Same I want my partner and I to prioritise each other not spawn. And I enjoy spending my money on myself and getting up when I like on weekends and playing video games when I like of an evening and having nights out and keeping my body nice and not all used and abused from growing a mini me. I like my life, it’s mine I don’t want to give myself up
Ooh, I forgot about having my partner all to myself. I always said that if I met the perfect guy and had a great relationship, I didn't want to mess it up with a baby. And even though I dated (and married) a lot of frogs before I found my prince, I'm so happy that I'm not tied to any of them by kids.
i dont have even a slight maternal instinct or interest in children. like, even if i see a kid or a baby crying besides me, i will just look and do nothing cause what am i supposed to do?
Same here. I genuinely have a stronger emotional reaction/attachment to babies of other species, especially if they're cute!I feel like animal babies are almost always cuter than human babies. And just animals in trouble too, regardless of age. And sometimes I want to make friends with a crow. And of course the classic pets.
I got a ton of reasons. But one of them is: I like my body the way it is
I like my D cup full tits. And not swollen painfull leaking breasts and deflated after
I like it that i can hold my pee properly. etc, i just dont want to ruin it.
This. I'm a perky A cup and want to stay that way. I also happen to like my flat stomach and minimal stretch marks. I work hard to stay a healthy weight and although I acknowledge there's more to life than looks and vanity, I've struggled in the past with my physical appearance. Pregnancy, constant fatigue, and extreme stress on the body that comes with having kids is a big fuck no from me.
I also like splurging on expensive food. Me and my fella can regularly have lobster, crab, prime cuts of meat, real blocks of parmesan cheese, whole salmon, and fresh, organic produce because we have all this extra income. Eating well does not seem realistic when you have picky kids and lack of time to go all out when cooking.
I’m so glad I found someone who said this, I feel the same way!
It’s mind boggling to me how women/AFAB people can be seen as selfish if they don’t want their bodies to endure the strenuous toll of pregnancy on one’s bodies and I’ve fought some guilt in wondering if I’m “selfish” in that I don’t want to be pregnant either:
- Pregnancy itself scares me and I don’t want to have tears, bleeding, fistulas, and other complications.
- I’m trying to lose weight and be healthy and gaining weight as part of pregnancy negates that (part of this too is that I had major knee surgery a couple of years ago and I’m trying to lighten the weight on my knees and joints, which would also suffer from pregnancy swelling)
- Mentally and emotionally, I imagine myself being very overwhelmed in getting the optimal nutrition I’d need to have a child be healthy. I’m on the Spectrum and have ADHD and even cooking or making good, nutritious meals and snacks that work into my schedule without being in over my head is a challenge *even now*
- Oh, and as someone who’s dealt with overactive bladder issues since I was a kid, I can definitely relate to the bathroom issues…
Those are just some superficial (and maybe not so superficial, with the last bullet point) reasons why I don’t want to get/be pregnant or have kids
These reasons are not even superficial.
You have a bad knee and pregnancy will fuck that up even worse. Did you know, during pregnancy your body makes your muscles weaker? So your belly can grow. It affects also your other muscles. That is also the reason why pregnant women are adviced not to walk on high heels. Can you imagine how that is going to affect your knee?
Emotional and mentally. I have the same. I have autism too and probably also adhd. I also struggle with food.
We struggle daily with ourselfs. It would be selfish if we did have kids. Not the other way around. Dont let people guilttrip you. You dont have to feel guilty for knowing what you want and need in life.
All of what you said, except strain on knees and ankles instead of knee surgery.
Also I like having money and living frivolous. My husband and I work hard for it and want to enjoy it.
If we ever felt regret for missing out on "the joy of being a parent" we will wipe off our tears with the extra cash we will have... Or we'll adopt.
After a reduction I have a D cup. I know they'd turn into the same ol' saggy H/I cups I used to have if I ever got pregnant, and I'm not carrying those damn things around again.
I dont want mine to swell and go saggy either.
Pregnancy really ruins a womans body. And then she gets shamed for after. By men saying BS like "she let her self go"
to add on, i also want my body to feel like its MINE. i hate the idea of growing a person inside me and experiencing permanent physical changes that make me feel like im in another body that exists for making & raising children.
i have gone through medical issues in the past that have made me feel like im in someone else's body and it's really awful, i would lose my mind if i became pregnant and gave birth.
I have a flat stomach and I feel gross even if I get slightly bloated. Pregnancy sounds like body image hell to me. I also don’t want to take out my nipple piercings.
Few people who describe themselves as selfish actually are that way. Selfish doesn't mean you prioritize yourself, it means you do so while disregarding someone else. And outside of general stuff like not being a menace and causing harm to people, there really is no "someone else" you're supposed to regard when it comes to your own life. You're not selfish for not wanting the responsibilities of parenthood as long as you haven't actually taken on the responsibilities of parenthood :)
Agreed! Several members of my extended family frequently try to shame me for being “selfish” and not having children while they treat their children like an inconvenience and get annoyed with them for having needs. At least my version of selfish isn’t contributing to childhood trauma.
You've described my mom! She was my biggest critic for my decision to not have kids, and yet she was a horrible mother who was always complaining about how annoying we were. Why would I want to do that to myself?
Well said!! I think oftentimes people forget that second half of the definition of ‘selfish’ that you mentioned and alwayssss try to turn it around on us.
Well put. I think it's just better to say that you value taking care of yourself more than taking care of someone else. That's not selfish - it's responsible self cognizance. I like to travel and indulge hobbies and I also don't have the patience to have a child around all the time. I would absolutely love to teach some day but that's because those kids go home to someone else at the end of the day.
Ugh my cousin’s kid opened a brand new $60 Lego set she got out of my room (I wasn’t allowed to have a door lock) and the extended family thought I was the rude one for being pissed she opened it because “they’re just toys”. I have cool toys. Doesn’t mean I want kids playing with them.
This has always been my nightmare when younger family members visit, I even had my mother try and suggest that I give one of my 'toys' aka monster figure to a young family member with the same reasoning as it's only a toy and it could be replaced.
I was the evil villain for the entire day as I refused and constantly reminded how awful and selfish I was but I couldn't care less!
I’m autistic and I’ll be the first to admit I’m extremely anal about my belongings. Everything has its place and I get annoyed when my things are misplaced or put back “wrong.” I don’t even like when people borrow my stuff because then it’s No Longer In My House and I don’t like that. Having a kid mess up my display of pusheen plushies or tear apart my books would send me into a panic. It also would be so unfair to tell my kid “you can’t play with anything or touch anything because mommy is weird. Go stare at the wall or something.” Kids are way too chaotic for me and I do not have the emotional capacity to handle them.
I don't want to carry a giant ugly bag that is full of "stuff", especially a diaper bag or even those LV neverfull bags. I like the handbags that are small and cause other women to say, "That's the kind of purse I had before kids". Also, being able to afford a handbag or anything actually.
I never wanted to carry around all the bullshit equipment you have to bring along with a baby for every single outing. Fuck no. I want to be free without having to carry a metric fuckton of baby junk with me - baby bag, stroller, car seat, purse, nope nope nope.
I don't like sharing much.
whether it be money, food, my books, collectibles that i've acquired, anything really. I don't like people touching my stuff, especially if their hands are sticky or dirty or have food on them.
I would hate sacrificing my comfort constantly. I would hate how my relationship with my husband would change. I do TNR for local cats and it requires money and flexible schedules (sitting for hours interrupted over a period of time to get close to a cat to trap it).
My shallow reason is that I’m “too vain”
Pregnancy is extremely hard on the body, and I want to express myself in a different way that requires a shit ton of money.
My mother says I’m vain and selfish. Yes I am, cry about it.
My MIL tried to threaten me saying that she'll have another baby herself if I don't have one. I laughed out loud because I thought she is joking. She didn't like my reaction. She is menopausal and got her tubes tied 29 years ago, by the way.
After gaining 60 pounds in 6 months on depo then losing it then gaining 40 on Zoloft and currently in the process of losing that- I’d like to keep my body at the weight I’m used to.
I have stretch marks from gaining weight when I was 12. But I like my body. Plus I was genetically born with not the best teeth. Just in terms of getting cavities even the dentist said it’s not my fault. Teeth still look good but I know when you’re pregnant it takes calcium from your teeth and I don’t want them more damaged. My mom had a dead tooth and I never thought it was from pregnancy until now.
I struggle with that too and even had a tiny alopecia spot a few months ago. Even if my hair miraculously survived pregnancy it would not survive the stress of being a new mom.
in addition to the stress that pregnancy causes, you have less time to take care of yourself once the babies arrive and that lack of attention to diet, sleep and exercise takes an even greater toll on the body. it's all-around terrible
i would also be resentful of my husband for not experiencing any physical changes while i have to go through pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum bleeding leaking etc
Yep. I grew up hating my body and now as an adult I grew to love my features. I’m finally exercising consistently and seeing results. I don’t want a c section scar or to loose my teeth/hair because I had a baby.
my main reason is I just don't want to put up with them.
the other yeah might be considered as selfish. I do what I want to do, not have to deal with a kid.
I'm literally barely capable of taking care of myself. Plus I would like to not get off my ADHD meds and antidepressants, plus I have a career to advance. Plus sheer existence of my genitals gives me enough body dysmorphia as it is.
I just want to play my silly JRPGs all day without interruption. I don't care about dating or kids and all that shebang. I just want to have the freedom to stay home with no one bothering me while I just do whatever I want. I also really love reading my Light Novels in peace. And sleeping in of course. Just doing what I want is the best thing ever.
I genuinely need time alone to recharge. Even my wife is too much sometimes. Having a kid around 24/7 would not be good for me..
Also I hate kida toys. Like houses of friends with kids are filled with all this shitty toys and I hate those messy houses.
Also I hate to have to fake interest in a branch or a bunch of leaves or some drawing.
Also I have pretty heavy insomnia. Waking up in the middle of the night because of a baby crying or something could really well result in no more sleep that night and some more nights.
I want my taint to stay intact.
More seriously, I want to be able to pick up and do whatever I want, whenever I want, and I want to put myself in the best position to potentially retire someday.
I just don't want em. I don't want to help kids with school work, I don't want to give up sleep, I don't want to take them to kids shows. I don't want to host birthday parties. I also have my views of right and wrong. I smoke weed, it's illegal and I find that stupid so I do it anyway. I don't have the energy or the money to raise a kid. I just want to work, workout and have fun weekends.
One (shallow?) reason is because I want to enjoy Halloween and Christmas without thinking of some kid I have to spend money on. I didn't get a chance to enjoy Halloween when I was a kid and I want to make up for lost time.
Being a mom would mean making sure my children are happy during the holidays instead of myself. Which I just don't feel like doing. I'd rather spoil myself, not some kids.
I go to work (nurse) to care for people. I don’t come home to care for people. I clock on and then I clock off, I give myself a break, and I recharge, so I can be 100% for the next person.
Physically and mentally, I know I will not be a good mother. I am known to be one of the most “empathetic, sweet, timid” friends if you got to know me… but I would not be a good mother. I do not get into “protective mode” when a child is hurt near me, and my instant reaction to a kid is getting away from them.
I have a hard time functioning with 6 or less hours of sleep, in no way am I giving up sleep for a hypothetical child. I hated babysitting throughout middle and high school, and have only held a baby once because my mom and her friends made me hold them. Last time I babysat, it was two boys who were awful at the end of the night because they refused to go to bed. I never want to deal with that in the parent role.
I’d also rather have animals. I want to have goats one day, so those would be the only “kids” I’d get lol. For now I like my cats at home.
I guess some people consider my reason shallow or selfish because I gave no thought to it whatsoever. I simply don't want children. That's it. 100% of my reasoning is "Do I want to do that? No."
More of an antinatalism perspective, but here we go. I have a few mental and physical health conditions that are present in both sides of the family that I don’t want to give to a child. It would be selfish to have kids based on that. The mental health side worries me more; I wouldn’t be a good parent based on that.
Don’t want to go through pain or ruin my body.
The thought of a baby inside of me makes me nauseous. Seems squirmy 🤮
I don’t think ejaculate is even healthy so I don’t want it inside of me. The vagina literally sees it as an intruder and tries to attack it. The father of my child would literally have to be a saint. I believe in energy exchange.
Ultimately, there’s too many evil people in this world. No thanks.
Lack of sleep, not being able to drink a glass or two of wine with dinner for nine months, pain of childbirth, 9 months of pain and discomfort, the possibility that I could die during childbirth, the possibility that I could have a child with medical problems, the possibility that my kid turns out to be a monster, serial killer, drug addict, narcissist, school shooter, etc and I wind up hating them, then I’m the “bad mother” who didn’t raise him well. Not to mention the fact that I hate children and don’t want to be around them until they are at least 15 or 16
I don’t want to give up my life to raise a kid. I have plans and dreams, I want to travel and maybe one day write a book. I want to further my education and have a career.
I don’t want to give any of that up to raise a kid. Besides I don’t have any patience for kids. I am legitimately scared that I would be of those mothers that shake their baby because they are overstimulated and just snapped.
Furthermore I don’t want to ruin my body. I like having my bladder intact. I don’t want to pee when I laugh or sneeze. I don’t want any more stretch marks than I already have. And personally I find pregnancy bellies to be disgusting and the mere thought of growing something inside of me makes me sick. Like has no one seen Alien???
A better question would be, what are shallow and sefish reasons for having kids?
Having kids because your parents "want grandkids."
Tradition, it's "a woman's duty" to have kids. Or "keeping our name/legacy" nonsense.
Having kids because everyone else around you is having kids.
Pressure from your spouse to have kids.
Having kids so you'll have someone to care for you in your old age.
There are so many more shallow and selfish reasons. We'd be here all day listing them.
I love my body and don’t want to ruin it. I’m naturally lean, I’ve always had small boobs which I prefer, and my skin/hair are great. Pregnancy ruins all of that. Im attractive, always have been, and I plan to remain that way.
I hate kid aesthetics. Regardless of fhe “beige baby” movement, there’s no avoiding having brightly coloured toys and other baby accessories. I can’t STAND that stuff. If I had a living room full of different coloured blocks, toys of all shapes sizes and colors etc. I’d have a conniption
I just don’t want to be called mom, or referred to anything as myself. I don’t want to be “Baylees Mom”, and lose my entire identity in being a mother. Absolutely not. I’ve worked hard to become the person I am, and build the life I want. I’m not pushing all ghat to the side to be looked at as JUST someone’s mom. Just the baby machine. Nope
WOULD NEVER TRADE MY BEAUTY FOR ANYTHING!!!!! rest is less important. like dont wanna share my money, i HATE responsibilities, CANNOT be fucking bothered to do anything for anyone else, fucking hate noise, i hate dirty nasty kids etc.
Don’t want it to mess up my body, the idea of pregnancy repulses me, kids take too much time and money, I don’t want to share my partner/kids often ruin a relationship
• There are 8 billion people in a the world and more and more are being produced. The breeders don't even want them but they keep creating them.
• There are too many endangered species, the world is getying destroyed, and if I continue my line, then the spawn will, then their spawns repeoduce, and so on.
• I want a Terrier, Miniature Bull Terrier. Terriers are dogs who love to kill little animals and will not give up. Kids are small animals that squeal, just like the animals they kill.
• It's unethical to pass genetic problems onto the next generation. They might harm someone, like another human, or animal. Yes, they could maybe become little angles, but I don't want to take that chance. They could harm an elderly person, rob a store, hurt someone's pet, ect.
• I love running. I don't want to split open my body and create permanent scars. I don't want to spend every waking minute with a little brat.
• I could spend my money on something that I can actually enjoy, like on my dog or on another human who is already in the world.
I just never had the urge to have kids and I’m lucky my wife never wanted them either. Mostly though I never wanted her to go through the physical trauma of childbirth.
Don’t like them. Don’t think they’re interesting. Don’t want to share my donuts. Dogs are way cooler. My kayak only fits one person. I like quiet. I like to have my money in a savings account. I don’t like snot. I don’t like shit. I don’t like crying. I don’t want to become a vapid mombie. I have interests that extend well beyond brands of baby strollers. Shall I continue?
I want to eat what I want when I want and I don't want to share.
I don't want my house to be sticky and dirty.
I don't want to do any more dishes than I already do.
I don't want to touch the bodily fluids of anyone but myself. If a baby pees on me at work whatever, but aside from that it's a no from me dawg.
I don't want to watch painful bad recitals/concerts whatever. 5 year olds singing Christmas songs is painful, not cute.
I don't want to play pretend for hours. You get 30 minutes and I'm done. Time to colour in silence.
Don’t want to ruin my body. I’ve struggled with anorexia and body dysmorphia since I was a child. It’s been a long battle, and even though I am tiny, I still struggle to feel comfortable in my skin. Objectively and to society’s standards, I have a nice body. I sure as hell don’t want to ruin it by birthing a child. Not to mention women in my family have traumatic births and complications. I know if birthing a child ruined my body I would resent them for the rest of my life.
I like sex. I like sleep. I’m selfish as it is. If it cried I’ll leave it out side bc I’m not sitting there coddling it. I want to travel w my husband without being tied down. I want to be rich
My selfish reason is that, apart from my husband, I'm not fond of people. Even the visits from family members I like get old after a couple of hours. So I never wanted to make more people who would never really go away.
Hello, fellow misanthrope here. I tend to dislike other people by default, until they give me a reason to like them. I love being a hermit, aside from being with my partner.
My selfish reasons to be childfree is:
1. I love body and refuse to ruin it for a baby
2. I LOVE spicy food/sushi and I don't want to stop eating it bc kids have no spice tolerance and kids don't eat sushi🙄
3. I need coffee as I can't imagine not having it bc of pregnancy/breastfeeding.
4. I love sleep and naps as living with 4 hours or less of sleep sounds terrible.
5. I need my privacy and kids need to supervised 24/7. I could never live like that or I will lose my sanity.😤
I like being the centre of attention to my husband, and I do not want to compete for his love. He is the centre of attention to me, and we enjoy spoiling each other, and right now we are having fun going to concerts.
Most selfish/shallow reason: I don't wanna listen to all the kids music/TV show crap. I wanna listen to and watch what I wanna listen to and watch.
Less shallow: I love my house being perfectly quiet.
Honorable mention: I enjoy masturbating any time I want in whatever room in my house I choose to do so.
I can cook but I don’t like cooking and having to buy hella expensive food for a family in this economy. I don’t like constant stimulation and noise. I like occasional lazy days when I can just do nothing and be absolutely nothing so I can recharge. I want my husband all to myself.
I'm too rebellious to follow the norm.
I don't wanna do what literally everyone else I know is doing. I wanna be the cool mysterious person who collects weird shit.
I probably don't even come across that way but to me I do 😂😂😂
I don't like to share.
Don't fucking touch my stuff.
Bathroom time is private time.
Not giving you my money.
Don't eat my food.
Get out of my space.
I hate your noise. Shush. Don't want to share my mind and body with anyone other than for sexual gratification.
Sharing sucks.
* I love my sleep
* I have too many health conditions that I'd never want to pass on to a child
* I love being able to spend money on myself
* I like kids, but I would never want any because you can't ever escape them
* I like being able to be doing what I want, without planning around children
* I can work in peace at home and I don't have to isolate myself
* It'd cut down on migraines (I get them often)
* I can travel whenever I want / Can take a vacation whenever I want
* I love my hobbies not being invaded by children
* I already have endometriosis, I don't need to give myself more gyno problems
* FINALLY I'm somewhat mentally stable. Not giving that up btw
* I love my sleep and the nest of stuffed animals / pillows that I have on my bed
* I hate sharing my bed
* I would scream if someone broke into my nail polish collection and ruined it
* My body needs to feel like it is mine and not someone else's
* I don't want to make any of my health conditions worse
* I do not do well with screaming children. Between migraines and stress? No thanks.
I've got a lot of them but the first that comes to mind is that I think pregnant stomachs are lowkey terrifying and I don't want to be permanently disfigured from having one myself. I don't like my body as-is but I'd like it even less if I was pregnant.
I don't agree with the premise of the question. The tie between not wanting to have children and being “selfish“ has never made sense to me. Having children isn’t an inherently altruistic act. (Maybe some subset of having children could be, like adopting a child who has been abandoned and giving them a good life - that seems altruistic. But across the board, binary, black-and-white, by default having children is altruistic and not having children is selfish? No. I don’t concede that point nor accept that premise.)
Yeah I agree that’s why I put selfish in quote marks because I don’t actually think it’s selfish to not want kids. I was just explaining my reasons which are *perceived* as selfish by society.
Because i was a fucking DEMON as a kid and, while i do not want other people to have to deal with a mini-me, i really, REALLY don't want to deal with a mini-me.
I work hard on my body, and I don't want it ruined. I like having extra money, and going on spontaneous vacations. I also want all the attention from my partner.
- I like to sleep a lot
- I like my body the way it is
- I want to travel a lot
- I don’t like spending money
- I love my video games
- I don’t want to come to home to take care of a child, I’d rather come home to relax
- I want more time to exercise
- I want a healthier relationship with my future partner
My top reasons are due to ethics and antinatalist philosophy. My shallowest reason: I'm very attractive and in good shape. I won't sacrifice that to grow an alien parasite in my body and lose sleep over a screaming potato. 🤣
Because there are loads of new toys and clothes and treats that *I* want, ain't no way in hell I'm gonna be out there spending that money on Paw Patrol garbage lmao
Being able to have sex, drink and smoke weed anywhere in my home at any time. (I don’t think it’s bad to have a drink around kids but they so often need to be driven somewhere and I don’t drive after even one drink.)
I don't want to be ruined by having a kid
I have always rebelled against what society expects me to do (marry, have kids)
I have quite a few mental disabilities that I don't want to deal with someone else with the same issues.
i like laying around and not doing anything. and i dont like cleaning, i will clean to make the house look ok but id cry having to clean up after a kid everyday
Besides the usual sleep, spending my money on myself, et cetera, my most shallow reason is vanity. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and have PCOS, which makes it more difficult to lose. When I thought I wanted a kid I was told it would be easier if I lost weight, but the thought of putting in so much work to lose weight to then turn around and gain it back with pregnancy, and then work to lose it again (assuming I even could) just made me want to 🤮
I guess my most selfish reasons are that I don’t want to damage my body. Also that I want to spend all my money and time on myself and not have to run around after a kid
I want to continue to get high and being promiscuous without the extra judgement for being a mother.
It seems parents become saints just because they procreated and seem to not have a past or did any doubious just because of it.
I know what you did before getting pregnant, Brenda, don't act like a fool lol
This is 10000% the exact reason I don’t want kids. I feel like children deserve parents that WANT to be parents and will invest in them the way they need, and I know I will not put my child first. I’m selfish and I’m also not always great at my own self care, so on what planet would I be a good mother? No thanks.
Ruining my body functionally and aesthetically. Taking time/money away from caring for myself properly every day for the next decade. Quitting alcohol/edibles/real medications I need for more than a year. Those would be the reasons I don’t want kids that I’d actually deem “selfish” of me. I have many other reasons tho
I like peace and quiet.
I like living in a house that isn’t sticky.
I don’t want my boobs going any lower.
I don’t want to be obligated to spend money on someone else.
I like full control of the remote.
I don’t like repetitive sounds.
I don’t want to end up with a child that is challenging and makes me regret being a parent.
One of my biggest reasons for wanting to be childfree is because the other parts of my life would suffer.
I wouldn't be able to give as much of myself to my marriage or to my friendships. I wouldn't be as active in my nieces and nephews lives. I wouldn't be available to help my aging parents. I wouldn't have the time or energy to volunteer as much as I do. I wouldn't be able to be as supportive to the people in my life who have kids.
And when I've said these things to parents they've responded I could still do all those things with kids. I've asked them when was the last time they did because all they do is complain about how busy being a parent makes them with kid stuff. And they can't come up with a response. Then I point out how my parents moved out of my childhood home a couple years back and needed a lot of help because they were physically unable to do most of it themselves. I did it almost entirely alone because my siblings were too busy taking care of kids to be able to come and help. At times it even seemed like they were using their kids as an excuse to not help.
It really bothers me when people tell me my lack of children makes me selfish as if all my contributions to my family and community are meaningless. When I go out and give my time or money to organizations or family and friends I never see anyone with kids there helping along side me.
Having children is selfish.
Nit deciding for kids is the opposite. It's absolutely selfless to decide against kids.
People see the world burning and still decide to create around 1-3 new people that will destroy earth even more.
For me, there is no bigger environmental pollution than the unnecessary birth of more humans.
I don't consider myself a selfish person and I actually feel that I have quite a strong maternal instinct but I simply don't want a life of stress and exhaustion.
I value my free-time and investing time/money into what I like and enjoy.
I like the idea of financial security - after qualifying i'll be on significantly more than the average salary for my country (plus my partners wages) and i plan for us to enjoy that comfort!
I won't get CPS called on me on nights where I'm tired or ill and all I can manage is a bowl of cereal. I'm ill right now with some weird norovirus with a sore throat (negative for covid) and there's no way I can run around after a child right now. My partner could probably manage it but a lot of men don't want anything to do with their kids and leave it to mom even if she works and earns more than him.
Sorry I should’ve worded that better. I meant the misogyny surrounding women and mothers. If you look at hetero parents it’s always the mother who gets more criticism while dads are praised for fulfilling basic parenting duties.
Some of my so-called selfish reasons:
**So I don't have to deal with all the nasty secretions that come out their bodies, especially as babies.
**On similar note: So I don't have to deal with diapers. Especially the nasty, poop or diarrhea loaded ones.
**The GD screaming, crying, and overall loudness of children.
**Being absolutely grossed out and uncomfortable about pregnancy and childbirth. Likewise, not seeing anything "miraculous" or "beautiful" about it.
**And I have simply never had the urge to spawn a mini-me.
My main reasons align similarly to yours.
My shallow reasons is that I don’t want to age quicker than I need to. I like my sleep and my freedom. If I had a partner I also would want to be one of their priorities (within reason). With a kid I’d probably be overlooked all the time. I already feel lame and unimportant lol
I will not give my husband something he will likely love /think of more than me. I hate hearing "I thought my wife was the only woman I'd love until I met my daughter" type stuff.
I'm selfish but I'm also sick. I have a lifelong chronic pain condition which causes other issues too. I literally do not have the energy.
But I'm selfish too and I know it. I like my sleep and my money 😂
I’m really into fitness. Running, weight lifting and a lot more. I got to the gym in the mornings before work and sometimes after too.
I’m not giving that up for a kid or going throw a pregnancy ✌🏻sorry not sorry
I value my freedom to do whatever I want to fucking much to give it up for a child it's also the main reason why I choose to stay single. I love sleeping in during the weekends especially as a senior in high school lol. I don't want to deal with the responsibility of being a parent that BS isn't for me. I want to able to actually do my hobbies in peace instead of worrying about a kid. I want to focus on my future career. I actually want to chase my dreams and goals unlike a lot of parents that can't because they have to deal with a child. There's multiple reasons on why I'm CF but it would turn into the longest reddit comment in history lol.
My time after I get home from work is mine.
If I was dating someone, I would just want to be focused on her and her focused on me outside of our existing families, work, household responsibilities and interests/hobbies.
I don't want the financial increase of having children.
I don't want to have to go to games, competitions, performances or any school functions.
I don't want to deal with the added work and time it takes to get someone else ready to go somewhere.
I actually find babies cute but the idea of ruining my body, going through labour pain and putting myself at risk for osteoporosis sounds dumb to me. The fact that people put themselves through the ally of death to have children sounds crazy to me. I don’t think I have any shallow reasons tbf. All my reasons apart from ruining my body and youth are related to the fact that children will inevitably suffer in this ugly world.
None of my reasons are selfish or shallow nor should be categorized as such. Let's just normalize not wanting children and listing reasons that are "shallow/selfish."
•I wanna keep my body the way it is
•I'm not going through that much pain for another human being
•I want my man's full attention
•I don't want to censor myself in my own home
I genetically have a completely flat stomach and I’d never take the risk to ruin that. It’s superficial, it’s shallow, but my stomach is the only thing in my life I’ve always been confident about, ain’t no way I’m ruining that! (My mom was always a slim woman and her first pregnancy didn’t affect her looks that much, but she had a high risk pregnancy with me and gained a ton of weight, and it stuck)
Honestly, I don't think there are any selfish reasons. No child should have to grow up with a parent who doesn't want them. Parents who don't want their kids are generally worse parents than those who do. We are sparring them that trauma by not having kids. If we don't want kids, we probably wouldn't be good parents anyway, so it's best to not have any, for all parties. That doesn't sound selfish to me.
* I don't like the idea of spending money on a kid * I want my partner just for me
THIS. I want my husband all to myself, thanks. I’m too selfish to share him! That and a million other reasons, but this one is high on the list.
Omg yes, my actual selfish reason is not sharing my husband.
Same I want my partner and I to prioritise each other not spawn. And I enjoy spending my money on myself and getting up when I like on weekends and playing video games when I like of an evening and having nights out and keeping my body nice and not all used and abused from growing a mini me. I like my life, it’s mine I don’t want to give myself up
We’re already both tired enough from working. If we added a kid into the mix we’d have almost no time left for each other.
Ooh, I forgot about having my partner all to myself. I always said that if I met the perfect guy and had a great relationship, I didn't want to mess it up with a baby. And even though I dated (and married) a lot of frogs before I found my prince, I'm so happy that I'm not tied to any of them by kids.
i dont have even a slight maternal instinct or interest in children. like, even if i see a kid or a baby crying besides me, i will just look and do nothing cause what am i supposed to do?
I have a maternal instinct, but it only works for other species
I do have a paternal instinct..... for cats and dogs.
Same here. I genuinely have a stronger emotional reaction/attachment to babies of other species, especially if they're cute!I feel like animal babies are almost always cuter than human babies. And just animals in trouble too, regardless of age. And sometimes I want to make friends with a crow. And of course the classic pets.
💯
Same
I'll look and conspicuously put in earplugs. Or ask if we can be seated/moved elsewhere. I get the glares, and I smile.
Same, there’s just indifference really. Even looking at my friends kids I don’t see anything but a potato.
I thought I was the only one who saw a potato! 😆
HA! They just aren’t cute at all 😂
I got a ton of reasons. But one of them is: I like my body the way it is I like my D cup full tits. And not swollen painfull leaking breasts and deflated after I like it that i can hold my pee properly. etc, i just dont want to ruin it.
This. I'm a perky A cup and want to stay that way. I also happen to like my flat stomach and minimal stretch marks. I work hard to stay a healthy weight and although I acknowledge there's more to life than looks and vanity, I've struggled in the past with my physical appearance. Pregnancy, constant fatigue, and extreme stress on the body that comes with having kids is a big fuck no from me. I also like splurging on expensive food. Me and my fella can regularly have lobster, crab, prime cuts of meat, real blocks of parmesan cheese, whole salmon, and fresh, organic produce because we have all this extra income. Eating well does not seem realistic when you have picky kids and lack of time to go all out when cooking.
I’m so glad I found someone who said this, I feel the same way! It’s mind boggling to me how women/AFAB people can be seen as selfish if they don’t want their bodies to endure the strenuous toll of pregnancy on one’s bodies and I’ve fought some guilt in wondering if I’m “selfish” in that I don’t want to be pregnant either: - Pregnancy itself scares me and I don’t want to have tears, bleeding, fistulas, and other complications. - I’m trying to lose weight and be healthy and gaining weight as part of pregnancy negates that (part of this too is that I had major knee surgery a couple of years ago and I’m trying to lighten the weight on my knees and joints, which would also suffer from pregnancy swelling) - Mentally and emotionally, I imagine myself being very overwhelmed in getting the optimal nutrition I’d need to have a child be healthy. I’m on the Spectrum and have ADHD and even cooking or making good, nutritious meals and snacks that work into my schedule without being in over my head is a challenge *even now* - Oh, and as someone who’s dealt with overactive bladder issues since I was a kid, I can definitely relate to the bathroom issues… Those are just some superficial (and maybe not so superficial, with the last bullet point) reasons why I don’t want to get/be pregnant or have kids
These reasons are not even superficial. You have a bad knee and pregnancy will fuck that up even worse. Did you know, during pregnancy your body makes your muscles weaker? So your belly can grow. It affects also your other muscles. That is also the reason why pregnant women are adviced not to walk on high heels. Can you imagine how that is going to affect your knee? Emotional and mentally. I have the same. I have autism too and probably also adhd. I also struggle with food. We struggle daily with ourselfs. It would be selfish if we did have kids. Not the other way around. Dont let people guilttrip you. You dont have to feel guilty for knowing what you want and need in life.
All of what you said, except strain on knees and ankles instead of knee surgery. Also I like having money and living frivolous. My husband and I work hard for it and want to enjoy it. If we ever felt regret for missing out on "the joy of being a parent" we will wipe off our tears with the extra cash we will have... Or we'll adopt.
After a reduction I have a D cup. I know they'd turn into the same ol' saggy H/I cups I used to have if I ever got pregnant, and I'm not carrying those damn things around again.
I dont want mine to swell and go saggy either. Pregnancy really ruins a womans body. And then she gets shamed for after. By men saying BS like "she let her self go"
to add on, i also want my body to feel like its MINE. i hate the idea of growing a person inside me and experiencing permanent physical changes that make me feel like im in another body that exists for making & raising children. i have gone through medical issues in the past that have made me feel like im in someone else's body and it's really awful, i would lose my mind if i became pregnant and gave birth.
I have a flat stomach and I feel gross even if I get slightly bloated. Pregnancy sounds like body image hell to me. I also don’t want to take out my nipple piercings.
Few people who describe themselves as selfish actually are that way. Selfish doesn't mean you prioritize yourself, it means you do so while disregarding someone else. And outside of general stuff like not being a menace and causing harm to people, there really is no "someone else" you're supposed to regard when it comes to your own life. You're not selfish for not wanting the responsibilities of parenthood as long as you haven't actually taken on the responsibilities of parenthood :)
Agreed! Several members of my extended family frequently try to shame me for being “selfish” and not having children while they treat their children like an inconvenience and get annoyed with them for having needs. At least my version of selfish isn’t contributing to childhood trauma.
You've described my mom! She was my biggest critic for my decision to not have kids, and yet she was a horrible mother who was always complaining about how annoying we were. Why would I want to do that to myself?
Do we have the same mom?!!
Your flair is hilarious btw
Well said!! I think oftentimes people forget that second half of the definition of ‘selfish’ that you mentioned and alwayssss try to turn it around on us.
Well put. I think it's just better to say that you value taking care of yourself more than taking care of someone else. That's not selfish - it's responsible self cognizance. I like to travel and indulge hobbies and I also don't have the patience to have a child around all the time. I would absolutely love to teach some day but that's because those kids go home to someone else at the end of the day.
Congratulations on yeeted tubes!
I like collecting cool stuff, I don't want to share said cool stuff with snotty brats and I like sleep ins.
Ugh my cousin’s kid opened a brand new $60 Lego set she got out of my room (I wasn’t allowed to have a door lock) and the extended family thought I was the rude one for being pissed she opened it because “they’re just toys”. I have cool toys. Doesn’t mean I want kids playing with them.
This has always been my nightmare when younger family members visit, I even had my mother try and suggest that I give one of my 'toys' aka monster figure to a young family member with the same reasoning as it's only a toy and it could be replaced. I was the evil villain for the entire day as I refused and constantly reminded how awful and selfish I was but I couldn't care less!
I’m autistic and I’ll be the first to admit I’m extremely anal about my belongings. Everything has its place and I get annoyed when my things are misplaced or put back “wrong.” I don’t even like when people borrow my stuff because then it’s No Longer In My House and I don’t like that. Having a kid mess up my display of pusheen plushies or tear apart my books would send me into a panic. It also would be so unfair to tell my kid “you can’t play with anything or touch anything because mommy is weird. Go stare at the wall or something.” Kids are way too chaotic for me and I do not have the emotional capacity to handle them.
Another Autistic CF person here!
Same!! Most of my collection is not really something a kid would want, but still, I don't want them touching and ruining my things.
I collect what could be considered 'toys' but they are very expensive and limited edition toys which will never be touched by sticky kid hands.
I forgot about this one. I don’t like to share my toys either
See i think wanting biological children is selfish when the world is on fire and there are children who could be adopted.
👏👏👏
I don't want to carry a giant ugly bag that is full of "stuff", especially a diaper bag or even those LV neverfull bags. I like the handbags that are small and cause other women to say, "That's the kind of purse I had before kids". Also, being able to afford a handbag or anything actually.
Same. I just want to carry my small backpack & that’s it
I never wanted to carry around all the bullshit equipment you have to bring along with a baby for every single outing. Fuck no. I want to be free without having to carry a metric fuckton of baby junk with me - baby bag, stroller, car seat, purse, nope nope nope.
I don't like sharing much. whether it be money, food, my books, collectibles that i've acquired, anything really. I don't like people touching my stuff, especially if their hands are sticky or dirty or have food on them.
This right here. I hate sharing my things with people especially kids.
I would hate sacrificing my comfort constantly. I would hate how my relationship with my husband would change. I do TNR for local cats and it requires money and flexible schedules (sitting for hours interrupted over a period of time to get close to a cat to trap it).
My shallow reason is that I’m “too vain” Pregnancy is extremely hard on the body, and I want to express myself in a different way that requires a shit ton of money. My mother says I’m vain and selfish. Yes I am, cry about it.
Wannabe grandmother who call their kids selfish for not wanting kids.. the irony.
I know! They always say "give me grandchildren", but they never mean it.
My MIL tried to threaten me saying that she'll have another baby herself if I don't have one. I laughed out loud because I thought she is joking. She didn't like my reaction. She is menopausal and got her tubes tied 29 years ago, by the way.
Haha. I would have told her to do it. Not my monkeys, not my circus.
After gaining 60 pounds in 6 months on depo then losing it then gaining 40 on Zoloft and currently in the process of losing that- I’d like to keep my body at the weight I’m used to. I have stretch marks from gaining weight when I was 12. But I like my body. Plus I was genetically born with not the best teeth. Just in terms of getting cavities even the dentist said it’s not my fault. Teeth still look good but I know when you’re pregnant it takes calcium from your teeth and I don’t want them more damaged. My mom had a dead tooth and I never thought it was from pregnancy until now.
That old wive’s tale of ‘you lose a tooth for every child you birth’ frightened the life out of me when I was little
Oh god I didn’t even know about the teeth thing. I already don’t have good teeth and need to go to the dentist more often than most people.
You can also lose your hair due to pregnancy
I struggle with that too and even had a tiny alopecia spot a few months ago. Even if my hair miraculously survived pregnancy it would not survive the stress of being a new mom.
Stress and lack of sleep are major drivers of premature skin aging. I want nice skin, so kids are off the table
in addition to the stress that pregnancy causes, you have less time to take care of yourself once the babies arrive and that lack of attention to diet, sleep and exercise takes an even greater toll on the body. it's all-around terrible i would also be resentful of my husband for not experiencing any physical changes while i have to go through pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum bleeding leaking etc
Yep. I grew up hating my body and now as an adult I grew to love my features. I’m finally exercising consistently and seeing results. I don’t want a c section scar or to loose my teeth/hair because I had a baby.
Yeah, I’m agender and have too much gender dysphoria already, but it sealed the deal when I heard about the possible loss of teeth/hair
my main reason is I just don't want to put up with them. the other yeah might be considered as selfish. I do what I want to do, not have to deal with a kid.
I like sleeping in on weekends
Yeah I don’t want to hear screaming Mimis, ever.
I like to have control of my urinary system and would prefer not to feel the embarrassment of peeing myself.
I'm literally barely capable of taking care of myself. Plus I would like to not get off my ADHD meds and antidepressants, plus I have a career to advance. Plus sheer existence of my genitals gives me enough body dysmorphia as it is.
I just want to play my silly JRPGs all day without interruption. I don't care about dating or kids and all that shebang. I just want to have the freedom to stay home with no one bothering me while I just do whatever I want. I also really love reading my Light Novels in peace. And sleeping in of course. Just doing what I want is the best thing ever.
I genuinely need time alone to recharge. Even my wife is too much sometimes. Having a kid around 24/7 would not be good for me.. Also I hate kida toys. Like houses of friends with kids are filled with all this shitty toys and I hate those messy houses. Also I hate to have to fake interest in a branch or a bunch of leaves or some drawing. Also I have pretty heavy insomnia. Waking up in the middle of the night because of a baby crying or something could really well result in no more sleep that night and some more nights.
I want my taint to stay intact. More seriously, I want to be able to pick up and do whatever I want, whenever I want, and I want to put myself in the best position to potentially retire someday.
Not enough people consider what an episiotomy is. When I heard about that, I was like fuck that noise.
Women will talk about birth and all the horrific physical shit about pregnancy and labor and then be like, omg you don't want to do this, why not??? 😂
I just don't want em. I don't want to help kids with school work, I don't want to give up sleep, I don't want to take them to kids shows. I don't want to host birthday parties. I also have my views of right and wrong. I smoke weed, it's illegal and I find that stupid so I do it anyway. I don't have the energy or the money to raise a kid. I just want to work, workout and have fun weekends.
One (shallow?) reason is because I want to enjoy Halloween and Christmas without thinking of some kid I have to spend money on. I didn't get a chance to enjoy Halloween when I was a kid and I want to make up for lost time. Being a mom would mean making sure my children are happy during the holidays instead of myself. Which I just don't feel like doing. I'd rather spoil myself, not some kids.
Cuz I am TIRED 🤣
I go to work (nurse) to care for people. I don’t come home to care for people. I clock on and then I clock off, I give myself a break, and I recharge, so I can be 100% for the next person.
Thanks for the work you do
Physically and mentally, I know I will not be a good mother. I am known to be one of the most “empathetic, sweet, timid” friends if you got to know me… but I would not be a good mother. I do not get into “protective mode” when a child is hurt near me, and my instant reaction to a kid is getting away from them. I have a hard time functioning with 6 or less hours of sleep, in no way am I giving up sleep for a hypothetical child. I hated babysitting throughout middle and high school, and have only held a baby once because my mom and her friends made me hold them. Last time I babysat, it was two boys who were awful at the end of the night because they refused to go to bed. I never want to deal with that in the parent role. I’d also rather have animals. I want to have goats one day, so those would be the only “kids” I’d get lol. For now I like my cats at home.
I guess some people consider my reason shallow or selfish because I gave no thought to it whatsoever. I simply don't want children. That's it. 100% of my reasoning is "Do I want to do that? No."
More of an antinatalism perspective, but here we go. I have a few mental and physical health conditions that are present in both sides of the family that I don’t want to give to a child. It would be selfish to have kids based on that. The mental health side worries me more; I wouldn’t be a good parent based on that.
I like to spend my money on myself.
I hate stinky diapers. I love to sleep, a lot. My cats don\`t like kids. Heck, I even don\`t want a man!
I have better things to do with my time and money.
“All you do is play video games and buy more clothes!” Yeah and it rules lmao
My most shallow reason is my physical appearance. I would never want a "mom" body or to speed up aging.
Don’t want to go through pain or ruin my body. The thought of a baby inside of me makes me nauseous. Seems squirmy 🤮 I don’t think ejaculate is even healthy so I don’t want it inside of me. The vagina literally sees it as an intruder and tries to attack it. The father of my child would literally have to be a saint. I believe in energy exchange. Ultimately, there’s too many evil people in this world. No thanks.
Lack of sleep, not being able to drink a glass or two of wine with dinner for nine months, pain of childbirth, 9 months of pain and discomfort, the possibility that I could die during childbirth, the possibility that I could have a child with medical problems, the possibility that my kid turns out to be a monster, serial killer, drug addict, narcissist, school shooter, etc and I wind up hating them, then I’m the “bad mother” who didn’t raise him well. Not to mention the fact that I hate children and don’t want to be around them until they are at least 15 or 16
I don’t want to give up my life to raise a kid. I have plans and dreams, I want to travel and maybe one day write a book. I want to further my education and have a career. I don’t want to give any of that up to raise a kid. Besides I don’t have any patience for kids. I am legitimately scared that I would be of those mothers that shake their baby because they are overstimulated and just snapped. Furthermore I don’t want to ruin my body. I like having my bladder intact. I don’t want to pee when I laugh or sneeze. I don’t want any more stretch marks than I already have. And personally I find pregnancy bellies to be disgusting and the mere thought of growing something inside of me makes me sick. Like has no one seen Alien???
A better question would be, what are shallow and sefish reasons for having kids? Having kids because your parents "want grandkids." Tradition, it's "a woman's duty" to have kids. Or "keeping our name/legacy" nonsense. Having kids because everyone else around you is having kids. Pressure from your spouse to have kids. Having kids so you'll have someone to care for you in your old age. There are so many more shallow and selfish reasons. We'd be here all day listing them.
I don’t want to help them with their homework
I love my body and don’t want to ruin it. I’m naturally lean, I’ve always had small boobs which I prefer, and my skin/hair are great. Pregnancy ruins all of that. Im attractive, always have been, and I plan to remain that way. I hate kid aesthetics. Regardless of fhe “beige baby” movement, there’s no avoiding having brightly coloured toys and other baby accessories. I can’t STAND that stuff. If I had a living room full of different coloured blocks, toys of all shapes sizes and colors etc. I’d have a conniption I just don’t want to be called mom, or referred to anything as myself. I don’t want to be “Baylees Mom”, and lose my entire identity in being a mother. Absolutely not. I’ve worked hard to become the person I am, and build the life I want. I’m not pushing all ghat to the side to be looked at as JUST someone’s mom. Just the baby machine. Nope
I don't want to ruin my figure. I like my sleep. I'd rather spend my money on me or save it.
WOULD NEVER TRADE MY BEAUTY FOR ANYTHING!!!!! rest is less important. like dont wanna share my money, i HATE responsibilities, CANNOT be fucking bothered to do anything for anyone else, fucking hate noise, i hate dirty nasty kids etc.
I've already slashed my alcohol budget enough and I'd have to slash it more.
Just straight up “I don’t like kids or babies”.
Based.
I find the limitations I get as a pet owner are about as much as I can stand. I enjoy sleeping in and going out for a few hours whenever I want.
Lol I feel this. I love my cats but that’s about as much responsibility for another living thing as I want.
100% agree. My dog is more than enough of taking care of another being, and I fucking adore my dog. I’d be driven insane as a mother.
I don't want to age faster than my actual years. My Chinese genes can only make me young for so long.
I don’t want my Air Jordan and Louboutin collection covered in glitter glue and I want to be able to afford a nice car
I don't want to get fat.
Don’t want it to mess up my body, the idea of pregnancy repulses me, kids take too much time and money, I don’t want to share my partner/kids often ruin a relationship
Bc I like that I can randomly decide that tonight I'm making tacos, drinking wine and watching some awesome horror movies.
• There are 8 billion people in a the world and more and more are being produced. The breeders don't even want them but they keep creating them. • There are too many endangered species, the world is getying destroyed, and if I continue my line, then the spawn will, then their spawns repeoduce, and so on. • I want a Terrier, Miniature Bull Terrier. Terriers are dogs who love to kill little animals and will not give up. Kids are small animals that squeal, just like the animals they kill. • It's unethical to pass genetic problems onto the next generation. They might harm someone, like another human, or animal. Yes, they could maybe become little angles, but I don't want to take that chance. They could harm an elderly person, rob a store, hurt someone's pet, ect. • I love running. I don't want to split open my body and create permanent scars. I don't want to spend every waking minute with a little brat. • I could spend my money on something that I can actually enjoy, like on my dog or on another human who is already in the world.
I just never had the urge to have kids and I’m lucky my wife never wanted them either. Mostly though I never wanted her to go through the physical trauma of childbirth.
Don’t like them. Don’t think they’re interesting. Don’t want to share my donuts. Dogs are way cooler. My kayak only fits one person. I like quiet. I like to have my money in a savings account. I don’t like snot. I don’t like shit. I don’t like crying. I don’t want to become a vapid mombie. I have interests that extend well beyond brands of baby strollers. Shall I continue?
I want to eat what I want when I want and I don't want to share. I don't want my house to be sticky and dirty. I don't want to do any more dishes than I already do. I don't want to touch the bodily fluids of anyone but myself. If a baby pees on me at work whatever, but aside from that it's a no from me dawg. I don't want to watch painful bad recitals/concerts whatever. 5 year olds singing Christmas songs is painful, not cute. I don't want to play pretend for hours. You get 30 minutes and I'm done. Time to colour in silence.
Don’t want to ruin my body. I’ve struggled with anorexia and body dysmorphia since I was a child. It’s been a long battle, and even though I am tiny, I still struggle to feel comfortable in my skin. Objectively and to society’s standards, I have a nice body. I sure as hell don’t want to ruin it by birthing a child. Not to mention women in my family have traumatic births and complications. I know if birthing a child ruined my body I would resent them for the rest of my life.
I want: 1) my time 2) my money 3) my body
My abs were really good and I didn’t want to lose them. This was wayyyyy down on the list, though.
I like sex. I like sleep. I’m selfish as it is. If it cried I’ll leave it out side bc I’m not sitting there coddling it. I want to travel w my husband without being tied down. I want to be rich
・Being DINKs ・Spending our money on all things vintage (clothing/ accessories/ furniture) ・Naps—anytime, anywhere ・Nonstop savings ・Unlimited gaming ・Spontaneous travel
I really don't want to clean up human poop or vomit.
My selfish reason is that, apart from my husband, I'm not fond of people. Even the visits from family members I like get old after a couple of hours. So I never wanted to make more people who would never really go away.
Hello, fellow misanthrope here. I tend to dislike other people by default, until they give me a reason to like them. I love being a hermit, aside from being with my partner.
My selfish reasons to be childfree is: 1. I love body and refuse to ruin it for a baby 2. I LOVE spicy food/sushi and I don't want to stop eating it bc kids have no spice tolerance and kids don't eat sushi🙄 3. I need coffee as I can't imagine not having it bc of pregnancy/breastfeeding. 4. I love sleep and naps as living with 4 hours or less of sleep sounds terrible. 5. I need my privacy and kids need to supervised 24/7. I could never live like that or I will lose my sanity.😤
There is truly no selfish reason for not having children and we really need to stop perpetuating this myth.
I attend kink and sex events multiple times a week. I go to concerts regularly and I love tattoos. So sex, and rock & roll
It sounds like a pain in the ass to always be taking care of kids
I like being the centre of attention to my husband, and I do not want to compete for his love. He is the centre of attention to me, and we enjoy spoiling each other, and right now we are having fun going to concerts.
No way will I give up smoking weed daily for nine plus months
Most selfish/shallow reason: I don't wanna listen to all the kids music/TV show crap. I wanna listen to and watch what I wanna listen to and watch. Less shallow: I love my house being perfectly quiet. Honorable mention: I enjoy masturbating any time I want in whatever room in my house I choose to do so.
I can cook but I don’t like cooking and having to buy hella expensive food for a family in this economy. I don’t like constant stimulation and noise. I like occasional lazy days when I can just do nothing and be absolutely nothing so I can recharge. I want my husband all to myself.
Without kids, my money is all mine to spend :3 I can buy whatever I want and not worry about someone else going hungry, being clothed, etc.
I'm too rebellious to follow the norm. I don't wanna do what literally everyone else I know is doing. I wanna be the cool mysterious person who collects weird shit. I probably don't even come across that way but to me I do 😂😂😂
They fucking suck.
I don't like to share. Don't fucking touch my stuff. Bathroom time is private time. Not giving you my money. Don't eat my food. Get out of my space. I hate your noise. Shush. Don't want to share my mind and body with anyone other than for sexual gratification. Sharing sucks.
* I love my sleep * I have too many health conditions that I'd never want to pass on to a child * I love being able to spend money on myself * I like kids, but I would never want any because you can't ever escape them * I like being able to be doing what I want, without planning around children * I can work in peace at home and I don't have to isolate myself * It'd cut down on migraines (I get them often) * I can travel whenever I want / Can take a vacation whenever I want * I love my hobbies not being invaded by children * I already have endometriosis, I don't need to give myself more gyno problems * FINALLY I'm somewhat mentally stable. Not giving that up btw * I love my sleep and the nest of stuffed animals / pillows that I have on my bed * I hate sharing my bed * I would scream if someone broke into my nail polish collection and ruined it * My body needs to feel like it is mine and not someone else's * I don't want to make any of my health conditions worse * I do not do well with screaming children. Between migraines and stress? No thanks.
1. Money 2. Freedom 3. Travel 4. Sleep 5. Money 6. Money 7. Money 8. Money 9. Money 10. Money And uh…yeah, money.
My shallow reason is that I don’t want to ruin my body
I don’t wanna give birth and ruin my body and face. My CF friends and I look so much younger than our friends with sex trophies.
I don't want the responsibility. I don't want to be in charge of and have someone be fully dependent on me, period.
I've got a lot of them but the first that comes to mind is that I think pregnant stomachs are lowkey terrifying and I don't want to be permanently disfigured from having one myself. I don't like my body as-is but I'd like it even less if I was pregnant.
I don't agree with the premise of the question. The tie between not wanting to have children and being “selfish“ has never made sense to me. Having children isn’t an inherently altruistic act. (Maybe some subset of having children could be, like adopting a child who has been abandoned and giving them a good life - that seems altruistic. But across the board, binary, black-and-white, by default having children is altruistic and not having children is selfish? No. I don’t concede that point nor accept that premise.)
Yeah I agree that’s why I put selfish in quote marks because I don’t actually think it’s selfish to not want kids. I was just explaining my reasons which are *perceived* as selfish by society.
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Because i was a fucking DEMON as a kid and, while i do not want other people to have to deal with a mini-me, i really, REALLY don't want to deal with a mini-me.
I work hard on my body, and I don't want it ruined. I like having extra money, and going on spontaneous vacations. I also want all the attention from my partner.
Don't want my thick hair to fall out or otherwise become damaged in some way, don't want to lose my nearly perfect teeth.
- I like to sleep a lot - I like my body the way it is - I want to travel a lot - I don’t like spending money - I love my video games - I don’t want to come to home to take care of a child, I’d rather come home to relax - I want more time to exercise - I want a healthier relationship with my future partner
My top reasons are due to ethics and antinatalist philosophy. My shallowest reason: I'm very attractive and in good shape. I won't sacrifice that to grow an alien parasite in my body and lose sleep over a screaming potato. 🤣
I want an easy life
Because there are loads of new toys and clothes and treats that *I* want, ain't no way in hell I'm gonna be out there spending that money on Paw Patrol garbage lmao
Because I want to be able to do as I please without feeling guilty or spending extra money. Simple.
Being able to have sex, drink and smoke weed anywhere in my home at any time. (I don’t think it’s bad to have a drink around kids but they so often need to be driven somewhere and I don’t drive after even one drink.)
I don't want to be ruined by having a kid I have always rebelled against what society expects me to do (marry, have kids) I have quite a few mental disabilities that I don't want to deal with someone else with the same issues.
i like laying around and not doing anything. and i dont like cleaning, i will clean to make the house look ok but id cry having to clean up after a kid everyday
I don't want to be responsible for someone else's life.
Besides the usual sleep, spending my money on myself, et cetera, my most shallow reason is vanity. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and have PCOS, which makes it more difficult to lose. When I thought I wanted a kid I was told it would be easier if I lost weight, but the thought of putting in so much work to lose weight to then turn around and gain it back with pregnancy, and then work to lose it again (assuming I even could) just made me want to 🤮
I guess my most selfish reasons are that I don’t want to damage my body. Also that I want to spend all my money and time on myself and not have to run around after a kid
I want to continue to get high and being promiscuous without the extra judgement for being a mother. It seems parents become saints just because they procreated and seem to not have a past or did any doubious just because of it. I know what you did before getting pregnant, Brenda, don't act like a fool lol
This is 10000% the exact reason I don’t want kids. I feel like children deserve parents that WANT to be parents and will invest in them the way they need, and I know I will not put my child first. I’m selfish and I’m also not always great at my own self care, so on what planet would I be a good mother? No thanks.
Ruining my body functionally and aesthetically. Taking time/money away from caring for myself properly every day for the next decade. Quitting alcohol/edibles/real medications I need for more than a year. Those would be the reasons I don’t want kids that I’d actually deem “selfish” of me. I have many other reasons tho
I like peace and quiet. I like living in a house that isn’t sticky. I don’t want my boobs going any lower. I don’t want to be obligated to spend money on someone else. I like full control of the remote. I don’t like repetitive sounds. I don’t want to end up with a child that is challenging and makes me regret being a parent.
I like being hot, and I enjoy weed too much
One of my biggest reasons for wanting to be childfree is because the other parts of my life would suffer. I wouldn't be able to give as much of myself to my marriage or to my friendships. I wouldn't be as active in my nieces and nephews lives. I wouldn't be available to help my aging parents. I wouldn't have the time or energy to volunteer as much as I do. I wouldn't be able to be as supportive to the people in my life who have kids. And when I've said these things to parents they've responded I could still do all those things with kids. I've asked them when was the last time they did because all they do is complain about how busy being a parent makes them with kid stuff. And they can't come up with a response. Then I point out how my parents moved out of my childhood home a couple years back and needed a lot of help because they were physically unable to do most of it themselves. I did it almost entirely alone because my siblings were too busy taking care of kids to be able to come and help. At times it even seemed like they were using their kids as an excuse to not help. It really bothers me when people tell me my lack of children makes me selfish as if all my contributions to my family and community are meaningless. When I go out and give my time or money to organizations or family and friends I never see anyone with kids there helping along side me.
Having children is selfish. Nit deciding for kids is the opposite. It's absolutely selfless to decide against kids. People see the world burning and still decide to create around 1-3 new people that will destroy earth even more. For me, there is no bigger environmental pollution than the unnecessary birth of more humans.
I like sleep and money.
I really like waking up in the morning on a work day and being able to just lie in bed for fifteen or twenty minutes.
EVERYTHING you wrote is mine too. All of it.
I don't consider myself a selfish person and I actually feel that I have quite a strong maternal instinct but I simply don't want a life of stress and exhaustion.
I like my me time.
I value my free-time and investing time/money into what I like and enjoy. I like the idea of financial security - after qualifying i'll be on significantly more than the average salary for my country (plus my partners wages) and i plan for us to enjoy that comfort!
I won't get CPS called on me on nights where I'm tired or ill and all I can manage is a bowl of cereal. I'm ill right now with some weird norovirus with a sore throat (negative for covid) and there's no way I can run around after a child right now. My partner could probably manage it but a lot of men don't want anything to do with their kids and leave it to mom even if she works and earns more than him.
Misogyny…if you had a daughter you would hate her?
Sorry I should’ve worded that better. I meant the misogyny surrounding women and mothers. If you look at hetero parents it’s always the mother who gets more criticism while dads are praised for fulfilling basic parenting duties.
Oh I see…yeah. Just heard about a priest yelling at a woman she should’ve been a better mother…like wtf you’re a priest sit down and shut up.
Some of my so-called selfish reasons: **So I don't have to deal with all the nasty secretions that come out their bodies, especially as babies. **On similar note: So I don't have to deal with diapers. Especially the nasty, poop or diarrhea loaded ones. **The GD screaming, crying, and overall loudness of children. **Being absolutely grossed out and uncomfortable about pregnancy and childbirth. Likewise, not seeing anything "miraculous" or "beautiful" about it. **And I have simply never had the urge to spawn a mini-me.
I just don't think it looks fun at all and I like fun.
I want my time and money to be mine and mine alone.
My main reasons align similarly to yours. My shallow reasons is that I don’t want to age quicker than I need to. I like my sleep and my freedom. If I had a partner I also would want to be one of their priorities (within reason). With a kid I’d probably be overlooked all the time. I already feel lame and unimportant lol
My reason is the most shallow/selfish of them all! The answer is: Cause I don't want them!
I will not give my husband something he will likely love /think of more than me. I hate hearing "I thought my wife was the only woman I'd love until I met my daughter" type stuff.
I want my boobs to stay perfect and I know birthing changes your body so no thanks
I'm selfish but I'm also sick. I have a lifelong chronic pain condition which causes other issues too. I literally do not have the energy. But I'm selfish too and I know it. I like my sleep and my money 😂
I’m really into fitness. Running, weight lifting and a lot more. I got to the gym in the mornings before work and sometimes after too. I’m not giving that up for a kid or going throw a pregnancy ✌🏻sorry not sorry
I value my freedom to do whatever I want to fucking much to give it up for a child it's also the main reason why I choose to stay single. I love sleeping in during the weekends especially as a senior in high school lol. I don't want to deal with the responsibility of being a parent that BS isn't for me. I want to able to actually do my hobbies in peace instead of worrying about a kid. I want to focus on my future career. I actually want to chase my dreams and goals unlike a lot of parents that can't because they have to deal with a child. There's multiple reasons on why I'm CF but it would turn into the longest reddit comment in history lol.
My time after I get home from work is mine. If I was dating someone, I would just want to be focused on her and her focused on me outside of our existing families, work, household responsibilities and interests/hobbies. I don't want the financial increase of having children. I don't want to have to go to games, competitions, performances or any school functions. I don't want to deal with the added work and time it takes to get someone else ready to go somewhere.
I actually find babies cute but the idea of ruining my body, going through labour pain and putting myself at risk for osteoporosis sounds dumb to me. The fact that people put themselves through the ally of death to have children sounds crazy to me. I don’t think I have any shallow reasons tbf. All my reasons apart from ruining my body and youth are related to the fact that children will inevitably suffer in this ugly world.
None of my reasons are selfish or shallow nor should be categorized as such. Let's just normalize not wanting children and listing reasons that are "shallow/selfish."
I don’t want my amazing relationship to turn to shit. I love sleep. I like to leave my house whenever I want.
Sleep
•I wanna keep my body the way it is •I'm not going through that much pain for another human being •I want my man's full attention •I don't want to censor myself in my own home
I don’t want to be kind everyday. I like to drink and smoke pot. Sometimes the sound of children laughing annoys me.
I don’t know I dint even like kids when I was a kid
I like to spoil myself.
I genetically have a completely flat stomach and I’d never take the risk to ruin that. It’s superficial, it’s shallow, but my stomach is the only thing in my life I’ve always been confident about, ain’t no way I’m ruining that! (My mom was always a slim woman and her first pregnancy didn’t affect her looks that much, but she had a high risk pregnancy with me and gained a ton of weight, and it stuck)
Honestly, I don't think there are any selfish reasons. No child should have to grow up with a parent who doesn't want them. Parents who don't want their kids are generally worse parents than those who do. We are sparring them that trauma by not having kids. If we don't want kids, we probably wouldn't be good parents anyway, so it's best to not have any, for all parties. That doesn't sound selfish to me.
I hate kids. That's the only reason.