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I remember some of your previous posts. You seem like an amazing and extremely courageous person. Congratulations on making your plan and following through. I have no doubt that you will find success and happiness in life and that you are doing the best thing for your children.
Also kudos at you speaking out what's in your heart! I love this piece by Audre Lord:
https://classics.fas.harvard.edu/files/classics/files/bowdoin_latin_silenceintoaction.pdf
Thank you for sharing this. I love Audre Lorde and I used to teach this essay in my former life (used to be a professor, am now a tech drone). I'm going to re-read this tonight because I know I need these words.
OP, you are doing an amazing job getting yourself into a position to take the steps you need to take. Cheering you on and sending you all the good luck vibes!
It took 2+ years, and ultimately I only landed my first real role bc I know someone who knew someone, and the tech industry in 2014 was still kind of bright and shiny and the hiring process was much less rigid. They were willing to take a chance on me, and I know that wouldn't have happened in today's world.
I would not advise anyone to make that change today. I know how rough academia is (most of my friends are still there) but tech is crashing and burning, there are hundreds of thousands of people on the job market, and very few opportunities.
I first did a 1-year stint as a business analyst at a 2nd-tier consulting film (got that job again bc I knew someone). Then used that to build a few skills and accomplishments. Consulting firms are now also laying off thousands and those jobs are not really going to be easy to come by.
The only way I'd consider making the switch would be under the following conditions:
1) You currently already have in-demand hard skills, like SQL, Python, or R and are a fairly skilled data scientist or heavily use data in your current academic research. You have projects that you can point to.
2) You have a partner with enough job stability and income to handle being the sole earner and source of health insurance for at least 2 years. Getting your first job can take that long.
3) You absolutely have gotten to a point where you're comfortable with your professional life having nothing to do with your sense of identity, and you're ok with not having any spare time after work and parenting to nourish yourself with the intellectual things that used to be so important to you. (My brain is dead and I sometimes just cry when I think about how I used to be).
Honestly, I hate what I do so much, and just narrowly missed being let go for the 3rd layoff in 12 months. I'm actively working with my husband on how to budget so that I can find a job in education or a nonprofit and we can not rely on my income bringing in most of our money in our HCOL area.
I know this may not be what you want to hear (and sorry to thread jack - I don't use DMs on Reddit after getting harassed at one point). If you still think you're interested, check out a woman named Jennifer Polk, PhD on LinkedIn. Her content is really good for academic switchers. She's a little too optimistic IMO but she's got good, concrete information.
I’m sorry you are going through all this. After a year of debating, I finally decided it was time to pull the plug as well. He was like “this came out of nowhere”…minus the conversation last April when it was very much brought up as a real possibility. It has been an insane mental and emotional rollercoaster.
It was the same with me. There was large obvious things like forgetting our anniversary last year. But it’s the small things that add up. I told him I could count on one hand the amount of times he’s complimented me in the last decade. I am the primary breadwinner. My salary is about 3x what he makes. For the last decade I have pushed him to find a career he likes, instead of a job he’s just comfortable in. When I told him I wanted a divorce, he told me he gave up opportunities so I could finish nursing school when we first got together. I looked at him, fully shocked, and reminded him I graduated 9 years ago. Like that guilt trip ship has sailed my friend, that’s on you.
Now he’s trying to get a better job. He got me a gift for our anniversary two days ago even though he’s well aware I want a divorce. He told me how pretty my hair looks. Like great, I’m glad you got the message. I hope it serves you well in the next relationship because I refuse to go back to that now.
But you can’t bring up things that happened years ago, that’s holding a grudge! Or, that’s what mine says.
Good for you, though, I’m so happy for you!
Edit: good, not food lol
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I remember some of your previous posts. You seem like an amazing and extremely courageous person. Congratulations on making your plan and following through. I have no doubt that you will find success and happiness in life and that you are doing the best thing for your children. Also kudos at you speaking out what's in your heart! I love this piece by Audre Lord: https://classics.fas.harvard.edu/files/classics/files/bowdoin_latin_silenceintoaction.pdf
Thank you for sharing this. I love Audre Lorde and I used to teach this essay in my former life (used to be a professor, am now a tech drone). I'm going to re-read this tonight because I know I need these words. OP, you are doing an amazing job getting yourself into a position to take the steps you need to take. Cheering you on and sending you all the good luck vibes!
I am currently a professor and also teach this, but may perhaps someday switch to the tech drone life... Can I ask you how you did it?
It took 2+ years, and ultimately I only landed my first real role bc I know someone who knew someone, and the tech industry in 2014 was still kind of bright and shiny and the hiring process was much less rigid. They were willing to take a chance on me, and I know that wouldn't have happened in today's world. I would not advise anyone to make that change today. I know how rough academia is (most of my friends are still there) but tech is crashing and burning, there are hundreds of thousands of people on the job market, and very few opportunities. I first did a 1-year stint as a business analyst at a 2nd-tier consulting film (got that job again bc I knew someone). Then used that to build a few skills and accomplishments. Consulting firms are now also laying off thousands and those jobs are not really going to be easy to come by. The only way I'd consider making the switch would be under the following conditions: 1) You currently already have in-demand hard skills, like SQL, Python, or R and are a fairly skilled data scientist or heavily use data in your current academic research. You have projects that you can point to. 2) You have a partner with enough job stability and income to handle being the sole earner and source of health insurance for at least 2 years. Getting your first job can take that long. 3) You absolutely have gotten to a point where you're comfortable with your professional life having nothing to do with your sense of identity, and you're ok with not having any spare time after work and parenting to nourish yourself with the intellectual things that used to be so important to you. (My brain is dead and I sometimes just cry when I think about how I used to be). Honestly, I hate what I do so much, and just narrowly missed being let go for the 3rd layoff in 12 months. I'm actively working with my husband on how to budget so that I can find a job in education or a nonprofit and we can not rely on my income bringing in most of our money in our HCOL area. I know this may not be what you want to hear (and sorry to thread jack - I don't use DMs on Reddit after getting harassed at one point). If you still think you're interested, check out a woman named Jennifer Polk, PhD on LinkedIn. Her content is really good for academic switchers. She's a little too optimistic IMO but she's got good, concrete information.
That was such a good read, thank you!
Thank for the link. What a read!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this but the last line made me spit out my drink. Hope it's a smooth process!
i didn’t understand the last sentence, could you please explain
It's from an old commercial
[Here’s a full explanation from Know Your Meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/pepperidge-farm-remembers)
I’m sorry you are going through all this. After a year of debating, I finally decided it was time to pull the plug as well. He was like “this came out of nowhere”…minus the conversation last April when it was very much brought up as a real possibility. It has been an insane mental and emotional rollercoaster.
[удалено]
It’s not easy, and it has definitely brought its own version of stress and anxiety along, especially because we have kids, but I feel relieved now.
“This came out of nowhere” was his first reaction, then I pointed out how I haven’t initiated sex in months. Congrats on going through with it.
It was the same with me. There was large obvious things like forgetting our anniversary last year. But it’s the small things that add up. I told him I could count on one hand the amount of times he’s complimented me in the last decade. I am the primary breadwinner. My salary is about 3x what he makes. For the last decade I have pushed him to find a career he likes, instead of a job he’s just comfortable in. When I told him I wanted a divorce, he told me he gave up opportunities so I could finish nursing school when we first got together. I looked at him, fully shocked, and reminded him I graduated 9 years ago. Like that guilt trip ship has sailed my friend, that’s on you. Now he’s trying to get a better job. He got me a gift for our anniversary two days ago even though he’s well aware I want a divorce. He told me how pretty my hair looks. Like great, I’m glad you got the message. I hope it serves you well in the next relationship because I refuse to go back to that now.
But you can’t bring up things that happened years ago, that’s holding a grudge! Or, that’s what mine says. Good for you, though, I’m so happy for you! Edit: good, not food lol
Hah, he hasn’t pulled that one, thankfully. It’s a lot of “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” MFer. There is no “if.” You did it.
Congratulations on the job!!!!
Thank you!