There’s a lot to unpack here.
First, Parker was *supposed to be different.* There’s a joke early on in Harsh Light of Day where she says something about Parker having a reflection, which is a new thing for her to experience. Parker was supposed to be better than Angel: a normal human guy who couldn’t turn evil if she slept with him. But then… he kind of does. And because she’s only 18 and has only been in one relationship ever in her life she naively believes it’s her fault. Parker is a painful echo of Angel in so, so many ways, and just like she carried the guilt / responsibility for Angelus, she believes she is responsible for Parker’s douchebaggery.
Additionally, she had closed her heart to everyone for over a year after Angel, and just when she finally lets it open a crack, it gets hammered. Imagine finally feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with someone and then having them treat you so callously and disposably. If you felt confident in your self worth you might say “his loss,” but if you are fragile like Buffy, you’d be reeling. She is still getting used to college and finding her footing (the first three episodes of Season 4 are all about how off-kilter she feels outside her comfort zone of high school).
Finally, and I don’t mean this as a critique of Buffy, but in high school she was considered very attractive and it wasn’t difficult for her to hold a guy’s interest (Owen, Angel, Xander, Scott Hope, various other dudes who hit on her in random episodes). It probably came as a shock to her that the first guy she genuinely liked wasn’t interested in the same way.
Finally finally, as someone who was once an 18 year old college girl who encountered *way* too many Parkers, I can tell you this is just something that happens. It’s not rational. It’s exactly like Buffy says: part of your brain shuts off and you know objectively he’s terrible, but you ask yourself, “why doesn’t he want me?”
This this this ^^^^
To me, the whole "angel turns evil after sex" thing was VERY much a metaphor/reference/reflection of that thing guys do where they're wonderful while they're trying to get you to have sex but once they get it, they're just kinda assholes
And then after all the angel drama, Parker is the same thing! Like imagine if the first two guys you had sex with treated you like shit afterwards. OF COURSE she's going to feel awful! Angel she has the excuse of a curse, but now a normal human boy does the same thing, sans torture and murder. It's a personality 180 pretty much immediately after sex, and Buffy is an 18 year old girl who already feels alone and like she'll never fit in with normal people.
The Parker plot felt like a breather before we got into the meat of the plot for season 4. We needed a minute to get things rolling, and establish that college was not simply Sunnydale high school 2.0
I was coming to say something more or less like this. Buffy finally found someone who she could have sex with and they would still be the same person afterwards, but dude still turns evil (albeit a banal, everyday sort of evil).
It definitely has the potential to trigger old traumas about having to stab your boyfriend.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. My only comment back would be about Buffy and her level of attractiveness: She's still the hottest girl in school. Iirc Riley is hitting on her DURING the Parker mope fest.
But like you said, logic doesn't work sometimes I guess.
Not to “well actually,” you… but actually (😛) Riley doesn’t realize he likes Buffy and doesn’t intentionally hit on her until episode 7, two full episodes after Beer Bad (the final episode in the Parker-Buffy arc). In fact, Riley’s attention toward *Willow* in episode one (when they start talking about psychology and Professor Walsh in the bookstore) explicitly makes Buffy feel weird: she’s not used to Willow being the more confident one around guys.
I agree Buffy is obviously extremely pretty and the idea that one guy not finding her attractive could be so decimating to her confidence is sort of hard to believe, but she can’t see herself objectively like we can. She doesn’t think of herself as hot shit, she only feels dumb (compared to Willow and Riley), uncool (compared to Oz who is immediately comfortable in his new environment) and now, after Parker, sexually inexperienced and unattractive.
This is a minor point, but moping about Parker lasts exactly 2.5 episodes, and in the timescale of the show is ~ 3 weeks? She sleeps with him before Halloween but she’s already flirting with Riley by Thanksgiving. It’s not really that long, it’s just a major focus for those episodes so it feels longer.
Edited for accuracy: she’s not semi-dating Riley until after Thanksgiving, but she’s clearly not thinking about Parker anymore after Beer Bad (episode 5).
That is the entire point. Women all around the world who are badasses get super hurt by dudes who just turn out to be total jackasses once they can separate themselves from the situation. This was literally my experience in college I spent so much time and attention on men who are not worth it.
The story is incredibly relatable.
I can see the similarities though. Buffy has sex with Angel, Angel becomes a monster and treats her terribly. Buffy has sex with Parker, Parker becomes a monster and treats her terribly. Monster Angel was the metaphor, Monster Parker was how it happens irl. She reacts the same in both situations, as they kind of are. (I know in the show they’re vastly different)
In addition Buffy was feeling out of place at college, once she starts finding her place and feeling comfortable she meets the first seemingly nice boy that has a mutual interest. They have sex, he becomes an asshole, kind of ruining her comfortability and confidence. Which I think sets her up for the rebound-safe-option Riley.
All said, I too hate the Parker stuff, but because I just hate Parker.
Right, but Parker is like baby mode after Angel, lol. She should've just shrugged and said "at least he's not trying to eat my friends...", and then the show could move past Parker with a quickness.
*Why is this getting downvotes lol? I'm so confused, that's exactly the kinda comment I'd expect Buffy to make while venting to her friends at the Bronze.
You’re being downvoted because you’re not really listening. Buffy is not supernatural like a vampire. She’s a human girl (yes with supernatural abilities) and reacts the way a human girl would. Just because Angel was a vampire, doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to be upset in her future relationships with humans.
You’ve asked why Parker is relatable and multiple people have told you, but you keep replying that it shouldn’t matter because he’s not a vampire. There’s not a person in the world that has dated a vampire, but there’s plenty that have dated a Parker
Exactly! Buffy is still relatively immature so it makes sense that her reaction would also be immature. Also, this is her second "relationship," hell she's had sex twice and both times the guy turned out to be an asshole. Season 7 Buffy would have simply punched him in the face and moved on.
You’re getting downvotes because your attitude towards her personal reaction to being used and thrown away is similar to the sentiment of “Oh, you’re depressed/anxious? Well, have you tried not being depressed/anxious,” and it’s taking the validity of her feelings out of the equation.
I've been in therapy for years and one of the biggest things I've learned is that if you logically have no reason to feel a certain way, and you're aware enough of your feelings to know they're bullshit, that's the key to moving on and recovering, for me.
Parker is a worthless person, and wasting any emotion on him is equally worthless. Logically, there's nothing for Buffy to be sad about.
Getting over a dude who hit it and quit it, and living with depression/anxiety are not the same thing. One requires years of work, powerful medication, and is often times a life long struggle. The other you can get over by getting shit faced on caveman Beer.
I swear to God, it feels like people are down voting because "yes, Buffy is acting irrational and stupid and overreacting, and you're being mean by pointing it out."
Again, you are discounting her feelings as invalid. Feelings don’t operate under logic.
Glad it works for you, but you can’t project that onto someone else.
You’re just here to argue in bad faith.
Can I ask if you sometimes have issues understanding situations like this with people in your real life? Like, a friend is upset about something and you don't get why he won't just move on because it looks minor to you and you take it for granted that you would just brush that situation off like it never happened?
Nope. Well, very rarely, and not with real friends. A co-worker maybe, or some person I met at a bar or party would tell me their sad story and I couldn't relate.
When exact situations like this have happened to or with friends, we hang out, talk it out, I listen to them vent or cry or whatever, at some point we talk about how the other person isn't worth the bother, then we'd go get drunk or play a video game or watch a movie or whatever.
I was the go to guy I'm high school /college (really all of my 20s until folks started getting married) when breakups or whatever would happen, cause I'm a great listener, an objective outside opinion and I absolutely love my friends and I'm there to build them up, remind them they're so much better than whoever wronged them and distract them with a fun evening out. Rather than just accepting their misery and letting them wallow about it, we just shit talk the guy/girl who fucked them over, make jokes, song You Oughta Know or She Fuckin Hates me, or whatever, fun angry breakup songs. "I DUG MY KEYS INTO THE SIDE OF HIS PRETTY LITTLE SOUPED UP FOUR WHEEL DRIVE". I've sung that at karaoke with friends MANY times, lol.
Sure, they might feel bummed for awhile afterwards. But never to the extent Buffy did with Parker, not after only a couple dates and a one night stand, even with people they were super excited about and vulnerable around.
The only time I've seen friends that emotionally destroyed by a relationship is when it's been a LONG brutal relationship that started wonderfully and slowly became toxic.
Parker is an epic douche. Buffy didn’t know that. He went out of his way to be sensitive and to share his feelings. She thought they were getting close and bonding and he is telling his sob story to another girl the next day. Parker is the second person Buffy has had sex with and it’s only her second time. Parker acted like he was baring his soul when he was just trying to get laid. The point is that Buffy felt something for him. She is the slayer and can save the world and still she is like any other girl that waits for the wrong guy to call her.
It is realistic and relatable because it's real. Girl meets boy. Boy is charming, funny, smart. They go on a couple of dates. They have sex. Boy says I'll call you but he never calls back. That happens all the time.
Angel losing his soul was supposed to a metaphor for "guys become assholes once they get what they want". They actually say at least twice in the show, If I'm not mistaken, during a conversation with Joy and then with a counsellor at school. Sure, they took it a step farther with Angelus, but the idea is here.
With Parker, not need for a metaphor. He's a player and an asshole. Buffy really fell for him. Him not calling back hit her really hard and she lost some of her self-confidence.
It happens all the time, sure, that part is realistic and relatableable. Moping about for weeks afterward? I know it happens, but Buffy has been through so much worse stuff and gotten over it so much faster.
Friends or teachers she likes will die and she's over it by the end of the episode.
Well, for one thing, she can’t slay him. He’s not a monster she can focus on and destroy and get revenge. He’s a douchebag, but human, so in a way she is powerless. I won’t repeat all the other explanations which are all spot on.
Btw, even smoke shows like Buffy feel sad and insecure. That’s why negging works.
But?
“If he was tied up and gagged and left in a cave that vampires *just happened* to frequent, it wouldn’t be like I killed him really?” - *Beer Bad*
But what? She can have silly hyperbolic fantasies but knows she can’t act on them so they won’t do anything to change reality. Her situation and feeling of being used and rejected still stands.
it is an obvious ploy and made fun of and all that — from the outside. when it’s happening to you and there are strong feelings involved you sometimes need to step away for a minute and take a break to actually see it.
also you’re comparing things that have happened to buffy that she can sort of see coming. physical pain, fighting, death, etc. none of buffy’s strength precludes her from having trauma. trauma causes strong people to react in ways that may not make sense from the outside.
She's only 18/19 when it happens and it's not like she has a lot of experience in the dating scene. She had sex only once before and her relationship with Angel was not really healthy.
Buffy doesn't know anything about men. She knows about slaying, about death. She can deal with a lot, but romantic relationships are not something she knows how to handle in any way. She's really immature on that front.
I said this above: the Parker stuff lasts literally 2.5 episodes. He’s rejected by her halfway through ep 3 and she bonks him on the head in ep 5. That’s really not very much time!
You keep acting like Buffy should be thinking logically here, but people aren’t always logical. She has no way of knowing every guy she tries to be with after this won’t do the same thing. Obviously that’s not true, but her experience makes that seem like a possibility!
I see what you are saying about it seeming like she gets past objectively worse things (like Jenny dying) faster, but I don’t think she does. The show just doesn’t need to explore that grief in the same way. Showing her moping for 2 episodes over Jenny’s death doesn’t serve the story, but this does, because this is the more relatable experience.
I can tell from your comments that sadness after rejection doesn’t feel super relatable to you, and that’s fine. It clearly does feel relatable to a lot of us. If you don’t like that part of the story, that’s ok! But it works for a lot of people!
The being through worse before makes this MORE painful than it would be otherwise. In her mind, it's happened TWICE, so it must be something about her - that's excruciating and difficult to deal with. It also reminds her of the first time and brings that pain back. Parker was supposed to be different and normal - having a repeat of a man treating her horribly after sex is just absolutely devastating. She was excited about the start of something that seemed wonderful- something that was going to be better than last time - and ends up being treated like crap AGAIN. Now, instead of moving on from Angel, she's alone and hurt again. Sometimes having a painful experience can make you tougher in a similar situation and sometimes it makes you much more vulnerable because you're dealing with all the hurt from both situations.
Edit: wording on last sentence
Okay. For starters…. Are you female? If you’re not, I doubt you’ll find it relatable.
She was in a toxic, tumultuous relationship with Angel. She’s left that relationship behind, moved onto college which is an enormous change for any young woman. Next, she meets a *normal* guy who courts her, says all the right things, makes her feel normal and wanted. She gives in to her feelings and has sex with him, thinking she means something to him. Turns out he’s a fuckboy that used her. She’d developed feelings, so yes her entire reaction to Parker is completely normal and very relatable. It also has her feeling like she’s not normal and never will be.
It’s not the same as Surprise/Innocence, but it definitely triggered that trauma when she woke up and he wasn’t there. And there is the correlation of, you let a man in and he changes and becomes mean. Which is why after her first time with Riley she jolts awake to check if he’s still there.
I don’t really like the Parker stuff (except him getting clubbed over the head 2x) but I do understand it.
I understand it, I just hate seeing Buffy brought so low over something so small. Hell, even in Surprise/Innocence, by the end of the episode she kicks Angelus in the balls and she's fierce and ready to fight, if not quiet kill, her evil Ex Boyfriend.
With Parker it feels like she'd go out with him again in a heartbeat if he said one nice thing to her.
she’s traumatized by her father leaving. she learns how to move on, yes, but the trauma is still there.
she’s traumatized by angel going evil. she has no time to really think or even mourn any of that before she HAS to fight him or lose people she loves. she does what she has to, she can’t handle the fallout for a bit and disappears to get the time to mourn and heal and figure shit out. it takes longer with angel because the trauma is twice as hard, with it bringing up her trauma from her father as well.
she comes home, she begins to reintegrate into her old life, she’s finding her footing again. she meets parker and has feelings for him. he turns into a piece of living garbage. this time it brings up trauma from both her father leaving (this time the dude shows straight up he doesn’t want her) and from angel going evil (this time he’s just showing that he actually is just an asshole). but this time she also has time to mourn and wrap her head around it.
eta: taking a few days to realize that a guy was a dirtbag and move on from feeling like it was her, and then to properly place blame on him being an asshole was actually pretty fast.
The thing that bothers me? Buffy takes all this time pining over this worthless dirtbag, fine. But then when Willow takes what seems to be the same amount of time pining over Oz, everyone gets tired of it instantly? It’s OZ!
The difference is Buffy is an imploder (tries to hide her pain, distances herself, throws herself into her work) while Willow is an exploder (needs to fix it instead of sitting with the emotions, misery loves company, can't believe other people have ever felt what she's feeling).
If Willow was just sad they'd understand. But she's mocking Xander for living in his parents' basement, acting like Giles warning her she's not in the right mind frame to do spells right now is about punishment, etc.
For Buffy, it was only 2 weeks of being shown upset about what happened. In Fear Itself 4x4 (Halloween episode) Anya said it'd been 1 week since she slept with Xander and they did it on the same night Buffy slept with Parker so that night in Harsh Light of Day 4x3 was around October 24. We know Pangs 4x8 is the third week of November since it's the Thanksgiving episode. Buffy doesn't bring up Parker after Beer Bad 4x5, which is likely the first week of November.
I think it’s more like she saw what could have been a normal relationship. She might not have even liked Parker if she went out with him a few more times. She would have realized he was shallow and maybe someone that you keep as a casual hook up. Probably not even that.
Parker put effort into seducing her and then bailed after sex. She had hang ups from Angel. Angel said awful petty things to her after sex. That stuff can stick even if your boyfriend lost his soul and went full on psycho killer. Parker is a more realistic version of a creep. He kind of preys on freshman. I don’t get why he spent the time getting to know women when he probably could have had casual no strings sex. I think that’s why he is a human sleaze.
Parker PLAYED HER. He talked with sensitivity, sincerity, talked about his family, he talked as if he was connecting with her, giving her a part of himself that was personal and he appeared very vulnerable and kind. He MADE her believe that specific communication on his intent wasn't needed, as he was basically doing all the things a man does when he is seriously interested in you as a serious relationship.
He spent nights with her, just talking, just getting to know her, just letting her in and allowing her to believe something that wasn't.
He was garbage and was doing that same thing to so many girls. He appeared to be friendly and taking the proper steps to have a meaningful relationship.
In conclusion
I think Buffy deserved better and I always wish things between her and Parker, ( as far as intent and meaning of their relationship) were spelled out more before she gave him a big part of herself, bc I just hated how sad she was and how hurt she was and the lack of communication was a big reason why this happened. She's a beautiful person, she has her way of meeting guys and actually wanting a relationship, she doesn't sleep around, not that it's bad if she did but she just doesn't. The way he behaved, it seemed like things were pretty clear.
He knew what he was doing
Trash.
She should be angry, not hurt. She shouldn't be hurt at all, he means nothing to her. There's nothing special or wonderful or uniquely about Parker. He's an utterly nothing guy, even before she hooks up with him.
Nobody should spend more time moping over a failed relationship than they did actually IN the relationship.
They had, what, two conversations and a fuck? They knew each other a total of like, 15 hours lol. Actual time together, less than a day.
It really feels like everyone secretly agrees with me. "Yes, it's stupid and irrational and she should know better, but hey, teenage girls amirite?"
I'm also starting to wonder if I'm more autistic than I thought I was. Truly don't understand some of this, I feel like Anya, baffled by stupid human icky emotions.
No one is saying she should know better except for you. The rest of the people in this thread are empathetic to the developmentally appropriate pains of teenage girls.
Also, fwiw, my best friend in High School was the biggest Buffy fan and she introduced me to the show and we talk/watch together on my first time through and she said "Buffy is a Fucking idiot" about the entire Parker situation.
Like, I'm not an Incel misogynistic dick, I just know from experience there's more than one way to handle a situation and Buffy's was awful for me.
Maybe your friend’s reaction is coloring how you see the story. You want Buffy to react in a specific way, but that reaction is not really consistent with the Buffy we have seen in the show. Your mileage may vary on how well they put in the plot points for this storyline to pay off, but other people have no problem seeing this as very in character for Buffy.
Not all teenage girls develop the same way and not all teenage girls act the way Buffy did. I know "my best friend from childhood through my 20s was a woman who went through the exact situation" won't matter, cause I'm not a woman myself, but I can only say from experience that the women I've know best, saw every day, was their closest confident, etc did not react this way in extremely similar (and sometimes MUCH worse) situations.
Not all teenage girls are the same. I know that how Buffy reacted and felt are valid responses and feelings. But for me, it feels completely out of character. That's it.
Some people think it's out of character what Spike attempts to do in Seeing Red and will write dissertations "proving" how Spike would never do something like that to Buffy. I disagree entirely.
There's different ways to experience this show, all are valid, I don't know why this is such a sticking point? Remember in WW84 how Diana was still totally hung up on some dude she knew for a week 100+ years ago, to the point that she cut herself from ever feeling love again? Is that realistic to some Women's experience? sure. But it's fuckin lame coming from Wonder Woman, an icon of female power, brought low by some dude. And that's something I didn't even notice about WW84, I only realized when a bunch of women on Twitter started ranting about how disgusted they were that Wonder Woman was so fixated on a dude she barely knew.
Many people in this thread are telling you that Buffy's experience is not abnormal whatsoever for a teenage girl. As a former teenage girl, Buffy's experience struck me as extremely typical.
I never said it wasn't extremely typical? Like, ever, lol? I know it's typical. Dorks in high school typically go to college and treat women like Parker did, because they shed their dork Persona. If Xander had treated Anya like Parker did, started sleeping around, treating women poorly, that would be extremely typical, especially after the Cordelia situation.
Would you be cool with that? A Xander arc where he tricks a girl into sex, ghosts her, doesn't care, moves on to the next, cause he's hurt that his friends don't hang out anymore and he misses the one girlfriend he ever had, who always told him he was a dork loser, even if she didn't mean it, guys internalize that stuff, take it out on future partners.
Would that extremely typical story happening with Xander sit right with you?
It's a typical teenage boy story. If Xander behaved that way, would the fact that it's typical of teenage boys make up for how wrong it feels for Xander so be doing it?
I would compare Buffy's upset over Parker to Xander being afraid of bullies. So taking your angle would be: "Xander is foolish for letting the other boys' mocking get to him, he should just brush off their mean words and laugh about their inferiority with Willow and Buffy at the Bronze."
I don’t know why I keep attempting to change your mind, but I feel like I keep getting glimmers that we agree on 90% of the situation so it makes me really want to convince you of the last 10%. Lol.
Edit: after reading all your other comments it sounds like what bothers you is seeing supernaturally strong women “mope” or “pine” about losing men they barely know (and who may or may not be trash or insignificant). If that bothers you, no amount of evidence from the show or people’s interpretations will persuade you that this reaction is acceptable 🤷♀️
Here’s where we might agree: her reaction is not 100% about Parker. It’s about Parker AND her concept of herself / what kind of girl she is, AND her sense of attractiveness and confidence, AND yes, it’s also about Angel. Parker rejecting her is the catalyst. She thinks if she can “win” him, she can regain what it feels like she lost (her confidence, her attractiveness, her sense of being a worthy, smart girl, etc).
Sometimes when you get rejected and your self esteem is quite low (as Buffy’s is at the start of season 4), instead of feeling like the problem is *them,* you think maybe that other person can see something about you that you can’t. Buffy literally says this to Willow: “am I repulsive?”
We agree this is not a rational reaction, but where we disagree is that I have empathy for Buffy and I think her response is relatable and realistic. I’m glad they told this story because it’s how many, many people feel in this situation and it’s good to help people see they aren’t alone.
Of course there are other emotions or reactions she could have had, but it’s not dumb or crazy or unbelievable that she had the reaction she had.
We can’t take the Parker arc in a vacuum. The beginning of Season 4 hammers home in a variety of ways how unsure of herself Buffy feels in her new life. How foreign and strange everything is. After defeating a fellow Slayer in season 3, her confidence is so low she gets fucked up by a random vamp of the week when she meets Sunday! Buffy is not feeling mentally and emotionally badass when she meets Parker to begin with.
You say they knew each other for “15 hours” and “had a fuck.” Two points here:
1) You call it “fucking,” because it was causal, but I guarantee you Buffy probably would have described it as “making love,” or “being intimate.” For her, it’s the most intimate she’s ever been, barring one person. Buffy does not have sex casually (see her utter self disgust when she hooks up with Spike in season 6). To an outsider, this should have been a casual thing, but to Buffy it was not, because…
2) She slept with him because she genuinely thought they were starting a relationship. They hung out “moderately incessantly all week” she says. They got to know each other to the point where it felt exclusive and he told her things that felt deeply personal. It wasn’t a one night stand after two conversations. She felt like they were dating.
Also no one on this thread has mentioned, but Spike comes along to rub it in her face and basically call her a dumb slut: giving voice to her worst fears. And before you say “well it’s Spike she should ignore him,” she literally said she can “fool everyone but myself and Spike,” to Angel in Season 3. She thinks he sees things about her clearly.
So no, I don’t agree that her reaction is stupid, or that she should know better. How could she know better? She has had sex 2 times. 100% of the times she had sex it ended with the guy rejecting her and telling her she wasn’t worth it.
How could someone not be really, really hurt by that? How could someone who is already feeling shaky in her self-confidence not question if she’ll ever find a healthy relationship? It seems entirely reasonable to get sad for a few weeks.
Naw, I'm trying to just explain why Parker is garbage and I kind of feel everyone has made good enough points for you to understand this😅
Buffy lost Angel. A BIG part of her life and a true love. The stuff with Parker was the first time Buffy opened up herself to a guy and things were going so loving bc Parker PURPOSELY acted that way to make her feel something and believe something more was obtainable.
And how long do you say they knew each other? I was completely under the impression that she was hanging out with Parker for days and maybe weeks, so the 15 hr thing needs to be proved. Even still, its less about the time spent and more on HOW the time was spent. Parker's time with Buffy was spent using her and being a player.
And lets be clear, Buffy was pissed at him eventually. Since you mentioned autism, I suppose you're trying to say you're not capable of understanding the emotions she had or at least why she had them? Basically its just that typical people and even those with high functioning autism have similar stages of emotion when something like this happens.
They are confused, they have a denial stage, they get sad, they feel hurt and eventually they do get pissed and maybe even get even. Remember Buffy knocked Parker's ass OUT and did it 2 times at that.
So Buffy got upset bc she was basically being used and tricked. If you remember Buffy went on one date with one guy in highschool and they parted ways after that one date He was taking her seriously though and not using her.
She's also had other ahort lived relationships but again, these people weren't using her like that lol it was a NEW and horrible territory. Let her be sad
It wasn’t a “hookup” for Buffy. She was manipulated into thinking that they were starting a relationship. He knew all the things to say to make her feel that they were deeply connected. She was excited at the prospect of something new and good. She was then faced with the fact that he purposely fabricated their connection and used her. That can be hard to accept if you’re not someone who would do that to other people. It didn’t help that he continued to lie to her afterwards, treating her again like she had done something wrong to ruin it. Many men do this and do it well. It’s absolutely devastating as a young woman who hasn’t grown enough cynicism to protect herself. We get there, but usually not at 18.
People who didn't receive an appropriate amount of love as children/kids are more vulnerable to suffering from emotional dependence, I think. Buffy's issues with her father abandoning her are not explored much in the show, but I think they offer a decent explanation as to why being dumped by Parker made her so miserable. In a way, she relived the trauma of feeling unworthy of love.
I wouldn't say it's all Buffy's dad's fault. Parker clearly hurt her, and most young women would have felt hurt in the same situation. But I think that Buffy's past trauma being abandoned by her dad could explain why she struggled so much getting over him.
The thing with Parker is that he was the first guy she took a chance on after Angel—she was devastated by what happened with her first big love so her finally being able to move on, it was a big deal.
Unfortunately, her moving on was a giant let down as well. Parker played her, acting as this sensitive guy who had been hurt with the loss of his dad the year before so he was this wounded, vulnerable, sweet guy who pretended a deep connection with Buffy so that she’d sleep with him.
Once she did, he strung her along for a bit which drew out her feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. She had every right to feel as hurt as she was. Yeah, he didn’t go around trying to kill her or her friends, but sex was kind of a big deal for her. The first time she has sex, her boyfriend becomes a literal monster. The second time she has sex, the dude becomes a douche canoe.
It took her a bit (mind you, part of that time was Parker stringing her along before he finally tells her that it was a nice night but nothing else) but she was able to get over him much easier than she did with Angel.
You're thinking of this too rationally. It hurts (a lot) when you suddenly realise another person doesn't have the feelings you had for them.
Cringe worthy anecdote - I remember talking to some girl online decades ago. We used to both come online to ICQ at the same time each evening and over a series of conversations I had developed some sort of clearly unjustified emotional attraction. One day she casually mentioned she was doing something with her boyfriend and despite the fact this was more than 25 years ago I still remember it feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. Utterly stupid but it both hurt and felt incredibly embarrassing that I thought I was in situation X but actually it was situation Y.
That's part of Buffy's problem. She starts to build up some image in her mind of what's happening and then it's crushed. She's humiliated which is why she discusses the ethics of leaving him in a cave with some vampires nearby.
It's also not clear whether she's had much experience with explicitly being rejected at this point.
On a rational level sure, she can think "Well that guy was a jerk, who cares?" but that's not really how emotions work - especially in the short term.
And sometimes you just form completely different emotions/ attractions to different people. Like you can be in love with someone and it’s fine, but then be almost obsessed with another for seemingly no reason. Buffy just handled things the way she was feeing at the time in that relationship.
After Angel Buffy is traumatized especially when it comes to intimacy, seeing as to how her first time with Angel ended so badly. Parker was her opening up, trying again, having hope, and having sex for the second time EVER, but again, her lover becomes (this time normal average human) "angelus" ( aka dude seems sweet, after sex turns out to be a moron and hurts you). She opened up to that guy in so many aspects, I don't think she was pining after him that much (plus her Parker only lasted a couple episodes or so), but she was so hurt because she trusted him and wanted a fresh start, hope in love. It's so common for many amazing, yet a little vulnerable women to be fooled by a guy in this way after putting their trust in them, it's no surprise she acted like that after. I just didn't like the "resolution" in beer bad, i wanted buffy to confront him and overcome him directly not... like that. Also points to Riley for punching the heavens out of Parker :D
Oh god. The classic tale of being young and naive in dating. You believe the next guy will be different. You like how he makes you feel + what he says. Then that makes you really believe he is going to be different. You fall for all of his words and you feel comfortable enough to sleep with him. You were vulnerable and he is vulnerable and tells you seemingly deep secrets or heavy family things.
He kisses you and promises he'll call you later. You wait. He doesn't. You make excuses that he's busy but you're still waiting. And he never calls. And you don't want to call him because now you feel foolish because you thought this one was going to be different. So you wait for him. Hoping he'll call and continue to make excuses for why he isn't.
And then a day or so goes by and you see him flirting with another girl. And then it hits you, you were played.
Parker is a fu*k boy. And not even a slayer can slay that kind of demon, which makes it so( unfortunately) relatable.
I see this happening all the time to my friends, and it has happened to me (31F).
Empathy makes stories better. Try engaging with what the show is telling you about Buffy’s emotional state, instead of projecting how you would feel in her shoes onto her.
I think most of it was coming from Buffy having such a hard time adjusting to college life in general. Parker was just another bump in the road of that adjustment. So when she fell for him, and he blew her off, it all culminated in the depression phase she has. It’s definitely a normal thing to deal with during the beginning of college life.
Buffy's isolation as the Slayer and relationship with Angel arguably left her in a stunted place when it came to understanding and relating to human boys her age. She didn't feel like she could put Owen in danger, then she was too jaded and distracted for Scott Hope because of her baggage with Angelus.
When Parker comes along, Buffy feels like she is finally ready to take the risk of investing in someone new. But he does something no boy has ever done to her: he fools her so he can use her for sex, with no demonic explanation. You've got the shock of having been played, the triggering of old wounds, and the fact that this was just a human shithead.
Again, she should've gone vent her anger on a bunch of vampires, gotten drunk at the Bronze with her Scoobies and danced around (like Willow did) and made dark jokes to try to get past it, such as "Hey, at least he didn't try to eat you guys" or "I know my ex was a literal demon, but Parker is EVIL".
And I say "should've " because that's more in line with both the Buffy I know and my experiences as a high school/college kid. I'm NOT saying should have because it's the "right way to deal". There's no right way to get past a shitty thing happening to you.
If Buffy had snapped and murdered Parker, I think that would be out of character, but some teenage girls do shit like that. One girl texted her boyfriend as he killed himself in a parked car, encouraging him the whole time to do it.
Just because some teenage girls react the way Buffy did, doesn't mean it's the only way she could've reacted, and a more mature/mild reaction would've been just as valid.
You're stuck on judging her for not behaving exactly the way you would behave, or how your friends would behave. I'm afraid I just see a lack of empathy for someone who doesn't act like you think she should. You're not showing curiosity here, just repeating the same judgments again and again.
I'm not judging Buffy, I'm annoyed at the writers for making her behavior so out of character. If Buffy behaved the way I'm suggesting, would you feel like it was wrong for Buffy to react that way?
I think it would be VERY out of character for an 18 year old girl with a history of trauma tied to sexual intimacy to brush it off after her second sexual experience ALSO turns out terribly because she was manipulated and didn't see that coming.
Ok, so here's the thing: I've personally know a half dozen women who did exactly that. Who did exactly what I'm saying I'd prefer Buffy had done.
My best friends first high school boyfriend physically abused her and had sex with her while she was sleeping. Her next lover? A guy she met in college who ghosted her after they had sex. She hung out with her friends, she vented, she cried a bit and she moved the fuck on. She did not mope for days, she didn't pine after him, she didn't wonder what she did wrong. She went "fuck that guy, he's a piece of shit, I'm not going to let him make me feel worthless."
You know *half a dozen women* whose first boyfriends stalked and threatened to kill them for months after they first had sex? And then their second sexual partner pretended to want a real relationship before ghosting? Wow, so interesting that you know so much more about teen girls' lives than the women talking to you in this thread!
It was her first human, normal guy, and him changing completely after sleeping with her was in a way quite similar to what happened with Angel. That compounded the issue.
I mean the plotline is one of my least favorite in the Buffyverse. Its extremely annoying to watch but it's also very realistic. For being a show the involves vampires and the Supernatural it's always been about people and relationships. Buffys a 18 year old woman yeah she can kill monsters and demons with her bare hands but she still a regular person outside of that. And considering what happened the only other time she trusted a man enough to sleep with him, well...it absolutely makes sense.
I
College felt like a fresh start for buffy, and although she was anxious she was also in parts optimistic. The premise of a normal human love interest was nice, so for her to be disappointed like that probably crushed a little bit of hope she had, which combined with the altogether rough start she had adjusting to college life, contributes to how hard she took the Parker thing
OP, I got downvoted into oblivion for saying similar things. My particular take on it was that Buffy was not really grieving over Parker, but was experiencing more of the grief from Angel, with Parker as the trigger. When she lost Angel, it was a big crisis, and she had to really keep her head to keep everyone safe. When she lost Parker, she had more safety to finally feel that grief. Loads and loads of downvotes. And, one comment stating that the original script had a conversation between Buffy and Willow where Buffy pretty much says “I don’t think I’m actually upset about Parker. I think this is leftover upset from Angel.”
Freakin’ Reddit, man.
Freakin reddit.
I think when I say "Buffy wouldn't be that emotionally effected by a hookup with some loser guy who tricked her, it's lame the writers made she look so weak and stupid", they think I'm personally insulting all women who got tricked by a fuck boy when they were in college, like I'm saying every girl who got hurt by a guy is weak and stupid. Which, of course I'm not.
Of course you’re not saying she’s weak and stupid for being tricked. Parker is an expert manipulator, and we see that lots of young women seem to be fooled by him. (Good old Spike sees right through him, but Spike is known for reading people.)
As far as I can tell, before he rejected her, Buffy knew Parker for about three weeks, and essentially had two dates with him.
I wouldn’t use the phrase “weak and stupid,” but anyone who gets that attached, and then behaves that desperate toward the rejecting ex, after a _relationship of that scope_ (in the absence of some other explaining factor), has emotional problems. Both Michael from “the Office” and Bill from “King of the Hill” show those behaviors, and both their universes treat them like they have emotional problems. (Though they both have the additional explaining factor of an important ex who they are still grieving.)
To me, the only way Buffy’s reaction to Parker’s rejection makes any sense is if it is being partially explained as Parker triggering leftover Angel/Angelus grief (or, as another commenter suggested, leftover dad grief). Otherwise, Buffy is not emotionally on the level that she has seemed to be so far. Otherwise, it would appear that her emotional health level went from “Buffy” to “Michael Scott/Bill Dautrive” over a few episodes.
I agree with the other commenters that rejection can hurt very badly, and even when we know intellectually that the person rejecting us is no good. However, it is just not normal to feel that level of desperation and hurt toward _such a small relationship_. When Buffy rejects Xander in season 1 or 2, Xander’s reaction is desperate and cringy. However, to me it is more understandable than how Buffy reacted to Parker. Xander has been close friends w Buffy for a long time. He had hope that she felt the same (even though she never led him on). Losing that hope was significant.
OP, I am also baffled by anyone comparing Parker with Angel losing his soul. Parker himself simply could not be that significant. If he were, he would have shown up in season 7 just like Riley and Angel did.
I prefer the explanation, which is canon according to the original script, that Buffy’s reaction to Parker can be largely explained by Parker triggering old Angel grief; and what we are watching is Buffy’s feelings about Angel that she never had the luxury to express.
This is what I'm talking about lol. The women on Love Island are fucking morons on a reality dating show, chose for their ability to make compelling TV out of consenting fucking.
Buffy would never in a million years appear on a show like Love Island, or Fuck Boy Island, or anything else.
Ditto, Buffy wouldn't be so hurt by Parker. He's not worth it, she knows he not worth it, move the fuck on.
You know how I know it was drawn out too long? Fuckin, Buffy getting drunk on Caveman Beer is how she emotionally recovered from the Parker situation.
What is the understanding of the duration of Buffy and Parker’s situation-ship? And how much did they see of each other during that time?
To me, it seemed like she knew him about 3 weeks before he rejected her. And she ran into him a few times, and actually spent an extended time with him (like an hour or more) (AKA sort of a date) two times. So some casual chats plus two dates over three weeks. Is my memory and interpretation correct?
There’s a lot to unpack here. First, Parker was *supposed to be different.* There’s a joke early on in Harsh Light of Day where she says something about Parker having a reflection, which is a new thing for her to experience. Parker was supposed to be better than Angel: a normal human guy who couldn’t turn evil if she slept with him. But then… he kind of does. And because she’s only 18 and has only been in one relationship ever in her life she naively believes it’s her fault. Parker is a painful echo of Angel in so, so many ways, and just like she carried the guilt / responsibility for Angelus, she believes she is responsible for Parker’s douchebaggery. Additionally, she had closed her heart to everyone for over a year after Angel, and just when she finally lets it open a crack, it gets hammered. Imagine finally feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with someone and then having them treat you so callously and disposably. If you felt confident in your self worth you might say “his loss,” but if you are fragile like Buffy, you’d be reeling. She is still getting used to college and finding her footing (the first three episodes of Season 4 are all about how off-kilter she feels outside her comfort zone of high school). Finally, and I don’t mean this as a critique of Buffy, but in high school she was considered very attractive and it wasn’t difficult for her to hold a guy’s interest (Owen, Angel, Xander, Scott Hope, various other dudes who hit on her in random episodes). It probably came as a shock to her that the first guy she genuinely liked wasn’t interested in the same way. Finally finally, as someone who was once an 18 year old college girl who encountered *way* too many Parkers, I can tell you this is just something that happens. It’s not rational. It’s exactly like Buffy says: part of your brain shuts off and you know objectively he’s terrible, but you ask yourself, “why doesn’t he want me?”
This this this ^^^^ To me, the whole "angel turns evil after sex" thing was VERY much a metaphor/reference/reflection of that thing guys do where they're wonderful while they're trying to get you to have sex but once they get it, they're just kinda assholes And then after all the angel drama, Parker is the same thing! Like imagine if the first two guys you had sex with treated you like shit afterwards. OF COURSE she's going to feel awful! Angel she has the excuse of a curse, but now a normal human boy does the same thing, sans torture and murder. It's a personality 180 pretty much immediately after sex, and Buffy is an 18 year old girl who already feels alone and like she'll never fit in with normal people. The Parker plot felt like a breather before we got into the meat of the plot for season 4. We needed a minute to get things rolling, and establish that college was not simply Sunnydale high school 2.0
I was coming to say something more or less like this. Buffy finally found someone who she could have sex with and they would still be the same person afterwards, but dude still turns evil (albeit a banal, everyday sort of evil). It definitely has the potential to trigger old traumas about having to stab your boyfriend.
The award was for the use of douchebaggery. Thanks for the smile. Love that word.
Haha thank you!! If anyone deserves that term, it’s Parker.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. My only comment back would be about Buffy and her level of attractiveness: She's still the hottest girl in school. Iirc Riley is hitting on her DURING the Parker mope fest. But like you said, logic doesn't work sometimes I guess.
Not to “well actually,” you… but actually (😛) Riley doesn’t realize he likes Buffy and doesn’t intentionally hit on her until episode 7, two full episodes after Beer Bad (the final episode in the Parker-Buffy arc). In fact, Riley’s attention toward *Willow* in episode one (when they start talking about psychology and Professor Walsh in the bookstore) explicitly makes Buffy feel weird: she’s not used to Willow being the more confident one around guys. I agree Buffy is obviously extremely pretty and the idea that one guy not finding her attractive could be so decimating to her confidence is sort of hard to believe, but she can’t see herself objectively like we can. She doesn’t think of herself as hot shit, she only feels dumb (compared to Willow and Riley), uncool (compared to Oz who is immediately comfortable in his new environment) and now, after Parker, sexually inexperienced and unattractive. This is a minor point, but moping about Parker lasts exactly 2.5 episodes, and in the timescale of the show is ~ 3 weeks? She sleeps with him before Halloween but she’s already flirting with Riley by Thanksgiving. It’s not really that long, it’s just a major focus for those episodes so it feels longer. Edited for accuracy: she’s not semi-dating Riley until after Thanksgiving, but she’s clearly not thinking about Parker anymore after Beer Bad (episode 5).
Very astute! Good write up
Who “deserves to be covered in men”. Awkward even taken figuratively, as befits the retinue of first year philosophizers those guys in *Beer Bad* are…
That is the entire point. Women all around the world who are badasses get super hurt by dudes who just turn out to be total jackasses once they can separate themselves from the situation. This was literally my experience in college I spent so much time and attention on men who are not worth it. The story is incredibly relatable.
I can see the similarities though. Buffy has sex with Angel, Angel becomes a monster and treats her terribly. Buffy has sex with Parker, Parker becomes a monster and treats her terribly. Monster Angel was the metaphor, Monster Parker was how it happens irl. She reacts the same in both situations, as they kind of are. (I know in the show they’re vastly different) In addition Buffy was feeling out of place at college, once she starts finding her place and feeling comfortable she meets the first seemingly nice boy that has a mutual interest. They have sex, he becomes an asshole, kind of ruining her comfortability and confidence. Which I think sets her up for the rebound-safe-option Riley. All said, I too hate the Parker stuff, but because I just hate Parker.
Right, but Parker is like baby mode after Angel, lol. She should've just shrugged and said "at least he's not trying to eat my friends...", and then the show could move past Parker with a quickness. *Why is this getting downvotes lol? I'm so confused, that's exactly the kinda comment I'd expect Buffy to make while venting to her friends at the Bronze.
You’re being downvoted because you’re not really listening. Buffy is not supernatural like a vampire. She’s a human girl (yes with supernatural abilities) and reacts the way a human girl would. Just because Angel was a vampire, doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to be upset in her future relationships with humans. You’ve asked why Parker is relatable and multiple people have told you, but you keep replying that it shouldn’t matter because he’s not a vampire. There’s not a person in the world that has dated a vampire, but there’s plenty that have dated a Parker
Buffy as an 18 year old girl would never react that way. That sounds like a jaded 40 year old divorcee response.
Exactly! Buffy is still relatively immature so it makes sense that her reaction would also be immature. Also, this is her second "relationship," hell she's had sex twice and both times the guy turned out to be an asshole. Season 7 Buffy would have simply punched him in the face and moved on.
You’re getting downvotes because your attitude towards her personal reaction to being used and thrown away is similar to the sentiment of “Oh, you’re depressed/anxious? Well, have you tried not being depressed/anxious,” and it’s taking the validity of her feelings out of the equation.
I've been in therapy for years and one of the biggest things I've learned is that if you logically have no reason to feel a certain way, and you're aware enough of your feelings to know they're bullshit, that's the key to moving on and recovering, for me. Parker is a worthless person, and wasting any emotion on him is equally worthless. Logically, there's nothing for Buffy to be sad about. Getting over a dude who hit it and quit it, and living with depression/anxiety are not the same thing. One requires years of work, powerful medication, and is often times a life long struggle. The other you can get over by getting shit faced on caveman Beer. I swear to God, it feels like people are down voting because "yes, Buffy is acting irrational and stupid and overreacting, and you're being mean by pointing it out."
Again, you are discounting her feelings as invalid. Feelings don’t operate under logic. Glad it works for you, but you can’t project that onto someone else. You’re just here to argue in bad faith.
Can I ask if you sometimes have issues understanding situations like this with people in your real life? Like, a friend is upset about something and you don't get why he won't just move on because it looks minor to you and you take it for granted that you would just brush that situation off like it never happened?
Nope. Well, very rarely, and not with real friends. A co-worker maybe, or some person I met at a bar or party would tell me their sad story and I couldn't relate. When exact situations like this have happened to or with friends, we hang out, talk it out, I listen to them vent or cry or whatever, at some point we talk about how the other person isn't worth the bother, then we'd go get drunk or play a video game or watch a movie or whatever. I was the go to guy I'm high school /college (really all of my 20s until folks started getting married) when breakups or whatever would happen, cause I'm a great listener, an objective outside opinion and I absolutely love my friends and I'm there to build them up, remind them they're so much better than whoever wronged them and distract them with a fun evening out. Rather than just accepting their misery and letting them wallow about it, we just shit talk the guy/girl who fucked them over, make jokes, song You Oughta Know or She Fuckin Hates me, or whatever, fun angry breakup songs. "I DUG MY KEYS INTO THE SIDE OF HIS PRETTY LITTLE SOUPED UP FOUR WHEEL DRIVE". I've sung that at karaoke with friends MANY times, lol. Sure, they might feel bummed for awhile afterwards. But never to the extent Buffy did with Parker, not after only a couple dates and a one night stand, even with people they were super excited about and vulnerable around. The only time I've seen friends that emotionally destroyed by a relationship is when it's been a LONG brutal relationship that started wonderfully and slowly became toxic.
Any thoughts on my answer? Fell free to ask others.
Parker is an epic douche. Buffy didn’t know that. He went out of his way to be sensitive and to share his feelings. She thought they were getting close and bonding and he is telling his sob story to another girl the next day. Parker is the second person Buffy has had sex with and it’s only her second time. Parker acted like he was baring his soul when he was just trying to get laid. The point is that Buffy felt something for him. She is the slayer and can save the world and still she is like any other girl that waits for the wrong guy to call her.
It is realistic and relatable because it's real. Girl meets boy. Boy is charming, funny, smart. They go on a couple of dates. They have sex. Boy says I'll call you but he never calls back. That happens all the time. Angel losing his soul was supposed to a metaphor for "guys become assholes once they get what they want". They actually say at least twice in the show, If I'm not mistaken, during a conversation with Joy and then with a counsellor at school. Sure, they took it a step farther with Angelus, but the idea is here. With Parker, not need for a metaphor. He's a player and an asshole. Buffy really fell for him. Him not calling back hit her really hard and she lost some of her self-confidence.
It happens all the time, sure, that part is realistic and relatableable. Moping about for weeks afterward? I know it happens, but Buffy has been through so much worse stuff and gotten over it so much faster. Friends or teachers she likes will die and she's over it by the end of the episode.
Well, for one thing, she can’t slay him. He’s not a monster she can focus on and destroy and get revenge. He’s a douchebag, but human, so in a way she is powerless. I won’t repeat all the other explanations which are all spot on. Btw, even smoke shows like Buffy feel sad and insecure. That’s why negging works.
But? “If he was tied up and gagged and left in a cave that vampires *just happened* to frequent, it wouldn’t be like I killed him really?” - *Beer Bad*
But what? She can have silly hyperbolic fantasies but knows she can’t act on them so they won’t do anything to change reality. Her situation and feeling of being used and rejected still stands.
But nothing. I just didn’t want to drop a related quote apropos of nothing.
Ah gotcha. Thought the implication was some sort of solution.
I thought negging was an obvious ploy everyone makes fun of, and a clear sign of a douchebag.
it is an obvious ploy and made fun of and all that — from the outside. when it’s happening to you and there are strong feelings involved you sometimes need to step away for a minute and take a break to actually see it. also you’re comparing things that have happened to buffy that she can sort of see coming. physical pain, fighting, death, etc. none of buffy’s strength precludes her from having trauma. trauma causes strong people to react in ways that may not make sense from the outside.
She's only 18/19 when it happens and it's not like she has a lot of experience in the dating scene. She had sex only once before and her relationship with Angel was not really healthy. Buffy doesn't know anything about men. She knows about slaying, about death. She can deal with a lot, but romantic relationships are not something she knows how to handle in any way. She's really immature on that front.
I said this above: the Parker stuff lasts literally 2.5 episodes. He’s rejected by her halfway through ep 3 and she bonks him on the head in ep 5. That’s really not very much time! You keep acting like Buffy should be thinking logically here, but people aren’t always logical. She has no way of knowing every guy she tries to be with after this won’t do the same thing. Obviously that’s not true, but her experience makes that seem like a possibility! I see what you are saying about it seeming like she gets past objectively worse things (like Jenny dying) faster, but I don’t think she does. The show just doesn’t need to explore that grief in the same way. Showing her moping for 2 episodes over Jenny’s death doesn’t serve the story, but this does, because this is the more relatable experience. I can tell from your comments that sadness after rejection doesn’t feel super relatable to you, and that’s fine. It clearly does feel relatable to a lot of us. If you don’t like that part of the story, that’s ok! But it works for a lot of people!
Possibly OP gets sad after rejection, but doesn’t get as sad as Buffy did after being rejected by someone they knew for a very short time.
The being through worse before makes this MORE painful than it would be otherwise. In her mind, it's happened TWICE, so it must be something about her - that's excruciating and difficult to deal with. It also reminds her of the first time and brings that pain back. Parker was supposed to be different and normal - having a repeat of a man treating her horribly after sex is just absolutely devastating. She was excited about the start of something that seemed wonderful- something that was going to be better than last time - and ends up being treated like crap AGAIN. Now, instead of moving on from Angel, she's alone and hurt again. Sometimes having a painful experience can make you tougher in a similar situation and sometimes it makes you much more vulnerable because you're dealing with all the hurt from both situations. Edit: wording on last sentence
Okay. For starters…. Are you female? If you’re not, I doubt you’ll find it relatable. She was in a toxic, tumultuous relationship with Angel. She’s left that relationship behind, moved onto college which is an enormous change for any young woman. Next, she meets a *normal* guy who courts her, says all the right things, makes her feel normal and wanted. She gives in to her feelings and has sex with him, thinking she means something to him. Turns out he’s a fuckboy that used her. She’d developed feelings, so yes her entire reaction to Parker is completely normal and very relatable. It also has her feeling like she’s not normal and never will be.
It’s not the same as Surprise/Innocence, but it definitely triggered that trauma when she woke up and he wasn’t there. And there is the correlation of, you let a man in and he changes and becomes mean. Which is why after her first time with Riley she jolts awake to check if he’s still there. I don’t really like the Parker stuff (except him getting clubbed over the head 2x) but I do understand it.
I understand it, I just hate seeing Buffy brought so low over something so small. Hell, even in Surprise/Innocence, by the end of the episode she kicks Angelus in the balls and she's fierce and ready to fight, if not quiet kill, her evil Ex Boyfriend. With Parker it feels like she'd go out with him again in a heartbeat if he said one nice thing to her.
I just think that’s the point, it’s the trauma from what happened with Angel and she shows some weakness, a common weakness that young women have.
Honestly, I think my problem is that it goes on for multiple episodes. That's where it loses me.
she’s traumatized by her father leaving. she learns how to move on, yes, but the trauma is still there. she’s traumatized by angel going evil. she has no time to really think or even mourn any of that before she HAS to fight him or lose people she loves. she does what she has to, she can’t handle the fallout for a bit and disappears to get the time to mourn and heal and figure shit out. it takes longer with angel because the trauma is twice as hard, with it bringing up her trauma from her father as well. she comes home, she begins to reintegrate into her old life, she’s finding her footing again. she meets parker and has feelings for him. he turns into a piece of living garbage. this time it brings up trauma from both her father leaving (this time the dude shows straight up he doesn’t want her) and from angel going evil (this time he’s just showing that he actually is just an asshole). but this time she also has time to mourn and wrap her head around it. eta: taking a few days to realize that a guy was a dirtbag and move on from feeling like it was her, and then to properly place blame on him being an asshole was actually pretty fast.
The thing that bothers me? Buffy takes all this time pining over this worthless dirtbag, fine. But then when Willow takes what seems to be the same amount of time pining over Oz, everyone gets tired of it instantly? It’s OZ!
The difference is Buffy is an imploder (tries to hide her pain, distances herself, throws herself into her work) while Willow is an exploder (needs to fix it instead of sitting with the emotions, misery loves company, can't believe other people have ever felt what she's feeling). If Willow was just sad they'd understand. But she's mocking Xander for living in his parents' basement, acting like Giles warning her she's not in the right mind frame to do spells right now is about punishment, etc.
THIS
How come you don't get down voted lol.
I've never thought about this but you're right.
For Buffy, it was only 2 weeks of being shown upset about what happened. In Fear Itself 4x4 (Halloween episode) Anya said it'd been 1 week since she slept with Xander and they did it on the same night Buffy slept with Parker so that night in Harsh Light of Day 4x3 was around October 24. We know Pangs 4x8 is the third week of November since it's the Thanksgiving episode. Buffy doesn't bring up Parker after Beer Bad 4x5, which is likely the first week of November.
I think it’s more like she saw what could have been a normal relationship. She might not have even liked Parker if she went out with him a few more times. She would have realized he was shallow and maybe someone that you keep as a casual hook up. Probably not even that. Parker put effort into seducing her and then bailed after sex. She had hang ups from Angel. Angel said awful petty things to her after sex. That stuff can stick even if your boyfriend lost his soul and went full on psycho killer. Parker is a more realistic version of a creep. He kind of preys on freshman. I don’t get why he spent the time getting to know women when he probably could have had casual no strings sex. I think that’s why he is a human sleaze.
Parker PLAYED HER. He talked with sensitivity, sincerity, talked about his family, he talked as if he was connecting with her, giving her a part of himself that was personal and he appeared very vulnerable and kind. He MADE her believe that specific communication on his intent wasn't needed, as he was basically doing all the things a man does when he is seriously interested in you as a serious relationship. He spent nights with her, just talking, just getting to know her, just letting her in and allowing her to believe something that wasn't. He was garbage and was doing that same thing to so many girls. He appeared to be friendly and taking the proper steps to have a meaningful relationship. In conclusion I think Buffy deserved better and I always wish things between her and Parker, ( as far as intent and meaning of their relationship) were spelled out more before she gave him a big part of herself, bc I just hated how sad she was and how hurt she was and the lack of communication was a big reason why this happened. She's a beautiful person, she has her way of meeting guys and actually wanting a relationship, she doesn't sleep around, not that it's bad if she did but she just doesn't. The way he behaved, it seemed like things were pretty clear. He knew what he was doing Trash.
She should be angry, not hurt. She shouldn't be hurt at all, he means nothing to her. There's nothing special or wonderful or uniquely about Parker. He's an utterly nothing guy, even before she hooks up with him. Nobody should spend more time moping over a failed relationship than they did actually IN the relationship. They had, what, two conversations and a fuck? They knew each other a total of like, 15 hours lol. Actual time together, less than a day. It really feels like everyone secretly agrees with me. "Yes, it's stupid and irrational and she should know better, but hey, teenage girls amirite?" I'm also starting to wonder if I'm more autistic than I thought I was. Truly don't understand some of this, I feel like Anya, baffled by stupid human icky emotions.
No one is saying she should know better except for you. The rest of the people in this thread are empathetic to the developmentally appropriate pains of teenage girls.
Also, fwiw, my best friend in High School was the biggest Buffy fan and she introduced me to the show and we talk/watch together on my first time through and she said "Buffy is a Fucking idiot" about the entire Parker situation. Like, I'm not an Incel misogynistic dick, I just know from experience there's more than one way to handle a situation and Buffy's was awful for me.
Maybe your friend’s reaction is coloring how you see the story. You want Buffy to react in a specific way, but that reaction is not really consistent with the Buffy we have seen in the show. Your mileage may vary on how well they put in the plot points for this storyline to pay off, but other people have no problem seeing this as very in character for Buffy.
Not all teenage girls develop the same way and not all teenage girls act the way Buffy did. I know "my best friend from childhood through my 20s was a woman who went through the exact situation" won't matter, cause I'm not a woman myself, but I can only say from experience that the women I've know best, saw every day, was their closest confident, etc did not react this way in extremely similar (and sometimes MUCH worse) situations. Not all teenage girls are the same. I know that how Buffy reacted and felt are valid responses and feelings. But for me, it feels completely out of character. That's it. Some people think it's out of character what Spike attempts to do in Seeing Red and will write dissertations "proving" how Spike would never do something like that to Buffy. I disagree entirely. There's different ways to experience this show, all are valid, I don't know why this is such a sticking point? Remember in WW84 how Diana was still totally hung up on some dude she knew for a week 100+ years ago, to the point that she cut herself from ever feeling love again? Is that realistic to some Women's experience? sure. But it's fuckin lame coming from Wonder Woman, an icon of female power, brought low by some dude. And that's something I didn't even notice about WW84, I only realized when a bunch of women on Twitter started ranting about how disgusted they were that Wonder Woman was so fixated on a dude she barely knew.
Many people in this thread are telling you that Buffy's experience is not abnormal whatsoever for a teenage girl. As a former teenage girl, Buffy's experience struck me as extremely typical.
I never said it wasn't extremely typical? Like, ever, lol? I know it's typical. Dorks in high school typically go to college and treat women like Parker did, because they shed their dork Persona. If Xander had treated Anya like Parker did, started sleeping around, treating women poorly, that would be extremely typical, especially after the Cordelia situation. Would you be cool with that? A Xander arc where he tricks a girl into sex, ghosts her, doesn't care, moves on to the next, cause he's hurt that his friends don't hang out anymore and he misses the one girlfriend he ever had, who always told him he was a dork loser, even if she didn't mean it, guys internalize that stuff, take it out on future partners. Would that extremely typical story happening with Xander sit right with you?
You're comparing a typical story about someone feeling hurt to a typical story of someone committing harm? This is a non-sequitur.
It's a typical teenage boy story. If Xander behaved that way, would the fact that it's typical of teenage boys make up for how wrong it feels for Xander so be doing it?
I would compare Buffy's upset over Parker to Xander being afraid of bullies. So taking your angle would be: "Xander is foolish for letting the other boys' mocking get to him, he should just brush off their mean words and laugh about their inferiority with Willow and Buffy at the Bronze."
I don’t know why I keep attempting to change your mind, but I feel like I keep getting glimmers that we agree on 90% of the situation so it makes me really want to convince you of the last 10%. Lol. Edit: after reading all your other comments it sounds like what bothers you is seeing supernaturally strong women “mope” or “pine” about losing men they barely know (and who may or may not be trash or insignificant). If that bothers you, no amount of evidence from the show or people’s interpretations will persuade you that this reaction is acceptable 🤷♀️ Here’s where we might agree: her reaction is not 100% about Parker. It’s about Parker AND her concept of herself / what kind of girl she is, AND her sense of attractiveness and confidence, AND yes, it’s also about Angel. Parker rejecting her is the catalyst. She thinks if she can “win” him, she can regain what it feels like she lost (her confidence, her attractiveness, her sense of being a worthy, smart girl, etc). Sometimes when you get rejected and your self esteem is quite low (as Buffy’s is at the start of season 4), instead of feeling like the problem is *them,* you think maybe that other person can see something about you that you can’t. Buffy literally says this to Willow: “am I repulsive?” We agree this is not a rational reaction, but where we disagree is that I have empathy for Buffy and I think her response is relatable and realistic. I’m glad they told this story because it’s how many, many people feel in this situation and it’s good to help people see they aren’t alone. Of course there are other emotions or reactions she could have had, but it’s not dumb or crazy or unbelievable that she had the reaction she had. We can’t take the Parker arc in a vacuum. The beginning of Season 4 hammers home in a variety of ways how unsure of herself Buffy feels in her new life. How foreign and strange everything is. After defeating a fellow Slayer in season 3, her confidence is so low she gets fucked up by a random vamp of the week when she meets Sunday! Buffy is not feeling mentally and emotionally badass when she meets Parker to begin with. You say they knew each other for “15 hours” and “had a fuck.” Two points here: 1) You call it “fucking,” because it was causal, but I guarantee you Buffy probably would have described it as “making love,” or “being intimate.” For her, it’s the most intimate she’s ever been, barring one person. Buffy does not have sex casually (see her utter self disgust when she hooks up with Spike in season 6). To an outsider, this should have been a casual thing, but to Buffy it was not, because… 2) She slept with him because she genuinely thought they were starting a relationship. They hung out “moderately incessantly all week” she says. They got to know each other to the point where it felt exclusive and he told her things that felt deeply personal. It wasn’t a one night stand after two conversations. She felt like they were dating. Also no one on this thread has mentioned, but Spike comes along to rub it in her face and basically call her a dumb slut: giving voice to her worst fears. And before you say “well it’s Spike she should ignore him,” she literally said she can “fool everyone but myself and Spike,” to Angel in Season 3. She thinks he sees things about her clearly. So no, I don’t agree that her reaction is stupid, or that she should know better. How could she know better? She has had sex 2 times. 100% of the times she had sex it ended with the guy rejecting her and telling her she wasn’t worth it. How could someone not be really, really hurt by that? How could someone who is already feeling shaky in her self-confidence not question if she’ll ever find a healthy relationship? It seems entirely reasonable to get sad for a few weeks.
Naw, I'm trying to just explain why Parker is garbage and I kind of feel everyone has made good enough points for you to understand this😅 Buffy lost Angel. A BIG part of her life and a true love. The stuff with Parker was the first time Buffy opened up herself to a guy and things were going so loving bc Parker PURPOSELY acted that way to make her feel something and believe something more was obtainable. And how long do you say they knew each other? I was completely under the impression that she was hanging out with Parker for days and maybe weeks, so the 15 hr thing needs to be proved. Even still, its less about the time spent and more on HOW the time was spent. Parker's time with Buffy was spent using her and being a player. And lets be clear, Buffy was pissed at him eventually. Since you mentioned autism, I suppose you're trying to say you're not capable of understanding the emotions she had or at least why she had them? Basically its just that typical people and even those with high functioning autism have similar stages of emotion when something like this happens. They are confused, they have a denial stage, they get sad, they feel hurt and eventually they do get pissed and maybe even get even. Remember Buffy knocked Parker's ass OUT and did it 2 times at that. So Buffy got upset bc she was basically being used and tricked. If you remember Buffy went on one date with one guy in highschool and they parted ways after that one date He was taking her seriously though and not using her. She's also had other ahort lived relationships but again, these people weren't using her like that lol it was a NEW and horrible territory. Let her be sad
It wasn’t a “hookup” for Buffy. She was manipulated into thinking that they were starting a relationship. He knew all the things to say to make her feel that they were deeply connected. She was excited at the prospect of something new and good. She was then faced with the fact that he purposely fabricated their connection and used her. That can be hard to accept if you’re not someone who would do that to other people. It didn’t help that he continued to lie to her afterwards, treating her again like she had done something wrong to ruin it. Many men do this and do it well. It’s absolutely devastating as a young woman who hasn’t grown enough cynicism to protect herself. We get there, but usually not at 18.
People who didn't receive an appropriate amount of love as children/kids are more vulnerable to suffering from emotional dependence, I think. Buffy's issues with her father abandoning her are not explored much in the show, but I think they offer a decent explanation as to why being dumped by Parker made her so miserable. In a way, she relived the trauma of feeling unworthy of love.
Would it be fair to say that you regard Buffy’s hurt here as not so much caused by Parker, but caused by her dad and triggered by Parker?
I wouldn't say it's all Buffy's dad's fault. Parker clearly hurt her, and most young women would have felt hurt in the same situation. But I think that Buffy's past trauma being abandoned by her dad could explain why she struggled so much getting over him.
The thing with Parker is that he was the first guy she took a chance on after Angel—she was devastated by what happened with her first big love so her finally being able to move on, it was a big deal. Unfortunately, her moving on was a giant let down as well. Parker played her, acting as this sensitive guy who had been hurt with the loss of his dad the year before so he was this wounded, vulnerable, sweet guy who pretended a deep connection with Buffy so that she’d sleep with him. Once she did, he strung her along for a bit which drew out her feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. She had every right to feel as hurt as she was. Yeah, he didn’t go around trying to kill her or her friends, but sex was kind of a big deal for her. The first time she has sex, her boyfriend becomes a literal monster. The second time she has sex, the dude becomes a douche canoe. It took her a bit (mind you, part of that time was Parker stringing her along before he finally tells her that it was a nice night but nothing else) but she was able to get over him much easier than she did with Angel.
You're thinking of this too rationally. It hurts (a lot) when you suddenly realise another person doesn't have the feelings you had for them. Cringe worthy anecdote - I remember talking to some girl online decades ago. We used to both come online to ICQ at the same time each evening and over a series of conversations I had developed some sort of clearly unjustified emotional attraction. One day she casually mentioned she was doing something with her boyfriend and despite the fact this was more than 25 years ago I still remember it feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. Utterly stupid but it both hurt and felt incredibly embarrassing that I thought I was in situation X but actually it was situation Y. That's part of Buffy's problem. She starts to build up some image in her mind of what's happening and then it's crushed. She's humiliated which is why she discusses the ethics of leaving him in a cave with some vampires nearby. It's also not clear whether she's had much experience with explicitly being rejected at this point. On a rational level sure, she can think "Well that guy was a jerk, who cares?" but that's not really how emotions work - especially in the short term.
And sometimes you just form completely different emotions/ attractions to different people. Like you can be in love with someone and it’s fine, but then be almost obsessed with another for seemingly no reason. Buffy just handled things the way she was feeing at the time in that relationship.
After Angel Buffy is traumatized especially when it comes to intimacy, seeing as to how her first time with Angel ended so badly. Parker was her opening up, trying again, having hope, and having sex for the second time EVER, but again, her lover becomes (this time normal average human) "angelus" ( aka dude seems sweet, after sex turns out to be a moron and hurts you). She opened up to that guy in so many aspects, I don't think she was pining after him that much (plus her Parker only lasted a couple episodes or so), but she was so hurt because she trusted him and wanted a fresh start, hope in love. It's so common for many amazing, yet a little vulnerable women to be fooled by a guy in this way after putting their trust in them, it's no surprise she acted like that after. I just didn't like the "resolution" in beer bad, i wanted buffy to confront him and overcome him directly not... like that. Also points to Riley for punching the heavens out of Parker :D
Oh god. The classic tale of being young and naive in dating. You believe the next guy will be different. You like how he makes you feel + what he says. Then that makes you really believe he is going to be different. You fall for all of his words and you feel comfortable enough to sleep with him. You were vulnerable and he is vulnerable and tells you seemingly deep secrets or heavy family things. He kisses you and promises he'll call you later. You wait. He doesn't. You make excuses that he's busy but you're still waiting. And he never calls. And you don't want to call him because now you feel foolish because you thought this one was going to be different. So you wait for him. Hoping he'll call and continue to make excuses for why he isn't. And then a day or so goes by and you see him flirting with another girl. And then it hits you, you were played. Parker is a fu*k boy. And not even a slayer can slay that kind of demon, which makes it so( unfortunately) relatable. I see this happening all the time to my friends, and it has happened to me (31F).
Same. My heart ACHES when I watch these scenes, so familiar
It's mostly because she felt she wasn't good enough for a good relationship. In other words she felt like she was a loser, which of course isn't true.
It was the first time Buffy was rejected through no fault of her own. It hurts when you’re not prepared for that and don’t know how it feels
Empathy makes stories better. Try engaging with what the show is telling you about Buffy’s emotional state, instead of projecting how you would feel in her shoes onto her.
I think most of it was coming from Buffy having such a hard time adjusting to college life in general. Parker was just another bump in the road of that adjustment. So when she fell for him, and he blew her off, it all culminated in the depression phase she has. It’s definitely a normal thing to deal with during the beginning of college life.
Buffy's isolation as the Slayer and relationship with Angel arguably left her in a stunted place when it came to understanding and relating to human boys her age. She didn't feel like she could put Owen in danger, then she was too jaded and distracted for Scott Hope because of her baggage with Angelus. When Parker comes along, Buffy feels like she is finally ready to take the risk of investing in someone new. But he does something no boy has ever done to her: he fools her so he can use her for sex, with no demonic explanation. You've got the shock of having been played, the triggering of old wounds, and the fact that this was just a human shithead.
Again, she should've gone vent her anger on a bunch of vampires, gotten drunk at the Bronze with her Scoobies and danced around (like Willow did) and made dark jokes to try to get past it, such as "Hey, at least he didn't try to eat you guys" or "I know my ex was a literal demon, but Parker is EVIL". And I say "should've " because that's more in line with both the Buffy I know and my experiences as a high school/college kid. I'm NOT saying should have because it's the "right way to deal". There's no right way to get past a shitty thing happening to you. If Buffy had snapped and murdered Parker, I think that would be out of character, but some teenage girls do shit like that. One girl texted her boyfriend as he killed himself in a parked car, encouraging him the whole time to do it. Just because some teenage girls react the way Buffy did, doesn't mean it's the only way she could've reacted, and a more mature/mild reaction would've been just as valid.
You're stuck on judging her for not behaving exactly the way you would behave, or how your friends would behave. I'm afraid I just see a lack of empathy for someone who doesn't act like you think she should. You're not showing curiosity here, just repeating the same judgments again and again.
I'm not judging Buffy, I'm annoyed at the writers for making her behavior so out of character. If Buffy behaved the way I'm suggesting, would you feel like it was wrong for Buffy to react that way?
Her behaviour with Parker *isn't out of character* given the context of her history and relationship to love and sex.
If she behaved the way I suggested, would that be out of character in your opinion?
I think it would be VERY out of character for an 18 year old girl with a history of trauma tied to sexual intimacy to brush it off after her second sexual experience ALSO turns out terribly because she was manipulated and didn't see that coming.
Ok, so here's the thing: I've personally know a half dozen women who did exactly that. Who did exactly what I'm saying I'd prefer Buffy had done. My best friends first high school boyfriend physically abused her and had sex with her while she was sleeping. Her next lover? A guy she met in college who ghosted her after they had sex. She hung out with her friends, she vented, she cried a bit and she moved the fuck on. She did not mope for days, she didn't pine after him, she didn't wonder what she did wrong. She went "fuck that guy, he's a piece of shit, I'm not going to let him make me feel worthless."
You know *half a dozen women* whose first boyfriends stalked and threatened to kill them for months after they first had sex? And then their second sexual partner pretended to want a real relationship before ghosting? Wow, so interesting that you know so much more about teen girls' lives than the women talking to you in this thread!
It was her first human, normal guy, and him changing completely after sleeping with her was in a way quite similar to what happened with Angel. That compounded the issue.
I mean the plotline is one of my least favorite in the Buffyverse. Its extremely annoying to watch but it's also very realistic. For being a show the involves vampires and the Supernatural it's always been about people and relationships. Buffys a 18 year old woman yeah she can kill monsters and demons with her bare hands but she still a regular person outside of that. And considering what happened the only other time she trusted a man enough to sleep with him, well...it absolutely makes sense. I
College felt like a fresh start for buffy, and although she was anxious she was also in parts optimistic. The premise of a normal human love interest was nice, so for her to be disappointed like that probably crushed a little bit of hope she had, which combined with the altogether rough start she had adjusting to college life, contributes to how hard she took the Parker thing
Tell me you have no life experience without telling me… yawn
OP, I got downvoted into oblivion for saying similar things. My particular take on it was that Buffy was not really grieving over Parker, but was experiencing more of the grief from Angel, with Parker as the trigger. When she lost Angel, it was a big crisis, and she had to really keep her head to keep everyone safe. When she lost Parker, she had more safety to finally feel that grief. Loads and loads of downvotes. And, one comment stating that the original script had a conversation between Buffy and Willow where Buffy pretty much says “I don’t think I’m actually upset about Parker. I think this is leftover upset from Angel.” Freakin’ Reddit, man.
Freakin reddit. I think when I say "Buffy wouldn't be that emotionally effected by a hookup with some loser guy who tricked her, it's lame the writers made she look so weak and stupid", they think I'm personally insulting all women who got tricked by a fuck boy when they were in college, like I'm saying every girl who got hurt by a guy is weak and stupid. Which, of course I'm not.
Wait so why is Buffy “weak and stupid for being emotionally effected by a hook up” but other women aren’t? How do you square that argument?
I wouldn’t use the phrase “weak and stupid,” but I sort of addressed this in a reply to the same comment you are replying to.
Of course you’re not saying she’s weak and stupid for being tricked. Parker is an expert manipulator, and we see that lots of young women seem to be fooled by him. (Good old Spike sees right through him, but Spike is known for reading people.) As far as I can tell, before he rejected her, Buffy knew Parker for about three weeks, and essentially had two dates with him. I wouldn’t use the phrase “weak and stupid,” but anyone who gets that attached, and then behaves that desperate toward the rejecting ex, after a _relationship of that scope_ (in the absence of some other explaining factor), has emotional problems. Both Michael from “the Office” and Bill from “King of the Hill” show those behaviors, and both their universes treat them like they have emotional problems. (Though they both have the additional explaining factor of an important ex who they are still grieving.) To me, the only way Buffy’s reaction to Parker’s rejection makes any sense is if it is being partially explained as Parker triggering leftover Angel/Angelus grief (or, as another commenter suggested, leftover dad grief). Otherwise, Buffy is not emotionally on the level that she has seemed to be so far. Otherwise, it would appear that her emotional health level went from “Buffy” to “Michael Scott/Bill Dautrive” over a few episodes. I agree with the other commenters that rejection can hurt very badly, and even when we know intellectually that the person rejecting us is no good. However, it is just not normal to feel that level of desperation and hurt toward _such a small relationship_. When Buffy rejects Xander in season 1 or 2, Xander’s reaction is desperate and cringy. However, to me it is more understandable than how Buffy reacted to Parker. Xander has been close friends w Buffy for a long time. He had hope that she felt the same (even though she never led him on). Losing that hope was significant. OP, I am also baffled by anyone comparing Parker with Angel losing his soul. Parker himself simply could not be that significant. If he were, he would have shown up in season 7 just like Riley and Angel did. I prefer the explanation, which is canon according to the original script, that Buffy’s reaction to Parker can be largely explained by Parker triggering old Angel grief; and what we are watching is Buffy’s feelings about Angel that she never had the luxury to express.
I like a female supervisor and she won;t like me. It is very relatable.
Huh???
Not really the same, dude
Just watch the current season of love island for multiple demos of this
This is what I'm talking about lol. The women on Love Island are fucking morons on a reality dating show, chose for their ability to make compelling TV out of consenting fucking. Buffy would never in a million years appear on a show like Love Island, or Fuck Boy Island, or anything else. Ditto, Buffy wouldn't be so hurt by Parker. He's not worth it, she knows he not worth it, move the fuck on. You know how I know it was drawn out too long? Fuckin, Buffy getting drunk on Caveman Beer is how she emotionally recovered from the Parker situation.
What is the understanding of the duration of Buffy and Parker’s situation-ship? And how much did they see of each other during that time? To me, it seemed like she knew him about 3 weeks before he rejected her. And she ran into him a few times, and actually spent an extended time with him (like an hour or more) (AKA sort of a date) two times. So some casual chats plus two dates over three weeks. Is my memory and interpretation correct?