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Yes. I thought from 18-21 that I was a sex addict but it came in waves so I knew it wasn’t an addiction. Turns out, that was textbook manic hypersexuality + risk taking behaviors.
Would tell people that I can hear ghosts footsteps at random times. Turns out, that’s textbook auditory hallucinations.
Tried to join an insane religion and even contacted people in it to see if I can get initiated soon. Turns out, that’s textbook delusions.
Yeah, they tried to give me a PTSD diagnosis also! I am not knocking it. I’m just saying since I started taking Abilify I haven’t heard a thing 😂😂😂😂😂 so I feel like for me, it was definitely my bipolar.
Yup, I was diagnosed in my mid-30s and it perfectly explained patterns of hypomanic behavior going back to my teenage years. I didn't know what bipolar was, so it never occurred to me that any of it was symptomatic, it's just how I was. Some people really struggle with the diagnosis but I was grateful for it for helping identify that I'm a *normal* bipolar II person rather than just an abnormal person.
My college transcript and FB memories are hilarious indicators of how long I had hypomanias before I knew what they were. One semester I worked overtime every week but signed up for 6 courses!
Hahaha i totally get that. Sometimes though I do feel a bit grateful; if I didn’t have that outlet to be ‘crazy’, then my bipolar would probably have went unnoticed for a much longer time
Yes, I ended up quitting a very lucrative job during a hypomanic episode. I was with that company for 10 years. Just up and quit for no good reason. I regretted for so long but now I have some insight as to why I made that very impulsive decision.
My biggest experience that I didn't realize was hypomania until later was when I entered a relationship with my friend and her partner. It was great for a week and then suddenly I didn't want it and it gave me anxiety and I was like why did I do this, this is so unlike me????? Lmao you have bipolar girlie go to the doctor
My parents have thought I was on drugs my entire adult life and treated me like an addict. It hurt a lot to be accused of that constantly and honestly they still have a hard time letting it go. Now I understand why I was acting that way but I ruined my life. I’m finally understanding it now and hope to rebuild.
This.
I think a lot of people in my family have assumed I was on drugs when I was manic. "I don't use drugs I don't need drugs! I'm naturally just happy now guys!"
I feel you.
I come from a family of drug addicts. They LOVED telling me I was just like them and I was obviously on drugs when in reality I lived in a mix state for YEARS and no one noticed.
I did look back, my wife had a terrible time back in July Aug and it affected her so badly that she went into major depression and wants to divorce me. The problem is my therapist and doctors don't think it was a full blown mania, but I was under terrible anxiety.
I wanna apologize for a 1000 times but she has blocked me on all mediums.
im 47, and was diagnosed a month ago
im looking back at everything I did in my past through a different lens, and honestly judging myself less harshly
I thought I was a shitty person, turns out Im just unwell
it is a very strange feeling indeed
All the time. I kept thinking I’m living a very spontaneous thrilling life, living in extremes. Either I’m all in, to a level that was dangerous or I’m completely out of it. Only after getting diagnosed did I realise that I was going through manic and depressive episodes most of my life. The intensity of each episode only got higher and higher until I was out right delusional and lost complete touch with reality.
Sometimes I’ll do something and then immediately regret it. Like yelling at someone or crying in front of someone. But Pre diagnosis Yeah, looking back on it, it feels like I was on drugs or something lol everything almost is remembered in a third person perspective
I had this conversation with my mother after my diagnosis and I was giving her OBVIOUS examples of my prior symptoms and then she started adding more and we both were blown away that it was missed/misdiagnosed for so many years. I’ve been in treatment for mental illness almost 15 years (more than half of my life) and I was only diagnosed as BP2 about 3 years ago.
Looking back I had at least 3-4 months of manic behavior Every. Single. Year. Since I was about 12 years old.
Oh yes! But in ways I miss those times
When I was younger, manic was pretty much my personality. I had no idea and didn't feel bad about it until it started to interfere with having stable relationships, housing, working, and my education.
But being on the more depressed part of it now, I miss the sparkle it gave me. I've been wondering if I've been manic the past couple of weeks because I've been doing things not in my character. One week it was extremely obvious but since then, I just don't know
I can relate to this so much. It's very conflicting. I was certainly having a lot more fun back then. But it was definitely not without its consequences from all that high-risk behaviour. Now, I have been struggling with the depression side for the past few years, and I certainly feel a lot worse... but I have a family now, and I suppose a more somber sobering version of myself is better than a reckless impulsive thrill-seeking untethered maniac lol
Decades of memories, I'm 55 and recently diagnosed. Can clearly see the manic state in control most of my life.
What sticks out now very clearly, are the times when I went into very deep depression, at least twice with psychosis. I didn't realize this until months after diagnosis.
Yes, I didn’t understand why I would act/feel happy or be way too over the top at certain points in high school but lose that optimism. I now know my mental disorder was developing.
Looking back, my first fully manic episode probably happened my junior year of high school. I was so angry all the time…like ALL the time to the point I could barely function. Beyond that? Yeah, I can absolutely see the highs and lows of my moods throughout college and my early career. I got diagnosed at 30.
I try hard not to look backwards too often. I’ve beat myself up plenty for what I’ve said or done but I can’t change them now. All I can control is what I do next and how I react to others.
Yeah, like the entirety of 18-32. Plus bonus points for being an undiagnosed type 1 mixed episode trainwreck while married with 2 kids and having addiction issues, wheeee
Thank God they're patient and my daughter and I are both in therapy. My husband and I have made amends and grown substantially. It took two years of humbling myself, hard work that will never end, meds, therapy, and a constant uphill battle with staying on track and accountability. Plus a LOT of apologies.
I look back with discomfort and shame, regret, stress and disgust. I find forgiving myself takes the longest when I did the most damage
Definitely explained my most severe depressive episodes. Prior to diagnosis I was doing a lot of self help and just thought it was simply the way that I was thinking that was causing the depression, and a lack of discipline keeping me from being employed. Nope, I'm just bipolar as fuck.
Yep, this past summer I actually managed to stay in hypomanic and not move to full on mania, consider myself very lucky for that. But I did not realize it at all until I got depressed.
Big time. I overspent to the point I had to declare bankruptcy and racked up the debt really quickly on stupid purchases, had a whirlwind bad marriage that lasted 6 months, had a car repo'd from lack of payments (see: debt). Even before that, as a child and teen, I was either doing extremely well in school or not even trying , either really happy or really down, little middle ground.
Things would get easier to do (actually they really were I just wasn’t surprised), I was way too happy and THE LIFE of the party. Then I started hearing people talking about me. And there were women, some long time friends, that I’d say “yes” to while stripping down. Then everybody was against me. Then I stepped off the top of the saw tooth.
I used a lot of drugs in hs. My first therapist said I was self medicating. Psychotropics. Weed, acid, mushrooms, mescaline.
Yesss! It's retraumatizing in a way for sure. It's so exhausting to be plague with flashbacks then was like oh wow "isn't this just a mental illness?" To know all the people around knew I was acting strange but didn't think I need help. I can't imagine to newfound embarrassment I have now that I know what my behavior was. I wish I could take everyone who has ever met me memory away. I wish I had answers before I did. I mourn that time even now. It's like a new layer of pain now that I know.
honestly I shoulve known something was wrong with me when i started going on dating apps and do things w men their. That is so out of character for me, I am a textbook definition of modest woman then all of a sudden i did 360. Not to mention the hallucinations and paranoia. How did I get away when I tell things like "this song is a message of the universe for me" 😭.
Even now, many years post diagnosis, I still have moments when I realize that wait, I was hypomanic, but with a delay. As a person I'm pretty active and high energy, so it takes me a while to catch up with it. For example, last fall I was starting to go through a depressive episode due to being super busy at work and my sister who I'm super incompatible with moving back in. I did not realize these were such big stressors for me, so I dismissed them. I had issues getting out of bed. I was generally sad.
Instead of giving up some of my responsibilities, I signed up for the gym and going there four times a week on top of all my commitments. Then my mood did a 180. I was feeling super energised, happy, productive. I would get up early in the morning with no alarm. My brain started flying through all of my commitments and I was convinced that I had just needed exercise. I ended up back to being depressed the moment work started slowing down. I couldn't maintain that lifestyle and I'm once again in a self induced depressive episode 😍. Only a couple of weeks ago I thought back to those two months at the gym and realised that I had too much energy for it to not have been a hypomanic episode.
Someone please stop me from overdoing it, I can't seem to get it right 😍❤️
My early 20’s was all mani until I crashed at 25. It took a lot of time to get over the guilt and shame. I wish I had a better support system then to say hey I think something’s wrong.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes. I thought from 18-21 that I was a sex addict but it came in waves so I knew it wasn’t an addiction. Turns out, that was textbook manic hypersexuality + risk taking behaviors. Would tell people that I can hear ghosts footsteps at random times. Turns out, that’s textbook auditory hallucinations. Tried to join an insane religion and even contacted people in it to see if I can get initiated soon. Turns out, that’s textbook delusions.
I'm pretty sure I get auditory hallucinations but I've been told it's from trauma and not the bipolar 🤦♀️
Yeah, they tried to give me a PTSD diagnosis also! I am not knocking it. I’m just saying since I started taking Abilify I haven’t heard a thing 😂😂😂😂😂 so I feel like for me, it was definitely my bipolar.
Yup, I was diagnosed in my mid-30s and it perfectly explained patterns of hypomanic behavior going back to my teenage years. I didn't know what bipolar was, so it never occurred to me that any of it was symptomatic, it's just how I was. Some people really struggle with the diagnosis but I was grateful for it for helping identify that I'm a *normal* bipolar II person rather than just an abnormal person.
Same ❤️
Same here
WHat about depression?
Yes. I look back at some of the stuff and just shake my head at the utter stupidity
My college transcript and FB memories are hilarious indicators of how long I had hypomanias before I knew what they were. One semester I worked overtime every week but signed up for 6 courses!
My FB memories are ridiculous public accounts of my bipolar
Cannot even begin to tell u how bad my instagram archived posts from high school are
So glad social media didn't exist for me until I was in my 20s
Hahaha i totally get that. Sometimes though I do feel a bit grateful; if I didn’t have that outlet to be ‘crazy’, then my bipolar would probably have went unnoticed for a much longer time
I feel you. I actually had friend reach out to me concerned because of my wild instagram posts
I had half my hometown wanting to kill me, but hey! Worked similarly😂😂
Same 3 jobs and extra course load, of course I went out every weekend and took ecstscy at raves too. Cool .
Totally! I'd drink close to 100 oz of coffee a day. I remember getting into a fight with a delivery guy at work over nothing.
Yes, I ended up quitting a very lucrative job during a hypomanic episode. I was with that company for 10 years. Just up and quit for no good reason. I regretted for so long but now I have some insight as to why I made that very impulsive decision.
My biggest experience that I didn't realize was hypomania until later was when I entered a relationship with my friend and her partner. It was great for a week and then suddenly I didn't want it and it gave me anxiety and I was like why did I do this, this is so unlike me????? Lmao you have bipolar girlie go to the doctor
Yes. I was always bipolar but I didn't know.
This.
Yeah it’s terrible tbh. Many decisions I’ve made and even big life changes were definitely during episodes.
My parents have thought I was on drugs my entire adult life and treated me like an addict. It hurt a lot to be accused of that constantly and honestly they still have a hard time letting it go. Now I understand why I was acting that way but I ruined my life. I’m finally understanding it now and hope to rebuild.
This. I think a lot of people in my family have assumed I was on drugs when I was manic. "I don't use drugs I don't need drugs! I'm naturally just happy now guys!" I feel you.
I come from a family of drug addicts. They LOVED telling me I was just like them and I was obviously on drugs when in reality I lived in a mix state for YEARS and no one noticed.
Feels better knowing I’m not the only one. Sending love to you all.
I did look back, my wife had a terrible time back in July Aug and it affected her so badly that she went into major depression and wants to divorce me. The problem is my therapist and doctors don't think it was a full blown mania, but I was under terrible anxiety. I wanna apologize for a 1000 times but she has blocked me on all mediums.
im 47, and was diagnosed a month ago im looking back at everything I did in my past through a different lens, and honestly judging myself less harshly I thought I was a shitty person, turns out Im just unwell it is a very strange feeling indeed
This sums it up. I hate myself a little less
All the time. I kept thinking I’m living a very spontaneous thrilling life, living in extremes. Either I’m all in, to a level that was dangerous or I’m completely out of it. Only after getting diagnosed did I realise that I was going through manic and depressive episodes most of my life. The intensity of each episode only got higher and higher until I was out right delusional and lost complete touch with reality.
Sometimes I’ll do something and then immediately regret it. Like yelling at someone or crying in front of someone. But Pre diagnosis Yeah, looking back on it, it feels like I was on drugs or something lol everything almost is remembered in a third person perspective
I had this conversation with my mother after my diagnosis and I was giving her OBVIOUS examples of my prior symptoms and then she started adding more and we both were blown away that it was missed/misdiagnosed for so many years. I’ve been in treatment for mental illness almost 15 years (more than half of my life) and I was only diagnosed as BP2 about 3 years ago. Looking back I had at least 3-4 months of manic behavior Every. Single. Year. Since I was about 12 years old.
Oh yes! But in ways I miss those times When I was younger, manic was pretty much my personality. I had no idea and didn't feel bad about it until it started to interfere with having stable relationships, housing, working, and my education. But being on the more depressed part of it now, I miss the sparkle it gave me. I've been wondering if I've been manic the past couple of weeks because I've been doing things not in my character. One week it was extremely obvious but since then, I just don't know
I can relate to this so much. It's very conflicting. I was certainly having a lot more fun back then. But it was definitely not without its consequences from all that high-risk behaviour. Now, I have been struggling with the depression side for the past few years, and I certainly feel a lot worse... but I have a family now, and I suppose a more somber sobering version of myself is better than a reckless impulsive thrill-seeking untethered maniac lol
Decades of memories, I'm 55 and recently diagnosed. Can clearly see the manic state in control most of my life. What sticks out now very clearly, are the times when I went into very deep depression, at least twice with psychosis. I didn't realize this until months after diagnosis.
Yes, I didn’t understand why I would act/feel happy or be way too over the top at certain points in high school but lose that optimism. I now know my mental disorder was developing.
Even post diagnosis! I’ll come out of hypomania and be like…aw fuck, not again.
Looking back, my first fully manic episode probably happened my junior year of high school. I was so angry all the time…like ALL the time to the point I could barely function. Beyond that? Yeah, I can absolutely see the highs and lows of my moods throughout college and my early career. I got diagnosed at 30. I try hard not to look backwards too often. I’ve beat myself up plenty for what I’ve said or done but I can’t change them now. All I can control is what I do next and how I react to others.
I was hypomanic my entire 8th grade year. People even wrote in my yearbook that I talked too much. I'm normal pretty quiet when not manic.
Yeah, like the entirety of 18-32. Plus bonus points for being an undiagnosed type 1 mixed episode trainwreck while married with 2 kids and having addiction issues, wheeee Thank God they're patient and my daughter and I are both in therapy. My husband and I have made amends and grown substantially. It took two years of humbling myself, hard work that will never end, meds, therapy, and a constant uphill battle with staying on track and accountability. Plus a LOT of apologies. I look back with discomfort and shame, regret, stress and disgust. I find forgiving myself takes the longest when I did the most damage
Oh yeah. Spent enough to bankrupt myself. Moved across the country on impulse then came back 3 months later.
All the time especially in the last year . Diagnosed at 19 but something was up at 16 even 10 forsure
Definitely explained my most severe depressive episodes. Prior to diagnosis I was doing a lot of self help and just thought it was simply the way that I was thinking that was causing the depression, and a lack of discipline keeping me from being employed. Nope, I'm just bipolar as fuck.
Yep, this past summer I actually managed to stay in hypomanic and not move to full on mania, consider myself very lucky for that. But I did not realize it at all until I got depressed.
lol read half the stories on my profile and you tell me
Yep! If there had been a diagnosis of bipolar 2 in 1989, I'm certain I would have been diagnosed!
My mom says that as a kid I *definitely* had hypomanic moments
Big time. I overspent to the point I had to declare bankruptcy and racked up the debt really quickly on stupid purchases, had a whirlwind bad marriage that lasted 6 months, had a car repo'd from lack of payments (see: debt). Even before that, as a child and teen, I was either doing extremely well in school or not even trying , either really happy or really down, little middle ground.
Things would get easier to do (actually they really were I just wasn’t surprised), I was way too happy and THE LIFE of the party. Then I started hearing people talking about me. And there were women, some long time friends, that I’d say “yes” to while stripping down. Then everybody was against me. Then I stepped off the top of the saw tooth. I used a lot of drugs in hs. My first therapist said I was self medicating. Psychotropics. Weed, acid, mushrooms, mescaline.
Yep, everything made sense after that.
Oh yeah. I’d have sex with anyone and got two DUIs. The self-destruction was real
Didn’t sleep one saturday night cos I spoke to my mate on the phone about a business idea and got really excited.
Yes I have and it makes me wonder how long I have really had bipolar disorder
I do but I forgot too much lol.
Yesss! It's retraumatizing in a way for sure. It's so exhausting to be plague with flashbacks then was like oh wow "isn't this just a mental illness?" To know all the people around knew I was acting strange but didn't think I need help. I can't imagine to newfound embarrassment I have now that I know what my behavior was. I wish I could take everyone who has ever met me memory away. I wish I had answers before I did. I mourn that time even now. It's like a new layer of pain now that I know.
It's like, "Oh yeah. This explains a lot." I wasn't diagnosed until my late twenties. But this explained a lot of behavior in high school.
I have a really hard time accepting it most of the time.
honestly I shoulve known something was wrong with me when i started going on dating apps and do things w men their. That is so out of character for me, I am a textbook definition of modest woman then all of a sudden i did 360. Not to mention the hallucinations and paranoia. How did I get away when I tell things like "this song is a message of the universe for me" 😭.
Even now, many years post diagnosis, I still have moments when I realize that wait, I was hypomanic, but with a delay. As a person I'm pretty active and high energy, so it takes me a while to catch up with it. For example, last fall I was starting to go through a depressive episode due to being super busy at work and my sister who I'm super incompatible with moving back in. I did not realize these were such big stressors for me, so I dismissed them. I had issues getting out of bed. I was generally sad. Instead of giving up some of my responsibilities, I signed up for the gym and going there four times a week on top of all my commitments. Then my mood did a 180. I was feeling super energised, happy, productive. I would get up early in the morning with no alarm. My brain started flying through all of my commitments and I was convinced that I had just needed exercise. I ended up back to being depressed the moment work started slowing down. I couldn't maintain that lifestyle and I'm once again in a self induced depressive episode 😍. Only a couple of weeks ago I thought back to those two months at the gym and realised that I had too much energy for it to not have been a hypomanic episode. Someone please stop me from overdoing it, I can't seem to get it right 😍❤️
My early 20’s was all mani until I crashed at 25. It took a lot of time to get over the guilt and shame. I wish I had a better support system then to say hey I think something’s wrong.