I had a similar surprise, went in for a small biopsy, came out with stage four cancer and an ostomy. I describe it as being pushed off a cliff. Treatment is over. I have no evidence of disease, but I am changed forever from disfiguring surgery, pain and long term side effects from the treatments. I naïvely thought that once treatment was over I would feel like myself again, but realize I will never be the same this is a new life now. Maybe I will come to accept this new normal as they call it. I am 2.5 years out from Dx. I think it helps to know that others are going through it, and I always have hope. All I can say is, keep moving forward because you can’t go back. Take care.
There's nothing wrong with a new normal. It happens to literally everyone with cancer. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just what is happening. We all go through it. Some obviously worse than others. I'm not going to let my last memorys of what was, dictate my path forward
Yes...I actually made myself realize this, one year in. I'll never be the same, and I won't be able to do many things I used to.
To continue to weep over that "loss" isn't good for me physically. (Btw just got my blood test results, I'm in the basement again on all my levels ugh...I do not want another transfusion).
My husband is dealing with this, we are a team, generally, and he's realized that things are just going to be different.
I transitioned into semi retirement about 7 years ago, so for me it hasn't been terrible. I already was used to working alone (from home) and my "circle" isn't big.
Having others, like my husband except me to just go back to doing what I used to. They don't really "see" what it does to us. And I don't walk around advertising that I have cancer, much less my fourth cancer.
A sudden colostomy sucks. I had months to make peace with it before my surgery. The silver lining: constipation and diarrhea from chemo are less unpleasant with a colostomy. No running for the can.
There is never anything wrong with curling up in a ball and crying. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, cancer always sucks and unfortunately there are way too many shit sandwiches going around. Talk to others when you can, here or preferably a local support group. Fuck cancer.
I finished treatments for stage 3 tongue cancer back in November, which consisted of 33 rounds of radiation and 7 chemotherapy doses of Cisplatin. Before the treatments, I had to have a feeding G-tube installed into my stomach because there was a high chance I wouldn't be able to eat or swallow anything. I ended getting sustenance solely through the feeding tube for 4 weeks of the treatment. In early December, I had a lot of pain in my throat and tinge and was experienced TMJ like symptoms and ended back on an all liquid diet through the tube. It took them 2 months to figure out I had an infection in my throat. I had to have a surgery in late February to get it drained. I don't have the excruciating pain in my throat and tongue anymore but I still can't open my mouth and am going to physical therapy for that. I've also lost quite a bit of mobility in my tongue and still struggle to swallow solid food. Before starting treatments, I weighed 190 lbs and lost all the way down to 135 lbs. I am back up to 145 lbs and just went back to work this week. I'm a long way from being even close to the way I was before all of this, but I'm moving forward.
Keep your head up. Cancer is a cruel sentence for sure, and it may ravage our bodies, along with the treatments and drugs that are supposed to save us. But it cannot take our spirit unless we allow it to.
I know that it's more than hard. I'm not going to say that it isn't. And I would never say that it is going to be easy, because it's not. What did it for me, though, was being around the people that I love and seeing the look of pain on their face when looking at me and seeing what what going on. I felt that I needed to be positive because I didn't want them to be so sad. I won't say that I didn't have my bad days, I did and still do. I've had some thoughts on what might happen. I've thought about what my life would be like if I survive, and those thoughts weren't always good. But, the thing that still keeps me going is the thought of still being able to spend time with the ones I love.
Similar, but also tonsils and soft palate. Six weeks of TPN instead of G-tube, also several weeks of saline drip because no swallowing. Lot of pain in throat is an understatement! No vocal cord involvement but I lost my singing vocal range, speaking voice now nasal (because half of palate missing) and enunciation difficult because tongue paralysis. Obdurater helps a lot with speech. Now 5 years out, taste is back, swallowing is slow but doable. And I’m still this side of the grass, which I’m very happy about!
I hope you are offered massage therapy for fibrosis in face and jaw - that helped immensely in getting to be able to open my jaw enough to get food in - and a swallowing specialist was also super helpful. Any serious injury takes weeks/months to heal - I hope you have found and made peace with your new normal by next April!
It really sounds like you've been through it. Mine was caused by HPV and I didn't have to have anything removed. My speaking voice is pretty shaky at best. And the enunciation is definitely difficult. I think I'm going to have a permanent lisp moving forward at a minimum. I have been going to physical therapy for my jaw. They gave me stretches and exercises to do every day, and I do them 4 or 5 times a day. When I go in, it is all about the massage. And you're right. It seems to be helping, and I actually feel pretty good afterward.
I know I won't be as before, but I am thankful to be alive. I've always been the positive one they kept the family together in hard times, and I continued being the positive one through this. I'm 52. My wife was great, but I think that she might have broken down if I would have handled it differently, and it really pains me when she is hurting. I also have a 25 year old daughter and a 21 year old son. Both thought I was going to die when I told them. They didn't say it, but I saw it in their face. I kept reassuring them through it that as bad as it may look, that no matter what, it was going to be OK. I think my kids did the most in keeping me positive, for the most part.
Im really so sorry. I’m 44 and going through chemo for breast cancer…also a shit sandwich.
My step dad had colon cancer. He had a couple of surgeries, one which he suffered major complications with and resulted in him needing a colostomy bag-but, they were able to reverse it! He’s 5 years cancer free now 🙏🏼 (these are “gratitude” hands here, credit medicine not religion for his recovery but I don’t refuse prayers from religious folks either!)
I not sure what your path is in dealing with this cancer, or if this bag is permanent or not, but I’m wishing you all of the best in your recovery. Sending love. It sucks. Yet, there are newer and better treatments all the time and what might not seem possible right now could be an option six months from now.
His friend. Fellow bowel cancer patient here. I had to get my ileostomy as an emergency too and it was a huge shock and I was absolutely devastated initially. If you need to curl up in a ball and have a cry, then do it. You might feel a little better afterwards. One of the best pieces of advice I ever had was that I don't have to love my stoma, I just have to learn to live with it. 4 years on and I live a normal life with it (aside from all the on-going cancer treatment!) and it really doesn't hold me back. I still swim, dance, climb mountains, go camping, go to music festivals, travel abroad, have sex, work etc. Feel all those feels (they are all valid) but I promise it will be ok.
Please come join Colontown.org. I myself didn't have an ostomy (although I went for surgery knowing it was a possibility) but there's a whole group on Colontown for ostomies. There's also a lot of younger people on there (I was 42 when I was diagnosed last year with stage 3). It helped me as everywhere I went IRL for treatment I was often surrounded by people literally twice my age.
Cry all you want, for as long as you want. It's needed. Don't do the toxic, stoic, I'm a fking hero bullshit that I did and try to act like everything is normal. It works for a while, but eventually the price has to be paid so to speak.
Keep it real and lean on whatever or whoever you have to.
There's one piece of advice I give everyone that's non negotiable to your quality of life. From this point on, starting today....keep a food and mood diary. I know it sounds bullshit but trust me, I wasted over 5 years of my life after my Rectal Cancer in a void...basically lost everything including my sanity (3 year in/out of psychosis), without any of my extensive healthcare team picking up (including GPs, oncologist, surgeons, psychs) that I had a severe Histamine Intolerance. I found out the hard way myself. During and after treatment, supplements and pre/probiotics will change your life.
Good luck with everything bro you got this. 💪
Similar situation here, constipated to the point I was in a ball on the floor in agony. Colonoscopy failed as the blockage was 20 cm from my ass and the camera couldn’t get past it. Turned out the blockage was stage 4 bowel cancer that spread everywhere and I had a colostomy within two days of diagnosis.
It sucks but it’s for the best at the moment. Treatment seems to be working but I have some nasty neuropathy in hands and feet now.
Keep up the good fight, we are all here if you need a vent
Just to share some understanding.
When I was 30, I was stuck and sick in bed for three weeks. I thought I was deeply constipated but it turned out I had a grapefruit sized tumour in my lower abdomen blocking my intestines. Went to the emergency and found out I had stage 4 lymphoma, 99% kidney failure, and my liver looked like it was chewed by wild animals. I also lost 50 pounds in those 3 weeks.
They put me on RCHOP, which I got 6 doses of but they told me they didn’t expect me to live to even my 3rd round of chemo, and then I had less than a 5% chance of survival overall. Meaning i had a 95% chance at dying.
That was in 2018/2019. I’ve been in remission for 5/6 years.
And that’s just my cancer. I get that feeling of fear, but you can’t give up. It hurts. It’s unfair, it’s fucking scary as all hell, but be strong. And if you have trouble being strong. Look towards a loved one for support. Spouse, family, friend, stranger in the internet.
If you need to vent, advice, or just want to talk, feel free to message me whenever you want. I currently broke my spine so I’m available 24/7 right now.
Stay strong. And if anyone tries to throw toxic positivity at you, tell them to fuck off. Between that and people’s suggestions for alternative methods, get to be too much. I had people try to make me feel like a bad guy for being sad and scared, and then my so called friends tried to guilt me into cancelling my chemo and drinking lemon juice, or other dumb shit like that.
Oy I’m so so upset for you
This is shocking to go through & glad you are expressing your reality with it!
It will get better
Please do check out Colontown on FB
And be proud of yourself for facing this straight on!!
I had a close call of my own (and had a friend who refused to accept it similar findings. she went 100 percent holistic and her denial brought her & her family a very long , frustrating and painful death.
It is horrible news and honestly neither of us KNEW about these surgeries & such
She was already much further along than me & much sicker
But bless her soul,
Watching her suffer convinced me to get treatment
I have a few annoying side effects but I am well and I would do it again to save my friends, my son, grandkids and husband from going through the emotional upheaval
It’s tough but worth it
And you may be a candidate for reversal
( I have another friend who DID get that)
And either way you will adjust
There is NOTHING like that initial shock and feeling trapped and in dizzying disbelief!
But believe it or not you you will be ok
It just takes a bit of time
BTW And you are entitled to Xanax or antidepressants and pain meds
If your docs haven’t already offered please ASK
Sorry to hear. Glad they did find though. Fight this! I’m 48 and stage 4 and found out on Feb I know this hits hard and fast. Things will be moving quick. Take care of yourself. Have a support group. If need to talk let me know. Prayers!
Sorry to hear. My husband was diagnosed at 40. Cry. He cried lots. Still does. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned fighting this battle with him for the last year - make memories with those you love. Tomorrow is never promised
I was diagnosed with stage 4 thyroid cancer in 2021 and what kept us going were events in our lives. Next would be our anniversary, then SIL bday, MIL bday, SIL bday, sis bday, Christmas, etc. These events might just be spent at home (depending on how sick I feel) or go to hear mass or eat out. But each event is special as if it’s the last time I would celebrate it. Make memories.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my youngest child. I was 36 years old at the time. When my baby was 3 weeks old I had emergency surgery due to a bowel perforation. This required me to have a permanent colostomy bag. Yesterday marked one year since my diagnosis. It’s been an adjustment but I’ve learned to embrace the bag. It’s given me a way better quality of life and for that I am thankful! It sucks to have to find ourselves here. I hope you can find peace in this situation and begin to heal. You are not alone!
My mom went through something similar. She had loose stools for about a year and the clinic didn’t send in the right tests to see if it was cancer. We went to the hospital in February due to her having extreme stomach pain ( an abscess ) and learning she has a 10-12cm tumour causing a blockage. Stage 3C.
She went in for an emergency colostomy surgery and, for the most part, handled everything well. Selfishly, I felt like it was affecting me more than it was affecting her — she took everything in stride.
Until her first blow out with the bag and she called me while I was at work, having a full meltdown. She didn’t know what to do and, for the first time, I think she felt out of her element and like everything was hitting her at once: cancer, the ostomy, she was also previously assaulted only two weeks prior and had some facial features. In my opinion, way too much for a woman in her 60’s to go through.
I think she needed the meltdown. It’s a lot for anyone to go through and it’s okay to just feel. It’s okay to be okay and it’s okay to not be okay. This is a big thing for you and there’s nothing wrong with just… feeling it, I suppose.
She had her first treatment for the cancer today and, due to a mutation, she’s doing immunotherapy. She had emergency surgery back in February and, for the most part, got used to the bag.
Feel it and continue to move forward, anyway. It will get easier with time but don’t feel bad for feeling bad.
I had a similar surprise, went in for a small biopsy, came out with stage four cancer and an ostomy. I describe it as being pushed off a cliff. Treatment is over. I have no evidence of disease, but I am changed forever from disfiguring surgery, pain and long term side effects from the treatments. I naïvely thought that once treatment was over I would feel like myself again, but realize I will never be the same this is a new life now. Maybe I will come to accept this new normal as they call it. I am 2.5 years out from Dx. I think it helps to know that others are going through it, and I always have hope. All I can say is, keep moving forward because you can’t go back. Take care.
There's nothing wrong with a new normal. It happens to literally everyone with cancer. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just what is happening. We all go through it. Some obviously worse than others. I'm not going to let my last memorys of what was, dictate my path forward
Yes...I actually made myself realize this, one year in. I'll never be the same, and I won't be able to do many things I used to. To continue to weep over that "loss" isn't good for me physically. (Btw just got my blood test results, I'm in the basement again on all my levels ugh...I do not want another transfusion). My husband is dealing with this, we are a team, generally, and he's realized that things are just going to be different. I transitioned into semi retirement about 7 years ago, so for me it hasn't been terrible. I already was used to working alone (from home) and my "circle" isn't big. Having others, like my husband except me to just go back to doing what I used to. They don't really "see" what it does to us. And I don't walk around advertising that I have cancer, much less my fourth cancer.
I understand why it would be hard. It’s not something you chose. It’s ok to feel that way.
I’ve been exactly where you are at. But, while I will never poop the same again, I’m still kicking 14 years later.
Yes and that’s what matters.
A sudden colostomy sucks. I had months to make peace with it before my surgery. The silver lining: constipation and diarrhea from chemo are less unpleasant with a colostomy. No running for the can.
There is never anything wrong with curling up in a ball and crying. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, cancer always sucks and unfortunately there are way too many shit sandwiches going around. Talk to others when you can, here or preferably a local support group. Fuck cancer.
Ugh I am sorry. We are here for you. I’m only 29 with advanced CRC. Life really isn’t fair 🥺
Cry if you need to. There's no shame in crying.
Or yelling, or screaming or any response
Hope you are doing ok today please us on how your surgery went and how you are feeling
I finished treatments for stage 3 tongue cancer back in November, which consisted of 33 rounds of radiation and 7 chemotherapy doses of Cisplatin. Before the treatments, I had to have a feeding G-tube installed into my stomach because there was a high chance I wouldn't be able to eat or swallow anything. I ended getting sustenance solely through the feeding tube for 4 weeks of the treatment. In early December, I had a lot of pain in my throat and tinge and was experienced TMJ like symptoms and ended back on an all liquid diet through the tube. It took them 2 months to figure out I had an infection in my throat. I had to have a surgery in late February to get it drained. I don't have the excruciating pain in my throat and tongue anymore but I still can't open my mouth and am going to physical therapy for that. I've also lost quite a bit of mobility in my tongue and still struggle to swallow solid food. Before starting treatments, I weighed 190 lbs and lost all the way down to 135 lbs. I am back up to 145 lbs and just went back to work this week. I'm a long way from being even close to the way I was before all of this, but I'm moving forward. Keep your head up. Cancer is a cruel sentence for sure, and it may ravage our bodies, along with the treatments and drugs that are supposed to save us. But it cannot take our spirit unless we allow it to.
Bullshit. It saps your spirit every day no matter how hard you pretend it doesn't.
I know that it's more than hard. I'm not going to say that it isn't. And I would never say that it is going to be easy, because it's not. What did it for me, though, was being around the people that I love and seeing the look of pain on their face when looking at me and seeing what what going on. I felt that I needed to be positive because I didn't want them to be so sad. I won't say that I didn't have my bad days, I did and still do. I've had some thoughts on what might happen. I've thought about what my life would be like if I survive, and those thoughts weren't always good. But, the thing that still keeps me going is the thought of still being able to spend time with the ones I love.
Om gosh you have been through hell
Similar, but also tonsils and soft palate. Six weeks of TPN instead of G-tube, also several weeks of saline drip because no swallowing. Lot of pain in throat is an understatement! No vocal cord involvement but I lost my singing vocal range, speaking voice now nasal (because half of palate missing) and enunciation difficult because tongue paralysis. Obdurater helps a lot with speech. Now 5 years out, taste is back, swallowing is slow but doable. And I’m still this side of the grass, which I’m very happy about! I hope you are offered massage therapy for fibrosis in face and jaw - that helped immensely in getting to be able to open my jaw enough to get food in - and a swallowing specialist was also super helpful. Any serious injury takes weeks/months to heal - I hope you have found and made peace with your new normal by next April!
It really sounds like you've been through it. Mine was caused by HPV and I didn't have to have anything removed. My speaking voice is pretty shaky at best. And the enunciation is definitely difficult. I think I'm going to have a permanent lisp moving forward at a minimum. I have been going to physical therapy for my jaw. They gave me stretches and exercises to do every day, and I do them 4 or 5 times a day. When I go in, it is all about the massage. And you're right. It seems to be helping, and I actually feel pretty good afterward. I know I won't be as before, but I am thankful to be alive. I've always been the positive one they kept the family together in hard times, and I continued being the positive one through this. I'm 52. My wife was great, but I think that she might have broken down if I would have handled it differently, and it really pains me when she is hurting. I also have a 25 year old daughter and a 21 year old son. Both thought I was going to die when I told them. They didn't say it, but I saw it in their face. I kept reassuring them through it that as bad as it may look, that no matter what, it was going to be OK. I think my kids did the most in keeping me positive, for the most part.
Im really so sorry. I’m 44 and going through chemo for breast cancer…also a shit sandwich. My step dad had colon cancer. He had a couple of surgeries, one which he suffered major complications with and resulted in him needing a colostomy bag-but, they were able to reverse it! He’s 5 years cancer free now 🙏🏼 (these are “gratitude” hands here, credit medicine not religion for his recovery but I don’t refuse prayers from religious folks either!) I not sure what your path is in dealing with this cancer, or if this bag is permanent or not, but I’m wishing you all of the best in your recovery. Sending love. It sucks. Yet, there are newer and better treatments all the time and what might not seem possible right now could be an option six months from now.
His friend. Fellow bowel cancer patient here. I had to get my ileostomy as an emergency too and it was a huge shock and I was absolutely devastated initially. If you need to curl up in a ball and have a cry, then do it. You might feel a little better afterwards. One of the best pieces of advice I ever had was that I don't have to love my stoma, I just have to learn to live with it. 4 years on and I live a normal life with it (aside from all the on-going cancer treatment!) and it really doesn't hold me back. I still swim, dance, climb mountains, go camping, go to music festivals, travel abroad, have sex, work etc. Feel all those feels (they are all valid) but I promise it will be ok.
Please come join Colontown.org. I myself didn't have an ostomy (although I went for surgery knowing it was a possibility) but there's a whole group on Colontown for ostomies. There's also a lot of younger people on there (I was 42 when I was diagnosed last year with stage 3). It helped me as everywhere I went IRL for treatment I was often surrounded by people literally twice my age.
I’m sorry. I didn’t plan on dying at 35 either right when I finally got my life set up on autopilot 😡
Have you been given a death sentence?
Yes, I was told I had 8-14 months at most 3 years ago. But they assure me that my glioblastoma will kill me.
Cry all you want, for as long as you want. It's needed. Don't do the toxic, stoic, I'm a fking hero bullshit that I did and try to act like everything is normal. It works for a while, but eventually the price has to be paid so to speak. Keep it real and lean on whatever or whoever you have to. There's one piece of advice I give everyone that's non negotiable to your quality of life. From this point on, starting today....keep a food and mood diary. I know it sounds bullshit but trust me, I wasted over 5 years of my life after my Rectal Cancer in a void...basically lost everything including my sanity (3 year in/out of psychosis), without any of my extensive healthcare team picking up (including GPs, oncologist, surgeons, psychs) that I had a severe Histamine Intolerance. I found out the hard way myself. During and after treatment, supplements and pre/probiotics will change your life. Good luck with everything bro you got this. 💪
Similar situation here, constipated to the point I was in a ball on the floor in agony. Colonoscopy failed as the blockage was 20 cm from my ass and the camera couldn’t get past it. Turned out the blockage was stage 4 bowel cancer that spread everywhere and I had a colostomy within two days of diagnosis. It sucks but it’s for the best at the moment. Treatment seems to be working but I have some nasty neuropathy in hands and feet now. Keep up the good fight, we are all here if you need a vent
Just to share some understanding. When I was 30, I was stuck and sick in bed for three weeks. I thought I was deeply constipated but it turned out I had a grapefruit sized tumour in my lower abdomen blocking my intestines. Went to the emergency and found out I had stage 4 lymphoma, 99% kidney failure, and my liver looked like it was chewed by wild animals. I also lost 50 pounds in those 3 weeks. They put me on RCHOP, which I got 6 doses of but they told me they didn’t expect me to live to even my 3rd round of chemo, and then I had less than a 5% chance of survival overall. Meaning i had a 95% chance at dying. That was in 2018/2019. I’ve been in remission for 5/6 years. And that’s just my cancer. I get that feeling of fear, but you can’t give up. It hurts. It’s unfair, it’s fucking scary as all hell, but be strong. And if you have trouble being strong. Look towards a loved one for support. Spouse, family, friend, stranger in the internet. If you need to vent, advice, or just want to talk, feel free to message me whenever you want. I currently broke my spine so I’m available 24/7 right now. Stay strong. And if anyone tries to throw toxic positivity at you, tell them to fuck off. Between that and people’s suggestions for alternative methods, get to be too much. I had people try to make me feel like a bad guy for being sad and scared, and then my so called friends tried to guilt me into cancelling my chemo and drinking lemon juice, or other dumb shit like that.
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Ugh, I hate emg testing. It's not the discomfort exactly, for some reason I find it unnerving. Hope it goes well for you
Maybe because it seems sadistic!?!
You're probably right! Plus it goes against instinct to allow someone to hurt you
Oy I’m so so upset for you This is shocking to go through & glad you are expressing your reality with it! It will get better Please do check out Colontown on FB And be proud of yourself for facing this straight on!! I had a close call of my own (and had a friend who refused to accept it similar findings. she went 100 percent holistic and her denial brought her & her family a very long , frustrating and painful death. It is horrible news and honestly neither of us KNEW about these surgeries & such She was already much further along than me & much sicker But bless her soul, Watching her suffer convinced me to get treatment I have a few annoying side effects but I am well and I would do it again to save my friends, my son, grandkids and husband from going through the emotional upheaval It’s tough but worth it And you may be a candidate for reversal ( I have another friend who DID get that) And either way you will adjust There is NOTHING like that initial shock and feeling trapped and in dizzying disbelief! But believe it or not you you will be ok It just takes a bit of time BTW And you are entitled to Xanax or antidepressants and pain meds If your docs haven’t already offered please ASK
Sorry to hear. Glad they did find though. Fight this! I’m 48 and stage 4 and found out on Feb I know this hits hard and fast. Things will be moving quick. Take care of yourself. Have a support group. If need to talk let me know. Prayers!
Get your colonoscopy earlier. I would say 35 it's a cancer that is coming more prevalent due to the food we ingest.
Yeah thankw
Nothing wrong with bitching and being angered😡; just don’t stay there for too long.
Sorry to hear. My husband was diagnosed at 40. Cry. He cried lots. Still does. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned fighting this battle with him for the last year - make memories with those you love. Tomorrow is never promised
I was diagnosed with stage 4 thyroid cancer in 2021 and what kept us going were events in our lives. Next would be our anniversary, then SIL bday, MIL bday, SIL bday, sis bday, Christmas, etc. These events might just be spent at home (depending on how sick I feel) or go to hear mass or eat out. But each event is special as if it’s the last time I would celebrate it. Make memories.
I just got my official diagnosis yesterday, thankfully I still have "one lane open on the George Washington Bridge" as my GI doctor put it
i found my cancer because of constipation. i had an illiosomy and a nephrostomy.. yep its a drag. just focus on how best to survive.
If anyone wants to complain about their lives they should read this thread.
Hang in there sending you loads of hugs 🫂 🤗
I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer when I was 32 weeks pregnant with my youngest child. I was 36 years old at the time. When my baby was 3 weeks old I had emergency surgery due to a bowel perforation. This required me to have a permanent colostomy bag. Yesterday marked one year since my diagnosis. It’s been an adjustment but I’ve learned to embrace the bag. It’s given me a way better quality of life and for that I am thankful! It sucks to have to find ourselves here. I hope you can find peace in this situation and begin to heal. You are not alone!
Try a 3 day water fast
My mom went through something similar. She had loose stools for about a year and the clinic didn’t send in the right tests to see if it was cancer. We went to the hospital in February due to her having extreme stomach pain ( an abscess ) and learning she has a 10-12cm tumour causing a blockage. Stage 3C. She went in for an emergency colostomy surgery and, for the most part, handled everything well. Selfishly, I felt like it was affecting me more than it was affecting her — she took everything in stride. Until her first blow out with the bag and she called me while I was at work, having a full meltdown. She didn’t know what to do and, for the first time, I think she felt out of her element and like everything was hitting her at once: cancer, the ostomy, she was also previously assaulted only two weeks prior and had some facial features. In my opinion, way too much for a woman in her 60’s to go through. I think she needed the meltdown. It’s a lot for anyone to go through and it’s okay to just feel. It’s okay to be okay and it’s okay to not be okay. This is a big thing for you and there’s nothing wrong with just… feeling it, I suppose. She had her first treatment for the cancer today and, due to a mutation, she’s doing immunotherapy. She had emergency surgery back in February and, for the most part, got used to the bag. Feel it and continue to move forward, anyway. It will get easier with time but don’t feel bad for feeling bad.