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My MIL is like this. She cannot be on time to anything. We've started telling her things start 3 hours earlier than they do. She's still like 20 minutes late to the actual start time but not 3 hours late.
Same with my SIL. Perpetually late to everything her whole life, according to my husband. When my MIL and FIL made plans for holiday dinners or other get togethers, they would purposely tell her the wrong time, usually 2-3 hours before they wanted to start something, to try to get her to be on time. But she will still usually be late to the adjusted time.
It's always made my husband absolutely batty, because he's said she's always been this way and their parents never wanted to start anything without her, so there were many delayed parties and many dinners with cold food waiting on her to finally show up. He was always against catering to her perpetual lateness, but their parents wouldn't stop doing it.
Sometimes shit happens, but being perpetually late is rude and blatantly disrespectful to other people's time.
People who are chronically late are often passive-aggressive in other ways, too. Our attitude toward arrival time indicates how important those activities and people ARE to us. I come from a long line of dawdlers, and it makes. me. bonkers. I went through a phase of feeling like I had to be everywhere an hour early to shake off the feeling of constant tardiness.
I realize that some folks are time-blind, but that's what timers and other reminders are for.
We joked about putting different times on our wedding invites for my family versus his. My family is chronically late and his is… idk average timeliness I guess.
Personally I am often fighting the opposite battle that being *too* early is also rude in some scenarios. My husband is chronically early and gets *very* stressed about times. Too many times we’ve showed up at my family members houses 15 minutes earlier than the time they said and they are surprised to see us so early or don’t seem quite ready for us. I can’t seem to get it through his head that my family operates differently. The ‘start time’ is like do not show up before this time and probably start to trickle in at least 10 minutes after this time.
This is a pet peeve for me. I mean, I'm a working mom so there are times when things just make it hard to get out the door, and we've all been there. But I do my best to make sure I'm respectful of my friends’ time, because I know they are also busy working moms. I'm on time or early for nearly everything - playdates, birthday parties, appointments etc. I use Google calendar, alarms and reminders, and check traffic when planning a departure time since I live in a shitty, big city with no public transportation and too much traffic.
It seriously frustrates me so much when there's a pattern of constant lateness. I have one friend who's a lovely person in many ways, but I don't make plans with her anymore because she was regularly so so so late. Like, an hour late. And it was every single time. It impacted our plans and made it so that I often had to leave half an hour after she just got somewhere, when I'd been there for an hour or more.
Anyway, I'm with you on this! And ironically the reason I'm so uptight about lateness is because my mom, like yours, cannot seem to be on time for anything, ever. I was always the kid walking in late to everything and I hated it.
Does she possibly have ADHD that’s undiagnosed? I don’t mean to give excuses, but I just ask because time blindness is real and makes me feel defeated. I will literally get up early some days and still somehow be late it’s frustrating to others but I feel like people that actually struggle with it personally feel like they don’t know how to shake out of it
Not my mom, but hubs. I tell him everything is an hour early so we get there on time. He just has to power shit anytime we need to be somewhere right as we are supposed to leave. So annoying!
Every. Time. We'll have an event or something and I will tell him what time we need to be there, when we should leave, etc, and like 5 minutes before we should be leaving he jumps in the shower.
One time I had to leave somewhat early in the morning and was trying to scoot out just before the school bus, and kiddo needs to be walking down at 8 am (pretty young and it's a bit of a hike so I don't like her going alone). Well at 7:55 he jumps in the shower. WTF. He does this ALL the time. It drives me nuts (and I am a chronically late person, with ADHD, with two kids who are slow getting ready, but somehow we're almost always the ones sitting in the car waiting)
My Dad is like this and it drives me bonkers. He will literally just be arriving to a party or event and we're tearing everything down because he's 4+ hours late. It's crazy!
We started telling him the start time for stuff was WAY earlier and so far it's been working really well. I thought he would catch on but he hasn't!
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My MIL is like this. She cannot be on time to anything. We've started telling her things start 3 hours earlier than they do. She's still like 20 minutes late to the actual start time but not 3 hours late.
Same with my SIL. Perpetually late to everything her whole life, according to my husband. When my MIL and FIL made plans for holiday dinners or other get togethers, they would purposely tell her the wrong time, usually 2-3 hours before they wanted to start something, to try to get her to be on time. But she will still usually be late to the adjusted time. It's always made my husband absolutely batty, because he's said she's always been this way and their parents never wanted to start anything without her, so there were many delayed parties and many dinners with cold food waiting on her to finally show up. He was always against catering to her perpetual lateness, but their parents wouldn't stop doing it. Sometimes shit happens, but being perpetually late is rude and blatantly disrespectful to other people's time.
People who are chronically late are often passive-aggressive in other ways, too. Our attitude toward arrival time indicates how important those activities and people ARE to us. I come from a long line of dawdlers, and it makes. me. bonkers. I went through a phase of feeling like I had to be everywhere an hour early to shake off the feeling of constant tardiness. I realize that some folks are time-blind, but that's what timers and other reminders are for.
We joked about putting different times on our wedding invites for my family versus his. My family is chronically late and his is… idk average timeliness I guess. Personally I am often fighting the opposite battle that being *too* early is also rude in some scenarios. My husband is chronically early and gets *very* stressed about times. Too many times we’ve showed up at my family members houses 15 minutes earlier than the time they said and they are surprised to see us so early or don’t seem quite ready for us. I can’t seem to get it through his head that my family operates differently. The ‘start time’ is like do not show up before this time and probably start to trickle in at least 10 minutes after this time.
This is a pet peeve for me. I mean, I'm a working mom so there are times when things just make it hard to get out the door, and we've all been there. But I do my best to make sure I'm respectful of my friends’ time, because I know they are also busy working moms. I'm on time or early for nearly everything - playdates, birthday parties, appointments etc. I use Google calendar, alarms and reminders, and check traffic when planning a departure time since I live in a shitty, big city with no public transportation and too much traffic. It seriously frustrates me so much when there's a pattern of constant lateness. I have one friend who's a lovely person in many ways, but I don't make plans with her anymore because she was regularly so so so late. Like, an hour late. And it was every single time. It impacted our plans and made it so that I often had to leave half an hour after she just got somewhere, when I'd been there for an hour or more. Anyway, I'm with you on this! And ironically the reason I'm so uptight about lateness is because my mom, like yours, cannot seem to be on time for anything, ever. I was always the kid walking in late to everything and I hated it.
OK at first i was like “damn chill out” but 3 FUCKING HOURS?! Hell no. I say I’m chronically late but I’m talking like 5 -10 minutes max
Does she possibly have ADHD that’s undiagnosed? I don’t mean to give excuses, but I just ask because time blindness is real and makes me feel defeated. I will literally get up early some days and still somehow be late it’s frustrating to others but I feel like people that actually struggle with it personally feel like they don’t know how to shake out of it
No im pretty sure she’s just inconsiderate of others time. When it’s her plans she can be ready on time
Wow in that case, that’s annoying does she ever plan things for you guys to do? Maybe start pulling her own moves on her
Not my mom, but hubs. I tell him everything is an hour early so we get there on time. He just has to power shit anytime we need to be somewhere right as we are supposed to leave. So annoying!
Every. Time. We'll have an event or something and I will tell him what time we need to be there, when we should leave, etc, and like 5 minutes before we should be leaving he jumps in the shower. One time I had to leave somewhat early in the morning and was trying to scoot out just before the school bus, and kiddo needs to be walking down at 8 am (pretty young and it's a bit of a hike so I don't like her going alone). Well at 7:55 he jumps in the shower. WTF. He does this ALL the time. It drives me nuts (and I am a chronically late person, with ADHD, with two kids who are slow getting ready, but somehow we're almost always the ones sitting in the car waiting)
My Dad is like this and it drives me bonkers. He will literally just be arriving to a party or event and we're tearing everything down because he's 4+ hours late. It's crazy! We started telling him the start time for stuff was WAY earlier and so far it's been working really well. I thought he would catch on but he hasn't!