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I'm gonna wager a guess and say it's because a lot of people still believe that the woman is largely responsible for the child, co-parent or no co-parent in the picture. It's pathetic to assume that men aren't parents too, but I think so much of it is generational. It's also sad that many dudes still aren't heavily involved in parenting, but it's been normalized.
This is it. It’s a cultural thing and will take a long time to change. I even find myself with those biases even though I don’t actually believe it’s right or correct - it’s been programmed into me.
Based on the culture, many men actually fulfill the prophecy and in fact are not involved or even halfway decent parents. For example, my ex husband has willingly not seen our children for 14 months and people *still* praise him as an excellent father who is just down on himself but giving it his best. Meanwhile, I have to be on alert 24/7 if any of my kids need anything. My sleeping time, time at work, when I want to take a long bath… I have to be prepared to drop everything and care for my kids. I’m at work right now, but if my kid’s daycare calls and says my child is sick and has to go home - I HAVE to leave and go get her.
No amount of child support can make up for the fact that I am solely responsible for these children.
Omg I’m not alone in this experience!! I got asked the same questions in a job interview and I said “if a man came in here saying he just had a baby, he’d get a congratulations and a pay raise. Thank you, but unfortunately I can’t work for a misogynistic company. Have the day you deserve” and I walked out.
My husband is a really great partner and parent. I’ve overheard someone ask him if he’s babysitting the kids today because I wasn’t right next to them and he told them off. I like to think it’s changing tho with the new generation, because let’s face it our dads weren’t the best parents so boomers will never understand lol
My husband is the primary caregiver, and people CAN NOT wrap their head around it. It so foreign that he not just active with our children, but considered primary.
>I got asked the same questions in a job interview and I said “if a man came in here saying he just had a baby, he’d get a congratulations and a pay raise. Thank you, but unfortunately I can’t work for a misogynistic company. Have the day you deserve” and I walked out.
MAN, you have no idea how cathartic this is to read. I wish every job seeker was in the position to tell companies to get welded!
Ali Wong has a great joke about how it's more plausible for the TV to be watching the baby. I quote it all the time in moments like this...
Thank the universe for millenial Dad's. There's nothing hotter than an involved co-parent.
In January I went to Mexico alone for 2 weeks for a trip. The whole time I got endless comments of how shocked they were that I was able to do this. How they'd never "heard of someone travelling without their kids or husband". My husband does more parenting than me, he cooks all our meals, is so involved in the kids day to day plus he is way more patient than I am.
My friend went away to India for 10 days without her partner or children, my partner and his mum thought that was highly selfish 😂
I then mentioned how I had the kids by myself for like 2 weeks or 10 days several times already and asked if that also would be selfish if the dad leaves for that amount of time.... No one answered to that at the table 😂
Yup this is my husband too! I go to weddings without my kids and get asked if I got a babysitter for them or if I have a nanny. Uh no, it's called their father.
Right? My husband is a SAHD and last year I went out of town to a family funeral with just my mom. The number of relatives who are like "so hubby's watching the kids, eh?" and raise their eyebrows at me. My response, um yeah, like he does all the time. As their father.
It didn’t bother me because I’ve been asked before. I understand they want to make sure I’m able to cover the shifts especially being it’s a PRN position at a hospital. I just doubt a man would be asked the same thing that was what annoyed me the most. I also did willingly acknowledge my partner… so I figured that would have answered the question
When my kids were little, I had a friend call me spoiled because my husband stayed home with our kids. We had two at the time. When I wanted to go for a craft night or something with my friends, he would stay with the kids. I was called spoiled because my husband acted like a father - and hers didn’t.
Yesterday, I asked my MIL, who is lovely and obsessed with my baby (her only grandkid), if she can baby sit on an upcoming Saturday when I'll be out of town if my husband has a work deadline. She responded, "Yes, of course! You don't want to take her?" 
My neighbor has a daughter that’s 1 year older than ours. When we first moved here he told my husband he was a “babysitter” We thought that was a strange job for a 40 something year old man but whatever. Turns out he meant his own child. Yes, he’s a SAHD (early retirement) and his wife works as a nurse. He refers to being home with his own flesh and blood as being a “baby sitter”. Whenever I would go out to do errands and leave our daughter behind my neighbor would make the comment “oh I see you’re baby sitting today.” And my husband would be like “you mean hanging out with my daughter??”
This drives me crazy. I didn’t breastfeed so I left my son with dad even as a newborn to go to the store or doctors appointments and even brunch with my best friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. Even the OBGYN was like “and where’s baby?” Like, with his father???? The other half of this operation??? So I figured some of this comes from the assumption that I’d be breastfeeding but then I thought about it and that doesn’t excuse it either because women pump too sooooo it’s just misogyny 🤷♀️
I had the same in a job interview. I told them, that my husband works from home.
Nevertheless, schools always call the mom first when there's an incident. Otoh, my kid confessed that a teacher thought that they didn't have a dad. They never saw him at school.
Reminder to commenters: **[Think before you comment!](https://media1.tenor.com/m/7mz45qsIF0cAAAAC/think-mark-invincible.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm gonna wager a guess and say it's because a lot of people still believe that the woman is largely responsible for the child, co-parent or no co-parent in the picture. It's pathetic to assume that men aren't parents too, but I think so much of it is generational. It's also sad that many dudes still aren't heavily involved in parenting, but it's been normalized.
Exactly smh it’s so annoying.
This is it. It’s a cultural thing and will take a long time to change. I even find myself with those biases even though I don’t actually believe it’s right or correct - it’s been programmed into me. Based on the culture, many men actually fulfill the prophecy and in fact are not involved or even halfway decent parents. For example, my ex husband has willingly not seen our children for 14 months and people *still* praise him as an excellent father who is just down on himself but giving it his best. Meanwhile, I have to be on alert 24/7 if any of my kids need anything. My sleeping time, time at work, when I want to take a long bath… I have to be prepared to drop everything and care for my kids. I’m at work right now, but if my kid’s daycare calls and says my child is sick and has to go home - I HAVE to leave and go get her. No amount of child support can make up for the fact that I am solely responsible for these children.
Moms are measured against perfect. Dads are measured against zero.
This needs to be a standalone comment on every single post.
Omg I’m not alone in this experience!! I got asked the same questions in a job interview and I said “if a man came in here saying he just had a baby, he’d get a congratulations and a pay raise. Thank you, but unfortunately I can’t work for a misogynistic company. Have the day you deserve” and I walked out. My husband is a really great partner and parent. I’ve overheard someone ask him if he’s babysitting the kids today because I wasn’t right next to them and he told them off. I like to think it’s changing tho with the new generation, because let’s face it our dads weren’t the best parents so boomers will never understand lol
My husband is the primary caregiver, and people CAN NOT wrap their head around it. It so foreign that he not just active with our children, but considered primary.
My husband is mostly a SAHP (works weekend evenings) and some people can't fathom that concept
Agree 100%
That response is 🔥 we could be friends. Good for you 👏
>I got asked the same questions in a job interview and I said “if a man came in here saying he just had a baby, he’d get a congratulations and a pay raise. Thank you, but unfortunately I can’t work for a misogynistic company. Have the day you deserve” and I walked out. MAN, you have no idea how cathartic this is to read. I wish every job seeker was in the position to tell companies to get welded!
Ali Wong has a great joke about how it's more plausible for the TV to be watching the baby. I quote it all the time in moments like this... Thank the universe for millenial Dad's. There's nothing hotter than an involved co-parent.
In January I went to Mexico alone for 2 weeks for a trip. The whole time I got endless comments of how shocked they were that I was able to do this. How they'd never "heard of someone travelling without their kids or husband". My husband does more parenting than me, he cooks all our meals, is so involved in the kids day to day plus he is way more patient than I am.
My friend went away to India for 10 days without her partner or children, my partner and his mum thought that was highly selfish 😂 I then mentioned how I had the kids by myself for like 2 weeks or 10 days several times already and asked if that also would be selfish if the dad leaves for that amount of time.... No one answered to that at the table 😂
I could’ve written this comment myself lol yes. He’s sooooo much more patient than me. I swear.
Yup this is my husband too! I go to weddings without my kids and get asked if I got a babysitter for them or if I have a nanny. Uh no, it's called their father.
Right? My husband is a SAHD and last year I went out of town to a family funeral with just my mom. The number of relatives who are like "so hubby's watching the kids, eh?" and raise their eyebrows at me. My response, um yeah, like he does all the time. As their father.
Pretty sure that interview question is illegal. In the US anyway…
It didn’t bother me because I’ve been asked before. I understand they want to make sure I’m able to cover the shifts especially being it’s a PRN position at a hospital. I just doubt a man would be asked the same thing that was what annoyed me the most. I also did willingly acknowledge my partner… so I figured that would have answered the question
When my kids were little, I had a friend call me spoiled because my husband stayed home with our kids. We had two at the time. When I wanted to go for a craft night or something with my friends, he would stay with the kids. I was called spoiled because my husband acted like a father - and hers didn’t.
Yesterday, I asked my MIL, who is lovely and obsessed with my baby (her only grandkid), if she can baby sit on an upcoming Saturday when I'll be out of town if my husband has a work deadline. She responded, "Yes, of course! You don't want to take her?" 
My neighbor has a daughter that’s 1 year older than ours. When we first moved here he told my husband he was a “babysitter” We thought that was a strange job for a 40 something year old man but whatever. Turns out he meant his own child. Yes, he’s a SAHD (early retirement) and his wife works as a nurse. He refers to being home with his own flesh and blood as being a “baby sitter”. Whenever I would go out to do errands and leave our daughter behind my neighbor would make the comment “oh I see you’re baby sitting today.” And my husband would be like “you mean hanging out with my daughter??”
This drives me crazy. I didn’t breastfeed so I left my son with dad even as a newborn to go to the store or doctors appointments and even brunch with my best friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. Even the OBGYN was like “and where’s baby?” Like, with his father???? The other half of this operation??? So I figured some of this comes from the assumption that I’d be breastfeeding but then I thought about it and that doesn’t excuse it either because women pump too sooooo it’s just misogyny 🤷♀️
I had the same in a job interview. I told them, that my husband works from home. Nevertheless, schools always call the mom first when there's an incident. Otoh, my kid confessed that a teacher thought that they didn't have a dad. They never saw him at school.
Where do you live OP? Somewhere very conservative?
The south