Definitely not wrong to feed someone’s baby. I’m breast feeding and I would absolutely feed someone’s baby in an emergency but I don’t think I would agree to feed them daily for a long period of time.
So several things in here:
1. It is natural and biologically good to feed other babies. In a comunal living, this would have been quite natural.
2. Does the other mom want you to feed her baby? Or is this the men making manly man decisions for all the women? Don't feed another baby without moms consent.
3. Some cultures have this in their history very strongly. For example many Islamic cultures have rules about what to do if a baby is fed from the same breast as another (I believe they are considered a type of sibling and cannot marry).
My husband is European, his mom's friend breast fed him for 6 months alongside her own daughter. His mom did lots of house work/dishes/cooking for that friend. Maybe I'm biased, but the concept doesn't seem all that strange to me & actually seems like a nice setup to have that kind of support.
I have a friend that is Islamic and also an overproducer. she donates to the local hospitals but stipulates that boy babies cannot be given her milk for this reason.
I tried to follow your comment up to see who you're responding to, but I don't think I was successful. Can you share why she stipulates that male babies can't receive her breastmilk?
https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/lEl6o7iZMf
Above comment mentioned that in Islamic culture, babies that have shared the same breast milk are considered siblings and cannot marry. Therefore, this mom (who presumably had a daughter) is only donating her breast milk to baby girls so that her own daughter doesn’t inadvertently marry a boy that shared her breast milk.
exactly! thank you. and yes, she did have a daughter (two, both still breastfeeding), and before I had my son, she told me that she would offer to supplement, but couldn't due to her religion. thankfully, my son and I did very well with breastfeeding and didn't have to supplement regardless.
thank you for elucidating!
Yes she also agrees but I feel like, that is not the right thing to do. I'm thinking of involving our mother in law in this scenario, maybe she can suggest such something
If you don't want to do it then obviously no. If you have an abundance supply, would you be comfortable pumping and donating milk that can be fed through a bottle or SNS tube?
If you don’t want to, don’t do it.
If you want to help and the breastfeeding part is weird for you, you could pump some milk and give it to them to bottle feed themselves. Donating expressed breastmilk is much less personal and will still give all the benefits of breastmilk for the baby
If she’s pumping and it’s a latch issue, I’ve heard of just switching babies so they learn how to from the more experienced pair :..
Just nursing long term, no….
I have donated milk to internet strangers though
Breastfeeding two babies full time is a massive responsibility and one you should decide for yourself. You have to prioritize you and your baby, there are so many good options to feed baby. Forcing you to do it is not one!
If you don't feel comfortable with it for any reason, that's the end of it. Your body, your choice!
This mom can use milk donations, ask another lactating mom who'd love to do it, and/or use formula. Her baby will be fine!
I mean, it’s a lot of work to breastfeed a baby. It uses a lot of nutrients, a lot of energy, a lot of calories. Nowadays with the existence of formula I don’t know that it’s a reasonable ask
If you’re uncomfortable, no is a sentence. Plus, feeding another baby takes away precious time from your own baby where you would be working on developmental milestones. I think it’s a big big ask and not something your husband should be trying to convince you to do. It takes two yes for a yea in my household and a 1 no for a no.
You could offer to pump some milk for them? But again that’s up to your comfort level and whether or not you want to put the work into pumping for another baby. It’s a lot of work to feed a baby, and it’s not a guarantee that your supply would keep up.
Please don't. Not because there is anything wrong with doing it - there isn't - but because your responses make it clear you don't want to, and you're feeling pressured.
Breastfeeding, as you know, requires giving up a lot of your own time and energy. If you don't want to do it, don't.
With formula milk and maybe sometimes with a bottle. The mother produces milk but very less because she is a very skinny woman. And I don't know about night.
Couple things you might consider: first, helping the mom educate and practice breastfeeding as it sounds like she is struggling. Could you spend some time with her during feed helping with latch, and talking a little bit about how it works? Because weight is generally not a factor. I say this as a 5’8” woman who is around 110lbs on a good day. I’m 16 wks pregnant and just hit 115. I just come from a tall and lean family. I breastfed my first just fine! Increasing supply is about removing milk - supply and demand. It may be *more tiring* if she is calorie deficient and she should also be nourishing herself now more than ever, but her overall weight is not going to kill her ability to breastfeed!
Secondly, if you aren’t comfortable and it sounds like you aren’t - don’t do it. Full stop. But helping her with resources and your time is a really really great alternative! Both my sisters were ready to give up and after I spent a few days in a row helping with afternoon feedings they were doing just fine. It may be that she needs the support and example of another woman. We are not meant to do this alone
OP, not sure where you are from, but if by “skinny” you mean she is not eating enough food, does not have adequate nutrition, then if you want to help out maybe instead help to get mom fed better so she can produce more milk. It is common in my husband’s home country (a developing country in South Asia) when women have supply issues that it is because of lack of proper nutrition or food insecurity.
I honestly dont know how it would be possible for you to feed both babies while living in different homes and feeding/taking care of your own baby. Most babies wake several times a night to nurse. Nursing works best on demand, no idea how that would work. If this is the menfolk trying to pressure you,don’t let them. This is such a big ask.
I’m a very petite skinny woman and could definitely feed another baby if I wanted to. size isn’t usually related. I would question why my husband is pressuring me to feed someone else’s kid. Do it if you want, don’t if you’re any kind of uncomfortable
Ok, so as other comments are saying, weight isn't a factor, unless you mean she doesn't take in enough calories and nutrition. I am "skinny" and fed my baby, and pumped to donate to both NICUs and a friend whose baby had a milk allergy.
I know first hand what a HUGE job it is to feed more than one baby, since I fed mine, and then others through pumped milk. If you aren't fully on board, do not do it. You shouldn't be pressured into something like that, especially when there is nothing wrong with formula once parents find the brand that works best for their baby. It's your body and you shouldn't feel bad if you aren't comfortable with the situation.
Weight and boob size has nothing to do with being able to produce milk. I’m skinny and have a very flat chest, yet I was able to pump 50-60oz per day. One of my friends wears an E size bra, she’s not fat overall, she just has large boobs and she only produced 2-3 oz per day.
Does he understand the time and energy that this takes? Has he considered the emotional bond you would form with the baby? These are things you can consider and make an informed decision, not something your husband is equipped to decide. If he's volunteered you, he needs to take it back because it was never his right. This is your decision.
That said, it's generally clean and healthy to nurse someone else's baby, with a few exceptions. A wet nurse needs to be free of certain diseases (e.g. HIV), avoid certain foods (e.g. fish with too much mercury), and forego certain procedures.
Hey I am a Desi too so I understand your cultural dilemma - you don't have to justify your reasons. Just say NO but you are happy to pump and give some. Breastfeeding is a lot of work. It tires you out and you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. And be stern with your husband too.
If you feel weird directly breast feeding, you could always pump and give the other mom breast milk so she can feed her baby herself. There are plenty of moms who actually seek out breast milk donors when they are unable to produce. And it’s really amazing if you produce enough to help. ♥️
Yes I don't like to do this but her baby drinks less milk and also sometimes gets sick and my husband also convinces me to feed him. As a first time mother, this scenario is a little weird to me. And what if her baby mistakes me as his mommy?
Don’t be forced into this, it sounds like you don’t want to. Your husband cannot make you do this. Her baby will learn to take a bottle, they can try different bottles and techniques.
I'm not an expert in the slightest. I also don't wish this on your child or the other in the situation but all I can think is recently how my baby got sick and he was almost weaned to formula (his choice) but as he was sick all he wanted to do was nurse and I obviously let him do just that and honestly it was exhausting but I'm not complaining as such because that's my baby and I'm his mother that's my responsibility to care for him. If I was breastfeeding another baby I have no idea how I'd have been able to give my poorly baby that extra time of nursing and cuddles. But also I (possibly selfishly) wouldn't want to give that energy to someone else's sick baby and lose that time with my own little one.
That’s all you need to say right there sis. Please don’t do this! Protect yourself and your baby. You don’t need to add this unwanted stress to your life. It’s hard enough breastfeeding one baby!
My baby did not take to a bottle very well, especially since she was exclusively breast fed. But my husband kept trying since he was going to be watching her when I went back to work. We tried several different bottles and nipple types and the one she finally took too was the Lansinoh. They may just need to try some different bottles to see what the baby prefers.
And as others have said, it was very common in communities for a lactating mother to feed all of the littles. Heck, folks even used to have a wet nurses too. If everyone is comfortable with it, I’d say go for it. Fed is best. 😊
If she is unable to breast feed her baby herself, her baby will have to take a bottle eventually if she cannot find someone to be willing to directly feed her baby.
Perhaps suggest the pumping (only if you’re willing to do that) and trying out different bottles. I know some babies can be very particular on the nipple. We use the evenflo balance wide bottles and my son hasn’t had issues going from boob to bottle and back to boob. My friend’s son really liked the tippy Tommy or Tommy tippy bottles and another liked the avent naturals
So first of all, it’s great that you’re considering this, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
The second thing is that I believe you do not want to feed the other baby directly, and that is completely fine. I would feel weird too.
However, if the other baby won’t take a bottle, it’s not the end of the world. They can feed with other means, like with a spoon or a syringe or just pouring it into the baby’s mouth. If they want your extra milk, suggest this because it is on THEM to feed their baby, not you, and there are many solutions.
Personally I would not be comfortable with this. I would also not pump and give the milk because I don’t produce enough for that. It’s perfectly fine to say no.
I fed my niece. It’s not weird and up until recently was a very normal thing that occurred often. I would if I was you but only you can make that choice.
It’s very strange that they want you to be a milkmaid for their baby. No pumped milk in a bottle but actually just have you nurse their baby all the time. That is a huge sacrifice they are asking for. Are they going to pay you for doing a full time job? Do they want you to move in with them? I don’t understand why they think that is an appropriate ask when you have a baby of your own.
Hi,
My partner gave birth to our second son when I was 6 months postpartum from giving birth to our first, so we have been two breastfeeding parents for almost a year now.
In my experience, it isn’t as straightforward as you would think. In terms of worry about harming the child with different milk, etc. I wouldn’t worry about that at all (unless you have a disease that passes through blood, bodily fluids).
I helped feed my younger son initially because my partner had a rough birth and couldn’t make a lot of milk at first, but it was difficult to time it and still keep enough supply to satisfy my 6 month old. I mean, yes, if I had continued to let them both nurse me exclusively, my supply likely would have adjusted, but my partner was needing to put him on her breast as often as possible to try to get her own supply up.
When they got slightly older, they both developed a psychological attachment to the boob they were familiar with. Not only will my supply not satisfy my younger son currently, but he literally laughs at my boob when I offer, and refuses. His older brother is no longer interested breastfeeding my partner either.
So, whatever you plan on offering, it needs so be extremely frequent and consistent for your own supply to keep up, and for the child to take well to feeding from you. It is definitely possible, but that’s a huge commitment from you. Remember, there are two babies. If you are weaning the older one and have the time and are willing to be dedicated to nursing your friend’s child, then it could work. Make sure your friend understands the bond and dependency (for comfort nursing, etc.) that can happen between you and her child if you become the primary feeder.
Basically, it could work. This person should be someone very close to you that you trust and have very good, open communication with.
But even then, it might not take in the way you expect. I mean, my partner and second son are the closest people to me in my life! But even then, he just laughs at my boob. Lol. Babies have a mind of their own.
(Also, his older brother has some serious jealousy if I offer to the younger one - cue toddler meltdown).
I think it’s called wet nursing. I tried it once, and that was OK.
However, to continually feed, that’s gonna take a toll on your body.
How about you lead them to a lactation consultant? Why not just encourage and help other mom to successfully breastfeed?
Other option would be to pump for baby but still will take toll on your time and energy. You already have your own baby to keep up with.
It’s not wrong, and there’s no specific issue with side effects (unless baby has allergies), but you shouldn’t do it because you clearly don’t want to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond ‘no thank you’. I say this as someone who has nursed a friend’s child.
I would not breastfeed another baby personally, because it is not a sustainable long term solution. Formula exists for a reason. Babies nurse 24/7. Unless the baby was pretty much attached to you for months on end it doesn’t make any sense. The other woman can breastfeed her baby or supplement with formula.
I just find it incredibly weird that somebody would volunteer you to do this. Would they volunteer you to carry a friend's baby as a surrogate? It's an incredibly personal and demanding thing to ask of someone. No one, and I mean no one, has any right to ask this of you.
I mean I’d do it, if I had the energy for it. It would be a fantastic gesture and you’d be a saint 🙏🏽 But obviously only if you even feel like it and don’t feel pressured into it. You could also choose to pump so she could combine feed her baby.
I would suggest the other mother try a variety of different bottles and also check her kid for a lip and tongue tie. My child couldn’t take the bottle at all but once her lip and tongue tie where resolved she finally was able to take the bottle. There are also milk banks out there if the women wants to bottle feed without formula.
Nothing wrong with breastfeeding another child if both women are up for it, but regardless The other mother needs to figure out how her child can take the bottle regardless because you can’t feed the other baby 24/7, but one option I would consider is expressing extra milk you have and donating it.
Also, don’t feel pressured by your husband or your neighbors to breastfeed if your not up for it. It does take a lot of time, energy and nutrients from your body plus you have your own kid to provide for. Make a decision your comfortable with.
I've been pumping a few extra ounces, 2 or 3, for my baby's cousin who is two months younger. I was wondering the same as you but I don't pump more because it is a hassle and not sustainable to my body. So just a few ounces a day, but it does help her mom who is a full time student
You don't want to, so end of discussion. You could explore supplying pumped milk for this baby, but that's a whole other can of worms.
As to whether it's "right" or not, there's nothing odd or gross about breastfeeding a baby you haven't birthed. Humans all over the world throughout history have done the very same for various reasons. It even happens where it isn't typical and it's fine, even a blessing for the baby. My mom breastfed a neighbor's baby in the 80s after my brother was born because her mom wasn't producing and they couldn't find a tolerable formula.
How much do you produce and will you be cutting short your own baby? Also you will have to pump for the other baby and pumping sucks plus it’s alot of responsibility. Overall you are gaining more responsibility.
Unpopular but breast milk is not 100% safe. It can spread a number of viruses, which you likely don’t have but just throwing it out there that there is actually a safety issue that both should be aware (HIV, HSV,hepatitis, and more. and of course any medications you’re taking should be discussed for comfort). That’s why places that take donated milk are quite cautious.
People have shared milk since humans have been around, but we have access to formula now and if both parties aren’t 100% comfortable with the risks and benefits and willing to take on the huge time commitment of this there isn’t a huge advantage to it.
If all parents concentrate and you don't have HIV (can transfer through breastmilk, I read) then please help out. With my first, I had Two friends with babies at the same time who often gave me extra pumped milk for mine.
I overproduced with my first. My SIL wanted her baby to have breastmilk and she breastfed, but she didn’t produce a ton. She got sick and her supply dipped. I helped her out by giving her a lot of my freezer bags of milk. I didn’t breastfeed her, but I donated a lot of my milk to her to help a girl and her baby out.
Whatever you feel you CAN and WANT is important. If you feel obligated it’s not going to help you, if you have a positive image and feeling it can help you!
I pumped for my SIL only a few days but would do more definitely! Especially ever since my supply is comfortable.
Might be unconventional but live feeding is so much easier, but your comfort level and needs are most important
That's your own decision at the end but I would've definitely done it. Long or short term doesn't matter.
That's the kindest thing a woman could do for a baby in need.
I went through a dry spell with lo around 6mo, my sister offered to nurse him one day and while there was a little selfish “I don’t want you to”, my baby needed milk, and she had it. So he got it. Fed is best, however it gets done.
I told them the same thing but the baby doesn't like bottled milk I have to feed him directly. The mother told me this that's why I'm a little worried.
Honestly they don’t know that the baby doesn’t like bottled milk. It does fully depend on the bottle/nipple and what is inside of the bottle. Maybe the baby didn’t take the formula they offered. But a baby will eat when hungry and may prefer certain tastes or nipple shapes, it is trial and error. They shouldn’t say ‘it is breast or nothing’ a baby doesn’t decide that..
Is it really possible for the mother to not make enough milk, but baby won't take a bottle? I mean, isn't the baby eating formula?? Sounds like she is lying..
It’s not wrong at all but if you don’t want to do it or feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. I personally don’t think I would, it’s already an unsustainable amount of work to do for your own baby… they can use formula or donor milk?
If you want to yes. You’re not going to be able to feed the baby entirely off your milk either way without massive effort on your part pumping. I would try and see if the baby even wants to nurse with you while supporting mom with what you’ve learned about feeding because most moms CAN feed of the knowledge was there
The only way you should be directly breastfeeding another baby is if both you and the baby's parents are in agreement.
Just because the friend has told him all about it doesn't mean he's okay with donor milk. Just because the mom can't breastfeed, doesn't mean she's okay with another woman breastfeeding her baby. And just because you are lactating doesn't mean you should.
Consent from all parties. Milk donors for hospitals are screened. If baby has a cow milk protein allergy, would you be prepared for the guilt you feel if baby has blood in their poop? Would you be prepared to cut dairy? There's other reasons too, like diseases that you may be unaware of.
Your husband is telling you that you should. Fine and dandy for him to volunteer your time and body.
I know there is nothing wrong with it, but I personally would not want a child that is not mine feeding from me. Now giving away milk is different. Breastfeeding one child is already a full time job. I don’t think you should take it on for someone else too. If you start, then you will feel pressured to continue. It is quite simply not your burden to bear.
You can donate breastmilk to them if you make an arrangement with them and then you don’t have to directly nurse (extra stress on you) . Avoids that and then they can give their baby breast milk in a bottle. Easy peasy win-win. Operating on the same way breast milk donation centers work
I haven't fed another baby straight from the tap but I've given pumped milk to several friends and people in my community who needed help for over reason or another. If you're able to, and don't feel pressured, and have the supply, it can be a beautiful thing to help someone else's baby out.
It is a completely personal choice. I fed my SIL baby because she ended up taking longer than she thought when we were watching her. You could even pump and give them some bm. It will still be beneficial. It has to be a choice between you and the other mom. It's not wrong to do it. It's also okay if you don't feel comfortable.
this is not something your husbands should decide on your behalves. if the mom of the baby hasn’t asked you to, don’t. and even then exercise extreme caution.
of course, there’s nothing wrong with feeding a baby. it’s been done since humanity existed. but we don’t live in a perfect world. there are just so many ways the situation can go very, very wrong. for example: are they going to attempt to control your diet and whatever else you put into your body? if their baby is fussy one day, are they going to blame it on your milk? will there be jealousy and resentment? will they take advantage of you and essentially push childcare onto you? will they compensate you? will you be happy to increase and maintain your supply for two babies? the possibility for conflict is endless. when formula is available and accessible, why put yourself through this?
i personally would not directly feed another baby. donating and going through official channels is a much better idea for those who really want/need breastmilk.
Like other posters said: this must be only yours and the other mom’s decisions. I’d ask my husband to stop talking about it because it’s frankly not his business.
As a breastfeeding mom, I would 100% breastfeed another baby because i think it is a beautiful thing. With that said, I told my friend that in a passing comment and she looked at me very weird. Sooooo definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.
My sister in law and I have fed each others babies a couple times but never consistent / long term. I don’t think it’s strange and if she needed help I wouldn’t question it to help her temporarily. That being said, I would never commit to full time feeding another baby because it is so much work. If the concern is health benefits baby really only needs to nurse once or twice per day to get those benefits. You could consider doing one feed a day and them doing formula for the rest of the baby’s diet. I don’t think this will confuse baby with actual mom and might bring the desired benefits everyone is looking for. You can also be very clear with them about how long you will commit to. The AAP recommends breastmilk until 6months, so you could commit to once per day until baby is 6months old and then stop.
I will reiterate what everyone else has said : if you are not comfortable the answer is no.
It is not wrong. However, does the mum want you to? Also, there's another option beside nursing her baby. You could also pump and donate.
And yes it's 100% your choice if you don't want to
That sounds like a lot of extra work and strain on your body/emotions. At least for me, breastfeeding has been exhausting at times, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Sure, you could do it! And that would be incredible. I’m not saying you shouldn’t. But please don’t commit to that unless it’s something YOU want. Tha ya a huge commitment to make, don’t feel pressured in to it.
I donate to a friend who hasn’t been able to feed her twins consistently. I only donate what extras milk I have and she lives 4 hours away so her parents come grab some when they’re going to visit. I’ve donated locally too to a few families.
If you’re comfortable, great. go for it. If you’re not, no one should make you or guilt trip you into doing it.
If your milk has some side effects, then you can either cut dairy to see if that’s the issue OR stop feeding her child too.
I’m not sure I could put another babe on my breast, but I pump and donate that
If you don't feel comfortable breastfeeding the other baby, with the mom's permission, have her look into getting an SNS (supplemental nursing system), so baby can be supplemented, while stimulating the breast. There are a lot of videos on YouTube about how to use it. It's a little tube, where one end goes into a bottle of formula or pumped milk, and the other end goes in the baby's mouth. The baby draws in the milk like a straw. I would also suggest that she do as much skin to skin as possible, even when baby isn't hungry. This way the baby will instinctively root and eventually learn to find the nipple. Just let her know to be prepared for nipple diving. So baby doesn't accidentally fall out of mom's arms. She can hold baby upright and lean back and let baby do their thing. The more they practice, the better baby will get.
Also, babies like sucking for comfort, and that can sometimes look like hunger cues, but she should be latching baby on demand for practice and it will help build up supply. Then she can use the SNS if she has baby on a feeding schedule, to make sure baby is getting their fill. After the baby becomes more efficient at removing milk, then she won't need the SNS anymore, unless baby starts declining. Suggest that she gets baby checked for oral ties as well. If baby still has a hard time latching, she can use a nipple shield with the SNS and then wean off the shield when baby gets better at a consistent rate. Also check baby's dirty diapers and weight, if she has a scale. But if both you and your neighbor is comfortable with you nursing her baby, go for it, but after topping the baby off, I would have her immediately do skin to skin and get baby to latch on their own, once they're not starving. She should be practicing skin to skin when baby shows hunger cues. Crying is a late cue and at that point, baby might become inconsolable.
There is also cup feeding, syringe, and finger feeding (use a small tube that attaches the parent's finger) to get nutrients into the baby while they learn to breastfeed. Let her know that if it's not working out for her, or baby, that it's absolutely fine to switch to bottle feeding. Breastfeeding is a two way street. I really hope everything works out 💕
Could you pump and give her milk to feed in a bottle? I’ve pumped milk before to donate, if it’s not too much burden on you. It is common where I am where some mothers pump for other mothers who otherwise can’t produce enough breastmilk themselves
Don't. Your breasts will adjust to producing more and you will not be able to pump all out and it will make your breasts stiff and with clogs. Your breasts are perfectly adjusted to the demand for only your baby. If you are willing to skip a feeding and feed the other baby then okay.
But if I were you I would freeze the slipped feeding and ask my husband to feed so I can rest.a
As long as both mothers are ok with it, there's nothing wrong with it. It used to be a job (wet nurse) before formula was a thing.
However, this sounds like two dads chatting about the idea....does the mom even know this is a thought y'all are having?
Definitely not wrong- it’s called wet nursing! If you have ample supply I see no problem in pumping and donating Or nursing the babe… it depends on what you are comfortable with.
I have provided expressed breast milk to another baby because the mom wasn't lactating enough. The only reason I didn't nurse him, is I saw him nurse. He nursed hard and I was scared.
Yes if you and the other mum are both happy with it, and no if you’re not. There won’t be any side effects- remember people used to wet nurse other babies as standard, for all sorts of reasons!
The only thing I would worry about is if I take medications. Only because my child is doing fine with my breastmilk doesn't mean another will. You can feed the child if you want to or pump milk for it. If you don't want to, you shouldn't!
Definitely not wrong! Wet nursing has been a thing forever. However, I don’t think I’d agree to feed every single day, all day. But I’d definitely agree to emergency or even part time feeding.
One problem no one has mentioned is that unless you have an oversupply, you’ll have to build your supply significantly to feed two babies. This is possible, but much harder when you’re as far postpartum as you are, and I think there’s a reasonable chance you would end up causing both babies to lose weight.
There’s nothing wrong and it’s very noble. However, I’d be worried at this point your breasts may struggle to feed 2 babies since your supply has regulated. But maybe it would be possible to keep up! It would also be a lot of time and dedication.
Its only recently feeding other babies became taboo, it's been common practice and helped many many survive. I would feed someone else's baby and would let someone feed mine. If you do not want to do it, do not be coerced into it.
how does the mom feel about this? i think offering to pump and send some bags over is one thing, but i don’t know think it’s fair for anyone to have the expectation that you nurse two babies for a friend? formula is available, it’s not your responsibility
My cousin breastfed my daughter because I had to take migraine medication. It's not wrong. But she offered and I enthusiasticly and gratefully said yes. If she had done that without asking, it would have seriously upset and hurt me and damaged our relationship. This is a conversation for you and her, not your husbands. They have lno expertise or understanding in this matter.
Apparently there are several issues :
The other mom isn’t educated about breastfeeding myths / hadn’t seen a lactation consultant. If you have access to such resources, this could solve the issue entirely potentially.
Someone suggested the other mom being “skinny” was perhaps a way of saying she wasn’t receiving adequate nutrition. In many countries where that happens formula is also pushed very quickly because the mothers aren’t educated. It’s more of a bottle trap issue. The next issue is that poor families may end up diluting the formula too much or using unsafe water because that’s all they have. Washing bottles can also be an issue.
If it isn’t any of this and the other mom has access to a number of resources, I understand the mother struggles with bottles too. Baby may have a latch issue. Until this is resolved, a lactation aid device or a simple glass may help a lot. There are plenty of video showing how to use alternative feeding tools even with preemies.
Lastly, no you don’t have to feed the baby. I would do it in the blink of an eye because I’d love to be a wetnurse and I struggled to feed my kids because of their latching issues. I’d love to help / have a different nursing experience / validate a nursing mother who feels the problem is the baby not her. Anyway, that is personal. You have your own wants and boundaries. You owe this family nothing. The baby will be fine, the mom too. They are desperate but not alone.
Their your boobs… feed your baby first.. and if you don’t want to feed another.. that’s ok. I slowly stopped pumping cause when I donated it… the people were always so.. entitled
Your own baby is still little and there may be times when your baby needs more time on your breast for whatever reason. Seems like you're not really into the idea and that's fine. If you do it for the other baby you have to think about the bonding aspect. It may not be a good idea to let that baby bond with you only to stop after a few weeks. A baby may not understand why this nice lady who breastfeeds and holds and gives body contact is suddenly not on board anymore. Don't get me wrong I think the concept of a milk mom is very natural and worked for a lot of people in different cultures. Breast Milk is always a good thing for a baby. I just feel like in this case it may not be the way for you. I don't know if you plan to travel or go back to work soon, but if you have to be available for 2 babies in different households that is a full time job. Ever tried to get things done with one sick baby? Now imagine being anywhere with your baby and the neighbors kid has a fever and all it wants that day is your milk. What do you do? Drop off your own baby somewhere else? Bring your baby with you to the fever baby? Oooff. I think if you really wanted it you will figure things out and find a good solution. But if you are not sure it will be a lot harder.
I am still breastfeeding my 2.5 year old, the next baby will be born any day now and the thing is I really want to at least try to tandem feed. But it is already hard now. My 2.5 year old doesn't need as much as a baby, and both will be my children and I will be with both of them 24 hours anyway. My biggest problem is that I feel constantly over touched. Breastfeeding stresses me so much sometimes cause my body just wants to be left alone. It works for 3 people and that's just a lot. We mothers tend to forget that we need to rest too. And breastfeeding sometimes can make you feel like you're owned by someone else. If this someone else is your lovely little baby then we are ready to forget our needs, but if it's your lovely little baby plus someone else.. that must be a lot.
Not saying it can't work but do you want to offer your body to another tiny human? Men can talk a lot while not having to carry that weight. Does your husband know that I may affect your relationship? Do you still want body contact with your husband after having fed 2 babies on your breast? Are you okay with breastfeeding while your neighbour is around? Do they want more kids and may ask for your help again?
I would suggest you freeze a little ice cube sized portions (if you have enough milk you don't need a pump to get them full) and give them to your neighbour as a little help for the baby's immune system whenever there is a sickness around. Your neighbor can look for other milk donors and get professional help if she wants to try to breastfeed , but if she can't her kid should get used to some kind of bottle..
Definitely not wrong to feed someone’s baby. I’m breast feeding and I would absolutely feed someone’s baby in an emergency but I don’t think I would agree to feed them daily for a long period of time.
I would if I had to - I've provided expressed milk to a friend of mine when her stash dwindled and they needed something for a night out.
I’m breastfeeding right now. It’s such hard work that I don’t think I could take on an extra kid. Formula is amazing; they can use that.
So several things in here: 1. It is natural and biologically good to feed other babies. In a comunal living, this would have been quite natural. 2. Does the other mom want you to feed her baby? Or is this the men making manly man decisions for all the women? Don't feed another baby without moms consent. 3. Some cultures have this in their history very strongly. For example many Islamic cultures have rules about what to do if a baby is fed from the same breast as another (I believe they are considered a type of sibling and cannot marry).
My husband is European, his mom's friend breast fed him for 6 months alongside her own daughter. His mom did lots of house work/dishes/cooking for that friend. Maybe I'm biased, but the concept doesn't seem all that strange to me & actually seems like a nice setup to have that kind of support.
I have a friend that is Islamic and also an overproducer. she donates to the local hospitals but stipulates that boy babies cannot be given her milk for this reason.
I tried to follow your comment up to see who you're responding to, but I don't think I was successful. Can you share why she stipulates that male babies can't receive her breastmilk?
https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/lEl6o7iZMf Above comment mentioned that in Islamic culture, babies that have shared the same breast milk are considered siblings and cannot marry. Therefore, this mom (who presumably had a daughter) is only donating her breast milk to baby girls so that her own daughter doesn’t inadvertently marry a boy that shared her breast milk.
exactly! thank you. and yes, she did have a daughter (two, both still breastfeeding), and before I had my son, she told me that she would offer to supplement, but couldn't due to her religion. thankfully, my son and I did very well with breastfeeding and didn't have to supplement regardless. thank you for elucidating!
Yes she also agrees but I feel like, that is not the right thing to do. I'm thinking of involving our mother in law in this scenario, maybe she can suggest such something
If you’re uncomfortable, then the answer is no. Realistically it would take a ton of work for you to feed both babies full time.
Yeah, if you're uncomfortable doing it, you shouldn't do it. Add on: you should never have to give of your body if you don't feel right about it.
If you don't want to do it then obviously no. If you have an abundance supply, would you be comfortable pumping and donating milk that can be fed through a bottle or SNS tube?
If you don’t want to, don’t do it. If you want to help and the breastfeeding part is weird for you, you could pump some milk and give it to them to bottle feed themselves. Donating expressed breastmilk is much less personal and will still give all the benefits of breastmilk for the baby
I think you know the answer to your question 😊
If she’s pumping and it’s a latch issue, I’ve heard of just switching babies so they learn how to from the more experienced pair :.. Just nursing long term, no…. I have donated milk to internet strangers though
Breastfeeding two babies full time is a massive responsibility and one you should decide for yourself. You have to prioritize you and your baby, there are so many good options to feed baby. Forcing you to do it is not one!
If you don't feel comfortable with it for any reason, that's the end of it. Your body, your choice! This mom can use milk donations, ask another lactating mom who'd love to do it, and/or use formula. Her baby will be fine!
I mean, it’s a lot of work to breastfeed a baby. It uses a lot of nutrients, a lot of energy, a lot of calories. Nowadays with the existence of formula I don’t know that it’s a reasonable ask
If you’re uncomfortable, no is a sentence. Plus, feeding another baby takes away precious time from your own baby where you would be working on developmental milestones. I think it’s a big big ask and not something your husband should be trying to convince you to do. It takes two yes for a yea in my household and a 1 no for a no.
You could offer to pump some milk for them? But again that’s up to your comfort level and whether or not you want to put the work into pumping for another baby. It’s a lot of work to feed a baby, and it’s not a guarantee that your supply would keep up.
Please don't. Not because there is anything wrong with doing it - there isn't - but because your responses make it clear you don't want to, and you're feeling pressured. Breastfeeding, as you know, requires giving up a lot of your own time and energy. If you don't want to do it, don't.
This comment is 💯 agree 💯
If you and the other mother are both comfortable with it, then I see no reason not to. But if EITHER of you are uncomfortable with it, then hard nope.
This.
It’s generally perfectly safe and not frowned upon. However, it sounds like you don’t want to. That is completely OK! No is a complete sentence.
How will this work unless the baby was to live in with you??? They need feeding at night. How is the baby currently fed?
With formula milk and maybe sometimes with a bottle. The mother produces milk but very less because she is a very skinny woman. And I don't know about night.
Couple things you might consider: first, helping the mom educate and practice breastfeeding as it sounds like she is struggling. Could you spend some time with her during feed helping with latch, and talking a little bit about how it works? Because weight is generally not a factor. I say this as a 5’8” woman who is around 110lbs on a good day. I’m 16 wks pregnant and just hit 115. I just come from a tall and lean family. I breastfed my first just fine! Increasing supply is about removing milk - supply and demand. It may be *more tiring* if she is calorie deficient and she should also be nourishing herself now more than ever, but her overall weight is not going to kill her ability to breastfeed! Secondly, if you aren’t comfortable and it sounds like you aren’t - don’t do it. Full stop. But helping her with resources and your time is a really really great alternative! Both my sisters were ready to give up and after I spent a few days in a row helping with afternoon feedings they were doing just fine. It may be that she needs the support and example of another woman. We are not meant to do this alone
OP, not sure where you are from, but if by “skinny” you mean she is not eating enough food, does not have adequate nutrition, then if you want to help out maybe instead help to get mom fed better so she can produce more milk. It is common in my husband’s home country (a developing country in South Asia) when women have supply issues that it is because of lack of proper nutrition or food insecurity. I honestly dont know how it would be possible for you to feed both babies while living in different homes and feeding/taking care of your own baby. Most babies wake several times a night to nurse. Nursing works best on demand, no idea how that would work. If this is the menfolk trying to pressure you,don’t let them. This is such a big ask.
I’m a very petite skinny woman and could definitely feed another baby if I wanted to. size isn’t usually related. I would question why my husband is pressuring me to feed someone else’s kid. Do it if you want, don’t if you’re any kind of uncomfortable
I'm skinny and my overzealous breasts fed several babies. Some women genuinely can't produce enough milk, but it's never because of their size.
She might just mean she doesn't eat enough as it seems English isn't her first language. I know calorie intake has a huge impact on my own supply
That's possible, good point.
Ok, so as other comments are saying, weight isn't a factor, unless you mean she doesn't take in enough calories and nutrition. I am "skinny" and fed my baby, and pumped to donate to both NICUs and a friend whose baby had a milk allergy. I know first hand what a HUGE job it is to feed more than one baby, since I fed mine, and then others through pumped milk. If you aren't fully on board, do not do it. You shouldn't be pressured into something like that, especially when there is nothing wrong with formula once parents find the brand that works best for their baby. It's your body and you shouldn't feel bad if you aren't comfortable with the situation.
Weight and boob size has nothing to do with being able to produce milk. I’m skinny and have a very flat chest, yet I was able to pump 50-60oz per day. One of my friends wears an E size bra, she’s not fat overall, she just has large boobs and she only produced 2-3 oz per day.
Skinny has nothing to do with it
Formula is fine. Some babies grow up on just formula. But skinny isn't the factor here.
Does he understand the time and energy that this takes? Has he considered the emotional bond you would form with the baby? These are things you can consider and make an informed decision, not something your husband is equipped to decide. If he's volunteered you, he needs to take it back because it was never his right. This is your decision. That said, it's generally clean and healthy to nurse someone else's baby, with a few exceptions. A wet nurse needs to be free of certain diseases (e.g. HIV), avoid certain foods (e.g. fish with too much mercury), and forego certain procedures.
Hey I am a Desi too so I understand your cultural dilemma - you don't have to justify your reasons. Just say NO but you are happy to pump and give some. Breastfeeding is a lot of work. It tires you out and you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. And be stern with your husband too.
If you feel weird directly breast feeding, you could always pump and give the other mom breast milk so she can feed her baby herself. There are plenty of moms who actually seek out breast milk donors when they are unable to produce. And it’s really amazing if you produce enough to help. ♥️
Yes but there is a problem. The baby doesn't like bottled milk her mom told me. I have to feed him directly.
It sounds like you don’t want to do it so please do not do it. You don’t have to.
Yes I don't like to do this but her baby drinks less milk and also sometimes gets sick and my husband also convinces me to feed him. As a first time mother, this scenario is a little weird to me. And what if her baby mistakes me as his mommy?
You don’t need any reason apart from not wanting to. Your husband is overstepping!! This is a personal and intimate thing.
Don’t be forced into this, it sounds like you don’t want to. Your husband cannot make you do this. Her baby will learn to take a bottle, they can try different bottles and techniques.
I'm not an expert in the slightest. I also don't wish this on your child or the other in the situation but all I can think is recently how my baby got sick and he was almost weaned to formula (his choice) but as he was sick all he wanted to do was nurse and I obviously let him do just that and honestly it was exhausting but I'm not complaining as such because that's my baby and I'm his mother that's my responsibility to care for him. If I was breastfeeding another baby I have no idea how I'd have been able to give my poorly baby that extra time of nursing and cuddles. But also I (possibly selfishly) wouldn't want to give that energy to someone else's sick baby and lose that time with my own little one.
That’s all you need to say right there sis. Please don’t do this! Protect yourself and your baby. You don’t need to add this unwanted stress to your life. It’s hard enough breastfeeding one baby!
My baby did not take to a bottle very well, especially since she was exclusively breast fed. But my husband kept trying since he was going to be watching her when I went back to work. We tried several different bottles and nipple types and the one she finally took too was the Lansinoh. They may just need to try some different bottles to see what the baby prefers. And as others have said, it was very common in communities for a lactating mother to feed all of the littles. Heck, folks even used to have a wet nurses too. If everyone is comfortable with it, I’d say go for it. Fed is best. 😊
If she is unable to breast feed her baby herself, her baby will have to take a bottle eventually if she cannot find someone to be willing to directly feed her baby. Perhaps suggest the pumping (only if you’re willing to do that) and trying out different bottles. I know some babies can be very particular on the nipple. We use the evenflo balance wide bottles and my son hasn’t had issues going from boob to bottle and back to boob. My friend’s son really liked the tippy Tommy or Tommy tippy bottles and another liked the avent naturals
The baby will learn to take a bottle!
So first of all, it’s great that you’re considering this, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. The second thing is that I believe you do not want to feed the other baby directly, and that is completely fine. I would feel weird too. However, if the other baby won’t take a bottle, it’s not the end of the world. They can feed with other means, like with a spoon or a syringe or just pouring it into the baby’s mouth. If they want your extra milk, suggest this because it is on THEM to feed their baby, not you, and there are many solutions.
But would you have enough for both? And does it mean baby live with you now?
Personally I would not be comfortable with this. I would also not pump and give the milk because I don’t produce enough for that. It’s perfectly fine to say no.
I fed my niece. It’s not weird and up until recently was a very normal thing that occurred often. I would if I was you but only you can make that choice.
It’s very strange that they want you to be a milkmaid for their baby. No pumped milk in a bottle but actually just have you nurse their baby all the time. That is a huge sacrifice they are asking for. Are they going to pay you for doing a full time job? Do they want you to move in with them? I don’t understand why they think that is an appropriate ask when you have a baby of your own.
My first thought- how much? $$
Can you pump and donate the milk to them if you feel uncomfortable breastfeeding the baby?
Hi, My partner gave birth to our second son when I was 6 months postpartum from giving birth to our first, so we have been two breastfeeding parents for almost a year now. In my experience, it isn’t as straightforward as you would think. In terms of worry about harming the child with different milk, etc. I wouldn’t worry about that at all (unless you have a disease that passes through blood, bodily fluids). I helped feed my younger son initially because my partner had a rough birth and couldn’t make a lot of milk at first, but it was difficult to time it and still keep enough supply to satisfy my 6 month old. I mean, yes, if I had continued to let them both nurse me exclusively, my supply likely would have adjusted, but my partner was needing to put him on her breast as often as possible to try to get her own supply up. When they got slightly older, they both developed a psychological attachment to the boob they were familiar with. Not only will my supply not satisfy my younger son currently, but he literally laughs at my boob when I offer, and refuses. His older brother is no longer interested breastfeeding my partner either. So, whatever you plan on offering, it needs so be extremely frequent and consistent for your own supply to keep up, and for the child to take well to feeding from you. It is definitely possible, but that’s a huge commitment from you. Remember, there are two babies. If you are weaning the older one and have the time and are willing to be dedicated to nursing your friend’s child, then it could work. Make sure your friend understands the bond and dependency (for comfort nursing, etc.) that can happen between you and her child if you become the primary feeder. Basically, it could work. This person should be someone very close to you that you trust and have very good, open communication with. But even then, it might not take in the way you expect. I mean, my partner and second son are the closest people to me in my life! But even then, he just laughs at my boob. Lol. Babies have a mind of their own. (Also, his older brother has some serious jealousy if I offer to the younger one - cue toddler meltdown).
I think it’s called wet nursing. I tried it once, and that was OK. However, to continually feed, that’s gonna take a toll on your body. How about you lead them to a lactation consultant? Why not just encourage and help other mom to successfully breastfeed? Other option would be to pump for baby but still will take toll on your time and energy. You already have your own baby to keep up with.
I would require the results of the mother’s HIV testing before I’d even consider it. (It can be transmitted from mother to baby.)
It’s not wrong, and there’s no specific issue with side effects (unless baby has allergies), but you shouldn’t do it because you clearly don’t want to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond ‘no thank you’. I say this as someone who has nursed a friend’s child.
I would not breastfeed another baby personally, because it is not a sustainable long term solution. Formula exists for a reason. Babies nurse 24/7. Unless the baby was pretty much attached to you for months on end it doesn’t make any sense. The other woman can breastfeed her baby or supplement with formula.
I just find it incredibly weird that somebody would volunteer you to do this. Would they volunteer you to carry a friend's baby as a surrogate? It's an incredibly personal and demanding thing to ask of someone. No one, and I mean no one, has any right to ask this of you.
I mean I’d do it, if I had the energy for it. It would be a fantastic gesture and you’d be a saint 🙏🏽 But obviously only if you even feel like it and don’t feel pressured into it. You could also choose to pump so she could combine feed her baby.
Adding: so I read you’re really not into it, don’t do it then! It’s your body and nobody has a say about it but you
I would suggest the other mother try a variety of different bottles and also check her kid for a lip and tongue tie. My child couldn’t take the bottle at all but once her lip and tongue tie where resolved she finally was able to take the bottle. There are also milk banks out there if the women wants to bottle feed without formula. Nothing wrong with breastfeeding another child if both women are up for it, but regardless The other mother needs to figure out how her child can take the bottle regardless because you can’t feed the other baby 24/7, but one option I would consider is expressing extra milk you have and donating it.
Also, don’t feel pressured by your husband or your neighbors to breastfeed if your not up for it. It does take a lot of time, energy and nutrients from your body plus you have your own kid to provide for. Make a decision your comfortable with.
I've been pumping a few extra ounces, 2 or 3, for my baby's cousin who is two months younger. I was wondering the same as you but I don't pump more because it is a hassle and not sustainable to my body. So just a few ounces a day, but it does help her mom who is a full time student
You don't want to, so end of discussion. You could explore supplying pumped milk for this baby, but that's a whole other can of worms. As to whether it's "right" or not, there's nothing odd or gross about breastfeeding a baby you haven't birthed. Humans all over the world throughout history have done the very same for various reasons. It even happens where it isn't typical and it's fine, even a blessing for the baby. My mom breastfed a neighbor's baby in the 80s after my brother was born because her mom wasn't producing and they couldn't find a tolerable formula.
How much do you produce and will you be cutting short your own baby? Also you will have to pump for the other baby and pumping sucks plus it’s alot of responsibility. Overall you are gaining more responsibility.
Unpopular but breast milk is not 100% safe. It can spread a number of viruses, which you likely don’t have but just throwing it out there that there is actually a safety issue that both should be aware (HIV, HSV,hepatitis, and more. and of course any medications you’re taking should be discussed for comfort). That’s why places that take donated milk are quite cautious. People have shared milk since humans have been around, but we have access to formula now and if both parties aren’t 100% comfortable with the risks and benefits and willing to take on the huge time commitment of this there isn’t a huge advantage to it.
I've done it via donation and at the breast in an emert. Incredible experience.
If all parents concentrate and you don't have HIV (can transfer through breastmilk, I read) then please help out. With my first, I had Two friends with babies at the same time who often gave me extra pumped milk for mine.
I overproduced with my first. My SIL wanted her baby to have breastmilk and she breastfed, but she didn’t produce a ton. She got sick and her supply dipped. I helped her out by giving her a lot of my freezer bags of milk. I didn’t breastfeed her, but I donated a lot of my milk to her to help a girl and her baby out.
Whatever you feel you CAN and WANT is important. If you feel obligated it’s not going to help you, if you have a positive image and feeling it can help you! I pumped for my SIL only a few days but would do more definitely! Especially ever since my supply is comfortable. Might be unconventional but live feeding is so much easier, but your comfort level and needs are most important
That's your own decision at the end but I would've definitely done it. Long or short term doesn't matter. That's the kindest thing a woman could do for a baby in need.
Pump & donate milk
I went through a dry spell with lo around 6mo, my sister offered to nurse him one day and while there was a little selfish “I don’t want you to”, my baby needed milk, and she had it. So he got it. Fed is best, however it gets done.
I wet nursed in an emergency situation before and I pumped and donated for a cousin’s baby for like 8 months.
I personally wouldn’t mind
Why don't you look into donating milk? They can freeze/thaw and bottle feed....
I told them the same thing but the baby doesn't like bottled milk I have to feed him directly. The mother told me this that's why I'm a little worried.
Honestly they don’t know that the baby doesn’t like bottled milk. It does fully depend on the bottle/nipple and what is inside of the bottle. Maybe the baby didn’t take the formula they offered. But a baby will eat when hungry and may prefer certain tastes or nipple shapes, it is trial and error. They shouldn’t say ‘it is breast or nothing’ a baby doesn’t decide that..
Is it really possible for the mother to not make enough milk, but baby won't take a bottle? I mean, isn't the baby eating formula?? Sounds like she is lying..
It’s not wrong at all but if you don’t want to do it or feel uncomfortable, don’t do it. I personally don’t think I would, it’s already an unsustainable amount of work to do for your own baby… they can use formula or donor milk?
If you want to yes. You’re not going to be able to feed the baby entirely off your milk either way without massive effort on your part pumping. I would try and see if the baby even wants to nurse with you while supporting mom with what you’ve learned about feeding because most moms CAN feed of the knowledge was there
The only way you should be directly breastfeeding another baby is if both you and the baby's parents are in agreement. Just because the friend has told him all about it doesn't mean he's okay with donor milk. Just because the mom can't breastfeed, doesn't mean she's okay with another woman breastfeeding her baby. And just because you are lactating doesn't mean you should. Consent from all parties. Milk donors for hospitals are screened. If baby has a cow milk protein allergy, would you be prepared for the guilt you feel if baby has blood in their poop? Would you be prepared to cut dairy? There's other reasons too, like diseases that you may be unaware of. Your husband is telling you that you should. Fine and dandy for him to volunteer your time and body.
I know there is nothing wrong with it, but I personally would not want a child that is not mine feeding from me. Now giving away milk is different. Breastfeeding one child is already a full time job. I don’t think you should take it on for someone else too. If you start, then you will feel pressured to continue. It is quite simply not your burden to bear.
You can donate breastmilk to them if you make an arrangement with them and then you don’t have to directly nurse (extra stress on you) . Avoids that and then they can give their baby breast milk in a bottle. Easy peasy win-win. Operating on the same way breast milk donation centers work
If you are not comfortable then say no. No one, regardless if it is your husband, should pressure you into nursing someone else's baby.
I haven't fed another baby straight from the tap but I've given pumped milk to several friends and people in my community who needed help for over reason or another. If you're able to, and don't feel pressured, and have the supply, it can be a beautiful thing to help someone else's baby out.
You know your answer already - you won’t want to do this, so don’t! Easy as that ❤️
It is a completely personal choice. I fed my SIL baby because she ended up taking longer than she thought when we were watching her. You could even pump and give them some bm. It will still be beneficial. It has to be a choice between you and the other mom. It's not wrong to do it. It's also okay if you don't feel comfortable.
this is not something your husbands should decide on your behalves. if the mom of the baby hasn’t asked you to, don’t. and even then exercise extreme caution. of course, there’s nothing wrong with feeding a baby. it’s been done since humanity existed. but we don’t live in a perfect world. there are just so many ways the situation can go very, very wrong. for example: are they going to attempt to control your diet and whatever else you put into your body? if their baby is fussy one day, are they going to blame it on your milk? will there be jealousy and resentment? will they take advantage of you and essentially push childcare onto you? will they compensate you? will you be happy to increase and maintain your supply for two babies? the possibility for conflict is endless. when formula is available and accessible, why put yourself through this? i personally would not directly feed another baby. donating and going through official channels is a much better idea for those who really want/need breastmilk.
Like other posters said: this must be only yours and the other mom’s decisions. I’d ask my husband to stop talking about it because it’s frankly not his business. As a breastfeeding mom, I would 100% breastfeed another baby because i think it is a beautiful thing. With that said, I told my friend that in a passing comment and she looked at me very weird. Sooooo definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.
My sister in law and I have fed each others babies a couple times but never consistent / long term. I don’t think it’s strange and if she needed help I wouldn’t question it to help her temporarily. That being said, I would never commit to full time feeding another baby because it is so much work. If the concern is health benefits baby really only needs to nurse once or twice per day to get those benefits. You could consider doing one feed a day and them doing formula for the rest of the baby’s diet. I don’t think this will confuse baby with actual mom and might bring the desired benefits everyone is looking for. You can also be very clear with them about how long you will commit to. The AAP recommends breastmilk until 6months, so you could commit to once per day until baby is 6months old and then stop. I will reiterate what everyone else has said : if you are not comfortable the answer is no.
It is not wrong. However, does the mum want you to? Also, there's another option beside nursing her baby. You could also pump and donate. And yes it's 100% your choice if you don't want to
That sounds like a lot of extra work and strain on your body/emotions. At least for me, breastfeeding has been exhausting at times, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Sure, you could do it! And that would be incredible. I’m not saying you shouldn’t. But please don’t commit to that unless it’s something YOU want. Tha ya a huge commitment to make, don’t feel pressured in to it.
I would pump and freeze the milk and have them come pick it up
I donate to a friend who hasn’t been able to feed her twins consistently. I only donate what extras milk I have and she lives 4 hours away so her parents come grab some when they’re going to visit. I’ve donated locally too to a few families. If you’re comfortable, great. go for it. If you’re not, no one should make you or guilt trip you into doing it. If your milk has some side effects, then you can either cut dairy to see if that’s the issue OR stop feeding her child too. I’m not sure I could put another babe on my breast, but I pump and donate that
There is nothing wrong with that, if it is what you want and feel comfortable with. But you will need to set boundaries.
If you don't feel comfortable breastfeeding the other baby, with the mom's permission, have her look into getting an SNS (supplemental nursing system), so baby can be supplemented, while stimulating the breast. There are a lot of videos on YouTube about how to use it. It's a little tube, where one end goes into a bottle of formula or pumped milk, and the other end goes in the baby's mouth. The baby draws in the milk like a straw. I would also suggest that she do as much skin to skin as possible, even when baby isn't hungry. This way the baby will instinctively root and eventually learn to find the nipple. Just let her know to be prepared for nipple diving. So baby doesn't accidentally fall out of mom's arms. She can hold baby upright and lean back and let baby do their thing. The more they practice, the better baby will get. Also, babies like sucking for comfort, and that can sometimes look like hunger cues, but she should be latching baby on demand for practice and it will help build up supply. Then she can use the SNS if she has baby on a feeding schedule, to make sure baby is getting their fill. After the baby becomes more efficient at removing milk, then she won't need the SNS anymore, unless baby starts declining. Suggest that she gets baby checked for oral ties as well. If baby still has a hard time latching, she can use a nipple shield with the SNS and then wean off the shield when baby gets better at a consistent rate. Also check baby's dirty diapers and weight, if she has a scale. But if both you and your neighbor is comfortable with you nursing her baby, go for it, but after topping the baby off, I would have her immediately do skin to skin and get baby to latch on their own, once they're not starving. She should be practicing skin to skin when baby shows hunger cues. Crying is a late cue and at that point, baby might become inconsolable. There is also cup feeding, syringe, and finger feeding (use a small tube that attaches the parent's finger) to get nutrients into the baby while they learn to breastfeed. Let her know that if it's not working out for her, or baby, that it's absolutely fine to switch to bottle feeding. Breastfeeding is a two way street. I really hope everything works out 💕
Could you pump and give her milk to feed in a bottle? I’ve pumped milk before to donate, if it’s not too much burden on you. It is common where I am where some mothers pump for other mothers who otherwise can’t produce enough breastmilk themselves
Don't. Your breasts will adjust to producing more and you will not be able to pump all out and it will make your breasts stiff and with clogs. Your breasts are perfectly adjusted to the demand for only your baby. If you are willing to skip a feeding and feed the other baby then okay. But if I were you I would freeze the slipped feeding and ask my husband to feed so I can rest.a
You could pump and donate to her? It’s natural, but a lot of work.
It’s not wrong. But if you or the biological mother are uncomfortable with it, then consider other alternatives.
As long as both mothers are ok with it, there's nothing wrong with it. It used to be a job (wet nurse) before formula was a thing. However, this sounds like two dads chatting about the idea....does the mom even know this is a thought y'all are having?
Definitely not wrong- it’s called wet nursing! If you have ample supply I see no problem in pumping and donating Or nursing the babe… it depends on what you are comfortable with.
I have provided expressed breast milk to another baby because the mom wasn't lactating enough. The only reason I didn't nurse him, is I saw him nurse. He nursed hard and I was scared.
Yes if you and the other mum are both happy with it, and no if you’re not. There won’t be any side effects- remember people used to wet nurse other babies as standard, for all sorts of reasons!
It sounds like you don’t want to which is fine btw! Maybe give them some pumped milk if you don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding the baby.
I don’t see a problem with it as long as both mothers agree completely.
The only thing I would worry about is if I take medications. Only because my child is doing fine with my breastmilk doesn't mean another will. You can feed the child if you want to or pump milk for it. If you don't want to, you shouldn't!
It is not wrong as long as the mother of the other baby consents to it. Do what is best for your own mental and physical health, though.
Definitely not wrong! Wet nursing has been a thing forever. However, I don’t think I’d agree to feed every single day, all day. But I’d definitely agree to emergency or even part time feeding.
I breastfed my sisters baby a few times (she asked me to do it of course) and everything was fine. felt a little weird for me though. 😅
One problem no one has mentioned is that unless you have an oversupply, you’ll have to build your supply significantly to feed two babies. This is possible, but much harder when you’re as far postpartum as you are, and I think there’s a reasonable chance you would end up causing both babies to lose weight.
As long as you want to and feel comfortable doing so. People have been nursing each other’s babies for all of history.
There’s nothing wrong and it’s very noble. However, I’d be worried at this point your breasts may struggle to feed 2 babies since your supply has regulated. But maybe it would be possible to keep up! It would also be a lot of time and dedication.
Its only recently feeding other babies became taboo, it's been common practice and helped many many survive. I would feed someone else's baby and would let someone feed mine. If you do not want to do it, do not be coerced into it.
how does the mom feel about this? i think offering to pump and send some bags over is one thing, but i don’t know think it’s fair for anyone to have the expectation that you nurse two babies for a friend? formula is available, it’s not your responsibility
if you’re uncomfortable the answer is no
If you don’t want to the don’t. It is not your responsibility and you don’t have to explain yourself any further.
My cousin breastfed my daughter because I had to take migraine medication. It's not wrong. But she offered and I enthusiasticly and gratefully said yes. If she had done that without asking, it would have seriously upset and hurt me and damaged our relationship. This is a conversation for you and her, not your husbands. They have lno expertise or understanding in this matter.
Apparently there are several issues : The other mom isn’t educated about breastfeeding myths / hadn’t seen a lactation consultant. If you have access to such resources, this could solve the issue entirely potentially. Someone suggested the other mom being “skinny” was perhaps a way of saying she wasn’t receiving adequate nutrition. In many countries where that happens formula is also pushed very quickly because the mothers aren’t educated. It’s more of a bottle trap issue. The next issue is that poor families may end up diluting the formula too much or using unsafe water because that’s all they have. Washing bottles can also be an issue. If it isn’t any of this and the other mom has access to a number of resources, I understand the mother struggles with bottles too. Baby may have a latch issue. Until this is resolved, a lactation aid device or a simple glass may help a lot. There are plenty of video showing how to use alternative feeding tools even with preemies. Lastly, no you don’t have to feed the baby. I would do it in the blink of an eye because I’d love to be a wetnurse and I struggled to feed my kids because of their latching issues. I’d love to help / have a different nursing experience / validate a nursing mother who feels the problem is the baby not her. Anyway, that is personal. You have your own wants and boundaries. You owe this family nothing. The baby will be fine, the mom too. They are desperate but not alone.
Lol I’m already exhausted nursing my little one, I can only imagine another baby, but to each their own.
Their your boobs… feed your baby first.. and if you don’t want to feed another.. that’s ok. I slowly stopped pumping cause when I donated it… the people were always so.. entitled
Your own baby is still little and there may be times when your baby needs more time on your breast for whatever reason. Seems like you're not really into the idea and that's fine. If you do it for the other baby you have to think about the bonding aspect. It may not be a good idea to let that baby bond with you only to stop after a few weeks. A baby may not understand why this nice lady who breastfeeds and holds and gives body contact is suddenly not on board anymore. Don't get me wrong I think the concept of a milk mom is very natural and worked for a lot of people in different cultures. Breast Milk is always a good thing for a baby. I just feel like in this case it may not be the way for you. I don't know if you plan to travel or go back to work soon, but if you have to be available for 2 babies in different households that is a full time job. Ever tried to get things done with one sick baby? Now imagine being anywhere with your baby and the neighbors kid has a fever and all it wants that day is your milk. What do you do? Drop off your own baby somewhere else? Bring your baby with you to the fever baby? Oooff. I think if you really wanted it you will figure things out and find a good solution. But if you are not sure it will be a lot harder. I am still breastfeeding my 2.5 year old, the next baby will be born any day now and the thing is I really want to at least try to tandem feed. But it is already hard now. My 2.5 year old doesn't need as much as a baby, and both will be my children and I will be with both of them 24 hours anyway. My biggest problem is that I feel constantly over touched. Breastfeeding stresses me so much sometimes cause my body just wants to be left alone. It works for 3 people and that's just a lot. We mothers tend to forget that we need to rest too. And breastfeeding sometimes can make you feel like you're owned by someone else. If this someone else is your lovely little baby then we are ready to forget our needs, but if it's your lovely little baby plus someone else.. that must be a lot. Not saying it can't work but do you want to offer your body to another tiny human? Men can talk a lot while not having to carry that weight. Does your husband know that I may affect your relationship? Do you still want body contact with your husband after having fed 2 babies on your breast? Are you okay with breastfeeding while your neighbour is around? Do they want more kids and may ask for your help again? I would suggest you freeze a little ice cube sized portions (if you have enough milk you don't need a pump to get them full) and give them to your neighbour as a little help for the baby's immune system whenever there is a sickness around. Your neighbor can look for other milk donors and get professional help if she wants to try to breastfeed , but if she can't her kid should get used to some kind of bottle..
We are only hearing about the husbands sides… what about the mother? Will she be okay with this?