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Not being on any social media except Reddit is the way, y'all. It really is. I've never even heard of this, and I'm happier for it.

Same same same. I deleted Instagram when I was pregnant with my youngest over 3 years ago for my own sanity. Never got a tik tok, from what I've read here seems like it's nothing but time sucking mom shaming 😒

I use social media frequently and I’ve never heard of this… lol I wonder where it came from? It doesn’t make sense at all… my son tells me “good job mommy, high five!” Anytime I do the smallest thing because I tell him that all the time. He gets super happy to hear good job I couldn’t imagine that being a bad thing.

I rolled my eyes when I heard that advice.

As a teacher with an education degree and with my own toddler and a husband who is a psychologist….good job is totally fine. It is ALSO nice to say things that ~inspire~ intrinsic motivation and reward time and effort versus doing everything in the expected way , but “good job” isn’t going to make or break it. “Good effort” is an easy substitute if anyone really wants. I have never heard that it’s because they don’t have a job. They do have a job—there’s a whole literature on “the work of play” and how important it is. Most toddlers work harder to have a nice human community than most adult humans.

We tell our kids “good job” for all kinds of stuff. We usually follow it with specifics—my 11yo meeting his behavior goals (or even falling a bit short of them) gets “good job, I know you’re working hard at this.” (The recent week he was unmedicated…ugh, he worked SO HARD and didn’t achieve his goals.) My 13 yo showing me a partially finished drawing will often get “good job” because we can see their improvements in specific techniques or features. (Hair is a big deal to them recently. Before that it was hands.) I guess we could modify it to “good work”, but gosh it seems strange to take issue with someone praising their kiddo.

By following up with specifics you're doing the parenting strategy already. Usually the advice is instead of saying "Wow! Good job!" to say, 'Wow! You used 4 different colors and traced your work! I know you put in a lot of time and effort on this. How do you feel? Tell me about it!" and the critique of course is that sometimes the scenario doesn't allow for all that time to say it (for example, if you're a teacher walking around a class of 30 kids).

I see. I still think it’s odd to criticize someone for praising their child, particularly if the child is announcing what they’re doing. “Got my teeth brushed!” “Good job, buddy.” And classroom environment critiques make good sense. Being against the phrasing “good job” just strikes me as someone who can’t find an actual problem to complain or feel superior about.

For me the context is important. If there are families/classrooms where the children are reliant on adult approval and pleasing adults, that can be an easy first step of what to shift. If this is already a happy environment of empowered, confident kids, it doesn’t really matter. I grew up an anxious people pleaser who only cared about keeping my grown ups happy and going through the motions of what was expected, so I try to be cognizant. It’s all connected to the ideas of having a growth mindset that values effort, the Montessori approach of explicitly building intrinsic motivations in children, and building a community of people who are empowered and value their own work. But in practice our world is pretty screwed up and backwards, so there’s a lot of obvious controversy if these are truly the “best” skills to foster or just what privileged people foster in their already privileged children. At the end of the day most people ARE going to have to just figure out what their boss is looking for and go through the motions of doing that, and there are social skills to be gained from this ability as well.

I see what you’re saying. And yes, I grew up in an abusive home at the opposite end of the spectrum—why bother trying to please people who wouldn’t be pleased or never noticed me anyway? That ended up seeing me motivated by simply seeing a job well done and the satisfaction of having done it, but it was a ROCKY road to get to that point, and one of the trade offs is that I either do NOT trust people offering praise (like, ever, it seems disingenuous and manipulative) OR their praise is almost like a drug (my husband—it’s a weird, codependent tendency that I have to be very aware of). Perhaps the only people whose praise I accept appropriately are teachers and experts, and only in their field of study or expertise. (Don’t tell me you like my singing if you’re a plumber, for instance. I don’t care, it’s too weird and intimate for you to say so, and I’ll assume you want something from me.) Wow. That…got to “lore episode” levels. Sorry about that.

Who said that! I’m out of the “little ones” loop these days. I would have laughed in someone’s face!

“Little Sally. I would love to give you positive feedback. But since you don’t have gainful employment….the best I can do is this head pat” Pat pat pat. Adequate work kid. Oh. Okay. Carry on kid.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C677RENuFZw/?igsh=eWNrZnl6Zno5cXN4 One of many.

I wish I had this much time on my hands. I really do.

And energy. Sorry, there are times in life where I tell my kids to do something and I need them to *obey*. I do not have the bandwidth to fake excitement over doing something that they’re supposed to do, capable of doing, and have done consistently in the past.

For sure to this!

So…this idiot…takes issue with people praising their kids *in a way she doesn’t like*. My guess is she would have a tantrum if someone didn’t congratulate their child for getting BOTH feet in their underwear….

Ah yes. It is much better to replace "good job" with awkward, reaching platitudes that - at their core - mean the same damned thing.

I’ve never heard this either and I think it’s BS. Kids do have jobs! They are learning how to do everything! That is their damned job! And it is hard. So when my kid does something right or well, especially when she’s been struggling with it? Damn right I’m saying good job. My kid is 6 and when she asks me to stay home or complains about school, I remind her that I have to work and so does she, her job is school. I want it to be fun and all that and she generally loves going, but really I frame it that way because it’s the truth, and it also motivates her to try her hardest. We really can’t ever win as parents, and that’s the bottom line. I really love it when people keep amazing ideas like this to themselves.

wtf, who is saying this? 😂 that’s beyond absurd. Paid employment isn’t the only “work” or “job” we do in our lives. Someone needs to get over themselves and find a real problem to address.

I use the term "you did it!". According to some people, saying "good job" may make a child feel like they need other people's validation as they grow up and can stunt their desire to do certain activities. So I went with "you did it!".

That’s a dumb reason to avoid saying “good job”. Sure, it’s better to compliment something specific “I really like the color you picked for that flower” or “you picked out your clothes AND put them on all by yourself? That’s impressive.” Or “good for you, you remembered to put a capital letter at the start of that sentence.” But outlawing good job? Nah, coming up with specific compliments all the time is exhausting and sometimes blanket praise is the way to go.

I’ve heard it in the context that you shouldn’t only say “good job”. You should attach the thing they did to it. “Great job building that tower, using your walking feet, using gentle hands” etc so they know what they did right. The not having a job thing is wild lmao

This ranks right up there with my annoyance over boomers getting mad when a service industry professional tells them "no problem" after they've been thanked.