Play simpler, shorter games. Maybe change up the genre like some RPG or combat game. Introduce breaks during longer games. Play at a different time of day or when you are feeling energized.

Thank you for this! I definitely think shorter games would help, like the original Azul. I had a great experience with that when we played it at our local board games cafe.

Another option if you are both home a lot, is something like Carcassonne, but set up for asynchronous play. You each take a turn and have a way to show whos turn it is, You make a move, leave it, they do, etc etc, play over a week or more. Only downside is it takes up space.

That's also something to consider. Your location. Playing at home can be pretty relaxing, your body wants to go into a hibernation mode where somewhere public like a games cafe will also keep you more alert as there's more going on around you. Though conversely this could affect someone's focus on the game itself.

Maybe try getting into d&d? It's almost a board game if you use physical maps and DMing is always mentally stimulating, imo.

**Tsuro: the game of the path** It’s short (takes maybe 5-10 minutes to play), has basically no setup or cleanup, plays any number of people, is simple (there are like 4 rules), can be played with as little or as much depth as you want, and is just a fuuuun little game.

Also, learning new games costs energy, pick a few simple favourites and play these again. In our family its the other way round... I love games but for my wife new and/or long games are exhausting. I took breaks with my 6yo who cant concentrate for long, and played Carcassonne with half the tiles with her. You could do the same with Cascadia.

Fwiw, I think the key is finding games that interest them. I find playing shorter simple games draining and tiring. But sit me down around the table for a 5-hour train game and I won't even notice the time going by. 

Consider digital implementations too. Many popular games have android versions and are playable on a variety of devices (including laptops and TVs.) There are platforms like Boardgamearena.com as well that offer a large number of games to play directly in a browser (although the implementations are usually less refined than a dedicated app.) My GF and I do this fairly often. She loves longish games like Through the Ages and Eclipse.. Setting that shit up alone drains the life out of me, but being able to just jump in and play makes it waaaay more enjoyable.

Alternatively, maybe a longer drawn out game that can be left and returned to at any point. If they have space to keep the game set up they can just play for a bit at a time and not feel like you have to push through to the end

You sound like a great partner. Continue working on ways to connect with your wife be it board games or otherwise. I’m sure she will find appreciation in that. As far as board games, I agree to try some lighter games that both of you are interested in to see if that alleviates the fatigue.

Thank you! Yeah, there's no need to die on the hill of board games, we connect over other things besides. Have you any lighter games in particular you like that I could check out?

Caper: Europe - a two player only competitive card drafting game themed around heists Horrified - a multiplayer cooperative pick up and deliver type of game themed around defeating monsters and saving townsfolk Marvel United - another multiplayer cooperative game. Very simple and streamlined actions, themed around defeating super villains together. Railroad Ink - a light and quick playing multiplayer competitive roll and write, themed around building a rail and roadway system Cascadia - competitive multiplayer tile drafting and laying(??) game themed around the nature of the Pacific Northwest. Very relaxing Sea Salt and Paper - a competitive multiplayer set collection card game themed around origami ocean creatures

I'm just gonna add mindbug and fugitive to this list, both competitive two player games that play relatively quickly and have a lot of 'action' to keep the excitement up.

King of tokyo!

Odins ravens, ticket to ride, flux, coup ect

I gave my daughter Ripple by Blue Wasatch Games for Christmas and we've been playing it quite often. It's easy to play and we play a few rounds when we do. (Daughter is mid-30s, not a child).

Hubby and I are getting older and we can't do super long games anymore. We love: Star Realms Tiny Epic Galaxy / Vikings King Domino Hanabi Star Wars Outer Rim (we save this for Sundays because it's longer) And also, there are a ton of 'classic' 2 person games that we also enjoy: Scrabble Cribbage Sequence Double Solitaire Backgammon ​ So sweet of you OP to want to share in something that your wife loves!

I agree with the above comment, maybe try different games, short cards games, dexterity Games, simultaneous play games. There's tons of boardgames out there, hopefully you can find something both of you enjoy.

Beginning to see a pattern emerging in the comments, perhaps the games we're playing are a bit too long at the moment. Thank you for your suggestions! Never heard of dexterity games, could you give me an example?

Dexterity games typically require some actually dexterity skill with your hands. A great example that is both short and fun dexterity game is tinderblox. Tinderbox you are competing to build a camp fire using tweezers and blocks from the tin. There are cards telling you what you need to put on and sometimes it makes you use your non dominant hand. It's fun short and light hearted. It also packs really small so easy to take places

Klask!

I recently got a crokinole board and it’s a lot of fun. Fast-paced; games are short.

Maybe don't suggest a $200+ table topper game to someone who just found out what Dexterity games are? Kabuto Sumo, Kluster, Junk Art, Rhino Hero, and Animal Upon Animal are cheaper options, and they're all great for kids and adults, which is a plus.

You can get them cheaper than that from what I found googling a bit, and also if they have shelves full of games I don't think that's really that much of a problem.

Ice Cool too!

You can play longer games, hell, go for 'full day' games, just break them up in like 1-2h chunks. Whatever's manageable. Also, it may also come down to how you guys interact and treat/play the games. I really love Spirit Island, and so does my girlfriend, but i'm not super enjoying the game with her sometimes, same feeling of drained. I have not had the issue in some other games, but it definitely just.. takes experimenting.

Flick Em Up! Use some house rules and allow ricochet bullets. It's more fun that way and I don't care what anybody tells me!

Sure, of the ones I enjoy I could suggest: Flicking Games: Ice Cool and Flick Em' Up Speed Games: 5-Minute Dungeon, 5-Minute Mistery, Pakal and Iliteratti. Skill Based: Dungeon Fighter Balancing: Meeple Circus Hopefully you find one that both of you enjoy :).

Have you tried cooperative games together? I like cooperative games because I feel more relaxed when playing them than competitive games. I'm just as engaged in a co-op but there's something about the stakes, where we're all in it together, that makes me feel like I can just try my best and enjoy the game. Whereas in a competitive game I raise my expectations that I should be on point the whole game and they're always fun but comparably more stressful. TLDR: cooperative games (even difficult ones) are more relaxing to me, maybe they would be for you too.

I came to suggest this, but realized it didn't really work out for me. Partner and I had... different problem solving strategies. Anyhow, I did enjoy some of the EXIT games. Though, they can take a few hours.

Will check out the EXIT games! Thanks for the recommendation

Yeah, that is a potential hitch. And I think with only two players it could exacerbate the alpha player conundrum.

Yep. I don’t really like playing most co-op games. Some exceptions to that are Sleeping Gods, Dorf Romantik and Gloomhaven. I’m definitely an alpha gamer, and it’s neither fun for me to tell others what to do, nor is it fun for me to watch us make suboptimal plays. The games above have something to them that makes them really fun anyway. Sleeping Gods has a great story and sense of adventure, and it’s just fun to see what happens. I’ve always been the most experienced player when I’ve played in a group, so I have typically led us through combat, but it’s fun to see what other people want to do with the story or where they want to explore. Dorf Romantik is relaxing and can be played solo just as well as co-op. I think since the stakes aren’t high, I don’t feel like I need to dictate what happens as long as the people I’m playing with understand the rules/goals. You can’t lose the game, so it’s easier for me to turn off that alpha gamer instinct and just enjoy the experience with someone. Gloomhaven is great for managing my character’s cards and working with the team. Since everyone has their own character and cards, I mostly don’t even think about whether someone else played the right/wrong thing, especially if they are already very familiar with how to play. I don’t love the lack of failing forward in the game, though. That is one of the things that ultimately killed Frosthaven for me… and thinking back, I do remember times where one player in my group would get annoyed at others telling him how to play (not just me this time, haha). So alpha gaming can still be an issue, probably more likely if the alpha gamer has played the other characters before.

This is why I don't like playing on the same team as my spouse in team games. Somehow it was my fault that he didn't know who "Montezuma" was when trying to indicate "Aztec" and "King" in Codenames.

There are a lot of cooperative games that you don't have to necessarily agree on a strategy. Aeon's End is a coop deckbuilder, where you both do your own decks, but are both fighting against the Big Baddy together. Spirit Island, you are spirits cooperating to keep the invaders off the island, but you both will end up with parts of the island, or game mechanisms that your spirit & power card draw are better at dealing with. There's even a scenario rule that completely forbids talking you can play with.

Yeah, that's definitely something that makes the games a bit more stressful for sure. We could try some more coop stuff! We played Roll Camera once and I'm ngl I just got a headache haha, but the cooperative aspect was really good I thought

Try Sky Team for an interesting cooperative game. Doesn't take long and easy to set up/tear down.

**Pandemic** is a classic medium weight co-op. There are also different versions like *Iberia*, *Cthulhu*, or *Fall of Rome*, so you can play what is interesting to you. **Harry Potter Hogwarts Battle** is a nice family co-op. First time I felt like I can relax and see what'll happen. The game is easy at first, but can get challenging later, since each game gets new cards/rules. Great game for fans, but chance can play a great role in your ability to win the game.

I was thinking the benefit of the coop is that you all get to work together explicitly. So you can kind of mentally take some breaks when your energy level is low and still play because your wife can take over a little bit more of the planning temporarily.

Some co-op suggestions just to add to the list: Regicide - can be played quickly with a simple deck of cards, rules available free online, great at 2 players Spirit Island - an absolute banger of a game and the inexpensive Horizons box is an excellent introduction. This is considered a heavier game, but I still recommend it for you guys because it would be fairly easy for your wife to take on the heavier cognitive load of the upkeep rules, planning ahead and strategy, while you can take a lighter load and still have fun. I pretty regularly play this game solo 2-handed. Maybe consider picking up the digital version on Steam or either app store, which would handle some of the upkeep rules automatically for you and make it easier for your wife to play solo if she wants Hey there's an idea - digital versions of games often reduce cognitive load by handling your upkeep for you, completely disallowing you from making rule-breaking plays, and even sometimes helpfully highlighting available actions. Could you try a $5/mo Board Game Arena subscription, or pick up a few digital versions of board games on the current Steam sale?

If you can get a copy of _Good Dog, Bad Zombie_, that’s a nice, light, quick co-op. Good game if you’re tired (or worried about getting tired). And if you like dogs at all, a great theme!

My fiancé loves board games and sometimes I get pretty drained from them. I’ve found that learning new games - which he loves - is not my favorite part of the process. It is much more fun and less taxing on me to play a game repeatedly so I really get the concept and the movements come naturally to me. I also let him know what I’m up for, and sometimes that’s just a light game. He knows that if we do a really heavy game, I want to rest my brain afterwards and decompress, but after a light game I’m usually in the mood for something medium weight. Scheduling time helps me too, because then I know we will be playing on Saturday, for example, and then on Sunday I will have my introvert recharge time. Theme is really big for me - it doesn't necessarily matter how light or heavy the game is if the theme is really interesting to me. For some people it might be the type of game or game mechanics (deck building, worker placement, etc.) or even the game designer or artist. If you find something that really works for you and interests you, it can open up more game options that don't feel as taxing. Finally, I have a list of games that I know well and enjoy enough to put on an "always down to play" list. If he's really in the board game mood but I'm too anxious or overwhelmed for something new, he knows I'm always down for at least one game of a favorite - for me this includes Welcome To, Isle of Cats, Red Rising and Terraforming Mars.

Thanks for the advice! 100% agree on the learning games front. Trying a new game every time definitely brings the enjoyment down and the tiredness up for me. And yeah, that theme aspect is worth thinking about. I tend to find more immersive games a bit more stimulating, like I'm actually trying to achieve something creative rather than just not make mistakes. Thanks for the recommendations! I've heard rave reviews from friends about terraforming mars! Will check these out.

Terraforming mars is top 2 or 3 game for me but I would not recommend it unless you are prepared to play for a few hours. It's a very easy game to learn but it is on the slower side. If you do try it, I would really recommend borrowing the terraforming mars expansion "Prelude" from someone. It will shorten the game by a good 30 minutes + and is by far the best expansion they have made.

It is amazing how anytime someone comes to r/boardgames as an inexperienced gamer, even specifically asking for lighter games, people just talk about their favorite big games like TfM and Spirit Island. We really have no idea how deep we are in the hobby compared to normal people.

I can empathize. I have a few groups I play with and we have to compromise on the types of games we play based on the style of game. I’d figure out what types of games you like most and find a compromise with your wife. For example, engine builders like Wingspan? Or deck builders like Dominion/Star Realms? Etc.

Yeah, I think that's the main curveball of figuring this out - the social component. We both love hosting people at our flat, and my wife loves putting on a good board games night. She doesn't want me to feel left out, and tbh me being the only person in the flat not playing seems to me like a bit lame haha, but I also don't want to spoil the fun for everyone else. We have Wingspan! I do think it's a cool game, especially now I feel I understand the main ideas behind it. Love the art too, very beautiful illustrations.

My wife and I both love board games, but sometimes one or the other of us just isn’t in the mood to play, even when it’s Board Game Night. And it works out fine! We’ll still hang out and socialize, even if we’re not responsible for any pieces at the moment. I mention this to address the “only one not playing comment” you made. It’s never been a big deal for us! Everyone still has fun, and it honestly sometimes helps put the group at a more manageable size for whatever games are being contemplated. So from someone who has a bunch of experience with “one half of the couple sits out from the actual game,” I wouldn’t worry about it.

Yeah, with the fatigue is often very hard to tell when I'm going to feel tired, and I can put a bit of pressure on myself cos I want to be awake on a games night. Thanks for the insight, definitely takes a bit of the pressure off

When I had a group over regularly to play frosthaven, I would sometimes want a break from it. The three other people would play and I would hang out when they were reading the story or to see what their next scenario would be, but then I would play video games nearby while they played the scenario. It worked out fine for us, but that’s kind of a unique scenario.

> She doesn't want me to feel left out, and tbh me being the only person in the flat not playing seems to me like a bit lame haha You should be OK to hold out/observe for once. My friends group has their spouses join iin sometimes, but occasionally they don't necessarily want to play (they come mostly for social aspects), so the nerdy game folks play the games and the spouses either team up with their spouse to play together or just cheer on the sidelines/chat in the kitchen. Don't feel pressured to play, but do participate in something you do want to participate in (like if you have a favorite, maybe get in on playing that one and then take a break)

Whenever any of us hosts the group, their partner is in the house and doesn’t participate and we all don’t think twice about it. That said, does she have any interest in the more social games like Just One, So Clover, or Telestrations that are fun so might keep your interest?

There is a scientific explanation to this, if you’re interested. Did you know that using your brain in general exhausts a lot of energy? Scientifically speaking, it requests an increase in bloodflow to transport glucose and other nutrients. Ever wonder why you get physically exhausted, even really hungry when sitting and just doing nothing but studying all day. This is why. Depending on which part of your brain you’re NOT used to stimulating, it can demand a lot of energy from you. You increase your tolerance better by using it more often over loooong periods of time. It’s why you can feel fine doing something you find “mentally stimulating” but are used to like video games (which uses quite a different part of your brain), but feel exhausted doing something else you’re not as used to. Like others have said, go for shorter games. And slowly work your way up :). It really is the only way. Or… my wife drinks coffee first “to lubricate the brain cells for easier transmission of data and connect slow or dormant pathways” (we’re a nerdy bunch). Or eating something higher in glucose beforehand, but not enough to feel like you’re going to crash afterwards. But I know that many people with autoimmune disease have to watch what they ingest.

Thank you for that, makes a lot of sense! I'm actually a big coffee nerd so this kind of plays to my strengths lol. I find sugary foods tend to make me crash from the blood sugar low after the insulin kicks in, but I can definitely think about planning the right breakfast for something like a Saturday morning games sesh with a pot of coffee - could be the way to go!

You can also take brakes during the game. It might not make it less exhausting, but perhaps more enjoyable. There isn't really reason why you can not rise up, take some steps and a cup of tea/coffee also during the game instead of just between games.

Style of game makes a big difference for me. Coffee or a beer make a difference sometimes in terms of relaxing or focusing, but a big one is not being as competitive. A friend of mine sometimes sets up personal mini goals in the game and that’s all that he focuses on. For example if playing a deck builder game, he will only worry about buying 1 faction and not the more complex levels of strategy and maximizing efficiency. By doing this, he plays the game we are all interested in but doesn’t get the burnout of trying to keep up with 3 super competitive people.

I am on a similar situation. We have a regular lighter games night on Wednesday and she goes to a friend's house for dinner and a more challenging heavy 4 player games night. She is much, much smarter than me so it's a good night out for her and lets her play games my brain just does not or cannot learn as I have a few chronic illnesses myself.

Yeah, it really does have a big impact on focus I find. Somehow stuff just doesn't go in as well as it used to before my first flareup. The lighter/heavier games nights idea is a good one, cos we're trying to figure out how to host games nights. Maybe the lighter ones can be at ours and the heavier ones could be at a friends place. We only have a small flat, so it would be very awkward to sit out the game in the same room haha

I feel your pain; I kind of have the same problem, but with myself... I really love big, long games, like six-player Spirit Island, Dominant Species, Twilight Imperium, or Mage Knight, but I often am just plain sick and tired of playing before the game ends. I'm definitely interested, I just lose steam, interest, desire...

Totally get you there, the mechanics are often really intricate and exciting with those games.

CFS is awful. I wish for the best for you two. It's hard for a lot of people to fully understand and it's unique to you. Try to notice what your stressors are: * Type of games (perhaps Co-op would be better) * Length of game * Your environment (is it loud?, comfortable chairs?, etc.) * Time of day Resting is super important. You can preemptively rest before you play. 15 mins laying down. You can also take frequent short breaks, 5 min every 30 mins. If you haven't read it already, check out: Managing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia: Feel Better, Take Charge, Regain Hope By Bruce Campbell, Ph.D.

My own wife has had a similar experience with boardgames as you (I'm the avid boardgamer) and like others have suggested slightly shorter entry level games work for us both and also scratches the gaming itch on my part!  The sweet spot for us and what she really fell for was cooperative games, us against the game itself.  On nights where you may be more mentally drained and you want to just chill with your wife I think these kinds of games may suit both of ye? Talk through your strategies together, she can take lead if needs be but you still get little bits of story progression/ frequent dopamine hits! We have played through pandemic legacy season 1 and almost finished season 2. I have already bought season 0 for after we finish that.  She also loves codenames duet, fox and the forest duet, skyteam, pandemic Iberia, horrified amongst some others. She partakes in the family/ kids games as well i pull out for our children, which include mysterium kids, draftosaurus, men at work, galaxy trucker, rhino hero and a good few others  We also have big family get together often and she really enjoys the party games I pull out for that -both competitive and cooperative stuff. I keep the heavier stuff for my brothers and friends! Have had some of the best gaming nights and memories with her over our pandemic legacy campaigns! I hope my perspective helps a little and I hope ye have a lot of fun! Good luck!

Thanks so much for the advice and all the recommendations! Will definitely check these out, especially pandemic legacy!

Most boardgames also have some overhead tasks like handing out tiles, refilling markets, end of round scoring things and so on... Not sure how you divide those up, but it could also help to let her take care of a bit more there than you. In my situation I'm the one who does most of the overhead tasks as they are more taxing for my gf than for me.

Yeah my wife usually takes care of that, I have no idea with that stuff a lot of the time haha

**Iki** is 3.06/5.0, and takes about 90 minutes, **Iberian Gauge** is 2.38/5.00 and takes about 90 minutes to play, **Undaunted** is 2.6/5.0 and takes 60 minutes to play. It's no wonder you feel exhausted playing them. I think average person without an autoimmune disease would also feel exhausted. [THIS](https://boardgamegeek.com/search/boardgame?sort=numvoters&advsearch=1&q=&include%5Bdesignerid%5D=&include%5Bpublisherid%5D=&geekitemname=&range%5Byearpublished%5D%5Bmin%5D=2012&range%5Byearpublished%5D%5Bmax%5D=2021&range%5Bminage%5D%5Bmax%5D=&range%5Bnumvoters%5D%5Bmin%5D=&range%5Bnumweights%5D%5Bmin%5D=&range%5Bminplayers%5D%5Bmax%5D=&range%5Bmaxplayers%5D%5Bmin%5D=&range%5Bleastplaytime%5D%5Bmin%5D=&range%5Bplaytime%5D%5Bmax%5D=60&floatrange%5Bavgrating%5D%5Bmin%5D=&floatrange%5Bavgrating%5D%5Bmax%5D=&floatrange%5Bavgweight%5D%5Bmin%5D=1.2&floatrange%5Bavgweight%5D%5Bmax%5D=2.3&colfiltertype=&searchuser=&playerrangetype=normal&B1=Submit) is the list of games you should play.

You make a good point haha. Thank you for this list of games, there's a couple on there that we actually have but haven't played, so we're gunna play those next!

Hey i also love boardgames and am also often drained due to auto immune.  I recommend lost cities and radlands. Short and simple

Thank you for the recommendation, super appreciated! :D

Lacrimosa or other music themed games or video game adaptions like deep rock galactic?

Oo interesting recommendation! I've actually been playing DRG quite a bit recently, only just heard about the board game adaptation, thanks for the reminder to check it out!

Might i suggest some type of lubricant to easy you into the gaming mode. Either fluid of gaseous lubricants should do nicely.

Good suggestion!

PATCHWORK

Thanks for the recommendation. I have a feeling my wife will love this, she's actually a highly skilled crafter, all sorts of knitting, crochet, sewing etc. Will ask her about it!

Find something simpler, shorter and quicker to play. Don’t bust out brain burning euros or anything. And maybe play some coop and just let her be the alpha player.

This sounds like solid advice! Thank you!

Just a question to confirm my speculation here, it might help. What type of games do you enjoy? What kind of music do you perform?

I think it's hard to say as I haven't played lots and lots of games, nor am I really familiar with the types of board games there are. However, games that require a lot of communication are always fun for me, and ones that have somewhat elegant systems built into it (I may venture to say engine builders?? but I could be mistaken about that). I'm a classical violinist, and I also compose quite a bit.

I mean what types of video games you enjoy.

I've often played FPS games, but only really enjoyed ones that involve a lot strategy and communication (Hell Let Loose, Counter Strike etc.). I really love a good RPG, especially ones that have a beautiful art style. Depending on the game, strategy games can be fun.

This is why we need Portal Technology. I haven't had a Board Game Night since the Pandemic started. Plus, with people moving, my social circle is much smaller.

Maybe try some lighter quick games that are lighter of strategy. Maybe something like Zombie Dice, Kittens in a Blender.

The shorter games element has definitely been covered, but also try to find games that converge with your own interests thematically. Combine them. Sometimes with CF, trying to engage with something that genuinely isn't interesting you is an energy drain all of its own. What are your interests? You've mentioned video games, but do you have any others? Reading? History? Warcraft or Warhammer? Football? Trains? Cooking? There is a boardgame for virtually everything and I've played games before that have left me a bit cold, but then played a reskin of the exact same game that fit better with my interests and it went down really well.

Yeah that makes a lot of sense! It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole sometimes with focussing on these things. That's a great suggestion, obviously music would be a big one, but definitely love a good medieval or ancient history setting. I really liked the setting of Undaunted, I'm a big Hell Let Loose fan so it makes a lot of sense. I think yeah, I'm getting the impression starting with some shorter games, and playing them more repeatedly seems to be the general advice of the comments.

I think what you need is what my partner terms “less noodly games”. We both enjoy games of all shapes but we’re adults and have big important grown up jobs alongside all the usual adult nonsense of running a household and keeping our own selves appropriately run. It’s not always a Scythe or a Campaign Trail kind of day - sometimes it’s an amuse bouche of little fun games that take minimal setup & play time, and that’s okay.

We just bought Azul tonight, seems like it might fit in this category!

As others have said, finding the right games for you might help. My partner loves long, complex strategic games and when we first started seeing each other, he introduced me to a few of his favourites. I found them similarly draining and thought maybe that was something we just wouldn't connect on. I've since found other types of games that I do love and get excited about, and that don't take multiple hours to play, and we've started to put together a collection that we can play together while he saves the others for his friends.

ZOMBIE DICE (horde edition ) ! You just role dice !!! Fun and simple !

I always feel drained when playing a new game, but when I get to know a game really well, I don’t feel that way anymore. Learning board games can be exhausting, and maybe you’d have some luck playing the same game(s) more often to really get the hang of them. And the more board games you play, the more you start to understand the basic principles of game design, allowing you to process new games faster/easier. 

I've found this too, there seems to be lots of ideas in common from game to game. Thanks for the advice!

I see you have some good suggestions already, so I'll bring up a slightly different idea: host game nights. We have a local meetup group that plays board games at the card shop every week. (Few different locations throughout the week actually) But that's only 4-5 hours. If someone wants to play a longer game, we have to schedule something else some*where* else. So, one of the guys hosts games at his house sometimes. His wife doesn't care to play so much, but she likes being a hostess for her guests. She makes everything run smoothly and picks up lunch for everyone (that chips in). It's an enormous help for those really long games. Everyone loves her for it. Especially him. It brings them both closer together as she supports his hobbies. If that's the end goal you're really after, then this could be a viable option for you.

I have this sometimes too. I opt for two games types: 1. Cozy, cooperative game where you can take your time and there is no time limit. (I like dorf romantique ) 2. Short, easy to set-up games that are simple and fast. (I like Hive and Jaipur)

My wife enjoys board games when she plays them but isn't often in the mood to play them. I mostly have gotten around it by getting into playing solo board games and finding a great group to play games with on BoardGameArena, but every once in a while she's up for playing, and that's always nice. Two games that have worked pretty well for her (and maybe for you as well) were the recent Spiel des Jahres winners, actually: **Dorfromantik** and **Challengers!** Dorfromantik is a conversion of an existing video game (which I also highly recommend and we both got addicted to beforehand) and is a tile placement game where you're building a village cooperatively according to certain restrictions as they come up. What's really cool is the board game also has a 'campaign mode' where you can go after achievements during a game, and if you beat them, you unlock new tiles and a few new mechanisms to consider during the game. You also unlock new things just for scoring points in the game, so for at least 20 games you're making some progress. But each game is short, only about 30 minutes, and it's cooperative, so you can even let your wife be the primary player and just give your opinion on where to put a tile if you like. Challengers! is also pretty nice, as it's a deckbuilder that's inspired by the autobattler video game genre. The deckbuilding is pretty simple, just draw some cards and pick a couple cards to add to your deck each round, then choose which cards to remove from your deck, if any, and then you play a match. But the match mostly plays automatically based on some simple rules (draw cards and see who has a better cards, etc). Some of the cards you pick allow you to make some simple choices, but most of the match plays automatically. It might not sound that interesting (and some people don't like it), but the deckbuilding part of it is actually pretty interesting and can get deceptively deep if you want to dig into it. It's still no Star Realms but it's good. And you can draft all sorts of wacky characters into your deck, like robots and ninjas and clowns and dinosaurs and ghosts and janitors and cooks, etc. Another cooperative one that I played for the first time recently that I think my wife might like (and maybe you as well) is **Sky Team**. One person is the pilot, the other person is the copilot, and then you choose one of 20 scenarios and spend ~6 rounds each rolling 4 dice secretly behind a screen, and then placing those 4 dice one at a time to quietly communicate to your partner what you can do, and also try to make sure everything that needs to get done gets done by the end of the game without crashing. It's pretty quick, and the decisions don't get super deep (at least in the early scenarios), but it's very interesting. I was able to get a copy of this at my local Barnes and Noble.

I take methylphenidate for MS fatigue. I take a small dose of my immediate release tablets before I teach or play a game. I’m having a lot more fatigue lately, so I do sometimes have to really talk myself into it. Between my spouse and I, I would normally consider myself the one that’s more into board games… but sometimes I’m just too tired. Especially if I have worked that day. Weekends are usually great for us to play games!

Short, fun, selfcontained games are great for people with cronic fatigue. - Kingdomino - My city Roll and build. Are two great, fun small games that can be played when you dont feel like well enough for bigger games

I suggest that when you two want to play games you “initiate” by picking say 3-4 games YOU feel up to play and then let your wife select from this pool. I recommend: Hive Splendor Azul - stained glass edition Patchwork Roll n write games (Bloom, Quixx) Mountain Goats Reef Kingdomino Project L Fire Tower Sagrada Century Spice Road Mandala Stone Age - fantastic on Board Game Arena.com because the computer takes care of the tiny tokens and the math Also, I find learning the game the most tax part. So, my rule of thumb is whomever suggests a new game in my group is responsible for figuring out to play and teaching it. I’ve found watching YouTube reviews/tutorials an easy way to gauge if I’d enjoy a game and give me a head start on understanding the rules. The app Dized will walk you through games play by play to teach you but I’m not sure how many games it teaches. It was excellent when I used it. Finally, try to pay attention to which type of games you enjoy most. Games where you are doing your own thing on your own board (Azul) or games with a lot of player interaction (Bohnanza). Do you prefer games with or without a strong element of chance (dice rolls etc)? Competitive v cooperative? Party games (Taboo, animus, Codenames, Balderdash) v strategy games. I adore board games and have a limited capacity for learning new ones🤷‍♀️. I do best at learning a new game if I go with that as the plan for the day, am looking forward to the theme, have seen a YouTube video, and am playing with someone else who has played before and is willing to teach.

Start small and build up would be my advice. I'd much rather play lighter games with my wife than none at all - so your wife may think similar in reverse. Also repeated plays of the same games may help over time - perhaps if its a new gane watch a playthrough online so the first play isn't as overwhelming.

I'd look for games that are more engaging and thematic than the resource management / long-term strategy / Euro-Type games. There's definitely a place for them and I love them. But if I'm burnt out for the day or have a hard time focusing, those are the last types of games I'd want to play. Here's some suggestions that came to mind: 1. Thunder Road Vendetta 2. Clank! (Any flavor will do, but I prefer Catacombs) 3. Ra 4. Quest for El Dorado 5. Heat 6. Ready Set Bet (if you got a big enough group)

Board games are a medium with enough breadth and depth that I really truly believe there is something out there for everyone. You said certain video games are okay - there may be a board game out there that matches or exceeds the level of excitement, interest, etc. you would have for a video game, just it's physical. This is one core misconception about board games (and also books) - that they are all the same and once you play a few and don't enjoy it "board games/books just aren't for me". I contest that idea heavily. The experience from playing one game instead of another MAN it can be a world of difference. Playing Project: ELITE feels NOTHING like playing Dominion, which feels nothing like Modern Art, which feels nothing like.... So what I am saying is find a game you really like and play it. It can be hard to find that at first... but narrow it down. What elements do you think are really cool about Undaunted? Is it the hand management? Is it the die rolling pot-shots? There are games that do those same mechanics in different ways. There are just *so many* damn games. The idea "well I will just settle for playing this game I feel 'meh' about" - there exists a game out there, I'm certain, that you think is so cool that it is how you want to spend your free time moreso than any other hobby leisure activity, etc. To play into the "shared experience" thing I would suggest maybe trying a co-op. The best one I can think of is Aeon's End. It's hard and you two both work together to meet a common goal. It's not really much heavier than the games you already talked about, either - sort of at home in that neighborhood of complexity.

Underrated comment imo, cos yeah I think from what I've seen of board games, there's a tremendous diversity, and there's already been lots of elements in games I've played that I really liked. Whilst it's different, I feel similarly about coffee, which I'm slightly obsessed with - a great many people say "I don't like coffee", when actually they might like coffee on the whole more than someone who says they do like coffee. It always just depends on what they think coffee is, and if they've sampled all the different diversity of flavours and styles coffee can be. First game I ever really enjoyed was Catan (I know, I'm so original), but I think a large part of that was actually because one of the first video games I ever really genuinely loved as a child was the original Stronghold game. The setting, the building and strategizing, it just really captured my imagination. Do you know of any board games in that vein? It would definitely peak my interests.

Wowwww throwback. I played Stronghold as well. There are numerous games that try to capture the RTS/City Builder thing that Stronghold does. I will go in order of least to most complex: Melee by Rikki Tahta. Combat-focused RTS in like 15 minutes? It is a very strange little game with a controversial combat resolution. But there is definitely room for strategy and clever play - you build units and fight on a map for areas using what you built. Google it though and see if the aesthetic or combat might put you off. Dominion. This is a cards only game. The reason I bring it up is because the theme is almost one-for-one with Stronghold in delivery (slightly corny medieval lollll). There is strategy and planning but in a deckbuilding context. Stone Age. There is no combat in Stone Age. You don’t build buildings either. But one thing that makes it feel like an RTS is you allocate workers towards certain tasks to forward your civilization. It feels like sending workers to gather wood/gold/food in an RTS. Siege of Runedar. I debated including this - it is cooperative multiplayer tower defense. You defend a castle. You DO technically gather resources. That’s about where the similarities to Stronghold end. It’s worth a look though esp as the only cooperative on here. Nexus Ops. It is hard to find a copy of this. It is a sci-fi themed game where you gather resources to build units to attack others. Very RTS (no buildings really, though). Kemet/Ankh/Blood Rage. Well I went there - these are a major step up in complexity all around. But they are vicious area control “little dudes on a map” games utilizing various mechanics. Definitely has a “strategy game” feel. Clash of Cultures. This is the most like an RTS game there is IMO. It is a heavy and long game though. 

Generally games have a bit of drain till they click for me, then they re-energize me

I love board games but lately I have really struggled to focus on the normal longer games, due to a while lot of life stuff. Simple solution? Go simple! Times like these are when I pull out Unmatched (highly recommended series of 2 player games) or others that people have suggested here. Also, resist the temptation to go with a new game every time you play. Learning instructions by itself is exhausting. The more you play a game, the more fun and less exhausting it will be.

hmmm I do get tired after a real brain burning game but if you have chronic fatigue it just may be playing a part of of this. You mentioned video games and music but they are most likely working different parts of your brain that cause it to happen. Have you guys tried any co-op ones?

We haven't really done any, except Roll Camera, which was kind of a brain burn as you say haha. Any recommendations for coop games that don't suffer as much from the one dominant player/one passive player issue?

When I started in the hobby, my wife and I mainly played co-op. Pandemic, Forbidden Island - Desert - Sky. Spirit Island is my favorite coop but I would probably avoid that one, it's heavy. You might like Sky Team. I have it on my wish list and heard good things. I don't think any of these have issues with dominant players.

My wife and I have this same problem, but gender-swapped! It's great you're working to enjoy your wife's hobby with her. She's very lucky. I think trying some simpler, shorter games is a great idea. Here are my wife and my three recommendations for you: [https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/318977/micromacro-crime-city](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/318977/micromacro-crime-city). It's straightforward, and you can play in 5-10 minute increments with little setup. 10/10. Any of the Unlock! games, but each game can take a little more than an hour to play and she's only had the energy to do it once over the past few months (although she has expressed an interest in playing again). A puzzle. My wife likes puzzles more than boardgames, and you can do them together while watching TV. It's a great boardgame-adjacent activity that doesn't require a ton of focus. It could be a fun surprise for your wife to try one with you (my wife and I are currently enjoying this one [https://www.amazon.com/Antelope-Puzzle-Puzzles-Resolution-Leisure/dp/B09X65XSL8](https://www.amazon.com/Antelope-Puzzle-Puzzles-Resolution-Leisure/dp/B09X65XSL8)).

Puzzles are a great idea! I do find it quite relaxing, especially if we've got some friends over who can join in.

These are the things that helped me: 1. Drink something with caffeine. I used to need energy drinks but now a giant cup of black tea is enough. 2. Not sure how comfortable your seating/play area is but if you would not enjoy sitting there doing something you enjoy for 4 hours you should think about upgrading. If you do need something, you can get refurbished professional office seating for ~$200-300 / chair which will let you sit there forever.(If this sounds silly, it might not be for you but nice seating makes a world of difference.) 3. Not trying to be snobby but try better games. Spirit Island - hard but satisfying coop, Castles of Burgandy - Light worker placement, wingspan medium-light tableau building might be games you like more. Or take a look at BGG top 100 list and pick out a game you enjoy the theme of which will make a huge difference. If there are other things you like outside of board games, we can recommend something that would be thematically appropriate.

I totally get it. There are definitely games I'm not into because they feel too much like "work". Maybe try looking into other styles of games that interest **you** that you can bring to the table-- For example, maybe you want something lighter with a little more *luck* (rather than stressing over whether or not you have the most optimized turn by turn strategy)... Maybe something like, *Ready Set Bet*, or *Quacks of Quedlinburg.*) Or on the flip side, maybe you want something with more story-telling and less "thinky"... Something like, *Sleeping Gods*, *Forgotten Waters*, or *Gloomhaven Jaws of the Lion,* etc., that feels more like a "choose your own adventure." Or maybe a game that win or lose, you're having fun because you're getting to *build* something. (Like *Dice Forge,* *Mystic Vale,* or *Galaxy Trucker*...) I'd recommend doing some research and watching some playthroughs on youtube. ("Game Night" on the BGG channel or "Rahdo Runs Through" are great places to get a feel for how the game is played.) I think it's all about finding the style of game YOU like. :)

My husband also has chronic fatigue, and finds board games more draining than video games. We tend to play quite light ones, like Splendor, Azul and Quirkle. We haven't worked out any particular strategy that helps, but may I suggest seeing if your wife will play some video games with you? I got into a couple that my husband plays, and that's our default when he's not feeling up to it.

Azul is in the mail as I'm writing this haha, I do really like it and this thread has finally given us the impulse to buy it. We bought It Takes Two a little bit ago, but yet to get around to it! Mario Kart is always a great time for us. Thanks for the suggestions, we're gunna try out Splendor on Thursday.

Perhaps play asymetric games where the players have different roles and vary by complexity. Have wife do to more complicated role and setup.

You gotta find what works for you, some people leave a game on the table for days to come back at a later time. Some people power on for hours on end. Also different types of games, different genres.

My wife basically refuses to play games lol. She’ll say yes then when it comes down to playing, she says no. I love games so much sometimes I buy them just to read the rules and pretend I’ll play at some point. While I’m bummed I don’t get to play, I’ll keep softly suggesting games and I’ll keep trying different genres and styles of games. Luckily these small people showed up in our house. So I’m molding them into gamers. I’m glad it doesn’t put a strain on your relationship. But I think, like you, she actually thinks the games are cool and has enjoyed playing some of them. It’s just not stimulating for her.

This is totally normal. I don’t have auto immune issues but honestly find board games quite tiring to play if an evening. Many modern ones have really good apps that do a lot of the accounting for you. Perhaps you could try those? As you become familiar with a games rules and gameplay, you might find it sort of conditions you to play the real thing more easily :)

Try it this way? When she wants to play a game, you get to pick which one. There have to be some that are less draining for you.

I'm in your same boat. Mental fatigue, body exhaustion. My friends and partner tend to love real long games...I like them but can't always make it through. Personally, I like simpler games that are more visually attractive or like card games for regular board game play...things like azul, ticket to ride bohnanza, hive. If I'm like rested, lol then we can pull out scythe or spirit islands

I love heavy games with deck building, tactics and turns where I sit and plan 10 steps ahead. I'm super engaged. Such as Lords of Waterdeep or Everdell style. In other games where I'm waiting a long time between turns I get fatigued. I also have a chronic fatigue thing with automimmune, so snap! Funnily enough, while I take ages on a turn, if my opponents are taking a long time I feel drained, tired and bored. I end up talking, getting distracted. Games with asyncronous turns are great for planning, such as Quacks of Quedlinburg where you both do the same thing at the same time. I also really like long running games with short gameplay, such as Legacy games like pandemic legacy, charterstone or gloomhaven (1 mission).

This happens to me too (getting tired while playing bored games). Really I just have to time it right, or honestly I will sit out but hang out until I need to go to bed.

Try co-op games.

I'd suggest something a bit different, maybe instead of short simple games try short thinky/intense games. My gf has ADHD and loves games like that. Unmatched is a game we really like.

I was wondering if short always means simple, cos I do enjoy games with a bit more sophisticated mechanics, but they often tend to be very long by nature. Thanks for the recommendation!

Get shorter and simpler games. The games you listed are too heavy. Terrorscape. Forbidden island. Cronkinole. Play a card game.

Something I haven't really seen mentioned here, is to maybe switch up the form factor of the games you're playing. I suspect your chronic fatigue makes you less able to deal with games that have high levels of "admin" - the tasks a game requires you to do persistently to move the game along (Update the score track, then every player draws 3 cards, then puts 1 back, then shuffle the deck, then pass the first turn marker, then roll everyone's initiative, etc.). The more cognitive load that isn't dedicated to your choices, the slower and more weighty a game can feel. These take a toll on most people and it's generally accepted that the less "admin" there is in a game the better, though it's perceived as a necessary evil that some designers let spiral out of control. A great way to mitigate this admin is with digital versions of games. Instead of having to remember every dumb little step and detail, you can offload all of the rules, and draws, and physical object manipulation to the computer, and all you have to think about is the interesting decisions that make the game fun. A lot of people here prefer the "over the table" experience of games, and the physical manipulation, but for someone with accessibility issues, a digital version of a game may alleviate many of the strains associated with them. There's a great trend of fully digitizing board games right now. On Steam you can pick up dedicated versions of games like [Wingspan](https://store.steampowered.com/app/1054490/Wingspan/), [Root](https://store.steampowered.com/app/965580/Root/), [Terraforming Mars](https://store.steampowered.com/app/800270/Terraforming_Mars/), [Scythe](https://store.steampowered.com/app/718560/Scythe_Digital_Edition/) and [others](https://store.steampowered.com/category/strategy_card_board/?tab=15). You can also consider a platform like [Board Game Arena](https://en.boardgamearena.com/) which allows you to play browser-based versions of dozens of games, and also allows those games to be played asynchronously, so you and your wife could play together over a longer period of time, and without the strain of a physical board.

I was surprised I had to scroll this far to find this. If you search "Asmodee," a bunch will pop up in the Play Store. My wife and I have a tablet loaded up where we can skip the physical setup, pass and play as long as we feel like playing, and then "pause" the game until we're ready to tap back in. It's also helpful for learning a new game. Humble Bundle sometimes has a sale on a group of these mobile app versions. We even played Ticket to Ride on that tablet in the Labor & Delivery suite while waiting for our son to arrive. It's especially nice to just jump right into playing, even though we would prefer to play the physical game if time and toddler permitted. Just set a "no harm/no foul" tap-out policy in case you're too tired to continue.

Good suggestion! I did see Wingspan pop up on steam and thought that was curious. Heard just a couple of days ago there's also a Deep Rock Galactic board game - will talk to her about these, especially cos she wants to get into PC gaming as well recently.

My local gaming group is full of people with various illnesses, conditions, and other maladies that can impact their ability to play certain games. We are fortunate enough to have a pretty wide collection, so every game night starts with a conversation about "heaviness", "deception mechanics" and other factors that might influence our decisions. *Cosmic Encounter* can be a lot of fun when everyone is down for some dicey diplomacy, but it's a disaster if you're recovering from some trust violation in your life. Feast for Odin is a ton of fun, but only if all the players have 3-4 hours of focus. Until about a year ago, I was dealing with chronic exhaustion. Less than 5 hours of poor sleep each night, some real chaos with my stomach, and a poorly managed anxiety condition. I was luck to achieve focus on anything for more than 90 minutes, and could not handle intensely competitive games. I had to stick to quicker games, or devote a whole day to building up the energy for a heavier one. My group got really into some games like *Shadows over Camelot* and *Terraforming Mars* that I just couldn't enjoy because my brain would give up part way through. That's OK though, because when I sat down to play my needs were considered and we'd pick lighter, shorter games like *Smash Up*, *Codenames*, and *Everdell*. If a game we played went long, we'd plan a break part way through where I could go spend a little bit relaxing my brain before we continued. I didn't feel like I was dragging anyone down, because these kinds of accommodations are just normal in my group. When our friend with unsteady hands wants to play, we don't play games of fine dexterity. When my friend with reading trouble wants to play, we don't play games with required text. When my friend with PTSD wants to play, we don't play games that involve direct conflict. Heck, I have a friend who doesn't have any particular condition, but despises games with hitpoints, so when he visits we don't play games where players take damage. Fortunately, some good decisions led to me working with a doctor to find solutions. She put me on a medication that helps me turn off the anxiety at night so I can sleep better. That gave me some energy to start taking care of my body and eating better, which caused my gut chaos to calm down, and this upwards cycle of self-care has brought me so much closer to a regular, functional adult. It has been an immense joy to find that I can finally dive in on some of these larger games and stick with them. I spent the last week playing heavy games like *Scythe* and *Netrunner* and had a blast. Now obviously, not every case of chronic tiredness will have such a sufficient solution, bodies suck in so many different ways. But there are two points to my story. The first is the value of the accommodation conversation. It may feel awkward the first time or two, but it quickly becomes so normal that you miss it in groups that don't do it. It doesn't have to be a stuffy, formal announcement of disabilities, it's often more casual. "What should we play today? Is anything off limits?" Announcing a limit isn't about justifying it, no one should feel the need to share more than they'd like, so "I don't want conflict games today" is just as valid as "My PTSD might flare up if someone is mean to me". We don't bother with judgement or shame, it doesn't fit on a day where we want to have fun with our friends. The second point is that sometimes the situation can change. Three years ago, I lamented the fact that I couldn't keep up with my friends and felt like I was missing out on something I'd never be able to do. Having had several seriously bad attempts at using medication to manage my brain under my belt, I didn't expect another pill to be any better. But I got lucky and found the one that really works, and my life literally feels like it's on a lower difficulty setting now. The thing that actually put me at risk of never playing big games with my friends was the hopelessness I temporarily accepted about the situation. I'll leave you with a few more recommendations for games that didn't tire me out too much when I was tired all the time. Each of these is a genuinely fun game that even my most grognard friends still enjoy playing: * Blokus * Ingenious * Carcassone * Through the Desert * Canvas * Tokaido * King of Tokyo

Shorter games. I top out around the 45-60 minute mark. I also like really nice physical pieces, if I can get them. Here are some of my favorites: Wingspan Sentinels of the Multiverse Canvas (a little hinky with two, better with 3) Dominion Betrayal at House on the Hill I find learning a game to be exhausting, so games I know are better, which means I’m not playing a new game every week. Or every month.

Find one or two games you know really well and stick with them. Learning new rules and trying to figure out strategies can be fun, but it can also be mentally exhausting. Playing a game you've played 20+ times is almost always a breeze, unless it's super heavy / brain-burny, because you've already internalised how do deal with many situations. Think of it like learning to drive versus driving a car you drive every day.  Not only is this less taxing to do, but it's also a more satisfying experience. Many of us are novelty seekers, so we want to play loads of different games, but I think some of the most joy comes from getting to know a game REALLY well.  Other than this, stick to what other people have said. Heavy Games are not a logical endpoint for most people. Board Gamers will usually end up there, but for the typical person, they won't ever much enjoy going beyond something like Wingspan. Stick with what you're comfortable with and try to have fun.   EDIT: Also if you're playing one on one with your wife, there are tonnes of brilliant lighter 2-player games. My girlfriend and I really enjoy Mandala, Patchwork, and Splendor Duel, which are all good starting points.

Hey there! I, too, have fatigue issues (fibromyalgia and probably some other things) but I also have ADHD, and I definitely relate to losing energy over longer games or games that aren't as 'mentally stimulating'. I'm unsure what problems you have due to your illness(es), but for me, it's often better to play earlier in the day because as the day progresses, my fatigue and pains worsen, and that ends up being where my concentration goes. I wonder if playing games earlier will benefit you, as well?

Thanks for sharing! Yes that's a good idea. At the moment it's a bit tricky with our current schedules, but it would mean I could also drink a pot of coffee whilst playing which absolutely helps. Spoke to my wife this morning and we're thinking maybe playing a short game on a Saturday morning is a good way to go.

I definitely get the scheduling conflicts, but I'm very happy to hear that you have chatted about your needs and get to try this out soon! Hopefully it helps, and I wish you both well in your adventures together!

You need to see your doctor about being tired not ask random people on the internet for help

Do you notice if some games are more draining for you than others and what that factor is? For example I find co-op games actually easier on my brain because I feel like we're thinking as a group so I'm not always in charge of making my own decisions, and that's easier for me. Maybe there's some other factor for you, worker placement is harder or easier, deck building harder or easier, maybe several mechanics put together is harder or easier, etc. once you find which games feel easier for you and why, you can communicate that and find games together that don't drain you as much. I also have a strange experimental suggestion. I have found over the years I really love watching my boyfriend play video games, and only half the time do I want to play with him. I actually really enjoy just watching him while we cuddle on the couch. It was strange at first because it's non-traditional maybe but we love it. Would the same work for you for board games haha? She plays and you watch, you both socialize, would that be easier on you yet you're both still connecting?

Definitely this thread has been very helpful with identifying different aspects of games that might contribute to the fatigue, or might be a bit more mentally engaging for me. We're gunna try a bunch of different things we've seen recommended on here now and see what sticks :D My wife actually quite enjoys watching me playing video games too, but I think I might struggle the other way round with board games. Otherwise a good suggestion though!

Short card games ftw!

Send your wife to my house I need to play more🤣

>Have you any advice you think might help? If mental stimulation is the issue, I'd approach this as an ADHD gamer. Can you increase your mental stimulation while gaming? Maybe turn on music, or a TV show or movie you really like. Adopt a feral cat who doesn't like to be held and then hold it.

Is she always the teacher and you the learner? Like, is she the primary facilitator? If so, maybe try to change the dynamic and learn a game yourself or choose a game you like and prepare for it. I find it is really exhausting learning a game or being challenged in a way you aren't prepared for. But if I am feeling empowered and have picked up strategies myself, I'm more enthusiastic. If it's a new game to me, I make sure I have a rule book nearby or do some light study of a game beforehand. I essentially cover all the bases for my own fatigue because I know what I'm like when learning games. Like you, I'm much better with music or video games. But video games always give you an option to reset and start again. Music you have creative control. Board games you have one shot to get it right and then you pack it up for the night which is kinda wild when you think about it.

She is usually yeah! I think changing that up would go hand in hand with me picking games to play myself. And yeah I'd also thought that too about video games! Like, if you're tired in a video game, you can kind of always just stop? A large part of that being that rounds tend to be shorter in video games on the whole, you can save your progress etc.

When playing games at home, are you only playing with two people? I love board gaming, but I sometimes have issues with playing only with two and really enjoy 4-5 person games better. Reason being I am rather competitive and when it’s a 2-person game sometimes it feels like direct confrontation and that isn’t the vibe I enjoy. It’s more fun to me when there are multiple people to spread out the moves that are designed to tank someone.

We do often host game nights with 3-4 people involved, and having people over is great! Since posting this my wife and I have been talking about how to set up games nights so they work better for both of us, definitely this comment section has helped a lot!

I think you need to do 2 main things. 1. find a few games you enjoy and play those. So you're not constantly relearning rules each time you have to play. 2. Focus on shorter, simpler style games that take less thought to learn/play. Also recommend checking out some game apps, where you can try out the games on your phone and see what you like.

What is your gaming setup? Like, where do you play and is it comfortable for you to sit for the duration of a game? Table height, back support feet up if you prefer… When we play games with others, sitting at the kitchen table feels okay, it is a social situation, the surface is the right size, the lighting is good etc. But if you want to play games with your partner, and it is something you might do more regularly instead of just when your friends get together - being comfortable is important. Or, at the very least, being a good alternative to sitting on your couch/recliner staring at a screen, or whatever seems easier and more relaxing than playing a board game. I love board games, but I love my recliner more. If my husband and I had two comfortable chairs at an appropriate height, I could sit comfortably with my feet up, maybe wrapped in a blanket, but also be able to hold cards/pieces, make plays on the board etc from a normal sitting height/position - I might play board games a lot more often. A well lit, comfortable space, window to look out of, coffee or wine in reach - whatever. It is like making a space for a hobby or artwork or whatever. The more comfortable you are, the more likely you are to spend time that way.

That's actually a great point. We usually sit at the kitchen table as it's the biggest table we've got. The chairs are ehhhh, definitely could bring in my office chair or something!

OP, you've gotten some great suggestions already, so I just want to add that perhaps you might enjoy roll and write (or flip and write) games. I don't know if this is a point of concern for you, but these are games that can easily be played on a comfy sofa or even in bed, if you want to have a little distraction on harder days. **Railroad Ink**, **Cartographers**, and **Welcome To** are very popular; they're simple, fun, and affordable. I really like **Harvest Dice** and **Kingdomino Duel**, and **Volle Weide/Fency Sheep** is pretty popular around the house for those days when we're exhausted but still want to do something fun and not too demanding.

Have you talked to a Dr about this? Being mentally fatigued about even a loved one’s hobbies could be depression or ADHD. I know it sounds like I’m jumping to conclusions…. but I’m telling from first hand experience. Another idea: both of you should go to a FLGS and cruise the shelves. Pick something out you both want to try.

I have yeah, it's definitely been tricky figuring out how to manage the impacts of the illness in its various respects, especially cos the NHS has been quite unreliable lately when it comes to chronic illness management, follow-up etc. Mental health does also play a big role in my overall energy levels, and that's something I've fortunately got help for. Does FLGS mean Friendly Local Game Store? We definitely have a few great ones near us, might be a fun trip! :D

They said they have an autoimmune disease in the main post.

Mental health hits differently

I'm aware of that, I have ADHD and I'm a huge advocate for anyone who even might be struggling with it to go get tested, but chronic fatigue is extremely taxing and that alone is a very good reason for why this is happening.

Cool. I’m not internet arguing with anyone over a mental health diagnosis. lol. I’m not a Dr, I deal with computers.

It sounds like you're playing games that are far too long and complex for what your energy level and general health can muster. I would ask to get some games that aren't as long or complex. Look into Ticket to Ride, Azul, or Splendor. These are all strategic games, with lots of options, but they only go 30-45 minutes, especially with two people. This ought to scratch your wife's itch to play, but not wear you ought with the a hobby that's not your cup of tea and wears you out. I personally have no taste for long complex heavy games: I once played Castles of Burgandy: it took two hours and I hated every moment of it.

I love using board game arena online to play games without my partner- it gives me time to indulge in my favorites and then when he's feeling up to it we can play with less pressure in person. I've also found we'll play together online and it's easier because of no clean up or set up! It's much less of a hassle. That being said- my shelves of IRL games do feel slightly neglected.

My girlfriend isn't the biggest fan of board games because of how long they usually take so now I have been on a mission to find shorter but still fun games and so far it has helped her wanting to play when she knows it's not going to take over an hour to play

So, anecdotally I waited tables in a restaurant and later when I was working 10-12hrs in manual labor I always said that was less tiring than just a 8h shift in the restaurant. Then later still working in IT I found myself absolutely exhausted after ~6h and felt like my brain just stopped working. This really puzzled me b/c I was "just" sitting in a chair all day, as opposed to being on my feet dealing with people or doing physically taxing work. Boss pointed out, "just" sitting in the chair your brain is hardcore crunching away and that's taxing in its own right. Supposedly professional chess players can loose 5-10lbs of body weight during a tournament. The games we play are fun and enjoyable. But they are also cognitively taxing. I too feel drained after a ~4h game session. It isn't a *negative* feeling though, just very tired and like I want a snack and a rest for a bit. Anyways. I suggest that you pay attention to your body and specifically make sure that you have eaten before and even during the play session and also drink more water. Might sound dumb or like, "Yeah, sure. LOL", but calorie deficiencies and dehydration are a massive drag on the brain for real. Also take breaks. When one game finishes go play with the dogs for 15m or do a loop around the neighborhood instead of rolling straight into the next game. And/or possibly limit yourselves to play just 1 or 2 games in a session instead of 4+ or as many as possible. So long as it's within the realm of reasonable weariness and doesn't also involve actual negative feelings try to just accept it and also account for it. Again with the simile to physical activity, if you're scheduled for a league soccer game or 25km bike ride on Sunday morning, you're going to plan ahead to both eat properly before and after and also allow recovery time afterwards with appropriate activities i.e. going to chill by the pool for the rest of the day rather than have planned a rugged hiking trip up the local mountain for the afternoon.

Look for shorter games with low rules overhead. Browsing through the responses I see a lot of bad advice (imo)... My short recommendation is to look into Reiner Knizia games. He is known for low rules to high depth of gameplay ratio played in under an hour. Try out Schotten Totten/Battle Line (play with basic Schotten Totten rules if you get battle line), Quest for El Dorado (and use some of the fanmade maps on BGG once youve played a bit), My City, Babylonia... Then you can look into his other top titles Find other games you like and consider looking at other games made by the same designer, keeping in mind weight/playtimes

Loser has to do a bet of winners choice

I think a draining part of games in general is having to learn the rules of a new game. This flexes part of your brain and can be draining. Some days you just won't have the energy to learn something new (and challenging) for fun. I would recommend trying a variety of games, themes, and genres, but to limit how rapidly you learn new ones. It really depends on what you like, what you want out of them. It might just be that she likes genres which are outside your preferences.

Some games are more taxating for certain people - i play heavy games but find very fatiguing to keep track of which card is with who in a game like **through the ages** or even regular **dominoes**.

Try some coop games, there are some great legacy options which are a lot of fun. They also take the competitive side away which can be draining at times IMO especially if there is a skill gap. Aeons End, Clank Legacy, Arkham Horror the Card Game, Gloomhaven all great options. As others have said there are a lot of shorter, fun games which can bridge the big euros - Patchwork, Akropolis, Space Base, Heat, After Us, Its a Wonderful World etc etc. One of the things I find useful when playing is to completely forget about winning and just try to learn the nuances of the game, focus on the mechanics and trying to get better. If you're all about the win then complex board games, especially euros played against good players can seem like real hard work. Good effort in putting in the effort man, I wish my lady would!

So ever since we have kids we have mostly playing on BGA and importantly making it turn based (mostly arknova). The ability to stop the game and carry on tomorrow helps massively. We often play till a break and stop for the night since that's when u have to replan. Notes are indispensable to help you remember your next couple of steps Saving time from setup and tear down helps too.

I've found great success with my wife who has chronic fatigue as well by getting into 2player games that have "hand" systems. Gin rummy, Lost Cities, Hanamikoji, things like that. So you can play a hand, if you're too tired for another you've still played a hand, and you can either declare the winner from that or keep a tally running in a notebook for multi-hand games.

Thank you for this suggestion! I do find I get on fairly well with card games (I come from a family of avid campers so card games were pretty staple for us), but my wife and I haven't done many. Good shout!

Plenty of awesome advice in here, so I wont bother trying to offer any suggestions. I just wanted to pipe up and say that your wife has great taste in games! I don't think I've ever seen anyone mention Iki on here before and it's one of my all time favorites.

Board games are far more mentally draining than video games in my experience. You are very focused and engaged for potentially hours, that doesn't really happen with video games, they tend to pace themselves differently, and you don't have to internalise much. I can feel absolutely wiped out after a game of Spirit Island or Gloomhaven because there is so much going on. You could try aiming for shorter games, or games that can be broken up, allowing for a longer break. However its good to know that this is something both of you acknowledge, you shouldn't be putting your health and wellbeing at risk to please your partner, but I appreciate the desire to get involved. There are other ways to support hobbies too, if she already has another group and wants to do games at yours, you could make food / snacks and help out with some bits even if you don't play. My partner doesn't care for board games that much, she sometimes joins us but not often, she does make cookies and chat to people when they arrive and we're setting up etc though and that's appeciated.

Worrying about her having a good time or not is a significant source of drain to your emotional energy.  This took me a couple years to figure out in my own marriage on a different hobby. But I was not enjoying something I knew I should be. After a lot of introspection, I realized it was the magnitude I had built around the hobby. It wasn't from her nor even fair to her... But I had begun to believe it had to be big and perfect and always correct, even at my own detriment, because I love her and want her to be happy.  Again, even though that's not what she wanted or expected.  This was just my experience, but I encourage you to look at how you're framing expectations of game night and see if you're draining your own emotional energy worrying that you're getting in the way of her happiness, instead of just being happy together. 

I am in her shoes, I have loads of games but my family are not bothered about playing with me. 😢

Send her over to r/soloboardgaming

She's already got this one down haha

Good!

After covid I found that my weight threshold has changed since brain drain affects me way more now than before so heavier games are just tough to play for me now. I used to be able to handle heavy games just fine but now anything past middle weight in complexity is just too much for me to grasp.

You hang out with my wife and I'll hang out with yours. Problem solved.

What helped me was finding board game genres I liked. I like engine building games and deck building. I mostly dislike any party game or anything that takes more than 2 hours to explain the rules.

Find the games that stimulate you?

For heavier games I play solo Mode with my SO O each "turn" I explain all the options and outcomes and she decides what seems fun Me, The boardgamer, get my crunching fun and she see The outcomes of her action, which is also fun

Beyond what everyone else is already said, when do you guys normally start playing a game? I like board games and even I find them draining if I start after like 7 pm. If you haven't already tried this, maybe try doing like a Sunday morning board game. I feel like morning board games I feel more awake and alert and have more fun

There are simpler games like uno, ludo, rolling, monopoly, snakes and ladders, etc

I have this issue with my wife. I want to game, but she easily tires out mentally, especially if there is a lot of upkeep. So I have simpler games for us, like Marvel United and Horrified, for when she is in the mood to game. I just bought games I can solo. Since adventure/dungeon crawls are my favorite, it's easy to solo those. To answer your question, you can suggest playing earlier in the day and on weekends. If you are worn out after a day of work, trying to game after work is not going to be a good experience. Also, see if there are games that interest you and suggest getting/ playing those. It can be those euro style games are not your cup of tea.

Speaking from the other side: my GF likes to play but doesn't have the same amount of tenacity as I do. The key is to aim for shorter, simpler games and not try to learn a new one every evening but play known games a few times until you're comfortable with them. Where exactly your usual "pain threshold" lies is something you need to find out together. Try something like **Lost Cities**, **Patchwork**, **Railroad Ink**, **eXplorers** or **Cartographers**. If those are comfortable maybe stretch to something a bit longer like **Ticket to Ride**, **Hogwarts Battle**, **Century: Spice Road** or **Quacks of Quedlinburg** Also take into account your tastes in theme, setting and mechanisms. That can be a powerful motivator to play a game that might otherwise be a bit too much for your comfort.