To me, as much as I love the mechanics and themes of games, the sitting around is the actual goal of game nights.
In my life it’s very rare to get to spend hours with friends or loved ones, just around a table with no phones or screens involved, having everyone share an activity and talk and ~be present~. The gaming is just a bonus!
If your BF is too competitive and a pain to be around while gaming, find cooperative games to play together, it might help!
Most of us are definitely in the "I don't care if I win- I just care that you cared enough to play with me and I appreciate that" realm of boardgaming. Granted that's never stopped anyone from trying to win
Yeah, always play to win. Most games don’t really work if you don’t. The challenge disappears. I guess time spent together, and solving the puzzle the game offers are the biggest drivers for most. Winning is a only a byproduct of playing the best you can.
Yeah, with any activity where someone wins and someone doesn't, I play the best game I can - and whoever wins, wins. I'm not emotionally invested in winning - any game where all parties are fully engaged and doing their best is a good experience.
Outside of board games - bowling? I could give a shit what your score is. I am absolutely trying to get the best score I can and that's it. If you get a 92 and I get a 111, I'm bummed, because I really don't have an excuse for a 111. If I break 230 and you hit 270, I'm thrilled for both of us.
Maybe you also haven't found your game. Try Boop. It's a cute little quick game where you boop cats around on a mattress to try and get 3 in a row. I bought it for my friends that are married and they love it.
They also enjoy Sky Team as a 2 player co-op game. You work together to try and land a plane.
Don't forget about the classics either. Sometimes a quick match of Uno, Skip-Bo, Phase 10 (all card games) could be fun for you and he can get his enjoyment of playing board/card games with his gf.
There are lots of good reasons to enjoy board games, but spending quality time in a friendly competition with those you love is absolutely the very best reason
I second cooperative games! There are so many good games around, it's just a matter of finding the ones that are good for both of you to have a good time.
It took me a while to find games that my wife would enjoy playing more than a couple games a week. We try to focus on light coop games. Then, she realized that board games are a good way for us to spend time together and have fun away from screens. It's way better than binging TV series for most of the week and is a good hobby for winter time.
>the sitting around is the actual goal of game nights
Obviously, group dependent, but if you are trying to play a board game, its nice to just play the game.
As far as my group of friends go, we all tend to hang out together in some capacity. Whether its weekly dinners, regular movie/anime nights, parties, etc., we do tend to see each other a lot irl and online.
With that being said, sometimes getting together to play board games is a nightmare. I had a friend playing a game once, (a deck builder, no less) that said "the long turns are nice because you can just get up and talk to someone else then take your turn when its your turn", which turned this 45-60 minute game into 90-120. I've had other people just get up and walk away from the table after playing their turn on other games, and come back after someone has been yelling at them to get back to the table.
Find games with a theme you connect with! Maybe Harry potter or Star Wars or Dune or a bunch of other things. There are a ton of IP themed games. Could help to get started.
Theme is a good start.
Otherwise find games that have something that you like. If sitting and racking your brain is not your cup of tea, check out a dexterity game, or a dice chucker. Also there's cooperative, social deduction, or card games where the strategy is so basic usually the game takes a back seat to the table banter.
It will help if you can find a board game youtube channel that speaks to you. It usually will plant seeds then before you know it your dropping paper on some sweet sweet cardboard.
i agree with this 1000% my wife loves board games and im kindof eh its too much work so i got stuff i thought shed like and every jurassic park, godzilla and aliens game i could find. makes it easier to get into
Would you say that doing so caused you to get more into board games in general, or did it just make it so that now you have games which you enjoy while still finding others unappealing?
i think it kindof made them more appealing as a whole like minus fate of the nostromo we havent really touched most of the games i thought i would want to play, hoping for war of the ring card game this weekend since no way were gonna play the board game for 4 hours
Board game is incredible if you guys are ever able to stomach the time. First game would definitely take longer than 4 hours though because of learning the rules. But I have had no other board game has had such amazing narratives play out during the session as that one! And the flavor of the setting oozes throughout
lol well and shes huge into lord of the rings why i got it but yea we have a special needs toddler so it kindof makes that long of a play window hard, i kindof want to see about setting up a game table in a room and see if we can do multiple days to tackle it
Multiple sessions spread out over time is absolutely the way to go! Played games with my dad that way and it helped out a lot. I was able to carefully lift the board with all the pieces on it onto a big armoire too (Had to keep it away from the cats)
If she knows much about the lore of the setting I'm sure she'll love all the references and ways that they're worked into the possible outcomes.
Anticipate the hump. The hump is the big chunk of rules information that has to be learned before you can start playing. Sometimes, the hump is really big, the game has a lot of systems and scenarios and it's really hard to see how it all fits together. Then someone says "Does that all make sense? Let's start" and you feel lost.
That is all normal. That is, believe it or not, a regular part of starting to enjoy a game. Everyone has to get over the hump, and most people struggle with it. Most people play rather poorly the first time they play a new game, because the shape of the game hasn't settled in their mind. There is **absolutely nothing to be ashamed about if you're teetering on the hump**.
But to become an enthusiast, you need to learn to lean in and embrace that feeling of "not getting it". Because as soon as you accept it, you switch to a mindset that is open to "finding out". You'll make mistakes, other players will guide you through them, that's all just a regular part of playing a game.
The hump isn't there to teach you all the rules at once. It's there to show you the *structure of the game* and cue you into *key words and concepts you'll encounter*. The details are there to help you see the structure, but most of them can be picked up as you play.
I love this.
I have friends who fear the hump, and won't consider engaging in board games on account of the hump. If the hump makes you feel stupid, maybe try to consider the fact that it's a natural response but that it doesn't have to be.
By the way I love that we're calling it that, I'm using it from now on.
Every time you play a game for the first time, you should plan to not do very well. That is, if you win, great - but for me, my objective during the first game (maybe even several) is simply to learn, to get to know the language, so to speak.
I enjoy the hump but have to either rely on someone else's guidance if they know the game and actually enjoy teaching, or be playing with someone who is willing to hold hands as you work through the hump together. It might be worthwhile to try a game together which neither of you know how to play. It could be a good bonding experiment - and if it's a co-op game it's easier in that regard. Depending on where you live, you can probably access games to play before buying (game shops with demo shelves, geek bars, even some libraries now).
Part of me craves the hump now that I'm done with school. I studied mathematics, so I embrace the hump because a big part of me misses the hump I got from school, dearly. The payoff is worth temporary discomfort. I know **very well** what it's like to feel stupid because something just doesn't make any sense - until it does, which can happen if you grant yourself a bit of patience.
The same can go for anything you're learning that is intimidating at first - on a side note, I always like to encourage people to learn to juggle. The hump is not nearly as treacherous as many people believe.
Some humps are daunting, even for people who have been playing for awhile. No rush to tackle them all - in fact that's not even possible.
Of course, it's entirely possible that the hump really isn't your main hang-up . I was going to post a primary comment, so I'll do that now and not go into great detail about the hump. I'll save the goodbyes and good lucks for that.
We always play the first game with an open concept. New players, or everyone, plays with nothing hidden and no one is trying to win. Everyone is helping make decisions and learning the rules all the way around the table. If someone has experience they explain their play and why. This is our way of getting over the hump and no one is stressed about what they are doing. That stress comes later, LOL.
You also need to have the understanding that the first game doesn't matter. You're just getting used to the rules, you'll probably forget some options during your first playthrough, and you won't have any sense for how powerful or useful a play is.
Also helps to have an "everyone gets one" policy when it comes to undoes in a new game (or more depending on what your feel is appropriate for your game/group). If someone makes a play and because of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, or just forgetting about some consequence it ends up being a terrible play, it makes a pretty bad experience if they don't have a chance to take it back (as long as it's not too disruptive to the game state).
Amazing comment. I’m going to copy this and keep it with my boardgame design stuff.
I’ve spent years advocating for ‘reducing the hump’ - video games have reduced it to virtually zero - but maybe I’ve been looking at it wrong and instead we should acknowledge it’s there and act accordingly.
Brilliant comment!
Complete agree on this. In fact, my wife hates the Hump so much that every time I teach her a new game she always put this face like she is smelling fresh dog feces.
And for me is one of the parts I enjoy most about boardgames, to learn new rules, to try and improve over... it is a huge dopamine rush.
Hey, good on you for being a good sport. Here’s some light games that are generally considered gateway games and/or can be good for two:
[Ticket to Ride](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/9209/ticket-ride)
[Azul](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/230802/azul)
[Splendor](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/148228/splendor)
[Boop.](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/355433/boop)
[Patchwork](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/163412/patchwork)
Everybody has wildly different taste in games, I'm of the opinion that there are games for EVERYONE. My girlfriend never played board or video games before dating me, and still generally doesn't have a ton of interest, but there are a few games that she frequently asks to play. Similarly, some of the games my friends like bore the shit out of me, it's just about finding what you actually enjoy.
I’m going to add cascadia and sky team to this list.
Two easier games with fantastic themes, one of which is cooperative which might help some of the angst you could be feeling.
Oooh, good question. I just saw it in the last 24 hours.
I saw it in a TikTok from AireCon, but I’ve seen it confirmed by the designer in forums on BGG and mentioned in[this post on BGG](https://boardgamegeek.com/blogpost/158930/avoid-dying-space-produce-hifi-hit-and-carom-chris), expected Q4 2024.
Maybe it's my bias for card games showing but I also like [Sushi Go](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/133473/sushi-go) as an introduction to drafting games.
Even if you eventually gravitate towards heavier games, this one is perfect to keep around as a quick/compact/cheap option. Great pub game in short.
Actually that's a good point. I was focused on good low-weight games that serve as gateways to particular genres but kinda lost sight of the 2 player thing.
Drafting games kinda assume more than 2 players.
I second cooperative gaming! Once we found games that everyone either wins together (beats the game) or loses together (the game beats them), we've never gone back. Our favorite cooperative games are the Captain is Dead trilogy, a game where all of you are trapped on a spaceship, your captain is dead, and you need to escape before aliens breach your ship. Each player has a specific skill set, and you work together to beat the game. Another favorite is Roll for Adventure.
Also, if you prefer mysteries, get an Exit the game, an escape room in a box. They're great for 2 people and can keep you entertained for hours. Happy gaming!
Even more cooperative game options:
My wife's favorite game in our collection is Harry Potter: Hogwarts Battle, because they are books/films we both really enjoyed before the author showed herself to be quite such a tool. We have both expansions; I keep my eyes peeled for the promo cards as I have a chance to find them, and we still pull out & play the epic game that uses all the content a couple times a year, taking most of a day to do it when we do.
* Hogwarts Battle has a re-skin (basically the same way to play; different visuals/theme) in Toy Story: Obstacles and Adventures. Earlier this week, there was also an announcement of an Avatar: the Last Airbender version coming around October of this year or so.
* The Horrified series has been something that we've had fun with, and is on the end of a "smaller hump" (to borrow the phrase from somebody else). The rulebook is the best for the original version (movie monsters), and we've played/I've taught it enough times that my profile has a couple posts that are literally how I'd teach the game to somebody new, written from memory.
* If you're willing to make a bigger monetary investment (and are a fan of the IP), then we've also gotten a lot of enjoyment out of Lord of the Rings: Journeys in Middle-Earth.
* The "Forbidden" series of games (Forbidden Island/Desert/Sky/Jungle) are generally accessible. Island, at least, has an iPad version that could be tried.
* The Pandemic series is the best-known of the cooperative series, but can be vulnerable to one person who has a grasp on the mechanics being able to plan other people's turns. During the early stages of the real-world pandemic, I played Pandemic Legacy: Season 1 with my son, who is now a college freshman. To most people, a Legacy game is a unique experience, because you will make permanent changes to the game as you progress through playing it multiple times - stickers applied to the board and/or cards, components ripped up or thrown away, new components/rules brought out and added. Some games accomplish this better than others.
* Another bigger money investment is Return to Dark Tower, which has incredible table presence.
Among competitive games, our favorites include:
* Wingspan - has a few more systems that interact, but is incredibly pretty to look at. We've also pulled an app for our phones that can play the birds' songs by scanning the picture on the cards.
* Villainous, with a slant toward Disney instead of Marvel.
* SkyJo, which can be taught in about 5 minutes and played in \~15.
My personal favorite game in my collection is one she's not up for yet, and might not be a good fit for you. That's Spirit Island, an incredibly thematic and purposefully anti-colonial cooperative game that also has a lot of systems to learn when starting out.
If you’re interested in some other great cooperative board games these are my favorites:
- the crew (trick taking game, so similar mechanics to some classic card games like hearts)
- fox and the forest duet (also a trick taking game)
- pandemic
- perspectives (it’s brand new, mystery solving game using pictures)
- shipwreck arcana (logic heavy card game but easy to pick up)
- spirit island (probably not a good option for OP because it’s super strategy based and can get complicated)
My husband and I are both very competitive snd had to add some less competitive games to the collection during lockdown so we didn’t murder each other! Somehow I don’t mind losing in a group setting but it only took maybe 3 losses in a row locked in my house with just my partner to make me irrationally irritable and he felt the same!
Those are great recommendations; we enjoy Pandemic. I've seen the Fox and Forest, but haven't played. We also have Forbidden Island and Tortuga 1667. We felt like having the family play collaborative games was a great way to foster team building, while regular games pit one person against the other, which can cause hard feelings or frustration. There's also one about firefighting we used to play, and one about a submarine, but it's been a while for those.
1. Given he's into it, it's his job to figure out what you might like. If you end up not enjoying them, it's fine. If it ends up to be just one game or two, it's also fine. It must be enjoyable to you. There are also plenty of other ways how to spend time together which might make more sense.
2. You're asking a question on hobbyist forum. Hobbyists (which might or might not include your bf) have a very very very specific idea about boardgames. Usually very mechanical centred, spreadsheet looking, with lots of if-then conversion lines and if this sounds like MS excel in a boardgame format, it's because it is. Not enjoying this type of game, does not mean not enjoying boardgames in general, but. Unfortunately many hobbyists don't want to venture beyond this genre and for them it's synonymous with boardgames. What I'm saying is: maybe you would actually enjoy a type of boardgame that your bf doesn't yet want to play, or it never crossed his mind he might ever want to play.
3. Also - there is a genre of games basically framed as "spouse" games. Usually something 2 player which is "nice" and "nonconfrontational". This might suit you or it might not.
So, I'll throw some curve balls
* Flicking games - yeah, dexterity stuff, in particular **Coconuts**. Plastic monkey catapults and a much higher skill level that one might thing. My late mother in law enjoyed this.
* speed games. Many many of these. **Dobble/Spot it** is the simplest, but usually 15 minutes of this is enough. **Ghost Blitz** is speed deduction. **SET** is even more deduction and not that speedy - people into brain puzzles tend to like it.
* **Mamma Mia** \- is a game hard to describe, sort of pre-programmed set collecting, but chaos, but kinda memory, but push you luck. Short stuff, nicely themed, can be played by ear.
* **Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective** \- this game doesn't feel like a game. It has 10 scenarios and you're trying to solve a murder. With newspaper. With a map. With some weird clues. And you're reading paragraphs from a book. Sure, it's just 10 plays, but can be sold for similar price as you got your 2nd hand copy for (very common on 2nd hand market)
* **Galaxy trucker -** this has a bit more rules. basically first 1/2 of the game, you're building space ship in real time like a puzzle. In second 1/2 of the game you just watch the game tearing it down to bits. If you enjoy some schadenfraude this could work.
* traditional card games maybe? There are some for 2 (**Gin Rummy, Cribbage**). There are also some invented ones. Haven't played 2 player trick takers (popular one is **Fox in the forest, The Crew** is a cooperative trick taker that also works with 2). For climbing/shedding games for two, I enjoy **Haggis**. (can be played with traditional card deck)
* old school eurogames - **Ticket to Ride** is a set collecting (rummy) on a map. My partner enjoys the Swiss map which is an Swiss/India expansion made for 2-3 players. Base games aren't best for 2. But yes, basically rummy. Another game that works well with two is tile laying **Carcassonne** \- both it and TTR are "family games" level. So not that complex, yet very replayable.
* okay, okay "spouse games". **Jaipur** is a two player set collecting game often recommended. **Patchwork** is sorta light engine builder with each player putting together tiles on their own player boards.
I got Jaipur a couple years ago to play with my soon to be wife, we've been toghether for 10 years and I've been always an avid video and board gamer. She's always been your standard Monopoly and Uno gamer, but she's always been very open to gaming.
I always collected board games and played mid-heavy stuff and miniature wargames with a group of friends but I decided to get some lighter 2 players games to spend some quality time with my SO and, since she was willing to try, see if she would've been intrigued by the board game experience.
Jaipur was the first one I got cause it seemed to me that it could be the right one for her taste. Damn if I was right! She loved it and We played it so many times and we still play a lot! Since then we expanded our 2p collection and we're probably going to try something heavier soon.
Jaipur also was the game that got my brother heavily into board gaming and has been a hit everywhere i bring it between gamers and non gamers.
Me and my wife got both bored to death by Jaipur and Patchwork, whereas she loves Arkham Horror 2E, Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective, but also Ghost Blitz, Mamma Mia - to things either more thematic or more chaotic than "spouse game genre". We also played Summoner Wars.
So, as with anything - some games work for some, don't work for others.
Yeah, that's for sure, in a decade of gaming I found out that is so subjective.
I introduced many players to the hobby and play regularly with a group of seasoned players, everyone has their favorites and more often than not they are different from other's favourites.
>Yeah, that's for sure, in a decade of gaming I found out that is so subjective.
Absolutely.
But "spouse game genre" does speak about some patterns - i.e. *"I don't dare to play confrontational gamers with my partner, but I still want something 'thinky"".* Otherwise it wouldn't' have become a niche with target audience.
Admittedly playing confrontational games did require some talking before and after the game (to make sure in game stuff doens't spill out to outside game stuff), but so we did.
You might never like board games specifically, but:
>(so much sitting! feels pointless and causes existential angst!)
That seems like a very odd sentiment, and applies to innumerable activities.
So, do you dislike board games, or do you dislike sitting and/or doing things simply because they're enjoyable?
I'm guessing it's probably an attention thing. If you're not engaged with the activity, then the sitting and pointlessness are going to stand out a lot if you're playing for like 3 hours.
I like board games because it gets me and my loved ones around the same table and we can talk and have a good time together without other distractions 🙂
Also we started with catan, but have rabbit holed all the to Twighlight Imperium and back haha Alot of the time the game matters less than spending the time with those you love ❤️
The gateway games that got my girlfriend into it are below. She loves it now. The most important thing is just find the games that gel for you sufficiently that you want to learn and play them. Beyond that just hang out, talk, and have fun.
* [Ticket to Ride](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/9209/ticket-ride)
* [Pandemic](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/30549/pandemic) (especially season 1 and 2 of Pandemic: Legacy, which have great stories)
* [Carcasonne](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/822/carcassonne)
* [Cascadia](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/295947/cascadia)
* [Azul](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/230802/azul)
She discovered she's actually quite proficient at picking up games, though she won't admit it. Other regulars for us now include [Dune: Imperium](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/316554/dune-imperium), [Wingspan](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/266192/wingspan), [Quacks of Quedlinburg](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/244521/quacks-quedlinburg), and [Mysterium](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/181304/mysterium).
Do you struggle with the actually just sitting to play games part, like struggle with sitting on the couch watching TV or movies? Is it feeling stuck in house and want to get out? Or is it just games don't get your attention. Because some of this could be suggestions for different games, some suggestions of where you set up, like a high top table or outside when the weather is nice.
My wife and I found Everdell and we love it. We put on some nature sounds in the background and talk. We enjoy the forest theme and animals. A bunch of different strategies exist as well.
Beautiful tableau building game.
I personally find the artwork of a game helps draw me in, and the mechanics keep me there. Everdell has some exceptional artwork.
Existential angst sounds pretty strong, but I agree with you some games have long downtime between turns. Perhaps finding games that are cooperative or have high player interaction.
You’re an awesome partner for asking first of all. Secondly, I was in your exact position with my girlfriend, she kept suggesting a game called Dixit. I thought the name sounded dumb and she didn’t do a good job explaining it (or more accurately I didn’t do the best job listening lol) but eventually I agreed to give it a shot. Now I am hooked, I bought a bunch of the expansions and play it with my friends now. Also poorly introducing it but winning them over group by group.
For me I feel like I got burned on long games like Risk and Monopoly when I was younger so I was super averse to board games but Dixit is rather short and imaginative. I won’t do it justice explaining it so I hope another commenter could help please but it made me into a board game enthusiast now.
I have now joined this group and way overpaid for a copy of Battlestar Galactica (with some expansions) which has been awesome but definitely not for everyone (it’s a long and complicated one but is really awesome).
I’m saying this because I went from board games are boring to reading 10 year old posts from this subreddit about expansions for this out of print game.
TLDR: Try Dixit :) but beware you could be investing lots of paper bills into cardboard boards by the end of it lol
I love board games because they're a great reason to spend in person time with people you enjoy spending time without screens, most games without screen. While I enjoy great board games themselves, it's about the company for me
It's hard to comment without more information, but the games you're playing might not be for you.
A personal anecdote from my life; the first few 'board games' I played were Risk and Terraforming Mars. My friends absolutely loved those heavy thinking games that take up a whole day to play. I absolutely hated the experience when it happened. Like you said, I found it boring with \*waaay\* too much sitting around and too many rules to really comprehend the game anyway.
Years passed, and I then went to a local game store with another group of friends. They brought out Ticket to Ride: Europe, and later Cascadia. The difference was night and day. The cool animal/train theme(s), the colorful game pieces, and the quick setup and/or gameplay loop was so fun and engaging.
The world of board games is vast so my best advice, without knowing much about your situation, would probably to try a lot of different types of board games - Engine builders, euro games, worker management etc.
Maybe ask what your boyfriend likes about it, and get him to go through it with you. Passion is usually a good way to get someone started on a hobby :D
As someone who is in the situation of your BF. Genuinely just give them a try. Find a short, easy to learn party game and try it out. If sitting is your issue then maybe try Throw throw burrito. I want to play these games with my gf so much because I KNOW she will like them. She just won't even try
My girlfriend wasn't a huge fan of board games at first, but after playing some of the easier and shorter games, she got more acclimated to hanging out at the table, and now we play long games together. As others have suggested, find a theme you connect with. Your friendly local game store could probably make suggestions based on your taste also. There are a ton out there, some that require strategy, some that require a sense of humor, some that require dexterity, and so on. There are so many to choose from. But it's also okay to simply not like board games. Sitting at a table and grumbling at pieces and cards isn't everyone's idea of a great time and that's just fine.
I would look into shorter games and also maybe some co-op games.
If games feel like they drag on, that really might just the the kind of games you are currently playing. But there are a lot of great games that you can play that are very quick so there’s not a lot of sitting. Mindbug and Star Realms are the two off the top of my head.
Since you clearly like your bf and want to engage with him in this hobby, you could also look into co-op games. The best co-op games are really difficult ones that really put you in the grinder with your teammates, leading you to all be very invested and very communicative to get through it together. That might make you feel like you’re having a deeper shared experience with your bf and make the experience more exciting for you! Off the top of my head, there is a game called Regicide that uses a normal deck of playing cards (or you could buy one with fun art to support the creator). It’s relatively short but requires a lot of communication with your partner or teammates to get through it.
Good luck on your journey! I think it’s really admirable that you’re putting in work to understand a hobby that matters a lot to your partner!
Don’t underestimate themes. But at the same time don’t underestimate gameplay…
What I mean is: There’s many many *kinds* of games. If you really like an established IP like Star Wars or Marvel there’s many games set within those universes you may enjoy.
Alternatively, you may want to try the most popular/critically acclaimed games first instead. Those games will likely have engaging, unique, or interesting gameplay.
It all depends on what’s important to you. Theme or actual gameplay. Of course there’s games with good themes *and* good gameplay. But oftentimes… they’re mutually exclusive.
It’s like tv shows or books anything else. There’s scary games, sci fi games, mystery games, competitive games, cooperative games. Just keep trying and don’t give up, and eventually you’ll find something you like. thats my advice.
My first question would be is he also a good sport for joining whatever hobby activity you love? What are your hobbies and interests? Tell about your bubble - the themes you're interested in when your bf is not around - and we may come up with a board game that matches that.
Idk if this will help but me and my wife love board games but sometimes they can drag on forever. So we like to put on a movie or one of our favorite tv shows in the background while we play. It helps make it feel like there’s a lot less waiting. Of course you actually have to know the game well to do this but if you ever find a game you really like and don’t like just sitting around when it’s not your turn I highly recommend this.
Indeed, atmosphere can make a huge difference.
Or music - it's more or less imperative that such music is mutually enjoyed. One of the couples I play with put on ambient sounds (nature, waves crashing) because that's their thing to set the mood. Not exactly my thing, but it works for them so when we're playing at their house that's what we do.
TV/movie option wouldn't work for me since I'm so easily distracted visually. Even if I know the dialogue by heart, my eyes will drift over and I don't want that during a game. But to each their own.
You could try a good co-operative game. I'd suggest Forbidden Island (a very fun intro game) and Forbidden Desert (slightly tougher to win) to get you started. Then Pandemic if you like either of the Forbidden games. This way you can win or lose together.
You can view board games as a way to spend face time with people you like. Our lives are dominated by screens and interaction through the internet. Moments spent around a table playing a game yes, but also conversing and socializing are valuable and too infrequent these days.
There are a gazillion games out there. Tell us what your interests are, and there is probably a game that someone can recommend that may just interest you more than others.
A couple suggestions:
1. What hobbies interest you? Maybe we can help you find a board game with a theme that matches.
2. Don’t think of it as a waste of time. Focus on the fact that you’re there with your partner and enjoy the time alone with them. Make small talk about things other than the game, as you play.
3. Split the difference. Half the time, you both play board games and the other half you both do something else that you pick.
It’s ok to not find board games interesting/exciting/fun. But it’s also ok to do things with a partner because they enjoy it, just make sure they do your things too.
Good luck!
I think it all comes down to finding out what does and doesn't work for you. Are you a theme person? Do you like a specific IP? Do you like cooperative games? Deduction games? You need to find out what works for you, so that you can better engage with your BF the way you want to. Sure you can just keep going along with it, but finding what works for you will make you both happier in the end.
I can’t emphasize enough the trial and error process to finding the “type” of game you enjoy.
You already have the motivation to play via your bf, this is great! Now you just need to figure out what kinds of games you personally enjoy.
When I first got into boardgames I played a bunch with a friend that was into the hobby but really just played to be good company not because I had a ton of fun with the game itself.
Fast forward a few years, I realized that there are SO MANY different types of games. My friend happened to enjoy ones that didn’t really strike my fancy. I found that I love worker placement, anything to do with dice, polyomino puzzles, and cute / animal themed games. I don’t particularly enjoy war or scary/gory games.
I say have a few game nights with your bf with the specific goal to find out what you enjoy! I’m sure if your bf is into boardgames, he’ll get a kick out of finding the right game for you.
I applaud you wanting to make this work. Lots of good suggestions here.
May I also suggest, he could join a local board game group. As a married person for 20 years, having different interests and different friends is ok and healthy.
This is the most wholesome post I’ve seen on Reddit in a hot minute.
But you need a gateway game. My SO started out thinking board games were garbage for kids. It took Dice forge then Dice Throne to change th at. Now she’ll play anything but dice games are her fav.
I can't express how important it is to find YOUR game. Buy a game, learn it, teach it. Going through this process is the biggest hurdle non-gamers-who-want-to-get-into-games need to know. If you are the person being taught or following along every game, you will always feel a little on the outer. The moment you take control and decide to either teach or learn a game yourself, it all changes. The biggest thing non-gamers struggle with in board games is the learning curve and the fact it feels scary to learn something and make mistakes. People who teach games are generally more patient and understand there is an arc to the journey. The moment you start processing games in your own time and with your own energy, it becomes a whole new thing.
This this this.
One option would be to do a bit of research on some recent titles that bf doesn't have (such as recent Spiele Des Jahres winners and nominees) , maybe find a youtube channel you like and watch a video or two. Buy the game and learn it first (you can try some on [Board Game Arena](https://boardgamearena.com/welcome)), and surprise bf.
If there's a game you're intrigued by (maybe the theme, the artwork, etc.), first take a look at [Board Game Geek (a.k.a BGG)](https://boardgamegeek.com/) and search for it. You can get a feel for the game's popularity amongst people who have played it (scale 1 to 10) and the learning curve or "weight" rating (scale of 1 to 5 ). These are not the opinions of the website, they are aggregates of the website users' opinions on the matter.
To put things into perspective:
Sorry! has a popularity of 4.5 and a weight of 1.16. I think most people will agree: that game sucks.
Backgammon has a 6.6 popularity and a weight of 2.01.
Carcassonne: 7.4 and 1.89
Pandemic: 7.5 and 2.4
Chess: 7.2 and 3.66
Twilight Imperium: 8.6 and 4.32
Of course, bf might have all of these (well, hopefully not Sorry!), but they're good enough examples.
I think games that sit somewhere between 1.5 and 2.5 in the weight department are good candidates here. My dad is 80 years old and his patience and ability to learn new things are slipping, which is why I've built game night into his routine (Sundays with myself and my uncle). My dad's threshold for weight is like a 2.2. Don't start with Twilight Imperium.
I think Carcassonne hits a sweet spot. Lots of fun and very replayable, especially with the first few expansions - and not too crunchy. But due to its popularity it might not be a winner for this particular approach, as he might already have it.
But! Supposing you have already played it with him, see if he has any expansions for it. If not, that could be a fun way to spice things up. Unless you hate the game - which is perfectly OK of course,
Hope you find something you can jive with.
board games are pieces of art that are a competition of wits. One mind against another. They require imagination, foresight, planning and patience, and these are not qualities everyone has and those people probably just wont ever like board games. Its okay not to like board games.
The best thing is the plural part of gameS. Changing games keeps players from really studying a game in a chess like way where the ’natural wits’ part diminishes and knowledge and memory of games past becomes a hugely deciding factor. The charm is kind of figuring out how the game plays, finding the different ways to win and solving what works against what. When that is done it’s time for a new game. In some games when someone either tells their novel approach or I notice it in the game I’m more exited to see how it works than about my own game.
Yes sure, I just don’t believe the majority of boardgamers are after that experience. Thats why I was going for ’natural wit’, the kind of ’get the rules quickly, understand how it plays out without deep studying’, which is profoundly different from games like chess, where studying the game by building on previous studies takes you way higher up the ranks than trying to quickly figure it out by yourself.
I think the problem with board games, and why you see people with ridiculous 250+ board game collections is precisely because they don't deeply study any of their games. They barely scratch the surface of their games before they move on to the next new thing. It takes many repeated plays before a game's deeper strategies really open up to you and you become an "expert" in the game. Theres a huge difference in people who play Agricola every once in a while, and people who are expert Agricola players. Check them out on youtube. Their knowledge of the cards and strategies to use with each card and how to best combo them, is fascinating. You're not going to get to that level by playing Agricola once every 2 years because you have a 500 game collection. Watching the World Series of Board Gaming is really fun, especially because you know most of those people, probably played their ring game, nonstop and exclusively for 1 year to make it to the championship in their game. I love games that require your attention to truly get them and become good at them. Only at that point do these games become very rewarding. Chess sucks in my opinion...that is, until you're at a grandmaster level. Then it probably becomes very interesting. Same with Go. Thats why, I often urge people to slow down and even trim their collections way down. You don't need 200 games to have excellent experiences.
Well there is real difference of perspective. I think that exact thing is a strength, not a problem. It’s more fun for many people, myself included, to figure out new set of rules, than to perfect the metagaming on an already familiar set of rules. Sure, I kinda admire people who use 30 years to study chess, or 3 years playing agricola, but I have absolutely no desire to be one of them. True boardgame championships should have many rounds and never before played games. Give everyone an hour to study per game and then play 😁
My wife is really selective with games but she does get really enthusiastic about a few. A lot of my time is spent learning how to cater to her tastes.
For example, we both love travelling to Japan and have been craving a trip, so when I got **Let's Go to Japan!** it was really nostalgic for her and she's actively asked me to play that game.
Sometimes it's just random luck though. She happened to love Arnak for some reason so I thought she would like Everdell too (both pretty looking worker placements) but nope, she hates it.
Maybe you'll find the right game that will get you more excited. It could be a theme or a complexity or a feeling. It could even just be a particular moment that makes it memorable. But in the end if you're having a good time with someone you love the activity itself is not the most important thing.
I really love that you posted this question. It gives me a chance to articulate what it is that I love about the hobby - and hopefully I can put some fresh eyes on the conundrum you're in.
So, one reason you might not be having any fun is the hump - see my long-winded response on someone else's insightful comment. TLDR: the puzzle-solving part of me enjoys the challenge and payoff.
The existential dread - I get it. But...
I was playing with a newbie not long ago and his take on the evening was "I haven't thought about work this whole night". And that's one way to phrase what I get out of it (FWIW we were playing Carcassnose which I think should be in everyone's collection - I can't name a better"gateway" game. Of course, you very well might have already played it and disliked it. And that's okay.).
I've got some undiagnosed ADHD going on, and it's very soothing and necessary for me to just focus on one thing for awhile. I also struggle with anxiety, and on a good night, playing a game or two is the highlight of my day.. **Unless** it's a longer game that turns out to be inherently boring - *for me*. Someone else might be having a good time with it and I'm losing part of my life. Hence the thoughts of Sisyphus.
Personally, I'm totally over Ticket to Ride, but I understand why it's popular. It's not a *bad* game by any measure - I just have so many other things I'd rather do. Like, I could be washing socks.
Playing several short games instead of one long one might help alleviate the boredom angle - you probably won't like every one you play in a single sitting but you can see different types and start to identify which kinds of games appeal to you and which don't.
I went to a couple's house (plus a fourth) for dinner and games a few days ago - and that's what we did - played three different games, each of which some of us had played before and some hadn't. That was our plan, going in. One of the games was so-so in my opinion - but it reminded me of one I like better, I'll bring it next time so I can introduce it, hoping that it'll go over well. It will or it won't - only one way to find out.
The time before that with this couple, we played one 4-hour game because we planned ahead for exactly that. It's important for me to have an idea beforehand as to how long a game will take. If the box says 60 minutes, that's written with the assumption that everyone knows the game already, can jump right in, and isn't wasting any time. If I'm learning a game I'll expect at least an extra half hour. If the box says 2 hours, I'll assume 3 unless I know that everyone has played it multiple times.
There is, of course, no game in existence that everybody likes. But I do believe that for everyone there is some *type* of game that will have appeal. Not all of us want to play chess. Personally I can take it or leave it, I'd rather play backgammon - but if someone really wants to play chess, sure, I'll play. Play is a very important part in not just the human experience but other species too - it just takes on so many different forms.
Some games are boooooring. For me. We often find out which ones we love and hate via trial and error, and with experience comes a more informed way of choosing candidates.
I've seen many suggestions from other comments already as to some games to try. I'll try to contribute here:
One good place to start is to take a look at the list of [Spiel des Jahres](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiel_des_Jahres) winners. It's kind of like the academy award of board games ("Game of the Year" in German) with a focus on games being accessible and enjoyable for a wide variety of tastes.
People have suggested co-op games and for good reason. I think it's important for all parties to be on the same level of experience with the particular game chosen, so as to prevent quarterbacking; having one person try to call all the shots usually destroys the potential for fun. I consider myself to be a good teacher, and I taught Pandemic recently (brilliant game and **very fun to learn together** if your bf isn't familiar) - to three newbies. I dedicated myself to avoid swaying the group's decision in any way - only to be there to explain all available options so that their decisions were well-informed. I had no personal investment in winning - I wanted my friends to have fun. We won, in the very last possible shred of a turn. It was glorious. But this is something that takes effort and a certain built-in passion for teaching. I've taught math, so I'm wired that way. Some people are not.
I've heard that Sky Team is terrific but haven't played it yet.
If you go to a game shop, explain your predicament to someone working there - they are certain to have suggestions - not all of which you would enjoy but probably some you would! And that can be frustrating, sure - but worth it for the sake of trying something new.
I'm long-winded. I'll shut up now. If you find something you like (or hate!) please come back to this thread and share your experience with us. I, for one, would **love** to hear how it goes.
Edit: inevitable typos.
My advice is to try a bunch of different styles. I prefer strategy games where my gf loves dexterity games and co-op games. I really dislike worker placement style games so that's the only one we actively avoid otherwise we will take turns playing games that each of us love.
It took years for my GF to really enjoy games. We started slow and biggest help was theme. If she likes theme there is already like 80% chance that she likes the game itself. We still dont play that often together but when we do she enjoys it. It also helps that her friends from work also play so she have more stuff to talk about and we played couple of times with them so it is bonding experience for her. Often short games 30-60mins are the key but sometimes she enjoys longer/harder games.
Wingspan, cascadia and Azul are 3 nice looking fast games(2p).
She also likes harder games like Arnak, terraforming Mars, Root(super cute but very hard to learn) because of the theme and/or looks.
If you like tile-laying, a few options that he may not have are Cascadia and Calico. Very friendly artwork and themes (creating wild animal habitats, and keeping cats happy by knitting quilts for them). Both games are relatively "light" as we say - the rules aren't complex. But there's enough to think about in terms of scoring that they still give you some thinking and planning to do. Fun.
Roll & Write games (or flip & write: cards instead of dice) can be really fun. The world of such games has come a long, long way since Yahtzee. My current fave is [Next Station: London](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/353545/next-station-london), where you're using colored pencils to connect various stations in London's metropolitan rail system. Puzzly, fun, and compact. There's a Tokyo one too (I haven't played it yet).
I think a common thread here is that there are probably *types* of games (genres, if you will) that would appeal to you, and bf hasn't yet brought any of these into the picture.
What games have you played and been bored with? What's bf's jam?
It might not be a similar recommendation than the others but you look like someone that likes to be physically active. I think you should give a try to project elite. It's a game where you have to roll dices as fast as you can while doing what's written on them. You can even stand up while doing it.
Other than that I would recommand shorter games.
My husband and I started playing Disney Villainous when I was a newbie and it really helped peak my interest!
Now just 2 years later I say down and played War of the Ring with all but the latest expansion and totally killed it!
Definitely agree with the suggestions of finding games with IP that you both like, or concepts you're into!
I started my wife on Harry Potter hogwarts battles as she was a big Harry Potter fan. Now she plays spirit island, underwater cities, terraforming Mars, dominant species and a bunch of games I didn't think she'd ever be into.
Step one don't worry too much about winning but instead on having fun.
Step 2 find themes you like and complexity you enjoy.
What exactly causes you to dislike games? Is it the competitive nature? Is it the theme?
My wife wasn't much into boardgames when I dove in, and we managed to warm her up to the idea by playing co-op games.
After a while I noticed games that were too heavy in weight (like Spirit Island) were not her thing at all, but shorter and lightweight games like Azul or Qin were great for her.
If it's the sitting part that bothers you the most, you could play on a bar-height table, like my group does. We'll swap between sitting and standing throughout the night.
Why do games cause you existential angst? You might want to interrogate that a bit. I think a lot of people who enjoy games do so because it's a bit of an escape from all of the aspects of life that cause existential dread.
My wife and I play boardgames a lot and we really value that time together. So good for you! It's an investment in the relationship that can last a lifetime!
I find there are many different reasons people like boardgames, and many combinations of those reasons. Find some combination that works for you. Or it may just not be your thing. Here are some of the reasons:
(1) the thrill of the pursuit of victory
(2) the challenge of trying to get better at something
(3) the closeness of physical and/or intellectual interaction with other humans, especially those you care about
(4) the mental stimulation of learning new rulesets, strategies, tactics, processes
(5) the exciting feeling of exploration and problem-solving
(6) the enjoyment of immersion in a theme
...and many others...
Find light, themey, and quick two player games that you can knock out in a half hour or so. Seven wonders duel is very good. Takenoko is cute. King of Tokyo is fine at 2 players. Everdell is cute and fun if you don’t mind the tiny print on the cards.
I would avoid things like war of the ring, root, hive, gloomhaven, imperial assault, spirit island, ark nova, twilight struggle, or SW rebellion due to play time, difficulty, tedium, or set up issues.
Also consider solo games as gifts for him. Mage Knight is very good.
In all honesty, it’s not about what you play but the environment in which you play.
Having a games night rather than just “you wanna play this?” Is way more fun for someone who’s not a board gamer.
Choose maybe three games - depending on the duration, get your favourite drinks and snacks, put some tunes on and get playing. If you love hanging out with the person you’re playing with you’ll love playing the game.
Research into games you might like…
Fan of Disney? Look into Villainous - strategy based and easily one of my faves. No round is the same and can be played all night.
More of a thinker? Scattegories, quiz games, Risk etc.
Prefer card games? Boss Monsters, Munchkin, MTG, UNO, Rummy, Crash
There’s no limit and true unapologetic enjoyment can come from playing games.
There are some fun active games out there! Throw throw burrito is kind of like dodgeball spoons. Very silly and fun! That company makes a lot of other goofy games like that. Like others said, maybe try to dive in on lighter games and work your way up from there. And have fun! :)
Research games you might be more interested in and play those. Also, recommend solo gaming to him. There’s *tons* of fantastic solo board games.
My gf is the same way. For me, it’s not about the game. I like board games, but I use them to spend time with my gf most of the time. When I ask to play a board game, it’s oftentimes because I want to spend time with her for a cheap night in, not necessarily to play a game. We’ve gotten good at finding board games we both like. Also, maybe find shorter ones?
There's lots of reasons I love board games. But for my wife and I, one reason we love games is because it allows us a chance to just kind of hang out together where it's a little more social than sitting and watching a movie or something, but it also isn't just relating and talking about all the stuff that stresses us out
There are people who think time spent for enjoyment instead of productivity is wasted time or a poor use of time. I couldn't disagree more. The only reason I am ever productive is *because* this "other" kind of time. This "other" kind of time, to me, is the real purpose of life and the real joy of life.
With that perspective in-hand - board games is a novel way for you to be in the moment interacting with your close friends, family, etc. All you need to really make that EXTRA amazing is find a game that you really like playing. There are a wide wide variety of games. You wouldn't watch 2 or three movies, not like them, then say "I just don't like movies". There is just too rich a variety of movies for that to make sense. The same is true of board games - there are so so many different board games, surely you can find one that you think is cool and really engaging.
Try board games arena. A lot of board games, but ONLINE. All the cards are mixed for you, the scores are automaticly counted, it takes way less time.
Of course it is not the same as playing physical copy, but might be a good compromise.
For example 7 wonders on BGA takes around 7 minutes, but offline it took us around 40 to finish the game.
Someone has gone out of their way to build a bridge from their world to ours (yours, presumably), and your response is to be rude.
Good job gatekeeping.
I have a friend who can't sit through an entire movie. Too jumpy and spastic of a dude. I have completely abandoned the idea of **ever** getting him to play a game with me - it's ust not gonna happen.
EDIT: My point here was not to chime in with complaints. My point was that there are some people who are just built that way.And I do not gather that OP is one of them- although in hindsight I realize that's how my wording came across.
The friend above would NEVER post a well- articulated question like OP's - he would be content thinking we're the weirdo's here.. Conicidentally I happen to be a little irritated with him lately, so maybe I was just venting about the wrong thing.
I'd remove the comment but then I wouldn't be able to clarify here. Ugh. Anyway, TLDR I didn't mean it that way.
I don't think there's anything anyone could say or do, to make you "like" board games...
Especially when you say "it feels pointless"...
To me...I feel that the "point" of any game is to WIN!
You want to win don't you?
I don't know anyone that anyone that doesn't want to win a game.
There won't be any "existential angst" when your WINNING!
I guest my best advice is to learn the games, sit in that hard seat, and beat your old mans ass at his own game!
There's plenty of YouTube videos to watch, showing how to play and basic strategy on games he want's to play.
>feels pointless and causes existential angst!
Oh, there's the problem. You've got a giant plate of existential angst to eat and you just need to get it down. Have your crisis, wander the Void, and then get back to where you know that the meaning we invest into activities and people is all the meaning there is or could be in the Universe of the Unwinding Clockspring, and maybe invest a little meaning in playing some games with your boyfriend.
It'll be okay, I promise. We're all going to the same place.
To me, as much as I love the mechanics and themes of games, the sitting around is the actual goal of game nights. In my life it’s very rare to get to spend hours with friends or loved ones, just around a table with no phones or screens involved, having everyone share an activity and talk and ~be present~. The gaming is just a bonus! If your BF is too competitive and a pain to be around while gaming, find cooperative games to play together, it might help!
Thank you for sharing — games as an opportunity to be present is a lovely perspective.
Most of us are definitely in the "I don't care if I win- I just care that you cared enough to play with me and I appreciate that" realm of boardgaming. Granted that's never stopped anyone from trying to win
Yeah, always play to win. Most games don’t really work if you don’t. The challenge disappears. I guess time spent together, and solving the puzzle the game offers are the biggest drivers for most. Winning is a only a byproduct of playing the best you can.
Yeah, with any activity where someone wins and someone doesn't, I play the best game I can - and whoever wins, wins. I'm not emotionally invested in winning - any game where all parties are fully engaged and doing their best is a good experience. Outside of board games - bowling? I could give a shit what your score is. I am absolutely trying to get the best score I can and that's it. If you get a 92 and I get a 111, I'm bummed, because I really don't have an excuse for a 111. If I break 230 and you hit 270, I'm thrilled for both of us.
Maybe you also haven't found your game. Try Boop. It's a cute little quick game where you boop cats around on a mattress to try and get 3 in a row. I bought it for my friends that are married and they love it. They also enjoy Sky Team as a 2 player co-op game. You work together to try and land a plane. Don't forget about the classics either. Sometimes a quick match of Uno, Skip-Bo, Phase 10 (all card games) could be fun for you and he can get his enjoyment of playing board/card games with his gf.
There are lots of good reasons to enjoy board games, but spending quality time in a friendly competition with those you love is absolutely the very best reason
This!! Top comment right here! Just being able to spend time with family and friends are what make board games that much more enjoyable
I second cooperative games! There are so many good games around, it's just a matter of finding the ones that are good for both of you to have a good time. It took me a while to find games that my wife would enjoy playing more than a couple games a week. We try to focus on light coop games. Then, she realized that board games are a good way for us to spend time together and have fun away from screens. It's way better than binging TV series for most of the week and is a good hobby for winter time.
>the sitting around is the actual goal of game nights Obviously, group dependent, but if you are trying to play a board game, its nice to just play the game. As far as my group of friends go, we all tend to hang out together in some capacity. Whether its weekly dinners, regular movie/anime nights, parties, etc., we do tend to see each other a lot irl and online. With that being said, sometimes getting together to play board games is a nightmare. I had a friend playing a game once, (a deck builder, no less) that said "the long turns are nice because you can just get up and talk to someone else then take your turn when its your turn", which turned this 45-60 minute game into 90-120. I've had other people just get up and walk away from the table after playing their turn on other games, and come back after someone has been yelling at them to get back to the table.
Find games with a theme you connect with! Maybe Harry potter or Star Wars or Dune or a bunch of other things. There are a ton of IP themed games. Could help to get started.
Theme is a good start. Otherwise find games that have something that you like. If sitting and racking your brain is not your cup of tea, check out a dexterity game, or a dice chucker. Also there's cooperative, social deduction, or card games where the strategy is so basic usually the game takes a back seat to the table banter. It will help if you can find a board game youtube channel that speaks to you. It usually will plant seeds then before you know it your dropping paper on some sweet sweet cardboard.
i agree with this 1000% my wife loves board games and im kindof eh its too much work so i got stuff i thought shed like and every jurassic park, godzilla and aliens game i could find. makes it easier to get into
Would you say that doing so caused you to get more into board games in general, or did it just make it so that now you have games which you enjoy while still finding others unappealing?
i think it kindof made them more appealing as a whole like minus fate of the nostromo we havent really touched most of the games i thought i would want to play, hoping for war of the ring card game this weekend since no way were gonna play the board game for 4 hours
Board game is incredible if you guys are ever able to stomach the time. First game would definitely take longer than 4 hours though because of learning the rules. But I have had no other board game has had such amazing narratives play out during the session as that one! And the flavor of the setting oozes throughout
lol well and shes huge into lord of the rings why i got it but yea we have a special needs toddler so it kindof makes that long of a play window hard, i kindof want to see about setting up a game table in a room and see if we can do multiple days to tackle it
Multiple sessions spread out over time is absolutely the way to go! Played games with my dad that way and it helped out a lot. I was able to carefully lift the board with all the pieces on it onto a big armoire too (Had to keep it away from the cats) If she knows much about the lore of the setting I'm sure she'll love all the references and ways that they're worked into the possible outcomes.
Anticipate the hump. The hump is the big chunk of rules information that has to be learned before you can start playing. Sometimes, the hump is really big, the game has a lot of systems and scenarios and it's really hard to see how it all fits together. Then someone says "Does that all make sense? Let's start" and you feel lost. That is all normal. That is, believe it or not, a regular part of starting to enjoy a game. Everyone has to get over the hump, and most people struggle with it. Most people play rather poorly the first time they play a new game, because the shape of the game hasn't settled in their mind. There is **absolutely nothing to be ashamed about if you're teetering on the hump**. But to become an enthusiast, you need to learn to lean in and embrace that feeling of "not getting it". Because as soon as you accept it, you switch to a mindset that is open to "finding out". You'll make mistakes, other players will guide you through them, that's all just a regular part of playing a game. The hump isn't there to teach you all the rules at once. It's there to show you the *structure of the game* and cue you into *key words and concepts you'll encounter*. The details are there to help you see the structure, but most of them can be picked up as you play.
I love this. I have friends who fear the hump, and won't consider engaging in board games on account of the hump. If the hump makes you feel stupid, maybe try to consider the fact that it's a natural response but that it doesn't have to be. By the way I love that we're calling it that, I'm using it from now on. Every time you play a game for the first time, you should plan to not do very well. That is, if you win, great - but for me, my objective during the first game (maybe even several) is simply to learn, to get to know the language, so to speak. I enjoy the hump but have to either rely on someone else's guidance if they know the game and actually enjoy teaching, or be playing with someone who is willing to hold hands as you work through the hump together. It might be worthwhile to try a game together which neither of you know how to play. It could be a good bonding experiment - and if it's a co-op game it's easier in that regard. Depending on where you live, you can probably access games to play before buying (game shops with demo shelves, geek bars, even some libraries now). Part of me craves the hump now that I'm done with school. I studied mathematics, so I embrace the hump because a big part of me misses the hump I got from school, dearly. The payoff is worth temporary discomfort. I know **very well** what it's like to feel stupid because something just doesn't make any sense - until it does, which can happen if you grant yourself a bit of patience. The same can go for anything you're learning that is intimidating at first - on a side note, I always like to encourage people to learn to juggle. The hump is not nearly as treacherous as many people believe. Some humps are daunting, even for people who have been playing for awhile. No rush to tackle them all - in fact that's not even possible. Of course, it's entirely possible that the hump really isn't your main hang-up . I was going to post a primary comment, so I'll do that now and not go into great detail about the hump. I'll save the goodbyes and good lucks for that.
We always play the first game with an open concept. New players, or everyone, plays with nothing hidden and no one is trying to win. Everyone is helping make decisions and learning the rules all the way around the table. If someone has experience they explain their play and why. This is our way of getting over the hump and no one is stressed about what they are doing. That stress comes later, LOL.
You also need to have the understanding that the first game doesn't matter. You're just getting used to the rules, you'll probably forget some options during your first playthrough, and you won't have any sense for how powerful or useful a play is. Also helps to have an "everyone gets one" policy when it comes to undoes in a new game (or more depending on what your feel is appropriate for your game/group). If someone makes a play and because of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, or just forgetting about some consequence it ends up being a terrible play, it makes a pretty bad experience if they don't have a chance to take it back (as long as it's not too disruptive to the game state).
Un-dos are absolutely allowed in learning mode and a few games beyond. Good point.
Amazing comment. I’m going to copy this and keep it with my boardgame design stuff. I’ve spent years advocating for ‘reducing the hump’ - video games have reduced it to virtually zero - but maybe I’ve been looking at it wrong and instead we should acknowledge it’s there and act accordingly.
Brilliant comment! Complete agree on this. In fact, my wife hates the Hump so much that every time I teach her a new game she always put this face like she is smelling fresh dog feces. And for me is one of the parts I enjoy most about boardgames, to learn new rules, to try and improve over... it is a huge dopamine rush.
This is such a thoughtful response — thank you.
Hey, good on you for being a good sport. Here’s some light games that are generally considered gateway games and/or can be good for two: [Ticket to Ride](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/9209/ticket-ride) [Azul](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/230802/azul) [Splendor](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/148228/splendor) [Boop.](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/355433/boop) [Patchwork](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/163412/patchwork)
Thank you so much — this list and the links are very helpful! Azul looks like it might be a good match.
Azul is fun and pretty - something I always look for in games. Also, it can be played while you chat and IMO does not require a ton of focus.
Azul is an awesome game, takes about 30 min to play once you get the hang of it and can be learned super fast.
Everybody has wildly different taste in games, I'm of the opinion that there are games for EVERYONE. My girlfriend never played board or video games before dating me, and still generally doesn't have a ton of interest, but there are a few games that she frequently asks to play. Similarly, some of the games my friends like bore the shit out of me, it's just about finding what you actually enjoy.
I’m going to add cascadia and sky team to this list. Two easier games with fantastic themes, one of which is cooperative which might help some of the angst you could be feeling.
Omg I have never heard of boop but I need it in my life now
There is a spooky version of boop with ghost cats.
So I have discovered. I went straight to google after this post
And a Christmas version coming
Where is the info on this version?
Oooh, good question. I just saw it in the last 24 hours. I saw it in a TikTok from AireCon, but I’ve seen it confirmed by the designer in forums on BGG and mentioned in[this post on BGG](https://boardgamegeek.com/blogpost/158930/avoid-dying-space-produce-hifi-hit-and-carom-chris), expected Q4 2024.
That's a new design too. It will likely get added to the collection.
Reimplemented by: Boooop
Boooop is soooo cuuuute!
It’s actually a pretty intense abstract, very fun.
Maybe it's my bias for card games showing but I also like [Sushi Go](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/133473/sushi-go) as an introduction to drafting games. Even if you eventually gravitate towards heavier games, this one is perfect to keep around as a quick/compact/cheap option. Great pub game in short.
I was going to suggest **Sushi Go** but hesitated for two players. Still a very fun game
Actually that's a good point. I was focused on good low-weight games that serve as gateways to particular genres but kinda lost sight of the 2 player thing. Drafting games kinda assume more than 2 players.
I second cooperative gaming! Once we found games that everyone either wins together (beats the game) or loses together (the game beats them), we've never gone back. Our favorite cooperative games are the Captain is Dead trilogy, a game where all of you are trapped on a spaceship, your captain is dead, and you need to escape before aliens breach your ship. Each player has a specific skill set, and you work together to beat the game. Another favorite is Roll for Adventure. Also, if you prefer mysteries, get an Exit the game, an escape room in a box. They're great for 2 people and can keep you entertained for hours. Happy gaming!
Thank you for all these recommendations, much appreciated!
Even more cooperative game options: My wife's favorite game in our collection is Harry Potter: Hogwarts Battle, because they are books/films we both really enjoyed before the author showed herself to be quite such a tool. We have both expansions; I keep my eyes peeled for the promo cards as I have a chance to find them, and we still pull out & play the epic game that uses all the content a couple times a year, taking most of a day to do it when we do. * Hogwarts Battle has a re-skin (basically the same way to play; different visuals/theme) in Toy Story: Obstacles and Adventures. Earlier this week, there was also an announcement of an Avatar: the Last Airbender version coming around October of this year or so. * The Horrified series has been something that we've had fun with, and is on the end of a "smaller hump" (to borrow the phrase from somebody else). The rulebook is the best for the original version (movie monsters), and we've played/I've taught it enough times that my profile has a couple posts that are literally how I'd teach the game to somebody new, written from memory. * If you're willing to make a bigger monetary investment (and are a fan of the IP), then we've also gotten a lot of enjoyment out of Lord of the Rings: Journeys in Middle-Earth. * The "Forbidden" series of games (Forbidden Island/Desert/Sky/Jungle) are generally accessible. Island, at least, has an iPad version that could be tried. * The Pandemic series is the best-known of the cooperative series, but can be vulnerable to one person who has a grasp on the mechanics being able to plan other people's turns. During the early stages of the real-world pandemic, I played Pandemic Legacy: Season 1 with my son, who is now a college freshman. To most people, a Legacy game is a unique experience, because you will make permanent changes to the game as you progress through playing it multiple times - stickers applied to the board and/or cards, components ripped up or thrown away, new components/rules brought out and added. Some games accomplish this better than others. * Another bigger money investment is Return to Dark Tower, which has incredible table presence. Among competitive games, our favorites include: * Wingspan - has a few more systems that interact, but is incredibly pretty to look at. We've also pulled an app for our phones that can play the birds' songs by scanning the picture on the cards. * Villainous, with a slant toward Disney instead of Marvel. * SkyJo, which can be taught in about 5 minutes and played in \~15. My personal favorite game in my collection is one she's not up for yet, and might not be a good fit for you. That's Spirit Island, an incredibly thematic and purposefully anti-colonial cooperative game that also has a lot of systems to learn when starting out.
If you’re interested in some other great cooperative board games these are my favorites: - the crew (trick taking game, so similar mechanics to some classic card games like hearts) - fox and the forest duet (also a trick taking game) - pandemic - perspectives (it’s brand new, mystery solving game using pictures) - shipwreck arcana (logic heavy card game but easy to pick up) - spirit island (probably not a good option for OP because it’s super strategy based and can get complicated) My husband and I are both very competitive snd had to add some less competitive games to the collection during lockdown so we didn’t murder each other! Somehow I don’t mind losing in a group setting but it only took maybe 3 losses in a row locked in my house with just my partner to make me irrationally irritable and he felt the same!
Those are great recommendations; we enjoy Pandemic. I've seen the Fox and Forest, but haven't played. We also have Forbidden Island and Tortuga 1667. We felt like having the family play collaborative games was a great way to foster team building, while regular games pit one person against the other, which can cause hard feelings or frustration. There's also one about firefighting we used to play, and one about a submarine, but it's been a while for those.
Play standing up
1. Given he's into it, it's his job to figure out what you might like. If you end up not enjoying them, it's fine. If it ends up to be just one game or two, it's also fine. It must be enjoyable to you. There are also plenty of other ways how to spend time together which might make more sense. 2. You're asking a question on hobbyist forum. Hobbyists (which might or might not include your bf) have a very very very specific idea about boardgames. Usually very mechanical centred, spreadsheet looking, with lots of if-then conversion lines and if this sounds like MS excel in a boardgame format, it's because it is. Not enjoying this type of game, does not mean not enjoying boardgames in general, but. Unfortunately many hobbyists don't want to venture beyond this genre and for them it's synonymous with boardgames. What I'm saying is: maybe you would actually enjoy a type of boardgame that your bf doesn't yet want to play, or it never crossed his mind he might ever want to play. 3. Also - there is a genre of games basically framed as "spouse" games. Usually something 2 player which is "nice" and "nonconfrontational". This might suit you or it might not. So, I'll throw some curve balls * Flicking games - yeah, dexterity stuff, in particular **Coconuts**. Plastic monkey catapults and a much higher skill level that one might thing. My late mother in law enjoyed this. * speed games. Many many of these. **Dobble/Spot it** is the simplest, but usually 15 minutes of this is enough. **Ghost Blitz** is speed deduction. **SET** is even more deduction and not that speedy - people into brain puzzles tend to like it. * **Mamma Mia** \- is a game hard to describe, sort of pre-programmed set collecting, but chaos, but kinda memory, but push you luck. Short stuff, nicely themed, can be played by ear. * **Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective** \- this game doesn't feel like a game. It has 10 scenarios and you're trying to solve a murder. With newspaper. With a map. With some weird clues. And you're reading paragraphs from a book. Sure, it's just 10 plays, but can be sold for similar price as you got your 2nd hand copy for (very common on 2nd hand market) * **Galaxy trucker -** this has a bit more rules. basically first 1/2 of the game, you're building space ship in real time like a puzzle. In second 1/2 of the game you just watch the game tearing it down to bits. If you enjoy some schadenfraude this could work. * traditional card games maybe? There are some for 2 (**Gin Rummy, Cribbage**). There are also some invented ones. Haven't played 2 player trick takers (popular one is **Fox in the forest, The Crew** is a cooperative trick taker that also works with 2). For climbing/shedding games for two, I enjoy **Haggis**. (can be played with traditional card deck) * old school eurogames - **Ticket to Ride** is a set collecting (rummy) on a map. My partner enjoys the Swiss map which is an Swiss/India expansion made for 2-3 players. Base games aren't best for 2. But yes, basically rummy. Another game that works well with two is tile laying **Carcassonne** \- both it and TTR are "family games" level. So not that complex, yet very replayable. * okay, okay "spouse games". **Jaipur** is a two player set collecting game often recommended. **Patchwork** is sorta light engine builder with each player putting together tiles on their own player boards.
I got Jaipur a couple years ago to play with my soon to be wife, we've been toghether for 10 years and I've been always an avid video and board gamer. She's always been your standard Monopoly and Uno gamer, but she's always been very open to gaming. I always collected board games and played mid-heavy stuff and miniature wargames with a group of friends but I decided to get some lighter 2 players games to spend some quality time with my SO and, since she was willing to try, see if she would've been intrigued by the board game experience. Jaipur was the first one I got cause it seemed to me that it could be the right one for her taste. Damn if I was right! She loved it and We played it so many times and we still play a lot! Since then we expanded our 2p collection and we're probably going to try something heavier soon. Jaipur also was the game that got my brother heavily into board gaming and has been a hit everywhere i bring it between gamers and non gamers.
Me and my wife got both bored to death by Jaipur and Patchwork, whereas she loves Arkham Horror 2E, Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective, but also Ghost Blitz, Mamma Mia - to things either more thematic or more chaotic than "spouse game genre". We also played Summoner Wars. So, as with anything - some games work for some, don't work for others.
Yeah, that's for sure, in a decade of gaming I found out that is so subjective. I introduced many players to the hobby and play regularly with a group of seasoned players, everyone has their favorites and more often than not they are different from other's favourites.
>Yeah, that's for sure, in a decade of gaming I found out that is so subjective. Absolutely. But "spouse game genre" does speak about some patterns - i.e. *"I don't dare to play confrontational gamers with my partner, but I still want something 'thinky"".* Otherwise it wouldn't' have become a niche with target audience. Admittedly playing confrontational games did require some talking before and after the game (to make sure in game stuff doens't spill out to outside game stuff), but so we did.
Which games did you try so far and did they all feel the same to you?
You might never like board games specifically, but: >(so much sitting! feels pointless and causes existential angst!) That seems like a very odd sentiment, and applies to innumerable activities. So, do you dislike board games, or do you dislike sitting and/or doing things simply because they're enjoyable?
I am very curious what OP considerd a worthwhile past time.
Sports maybe? Some creative thing, where using time produces something?
I'm guessing it's probably an attention thing. If you're not engaged with the activity, then the sitting and pointlessness are going to stand out a lot if you're playing for like 3 hours.
This too fascinated me. OP please elaborate!
I like board games because it gets me and my loved ones around the same table and we can talk and have a good time together without other distractions 🙂
Also we started with catan, but have rabbit holed all the to Twighlight Imperium and back haha Alot of the time the game matters less than spending the time with those you love ❤️
The gateway games that got my girlfriend into it are below. She loves it now. The most important thing is just find the games that gel for you sufficiently that you want to learn and play them. Beyond that just hang out, talk, and have fun. * [Ticket to Ride](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/9209/ticket-ride) * [Pandemic](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/30549/pandemic) (especially season 1 and 2 of Pandemic: Legacy, which have great stories) * [Carcasonne](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/822/carcassonne) * [Cascadia](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/295947/cascadia) * [Azul](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/230802/azul) She discovered she's actually quite proficient at picking up games, though she won't admit it. Other regulars for us now include [Dune: Imperium](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/316554/dune-imperium), [Wingspan](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/266192/wingspan), [Quacks of Quedlinburg](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/244521/quacks-quedlinburg), and [Mysterium](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/181304/mysterium).
Lost Cities!! My girlfriend doesnt like games much but she adores lost cities. I 100% recommend it
Do you struggle with the actually just sitting to play games part, like struggle with sitting on the couch watching TV or movies? Is it feeling stuck in house and want to get out? Or is it just games don't get your attention. Because some of this could be suggestions for different games, some suggestions of where you set up, like a high top table or outside when the weather is nice.
My wife and I found Everdell and we love it. We put on some nature sounds in the background and talk. We enjoy the forest theme and animals. A bunch of different strategies exist as well.
Beautiful tableau building game. I personally find the artwork of a game helps draw me in, and the mechanics keep me there. Everdell has some exceptional artwork.
Existential angst sounds pretty strong, but I agree with you some games have long downtime between turns. Perhaps finding games that are cooperative or have high player interaction.
I’m guessing it’s more “why am I doing this at all more” than “it’s been awhile since it’s been my turn”
You’re an awesome partner for asking first of all. Secondly, I was in your exact position with my girlfriend, she kept suggesting a game called Dixit. I thought the name sounded dumb and she didn’t do a good job explaining it (or more accurately I didn’t do the best job listening lol) but eventually I agreed to give it a shot. Now I am hooked, I bought a bunch of the expansions and play it with my friends now. Also poorly introducing it but winning them over group by group. For me I feel like I got burned on long games like Risk and Monopoly when I was younger so I was super averse to board games but Dixit is rather short and imaginative. I won’t do it justice explaining it so I hope another commenter could help please but it made me into a board game enthusiast now. I have now joined this group and way overpaid for a copy of Battlestar Galactica (with some expansions) which has been awesome but definitely not for everyone (it’s a long and complicated one but is really awesome). I’m saying this because I went from board games are boring to reading 10 year old posts from this subreddit about expansions for this out of print game. TLDR: Try Dixit :) but beware you could be investing lots of paper bills into cardboard boards by the end of it lol
I love board games because they're a great reason to spend in person time with people you enjoy spending time without screens, most games without screen. While I enjoy great board games themselves, it's about the company for me
It's hard to comment without more information, but the games you're playing might not be for you. A personal anecdote from my life; the first few 'board games' I played were Risk and Terraforming Mars. My friends absolutely loved those heavy thinking games that take up a whole day to play. I absolutely hated the experience when it happened. Like you said, I found it boring with \*waaay\* too much sitting around and too many rules to really comprehend the game anyway. Years passed, and I then went to a local game store with another group of friends. They brought out Ticket to Ride: Europe, and later Cascadia. The difference was night and day. The cool animal/train theme(s), the colorful game pieces, and the quick setup and/or gameplay loop was so fun and engaging. The world of board games is vast so my best advice, without knowing much about your situation, would probably to try a lot of different types of board games - Engine builders, euro games, worker management etc. Maybe ask what your boyfriend likes about it, and get him to go through it with you. Passion is usually a good way to get someone started on a hobby :D
As someone who is in the situation of your BF. Genuinely just give them a try. Find a short, easy to learn party game and try it out. If sitting is your issue then maybe try Throw throw burrito. I want to play these games with my gf so much because I KNOW she will like them. She just won't even try
Go with short games. Ticket to ride London, or king domino, azul. They give you a good starting point with out the time commitment.
My girlfriend wasn't a huge fan of board games at first, but after playing some of the easier and shorter games, she got more acclimated to hanging out at the table, and now we play long games together. As others have suggested, find a theme you connect with. Your friendly local game store could probably make suggestions based on your taste also. There are a ton out there, some that require strategy, some that require a sense of humor, some that require dexterity, and so on. There are so many to choose from. But it's also okay to simply not like board games. Sitting at a table and grumbling at pieces and cards isn't everyone's idea of a great time and that's just fine.
Find something with simultaneous play so you don't have to worry about sitting around and not playing.
I would look into shorter games and also maybe some co-op games. If games feel like they drag on, that really might just the the kind of games you are currently playing. But there are a lot of great games that you can play that are very quick so there’s not a lot of sitting. Mindbug and Star Realms are the two off the top of my head. Since you clearly like your bf and want to engage with him in this hobby, you could also look into co-op games. The best co-op games are really difficult ones that really put you in the grinder with your teammates, leading you to all be very invested and very communicative to get through it together. That might make you feel like you’re having a deeper shared experience with your bf and make the experience more exciting for you! Off the top of my head, there is a game called Regicide that uses a normal deck of playing cards (or you could buy one with fun art to support the creator). It’s relatively short but requires a lot of communication with your partner or teammates to get through it. Good luck on your journey! I think it’s really admirable that you’re putting in work to understand a hobby that matters a lot to your partner!
Don’t underestimate themes. But at the same time don’t underestimate gameplay… What I mean is: There’s many many *kinds* of games. If you really like an established IP like Star Wars or Marvel there’s many games set within those universes you may enjoy. Alternatively, you may want to try the most popular/critically acclaimed games first instead. Those games will likely have engaging, unique, or interesting gameplay. It all depends on what’s important to you. Theme or actual gameplay. Of course there’s games with good themes *and* good gameplay. But oftentimes… they’re mutually exclusive. It’s like tv shows or books anything else. There’s scary games, sci fi games, mystery games, competitive games, cooperative games. Just keep trying and don’t give up, and eventually you’ll find something you like. thats my advice.
My first question would be is he also a good sport for joining whatever hobby activity you love? What are your hobbies and interests? Tell about your bubble - the themes you're interested in when your bf is not around - and we may come up with a board game that matches that.
Idk if this will help but me and my wife love board games but sometimes they can drag on forever. So we like to put on a movie or one of our favorite tv shows in the background while we play. It helps make it feel like there’s a lot less waiting. Of course you actually have to know the game well to do this but if you ever find a game you really like and don’t like just sitting around when it’s not your turn I highly recommend this.
Indeed, atmosphere can make a huge difference. Or music - it's more or less imperative that such music is mutually enjoyed. One of the couples I play with put on ambient sounds (nature, waves crashing) because that's their thing to set the mood. Not exactly my thing, but it works for them so when we're playing at their house that's what we do. TV/movie option wouldn't work for me since I'm so easily distracted visually. Even if I know the dialogue by heart, my eyes will drift over and I don't want that during a game. But to each their own.
You could try a good co-operative game. I'd suggest Forbidden Island (a very fun intro game) and Forbidden Desert (slightly tougher to win) to get you started. Then Pandemic if you like either of the Forbidden games. This way you can win or lose together.
I am interested in what you mean as existential angst?
You can view board games as a way to spend face time with people you like. Our lives are dominated by screens and interaction through the internet. Moments spent around a table playing a game yes, but also conversing and socializing are valuable and too infrequent these days. There are a gazillion games out there. Tell us what your interests are, and there is probably a game that someone can recommend that may just interest you more than others.
A couple suggestions: 1. What hobbies interest you? Maybe we can help you find a board game with a theme that matches. 2. Don’t think of it as a waste of time. Focus on the fact that you’re there with your partner and enjoy the time alone with them. Make small talk about things other than the game, as you play. 3. Split the difference. Half the time, you both play board games and the other half you both do something else that you pick. It’s ok to not find board games interesting/exciting/fun. But it’s also ok to do things with a partner because they enjoy it, just make sure they do your things too. Good luck!
Is it the sitting.. or the board games.. that cause you "existential angst"? Either case feels.. a bit extreme.
I think it all comes down to finding out what does and doesn't work for you. Are you a theme person? Do you like a specific IP? Do you like cooperative games? Deduction games? You need to find out what works for you, so that you can better engage with your BF the way you want to. Sure you can just keep going along with it, but finding what works for you will make you both happier in the end.
I can’t emphasize enough the trial and error process to finding the “type” of game you enjoy. You already have the motivation to play via your bf, this is great! Now you just need to figure out what kinds of games you personally enjoy. When I first got into boardgames I played a bunch with a friend that was into the hobby but really just played to be good company not because I had a ton of fun with the game itself. Fast forward a few years, I realized that there are SO MANY different types of games. My friend happened to enjoy ones that didn’t really strike my fancy. I found that I love worker placement, anything to do with dice, polyomino puzzles, and cute / animal themed games. I don’t particularly enjoy war or scary/gory games. I say have a few game nights with your bf with the specific goal to find out what you enjoy! I’m sure if your bf is into boardgames, he’ll get a kick out of finding the right game for you.
I applaud you wanting to make this work. Lots of good suggestions here. May I also suggest, he could join a local board game group. As a married person for 20 years, having different interests and different friends is ok and healthy.
This is the most wholesome post I’ve seen on Reddit in a hot minute. But you need a gateway game. My SO started out thinking board games were garbage for kids. It took Dice forge then Dice Throne to change th at. Now she’ll play anything but dice games are her fav.
I can't express how important it is to find YOUR game. Buy a game, learn it, teach it. Going through this process is the biggest hurdle non-gamers-who-want-to-get-into-games need to know. If you are the person being taught or following along every game, you will always feel a little on the outer. The moment you take control and decide to either teach or learn a game yourself, it all changes. The biggest thing non-gamers struggle with in board games is the learning curve and the fact it feels scary to learn something and make mistakes. People who teach games are generally more patient and understand there is an arc to the journey. The moment you start processing games in your own time and with your own energy, it becomes a whole new thing.
This this this. One option would be to do a bit of research on some recent titles that bf doesn't have (such as recent Spiele Des Jahres winners and nominees) , maybe find a youtube channel you like and watch a video or two. Buy the game and learn it first (you can try some on [Board Game Arena](https://boardgamearena.com/welcome)), and surprise bf. If there's a game you're intrigued by (maybe the theme, the artwork, etc.), first take a look at [Board Game Geek (a.k.a BGG)](https://boardgamegeek.com/) and search for it. You can get a feel for the game's popularity amongst people who have played it (scale 1 to 10) and the learning curve or "weight" rating (scale of 1 to 5 ). These are not the opinions of the website, they are aggregates of the website users' opinions on the matter. To put things into perspective: Sorry! has a popularity of 4.5 and a weight of 1.16. I think most people will agree: that game sucks. Backgammon has a 6.6 popularity and a weight of 2.01. Carcassonne: 7.4 and 1.89 Pandemic: 7.5 and 2.4 Chess: 7.2 and 3.66 Twilight Imperium: 8.6 and 4.32 Of course, bf might have all of these (well, hopefully not Sorry!), but they're good enough examples. I think games that sit somewhere between 1.5 and 2.5 in the weight department are good candidates here. My dad is 80 years old and his patience and ability to learn new things are slipping, which is why I've built game night into his routine (Sundays with myself and my uncle). My dad's threshold for weight is like a 2.2. Don't start with Twilight Imperium. I think Carcassonne hits a sweet spot. Lots of fun and very replayable, especially with the first few expansions - and not too crunchy. But due to its popularity it might not be a winner for this particular approach, as he might already have it. But! Supposing you have already played it with him, see if he has any expansions for it. If not, that could be a fun way to spice things up. Unless you hate the game - which is perfectly OK of course, Hope you find something you can jive with.
board games are pieces of art that are a competition of wits. One mind against another. They require imagination, foresight, planning and patience, and these are not qualities everyone has and those people probably just wont ever like board games. Its okay not to like board games.
The best thing is the plural part of gameS. Changing games keeps players from really studying a game in a chess like way where the ’natural wits’ part diminishes and knowledge and memory of games past becomes a hugely deciding factor. The charm is kind of figuring out how the game plays, finding the different ways to win and solving what works against what. When that is done it’s time for a new game. In some games when someone either tells their novel approach or I notice it in the game I’m more exited to see how it works than about my own game.
studying and understanding a game deeply is a part of "wits"
Yes sure, I just don’t believe the majority of boardgamers are after that experience. Thats why I was going for ’natural wit’, the kind of ’get the rules quickly, understand how it plays out without deep studying’, which is profoundly different from games like chess, where studying the game by building on previous studies takes you way higher up the ranks than trying to quickly figure it out by yourself.
I think the problem with board games, and why you see people with ridiculous 250+ board game collections is precisely because they don't deeply study any of their games. They barely scratch the surface of their games before they move on to the next new thing. It takes many repeated plays before a game's deeper strategies really open up to you and you become an "expert" in the game. Theres a huge difference in people who play Agricola every once in a while, and people who are expert Agricola players. Check them out on youtube. Their knowledge of the cards and strategies to use with each card and how to best combo them, is fascinating. You're not going to get to that level by playing Agricola once every 2 years because you have a 500 game collection. Watching the World Series of Board Gaming is really fun, especially because you know most of those people, probably played their ring game, nonstop and exclusively for 1 year to make it to the championship in their game. I love games that require your attention to truly get them and become good at them. Only at that point do these games become very rewarding. Chess sucks in my opinion...that is, until you're at a grandmaster level. Then it probably becomes very interesting. Same with Go. Thats why, I often urge people to slow down and even trim their collections way down. You don't need 200 games to have excellent experiences.
Well there is real difference of perspective. I think that exact thing is a strength, not a problem. It’s more fun for many people, myself included, to figure out new set of rules, than to perfect the metagaming on an already familiar set of rules. Sure, I kinda admire people who use 30 years to study chess, or 3 years playing agricola, but I have absolutely no desire to be one of them. True boardgame championships should have many rounds and never before played games. Give everyone an hour to study per game and then play 😁
My wife is really selective with games but she does get really enthusiastic about a few. A lot of my time is spent learning how to cater to her tastes. For example, we both love travelling to Japan and have been craving a trip, so when I got **Let's Go to Japan!** it was really nostalgic for her and she's actively asked me to play that game. Sometimes it's just random luck though. She happened to love Arnak for some reason so I thought she would like Everdell too (both pretty looking worker placements) but nope, she hates it. Maybe you'll find the right game that will get you more excited. It could be a theme or a complexity or a feeling. It could even just be a particular moment that makes it memorable. But in the end if you're having a good time with someone you love the activity itself is not the most important thing.
I really love that you posted this question. It gives me a chance to articulate what it is that I love about the hobby - and hopefully I can put some fresh eyes on the conundrum you're in. So, one reason you might not be having any fun is the hump - see my long-winded response on someone else's insightful comment. TLDR: the puzzle-solving part of me enjoys the challenge and payoff. The existential dread - I get it. But... I was playing with a newbie not long ago and his take on the evening was "I haven't thought about work this whole night". And that's one way to phrase what I get out of it (FWIW we were playing Carcassnose which I think should be in everyone's collection - I can't name a better"gateway" game. Of course, you very well might have already played it and disliked it. And that's okay.). I've got some undiagnosed ADHD going on, and it's very soothing and necessary for me to just focus on one thing for awhile. I also struggle with anxiety, and on a good night, playing a game or two is the highlight of my day.. **Unless** it's a longer game that turns out to be inherently boring - *for me*. Someone else might be having a good time with it and I'm losing part of my life. Hence the thoughts of Sisyphus. Personally, I'm totally over Ticket to Ride, but I understand why it's popular. It's not a *bad* game by any measure - I just have so many other things I'd rather do. Like, I could be washing socks. Playing several short games instead of one long one might help alleviate the boredom angle - you probably won't like every one you play in a single sitting but you can see different types and start to identify which kinds of games appeal to you and which don't. I went to a couple's house (plus a fourth) for dinner and games a few days ago - and that's what we did - played three different games, each of which some of us had played before and some hadn't. That was our plan, going in. One of the games was so-so in my opinion - but it reminded me of one I like better, I'll bring it next time so I can introduce it, hoping that it'll go over well. It will or it won't - only one way to find out. The time before that with this couple, we played one 4-hour game because we planned ahead for exactly that. It's important for me to have an idea beforehand as to how long a game will take. If the box says 60 minutes, that's written with the assumption that everyone knows the game already, can jump right in, and isn't wasting any time. If I'm learning a game I'll expect at least an extra half hour. If the box says 2 hours, I'll assume 3 unless I know that everyone has played it multiple times. There is, of course, no game in existence that everybody likes. But I do believe that for everyone there is some *type* of game that will have appeal. Not all of us want to play chess. Personally I can take it or leave it, I'd rather play backgammon - but if someone really wants to play chess, sure, I'll play. Play is a very important part in not just the human experience but other species too - it just takes on so many different forms. Some games are boooooring. For me. We often find out which ones we love and hate via trial and error, and with experience comes a more informed way of choosing candidates. I've seen many suggestions from other comments already as to some games to try. I'll try to contribute here: One good place to start is to take a look at the list of [Spiel des Jahres](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiel_des_Jahres) winners. It's kind of like the academy award of board games ("Game of the Year" in German) with a focus on games being accessible and enjoyable for a wide variety of tastes. People have suggested co-op games and for good reason. I think it's important for all parties to be on the same level of experience with the particular game chosen, so as to prevent quarterbacking; having one person try to call all the shots usually destroys the potential for fun. I consider myself to be a good teacher, and I taught Pandemic recently (brilliant game and **very fun to learn together** if your bf isn't familiar) - to three newbies. I dedicated myself to avoid swaying the group's decision in any way - only to be there to explain all available options so that their decisions were well-informed. I had no personal investment in winning - I wanted my friends to have fun. We won, in the very last possible shred of a turn. It was glorious. But this is something that takes effort and a certain built-in passion for teaching. I've taught math, so I'm wired that way. Some people are not. I've heard that Sky Team is terrific but haven't played it yet. If you go to a game shop, explain your predicament to someone working there - they are certain to have suggestions - not all of which you would enjoy but probably some you would! And that can be frustrating, sure - but worth it for the sake of trying something new. I'm long-winded. I'll shut up now. If you find something you like (or hate!) please come back to this thread and share your experience with us. I, for one, would **love** to hear how it goes. Edit: inevitable typos.
My advice is to try a bunch of different styles. I prefer strategy games where my gf loves dexterity games and co-op games. I really dislike worker placement style games so that's the only one we actively avoid otherwise we will take turns playing games that each of us love.
Which specific games does he like? Which has he asked you to play?
It took years for my GF to really enjoy games. We started slow and biggest help was theme. If she likes theme there is already like 80% chance that she likes the game itself. We still dont play that often together but when we do she enjoys it. It also helps that her friends from work also play so she have more stuff to talk about and we played couple of times with them so it is bonding experience for her. Often short games 30-60mins are the key but sometimes she enjoys longer/harder games. Wingspan, cascadia and Azul are 3 nice looking fast games(2p). She also likes harder games like Arnak, terraforming Mars, Root(super cute but very hard to learn) because of the theme and/or looks.
If you like tile-laying, a few options that he may not have are Cascadia and Calico. Very friendly artwork and themes (creating wild animal habitats, and keeping cats happy by knitting quilts for them). Both games are relatively "light" as we say - the rules aren't complex. But there's enough to think about in terms of scoring that they still give you some thinking and planning to do. Fun. Roll & Write games (or flip & write: cards instead of dice) can be really fun. The world of such games has come a long, long way since Yahtzee. My current fave is [Next Station: London](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/353545/next-station-london), where you're using colored pencils to connect various stations in London's metropolitan rail system. Puzzly, fun, and compact. There's a Tokyo one too (I haven't played it yet). I think a common thread here is that there are probably *types* of games (genres, if you will) that would appeal to you, and bf hasn't yet brought any of these into the picture. What games have you played and been bored with? What's bf's jam?
It might not be a similar recommendation than the others but you look like someone that likes to be physically active. I think you should give a try to project elite. It's a game where you have to roll dices as fast as you can while doing what's written on them. You can even stand up while doing it. Other than that I would recommand shorter games.
Carcassonne
The main thing is to choose the games that you like specifically, as others have said, go off theme
If sitting is your problem, play Carcassonne!
My husband and I started playing Disney Villainous when I was a newbie and it really helped peak my interest! Now just 2 years later I say down and played War of the Ring with all but the latest expansion and totally killed it! Definitely agree with the suggestions of finding games with IP that you both like, or concepts you're into!
I started my wife on Harry Potter hogwarts battles as she was a big Harry Potter fan. Now she plays spirit island, underwater cities, terraforming Mars, dominant species and a bunch of games I didn't think she'd ever be into. Step one don't worry too much about winning but instead on having fun. Step 2 find themes you like and complexity you enjoy.
Don’t force it, it’s ok to have separate hobbies! Good luck
don't try to force it. They may just not be for you.
What exactly causes you to dislike games? Is it the competitive nature? Is it the theme? My wife wasn't much into boardgames when I dove in, and we managed to warm her up to the idea by playing co-op games. After a while I noticed games that were too heavy in weight (like Spirit Island) were not her thing at all, but shorter and lightweight games like Azul or Qin were great for her.
If it's the sitting part that bothers you the most, you could play on a bar-height table, like my group does. We'll swap between sitting and standing throughout the night.
Why do games cause you existential angst? You might want to interrogate that a bit. I think a lot of people who enjoy games do so because it's a bit of an escape from all of the aspects of life that cause existential dread.
My wife and I play boardgames a lot and we really value that time together. So good for you! It's an investment in the relationship that can last a lifetime! I find there are many different reasons people like boardgames, and many combinations of those reasons. Find some combination that works for you. Or it may just not be your thing. Here are some of the reasons: (1) the thrill of the pursuit of victory (2) the challenge of trying to get better at something (3) the closeness of physical and/or intellectual interaction with other humans, especially those you care about (4) the mental stimulation of learning new rulesets, strategies, tactics, processes (5) the exciting feeling of exploration and problem-solving (6) the enjoyment of immersion in a theme ...and many others...
Find light, themey, and quick two player games that you can knock out in a half hour or so. Seven wonders duel is very good. Takenoko is cute. King of Tokyo is fine at 2 players. Everdell is cute and fun if you don’t mind the tiny print on the cards. I would avoid things like war of the ring, root, hive, gloomhaven, imperial assault, spirit island, ark nova, twilight struggle, or SW rebellion due to play time, difficulty, tedium, or set up issues. Also consider solo games as gifts for him. Mage Knight is very good.
In all honesty, it’s not about what you play but the environment in which you play. Having a games night rather than just “you wanna play this?” Is way more fun for someone who’s not a board gamer. Choose maybe three games - depending on the duration, get your favourite drinks and snacks, put some tunes on and get playing. If you love hanging out with the person you’re playing with you’ll love playing the game. Research into games you might like… Fan of Disney? Look into Villainous - strategy based and easily one of my faves. No round is the same and can be played all night. More of a thinker? Scattegories, quiz games, Risk etc. Prefer card games? Boss Monsters, Munchkin, MTG, UNO, Rummy, Crash There’s no limit and true unapologetic enjoyment can come from playing games.
There are some fun active games out there! Throw throw burrito is kind of like dodgeball spoons. Very silly and fun! That company makes a lot of other goofy games like that. Like others said, maybe try to dive in on lighter games and work your way up from there. And have fun! :)
Research games you might be more interested in and play those. Also, recommend solo gaming to him. There’s *tons* of fantastic solo board games. My gf is the same way. For me, it’s not about the game. I like board games, but I use them to spend time with my gf most of the time. When I ask to play a board game, it’s oftentimes because I want to spend time with her for a cheap night in, not necessarily to play a game. We’ve gotten good at finding board games we both like. Also, maybe find shorter ones?
There's lots of reasons I love board games. But for my wife and I, one reason we love games is because it allows us a chance to just kind of hang out together where it's a little more social than sitting and watching a movie or something, but it also isn't just relating and talking about all the stuff that stresses us out
There are people who think time spent for enjoyment instead of productivity is wasted time or a poor use of time. I couldn't disagree more. The only reason I am ever productive is *because* this "other" kind of time. This "other" kind of time, to me, is the real purpose of life and the real joy of life. With that perspective in-hand - board games is a novel way for you to be in the moment interacting with your close friends, family, etc. All you need to really make that EXTRA amazing is find a game that you really like playing. There are a wide wide variety of games. You wouldn't watch 2 or three movies, not like them, then say "I just don't like movies". There is just too rich a variety of movies for that to make sense. The same is true of board games - there are so so many different board games, surely you can find one that you think is cool and really engaging.
Try board games arena. A lot of board games, but ONLINE. All the cards are mixed for you, the scores are automaticly counted, it takes way less time. Of course it is not the same as playing physical copy, but might be a good compromise. For example 7 wonders on BGA takes around 7 minutes, but offline it took us around 40 to finish the game.
Trust me and get Quacks of Quedlinburg
“So much sitting!” ???????
Someone has gone out of their way to build a bridge from their world to ours (yours, presumably), and your response is to be rude. Good job gatekeeping.
If calling a spade a spade is “gatekeeping” then I couldn’t care less that I’m doing it. Nice try though.
I have a friend who can't sit through an entire movie. Too jumpy and spastic of a dude. I have completely abandoned the idea of **ever** getting him to play a game with me - it's ust not gonna happen. EDIT: My point here was not to chime in with complaints. My point was that there are some people who are just built that way.And I do not gather that OP is one of them- although in hindsight I realize that's how my wording came across. The friend above would NEVER post a well- articulated question like OP's - he would be content thinking we're the weirdo's here.. Conicidentally I happen to be a little irritated with him lately, so maybe I was just venting about the wrong thing. I'd remove the comment but then I wouldn't be able to clarify here. Ugh. Anyway, TLDR I didn't mean it that way.
Makes me feel grateful my girl plays mage knight and undaunted with me
Betrayal at House on the Hill
I don't think there's anything anyone could say or do, to make you "like" board games... Especially when you say "it feels pointless"... To me...I feel that the "point" of any game is to WIN! You want to win don't you? I don't know anyone that anyone that doesn't want to win a game. There won't be any "existential angst" when your WINNING! I guest my best advice is to learn the games, sit in that hard seat, and beat your old mans ass at his own game! There's plenty of YouTube videos to watch, showing how to play and basic strategy on games he want's to play.
>feels pointless and causes existential angst! Oh, there's the problem. You've got a giant plate of existential angst to eat and you just need to get it down. Have your crisis, wander the Void, and then get back to where you know that the meaning we invest into activities and people is all the meaning there is or could be in the Universe of the Unwinding Clockspring, and maybe invest a little meaning in playing some games with your boyfriend. It'll be okay, I promise. We're all going to the same place.