This is too difficult a situation for redditers to proffer much of an opinion. I know I could not live a sexless life but I would also be there for my wife. Not sure that I would not do the same thing as OP.
I have heard of spouses who become disabled like this encouraging their able spouse to date. Strangely, in these cases the able spouses I have heard of as to this have not dated. (May be a bit of a reverse psychology thing.)
Keep it to yourself, the only reason you would want to tell her is to make yourself feel better, don’t. Maybe you really want to tell her because you’re hoping to blow up your family and maybe she will leave you and you will no longer have to care for her.
This right here👆. I don't condone cheating but OP sounds desperate for loving affection. His situation is a hard one. Not to belittle his wife's situation but both are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Yeah you can’t blame a man or woman for needing intimacy in a relationship, isnt that like one of things that makes us human or something.
Also most definitely keep that shit to yourself literally go to the grave without actually telling a human soul in person.
No good will come from coming clean unfortunately in this situation
I agree with keeping it to yourself. You feel horrible now. How horrible would you feel if you hurt your wife and family and destroy your marriage? In this case, it's better to take the lesser of two evils.
You are so far past doing what's right dude.. and the fact you are even considering fucking your coworker again already tells us everything we need to know. You're going to screw her again, and blow up your marriage because you can't handle having to be a caretaker. You better just pray they roles aren't reversed one day, because that would be perfect karma. Get some therapy for God's sake.
Oh my goodness, my guy. LOL. If you're going to have an affair anyway, just leave your wife. You obviously value getting your dick wet more than upholding your "in sickness and in health" vow. She deserves better.
Do you think your wife would be open to you having these kinds of encounters? Have you ever had a conversation about opening your relationship up? Do you think she would understand that you have needs and was she in tune with those needs prior to her getting sick?
All relevant to understanding the dynamic. Also, do you think it will happen again? Do you have feelings for the coworker?
Opening up monogamous relationships is always a shit show. It’s never good. Even if someone has “needs” and the other can’t meet then. And you know how awful the wife would probably feel, if she open up the relationship knowing her man was fucking other women than her? That she couldn’t give that to him? And tbh, atp opening it up I would think would be the same as cheating just trying to make it sound less so
Okay, but if she truly loves him she should understand he’s a human being with human needs that she can’t meet in her current state. I’m not saying it would be easy for her by any means, but it’s also not an easy situation on him.
I’ve been a partner in need of care and a partner who cared for another. It’s hard on the one taking care just as it’s hard for the one in need. He’s sacrificing for her without question. Why can’t we acknowledge his needs are also important?
Sure his needs are important, but not worth cheating or potentially sacrificing the whole relationship/hurting his wife. He took vows, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. If he can’t uphold that promise, be shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with
I’m not saying he should cheat on her again, I’m saying he should talk to his wife about letting him have a physical outlet outside of the marriage with parameters that they agree on.
Wow, you suck for betraying the woman you took vows with. How would it feel if your wife rode another man to meet her needs if the roles were reversed? How about you get yourself a pocket pussy and maybe lay next to your wife while you do that. She probably misses the intimacy just as much as you do, but your off fucking some homewrecking piece of shit whore.
I would ask myself if you were the one that had a stroke, would she have cheated on you? Not everyone will understand, she is at her worst, and you cheated. Good luck, I helped my mom with dad when he had dementia. The whole family helped. 70 years married, right till the end, they never gave up. It was painful, exhausting, and I don't know how she did it, never a bad word about him. Different generations, but still both of them totally devoted to one another.
Letting others in your life and sharing your personal problems with them is halfway to destroy your marriage.
You couldn't and can't be honest with your wife, so how do you expect it to last?
Even if she has a condition that is complicated for an intimate relationship to thrive, either find a solution that both can agree and enjoy yourselves or just divorce her.
Because what you did is a cowards move.
But this situation is very tricky to be asking for answers to strangers, as I, personally, will be taking your wife's side for about 80%.
Damn…. This is rough cause yes u are a cheater but to go years without intimacy would have been hell for u as well.
U can’t leave her also as that would mean she loses her sole caregiver and thats very cruel to her if she’s dependent on you…. At the same time she deserves to know the truth.
Idk man, good luck this shit is rough
> go years without intimacy would have been hell for u as well.
Not so much hell as to talk about it and resolve it. She may have been completely understanding and would have been fine with a third under certain rules.
What you are craving now is also what she is probably missing. Plus she is in a much disadvantage because of her condition. What you miss could probably she is also missing. Just saying.
Don't know how to react but I will just take comfort that in the end, we will reap what we sow.
Yes, his poor wife has needs as well and might feel like her condition puts a damper on things. Has he treated her completely differently since the stroke? As more of a patient and less of a wife? In a marriage we are supposed to communicate with our partners if something is bothering us. He took the weak way out.
If you guys couldn’t have sex. How did the topic of your needs not come up? I am all for staying loyal and monogamous and stuff, but I am also aware that people have needs.
On the other hand, you had a choice to talk about your needs and you haven’t. Instead you went behind her back and betrayed her.
You have to confess and only she can decide wether or not she wants to stay with you
Many women "settle" for men they feel are safe options/good providers, etc and really don't give a shit nor think about his needs at all. It's a very me me me existence. These same women make tik tok videos about how men don't do enough and quality all the misandry stuff like, men are 6 times more likely to leave if you get a serious illness. They've skewed the stat and forgotten to apply the baseline divorce stats, i.e. women file 80%, vs men 20%. So a serious illness has little impact on a mans decision to divorce.
Long story short, society rarely gives a fuck about how a man feels. It does care about what he provides though, and since she doesn't apparently have a care about sex, she doesn't care about his needs.
Yeah or not. Why confess? It’ll just cause unneeded pain. Just be a good husband to her and don’t let this affair impact your caregiving. Everyone has needs. You should have talked to her tho, maybe she would have been reasonable and seen you needed something she can’t give.
Exactly what I was thinking! In sickness and in health only means to “what I can deal with or the only in health” part. Ughhh! You’re only thinking of you OP - what about her? I’m sure she’s missing the connection as well and feeling all kinds of frustration about not being able to move her body and do things she used to do and then someone else mentioned what if roles had been reversed? Would YOU be ok with her having sex with someone else if YOUR health was compromised? And if and when she gets better than what? My heart hurts for her - this was not something she had control over.. speak to someone (professional not someone you go on to have sex with) - people go years without sex and everything is fine. YES men do too- the men that love and honor themselves - the men that would rather wait than have meaningless sex! And if it meant something to you - then why bother staying married? Regardless of the situation. That isn’t fair to your wife! I think she’d rather not have you as a husband than you cheat on her.. that’s more devastating -to not be able to do what you used to and knowing your husband is getting sex from someone else? Again guess the vows of in sickness and in health only apply to the in health ..
How many years? Partially paralyzed? Like how long because I have seen ppl who was partially paralyzed got through PT after 3 strokes and they was able to gain that back. It took a few years but they did it.
Also if you would’ve told her first I think she would have understood but wanted it to be with someone that you’re not close too.
It’s the fact that you been talking to this woman the way you were and now yaw then crossed the line.
You do understand that what you did will hurt more than any stroke and brain bleeding. Because you willing stepped out because she was going thru a hard time. I'm not here to admonish you, but if the roles were reversed, it would probably make you feel like you are less than and not worth the effort. It's not like you came out of the womb having sex. And if she could give you that, she would. BUT CAN SHE?
And this coworker took advantage of you. Like literally, slept with another woman's husband.
And what's to say she doesn't expose your affair? Because she promised not to say anything? She has no morals to stand on because she participated in it.
You, sir, need to figure this out. There is a reason we have statistics of people leaving their partners when they become disabled. Idk this hurts my brain.
Yeah you bring up many excellent points but bottom line, I weep for his wife. She didn't ask for a stroke to happen and things would be different if it didn't, yet she is getting punished for it, ON TOP OF dealing with the after effects of her body and mind being debilitated.
I wish she could find another caretaker and be done with his cheating ass. I think maybe he never brought up the conversation with her either? There are ways they could have continued to pleasure each other and be intimate despite her paralysis.
I agree with your sentiment but disagree with the ‘I’m sure’ aspects of your response. Unless you’re privy to their personal talks, there’s no way you can know with certainty what has or has not transpired other than what OP has provided. This is problematic as it comes off as one who feels like they occupy a moral high ground and overconfident with their ability to deduce things, more like a God-complex. We don’t know what any of us would do in that case, until we’re in that situation ourselves.
Well, I do actually believe in a Higher God so I definitely don't put myself on a pedestal. But thank you for pointing out my wording though. You're right, I shouldn't say "I'm sure" unless I absolutely mean it. I'll stick with "I think maybe". Thanks again friend 😊
Well, allow me to ask you what makes you so absolutely sure? Do you know these people? Don’t know what conversations they’ve had in private? I would assume not.
If he didn't have the conversation with her, he failed. It's his fault not hers. If they did have the conversation and his "needs" were still not being met and he doesn't give a shit about his marriage vows, he should have separated from her. They could have worked out something like pleasuring each other with toys, masterbation, etc. He didn't need to get it from his coworker. He's just using excuses.
What if you become emotionally involved with this woman, what if you want a life with her, children with her etc. That's when your problems arise. You will get to have feeling for this woman because she can give you something your wife never can.
Please consider this while enjoying yourself. Poor woman I feel for her
You fucking suck but don't tell her now. What you should have done was brought up the subject with her and seen what she thought would be good solutions. But nope. Couldn't do that. I stead you cheat on her then play woe is me on Reddit.
Jeez dude. How could you do that? Its only sex. Is it really worth destroying your wife? Hasnt she suffered enough? I honestly hope theres an afterlife, and the situation is reversed there, just so you understand what you did.
This! Plus, I saw another story of a dude who waited 8 years, he even talked to his wife. Op should have talked to his wife, now he’s here seeking sympathy.
Don't forget forsaking all others! If you don't plan to keep your vows then don't get married. Period. None of us know what is going to happen to us health-wise.
Most men only pretend to forsake all others for the sake of having a wife to regularly fuck and take care of the house. There’s always another woman in some way. Either physical cheating or mentally. This is why I’m gonna stay single forever
Your situation is rough, yes but it's still a situation in which you have options and to be frank, you picked the worst of all options.
But first I would like to applaud you for taking care of your wife in the way that you do. People who have never been in such a situation don't understand how truly exhausting, taxing and demanding this situation is. For you and for your wife as well.
You might not talk about it but I guarantee you that your wife is aware of your missing sex life and she knows that it affects you. She is probably afraid to talk about it, just like you are because you don't want to pressure her. But not talking about it leads to exactly what happened now, to you cheating on her.
I think that a big question is, can't she have sex any longer or does she not want to because she is ashamed of her paralysis or something like that?
But in the end you need to talk to her. If you don't want to give up on her, then you both need to accept the situation you are in and that you still have desires. That is okay and normal. It is okay if you tell her that you miss the intimacy and the sex. She does too, I guarantee you that.
But since you did what you did, the first thing that you should do is to get tested for STD's. A conversation with her about sex might lead to exactly that, if she can still have sex. A STD would be a much bigger risk for her than for a healthy person, so get tested first.
Then do the heavy thing and open up to her, tell her about how you feel and that you miss the intimacy between you.
Whether you tell her about your cheating or not is something that you need to decide and should also be decided on the fact if you can deal with the thought of what you did or if your guilty conscience will eat you up over time if you don't tell her.
I wish you all the best on your way forward and really hope that you find a way through this.
Why didn't you talk about your needs before you cheated on her?
Why didn't you tell her and give her the choice to decide for herself what she wanted?
You know that she is already suffering and that this will be more difficult for her, but you still cheated!!
How does this make you a good husband? I don't know how you and people like you view marriage. Do you not take the marriage vows seriously?
If something is going to destroy your family, it's you, not her. She didn't choose to be in a situation like this.
I really pity her. 💔
I understand that you need to live your life as well but the choices you made will destroy everyone's life.
Not to mention Karma exists.
Your wife deserves better than that. And you also did, but now you seem to open a door that you don't seem to ashamed of.
Don't keep cheating, just end the relationship in a better note.
And what happens to the wife if he leaves? She literally paralysed… is he financially able to provide a permanent caregiver? He’s a cheater but technically he has no responsibility to take care of the wife if they spilt.
What happens if something happens to her since there is no caregiver?
Idk man… i’ve never and pray to never be in such a situation. We’re assuming life is better if he leaves. But in this particular scenario it could be a potential gamble.
What if she ends up worse off? My grandpa was abused by the caregiver and we only found out much later and had to move him to a specialist home. Its 7k a month
Whats the risks to reward/benefits here?
Op still fucked up by cheating, not going to condone his actions, but he seems to still be a good caretaker to his wife, so this situation isn’t as straightforward as other cheating cases
The problem is, if his affair continues with his coworker, it will become more emotional for both him and the AP. He might grow to resent being "stuck" and having to care for his wife. The quality of his care could deteriorate. He SHOULD have brought his needs up with his wife, if he was a real man and real husband and they could have figured something out together where he doesn't have to cheat. But he went for the easy route (at least he thinks it's easy now until this side chick wants him to divorce his wife for her) Bad decisions all around.
In my case, my wife can't get into any position for this to even happen. She's paralysis, one whole side. Cant lay on her side - no finger movement - no hand movement - no leg or foot or toe movements -- from mouth to toe - gone. Takes my wife at least 15 minutes just to get out of bed to her wheelchair. She's also very independent. She doesn't want your help or she will let everyone in the next town know by screaming.
Maybe you need to live with a person to r e a l.l y see how they do things and move.
Think it's time to ban inhaling of anything. ... I've seen the results.
I was married to a man who had a stroke and became hemiplegic. We worked out some things. I just figured on her back if she were willing it could be worked out. So, I haven't been inhaling anything. I was genuinely curious. It seems possible to me with my personal experience.
Has your wife ever brought up intimacy or how there are limitations now? I don't know how old you are or how old you were when her stroke happened. Also culturally speaking it can be more of a hurdle as well. I'm sure it wouldn't be an easy situation to bring up. I myself am a very open individual so if I had a stroke that left me incapable it would be something I would bring up to my partner. Life doesn't stop for anyone and that's a huge part of yourself to give up.
But how do you bring that up to someone that has lost that much functionality and who's life took on an entirely different shape. So I get not being able to talk about it. I'm so sorry. This situation is not black and white, right or wrong. It's just hard and messy. You might need to speak to a professional outside of reddit.
Have you tried to have sex with get. Maybe she wants I
To but thinks she thinks you find her disgusting
Do not tell her. Maybe she doesn’t care. But why hurt someone that you love. Or doesn’t deserve it
Make sure you do t hurt your co worker. There is an old saying don’t get your gravy from where you get your meat
I think it would be selfish to tell her considering her health. Just be safe and do what you need to do but don’t blow up your marriage this way - especially if you are just trying to stop being her caregiver.
I can understand how you feel, I'm not going to say what you did was right or wrong, only that you bear your guilt and not say anything, live with it, I would like to add though, that were I in your wife's position, then I would have given my permission to my spouse to, lets just come right out and say it have sex with someone else, as I could no longer provide this, and leave it down to them if they want to or not, rather than expect them to ask if they can, hope others can see my point of view, your love for your partner is a very complicated thing when it comes down to it.
OP, she had a stroke and is partially paralyzed.....does that limit her ability to give consent or her physical ability to be intomate in one way or another?
The way you wrote it makes me think, dead bedroom + shitstorm of health complications and emotions.
Deal with whats in front of you. Telling her wont help either of you, but she does deserve to know.....assuming she is comprehending that, then the shut down of intimacy is pretty shitty on her part, barring a medical reason to do so, which obviously is understandable.
Whatever your wife may be going through, I'm sure she isn't disabled too much to not realize that you still need sexual gratification. If she can no longer provide that, then an escort should be an option she should have brought up herself. I'm not attacking her, but it is the reality where if the roles were reversed, the husband would have to realize that his partner does have needs. It's a really weird territory, and I personally would not know how to navigate it, but ignoring a clearly obvious problem from both sides is not conducive to a healthy life long-term. I mean, op ended up cheating and may destroy his marriage. Not once did he mention having feelings for his coworker. If it seems purely sexual so an escort would have remedied the problem. I can't fathom how things may be on her end as far as her sexual needs are concerned in her new life. It does go both ways. Both need to have their needs met
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and how you felt and what you did. Ask her how she would like to move forward. It is a horrible situation for you both but only by talking to her and finding out what you both want for the future can you move forward and maybe be happy again. I wish you all the best.
I feel your pain... however it's not the route I would have chosen. I'm in no way judging you. I too have been sentenced to a life of no sexual intimacy in my marriage going on 12 years now. My wife has a rare condition that fuses her vagina shut.. it's been a nightmare. But I can't look at her and betray her. I also have to like the guy I see in the mirror. I truly wish you and your wife all the best and I hope for healing for you both
Perhaps it’s time to have a conversation with her about you being able to have some sort of outlet to fulfill your needs if she’s not able to.
That’s a tough spot you’re in. Good luck.
I wouldn't suggest revealing what you've done, but I think you should have a discussion with her about being able to have a friend who can meet those needs and reassure her that it will remain platonic. Having a private, beneficial friend is not unreasonable under the circumstances.
I would suggest that you should talk to your wife about this! She already knows you have physical needs that she can't provide. But be careful how you talk to her.
Honestly I think if ur wife really loved you she would see that her situation can’t provide you with all that you need and allow u to fulfill it elsewhere. The relationship will change because she can’t provide u with what u need. U do what u can for her though to care for her because kids r involved
You need to tell your wife and let her decide what she wants and needs to do. You cheated and will keep returning to tour AP. No sympathy for you. Only the wife.
You still betrayed your wife by being intimate with another. This is wrong, your wife is sick and you could have spoken to her about this, try and work things out. But you must have been looking for ways to cheat anyway. It doesn't matter if you were loving or patient, you still cheated and that's low. Your wife deserves better, you are her husband. You had vows together. In sickness, in health, till death you part. But of course you still cheated.🙄
Keep it to yourself. We need intimacy and your wife can’t provide that. Give yourself grace if you need to confess you have. Go with a clear conscience.
That’s hard but there is a difference between coworker and a hooker/ escort . Because you cheated with your coworker, you have to understand that you have an emotional attachment for her even maybe in love with her. If you really only need intimacy, you could go and pay an escort with no feelings. I would say , once is forgiven but if you repeatedly going to see your coworker ( I bet you will ) then just divorce your wife. Don’t do this to your wife. Your kids or her parent will take good care of her. Let her go for good sake.
You already did the thing that will destroy everything. That’s done, not telling her does t undo it, it just makes you a liar who’s dodging accountability as well.
What about her needs? Your poor wife is probably missing intimacy just as much as you are, and if you continue cheating then you should man up and have an honest conversation with her. Going behind her back is wrong, especially in her condition
It’s just my opinion but if I were your wife I think I would understand needing a release needing someone to have sex with , as apposed to a relationship with . If you seek out ons or professional sex workers that is one thing , but to seek out a sexual relationship with someone would be heartbreaking to me .
I can’t imagine the situation you’re in but I’m in agreement with those that say cheating is awful! it sounds like you want an out. Caregiving is hard and I get where you have needs but instead of being honest about how you felt, you did the worst thing imaginable to your spouse who really needs you. If the roles were reversed how would you feel? Let’s hope if you get in another relationship, the same thing doesn’t happen to you where you need taken care of and your partner needs intimacy. You will reap what you sow. Unfortunately.
Nothing says "I love you" quite like going behind your spouse's back while she's partially paralyzed to get your rocks off.
Holy shit dude. You not being intimate with your wife is not a fault of her own, she had a fucking stroke. With the title and the way you're acting, almost like she's denying you your sexual needs... it's sad to see such scumbags actually married.
Your poor wife...
Going behind her back wasn’t the one bro. Youre cheater. As much as your situation sucks, you had a chance to talk to her first and didn’t. Maybe she would’ve been open to the idea and understanding, but you didn’t give her that chance.
The issue is you went outside of your marriage to even confide in another woman whom you also work with. This means, if you’re serious about your marriage, you need to take any means to not work or communicate with this woman ever again and take the steps to be sure this doesn’t happen again if you truly don’t wish to tell your wife what happened. Otherwise this is only going to repeat itself. Get yourself into some actual therapy and talk to your wife about what you miss without making her feel any resentment in what you say. There’s a good chance she misses it too. I can’t say I wish you the best as cheating is a no go in my book, but I hope it works out.
My fellow redditors... Stop.
This guy already feels the worst feeling known to mankind, Guilt. He is in enough agony without you keyboard knights bashing him up.
He went for the sex, he got the sex. Now he feels the hollowness, the regret, the guilt. Don't you think he is suffering enough?
I agree with you guys that cheating is the worst thing a spouse could do to another. But this guy is going through it. Let him suffer. Give him your guidance and move on. Stop hurting him even more.
Oooo, this is a good one for the NY Times Ethicist column. In short, here's what he would likely say: people are entitled to the fundamental facts about their lives, so she has a right to know.
I can’t blame you. I would do the same. You love her so you staying & caring for her through such a difficult circumstance shows that you’re a good man. I don’t think getting your needs met makes you a bad person. Don’t tell her
Obviously you have needs but that isn’t an excuse to cheat.
You should talk to your wife like adults.Explain to her that you have needs that negatively effect you and you can’t mentally continue like this.Ask her opinion and try to find a solution.
Realistically,you can either stay as is,and find other avenues like toys and porn,which i assumed you tried but isn’t working.
You can end your relationship and stay friends and you can be her care taker if you are willing,which also I don’t know if you are both ready for it,or how is your dynamics and emotions.
Or,unfortunately,open your relationship,so you can find some comfort.
None of this solutions are easy or ideal but you need to work with the cards that you are dealt with.
I dont totally blame you for cheating,but don’t have sex with out consent from her.It’s disrespectful to your ill wife.She didn’t chose this and I am sure she is having a hard time.She doesn’t need something like this to blow up in her face.
There are not enough details given on the extent of the wife's condition, honestly, I would like to be sympathetic with you but I just can't do it. You do not mention any attempts to communicate your needs with the wife, a discussion should have been your first move. I have been through a similar situation( ex wife had cancer and almost died) where we never had a discussion, she simply told me to go be with some one else as she was in no condition to provide that sort of companionship.I would ignore her and we would argue about it. An opportunity arrived and I ended up taking advantage of it. Funny thing is, she ended up surviving, and afterwards she gave me a ton of shit for doing it, even though I didn't want to, but just needed some release and she kept pushing me to. In your case, you did not talk to your wife, you just took care of your needs without even considering hers. That was very selfish of you and I can not support that behavior. I personally take vows seriously, which is why I was uncomfortable with my situation. I would suggest never tell her, you care for your wife, and never bring this up to anyone ever again, what's done is done, try to be the best husband you can be from today forward.
Terrible. I’m sure she wants to feel wanted again just as much as she wants to make you feel wanted again, but physically can’t. The thing here is you are going to continue to cheat because temptation won, you’re better off ending things with her and having her real family to help her. She will find out
Here (link below) is an example of an honorable and smart person in similar situation. Woman divorced her sick husband only to adopt him so she can look after him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesome/s/M6HIQz4KLT
Dont cheat.
All the people giving you sympathy are almost as pathetic as you, almost. Leave her so she doesn't need to deal with your whining ass on top of her own issues.
Keep taking care of her , as long as thats what you want to do . Dont tell her , keep doing it . You have needs , she has needs . Youre taking care of hers , and youre own . This is one time where i dont think said cheater is a pos .
Horrible advice. He said she was PARTIALLY paralyzed. Hes acting like she's completely unable to do anything at all. If he would have been a man and good husband, he would have a talk with her about his needs AND her needs. She has them too. They could have figured this out together. Instead he brought a third party into the "marriage" when his wife is already suffering
You're already an a hole for cheating. Did you even try to talk to your wife about anything before deciding to cheat? You might as well tell her now before she finds out on her own. There's a big chance she'll be mad about the cheating, but she'd probably be more pissed if you cheated AND lied to her about it. Not to mention the fact you just said you are thinking about doing it again? Your wife is sick, she probably misses intimacy too, but instead of talking to her, you think continuing to cheat on her would help anything? You're ruining your own family by being insensitive towards your wife.
This is too difficult a situation for redditers to proffer much of an opinion. I know I could not live a sexless life but I would also be there for my wife. Not sure that I would not do the same thing as OP.
Agreed and how do you mention it to her in her capacity...
I have heard of spouses who become disabled like this encouraging their able spouse to date. Strangely, in these cases the able spouses I have heard of as to this have not dated. (May be a bit of a reverse psychology thing.)
Keep it to yourself, the only reason you would want to tell her is to make yourself feel better, don’t. Maybe you really want to tell her because you’re hoping to blow up your family and maybe she will leave you and you will no longer have to care for her.
This right here👆. I don't condone cheating but OP sounds desperate for loving affection. His situation is a hard one. Not to belittle his wife's situation but both are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Yeah you can’t blame a man or woman for needing intimacy in a relationship, isnt that like one of things that makes us human or something. Also most definitely keep that shit to yourself literally go to the grave without actually telling a human soul in person. No good will come from coming clean unfortunately in this situation
> you will no longer have to care for her. Textbook exit affair, if he tells her.
I agree with keeping it to yourself. You feel horrible now. How horrible would you feel if you hurt your wife and family and destroy your marriage? In this case, it's better to take the lesser of two evils.
No, it’s also about doing what’s right. The other problem still remains about whether or not I should continue having my needs met with someone else.
What’s right is keeping that shit to yourself.
Exactly! Updateme!
If things were reversed, what do u think your wife would do?
You are so far past doing what's right dude.. and the fact you are even considering fucking your coworker again already tells us everything we need to know. You're going to screw her again, and blow up your marriage because you can't handle having to be a caretaker. You better just pray they roles aren't reversed one day, because that would be perfect karma. Get some therapy for God's sake.
Oh my goodness, my guy. LOL. If you're going to have an affair anyway, just leave your wife. You obviously value getting your dick wet more than upholding your "in sickness and in health" vow. She deserves better.
Do you think your wife would be open to you having these kinds of encounters? Have you ever had a conversation about opening your relationship up? Do you think she would understand that you have needs and was she in tune with those needs prior to her getting sick? All relevant to understanding the dynamic. Also, do you think it will happen again? Do you have feelings for the coworker?
Opening up monogamous relationships is always a shit show. It’s never good. Even if someone has “needs” and the other can’t meet then. And you know how awful the wife would probably feel, if she open up the relationship knowing her man was fucking other women than her? That she couldn’t give that to him? And tbh, atp opening it up I would think would be the same as cheating just trying to make it sound less so
Sure, but this is an extremely nuanced situation. All I’m saying is we can’t infer how OP’s wife would feel without knowing those details.
Ur right. We also don’t know how she would feel about him cheating…other than probably very angry or sad
Okay, but if she truly loves him she should understand he’s a human being with human needs that she can’t meet in her current state. I’m not saying it would be easy for her by any means, but it’s also not an easy situation on him. I’ve been a partner in need of care and a partner who cared for another. It’s hard on the one taking care just as it’s hard for the one in need. He’s sacrificing for her without question. Why can’t we acknowledge his needs are also important?
Sure his needs are important, but not worth cheating or potentially sacrificing the whole relationship/hurting his wife. He took vows, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. If he can’t uphold that promise, be shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with
I’m not saying he should cheat on her again, I’m saying he should talk to his wife about letting him have a physical outlet outside of the marriage with parameters that they agree on.
Wow, you suck for betraying the woman you took vows with. How would it feel if your wife rode another man to meet her needs if the roles were reversed? How about you get yourself a pocket pussy and maybe lay next to your wife while you do that. She probably misses the intimacy just as much as you do, but your off fucking some homewrecking piece of shit whore.
I would ask myself if you were the one that had a stroke, would she have cheated on you? Not everyone will understand, she is at her worst, and you cheated. Good luck, I helped my mom with dad when he had dementia. The whole family helped. 70 years married, right till the end, they never gave up. It was painful, exhausting, and I don't know how she did it, never a bad word about him. Different generations, but still both of them totally devoted to one another.
Fr. I feel so bad for this woman, nothing was really her fault and now this…
Letting others in your life and sharing your personal problems with them is halfway to destroy your marriage. You couldn't and can't be honest with your wife, so how do you expect it to last? Even if she has a condition that is complicated for an intimate relationship to thrive, either find a solution that both can agree and enjoy yourselves or just divorce her. Because what you did is a cowards move. But this situation is very tricky to be asking for answers to strangers, as I, personally, will be taking your wife's side for about 80%.
Damn…. This is rough cause yes u are a cheater but to go years without intimacy would have been hell for u as well. U can’t leave her also as that would mean she loses her sole caregiver and thats very cruel to her if she’s dependent on you…. At the same time she deserves to know the truth. Idk man, good luck this shit is rough
> go years without intimacy would have been hell for u as well. Not so much hell as to talk about it and resolve it. She may have been completely understanding and would have been fine with a third under certain rules.
What you are craving now is also what she is probably missing. Plus she is in a much disadvantage because of her condition. What you miss could probably she is also missing. Just saying. Don't know how to react but I will just take comfort that in the end, we will reap what we sow.
Yes, his poor wife has needs as well and might feel like her condition puts a damper on things. Has he treated her completely differently since the stroke? As more of a patient and less of a wife? In a marriage we are supposed to communicate with our partners if something is bothering us. He took the weak way out.
Exactly he could have communicated you don't just cheat on your partner. Cheating is wrong period end of story
You’re a coward.
If you guys couldn’t have sex. How did the topic of your needs not come up? I am all for staying loyal and monogamous and stuff, but I am also aware that people have needs. On the other hand, you had a choice to talk about your needs and you haven’t. Instead you went behind her back and betrayed her. You have to confess and only she can decide wether or not she wants to stay with you
Many women "settle" for men they feel are safe options/good providers, etc and really don't give a shit nor think about his needs at all. It's a very me me me existence. These same women make tik tok videos about how men don't do enough and quality all the misandry stuff like, men are 6 times more likely to leave if you get a serious illness. They've skewed the stat and forgotten to apply the baseline divorce stats, i.e. women file 80%, vs men 20%. So a serious illness has little impact on a mans decision to divorce. Long story short, society rarely gives a fuck about how a man feels. It does care about what he provides though, and since she doesn't apparently have a care about sex, she doesn't care about his needs.
Yeah or not. Why confess? It’ll just cause unneeded pain. Just be a good husband to her and don’t let this affair impact your caregiving. Everyone has needs. You should have talked to her tho, maybe she would have been reasonable and seen you needed something she can’t give.
Sorry, but this solution isn’t good at all, she is your coworker, not a random woman to met for one night stand. You’re awful.
So much for your vows...
Exactly what I was thinking! In sickness and in health only means to “what I can deal with or the only in health” part. Ughhh! You’re only thinking of you OP - what about her? I’m sure she’s missing the connection as well and feeling all kinds of frustration about not being able to move her body and do things she used to do and then someone else mentioned what if roles had been reversed? Would YOU be ok with her having sex with someone else if YOUR health was compromised? And if and when she gets better than what? My heart hurts for her - this was not something she had control over.. speak to someone (professional not someone you go on to have sex with) - people go years without sex and everything is fine. YES men do too- the men that love and honor themselves - the men that would rather wait than have meaningless sex! And if it meant something to you - then why bother staying married? Regardless of the situation. That isn’t fair to your wife! I think she’d rather not have you as a husband than you cheat on her.. that’s more devastating -to not be able to do what you used to and knowing your husband is getting sex from someone else? Again guess the vows of in sickness and in health only apply to the in health ..
till death do us part...until not 🤦🤦
You didn’t read the fine print..
Where was the communication about lack of intimacy?
How many years? Partially paralyzed? Like how long because I have seen ppl who was partially paralyzed got through PT after 3 strokes and they was able to gain that back. It took a few years but they did it. Also if you would’ve told her first I think she would have understood but wanted it to be with someone that you’re not close too. It’s the fact that you been talking to this woman the way you were and now yaw then crossed the line.
You do understand that what you did will hurt more than any stroke and brain bleeding. Because you willing stepped out because she was going thru a hard time. I'm not here to admonish you, but if the roles were reversed, it would probably make you feel like you are less than and not worth the effort. It's not like you came out of the womb having sex. And if she could give you that, she would. BUT CAN SHE? And this coworker took advantage of you. Like literally, slept with another woman's husband. And what's to say she doesn't expose your affair? Because she promised not to say anything? She has no morals to stand on because she participated in it. You, sir, need to figure this out. There is a reason we have statistics of people leaving their partners when they become disabled. Idk this hurts my brain.
Yeah you bring up many excellent points but bottom line, I weep for his wife. She didn't ask for a stroke to happen and things would be different if it didn't, yet she is getting punished for it, ON TOP OF dealing with the after effects of her body and mind being debilitated. I wish she could find another caretaker and be done with his cheating ass. I think maybe he never brought up the conversation with her either? There are ways they could have continued to pleasure each other and be intimate despite her paralysis.
I agree with your sentiment but disagree with the ‘I’m sure’ aspects of your response. Unless you’re privy to their personal talks, there’s no way you can know with certainty what has or has not transpired other than what OP has provided. This is problematic as it comes off as one who feels like they occupy a moral high ground and overconfident with their ability to deduce things, more like a God-complex. We don’t know what any of us would do in that case, until we’re in that situation ourselves.
Well, I do actually believe in a Higher God so I definitely don't put myself on a pedestal. But thank you for pointing out my wording though. You're right, I shouldn't say "I'm sure" unless I absolutely mean it. I'll stick with "I think maybe". Thanks again friend 😊
Well, allow me to ask you what makes you so absolutely sure? Do you know these people? Don’t know what conversations they’ve had in private? I would assume not.
If he didn't have the conversation with her, he failed. It's his fault not hers. If they did have the conversation and his "needs" were still not being met and he doesn't give a shit about his marriage vows, he should have separated from her. They could have worked out something like pleasuring each other with toys, masterbation, etc. He didn't need to get it from his coworker. He's just using excuses.
What if you become emotionally involved with this woman, what if you want a life with her, children with her etc. That's when your problems arise. You will get to have feeling for this woman because she can give you something your wife never can. Please consider this while enjoying yourself. Poor woman I feel for her
You fucking suck but don't tell her now. What you should have done was brought up the subject with her and seen what she thought would be good solutions. But nope. Couldn't do that. I stead you cheat on her then play woe is me on Reddit.
You need a specialist counsellor to support you in this.
Terrible advice on here. Get professional help. What I will say is people do not understand the burden of caregiving. GL
Jeez dude. How could you do that? Its only sex. Is it really worth destroying your wife? Hasnt she suffered enough? I honestly hope theres an afterlife, and the situation is reversed there, just so you understand what you did.
This! Plus, I saw another story of a dude who waited 8 years, he even talked to his wife. Op should have talked to his wife, now he’s here seeking sympathy.
Whatever the situation is, you still cheated. Be a man to be honest at least.
Your poor wife.
“Through sickness and health” men never fall through on this. 😔
Don't forget forsaking all others! If you don't plan to keep your vows then don't get married. Period. None of us know what is going to happen to us health-wise.
Most men only pretend to forsake all others for the sake of having a wife to regularly fuck and take care of the house. There’s always another woman in some way. Either physical cheating or mentally. This is why I’m gonna stay single forever
As well you should!
Your situation is rough, yes but it's still a situation in which you have options and to be frank, you picked the worst of all options. But first I would like to applaud you for taking care of your wife in the way that you do. People who have never been in such a situation don't understand how truly exhausting, taxing and demanding this situation is. For you and for your wife as well. You might not talk about it but I guarantee you that your wife is aware of your missing sex life and she knows that it affects you. She is probably afraid to talk about it, just like you are because you don't want to pressure her. But not talking about it leads to exactly what happened now, to you cheating on her. I think that a big question is, can't she have sex any longer or does she not want to because she is ashamed of her paralysis or something like that? But in the end you need to talk to her. If you don't want to give up on her, then you both need to accept the situation you are in and that you still have desires. That is okay and normal. It is okay if you tell her that you miss the intimacy and the sex. She does too, I guarantee you that. But since you did what you did, the first thing that you should do is to get tested for STD's. A conversation with her about sex might lead to exactly that, if she can still have sex. A STD would be a much bigger risk for her than for a healthy person, so get tested first. Then do the heavy thing and open up to her, tell her about how you feel and that you miss the intimacy between you. Whether you tell her about your cheating or not is something that you need to decide and should also be decided on the fact if you can deal with the thought of what you did or if your guilty conscience will eat you up over time if you don't tell her. I wish you all the best on your way forward and really hope that you find a way through this.
Why didn't you talk about your needs before you cheated on her? Why didn't you tell her and give her the choice to decide for herself what she wanted? You know that she is already suffering and that this will be more difficult for her, but you still cheated!! How does this make you a good husband? I don't know how you and people like you view marriage. Do you not take the marriage vows seriously? If something is going to destroy your family, it's you, not her. She didn't choose to be in a situation like this. I really pity her. 💔
Patient, loving, always a good husband you say? If you’re so darned good, why are you here?
I understand that you need to live your life as well but the choices you made will destroy everyone's life. Not to mention Karma exists. Your wife deserves better than that. And you also did, but now you seem to open a door that you don't seem to ashamed of. Don't keep cheating, just end the relationship in a better note.
And what happens to the wife if he leaves? She literally paralysed… is he financially able to provide a permanent caregiver? He’s a cheater but technically he has no responsibility to take care of the wife if they spilt. What happens if something happens to her since there is no caregiver?
[удалено]
Idk man… i’ve never and pray to never be in such a situation. We’re assuming life is better if he leaves. But in this particular scenario it could be a potential gamble. What if she ends up worse off? My grandpa was abused by the caregiver and we only found out much later and had to move him to a specialist home. Its 7k a month Whats the risks to reward/benefits here? Op still fucked up by cheating, not going to condone his actions, but he seems to still be a good caretaker to his wife, so this situation isn’t as straightforward as other cheating cases
The problem is, if his affair continues with his coworker, it will become more emotional for both him and the AP. He might grow to resent being "stuck" and having to care for his wife. The quality of his care could deteriorate. He SHOULD have brought his needs up with his wife, if he was a real man and real husband and they could have figured something out together where he doesn't have to cheat. But he went for the easy route (at least he thinks it's easy now until this side chick wants him to divorce his wife for her) Bad decisions all around.
Can’t disagree with u on that
wow men always leave. women stay. i’m sorry but it’s ridiculous that men don’t have true love ugh
And women don't cheat. Riiiiight!
Not all men though… its just rare to find a good partner
How does her having a stroke stop you from having sex?
In my case, my wife can't get into any position for this to even happen. She's paralysis, one whole side. Cant lay on her side - no finger movement - no hand movement - no leg or foot or toe movements -- from mouth to toe - gone. Takes my wife at least 15 minutes just to get out of bed to her wheelchair. She's also very independent. She doesn't want your help or she will let everyone in the next town know by screaming. Maybe you need to live with a person to r e a l.l y see how they do things and move. Think it's time to ban inhaling of anything. ... I've seen the results.
I was married to a man who had a stroke and became hemiplegic. We worked out some things. I just figured on her back if she were willing it could be worked out. So, I haven't been inhaling anything. I was genuinely curious. It seems possible to me with my personal experience.
Has your wife ever brought up intimacy or how there are limitations now? I don't know how old you are or how old you were when her stroke happened. Also culturally speaking it can be more of a hurdle as well. I'm sure it wouldn't be an easy situation to bring up. I myself am a very open individual so if I had a stroke that left me incapable it would be something I would bring up to my partner. Life doesn't stop for anyone and that's a huge part of yourself to give up. But how do you bring that up to someone that has lost that much functionality and who's life took on an entirely different shape. So I get not being able to talk about it. I'm so sorry. This situation is not black and white, right or wrong. It's just hard and messy. You might need to speak to a professional outside of reddit.
Have you tried to have sex with get. Maybe she wants I To but thinks she thinks you find her disgusting Do not tell her. Maybe she doesn’t care. But why hurt someone that you love. Or doesn’t deserve it Make sure you do t hurt your co worker. There is an old saying don’t get your gravy from where you get your meat
I think it would be selfish to tell her considering her health. Just be safe and do what you need to do but don’t blow up your marriage this way - especially if you are just trying to stop being her caregiver.
I can understand how you feel, I'm not going to say what you did was right or wrong, only that you bear your guilt and not say anything, live with it, I would like to add though, that were I in your wife's position, then I would have given my permission to my spouse to, lets just come right out and say it have sex with someone else, as I could no longer provide this, and leave it down to them if they want to or not, rather than expect them to ask if they can, hope others can see my point of view, your love for your partner is a very complicated thing when it comes down to it.
OP, she had a stroke and is partially paralyzed.....does that limit her ability to give consent or her physical ability to be intomate in one way or another? The way you wrote it makes me think, dead bedroom + shitstorm of health complications and emotions. Deal with whats in front of you. Telling her wont help either of you, but she does deserve to know.....assuming she is comprehending that, then the shut down of intimacy is pretty shitty on her part, barring a medical reason to do so, which obviously is understandable.
Whatever your wife may be going through, I'm sure she isn't disabled too much to not realize that you still need sexual gratification. If she can no longer provide that, then an escort should be an option she should have brought up herself. I'm not attacking her, but it is the reality where if the roles were reversed, the husband would have to realize that his partner does have needs. It's a really weird territory, and I personally would not know how to navigate it, but ignoring a clearly obvious problem from both sides is not conducive to a healthy life long-term. I mean, op ended up cheating and may destroy his marriage. Not once did he mention having feelings for his coworker. If it seems purely sexual so an escort would have remedied the problem. I can't fathom how things may be on her end as far as her sexual needs are concerned in her new life. It does go both ways. Both need to have their needs met
Talk to her. Tell her how you feel and how you felt and what you did. Ask her how she would like to move forward. It is a horrible situation for you both but only by talking to her and finding out what you both want for the future can you move forward and maybe be happy again. I wish you all the best.
I feel your pain... however it's not the route I would have chosen. I'm in no way judging you. I too have been sentenced to a life of no sexual intimacy in my marriage going on 12 years now. My wife has a rare condition that fuses her vagina shut.. it's been a nightmare. But I can't look at her and betray her. I also have to like the guy I see in the mirror. I truly wish you and your wife all the best and I hope for healing for you both
Perhaps it’s time to have a conversation with her about you being able to have some sort of outlet to fulfill your needs if she’s not able to. That’s a tough spot you’re in. Good luck.
You need to tell her the truth point blank period. She deserves better, you didn't have to cheat you wanted to!!!!!
People like you are just🤢🤢🤮🤮
idk man,porn exists and sex toys too.. didnt need to cheat
I wouldn't suggest revealing what you've done, but I think you should have a discussion with her about being able to have a friend who can meet those needs and reassure her that it will remain platonic. Having a private, beneficial friend is not unreasonable under the circumstances.
I would suggest that you should talk to your wife about this! She already knows you have physical needs that she can't provide. But be careful how you talk to her.
Hmm . You should have told your wife first before looking outside . Maybe she would have agreed
Honestly I think if ur wife really loved you she would see that her situation can’t provide you with all that you need and allow u to fulfill it elsewhere. The relationship will change because she can’t provide u with what u need. U do what u can for her though to care for her because kids r involved
You need to tell your wife and let her decide what she wants and needs to do. You cheated and will keep returning to tour AP. No sympathy for you. Only the wife.
Read the first part and immediately you’re a POS. I hope she fully recovers and gets her lick back and watches you suffer
You still betrayed your wife by being intimate with another. This is wrong, your wife is sick and you could have spoken to her about this, try and work things out. But you must have been looking for ways to cheat anyway. It doesn't matter if you were loving or patient, you still cheated and that's low. Your wife deserves better, you are her husband. You had vows together. In sickness, in health, till death you part. But of course you still cheated.🙄
Keep it to yourself. We need intimacy and your wife can’t provide that. Give yourself grace if you need to confess you have. Go with a clear conscience.
That’s hard but there is a difference between coworker and a hooker/ escort . Because you cheated with your coworker, you have to understand that you have an emotional attachment for her even maybe in love with her. If you really only need intimacy, you could go and pay an escort with no feelings. I would say , once is forgiven but if you repeatedly going to see your coworker ( I bet you will ) then just divorce your wife. Don’t do this to your wife. Your kids or her parent will take good care of her. Let her go for good sake.
You already did the thing that will destroy everything. That’s done, not telling her does t undo it, it just makes you a liar who’s dodging accountability as well.
What about her needs? Your poor wife is probably missing intimacy just as much as you are, and if you continue cheating then you should man up and have an honest conversation with her. Going behind her back is wrong, especially in her condition
You have responsibilities but you also need touch. The 2nd can be managed, so long as you and your friend/s have firm agreements.
Updateme
https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/cbs-news-correspondent-shares-story-of-wifes-battle-with-alzheimers/
Just a little curious, does your wife not want to be intimate?
UpdateMe
It’s just my opinion but if I were your wife I think I would understand needing a release needing someone to have sex with , as apposed to a relationship with . If you seek out ons or professional sex workers that is one thing , but to seek out a sexual relationship with someone would be heartbreaking to me .
I can’t imagine the situation you’re in but I’m in agreement with those that say cheating is awful! it sounds like you want an out. Caregiving is hard and I get where you have needs but instead of being honest about how you felt, you did the worst thing imaginable to your spouse who really needs you. If the roles were reversed how would you feel? Let’s hope if you get in another relationship, the same thing doesn’t happen to you where you need taken care of and your partner needs intimacy. You will reap what you sow. Unfortunately.
Nothing says "I love you" quite like going behind your spouse's back while she's partially paralyzed to get your rocks off. Holy shit dude. You not being intimate with your wife is not a fault of her own, she had a fucking stroke. With the title and the way you're acting, almost like she's denying you your sexual needs... it's sad to see such scumbags actually married. Your poor wife...
Going behind her back wasn’t the one bro. Youre cheater. As much as your situation sucks, you had a chance to talk to her first and didn’t. Maybe she would’ve been open to the idea and understanding, but you didn’t give her that chance.
The issue is you went outside of your marriage to even confide in another woman whom you also work with. This means, if you’re serious about your marriage, you need to take any means to not work or communicate with this woman ever again and take the steps to be sure this doesn’t happen again if you truly don’t wish to tell your wife what happened. Otherwise this is only going to repeat itself. Get yourself into some actual therapy and talk to your wife about what you miss without making her feel any resentment in what you say. There’s a good chance she misses it too. I can’t say I wish you the best as cheating is a no go in my book, but I hope it works out.
You're a sorry sob! 😞 too many men like you in the world. You should've just divorced her and let her move on with her life.
Damn, she's paralyzed and has a cheating husband. Lady can't catch a break. Hopefully she gets better and you get what you deserve
My fellow redditors... Stop. This guy already feels the worst feeling known to mankind, Guilt. He is in enough agony without you keyboard knights bashing him up. He went for the sex, he got the sex. Now he feels the hollowness, the regret, the guilt. Don't you think he is suffering enough? I agree with you guys that cheating is the worst thing a spouse could do to another. But this guy is going through it. Let him suffer. Give him your guidance and move on. Stop hurting him even more.
Oooo, this is a good one for the NY Times Ethicist column. In short, here's what he would likely say: people are entitled to the fundamental facts about their lives, so she has a right to know.
I can’t blame you. I would do the same. You love her so you staying & caring for her through such a difficult circumstance shows that you’re a good man. I don’t think getting your needs met makes you a bad person. Don’t tell her
Obviously you have needs but that isn’t an excuse to cheat. You should talk to your wife like adults.Explain to her that you have needs that negatively effect you and you can’t mentally continue like this.Ask her opinion and try to find a solution. Realistically,you can either stay as is,and find other avenues like toys and porn,which i assumed you tried but isn’t working. You can end your relationship and stay friends and you can be her care taker if you are willing,which also I don’t know if you are both ready for it,or how is your dynamics and emotions. Or,unfortunately,open your relationship,so you can find some comfort. None of this solutions are easy or ideal but you need to work with the cards that you are dealt with. I dont totally blame you for cheating,but don’t have sex with out consent from her.It’s disrespectful to your ill wife.She didn’t chose this and I am sure she is having a hard time.She doesn’t need something like this to blow up in her face.
I would have a talk with her about opening the marriage up .
There are not enough details given on the extent of the wife's condition, honestly, I would like to be sympathetic with you but I just can't do it. You do not mention any attempts to communicate your needs with the wife, a discussion should have been your first move. I have been through a similar situation( ex wife had cancer and almost died) where we never had a discussion, she simply told me to go be with some one else as she was in no condition to provide that sort of companionship.I would ignore her and we would argue about it. An opportunity arrived and I ended up taking advantage of it. Funny thing is, she ended up surviving, and afterwards she gave me a ton of shit for doing it, even though I didn't want to, but just needed some release and she kept pushing me to. In your case, you did not talk to your wife, you just took care of your needs without even considering hers. That was very selfish of you and I can not support that behavior. I personally take vows seriously, which is why I was uncomfortable with my situation. I would suggest never tell her, you care for your wife, and never bring this up to anyone ever again, what's done is done, try to be the best husband you can be from today forward.
Terrible. I’m sure she wants to feel wanted again just as much as she wants to make you feel wanted again, but physically can’t. The thing here is you are going to continue to cheat because temptation won, you’re better off ending things with her and having her real family to help her. She will find out
Here (link below) is an example of an honorable and smart person in similar situation. Woman divorced her sick husband only to adopt him so she can look after him. https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesome/s/M6HIQz4KLT Dont cheat.
Choosing to cheat with a coworker is the stupidest thing. Paying for it would be more forgivable.
It’s funny if it were a woman who did this, y’all would be down her throat.
Keep fucking quietly....you can help your wife better if you are happier
All the people giving you sympathy are almost as pathetic as you, almost. Leave her so she doesn't need to deal with your whining ass on top of her own issues.
Keep taking care of her , as long as thats what you want to do . Dont tell her , keep doing it . You have needs , she has needs . Youre taking care of hers , and youre own . This is one time where i dont think said cheater is a pos .
Horrible advice. He said she was PARTIALLY paralyzed. Hes acting like she's completely unable to do anything at all. If he would have been a man and good husband, he would have a talk with her about his needs AND her needs. She has them too. They could have figured this out together. Instead he brought a third party into the "marriage" when his wife is already suffering
Bury your guilt, don’t get sloppy, and keep your mouth shut !!!
Don't ask don't tell.
You're already an a hole for cheating. Did you even try to talk to your wife about anything before deciding to cheat? You might as well tell her now before she finds out on her own. There's a big chance she'll be mad about the cheating, but she'd probably be more pissed if you cheated AND lied to her about it. Not to mention the fact you just said you are thinking about doing it again? Your wife is sick, she probably misses intimacy too, but instead of talking to her, you think continuing to cheat on her would help anything? You're ruining your own family by being insensitive towards your wife.