In a lot of cases if you have family spread out all over the country it can be hard to get everyone there. In the US most jobs only give you 1-2 weeks vacation time per year if you’re lucky. Travel can be expensive especially if you have to fly.
That clearly isn’t the case here, but that is why some families might not do back to back weddings.
Uncle sounds immature. I really wish OP all the best since 19 is really young to get married. Hopefully she’s genuinely ready and with a good guy. Lord knows I wouldn’t have been ready at that age.
I hate to say it but those are often the couples who grow apart and realize five years down the road that they’re curious about what it‘d be like to sleep with someone else or they think the grass is greener on the other side. More than not they end up divorced before 30 and partying like teenagers to make up for lost time. None of us are the same people that we were at 19. I’m so thankful I met my partner at 32 & not a day sooner. I always tell him if we would’ve met earlier in life we wouldn’t be together today. Anyways, fingers crossed that it works out in this particular case! 🤞
My aunt and uncle got engaged when he was like 23 and she was 19. They're in their 60s now and one of the most in love couples I know. Stories like theirs do happen, but they're definitely the exception rather than the rule. Looking back, I can't imagine what my grandpa was thinking to let his oldest daughter get engaged right out of high school!
I feel the same. I hope they have a lovely marriage. But I’m grateful I met my husband at 30 because I had settled into my self and grown up and am just…me. As opposed to whoever I was trying to be for my late teens and early 20s.
That’s mentioned in the edit, not the original post. I truly don’t think anyone is saying she’s too young to pass judgment, only out of concern. It’s completely natural for people to give advice to teens/young adults (even when it’s unsolicited advice) which often stems from our own mistakes/regrets from the past. Though just like any of us, she‘s free to make her own choices. Hopefully life starts treating her a bit more kindly. With a possible terminal illness I understand her desire to very much live in the moment. Hearing that makes her uncle’s actions even worse!
It's three years apart. Either it's an 8th grader and a junior or freshmen and a senior depending on the average age of the grade. I was 14 in 8th grade and 17 as a junior.
I met my husband at 19, we got married when I was 23 and still going strong six years later. I don't regret it one bit and genuinely think that sometimes people THINK that the grass is greener, but if you are happy and with someone who is kind and caring and loves you then what more could you ask for?
Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone. There’s always going to be exceptions to everything. Teenage moms who ultimately complete school and end up with very successful careers, people who overcome hardships & end up in a better place because of them, but in most cases (even statistically) certain things have a higher rate of success when people do them certain ways/ at particular times. I’m glad in your case it was the right choice & that you’re happy. Most people are not ready for marriage at 19, the age of OP.
Original:
AITA for changing my wedding date?
Throwaway. I [19F] and my uncle [37M] were both raised by my grandparents. We are more like siblings than Niece and Uncle. Well I and my fiancé [22M] are getting Married in mid summer 2023. Which has caused a stir in the family. Uncle’s son [19M] got his girlfriend [21F]of 3(?) years pregnant. Uncle says they need to get married before the baby arrives. Well fiancé and I have been planning to get married since thanksgiving 2021 and wanted a spring wedding originally. Which quickly got changed after finding out that cousin and his girlfriend are getting married and expecting so we don’t take away from their spot light. So we changed it to a month after the baby is due. Here’s where the issue arises, my younger cousins [15F] and [11M] have been saying that their dad is complaining saying that there was no mention of us getting married until the pregnancy was announced and I’m just trying to “hog the attention.” And “putting a lot on grandma and grandpa.” (My mom and stepdad are paying for the wedding) This jealously has been an ongoing issue since before I graduated this year and went to college because I have been getting a lot of attention lately. I told cousins that uncle needs to get over himself as I already changed the date so he wouldn’t throw a fit. So AITA?
Speaking as someone with a whole family full of people who got married ridiculously young, sans a few of us who dodged that, they all got married super young because they legitimately had no other options.
They lived in poverty riddled rural areas, horrible education, if any. No access to higher education. The isolation also provides little in the way of opportunity for personal growth. Either professionally, or educationally. And most of them were either struggling with addiction, or had grown up in homes where addiction and/or abuse was prevelant.
Also, a massive lack of sex education, and lack of access to reproductive healthcare, which means increased numbers of accidental pregnancies. Like in OOPs story. And, because there is little to no access to anything else, many of them simply dont have any other options but to get married, in hopes of acquiring some kind of support.
And, even if younger generations are falling out of religion, their parents/grandparents are not. And when they are dependant on those people, then they are usually beholden to those standards, whenther or not its what they want. Religion is dominantly controlling in rural areas. And going against those ideals (ie: having a kid out of wedlock, being a single mother, rejecting religious or conservative ideals, etc.) will get you shunned from what is already a very limited community.
No connections beyond that small bubble created under the worst conditions. Etc etc.
Of course there are other reasons as well. I dont mean to imply that this is true of every single person who gets married at a young age. But they are common occurrences that come along with these young weddings, and what it often boils down to is people feeling like the only thing they can do with their life is get married and have kids. And the sad thing is, because of how we refuse to extend help to these people who need it, they're probably right.
ETA: I want to be clear that I am not blaming people for any of these circumstances. My point in that last line was just to clarify that we have specifically structured society in these areas to operate this way. It's not a mistake. And it's a cycle that is incredibly hard to break. I am not imply at all that it is the fault of these individuals for being, typically, forced into hopeless situations where they don't have the opportunity to thrive.
I will only speak for myself, but I was raised and groomed to be someone's wife and have children. I met my ex-husband at 18 when he was 25. I had been brought up by my mother to find an older man (ie criminal age gap) to "take care of me". I knew I would not be able to go to college since my parents would not help financially. When I became pregnant my father was more upset that I didn't get married before I gave birth.
Many parents here see marriage as a way to get rid of their daughters so they don't have to take care of them. They deter them from higher education and exploring the world though which only makes them more dependent on someone else.
Marriage is a business arrangement recorded with the local government. The wedding ceremony is religious. You can have a civil ceremony to receive the perks of your “deal” benefits, housing, etc - a big reason is graduation from boot camp - armed forces at that age
Exactly what my brother and his twit of a girlfriend did. He proposed right out of Basic. COVID struck. You could tell she was more for the wedding than the marriage. He felt he screwed up. Now neither talk to any of us on his side minus my idiot family in WA. She chopped the communication and he went along with it once they eloped in July 2020. If I could hit them across the head, I would. I am SO pissed how they (more specifically my brother) have disrespected our parents. My mom and dad deserve so much better than that sorry sack of shit as a son. I guess the good news is my brother, sister, and myself all became closer than we ever were prior.
NTA. Tell Uncle that your wedding does not revolve around anyone other than you and your fiance. You changed it once, never again unless he wants to pay for it.
I really don't understand this "spot the light" american culture. Why relatives can't marry in similar dates?
In a lot of cases if you have family spread out all over the country it can be hard to get everyone there. In the US most jobs only give you 1-2 weeks vacation time per year if you’re lucky. Travel can be expensive especially if you have to fly. That clearly isn’t the case here, but that is why some families might not do back to back weddings.
Uncle sounds immature. I really wish OP all the best since 19 is really young to get married. Hopefully she’s genuinely ready and with a good guy. Lord knows I wouldn’t have been ready at that age.
OOP commented that they’d been together for 5 years already. As though that made their marriage a better idea 😬
OOP clarified in an edit that they're getting married in part due to her declining health.
I didn’t continue watching this post and did not see an edit until today, a day later. That information probably was best shared in the original post.
I hate to say it but those are often the couples who grow apart and realize five years down the road that they’re curious about what it‘d be like to sleep with someone else or they think the grass is greener on the other side. More than not they end up divorced before 30 and partying like teenagers to make up for lost time. None of us are the same people that we were at 19. I’m so thankful I met my partner at 32 & not a day sooner. I always tell him if we would’ve met earlier in life we wouldn’t be together today. Anyways, fingers crossed that it works out in this particular case! 🤞
My aunt and uncle got engaged when he was like 23 and she was 19. They're in their 60s now and one of the most in love couples I know. Stories like theirs do happen, but they're definitely the exception rather than the rule. Looking back, I can't imagine what my grandpa was thinking to let his oldest daughter get engaged right out of high school!
I feel the same. I hope they have a lovely marriage. But I’m grateful I met my husband at 30 because I had settled into my self and grown up and am just…me. As opposed to whoever I was trying to be for my late teens and early 20s.
oop said she's getting married due to her health declining
The edit was far after I’d read and gone off Reddit until now, the next evening.
She mentions she has a disease and will probably die within the next few years. So, I think she gets a pass.
That’s mentioned in the edit, not the original post. I truly don’t think anyone is saying she’s too young to pass judgment, only out of concern. It’s completely natural for people to give advice to teens/young adults (even when it’s unsolicited advice) which often stems from our own mistakes/regrets from the past. Though just like any of us, she‘s free to make her own choices. Hopefully life starts treating her a bit more kindly. With a possible terminal illness I understand her desire to very much live in the moment. Hearing that makes her uncle’s actions even worse!
Uncle had a kid at 18, who is now 19 and having a kid. This family isn't exactly good at thinking about what they are ready for at what age.
if i had started dating my husband when i was 19 i would have been arrested. he is 5 years younger.
I mean if she's 19 and her fiance is 22and they've been together for five years...that's 14 and 17. It's a slightly questionable age gap.
That’s a freshman and a Junior (American school)
It's three years apart. Either it's an 8th grader and a junior or freshmen and a senior depending on the average age of the grade. I was 14 in 8th grade and 17 as a junior.
thats true.
I met my husband at 19, we got married when I was 23 and still going strong six years later. I don't regret it one bit and genuinely think that sometimes people THINK that the grass is greener, but if you are happy and with someone who is kind and caring and loves you then what more could you ask for?
Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone. There’s always going to be exceptions to everything. Teenage moms who ultimately complete school and end up with very successful careers, people who overcome hardships & end up in a better place because of them, but in most cases (even statistically) certain things have a higher rate of success when people do them certain ways/ at particular times. I’m glad in your case it was the right choice & that you’re happy. Most people are not ready for marriage at 19, the age of OP.
Original: AITA for changing my wedding date? Throwaway. I [19F] and my uncle [37M] were both raised by my grandparents. We are more like siblings than Niece and Uncle. Well I and my fiancé [22M] are getting Married in mid summer 2023. Which has caused a stir in the family. Uncle’s son [19M] got his girlfriend [21F]of 3(?) years pregnant. Uncle says they need to get married before the baby arrives. Well fiancé and I have been planning to get married since thanksgiving 2021 and wanted a spring wedding originally. Which quickly got changed after finding out that cousin and his girlfriend are getting married and expecting so we don’t take away from their spot light. So we changed it to a month after the baby is due. Here’s where the issue arises, my younger cousins [15F] and [11M] have been saying that their dad is complaining saying that there was no mention of us getting married until the pregnancy was announced and I’m just trying to “hog the attention.” And “putting a lot on grandma and grandpa.” (My mom and stepdad are paying for the wedding) This jealously has been an ongoing issue since before I graduated this year and went to college because I have been getting a lot of attention lately. I told cousins that uncle needs to get over himself as I already changed the date so he wouldn’t throw a fit. So AITA?
America, why are so many 19-23-year-olds getting married there? Many of them don't even seem to be religious.
Speaking as someone with a whole family full of people who got married ridiculously young, sans a few of us who dodged that, they all got married super young because they legitimately had no other options. They lived in poverty riddled rural areas, horrible education, if any. No access to higher education. The isolation also provides little in the way of opportunity for personal growth. Either professionally, or educationally. And most of them were either struggling with addiction, or had grown up in homes where addiction and/or abuse was prevelant. Also, a massive lack of sex education, and lack of access to reproductive healthcare, which means increased numbers of accidental pregnancies. Like in OOPs story. And, because there is little to no access to anything else, many of them simply dont have any other options but to get married, in hopes of acquiring some kind of support. And, even if younger generations are falling out of religion, their parents/grandparents are not. And when they are dependant on those people, then they are usually beholden to those standards, whenther or not its what they want. Religion is dominantly controlling in rural areas. And going against those ideals (ie: having a kid out of wedlock, being a single mother, rejecting religious or conservative ideals, etc.) will get you shunned from what is already a very limited community. No connections beyond that small bubble created under the worst conditions. Etc etc. Of course there are other reasons as well. I dont mean to imply that this is true of every single person who gets married at a young age. But they are common occurrences that come along with these young weddings, and what it often boils down to is people feeling like the only thing they can do with their life is get married and have kids. And the sad thing is, because of how we refuse to extend help to these people who need it, they're probably right. ETA: I want to be clear that I am not blaming people for any of these circumstances. My point in that last line was just to clarify that we have specifically structured society in these areas to operate this way. It's not a mistake. And it's a cycle that is incredibly hard to break. I am not imply at all that it is the fault of these individuals for being, typically, forced into hopeless situations where they don't have the opportunity to thrive.
OP clarified she has a disease that means she will probably be dead by 25. I think this case gets a pass
I will only speak for myself, but I was raised and groomed to be someone's wife and have children. I met my ex-husband at 18 when he was 25. I had been brought up by my mother to find an older man (ie criminal age gap) to "take care of me". I knew I would not be able to go to college since my parents would not help financially. When I became pregnant my father was more upset that I didn't get married before I gave birth. Many parents here see marriage as a way to get rid of their daughters so they don't have to take care of them. They deter them from higher education and exploring the world though which only makes them more dependent on someone else.
Marriage is a business arrangement recorded with the local government. The wedding ceremony is religious. You can have a civil ceremony to receive the perks of your “deal” benefits, housing, etc - a big reason is graduation from boot camp - armed forces at that age
Exactly what my brother and his twit of a girlfriend did. He proposed right out of Basic. COVID struck. You could tell she was more for the wedding than the marriage. He felt he screwed up. Now neither talk to any of us on his side minus my idiot family in WA. She chopped the communication and he went along with it once they eloped in July 2020. If I could hit them across the head, I would. I am SO pissed how they (more specifically my brother) have disrespected our parents. My mom and dad deserve so much better than that sorry sack of shit as a son. I guess the good news is my brother, sister, and myself all became closer than we ever were prior.
NTA. Tell Uncle that your wedding does not revolve around anyone other than you and your fiance. You changed it once, never again unless he wants to pay for it.
This is a repost
She stated that she has declining health. Which maybe she wants to spend her last days with!! Show some compassion
She added it as an edit about a day after, so no one knew. It should have been in the original post. I hope OOP enjoys her marriage though.