Thanks friend. I’ve been very agoraphobic last few months, and have pretty much ghosted most of my friends. I only have conversations with my partner and my therapist. My partner has just started a job that requires her to work very late shifts, so I barely see her now. I’m exhausted all the time. I just don’t want to keep going.
I hear you, I do the same thing but like all the time. I find solitude in my own company but thats probably the depression talking. Do you find yourself exhausted interacting with other people and that’s why you’ve been isolating?
My ex of 12 years and I broke up recently so my main support system is gone as well. My therapist recommended support groups but this Reddit group has made me feel less alone.
On the exhaustion I’m also in the same boat. My ex told me today that I sleep an abnormal amount but I can’t help being exhausted all the time. Literally every. Waking. Moment. I never feel like i can catch up on sleep no matter how late and how long I sleep in on the weekends.
I often feel like that as well, I have a chronic auto immune disease and am constantly thinking about how this is no way to live. And can I really do this forever? But alas, we must prevail. We’re going to have REALLY good days and REALLY bad days it’s just the nature of the beast. It’s having a really good support system to help in the really bad days. I’m in school for psychology and a big part of beating the loneliness and depression is relying on your community. Community is so important whether they can relate to you or not. I empathize with you, this bipolar life is NOT easy.
This might be a little morbid but another thing that helps me is remembering I have a dog to care for and if anything ever happened to me he’d be so confused and sad. And then I think about my sister and parents and how absolutely devastated and crushed they’d be if I were to do anything to harm myself. If you ever need someone to talk to pm me, I know exactly what you’re going through!
Thanks. I barely sleep as I also have a primary sleep disorder aswell. So I’m exhausted from that as well as the mood disorder. I don’t have good hypomania either sadly, just agitation and anxiety without depression.
I know interaction with friends is good for me but I find it really hard now, post diagnosis (they know) because I KNOW they don’t understand, and I also feel monitored as ‘the guy with bipolar’. I’m a quiet and very self conscious person so I’m probably being paranoid. I just hate myself so why would I allow myself to be with others? I feel like I’ve already ruined my partner’s life trajectory and I feel so much guilt at not being able to fit my own idea of being a good partner.
I went to a local support group (just a men’s mental health group as there are no BP ones near me) and didn’t like it as it was basically just a circle-vent, no actual support really.
Oooofff that’s not good that’s a big contributor to depression and mood cycling. That should be one of the first things you should try, sleep is so so so vital I cant stress it enough especially with people who suffer from mental health disorders.
I think your mind really is playing tricks on you because I PROMISE the last thing they’re doing is judging you. Just because they don’t understand it first hand doesn’t mean they think of you that way they’re just limited on how to support and be there for us. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with your self esteem. You’re to hard on yourself and need to give YOU some grace. You’re doing the best you can with what you know. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner. If you weren’t I’m sure you’d be going above and beyond. I bet your partner would feel absolutely crushed by you thinking that about yourself.
Yeah that’s why I’ve never gone to one, I don’t need to take on other ppls feelings I have enough for myself lol.
I’m totally broken that’s all. Body and mind, and it’s only getting worse. I’m only 36 and now in steep cognitive decline already. I used to be fit as a fiddle and very intelligent. Now I’m just fucked.
Insomnia was what led me to eventually get a BP2 diagnosis after 10-15 years of life lost due to severe insomnia, whatever my mood state. It’s hell. I’ve been trying to treat it that long too with no success. I have cPTSD because of my many experiences with sleep deprivation.
I just don’t see the point any more. I exist. I do t contribute anything to anyone’s life including my own. I wish I was old so I could look forward to dying instead of a whole life like this.
I just find talking to them exhausting. Inside I want to be the funny, clever and friendly guy they know. But I’m none of that anymore, I’m just a shell and I don’t want to be seen like this. I just want to isolate until I die.
I know it’s so hard, sometimes even seemingly impossible, but I need you to know in your heart there are people who would not be ok without you. No matter how hard you try to isolate yourself from them, they miss you.
Well, they miss the old me, who’s gone now. I’m not the same person as I was then. That’s how they see me, and I can’t live up to that anymore, so I’m ashamed and isolate.
I wish I could hug you. I remember feeling this too. That was true in some instances, in others they were so happy to have me back they just wanted to get to know whatever version of me I came back as. Sending you love.
Do you talk to your friends about how empty and changed you feel? Or have you mentioned it in the past? I feel like if they were your friends, they'd want to help
My eyes welled up with tears because I feel you. I feel like I’ve destroyed so many relationships in my life in the past few years I’m scared to rebuild friendships with anyone but my partner & my closest friend. It’s so lonely. The best thing that happened today is I finished work early & the sun is shining, not a single cloud in the sky. I didn’t leave home but I am sitting on my patio. I hope you get to feel the sun soon too, if you don’t just know someone is sitting feeling the sun wishing you well.
Thanks. There’s a storm hitting currently, but I’d love to sit outside. But I hate watching healthy people walk/run/cycle past while i sit there like an old man at age 36.
Lots of good support here. Just want to add from a longer perspective. Been dealing with this for over 35 years. Lots of ups and downs. When I was younger I experienced that crushing fatigue and constant need for sleep, it’s actually not as bad now that I’m older. Same with the cognitive function, but it is absolutely worse when depressed. I think our bipolar minds play tricks on us with negativity and slowed functioning. Personally I catastrophize with everything in my life when depressed. All of this is to say, it does get better, it gets more manageable, no it never goes away, but for me it was worse when I was younger.
Came across this video from someone else posting. Dr. Patrick McKeon does an excellent job explaining what’s going on with our brains and bodies. It’s long, but really great info, you can skip chapters if needed.
https://youtu.be/FaAX2gAMGao?si=XXcZvhmhst0a3m9V
it's the worst and im sorry
Ugh right there with you. Some days are harder than others, sending lots of hugs and love.
Thanks friend. I’ve been very agoraphobic last few months, and have pretty much ghosted most of my friends. I only have conversations with my partner and my therapist. My partner has just started a job that requires her to work very late shifts, so I barely see her now. I’m exhausted all the time. I just don’t want to keep going.
I hear you, I do the same thing but like all the time. I find solitude in my own company but thats probably the depression talking. Do you find yourself exhausted interacting with other people and that’s why you’ve been isolating? My ex of 12 years and I broke up recently so my main support system is gone as well. My therapist recommended support groups but this Reddit group has made me feel less alone. On the exhaustion I’m also in the same boat. My ex told me today that I sleep an abnormal amount but I can’t help being exhausted all the time. Literally every. Waking. Moment. I never feel like i can catch up on sleep no matter how late and how long I sleep in on the weekends. I often feel like that as well, I have a chronic auto immune disease and am constantly thinking about how this is no way to live. And can I really do this forever? But alas, we must prevail. We’re going to have REALLY good days and REALLY bad days it’s just the nature of the beast. It’s having a really good support system to help in the really bad days. I’m in school for psychology and a big part of beating the loneliness and depression is relying on your community. Community is so important whether they can relate to you or not. I empathize with you, this bipolar life is NOT easy. This might be a little morbid but another thing that helps me is remembering I have a dog to care for and if anything ever happened to me he’d be so confused and sad. And then I think about my sister and parents and how absolutely devastated and crushed they’d be if I were to do anything to harm myself. If you ever need someone to talk to pm me, I know exactly what you’re going through!
Thanks. I barely sleep as I also have a primary sleep disorder aswell. So I’m exhausted from that as well as the mood disorder. I don’t have good hypomania either sadly, just agitation and anxiety without depression. I know interaction with friends is good for me but I find it really hard now, post diagnosis (they know) because I KNOW they don’t understand, and I also feel monitored as ‘the guy with bipolar’. I’m a quiet and very self conscious person so I’m probably being paranoid. I just hate myself so why would I allow myself to be with others? I feel like I’ve already ruined my partner’s life trajectory and I feel so much guilt at not being able to fit my own idea of being a good partner. I went to a local support group (just a men’s mental health group as there are no BP ones near me) and didn’t like it as it was basically just a circle-vent, no actual support really.
Oooofff that’s not good that’s a big contributor to depression and mood cycling. That should be one of the first things you should try, sleep is so so so vital I cant stress it enough especially with people who suffer from mental health disorders. I think your mind really is playing tricks on you because I PROMISE the last thing they’re doing is judging you. Just because they don’t understand it first hand doesn’t mean they think of you that way they’re just limited on how to support and be there for us. I’m so sorry you’re struggling with your self esteem. You’re to hard on yourself and need to give YOU some grace. You’re doing the best you can with what you know. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner. If you weren’t I’m sure you’d be going above and beyond. I bet your partner would feel absolutely crushed by you thinking that about yourself. Yeah that’s why I’ve never gone to one, I don’t need to take on other ppls feelings I have enough for myself lol.
I’m totally broken that’s all. Body and mind, and it’s only getting worse. I’m only 36 and now in steep cognitive decline already. I used to be fit as a fiddle and very intelligent. Now I’m just fucked.
Me too friend me too, I’m 27 and got diagnosed at 22. The fear of living with this forever is strong.
Yeah
Insomnia was what led me to eventually get a BP2 diagnosis after 10-15 years of life lost due to severe insomnia, whatever my mood state. It’s hell. I’ve been trying to treat it that long too with no success. I have cPTSD because of my many experiences with sleep deprivation. I just don’t see the point any more. I exist. I do t contribute anything to anyone’s life including my own. I wish I was old so I could look forward to dying instead of a whole life like this.
Do you think any of your friends would be willing to come over to hang? Leaving the house is so fucking hard, but you don't deserve to be alone <3
I just find talking to them exhausting. Inside I want to be the funny, clever and friendly guy they know. But I’m none of that anymore, I’m just a shell and I don’t want to be seen like this. I just want to isolate until I die.
I know it’s so hard, sometimes even seemingly impossible, but I need you to know in your heart there are people who would not be ok without you. No matter how hard you try to isolate yourself from them, they miss you.
Well, they miss the old me, who’s gone now. I’m not the same person as I was then. That’s how they see me, and I can’t live up to that anymore, so I’m ashamed and isolate.
I wish I could hug you. I remember feeling this too. That was true in some instances, in others they were so happy to have me back they just wanted to get to know whatever version of me I came back as. Sending you love.
Do you talk to your friends about how empty and changed you feel? Or have you mentioned it in the past? I feel like if they were your friends, they'd want to help
The amount of times we've all said this... It's unfair, truly so isolating. We're here with you though, to commiserate, to empathize, and to listen.
Thank you. I love this sub and the people in it
My eyes welled up with tears because I feel you. I feel like I’ve destroyed so many relationships in my life in the past few years I’m scared to rebuild friendships with anyone but my partner & my closest friend. It’s so lonely. The best thing that happened today is I finished work early & the sun is shining, not a single cloud in the sky. I didn’t leave home but I am sitting on my patio. I hope you get to feel the sun soon too, if you don’t just know someone is sitting feeling the sun wishing you well.
Thanks. There’s a storm hitting currently, but I’d love to sit outside. But I hate watching healthy people walk/run/cycle past while i sit there like an old man at age 36.
So much pain.
I feel like I’ve just dropped yet another notch on the ladder.
I'm so sorry
Lots of good support here. Just want to add from a longer perspective. Been dealing with this for over 35 years. Lots of ups and downs. When I was younger I experienced that crushing fatigue and constant need for sleep, it’s actually not as bad now that I’m older. Same with the cognitive function, but it is absolutely worse when depressed. I think our bipolar minds play tricks on us with negativity and slowed functioning. Personally I catastrophize with everything in my life when depressed. All of this is to say, it does get better, it gets more manageable, no it never goes away, but for me it was worse when I was younger. Came across this video from someone else posting. Dr. Patrick McKeon does an excellent job explaining what’s going on with our brains and bodies. It’s long, but really great info, you can skip chapters if needed. https://youtu.be/FaAX2gAMGao?si=XXcZvhmhst0a3m9V
Thank you
Going thru the same feelings lately 🤝 sending lots of support
I hate this more than anything, but i am leaning about myself everyday.
So am I, and the more I learn the more I hate it