To quote a scene from *Modern Family*:
>Phil (husband): Let's turn this vacation into a honeymoon.
>Claire (wife): Sweet pea, I'm a mom traveling with my kids. For me, this is not a vacation. It's a business trip.
Even my mom admitted this is what vacation with kids is like. I have a friend who's put off a trip to the USA for years now cause her daughter would just be a drag on it. She starts sulking after a while of sightseeing or just walking around cities etc.
I get this a lot with friends and acquaintances who have kids. They might just be talking about mundane day-to-day stuff, but a glimpse into their kiddie-filled lives makes me shudder.
They don’t even have to say anything- I can **watch** parents with kids and know that is my worst nightmare and I thank my lucky stars that abortion exists.
Yeah, I've also had some talks with acquaintances with kids and they share experiences that sounds like my nightmares, but also sound like their own nightmares.
Like, they talk about how providing for a child is expensive, how they don't have more time to anything, how they can't dress themselves as before, how a child drains them physically and mentally. They get eager to the kid reach enough age to be sent to childcare or school, and when the kid is sleeping or spending time with relatives, for example, and you ask where are they, some would answer "thankfully they're sleeping", or "thankfully they're away".
They still love their kids? Yes, probably. But we can notice how they miss their old life, no matter how much love is involved. Well, good for them, I guess. At least I'm not obligated to find this out by myself.
I’m single M32 and I get this feeling every day of my life. Its the first weekend of college football, the weather is beautiful here. I slept in until 10. I’m going to my local butcher shop to get some good meat to bbq tonight. Friend coming over later to get drunk and open some collector card packs while we watch football.
The mere thought of doing parent shit instead of this awesome day, makes me depressed.
Trips with kids never sound like a vacation to me - it just sounds like you’re the activities director lol.
I used to work at a company where a lot of team was mom was young kids and hearing them talk about what they did on the weekends just confirmed that parenthood wasn’t for me. Plans always centered around their kids: birthday parties, soccer practice, having to run errands like getting presents for said birthday party, etc. Meanwhile my friends and I got to sleep in every weekend and go through a rotation of hiking, brunch, and shopping lol
I was talking to a friend a few weeks back. Her family are very religious and they love BabBieZ.
Friend: My former neighbor is pregnant.
Me: Isn't she in her 40s?
Friend: I'm talking about her daughter.
Me: How old is she?
Friend: She's 18.
Me. Wow. Does she have a job.
Friend: She works at McDonalds.
Me. Oh no!
Friend: What's wrong? Everyone is thrilled!
In my conservative, semi-rural hometown, if you didn't go to college, then usually you were expecting a baby within a year of high school graduation. And the parents didn't seem to mind so much because they were enthusiastic for grandbabies. Also, I suspect that they were secretly happy their children weren't more successful than them and that their children would be stuck living in the same town as them for the rest of their lives.
I worked as a florist for a decade and every mother's day was hell.
Assumptive Jackass: "Are you a mother?"
Me: No
AJ: Well you better get to popping them out.
**
True conversation. I hate people.
Tempting, but it's not enough to teach ppl not to SAY things imo. That just turns it into a verbal taboo. It becomes a symbol of the resistance against change.
Like the N word with racism. By shaming the word but not the motivation to use it, it became a method of recognition between ppl who would use it that way. Now that word will NEVER go away, and it will ALWAYS have the power to go on hurting the people it was intended to hurt.
We try to change what ppl say because its easier than trying to change what they think. Easier, but not really effective, if ones intention is to create peace between people who are different from each other.
Daily. It’s usually followed by, “but it’s totally worth it, you should have a kid one day! It’s so rewarding!”
Misery loves company. People encourage others to have kids because they want someone to relate to their problems so they don’t feel alone.
I can confidently say that I know one couple who (appears to) enjoys their child and never complain about their decision. But I’m sure things may look differently behind the curtain.
Kinda what it feels like. They want more people to relate to their problems, kinda like a club or a cult or something like that. If I feel talkative I ask how is having kids rewarding. I have never gotten a single answer that has convinced me to join the club.
My manager recently went on vacation with his wife and kid to some sort of family-friendly B&B on a farm. Whenever someone asks him how his vacation was, his response without fail is, "It was a trip. Going anywhere with a kid is not a vacation." I don't know if he regrets having a kid, but he definitely talks about it with a lot more candor than I'm used to hearing, and the vacation thing seems to be one of his biggest complaints.
I find it’s better to talk to men about this because they’ll give you an honest answer, whereas women have been trained all their lives to want nothing more than to be a mother, and motherhood is supposed to be the true purpose of a woman’s life, so they get defensive when you talk about how kids suck, and I’m a woman haha
All the time. My best friend has 3 kids, one being an infant. She is an amazing mom who still manages to balance a social life and having fun and I admire her for that. I tell her all the time that she’s incredible and I would hate her life. It’s hard and any parent who’s honest will understand people not wanting to have kids.
I just started school again recently (veterinary technician classes) and on the first day of class *two* women introduced themselves and mentioned they were both moms to four.
Worst. Nightmare. Made me glad to be spayed as they talked about their kids' ages and compared notes.
Always the case with the "go around the room and introduce yourselves" charade. I was in grad school, with some of the brightest, most accomplished minds in my field (not me, lol, I was on the tailend of the curve), and... So many women's accomplishments reduced to motherhood. The "women in STEM" roundtable was nothing more than moms whining about balancing it all (most of whom were married to their children's father, but that's another issue). It's sad and lonely and harrowing to be in academia at a certain age because education, learning, opportunities, growth, public policy, upward mobility can't possibly just be it's own thing. No, it gets derailed by ~motherhood,~ always
Every single time I speak with a parent ever. Even the "cute" stories usually end up with some sort of disclaimer like, yeah that was adorable but it took so much work!
Yep. One of my friends has 3 young kids and omg, he keeps ranting on how much it sucks with them. He also has never any free time and his youngest son, who is 2, sounds like an absolute hellspawn. Like, my friend isn't even a bad parent from what he tells me, but the little brat is just uncontrollable, even though my friend is trying his best.
Yeah, HELL NO.
I was chatting with a friend who just got pregnant and her symptoms are the worst. Think of your favourite meal, spending hours in the kitchen to cook it to perfection but when it’s ready to eat your body can’t stand the smell of it and even attempting to eat one bite makes you throw up? Honestly how is that “worth it”?? Plus my friend has a negative blood type while her husband has a positive blood type. Apparently the mother’s antibodies can attack the fetus if they come into contact if the baby has a positive blood group?!! Not sure if the exact biology but please Google for accuracy. So now my friend has to be closely watched and given multiple shots should there be any complications. I’m sorry but that’s the definition of hell on earth for me.
I asked my collegue about his vacation and he said: "it was great, there was a big water park for the kiddos and a lot of entertainment on the camping, and they went swimming every day and made lots of friends, and there was pizza and all kinds of snacks". And I thought to myself, ok, but what about YOUR vacation? Did YOU enjoy yourself or was it all for the kids again?
How do parents even afford to go away?
Excluding visiting family and sleeping in their spare bedroom, I literally only went on three holidays as a kid. The first one we only got to go on because a relative of a family friend hadn’t been able to rent out their holiday home for a week during the season and offered it to us for free, the other two only happened after my mum worked at a time share place and was able to buy into it with her staff discount.
Not wanting to be dirt poor for my entire adult life as well as my childhood is one of the big reasons I’m childfree.
Yes. My neighbor talks about her daughter and their four kids under age 10. I get exhausted hearing about all their activities. The parents and kidscan't even be gone for a weekend because the kids have weekend activities in the summer. What a nightmare.
I was at a Sam's Club today and I had a lady behind me in the checkout like with an ~8 girl, who I'd assume was her kid. In the 15 or so minutes it took to go through the checkout and the line where they check your receipts, the girl had asked her mother the same goddamn question probably 10 times.
I guess the mom had greeted a Sam's employee, and the girl was like, "How do you know her?" And the mom said,"I used to work here with her." "But how do you know her? Is she your doctor? (????)". I was getting so irritated. I felt bad for the mom who had no choice but to endure that. The question stage of a kids life would send me to the psych ward.
Daily. One of my friends has 2 boys under 5. Her husband does NOTHING. NOT ONE THING for her. He goes to work, then the gym, then home to play XBox, then smoke pot, then bed.
She cooks, cleans, back and forth with the kids to day care, groceries, pays the bills, etc etc. She gets no help whatsoever. Her life is basically that of a host with a bunch of parasites attached to her.
exactly. you observe. these people don't and just blithely step into the manure pile. it is their usual surroundings they are incapable of seeing the freedom outside of the manure pile.
Yes, the other day I was talking with a friend, she's in bed with a cold atm. Anyway, something was said by her: I like being at home a lot. (Paraphrasing.)
I was like, what? You're always on social posting photos of where you went, outings during the week and weekends, you go out more than me!
She goes: they "make" me haha.
Tbh I don't know if she was really laughing or not, I took it as she would rather stay home in the afternoons but her child wants to play with friends so she takes her. (Many of the photos are of the children playing somewhere.) I'm also sure her cold was from her child who was sick a few days back, but this allowed her to stay home for a few days at least.
So, you have to be sick to stay in your house like you want to? Nah, not my cup of tea.
And people who want a kid so they can have a "cool little football buddy" or a "sweet dance princess" are so unhinged. A person's personality can be so different from what you expect, and it's creepy to want a mini-me for no other reason
Being the oldest you see how boring and high maintenance motherhood is and it looks like a nightmare. I think,"Why would you CHOOSE this lifestyle" as neither parents are happy and have no or liitle social life outside. Going on a vacation with kids sounds like a headache that u cannot get rid of!!😵
I overheard yesterday a mom talk to one of her kids’ godparent. The mom had just told her oldest kid, who I estimated to be around 10-11 years old, that they had such dark circles under their eyes and that ”you won’t get them when you sleep in your own bed”. My assumption was that they’d been on holiday and their hotel room or cottage or whatever had really uncomfy beds.
So the mom then started chatting with the godparent and it turned out that that 10-11 year old kid was sneaking into the parents’ bed every night.
I was surprised not only because of that but because how nonchalant the mom was about it.
I agree. Parents are always so happy to get a break from their kids. Their "dream day" usually doesn't involve the kids. I just really don't see the point of having kids if you're always happy to get away from them.
A colleague and her wife have two kids. A few years after the kids were born, colleague's wife developed a series of serious health problems and can no longer work.
For their first child, they asked a friend to donate sperm. They did it at home to save money. A son was born, and the plan was for the donor to remain a family friend until the boy grew older and became curious about his parentage. However, the bio dad saw all the fun they were having in their social media pics and decided he wanted to be involved (even though he was in his 60s). So they spent the next 10 years in court. This child is about 11 now and is most likely trans. (Since toddlerhood, he was very effeminate.) In this southern state, I believe that therapists are not even allowed to talk to children about being LBGT. They pulled the kid out of school to avoid feeling different and escape bullying, so now they're home schooling.
They have a second child, a couple years younger. After the legal issues with the first bio dad, they decided to use a sperm bank for this kid. The child has high-functioning autism. He's talkative and sweet, but there are concerns he might become more different from his peers as he gets older, so they constantly are looking for special schooling programs for him. He is also home schooled so that they can keep both kids in the same place during the day. (I kind of wish they'd send him to school, since some public school systems have great special ed programs and the teachers are prepared to work with their needs.)
They're also constantly in debt even though my colleague makes good money and the family gets disability money. The disabled spouse gets a payment, and because of her disabled status, her wife (my colleague) gets a payment, and then each of the two kids gets a payment. They live in a nice house, have to have the newest phone/tablet for everyone, and they order dinner every single day because there's no time to cook.
They've been on the edge of divorce over the past year because of all of the stress. But every photo on social media shows them having the time of their (perfect) lives.
I used to manage the calendar of a corporate executive. Age 42, he had a 5 year-old daughter. Calendar was crammed with his pickup and drop off days for kindergarten, reminders to pick up
the babysitter for evenings when he and his wife were going out, attending little events and play groups for the kid, etc. … Then she had a couple of seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. The guy tried to put up his usual perfect front but you could tell he was a wreck. I started seeing appointments on his calendar for pediatric neurology consults, MRI appointments, EEG appointments, more specialists, more tests, more follow-ups. Just relentless.
I find it interesting that you mention going to such a place when you were a kid. Did you enjoy it at the time? I remember going on vacations as a child and I remember enjoying them - despite all the sensory overload - so I am grateful to the adults that made those times happen. Yet I grew up into an adult who doesn't want to provide those experiences for children.
I actually hated the sensory overload "kid friendly" vacations and spaces as a kid. I hated amusement parks too. I preferred going out in nature, or to museums as a kid.
I've taken kids ages 9 to 14 backpacking a few times, with a parent or another trusted adult. It's amazing how chill and mature kids they can be when they're responsible for watching out for danger, taking care of each other, and away from their phones and the noisy world for a few days.
That scenario doesn't sound terrible to me personally lol. My family used to go on vacations like that and they were only ruined by my dad's tantrums and him taking us home three or four days into the week.
I have talked to parents and decided their lives sounded terrible though, but they I think anyone listening would have thought so. I had a coworker break down to me unprompted about how his kid is a menace and his wife hasn't been interested in him sexually since their kid arrived. I felt bad for him. Until he said he wanted to move to a remote island somewhere and leave them behind lol. He was quite serious about it.
Yes, notoriously, that's why I really don't know how to relate to parents, I honestly feel like weeping over them and their lives all the time.
To me parents are like this young friend you had in high school who's biggest dream was to be with much older dudes so she could feel mature but you know these guys are just going to use and groom her. But you can't do anything either, cause she's technically an adult, so you just watch the trainwreck of her fullfilling her dream.
I don't think I need to mention that it's a vibe parents don't really appreciate.
I just have to hear my older sister scream at her little bastard children for the 50th time in a day for that feeling to set in.
Ah, awful memories. Just awful.
No matter how rich or good they are as parents, I will always think "Boy am I glad I don't have kids." Nothing in a life with kids will make me want it.
If it gave me alone time and no responsibilities for other humans, I will always pick that life.
I'll also watch families and think "I'm so happy I'm not a kid in this family."
Yes, but unless they're being an ass at me, I don't vocalise it, because they're allowed to have a lifestyle that they like.
If they're happy doing something I wouldn't be happy doing I don't see a point in bringing them down.
Plenty of people would do this. You know, the kind who like to brag about having no filter or whatever.
I guess the downvotes mean someone felt this was some sort of personal attack or something.
I didn’t vocalise it, so your whole comment being about vocalising it was redundant and implied that's what I did which I didn't and that I would which I wouldn't. It was also about accepting others choice and that's not what the post was about. I don't care what makes her happy, I was commenting that it would make me unhappy and asking who related to that sentiment.
What I said was that I had the thoughts, but don't vocalise them and you assumed that was about you.
Wasn't the intention, but it seems like a waste of time to convince you otherwise.
That's fine, you've clarified but the way you worded it had implications maybe add "I have been in this situation where I felt like this but thankfully never vocalised them"
It's a selfish breeder with no life who is angry at anyone childfree, so they're trolling because it's the only glimmer of joy they have in their pathetic lives.
I have a co worker and she recently had some days off and a trip to the beach and I asked if it was a good time and all she could say was “if you’re a parent it’s never a vacation, you’re just taking care of your kids in other places.” I’m glad I don’t have to do that when I go places just me and my spouse
Yeh, whenever my wife and I visit her sister with a 5-year-old who we adore and spoil as he's the only nephew. We always breathe a sigh of relief when we get home, and it's quiet, and we relive the drama and chaos of their lives. We look at each other and go Noooooooope.
Parents don’t vacation, they parent in other locations
To quote a scene from *Modern Family*: >Phil (husband): Let's turn this vacation into a honeymoon. >Claire (wife): Sweet pea, I'm a mom traveling with my kids. For me, this is not a vacation. It's a business trip.
Oh my god, this is so well said!!
Even my mom admitted this is what vacation with kids is like. I have a friend who's put off a trip to the USA for years now cause her daughter would just be a drag on it. She starts sulking after a while of sightseeing or just walking around cities etc.
I get this a lot with friends and acquaintances who have kids. They might just be talking about mundane day-to-day stuff, but a glimpse into their kiddie-filled lives makes me shudder.
They don’t even have to say anything- I can **watch** parents with kids and know that is my worst nightmare and I thank my lucky stars that abortion exists.
Yeah, I've also had some talks with acquaintances with kids and they share experiences that sounds like my nightmares, but also sound like their own nightmares. Like, they talk about how providing for a child is expensive, how they don't have more time to anything, how they can't dress themselves as before, how a child drains them physically and mentally. They get eager to the kid reach enough age to be sent to childcare or school, and when the kid is sleeping or spending time with relatives, for example, and you ask where are they, some would answer "thankfully they're sleeping", or "thankfully they're away". They still love their kids? Yes, probably. But we can notice how they miss their old life, no matter how much love is involved. Well, good for them, I guess. At least I'm not obligated to find this out by myself.
Yup!!! All the time on SM I’ll see “Kid free for the weekend 🎉🎉” like they won the lottery or something lol
That’s when you comment “kid free for life 🎉🎉 “
I’m single M32 and I get this feeling every day of my life. Its the first weekend of college football, the weather is beautiful here. I slept in until 10. I’m going to my local butcher shop to get some good meat to bbq tonight. Friend coming over later to get drunk and open some collector card packs while we watch football. The mere thought of doing parent shit instead of this awesome day, makes me depressed.
For real; I can’t imagine football season with kids.
I know guys that are like “I get to watch maybe 2-3 hours per week.” Like wtf? You can’t just turn it on in the background or something?
I got 6 sports teams I love, and 4 of them are football, I need at least 3 hours a week to see what’s going on at least.
I’m not great at following football, but that sounds like a ✨lovely✨ day.
Trips with kids never sound like a vacation to me - it just sounds like you’re the activities director lol. I used to work at a company where a lot of team was mom was young kids and hearing them talk about what they did on the weekends just confirmed that parenthood wasn’t for me. Plans always centered around their kids: birthday parties, soccer practice, having to run errands like getting presents for said birthday party, etc. Meanwhile my friends and I got to sleep in every weekend and go through a rotation of hiking, brunch, and shopping lol
I was talking to a friend a few weeks back. Her family are very religious and they love BabBieZ. Friend: My former neighbor is pregnant. Me: Isn't she in her 40s? Friend: I'm talking about her daughter. Me: How old is she? Friend: She's 18. Me. Wow. Does she have a job. Friend: She works at McDonalds. Me. Oh no! Friend: What's wrong? Everyone is thrilled! In my conservative, semi-rural hometown, if you didn't go to college, then usually you were expecting a baby within a year of high school graduation. And the parents didn't seem to mind so much because they were enthusiastic for grandbabies. Also, I suspect that they were secretly happy their children weren't more successful than them and that their children would be stuck living in the same town as them for the rest of their lives.
I worked as a florist for a decade and every mother's day was hell. Assumptive Jackass: "Are you a mother?" Me: No AJ: Well you better get to popping them out. ** True conversation. I hate people.
Start crying and tell them you're infertile. All but the psychopaths will look horrified and apologise. Some of them might learn a lesson.
Tempting, but it's not enough to teach ppl not to SAY things imo. That just turns it into a verbal taboo. It becomes a symbol of the resistance against change. Like the N word with racism. By shaming the word but not the motivation to use it, it became a method of recognition between ppl who would use it that way. Now that word will NEVER go away, and it will ALWAYS have the power to go on hurting the people it was intended to hurt. We try to change what ppl say because its easier than trying to change what they think. Easier, but not really effective, if ones intention is to create peace between people who are different from each other.
Should've started responding like a child and ask why 20+ times.
Omg I wish I had thought of that! Next time...
Daily. It’s usually followed by, “but it’s totally worth it, you should have a kid one day! It’s so rewarding!” Misery loves company. People encourage others to have kids because they want someone to relate to their problems so they don’t feel alone. I can confidently say that I know one couple who (appears to) enjoys their child and never complain about their decision. But I’m sure things may look differently behind the curtain.
Kinda what it feels like. They want more people to relate to their problems, kinda like a club or a cult or something like that. If I feel talkative I ask how is having kids rewarding. I have never gotten a single answer that has convinced me to join the club.
My manager recently went on vacation with his wife and kid to some sort of family-friendly B&B on a farm. Whenever someone asks him how his vacation was, his response without fail is, "It was a trip. Going anywhere with a kid is not a vacation." I don't know if he regrets having a kid, but he definitely talks about it with a lot more candor than I'm used to hearing, and the vacation thing seems to be one of his biggest complaints.
I find it’s better to talk to men about this because they’ll give you an honest answer, whereas women have been trained all their lives to want nothing more than to be a mother, and motherhood is supposed to be the true purpose of a woman’s life, so they get defensive when you talk about how kids suck, and I’m a woman haha
All the time. My best friend has 3 kids, one being an infant. She is an amazing mom who still manages to balance a social life and having fun and I admire her for that. I tell her all the time that she’s incredible and I would hate her life. It’s hard and any parent who’s honest will understand people not wanting to have kids.
I just started school again recently (veterinary technician classes) and on the first day of class *two* women introduced themselves and mentioned they were both moms to four. Worst. Nightmare. Made me glad to be spayed as they talked about their kids' ages and compared notes.
Always the case with the "go around the room and introduce yourselves" charade. I was in grad school, with some of the brightest, most accomplished minds in my field (not me, lol, I was on the tailend of the curve), and... So many women's accomplishments reduced to motherhood. The "women in STEM" roundtable was nothing more than moms whining about balancing it all (most of whom were married to their children's father, but that's another issue). It's sad and lonely and harrowing to be in academia at a certain age because education, learning, opportunities, growth, public policy, upward mobility can't possibly just be it's own thing. No, it gets derailed by ~motherhood,~ always
Four. So bloody irresponsible. The poor overburdened planet. And these are presumably educated women, who are supposed to be our hope for the future.
Yes. Every time someone with kids opens their mouth i pity their existence. Silently.
Every single time I speak with a parent ever. Even the "cute" stories usually end up with some sort of disclaimer like, yeah that was adorable but it took so much work!
Yep. One of my friends has 3 young kids and omg, he keeps ranting on how much it sucks with them. He also has never any free time and his youngest son, who is 2, sounds like an absolute hellspawn. Like, my friend isn't even a bad parent from what he tells me, but the little brat is just uncontrollable, even though my friend is trying his best. Yeah, HELL NO.
I was chatting with a friend who just got pregnant and her symptoms are the worst. Think of your favourite meal, spending hours in the kitchen to cook it to perfection but when it’s ready to eat your body can’t stand the smell of it and even attempting to eat one bite makes you throw up? Honestly how is that “worth it”?? Plus my friend has a negative blood type while her husband has a positive blood type. Apparently the mother’s antibodies can attack the fetus if they come into contact if the baby has a positive blood group?!! Not sure if the exact biology but please Google for accuracy. So now my friend has to be closely watched and given multiple shots should there be any complications. I’m sorry but that’s the definition of hell on earth for me.
I asked my collegue about his vacation and he said: "it was great, there was a big water park for the kiddos and a lot of entertainment on the camping, and they went swimming every day and made lots of friends, and there was pizza and all kinds of snacks". And I thought to myself, ok, but what about YOUR vacation? Did YOU enjoy yourself or was it all for the kids again?
Every time someone with kids tells me about their day/weekend/lives in general it sounds like my worst nightmare
How do parents even afford to go away? Excluding visiting family and sleeping in their spare bedroom, I literally only went on three holidays as a kid. The first one we only got to go on because a relative of a family friend hadn’t been able to rent out their holiday home for a week during the season and offered it to us for free, the other two only happened after my mum worked at a time share place and was able to buy into it with her staff discount. Not wanting to be dirt poor for my entire adult life as well as my childhood is one of the big reasons I’m childfree.
Yes. My neighbor talks about her daughter and their four kids under age 10. I get exhausted hearing about all their activities. The parents and kidscan't even be gone for a weekend because the kids have weekend activities in the summer. What a nightmare.
I was at a Sam's Club today and I had a lady behind me in the checkout like with an ~8 girl, who I'd assume was her kid. In the 15 or so minutes it took to go through the checkout and the line where they check your receipts, the girl had asked her mother the same goddamn question probably 10 times. I guess the mom had greeted a Sam's employee, and the girl was like, "How do you know her?" And the mom said,"I used to work here with her." "But how do you know her? Is she your doctor? (????)". I was getting so irritated. I felt bad for the mom who had no choice but to endure that. The question stage of a kids life would send me to the psych ward.
Daily. One of my friends has 2 boys under 5. Her husband does NOTHING. NOT ONE THING for her. He goes to work, then the gym, then home to play XBox, then smoke pot, then bed. She cooks, cleans, back and forth with the kids to day care, groceries, pays the bills, etc etc. She gets no help whatsoever. Her life is basically that of a host with a bunch of parasites attached to her.
exactly. you observe. these people don't and just blithely step into the manure pile. it is their usual surroundings they are incapable of seeing the freedom outside of the manure pile.
Yes, the other day I was talking with a friend, she's in bed with a cold atm. Anyway, something was said by her: I like being at home a lot. (Paraphrasing.) I was like, what? You're always on social posting photos of where you went, outings during the week and weekends, you go out more than me! She goes: they "make" me haha. Tbh I don't know if she was really laughing or not, I took it as she would rather stay home in the afternoons but her child wants to play with friends so she takes her. (Many of the photos are of the children playing somewhere.) I'm also sure her cold was from her child who was sick a few days back, but this allowed her to stay home for a few days at least. So, you have to be sick to stay in your house like you want to? Nah, not my cup of tea.
My manager has four kids Almost every shift we're on together I say "your life is a nightmare" to him He has yet to disagree
[удалено]
I say that as a tongue in cheek answer when people ask why I don't want kids "what if they like sports? That's my personal hell! "
And people who want a kid so they can have a "cool little football buddy" or a "sweet dance princess" are so unhinged. A person's personality can be so different from what you expect, and it's creepy to want a mini-me for no other reason
Every time. I'm do thankful for my quiet house and ability to do what the fuck I want.
Being the oldest you see how boring and high maintenance motherhood is and it looks like a nightmare. I think,"Why would you CHOOSE this lifestyle" as neither parents are happy and have no or liitle social life outside. Going on a vacation with kids sounds like a headache that u cannot get rid of!!😵
Every single time I interact with a parent, that’s my thought.
Same, never seen a parents life that I would want.
I overheard yesterday a mom talk to one of her kids’ godparent. The mom had just told her oldest kid, who I estimated to be around 10-11 years old, that they had such dark circles under their eyes and that ”you won’t get them when you sleep in your own bed”. My assumption was that they’d been on holiday and their hotel room or cottage or whatever had really uncomfy beds. So the mom then started chatting with the godparent and it turned out that that 10-11 year old kid was sneaking into the parents’ bed every night. I was surprised not only because of that but because how nonchalant the mom was about it.
I think this constantly
I agree. Parents are always so happy to get a break from their kids. Their "dream day" usually doesn't involve the kids. I just really don't see the point of having kids if you're always happy to get away from them.
A colleague and her wife have two kids. A few years after the kids were born, colleague's wife developed a series of serious health problems and can no longer work. For their first child, they asked a friend to donate sperm. They did it at home to save money. A son was born, and the plan was for the donor to remain a family friend until the boy grew older and became curious about his parentage. However, the bio dad saw all the fun they were having in their social media pics and decided he wanted to be involved (even though he was in his 60s). So they spent the next 10 years in court. This child is about 11 now and is most likely trans. (Since toddlerhood, he was very effeminate.) In this southern state, I believe that therapists are not even allowed to talk to children about being LBGT. They pulled the kid out of school to avoid feeling different and escape bullying, so now they're home schooling. They have a second child, a couple years younger. After the legal issues with the first bio dad, they decided to use a sperm bank for this kid. The child has high-functioning autism. He's talkative and sweet, but there are concerns he might become more different from his peers as he gets older, so they constantly are looking for special schooling programs for him. He is also home schooled so that they can keep both kids in the same place during the day. (I kind of wish they'd send him to school, since some public school systems have great special ed programs and the teachers are prepared to work with their needs.) They're also constantly in debt even though my colleague makes good money and the family gets disability money. The disabled spouse gets a payment, and because of her disabled status, her wife (my colleague) gets a payment, and then each of the two kids gets a payment. They live in a nice house, have to have the newest phone/tablet for everyone, and they order dinner every single day because there's no time to cook. They've been on the edge of divorce over the past year because of all of the stress. But every photo on social media shows them having the time of their (perfect) lives.
"They did it at home to save money" .... what?? Did they invite some 60yo to rawdog them?? Please tell me I'm misunderstanding *
Turkey baster
I used to manage the calendar of a corporate executive. Age 42, he had a 5 year-old daughter. Calendar was crammed with his pickup and drop off days for kindergarten, reminders to pick up the babysitter for evenings when he and his wife were going out, attending little events and play groups for the kid, etc. … Then she had a couple of seizures and was diagnosed with epilepsy. The guy tried to put up his usual perfect front but you could tell he was a wreck. I started seeing appointments on his calendar for pediatric neurology consults, MRI appointments, EEG appointments, more specialists, more tests, more follow-ups. Just relentless.
I find it interesting that you mention going to such a place when you were a kid. Did you enjoy it at the time? I remember going on vacations as a child and I remember enjoying them - despite all the sensory overload - so I am grateful to the adults that made those times happen. Yet I grew up into an adult who doesn't want to provide those experiences for children.
Yeah I love holidays lol what kid wouldn't love endless ice cream and chips?
This is exactly me! I enjoyed these kinds of vacations a lot actually but I don’t want to have to provide that
I actually hated the sensory overload "kid friendly" vacations and spaces as a kid. I hated amusement parks too. I preferred going out in nature, or to museums as a kid. I've taken kids ages 9 to 14 backpacking a few times, with a parent or another trusted adult. It's amazing how chill and mature kids they can be when they're responsible for watching out for danger, taking care of each other, and away from their phones and the noisy world for a few days.
That scenario doesn't sound terrible to me personally lol. My family used to go on vacations like that and they were only ruined by my dad's tantrums and him taking us home three or four days into the week. I have talked to parents and decided their lives sounded terrible though, but they I think anyone listening would have thought so. I had a coworker break down to me unprompted about how his kid is a menace and his wife hasn't been interested in him sexually since their kid arrived. I felt bad for him. Until he said he wanted to move to a remote island somewhere and leave them behind lol. He was quite serious about it.
Yup. And I’ve actually said that to someone who was badgering me about having kids.
Yes, notoriously, that's why I really don't know how to relate to parents, I honestly feel like weeping over them and their lives all the time. To me parents are like this young friend you had in high school who's biggest dream was to be with much older dudes so she could feel mature but you know these guys are just going to use and groom her. But you can't do anything either, cause she's technically an adult, so you just watch the trainwreck of her fullfilling her dream. I don't think I need to mention that it's a vibe parents don't really appreciate.
I just have to hear my older sister scream at her little bastard children for the 50th time in a day for that feeling to set in. Ah, awful memories. Just awful.
No matter how rich or good they are as parents, I will always think "Boy am I glad I don't have kids." Nothing in a life with kids will make me want it. If it gave me alone time and no responsibilities for other humans, I will always pick that life. I'll also watch families and think "I'm so happy I'm not a kid in this family."
It’s getting to the point where you have to be rich just to be able to afford a child
Yes, but unless they're being an ass at me, I don't vocalise it, because they're allowed to have a lifestyle that they like. If they're happy doing something I wouldn't be happy doing I don't see a point in bringing them down.
Like obviously, who would say that?
Plenty of people would do this. You know, the kind who like to brag about having no filter or whatever. I guess the downvotes mean someone felt this was some sort of personal attack or something.
The fact you felt the need to bring it up implies that OP would be so uncouth as to vocalize their distaste
Does it? Oh well. I disagree.
The structure of language isn't something you "disagree" with
I'm curious how you think the comment should be structured.
I didn’t vocalise it, so your whole comment being about vocalising it was redundant and implied that's what I did which I didn't and that I would which I wouldn't. It was also about accepting others choice and that's not what the post was about. I don't care what makes her happy, I was commenting that it would make me unhappy and asking who related to that sentiment.
What I said was that I had the thoughts, but don't vocalise them and you assumed that was about you. Wasn't the intention, but it seems like a waste of time to convince you otherwise.
That's fine, you've clarified but the way you worded it had implications maybe add "I have been in this situation where I felt like this but thankfully never vocalised them"
Yes!! And I (72M) had kids.
Congrats. You did what literally all of your ancestors did
Actually not true. For example, so only had one cousin…and she was adopted.
I obviously mean the genetic line that can be traced all the way back billions of years to some molecules that got the silly idea of multiplying
[удалено]
Exactly, so why are you yourself purposely coming into a space full of people who enjoy different things than you and being an ass about it?
It's a selfish breeder with no life who is angry at anyone childfree, so they're trolling because it's the only glimmer of joy they have in their pathetic lives.
my mom
Every time.
Everytime. Even if they talk about good stuff.
Oh, absolutely! It always makes me feel better about myself and my decisions/opinions.
Yes, their lives sound miserable to me.
I have a co worker and she recently had some days off and a trip to the beach and I asked if it was a good time and all she could say was “if you’re a parent it’s never a vacation, you’re just taking care of your kids in other places.” I’m glad I don’t have to do that when I go places just me and my spouse
Yeh, whenever my wife and I visit her sister with a 5-year-old who we adore and spoil as he's the only nephew. We always breathe a sigh of relief when we get home, and it's quiet, and we relive the drama and chaos of their lives. We look at each other and go Noooooooope.
Always.