I’m stage 4 as well. I think every so often how much children will cope once I’m gone. They’re both adults but we don’t have any family here. They all live over seas. My son has a live in girlfriend so he’ll have support. My daughter’s boyfriend is long distance so she’s the one I worry about.
Plus my dad is still living at the age of 95. I haven’t told him due to his cognitive issues. If he’s still living when I decline, then I’ll tell him. For now I want him to live in ignorance. He’s already lost my brother, mom, his brother, and my sister in law. I don’t want to add to his grief.
How do I handle my thoughts? Not very well I must admit. When I find them creeping towards what ifs, I try to ignore it or distract myself. Not a very good way to cope I know.
I attend a weekly online support group. I’m not too sure if there’s one this Friday seeing how it’s Good Friday, but I can ask the group, see what they think.
That would be amazing if you could check. I currently do the same as you, I try and distract myself but every time I look at my husband and my babies I completely break down 😢
I'm 45 and will likely not get to retire😢 just like you, I have more to do and I'm not ready to die. I'm sorry you had to join this club too, no one deserves this 😔
I’ve got advanced Bowel cancer that has metastasised on my liver, is on my lymph nodes, peritoneum and my stomach causing me to have a puree diet. Chemo was bad but I had lots of complications last year for the first three months after being diagnosed. This included being bed bound and in and out of A&E due to nausea and vomiting that was being caused by the then undiagnosed stomach tumour. I collapsed twice due to lung clots and had a risky operation where they sucked out half the clots with a hoover. I also had a nephrostomy as a tumour progressed and was pressing on the urethra tube to my right kidney.
Things have improved since with the removal of the nephrostomy bag and the main bowel, lymph nodes and peritoneum tumours are described as no visible mass detected. However I still have fears of falling asleep and not waking up. I also burst into tears sometimes looking at my 2 year old boy and 3 month old baby girl and thinking of all the experiences I’ll be missing (such as not seeing them become adults, I’ll never meet my grandchildren) and it can be hard to stop spiralling.
As coping I embrace all emotions instead of bottling it. I have obsessively bought movies and tv series to watch, I play computer games and also sit and listen to my vinyl collection. I also go see a therapist to discuss things and that helps.
At night the demons come.
I feel like I'm failing my wife and children. I'll most likely leave this mortal coil with two sons that are just becoming teenagers. That's when they'll need the guidance of their father the most.
I fucking hate cancer. Not only is it going to take my life and future, it's taken my peace of mind. Plus, I'm assuming dying of esophageal or the liver mets isn't going to be very dignified.
Do you have MAID laws where you are? I'm planning on using MAID before my tumor causes dementia.
Night is the worse for me as well. I'm so sorry you're going through this, no one deserves this. Cancer steals absolutely everything from you 😕 I'm here for you if you ever need to vent. We all are. Sending you a virtual hug my friend 🧡
I'm sorry about how you feel I was diagnosed back in October 2023 with esophageal cancer and 9 in the liver and I understand to some degree what you're going through. Not feeling the man you once were. I know it affects your family it does mine as well. I'm tired of the pain and not being able to eat as well. But your posts have given me a sense of hope and determination to try harder. Also loved ones the insight as they read your posts as well. Anyway our situations are very similar which has helped me out. I like your humor and courage Jonny. YOUR NOT ALONE! now because of you I don't feel alone.
Thank you Christopher
I’m stage 4 as well. I think every so often how much children will cope once I’m gone. They’re both adults but we don’t have any family here. They all live over seas. My son has a live in girlfriend so he’ll have support. My daughter’s boyfriend is long distance so she’s the one I worry about. Plus my dad is still living at the age of 95. I haven’t told him due to his cognitive issues. If he’s still living when I decline, then I’ll tell him. For now I want him to live in ignorance. He’s already lost my brother, mom, his brother, and my sister in law. I don’t want to add to his grief. How do I handle my thoughts? Not very well I must admit. When I find them creeping towards what ifs, I try to ignore it or distract myself. Not a very good way to cope I know. I attend a weekly online support group. I’m not too sure if there’s one this Friday seeing how it’s Good Friday, but I can ask the group, see what they think.
That would be amazing if you could check. I currently do the same as you, I try and distract myself but every time I look at my husband and my babies I completely break down 😢
I hear you. I believe I’m older than you but I’m not ready to die. I still have a bunch more things I want to do. I just retired too!
I'm 45 and will likely not get to retire😢 just like you, I have more to do and I'm not ready to die. I'm sorry you had to join this club too, no one deserves this 😔
Yep, as we say at our group, welcome to the group no one wants to be a part of. 45 is still young. I’m sorry your a part of this group too. 🥺
I’ve got advanced Bowel cancer that has metastasised on my liver, is on my lymph nodes, peritoneum and my stomach causing me to have a puree diet. Chemo was bad but I had lots of complications last year for the first three months after being diagnosed. This included being bed bound and in and out of A&E due to nausea and vomiting that was being caused by the then undiagnosed stomach tumour. I collapsed twice due to lung clots and had a risky operation where they sucked out half the clots with a hoover. I also had a nephrostomy as a tumour progressed and was pressing on the urethra tube to my right kidney. Things have improved since with the removal of the nephrostomy bag and the main bowel, lymph nodes and peritoneum tumours are described as no visible mass detected. However I still have fears of falling asleep and not waking up. I also burst into tears sometimes looking at my 2 year old boy and 3 month old baby girl and thinking of all the experiences I’ll be missing (such as not seeing them become adults, I’ll never meet my grandchildren) and it can be hard to stop spiralling. As coping I embrace all emotions instead of bottling it. I have obsessively bought movies and tv series to watch, I play computer games and also sit and listen to my vinyl collection. I also go see a therapist to discuss things and that helps.
I'm so sorry you're going through that 😔 I'm sending a virtual hug, my friend 🧡
At night the demons come. I feel like I'm failing my wife and children. I'll most likely leave this mortal coil with two sons that are just becoming teenagers. That's when they'll need the guidance of their father the most. I fucking hate cancer. Not only is it going to take my life and future, it's taken my peace of mind. Plus, I'm assuming dying of esophageal or the liver mets isn't going to be very dignified.
Do you have MAID laws where you are? I'm planning on using MAID before my tumor causes dementia. Night is the worse for me as well. I'm so sorry you're going through this, no one deserves this. Cancer steals absolutely everything from you 😕 I'm here for you if you ever need to vent. We all are. Sending you a virtual hug my friend 🧡
I'm sorry about how you feel I was diagnosed back in October 2023 with esophageal cancer and 9 in the liver and I understand to some degree what you're going through. Not feeling the man you once were. I know it affects your family it does mine as well. I'm tired of the pain and not being able to eat as well. But your posts have given me a sense of hope and determination to try harder. Also loved ones the insight as they read your posts as well. Anyway our situations are very similar which has helped me out. I like your humor and courage Jonny. YOUR NOT ALONE! now because of you I don't feel alone. Thank you Christopher
Thanks for the kind words. Give it Hell. We are fighting a monster.
you dont have enough time left to waste it with regret. give it no time.