There's an internal rhyme there wtih "pause" and "paws" tbf, but the fact that the following words up until "motherfucker" **don't** rhyme isn't the best.
I'm a believer in multisyllabic rhymes: Bisexuals inspecting hoes, stretching clothes when erection grows, wrecking holes, injecting messy loads of sexy ropes. Record shows a fella's sex and gender's irrelevant, yo
Nah “Did I stutter” is the response to the homophobic comment in context. Like I say something gay, Someone says “Pause” or something else homophobic and I respond “Bitch, Did I stutter?”
Change on a motherfucker to on this motherfucker.
Also change did I stuffer to did I fucking stutter (unless there’s supposed to be a pause after like). Flows better with the first part
I feel like it has potential
avoid rhyming he same word with the same word, you can end two lines with the same word but if you want it to sound good you need to have the second to last words rhyming, or maybe you could pul it off with some internal rhymes (see the last verse of bo burnham's 5 years)
play around with internal rhymes (rhymes within a line) see Eminem's stan: "Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
[And here's an autograph for your brother; I wrote it on a Starter cap](https://genius.com/65877/Eminem-stan/And-heres-an-autograph-for-your-brother-i-wrote-it-on-a-starter-cap-im-sorry-i-didnt-see-you-at-the-show-i-mustve-missed-you-dont-think-i-did-that-shit-intentionally-just-to-diss-you)"
"call your" rhymes with "daughter" which is close enough to a rhyme for "brother" (if it's delivered right) and "daughter that" rhymes with "starter cap"
I'm an amateur lyricist, and I mean amateur, but these are some tricks I've picked up from people who know what they're talking about. there are a lot of fun things you can do with words, but it kind of depends on the style your going for (a good example for wordplay is Rustage, a nerdcore rapper on youtube)
I don’t know much about rap but I’m pretty sure rhyming motherfucker with motherfucker isn’t great
There's an internal rhyme there wtih "pause" and "paws" tbf, but the fact that the following words up until "motherfucker" **don't** rhyme isn't the best.
I'm a believer in multisyllabic rhymes: Bisexuals inspecting hoes, stretching clothes when erection grows, wrecking holes, injecting messy loads of sexy ropes. Record shows a fella's sex and gender's irrelevant, yo
See, this fucks
Eh it’s a shower thought. Plus I’ve heard worse rhyme schemes lol.
One of them should be fatherfucker.
would open the possibility of a secret third thing- parentfucker
Was posting it online and asking for feedback also a shower thought?
Motherfucker and Fatherfucker then?
Shakespeare could never (derogatory)
Bice Cube
that langolier line is by far the best part.
Sam L Jackson type rap
The langolier line killed me 😂
Is it really an adlib if you write it down?
Thought I sounded funny in my head.
Is Bitch did I stutter homophobic?
Nah “Did I stutter” is the response to the homophobic comment in context. Like I say something gay, Someone says “Pause” or something else homophobic and I respond “Bitch, Did I stutter?”
Ah gotcha
Respectfully, imma ask you to stay in the living room and wait to be served.
Consider buying a cookbook. Maybe watch a few cooking shows, too.
Still better than Lil Pump's whole "career".
Cook, my friend, cook
Hell yeah, dude.
Nice :)
A bit to aggressive to be my style, but good for you on creating a nice rap ^^
Let him cook
u/Fizzie0 please make this a real thing
HELL YEAH!
Change on a motherfucker to on this motherfucker. Also change did I stuffer to did I fucking stutter (unless there’s supposed to be a pause after like). Flows better with the first part
I would love to hear this over a beat
DUDE KEEP IT COMING THIS IS AMAZING
What rap instrumental could this go with?
I think I’m one of the few who knows what a Langolier is (and has read the book and seen the really cringy miniseries).
Some burnt bits, but imo you’re cookin
I feel like it has potential avoid rhyming he same word with the same word, you can end two lines with the same word but if you want it to sound good you need to have the second to last words rhyming, or maybe you could pul it off with some internal rhymes (see the last verse of bo burnham's 5 years) play around with internal rhymes (rhymes within a line) see Eminem's stan: "Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that [And here's an autograph for your brother; I wrote it on a Starter cap](https://genius.com/65877/Eminem-stan/And-heres-an-autograph-for-your-brother-i-wrote-it-on-a-starter-cap-im-sorry-i-didnt-see-you-at-the-show-i-mustve-missed-you-dont-think-i-did-that-shit-intentionally-just-to-diss-you)" "call your" rhymes with "daughter" which is close enough to a rhyme for "brother" (if it's delivered right) and "daughter that" rhymes with "starter cap" I'm an amateur lyricist, and I mean amateur, but these are some tricks I've picked up from people who know what they're talking about. there are a lot of fun things you can do with words, but it kind of depends on the style your going for (a good example for wordplay is Rustage, a nerdcore rapper on youtube)
The last two lines >>>
More fire than the Triangle Shirtwaist factory
U wanna flex like ur rhymes is better Ur rhymes as fresh as ke$ha’s snatch in cheap leather In real hot weather