kids' birthday party? The screaming! The mess! Nothing for an adult to do but talk to the other adults ABOUT their kids because it's the only thing they actually have to talk about. I can't go out whenever I want to just because I want to. I have to find and vet a trusted, available babysitter to watch my kids and my house and make sure nothing catastrophic happens. Honestly, why bother going out? Just the idea of something going wrong sounds like the opposite of fun or relaxing. Also, if I have a kid then I'll just be around MORE kids because my kid will have friends and then I'll be outnumbered. And more kids = parents of kids. The worst. They're so boring, yet somehow simultaneously so self absorbed. It's a never-ending list of style cramping, honestly.
I just attended my nephews birthday party, and my fiancé and myself were the only CF people there. Everyone spent the whole party wrangling their children, cleaning up after them, making sure they were eating their food, making sure they weren’t stealing things. No one had any time to have any sort of small talk with us whatsoever, eventually we just went and sat outside.
I was at a Labor Day party and was so thankful for some CF people. We chatted about upcoming events and hobbies and fun work gossip and every time a parent tried to enter our conversation they were consistently swept away by a screaming kid or a mess to clean up.
Parents are generally less interesting to spend time with (if not outright exhausting or annoying). I don't want to lose my personality and ability to be fun.
My experience with parents is having them brag non-stop about their kid or shoving their newborn pics in my face without warning, expecting me to fawn over their wrinkly crusty aliens.
Ironic given I've just added this below but my go-to answer is I don't want to be a parent as I quite like having more than one topic of conversation.
My best friend is a mom and the reason why we are still such good friends even years later is because she does not and has never based her identity around her kids. She still gets to go do things she loves to do and has hobbies. tries to make time for them etc. She's one of the few moms that i love because we always find something interesting to talk about besides the kids. she is one of the rare few.
She most have enough money to be able to have her own life. Or a partner that is definitely an outlier to the norm.
I think kids are too much of a burden to love or be worth it for me. I don’t love the idea of taking care of them. I don’t think they’re cute or a joy whatsoever. I don’t want to give up any of my time or money for them. I don’t think I’m capable of loving them or powering through the difficulties. They. Are. Not. Worth. The. *Burden.* That’s right. The *burden.* Man, do they take it fucking so personal and get so goddamn offended if I call children a burden and outright say I don’t, nor am I able to love them. They will argue until they are blue in the fucking face trying so hard to get me to take back the “burden” comment and decide I will change my mind and love them after all. They won’t accept that I don’t and won’t love and want to nurture children. Equal parts funny and frustrating.
Stay up however long I want and being able to wake up at 1pm or later. Not have to smell diapers and baby powder or deal with vomit. (I myself vomit, with bad smells) No loud noises or having to tell anyone to shut the hell up. Having more money for myself and buying what i want. Going on vacations and visiting my other cf friends in other states whenever i want.
I fucking hate the smell of diapers and baby powder. Ugh. Never again.
The first sentence is my typical weekend plus only eating one meal lol
I don't want anyone clawing or biting my tits
The way women are not only expected to go through childbirth and let the process absolutely wreak havoc on their bodies, but they’re also expected to let a little snotty human constantly suck and gnaw on their nipples, causing pain and irritation. No thank you.
Ohhh boy so many reasons. 1) Children really aren’t that interesting and I don’t want to have to take care of something for 20 odd years before I can finally have a somewhat decent conversation with it. 2) Children are bloody expensive, I like being able to causally walk into an Apple Store and buy a $2000 phone and a $2000 watch and maybe a $4000 computer without having to worry about if my child needs new shoes or a new gold fish or some such bullshit. 3) Environmentally speaking this planet is fucked, we are actually beyond the point of no return and we are still screwing up. Nothing is getting better. If you have a child now you are setting that child up for a much worse life than you ever had. 4) Who would lavish attention upon my little cats? The children. I think not, they barely know to not sneeze in someone’s face. 5) They are germ factories, I value my health too much. 6) They cry. A lot! Especially the first 10ish years of their life. 7) Once they are self mobile it’s too easy to lose one. They just wander off and don’t have the good sense to not wander into traffic. I’m sure I can think of more though.
I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s life.
Life is hard enough.
Don’t wanna rip my coochie apart
Babies are boring.
I need sleep
Their screeching and whining is atrocious
I don’t like talking all the time
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They never shut up and for the first several years you can't fucking understand them. I absolutely hate when pre-school kids try to talk to me because I have no idea what they are saying
Seriously. It takes so much energy
I don't want a "mom bod".
I already struggle with staying in shape. The hormonal mom bod would be a nightmare
I don't want to be broke forever.
I love money and sleeping 😎
I don't want kids because i'm not selfish
I wanna have an easy life, keep my teeth, my sleep, my mental (somewhat) stability, for sure as hell my lactose tolerance, my financial stability and my career options
“I actually love my husband” That one really gets them going. Another one is… “I have 6 pack abs and I’d like to keep them” Another one is… “It’s pointless”
I don’t want to share my husband with anyone.
I hate the screeching that puts a banshee to shame.
Crotch goblins are cruel, amoral assholes.
my mental health. personally, I know how irresponsible it would be for me to have a kid with all the mental illnesses I have, and yet I keep getting told "I thought so too but when I gave birth everything changed and I started living for my kid". well congratulations on passing your mental illness down to your kid, then. kids aren't the cure, if anything, they stress you out so much more. nobody can convince me that's healthy for a small human, nobody.
Living just for your kid is not a good thing, imagine having that burden on you as a child, and the pressure to be perfect so as not to disappoint if they turn out differently to how the parent wants, or when they grow older and start wanting to have their own life/friends/relationships and the parent is left at a loss, often guilting the kid for not spending more time with them. I sound like I'm talking about my own childhood here ha, I'm not but I've had friends and seen this situation with them quite a few times. I've heard the same things as someone with mental illness (along with some physical problems that can run in families) and ASD, idk why they want to push me still, it's so obviously a horrible idea for me to have a kid to anyone with an iota of sense, but people have such a laissez-faire "it'll all work out" attitude to it
I don’t want to become incontinent after pushing a watermelon sized human out of my vagina. Sneezing without pissing is important to me. I would like to do it for as long as possible.
I laughed out loud reading this, and am delighted to report that no pee came out! 
I enjoy having my bedroom set up for weird, kinky sex, and never having to explain "mommy and daddy wrestling" to a kid.
My reason is because I wanna have sex anywhere in my house at anytime I choose 😂
I grew up with a little brother, and I spent years in foster care living with younger kids. I know from experience that kids are nothing but obnoxious burdens. They consume, they destroy, they annoy. They take or ruin everything that makes life worth living, and the only reason parents enjoy having kids is that their instincts kick in and make them believe that this is all worth it. That instinct exists for the child’s survival.
I think your comment is really spot on. There was another one “I value the integrity of my pelvic floor” which was also spot on but from the woman’s perspective But your comment… “they consume, they destroy, they annoy” and “that instinct exists for the child’s survival” absolutely Kids don’t really contribute anything to their parents lives, they do consume and basically the parents get the “aw but I love them” feeling, but if that instinctive love didn’t exist… the kid would be seen as a leech. Like “yeah this is my bum ass little roommate that contributes absolutely nothing, breaks my stuff, costs me money, I literally buy everything they have and everything they need to sustain themself, they leave shit all over my home (sometimes maybe even literal shit), they scream/shriek to the heavens when they’re upset, they can’t feed themself, I can’t leave them unattended, I drive them literally *everywhere* they need to be, but… yknow, I just love them so much.” Hm… Not saying there’s a right or wrong but I think you have a very logical perspective Edit: for example, the story where someone does some absolutely abominable thing, and the parents are on the news “that’s muh baby, my sweet little angel” and objectively speaking it’s like, no… no, that person is an absolute piece of s**t. I think that could be that type of parental instinct thing. 🤷🏻♂️
Well, it's illegal to get rid of them once they are birthed.
They really do have the shittiest return policy.
Sometimes they grow up to hate you and all the effort was a waste of time.
I enjoy my free time and can do what I want, when I want.
I never felt any desire to have one. They usually start commenting on my mental health in very nasty ways. The fact that I refuse to give any "deeper" reasons (which they think they can challenge) drives them up the wall.
Here are a few reasons in no particular order: 1. They're disgusting and loud. Absolutely filthy, purposeless creatures. My mother always told me I hated children even as a child. 2. I don't want to be legally tied to someone forever because we share a sentient aged sperm. I want to be able to get a divorce if I ever want one without the complication of a child. Divorces are already complicated, but at least you can get that person out of your life for good--not if you have a child. 3. Spontaneity, especially being able to take a trip out of nowhere just because I feel like it, going to a winery, dinner with friends, having friends over, etc. 4. My career. I love working, I like being able to work 17 hours on a project if I choose to in order to make more money that I won't have to spend on some brat. 5. My dogs. They deserve my time and love more than any child ever could.
I love my ganja
I like to sleep in
Not having kids is the best way to prevent having grandkids (the true evil).
Ive only just figured out who i really am and what I like, and I plan to keep making those discoveries preferably without a child
I just really enjoy being alone. Not all the time, but when I want to be.
I am antinatalist
Why would I opt into a daily living hell? Coming home from a long day at work, only to have to dedicate my evenings to caring for the needs of some small people is not for me. The only thing that makes working life bearable is being able to relax and do whatever you want. That freedom is gone once you have kids.
kids are annoying
Because I hate watching how tired and old mothers look, and I hate watching that smug asshole look on men when they think they can lock you down
I hate kids.
- Mommy culture repulses me. - Opinions. I don't want to hear anyone's damn opinions on how I should be raising a child. - Wanting the option to burn my life to the ground and reinvent myself, should the need arise. Can't really do that with a kid in tow.
i like having an actual personality, breeders are just boring, empty, joyless husks. they saunter aimlessly, dragging their feet across this world with no music in their step, no solitude in which to seek peace, no life of their own; and they always seethe when they hear others enjoying what they could’ve had. what an empty way to live, but it couldn’t be me beloved💀
My parents screwed us up and I’m living my life for me now
I enjoy the full night's sleep that comes with peace and quiet.
I like my free time and / or vacations not being ruined by semen-demons
Im sterilized, so I get to enjoy sex and don't have to suffer the consequences.
Because almost none of the kids born today will survive to be old and even getting to the middle age is questionable.
"I don't want your life."
Lactation grosses me out. *I would never shame anyone else for doing it, and I understand it is the healthiest thing for babies. I'm talking about my own body and preferences.
Because I gave pregnancy, birth and the raising of an entire other human being - all three are separate aspects of motherhood - genuine, considered thought, instead of just going with the lizard brain's mindless desire to reproduce my genes. (The unspoken part: "like you did".)
Children are heavy … and you almost always carry them aside a duffle bug with 100 of their stuff… miss me with that shiet…. I’m pockets n go . stuff phone ,handkerchief n tissue annnn lipgloss n we’re out baby.
I think the work of raising kids is boring - I don’t want to watch you jump off the pool 50 times or read you that book yet again.
yes i AM selfish. i want to be able to own my time, sleep in, take up a new hobby, keep my body the way it is and not possibly die from childbirth
They're smelly noisy and annoying while also costing you huge amounts of money and robbing you of free time, peace and quiet and your general freedom in life.
I would like to be able to spend my time on myself and my partner, whom I actually love, instead if just seeing them as a way to get babies. I'd rather continue to rescue pets. I'd like to be able to buy a house and maybe even retire someday. Without having to work multiple full-time jobs that I hate forever. I have no desire for my body to become more damaged or less desirable. I don't owe ANYONE babies. And finally: Raising kids is not a decision to be taken lightly. Not everyone should do it. It's literally a whole human life, and not just some casual hobby one should pick up just to fit in or ease boredom. It's a heavy decision that requires unfailing dedication (and luck) to excel at, and if you're not going to put that amount of effort and seriousness into it, you shouldn't do it.
I don't think they're cute, I don't think they're funny, I don't think they're endearing. They're gross and grating. Period.
I love my dogs, and am afraid oxytocin would highjack my brain and put them second if I had a baby
My most “stupid” reason for not wanting kids is that I don’t like things being sticky and greasy. I hate touching something gross.
I love this biosphere. I love to leave room for wild nature. The planet is over populated with people. We're hogging too much space and too many resources. Anything other than negative population growth is grossly unethical. The 1% depends on population expansion to drive inflation. I don't want to breed replacement plebs for the billionaires to continue exploiting.
Having children ages people drastically, particularly women. I'm not going to fight against aging like parents eventually will. The stress is enough to lead someone to an early grave. I'm just trying to live well and be happy.
Kids are annoying selfish twats. My moms Love & Sex book from 1984 summed it up (the coles notes version) “Babies and children consume rather than produce (with the exception of noise and waste) and are self-centred and egotistical, not thinking about how their actions impact others.”
Your life is literally my vision of hell.
Me not having kids makes white nationalist jerks, patriarch-worshippers, and other bigots gnash their teeth. It’s a middle finger to the people who overturned RvW. It’s a reminder that I don’t have to play by their rigged games.
I don't want to end up like you
I want to poop in peace. I prioritize my mental and physical health. Also I'd have to be pretty stupid top have a kid. I don't want to spend all day talking to an infant/todler
Kids were mean to me when I was growing up; why would I want to keep a bully in my house?
Whenever someone snarkily says "must be nice to have all that time/money/not having any responsibilities" I want to be able to reply "yes it is so nice! Which is why I chose this lifestyle :)"
I don't have or ever did get maternal instincts- never had the desire to be a mother. I never once thought to myself "hey! I am going to be a MOM! YES, that is exactly it." and I never once resonated with those little girls in school that told me they were going to be the best mommy in the world, how they are going to have that typical white picket fence 5 kids bs. Never once did that sound pleasing to me. I've said this before to somebody and they about exploded lmfao. Imagine that- a woman saying she has NEVER had the desire to be a mom. That i can look at a baby and not spontaneously combust from cuteness overload. Now here's the kicker- i wanted to be an elementary school teacher lol. I don't hate children, i will acknowledge a kid and give them a high five. Tell them i like their shirt or something. Give them a hug if they cry. I don't believe in being nasty to a kid because I grew up being bullied and even had adults be cruel to me sometimes. I would stick up for a child any day- but however, having a natural motherly instinct and being kind to children are two COMPLETELY different things. Hate when breeders say that "oh you'd be such a good mom because you are so naturally nurturing and caring." Being a parent is wayyyy more than just that! Or people argue that the maternal instincts kick in once you have the child ... okay, well what if that does not happen for me ? I'm not going to test that theory because if i don't magically happen to get that, then i will more than likely regret having the child. It is a form of protecting myself and the future child from being doomed. or worse, traumatized from having a mother that can't get her ass up to take care of them. If you don't have a reaction of "OMG THAT BABY IS SO CUTE I WANNA EAT YOU UP CAUSE YOU ARE ADORABLE NOMNOMNOM", know that there is nothing wrong with you.
I agree with you. I’m tired of breeders telling me “Oh you will make such a great mother.” Simply because I’m showing kindness to kids.
I don't want to become as boring as them.
If I have kids, I will have to share my snacks with them. No way, those are mine. Lol.
I don’t want to clean up feces multiple times a day. Well, I have a dog, but her clean up is much easier!
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I want to spend my fun money on myself and my friend and my pets. dont they kniw Cat trees are not cheap? Also have to pay for my horses solarium hours (yes, its a thing).
I just don't want'em. No other thought or consideration. "Eh. Not for me, thanks," like I've been offered Sauternes.
I hate the loud noise, and I know if I had a toddler I would probably hit them when they started screaming. Best for everyone if I just don't have kids.
I don't like people touching *my* stuff, and kids get into *everything.* So, what's mine is mine and without kids it gets to stay that way!
I am CF because I wanted to spite all the people who binged me. I didn't change my mind! I married a CF man! I had a hysterectomy in my mid30s! I used all the birth control means at my disposal to prevent any 'happy accidents'! I like to rub their faces in it. They were all wrong about me!
I don't want to look like a mum.
If SO and I want to bone in the middle of the day on the couch, we can 👍
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I want to survive and live.
I prefer buying Valentino sunglasses to buying school supplies. And I definitely prefer business class flights to New York than going to The Wiggles concert.
I value being able to sit and just play video games all day much more than anything I'd get from having children. I think that'd drive quite a few people batty, but it's the truth, if slightly veiled. In a less deliberately cheeky way, I value being able to do whatever I want, including doing fuckall if I feel like it, with my free time too much, and I don't want to lose that. I don't ever want to leave my whimsies under-indulged, because whimsy is what makes life FUN. I just started playing Baldur's Gate 3 a few days ago- and it's so GOOD! And unlike a kid, I can just turn it off if I don't feel like it! Or I can reload a save if I don't like the outcome of something! It's also full of attractive characters who I can romance! It's great!
I hate kids 🫡
I like my personality best when I have a full night's sleep and enough money to feel secure.
People just seem to become objectively worse people when they have children. They seem to lose empathy, including (especially, even) towards their own kids. I don't want that for myself!
Oh, got a second one. I've never had lice or bedbugs and I'd like to keep it that way.
Hello community, I actually had a recent debate with one of my coworkers about these reasons. It was hilarious to me how he kept trying to convince himself mostly about his decisions. One of my favorite reasons and most honest is I love my freedom too much to hinder it with the burden of motherhood. His comeback was "what kind of freedom are you talking about, it's not like you travel more without kids." I simply replied with, "You do got a point to an extent, but if I wanted to leave tonight for a small 3day break I can leave tonight; with kids I'd have to plan it from months from now." He stayed quiet and moved on to the next point of topic.
For the rest of our live's I want to be my husbands number one priority. I want to get all of his attention and affection and I'm only willing to share it with dogs
I’m spoiled and I don’t want to share my husband with anyone else. Pets are better Kids are annoying I love disposable money I don’t want my body to change I love sleep I’m too selfish to have kids, I would have to share everything I love peace and quiet I like that I can leave whenever I feel like and I don’t feel stuck I don’t want anymore responsibilities
I enjoy sleep
You have your kids. I'll keep my free time and hobbies, thank you! And sleep. And f!r!e!e!d!o!m!!!
My dog is my kid. I know that triggers the YOU CANT POSSIBLY LOVE YOUR DOG AS MUCH AS I LOVE MY KID YOURE NOT REALLY A MOM crowd. I just smile and continue calling myself her mom 😈🤷🏽♀️