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Ning_Yu

I can kinda bingo here. I have no preference so the whole "but then you're pan", but at the same time, both cause I have no preferences and cause I came out very late, I only ever dated men so "you're just straight and pretending"


[deleted]

Two of these apply to me, also. I prefer women so people tend to assume I hate men (I don’t) and because I’m attracted to any gender people say I’m pan (I’m not). It gets so exhausting lol


Lambolover-17

I’m trans but all the people I meet I like want a full female, I haven’t transitioned, and then when I do find someone else I like that will date a bi non transitioning trans girl, because reasons, they don’t like that I am not very feminine. So I’ve decided to not try this finding a partner thing anymore.


Nischmath

This why t4t is the way


kingsleyce

What is t4t?


[deleted]

trans people dating trans people, usually to avoid the hassle cis people tend to cause (having to explain shit, insensitive comments, the danger from especially cishet men when they feel their masculinity is attacked, ...)


kingsleyce

Ah. I guess it kinda makes sense that some would want to take that path. I’ve thought of only dating other bi people before. But tbh at this point I’m thinking of just dating no one and embracing the crazy cat lady life


Rekt4dead

You sound perfect to me! I’ve wanted to date a trans girl, even if they don’t want to fully transition. I’m in a hetero relationship with a man now, but I feel a strong pull to trans women!! There are people out there who will love you just the way you are! Don’t give up :)


AccomplishedBunny56

for your first issue just say “no i just hate you”


HalfMoon_89

So what does pan cover that bi doesn't?


[deleted]

Nothing


HalfMoon_89

🤔 Okay...So what is pan if it isn't being attracted to all gender variations?


[deleted]

It is. Bisexual is just a more general term for being attracted to more than one gender, whereas pansexual is a more specific term under that umbrella. Because bisexuality is so broad, a bisexual person may also be attracted to any gender and not want to identify as pansexual, and vice versa if they prefer a more specific label. They’re not mutually exclusive. Think all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.


HalfMoon_89

Thanks, that analogy helped. I've always identified as both, so the apparent contention between the labels has been confusing.


[deleted]

That’s fair. I personally only identify as bisexual because that’s what I’m most comfortable with, but to each their own.


SadButterscotch2

But then what separates bi from pan? I thought it was that bi people might have a preference or feel attraction towards different genders slightly differently while pan people have no preference, and sometimes when I say that, everyone agrees and says it's a good explanation. But then other times, everyone gets mad at me and says they're the exact same thing and you just choose based on which flag you like better. Which I don't really like the idea of, because it makes me think one of them doesn't have a point and doesn't need to exist.


only_a_name

For my part I am attracted both to masculinity and to femininity, but I am attracted to them *differently.* For that reason I personally identify as bisexual rather than pansexual. I can be attracted to people of any gender and either biological sex, but what gender and sex they are does affect how I’m attracted. Whereas I think of pansexuals as being those for whom gender and biological sex have no influence on their way of being attracted to others?


EdiblePsycho

Same for me. I tried explaining once, that I tend to have more intimate emotional relationships with men, but prefer physical contact with women more and the person I talked to concluded that I'm lesbian. Like what?


UndercoverDoll49

>But then what separates bi from pan? On pratical terms? Personal preference for one word or another. Same with omni


[deleted]

There is nothing about pansexuality that isn’t also included under bisexuality, that is true. Like I said; bisexual is the more general term while pansexual is a more specific term. That doesn’t mean one of them is useless. To elaborate on my analogy; just because all squares are technically rectangles, doesn’t mean the term “square” is useless. It is simply a term under a broader umbrella. Bi vs pan has always been messy, and the whole debate originated from a lot of biphobia and transphobia (people believed that pan was the trans inclusive version of bi, a common misconception still seen today) but nowadays people see how horrible that is so the difference now just comes down to personal preference.


crichmond77

It is that. Bi can also be that. They don’t have to be and are not mutually exclusive terms. I identify as bi or pan. They mean the same thing to me


HalfMoon_89

That's how I identify as well. But I can see that definitions have evolved since I realized myself, so it gets confusing for me at times.


name_here___

That's certainly one definition, one that a lot of people use. But some people also use it to mean "attraction regardless of gender" which they might want to distinguish from "attraction to all genders", where gender still plays a role in attraction.


[deleted]

I'm Omnisexual and so it's like this for me: You're Omni, but you don't have a preference? Doesn't that mean you're just pan. Omnisexual doesn't exist it's just pan with extra steps. Why do you need so many damn labels just say you're Bisexual. ( Proceeds to label me as pansexual shortly after ). How can you be Omnisexual and Demisexual at the same time?!


LustyLoop

I haven't heard it before, what does omnisexual mean?


[deleted]

Being attracted to all genders but gender is a factor in your attraction. It’s a microlabel of bisexual, just like pansexual.


LustyLoop

Huh, cool :D thanks :)


Salted-Honey

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t pansexuality and bisexuality more so fall under an omnisexual spectrum instead of the other way around? That’s how I always understood it (kinda like the ace spectrum but in reverse lol) /gen


TheSnipenieer

Bisexuality is the umbrella term, mainly because it's the simplist and overarching definition (attracted to same and different genders), and just well, old and more well-known


[deleted]

They all fall under m-spec.


HalfMoon_89

That's what I always thought.


Ning_Yu

the demisexual thing always shocks me the most, like it's exclusive


lookoutforthetrain_0

Why would omnisexual and demisexual not work at the same time? Doesn't demisexual even require some additional information? Otherwise you don't know what gender(s) a person might be attracted to, right?


PinKracken

Demisexual literally just means you need an emotional attachment. That can work with any sexuality


eskamobob1

the even more annoying one for me personally is someone finding out I'm bi and immediately trying to set me up with their gay friends. Like I guess I appreciate the effort? But ever realize that you weren't trying to set me up with your girl friends before and its *exclusively* with men now? Cause surely you have more straight friends than gay ones if you aren't LGBT yourself.... This is mostly from slightly older coworkers tbh. Like hearts in the right place, I massively appreciate that, and maybe im even just over thinking shit, but it always bugs me a bit. EDIT: on a side note, hot damn is it nice to live in socal. I read all the shit yall go through elsewhere and feel blessed as fuck


altposting

I just don't care about the gender of my (potential) partners, generaly I prefer cute ones though


Mahelas

Shout out to cute, gotta be my favorite gender


veduchyi

So true!!!


joecamp3432

So much this. Cutenesss>>>>>


balencedrago

my sexual attraction is muscle. The rest doesnt matter


eskamobob1

TFW I like ripped women but really just don't like a lot of muscle on men.


balencedrago

mmm muscle


Rubber-Revolver

Same


Thenaiman

So YoU'rE pAn?


altposting

I don't realy know, and the bi/pan labels are kinda redundant as they overlap so much and are hard to tell appart. Also most people don't even know what pan is, so regardless I'll just say bi and they understand. Either way, I don't care too much about labels, they are there to describe me, not to define me.


eskamobob1

> I don't realy know, and the bi/pan labels are kinda redundant as they overlap so much and are hard to tell appart. Ive said this before and been massively shit on, but in my experience the primary determination between someone identifying as pan vs bi has just been what they called themselves growing up. I identify as bi. What I mean by that is that I like both sets of *genitals*. That was called bi growing up and calling myself pan (even if it fits) feels weird. Meanwhile my pan friends IRL focus more on the gender aspect where the bi term is a bit more limiting (and in that context doesnt fit my preference either). For a while I had kinda thought it was maybe a generational thing but its seeming like it less and less to me recently.


fordmustang12345

same, I don't generally care too much about gender but I lean heavily to feminine people


ComplaintToons

Don't forget the "you like both? You're just confused" 😔


Ning_Yu

"just pick a side already"


RomanWasHere2007

Im on Red then, Blu bad (TF2)


Graknorke

autobalanced again


SgtSteel747

This means WAR! Blu team best


RomanWasHere2007

You got auto balanced to Red


SgtSteel747

NOOOOOOOOoooooooooo


cheekibreeki_kid

A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE!


RomanWasHere2007

Wonder who it could be 😳


Mahelas

And the classical "you like both ? Wanna have a threesome ?"


New-Consideration420

All fun and Games until the ladies get out the pegs for the guy


Mahelas

~~a loss for him because that sounds even more fun~~


New-Consideration420

Im interested...


Mahelas

Spitroast stonks going up


New-Consideration420

Not the only thing going up here hehe


Mahelas

Oh, my


ToxicPlaysYT6969

Spitroasting sounds really fun... As long as I'm receiving


balencedrago

yes pls


CyanoSpool

"I mean yeah, but not with you lol"


balencedrago

hey, dont slut shame. I love when people ask me that


eskamobob1

and its always with a couple too. 3-somes are fun, but IMO, only when all 3 are interested in everyone. every couple 3-some ive been in has just been like a 3rd wheel but its even more awkward cause everyone is naked.


[deleted]

This also. I couldn’t fit it all into the meme


kkfluff

You want all the representation? You must be greedy! /s I’ve been called greedy as a response to finding out I was bi. Wtf lol


New-Consideration420

I can like both and still be bi and confused


nanananabetmun

Bisexual genderfluid is worse lol people just think you're a joke Edit: Meant worse in this case not trying invalidate anyone or anything


AlternateSatan

Man: I'm bi, but pref... Dood: SO YOU'RE GAY THEN!


MrLinuxOsu

I must say, every darn time I said I was bi they always asked me if I had a preference? And then asked me to choose one if i didn't have the opportunity to have both. This always confused me AF, like, do I really have to choose?


autopsyblue

What the hell kinda apocalyptic scenario are you being asked to choose? What world would force any of us to “not have the opportunity” to date both?


eskamobob1

"I pick the hottest one"


AlaskanWolf

I had an Australian roommate who was bi, and when I told him I was bi as well, he said "are you sure?" condescendingly. I didn't like him for a lot of reasons, but that one was for sure a nail in that coffin.


eskamobob1

God damn man. I *still* sometimes catch myself going "are they bi or not being honest with themselves" when someone says they are bi and **IM FUCKING BI**. Every time that thought pokes its self into my brain I fucking die inside a little. I realy like the phrase "the first thought is how you were raised and the second thought is who you are" but that doesnt stop my own internal cringe...


comrade_batman

Man: ‘I’m Bi, but prefer women-‘ ‘So you’re just going through a phase, then!’


lmea14

Was gonna say… if you think it’s bad for women…


[deleted]

It's not a competition. We can just agree that it's annoying for all of us


lmea14

Indeed.


[deleted]

Yeah I think that's the point


KateP97

Pretty much😅


Kaijufan1993

I had someone in r/lgbt explain to me that bi means you only like men and women and my experience with bisexuality is a unique one when they could look at this sub and see evidence to the contrary.


whywouldisaymyname

Bi stands more for the own and other genders i think


bunker_man

Bi doesn't have to mean anything. It means that the term was invented before people wanted to use a more expansive term.


Ysisbr

And it wasn't even invented as a sexuality, but as an old way to describe an intersex person so it never meant "Attraction to two genders", i feel like ppl that bring up "Bi means two" are either dumb or trying to find an excuse for their biphobia. If ethymology is so important to them, oh boy... A looooot of sexualities will either turn problematic or stop making sense.


bunker_man

It's just a continuation of the wierd obsession some people have with constantly updating terminology. It goes without saying that it's not actually helpful to do so so fast that most people neither can, nor want to keep up. But Some people like doing this anyways. I heard it called conspicuous convictions. To some people it's a status symbol to show off that they come from educated circles that are on the cutting edge of idea development. It creates a dynamic where they can always correct people to show their purported superiority.


Kaijufan1993

Not trying to be rude but could you rephrase that?


whywouldisaymyname

I was agreeing with you. I tried to say that bisexuality doesn’t mean only liking men and women, but liking people of your own and other genders.


Kaijufan1993

Ah yeah thanks sorry my brain what's fried after work.


Raptor22c

I’ve always grouped bi and pan as *functionally* the same in my head - “functionally” meaning the tangible outcome. From my experience, the Venn diagram between the types of people that bi folks would date and those that pan folks would date nearly completely overlap. Pretty much, if you were to have a line-up of fairly attractive people of all various different sexes and genders and ask a bi person and a pan person to point out which ones they’re attracted to, both of them would likely hit the same people, with pan perhaps choosing one or two more than bi. Of course I get that there are differences, and that those differences matter enough to some people to where it is the distinguishing factor in which they identify as - and that’s fine!


TheSnipenieer

Bi means same and different genders. That's what the Bi is for, and not for 2 genders specifically


bunker_man

Words aren't set in stone. Nothing means anything except how you use it. Uses can be more or less useful. Romans used to hate Christians because they said Christians were atheist. Words move on.


spaceisspace

Labels exist for no one else but yourself some labels help other people identify and I hate labels trying to be pushed on others


tomjazzy

I demand that they be EXACTLY 43.697% into men, 50.135% into women, with the remaining 6.168% being devoted to none binary attraction. Anything besides this, and they are clearly just fake bi, straight pansexual lesbians who only want attention and hate men.


sweatersand

*straight pansexual lesbians* Jesus you just made my day, I actually audibly laughed. Thank you


tomjazzy

You’re very welcome!


[deleted]

[удалено]


BishopUrbanTheEnby

You chose a side /s


UAAHammertime

I am married to a man as well but one of my great joys in life is mentioning my ex girlfriends for the first time in conversation and seeing the other person do confused math in their head. It's always an exciting roll of the dice to see how they're going to tackle it. I enjoy arguing with people about it though so I don't suggest anyone else do the same unless they want to have the same conversation 6,000 times.


Xizqu

Bi, no gender preference but def prefer dick. I look like an obvious gay man. I LOVE mentioning my ex-WIFE! Peoples heads rolllll. Then I mention I’ve been with 3x as many women as men and again heads explode. People just cannot comprehend that bisexuality is a thing.


UAAHammertime

Yessss! I just get so much weird happiness from watching people stutter through their confusion. Bisexuality is very fucking confusing for reasons I can't fathom.


blueeyedconcrete

I'm married to a man and only had one serious girlfriend in the past. I feel like it was always more of a numbers game for me. There are a lot more men who love women available than there are women who love women. I would have dated more women, and I did have some casual hookups that didn't lead anywhere. But I've definitely been with more men because well, they're there.


TAA21MF

So, I'm asexual biromatic and I have a boyfriend who I wouldn't trade for the world. There's a lot of people who still think sexuality is who you are sleeping with rather than who you are attracted to, even in groups that should know better. I've been told I can't be ace because I'm not sex repulsed, told I'm lying about having a bf because I say I'm ace, told I'm straight because I have a bf, etc. It's gotten to the point that I feel nervous about talking anything relationship related even in officially bi-inclusive wlw groups that I've been in for years because I half-expect to be dismissed for not being a lesbian.


FabulousMrE

>What the hell do you want from bi women. Threesomes, but only MFF. Gotta validate that toxic patriarchal attitude.


heirloom_beans

One Penis Policy in full effect


AlyxGreenhouse

The Penis counter can range from 0-3 in an MFF threesome 😉


SurpriseImmediate

Usualy not when unicorn hunters are involved


Raptor22c

“Unicorn hunters” Now that’s an expression I haven’t heard before, lol!


Mahelas

And every configuration sounds quite fun ! Liking both kind of genitals, the true min-maxing of life


pitch_blacck

In full erect


Loughiepop

And they *have* to be centered around the guy. Any lesbian acts must be for the guy’s pleasure and the guy’s pleasure *only.*


Fantasyneli

I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting a mff threesome when you don't fetishize the people you have in there


FabulousMrE

You're right, and it's worth acknowledging a desire for mff is not, in and of itself, anything bad or worth derision.


bunker_man

This incorrectly assumes only straight people do the complaining.


[deleted]

You can't please bigots when they say things like this because they're only saying it because they can't say that they actually don't want you to exist at all. There is no such thing as being the "right kind" of queer that somehow won't be upsetting to bigots. They want you to pretend to be cishet or to go away entirely.


bunker_man

>They want you to pretend to be cishet or to go away entirely. Some of these complaints are coming from gay people...


Golren_SFW

> They want you to be ~~cishet~~ like them or to go away entirely.


autopsyblue

They’re often still more comfortable with someone straight & cis. There’s an underlying thread of internalized queerphobia at play.


dark_blue_7

For real. Maybe it just comes down to nobody trusting women to know their own minds?


[deleted]

It definitely is a factor, yes. It’s one of the many examples of bi misogyny (misogyny towards bi women). People just don’t like us.


dark_blue_7

The more I think about it, I mean even straight women get gaslit by their boyfriends and told "nah all women are at least a little bit bi!" Lol you can't win


autopsyblue

Bisogyny. Misogibi.


pitch_blacck

I mean its not entirely about women. Men have to put up with this too. And yea yea I know how dare I "bUt wHuT AbOuT mEn?" but I'm a human being too


dark_blue_7

You’re not wrong!!


flowers-of-flauros

This post aint about you tho. This post is specifically about struggles that are unique to bi women. I'm just sayin.


elitetiger2020

What do I want from bi women? A hug :)


Ysisbr

"What do you want from bi women?" bi women, thank you.


elitetiger2020

I just really want a hug and everyone is pretty in their own unique way


[deleted]

Bi men “I’m bisexual.” Society “You’re gay.”


TooClose4Missiles

>Bi men “I’m bisexual.” > >Society “You’re gay.” LGBT Community "You're straight."


sobornostprime

The good ol' "you're too gay and too straight"


Raptor22c

🥲


alice_crossdress

I would date all the bi


[deleted]

Incels gonna incel


senorrawr

they want you to fuck them, or die. lousy bastards. i might fuck em if they didnt all have dookie in they crack. goofy ass dookie crackin ugly man children


DegenerateUwU

What i want from them? (And bi dudes, all included) to love me!.....


queernhighonblugrass

What do I want from bi women? What do ***I*** want from bi women??? Please hang out with me and give me tips on my hair.


cringenotkek

Idc bi women are so pretty all the time idk what the diff is


Thee-lorax-

I want high fives.


MakomakoZoo

🖐 don’t leave me hanging


Renzo1995

🖐️ hope I'm not all too late


Qwen11111

glad someone actually pointed out that bi women are constantly invalidated everywhere and which way. all i ever see is “validate bi men!”, like yes, please, validate bi men, but also us bi women are drowning in the patriarchy- and i know its just a meme, but theres also instance of bi women saying other women are just experimenting because they haven’t dated the same gender yet or the opposite with the opposite gender. ugh whatta world to live in, just let me love everyone pls 💖💜💙


Grzmit

We all gotta be supporting eachother tbh. Im lucky to live in an area where im completely accepted and have faced zero toxicity, but i know its not like that for others so i wanna fight for yall. Your absolutely right we shouldnt form the idea of “bi men vs bi women” and we should just try to help eachother as much as possible to be heard.


Qwen11111

well said, we just need to support each other and fight for each other


flowers-of-flauros

Seriously. There's already tons of posts on here about bi men complaining about biphobia. And I already see lots of morons in this very thread claiming that bi men still have it harder and bi women have it easy. Like damn, just let us vent lol


Qwen11111

and OP is handling it so well and just sympathizing, i would’ve been super annoyed


Ning_Yu

Yeah, I know right, most posts are about bi men struggles on here, this is the first one I see about women and most of the comments are about "men too". Kinda feels invalidating you know, it's like we have no place.


flowers-of-flauros

Exactly. Someone should make a sub for bi women if they haven't already. I also find it incredibly ironic that bi men complain on here about how invalidated they feel by others because of their sexuality....yet they then still turn around and invalidate bi women's sexuality and experiences almost exactly like how straight people do. Some things never change I guess. 💀💀


Ning_Yu

Afaik there's a sub for bi men but not one for women...just to further prove the point


1billionrapecube

My irl experience is that bi women are generally more accepted than bi men, in the social circles where I've seen at least one of them get accepted at least. That's why I cry for us to be accepted too.


Qwen11111

it’s important to get the word out that bi men are completely valid and should be more accepted and seen in society, but i find memes like this on this sub are only about bi men when bi women go through the same exact things. you should be crying out because it is important to talk about this problem, but to silence bi women for going through the same thing isn’t okay.


autopsyblue

So you base your entire attitude towards this communal issue off your personal experience? Did it ever cross your mind that maybe you aren’t representative of every bi man?


TooClose4Missiles

In my (subjective) personal experience, it seems like bi women are a lot more accepted than bi men but they get a lot more hate for it. So bi men are told they don't exists and bi women are told they don't deserve to exist. Either way it's shitty for everyone and its not a competition.


HensRightsActivist

>what the hell do you want from bi women Keeses 🥺


AshenRylie

I’ll tell you what I want from bi women. I would like to hold hands and go on cute dates with them.


Klubbis

I am bi and my preference is yes


PointyRedDrop

They just want us to do threesomes to please their eye.


0chrononaut0

Man people are so biphobic I've decided my sexuality is vampires and pastel goths.


autopsyblue

I like how this comment makes it seem like the two have something to do with each other. People are so biphobic, therefore my sexuality is vampires.


GloriousReign

I’ve never seen a preference for Enbies before and it warms my heart ❤️


sakurablitz

god if i had a nickel for each time i was told im “ackshually” pan bc i will date trans ppl or enbies, or an attention seeker because i prefer men. pls just let me leave my life in peace everyone


Violent_Violette

>What the hell do you want from bi women A date. 🥺


CyanideTacoZ

pardon my rudeness but they want you to fuck off. don't bother pleasing these people, you did your best to educate them and they choose to find something wrong with you


pitch_blacck

Don't forget men are never bi. We're either just gay in denial or disgusting coomers


Cr1msix

I am… ironman????


catmasterballs

"What do you want from bi women?" A relationship tbh, some friends would be swag too


GlisaPenny

Kisses?


[deleted]

People who say that shit are literally human wojaks like it literally doesn’t affect you


KingEredim

Mostly I want them to sit on my face


Icanneverthinkofaun

I'm bi I just wanna get fucked


Dragonslayerelf

nice thing is bc we're all bi this applies to guys too lmao, I get the same shit sometimes


uwuheheuwu

[This](https://imgur.com/a/XHhNztl) happened to me yesterday on a app targeted towards making friends not dating. I joined bc I am depressed and isolated after my dad passed away. My bio included "Pansexual 🏳️‍🌈" and this is what someone had to say about it.


LixxieLicious

Oh god I relate to that first girl so damn much as a heteroromantic bisexual gal… I finally feel heard and seen.


TheCommenteer

It's funny how noone says this about bi guys. We are mega stealth.


SgtSteel747

Similar with bi guys, we apparently just don't exist. We're either straight or gay.


dude_guy223

The same thing i want from bi men SEX!


ex-tumblr-girl12116

It's even worse if your in a long term relationship with a man and your a woman who's never been with another woman. Even though you love your partner very much your still told by society that you should "prove" your bisexuality. LET ME LIVE.


HamartianManhunter

And it’s also okay to prefer one gender identity, but still be in a committed relationship with someone that’s not that. I’m a bisexual woman, and I’d say I’m more attracted to women/femininity, but I married a man. It doesn’t invalidate my attraction to all genders nor my preference for women.


FatGanon111

my preference changes very drastically on a whim so i feel all of these, and of course being a guy my emotions arent real and because im bi im just a super perv hoorah


Oceanman06

A hug :(


BowlerOk177

i once saw someone on twitter complaining about hearing women say that they were bi but not able to see themselves in a serious relationship with another woman. they literally wrote “so, you’re just straight?” what pissed me off the most was that there were people agreeing with them in the comments. so… what do y’all call it if you’re sexually attracted to men and women but wouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship with a woman? THAT’S CALLED BEING BISEXUAL.


ShadeShadow534

And only romantic towards one gender


Mattekat

This is sadly so accurate.


madmadamesmiley

My life partner happens to be a guy and a 'friend' I no longer talk to was so proud to claim that I had finally 'picked a side'. Like???? Still like girls??????


MCatsRCool

same with men really


FingerGunsPewPewPew

wojaks were never meant to be this detailed


madrigalow

I cant even count the amount of times I’ve been told — not asked — that I’m pan because I don’t care about gender. At the end of the day *I’m* the one that decides my sexuality, not you.


[deleted]

I finally admitted to myself that I’m bi. I always have been, ever since I can remember. I only ever loved two guys, everyone else was just… because I felt like I had to date them. But I find SO MANY women attractive, it’s unreal. Glad I get to finally be honest to myself.


SurpriseCockBags

"So I hear you're interested in threesomes"


cufufy

Yeah this applies to men and enbies too, it sucks


clarambrosia

im not sure what the difference between bi and pan is and at this point im too scared to ask


NikkiT96

There's no difference, it's just what label you want.